The Myth of the Lonely Old Man

Is loneliness a disease that necessitates a cure? If men could be made to believe so, think of the potential profit to be made from, and the potential for manipulation of, men. The real test for a man is how he lives with himself, alone. Precious few men ever truly allow themselves to be alone and learn real independence and self-reliance. The vast majority of guys (see Betas), particularly in western culture, tend to transition from mother to wife with little or no intermission between. For the most part they subscribe to the feminine imperative, becoming serial monogamists going from LTR to LTR until they ‘settle’ without ever having learned and matured into how to interact as an adult.

The fear of loneliness is entirely too exaggerated in modern western romanticism. The popularized fear-mythology of becoming the “lonely old man who never loved” is the new ‘old maid’ myth made popular in an era when a woman’s worth was dependent upon her marital status and (at least now) equally as false a premise. But in our brave new ‘Generation AFC’, men (who’ve become women) are repackaged and shamed into believing this horse-shit as part & parcel of feminized gender role reversal. And thus we get Speed Dating and eHarmony and a host of other “conveniences” to pacify the insecurities that this reversal instills.

I’m going to suggest that most AFCs, most feminized, conditioned males, LIKE and embrace the lonely old man myth because it is a Buffer against potential rejection. Does that sound like a stretch? It shouldn’t. When used from a feminized perspective this myth is most certainly a ‘shaming’ social convention with the latent function of getting men to commit to a feminine frame – “you better change yourself soon, or your soulmate might pass you by and you’ll be lonely and desolate in your old age”. That’s the feminized use of the myth, however, the internalized AFC use of the myth is a Buffer. This then becomes his rationale for settling for a substandard LTR or marriage.

It’s really a triple whammy. There is the feminine reinforced fear of solitude. Then, the self-reinforced expectation of maturity or “doing the right thing”. And finally the use of it as a convenient retreat from rejection or potential rejection; and this is what I’m getting at when I refer to it as a Buffer.

Case example: I have a friend who is trapped in a passionless marriage with a woman, who’s set the frame from day one. He’d like to come off as dominant with his male friends, but it’s clear to most of our friends that his wife runs the marriage framing. Prior to meeting this girl our friend was a serial monogamist branch swinger. The LTR girl he’d been with prior to her ran the show in much the same way for almost 5 years. When he was finally freeing himself from her (with a bit of my own help), he started to see the value of being single and independent and began dating non-exclusively for about a 3 month period. After meeting his now wife he gradually tried to find suitable ways to withdraw and become exclusive. Knowing what our reaction would be, he began searching for all kinds of rationale to effect this – and settled on the myth of the lonely old man.

His story was the classic one where a guy shakes off his old ways of thinking about women and dating, and almost unplugs from the Matrix, but fails to kill his inner AFC and slides back into his old Beta mentality once he’d secured another ‘soulmate’. Here was a guy who’d spent more than half of his 20s in a miserable LTR who managed to briefly unplug for about 3 months before latching onto another ONEitis. Yet his reasoning was “I’m tired of the dating games. I need to settle down. I don’t want to be lonely when I’m 60.” This from a guy who’d only ever been single for 3 months of his life. It was his Buffer. Of course now he’s resentful and pensive about his marriage and lives life vicariously through his single friends, while at the same time self-righteously scolds them for still being single.

The Myth of the Lonely Old Man is a Buffer against rejection. It’s hiding in (settling for) relationships they’re told they must constantly work to perfect, because of the fear of potential rejection. In fact, they’re pre-set in this idea while still single – they see it as a valid reason and a desirable goal; get married quick, before it’s too late. What’s worse is that the rationale is unassailable. The foundation of the myth is associated with maturity, and who’s going to tell you not to be more mature? This is how we get the Peter Pan social convention women like to trot out; “He’ll never grow up!” The problem is that this lack of maturity is only paired with a Man’s willingness to commit or not to commit to their long term provisioning goals.

Don’t buy into the powder-puff idea that if you don’t find your mythological soulmate ONE by the time you’re 30 and ASAP you’ll tempt fate and risk a life of quiet desperation. This contrivance only serves the interests of women who’s imperative it is to enjoy their party years in their 20′s with as many Alphas as they can attract and have a stable Nice Guy who’s petrified he’ll live a life of loneliness and desperation waiting for them at 28-30 to marry and ensure their long term security.

Don’t buy this lie. The man who is comfortable with himself and confident in his true independence is the one that women will want to be associated with and to share in it. How you handle being alone and what you do with the opportunities that freedom allows is the real measure of a man. If you’re single and 50 you STILL have options if you’re only brave enough to explore them. I know divorced men in their 50s who’re dating mid 30s women right now and I know men in their 60s who’ve been trapped and emotionally blackmailed by their wives for 30 years. Mariage is no insulation from the sexual marketplace.


47 responses to “The Myth of the Lonely Old Man

  • YOHAMI

    “The man who is comfortable with himself and confident in his true independence is the one that women will want to be associated with and to share in it.”

    YES.

  • detinennui32

    “Mariage is no insulation from the sexual marketplace.”

    Painful as it is, I have to agree grudgingly with this. Took me a long time to accept it after I read something like it first at Heartiste. The simple fact is that a wife can divorce a husband for any reason, or no reason at all, and suffer next to no judgment for it. In fact many times she finds it in her physical and financial interest to do so.

    What befalls the husband who finds himself suddenly involuntarily single again? A return to his teen years of forced involuntary celibacy? Or will he have the game to shake it off and return to a fulfilling dating life?

    Were I to find myself single again, I know I’d never remarry. .

  • Rollo Tomassi

    It’s a very tragic scenario when a guy who’s bought into the Lonely Old Man myth finds himself single after the divorce from a wife he’d hoped to grow old with. Especially for the 50+ men who have the rug pulled out from under their fantasy.

  • samseau

    The case of the “Lonely Old Man” is nothing more than projection by women onto men.

    There’s a fellow poster at the RooshV forums who is almost 60, and has quite the active sex life:

    http://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-5661-post-76129.html#pid76129

    This guy vindicates EVERYTHING you’ve said above, Rollo.

  • MacAgent

    “The real test for a man is how he lives with himself, alone.”

    You just keep nailing it Rollo…

    After a lifetime of AFCness, and more than a decade of psychological warfare in my marriage, I so look forward to this time of peace and self-exploration. There is great freedom in realizing that I have no need for a woman, ongoing in my life, ever again.

  • Good Luck Chuck

    “The case of the “Lonely Old Man” is nothing more than projection by women onto men.”

    Took the words right out of my mouth.

    Any time I have heard this from a woman I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was projecting her fear of loneliness on me. The shame of it is that a lot of men (being the true romantic suckers) don’t have the wisdom or the options to be able to see through it so they tend to believe it. And then of course it is very convenient to adopt as a buffer, as Rollo mentioned.

    Feminism tells women that being an “independent woman” is an admirable goal, but underneath the hard asses career girl EVERY woman is deathly afraid of dying alone. When they are no longer sexually viable enough to secure intimacy from a man, what do women do? They turn to cats. Gotta have SOMETHING to project their love onto (and imagine that it is being reciprocated).

  • Good Luck Chuck

    “Mariage is no insulation from the sexual marketplace.”

    Marriage is the beginning of the game, not the end. Once you realize this it is a lot easier to view women as the interchangeable commodities that they are.

  • Fred Woodbridge (@fwoodbridge)

    Rollo:

    Wow. This is seriously eye-opening stuff you’ve got here.

  • detinennui32

    I know two men in their 40s, around my age. One was married 15 years, the other 17 years. Both have children. In both cases, their wives divorced them after being “unhappy” for a number of years; one even saying she had realized a few months into the marriage she had made a mistake.

    These men face dark days ahead. They are good men, but they had no game and thus could not adopt and project strong frames in marriage. And now they lack the mental and spiritual strength to sack up and move forward alone. They don’t understand female psychology. They don’t understand what they must do to avoid repeating the same mistakes that caused them to marry the wrong women, or caused their wives to fall out of love with them. I’ve tried to impact some knowledge, but I don’t know how well it’s sinking in.

    Dark days indeed for the man who does not learn game.

  • Y

    This is what worries me about some of my friends. They see long term relationships and marriage as the end point after which they can relax.

    A lot of them watch shows like “How I Met Your Mother” and before that “Friends”, for them a big part of life is finding the one, even if they don’t use that language.

    I’m not judging people who want to meet someone to live with for the rest of their life. But to see it as the start of some kind of vacation from the reality of male-female relationships.

  • Average Frustrated Chump «

    [...] irrational (often socially reinforced) fears of long term solitude and alters his mind-set to accommodate or settle for a less than optimal short term relationship [...]

  • johnnymilfquest

    “The popularized fear-mythology of becoming the “lonely old man who never loved” is the new ‘old maid’ myth made popular in an era when a woman’s worth was dependent upon her marital status and (at least now) equally as false a premise.”

    +1

  • Rollo Tomassi

    For the white college chicks, you need to know who Arcade Fire is, and why they are important.

    Full of win.

  • Dream Killers «

    [...] Can’t find a good LTR? Why would you want to?! Let her find you! You fear you’ll end up old and lonely? I’d fear ending up so paralyzed by a fear of loneliness that you’d settle for a [...]

  • Plate Theory IV: Goal-State Monogamy «

    [...] pounds into men’s collective consciousnesses over the course of a lifetime that monogamy will cure loneliness, make them responsible, provide them with a constant supply of sex, and a host of other things that [...]

  • X

    You guys all sound like single women on Valentines Day. Are you going to adopt kids and become single fathers as well? Guys, I know rejection hurts, I’ve been there, but come on leave the “i don’t need a spouse, im independent” self-denial crap to the aging single moms.

  • greatcooksforhens

    X,

    Some of the greatest men lived in solitude.

    None of the greatest women.

    Lolzozlozlozlzolz

  • Nutz

    This is where something I read a while ago can come into play. A couple got married and one of the fathers gave them a $50,000 gift, or something like that anyway. The catch was they had to sign a contract that said if one of them cheats or files for divorce, then the other person gets the money. After something like 20 years the money would be “vested” and they could finally use it. It’s basically marriage insurance and gives a spouse who had the rug pulled out from under them a way of paying for their divorce expenses and giving them a nice windfall so they can rebuilt their life after everything has settled.

    For most couples a nice sum like that is a complete fantasy, but that doesn’t mean they can’t build a similar nest egg via a prenup. Each contributes an equal amount every month into a fund they’ve contractually agreed will not be withdrawn from until 20 years or if the other person breaks their marriage vows.

  • jimmyjambone

    A good post this one.

    Men and women age very differently. Men get better and better IF they do it right. It’s all about confidence. Without it you surrender to fear and succumb to the propaganda of the mob.

    I was lucky – My dad used to tell me all this when I was growing up.

    ‘Don’t be in a rush to settle down, it’s not in your interests’
    ‘Put money in your bank and don’t ever let a woman get access.’
    ‘Marriage benefits women much more than it benefits men’
    ‘You can settle with a much younger woman when you’re in your 40s if you really must’.

    I see lads settling down in their 20s with girls close to their age who are already past their best. Fools. They don’t know their own potential.

  • Randy Clark

    Due to my own personal experiences I must respectfully disagree with this essay. Thirteen years ago I experienced divorce, loss of children, alienation from children, and loss of career due to layoff and age discrimination all within the span of a year. Since that time I’ve been treated like human flotsam by a culture that values youth and conspicuous wealth above all else. My opinions are no longer welcome, much less respected. I’m treated like an old fool and I’m only 58 years of age. I have zero friends and people avoid me. The overall, unrelenting experience of it has literally taken a man who was once vibrantly positive and turned him into an angry hermit. For the last several years I’ve passed my time riding a touring bicycle from one coast to another, repeatedly, in an effort to both escape my past and avoid what I’ve come to view as an inevitable future. Being alone past the age of 50 does indeed force a man to confront himself. I’ve made peace with all my demons. But being forced to live in solitude for well over a decade will make even the best of men resentful and cynical. I feel that for the remainder of my life I’ve been sentenced to solitary confinement for a crime of which I’m unaware.

  • Randy Clark

    Bull crap. The man who has the most material wealth is “the one that women will want to be associated with…”. This goes back 10,000 years or more when the man who had the most goats or cattle in the village was the most popular with women or 100,000 years ago when the best hunter in the clan group was the most popular. We’ve simply substituted goats, cattle and fresh meat with money. Extremely pragmatic fact, but it is what it is.

  • YOHAMI

    “This goes back 10,000 years or more when the man who had the most goats or cattle in the village was the most popular with women”

    Back then the one with more goats would also be the manlier.

    In todays world if you have the money but not the manliness, women will come and take the money and leave. So, no.

  • Randy Clark

    I repeat, “Bull Crap.”

  • YOHAMI

    Yep, you said that already.

  • Shamus

    RC,

    I’m not going to try to psychoanalyze you based on your post. Because much of your post is passive and receptive (things happen to you, you receive the actions of others), consider whether this passive, reactive–now, maybe bitter–impression you’ve given me is true of you.

    The passive, reactive, bitter guy is going to long for someone to fix his world. By doing so, you’re depriving a woman of her emotions and desire.

    You’re a man. Men are built to do hard things. You have endured and suffered, but your hard things are not yet done. Maybe it’s time to stop being life’s sparring partner and start trading blows. Start 1:10 and work to 1:1 (punches delivered, punches received.) Your next target is 10:1.

    Yes, this is all vague and insubstantial–but consider if it’s only so to you because your mindset is one that readily dismisses a call to action for whatever reason.

    Be a different guy. It is not too late because you are not dead.

    Shamus

  • Randy Clark

    I did not, nor do I, passively allow people to wreck my life. It was done “legally” in divorce courts, custody hearings, enforced garnished wages to the point of bankruptcy and loss of property and a system of laws that favor employers over employees while refusing to enforce age discrimination laws already on the books. Of the 376 fellow workers laid off by my former employer, all were over the age of 45 years. For three years I mailed resumes, worked the phone, worked my network, etc ad nausea to no avail. Not a single interview.

    My ex-wife remarried a registered sex offender and convicted pedophile fresh out of prison and moved him into the home of my three little girls where he promptly went about the business of molesting them. He’s now doing 10 years in a state penitentiary. When I became too vocal with state government about their complicity in giving a registered pedophile access to my children by selling him a marriage license and demanded custody, they silenced me by tripling my child support and reducing me to homelessness.

    It was all done “legally” by various levels of government utilizing their “resistance is futile” philosophy of governance. What was it the French philosopher said? “Laws are nothing more than old tired mules which may be set to whatever tasks their masters desire.”

    At the end of the day government in this country is nothing more than a self-sanctioned, insatiable revenue whore and your “rights” and the basic concepts of human decency are a bitter joke. The final insult is then to be treated as a “failure” and shoved off to one side by a society that derives its values from the hyper-reality of shallow materialism and endless consumerism.

    I am the same man at $10K per year I was at $176K per year. I refuse to be treated any differently. Your society can go straight to hell.

    You better wake up, Sir. Your advice of not being passive and trading blow-for-blow is meaningless when your opponent is big government and the stakes involved are your children vs. revenue for the state or a 25 year-old job applicant vs a 50 year-old one.

    It can happen to anyone in this country. It’s happening to thousands at this very moment as I type these words. You all better wake up.

  • Shamus

    I believe you completely when you say you are the same man at $10k/annum as you were at $176k.

    That’s the problem, I expect.

    Yes, disaster can happen to anyone. So what. Always could.
    Success can happen to anyone. Ibid.

    I’m suggesting you take your eyes off of what happens and put them on what you can do.

    It’s obvious bitterness works for you–you get power from it–vindictive, noconsequence, emotional power. “Wake up” because you’re the only one who SEES, man, really SEES!

    A different perspective you might consider: a man with nothing to lose is a man with everything to gain and no down side.

    But as long as encouragement only spurs your bitterness, encouragement will never be encouragement.

    Best wishes–once you’re in the slough of despair few make it out. Hope you’re one of them. But hoping’s about all I can do.

  • Randy Clark

    I would like to add an additional thought: I find it extremely amusing when I read statements by American law enforcement that they’re “concerned” over the radicalization of American Islamic youth by Muslim extremists. These young Muslims represent only a miniscule fraction of the population and pale by comparison to the number of Americans being “radicalized” by American government itself.

    When a government adopts the attitude that citizens are nothing more than state-owned revenue resources to be dealt with as pleased, then that government sounds the death-knell of its own demise. When it uses armed Police to enforce its position it only hastens the inevitable.

    The people of Egypt, Syria, Tanzania, Saudi Arabia, etc. have been giving the world a pristine example of what it means to truly hold government accountable. How much more time must pass before Americans get off their over-sized asses and do the same?

  • Randy Clark

    You sir, are a pompous dimwit.

  • Shamus

    You still have my best wishes.

  • BlackCat

    Yeah, because Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg and their like are just soooooo manly and popular with women. I mean, the women just can’t keep their hands off of them!

  • Year One «

    [...] Myth of the Lonely Old Man [...]

  • Rick Westlake

    The lonely old man … yes, I suppose I could qualify for that label. And I don’t see anyone to blame but myself. It was my choices that led me here, especially the choice that led me to provide for my mother’s comfort in her old age rather than looking for a wife and children for myself. I bought Mom the house that I’ve lived in alone, for the ten years and five days since she went West.

    But I see myself as more of an ‘alone’ old man … and not quite all as ‘old’ as that, being 58. Never married, no children, my last romance was in 1985 (encounters since then have been paid prostitutes, and not many of them at that.) I don’t want a wife, I don’t want children, I don’t think I’m worth fucking, and I don’t figure the momentary pleasure is worth the damnable cost.

    I have one last ‘family obligation,’ seeing to it that my aunt has as good a last year or two as can be managed. She has dementia, but it’s not the bad-natured kind; she might last another year. And when she goes West, I’m heading South, planning to sail around the Islands and maybe follow Tennyson’s Ulysses and Sail Beyond The Sunset.

  • The Soul Mate Myth «

    [...] personal and social neuroses we find in the Matrix. For example, much of the fear inherent in the Myth of the Lonely Old Man loses its teeth without a core belief in the Soul-Mate Myth. The fear of loss and the delusions of [...]

  • Anonymous age 70

    In times past, affluent families did not consider their offspring educated until they had lived a couple years in another culture. They believed, and I concur, that no one understands his own culture until he has lived in another culture and noted the differences between them, and the reasons for those differences. Much of what we assume is universal truth is no more than our own cultural beliefs.

    I have learned much about the US culture while living in rural Mexico these past years.

    Or in some cases, finally grasped what should have been obvious all the time.

    A few months ago, I understood something that was obvious all the time, but I never fully understood it.

    IN THE USA, THE CULTURE HATES OLD MEN. IN FACT, EVEN OLD MEN HATE OLD MEN.

    I learned this because in rural Mexico, the culture does not hate old men.

    A couple examples. In the US, if an old man can’t hear well, he is told, “Get a hearing aid, you old fool!” In other words, he must do whatever is necessary to hear the same people he worked for years to feed and educated; they cannot be bothered.

    In Mexico, people move closer and speak louder and more slowly. They make it their own responsibility to communicate with him.

    Another example is at times older men will get hit on by young Mexican women. And, yes, I well know the difference between gold-diggers, and hypergamous women who are truly attracted to older men of education and not too ugly. I estimate maybe 5% of young rural Mexican women are attracted to older men. I mean even men of my age, which is obviously 70.

    This would never happen in the US.

    On men’s blogs and boards, at times even younger men make very derogatory remarks about older men.

    In case my point is not obvious, old men are alone, and sometimes lonely, because old men are hated. No one wants them around in the USA.

    Come on down! Here, if you are thin and healthy, and not totally hit by the ugly stick, you can be surrounded by young people. I am married, and if my wife precedes me in death, I fully expect to take a young woman, perhaps an unwed mother with one child, not a repeat offender. Or a young widow with very young children who will not have problems accepting me into their lives.

    I realize not everyone has the personality traits needed to expat. But, many men can do it if they are courageous. Why take the Bravo Sierra old men encounter in the USA?

  • Ray Holly

    Randy Clark, I am enjoying watching the keyboard psychologists pick-apart your life story with their institutionalized life experience. Did they forget you’re a man with 58 years on this planet, and you might have a thing or two to say about the real world?

    All that aside, I’d like to tell you I’m half your age (28) and in the same boat. Not by exact terms, but I often tell myself that If I don’t pull something together I should expect a long life of not having a partner. Sure there are all kinds of methods to meet women, but when we look at the results of life, and the few loop-holes men must jump into to be ‘noticed’ we realize that on some levels, it seems a lot of women are going after one thing.

    I’m not going to dismiss what you say as anything. I am a solo man and I do things out of life that give me great joy and peace. Lonliness kills so it’s important I try to get out and interact with strangers, regardless of if I have anyone to come home to. I would be willing to exchange emails and maybe we can solve this riddle, young to old, and help each other out on different experiences;

    Wether we like it or not, we may find ourselves facing the dillema of sudden loneliness, be it our wives leaving us, not having a social circle, losing a job or anything. I’ve experienced it all; (Never married) – I am truly flying solo in this world; so a healthy self love and reminding myself I’m “Ok” – and just a man is what gets me through the day.

    Besides, nobody really knows who you are and how you got here at face value anyway; and if anyone is to judge, they’re not worth knowing. Years of alliances among modern men are built upon the superficial details and status quo. One solo pigeon to another, keep flying. Be a man, take what you can, and do what you gotta do.

  • Ralph

    I’m 51 and never married with no children but I have had 3 long term relationships in my adult life. After one LTR ended (8 years) I was 42 and started to go out socially.

    What a revelation! Lots of women wanted to know me (in the Biblical sense also) – but none were in the same situation as me. They were divorced with children and some thought I must be gay, being single, childless and a white collar work history (apparently truck drivers, coal miners and construction workers are the only hetero men). Even when I explained my life experience they usually suspected me of lying about some thing or other. And then there were the married women trying to seduce me – far more common than I ever thought! I didn’t take any bait though.

    Now I am alone. Not enough in my bank account to interest them anymore I guess. Learned a lot in those years and am determined never to make the same errors again.

    The preconceived ideas persist, even from other older men. So I remain a third-class citizen in most people’s eyes,even my own family.

  • Westcoaster

    Ralph, same age as you, never married, no children, had some long-term relationships that didn’t pan out. I’ve been given the female imparative stuff that since I don’t have kids or have been divorced, something is wrong. I decided — thanks much to Rollo’s writings on the SoSuave site and this site — to march forward in life with courage and not apologize for who I am.

    I have plenty of hobbies and friends that keep me busy. I’d certainly like to be dating higher quality women than I have of late, but that’s what this site is for, among many things. I like how Rollo points out that a man shouldn’t apologize for himself to appease a woman. Thanks Ralph (and Rollo) for the writing.

  • bacon100

    seems to me like the key to aging is traveling knowing whats out there. (asia, ee, and latin america are great for older men younger women relationships) keeping in shape and keeping your mind sharp. and to make sure you have some coin saved up in your later years. maybe there are more elements to this forumla but that this is the basics to enjoying old age as a bachelor

  • 3rd Millenium Men

    “Mariage is no insulation from the sexual marketplace.”

    A terrifying statement, but the more I see of friends and family friends, the more I realise this is true.

  • Half Plus Seven |

    [...] even for the 68 year old sweetheart you met in high school all those years ago. Sort of puts the Myth of the Lonely Old Man into perspective [...]

  • Auki Henry

    I was sent the Lonely Old Man just this afternoon which I found played heavily on my current state of depression and anxiety (for which I am undergoing counselling). I Googled the title as is my habit and found this article. Many thanks for cutting through the gloom in my perspective.

  • Yep, it's Me

    Wow, if nothing else, those that read the comments should be reminded that at any age, you can be left behind. I’m 51, was married 15 years, separated 2, divorce in final throws – 3 Kids, all teenagers. I have been out of work, over employed, under employed. I married late – about 32.

    My life was was typical of those my age and believed that marriage was the end, the search was over, wife, kids, house, couple cars, 401K – also, debt, several financial problems, bankruptcy, ups and downs. But I didn’t think that one day my wife would say “why are you so angry at me, why do you hate me, I can’t live like this”. And then leave with my kids.

    But now, about 2 years after that event. And jumping through hoops to “get her back” – I’ve come to the decision that my life is best served for me rather than anyone else. Including any “young bulls” that believe they know more than I do about my life and how best to live it. I make a good wage, but could loose my job tomorrow – there are not guarantees – but my mind is still sharp, I have some great ideas that I know will work if I only put a bit of time into them.

    I workout – I life weights – I dropped weight (both on my mind and my body) – I love my kids and even love my STBXW – BUT, they are not MY LIFE – they are merely part of it. MY LIFE is bigger than one person, or one job, or one anything. Andy Defraine said it perfectly “Get busy living, or busy dying”. Loneliness is a state of mind – regardless of age. And the loneliest feeling is to be with other people and be completely disconnected from them – I felt that with my wife, I would have preferred actually being alone.

    Rock on bothers. You are the warriors of a new age. You are forged from steel. Revel in your innate abilities to mold your world, to see things that have never been done, and accomplish great things. Old or young does not matter, only strength of will and bold action in the fact of doubt. We are world makers – that is our legacy and our future. Never doubt it.

  • luke

    My 17 year marriage ended at 42 , I have always been the nice guy. So did my church attendance, so did my rule book. Lost everything house, podiatry business, car, kids didnt speak to me, abandonded by my friends, sanity questioned. I was the ultimate feminized male.

    Something had snapped in me I no longer gave a damn. I remember walking into a night club with a woman on either arm and thinking ‘life is not over’. I attended art college, had a series of superb if somewhat unbalanced relationships, I discovered my body and what women wanted in bed. I was shocked appauled and realing from the experiences I was having. I pissed off a lot of women as I refused to be ‘normal’ ie owned. I regualrly dated 30 somethings and enjoyed every moment and still do. I have just turned 50. Am solidly single. Lonely? I wish. But in the background the fear was knawing at me. Am I being shallow? Am I missing out on a committed relationship. Something must be wrong having this much of a great time with fascinating women and on my own despite having virtually no income. Is this some kind of extended ‘mid-life crisis’? Or is this a guil-trip female trick us with. There is a certain age your supposed to not be enjoying rock guitar or working out or riding a large motor cycle. Is the idea of a Mid life crisis a way of negatively labeling guys who maybe get that its all a stupid game they no longer want to be a part of? I have only just read about red pill thinking. It seems as though I has swolled it some time ago. Moments of fear did make me want to spit it out, guilt trip friends more so. No Longer Thank you for writing this. I have much to learn.

    Just one question? I have been reading ‘the manipulated man’ I’m starting to question if I ever want to be near a female again….do you guys ever wonder why we bother at all?

  • john

    No matter what his age, women of our gloriously dysfunction society have assured that any single man worth having will be sought after by women 2/3 his age.

    Period; without exception.

    Women are taught that divorce is always an option, only to find out the security they seek is had by making marriage the ultimate risk for a man.

    This is woman’s doing.

    …and Alphas don’t buy it.

    Thus many women seek the desirable man because they have the idiotic idea that they can trap and tame him.

    Let them think so…for a while. Such is a useful tool for the discerning man.

    Just never marry, and never get a woman pregnant.

    The downside to this is obvious of course. Men have no need for women other than love. We are hardwired to desire true love because nature could give us no viable reasons for staying with and protecting a woman in the wild.

    But you live in the modern world Sir, and as sad as it is, there is always the aforementioned upside that the Alpha can exploit fully.

    Many men are nodding their heads about now.

    I am not here to speak of morals, just my truth.

    Life has taught me that whereas most (most) women pretend love, many do not.

    So take great care to not bruise the innocent in your travels.

    As for the women that preach commitment after 6 months and marriage within a year…

    Next.

    But between now and then, let them think that they can hook you with a little more bait.

    Am I evil? Perhaps, but I do not seek to steal from any woman that which she has earned.

    Fair enough I say.

  • Lisa

    Men think they can trap and tame a woman but anyway, when men get older, every single woman worth having will be sought after by men twice her age. Roles don’t reverse since we live in a world with lots of men available.

  • A Chill Bro

    “Marriage is no insulation from the sexual marketplace.” ‘Nuff said.

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