The Myth of the Lonely Old Man

Is loneliness a disease that necessitates a cure? If men could be made to believe so, think of the potential profit to be made from, and the potential for manipulation of, men. The real test for a man is how he lives with himself, alone. Precious few men ever truly allow themselves to be alone and learn real independence and self-reliance. The vast majority of guys (see Betas), particularly in western culture, tend to transition from mother to wife with little or no intermission between. For the most part they subscribe to the feminine imperative, becoming serial monogamists going from LTR to LTR until they ‘settle’ without ever having learned and matured into how to interact as an adult.

The fear of loneliness is entirely too exaggerated in modern western romanticism. The popularized fear-mythology of becoming the “lonely old man who never loved” is the new ‘old maid’ myth made popular in an era when a woman’s worth was dependent upon her marital status and (at least now) equally as false a premise. But in our brave new ‘Generation AFC’, men (who’ve become women) are repackaged and shamed into believing this horse-shit as part & parcel of feminized gender role reversal. And thus we get Speed Dating and eHarmony and a host of other “conveniences” to pacify the insecurities that this reversal instills.

I’m going to suggest that most AFCs, most feminized, conditioned males, LIKE and embrace the lonely old man myth because it is a Buffer against potential rejection. Does that sound like a stretch? It shouldn’t. When used from a feminized perspective this myth is most certainly a ‘shaming’ social convention with the latent function of getting men to commit to a feminine frame – “you better change yourself soon, or your soulmate might pass you by and you’ll be lonely and desolate in your old age”. That’s the feminized use of the myth, however, the internalized AFC use of the myth is a Buffer. This then becomes his rationale for settling for a substandard LTR or marriage.

It’s really a triple whammy. There is the feminine reinforced fear of solitude. Then, the self-reinforced expectation of maturity or “doing the right thing”. And finally the use of it as a convenient retreat from rejection or potential rejection; and this is what I’m getting at when I refer to it as a Buffer.

Case example: I have a friend who is trapped in a passionless marriage with a woman, who’s set the frame from day one. He’d like to come off as dominant with his male friends, but it’s clear to most of our friends that his wife runs the marriage framing. Prior to meeting this girl our friend was a serial monogamist branch swinger. The LTR girl he’d been with prior to her ran the show in much the same way for almost 5 years. When he was finally freeing himself from her (with a bit of my own help), he started to see the value of being single and independent and began dating non-exclusively for about a 3 month period. After meeting his now wife he gradually tried to find suitable ways to withdraw and become exclusive. Knowing what our reaction would be, he began searching for all kinds of rationale to effect this – and settled on the myth of the lonely old man.

His story was the classic one where a guy shakes off his old ways of thinking about women and dating, and almost unplugs from the Matrix, but fails to kill his inner AFC and slides back into his old Beta mentality once he’d secured another ‘soulmate’. Here was a guy who’d spent more than half of his 20s in a miserable LTR who managed to briefly unplug for about 3 months before latching onto another ONEitis. Yet his reasoning was “I’m tired of the dating games. I need to settle down. I don’t want to be lonely when I’m 60.” This from a guy who’d only ever been single for 3 months of his life. It was his Buffer. Of course now he’s resentful and pensive about his marriage and lives life vicariously through his single friends, while at the same time self-righteously scolds them for still being single.

The Myth of the Lonely Old Man is a Buffer against rejection. It’s hiding in (settling for) relationships they’re told they must constantly work to perfect, because of the fear of potential rejection. In fact, they’re pre-set in this idea while still single – they see it as a valid reason and a desirable goal; get married quick, before it’s too late. What’s worse is that the rationale is unassailable. The foundation of the myth is associated with maturity, and who’s going to tell you not to be more mature? This is how we get the Peter Pan social convention women like to trot out; “He’ll never grow up!” The problem is that this lack of maturity is only paired with a Man’s willingness to commit or not to commit to their long term provisioning goals.

Don’t buy into the powder-puff idea that if you don’t find your mythological soulmate ONE by the time you’re 30 and ASAP you’ll tempt fate and risk a life of quiet desperation. This contrivance only serves the interests of women who’s imperative it is to enjoy their party years in their 20′s with as many Alphas as they can attract and have a stable Nice Guy who’s petrified he’ll live a life of loneliness and desperation waiting for them at 28-30 to marry and ensure their long term security.

Don’t buy this lie. The man who is comfortable with himself and confident in his true independence is the one that women will want to be associated with and to share in it. How you handle being alone and what you do with the opportunities that freedom allows is the real measure of a man. If you’re single and 50 you STILL have options if you’re only brave enough to explore them. I know divorced men in their 50s who’re dating mid 30s women right now and I know men in their 60s who’ve been trapped and emotionally blackmailed by their wives for 30 years. Mariage is no insulation from the sexual marketplace.

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Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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YOHAMI
9 years ago

“The man who is comfortable with himself and confident in his true independence is the one that women will want to be associated with and to share in it.”

YES.

Randy Clark
Randy Clark
8 years ago
Reply to  YOHAMI

Bull crap. The man who has the most material wealth is “the one that women will want to be associated with…”. This goes back 10,000 years or more when the man who had the most goats or cattle in the village was the most popular with women or 100,000 years ago when the best hunter in the clan group was the most popular. We’ve simply substituted goats, cattle and fresh meat with money. Extremely pragmatic fact, but it is what it is.

YOHAMI
8 years ago
Reply to  Randy Clark

“This goes back 10,000 years or more when the man who had the most goats or cattle in the village was the most popular with women”

Back then the one with more goats would also be the manlier.

In todays world if you have the money but not the manliness, women will come and take the money and leave. So, no.

Randy Clark
Randy Clark
8 years ago
Reply to  YOHAMI

I repeat, “Bull Crap.”

YOHAMI
8 years ago
Reply to  Randy Clark

Yep, you said that already.

BlackCat
BlackCat
8 years ago
Reply to  Randy Clark

Yeah, because Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg and their like are just soooooo manly and popular with women. I mean, the women just can’t keep their hands off of them!

Anthony
Anthony
8 months ago
Reply to  BlackCat

I think that’s a myth that Gates and Zuckerberg are not manly. It’s cause they are not muscular? You don’t need to be a muscular man to be manly these days. They are super-smart guys, aggressive (you can’t be in competitive business if you’re not aggressive). The amount of pressure on them is unbearable for most of us. They bought for themselves a privilege to look anyhow they want and still be a man. So yeah, girls can’t keep their hands off of them cause Bill and Zack are so smart they in no need to compete on the physical… Read more »

detinennui32
detinennui32
9 years ago

“Mariage is no insulation from the sexual marketplace.” Painful as it is, I have to agree grudgingly with this. Took me a long time to accept it after I read something like it first at Heartiste. The simple fact is that a wife can divorce a husband for any reason, or no reason at all, and suffer next to no judgment for it. In fact many times she finds it in her physical and financial interest to do so. What befalls the husband who finds himself suddenly involuntarily single again? A return to his teen years of forced involuntary celibacy?… Read more »

Rollo Tomassi
9 years ago
Reply to  detinennui32

It’s a very tragic scenario when a guy who’s bought into the Lonely Old Man myth finds himself single after the divorce from a wife he’d hoped to grow old with. Especially for the 50+ men who have the rug pulled out from under their fantasy.

detinennui32
detinennui32
9 years ago
Reply to  Rollo Tomassi

I know two men in their 40s, around my age. One was married 15 years, the other 17 years. Both have children. In both cases, their wives divorced them after being “unhappy” for a number of years; one even saying she had realized a few months into the marriage she had made a mistake. These men face dark days ahead. They are good men, but they had no game and thus could not adopt and project strong frames in marriage. And now they lack the mental and spiritual strength to sack up and move forward alone. They don’t understand female… Read more »

Nutz
Nutz
9 years ago
Reply to  detinennui32

This is where something I read a while ago can come into play. A couple got married and one of the fathers gave them a $50,000 gift, or something like that anyway. The catch was they had to sign a contract that said if one of them cheats or files for divorce, then the other person gets the money. After something like 20 years the money would be “vested” and they could finally use it. It’s basically marriage insurance and gives a spouse who had the rug pulled out from under them a way of paying for their divorce expenses… Read more »

samseau
samseau
9 years ago

The case of the “Lonely Old Man” is nothing more than projection by women onto men.

There’s a fellow poster at the RooshV forums who is almost 60, and has quite the active sex life:

http://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-5661-post-76129.html#pid76129

This guy vindicates EVERYTHING you’ve said above, Rollo.

Rollo Tomassi
9 years ago
Reply to  samseau

For the white college chicks, you need to know who Arcade Fire is, and why they are important.

Full of win.

MacAgent
MacAgent
9 years ago

“The real test for a man is how he lives with himself, alone.”

You just keep nailing it Rollo…

After a lifetime of AFCness, and more than a decade of psychological warfare in my marriage, I so look forward to this time of peace and self-exploration. There is great freedom in realizing that I have no need for a woman, ongoing in my life, ever again.

Good Luck Chuck
Good Luck Chuck
9 years ago

“The case of the “Lonely Old Man” is nothing more than projection by women onto men.” Took the words right out of my mouth. Any time I have heard this from a woman I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was projecting her fear of loneliness on me. The shame of it is that a lot of men (being the true romantic suckers) don’t have the wisdom or the options to be able to see through it so they tend to believe it. And then of course it is very convenient to adopt as a buffer,… Read more »

Good Luck Chuck
Good Luck Chuck
9 years ago

“Mariage is no insulation from the sexual marketplace.”

Marriage is the beginning of the game, not the end. Once you realize this it is a lot easier to view women as the interchangeable commodities that they are.

Fred Woodbridge (@fwoodbridge)

Rollo:

Wow. This is seriously eye-opening stuff you’ve got here.

Y
Y
9 years ago

This is what worries me about some of my friends. They see long term relationships and marriage as the end point after which they can relax.

A lot of them watch shows like “How I Met Your Mother” and before that “Friends”, for them a big part of life is finding the one, even if they don’t use that language.

I’m not judging people who want to meet someone to live with for the rest of their life. But to see it as the start of some kind of vacation from the reality of male-female relationships.

trackback

[…] irrational (often socially reinforced) fears of long term solitude and alters his mind-set to accommodate or settle for a less than optimal short term relationship […]

johnnymilfquest
9 years ago

“The popularized fear-mythology of becoming the “lonely old man who never loved” is the new ‘old maid’ myth made popular in an era when a woman’s worth was dependent upon her marital status and (at least now) equally as false a premise.”

+1

trackback
9 years ago

[…] Can’t find a good LTR? Why would you want to?! Let her find you! You fear you’ll end up old and lonely? I’d fear ending up so paralyzed by a fear of loneliness that you’d settle for a […]

trackback

[…] pounds into men’s collective consciousnesses over the course of a lifetime that monogamy will cure loneliness, make them responsible, provide them with a constant supply of sex, and a host of other things that […]

X
X
9 years ago

You guys all sound like single women on Valentines Day. Are you going to adopt kids and become single fathers as well? Guys, I know rejection hurts, I’ve been there, but come on leave the “i don’t need a spouse, im independent” self-denial crap to the aging single moms.

greatcooksforhens
greatcooksforhens
9 years ago

X,

Some of the greatest men lived in solitude.

None of the greatest women.

Lolzozlozlozlzolz

jimmyjambone
9 years ago

A good post this one. Men and women age very differently. Men get better and better IF they do it right. It’s all about confidence. Without it you surrender to fear and succumb to the propaganda of the mob. I was lucky – My dad used to tell me all this when I was growing up. ‘Don’t be in a rush to settle down, it’s not in your interests’ ‘Put money in your bank and don’t ever let a woman get access.’ ‘Marriage benefits women much more than it benefits men’ ‘You can settle with a much younger woman when… Read more »

Randy Clark
Randy Clark
8 years ago

Due to my own personal experiences I must respectfully disagree with this essay. Thirteen years ago I experienced divorce, loss of children, alienation from children, and loss of career due to layoff and age discrimination all within the span of a year. Since that time I’ve been treated like human flotsam by a culture that values youth and conspicuous wealth above all else. My opinions are no longer welcome, much less respected. I’m treated like an old fool and I’m only 58 years of age. I have zero friends and people avoid me. The overall, unrelenting experience of it has… Read more »

Shamus
Shamus
8 years ago
Reply to  Randy Clark

RC, I’m not going to try to psychoanalyze you based on your post. Because much of your post is passive and receptive (things happen to you, you receive the actions of others), consider whether this passive, reactive–now, maybe bitter–impression you’ve given me is true of you. The passive, reactive, bitter guy is going to long for someone to fix his world. By doing so, you’re depriving a woman of her emotions and desire. You’re a man. Men are built to do hard things. You have endured and suffered, but your hard things are not yet done. Maybe it’s time to… Read more »

Randy Clark
Randy Clark
8 years ago
Reply to  Shamus

I did not, nor do I, passively allow people to wreck my life. It was done “legally” in divorce courts, custody hearings, enforced garnished wages to the point of bankruptcy and loss of property and a system of laws that favor employers over employees while refusing to enforce age discrimination laws already on the books. Of the 376 fellow workers laid off by my former employer, all were over the age of 45 years. For three years I mailed resumes, worked the phone, worked my network, etc ad nausea to no avail. Not a single interview. My ex-wife remarried a… Read more »

Shamus
Shamus
8 years ago
Reply to  Randy Clark

I believe you completely when you say you are the same man at $10k/annum as you were at $176k. That’s the problem, I expect. Yes, disaster can happen to anyone. So what. Always could. Success can happen to anyone. Ibid. I’m suggesting you take your eyes off of what happens and put them on what you can do. It’s obvious bitterness works for you–you get power from it–vindictive, noconsequence, emotional power. “Wake up” because you’re the only one who SEES, man, really SEES! A different perspective you might consider: a man with nothing to lose is a man with everything… Read more »

Randy Clark
Randy Clark
8 years ago
Reply to  Shamus

You sir, are a pompous dimwit.

Shamus
Shamus
8 years ago
Reply to  Shamus

You still have my best wishes.

Randy Clark
Randy Clark
8 years ago

I would like to add an additional thought: I find it extremely amusing when I read statements by American law enforcement that they’re “concerned” over the radicalization of American Islamic youth by Muslim extremists. These young Muslims represent only a miniscule fraction of the population and pale by comparison to the number of Americans being “radicalized” by American government itself. When a government adopts the attitude that citizens are nothing more than state-owned revenue resources to be dealt with as pleased, then that government sounds the death-knell of its own demise. When it uses armed Police to enforce its position… Read more »

SR
SR
2 months ago
Reply to  Randy Clark

Clark, I hope you see this …
Agree with everything you’ve penned.
Everything.
Especially about sluts and .gov .
Biking over and over cross country.
Good stuff.
Good “prep”.
Keep your aim true and shoot for better days.

Masters Of The Guard
CFTK

trackback
8 years ago

[…] Myth of the Lonely Old Man […]

Rick Westlake
8 years ago

The lonely old man … yes, I suppose I could qualify for that label. And I don’t see anyone to blame but myself. It was my choices that led me here, especially the choice that led me to provide for my mother’s comfort in her old age rather than looking for a wife and children for myself. I bought Mom the house that I’ve lived in alone, for the ten years and five days since she went West. But I see myself as more of an ‘alone’ old man … and not quite all as ‘old’ as that, being 58.… Read more »

trackback
8 years ago

[…] personal and social neuroses we find in the Matrix. For example, much of the fear inherent in the Myth of the Lonely Old Man loses its teeth without a core belief in the Soul-Mate Myth. The fear of loss and the delusions of […]

Anonymous age 70
Anonymous age 70
8 years ago

In times past, affluent families did not consider their offspring educated until they had lived a couple years in another culture. They believed, and I concur, that no one understands his own culture until he has lived in another culture and noted the differences between them, and the reasons for those differences. Much of what we assume is universal truth is no more than our own cultural beliefs. I have learned much about the US culture while living in rural Mexico these past years. Or in some cases, finally grasped what should have been obvious all the time. A few… Read more »

Ray Holly
Ray Holly
8 years ago

Randy Clark, I am enjoying watching the keyboard psychologists pick-apart your life story with their institutionalized life experience. Did they forget you’re a man with 58 years on this planet, and you might have a thing or two to say about the real world? All that aside, I’d like to tell you I’m half your age (28) and in the same boat. Not by exact terms, but I often tell myself that If I don’t pull something together I should expect a long life of not having a partner. Sure there are all kinds of methods to meet women, but… Read more »

Ralph
Ralph
8 years ago

I’m 51 and never married with no children but I have had 3 long term relationships in my adult life. After one LTR ended (8 years) I was 42 and started to go out socially. What a revelation! Lots of women wanted to know me (in the Biblical sense also) – but none were in the same situation as me. They were divorced with children and some thought I must be gay, being single, childless and a white collar work history (apparently truck drivers, coal miners and construction workers are the only hetero men). Even when I explained my life… Read more »

Westcoaster
Westcoaster
8 years ago

Ralph, same age as you, never married, no children, had some long-term relationships that didn’t pan out. I’ve been given the female imparative stuff that since I don’t have kids or have been divorced, something is wrong. I decided — thanks much to Rollo’s writings on the SoSuave site and this site — to march forward in life with courage and not apologize for who I am. I have plenty of hobbies and friends that keep me busy. I’d certainly like to be dating higher quality women than I have of late, but that’s what this site is for, among… Read more »

bacon100
bacon100
8 years ago

seems to me like the key to aging is traveling knowing whats out there. (asia, ee, and latin america are great for older men younger women relationships) keeping in shape and keeping your mind sharp. and to make sure you have some coin saved up in your later years. maybe there are more elements to this forumla but that this is the basics to enjoying old age as a bachelor

3rd Millenium Men
8 years ago

“Mariage is no insulation from the sexual marketplace.”

A terrifying statement, but the more I see of friends and family friends, the more I realise this is true.

trackback
8 years ago

[…] even for the 68 year old sweetheart you met in high school all those years ago. Sort of puts the Myth of the Lonely Old Man into perspective […]

Auki Henry
8 years ago

I was sent the Lonely Old Man just this afternoon which I found played heavily on my current state of depression and anxiety (for which I am undergoing counselling). I Googled the title as is my habit and found this article. Many thanks for cutting through the gloom in my perspective.

Yep, it's Me
Yep, it's Me
8 years ago

Wow, if nothing else, those that read the comments should be reminded that at any age, you can be left behind. I’m 51, was married 15 years, separated 2, divorce in final throws – 3 Kids, all teenagers. I have been out of work, over employed, under employed. I married late – about 32. My life was was typical of those my age and believed that marriage was the end, the search was over, wife, kids, house, couple cars, 401K – also, debt, several financial problems, bankruptcy, ups and downs. But I didn’t think that one day my wife would… Read more »

luke
8 years ago

My 17 year marriage ended at 42 , I have always been the nice guy. So did my church attendance, so did my rule book. Lost everything house, podiatry business, car, kids didnt speak to me, abandonded by my friends, sanity questioned. I was the ultimate feminized male. Something had snapped in me I no longer gave a damn. I remember walking into a night club with a woman on either arm and thinking ‘life is not over’. I attended art college, had a series of superb if somewhat unbalanced relationships, I discovered my body and what women wanted in… Read more »

john
john
7 years ago

No matter what his age, women of our gloriously dysfunction society have assured that any single man worth having will be sought after by women 2/3 his age. Period; without exception. Women are taught that divorce is always an option, only to find out the security they seek is had by making marriage the ultimate risk for a man. This is woman’s doing. …and Alphas don’t buy it. Thus many women seek the desirable man because they have the idiotic idea that they can trap and tame him. Let them think so…for a while. Such is a useful tool for… Read more »

Lisa
7 years ago

Men think they can trap and tame a woman but anyway, when men get older, every single woman worth having will be sought after by men twice her age. Roles don’t reverse since we live in a world with lots of men available.

A Chill Bro
A Chill Bro
7 years ago

“Marriage is no insulation from the sexual marketplace.” ‘Nuff said.

Chris Okano
Chris Okano
7 years ago

Women in American society are programmed to consider that relationships with older men much younger than themselves are wrong. This false ideology has created segregation of people based on age. Everyone has their internal desire for the type of person they desire to be with and to ask them to compromise this is like asking cats not to chase mice. I prefer to be with a woman that is very beautiful slim and attractive. Unfortunately in todays society the likelihood of finding such a woman that isn’t a gold-digger is indeed very rare. This however is not the fault of… Read more »

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[…] The Myth of the Lonely Old Man | […]

Jimmy
Jimmy
6 years ago

Nice story Ray Holly

One learns a new way of life. be it hard or easy on the dendrites, see these Mirror sentenals or concepts are best understood

sebhai
sebhai
6 years ago

@Good Luck Chuck “Feminism tells women that being an “independent woman” is an admirable goal, but underneath the hard asses career girl EVERY woman is deathly afraid of dying alone.” Are you that every career women are afraid of dying alone,they could easily adopt a child or have sex with some guys to get a child to accompany them in old age,you know.. “When they are no longer sexually viable enough to secure intimacy from a man, what do women do? They turn to cats. Gotta have SOMETHING to project their love onto (and imagine that it is being reciprocated)”… Read more »

Ted
Ted
6 years ago

The smartest men like me of course, got a job in Asia. I’m remarried now but before that I had many significantly younger women to choose from. Every man I know who wants a woman has one. You guys in the states do not know what you are missing.

robert redpontiac
robert redpontiac
6 years ago

i’m in love with my hamster…there really is someone for everyone

trackback

[…] He’d die alone , so he must find someone to take care of him in old age, which means it’s wiser to lower his expectations to have a […]

trackback
6 years ago

[…] Aunt Giggles’ would have you believe your new found SMV is the result some maturation process or change in your personal conditions when in fact it’s the very calculated result of an proudly confirmed, pre-designed sexual strategy. And it becomes really insidious when the operative feminine social convention in play accuses you of wanting “revenge” for acknowledging the same strategy that these women do openly already; you could be cowed into the fear of remaining alone, but that’s a myth to bust in another post. […]

Robert What?
Robert What?
6 years ago

what are the options for a divorced (wife’s affair) guy in his late 50’s? In good shape, healthy, successful, full head of not-gray hair, etc etc. BUT, up until finding sites like Rollo’s a couple of years ago, was a lifelong beta-white-knight. Won’t do online dating, won’t do speed dating. Is such a man in the LOM phase or does he have options? Opinions anyone?

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[…] Source: The Myth Of The Lonely Old Man […]

MB
MB
6 years ago

I was single between the ages of 23 and 32. Prior to that period in my life, I regularly hooked up with women. Could pick them up (fairly) easily – mainly to the fact that I have always been overtly masculine and good looking. Despite that, I had no ability to keep them b/c I would get Oneitis so easily. At 23 I became a Christian and then embarked on a decade of celibacy. Finally after being tired of being alone I grabbed the nearest Christian girl I could find and married her. She was looks wise and socially much… Read more »

trackback
6 years ago

[…] context of women that they’ll live lives of quiet desperation. I outlined this in the Myth of the Lonely Old Man – the threat point is one where men are encouraged to believe that if they don’t comply […]

Driver
Driver
6 years ago

As men age, they will truly increase in their SMV and it will be men who pick which women they want to include in their lives. Don’t let anyone or anything (FI) tell you differently. Women (and society) are always ready to shame a man at a moments notice for anything that doesn’t seem to “fall in line” with the “status quo”. The shaming of men dating younger women, the strong support of older women (cougars) dating younger men, men (only) having the “mid life crisis” etc, etc…are all meant to keep men in line with that imperative. There is… Read more »

cholo
cholo
6 years ago

Oh boy! Randy has issues far beyond anything discussed above. My guess is he tried to do it all himself throughout life, painting himself into a corner from which there was no escape, except with the help of others, for which, by then, he was too proud to ask. Pride does truly goeth before the fall! Sorry, Randy, know your type and have little sympathy for that type. After reviewinga and analyzing a lot on this site and in the comments, to me the first step in any RP recovery is to completely banish the notion of ONEITIS and its… Read more »

Sebhai
Sebhai
6 years ago

@Driver “As men age, they will truly increase in their SMV and it will be men who pick which women they want to include in their lives. Don’t let anyone or anything (FI) tell you differently.” Read this…written by Chris Okano “I have spent thousands of dollars trying to find the woman of my desire and for the past 9 years have been alone fighting the urge to have to resort to criminal alternatives to normal relations for lack of being able to find a woman of my desire in our society.” “Anyone trying to tell you differently is selling… Read more »

trackback

[…] Indeed, man is a social being. But realistically speaking, does the “social” expectation of seeking relationships make sense in the long run? In the end, the truth always reveals itself :the real test for a man is how he lives with himself, alone. […]

trackback
5 years ago

[…] this “happy wife, happy life” narrative. The myth that Omega Troll was perpetuating was the myth of the lonely old man, which implies I will die miserable and without love if I don’t eventually learn to kowtow […]

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[…] jakoi Facebook wallilleni The Rational Malen postauksen ”The Myth of the Lonely Man”. Miesasiablogeille tyylille uskollisena postaus oli täynnä maskuliinista sankaritarinaa siitä […]

Teresia wanjiru
Teresia wanjiru
5 years ago

Need a man

Mike
Mike
5 years ago

I have the 100 Seconal capsules ready for any minute. Yep, it is not a good life to be a man over 50 with no prospects for a better life. Had come from a fairly affluent and visible life to a less than affluent and invisible life. Makes me crazy to hear “oh, I cannot believe YOU are single, you just need to get out” Nah, it is better for me to go to sleep and not wake.

Dani
Dani
5 years ago

Women really suck. .but then again that’s their job

Bibiana
Bibiana
5 years ago

All women wanting alpha males is a myth too. Give me a kind and loving Beta ANY day of the week. I will treat him like a king. In my eyes, he will be MY Alpha! The heck with bad boys. Drama and games I do NOT need. As for age differences, if everyone is an adult it is no matter.

JoeInMidwest
JoeInMidwest
5 years ago

I just the end is painless, and about the same time I run out of money. Being lonely is tough. Being lonely and destitute sounds even worse.

AndThatIsNoLie
AndThatIsNoLie
5 years ago

Well i can certainly Blame the women of today why a Good man like me Never got married because of the type of women that we have out there today which are Nothing at all like the Real Good old fashioned women were.

YOHAMI
5 years ago
Reply to  AndThatIsNoLie

I would blame you and whoever taught you about how to be Good

AW
AW
5 years ago

Then again Most women today are such Losers to begin with. Case closed.

Don
Don
4 years ago

So true. After years of misery, 2 divorces and learning to be a good human being it is only now that having the best interest of others is a way of life. That for me could have only happened by disconnecting from trying to be the man she, whomever that was, wanted. Maybe now, maybe I can connect with someone in a productive, loving, meaningful way. Not as a controlled manipulated man but as a human being willing to share the joy of life.

LUL
LUL
4 years ago

In 50’s dating mid 30’s is nothing. My friends Dad (not that tall, or good looking, bald, quite well off but nothing spectacular etc) is 65 and seeing stunning 24/25 yr olds. I’ve also heard of guys in their 70’s dating 21 yr olds. Depends what you want to believe is possible. I’m 30 and dating a lot of 18 year olds, I dont see my ability to be able to do that changing in 10 years time. I’m faced with this exact dilemma now. Ex girlfriend who’s 28, who I love dearly wants to get married etc. Do I… Read more »

kfg
kfg
4 years ago

“Do I go along with that and be a bitter frustrated old man . . .”

No.

” . . . or realise I am better off on my own as sad as that is.

The question contains a spurious element. Remove that, then yes.

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[…] you don’t need someone else to make you feel better. Anyways, you do not believe in the myth of the lonely old man. You are outcome independent. The world around you may crumble, but you will stand […]

Justagirl
Justagirl
4 years ago

I am a 27 f getting to know a 58 m. Never been married, never had kids. Last relationship, paid for bills equally, made similar income. Paying off house under BF’s name. Bf decides to lock me out of house one day as punishment for hanging out with girl best friend who I haven’t seen in 3 years (he knew I left my house keys) . Is it wrong for a girl like me to want security. Would I find that through marrige. Should I not get to know this 58 yr old m because I do wish to be… Read more »

Kathleen Hahn
Kathleen Hahn
4 years ago

Just a couple of anecdotes here: I know two men who each lost their wives in their fifties to cancer. They at first embraced the idea of I’ll never marry again, having had close and fulfilling marriages and not feeling the need to replace their lost mates. For about ten years it worked fairly well, and they lived devoted to the idea of embracing their singlehood and “fooling around” (in one’s words) with occasional women who were in their lives By the age of 70, though, in each case drastic changes occurred in their lives and once they themselves needed… Read more »

Yollo Comanche
Yollo Comanche
4 years ago

@Kathleen

You’re basically telling men; “don’t tempt fate”. You’re lucky you outlived the two of those geezers. And those two had a great time of it too till it ended. But they ended it on their own terms. THAT is what it’s all about. Not being scared shitless into giving your time and effort over to a woman who thinks she can replace you with Hostess Snacks.

Also. All guys have to put their money where their mouth is at every stage of their lives. In the end, your geezers chose booze. They saw through you.

Omega Man
Omega Man
4 years ago

when a woman says, “i don’t want to die alone,” what she’s REALLY saying is, “i don’t want to LIVE ALONE (right now).”

when a man says, “i don’t want to die alone,” well… I’ve never heard a man say that. what i have heard men say is, “i don’t want to live broke!” so, they don’t get married & divorce raped.

we ALL die alone… unless you have some fetish to die in a plane crash or something.

Marty
Marty
4 years ago

I’m 53 year old male never married no children so I think you are looked at differently by society. I was in a 10 year relationship that ended early this year. I have decided not to look for love again I’m not prepared to put in the effort it requires for zero return. Finding someone who loves you as much as you love them I think is impossible and farcical. More chance of winning the lottery really at least you have a chance. So it’s work sleep repeat and trying to not die of boredom in the down time. Good… Read more »

rugby11
rugby11
4 years ago

Marty Don’t wish it where easier wish you where better. Try approaching it without an agenda and see what may happen. The world today is hard on many men because it’s easy to lose hope and put your hands in the air in defeat. It dosnt have to be that way. You can build a relationship on your own terms. You can create something for yourself that suits your own needs. Don’t give up on yourself. It’s all easy to sate over a computer screen and a lot to say the least. Of work to apply in person with the… Read more »

Marty
Marty
4 years ago
Reply to  rugby11

Thank you for your positive words I’ll be ok I still have my aging parents to look after and keep me occupied but I know the day will arrive when they won’t be around.
I think what’s best for me will be working more then I won’t have as much time to be lonely.
Unfortunately society isn’t very kind to 50+ bachelors it wasn’t planned it just turned out that way.
I think if you are divorced it’s not looked at the same way.
Life goes on regards Marty.

rugby11
rugby11
4 years ago
Reply to  Marty

Marty The pain and agony of human vs family has always made me laugh. Mostly at myself for not looking at life for what it is. It’s a way for me to forgive and move on. My pain is a blessing. It reminds that you exist. That I am just a part of sown thing bigger. My agony is a lesson for a grandson. My family a lesson of a sick culture and society. Yet here I am alive breathing and typing these words of gratitude and love. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=E2gg-bXAiMw You will live Marty. Are loves and relatives will one day… Read more »

Marty
Marty
4 years ago
Reply to  rugby11

Great movie that I’ll get myself a ride in mower it could be fun.It has a lot of meaning thank you I do get on well with my small family thank goodness.
I’m just finding being on my own a little unrewarding and lonely.But I know I’ll get used to it accept it and learn to live with it but it could take a while.
Thank you for listening and your words of inspiration.
Regards Marty

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[…] Most men are stuck in bad relationships because they are afraid to be lonely. Additionally, most men get married to sub-par women because they are scared to be the lonely old man. […]

John the Savage
John the Savage
4 years ago

Alone is alone

if there is no love to share with a girl, no love to share in then what is the point.

What is the point?

What possible joy can there be if at the end of the day theres no hug, no lips to kiss,
, no warm hands to feel or eyes to lose yourself in? No kiss hello babe, hey honey..

Alone is alone, no matter how big the castle you build, no matter how well feathered your nest its still forever empty if nobody there to share it.

Danny

Marty
Marty
4 years ago

Well said Danny alone is alone no matter how big the castle so true.I’ve given up the search for love and like you say what is the point of living without love but I’m alive at least to dream.
Regards Marty

me
me
4 years ago

yeah no. dont grow old alone. trust me. and maybe I fall in blue, who knows. make 400k. banged 75 plus. but life sucks and in a city/town that is a shithole.

Hope Islost
Hope Islost
4 years ago

I must be a myth because I am a miserable, lonely old man who only has the despair of getting older, sicker and slowly dying alone.

And That Is The Truth
And That Is The Truth
4 years ago

Well i certainly blame the kind of women that are out there these days for that one since most of the women nowadays are so very pathetic losers altogether now since they have no respect for us men, a rotten personality, and no good manors at all either since there are many of us good innocent men looking for a good serious relationship today. And God forbid for many of us men trying to start a normal conversation with a woman that will attract us since they will be very nasty and mouth off to us and walk away as… Read more »

Joe
Joe
3 years ago

Once the trajectory of “normal” marriage is complete, women have a real advantage in divorce. They have completed their insticual mission. Men, on the other hand, are similar, if not older, but have the same need for companionship needs as at 30. Being comfortable alone is challenge but equally as satisfying as their counterparts. Be alone. Seek out equally lonely women. Have fun and quit bitching about it. Much love to all.

extremist343
extremist343
3 years ago

Lisa
February 14, 2014 at 11:46 am

Men think they can trap and tame a woman but anyway, when men get older, every single woman worth having will be sought after by men twice her age. Roles don’t reverse since we live in a world with lots of men available.

How cute, you’re quite delusional aren’t you? Women out number men. We are the shortage, you are the surplus. Not the other way around, you fool.

And this Is Why Many Of Us Good Men Are Still Single Today.
And this Is Why Many Of Us Good Men Are Still Single Today.
3 years ago

And it is very hard for us straight guys trying to really meet a decent normal woman now that isn’t Gay.

Ruben
Ruben
3 years ago

I’m a 24 year old man and have been in only one serious relationship that lasted almost 3 years. I have been single for the past 4 years, and from what I can see I will stay this way for a long time, maybe even for the rest of my life. Starting to feel like a lonely old man already.

Scott
Scott
3 years ago

I’m a 51 year old male who has never been in a long relationship. I have had a few short liaisons which end when I can’t seem to work out how to be within the relationship. I am currently writing poetry and I am heading for publishing. I am a creative person who has difficulty relating to other people, and would like someone to be intimate with both physically and mentally.

CeeCee
CeeCee
3 years ago

The troubling aspect of this post is that it paints all women with a conniving, manipulative NEED to get married. It doesn’t account for women who think the instituition of marriage is complete malarkey. It also makes all women sound like -they’ve- created the institution! Not so! Women have been subjected to marriage since the beginning of societies, and spoonfed the societal lies about marriage in much the same fashion as men, just with a different twist on the bullshit. Don’t believe me? Read a fairytale: the prince flies in and “saves” the woman from a life of “loneliness” (i.e.… Read more »

SamC
SamC
3 years ago

I’ve been in a sexless marriage for over 20 years. I’ve tried and tried to meet women for an ongoing sexual relationship with no luck. When I was single I never went without sex for more than a month or so. People tell me I look ten years younger than my 63 years. Marriage and now, old age has killed my sex life.

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[…] to satisfy my curiosity on this new title. As I flipped through the book a chapter caught my eye: The Myth of the Lonely Old Man. It […]

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[…] Çeviri : The Myth of Lonely Old Man […]

Sri
Sri
3 years ago

The thing is, at some point of time, your body is gonna give up on you. You will need a more significant purpose that evolves you further in this life. You don’t want to look back and think you just wasted it.

Ronin
Ronin
3 years ago

I’ve been on my own 7 years now, got dumped at 56 after 24 years of marriage. I purposely avoided all dating for over two years and worked on any issues and got comfortable by myself most of the time , but do feel the loneliness from time to time . I’ve have done everything to alleviate it. I cycle daily, meditate, hit the gym and volunteer my time in my community, l attend most available events l can afford to, hang out with male friends when l can, but it remains an issue. It’s particularly a problem when a… Read more »

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[…] That night i found what was going to be the best eye opener yet the myth of the lonely old man….. this article saved my life https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/12/the-myth-of-the-lonely-old-man/ […]

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[…] Myth of the Lonely Old Man oleh Rollo […]

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[…] Tomassi accurately described in his essay of “The Myth of the Lonely Old Man” that Beta Males transitioned from their mothers to a long-term relationship with a woman without […]

The Good Old Days Had Great Women
The Good Old Days Had Great Women
2 years ago

Well i can certainly blame the kind of women that are out there nowadays for that one since most of them are very pathetic altogether to begin with. And when it comes to meeting men which most of them are just so very greedy, selfish, spoiled, and very money hungry as well. And their list of demands are very horrible now since they will only want men that have a lot of money, a very expensive car, must be in excellent shape, have hair, etc. But with most women today that are very obese, not that attractive at all, totally… Read more »

Michael Beach
Michael Beach
2 years ago

Completely agree. I separated from my wife when it became clear that I was losing myself, or rather, being myself was becoming unacceptable to her. I had bought into the myth, thinking I was supposed to get married, even though I was enjoying being single. I’m so grateful I finally had the nerve to get out of a horrible situation. The last six years have been the best of my life, and I’ve had zero long-term relationships. I tried on-line dating, even Tinder, but it was a wasteland of spoiled women who would be just like my ex-wife. I’m alone,… Read more »

John Doe
John Doe
2 years ago

Being a single man really sucks when you can’t find love at all thanks to the very horrible low life loser women that are everywhere nowadays adding to the problem. And it certainly has become very dangerous for many of us good single men just trying to start a normal conversation with a woman that we would really like too meet since they will usually for no reason at all be very nasty to us and walk away. Very mentally ill women everywhere us men go unfortunately which is the real problem today, especially when they will even Curse at… Read more »

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[…] Myth Of The Lonely Old Man can be read on The Rational Male Blog or The Rational Male eBook By Rollo […]

timrean2444
timrean2444
2 years ago

Posting under the influence here. 56 years old divorced 4 or 5 years after a 26-year marriage where my ex took cash and prizes and forces me to pay alimony under the threat of jail. Yes it is lonely after having a house full of three kids and the labrador retriever and now all have moved on to bigger and better things. Had to put my lab down last year. I don’t blame my loneliness on lack of a woman. Its just a transition phase I think once the kids leave the house. My married sister has gone through same… Read more »

Feminism Is Worse Than Cancer
Feminism Is Worse Than Cancer
1 year ago

Well now that Feminism is everywhere today which really makes love very difficult to find for so many of us single good men. With most women today that are such losers and very pathetic altogether which makes the dating scene a real nightmare for many of us men as well. Feminism is the new cancer today caused by women for which there is no cure at all. The old days definitely had much better women without a doubt since most women back then were certainly Real Ladies and very easy to meet. Today unfortunately most women are just very awful.… Read more »

jean-pierre mercier
jean-pierre mercier
1 year ago

hi rollo/folks, i got sent here while while watching rich cooper/shawn smith BTT episode september 9/2019. the subject came up. the lonely old man thing creeps into my mind on occasion, and i re-evaluate my situation on the spot and realize it’s not the case with me. nine years ago, i walked into a twelve step group/program to get help(not alcohol/drugs), and after a few months, set the goal as wanting to befriend solitude(the best translation for “apprivoiser”), the french verb i use for befriend, in a sane and healthy way. the unhealthy version of solitude is isolation and can… Read more »

Howie
Howie
1 year ago

“If you’re single and you’re 50 you STILL have options if you’re only brave enough to explore them” so freakin true!!! My story… multiple long term monogamous relationships until married at 25. I became a beta chump until I woke up 17 years later and kicked her lazy manipulative ass out. Of course she tried that “you’ll be sorry when you’re old and lonely” line-lol. Glad I didn’t fall for it. But I did go back to the ltr monogamous model only to be disappointed. Then I changed my mindset and left behind societal programming that said I’d only be… Read more »

Michel Barias
Michel Barias
1 year ago

Love it. I’ll never be lonely. Women come to me. I have moreee too offer them. You should read these out, Rollo.

high_roller
high_roller
1 year ago

Thanks, Rollo, for this 9 year-old piece… I can totally relate even if I’m not that old, but I’m not young either (47). Well I don’t know what category I fit into, so I’d ask you guys for comments since this is my first post/reply in TRM. I’ll make my background short: I was sick for 14 years in the years when you’re supposed to settle down, at age 43 I got healthy again and found myself single and decided to re-discover everything and re-study everything and along came the discovery of the red pill. After looking back at my… Read more »

Andreas
Andreas
7 months ago
Reply to  high_roller

47 is not 74….. i know many guys that are totally fine into the mid fifties, there comes a point though, when you will be the old man, whatever you can achieve with 47. The question is what then……

kfg
kfg
7 months ago
Reply to  Andreas

Sail solo around the world.
Iditarod race.
Thru-hike the AT.
Solo RAAM, on a fixed wheel.

Anonymous Reader
Anonymous Reader
7 months ago
Reply to  Andreas

The question is what then……

Kayak across the Atlantic?

https://www.thetravelersbuddy.com/2020/04/12/aleksander-doba-kayak-ocean/

PalmaSailor
PalmaSailor
7 months ago

The myth of the lonely old man is projection. “Kayak across the Atlantic? Sail solo around the world. Iditarod race. Thru-hike the AT. Solo RAAM, on a fixed wheel.” We’re not lonely if we have our shit together but they are without us. And they get lonelier and lonelier because fewer and fewer men want to know. There are two in my block, ten years older than me and in the last 3 years there are NEVER any men around and very few friends. In contrast I’ve had almost constant female company over that time. I bumped into this guy… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
1 year ago

Has anyone tried this?

This meaning living without settling down in a mono relationship… Survey says – millions and millions and millions.

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