The Red Pill shows you the dark side of women. Not so that you will hate them but so you appreciate them for what they are, not what they’re not.
I think one of the harder aspects of the Red Pill for men who get awakened-while-married (or while monogamous) to accept is the disillusionment of their Blue Pill idealism about women confirmed for them in the behavior and mindsets of their wives. Breaking the Blue Pill ego-investments of single men who unplug is a difficult task, but their investment risk in women (real or imagined) they believe might make acceptable long-term mates is far less than a man who’s been married for more than 4 or 5 years.
For the single Red Pill guy with the option to simply walk away from a less than optimal situation, his conflict becomes one of potentials and weighing them against his Blue Pill ideals – ideals his unplugging should rid him of. His struggles is one about the “what ifs” and disabusing himself of the scarcity mentality that the Blue Pill has conditioned him for. While Hypergamy inherently instills in women a persistent doubt about a man’s quality, the Blue Pill instills in men a doubt about “quality” women’s scarcity and his capacity to find and maintain a ‘soul mate‘.
However for married men, with a considerable amount of emotional, social, financial and familial investment at stake in his marriage, there’s a natural resistance that comes in the form of denial. What’s tough is that, within this initial state of denial, a husband accepts the Red Pill truths about women and then has those truths confirmed for him by the woman he’s been sleeping next to for a number of years. All of the awareness about men and women’s differing concepts of love, the truth of women’s Hypergamously motivated opportunism, her confirming her open Hypergamy, all of the events that led up to his committing himself in marriage to her while he was still effectively Blue Pill – all of that gets confirmed for him when he puts into practice the concepts he learns from the Red Pill.
For all of the ‘anger’ that profiteering critics would like to wipe off on Red Pill thought, that anger finds its base in men’s confirming their own role in what was (or would’ve been) a life-long strategy for him to fulfill the dictates of women’s Hypergamy as well as the larger scope of the Feminine Imperative. When we put this into the perspective of a married man who unplugs, you can see why this is such a threat to the imperative. That man must reassess his life from the position of his being an unwitting participant in his Blue Pill conditioning, but furthermore, he becomes a constant caution, a warning, for men who have yet to make the same uneducated decisions he has.
There is nothing more depressing to me than to listen to a married man parrot back all of the tropes the Feminine Imperative has taught him to repeat about why he’s in the subservient role in his marriage. These are the guys who’ll laughingly tell single men how they must “clear everything with the Boss” before they are allowed (or will allow themselves) to participate in anything remotely masculine or self-entertaining. These are the men who prattle about their ‘honey-do’ lists, the men who count themselves fortunate to have such a ‘great wife’ who’ll allow him to watch hockey or football on a weekend. I wrote a more detailed post about these men in The Abdication Imperative.
These husbands are depressing to me because, in their Blue Pill ignorance, they represent the summation of their roles according to the strategies of the Feminine Imperative. They’ll gladly White Knight for their wives’ right to the Frame of their marriage (under the pretense of equalism). They’ll laugh and commiserate with other husbands sharing their position of powerlessness-but-with-all-accountability. They’ll chirp with funny little Facebook memes that share their ridiculous, married state, but for all of that acquiescing to their ‘fates’ what they really represent is the goal-state of men in the Feminine Imperative’s plan for their lives.
Men generally come to the realization of their appointed role at some point in their lives. Whether it’s Red Pill awareness or coming to a mid life
crisis epiphany, men get ‘woke’ in some respect. The few who don’t are men whose existence literally depends on their not coming to terms with how the Blue Pill has made them what/who they are. The most common way for men to come into this awareness has been that mid-life epiphany, but in order for men to reconcile that awareness with maintaining a comfortable sense of self they become the men I describe in The Abdication Imperative. They really don’t know anything else but what the Blue Pill has created them to be, so they go into denial and add some self-deprecating humor to it to cope with the dissonance of knowing they’ve been played by the Feminine Imperative for the better part of their lives. So you get the ‘Yes Dear’ husbands; the men who realize the truth too late, but that same scarcity mentality forces them to go along to get along.
The rise of Red Pill awareness of intersexual dynamics on the internet has made for a community of men who find this denial distasteful. Rather than abdicate to the imperative and their wife’s Frame they look to the Red Pill and Game for a remedy to that state. Sometimes that’s getting their wives to have sex with them more frequently or they’re looking to better themselves in a Red Pill context to gain women’s (their wives’) respect. As I’ve mentioned many times before, the Red Pill represents a threat to the Feminine Imperative keeping men ignorant of their roles in women’s Hypergamous plans. Now that threat comes to fruition in the context of men’s marriages.
One way or another, men will become aware of their role, how that man goes about dealing with it is another story. Most (being Blue Pill) abdicate and accept their powerlessness in their relationships. It’s the other men who choose not to just cope, but to reconstruct themselves that the Red Pill will have answers for.
Break Up with Your Wife
Not too long ago in various comment threads on this blog readers had a discussion about how any marriage (at least in the contemporary sense) is always founded on a Beta status for the husband. I don’t entirely agree with that assessment, but considering how the large majority of marriages are the culmination of Blue Pill conditioned men fulfilling their role as cuckolded provider for women cashing out of the sexual marketplace it’s certainly an understandable presumption. I won’t elaborate too much on the particulars, but the very act of committing to a woman monogamously implies a man (even one with an Alpha persona) is leaning towards a Beta perception. Alpha’s don’t commit to anyone but themselves, Betas are eager to commit from necessity and scarcity. The act becomes the confirmation.
If we follow this binary logic, the only solution to a man’s condition within his marriage – the only way to institute a real change – is to reject and break that commitment. Personally, I have lived out what most men would envy in my marriage for over 20 years now, so the idea of leaving Mrs. Tomassi would only seem like a good idea if I weren’t satisfied sexually, psychologically and life-wise with her. But, as I always repeat, don’t use my marriage as a benchmark. There was a point where I needed to break up with her, if only by adopting my own mental point of origin above that of hers or women in general as my own Blue Pill conditioning would expect of me.
I mentioned in the beginning of this series that married (committed) men seeking to reconstruct themselves within that context ought to read the post for the Iron Rule of Tomassi #7:
Iron Rule of Tomassi #7
It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.
I mention this as a starting point because when you’re making the decision to reconstruct yourself you must ‘do it for you’. Once again, any real change always beggars the question about who you’re really changing for. Nothing is an act of unguided, unbiased, self-initiated change – there is always some ancillary influences as well as consequences. This is the crisis of motive.
However, if you find yourself awakened-while-married and you want to remake yourself, know that this change must be for yourself and not for your wife. This decision to reconstruct your life, your persona, your belief set, etc., and reject what the Blue Pill has made of you must come as a result of making yourself your mental point of origin. This ‘new you’ precludes any consideration of your wife’s interests. It must be in order for your transformation to be genuine to both yourself and those who know the ‘old’ you. As I mentioned in the last installment, the likelihood of your wife accepting your new persona is dependent on what Frame you entered that relationship with as well as what you’ve surrendered of your self-respect to her.
This is the most difficult part for Blue Pill men wanting to reconstruct themselves. Their mental point of origin doesn’t change, they want to change because they want to be “more Alpha” for their wives, not themselves. The idea is to adopt just enough Alpha that their wives turn the sex spigot back on for them, but never really internalize the Red Pill to the point that is fundamentally changes who they are. Thus, it becomes an act not unlike newbie PUAs aping the behaviors of their mentors, but never internalizing the deeper meanings of why they work or making them part of ‘who’ they are as a person.
This is what kills a man’s reconstruction before it ever starts. That change must be a self-first proposition. Your Red Pill self-work must be intrinsically rewarding because there is absolutely no guarantee that a man’s wife / girlfriend will ever reimagine him from a different perspective. Particularly if that woman entered into that marriage/LTR because she’d hoped to maintain Frame indefinitely due to him abdicating to it.
You must become Red Pill aware for the sake of knowing the larger truth, internalize it and then apply it without the pretense of believing it can be used to achieve Blue Pill ideals.
With this in mind, you must presume that you are breaking up with your wife / girlfriend. It is far better to approach your reconstruction from the idea that the Red Pill you would likely have nothing to do with a woman like your wife. If you were single man, Red Pill aware and Game savvy, would you even approach your wife knowing what you do now about her personally as well as what you know about the Feminine Imperative and how it influences her?
Your reconstruction requires a radical shift that is only possible for you by breaking up with your LTR, at least in a subconscious respect. It is important to assess what, if anything, is worth rooting through garbage for. If you approach your reconstruction by first making yourself your mental point of origin, the next step is to assume you will be breaking up with your wife. It may never come to that, but this is the gravity with which a man must come to his reconstruction. The same reasoning I mention in Rooting through Garbage applies to your reconstruction:
Even if you could go back to where you were, any relationship you might have with an ex will be colored by all of the issues that led up to the breakup. In other words, you know what the end result of those issues has been. It will always be the 800 pound. gorilla in the room in any future relationship. As I elaborated in the Desire Dynamic, healthy relationships are founded on genuine mutual desire, not a list of negotiated terms and obligations, and this is, by definition, exactly what any post-breakup relationship necessitates. You or she may promise to never do something again, you may promise to “rebuild the trust”, you may promise to be someone else, but you cannot promise to accept that the issues leading up to the breakup don’t have the potential to dissolve it again. The doubt is there. You may be married for 30 years, but there will always be that one time when you two broke up, or she fucked that other guy, and everything you think you’ve built with her over the years will always be compromised by that doubt of her desire.
You will never escape her impression that you were so optionless you had to beg her to rekindle her intimacy with you.
It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. This is the same rationale you will need to adopt when you transition into a new Red Pill aware persona. This is necessary because once you’ve become aware there is no going back to that previous state of ignorance. You will know what can be possible with or without your wife/LTR.
Thus, it is important to zero everything out and treat your old wife as a new prospective woman. This perspective may mean she becomes someone not worth your effort, but it might also mean she likes the prospect of a new husband. This may mean she too will have to undertake some kind of transformation in relating to a Red Pill aware husband, or it might be that this is something she never foresaw. Dread works best when a man understands the Cardinal Rule of Relationships: In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.
By adopting the mindset that you are breaking up with her you reclaim this power – you have nothing to lose and have no way of going back to unknowing the Red Pill awareness you have now. For single men I often point out that breaking up with a girl is one of the best ways to demonstrate higher value (DHV). The downside to that is that by the time you get to the point of leaving DHV isn’t what you really care about. For the reconstructing man, adopting the position that you are breaking up (or have broken up) harnesses some of this DHV.
Most women (wives) will interpret your new self-importance as some kind of phase or your reclaiming your independence (rather than her co-dependence) as some childish sulking behavior. Anticipate this. She will presume you’re ‘going your own way’ within the marriage to force her to fuck you more or to get her to comply with your Frame. This is to be expected, but watch what her initial reactions to your takeaway are. This will give you an insight into how she perceives you. If you’re predominantly Beta her response will be that you’re pouting or sulking by removing your attention. If she sees you as Alpha her response will be much more serious and you’ll get the “what’s wrong baby?” reaction. This is a good starting point in determining her genuine perception of you.
You will effectively be NEXTing your wife so be prepared for her post-NEXTing behavior-set (extinction burst behavior) in the same way you would if you dropped a plate. This will be a tough transition for men who have invested themselves emotionally in their wives. You’ll want to come back to that place of comfort, but always remember that place is one of disrespect and sexlessness.
Most men will go half-way in their reconstruction and this is usually the result of having played a game of relationship ‘chicken’. They have their bluff called because it was always a bluff to them – they never made themselves their mental point of origin so they go back to the safety of their Blue Pill disrespect. Their wives respond to the takeaway of their attention, but never really connect with being attracted to his new self-respect and self-importance. Once that woman even marginally steps up her sexual frequency – motivated by her wanting him to return to her Frame – the guy gets comfortable and wants to go back to his comfy wife while feeling validated by thinking he made a genuine change that she responded to.
You must go all the way. If you don’t, the next time you attempt to exercise your Red Pill awareness in the hope that she’ll accept the new you, you’ll be that much more laughable to her. In fact, you’ll only further cement her perception of your whiny Beta status. The first time it’s Dread, the second time it’s you being pissy.
Round and round and round she goes, where she stops nobody knows.
*Rollo forms United Church Of The Red Pill* Definitely blasphemy, Tomassi, because it isn’t rooted in Jesus Christ or His word. You’d be in good company, there are plenty of other churches who aren’t rooted in His word, either. Interpersonal sexual relationships don’t run contrary to the bible either. I mean your so called red pill truths are to be found written plainly all through it. It is not as if God doesn’t know what works best for us and and how to deliver. “Codependancy is generally a chick thing, ask me how I know.” Kind of interesting EhIntellect, I… Read more »
Definitely blasphemy, Tomassi, because it isn’t rooted in Jesus Christ or His word. Not at all. In fact it would be strictly founded on a very literal interpretation of every Red Pill doctrine, scripture, dictate, law, rule or hint determined to remove the Feminine Imperative from defining or controlling the religion. And that’s why you’d never come to the Basilica de Tomassi – you’d be forced to renounce your real faith and conviction in the Sisterhood, über alles. You’d be forced to defer to a God in the masculine instead of making substituting the Feminine Imperative for the Holy Spirit.… Read more »
Just like Reynold’s Wrap (T.M.), IB is a useful foil. “There ARE, Deti, and no, I’m not going to list them. But here’s the deal, if there weren’t any, not a single one, whose fault would that be? That would be the fault of so called “manly men” having fled in terror.” There aren’t. Cognitive dissonance makes you think there are. So……The: Our-Sister’s-Keeper argument for a Church gone bad rear it’s head….. Pandering to feminism to keep clutching those pearls. https://therationalmale.com/2015/07/14/our-sisters-keeper/ “If you’re a “manly man” fleeing in terror and demanding a Christian grandma fix your churchian manhood problems for… Read more »
“It is not as if God doesn’t know what works best for us and and how to deliver.”
You conflate God with The Church. At your own peril.
“So be it. That would suck if men in your church got enlightened self interest and the Fems held their ground. Esp. the male WK Fems.”
That’s relevant. That’s a distinct possibility. Not much you could do but flee at that point.
“You conflate God with The Church.”
I absolutely do not. We are the church, we who follow Christ. There are plenty of Christ followers outside of “the church” as a building or an institution.
about the church analogy… we are back to the need to belong. Call it church, call it tribes, you have your own codes, words,forums, meetings: yes that’s what sectarian church and tribes do, and they address a human need to belong that is primary to ANY human been man and woman. The problem I see in yours is that is rooted in the fear to rejection: rejection is when you dont belong. This is a painfull feeling of shame woman and man. The natural response to that thread is flight, freeze or fight, well, here you fight against woman with… Read more »
Incorrect and provably so. You’re clinging to equalism without even knowing you are.
“There are plenty of Christ followers outside of “the church” as a building or an institution.” You mean guys like Dalrock, Rollo, EhIntellect and me (well not actually me, I fucking loved going to a grade school–Little Flower of Jesus–, high school–Jesuit– and college–Holy Cross and soaking up the Christ-Like messages, but you won’t find me spending my Sunday time anywhere else but my wildlife habitat farm, in nature, or in my own Church of What is Working Now.). There are not actually a lot of Christ followers outside the Church. The one’s that are that are actually quite rare… Read more »
I really think that you have a real intention to help guys, but I don’t think trying to understand and control the dating scene, the emotions of woman and man, etc is going to be the answer.
I think we need to start in our selves, taking consiousness about our own fears, and taking responsabilities about them.
You presume an egalitarian state between the sexes. You are in error. Nothing I say is going to make sense to you until you disabuse yourself of equalism and social constuctivism.
“And what is your blue pill but co-dependency?” Bait and hook…my one-man-hug-box feels so good…this is why I do TRM…must you inflate this ego…one more time! From upthread: “Anyhow, in the middle of our conversation an acquaintance telephones. He has a narrative analogous to any RP awakened guy: Deep BP, thirsty WK behavior, auto-undervaluing, failed relationships, and was at the cliff as Ajax Parallax described upthread, I saw it in his eyes months back. I gave him TRM book one. His life is now turned upside down. He has a path to daylight, back in school, trying to build his… Read more »
Oh. I work in a hospital organized around maintaining the FI, serving women primarily, in occupation and patients. That’s how I know.
Take a look at the American Council on Women Religious (ACWR). Routinely censured by the Vatican…until a peronist boot-licker Pope cedes to the FI, lurching the Church into further spiritual malaise. “A clear signal that the Vatican under Francis was taking a more conciliatory approach to American sisters came in December with the announcement of the conclusion of another, separate investigation of American women’s orders, which was known as an apostolic visitation.” “It was a far cry from three years ago, when the Vatican’s doctrinal office, led by an American cardinal, William Levada, issued a report finding that the Leadership… Read more »
“Not at all. In fact it would be strictly founded on a very literal interpretation of every Red Pill doctrine, scripture, dictate, law, rule or hint determined to remove the Feminine Imperative from defining or controlling the religion….” Oh, what painful irony. You may not understand this, but I actually had to do some of those very things to really come to faith properly. God the Father I’ll run towards, but God the mother, and I’m so out of there. I don’t fare so well under your female imperative. And the men who cater to it, I cannot trust them,… Read more »
I don’t fare so well under your female imperative. You don’t think you do because you are a fish in water that doesn’t know it’s wet. I could run through your blog and pick a dozen posts at random to prove to you how oblivious you are to the influence of the Feminine Imperative in your church and in your personal investments in the Sisterhood which you regularly place above the religion you claim to subscribe to. In fact, your deepest beliefs in Christianity are all based on or colored by a distortion of secular feminism and the Feminine Imperative’s… Read more »
“You don’t think you do because you are a fish in water that doesn’t know it’s wet.”
No Tomassi. Now you’re just projecting.
“In fact, your deepest beliefs in Christianity are all based on or colored by a distortion of secular feminism and the Feminine Imperative’s push into it.”
No. Now you’re confusing the feminine imperative with plain “feminine.”
Definitely blasphemy, Tomassi, because it isn’t rooted in Jesus Christ or His word.
Lol, silly girl, of course the Red Pill is very biblical…maybe you’re following some FI girlfriend with a beard.
“The problem I see in yours is that is rooted in the fear to rejection: rejection is when you dont belong.” Categorically wrong. My family has many and broad social circles in this large city. I literally can’t go anywhere without bumping into someone I know as a friend, acquaintance. It’s hard not to get drunk with people buying us shots. Rejection, oh fuck no. For me, this is about quashing the sweeping feminist cultural rot. I started with myself. Next, my family, RP kids. What you got? Upthread example: How you going to lower the male suicide rate? Hmmm?… Read more »
6. Unironic Internet Smear Hate
Hater: Alphas don’t blog. They’re too busy meeting women.
Because, you know, alphas don’t have hobbies. *alpha eye roll*
ps feel free to log off the internet any time.
Third time’s a fuckin’ charm.
Are you a real person or a bot?
Where are you from originally?
… when I read Aleph’s comments, in my head I hear Ivan Drago from the Rocky movie.
“We are the church, we who follow Christ. There are plenty of Christ followers outside of “the church” as a building or an institution.”
I hope those poor words didn’t get hurt having to come out of your mouth and *WHOOSH!* over your head at the same time.
The problem I see in yours is that is rooted in the fear to rejection: rejection is when you dont belong.
The problem in see in your is that you are a cat trying to understand dogs and meowing at us loudly.
Of course, Aleph will hear what I say as “Woof! Woof woof woof!”
@ all girls
If my fly looks like it’s open it’s because it’s hard to keep the tiger caged.
Where are you from originally?
Pittsburg…after that, Pasadena
#5 is alive!
“You don’t think you do because you are a fish in water that doesn’t know it’s wet.”
No Tomassi. Now you’re just projecting.
IB must have the hots for you…she is meowing loudly in your direction and thinks that she is barking.
Pretty much OT
What? San Francisco North Beach strip clubs rip off some customers? Some customers go to strip joints way too high?
Who woulda expected that?
Take a look at the American Council on Women Religious (ACWR).
As a life-long atheist, I usually stay away from religious talk – from the outside it just looks like pissing in the wind… but that ACWR thing looks so fucked up.
@ Disgruntled Earhling Thank you for your comment. Maybe I get off on pain, subversiveness. There are opportunity costs for spinning one’s wheels in organized religion tho, I get that. IMO, This is long game, installing sleeper agents in the fabric of the FI. These would apply: Law 18 Do Not Build Fortresses to Protect Yourself – Isolation is Dangerous The world is dangerous and enemies are everywhere – everyone has to protect themselves. A fortress seems the safest. But isolation exposes you to more dangers than it protects you from – it cuts you off from valuable information, it… Read more »
@EhIntellect Thanks for the pointers to the laws. I don’t think believing or adopting something just to fit in and not stand out isn’t what the Law Of Power are advocating. Honestly, I’ve never been in a church in my life except for weddings and funerals. At 58, the damage is done (or avoided). My children are not baptized – this seems to be a trend here. I think the religious adherence and intolerance is way lower here in my part of Canada than it is in USA. Sometimes I’m taken aback by the religious public talk from both RP… Read more »
@EhIntellect at 5:05p from that link… The Vatican has abruptly ended its takeover of the main leadership group of American nuns two years earlier than expected, allowing Pope Francis to put to rest a confrontation started by his predecessor that created an uproar among American Catholics who had rallied to the sisters’ defense. … They decided that rather than take a confrontational approach, they would engage in rigorous dialogue with Archbishop Sartain and the other overseers, using the same process the sisters employ among themselves to settle disagreements and make decisions. = “ok, honey… what do YOU want us to… Read more »
@ DE “believing or adopting something just to fit in” There is positive social proof to be gained. My family, esp. my altar serving boys are in demand. They need us more than we need them. It will pay off in spades for my kids, financially, socially, in time. I’ve walked out of homilies from sheer disgust too. My son is in the midst of confirmation classes, routinely slaps his head at the SJW, soi-disant public service directives. He’s trying to square the circle of his future desires, the reality of dealing with FI key-holders along the way, maintaining his… Read more »
@ Insanitybites: “There ARE, Deti, and no, I’m not going to list them” No there aren’t. You won’t list them because there aren’t any. If there were, you’d list them. What are you afraid of? Why won’t you put your money where your mouth is? “If you’re a “manly man” fleeing in terror and demanding a Christian grandma fix your churchian manhood problems for you, well I don’t know what to say. That’s kind of the epitome of “not manly,” so working to try and make someone like you find their churchian safe space, isn’t exactly going to solve the… Read more »
I haven’t read this whole thread but came in at Insanity and Deti’s discussion. I go to a local prayer group that is predominantly male. I see a lot of manly men there. Quite a few have histories of addiction, and a couple are currently struggling with addiction. I live in a lower middle-class area which explains that demographic. The men and women pray together for these and other issues. The men tend to be a little more talented in leading the worship, but women do speak up too. Seriously, there must be other prayer groups where the fellowship is… Read more »
Do you really think you are going to find fulfillment in a life style based in rationalization? cause I have been dating a few guys lately and it come to be that there are a lot of them following this philosophy of whatever PUa, manosphere, or so… And I really notice that is something wrong with them. They act like calculating, afraid, unauthentic. I now know that I should to be really carefull of this kind of obsessive man is becoming, anybody wants to be with somebody like that. It definitely awkward for woman, but I don’t see you anywhere… Read more »
Do you really think you are going to find fulfillment in a life style based in rationalization?
No, little ‘bot, that’s why we are here. Now run along.
Babelfish Swahili to Hebrew to English?
For all the Howard Wollowitz asking I learned english as a third language, while you where learneing how to understand the opposite sex and call it church of the whatever pill.
I read Leon Podles book and commented on it as I said I would.
If you want men to read your babblings, post the text here.
Deti’s still waiting for you to tell him where to find these manly churches, or at least the manly denominations.
Of course we all know you are lying. It’s one of the things you are sort of good at, due to lots and lots of practice.
AR: I want names, addresses and phone numbers of these alleged churches Bites is referring to. I want the full name of the senior clergy at each religious institution. Of course she won’t respond. She apparently believes the churches and clergy and men attending the alleged places (if they exist) are cowards. If they really are manly men, they won’t be afraid to stand up and be counted. They will not shy away from telling us who they are and what they stand for. It’s pretty shitty to claim these places exist and then refuse to identify them. She must… Read more »
I can’t speak for Insanity, but in my experience masculine Christian men have nothing to prove to you, to Insanity, or to anyone. They live by a code, and are too busy tending to the evils of the day.
This post bears reading and re-reading over and over. Woke while married here, and the whole time learning relationship game to fix my marriage for 5 freaking years. Relaxed every time at the first sign of things turning around, did not follow through, repeatedly. Cared too much about if it was working. Now realize maybe can be fixed, maybe not. Probably not. Don’t care, just do.
For now my mantra is ABM: always be (amused)mastery. Because depression is worse.
I went through this phase with an LTR, and ended things with herjust before the New Year. The interesting thing with having RP knowledge is that I’m starting to evaluate my other relationships as well. Most prominently, my relationship with my father is under the microscope. It’s striking how many similarities he has with these toxic girls; the constant demanding that everyone in his vicinity drops everything and gets involved in whatever he is doing, the tantrums when he doesn’t get what he wants (in public sometimes too), and the belittling and disruption of any plans which he didn’t come… Read more »
[…] her of it, I started perceiving a life without her in it. In the Rational Male’s post, “The Reconstruction IV” he goes in-depth into breaking up with your wife. This is essentially what you must do. It wasnt […]
[…] The Reconstruction – IV […]
[…] Rollo Tomassi said, “Be your own mental point of origin.” I have to agree with this. Build yourself as an individual. Your identity should never be entwined with a woman. When you place all of your time and energy on a bad investment, you are only going to be left with a bitter taste in your mouth. That does not mean you are wasting your time building relationships but protect yourself. Know that it’s not a good idea to marry or cohabitate because that forces your hand. You will inevitably lose if you entangle yourself and your assets to… Read more »
This makes 39 consecutive years of marriage ,ya to the same woman.
Think I will go buy myself a new tool to celebrate.