Big Fish

It’s likely readers here have been following my twitter threads about the Anthony Bourdain suicide and I’ve been discussing the particulars about his death on Pat Campbell’s show and the Red Man Group for almost 2 weeks now. As readers know I’ve personally dealt with two suicides under circumstances  like this and I’ve picked apart dozens more over the years I’ve been writing. I’ve got a pretty good idea why old Beta guys off themselves.

But the Beta part is only one aspect of the story. Anthony being a ‘paper alpha’ is certainly an aspect too, but the more I dig into the background of the “love of his life”, Asia Argento, the more the puzzle pieces fit together. This bitch was a piece of work. If you watched the Red Man Group last Saturday I explained why I don’t think she was a BPD case (borderline personality disorder), but after reading this thread I’m beginning to change my mind:

So, she’s a witch. A literal witch, and all of her ‘sisterhood’ are witches are too. You can digest that however you feel is necessary, but this is a 42 year old woman who practices literal witchcraft – which is an extension of feminism with a pagan spiritual  woo woo magical thinking whipped into the mix. I really need to do a more expansive post on Chick Crack soon.

But, even this isn’t what I want to confront you with. What I want to raise your awareness to is something I’ve never really had an occasion to explore until now; Anthony Bourdain was a very big fish.

Anthony Bourdain (AB) was a long term, life-long, Beta. He was every bit of what I call a ‘terminal Beta‘. Yes, he had the Bad Boy thing working for him and if you want to get a more complete idea about his past Black Label Logic has a great piece on his blog you really ought to read. But, with respect to Bourdain’s understanding of intersexual dynamics he was very much a Beta.

People immediately gave me shit for naming him such. That was expected. He’s Anthony-fucking-Bourdain and I’m just some “half-assed self-published Red Pill writer, what the fuck do I know, right?” Well, I knew enough to recognize the profile of a Contextual Alpha who’d been plugged into his Blue Pill conditioning for 61 years and the huge mark he put on himself by being so publicly co-dependent on the idea of the soul mate myth. Anthony had been through 2 wives. The most recent one cheated on him with her MMA fighter / personal trainer he no doubt was paying to “train” his soon-to-be ex wife. I have no doubt AB would’ve attempted to lock down Asia Argento because this is what overly possessive, perpetually mate guarding Beta men do when a woman approaches his “dream girl” ideal. His social media was rife with declarations about how happy he was to have finally met his ‘kindred spirit’ soul mate (and self-avowed Wiccan) Asia Argento. AB sincerely believed his ship had come in. The woman who would finally complete him (this time) was at last in his life.

In every Instagram image, every Tweet, AB was gushing about how he’d never been happier as he cuddled with Asia like a boy who loves his mother. Intermixed with these images were many others with him in classic possessive-Beta encroaching posture – interposing arms like an affectionate headlock, while she looked away wistfully, or directly at the camera with the look of a woman who knows the Beta she’s with is deadweight to her Hypergamy.

Big Fish and the Cookie Lady

There is a larger dynamic at play in all this, one I probably could add an addendum to in my second book, Preventive Medicine. An aging Beta male, and particularly one with a notable amount of money, success, fame or status is a big fish for a necessitous woman. A woman who’s long practiced in using her sexual agency to its best advantage with men knows a prime target in an older man who’s never unplugged himself from his Blue Pill conditioning. Bourdain was one such big fish, and his Blue Pill conditioning, his eager white knighting and immediate deference to the feminine, his soul mate idealism would’ve been instantly recognizable to a 42 year old woman long accustomed to being the center of orbit for many a prior Beta.

I don’t want to call it an epidemic, but there is a set of women who look for aging men with resources to befriend and pretend they have a genuine interest in. Men with even moderate means and a Blue Pill conditioned idealism that ‘love springs eternal’ are prime targets for women who can read and assess that man’s state from years of practice. A woman who shows interest in a man who’s been starved for affection, sex and a real connection with a woman (married or not) will seem like more than an oasis in the desert. She’ll appeal to his romantic, idealistic Beta soul; a last chance at ‘true happiness’, a true miracle, as he enters his old age.

My own father was one such target for a woman we called the ‘cookie lady’.

My dad passed away from complications of Alzheimer’s/dementia before he was 72, but before his dementia had really become apparent the ‘cookie lady’ had already made a mark of my dad. My father was also what I’ve called a terminal Beta. He never unplugged to his dying day and lived a life based on the old set of books, being a good provider, dutiful, responsible and he was perpetually disappointed by the women in his life never reciprocating with their intimacy and appreciation the ‘rules’ clearly stated should happen. They never loved him in the way he thought women ought to be capable of loving him. Nevertheless, dad always clung to the (noble?) belief that if he saved his pennies and was of the highest service to women that eventually, one day, his efforts and quality would be appreciated by the right woman. He was a good example of the Savior Schema.

The ‘cookie lady’ understood all of this – all of dad’s Blue Pill conditioning, the way he thought the world and women should work, the old social contract investments, his idealism about women, everything – all of it in less than a week. She really wasn’t all that different from my step-mother in that respect, but at this late in the game, at her age, and noticing the subtle hints of cognitive degeneration in dad, the stakes were much higher for her long term security. I should also add that I would include my own mother in this schema; she’s a lovable loon, but she knew a good opportunity for security back in the 60s, so it may be my father had a knack for attracting this type of woman due to his Blue Pill idealism.

The reason we called this woman the ‘cookie lady’ was because she always brought my dad fresh baked cookies when she was trying to play into his Blue Pill end-of-life last ditch hope for happiness. We never knew her real name and if it hadn’t been for my dad getting very upset with us for preventing him from rewriting the ‘cookie lady’ into his will and power of attorney within the first month of her ‘dropping by’ we may very well have been suckered into her scam too.

Respect Your Elders

It was this incident that opened up a whole new understanding of the Red Pill and intersexual dynamics for me. I think it may be important going forward in Red Pill awareness to consider how intersexual dynamics and the Feminine Imperative affect generations of older men. My brother and I had to really watch out for similar scams to take advantage of my dad’s condition and his Blue Pill mindset that was making him a target. It wasn’t until this incident that I did a bit of research to find out how common this scam really is. In a sense it’s one more angle on the ‘stripper effect’ for younger, desperate, men for whom the feigned attention of the stripper, the kino, the deferent concern, is more seductive than her sexuality. It feeds a deeper emptiness. In a young man, in an Incel, just the possibility for that connection can become an obsession. For an older man, who’s been starved of the same (in or out of marriage) for the better part of his life, it seems like a storybook ending all his Blue Pill conditioning told him was possible. And what would a man like that give for on last shot at that idealistic ‘love’?

When Will We Face the Facts about Suicide in Older Men?

The instance of elderly men’s suicide is something not too many people want to talk about. Much of what I’ve read about it throws out a lot of feminist boilerplate about how old masculine ideals are to blame, but as expected, it uses this ‘toxic’ masculinity narrative to cover the uglier truths. Most men are Betas. Most men spend their lives wondering why all the Blue Pill hopes they sincerely believe are possible just don’t happen for them. They blame themselves, or they blame others, but they never really unplug because their existence was centered on the certainty that Blue Pill dreams come true if they can just work on the relationship harder or they made more money or if they’d only met a more perfect ‘soul mate’ in the story that is their life.

Anthony Bourdain fit this profile to the letter. And while it may not have been Asia Argento’s conscious, forethought purpose to gravy-train him, his Blue Pill, Beta, perspective had to have been apparent to her. On some level of consciousness she knew he had the capacity for self-harm as an extension of this. It’s exactly why she pleaded to the paparazzi who photographed her on the streets of Rome with her far more Alpha lover Hugo Clement, not to publish the photos. For all the guilty foreshadowing from Rose McGowan trying to convince the public who adored Bourdain about their “relationship without borders”, the truth is deathly apparent that Bourdain’s idealism believed otherwise.

Asia Argento didn’t kill Anthony Bourdain, but in what she represented to his Blue Pill mind, her actions were the catalyst that prompted his suicide. Yes, he was depressed. Yes, maybe he was on Chantix (we’ll never know now that his body was cremated unceremoniously, without a toxicology screening and against his family’s wishes). Yes, he was a hard drinker, drug addict and had suicidal thoughts before (after his 2nd divorce), but he killed himself 3 days after the pictures of his “soul mate” and Hugo Clement were published.

I think the bigger lesson here is a wake up call for older men who are still plugged into the Blue Pill Matrix as well as those who’ve become Red Pill aware much later in life. I’m of the opinion that it’s never too late to unplug and live a Red Pill aware life, but I will concede it’s a lot to lay on a guy who’s lived most of his life plugged in. Looking back on decision after decision influenced by a Blue Pill conditioning, influenced by a set of rules you believed others were playing by and then seeing the results of those decisions and wreckage that followed. It’s one thing to be “awakened while married” when you’re in your early 40s, but it’s quite another to realize Red Pill truths when you’re 70 and maybe have another good 10 years to live if you took care of yourself. That’s a rough realization.

In Positive Masculinity I stressed the importance of Red Pill aware men being mentors for boys and younger men and helping to raise them out of the influences of the Feminine Imperative’s Village, but I think it’s going to be important to mentor and protect the interests of older men as they age in a Blue Pill mindset and become Red Pill aware.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

740 comments on “Big Fish

  1. Ya, Asia Argento was a piece of work who managed to stand out in a field full of head cases. I have never really understood why guys like Bourdain don’t use their fame and money to gets tons of casual and paid sex. Will soon write a post about my thoughts on that incident.

    A bit off topic, here is my most recent post on how the MeToo movement in Hollywood is almost certain to elicit a particularly nasty and personal form of blowback..

  2. The vigilent citizen link was disturbing. Don’t know how any man could take that seriously. Obvious pump and dump category not to be taken seriously. Not worth the investment.

  3. Yep. Pretty sure you nailed it, RT.

    If one is not Red Pill aware and conscious of both the social constructs and biological underpinnings at play… then, combined with underlying ‘organic’ concerns (e.g. mood, anxiety disorders) and the seemingly ubiquitous Cluster B, hyperG scourge out there…you know too well where things can go.

    What an interesting species we are…


  4. Being 63 myself l totally get what his mindset must have been like. He had everything a man could want except a woman who had his back. None of the rest of it meant much to him without the other. Trust me, it takes an enormous amount of will power to keep on going at 60* and find a new mission in life when you realize everything you ever believed about life is bullshit. It just seems pointless to go on….been there and it’s a very bad place.

  5. ‘Paper Alpha’ thats a great term and absolutely spot on. Its a good reminder of the contextual alpha theme. AB was clearly a bad ass alpha type in the world of foodies, and thats how must of the public would see him, a real mans man. But privately he was a clear Beta who was taken advantage of by the women in his life.

    Im trying to understand why how was like that. But it could be that he struggled to reconcile how his craft of food and cooking can bring people together and create a genuine feeling of togetherness and good, something he was passionate about. Yet, this same philosophy and approach could not deliver the same resutls in his private life with the women in his life.

  6. I am also 63 and lived the vast majority of my life deep in the Blue Pill mythology, even being Captain Save-A-Ho by marrying a single mother with two daughters. As an aside, the girls were fine until their hormones started to flow and then they both turned into exactly what you would expect of women coming of age in the late 1990s and early 2000s.

    I divorced all three of them and was totally broke as a result. At age 41 I started over and did very well. At age 47 I fucked up again by seducing (or was it the other way around) a married 9 who was looking for a way out of her vanilla suburban marriage. She was 18 years younger than me. I married her at age 49 and was very happy with her for the next 5 years.

    Then she started to turn. I was too blinded by love to know that once a cheater always a cheater. Don’t get me wrong – being an adulterer myself with her is something I am deeply ashamed of.

    Year 7 of the marriage is when the writing was on the wall, but I couldn’t see it. Long story short, I came home from work one day to be arrested in my driveway on a DV charge cooked up by her and her 2 female cop friends. The kangaroo court passion play crucifixion almost landed me in prison. I came out the other end of the sausage grinder a totally broken man in every sense of the word. This Kafkaesque nightmare started in November of 2011 and the legal system did not finish with me until April 2013. I was broke, unemployable, and severely depressed at age 59.

    If not for the support of my blood family and the one true friend who never left my side, I would have been on the streets. I ended up living in an ancient 24′ motor home for 3 years.

    November 2014 was the low point. I was hanging on by the end of rope staring down into the abyss wondering if letting go was the best option. At least the nightmare of my life would be over. And then a miracle happened. MGTOW found me. I literally owe my life to Life After Women and Sandman plus many others.

    The point of my tale is that older Blue Pill men can be successfully Red Pilled, but it takes a trauma of Biblical proportions to do it. The only question is – can they survive it. Red Pill truth can save a man, but he has to know about it and that is the hard part.

    I believe I have completed the MGTOW philosophical journey and found the answers to the great questions of “why” and “how”. I am not pleased with what I found but am glad I did. I now live a very happy and content life in this world of insanity.

    Back to Bourdain. As I told my friend; If we MGTOW had found Bourdain or he could have found us the man would still be alive today. The fact of the matter is MGTOW saves lives – God only knows how many.

    To end on a light hearted note – can’t you just see an episode of Parts Unknown with an enlightened Bourdain in Thailand spewing Red Pills all over the place between shots and hookers. Cheers.

  7. I am 63, nearly 64 and it took 3 marriages to finally get a clue. Although I lost a chunk with number one (she was unhappy after 27 years), faced a BPD with number two (I left after 7 months), and got blindsided with an “Eat.Love.Pray” thing after 7 years by number three. BTW, this was the one that turned me to the Red Pill. I had a child commit suicide on top of that and was a textbook example of being “zeroed out” at age 60. For some reason, I picked myself up off of the broken glass and re-built. I’m in better shape than I ever was in my 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s and wear the same pant size I wore in basic training in 1971. I now have a successful business and live alone with my two dogs and couldn’t be happier. I get all kinds of “cookie ladies” of all ages and I don’t care how cute they are, they get no commitment from me. AB had what my son had and just couldn’t kick it. It’s sad and it’s tragic but I agree with Rollo that the dude was Beta to the core on top of his malfunctioning brain chemistry.

    There is such a thing as old guys waking up. I’ve met several of them IRL and tons more online. Even if I die of a heart attack tomorrow, I’ll do so with a greater understanding of masculinity and especially of women. This has given me peace…seriously. There don’t seem to be any venues for older RP men however. This is sad but I DGAF. I work. I play. Why hell, I even play music and will leave a jumping party early to let the dogs out. Shows you where my priorities are.

    For the young guys: Even later in life, you still want to get laid
    For the older guys: All women with grown children will always treat you as an accessory. Never expect a deep conversion from them. Always keep your distance.

    I like AB’s shows. They inspired me to travel more….solo.

  8. Maybe that was because Anthony had blue pill beta father and there was no one to teach him other ways.

  9. Foreign women who lure old men visiting their countries are prime examples of the “cookie lady” types. Once they get a green card, they’ll quickly divorce and leave the old man for some younger dude.

  10. Thanks again Rollo. Great post and also great to see comments from older blokes like me.

  11. “This bitch was a piece of work.”

    Shots fired! Enemy engaged.

    Sisterhood of the witches will retaliate. Possible response to expect – media shaming, doxing, spell casting, #metoo scandal, pour girls will be deployed.

    Activate defence protocols, keep your hair and clothes safe from being stolen and used in spell castings, deploy Mike Pence Rule.

  12. Great post Rollo

    I know one of these predator women ,she likes her marks to be in their seventies and beleives they are all sexual deviants or sex addicts,this helps her to rationalize taking advantage of them.

    She is an alpha widow many times over.What I find most interesting is given her history (she should be behind bars) alpha still works on her.

  13. necessitous woman is the perfect phrase to contrast with desirous woman. While I do not remember where I read it, I recall a description of a female chimp presenting to a male who had captured and killed a small gazelle; she fed after he dismounted. Not genuine desire but a necessary desire.

    The Bourdain-Argento-Clement triangle is a clear example of a female’s survival drive (BB) and breeding drive (AF) – Argento wanted to have that last, barely viable egg bathed in alpha-juice. As if she would, or could, carry to term.

    May Bourdain rest in peace.

  14. This isn’t really relevant to this article but it is relevant to the #metoo movement moving on to ban “unenthusiastic consent” to sex:
    Google “Chris Hardwick Chloe Dykstra” to see the immediate impact to this guy for his ex-girlfriend claiming he forced her into unenthusiastic sex (by intimating he would break up with her).

  15. @AD

    That’s the mind-set of Blue Pill. He was looking for a “soul-mate” not lots of paid and casual sex.

  16. Another good post! I want to call something out because it assumes something I am not sure is accurate.

    “…to befriend and pretend they have a genuine interest in”

    The operative word is “pretend”. Did she “pretend” to have interest in him or have “genuine interest in him”, just not the same way a man, especially a beta mindset man, would have interest, or prefer her to have interest. How often do women knowingly use a man vs. either willingly absolve themselves of any responsibility by not thinking about it or simply unconsciously act on their beta-bucks instincts?

    I have seen women operate with men in this scenario with all the (outward appearance anyway) of sincere love and tenderness of a 16 year old in her first romantic beta attraction. I have also seen clear indifference that some men mysteriously ignore and/or misread. The shades of gray exist too, but the word “pretending” seems subjective here without more evidence.

  17. Palmasailor

    Good call on the psychological diagnosis. To clarify, BPD is Borderline Personality disorder (not bipolar), same cluster B as Histrionic Personality disorder. It would be that Borderlines are more necessitous (feel themselves to have fewer options) than HPD’s.

    From Wikipedia:

    A Mnemonic that can be used to remember the characteristics of histrionic personality disorder is shortened as “PRAISE ME”:

    Provocative (or seductive) behavior
    Relationships are considered more intimate than they actually are
    Influenced easily by others or circumstances
    Speech (style) wants to impress; lacks detail
    Emotional lability; shallowness
    Make-up; physical appearance is used to draw attention to self
    Exaggerated emotions; theatrical

    And good call on the 9 month rule. Roissy/Heartiste once make the assertion that BPD chicks are fine as long as you exit the relationship with them when your ball-sack runs dry, which is generally 9 months. (and preferably not exiting by hanging yourself, because other guys, associates and parents might care to still have you around.) (I had an experience with a BPD chick 34 years ago. She left me after 9 months. I thought it was a great experience in an Antifragile way. It was like golfing in a 2 1/2 club windy, rainy, cold day–miserable. And the next day you walk out on the golf course to a windless, sunny calm day to a beautiful new life. Once more, Antifragile. Helps, and is, essential to be Red Pill. Side note–YaReally used to brag about engaging with BPD’s for sport 2 % of the time, to stay hardened and on top of his game, good for him.)

  18. A Mnemonic that can be used to remember the characteristics of histrionic personality disorder is shortened as “PRAISE ME”:

    Provocative (or seductive) behavior
    Relationships are considered more intimate than they actually are
    Influenced easily by others or circumstances
    Speech (style) wants to impress; lacks detail
    Emotional lability; shallowness
    Make-up; physical appearance is used to draw attention to self
    Exaggerated emotions; theatrical

    Exactly right.

    I was in a relationship with an HPD (she had a diagnosis actually) back in the early noughts for about a year. Pretty much every single one of those showed up at one point or other, but from my experience the primary aspect was attention-seeking. The desire for attention was endless, ever-present, all-consuming, and the appetite for it was voracious. Beneath that, there was no real actual intimacy because the ability to feel actual emotions on a deep level was absent — it wasn’t that she didn’t want to, or didn’t wish to, it’s that she couldn’t.

    If you ever encounter one of these, run. All I can say — run.

  19. Thanks to Rollo it is easy to be a philosophical detective and avoid the life altering pitfalls by recognizing women’s true motives.what are the implications of her actions and statements?

    Be selfish don’t take the bait, stay Red Pill aware. Over time the special glasses and the No Fucks Given is a superpower. Rather be an asshole than a pussy. Peace

  20. she was the princess in her social cirlcle?

    @Palma —

    Yes she was — I think they normally try to make sure of that so that they are the center of attention at all times.

  21. @palma

    “she was always fast to accuse me of narcissism etc.. as a pre emotive strike.”

    You say she compliments you to begin a row?

    Them’s odd women.

  22. I would imagine there is a higher incidence in single / divorced older women so many a man who re enters the dating market is very likely to encounter one.

    Go Figure: the AsiaA/RoseM Sisterhood #MeeeToooo’s Cabal has an enabling effect no matter how RoseM wants to spin it. Numbers will increase along with the Tim Ferris billboard saying: ” “You are the average of the five bitches people you most associate with.”


    A non-sequitur aside:

    Re: Jeff Bezos’ father waltzing into the U.S. (not that there is anything wrong with that…), and the separation of family and child at the Mexican Border tizzy….

    Back 8 years ago when my daughter and my wife and son were going down to Mexico with a bunch of other families for high school senior year Spring Break, Mexico deported her ass (actually wouldn’t let her in the country). I wasn’t going, because wasting a week poolside wasn’t my thing. I did anticipate my wife or kids misplacing their passports. I made photo copies of the passports and gave them the copies, but didn’t notice my daughter’s had expired. (they renew after 5 years for 13 y.o. children, because their faces change so much then, instead of 10 year. So @ 18 y.o. hers had expired.) As she’s passing through security on the outbound flight, the employee checking ID’s casually mentions to her that her passport is expired. She gets on the plane and flies down to Mexico. They wouldn’t let her in. Separated from her family, but a young adult. She flew back to Chicago with another woman who had the same predicament and got a one day passport on Saturday, then flew back down. She followed the law of border crossing. And I paid for it (plane flight).

  23. Great post. Being 63, and a AB fan, from a culinary perspective, his Beta tells were many. Famous men seem to be conflicted in maintaining alpha posture as it risks revealing their asshole side. Many men suppress this “inner asshole”, thinking it will offend women, or compromise their hard- earned social standing. Famous men also suffer the conflict of swoooping up random available pussy at will, or settling for equally famous arm candy in the form of approved socialites, who are welcome at the various social functions where these movers and shakers gather.

    I’ve never married, thanks to a healthy fear supported by observing many older dudes, including my brother, getting their deserved reaming by divorce before thirty. Raised three out of wedlock. (interesting term!!!)

    My natural alpha posture was diminished, though not completely washed, by BP indoctrination, until after 50 when my kids were shacked with me, as their mothers got their independent groove on. Then I started to notice considerable SMV as I lived and raised my teens next to a college campus.

    Remodeling a shabby ex-frat house, newly minted of-age chicks walked by all day as I worked shirtless with beats blasting from my sound system. As an all phases self builder, in stone, masonry and timbers primarily, any given day I could be using any number of powerful tools on display. These passer by kept a watchful eye on my progress, stopping regularly between classes to chat and share watermelon. I took a few out to the forest woodcutting or engaged them in chipping and setting stones.

    I was beyond desiring additional breeding so locking down any of these ripe peaches, was hardly on the agenda. A couple of them passed on to other younger bros to raise families.

    As my offspring hit adulthood and moved on, so did I. Spent the next decade riding deep pow, holing up at for a year or two, at some of the west’s best resorts, and knocking off more than a few prime snowbunnies between storms.

    Now reaching beyond 60, the swarm of interest is overwhelming. Hardly have time for all this pleasure. Building is still far more satisfying than burning through too many hours between the thighs.

    I resist engaging chicks intellectually or as polite friends. They may be capable intellects, but that is not why they have accepted my engagement. They expect me to be aloof, too busy for them, nor do they expect me to respect their relative apprenticeship in life. They simply dig the company of an accomplished man who is at ease in all stations.

    These golden years were never offered up as motivation to stay healthy and fit. I just knew
    by instinct, that life would come full circle by doing so. Staying healthy was natural as I am not rich and depend solely on my fitness to be productive. No pension, no insurance, no assets. Still a dirtbag farmer and chicks dig it.

    As I was forced to respond to Sentient, who assumed he had met with some BP troll, a couple of posts back, my “room” is a shack in the mountains stacked with tools, a toilet that flushes by bucket, and I bathe in 2 gallons of stove heated water. Ill say it again, chicks dig it.

    Chicks are remarkably non-judgemental to the man they see as alpha. They quiver in respect of such a man. They constantly justify their every move for approval. As a younger man, I was turned off by this lack of confidence in the chicks I entertained. It is now understood this is a sign of their worship of a man of considerable viable seed.

  24. Btw, no policy separating children from non abusive parents is in any way, shape or form just.

    Whether it’s at a fucking border, or in a divorce court.

  25. Currently, in the United States, the demographic most susceptible to suicide is middle aged, college educated white men, middle class on up.

    Why do we suppose THAT might be? Could it be the millions of those men chewed up in divorce courts, strip mined of their assets, barred from seeing their children, and jailed periodically for nonpayment of alimony/child support (as happened to actor John Schneider)?

    Robin Williams – one of the reasons he kept working at such a feverish pace was that he had 2 ex wives to support…. And I submit one of the reasons he killed himself. Oh, yes, I know about the reports he was showing signs of early parkinsons. OK. But I doubt he offed himself because of that. We’ll never truly know, but I believe a prime reason he offed himself was his looming inability to meet his alimony obligations.

  26. Slightly veering off topic your last few paragraphs touching on the realisation that others weren’t playing by the same set of rules is very personal to me and is much broader than inter gender dynamics I think.

    Of course women are both the metaphor and measure of a man’s success but I think we’re sometimes guilty in the sphere of putting ourselves (men) on the pedestal when we can be by turns heroic and hideous.

    It was as illuminating to me to know that many men were playing “The Game” – one that consisted not of being a good person, being a nice person and working hard.

    No men by blood or freindship ever helped me out either. Just eccentric and brilliant little known/much pilloried North American authors.

    Not hard to fight the bad ones Male or female once the Queensbury Rules are ditched.

  27. Men who get divorced in today’s society should not remarry, under any circumstances. Sure. Talk to them. Date them. Have sex with them. But don’t live with them. Don’t marry them. Because “Cookie Ladies” and Cluster B’s are too numerous and too subtle and too seductive. They just are.

    It’s just one reason of many why I ‘ve said that if my current, and only, marriage ends for any reason, I will never remarry. I’ve also added to that, that I will never again live with a woman or commit resources to her.

  28. @ Blaximus

    Isn’t traipsing you kid across the desert to enter in a country illegally abuse?

  29. I will again request that Rollo address alcoholism as a “Beta Tell”, and poison to the real alpha.

    Alcohol is marketed as the lubricant that makes a hardy man.

    Alcohol is marketed as macho, attracting the less than macho, to swilling gut building sow piss.

    Alcohol is also marketed to the bumbling beta male. Some of the goofy ad campaigns for cheap beer have featured bloated basement boys celebrating their mediocre challenges and “victories”.

    Even the milk industry chimes in with building strong bodies and Got Milk campaigns revelling in the time honored male habit of cracking the milk jug and chugging directly from the container in front of the fridge, an adolescent ritual carried to adulthood by a few manboys.

    Milk is for baby cows, not for human children or especially men. It comes from female ruminant teets. It is formulated by nature to bring a calf from a hundred pounds to a thousand in a year.

    A real man would do better by drinking bull semen but that’s for the jackass crew.

    Drink and diet are tells, of many things. Habits are formed early on and carried with vengeance and defensiveness through life.

    Breaking childset habits are necessary to a man set on shaping his world to his needs.

  30. @ drew

    Being American we have no idea what drives people because our circumstance blunts empathy and understanding to a great degree.

    I’ve driven from Phoenix to Nogales and only then did it strike me what it would take to be ” traipsing ” around in the desert, and what kind of motivation it would take.

    Yes, illegal activity is illegal activity. Turn them back.

  31. OK let’s see what happens here…

    Robin Williams was in a pickle for another key reason: he did not learn from his mistakes. He had no prenup with either wife, and was palimonied for other sprog generations with nannies, etc. Never learned from it.

    Another striking parallel with AB is Kurt Cobain. ( I know there’s a TRM Kurt fan here will take umbrage, too bad). Look at the HBO doc on him, and Courtney Love’s description of his final days. As she tells it, she had the hots for some other guy, who hotted himself back at her. Kurt got wind of this hot mess using his “psychic energy” or some shit, though Love insists she didn’t boff the guy. Then Kurt topped himself.

    Except when you see the film you know right away the story is shit: she fucked Mr. Hot raw. Maybe more than once. Besides Kurt was all mopey and no fun to be around, hey a girl’s gotta have some happy happy joy joy after all.

    And Kurt was hitting the anti depressants just like AB and Chris Cornell too, do too many of those and they have a rebound effect, making the anxiety worse, not better.

    Really nice and enlightening to see the testimonies from our senior officers. Nice to get their perspectives, more please, we need to hear from you gentlemen. Also ol’ Uncle Fred here is approaching that vaunted demographic hisself, I got some larnin’ to do from y’all.

    Besides I’m in there with all the other old Deadheads/hangovered hippies/Baby Boomers who worked so hard to destroy Western Civilization as we know it. The planet’s all yours now kids! So long and thanks for all the fish!

  32. I haven’t visited this site for a while and decided to check it out again. I scroll down on the main site and notice that there’s a recent article on incels. I’m thinking: scrib has probably spammed the comment section already with one lame-ass post after another.

    I open the article, scroll down…

    …yeah. I was exactly right.

  33. @Uncle Fred Flange

    Which brings up the Red Pill Question: Who was more at fault AB or AA (and the Sisterhood of the occultish HPD’s)? (H/T to Rian Stone RedManGroup for that).

    Same for Cultivator’s Alcoholism question.

    A Red Pill man certainly would side on the former: It’s the guys own damn fault because he should have know better (should not have been ignorant) and should have selected better. And once selecting well, the woman is a reflection of the man.

    In a Blue Pill world? That’s a mine field. That’s shark infested waters without a safety net.

    Random, disjointed thoughts follow….On both accounts, Blue Pill-ism and Alcoholism, there is in the vein of Marc Lewis’ Biology of Desire, certain ways to brain functions so if you are not paying attention, getting in troubles is just normal human brain functions. Same as obesity. Evolution programmed you body to hunt and gather, intermittent fast and stay alive. With Carbs-O-Plenty, obesity is normal brain operating procedure?

    Moral of the story? Don’t be ignorant. Wake up and don’t be on autopilot unless you are perfect in every way.

    Should much time be spent on how things ought to be? Who’s fault things are? or what is the best way to proceed forward?

    As an aside to Cult-I-Vader: You are correct about the Alcohol Marketing. As it ever was and ever will be. And an allegedly beta alcoholic will go with his reference experiences, foundational beliefs (including lifelong exposure to advertising and social peer pressure–everyone’s doing it., theories, judgments, and beliefs (In Other Words that guys Unconscious). Unless he changes that foundational Unconscious basis for his former ways, he can’t get to the Threshold (Liminal Space, Liminal Thinking, Learning and Doing Anew) of changing (of course he shouldn’t be there in the first place. But then again Anthony Bourdain should have gotten his head in the bathrobe belt noose by ignorance either….Good thing somebody invented the Manosphere and The Red Pill Awareness….)

  34. Nice avatar Wild Man.

    Do you not believe that in a LTR relationship, that a woman’s behavior is a reflection of the man’s virtues, abilities and practices?

    I do.

  35. “In Positive Masculinity I stressed the importance of Red Pill aware men being mentors for boys and younger men and helping to raise them out of the influences of the Feminine Imperative’s Village”

    without the old guys, we fail

    “So, she’s a witch.”

    part of the labeling of anything to do with men “liking” any part of women/femininity as blue pill goes to the heart of a tough idea –

    in the moment, hypergamy feels good when it’s working for you

    it feels really good

    and, because of the existence of the hamster, which “consciously” knows not what it does, it’s “real”

    when she’s trying to get your commitment…

    few things better (in the moment)

    not sure how it’s blue pill to admit that hot sex with girls feels really good

    but if it is then i’m blue pill


  36. If you don’t like your assigned avatar, please feel free to put one on your gravatar profile. Hint hint.

  37. @Blaximus

    Yeah right. Far be it for policy makers on both sides of the political spectrum to hide behind the vail of their self righteous moral authority use children as pons and accuse their opponent of the very same thing they are while exposing themselves as for what they truly are. A fucking hypocrite.


  38. “Of course women are both the metaphor and measure of a man’s success.”

    SJF – like – if you start believing that, that is pretty much gonna lead you down the road towards caring too much about the intersexual dynamic. That’s the conundrum isn’t it? You have to know about it (for alpha success), and the you also have to stop caring about it (for alpha success). To be honest the measure of your alpha success is a lot more abstract than that (success with women). But …., if you both know + don’t care ….. then, generally (you know – like ‘normatively’), the women around you are likely gonna be happier with their situation when it comes to being in the presence of a man like you then. But as well, your attitude towards that will be ‘so what?’

    So how do you mean it, with respect to this question of yours?:

    “Do you not believe that in a LTR relationship, that a woman’s behavior is a reflection of the man’s virtues, abilities and practices?”

    If you even mean something like – ‘hey – isn’t life dandy – looking at my women folk tells me so’ – wrong. Not alpha. Look – even bringing it up in the personal sense is a hallmark of ‘not alpha’. Unless you mean it like a non-personal observation around relationship norms …. a signal in the environment. OK then. But if you mean it like a personal observation about you and yours … not alpha.

    Strange how this works – eh?

    The first statement quoted above is clearly a value statement.

    The 2nd quote above (yours), …. it’s not clear if you meant that as a question about a value statement or meant that as a question about an observation statement. I suspect the first (based on your commenting history) and there is a big difference. A big difference in attitude. Is your question about knowing or about caring? See?

    That’s what I was driving at when I said the Darwin answers the grail question – ‘for whom does the grail serve?’ It doesn’t serve you personally – capisce? Alpha men operate within the abstract realm of the non-personal – capisce?

  39. Alpha is in the eye of the beholder, and only two beholders mean anything, the women that desire him, and oneself.

    In the case of oneself, it is the satisfaction of shaping life to one’s needs. Living on one’s own terms. In doing so, one elicits the other.

  40. “Alpha is in the eye of the beholder, and only two beholders mean anything, the women that desire him, and oneself. ”

    No. Alpha is ultimately about attitude and not about beholders, especially not the woman’s beholding. Wrong.

  41. @Wild Man

    “No. Alpha is ultimately about attitude and not about beholders, especially not the woman’s beholding. Wrong.”

    Agreed, its just the way of looking at the dynamic, beholding it, as it were… but absent the beholder(the woman at hand) you are the only one. Behold your own life.

    That’s why one begets another. Living on one’s terms is the attitude. And it comes first in the equation. The external beholder is the everyday plate you may be polishing for possible elevation to the china shelf.

    One needn’t look in the mirror every morning and state “what an alpha mofo…” Living like ya mean it, its living action.

    Who cares if the men in one’s sphere see you as a leader or shaker. That should be a given.

  42. “Joseph Goebbels would be proud of the left for quality of propaganda over “separating children from their families.””

    Yes, I’m just dumb-founded at the rallying and crying over this issue, yet dads (and moms too) are alienated from their kids routinely in USA family courts doesn’t get a f’ing mention at all by either political party except for independents. The picking and choosing for political weapons (on both parties) is surreal. I have not studied the separation at the border issue, to comment on the politics one way or another, but weaponizing kids doesn’t sit will with me.

    Maybe if parental alienation groups could somehow blame trump for parental alienation in family courts as well, then the attention of the left would be drawn to this issue. The left (at least in terms of feminzi’s) supports parental alienation, as they support women solipsism over children welfare, so that would never happen.

  43. Bourdain was such a shock, and knowing his second wife and some of the photos, the way she dissed him I did identify Bourdain a beta, or situational alpha. Which is surprising. The analysis is spot on here, he committed suicide days after those photos. There is no way he was open with Argento. He was they said ‘crazy in love.’ with, as his friends said, emphasis on crazy. He was in a last hope of happiness I believe, and when it was ruined, it was all ruined. He was exhausted, he wanted to please his bosses. He was beta on so many fronts. He was a spokesperson for liberal ideology. Did he believe it all? We will never know.

    I have one issue with all of this. Bourdain was at his heart and soul a writer. He could write pages and pages about taking out the garbage. His turns of phrase were amazing and insightful.

    Yet – we have heard nothing of a note. A suicide note from Bourdain would be to me almost a truism. There is no press report stating, he committed suicide and there was no note. The press typically identifies the presence of a note or not. In this instance, the press is silent. There was a note, and you can imagine what may have been in it. It is I believe somewhere, someone read it. It would be the painful lament of a man betrayed. A ‘My God My God why have you forsaken me.’ tome.

    I await its release someday.

  44. culti

    Living on one’s terms is the attitude. And it comes first in the equation.

    Just cut out the alcohol and milk though right? How are you on clean rooms?

  45. Rollo,
    Great essay. As a family physician, all too recently I have seen men of this age get zeroed out by divorce/custody/circumstances and face a hard choice: Kill the Beta and persevere. Or, kill themselves, and end everything. And it seems the epidemic of ‘Beta’ is the symptom of years of the FI degradation of men in their natural state–masculine–mentally and physically fit; able to face challenges, endure, and thrive.

    In light of linking the increased rates of male suicide to being ‘zeroed out,’ and not persevering on to see the ‘other side’ of the life-abyss, would you consider revisiting your “KILL THE BETA” essay and adding some updated thoughts?

    It seems you started with a great concept–eschewing the ‘road map for life’ trap–but perhaps there is a larger (perhaps life saving) point needing to be driven home for those BP men who need to unplug for their own survival. Getting from BP/Purple Pill comfort and belief in the ‘old books’ to unplugged awareness and RP resiliency requires KILLING THE BETA. Dialoging with other members of the ‘man-o-sphere’ on their pathways to becoming their ‘OWN MENTAL POINT OF ORIGIN’ is a valuable exercise for this forum.

  46. In a hypothetical news release, prosecutor Blaximus has said that he will no longer prosecute criminals. He cannot bring himself to incarcerate non-abusive parents because then the children would be separated from their families. Also, Blax said, the law prevents him from selectively prosecuting criminals. Therefore, Blax said, he will no longer prosecute criminals.

    Gamer responded hypothetically, saying, Blax has given a big Fuck You to murder victims and their families. And, on behalf of the murder victims and their families, Gamer hypothetically said, Fuck You to Blax. Heh.

  47. Ahhh, another set of excellent observations RT!

    There’s a lot to chew on in this post, but the self destruction points hit close to home with me.

    I’ve been trying to get a grip on this suicidal, +50 thing for 2 years now (unplugged for about 4-5). I am fairly sure that I will eat a .38 at some point, and I am not sure why.

    I grew up an athlete and a leader in sports and at school. I was the quarter back in Nada Surf. I wouldn’t start anything without my best work and still have a strong work drive. Later, that same commitment transferred into a marriage, and I became a “yes dear” beta servant because, as you say, IT’S IN THE COTRACT STUPID!” Far be it from me to not be the best beta in the world.

    Fast forward 24 years, and I have my alpha widow. You know where this goes now. I have been highly successful in business, but the provisioning draw is just not enough (hell, she gets the “stuff” anyway). I have been so wreckless with assets lately because I just don’t care.

    So, having read nearly all of your work, I think that I have a good understanding of what is going on here. But, it is not enough to just understand anymore. I’ve lived mgtow for a while, but I find myself increasingly asking myself what’s the fucking point? I do not care about material things, but I sort of wished that I did.

    I’m still working on it.

    Late life RP will show you how you fucked up in this game, but that’s a nic nac consolation prize.

  48. H8

    Welcome. You’ll find you’re not alone and much good will here.

    It’s easy to get manic focused on the present as you see the past as a way and future uncertain.

    In life or death combat firefight that focus comes in handy. A life is more a marathon that needs unbiased strategic planning. That can’t be done while contemplating your immediate self doubt.

    Step back from your bad thoughts. Don’t use them as a static comfort. It’s too easy to sit with yourfoolish regret than move on.

    Guys do exactly that then do rash things.

    So stick around and comment when it strikes you. There’s always an open ear nearby.

  49. @ cultivader

    “Milk is for baby cows, not for human children or especially men.”


    My mother wouldn’t even breast feed me. She told me: “Let’s just be friends.”

  50. So…

    This was another case of dream girls with dynamite dressed up as a dream witch and a bath robe belt.

    Thanks for digging into this one. I was having a hard time reconciling this one. You have done the homework on it for me. Thank you. In retrospect, it is very clear AB was beta as hell and not just with respect to women. Much of his discomfort with the world was with its competitive nature as he complained about capitalism and gentrification in literally every one of his productions. It was in fact a major theme of his as he emotionally clung to a romanticized nostalgia of the less economicly developed. He literally romanticized poverty in more than one instance.

    AB was perhaps one of the worlds most winning losers. Says a lot about the time we live in.

  51. Dream girls with dynamite played by a dream witch and a bath robe belt.

    Thanks for digging into this one. I was having a hard time reconciling it. You did the homework for me. Thank you.

    AB was beta with respect to more than women. Every episode reflected an emotional attachment to a nostalgia with less developed economic culture and a disdain for gentrification. He felt threatened by competition no doubt. Anthony Bourdain was perhaps one of the worlds most winning losers. Sign of the times.

  52. The posting of comments is very delayed and we do not know the system has accepted them until too long after the fact. Something has changed. This is why I posted twice. Also, A password is no longer required apparently.

  53. Well with witches and cookie ladies being given increasingly unchallenged exploitation of their hypergamy by the Feminine Imperative, monk mode might be a mandatory transition for men being awakened late in life until the red pill can be properly digested and internalized. Thanks again Rollo for another insightful essay.

  54. AB to me always had that air of defensiveness that I don’t associate with alpha—-kind of how I imagine Cult to be with always starting a paragraph of with “as a natural alpha”… alpha isn’t something you need to proclaim. It’s something you internalise and others will sense.

    AB’s suicide, Robin Williams and other recent tragic and untimely deaths remind us of that need for inner strength. No woman can make you whole or “complete” you.

    While we don’t know what specifically drove AB over the edge in reading recently about Robin Williams suicide there is a pattern of an ambivalent woman looming large in their lives.

  55. @ Fred Flange, GBFC (Great Books For Cucks)

    I also saw that HBO doco on Kurt & Courtney. I know she was a witch, for sure. Many years ago i took a well known USA band down to the legendary Great Ocean Road to surf and hang out for a nite after they had headlined a rock festival. Anyways, over dinner that nite the Tour Manager told us about working them both back in the day. He said that Kurt was a quite spoken, nice guy (alarm bells) and that Courtney was the devil in drag… Just like it played out. Kurt was very Blue Pill & Love (or hate) is just another opportunistic parasitic skank like AA…

    Us creative types have to watch our tendency towards Blue Pill romanticism. I know that’s what’s fucked me with women over the journey. Fortunately, my worst heartbreak was my first at 17…

  56. Wasn’t impressed with AB’s suicide. First heard of him from a book review then a bit on Netflix. Not impressed. He could have died a junkie’s death in back of the kitchen for all I care. I don’t understand the adulation people give to TV personalities.
    As far as being an old beta loser at 60+, well, too bad these guys never woke up. The knowledge is there for all to consume. The dissatisfaction of not having lived a life well-lived is perhaps present with all of them but they just don’t want to look at the beast least they turn to stone. So they go on living their pathetic high-school lives well into their 70s.

    Posting mostly to see my new avatar…

  57. Wild Man

    Of course women are both measure and metaphor of a man’s success


    Hypergamy doesn’t care…

  58. Well, i just watched a few Bourdain shows and did enjoy them, especially the one in Thailand. He was pretty cool. Shame about that Blue Pill, hey? I certainly miss the place and might go live there for a while myself soon, so i don’t know why he didn’t do that instead of topping himself over some nasty post-wall skank…

    Much more fun banging bargirls than chasing Western poozle, that’s for sure…

  59. AB suicide should put to rest the “power is sexy” canard.

    AB sexy was all image, no substance…like all the msm delivers.

    Collateral damage.

    Btw, his death will show how shallow a bench the media cultivates.

    I predict a female replacement of sorts.

  60. I don’t mean to pile on Asia (I’m lying), but I’m surprised it wasn’t mentioned in the article the T-shirt picture that she sent out hours before Bourdain’s suicide that was removed right after the suicide was announced (Fuck Everyone – You Know Who You Are with the Sid Vicious picture on it. Obviously targeted at Bourdain, who was referred to as the Sid Vicious of the cooking world. Otherwise, why did she take it down and it should be noted that Sid also committed suicide. To me, it was like Asia sending out a F You Go Kill Yourself message to him.

  61. AB was an artist, actor, cook. His best work was there, when he was creative vs. destructive.

    His suicide will fade into irrelavance but his work remains.

    Take note.

  62. I hope his suicide doesn’t fade into irrelevance. That’s the problem with men killing themselves, that it just doesn’t seem to count in this Brave New World, or Cowardly New World, as it actually is. I’ve taken a bit of a warming to him watching Parts Unknown tonight having never seen him before. But my opinion is obviously clouded with his suicide. He seems unsure of himself. Not quite present. It’s in his eyes. And that’s in Season 3. But i liked the way him and his mate got drunk and enjoyed themselves in the Thailand episode. It wasn’t as vanilla as mainstream shows (which i rarely watch) usually are. But i was thinking the same thing, Eh, that at least he left a body of work and was celebrated whilst he lived, as i sit here in my cave making another brilliant track that most likely very few people will ever hear…

  63. @Palma

    at the very least learn to recognise when it starts to happen.

    I don’t buy into BPD and HPD theory. I assume that some girls just need more attention or drama than normal and they get categorized as BPD or HPD.

    Drama. It starts small and builds from there.

    Calibration. It’s needed both for pickup and for relationships. Assume that you have to poll a girl’s signals. Don’t rely on noticing signals based on interrupts or you may end up with a lot more drama than you care for.

    If a girl needs drama (and all girls do from time to time), she will signal such by creating small dramatic events. When you see this, you should give her drama. Assume a fight and a makeup and proceed according to plan.

    What causes a girl’s need for drama? Life. Shit happens.

    It ain’t rocket surgery.

  64. Compare and contrast (she’s a bitch witch and then he dies…):

    From the OP: “Men with even moderate means and a Blue Pill conditioned idealism that ‘love springs eternal’ are prime targets for women who can read and assess that man’s state from years of practice. A woman who shows interest in a man who’s been starved for affection, sex and a real connection with a woman (married or not) will seem like more than an oasis in the desert. She’ll appeal to his romantic, idealistic Beta soul; a last chance at ‘true happiness’, a true miracle, as he enters his old age.”

    (judgemental red pill me still blames blue pill him.)

  65. “Hypergamy doesn’t care…”

    Hahaha – yes. Precisely. Thus, as the man, your job is to know this, and as such, don’t place too much importance on your endeavors with women. Enjoy these endeavors if you will, but as well you gotta realize, when it comes to women, what you are getting there in the exchange is – “I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden”. Truly. If it seems like a rose garden, even for a awhile, that’s an illusion. Don’t get lost in the non-existent rose garden for crissakes.

    Now none of this means we all can’t be good to each other and all that. But that goodwill, if you want to practice that, and have that in your life (I do ….. I would recommend that), ….. realize what the wellspring of that goodwill is. The wellspring of that goodwill is like the grail of the grail myth. The wellspring of that goodwill is non-personal. Funny how that works –eh? What actually binds us together is the non-personal, ….. and then the personal stuff overlayed on that, if unawares of it’s origination, is where the shitty stuff will be found.

    This is what we got here in this realm:

    The non-personal => informs the personal => which in turn, colors the non-personal

    Or, by way of the idea that Darwin answers the grail question:

    The Mold of Man => stamps the individual => which in turn, shapes the Mold of Man

    Life is like a never-ending art project. Alpha is akin to endeavoring to find the most artful way to live (DPA as informed by the non-personal). Don’t produce shit (i.e. – by way of the ‘personal’, not knowing it’s informed by the non-personal).

    And as well, on this man/woman polarity thing – it ‘s the man more-so who is the guardian of the non-personal. That’s the way it is. Maybe that’s because women are more-so the embodiment of the non-personal (like something Jordan Peterson would maintain by way of his comments around the feminine as representative of the chaos). I don’t really know myself about that part. That’s a bit of a mystery to me. Like the mystery of the difference between BPD and psychopathy – different expressions of the same pathology. But BPD is deeply mysterious nevertheless.

    Women are the ones who do the status-sorting operation, which is an operation upon the personal. Maybe it’s that way because women, as the embodiment of the non-personal (pre-individuation) …… are trying for individuation. It’s their way of trying for that. Whereas with men, the individuation is more-so, naturally, already well-formed.

    Man/woman – it’s like two harmonic frequencies forever intertwining => and then resolving into differentiation => and then resolving again into non-differentiated intertwinement , etc. etc. – forever and ever amen.

  66. “The Mold of Man => stamps the individual => which in turn, shapes the Mold of Man”

    How’s that nonsense working out for you so far?

  67. asd – if you ever really got to know a BPD woman really really well, – you will believe. It’s the same pathology as psychopathy as far as I can tell, expressed by way of a feminine nature. It’s so weird …… capacity for extremely childlish behavior … like a two-year old, yet that comes with a vast personality, that is not well-formed (i.e – consistent), and therefore capricious.

    But the vastness of the personality resource is so compelling … so fascinating …. I can understand why a man might get lost in there, if he made his aim to explore that territory, the territory of the vastness of her personality resource.

  68. “How’s that nonsense working out for you so far?”

    eh – understanding is always helpful. Don’t knock it. But you don’t think I am understanding anything because you call it nonsense. Do you think Darwin’s ideas are nonsense?

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