The Soul Mate Myth

With apologies to Dalrock for thread-jacking his “The one” vs “my one and only” post. After reading Dal’s take on the fallacy of the ONE and picking back through the comments on Casualties I thought I might clarify a few things about the concept of the ONE.

There is no ONE.

There is no ONE. This is the soulmate myth. There are some good Ones and some bad Ones, but there is no ONE. Anyone telling you anything else is selling you something. There are LOTS of ‘special someones’ out there for you, just ask the divorced/widowed person who’s remarried after their “soulmate” has died or moved on.

This was one of my earliest posts back on the SoSuave forums from around 2003-04. I was finishing my degree then and had the Fallacy of the ONE graphically illustrated for me in a psych class one day. I was in class, surrounded by (mostly) much younger students than myself, all very astute and as intellectual as they come for mid twenty-somethings. At one point the discussion had come around to religion and much of the class expressed being agnostic or atheist, or “spiritual, but not religious”. The rationale was of course that religion and belief could be explained as psychological (fear of mortality) constructs that were expanded to sociological dynamics.

Later in that discussion the idea of a ‘soul mate’ came up. The professor didn’t actually use the word ‘soul’, but rather couched the idea by asking for a show of hands as to how many of the class believed “there was a special someone out there for them?” or if they feared “the ONE that got away.” Damn near the entire class raised their hands. For all of their rational empiricism and claims to realism in regards to spirituality, they (almost) unanimously expressed a quasi-Karmic belief in connecting with another idealized person on an intimate level for a lifetime.

Religion of the Soul-Mate

Even the Frat guys and hook-up girls who I knew weren’t expressly looking for anything long term in their dating habits still raised their hands in assent to a belief in a ONE. Some later explained what that ONE meant to them, and most had differing definitions of that idealization – some even admitted to it being an idealization as the discussion progressed – yet almost all of them still had what would otherwise be termed an irrational belief in ‘destiny’ or, even amongst the least spiritual, that it’s just part of life to pair off with someone significant and there was “someone for everyone”.

This discussion was the catalyst for one of my red pill realizations – despite all odds, people largely feel entitled to, or deserving of, an important love of their life. Statistically and pragmatically this is ridiculous, but there it is. The feminized Disney-fication of this core concept has been romanticized and commercialized to the point of it becoming a religion, even for the expressly non-religious. The shakespearean longing for the ONE, the search for another soul (mate) who was destined to be our match has been systematically distorted beyond all reason. And as I elaborated in Casualties men will take their own lives in the delusion of having lost their soul-mate.

Soul-Mate Men

This perversion of the soul-mate myth is attributable to a large part of the feminized social conventions we deal with today. The fear of isolation from our imagined soul-mate, or the fear of having irrecoverably lost that ‘perfect ONE’ for us fuels so much of the personal and social neuroses we find in the Matrix. For example, much of the fear inherent in the Myth of the Lonely Old Man loses its teeth without a core belief in the Soul-Mate Myth. The fear of loss and the delusions of Relational Equity only really matter when the person men believe that equity should influence is their predestined ONE.

The feminine imperative recognized the overwhelming power the Soul-Mate Myth had over men (and women) from the beginnings of its rise to ascendency as the primary gender social imperative. Virtually all of the distortions of the core soul-mate dynamic evolved as a controlling schema for men. When it is soul-mate women who are the primary reward for a soul-mate necessitous man, there are a lot of opportunities to consolidate that power upon. To be clear, don’t think this is some fiendish plot of a fem-centric cabal socially engineering that soul-mate fear into men. Generations of men, raised to be oblivious to it, willingly and actively help perpetuate the Soul-Mate Myth.

Soul-Mate Women

Although Hypergamy plays a large role in determining what makes for an idealized soul-mate for women, they aren’t immune to the exploitations of that core fear. Though it’s more an unfortunate byproduct than an outright manipulation, I’d argue that in some ways hypergamy intensifies that neurosis. Alpha Widows know all too well the languishing associated with pining for the Alpha that got away – particularly when she’s paired off long-term with the dutiful, Beta provider after her SMV decline.

For women, the soul-mate represents that nigh unattainable combination of arousing Alpha dominance matched with a loyal providership for her long term security that only she can tame out of him.

Hypergamy hates the soul-mate principle, because the soul-mate is an absolute definition, whereas hypergamy must alway test for perfection. Hypergamy asks, “Is he the ONE? Is he the ONE?” and the Soul-Mate Myth replies, “He HAS to be the the ONE, he’s your soul-mate, and there’s ONLY one of those.”

Building the Mystery

Due to this core concept and soul-mate mythology, both sexes will seek to perfect that idealization for themselves – even under the least ideal of conditions and expressions. We want to build our intimate relations into that soul-mate idealism in order to relieve the fear and solve the problem, and most times so badly that we’ll deftly ignore the warnings, abuses and consequences of having done so. For women the impact of the most significant Alpha is what initially defines that soul-mate idealization. For men it may be the first woman to become sexual with him or the one who best exemplifies a woman he (mistakenly) believes can love him in a male-defined orientation of love.

However, these are the points of origin for building that soul-mate ideal upon. This ideal is then compounded upon with layers of investments in the hopes that this person “might actually be the one fate has prescribed for them.” Emotional investment, personal, financial, even life-potential investments and sacrifices then follow in an effort to create a soul-mate.

This process is why I say the Soul-Mate Myth is ridiculous – it’s psychologically much more pragmatic to construct another person to fit that ideal than it ever will be to “wait for fate to take its course.” People subscribing to the myth would rather build a soul-mate, consequences be damned. So women will attempt to Build a better Beta, or tame down an Alpha, while men will attempt to turn a whore into a housewife, or vice versa.

One of the most bitter aftertastes of having taken the red pill is abandoning old paradigms for new. I’ve described this before as akin to killing an old friend, and one friend that needs killing is exactly this mythology. Disabusing yourself of this core fear is vital to fully unplugging, because so much of fem-centric social conditioning is dependent upon it.

Dropping the Soul-Mate Myth isn’t the nihilism a lot of people might have you believe it is. If anything it will free you to have a better, healthier future relationship with someone who is genuinely important to you – a relationship based on genuine desire, mutual respect, complementary understanding of each other and love, rather than on a fear of losing your one and only representation of contentment in this life.


53 responses to “The Soul Mate Myth

  • theprivateman

    Emotional pornography is responsible for the continuation of this myth. http://theprivateman.wordpress.com/2011/02/15/emotional-pornography/

  • dorsey47

    “Hypergamy hates the soul-mate principle…”

    Is it possible that the soul-mate principle was a beta-male driven refined attack on hypergamy? Soul-mate found its apex in strong marriage culture. There is no stronger hamster-food then soul-mate. In appearances, soul-mate has the feel of a genius design for the beta-male civilizing imperative. It focuses hamsters against hypergamy, dividing themselves and their hamster force.

  • taterearl

    I truly believe the concept of a soul mate is just one way to lure people away from God…so in a sense I wouldn’t be surprised about agnostics or atheists subscribing to that idea. Placing all your hopes, dreams, ambitions, salvation in another human being is always a recipe for failure…because we are all flawed. Frankly it’s irresponsible to place such expectations on another human being. Humans can do the most wonderful things for others and/or the most inhuman things to them…that’s what I expect.

    I am a Christian and I go to God for unconditional love and inner strength. There are things in this world that we need but another human being or material possessions can’t give us.

  • muscleman

    Leave ‘the one’ for women to romanticize about; it gives them something to do during the day and discuss with their girlfriends. A man has the unique ability to actually fall in love with multiple women, at once, and not feel guilty about any of it (biologically this makes sense). Not saying you should, but men obsessing over ‘the one’ just goes to show how much of a female-centric mindset they’ve adopted err had shoved down their throats since childhood. A healthy monogamous relationship is where the woman realizes on some level the sacrifice you make to be exclusive with her, backed by your unspoken, un-acted-upon ability to drop her for a number of other attractive women should she cross the line. The best cure for getting over ‘the one’ myth, I’ve found, is to simply have lots of experiences with attractive women. This fosters an abundance mentality and you then realize there are plenty out there who would fit your ‘one’ description.

  • siquaeris

    It seems to me that the soul mate myth goes hand-in-hand with (and perpetuates) the “don’t settle” mentality (aka hypergamy) because The One will never be the man she’s with, it’ll always be that perfect someone else who she just knows is out there.

  • John the Apostate

    There is another element to the myth: laziness. “If its destiny then I don’t have to work at it.” Its no better than believing in the winning lotto ticket for a retirement plan.

  • Ras Al Ghul

    Way to kill the romance, Rollo . . .

    Destiny, fate. These terms are a central part of the human psyche, they have been with use forever. In our myths, our religions, our entertainment and the soul-mate is an extension of that.

    I’m not sure a civilization, culture or society can survive without them, even if they’re false.

    As you yourself have noted everyone woman believes they have some special spiritual connection or power.

    This is part of it

  • FuriousFerret

    It’s hilarous how everyone’s soul mate happens to be a tall handsome guy that makes six figures and is socially dominant or a woman that is at least moderately attractive, isn’t a nagging bitch and doesn’t blow up into a land whale.

    Looking at the two templates for the respective sexes, which is one that is rooted in total fantasy and which one should actual be an attainable option?

    I always hear from women on how every man wants an unattainable super model and won’t settle. I just laugh my ass inside though as I think bullshit. Want they mean is that every alpha has high standards and they aren’t good enough for them.

    Most guys want a feminine, non-fat woman that has some moderate attractive facial qualities. Just look at the most popular internet porn. These women look like chicks you would see at the mall. They just simply aren’t fat. Sadly that’s what qualifies for unreasonable standards of beauty these days.

    I know straight up for a fact that in shape women that have moderately attractive facial features will win out in most situations as the one that confident guys will marry or LTR than the totally hot bitch that has the personality of a old school french monarch.

    The funny thing is that women use personality as a leveling attribute when 90 percent of women have shitty personalities. They don’t even get that right. They think by acting masculine, witty and dominant that it makes up for physical flaws. It’s acting hyper feminine and supporting that makes up from minor physical flaws.

    Someone should come up with a CH for women where they unleash these ‘secrets’ of how to attract men into a real relationship are told.

    -Be feminine, sweet and supporting (Holy shit, what an eye opener).

    -Don’t get fat (Another revelation)

    -Don’t whore around (What another lost nugget of knowledge).

    -Don’t be a masculine feminist

    – Get married young while your stock is high (A revelation)

    Sadly I think this site is needed.

  • MNL

    What’s interesting here is some of the science and statistics behind the soul mate myth. I’m NOT that expert, but can only link to one easy reference: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201207/why-you-shouldnt-believe-in-soul-mates

    Some of the more interesting take-aways:

    1. Nearly 73% of Americans believe in the soul mate myth.
    2. Slightly more men (74%) than women (71%) believe in the myth.
    3. …And most interesting:

    …when problems inevitably arise, believers in soul mates often don’t cope well and leave the relationship instead. In other words, a belief that soul mates should be ideally compatible motivates individuals to just give up when a relationship isn’t perfect. They simply look elsewhere for their “true” match.

    That’s some scary stuff right there.

  • 3rd Millenium Men

    Alain de Botton writes in Essays in Love:

    The longing for a destiny is nowhere stronger than in our romantic life. All too often forced to share our bed with those who cannot fathom our soul, can we not be forgiven if we believe ourselves fated to stumble one day upon the man or woman of our dreams?

    Can we not be excused a certain superstitious faith in a creature who will prove the solution to our restless yearnings?

    And though our prayers may never be answered, though there may be no end to the dismal cycle of mutual incomprehension, if the heavens should come to take pity on us, then can we really be expected to attribute the encounter with this prince or princess to mere coincidence?

    Or can we not for once escape rational censure and read it as nothing other than an inevitable part of our romantic destiny?

  • just visiting

    @ Furious Ferret

    The sphere already has it. A blog called The Rules Revisited.

  • FuriousFerret

    Holy shit, you’re right.

    I guess the only problem with this and the reason that it won’t attract a massive following is simply because young woman don’t have to so they won’t.

    Who needs rules when you are 22 and every dude wants to bone you? It will never ever end either. She will be forever attractive and attention will fall from the sky just as surely as the sun shines.

  • taterearl

    “I always hear from women on how every man wants an unattainable super model and won’t settle.”

    Most likely these women are hovering around 200…either in weight or in number of cocks they’ve experienced.

  • Philalethes

    Nothing Higher to Live For: A Buddhist View of Romantic Love

    http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/price/bl124.html

  • Jeremiah

    Even if the Soul Mate fairy tale were true — even if there really was one special person that would fulfill you more than any other person on the planet — the likelyhood of you finding that person would be astronomically small given the fact that you’re searching for your one perfect in a pool of 3 billion women.

    It’s wired that the average American never finds his SM in Morroco or Syndney, Australia. What an amazing coincidence that all these guys find their soul mate through work or at their local bar. LOL.

    So rediculous.

  • joker

    As long as you are willing to look, the fact that the soul mate myth is so rooted in our culture is no surprise at all:

    The Soul Mate Myth is the fundamental lie which the scam named marriage is based on.

    After learning that there is no ONE, you can’t possible tell people with a straight face that they have to keeping acting as if there was ONE. Telling people to marry after exposing the myth is like revealing people that asbestos causes cancer and selling them an old crysothile-ridden house anyway.

    It gives a good laugh to watch Dalrock trying to surf the myth while trying not to connect the dots so damn hard. He doesn’t really believe that there is no one, he only has a problem with the collective of women pointing at the same very small pool of men as the ONEs. For him and every other marriage apologist, nothing better that if soul mates truly existed as long as they were mutually exclusive for every person.

    The only thing to do after knowing the truth is take relationships as they truly are: goods with an expiration date to enjoy as long as they actually give you stimulus and vitality and to dump into the trash bin when you are the one giving work into them so they keep functioning. Mark Minter said that before, but deserves repeating: if you keep believing relationships last forever, you haven’t swallowed the red pill yet.

  • Mr. C

    Soulmates no longer exist largely because the vast majority have become soulless.

  • Brian Poynton

    Just testing to see if this is an email address for Rollo or if it’s just the update-sender address.      Brian

    ________________________________

  • texaust

    @FuriousFerret, that may have been the best comment I’ve seen on this blog.

  • Dillon

    I do believe in the concept of “soul mate”.

    I think a soul mate is a person who is a “correction” of one’s own self.

    However to recognize such a person, one will first have to discover one’s own self. That’s the hard part.

    For people with low self esteem (cloudy view of self), its easier to just ask from society what a soul mate should be.

    These people thus end up with a soul mate of a collection of people instead of their own. Heartbreak follows.

  • Heywood Jablome

    That must be a pretty tasty Blue Pill you’re gnawing on, Dillon.

  • xsplat

    The soul mate myth is backed up by periods of intense emotion that block out all rational thought. When we are in love, it all can seem so believable. Even with the experiences of age, the emotions can obscure a broader view.

    We are built to be dupes to women.

    But the flip side is that we can also be duped by rationality, and turn our backs to the joys of being in love.

    The middle ground of course is to find meaning and joy and satisfaction without pinning to some notion of eternity. Or even necessarily monogamy. Enjoy love for while it lasts, not for it lasting forever.

  • Rellz

    I have only been in love once, and it wasn’t with my ex-wife. I think Men also suffer from 5 minutes of Alpha(woman) and Women will see right thu your pretty lies based again on the myth of the hollywood soul mate (aka Male Servitute)
    I think Hypergamy, serves it’s usful purpose to weed out lesser men, lesser men are men who are without options, be it other women or social dominance or whatever.
    I know I could never really bring myself to fully loving my ex, and she always knew we ‘settled’ for eachother somehow..I agree.

    Hpyergamy is a usful to a Woman but it is situational, and the bar has been set too high to bother wooing a Western girl. I also agree, Soul mates tend to be the three 6’s for Women. Six feet, Six figures, and Six inches more often than not.

  • siquaeris

    Actually, there is such a thing as soul mates. However, it is not destiny nor are two people ever perfect complements for each other. People learn to become soul mates through spending a lifetime together, working through problems, dealing with the grief and sorrow and joy and boredom of real life. The myth is that someone can be your soul mate without having spent that lifetime with them.

    Many people give up before they ever get there because they’ve bought into the myth and because relationships aren’t always wonderful and require work and commitment. They can’t see that through this work and through the problems they are solving they are building their soul mate. The Don’t Settle mentality and belief in The One is very sad, because a lot of people are missing out and ruining their own lives and the lives of others in the process.

    Another related concept is what I call “chasing feelings”. Some people are addicted to it, and they usually equate intense feelings with real love. These people are highly likely to believe in The One and in the Happily Ever After Disney fantasy. Now, feelings are important for most women (and some men), and this is why game is important for men to know… but a woman who is too heavily invested in chasing feelings is going to probably be a cheater… she’ll be a serial monogamist at best. She is the woman who pines after that Alpha and is never truly happy with anyone.

  • Chuck Hammer

    xsplat
    We are built to be dupes to women.

    This.

    It’s a women’s world and men are genetic groupies. Red pill. A total inversion of what I used to believe.

    There are only two outs for men:
    (1) Be the genetic superstar that many women want. Real or simulated.
    (2) Live in a time of resource scarcity so that women’s desire to eat overpowers their hypergamy.

  • JS

    Chuck Hammer, there is a third option. Build a society with a basis of monogamy, so every man gets a woman, fidelity, so hypergamy can’t keep dumping men for the perceived better man, chastity, pre-marital abstinence, and modesty.

  • Good Luck Chuck

    Now how about tackling the subject of love?

    Anyone with half a brain should know that the soulmate myth is BS, but plenty of people who are smart enough to figure this out still cling to the idea that there is some kind of nebulous thing called “love” that will “conquer all”, should you manage to find it.

    [You haven’t been reading me recently have you?

    https://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/09/10/men-in-love/

    https://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/09/11/of-love-and-war/%5D

  • Random Angeleno

    Along the lines of the appeal of femininity as opposed to the turnoff of masculinity in women, I’ll pass along an anecdote:

    Many years ago, I went to a weekend traffic school with about 20 other attendees. One of them was a fat woman, about 30 years old and about 50 pounds overweight, big enough that I wouldn’t hit it. But from the neck up, she looked good: a nice face with subtle and excellent makeup framed by long and well-styled blonde hair. In addition, she dressed elegantly and sported a huge diamond ring. Left me thinking, who the heck marries that? And puts that rock on her finger? Well as it happens in environments like this, people talk during their free time and she turned out to have a very pleasant feminine personality, nothing at all close to the stereotype of the unpleasant and masculinized overweight woman. She was outgoing, gracious, flirted well, bantered easily and everyone liked her. Yes even the other women liked her too though she would not engage in the catty back talk gossip that women often get into. At the end of the two days, I wasn’t surprised when I saw her husband pick her up in a top of the line Mercedes. That was a woman who made her own luck through her femininity. Dunno if she grew up that way or she made herself that way, but her femininity really stood out, she had it in spades over every other woman there and that explained her appeal to her husband. Further, she had been married 7 years already, meaning she struck iron while her SMV was as high as it would ever be and used her femininity to keep her husband engaged. This was long before my awakening so that was a lesson lost on me until I took the red pill.

    Back on topic: I’ve had enough experiences of one-itis going nowhere in my younger days that I was already very skeptical about The One long before the red pill. But I still see it all over the place especially among younger men whom I do my best to disabuse of those notions. Occasionally they will listen, but more often they have to hit the wall themselves before they will wake up. Unfortunately that often means after the kids and all that and we know how that goes.

  • Good Luck Chuck

    [You haven’t been reading me recently have you?

    https://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/09/10/men-in-love/

    https://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/09/11/of-love-and-war/%5D

    I’m not talking about the differences between the way men and women love, I’m talking about the idea of love as an extension of the soul mate myth, where people believe in finding this abstract thing that they will only know when they finally experience it, that “conquers all” and will “endure for eternity”.

    I have certainly loved several of the women I have been with but when someone asks me if I have ever been “in love” it evokes the exact same red pill reaction I get if someone were to ask me if my girlfriend is “the one”.

  • FuriousFerret

    Exactly what I’m talking about Random Angeleno.

    Hyper femininity actually glosses over a decent amount of flaws.

    It’s the female equivalent of a sauve masculine playboy.

    However, trying mentioning ‘girl game’ to women. This was done at CH and you know what the response was. ‘I don’t want to do that. That’s too much work’.

    They even aknowledged this was similiar to how betas had to learn to be masculine to even have a shot in the SMP, they simply didn’t want to do it because at the point when they have agency the reward simply doesn’t register. They get still get alpha cock on regular intervals and can’t comprehend the unthinkable.

    So at this point in time only a minority of women actually put in work and effort to actually lock up a high status man. Being a thin young woman pretty much makes the world your oyster. Do women in mass workout regularly and eat properly. Nope.

    Having ‘girl game’ puts you heads and shoulders in terms of LTR with high status men effectively giving you up to 2 points on the HB scale which is huge. Do women even want to attempt this? Fuck no.

    What I believe is a major contributor to this is that they have their own crab mentality in their female social circle and it’s more vicious than men.

    So if a woman strives to be totally attractive chick, the female crabs come out in force Mad Max Lord Humungus style. Seek and destroy with a passion. Her ‘friends’ will at first sabotage her efforts to get lean with invities of food and drinks to destroy the physical portion. Make passive aggressive comments about anoerixia to undermine results. I mean who wants Jane to outshine her on the SMP? I want Jane to be happy and all but not happier and more successful and prettier than me. They are only so many alphas in the world, can’t have a better competitor out there.

    For the personality portion, she will be uncool to her femicunt friends. What? She doesn’t want to act like an entitled bitch anymore. “Are you like a 1920s uneducated slave woman? You put all women back hundred years, you that Jane, you are making me worried. You’re betraying team woman”.

    So to achieve these results Jane might have to ditch her ‘friends’ and have her own ‘red pill’ experience. This is like jumping out an airplane for the first time with a parachute. Social circle is everything to a woman and she has to kill her feminazi self to emerge as someone worth a damn to any high status guy.

    If you ever hear those stories by models and actresses about how they were hated and outcasts in their youth, it’s because of the other women that tried to destroy them due to envy. So their social circle was of the alternative crowd and more fluid. It also gave them some of the displine and drive to not follow the crowd into mediocrity where most women simply can’t do such a thing.

    One of my principles on life. Look at the masses and look how disgusting they are or become. Find out what they doing and do the opposite.

    People are blowing up like balloons. They eat tons of sugar and carbs. Well I don’t want to become like that so I’ll do the weird opposite and eat a strict diet not matter what people say.

    A lot of guys don’t ‘want to be that guy’. I sure as hell ‘want to be that guy’ that isn’t afraid to fail in a embrassing fashion because only pussies don’t fail in a grand manner because they don’t take chances.

  • FFY

    Soul Mate is BS. But there are definitely certain girls out there that you click with and that’s always nice. Were there such things as soul mates, my ex is undoubtedly mine or as close to one as I’ll find for awhile.

    I’m not likely to find a girl who I got along with as well as her, or a girl that knew me so well or loved me so deeply. Men with experience know the feeling, and it’s really not something you can really explain to those who haven’t. It’s a shame we didn’t pan out.

    At the same time, there are plenty of cool chicks out there and I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know them as well. Sooner or later I’m sure I’ll come across a girl I truly click with just like the ex, and we’ll have a great time together for awhile.

    It’s not like I’m out looking for it, or that it is destiny or fantasy, it’s just probability and statistics. Men without an abundance mentality will never get that.

  • Revo Luzione

    Poke around (heh) in some of the new age-ish circles in most cities in the US, you’ll find that a staggering percentage of women (and men too) believe not only in “soul mates,” but also in this sort of extra-special turbo-soul mates that only come around “once in every 5 or 10 lifetimes” that they call “twin flames.” I’m not even joking here. It’s beyond ridiculous, it’s downright delusional.

    And, it does seem that any relationship difficulty causes these fruitcakes to believe that “it’s a sign from da universe that he’s not my soulmate.”

    However.. I refuse to be embittered by it. Bitterness is a wicked handicap when it comes to seducing women, and/or creating lasting relationships. Experienced charismatic men know that the soulmate connection idea can be an avenue for deep, powerful connection to women. Krauser calls it “deep conversion.” It’s an hypnotic, narcotic, hamster-tranquilizing force.

    And I must admit, I was in a relationship where a woman believed, for a time, that I was her soulmate, that we were “soulmates.” The connection was absolutely amazing, the sexual connection was beyond sublime, it was ridiculously awesome. At the time I suppose I believed that soulmate myth. It was the beginning, as Kanye West would say, of my education in the Ghetto University, School of Hypergamic Studies. In retrospect, if I had had a little more game, I would have been able to manage things better. It’s really, really hard to maintain hand in that environment.

    The process of being someone’s soulmate from a total blue-pill place is one of ego destruction, so the concept of maintaining hand does not enter into one’s mind. But I do believe a Red Pill Master Charismatic man could not only maintain hand, but actively utilize the soulmate mythology to come from a place of power. For myself, it seems rather repugnant to support a culturally bankrupt idea. I prefer to actively discourage the female id from conceptualizing me as a soulmate, but I also believe that this will come at a cost of limiting the reac of the deeper aspects of intimacy.

    I have not had the chance to test these concepts further, because I’ve not let any woman get that close to me or be that vulnerable. It is true that since taking the Red Pill, my heart has become armor-plated. In my particular instance, I believe this is simply healthy boundaries forming, which were absent in my blue pill days.

    One thing is certain–it is absolutely mission-critical, no matter what your mission as man, to understand the mythology and dynamics of the soulmate concept, in order to either repudiate it or embrace it for tactical and strategic purposes.

  • Tom White

    To paraphrase from the book of Pook: The real problem is that the focus is on the idea of love and not the beloved; on the pursuit of the lover and never on the time spent with them.

    This is the result of an entire generation raised by Disney and Hallmark. A spin off from this is also the delusional virginal men who end up overvaluing the act of sex, waiting for that perfect woman and perfect moment, cheating themselves of the joys of their youth.

    This is also why the focus today is on the wedding, never on married life, hence the massive divorce rate.

  • Mr. C

    “First You Get the Women, Then You’ve Got the Children, So Follow the
    Men” – Adolph Hitler

    Also the raison d’etre of the (pseudo) Capitalists (i.e. Kryptofascists), the Media and the Feminists.

  • nek

    @ Tom White

    “This is also why the focus today is on the wedding, never on married life, hence the massive divorce rate.”

    The wedding is a high, marriage is dull. With this regard, women can be like drug addicts (some men too), always chasing the high. That’s what the Smart Phone culture relies on too. Same with social media. Always chasing a better high. Bigger parties, better trips, “epic”-er weekends. It’s actually a chicken or the egg thing. The smartphone/social media culture IS female culture. It’s a direct representation of fem-centrism. Hypergamy does look an awful lot like addiction, no wonder women who’ve pursued it aggresively their whole lives then hit the wall look like druggies who can’t get their fix.

    It’s all about the climactic moment in our culture, nothing about consistency. I was watching “you’ve got mail” on TV the other day (there was a hurricane, cut me some slack), and I had a thought that the sentence above reminded me of. At the end of the movie, Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks finally kiss (the climactic moment), the music kicks in, the camera pans out, and then it ends. You don’t see Tom Hanks leave after the kiss to go to work or Meg Ryan go to get a pap smear. Just like all chick movies, at the climactic moment, the movie ends. That’s what matters to them. This aspect of these movies is an important view into the female psyche.

    @JS

    Your point actually is a result of Chuck Hammer’s Point #2. The reason societies like you describe get built in the first place is to tap into the surplus labor of men via sex in order to maximize resource extraction. In a resource rich world this isn’t necessary, but in a resource scarce one, you need all the laborers you can get. It’s bred out of necessity. Since this exchange of sex-for-resources isn’t necessary, the dating scene reflects Chuck’s Point #1. That’s while you’ll never hear me play down the importance of a man’s looks in today’s western world. And Chuck is absolutely right, it’s a woman’s world (you just have to let that last bit of hope that this isn’t the case slip away).

    @FFY

    Just curious, what ended things between you and the ex?

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  • Chuck Hammer

    nek
    Since this exchange of sex-for-resources isn’t necessary, the dating scene reflects Chuck’s Point #1.

    Exactly. Affirmative action, the welfare state and the overall prosperity of Western civilization have created unprecedented resource abundance for women,

    A civilization-ending cycle?
    Scarcity—>monogamy—>high male labor investment—>prosperity—>abundance—>sluttitude—>male labor withdrawal—>decay—>collapse—>scarcity.

    Hard to know where this will go for us as we’re (probably) the first technologically advanced civilization to experience widespread sluttitude. Maybe not collapse this time but instead a feminized totalitarianism complete with privileged enforcers and labor (concentration?) camps for surplus beta and omega males. Nah, couldn’t happen.

    A couple of relevant quotes from John Glubb’s The Fate Of Empires.

    “When the welfare state was first introduced in Britain, it was hailed as a new high-water mark in the history of human development. History, however, seems to suggest that the age of decline of a great nation is often a period which shows a tendency to philanthropy and to sympathy for other races…….The Arab Empire of Baghdad was equally, perhaps even more, generous……State assistance to the young and the poor was equally generous. University students received government grants to cover their expenses while they were receiving higher education. The State likewise offered free medical treatment to the poor. The first free public hospital was opened in Baghdad in the reign of Harun al-Rashid (786-809), and under his son, Mamun, free public hospitals sprang up all over the Arab world from Spain to what is now Pakistan.”

    “An increase in the influence of women in public life has often been associated with national decline. The later Romans complained that, although Rome ruled the world, women ruled Rome. In the tenth century, a similar tendency was observable in the Arab Empire, the women demanding admission to the professions hitherto monopolised by men. ‘What,’ wrote the contemporary historian, Ibn Bessam, ‘have the professions of clerk, tax-collector or preacher to do with women? These occupations have always been limited to men alone.’ Many women practised law, while others obtained posts as university professors. There was an agitation for the appointment of female judges, which, however, does not appear to have succeeded. Soon after this period, government and public order collapsed, and foreign invaders overran the country. The resulting increase in confusion and violence made it unsafe for women to move unescorted in the streets, with the result that this feminist movement collapsed.”

  • bob

    As far as replacing the soul mate myth goes: you can try Weininger’s “males” and “females” theory, from his book Sex and Character.

    To quote him: “Any individual, “A” or “B”, is never to be designated merely as a man or a woman, but by a formula showing that it is a composite of male and female characters in different proportions, …”. (p.8).

    This affirmation is backed up with enough arguments in his book, you’ll find a pdf version only easily.

    Back to his theory: let’s imagine a man. He is 80% masculine, 20% feminine.

    Weininger claims that he will “click” with a woman who is 80% feminine, 20% feminine. The whole book goes on to explain how you can achieve a precise evaluation of one’s own “percentage”, if I dare say, along with psychological description of women and men (with an emphasis on women, it seems, but I haven’t read the whole thing yet) in a more general way.

    This seems to be a good rational replacement for the soul mate myth, which explains why we “click” (‘have chemistry”) with some women, why we have specific “types”, and with some beautiful women leave us cold, while driving our friend(s) crazy.

    Weininger’s book was basically written to shut the feminists up. And it’s very well done. This will strengthen your red pill awareness to even higher degrees, by backing it up with many historical, biological and psychological facts.

  • Bogart

    Incredibly insightful comments Ferret, it’s guys like you that should start blogs.

  • Aristippus

    “despite all odds, people largely feel entitled to, or deserving of, an important love of their life.”

    The desire for sexual satisfaction, stability, and security is at play here. The stability and security are the ends achieved by institutions like marriage and by civilization.

    Feeling “entitled to” a good sexual partner makes sense from a biological standpoint. Since reproduction is the end result of the sex drive, this feeling, this drive, creates a sense of “entitlement” in the same way that we feel we have a right to basic necessities of survival like food and water.

  • Aristippus

    I wanted to correct myself. IDEALLY, marriage and civilization create stability and security. That’s the idea. In THEORY, that’s how it’s supposed to work. Whether or not it does in practice is debatable.

  • modernguy

    Alain de Botton writes in Essays in Love:

    The longing for a destiny is nowhere stronger than in our romantic life. All too often forced to share our bed with those who cannot fathom our soul, can we not be forgiven if we believe ourselves fated to stumble one day upon the man or woman of our dreams?

    Can we not be excused a certain superstitious faith in a creature who will prove the solution to our restless yearnings?

    And though our prayers may never be answered, though there may be no end to the dismal cycle of mutual incomprehension, if the heavens should come to take pity on us, then can we really be expected to attribute the encounter with this prince or princess to mere coincidence?

    Or can we not for once escape rational censure and read it as nothing other than an inevitable part of our romantic destiny?

    What a difference it is to read a passage like this. Eloquent, deep, concise and precise. It tells us in passing what we want to know – a soul mate is someone who fathoms our soul. And it explains and justifies our feelings. A stark contrast with the kind of claptrap you read here where everything is a myth or a delusion and we’re all in the fucking matrix. “Schemas” for fuck’s sake.

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  • MaMu1977

    I’ve met soul mates in my life. By that, I mean people who have been involved in LTRs/marriages that have lasted beyond all sorts of barriers. And that’s the problem with the idea of soul mates, in a nutshell.

    As mentioned above, people *love* the idea of meeting their soulmate without effort (and maintaining those relationships without effort.) They love the idea of everything just “working out”. But the happiest relatioships that I’ve ever seen, happened with people who (rightly) should have never met.

    Africans and Asians.
    Europeans and pacific islanders.
    Hispanics with Teutonic people.
    Hawaiians (white, of irish lineage) with Russians.
    Etc.

    People who met their soulmates through circumstances so convoluted, they don’t even make sense. I worked with a black man from Alabama who met his (considerably better off) wife in Kazakhstan. A decade in, theyre still together. I met a Filipina carouseler who stepped off the ride without regrets when she met her (exceedingly Christian) husband, no hint of scandal since the day their eyes met in 2000. I met a son of Nazis, who’s been married to his very-black, very unsophisticated wife for years; and another son of Nazi defectors who treats his right-wing Polish wife like spun silver. Hell, look at James Carville and Marlee Matlin!

    Even Chris Rock makes jokes about it, the Israeli who falls in love with a Palestinian or the (contextually speaking) higher class black man who falls for a black woman. The error re: soulmates, isn’t that it’s impossible, its that the circumstances behind meeting them are so difficult that attaching your romantic hopes on meeting them are foolish. What happens when the person to whom you hold the strongest connection is a guy, and you’re a guy, and the only reason for ever meeting each other was based on the fact that she was two-timing to both of you and both of you love the pussy? Or when you’re 53 years old and your missing puzzle piece won’t even hit *16* until your foot is dangling over the grave? Or when your “one and only” is a first or second cousin? The Mona Lisa is still claiming the hearts of various men, despite the fact that the model has been dead for 500 years! But people are supposed to believe that their “eternally hot (to me, and vice versa), eternally faithful (to me, and vice versa), eternally interesting (to me, and vice versa) and guaranteed to die within days if not hours of my death” soulmate is going to be found without trying (or if you just try *hard* enough, travel *far* enough, hop on enough cocks, “oneitis” that one person for long enough…) Yeah, right. I won’t even go into all of the “perfect for each couples” I’ve known who didn’t work out because of one little indiscretion (this is a Mano

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