Borderline Personality Disorder

“Were you just looking at her?!! WERE YOU?!!,..I bet you just wanna fuck her don’t you?,.. DON’T YOUUU!!!”

One curious aspect of the manosphere community is it’s tendency to pick up on what I’d call ‘pet pathologies’. It’s very easy and comforting to ascribe a general lack of social intelligence or a retardation in social maturity on Asperger’s Syndrome. I’m not suggesting that Asperger’s isn’t a legitimate pathology, but I think the frequency with which men will conveniently attribute their social awkwardness to it delegitimizes the real illness. Most Betas often report a discomfort with approaches and Game in general because of varying degrees of social anxiety that they’ve internalized for the better part of their lives.

So, it’s a much simpler premise to attribute this to a psychological disorder than to admit that they’ve got a lot of work ahead of them in unlearning the hinderances the’ve been conditioned to believe about themselves for so long. I’m not saying guys (why is it rarely women?) don’t have Asperger’s, but I think some real introspection is due before diagnosing it for themselves. Another neurosis that gets attributed to women in the manosphere is BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder:

*DSM-IV-TR Diagnostic Criteria A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships,  self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following: Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days). Chronic feelings of emptiness. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights). Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

I struggled with deciding whether to write about this because in our current intergender environment, it’s very easy to conveniently ascribe these symptoms and tendencies to the ‘psycho bitches’ that men often complain about. She’s crazy in bed, but she’s also crazy out of bed. I would doubt that there’s a man dating in the last decade who hasn’t encountered one or some combination of neurosis listed in this clinical diagnosis with a woman he’s dating or has dated.

As the gender landscape has developed in the last 40 years, so to has the variety of  psychoses. So it’s for this reason that I think understanding true BPD neurosis in comparison to the common anxieties of insecurity that women are prone needs to be explored.

True BPDs

I had an LTR with a BPD woman for 4 years when I was in my 20s and I can tell you from experience, it’s nothing to laugh at or take lightly. It’s particularly damaging for AFCs locked into a BPDs negative feedback loop, especially when he’s developed a soul destroying ONEitis with her and associates himself as the source of her depression / psychosis.

True BPDs progressively convince their victims that they are the source of her neurosis. You are not yourself, you are who she’s molding you to be, and eventually you’ll come to believe that it’s in your best interest – indeed, your responsibility – to be who she wants you to be to sustain that neurosis.

You will gradually give up on your family and friends (or they give up on you), you will drop all ambitions and passions that directly focus on you, and you will abandon any genuine, independent identity you held for yourself, all because these are threats to the neurotic narrative she constructs for herself and lives out.

She will reward your conversion to her psychosis with the intermittent reward of crazy hot sex, but this is simply the reinforcer to keep you locked into her narrative. The YOU you know will cease to exist and the character she creates for you will take over. This is especially true for beta chumps who see their BPD as their best, only option for a long term romantic prospect. She’s an HB 9 (to him) and he’s never fucked better than a 5 in his whole life, so the risk of catastrophic loss is real and ever-present. It’s fate that brought them together, and if he can only help allay her fears they can live happily ever after.

In the latter stages of a BPD relationship you will get to the point where her overt cuckolding of you is an acceptable situation. You think you’ll mitigate it by negotiating some “open relationship” status with her. You will internalize the reasoning that negotiating for her desire is preferable to losing her. You’ll propose that an open relationship means you’re both free to fuck other parties, when in reality it’s the only way you can rationalize for yourself the fact that she’s going to go fuck other guys, and you’re going to accept it because you’re locked into her neurosis. It’s your fault she feels compelled to fuck other guys – and you’ll believe it.

That, or the mere suggestion of you being interested in sex with another woman will send her into fits of jealous, histrionic rage. You’re living in fear. You’re afraid she’ll commit suicide if you uproot yourself (a classic BPD unspoken threat), but trust me on this, it’ll be you who swallows a bullet long before she ever will. I’ve personally known two men who’ve done just this, and another who hung himself as the result of a BPD relationship.

I know it seems like most of the friends you still do have are simply passing you off by saying “get out” and move on, but your life literally depends on you doing so. Cutting you off and disengaging you from external perspectives about your twisted relationship is essential to a BPD’s neurosis. Eventually your friends and family will give up on the ‘new you’.

Also, I must add this, when and if you do finally muster the self-concern enough to actually leave her, expect a complete about-face in her mentality and behavior. The one thing a true BPD loathes more than her victim is the thought of having to ensnare another. There are plenty of other Beta chumps ready to fill that role, but the comfort and easy predictability you represent to her in the present builds an emotional dependency. BPDs will fight like wild animals not to lose their victim, so expect an extinction burst from her the likes of which are unimaginable.

For a guy so accustomed to her neurotic behavior, his first impression is that she’s making some real change for him in order to “improve the relationship.” It’s not, but so radical a shift in her behavior will convince you otherwise, and cause you to doubt her deception, particularly when you yourself have no options and believe you’ll never do any better than her.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

198 comments on “Borderline Personality Disorder

    1. I did, too, while reading it the first time.

      My ex was one of the most popular gals in Chicago when I met her. Openly dating rock stars, red carpet shit, crazy beautiful, mistaken for Gwen Stefani almost every day of her early 20s.

      Things were beautiful, until she started drinking again.

      Now I’m a million bucks poorer. What a fucking beta white knight was I.

  1. These mental disorders are especially toxic to kids who have mothers who are crazy like this. As in my case, my mother was/is crazy with extreme anger issues (her parents were negative and angry too). Her insecure bf’s have hated and were jealous of me because they knew I was stronger/better than them. For me the saying applied, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” as I was forced to live in this whirlwind. However, as a kid trying to please a crazy/angry mother who will never be happy (my first awareness of hypergamy) began to turn me into an AFC always trying even harder to please women (relatives/church/school) to resolve the anger (as it had to be caused because I wasn’t good enough). With harmful to him gf’s who are crazy, a guy can just next them, but with relatives/church/schools through childhood it becomes the norm. This was before finally learning about game to free myself from this conditioning. I have so much experience with this that now after being around people (especially women) that I can usually after a few sentences/vibe map-out their psychological intent, such as if anyone is angry around me for more than a few minutes (I could fight with them, but I don’t want to associate with angry people) I walk away from them. I have friends who knew before that his gf was Bipolar/BPD (even on meds), but they were AFC and against advice to get away, they thought they could fix her, got married and are now so financially tied up and so miserable they want to divorce but now have kids and believe they are trapped. To the people who are happily married as a family they are fortunate. Therefore, because of my BPD mother, observing my friends also deal with gf’s/wives with BPD, and after learning about/internalizing/living out game; I will never for my own well-being live with women for more than a few days (if we happen to go somewhere for a weekend, thereby inadvertently making myself unattainable that makes women want me even more because they can never have me for more than a few days or months), plus I will never get financially tied up with anyone (especially women) and this personally increases my own independence/freedom/happiness (and women seem to like men like that, but that’s not why I live this way, it’s just a side benefit).

    1. YOu know that story sounds really familiar to me. My mom was like this and was a hoarder on top of it. She used to tell me she hated me everyday and that she hated being my mother. And the fucked up thing is I’m adopted. All the things she is still angry about are not my problem.
      I used to work really hard to make sure that I was nothing like her. But it is obvious now that a fun, happy person isn’t what people see when they look at me. Every body sees me as someone who is easily victimized. Or I’m just a manipulative bitch who is trying to get you all to feel sorry for me.
      If I am honest with myself then it has been going on for my entire life. Whole groups of kids on the playground attacked me, and in highschool I was always falling for it in some way or another. Always the butt of everyone’s jokes. I always thought it was mean to play games with people. I always thought I should show others more respect than that. I’m almost thrity and I’m tired of this shit. I can start being manipulative live everyone else and try to get whatever I want out of everybody else, or I can lock myself up in my apartment and live in fear of retaliation from men who hate me. The truth is I learned game and didn’t even know that is what I was doing. I guess somebody just wanted to put me in my place. I must deserve to be dead since that is the kind of stuff men put in women’s heads. I’m glad I know who my real friends are.
      I used to think that one day I would meet a real man. He would see my pain and love me anyway. I know now that isn’t going to happen. I just want to be happy. I don’t need a man to do that. I need lots of fucking rock and roll and a sledge hammer so I can break some shit.
      And I never want to be in the hospital agian. I’m not going into any void, in fact there was never a void with in me. ONly a beautiful garden where my soul dwelled waiting for someone to find me. Now it is a wasteland. Nothing grows. If I had wanted to die when I was a little girl it was only to make the abuse and pain stop. I clung to God instead. I would never kill myself. That’s why I’m posting stupid messages on a site that will probably only come back to bite me. Bring it on. I don’t give a fuck anymore. If you want me dead then fucking kill me. But don’t expect me to go down without a fight.

  2. BPD is just and extreme version of being a woman. I’ve estimates of it’s prevalence among women ranging from from 4% to 18%.

    So nearly all men have dated women who occasionally show BPD traits, and most of us will at some time date at least one full blown BPD nutjob.

    I’ve heard it said that at least twice as many women as men have this. Aspergers is more common among men. It’s a sex biased developmental fuck up.

    In the case of BPD I’m not convinced that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. It can be damaging as well. We can learn some valuable nexting skills through the experiences, and also tone down our romanticism. We must conversely also lose some abilities to bond.

    1. Sadly I think that’s very true: BPD is just an extreme version of a normal American woman. Which is why women never want to talk about BPD – they all have a gal-pal who is just like that, maybe a sister … or maybe she just needs to look in the mirror.

      I, too, got the chills reading this. My ex-wife to a “t” in all ways. Truly crazy, malignantly so: multiple suicide attempts (some convincingly faked to manipulate me, some very real, right before my eyes), gunplay, hardcore violence, etc. The Full BPD Monty. Imagine what that divorce was like.

      Tragically she has my kids since, this being the USA, there’s really nothing she could do save murdering my son in front of a judge, to lose custody.

      1. Yeah, my ex-wife had a suicide attempt where she literally bled all over my brand new linens that she “told” me to buy just a few weeks earlier. $1800 down the tube.

        Lucky for me, I never knocked her up. Holy shit that was an entire platoon’s worth of bullets I dodged.

          1. I own around 15 or so trolls on the web. For some reason, they seem to have plenty of time to try to rile me up, but over the years it just seems to build reputation rather than degrade it.

            Trolls will be trolls, yours truly included.

        1. How much did something you did cost again? Could you drop in a dollar amount of some sort? And were you traveling to, from, or in some exotic location on one of your many business ventures? Did you rock climb or skydive while you were there? I’m really curious!!!

          1. Can you tell us again about how many women leap on your cock the instant you walk into a club? And how badass you are because bouncers love you and pay YOU money to come in?

          2. 10 as soon as I walk through the door. 0 once those 10 walk out of the men’s room stall looking disappointed. 🙁

      2. Roughly 10% of people with BPD successfully suicide.

        So the suicide attempts aren’t always only bogus.

        Real or not though, it’s no form of blackmail anyone should have to put up with. Which is why when dealing with BPD the main and most important issue is the escape strategy.

      3. Clarification: the escape strategy is important not to avoid her killing herself – it’s to avoid negative repercussions to yourself from her freak out when you leave.

        And I hear you about the living hell stuff. I seemed to have decided that I needed to go through BPD hell multiple times.

        I seemed to have had enough kicks to the head to learn something though. Last year a girl had an abandonment freak out and pulled out out a knife and threatened to cut, and I just pushed her aside and starting walking out the door. Of course she grabbed me and physically wouldn’t let me go. I had to swat her arm out of the way, which she let swing wildly into the doorframe. The convenient bruise was later used as a blackmail threat of abuse against me. She went so far as to later claim that she had gotten a Dr.s report on it. And to claim that she was pregnant by me. Four months pregnant. And so on and worse.

        This time at the first sign of BPD traits – even though none had surfaced in 5 months of living together, I withdrew, and kept withdrawing as she escalated her retaliatory crazy. It was a relationship death spiral of revenge against abandonment causing the inevitable abandonment. It could have gotten deadly fucking scary had I not just disappeared from town.

        So I suppose that’s showing some signs of improvement on my part. Years ago I would have remained invested in the relationship, even after the knife came out.

        1. This is when it’s important to have your smartphone recording in your pocket if you EVER interact with someone in the future who has BPD.

          I don’t let them have a second try — not even friends. But if I know a guy is dating a gal who has these “freak outs”, I tell them to record those freakouts, store them safely away in MP3 format, and if the gal ever threatens them, just let her know you’ve recorded all of her abusive comments in the past.

          In some states, you can’t legally use 1-party recordings, but it usually will get you off the hook for having to manhandle a bitch who is threatening you already.

        2. Yes, BPDs rather routinely claim to be pregnant, then when no baby shows up, to have had a miscarriage. Should be in the DSM…

          1. Once again, I was accused of being the kind of woman who does this. That isn’t true. It never was. I am so insulted and so angry about being insulted! I know you guys reading these posts are saying to yourselves oh here goes another one!
            I tried to explain to this guy my values and my perspective on the women who trick men by getting pregnant, but he didn’t beleive me or wasn’t listening. THIS IS SO FUCKING UNFAIR!
            You men are such fools. All of you. I used to love men. I had such respect.
            I’m just here to let you know that there are women who value thier children enough to protect them before they are even born by not getting pregnant with out a husband.

            Thank you game for taking away my desire to even have babies.

            None of you care! You all work together to make women hate themselves so you can have threesomes video tape women with out them knowing and cut them down at every turn.
            I was never trying to trap anyone with a baby and I never would. I don’t need a man to make me happy. I am more than pretty enough even if I’m not a six fool tall blond. I am smart, yes even smarter than most of you. Yes I do have issues from the past and no I don’t want you to solve them. Yes I want you to be more successful. Yes I think it is sleazy to live the lifestyle of a fucking whore. Yes I am angry and I always will hate men because of YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

            If any of you men want to know how to keep a good woman then don’t take advice from the PUA fools once you get the girl. LEAVE ALL THIS BULLSHIT BEHIND AND LOVE HER!

      4. If you think BPD is an extreme version of being an American woman, you’ve not yet been to SE Asia. I’m certain it is far more prevalent here.

        It is a developmental disorder that may have often include genetic predispositions and usually includes environmental triggers such as childhood abuse, especially sexual abuse. Incest is insanely common in SE Asia.

  3. When I was dealing with my BPD in the early-mid 90’s there was no clinical diagnosis for BPD. It was all “that’s just how women are”. Only when I got to university and studied psychology did I really connect the dots and realize the amazing clusterfuck I endured – and how fortunate I was to have gotten out with my life.

    I can’t even begin to describe the oppressive jealousy, the public fighting and bitching, followed by porn movie sex, then get religious guilt, and then have her see some magazine cover with a bikini model on it in line at a grocery store and she’d fly into some new jealous hysterics.

      1. Rollo, you’re so much more accessible than Heartiste! Going to take every opportunity I can to be bff’s with you!

  4. Dan said:

    “Therefore, because of my BPD mother, observing my friends also deal with gf’s/wives with BPD, and after learning about/internalizing/living out game; I will never for my own well-being live with women for more than a few days (if we happen to go somewhere for a weekend, thereby inadvertently making myself unattainable that makes women want me even more because they can never have me for more than a few days or months), plus I will never get financially tied up with anyone (especially
    women) and this personally increases my own independence/freedom/happiness (and women seem to like men like that, but that’s not why I live this way, it’s just a side benefit).

    My experience is not far from yours, though not quite as intense. I don’t blame you for not wanting to go through that. Having been through something like that myself I swore I would never allow that to happen in my adult years. And I’ve kept my promise to myself.

  5. Are there any realistic movies on BPD? I’ve seen Fatal Attraction and Girl Interrupted (watched it a few nights ago). I understand Girl Interrupted highlighted a few characteristics but wasn’t a comprehensive portrayal, and I don’t know how realistic was Fatal Attraction.

  6. Respectfully A.B. with good humor; It sounds like maybe A.B. was the inspiration for the songs by Gwen, “Sweet Escape” and “Keep on Dancing.” Ha. Just joking around.

  7. Getting involved with certain women, unprepared, can really take a toll on a guy. They can certainly fry your nervous system and make you question your own sanity and most deeply held beliefs. The White Knight in you will be bloodied.

    You will emerge – if you’re lucky – with a generous ration of bitter cynicism, a healthier set of boundaries, and a hair-trigger red flag mechanism. I liken this to an immunity of sorts.

    I wrote a fake online dating ad awhile back, never intending to post it.

    I pretend to be looking for one of these girls, since I’m so used to them by now, and they seem to be getting more common. In it, I coldly detail a remarkable array of traits and behaviors eerily shared by two women with whom I had relationships.

    Fantastically cathartic.

  8. Listening to Avicii “Levels (Original Mix)” and 2 Unlimited “Get Ready For This” and thinking, maybe a good thing about this for game would be to figure that basically all women are crazy. This 1. protects yourself from getting too caught up with any particular woman only to have her go crazy and harm you because you are prepared for the possibility of it and your exit before hand, and 2. when approaching/interacting with women her looks don’t matter (in that some guys are thrown off by the looks of some women) so figuring she’s crazy takes the focus off of her looks to just have the confidence to approach/open.

  9. The worst is the radical skepticism about all of your own thoughts and perceptions. This only lasted a very short while with me before I made the comparison to reading the writing of postmodernists/certain continental philosophers: many people read this shit and think, “I must be too stupid to get this profundity!” But we know it is really they who are incoherent.

    The one simplest and most important thing to do is establish boundaries and don’t budge a fucking inch. She might cry, she might call you “mean” or “cruel,” or something comparable, but this is just manipulation; she’s trying to marginalize your feelings about your personal space by labeling them something which is too vague to refute. (It functions like shame words such as “racist” and “sexist” in politics.) Don’t give her your email password, don’t let her read your texts. If she tries to read your fucking texts tell her off. Say “no, it’s my phone, I don’t try to read your shit.” If she’s not too severe a nutcase she’ll leave it and try to act cutesy knowing she crossed a line, if she’s a real cunt she’ll make an argument out of how you don’t pay enough attention to her blah blah blah blah blah.

    The ammunition you’ll always have derives from the BPD’s Achilles heel: she does WHATEVER SHE WANTS at all times while constantly giving you shit but any and everything you do, from the large to the completely trivial. Because of this dynamic there are always plenty of examples of hypocrisy on her part you can point out.

    1. (e.g. she’ll freely swear and call you any name or curse word, but if you do it back just once you won’t get out of that argument without a few scratch marks on your hands.)

  10. Google “walking on eggshells” for the literature that is now available for it that wasn’t available 20 years ago. I still shiver when I think about mine yet she wasn’t as bad as others I’ve heard of. I will say though that while many women do have flashes of this behavior, not nearly so many are full blown BPD. Vitally important to distinguish the latter from the rest if an LTR is your goal.

    Play Misty For Me is another BPD at the movies.

    1. The movie Misery … for those at the severe end of the spectrum (F2 psychopathy). They “love” you so much that they will hobble you for life.

  11. But are there ANY girls, at all, who can fully say they have none of the above “symptoms” ever, at all? I doubt it. There’s no such thing as a White Knightress either, right? I like this blog, it’s smart. I’m interested in knowing more about the female perspective though. Because for now the PUA blogs seem to portray women as scheming yet attractive egg layers. Or do you know of any smart female counterparts to this blog, something that would make sense of it both ways? Big up for writing though.

    1. I’ve been on the look out for this for a while now, but it’s rare/non-existent. Google “shrink for men” and go to that wordpress blog for a woman talking about it…but she’s in total agreement with everyone here. I’ve heard another female shrink say “men and women perceive things differently, women place importance on feelings before facts, and men facts before feelings.” Which was a polite concession that many women are simply a bit nutty. Imagine trying to settle a disagreement like that outside a relationship, say in the workplace? “Oh John and Mike have different argumentation styles; with John it’s about how he feels regardless of facts, but with Mike it’s just about the facts.”

    2. You know I think you are right. Our society has created a systematic destruction of the female psyches. Every one is divorced so all daughters have some kind of issues with thier fathers. So it’s easy to assume that all women have the same “daddy issue” thing going on. Or what ever kind of psychosis you want to assign to her, the problem is, none of you are professionals. And none of you wait to get to know the girl long enough to determine who she is. Spending a few nights stalking her through a bar does not count as getting to know her.
      Some of us are mean for a lot of different reasons. Our bad attitudes are not indicative of mental illness. But it’s easy to drive a woman over the edge isn’t it? Makes it look like you are the white knight.
      Why don’t men and women treat the issues of communication the way we would on the job? It can work and make it easier for people to get along. People who manipulate others at work are psychopaths. But if a man is manipulative with women then he is someone to be honored and emulated.
      Women are not making war on men. IT’s the other way around. How many chicks do you know who are posting to forums on strategic methods to get phone numbers. We just want to find one of you to love.
      We are not reading the art of war and figuring out how to make you into slaves. The things we want from men, like taking out the trash to us are symbols that you respect and love us. We want to feel safe, respected, loved and listened to. Then we will give you food and listen to you and do stuff that is fun, and we will have sex with you.
      Some chicks aren’t really that hung up on social conventions, even if she beleives in God or whatever, she can make certain concessions because of how our society is and what men’s expectations are. That probably isn’t fair to her, she could just be celebate. Men are so obessed with thier own boundaires, but they don’t give a damn about women’s boundaries. This PUA crap teaches you guys to be very selfish.
      IF a woman says she like you but she doesn’t want to fuck you then you need to do three things:
      1- Get to know her more. and let her tell YOU who SHE is. SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN

  12. A partner with BPD is no cakewalk. They’re women with all the bads (hysterical, helpless, manipulative) and goods (sexy, feminine) womanisms amplified, excepting the normal ones (homely, family-oriented). You’d do well to never get involved with them, but most man will never be this wise. They’ll only see the seductive appearance and will fall for it, try it out. “It won’t be this bad…” Again and again.

    Angelina Jolie in “Gia” is the most powerful depiction of low-functioning BPD I ever saw. Thankfully she only ruined herself. Fatal Attraction, up until the bunny boiler scene (in which she transformed more into a psychopath), also did a pretty good job. Most other BPD films go overboard and do not describe the little mindfuck games that make it such a hellish ride. Bunny boilers are too big, it’s the rage meltdown you’ll get when you forgot something from the grocery list.

    Anyway, I’ve seen some memes on the net indicating that cutters/BPDs make good lays, maybe. But that’s like saying coke can be cool (I wouldn’t know.) If you know that cocaine is addictive and bad for your health, then don’t do it.

    “The one simplest and most important thing to do is establish boundaries and don’t budge a fucking inch”

    That’s entirely wrong. Try it with a real BPD. It will not work. If a normal person tries to reason with a crazy person day in day out, the normal person will, over time, give in little by little. The battle is unequal. You will argue with reason and fairness, while the other side will continuously attack you with everything in its range. To them the goal isn’t to compromise, but to have you surrender. And the better question is: Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t let you be yourself in the first place?

    1. So I have a question, what if the guy who is playing the game assumes that the woman he’s playing is a BPD and takes preemptive measures to make sure that the woman goes down that path? Even to the point of encouraging suicide?

      I’m not trying to say that I’m a perfect woman. I do understand and have always understood that I have my own issues. I got picked up by a guy who was insistent that I am crazy simply because I wanted him to stop running sets and listen to what I wanted so that we could both enjoy the sex. Yes I wanted a relationship. Before I met him I was just a girl trying to figure out where I fit in the world and I was not interested in meeting anybody. It wasn’t like I thought I was the shit, but I was actively working on my own social skills and self confidence.

      Apparently he used a little compulsive attraction sets, of course the Negs and double binds, a few nested loops to ensure that every song I heard on the radio reminded me of him, and to make sure that I looked him up on-line and remember remember remember his phone number.

      Could this possibly be a bunch of information that might produce some of the symptoms we are talking about? How about a death set? Would that make someone’s going onto suicide watch seem a little suspicious? What would be the motivation for doing this?

      1. I guess there are some sick puppies out there who have an axe to grind with women or BPDs, either out of past grievences or sheer pleasure for seeing someone suffer. Both are cruel intentions, both are only found among people who should look in the mirror and face some inner demons first. Why would someone steer a BPD, whatever shrew she might be, into suicide? That man is a sick character himself.

        OTOH, BPDs have a way of twisting something unfortunate that happened — getting used by a guy for sex, harshly dumped while being in love — into something that happened to them specifically out of sheer malice, cartoonish evil. An irrational woman-hater trying to push a former love interest into suicide is pretty much the kind of ridiculous accusation a BPD would make.

        Anyway, normal people can do a great of harm to other normal people. as well. Maybe you and your former flame should try some self-reflection: how come I and he, even though we initially liked each other, try to hurt each other this much? Anger is seldom without source. Maybe you’l realize a few things you shouldn’t have done, things you should change; maybe you’ll notice a few things you shouldn’t tolerate from now on, things you can screen new love interests for.

  13. That’s entirely wrong. Try it with a real BPD.

    I meant when you’re in any relationship, especially a new one, establish boundaries this way and it will filter out the crazies from the non-crazies. But yes if she is really BPD it’s always an uphill battle because you’re constricting yourself with reason and conscience.

    1. “I meant when you’re in any relationship, especially a new one, establish boundaries this way and it will filter out the crazies from the non-crazies.”

      I agree with this 100%.

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  15. Well, I had an on again, off again with a BPD chick for 3 years. Last go round was my last, at least for me. I was done, and began to withdraw. She left in a rage after biting my hand while trying to pry my phone away from me. Well, two weeks later she texts me that she is pregnant. I meet her, trying to do the right thing. After 2 weeks of utter insanity and entitlement peppered with lots of domestic violence on her part, I filed a protective order and felony charges for theft. 2 months ago she attempted to re-engage me by coming into my home. I asked her to leave she didn’t so I called police. 7 months pregnant and all they arrested her and she spent the night in the tank. Baby girl due this month and I am fighting for primary custody with the plan of limiting her visitation as much as possible. I have a strong case.

    She tried to steal a baby, my money, and attempted to hi-jack my life.

    BPD is BPD. Letting these women think they can meander around society screwing with people and creating chaos just because they are hormonal creatures is nonsense. These people are the complete bag of nuts. 70 years ago they would have been locked up. As for my BPD ex, I have no mercy for her and will stop at nothing to reduce her to emotional rubble.

    If you run across one of these predators run for the hills. When you are too tired to run, walk, crawl or do whatever. They are truly emotional vampires to no soul (can’t be a soulmate with the soul-less)….

  16. I agree. Stand up to them or get the fuck out. During the honeymoon phase, this crazy nut convinced me she was the real thing. Pregnant within a few months and started acting out. Once the baby was born, she was out the door. It is ok for them to behave in a crazy emotionally irrational way but don’t show any signs of frustration. I was lucky cause she doesn’t want me, yet.

  17. Wow, this article on BPD is EXACTLY what I have just gone through. I mean everything. Plus more; I forgot about the pretending she was pregnant thing, that happend on occasion – always when she accidentally didn’t take her pill, or decided to switch from pill to no pill for whatever fucking reason. I think I just fell in love with the prototype BPD. I wish I had listened to myself before I got into it. I knew her for 8 years before I began officially dating her. Before that I just viewed her as a slut that I really didn’t want to get to know but was so beautiful that I felt like a King when I’d basically just call her for a guaranteed hook up, but slowly as she kept reappearing in my life, I began to want to be with her, but always had her in the back of my mind. I don’t know if it’s like this for everyone, but the “fated” thing, like feeling FATE brought you together, I mean didn’t it really really seem like it, were circumstances just insane and coincidences just too huge to overlook when you were brought together, even if it was time and again, or just the first time? I mean that added so much to the allure of being with her, because literally nothing done in my power or hers always led us together, like the same environment, the same room, a year could go by, but there she’d be, by chance, by fate, in the exact same place as me, and the wird thing is I realize now I had her on my mind slowly more and MORE from the first night I met her and we hooked up, to this last year where she consumed every thought of my waking existence, and still does. And the year before that, she was on my mind on a daily basis. And it really was, I can’t explain here, I’ve actually already written a book about it, BEFORE it happened, like I predicted all of this, it really was like fucking magic new age nonsense occurred, where I projected she’d exist in a certain place in my life, and there she was, and she was it, the dream girl, and it didn’t help that in my first lucid dream, she was there, and we had mind blowing sex, and she was more beautiful than ever, I mean she was ingrained in my subconscious as a sexual goddess before I even slept with her, and then once I did, she became that and more, but I just let it be my fantasy, and then I stupidly decided to enter into a relationship with her, and from the start it was rough, but I found excuse after excuse as to why and what.

    I think she in fact is the manifestation of BPD. She is BPD. She is a disease. I caught it, or I should say she caught me. And now I am trapped again, hopefully briefly, because of this legal shit.

    I can’t even imagine what it’s like to divorce a BPD like I read many commentators did. Let alone to be MARRIED to one. I may as well have been married to her. The amount of effort she put into pleasing me was insanely awesome, and that tied me down, made me overlook the amount of effort she put in unconsciously (easiest to overlook) and consciously (usually taking a week of rationalizing and drinking myself into a stupor) to hurt me, destroy me, belittle me, break shit, ruin things, just turn everything into a disaster. I never understood it. I even read about BPD and BPD stories for like 4 months, read up on everything, but convinced myself that I was the problem. I’ve never felt so confused in my life while being with this girl. And the worst part is it feels like nothing ended, it feels like the whole thing has only begun, and has only ever been a constant beginning. No closure whatsoever. Because no break up was ever a real break up. None of her words ever meant anything more than the actions which followed them. I fucking hate you could mean I’m going to get awesome mind-blowing sex, I love you so much could mean it’s time I leave you alone while you’re sick and go do what I need to, I’m going to therapy probably meant I’m going to fuck another guy, I hate when you do this meaning I love when you do this but I hate when you do it when I don’t imagine beforehand that’s what you were supposed to do when I did or said this, so many contradictions, I have lost everything. I am set back at least 2 years because of her, because of the relationship. And school isn’t the first of it. I think I may die because of what this relationship has done to me, and my stubborn not letting go and holding on to it which lead to me furthering unhealthy habits to be able to handle it (drinking myself to death basically) has taken nits toll. Apparently my liver has gone from healthy a year ago (before I was “in love with her” in a relationship) to being that of a 40 or 50 year old man who’s been drinking for 20 years – according to the doctor. I’ve failed out of school basically. I have nothing going for me. And all while when I thought she wasn’t doing well, like I thought we both were going through troubled times, I watch her graduate after being given 80 plus thousand dollars in scholarships to study women’s studies at fucking Mill’s college. I’ve seen the “school” work she has done, and it’s bullshit. And she’s gotten into grad school already. She has a well paying job. Everything in her life is fucking perfect. She always gets her way because she takes waht she wants. But I’ve noticed no one from her past likes her, and she has maybe two or three friends who obviously think she’s a cunt, except for one who I think just knows her so well and isn’t threatened by her becaus she’s probably just as BPD and they likely connive together and plan on how to stela the next mans soul.

    And don’t even get me started on her father. At first I found him to be one of the most respectable men I’d met. He’s a sorry excuse for a man and a father, and I hope he knows what evils he’s done to cause his daughter to be how she is, the abuse, some of which I’ve witnessed, and her stepmom, jesus christ, she is even more BPD than her, and her real mom, from what I’ve heard 10000x BPD to the extreme – gun to the head of a baby extreme.

    I don’t even know what’s true and what isn’t. All i Know is what I’ve been through, and she clearly is fucked up, and now I am all the more fucked up for it.

    Physically, my health has deteriorated. And I don’t care, I’m so depressed, it’s almost like she unconsciously transferred her pain onto me, her behaviors, what was abnormal became normal, and now what’s normal seems ludicrous. I am sick.

    If breaking up with her, or her breaking up with me, at 23 almost 24, and her 25, has taken her to the extreme of filing this restraining order over her own fabricated projection of something she probably wants to fucking happen anyway (I know she likes showing off her body and getting admiration for how sexually appealing she is, so why wouldn’t she enjoy dudes fapping to her nude pics or me face fucking her on the internet? I bet she’d get off just knowing that, hence her projecting that I would even do such a thing in the first place, and projecting it not for the first time either, implanting ideas), I can only imagine what would’ve happened had I married her and had to divorce her. And I would’ve married her. Even a year from now, if we continued on and off and the insanity, it wouldn’t have bothered me. That’s what shitty baout this too, is a normal breakup is a normal breakup and goes as it does and is usually for good reason (at least I’ve only ever broken up with girls, for valid and obvious reasons, so breaking up despite the pain felt good in a way) but this BPD girl break up has no reason, I guess beyond EVERY reason, and feels like by no longer being with her, I’m no longer in the world that WE were in, or that she brought me into, and now I’m left alone in this new world, and she’s still in the world I just got kicked out of. It’s like waking up and falling asleep at the same time, like writing about a lucid dream, it doesn’t seem real, it doesn’t seem like anything happened, anything was there, and yet everything can come back in an instant – knwoing that the insantiy of being with that girl, if she for wahtever reason finds a means to get you back into her world, will bring back those same feelings you had before, and without her letting you in, you’re just back to You stripped of yourself, as your self has yes been the moulded projected of you.

    I feel like an actor who should be the director; or like, I was just thrown into a role of acting as who I am, rather than being who I became while projected through her. And worse, knowing that even when I felt I was in control, or that I had my Self understood and completely there, that was only her making me feel that way. I can’t actually think of anything she has ever done to show me even the slightest bit of respect or love, beyond what’s sexual, or perhaps a rare gift which she’d end up losing. Her giving was always only her taking. An errand I needed to run was always an errand she conveniently could run too because it was in fact her fucking errand in the first place.

    What really sickens me, makes me fucking feel terrible, is that I will have no proof for her being how she was, because she was so fucking adept at making it never her fault, and always choosing the right places and times to do things, and I always was caught off guard, always promising myself I’d record it, instead of just write about the event after, but never had the time to do so. The most proof I have is in my writing, I bet hundreds of pages of me writing ot her (never sent or actually sent) and writing to myself, what happened, what I WANTED to say, what I was trying to get her to say, to explain, to understand, why she would do or say this or that, and every single time she could have been recorded saying something admitting her guilt or fault, she had to talk on the phone or in person, but if it was neutral, or appeared “good” on paper, she of course could write it. NEVER was she willing to record herself admitting wrong or apologizing. She was/is that good. I think a fucking army of women like this should be raised as the ultimate biological warfare mechanism, sent to a country to destroy even the strongest of men. The ultimate war-machine: BPD Woman.

    It was like she knew my every move, and then once I learned about her ways, I knew her every move, and GAME helped me with that alot, but then made everything even worse, because she would up her own game, thinking god knows what.

    Fuck, I’m sorry. I just am accepting all of this today, and having a cop smile talking ot me giving me a restraining order from a girl I need to get a restraining order put on, didn’t help. It’s like he doesn’t fucking understand that this is serious, that she is seriously fucked up, and I just dealt with a year of what, were I a woman, I could have some one put away for.

    I feel like no one will believe me because I’m a guy, and how could such a beautiful, young, intelligent girl do such vile things as I could describe, and I’m just angry because I’m some sort of stalker according to society now due to the restraining order, unless of course I get it revoked, and get one placed on her, or use law against her somehow. I’d really rather just not deal with anything, but I don’t want this to come back and bite me so I need to find a way to NOT have a restraining order.

    Fuck that. Fuck this.

    1. I finally broke up with my (most likely) bpd girlfriend of a year and a half. It happened primarily because of this being long distance, but the immediate cause had to do with trust and respect issues. In effect, I felt that I had no other option than to walk away.

      “I don’t know if it’s like this for everyone, but the “fated” thing, like feeling FATE brought you together, I mean didn’t it really really seem like it, were circumstances just insane and coincidences just too huge to overlook when you were brought together, even if it was time and again, or just the first time?”

      It was exactly like this for us. We talked about it often. And I really believed it and still do. The coincidences were hardly just random. Also I am talking about all kinds of coincidences, not just the ones she could have easily arranged to look like ones such as meeting “by chance” (which she could actually have done a couple of times, but that wouldn’t explain more than a small portion of the coincidences).

      “And it really was, I can’t explain here, I’ve actually already written a book about it, BEFORE it happened, like I predicted all of this, it really was like fucking magic new age nonsense occurred, where I projected she’d exist in a certain place in my life, and there she was, and she was it, the dream girl ”

      If I understand you correctly, I can relate to this too. She appeared in my life and easily took the role of my dream girl, the one I had dreamed about since I was very young, and fulfilled my fantasies. I never really believed in psychic abilities, but after starting to be with her, things became strange. Most importantly, I found myself having visions about our future, me and her, which would later become real or be going in that direction (as in we would break up at a specified time and later get back together; another person would interfere at a given time; something that was carefully planned would not have a chance to happen; etc.) What’s more, as she was interested in having her fortune told, the fortune tellings that were given during this time were often eeriely close to the reality.

      I wonder if any other people have experiences that hint at any kind of “supernatural” side of borderline personality disorder.

      On another note, I found the articles on this site very informative and well written.

  18. and no I have not contacted her, nor did I attempt to after we broke up beyond one call after calling her back – before I knew this was the real deal her making a huge fucking scene type of break up.

    4 days ago we broke up for the nth time, 2 days ago I get a civil paper served to me for what I perceive being me not trying to get back together with her. 2 days before that we had the best sex I’ve ever had with her, hands down.

    I just want her to know, to accept, to internalize, to realize her behavior. I want her to say sorry and mean it. And unfortunately I realize even if I was a suicide in her name, she’d end up a hero for having led one more vile male to his deserved demise in feminist minds.

    I wish she could watch my memories. I wish she could see herself as she truly is.

    And she never will.

    to anyone who reads anything on BPD, if any woman shows any signs, don’t even bother, no matter what. DON’T.

    do not. do not. do not.

    she is evil, who hath the BPD. and she is woman. her name is BABALON and only if you are truly the BEAST can she ride you without repercussion.

    I probably sound like a whiny bitch, but I’m not whining about her, or getting over my ex, or even girl problems in general (never had them until this whirlwind) I’m complaining about the insanity I’ve dealt with. I’ve played Father-Doctor-Psychiatrist-Husband-Sextoy-Loved-Hated dispensable thing for too long.

    high time to move on.

    I think I left myself at the door a year ago, and now I have to go back through the crowd to find him. wish me luck.

    i’m glad others have gotten through this. it gives me hope. but it’s laughable, because only strangers on the internet will empathize. to all else i’m either victimizing myself, or the bad guy who did only wrong when all I did was everything in my power to do right

    How were you happily married after this woman? How did you, Rollo, get over the confusion (that’s the only way I can describe my feeling, just obliteration-confusion)?

    I want my sanity back, I want her to stop being in my mind. I feel like the only women I could be with now are escorts or girls I can pay for so I don’t even have to worry about perhaps being manipulated again, at least I’ll know the manipulatino upfront for 100-200 roses of an hour of a good time, instead of months or years invested in months and years following recovery from succubi

    it seems a whore/prostitue is a bpd who accepts who she is, and a slut is a bpd who won’t, and takes payment in all kinds, specifically emotional, psychological, and physical of course in the most insidious of ways.

    ok end rant, I think I got it all out.

  19. BPD? jesus, this is exactly my (finally i dumped the b***h) ex-gf… this kind of shit can actually kill you, even though i was enough fucked up to keep it up for 10 yrs… crazy…. CRAZY, well even better: totally insane.
    i think the worst of all of this is that you can start a LTR like the boldest rake, the grl become enchanted by it, but than her BPDing turns you in a neurotic chump… and guess what? the problem (her problem, your problem, the villain of the world) are now you yourself… well untill you learn how it goes tnxs to infos like this one here on RM. wish i’d found it out earlier, but anyhow maybe experience teaches harsh but teaches better then anything else… (dammit btw hehe)

  20. Pingback: 16 Years On «
  21. Here is my story…I met my ex 3 years ago online…we spoke online/on the phone for the first year, after that year I quit my job and moved to her small town to be with her, so I moved into her place and that lasted for 3.5 months till she kicked me out because all we do is argue she said, which was kinda true, but she was the cause of most arguments..5 days after she kicks me out she sleeps with an old FWB (how nice)

    Anyways a few weeks later we decide to give it another try, so I move back there….same thing again, lots of ups and down….after 8 months she kicks me out again…mainly because I danced 1 song with her friend @ the club, my hand was on her lower back, I was not feeling her up or anything…so I left, and within 2 weeks of my leaving she was sleeping with a married man who she met @ her work (again how nice)

    So for the next year we continue contact, and for a 3rd time I’m going to move back there to be with….BIG MISTAKE…On just my 5th day there she went out to get us smokes one morning ( I was still sleeping) anyways she woke me up because she was all upset…turns out she got herself the wrong smokes and the store clerk would not return them because they were opened… I calmy said “yeah sometimes they won’t exchange opened smokes” Oh shit, I guess she felt I was taking the store clerks side, so she spit on my face, scratched my neck up and punched me in the head a few times (she has physically abused me in the past also) Anyways I finally grew a set of balls and left her.

    Sad thing is I actually still miss her..its funny the grip they have on some of us….the great sex, she is beautiful/smart. I’m not sure if she is BPD or not but she has something seriously wrong with her…she was put up for adoption at a young age…I think her birth mother was a drug addict and birth father was an alcoholic, if that is not enough in her adoptive family she was sexually abused by her bothers, and forced to watch her adoptive parents have sex together (one time anyways) I feel really bad for this woman, I know she has been thru hell in her life, but I also now realize I can’t fix her at all…whatever she has, it truly sucks!

  22. I found this site while trying to understand my BPD ex boyfriend’s relationship with his BPD Mom. I agree with so much of the above. As a woman, this is not at all normal. BPD women target women as well, especially if you are percieved as a threat. Anything and everything will make you a threat. The BPD male is an equally scarry beast. Imagine your BPD partner in their wildest rage. Now picture them with 100 lbs of muscle on them and punching anything (and at times anyone in sight.) There is no reasoning with their logic. Just back away from the lion.

  23. As a man with BPD, I have to tell you that your understanding of the disorder is very superficial and your post comes off in a way that promotes stigma against those of us who are enduring and surviving with Borderline Personality Disorder.

    I will not deny that the things that happened to you are probably truthful, and you should probably keep in mind that she was doing the best that she could with the tools that she had available.

    My BPD manifests quite differently, in fact I use it as a shield so I don’t get close to people so I don’t end up getting hurt. Because I feel that no one will actually be able to deal with how emotional I can get, because one of the symptoms of BPD is emotional disregulation. We don’t feel things in a small way, we feel them large and dramatically.

    TO the folks that come across this with BPD, and feel discouraged because he’s basically saying that no one should date us. Please know that you can get better, this isn’t a life sentence, you can learn tools to deal with your symptoms. You can be in happy satisfying relationships.

    And really, the main key with any relationship? Is to communicate effectively and honestly.

  24. Pingback: Casualties «
  25. As a full-blown BPD struggling with an LTR, I can definitely understand where these words are coming from. On the other hand, I’d like to see even one sentence (or comment) dedicated to the thought of actually attempting to help your BPD partner overcome her (or his) illness. As much as you have suffered, we with BPD are the ones who are not able to walk away from ourselves and the relationships we struggle so hard to maintain in our own crippled way. We suffer. A LOT. People with BPD are not lost causes and it pains me to see them portrayed as such by so many people. Wit a lot of mutual love and commitment, things can work out through hard work and perseverance. Of course, it takes more than just seeing your partner as a good lay in order to make this happen.

  26. I scrolled all the way through looking for a post like Marie’s. This post and the ensuing comments made me very sad for the people who truly struggle with this disorder. I am female, dating a male BPD. It’s a nightmare sometimes, I won’t lie. And I get a LOT of advice about how I should just get the hell out of there and have nothing to do with him. And it’s probably not bad advice for me. But it’s terrible advice for him. People struggling with BPD need friends, family and lovers who understand their disorder and have a serious level of commitment. The extreme fear of abandonment they deal with is only reinforced when they so quickly and easily push everyone away. The thing is, it’s not malicious. They’re not doing it to hurt you or to be manipulative or because they’re just evil psychotic people. Borderline means “almost” psychotic. So yeah, there’s some pretty crazy behavior. But it is born out of feelings of fear and anxiety more intense than most of us can even imagine. These poor crazy fucks are hurting more than you have ever hurt in your life, almost every moment of the day. They need consistent love and reassurance from someone strong enough to set and stand by clear boundaries to preserve their own well-being. It’s not something that everyone is capable of, let alone willing to even try.

    I’m of the “bitches are whack, yo!” line of thought generally, but BPD is a whole different issue- behavior that is based in real, serious internal conflicts, not just in learned manipulation tactics like us “normal” people use.

  27. I agree with Marie and missmollyswork above.

    However, it doesn’t matter how much the BPD needs “love, support” etc. If the relationship is getting to the abusive level, physically OR emotionally, you MUST separate yourself from the situation.

    Men take note – The female BPD’s main weapon is sex, to pull you back into a never ending cycle of dispair. This in itself is a form of abuse.

    No contact with a BPD like this is the only way to go. If they stalk/hassle/threaten you, do not back down. Do not discuss any of this with them, do NOT contact them via any social media, simply document it and contact the authorities/mental health services if need be.

    Yes BPDs need help, but not at the expense of another persons livelihood.

  28. I have bpd….and sharin stones character in that movie cadino whete she plays ginger…i have acted almost EXACTLY like that in my relationships. Lol any

  29. The best BPD movie, by far, is ‘Prozac Nation’. An incredible portrayal of how a hard-driving, narcissistic mother and an abandoning father created the fertile soil for BPD seeds to grow… turning a college hottie into a ‘nightmare girlfriend’.

  30. I’ve been blogging about my experiences with BPD men and after a couple of years of therapy, I have put together some tips on how identify them. It’s not based purely on the “symptoms,” but focuses more on you feel around them.

    Plenty of people may have these symptoms, but not the actual disorder. I’ve found it helpful to learn how to listen to my own reaction to someone, rather than trying to make a list of their faults and personality traits. It’s a much better system, in my opinion.

    Boderline Boys (and 6 Ways to Spot Them)

  31. Just fyi for you betas who failed to acknowledge the main cause of BPD in anyone (not just women). It is sexual abuse or trauma experienced in childhood that develops into a mood disorder which causes suicidal ideation in 75% of individuals. An “extreme case of the American women” is another poor excuse to stigmatise those who suffer from mental illness.

  32. Avoid these women/people at all costs. There is no excuse when denial is denial. Sorry. It’s that simple.

    Untreated BPDs in denial are the worst people out there. True vampires.

  33. @ab dada. At first I sympathized with you, then when I read about bed sheets I was like wtf?? The woman is so distressed that she wants to die and is trying to kill herself, and all you can think about is the f*cking bedsheets? Seriously? Is her life not worth more than 1800 bucks? It also seems you married her mainly for her looks, yet you consider yourself a knight of sorts. I have bpd, I admit my issues, but I avoid dating alltogether because men have such little empathy. They are sex driven and calloused and I dont like them at all. Most do end up cheating as well. These issues exist whether the female is bpd or not. I can get along with women just fine, but men just trigger my crazy with their insensitivities and animal like behavior. I am getting better for myself, but Im not doing it to be with a man. I dont want one anyway.

  34. Mr. Tomassi,
    I got your book 2 days ago on my Kindle and since then have barely slept (about 4 hours a day). Did not go to work as I cannot help but read your blog / book over and over again. My brain hurts but I want more, I suppose it is the unplugged Neo learning Jujitsu and wanting more.

    What you have put on this blog is 4 years of my life (wasted). I was timid then but what you have mentioned is the brutal reality. I wish someone could have punched me in the faces and told me the truth. I broke up last year. I did not know have any idea about, “The Red Pill” until I read few blogs on 2 days ago, which led me to your site.

    I was in one of those relationships, cuckoldry, suicide and if I would not have broken loose I would have had martyrdom.

    There is a website dedicated for men dealing with BPD/NPD women – this is the website that saved my life and started showing me the light against feminism, ironically the Author is female, Dr. Tara.

    After the monster was gone, I started reading a lot of Robert Greene which I kept on reading over and over and I have now reached a point where I have almost internalised all his books. I love it when you quote Mr. Greene in your blogs. There was an emptiness after she was gone, which I filled with books, discovering myself and dating. Your work sheds light on this world and I know your wisdom is something I will be using a lot in living my life.

    I always felt there was something majorly wrong with the society and that there is much more to what the matrix has been telling me. I sincerely appreciate whatever you are doing here.

    By the way I am from New Delhi, India. I would say this is the land of betas. On top, we tend to buy anything /everything made in America. Feminism is one of our biggest imports, I suppose at this rate this will be the land of omegas.

    You are god sent, figuratively. I am an atheist.

    Thank you very much.

  35. I don’t understand the the Feminist agenda. I am very pro woman, but they do not address the mental issues women do have, such as the majority endure BPD.

    My wife who suffers from this I took to the emergency ward of Bostons Brigham and Women’s hospital. She was having a breakdown, and to get immediate care she claimed she was suicidal.

    Once inside the ER they wanted to know why I had scratch marks all over my face. She had no physical injuries.

    Once they came to the conclusion it was not a legal matter, even though I was busted up. The head ER Doctor became disinterested in her condition. The head ER MD was a women.

    My wife became became erratic in the ER. Security was called in. I overheard the Female ER MD say to the head nurse “I want this crazy bitch out of my ER”? Brigham and Women’s hospital “Boston” who specialize in mental health?

    She was admitted for one night.

    So much for this feminist cause for women’s health. If its not Breast Cancer nothing else exist, and I do not say that mockingly.

    God help us.

  36. I’ve had a relationship with one for seven years. And yes, I eventually loved her, despite her lunacy. But only because I’m a sane, stable human being.

    To anyone reading this, thinking you will ‘win’ her over, forget it.Your persistance and patience are a joke to her, inwardly. And when she does temporarily come back around, it’ll be because something else — entirely separate from you, once her prime subject — has temporarily cheered her up. It could be money, someone offended them, it could be new male attention, anything. It is never about the other person who actually cares about her or treats her right. It’s why they go hot and cold no matter what you do.

    And PUAs please take note: you can’t Game ‘crazy’. Every successful move you think you’re making with a BPD is actually her making a move on YOU. There are no rules with BPD; they are mentally insufficient.

  37. Wow, you guys are sick. You call people with mental illness crazy? Really? How immature. You diverse what you got.

  38. Oh sure, ooooo’! Healthy people who’ve been burned by those with the perverse, lying, hypersexualised, cheating, manipulative, selfish emotional disorder known as BPD are the sick ones. Sure. You lying, filthy ****ing ignoramus.

    BPD thinking: right is left, and left is right. Healthy is sick, sick is healthy. k’outta here.

  39. 10:”you guys are sick.”
    15: sick = Bad and Shameful
    20: “You call people with mental illness crazy”.
    25: Shaming sick people by calling them sick people = sick
    30: GOTO 15

  40. I’m in a situation with who, I consider to be a BPD female, as I type this. A few posts have mentioned “fate”, like chance meetings and linear paths crossing at very ironic and eerily coincidental moments in time. I too, have had these moments happen to the both of us. In one instance, I had visions of having a child with her, a daughter. Very vivid, heart-felt and tear-jerking types of visions, which I’ve never had with any other women.

    Now, I used to think it was God’s syncronicty at work, His divine plan unfolding in our lives. Now I’m beginning to see it as a more sinister presence. Why? Because God wouldn’t lead us down a path of destruction with such formidable adversaries in love. An enemy, however would, and very much could, do so. Why? To try and destroy a man’s self-worth, spirituality, emotional stability, confidence, direction in life and ultimately, his soul.

    I remember about six months ago, telling her I didn’t want to be in a relationship where it felt like I was walking on egg shells, and that being around her was like being around a female Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. And can recall telling close friends I thought I was going crazy, like some unseen force left her body and began inhabiting mine. Like everything she was, and projected, overcame me on a very real, very emotional and very psychological level. It’s a weird feeling, indeed. It’s as if I couldn’t ever balance her or her behavior out, and so consequently, I’ve become out of balance – much like she is. What for me, was functional, is now dysfunctional. Almost our entire relationship has been dysfunctional.

    And the fights? Totally random. Totally uncalled for. Totally meaningless. Some where I was angry and bitter enough to just up and leave, only to have her blowing me up, apologizing or trying to lessen what she had just said or done. I’ve see her fly off the handle with her two boys as well. Demeaning, yelling, name-calling and belittling are some of the things I’ve witnessed when shes upset. And her jealousy is pretty bad too, followed by more projection and threats.

    But the sex? Out-of-this-world good. She’s gorgeous, intelligent, witty and charming. I can’t deny any of that. Just like I can’t deny the long list of men she keeps in tow, in her cell at all times – no matter how many times I’ve tried to get her to get rid of these dudes, nothing works…And nothing ever will, no matter who she’s with because they’re her ego support group – every one of them, including a couple ex’s, still waiting for a shot (or another) because of her allure, charm and “whoa-is-me” victimization mentality she uses at will to sucker men (like myself) into helping her, feeling sorry for her and risking everything to appeal to her, which is the grand illusion. Everything about a BPD woman appears to be just that: an illusion.

    I can honestly say I don’t have trouble with women and I’ve had way more then my share at 40…But this one, along with the fate-like circumstances, really had me baffled and took me for a ride…with all the hot-cold, passionate make-up sex, incredible on the reg. sex, the emotional connection (I thought we had one) the spiritual connection
    (I thought we had one) to even her telling me “I think you’re my
    soul-mate” charades (I thought we just might be)

    Her history, just for the sake of understanding the “why” (not for the purpose of criticism or belittlement):

    Emotionally and mentally abusive mother, and she’s never known her father. And apparently, the story is further compounded by the fact her mother told her he left, when in reality she pushed him out of their lives.
    Her mother has her and her sister (from two different men and married neither) and ironically she has two boys, two different men and married neither.

    Me? I’m just a man that, no, never tied to rescue her because only YOU can rescue yourself…But as a partner who thought he could be different, and approach the situation entirely differently. I was wrong. Almost 2 years ago I knew nothing about BPD, now I know more about it, and the woman that introduced me to it, then I ever cared too. But I’m not down, I’m far from out and I look at it as an experience that won’t have the intended negative impact on my life. I’m still me, even if I need to find a part of myself again, I will. I always have.

    Good luck to the rest of you in similar circumstances.

  41. hi everyone.
    I have been in the most craziest relationships ive ever had for the past year till it suddenly ended 2 weeks ago.i really thought she was the one .i knew she had a few issues as everyone first they were small so i thought i could help her to get over her bad evil ex partner.thats according to her.horrible mistake!!!! .i had no idea what bpd was untill a friend explained what it was.i thought I was going I got on the net.thank you for your blogs and good advice. its definitely helped me understand the craziness I was going thru and still got to go she text me a few days ago to say she met someone then changed her it looks like I should run for the hills and not look back.over the last year ive lost friends,self worth, my judgement, family, money ,my dignity and and a little of my sanity just to name a few.also the constant accusations of me sleeping around, hitting her,, abuse, lies,neediness, go away, come here,crying, selfishness, moving house, towns and now she is sleeping with someone else .. she still has the hide to abuse me.she just left without even letting me know.she can justify all her craziness by blaming me for everything.its hard to watch someone u love with this..i did try to talk it out with her and to get help.another bad mistake.denial.denial.denial.its like dealing with a child.suppose I should be happy shes broke it off and an email saying if I look for her shes going to the yes i will miss her and her crazy eyes but it seems shes done me a great deed by leaving.thanks again everyone for helping get my head around this..

  42. I am an Alpha Woman and attract man after man like this. There is nothing you can do to stop a BPD sufferer except scorched earth policy, no mercy, ruthless detachment from them followed by repeated brutal blows until they shatter and crawl away.

    It’s amazing, I can be simply walking down the street and it’s like every BPD male in a 50 mile vicinity can smell my pheromones and closes in.

    I am lesbian and not interested in these men.

    Life for me is hell.

  43. Not to diminish your experience Rollo, I agree that BPD is tossed around way to casually.

    Another term that seems frequently used without much rigor is codependency. Can/have you written about that?

  44. Your girl sounds like Narcissistic Personality Disorder rather than BPD. There is a big difference.

  45. Border line personality disorder is a type of psychological disorder which changes the mood. People who are suffering with borderline personality disorder along with anxiety can be treated with the dialectical behavior therapy.

  46. Pingback: 20 Questions |
  47. On Sunday Oct. 19th at 5:20 p.m. BPD feature film “Imagine I’m Beautiful” is showing in Hollywood. in Hollywood

    Immediately it, the Director, the Writer/Lead Actress that plays the BPD character “Lana” and a panel of mental health professionals will be there to discuss the film and BPD. You can educate/add to the conversation if you’re nearby.

  48. BPD are sick who never get treatment. Atleast a majority of them never accept their responsibility. They eat you away inch by inch, blaming you for everything.

    RUN RUN from them if you want to live a life.

  49. Definitely the most misunderstood out of the ‘Cluster B’. anybody, who is interested… I would recommend to google Dr. George K. Simon. BPD can be found in most innocent people (doesn’t mean the don’t cause problems to others, but they suffer too and this sub-group of the BPD is the only one, who do manipulation etc subconsciously). the rest of the cluster B act COUCIOUSLY, THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY DO, DON’T GET TRUPPED BY OLD APPROACHES. Just read, you’ll be surprized!!

  50. I forgot, while BPDs on the above mentioned end of the continuum (good ones), are the only ones with human emotions, out of cluster B, they are the worst, if/when IT GOES TOGETHR WITH PSYCHOPATHY, I.E. BPD PSYCHO IS THE WORST.

    just google ‘fragile and dangerous men’.

  52. @margott

    There is a reason that a WOMAN made a movie about a woman with BPD.

    EVERY man should see this film. It’s available for rent or purchase on iTunes, Vimeo and many other sources. The understanding you’ll gain might just save your life. Thank you, Rollo, for writing such an accurate description of BPD. Those of us that have been in a relationship with one in the past are thankful to be alive.

  53. I have been with a girl that has BPD now for a year and half, she refuses to get treatment, I have now thrown her out 6 times now, this time I dumped her on the phone, I was out of the country, she started demanding for material things like a car and a house, and a dog, we had just gotten back together for 2 months, I told her that we will do this in near future, these were plans we had prior to her acting up, all of a sudden, in a phone conversation, she started asking for these thing immediately telling me that she has many men chasing her, I asked her are you seeing anyone else she said no, I asked her, am I your boyfriend she said yes, she said that she was not happy, I told her that I was not happy either, so she said that I should leave her then, so I did, I told her to get lost, and like in the past she was in shock, then I brutally verbally abused her, like in the past times that we have broken up, I am 17 years older than her, now I have always cheated on her, and she knows, and always drives me nuts over this, but to be honest, reason why I cheat on her, is she is not that good with sex I find, she is okay, but I have had better, in all my past relations, me and my partners were into swinging like swinger clubs gangbangs and etc. now she was a stripper for about 2 years in the past prior to me going out with her, only reason why I like her is because she like loves me to death hugging kisses and stuff like that, I like it, and yes I have feelings for her and love her company, we get along fantastic, until she freaks, she at the beginning of our relationship, twice had very bad violent freak outs, I mean bad like complete insanity, but she does not do that anymore, because I threw her out immediately both times and last time she tried that I scared her very badly, so she knows that she cannot get away with that one, I am certain that each time we have separated that she has gone with other men, but I have gone with other women also, she says that at sex I am her best sex partner she has ever had. now I own a company and she is now telling me that she wants to work for me, but not have a relationship, and of course she wants me to over pay her, I told her that if I have to over pay her then she has to put out, and she says that she cannot involve emotions and work together, so I told her to get lost, lately in the last month she has been doing nude pictures and nude paintings, she has been having photographers take these and she has been posting them on facebook, and let me mention that like in past every time we break up she cuts me off certain sites, because I have verbally abused her. but she stalks my facebook and she does return my emails, today I landed in Cancun with another woman, and am spending 10 days, at a resort, and I marked on facebook at airport with so and so, and will be back in 10 days, and of course I received 3 emails have not answered her, but she says now that she is moving to Vancouver, to become a writer, which is a joke because it is 10 years that she has been writing a novel, and it is still not finished and I am the one who has been supporting her, I sent her 500 dollars last week, she did not ask me for it, but I figured she needed money also told her that I will send her the dog she wants in a week or 2, I also sent her an email earlier in the week giving her shit for doing these nude things, I told her that she says that we are a couple, then why would she not come to tell me she wanted to do these things, because as a couple we are suppose to do these things together, and if she wants to do sexual fantasies that we should do these things together, number one so that I will be there to protect her, and etc. I am wondering do you ever think that she will ever calm down and stop acting up, because I am really getting fed up of every 2 or 3 months she acts up and I have to throw her out, and then have to argue with her for 2 months before she comes back, she always says that she does not trust me, but I have never trusted her neither, and never will, I told her that if she would stop taking off and settle that I could train her sexually, because in past all her boyfriends have cheated on her, that’s what she says, who knows, for me she is a liar, but I catch her immediately, plus I bug all her electronic devices phones computers etc. so I know everything. I just need a bit of peace in my life, plus she is a good cook, and I enjoy eating out with her, we have fun. until she freaks. what should I do.

  54. Emmanuel, are you serious dude? Or just trolling?? If what you say is even real, there’s so many things wrong with your post idk where to begin. Bugging her phone? Cheating? Justifying cheating bc “you’ve had better”? Honestly id be disgusted if I dated you. I’m not even sure if the girl has bpd, or if she’s simply tired of your shit. Its understandable why she’s lashing out at you. I think she needs to find her independence and self worth, bpd or not, and leave the relationship for good. If you are tired of her then you should end things permanently as well. Even if she is bpd, you’re only making it much worse for her and triggering her problem. Whatever she’s done while broken up is not cheating, btw. I think you should leave for good and get a more doormat woman who enjoys being cheated on and not truly loved. Or just hire whores, you have the money don’t you? Then you have the nerve to blame her for everything. I am bpd, long ago I stopped dating men because most men are scummy just like you, and only made my condition that much worse. Leave and don’t look back. I also sincerely hope your gf will stay away from men in the future for her own good, and for the peace of everyone. Bye!

  55. Sorry but you have not read what I wrote properly, number one she does not know that I have been bugging her phones or anything, number 2 it is only in the last 2 or 3 months that I have discovered that she is BPD and I have been speaking to doctors that specialize in mental illness and they want me to bring her in to make a diagnoses number 3 she has never caught me cheating actually, she believes that I have been cheating with an ex, when we broke up in past, I became verbally abusive yes because I did not know, that she had this problem, for me I new that something was not right, she is one that came to me, wanting to plan all these things, she was one that was planning them, and then she was one that all of a sudden freaked out, and ran away, leaving me holding the bag, wondering why, she would start all these projects and then leave them, and sex wise when we are together we have sex minimum 2 to 3 times a day. she is one that cannot keep up with me sexually. When we are together our relationship is fantastic, we get along amazing. also I have never complained about her seeing other men when we were apart, she told me that she went with 3 men last time, and that they were not even close to as good I was in bed with her, I told her absolutely nothing over this, I have no problem with it, I know that she is not going to Vancouver, because she cannot survive there. I know what is in her head, she wants to come to work with me, what I believe is that all the emotions she has are just to much for her and she ends up freaking, knowing after, that she has made a mistake, and she knows that I am unforgiving, that is why I would verbally abuse her in past, and she would mention to me that she was just over burden with emotions, that it was just to much for her, I am just wondering should I allow her to come to work for me, remember she is one asking for these things, when I landed in Cancun yesterday she is one that emailed me, she is one that is going crazy right now trying to find out what I am doing, she is one doing all these pictures and paintings, trying to get my interest. I know now that in future if there is to be one, that I need to back up, when she goes through her feelings thing. instead of me ragging forward like a mad man, that I should just relax on her and say nothing, until she gets back to normal, then we can talk about calmly,

    1. Emmanuel, you are scum whether she knows it or not. You don’t belong in a relationship if you are verbally abusive, cheating, and value your partner according to her sexual abilities mainly. She might have a feeling about how scummy you are. Then, instead of attempting to better yourself, you dump all responsibility and blame on her. Because of her low self worth, she accepts it. Whether you agree with me or not, you know you should end the relationship. She is clinging to you due to low self worth, and you cling to her for the ego boost of having someone beg for you and adore you. End it and go get a swinger girlfriend. That is all I have to say. Adios.

  56. If I was the scum I would not have put forward the hundreds of thousands of dollars in projects, I am sitting with a farm project outside of Guadalajara Mexico, that has nothing to do with me, I am not one that came up with these brilliant projects and then walk away from them, I am sure that if your boyfriend came up to you and asked you to invest in these type of projects and then walked away for no reason at all, that you would give him shit also, and I am not valuing anyone on there sexual abilities, and I have never put anyone in a position to beg, I am not one that has walked away, and now that I know that she has this problem I am trying to improve myself, because I now understand, why she is walking away, I did not know before. its like is you have a partner and he comes to you and ask you for 200,000 dollars to open a store, and before the store opens he walks away, do you say nothing, remember she is one that is asking me to support her, she is the one asking me for things, I have asked for nothing.

    1. Wow. What an entitled narcissist prick. As a romantic partner, you’re scum. I don’t care what “projects” you may be working on. If she can’t let go, then its your duty to let go of the failed relationship. No one is holding a gun to your head. And get a shrink if you can’t seem to use logic or be a good partner. I’m done and won’t be answering this thread anymore. I’m unsubscribing. Bubye.

  57. also during time that we are together I have never been verbally abusive, you have to understand we get along amazing, we do not even ever have an argument, it is only after she had her episodes that I become abusive.

  58. typical run away, in life people have to be responsible, for what they do. you cannot run forever, I you start something in life you have to finish, at least I am taking the initiative to change and understand the problem and change. I do not run away from things, unlike you as I see, typical coward, like you said earlier, you have decided that you cannot be with men, because you cannot deal with it, so run along little girl.

    1. Really? Wow. Yeah I can’t wait to get a narcissistic psychopath like you to bug my phone, cheat on me, verbally abuse me and critique my sexual performance. Sounds fuckin awesome (obvious sarcasm). Anyway, I’m now unsubscribed and won’t be able to see future comments from crazy assholes. Goodbye.

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  60. I think the increment of Asperger traits on men and BPD on women is dictated by the abuse of brain stimulation through continuous arousal fueled by novelty. If you watch the famous TED talk “The Demise of Guys” you will find out that Phillip Lombardo describes the increment of guys who are struggling on communicating with the opposite sex among other problems like lack of motivation to engage in longer term rewarding activities.
    There I decided to start researching behavioural patterns to find out how to overcome procrastination and porn (which in the end are related). Yourbrainonporn gave me the cues I was looking for in order to understand our brain’s reward center.
    I have the idea that stimulus-seeking compulsive behaviours are reinforced by novelty abuse in both sexes: mostly porn & gaming on men and status-seeking activities like FB or Instagram on females. Then you of course you have movies, series, etc.
    Unplugging from the continous stimulus/arousal is necessary for both genders: Besides the fact that it is producing a delay on the development of social behaviours, because of the neuroplasticity, it is reinforcing both the extreme male brains or “asperger” and extreme female brains or “BPD”.
    I am trying to find guys with asperger traits who haven’t been playing games, watching porn…in the end abusing from novelty for a long time but so far, I have not been able to find any evidence to disproove my theory.
    I also believe our widespread subconscious belief regarding the magic pill has been developed by the abuse of instant gratification. This also reinforces procrastination behavioural patterns.
    Each time left behind instant gratification activity I boosted my social skills up. I encourage you guys to do the same

  61. Rollo Stated “It’s very easy and comforting to ascribe a general lack of social intelligence or a retardation in social maturity on Asperger’s Syndrome. I’m not suggesting that Asperger’s isn’t a legitimate pathology, but I think the frequency with which men will conveniently attribute their social awkwardness to it delegitimizes the real illness.”

    What I am stating is that social intelligence/retardation can easily become a “not learned behaviour” if a guy spends most of his time behind interactions with machines instead of persons, therefor he could display some traits that are related to asperger’s

  62. After reading these comments and hearing people’s experiences with BPD women, I’m mortified.
    I am a 21 year old woman with BPD and I have been in a committed relationship with a guy for almost 3 years now. I recognize some of the BPD behavior in myself, the self-justifying, selfishness, and over-emotional outbursts that have been prevalent in our relationship. After reading the comments, I can simply assume that my boyfriend must be a saint. He has managed to keep me interested, make me want to be monogamous, force me to address my issues, realize I have BPD and hasn’t caved or changed at all other than becoming more understanding and more communicative. He is just the right amount asshole and mentor to be a helpful boyfriend for me. I have done things for attention, often simply crying out of frustration because I couldn’t get his attention. But I can tell you that in the moment I would never have even realized that there was a motive behind it, crying was simply my first reaction. I have cut myself out of frustration and considered suicide and tried it, not so much to bother him, but simply because I felt so overwhelmed by the emotions. We are currently in an open relationship, in which he sometimes takes advantage of this status and I stay monogamous. I only very recently recognized my BPD and have never been able to own up to my mistakes until I realized that BPD is my personal demon that I have been feeding. So my question to you is this: I want to be a healthy, helpful girlfriend and woman in society. I want to improve and be a normal woman-well, as normal as most men could see a woman being- but I’m not sure how best to go about it. I have avoided much alcohol for most of my life, fearing that I would become reliant on it, but had a sex addiction, which I have finally kicked. Basically, I don’t want to be seen as a demon spawn, home-wrecker, and I want to build my man up and help us both become better people. Do you have any ideas on how to help? I plan on talking to a therapist and helping myself a lot on my own, but I am hoping to avoid drugs, as I don’t want to be tied down financially or mentally to drugs. I am asking for your help because I want a reality check. I want to be someone who beats this fucking thing and I don’t want to be one of “all women with BPD are hopeless lunatics” category. Thanks so much for reading.

  63. Naomi
    July 8th, 2015 at 1:22 am

    You might try making friends with one of his “openings”. Sometimes it helps. The competition can help you improve. OTOH it might not work. But as long as you are trying to make yourself better it is worth at least one try.

  64. Aww–did she hurt you? The woman/women you’ve dealt with are in no way representative of everyone with BPD, and it’s asinine to try to apply your highly specific experiences (such as the open relationship thing) to all women with BPD.

  65. haha the borderline female and the one sides open relationship. the borderline female will always be in an open relationship, but only on her end. if you so much as hold an innocent nonsexual non flirtatious conversation with another female, it will throw the clown into a fit of anger and jealousy. this coming from the same clown who cheats on you and is always craving male attention. my only advice is, if you are with a borderline woman, cheat on her. she is cheating on you so do the same to her. do not be a beta male chump and accept the double standard or try to “negotiate” with her to try to save ur dignity. do to her what she does to you. and then eventually leave her once u get sick of her or found a better replacement. what kind of chump guy wants to be in a relationship with a female who will always cheat on him and act like she has a right to do it?

  66. “She’s an hb 9 (to him) and he’s never fucked better than a 5. Catastrophic loss”. LOol. I’m supposed to believe that males are capable of love when the they say shit like this??: sounds like y’all are nothing but shallow sex addicts. Don’t worry, this evil bpd wants nothing to do with your ” love”. I want money and I always get it.l

  67. I have relived a long ago memory reading the site.

    In support of all the other unfortunates, I’ll relate my tale – but be warned – it’s an ugly tale!

    So, to start, I discovered that my ex was having an affair, revolving around a “church based canoe group”.Initially, I began questioning and blaming myself, telling her that we needed to work it out. I spoke to a professional seeking support and answers, who somehow got her in to see him.

    He reported to me that he diagnosed her with Borderline Personality Disorder, and that I had some major choices to make, as she rejected his diagnosis and any thought of treatment. He advised that she would never change without help, and that what she did had little to do with me or the children – it was all about her.

    I initially failed to understand, and tried to reconcile. Over the next few months she promised to try, and even started going to church.

    But, little-by-little she revealed how this had begun, first with lesbian affairs with coworkers, then eventually, when I bought her a new car, but declined to take a car maintenance class with her – she slept with the mechanic giving the class. I learned of more in rapid succession, of affairs, one night stands, and worse over a 7 year period. She was in the medical field and used the cover of being on call,being in surgery, working extra for a dentist, going to medical conferences, etc, etc.(I could comment on my opinion of medical morals, but ’nuff said) I recalled an occasion when I got overwhelmingly sleepy after consuming a soft drink at a movie with the ex. I realize now that she drugged me. She also infected me twice with STDs, telling me she had a yeast infection. She put antibiotic in my food unknown to me. My children later reported to me, when asked, that whoever I was out of town, the ex was “always” gone to the hospital at night “on call”.

    The gross details aren’t necessary, but the revelations shook me back to reality. (disgusting, degrading, and sick are better terms even than gross)

    She began trying to convince me to sell our house and move. Now awake, I realized that she wanted her share and would dump the children on the street and force a move to a new neighborhood. I had recently pulled her off the chest of our 11 year old son when she tried to strangle him for begging her not to leave him – so I wasn’t exactly fooled by her house sale drive. I resolved that my children needed to have the support of friends and family, and not be moved out of their home and away from friends. How I would do this came to me eventually – wait long enough and she would find another prince, but couldn’t hide it easily, and would have to leave.

    I had been contacted by the wife of her latest affair, a physician whom she had recommended me to for minor surgery.(Roll that around for a second). She and I had quite a conversation, during which I learned that he had “done this before with his office nurse, and she had attempted suicide when he dumped her – possibly for my wife”. I advised her to seek professional medical and legal council, but also delivered an explicit warning concerning what I would do if I ever saw her husband in public.

    The next day the ex came home late from work, crying and just glaring at me (a Thursday BTW – a favorite day for medical professionals at some hospitals to play, as it offers the cover for some surgeons who “have surgery that day”.) The next day, after meeting with her surgeon friend again, she proceeded to drive her car right in front of an oncoming truck, suffering broken ribs. I rushed to the hospital, told she was being X-rayed and that I should go to the room she was assigned. I did so and in rearranging the pillows on the bed, found a hand written note from a “friend” indicating they would be by later. I didn’t stay long after she got to the room.

    Well, we bought her a new truck, and about 3 weeks later, she called to inform me that she was taking our motor home on a canoe trip that afternoon, and when she returned, she was “leaving the family”. She asked our teenaged daughter to drop her off, and my daughter called me, appalled, that the canoe trip was my ex and 4 men. My daughter said she threw gravel “all over them” with her rapid departure.

    She never said anything to the children, but shortly after informed me that she was leaving that afternoon. She got friends to help her move and was gone when my dad and I returned from picking up the kids at school golf team practice.

    The judge at the divorce hearing classified her as having abandoned the family and offered to impose child support payments on her – which I declined, in an attempt to cut all ties.

    That was 31 years ago, and we had absolutely no contact with her until Dec 24, when a scribbled note, from some tiny town in East Texas arrived, stating that she had breast cancer, and I should take “appropriate measures concerning the children”.

    I can’t imagine that she thinks any of us care!

    So, that’s my early life’s scary story – though I left the horror story parts out!

    Be safe, there are really monsters in the world!


    P S – My 2 older children are college educated,very successful professional people with families and children. I remarried a spectacular woman a few years after, the true savior of our lives, and have a third child, who is a Nurse Practitioner, and who also has 2 children.(I have advised her about morals in the medical field particularly).

  68. A little further look into the brain of a BPD – quotes from a BPD serial cheater—-

    1 – After buying my BPD cheating ex a new car, she wanted to take a continuing education 2 day class in auto maintenance. I wasn’t interested, saying we could pay for someone to take care of the car better than I could. She attended the class and slept with the mechanic. When I was astounded that she would do this, I could only ask why – she said that “I didn’t care about her” – (forget the $50,000 sports car she was driving)

    2 – I asked her what her mother would say about her affairs – a mother who had refused cancer treatment because she was pregnant with twins – eventually leading to her death after the births – my ex said she “believed her mother would completely support what she was doing”. I said, “your mother would slap your face so hard it would spin you around”.

    3 – When I told my ex BPD that I had never cheated on her even once during our marriage, she said “you should have – you might have learned something”! I thought, “I’m glad I never did, and never learned what she did about herself”.

    4 – Once near the end, I got frustrated with something I was doing unsuccessfully and used the F – word. Shockingly, she actually said, now after close to ten years of cheating -“I don’t like your language”! I said, “Well if you can do it, I think I have a license to say it”!

    Ahhhhhh! Memories of crazy times!


  69. tbh all the bpd’s in our lives shook us out of the bullshit story we told ourselves about ourselves. sure it sucks, but i would nvr go back to how i once thought of the world. ugh just thinking about how i was back then… bleh. I like to think its like the universe sharpening u into something worthwhile.

    im pretty sure i can tell if ur a bpd by just talking to u. they have no life in them. or essence? idk definitely made life more interesting.

  70. A distinct danger to a male, who is ever married to a cheating BPD wife, is that you eventually may be unsure if “your” children are actually yours!

    I know if a case where an older guy married a younger woman and she had a daughter a couple of years later. The man eventually found out that his young wife was cheating on him and confronted her. Well, it got ugly – she eventually ditched the guise of an insulted, falsely accused wife, confessing that she had cheated and that the daughter was not his biological child, but that of another. The divorce occurred!

    Five years down the road the gentleman suddenly died of a heart attack. His will left his entire earthly wealth to nieces and nephews.

    The cheating ex wife, upon hearing of his death, immediately filed a lawsuit claiming that “their” daughter should be the beneficiary of his estate!

    If you discover that your ex was a cheater – you may, or may not, want to investigate the genetics of any children delivered during that marriage.

    Sad, but a fact of life when dealing with a BPD – they have no concern for anyone – husbands, children, anyone – other people being merely standup cardboard characters to be manipulated for their instant gratification!


  71. I forgot to relate a very positive result from my horrible experiences with a cheating BPD ex wife!

    I experienced the joke teller’s dream turn around – I divorced the nasty, 40-something whore wife #1 and remarried a spiritually and physically beautiful 20-something woman! A spectacular trade!

    For all those struggling with the decision of divorce or hang on —- I can absolutely assure and encourage you to remove yourself from the BPD. It’s a big world, with a lot of normal women – some even fabulous – and your life with one of them will change so much, you eventually will be unbelieving that you could have been so unfortunate the last time around.

    Do it for yourself!

    Best of luck!


  72. Why can’t we start making a list of them and start naming names? At least when guys in online dating google them, they can run

  73. A BPD is the most evil person I encountered in my long life, by a wide margin!

    Whether they can help themselves or not, they are still guilty.

    No matter what they do, they often believe that apologizing heals every wound they have inflicted.

    They are soul less monsters!

    Run away from them, as fast and far as you can.

  74. Untill I educated myself on this whole BPD
    Behaviour I had no idea what the ***k was going on, it is a huge waste of time and constant re assurance in order to maintain the relationship. Looking back having been 4 years in.. with a great looking girl I have to admit, you gotta go out there and turn off your feelings. The one thing these nut jobs will do is get you to open up emotionally so they can manipulate you. Which sounds like not a big deal, but if you’ve experienced say, a death in the family or you’re a bit depressed, you are very open to some serious abuse mentally. I kinda knew in the back of my mind that it was the sex that drove our relationship but when you get older it’s so not worth the bullshit and time and money and possibility of loosing all your belongings, it super messy guys and you always run the risk of getting blamed for s**t you didn’t do ( you will end up wishing you had done it just so it was worth the nightmare)
    and it WILL end up being a game of:
    ‘He said , she said’ roller coaster BS and none of your buddies are gonna give a shit because they all told you to run for the hills… Remember ???
    Anyhow that’s my 2 pennies worth just use them for memories, when you’re old and fu**ed up in a nursing home pissing your pants, hopefully with laughter…..

  75. @JayBoy – Everything you say is same as my experience, so I vigorously agree it is best to see the signs so as not to engage at all in the first place. For me, the strangest part about it all was – after I erroneously got too deeply involved and knew what I was dealing with – I started looking into BDP, and the psych community does outline alot that rings true, but I still couldn’t really completely reconcile it all in my mind – i.e. – after the relationship was ended, I had this strong desire to still know what motivated a person to behave that way, and the psych community, they do explain the behavior itself quite well, but don’t really do a good job of explaining the motivations. So I kept looking around for something that made sense. And then I found this redpill discourse, as well as the evol-psych discourse around the sexual selection pressures. And then the motivational aspects of the strange behavior finally started to fall in place for me (albeit we don’t really know to what degree these motivations are conscious or otherwise).

    This is a bit disconcerting to realize all this, to say the least, because one then starts to see that all women are a bit predisposed to this BDP dynamic in the first place, by way of their evolved adaptive strategies, and so one starts to wonder – well what exactly are the other traits that mitigate the full-blown version of the BDP mindset?

    In a sense AWALT is not actually accurate in one way (but I get it – it is accurate wrt to the underlying hindbrain firmware). So why is it the NAWALT wrt to full-blown BDP?

    I have a burning desire to know precisely the constellation of other traits, including wrt to the underlying motivations (conscious or otherwise), that provide this mitigation.

    I am getting real resistance to finding the answer to this question on all fronts. Fascinating.

  76. It’s fascinating how these BPDs work. They look for men with wounds (e.g custody battle, divorce, lost job recently, etc) and they pounce. They do whatever they can to scare the smart men away. I’ve ran from the hills of so many of them, but i see their same patterns.

    I have a few acquaintances/ “Cool Girls” that are Cluster B/comorbid BPD that show me how they work. They basically do ridiculous shit to guys and whoever sticks around, they know they have total control over them.

  77. The mindset needed to deal with these freaks is to realize that they are not tied to you, like you may be to them.

    They are like 5 year olds choosing games at a toy store, and have absolutely no problem with losing interest in your game, breaking vows and confidences, always rationalizing that you caused them to do it.

    Do not allow one of them to steal years of your life – they don’t care about you, only looking for a moments shelter – but never establishing any bonds to you, the situation, other people in the family, or anything else.

    You are merely a character in today’s BPD soap opera episode, and likely stricken from script, when a new, exciting actor shows up – maybe even this afternoon.

  78. Just like in a TV Soap Opera, its all about acting like they are someone else – someone they skillfully calculate you will like.

  79. I was rereading my long post describing my long ago marriage ending drama with a cheating BPD wife. One other detail is illustrative of how shallow and desperate these monsters are ——

    I described an apparent attempted suicide, more cheating, and her leaving. What I left out is that she moved in with still another boyfriend within weeks, quit her medical professional job, and moved across the country – all within months of our divorce.

    From what I’ve read, career interruptions and cross-country relocations are common with BPDs, as well has having additional “boy friends” already in line when the current “hero” gets painted black.

    You can’t be shocked by the actions of the disturbed person you thought you knew, but were completely mistaken about.

    Be aware!

    1. Also be aware of why you liked this woman. When the next hottie comes a long that is madly in to you even if it seems realistic, ask some real questions to them and yourself.

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