The Reconstruction IV

head_hitting

The Red Pill shows you the dark side of women. Not so that you will hate them but so you appreciate them for what they are, not what they’re not.

I think one of the harder aspects of the Red Pill for men who get awakened-while-married (or while monogamous) to accept is the disillusionment of their Blue Pill idealism about women confirmed for them in the behavior and mindsets of their wives. Breaking the Blue Pill ego-investments of single men who unplug is a difficult task, but their investment risk in women (real or imagined) they believe might make acceptable long-term mates is far less than a man who’s been married for more than 4 or 5 years.

For the single Red Pill guy with the option to simply walk away from a less than optimal situation, his conflict becomes one of potentials and weighing them against his Blue Pill ideals – ideals his unplugging should rid him of. His struggles is one about the “what ifs” and disabusing himself of the scarcity mentality that the Blue Pill has conditioned him for. While Hypergamy inherently instills in women a persistent doubt about a man’s quality, the Blue Pill instills in men a doubt about “quality” women’s scarcity and his capacity to find and maintain a ‘soul mate‘.

However for married men, with a considerable amount of emotional, social, financial and familial investment at stake in his marriage, there’s a natural resistance that comes in the form of denial. What’s tough is that, within this initial state of denial, a husband accepts the Red Pill truths about women and then has those truths confirmed for him by the woman he’s been sleeping next to for a number of years. All of the awareness about men and women’s differing concepts of love, the truth of women’s Hypergamously motivated opportunism, her confirming her open Hypergamy, all of the events that led up to his committing himself in marriage to her while he was still effectively Blue Pill – all of that gets confirmed for him when he puts into practice the concepts he learns from the Red Pill.

For all of the ‘anger’ that profiteering critics would like to wipe off on Red Pill thought, that anger finds its base in men’s confirming their own role in what was (or would’ve been) a life-long strategy for him to fulfill the dictates of women’s Hypergamy as well as the larger scope of the Feminine Imperative. When we put this into the perspective of a married man who unplugs, you can see why this is such a threat to the imperative. That man must reassess his life from the position of his being an unwitting participant in his Blue Pill conditioning, but furthermore, he becomes a constant caution, a warning, for men who have yet to make the same uneducated decisions he has.

There is nothing more depressing to me than to listen to a married man parrot back all of the tropes the Feminine Imperative has taught him to repeat about why he’s in the subservient role in his marriage. These are the guys who’ll laughingly tell single men how they must “clear everything with the Boss” before they are allowed (or will allow themselves) to participate in anything remotely masculine or self-entertaining. These are the men who prattle about their ‘honey-do’ lists, the men who count themselves fortunate to have such a ‘great wife’ who’ll allow him to watch hockey or football on a weekend. I wrote a more detailed post about these men in The Abdication Imperative.

These husbands are depressing to me because, in their Blue Pill ignorance, they represent the summation of their roles according to the strategies of the Feminine Imperative. They’ll gladly White Knight for their wives’ right to the Frame of their marriage (under the pretense of equalism). They’ll laugh and commiserate with other husbands sharing their position of powerlessness-but-with-all-accountability. They’ll chirp with funny little Facebook memes that share their ridiculous, married state, but for all of that acquiescing to their ‘fates’ what they really represent is the goal-state of men in the Feminine Imperative’s plan for their lives.

Men generally come to the realization of their appointed role at some point in their lives. Whether it’s Red Pill awareness or coming to a mid life crisis epiphany, men get ‘woke’ in some respect. The few who don’t are men whose existence literally depends on their not coming to terms with how the Blue Pill has made them what/who they are. The most common way for men to come into this awareness has been that mid-life epiphany, but in order for men to reconcile that awareness with maintaining a comfortable sense of self they become the men I describe in The Abdication Imperative. They really don’t know anything else but what the Blue Pill has created them to be, so they go into denial and add some self-deprecating humor to it to cope with the dissonance of knowing they’ve been played by the Feminine Imperative for the better part of their lives. So you get the ‘Yes Dear’ husbands; the men who realize the truth too late, but that same scarcity mentality forces them to go along to get along.

The rise of Red Pill awareness of intersexual dynamics on the internet has made for a community of men who find this denial distasteful. Rather than abdicate to the imperative and their wife’s Frame they look to the Red Pill and Game for a remedy to that state. Sometimes that’s getting their wives to have sex with them more frequently or they’re looking to better themselves in a Red Pill context to gain women’s (their wives’) respect. As I’ve mentioned many times before, the Red Pill represents a threat to the Feminine Imperative keeping men ignorant of their roles in women’s Hypergamous plans. Now that threat comes to fruition in the context of men’s marriages.

One way or another, men will become aware of their role, how that man goes about dealing with it is another story. Most (being Blue Pill) abdicate and accept their powerlessness in their relationships. It’s the other men who choose not to just cope, but to reconstruct themselves that the Red Pill will have answers for.

Break Up with Your Wife

Not too long ago in various comment threads on this blog readers had a discussion about how any marriage (at least in the contemporary sense) is always founded on a Beta status for the husband. I don’t entirely agree with that assessment, but considering how the large majority of marriages are the culmination of Blue Pill conditioned men fulfilling their role as cuckolded provider for women cashing out of the sexual marketplace it’s certainly an understandable presumption. I won’t elaborate too much on the particulars, but the very act of committing to a woman monogamously implies a man (even one with an Alpha persona) is leaning towards a Beta perception. Alpha’s don’t commit to anyone but themselves, Betas are eager to commit from necessity and scarcity. The act becomes the confirmation.

If we follow this binary logic, the only solution to a man’s condition within his marriage – the only way to institute a real change – is to reject and break that commitment. Personally, I have lived out what most men would envy in my marriage for over 20 years now, so the idea of leaving Mrs. Tomassi would only seem like a good idea if I weren’t satisfied sexually, psychologically and life-wise with her. But, as I always repeat, don’t use my marriage as a benchmark. There was a point where I needed to break up with her, if only by adopting my own mental point of origin above that of hers or women in general as my own Blue Pill conditioning would expect of me.

I mentioned in the beginning of this series that married (committed) men seeking to reconstruct themselves within that context ought to read the post for the Iron Rule of Tomassi #7:

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7
It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

I mention this as a starting point because when you’re making the decision to reconstruct yourself you must ‘do it for you’. Once again, any real change always beggars the question about who you’re really changing for. Nothing is an act of unguided, unbiased, self-initiated change – there is always some ancillary influences as well as consequences. This is the crisis of motive.

However, if you find yourself awakened-while-married and you want to remake yourself, know that this change must be for yourself and not for your wife. This decision to reconstruct your life, your persona, your belief set, etc., and reject what the Blue Pill has made of you must come as a result of making yourself your mental point of origin. This ‘new you’ precludes any consideration of your wife’s interests. It must be in order for your transformation to be genuine to both yourself and those who know the ‘old’ you. As I mentioned in the last installment, the likelihood of your wife accepting your new persona is dependent on what Frame you entered that relationship with as well as what you’ve surrendered of your self-respect to her.

This is the most difficult part for Blue Pill men wanting to reconstruct themselves. Their mental point of origin doesn’t change, they want to change because they want to be “more Alpha” for their wives, not themselves. The idea is to adopt just enough Alpha that their wives turn the sex spigot back on for them, but never really internalize the Red Pill to the point that is fundamentally changes who they are. Thus, it becomes an act not unlike newbie PUAs aping the behaviors of their mentors, but never internalizing the deeper meanings of why they work or making them part of ‘who’ they are as a person.

This is what kills a man’s reconstruction before it ever starts. That change must be a self-first proposition. Your Red Pill self-work must be intrinsically rewarding because there is absolutely no guarantee that a man’s wife / girlfriend will ever reimagine him from a different perspective. Particularly if that woman entered into that marriage/LTR because she’d hoped to maintain Frame indefinitely due to him abdicating to it.

You must become Red Pill aware for the sake of knowing the larger truth, internalize it and then apply it without the pretense of believing it can be used to achieve Blue Pill ideals.

With this in mind, you must presume that you are breaking up with your wife / girlfriend. It is far better to approach your reconstruction from the idea that the Red Pill you would likely have nothing to do with a woman like your wife. If you were single man, Red Pill aware and Game savvy, would you even approach your wife knowing what you do now about her personally as well as what you know about the Feminine Imperative and how it influences her?

Your reconstruction requires a radical shift that is only possible for you by breaking up with your LTR, at least in a subconscious respect. It is important to assess what, if anything, is worth rooting through garbage for. If you approach your reconstruction by first making yourself your mental point of origin, the next step is to assume you will be breaking up with your wife. It may never come to that, but this is the gravity with which a man must come to his reconstruction. The same reasoning I mention in Rooting through Garbage applies to your reconstruction:

Even if you could go back to where you were, any relationship you might have with an ex will be colored by all of the issues that led up to the breakup. In other words, you know what the end result of those issues has been. It will always be the 800 pound. gorilla in the room in any future relationship. As I elaborated in the Desire Dynamic, healthy relationships are founded on genuine mutual desire, not a list of negotiated terms and obligations, and this is, by definition, exactly what any post-breakup relationship necessitates. You or she may promise to never do something again, you may promise to “rebuild the trust”, you may promise to be someone else, but you cannot promise to accept that the issues leading up to the breakup don’t have the potential to dissolve it again. The doubt is there. You may be married for 30 years, but there will always be that one time when you two broke up, or she fucked that other guy, and everything you think you’ve built with her over the years will always be compromised by that doubt of her desire.

You will never escape her impression that you were so optionless you had to beg her to rekindle her intimacy with you.

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. This is the same rationale you will need to adopt when you transition into a new Red Pill aware persona. This is necessary because once you’ve become aware there is no going back to that previous state of ignorance. You will know what can be possible with or without your wife/LTR.

Thus, it is important to zero everything out and treat your old wife as a new prospective woman. This perspective may mean she becomes someone not worth your effort, but it might also mean she likes the prospect of a new husband. This may mean she too will have to undertake some kind of transformation in relating to a Red Pill aware husband, or it might be that this is something she never foresaw. Dread works best when a man understands the Cardinal Rule of Relationships: In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.

By adopting the mindset that you are breaking up with her you reclaim this power – you have nothing to lose and have no way of going back to unknowing the Red Pill awareness you have now. For single men I often point out that breaking up with a girl is one of the best ways to demonstrate higher value (DHV). The downside to that is that by the time you get to the point of leaving DHV isn’t what you really care about. For the reconstructing man, adopting the position that you are breaking up (or have broken up) harnesses some of this DHV.

Most women (wives) will interpret your new self-importance as some kind of phase or your reclaiming your independence (rather than her co-dependence) as some childish sulking behavior. Anticipate this. She will presume you’re ‘going your own way’ within the marriage to force her to fuck you more or to get her to comply with your Frame. This is to be expected, but watch what her initial reactions to your takeaway are. This will give you an insight into how she perceives you. If you’re predominantly Beta her response will be that you’re pouting or sulking by removing your attention. If she sees you as Alpha her response will be much more serious and you’ll get the “what’s wrong baby?” reaction. This is a good starting point in determining her genuine perception of you.

You will effectively be NEXTing your wife so be prepared for her post-NEXTing behavior-set (extinction burst behavior) in the same way you would if you dropped a plate. This will be a tough transition for men who have invested themselves emotionally in their wives. You’ll want to come back to that place of comfort, but always remember that place is one of disrespect and sexlessness.

Most men will go half-way in their reconstruction and this is usually the result of having played a game of relationship ‘chicken’. They have their bluff called because it was always a bluff to them – they never made themselves their mental point of origin so they go back to the safety of their Blue Pill disrespect. Their wives respond to the takeaway of their attention, but never really connect with being attracted to his new self-respect and self-importance. Once that woman even marginally steps up her sexual frequency – motivated by her wanting him to return to her Frame – the guy gets comfortable and wants to go back to his comfy wife while feeling validated by thinking he made a genuine change that she responded to.

You must go all the way. If you don’t, the next time you attempt to exercise your Red Pill awareness in the hope that she’ll accept the new you, you’ll be that much more laughable to her. In fact, you’ll only further cement her perception of your whiny Beta status. The first time it’s Dread, the second time it’s you being pissy.

Leave a Reply

  Subscribe  
Notify of
trackback

[…] The Reconstruction IV […]

Olongapo
Guest
Olongapo

Painful, Painful. The most difficult piece is understanding that the change absolutely be about you. It’s akin to leaving someone in the dust when they’re late. She’ll either get on board or she won’t. took me a couple of BP marriages to understand this.

Novaseeker
Guest
Novaseeker

Very true. You’re back at ground zero, basically trying to start a new relationship with your wife. This is more the case where you entered with a blue frame — if you entered with a red/alpha frame and kind of relaxed, you have a better chance of moving through back to where you were initially. If you never were there initially, however, it really is a new relationship, because your relationship with her never had that frame to begin with. You’re looking at starting a new relationship with someone — she may balk, she may not want it, you may… Read more »

mgtowhorseman
Guest
mgtowhorseman

Excellent post Rollo. After 26 years I too awakened in marriage. But with teenagers, a mortgage etc. I knew I couldnt leave. So I toughed it out. Tried to alpha up for her etc. No real improvements. But what is an aware but responsible man to do. He can’t go mgtow and be a good dad. It creates a huge dicohtomy. Inner conflict and angst. Then the epiffany. To awake for me. To truly embraced red pill. The only answer: Next for real the wife. So we broke up. Forced me to accept redpill for me. Mgtow for me. And… Read more »

mgtowhorseman
Guest
mgtowhorseman

And the rooting thru the garbage quote is so true. She left. I was single. We signed papers. We were done. I was alone and loving it. I still consider myself mgtow for the most part. But she changed. She came after me. She knows I will next her without hesitation. There is a gorillia there. We say hi to it every night, offer it a seat. Acknowledge it. And the tension of the gorillas watchful gaze keeps us true to our own ideals. She pulls the pout and the gorilla grunts to snap her out of petty manipulation. I… Read more »

mgtowhorseman
Guest
mgtowhorseman

To truly reset you need to break up.
Move out.
Be single and let that totally different mindset sink in.
For months. Not a few days or a week.

Look into the abyss. Only thru “death” can you really be reborn.

Then if you both like the new versions of each other…great
If not…move on.

Playdontpay
Guest
Playdontpay

I’d rate this as a top 5 of all your essays rollo. I think you know you have fully swallowed the red pill when you drop the revenge porn fantasies of Getting your ex/oneitis back and having your fun before dumping her, and replace it with relief that her actions brought you here to find the truth about intersexual relationships. If I bumped into my ex oneitis now, I wouldn’t try to get her back ( old flame new game) I’d be tempted to thank her ( when the student is ready the teacher will arrive) but I know she… Read more »

LSCS
Guest
LSCS

I’m so thankful for discovering RP theory a few years ago. By following the principles I’ve been able prepare for and survive a significant drop in status. My full-time job was eliminated three weeks ago. After the initial shock, I knew the worst thing I could do was go home and emotionally vomit to my wife. So I called an elder from my church, ranted to him instead, and cleared my mind before I broke the news at home that evening. Aldo due to RP reading, month by month I had been taking steps to make our life anti-fragile just… Read more »

Softek
Guest
Softek

Major dread in my monogamous relationship. She’s been flipping out recently. In proportion to the dread is the intensity of her questioning and monitoring of me. Wanting to know who this girl or that girl is, constantly asking if I’m going on porn/masturbating instead of having sex with her, and here’s the real kicker: COMMUNICATION. She’s going with the old trope that communication is everything. I get pissed off at her every single time she brings this up. I haven’t quite understood why. But I think it has to do with my vague awareness that it’s bullshit. She wants to… Read more »

dragnet
Guest
dragnet

“If you were single man, Red Pill aware and Game savvy, would you even approach your wife knowing what you do now about her personally as well as what you know about the Feminine Imperative and how it influences her?” Yes! Asking this question—or even knowing that it is relevant—is key. I recently pumped-and-dumped an old LTR after realizing that if I was meeting her now for the first time, I wouldn’t be interested. She was still beautiful, but had become so hopelessly steeped in progressive, feminist, anti-Trump butthurt it was unbearable. Every word out of her mouth was femperative.… Read more »

Eric
Guest
Eric

Great post. Be your own frame of reference, and do it for yourself. Stoic philosophy mirrors the thinking here: Do what your nature requires, don’t be afraid to do those things that are natural to you, and above all, remember that all is opinion, and only your own opinion matters.

dr zipper
Guest
dr zipper

@mgtowhorseman happy for you man, you’ve walked the abyss w/out a safety net and have found the other side Fuck it both horrifies and comforts me that I’m not the only one. Personally, I’ve adopted the RP over the last few years and its truth makes the hard stuff easier. Although for a long while it appeared to be working on the wife — she’s recently said we must divorce. She’s batted this around a couple of times before but this time also told our 10yro son which in my mind makes it official. I was a believer, I did… Read more »

White Guy
Guest
White Guy

I’ve broken up with my wife in my mind already, for those married men who are unplugging, go sit down and talk to an attorney, it was the best $100 I’ve spent in this marriage. If you know what the worst is, it’s far easier to deal with it and walk away. I’ve spent 14yrs with her, I am growing to be the man I’m supposed to be, if she wants to come along for the ride, fine, if she doesn’t like this new guy, tough for her.

dr zipper
Guest
dr zipper

@mgtowhorseman I had been composing my long-winded comment after reading your first. I finally posted it and saw you also used the word ‘abyss’ to describe your adventure in subsequent comments… lol

Just Saying
Guest
Just Saying

any relationship you might have with an ex will be colored by all of the issues that led up to the breakup Whenever I see a guy trying to rekindle things with an ex, I always wonder one thing…. WHY? You know where it led, you know everything about her – what is the point? Isn’t it better to “go where no man has gone before” – of if you can’t get one young enough for that – at least “go where you have never gone before”… Trying new things – and new women – enjoy, rinse and repeat as… Read more »

whywasiblue
Guest
whywasiblue

“There was a point where I needed to break up with her, if only by adopting my own mental point of origin above that of hers or women in general as my own Blue Pill conditioning would expect of me.” That right there….that was the thing I realized that kind of saved me. I am a 50yo OMG, and awoke at least partly over a year ago and been working on myself and reading everything in sight. My marriage was never bad, just not great especially sexually. One of the things I realized recently in examining my progress was that… Read more »

Marko
Guest

Rollo Strikes Out It’s the bottom of the 9th, bases loaded, two out, 3 and 2 on the batter Rollo, champion of TRM team. It’s the last and deciding game of the Reconstruction Series. Rollo’s team is one run behind (any possible future for marriage looks bleak) but a hit will win the Game. Marko is on the mound. He’s the oldest guy on the field. He’s played for many teams over his long career. He knows the Game. Rollo’s got a “Hyper-Individualist” brand bat, with a “MALE-Hypergamy” trademark burned into the wood. His plan, in this the final and… Read more »

Nate
Guest
Nate

“The Red Pill shows you the dark side of women. Not so that you will hate them but so you appreciate them for what they are, not what they’re not.”

It’s hard to appreciate what women are when the 3 foot long, 12 inch wide cock of legal gynocentrism is hovering an inch from your anus, just waiting for your game to slip and inch. It’s good to work on ourselves, but eventually something is going to have to be done about the legal and social situation in the west as far as men and women are concerned.

Marty
Guest
Marty

Only women I would trust is my mum the rest of them are after money.
Regards Marty

Tarl
Guest
Tarl

To truly reset you need to break up. Move out. Be single and let that totally different mindset sink in. For months. Not a few days or a week. Look into the abyss. Only thru “death” can you really be reborn. Then if you both like the new versions of each other…great If not…move on. This will create issues for you if you get a divorce. Claims that you have abandoned assets, abandoned children, etc. But that aside… You know full well she’s going to bang other men during those months. (Yes, hopefully you will bang other women, otherwise what’s… Read more »

rugby11
Guest
rugby11

:”a life-long strategy for him to fulfill the dictates of women’s Hypergamy as well as the larger scope of the Feminine Imperative.”

“but for all of that acquiescing to their ‘fates’ what they really represent is the goal-state of men in the Feminine Imperative’s plan for their lives.”

“It’s the other men who choose not to just cope, but to reconstruct themselves that the Red Pill will have answers for.”

“Frame you entered that relationship with as well as what you’ve surrendered of your self-respect to her.”

All very true and relevant at the moment…
https://soundcloud.com/nako-edisherashvili/nirvana-heart-shaped-box-lana

walawala
Guest
walawala

Nesting only works if in your mind you resolve to never see her again. If you’re doing it to I still dread that has a very short lifespan as well.

If you’re constantly trying to discipline her she’s already damaged goods.

walawala
Guest
walawala

Nexting…..

Mineter
Guest
Mineter

I am typing this through gritted teeth…

Marko, how the fuck did Rollo “strike out”?

Sorry (Rollo), but Rollo is also an OMG. He’s only mentioned his age and marital status many, many, MANY times.

And what makes you think OMGs aren’t on his “side” or vice versa? Your biggest delusion is that there’s anyone, other than many InsanityBiles, being on “your side”.

I normally don’t bid people a curt “fuck off”, but in this case, you haven’t even added anything to the discussion (i.e. false premises for everyone else to tear apart).

Cheers.
(Fuck off.)

trackback

[…] via The Reconstruction IV — The Rational Male […]

insanitybytes22
Guest

“Your biggest delusion is that there’s anyone, other than many InsanityBiles, being on “your side”.” Quite delightful to know you’re thinking of me, even when I’m not here. I’m hardly worthy of such attention. It’s a good post, I think Tomassi did well. In faith I would tell men and women that you and your relationship with God must come first. For women, I sometimes say you have to put your own oxygen mask on first, when the plane is crashing. One must have an identity outside of their marriage in order to thrive and be healthy. So a metaphorical… Read more »

rugby11
Guest
rugby11
scribblerg
Guest
scribblerg

A woman finds nothing less interesting, attractive or worthy than a man who runs his life around her. Married or not. A man who does so removes all the tension of having to win his attention, of her having to worry if he’s still interested and her wondering what he’s doing. Yet marriage in the latter half of the 20th century was presented to me as a “service opportunity”. I was to chomp down on the fucking bit and pull. I used to do an ultra-long commute on a train into NYC. and there were several other older married guys… Read more »

Sentient
Guest
Sentient

Dr Zipper Although for a long while it appeared to be working on the wife — she’s recently said we must divorce. She’s batted this around a couple of times before but this time also told our 10yro son which in my mind makes it official. I suspect if they tables had been turned, if you were the one bringing up divorce, you would have had a different outcome. It was working up until a point you would not push… she wanted the test… wanted to know you were going to unchoose her… that you had the temerity to do… Read more »

Sentient
Guest
Sentient

Scribbs A man who does so removes all the tension of having to win his attention, of her having to worry if he’s still interested and her wondering what he’s doing. Yes this exactly… Cat String Theory for ya Doc Zipper… women love the emotional pain (if they see a chance to still get the guy). A wise man once said the two biggest imprints on a woman are losing her virginity and childbirth. Both painful. Now sometimes as Dogs, we just want to chill out and not think… about anything… and all the background emotional drama can shut us… Read more »

Blaximus
Guest
Blaximus

@ Just Saying If a man is truly rebuilding himself, his thought patterns and his life, it would be wise to disabuse himself of the notion that young chicks are anything special. They are young, they are chicks, they’re just girls. They are not like fine wine. Some are more like vinegar. Treat accordingly and mind the gap. Once again, if younger is your preference it is all well and good. Just keep the gold plated pedestal safely locked away. In building a solid and lasting mpo, ” you ” are number one. No one is better. Others are only… Read more »

palmasailor
Guest

@Softek

You still with the same one?

DisgruntledEarthling
Guest
DisgruntledEarthling

@mgtowhorseman, DrZipper
To truly reset you need to break up.
Move out.
Be single and let that totally different mindset sink in.
For months. Not a few days or a week.

Being single and digesting RP/PUA after an LTR is a wonderful thing to have happened. But going back? No, not for me. There are too many different and interesting younger women out there.

Once the limb is cut, cauterize the wound and get on with your life. It’s really not as scary as is seems. It took me 10 years to decide, and that’s 10 years wasted.

Just do it.

Cycling Cowboy
Guest
Cycling Cowboy

So on the mark! As a late 50’s man who woke up while in a 24 year marriage only five years ago, went the path of self-improvement that worked for me, but worse for the marriage…and after nexting her and initiating a divorce that was finalized the spring of last year, I would like to give some strong advice… Pass this info on to younger men so they don’t end up in situations like mine during the marriage and after. Escaping the rotting corpse of a marriage was great. The number of women interested in me, both unmarried and married,… Read more »

DisgruntledEarthling
Guest
DisgruntledEarthling

@Just Saying
The only sad thing is eventually you realize that all women are variations on the same theme – so they are just actors in the story of your life.

Nicely said. This might sound cold-hearted but it’s so true.

DisgruntledEarthling
Guest
DisgruntledEarthling

@Blaximus I’ve listened and watched for the entirety of my life, young females discuss the ” older guy ” that can be taken by young ass. Some chicks brag openly about how to work such men. I always found this curious and assumed iit would not be workable as any man with 5 active brain cells would see through this, but I’ve been proven wrong dozens of times. And I agree – they do have that special Je ne sais quoi @Scribb (actually falling in love for the first time in a very long time) Danger Danger Will Robinson Danger… Read more »

DisgruntledEarthling
Guest
DisgruntledEarthling

@Cycling Cowboy Yes, I divorced in time to discover intermittent ED. Yeah, life is a bitch ain’t it. You get old and your dick dies. At 58 this happened to me for this first time a couple of weeks ago. Cialis might be an anwser in the long run. Happened once then everything popped right back after I made some mental adjustments with the current girl. How does one generate sexual desire leading to an erection when you think that this pretty, submissive woman could, and most likely is, another snake in the grass ready to inject venom into you… Read more »

rugby11
Guest
rugby11
kfg
Guest
kfg

@Blaximus: “To me as a man, the notion that because of my age I’m more easily manipulated, or that I’m more prone to young pussy blindness, or even desperation is highly, highly offensive.”

Consider that is because you are you, and that the young professionals know their business.

Simonbarsinister
Guest
Simonbarsinister

Cycling cowboy, I’m with you on that. 27 year marriage that ended 4 years ago. I look at women these days as spoiled rotten princesses at best and outright vampires at worst. This has been my struggle with wanting to even get involved again, so I’ve spent time working on myself developing my MPO. Not exactly mink mode, I’ll still chat up some attractive women, I just can’t make that leap of trust.

Simonbarsinister
Guest
Simonbarsinister

*monk mode

kfg
Guest
kfg

@Simonbarsinister: mink mode/monk mode

It works either way.

SJF
Guest
SJF

This is a tricky series (The Reconstruction) to understand. It requires quite a bit of contextual understanding of what red pill awareness is and what misguided blue pill ideals are. It is difficult for Rollo to actually be prescriptive and even when when wading in that direction, it gets into the infinite space of various relationships. The comments at Married Red Pill Reddit are off to a good start on the OP (Reconstruction 4). (and witness the Victim vs. Do the Work of Reconstruction back and forth). Scribbler typed: My marriage ended because I had my little “natural” Red Pill… Read more »

Simonbarsinister
Guest
Simonbarsinister

KFG, scribb’s in mink mode. (ala Michael Douglas to Sharon Stone in that movie that I can’t remember the name of)

SJB
Guest
SJB

How does one generate sexual desire leading to an erection when you think that this pretty, submissive woman could, and most likely is, another snake in the grass ready to inject venom into you?

If you want to fuck her, fuck her. If you don’t want to fuck her, don’t. Little head follows big head: when big head is clear, little head has a hard time; when big head is muddled, little head is a softy too.

SJB
Guest
SJB

The criticality of making yourself your own mental point of origin: when you are congruent, women will let you – no, demand – you grab them by the pussy.

Cycling Cowboy
Guest
Cycling Cowboy

Thanks for the adivice. Case #1 is already taken care of…my financials are in no one’s reach. Case #2…I think that is a vestige Blue Pill conditioning I need to need to squash. Yes, my playground…

kfg
Guest
kfg

“Michael Douglas to Sharon Stone in that movie that I can’t remember the name of”

By the time I got around to seeing it I’d heard so much about it that I ended up a bit disappointed. A well made, but basically conventional crime drama/thriller.

theasdgamer
Guest

@Softek

COMMUNICATION. She’s going with the old trope that communication is everything.

This means something to her. This is an actual signal to you, but it’s not about direct communication like we’ve been told. Your girl is giving you signals and you’re missing them. She wants comfort/validation, likely. Maybe you’ve been too aloof and haven’t given her enough time.

dr zipper
Guest
dr zipper

@Sentient “… if you were the one bringing up divorce, you would have had a different outcome…” Yes, but I’ve never been pushing for divorce. My goal was to change myself, the wife/marriage goes thru a rough patch of adjustment, and my family is intact and healthy. Not into playing the bluff game or trying to get her to back down. I prefer the straightforward “this is me, take it or leave it” approach. It didn’t work. I’ve changed but she’s not along for the ride. True, she may just not be convinced that my change is permanent. My take… Read more »

kfg
Guest
kfg

Maybe she is a bottomless pit of comfort/validation want who interprets glancing out the window for a second as abandonment.

Cycling Cowboy
Guest
Cycling Cowboy

Exactly… That mental point of origin can be a slippery thing until it firmly gels in the mind…About a week ago this girl friend was bitching about Trump (yes, she was a Hillary supporter-maybe that is the mental issue). I laughed it off and grabbed her by the pussy, literally…gave her a fingering orgasm while she was standing…well, I was holding her up and had to keep her from falling to the floor in the process. Then gave her a thorough pounding. It was awesome, but those events seem to come (pardon the pun) every other time. Still working on… Read more »

kfg
Guest
kfg

” . . . if I can just get on a whole new plane (hehe) of my choosing then that old broken thing is somebody else’s problem to fix.”

If it floats, flys or fucks . . .

kfg
Guest
kfg

Or perhaps if it flies.

Simonbarsinister
Guest
Simonbarsinister

Oh Gawd kfg, that was my situation regarding my now ex-wife. Deeply and profoundly insecure. Daughter of an alcoholic father who died when she was a second grader. I feel really bad for her now since she is old and has gotten fat and basically has given up on life. All I really wanted for her was some happiness, but I came to realize it was at my own expense. That’s what we’re supposed to do as men, right? Sacrifice our own lives? I just kept thinking about Thoreau- Most men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the… Read more »

stuffinbox
Guest

@Rollo Nice artwork,like the definition of insanity or hitting oneself in the head with a hammer to disabuse himself of the gynocentric FI. After digesting the “red pill” praxeology and spending enough time reading comments. The reconstruction is done on my own MPO,rather than the relationship,as you say end the relationship if only subconciosly. When the wife showed her renewed interest in me sexualy and the sex returned to a pasionate level of 8,like a man wandering through the desert and stumbling upon a water hole the temptation is to stay there and soak it up.This must be avoided for… Read more »

SJF
Guest
SJF

@Softek “COMMUNICATION. She’s going with the old trope that communication is everything.” “This means something to her. This is an actual signal to you, but it’s not about direct communication like we’ve been told. Your girl is giving you signals and you’re missing them. She wants comfort/validation, likely. Maybe you’ve been too aloof and haven’t given her enough time.” She’s actually just following her script of female stages of manipulation. See The Script here: https://therationalmale.com/2016/07/18/are-you-experienced/comment-page-2/#comment-163929 Seeking Communication “Open up to me, please.” Once a woman has tested the male, and is relatively sure that he is strong enough to serve… Read more »

dr zipper
Guest
dr zipper

@SJF Your Feb 4 7:05 post is one of your best. This part: “picked the wrong woman for an LTR by missing clues that were present all along” is particularly painful to take. Nothing was hidden from me, it was all right there to be observed and understood. I know my ignorance isn’t my fault, but I am still accountable and responsible for it. Reviewing the past with a RP lens makes me cringe and it’s hard to put yourself thru the wringer like that. But looking at the undeniable failings and fuckups I’ve unwittingly done is a necessary part… Read more »

theasdgamer
Guest

@SJF

She’s actually just following her script of female stages of manipulation.

Nope. See my explanation. It’s a real midbrain signal, not cortical manipulation.

Sentient
Guest
Sentient

Dr Zipper Yes, but I’ve never been pushing for divorce. My goal was to change myself, the wife/marriage goes thru a rough patch of adjustment, and my family is intact and healthy. Not into playing the bluff game or trying to get her to back down. I prefer the straightforward “this is me, take it or leave it” approach. How about learning some German Doc? You are going to need it more than ever going forward. “This is me, Take it or leave it” is not leading… it’s forcing a choice on her and women don’t like to choose… they… Read more »

Sentient
Guest
Sentient

ASD Softek SJF It’s a real midbrain signal, not cortical manipulation. She wants comfort/validation, likely. Most likely it is not comfort or validation it is resolution she is seeking. She wants to know where she stands with Softek. Since he doesn’t address it full on, and actually go out and bang other girls, she is stuck in between. Fearing he is seeing other women while seeing the chance to still lock him in. She wants to know her place in the pecking order. He isn’t leading and putting her in her place. Fear. Once she is in her place and… Read more »

Marko
Guest

This a fair characterization of Rollo’s Reconstruction: –Man does exactly what he wants to do, when he wants to, with whom he wants to: This is hyper-individualism. –Man maximizes the quality of his sexual partner(s) or LTR marriage partner(s). The is Male Hypergamy, similar in fact to Female Hypergamy. In any system (individual, relationship, or social), a maximizing strategy may work in the short run, but will almost always lead to a catastrophic fail in the longer run. Not a good Long Game. (Infinite amount of evidence to support this principle: biographical, historical, financial, biological). TRM presents vast quantity of… Read more »

SJF
Guest
SJF

Addendum: @ Softek I neglected to validate what ASD said and I agree with: “Your girl is giving you signals and you’re missing them. She wants comfort/validation, likely. Maybe you’ve been too aloof and haven’t given her enough time.” You are going to have to give that comfort and validation if you want the relationship to continue. You are playing relationship game. And yes you are trying to play the aloof card. (Which your comments to us here privately show is incongruent/inauthentic with who you really are. ) And it’s no wonder, therefore she is unleashing a barrage of shit… Read more »

dr zipper
Guest
dr zipper

@Sentient I get the “it’s me, not them” and I’m fine with the fact that she’s just like every other woman. You’re spot on with the leading thing and I acknowledge that deficiency. What I’d like are some tips on is reconciling the MPO, which to me means “take it or leave it,” and giving comfort and leading. Giving comfort and leading seem to conflict w/ the ZFG attitude and I have trouble knowing how to mix them all together and/or when to emphasize one or the other. I believe the wife/marriage is not salvageable at this point so moving… Read more »

SJF
Guest
SJF

@ASD

“Nope. See my explanation. It’s a real midbrain signal, not cortical manipulation.”

My last post was conceived after I read your last. I agree with your take on the situ.

And I think Sentient is on to something, yet Softek doesn’t have the motive or opportunity for Fear Factor game at this juncture. Mostly due to lack of former experince and current Mastery. This is not a criticism. It merely a subjective observation by me.

SJF
Guest
SJF

Sorry, my cellphone and me

“My last post was conceived before I read your last.” I do agree with the ASD take on the situ.

kfg
Guest
kfg

“I don’t think this maximizing strategy is an essential part of Red Pill. Is it?”

An automobile which does not contain sufficient energy to do considerable violence is just a crappy paperweight.

Carlos
Guest
Carlos

There is one consideration you didn’t mention and that’s keeping a wife who hasn’t completely accepted your new frame as a purely business decision. Perhaps she otherwise is great with the kids, keeps the house clean and cooks, and the cost of a divorce and disruption to the children’s raising is high.

kfg
Guest
kfg

@Carlos:

The pre-Romantic, traditional marriage you describe ( dead in social paradigm and law) required that a man have three women for it to work:

A maid, a wife and a mistress.

Razorwire
Guest
Razorwire

“You will never escape her impression that you were so optionless you had to beg her to rekindle her intimacy with you.” So true. Its worth noting as well that in reconstruction other relationships (long friends, coworkers, family members) may have to be divorced in a sense as well. The wife/LTR isn’t the only one who has an impression of you that is rigid – and will effort tirelessly to hold you to that. My intermittent monk modes have been inspired, in no small part, due to the blue-pill gravity of those relationships that just can’t seem to deal with… Read more »

Jeremy
Guest
Jeremy

Without a doubt one of the best – if not the best – posts in RM history. And the graphic of the guy beating his head against the wall is perfect. Pro tip: I was that guy… Don’t be him. The head banging won’t stop until you can fully internalize being your own mental point of origin. It’s easy to understand it intellectually. It won’t be internalized though until you are mentally and emotionally ready to take the leap of faith and “break up” exactly as written. Really, this is the final exam. In my case, I tried it all:… Read more »

Blaximus
Guest
Blaximus

@ Jeremy

Way to go. Great stuff.

Jeremy
Guest
Jeremy

@Cycling Cowboy – ED… Try a hit or two of good, mellow weed for the old twig and berries before going the Cialis route. Makes mine stand at attention every time, and the sex is often downright majestic.

Lost Patrol
Guest
Lost Patrol

@dr zipper This also jumped out at me from SJF’s comment. This part: “picked the wrong woman for an LTR by missing clues that were present all along” is particularly painful to take. I’ll wager this is true for many married men here. Part and parcel of learning from TRM is playing back your own old movies inside your head. Some of the signs were so blatant in retrospect that one does feel the fool. I was close, SO CLOSE, to recognizing some of the signs before sealing the deal. But of course close only counts in horseshoes and hand… Read more »

constrainedlocus
Guest

Withdrawing attention conditionally upon acceptable behavior, lack of intimacy, etc, etc…..it just seems like a perpetual regimen of punishment for an insolent child. Silent negotiation for affection, then arguments, then silent treatment. It’s not worth it.
No intimacy or sex for months on end. I’m her girlfriend.
Ive started not to care anymore about the outcome of all of this.

I probably wouldn’t. If it were today I would not even approach her.
I’m leaving Sunday for a week on business to Central America.
Maybe I’ll miss my return flight and stay a few extra days. Hit the beach. Go fishing.
For me.

Simonbarsinister
Guest
Simonbarsinister

Razor wire, couldn’t agree more with your 9:42 am post. This is almost exactly where I am as well.

SJB
Guest
SJB

@Marko: optimal male reproductive strategy is to inseminate as many females as possible while relying on other males, overtly (eunuchs, clientem) or covertly (taxes), to support the female pre- and post-parturition as well as the subsequent offspring.

Being one’s own mental point of origin is tangential to male reproductive strategy. Or, if you prefer, MPO can inform a male’s reproductive actualization but does not dictate it.

Blaximus
Guest
Blaximus

Re: Cheating. Personally I don’t agree with cheating. My philosophy iis that if you must cheat, are driven to cheat due to sexual dissatisfaction within marriage, it’s probably time to kill it if it cannot be changed in your favor. However….. Men married over time have doubts. Doubts about what women they could actually bed. Whether they could actually have another ” strange ” female desire them. I think guys need to do all in their power to prove to themselves that they are indeed sexually desirable to other females. This requires the active implementation of game regularly. As far… Read more »

insanitybytes22
Guest

“–Man maximizes the quality of his sexual partner(s) or LTR marriage partner(s)…..I don’t think this maximizing strategy is an essential part” Marko, I think marriage is vital, necessary, there are genuine fruits there, it has tremendous value. Nobody should casually toss their marriage away. But even in that context, shouldn’t you be maximizing yourself, and maximizing your sexual partner in the process? To not maximize any experience sounds kind of sad, like never reaching and enjoying your full potential. A kind of death really, and in the process you will eventually destroy your spouse, too. So, so many women divorce… Read more »

Blaximus
Guest
Blaximus

… Selfish and dangerous. Lol.

Didn’t iceman say that to maverick?

Softek
Guest
Softek

@ kfg “Maybe she is a bottomless pit of comfort/validation want who interprets glancing out the window for a second as abandonment.” This is what it feels like to me. On the flip side, I might need much more time by myself than the average person. I have no reference so for all I know her needs/clinginess is par for the course in a relationship, and I just don’t have the experience to know how to deal with it appropriately, or how much exactly I’m willing to accommodate. @ Sentient “Most likely it is not comfort or validation it is… Read more »

Sentient
Guest
Sentient

Dr. Zipper What I’d like are some tips on is reconciling the MPO, which to me means “take it or leave it,” and giving comfort and leading. Giving comfort and leading seem to conflict w/ the ZFG attitude and I have trouble knowing how to mix them all together and/or when to emphasize one or the other. MPO is you doing you for you. Another way to frame it The Platinum Rule [do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it]. and that is a great frame and that frame can by and of itself result in… Read more »

Softek
Guest
Softek

Great comments all around, by the way. Doing my best to keep up with everything. It feels like a good sign to me that I’ve spent some time away from RM, because I’ve been busy living my life. When I hit a slump and get confused I know where I can go for some answers and advice. Thanks again as always to all the replies, always helps me tremendously. And great post as usual Rollo, glad to see this place still going strong.

Marko
Guest

@IB
Continually getting better as a man (or as a woman, if you are a woman) is what the healthy Red Pill is all about. “Don’t wish it were easier, make yourself better.”
That’s different from the maximizing strategy.

Sentient
Guest
Sentient

Softek That just intensified her fears that I’m seeing other women and not being honest with her. When I just told her it was nothing and she was drunk and I’m not cheating on her, she calmed down. The constant asking about my interest in other women and if I’m going to dump her or not gets pretty annoying. You saying it is nothing is hurting your situation not helping it. She wants it to be something, she knows her value relative to other women and she is ok with it. But she can’t get real comfort from your lies…… Read more »

Sentient
Guest
Sentient

Sentient
Guest
Sentient

Jeremy Nice man. You should be an inspiration to guys here… Most will sign up for this here: In my case, I tried it all: Got in superior physical condition, changed up the wardrobe, implemented dread, etc. I would hopefully wait (almost like a dog waiting for a doggy treat) for any positive change in the wife’s behavior… Nothing. They are down with it. Starving themselves, tough mudding, Xfitting, 5ks… paleo yadda yadda. The more grueling the better. The straining, the yoke, the burden… MMSL forum full of a thousand of these guys, all making progress on their MAP. Dogs… Read more »

kfg
Guest
kfg

@Marko:

If cheetahs did not chase gazelles, then gazelles would not be fast – and neither would cheetahs.

insanitybytes22
Guest

“Continually getting better as a man (or as a woman, if you are a woman) is what the healthy Red Pill is all about. “Don’t wish it were easier, make yourself better.” That’s different from the maximizing strategy.” I think that really all depends Marko, doesn’t it? There’s a big difference between “there’s a whole lot of monkeys on the monkey tree so I’m going to just start picking one right after the other,” and simply becoming aware of the fact that you do have options. If you are aware you have options, than your spouse becomes a genuine choice.… Read more »

Yollo Comanche
Guest
Yollo Comanche

@Blaximus “Just because a man marries he should never give up ownership of his sexuality. Ever. To anyone. He can decide to exclusively share it, but he ultimately owns it always. This crazy shit about women having the pussy, so they make the rules, makes me laugh until my sides hurt. Gtfoh with that bullshit. Go rule somebody that’s willing to be ruled.” Oh shit, you’re sane again! @IB “Sounds potentially selfish and dangerous, doesn’t it? That’s why I keep bugging Tomassi about values, morals, because that’s what shapes what you “want” to do. But in a relationship, the wanting… Read more »

SJF
Guest
SJF

@ Jeremy “Way to go. Great stuff.” X10 Way to go indeed Jeremy, thanks for posting. I got my amplifier volume turned up to 8 so far and you sound like you turned yours up to nearly 11. Great job. I also notice the change to only the occasional shit test these days and I respond to them by using them to my advantage. And when I do that with skill, she feels more confident about her trust in me. Not surprising how that works. I also find her recognition of Masculinity in real time. The Trumpening has also done… Read more »

dr zipper
Guest
dr zipper

@Sentient – As good and true as the high-level dogs/cats DPA stuff you espouse is, the examples you give from your own experience demonstrate the concepts. It’s these real life examples that show me how they manifest to practical application. Pure platinum my friend, thanks again. More please. @Jeremy – you’re at the same place I was up until a short while ago. Everything was working, wife appreciative, horny, eager to please, etc. This post’s comments made me remember another factor that was likely playing a huge role in both my success and failure to secure the solution long-term. There… Read more »

Jeremy
Guest
Jeremy

@Blax – Cheating. Great points. The cheating really wasn’t about being so horny that I needed to get laid. In my case it was a conscious decision… a Rubicon I needed to cross… Me saying to myself “Okay…There’s no going back now.” Not recommending it as a strategy by any means, but in my case I determined it was necessary. As for the experiences themselves — meh. Actually much prefer sex with the (now desirous) wife, and so don’t feel particularly compelled to do it again. What is fun as hell though, and something I picked up from reading some… Read more »

Boxcar
Guest
Boxcar

@Insanity has a good response to Marko here. Of course men’s capacity to do harm is something that any moral system or organized society needs to address.* Rollo does not really touch this, and that seems to be Insanity’s chief complaint. But as she said on a previous comments section, it is the idea of men being bad, not the idea of men being good, that inspires women’s affection. Rollo can only get at that truth, through unambiguous analysis, and avoiding the rabbit hole of moral advice. I would also add that, if a man needs some blogger to tell… Read more »

SJB
Guest
SJB

Sounds potentially selfish and dangerous, doesn’t it?

Perhaps you can offer your concern to young men who are selfishly leaving their community and dangerously migrating en mass to other countries. I’m sure they’ll leave you feeling appreciated.

kfg
Guest
kfg

“Of course men’s capacity to do harm is something that any moral system or organized society needs to address.”

Is there any paucity of that in our society?

” . . . a man needs some blogger to tell him how to act morally . . .”

That is essentially IB’s premise. Yes. In fact, she seems to believe that three are essential reading. There is some indication that there are a few lesser lights that she considers worthwhile reading as well, but that they do not reach the hights of The Three.

Boxcar
Guest
Boxcar

@whywasiblue
“Most of the women out there have it driven into their heads that they have to be Strong Independent Women just like men are beaten into Beta-hood. They have their own red pill to swallow.”

That’s an important point, one that gets lost in the whole us-vs-them nature of RP discourse.

Feminists tell women that they are men with different body parts. So when a woman struggles emotionally with that “strong independent” stuff, she is made to feel like it is a personal failing. Of course the real reason is that men and women are wired differently.

Boxcar
Guest
Boxcar

@kfg “Is there any paucity of that in our society?” No, that’s exactly my point! The problem between men and women is not that masculinity is running amuck (again, we at least have crime statistics on male violence). But it’s probably a hardwired thing for us (men… danger) that makes it easy for feminists to sell this narrative. Even Trump played on social anxieties regarding ‘untamed men’ to get votes. And IB likewise has an emotional tripwire regarding this when she reads Rollo’s stuff (even when basically agreeing with the underlying premise). The idea that we have to protect women… Read more »

theasdgamer
Guest

@Softek, @Sentient, @SJF Sentient: Most likely it is not comfort or validation it is resolution she is seeking. She wants to know where she stands with Softek. Softek: She saw me with a younger girl who was all over me and freaked out. Freaking out comes from the midbrain. Dread is operative here. The midbrain invokes the cortex and gives control to the cortex, so you get “Where do I stand”, but you need to address the real situation which is in the midbrain. You might say, “Ah, you know how I feel about you” as you pull her in… Read more »

Ang Aamer
Guest

I agree with the go red pill all the way or not at all. This is hard to do. We have a whole society invested in a concept of romantic love that is fantasy hiding a biological reality. The happiest men I know are those who have LTRs but have no outward trappings of commitment to their relationships. They sometimes have children, but invariably their women look at the men as if they can do no wrong. These women worship their men in ways most find offensive. I have seen married up wives try to talk “some sense” into the… Read more »

1 2 3 5