Borderline Personality Disorder

“Were you just looking at her?!! WERE YOU?!!,..I bet you just wanna fuck her don’t you?,.. DON’T YOUUU!!!”

One curious aspect of the manosphere community is it’s tendency to pick up on what I’d call ‘pet pathologies’. It’s very easy and comforting to ascribe a general lack of social intelligence or a retardation in social maturity on Asperger’s Syndrome. I’m not suggesting that Asperger’s isn’t a legitimate pathology, but I think the frequency with which men will conveniently attribute their social awkwardness to it delegitimizes the real illness. Most Betas often report a discomfort with approaches and Game in general because of varying degrees of social anxiety that they’ve internalized for the better part of their lives.

So, it’s a much simpler premise to attribute this to a psychological disorder than to admit that they’ve got a lot of work ahead of them in unlearning the hinderances the’ve been conditioned to believe about themselves for so long. I’m not saying guys (why is it rarely women?) don’t have Asperger’s, but I think some real introspection is due before diagnosing it for themselves. Another neurosis that gets attributed to women in the manosphere is BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder:

*DSM-IV-TR Diagnostic Criteria A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships,  self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following: Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days). Chronic feelings of emptiness. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights). Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

I struggled with deciding whether to write about this because in our current intergender environment, it’s very easy to conveniently ascribe these symptoms and tendencies to the ‘psycho bitches’ that men often complain about. She’s crazy in bed, but she’s also crazy out of bed. I would doubt that there’s a man dating in the last decade who hasn’t encountered one or some combination of neurosis listed in this clinical diagnosis with a woman he’s dating or has dated.

As the gender landscape has developed in the last 40 years, so to has the variety of  psychoses. So it’s for this reason that I think understanding true BPD neurosis in comparison to the common anxieties of insecurity that women are prone needs to be explored.

True BPDs

I had an LTR with a BPD woman for 4 years when I was in my 20s and I can tell you from experience, it’s nothing to laugh at or take lightly. It’s particularly damaging for AFCs locked into a BPDs negative feedback loop, especially when he’s developed a soul destroying ONEitis with her and associates himself as the source of her depression / psychosis.

True BPDs progressively convince their victims that they are the source of her neurosis. You are not yourself, you are who she’s molding you to be, and eventually you’ll come to believe that it’s in your best interest – indeed, your responsibility – to be who she wants you to be to sustain that neurosis.

You will gradually give up on your family and friends (or they give up on you), you will drop all ambitions and passions that directly focus on you, and you will abandon any genuine, independent identity you held for yourself, all because these are threats to the neurotic narrative she constructs for herself and lives out.

She will reward your conversion to her psychosis with the intermittent reward of crazy hot sex, but this is simply the reinforcer to keep you locked into her narrative. The YOU you know will cease to exist and the character she creates for you will take over. This is especially true for beta chumps who see their BPD as their best, only option for a long term romantic prospect. She’s an HB 9 (to him) and he’s never fucked better than a 5 in his whole life, so the risk of catastrophic loss is real and ever-present. It’s fate that brought them together, and if he can only help allay her fears they can live happily ever after.

In the latter stages of a BPD relationship you will get to the point where her overt cuckolding of you is an acceptable situation. You think you’ll mitigate it by negotiating some “open relationship” status with her. You will internalize the reasoning that negotiating for her desire is preferable to losing her. You’ll propose that an open relationship means you’re both free to fuck other parties, when in reality it’s the only way you can rationalize for yourself the fact that she’s going to go fuck other guys, and you’re going to accept it because you’re locked into her neurosis. It’s your fault she feels compelled to fuck other guys – and you’ll believe it.

That, or the mere suggestion of you being interested in sex with another woman will send her into fits of jealous, histrionic rage. You’re living in fear. You’re afraid she’ll commit suicide if you uproot yourself (a classic BPD unspoken threat), but trust me on this, it’ll be you who swallows a bullet long before she ever will. I’ve personally known two men who’ve done just this, and another who hung himself as the result of a BPD relationship.

I know it seems like most of the friends you still do have are simply passing you off by saying “get out” and move on, but your life literally depends on you doing so. Cutting you off and disengaging you from external perspectives about your twisted relationship is essential to a BPD’s neurosis. Eventually your friends and family will give up on the ‘new you’.

Also, I must add this, when and if you do finally muster the self-concern enough to actually leave her, expect a complete about-face in her mentality and behavior. The one thing a true BPD loathes more than her victim is the thought of having to ensnare another. There are plenty of other Beta chumps ready to fill that role, but the comfort and easy predictability you represent to her in the present builds an emotional dependency. BPDs will fight like wild animals not to lose their victim, so expect an extinction burst from her the likes of which are unimaginable.

For a guy so accustomed to her neurotic behavior, his first impression is that she’s making some real change for him in order to “improve the relationship.” It’s not, but so radical a shift in her behavior will convince you otherwise, and cause you to doubt her deception, particularly when you yourself have no options and believe you’ll never do any better than her.

185 comments

  1. guys, keep in mind, the male BPD also exists. This is not, because I am a female, just to be scientifically proper, when you want to understand something. YES, FEMALE BPD (HISTRIONIC, EVEN THOUGH DSM HAS LISTED THEM SEPARETELY) VERY PROMISCUOUS….TERRRRRIBLE, MANIPULATIVE ETC. HOWEVER, LATELY MANY PROMINANT PSYCHOLOGISTS ARGUE, THAT THE NUMBER AMONG MEN IS UNDERESTIMATED, BECAUSE THE MALE BPD MANIFESTS VERY DIFFERENTLY.
    just google ‘fragile and dangerous men’.

  2. @margott

    There is a reason that a WOMAN made a movie about a woman with BPD.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gumcX3zgvcY

    EVERY man should see this film. It’s available for rent or purchase on iTunes, Vimeo and many other sources. The understanding you’ll gain might just save your life. Thank you, Rollo, for writing such an accurate description of BPD. Those of us that have been in a relationship with one in the past are thankful to be alive.

  3. I have been with a girl that has BPD now for a year and half, she refuses to get treatment, I have now thrown her out 6 times now, this time I dumped her on the phone, I was out of the country, she started demanding for material things like a car and a house, and a dog, we had just gotten back together for 2 months, I told her that we will do this in near future, these were plans we had prior to her acting up, all of a sudden, in a phone conversation, she started asking for these thing immediately telling me that she has many men chasing her, I asked her are you seeing anyone else she said no, I asked her, am I your boyfriend she said yes, she said that she was not happy, I told her that I was not happy either, so she said that I should leave her then, so I did, I told her to get lost, and like in the past she was in shock, then I brutally verbally abused her, like in the past times that we have broken up, I am 17 years older than her, now I have always cheated on her, and she knows, and always drives me nuts over this, but to be honest, reason why I cheat on her, is she is not that good with sex I find, she is okay, but I have had better, in all my past relations, me and my partners were into swinging like swinger clubs gangbangs and etc. now she was a stripper for about 2 years in the past prior to me going out with her, only reason why I like her is because she like loves me to death hugging kisses and stuff like that, I like it, and yes I have feelings for her and love her company, we get along fantastic, until she freaks, she at the beginning of our relationship, twice had very bad violent freak outs, I mean bad like complete insanity, but she does not do that anymore, because I threw her out immediately both times and last time she tried that I scared her very badly, so she knows that she cannot get away with that one, I am certain that each time we have separated that she has gone with other men, but I have gone with other women also, she says that at sex I am her best sex partner she has ever had. now I own a company and she is now telling me that she wants to work for me, but not have a relationship, and of course she wants me to over pay her, I told her that if I have to over pay her then she has to put out, and she says that she cannot involve emotions and work together, so I told her to get lost, lately in the last month she has been doing nude pictures and nude paintings, she has been having photographers take these and she has been posting them on facebook, and let me mention that like in past every time we break up she cuts me off certain sites, because I have verbally abused her. but she stalks my facebook and she does return my emails, today I landed in Cancun with another woman, and am spending 10 days, at a resort, and I marked on facebook at airport with so and so, and will be back in 10 days, and of course I received 3 emails have not answered her, but she says now that she is moving to Vancouver, to become a writer, which is a joke because it is 10 years that she has been writing a novel, and it is still not finished and I am the one who has been supporting her, I sent her 500 dollars last week, she did not ask me for it, but I figured she needed money also told her that I will send her the dog she wants in a week or 2, I also sent her an email earlier in the week giving her shit for doing these nude things, I told her that she says that we are a couple, then why would she not come to tell me she wanted to do these things, because as a couple we are suppose to do these things together, and if she wants to do sexual fantasies that we should do these things together, number one so that I will be there to protect her, and etc. I am wondering do you ever think that she will ever calm down and stop acting up, because I am really getting fed up of every 2 or 3 months she acts up and I have to throw her out, and then have to argue with her for 2 months before she comes back, she always says that she does not trust me, but I have never trusted her neither, and never will, I told her that if she would stop taking off and settle that I could train her sexually, because in past all her boyfriends have cheated on her, that’s what she says, who knows, for me she is a liar, but I catch her immediately, plus I bug all her electronic devices phones computers etc. so I know everything. I just need a bit of peace in my life, plus she is a good cook, and I enjoy eating out with her, we have fun. until she freaks. what should I do.

  4. Emmanuel, are you serious dude? Or just trolling?? If what you say is even real, there’s so many things wrong with your post idk where to begin. Bugging her phone? Cheating? Justifying cheating bc “you’ve had better”? Honestly id be disgusted if I dated you. I’m not even sure if the girl has bpd, or if she’s simply tired of your shit. Its understandable why she’s lashing out at you. I think she needs to find her independence and self worth, bpd or not, and leave the relationship for good. If you are tired of her then you should end things permanently as well. Even if she is bpd, you’re only making it much worse for her and triggering her problem. Whatever she’s done while broken up is not cheating, btw. I think you should leave for good and get a more doormat woman who enjoys being cheated on and not truly loved. Or just hire whores, you have the money don’t you? Then you have the nerve to blame her for everything. I am bpd, long ago I stopped dating men because most men are scummy just like you, and only made my condition that much worse. Leave and don’t look back. I also sincerely hope your gf will stay away from men in the future for her own good, and for the peace of everyone. Bye!

  5. Sorry but you have not read what I wrote properly, number one she does not know that I have been bugging her phones or anything, number 2 it is only in the last 2 or 3 months that I have discovered that she is BPD and I have been speaking to doctors that specialize in mental illness and they want me to bring her in to make a diagnoses number 3 she has never caught me cheating actually, she believes that I have been cheating with an ex, when we broke up in past, I became verbally abusive yes because I did not know, that she had this problem, for me I new that something was not right, she is one that came to me, wanting to plan all these things, she was one that was planning them, and then she was one that all of a sudden freaked out, and ran away, leaving me holding the bag, wondering why, she would start all these projects and then leave them, and sex wise when we are together we have sex minimum 2 to 3 times a day. she is one that cannot keep up with me sexually. When we are together our relationship is fantastic, we get along amazing. also I have never complained about her seeing other men when we were apart, she told me that she went with 3 men last time, and that they were not even close to as good I was in bed with her, I told her absolutely nothing over this, I have no problem with it, I know that she is not going to Vancouver, because she cannot survive there. I know what is in her head, she wants to come to work with me, what I believe is that all the emotions she has are just to much for her and she ends up freaking, knowing after, that she has made a mistake, and she knows that I am unforgiving, that is why I would verbally abuse her in past, and she would mention to me that she was just over burden with emotions, that it was just to much for her, I am just wondering should I allow her to come to work for me, remember she is one asking for these things, when I landed in Cancun yesterday she is one that emailed me, she is one that is going crazy right now trying to find out what I am doing, she is one doing all these pictures and paintings, trying to get my interest. I know now that in future if there is to be one, that I need to back up, when she goes through her feelings thing. instead of me ragging forward like a mad man, that I should just relax on her and say nothing, until she gets back to normal, then we can talk about calmly,

  6. Emmanuel, you are scum whether she knows it or not. You don’t belong in a relationship if you are verbally abusive, cheating, and value your partner according to her sexual abilities mainly. She might have a feeling about how scummy you are. Then, instead of attempting to better yourself, you dump all responsibility and blame on her. Because of her low self worth, she accepts it. Whether you agree with me or not, you know you should end the relationship. She is clinging to you due to low self worth, and you cling to her for the ego boost of having someone beg for you and adore you. End it and go get a swinger girlfriend. That is all I have to say. Adios.

  7. If I was the scum I would not have put forward the hundreds of thousands of dollars in projects, I am sitting with a farm project outside of Guadalajara Mexico, that has nothing to do with me, I am not one that came up with these brilliant projects and then walk away from them, I am sure that if your boyfriend came up to you and asked you to invest in these type of projects and then walked away for no reason at all, that you would give him shit also, and I am not valuing anyone on there sexual abilities, and I have never put anyone in a position to beg, I am not one that has walked away, and now that I know that she has this problem I am trying to improve myself, because I now understand, why she is walking away, I did not know before. its like is you have a partner and he comes to you and ask you for 200,000 dollars to open a store, and before the store opens he walks away, do you say nothing, remember she is one that is asking me to support her, she is the one asking me for things, I have asked for nothing.

  8. also during time that we are together I have never been verbally abusive, you have to understand we get along amazing, we do not even ever have an argument, it is only after she had her episodes that I become abusive.

  9. Wow. What an entitled narcissist prick. As a romantic partner, you’re scum. I don’t care what “projects” you may be working on. If she can’t let go, then its your duty to let go of the failed relationship. No one is holding a gun to your head. And get a shrink if you can’t seem to use logic or be a good partner. I’m done and won’t be answering this thread anymore. I’m unsubscribing. Bubye.

  10. typical run away, in life people have to be responsible, for what they do. you cannot run forever, I you start something in life you have to finish, at least I am taking the initiative to change and understand the problem and change. I do not run away from things, unlike you as I see, typical coward, like you said earlier, you have decided that you cannot be with men, because you cannot deal with it, so run along little girl.

  11. Really? Wow. Yeah I can’t wait to get a narcissistic psychopath like you to bug my phone, cheat on me, verbally abuse me and critique my sexual performance. Sounds fuckin awesome (obvious sarcasm). Anyway, I’m now unsubscribed and won’t be able to see future comments from crazy assholes. Goodbye.

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  13. I think the increment of Asperger traits on men and BPD on women is dictated by the abuse of brain stimulation through continuous arousal fueled by novelty. If you watch the famous TED talk “The Demise of Guys” you will find out that Phillip Lombardo describes the increment of guys who are struggling on communicating with the opposite sex among other problems like lack of motivation to engage in longer term rewarding activities.
    There I decided to start researching behavioural patterns to find out how to overcome procrastination and porn (which in the end are related). Yourbrainonporn gave me the cues I was looking for in order to understand our brain’s reward center.
    I have the idea that stimulus-seeking compulsive behaviours are reinforced by novelty abuse in both sexes: mostly porn & gaming on men and status-seeking activities like FB or Instagram on females. Then you of course you have movies, series, etc.
    Unplugging from the continous stimulus/arousal is necessary for both genders: Besides the fact that it is producing a delay on the development of social behaviours, because of the neuroplasticity, it is reinforcing both the extreme male brains or “asperger” and extreme female brains or “BPD”.
    I am trying to find guys with asperger traits who haven’t been playing games, watching porn…in the end abusing from novelty for a long time but so far, I have not been able to find any evidence to disproove my theory.
    I also believe our widespread subconscious belief regarding the magic pill has been developed by the abuse of instant gratification. This also reinforces procrastination behavioural patterns.
    Each time left behind instant gratification activity I boosted my social skills up. I encourage you guys to do the same

  14. @melasoban: Get your facts straight. Aspergers is genetic while bpd is learned behaviour.

  15. Rollo Stated “It’s very easy and comforting to ascribe a general lack of social intelligence or a retardation in social maturity on Asperger’s Syndrome. I’m not suggesting that Asperger’s isn’t a legitimate pathology, but I think the frequency with which men will conveniently attribute their social awkwardness to it delegitimizes the real illness.”

    What I am stating is that social intelligence/retardation can easily become a “not learned behaviour” if a guy spends most of his time behind interactions with machines instead of persons, therefor he could display some traits that are related to asperger’s

  16. After reading these comments and hearing people’s experiences with BPD women, I’m mortified.
    I am a 21 year old woman with BPD and I have been in a committed relationship with a guy for almost 3 years now. I recognize some of the BPD behavior in myself, the self-justifying, selfishness, and over-emotional outbursts that have been prevalent in our relationship. After reading the comments, I can simply assume that my boyfriend must be a saint. He has managed to keep me interested, make me want to be monogamous, force me to address my issues, realize I have BPD and hasn’t caved or changed at all other than becoming more understanding and more communicative. He is just the right amount asshole and mentor to be a helpful boyfriend for me. I have done things for attention, often simply crying out of frustration because I couldn’t get his attention. But I can tell you that in the moment I would never have even realized that there was a motive behind it, crying was simply my first reaction. I have cut myself out of frustration and considered suicide and tried it, not so much to bother him, but simply because I felt so overwhelmed by the emotions. We are currently in an open relationship, in which he sometimes takes advantage of this status and I stay monogamous. I only very recently recognized my BPD and have never been able to own up to my mistakes until I realized that BPD is my personal demon that I have been feeding. So my question to you is this: I want to be a healthy, helpful girlfriend and woman in society. I want to improve and be a normal woman-well, as normal as most men could see a woman being- but I’m not sure how best to go about it. I have avoided much alcohol for most of my life, fearing that I would become reliant on it, but had a sex addiction, which I have finally kicked. Basically, I don’t want to be seen as a demon spawn, home-wrecker, and I want to build my man up and help us both become better people. Do you have any ideas on how to help? I plan on talking to a therapist and helping myself a lot on my own, but I am hoping to avoid drugs, as I don’t want to be tied down financially or mentally to drugs. I am asking for your help because I want a reality check. I want to be someone who beats this fucking thing and I don’t want to be one of “all women with BPD are hopeless lunatics” category. Thanks so much for reading.

  17. Naomi
    July 8th, 2015 at 1:22 am

    You might try making friends with one of his “openings”. Sometimes it helps. The competition can help you improve. OTOH it might not work. But as long as you are trying to make yourself better it is worth at least one try.

  18. Aww–did she hurt you? The woman/women you’ve dealt with are in no way representative of everyone with BPD, and it’s asinine to try to apply your highly specific experiences (such as the open relationship thing) to all women with BPD.

  19. haha the borderline female and the one sides open relationship. the borderline female will always be in an open relationship, but only on her end. if you so much as hold an innocent nonsexual non flirtatious conversation with another female, it will throw the clown into a fit of anger and jealousy. this coming from the same clown who cheats on you and is always craving male attention. my only advice is, if you are with a borderline woman, cheat on her. she is cheating on you so do the same to her. do not be a beta male chump and accept the double standard or try to “negotiate” with her to try to save ur dignity. do to her what she does to you. and then eventually leave her once u get sick of her or found a better replacement. what kind of chump guy wants to be in a relationship with a female who will always cheat on him and act like she has a right to do it?

  20. “She’s an hb 9 (to him) and he’s never fucked better than a 5. Catastrophic loss”. LOol. I’m supposed to believe that males are capable of love when the they say shit like this??: sounds like y’all are nothing but shallow sex addicts. Don’t worry, this evil bpd wants nothing to do with your ” love”. I want money and I always get it.l

  21. I have relived a long ago memory reading the site.

    In support of all the other unfortunates, I’ll relate my tale – but be warned – it’s an ugly tale!

    So, to start, I discovered that my ex was having an affair, revolving around a “church based canoe group”.Initially, I began questioning and blaming myself, telling her that we needed to work it out. I spoke to a professional seeking support and answers, who somehow got her in to see him.

    He reported to me that he diagnosed her with Borderline Personality Disorder, and that I had some major choices to make, as she rejected his diagnosis and any thought of treatment. He advised that she would never change without help, and that what she did had little to do with me or the children – it was all about her.

    I initially failed to understand, and tried to reconcile. Over the next few months she promised to try, and even started going to church.

    But, little-by-little she revealed how this had begun, first with lesbian affairs with coworkers, then eventually, when I bought her a new car, but declined to take a car maintenance class with her – she slept with the mechanic giving the class. I learned of more in rapid succession, of affairs, one night stands, and worse over a 7 year period. She was in the medical field and used the cover of being on call,being in surgery, working extra for a dentist, going to medical conferences, etc, etc.(I could comment on my opinion of medical morals, but ’nuff said) I recalled an occasion when I got overwhelmingly sleepy after consuming a soft drink at a movie with the ex. I realize now that she drugged me. She also infected me twice with STDs, telling me she had a yeast infection. She put antibiotic in my food unknown to me. My children later reported to me, when asked, that whoever I was out of town, the ex was “always” gone to the hospital at night “on call”.

    The gross details aren’t necessary, but the revelations shook me back to reality. (disgusting, degrading, and sick are better terms even than gross)

    She began trying to convince me to sell our house and move. Now awake, I realized that she wanted her share and would dump the children on the street and force a move to a new neighborhood. I had recently pulled her off the chest of our 11 year old son when she tried to strangle him for begging her not to leave him – so I wasn’t exactly fooled by her house sale drive. I resolved that my children needed to have the support of friends and family, and not be moved out of their home and away from friends. How I would do this came to me eventually – wait long enough and she would find another prince, but couldn’t hide it easily, and would have to leave.

    I had been contacted by the wife of her latest affair, a physician whom she had recommended me to for minor surgery.(Roll that around for a second). She and I had quite a conversation, during which I learned that he had “done this before with his office nurse, and she had attempted suicide when he dumped her – possibly for my wife”. I advised her to seek professional medical and legal council, but also delivered an explicit warning concerning what I would do if I ever saw her husband in public.

    The next day the ex came home late from work, crying and just glaring at me (a Thursday BTW – a favorite day for medical professionals at some hospitals to play, as it offers the cover for some surgeons who “have surgery that day”.) The next day, after meeting with her surgeon friend again, she proceeded to drive her car right in front of an oncoming truck, suffering broken ribs. I rushed to the hospital, told she was being X-rayed and that I should go to the room she was assigned. I did so and in rearranging the pillows on the bed, found a hand written note from a “friend” indicating they would be by later. I didn’t stay long after she got to the room.

    Well, we bought her a new truck, and about 3 weeks later, she called to inform me that she was taking our motor home on a canoe trip that afternoon, and when she returned, she was “leaving the family”. She asked our teenaged daughter to drop her off, and my daughter called me, appalled, that the canoe trip was my ex and 4 men. My daughter said she threw gravel “all over them” with her rapid departure.

    She never said anything to the children, but shortly after informed me that she was leaving that afternoon. She got friends to help her move and was gone when my dad and I returned from picking up the kids at school golf team practice.

    The judge at the divorce hearing classified her as having abandoned the family and offered to impose child support payments on her – which I declined, in an attempt to cut all ties.

    That was 31 years ago, and we had absolutely no contact with her until Dec 24, when a scribbled note, from some tiny town in East Texas arrived, stating that she had breast cancer, and I should take “appropriate measures concerning the children”.

    I can’t imagine that she thinks any of us care!

    So, that’s my early life’s scary story – though I left the horror story parts out!

    Be safe, there are really monsters in the world!

    Hugh

    P S – My 2 older children are college educated,very successful professional people with families and children. I remarried a spectacular woman a few years after, the true savior of our lives, and have a third child, who is a Nurse Practitioner, and who also has 2 children.(I have advised her about morals in the medical field particularly).

  22. A little further look into the brain of a BPD – quotes from a BPD serial cheater—-

    1 – After buying my BPD cheating ex a new car, she wanted to take a continuing education 2 day class in auto maintenance. I wasn’t interested, saying we could pay for someone to take care of the car better than I could. She attended the class and slept with the mechanic. When I was astounded that she would do this, I could only ask why – she said that “I didn’t care about her” – (forget the $50,000 sports car she was driving)

    2 – I asked her what her mother would say about her affairs – a mother who had refused cancer treatment because she was pregnant with twins – eventually leading to her death after the births – my ex said she “believed her mother would completely support what she was doing”. I said, “your mother would slap your face so hard it would spin you around”.

    3 – When I told my ex BPD that I had never cheated on her even once during our marriage, she said “you should have – you might have learned something”! I thought, “I’m glad I never did, and never learned what she did about herself”.

    4 – Once near the end, I got frustrated with something I was doing unsuccessfully and used the F – word. Shockingly, she actually said, now after close to ten years of cheating -“I don’t like your language”! I said, “Well if you can do it, I think I have a license to say it”!

    Ahhhhhh! Memories of crazy times!

    Hugh

  23. tbh all the bpd’s in our lives shook us out of the bullshit story we told ourselves about ourselves. sure it sucks, but i would nvr go back to how i once thought of the world. ugh just thinking about how i was back then… bleh. I like to think its like the universe sharpening u into something worthwhile.

    im pretty sure i can tell if ur a bpd by just talking to u. they have no life in them. or essence? idk definitely made life more interesting.

  24. A distinct danger to a male, who is ever married to a cheating BPD wife, is that you eventually may be unsure if “your” children are actually yours!

    I know if a case where an older guy married a younger woman and she had a daughter a couple of years later. The man eventually found out that his young wife was cheating on him and confronted her. Well, it got ugly – she eventually ditched the guise of an insulted, falsely accused wife, confessing that she had cheated and that the daughter was not his biological child, but that of another. The divorce occurred!

    Five years down the road the gentleman suddenly died of a heart attack. His will left his entire earthly wealth to nieces and nephews.

    The cheating ex wife, upon hearing of his death, immediately filed a lawsuit claiming that “their” daughter should be the beneficiary of his estate!

    If you discover that your ex was a cheater – you may, or may not, want to investigate the genetics of any children delivered during that marriage.

    Sad, but a fact of life when dealing with a BPD – they have no concern for anyone – husbands, children, anyone – other people being merely standup cardboard characters to be manipulated for their instant gratification!

    Hugh

  25. I forgot to relate a very positive result from my horrible experiences with a cheating BPD ex wife!

    I experienced the joke teller’s dream turn around – I divorced the nasty, 40-something whore wife #1 and remarried a spiritually and physically beautiful 20-something woman! A spectacular trade!

    For all those struggling with the decision of divorce or hang on —- I can absolutely assure and encourage you to remove yourself from the BPD. It’s a big world, with a lot of normal women – some even fabulous – and your life with one of them will change so much, you eventually will be unbelieving that you could have been so unfortunate the last time around.

    Do it for yourself!

    Best of luck!

    Hugh

  26. Why can’t we start making a list of them and start naming names? At least when guys in online dating google them, they can run

  27. A BPD is the most evil person I encountered in my long life, by a wide margin!

    Whether they can help themselves or not, they are still guilty.

    No matter what they do, they often believe that apologizing heals every wound they have inflicted.

    They are soul less monsters!

    Run away from them, as fast and far as you can.

  28. Untill I educated myself on this whole BPD
    Behaviour I had no idea what the ***k was going on, it is a huge waste of time and constant re assurance in order to maintain the relationship. Looking back having been 4 years in.. with a great looking girl I have to admit, you gotta go out there and turn off your feelings. The one thing these nut jobs will do is get you to open up emotionally so they can manipulate you. Which sounds like not a big deal, but if you’ve experienced say, a death in the family or you’re a bit depressed, you are very open to some serious abuse mentally. I kinda knew in the back of my mind that it was the sex that drove our relationship but when you get older it’s so not worth the bullshit and time and money and possibility of loosing all your belongings, it super messy guys and you always run the risk of getting blamed for s**t you didn’t do ( you will end up wishing you had done it just so it was worth the nightmare)
    and it WILL end up being a game of:
    ‘He said , she said’ roller coaster BS and none of your buddies are gonna give a shit because they all told you to run for the hills… Remember ???
    Anyhow that’s my 2 pennies worth just use them for memories, when you’re old and fu**ed up in a nursing home pissing your pants, hopefully with laughter…..

  29. @JayBoy – Everything you say is same as my experience, so I vigorously agree it is best to see the signs so as not to engage at all in the first place. For me, the strangest part about it all was – after I erroneously got too deeply involved and knew what I was dealing with – I started looking into BDP, and the psych community does outline alot that rings true, but I still couldn’t really completely reconcile it all in my mind – i.e. – after the relationship was ended, I had this strong desire to still know what motivated a person to behave that way, and the psych community, they do explain the behavior itself quite well, but don’t really do a good job of explaining the motivations. So I kept looking around for something that made sense. And then I found this redpill discourse, as well as the evol-psych discourse around the sexual selection pressures. And then the motivational aspects of the strange behavior finally started to fall in place for me (albeit we don’t really know to what degree these motivations are conscious or otherwise).

    This is a bit disconcerting to realize all this, to say the least, because one then starts to see that all women are a bit predisposed to this BDP dynamic in the first place, by way of their evolved adaptive strategies, and so one starts to wonder – well what exactly are the other traits that mitigate the full-blown version of the BDP mindset?

    In a sense AWALT is not actually accurate in one way (but I get it – it is accurate wrt to the underlying hindbrain firmware). So why is it the NAWALT wrt to full-blown BDP?

    I have a burning desire to know precisely the constellation of other traits, including wrt to the underlying motivations (conscious or otherwise), that provide this mitigation.

    I am getting real resistance to finding the answer to this question on all fronts. Fascinating.

  30. It’s fascinating how these BPDs work. They look for men with wounds (e.g custody battle, divorce, lost job recently, etc) and they pounce. They do whatever they can to scare the smart men away. I’ve ran from the hills of so many of them, but i see their same patterns.

    I have a few acquaintances/ “Cool Girls” that are Cluster B/comorbid BPD that show me how they work. They basically do ridiculous shit to guys and whoever sticks around, they know they have total control over them.

  31. The mindset needed to deal with these freaks is to realize that they are not tied to you, like you may be to them.

    They are like 5 year olds choosing games at a toy store, and have absolutely no problem with losing interest in your game, breaking vows and confidences, always rationalizing that you caused them to do it.

    Do not allow one of them to steal years of your life – they don’t care about you, only looking for a moments shelter – but never establishing any bonds to you, the situation, other people in the family, or anything else.

    You are merely a character in today’s BPD soap opera episode, and likely stricken from script, when a new, exciting actor shows up – maybe even this afternoon.

  32. Just like in a TV Soap Opera, its all about acting like they are someone else – someone they skillfully calculate you will like.

  33. I was rereading my long post describing my long ago marriage ending drama with a cheating BPD wife. One other detail is illustrative of how shallow and desperate these monsters are ——

    I described an apparent attempted suicide, more cheating, and her leaving. What I left out is that she moved in with still another boyfriend within weeks, quit her medical professional job, and moved across the country – all within months of our divorce.

    From what I’ve read, career interruptions and cross-country relocations are common with BPDs, as well has having additional “boy friends” already in line when the current “hero” gets painted black.

    You can’t be shocked by the actions of the disturbed person you thought you knew, but were completely mistaken about.

    Be aware!

  34. Pingback: Two Guitars |
  35. Also be aware of why you liked this woman. When the next hottie comes a long that is madly in to you even if it seems realistic, ask some real questions to them and yourself.

  36. Yup, reminds me a a woman i dated for 4 months. Crazy eyes, dumped by husband, lost a ton of a weight. Suing her own sister, possibly brother, father, me, ex-husband, etc. Multiple suicide attempts, false restraining orders and false rape claims.

    I’m sure by now she’s found some loser who has ego filling needs to idolize. I found that crap creepy but tolerated it for 4 months because we banged it out 3-5 times a day, every single day.

    She’ll probably kill herself by 45(i think she just turned 38)

  37. Revisiting the site after a few months and have a comment about dealing with a BPD.

    One of the BPD’s greatest fears is that people will find out what they are! They are constant manipulators of all acquaintances and cannot stand for there B S to be revealed.

    I related previously that my ex-wife suddenly quit her 6 figure medical job within weeks of our separation, to hook up with a canoe guide and move across country. I’m fairly certain that one of our final conversations caused this, one where I told her that she was a fool with all her past hospital affairs, because everyone there knew she was a whore and just passed her around. I said, “do you really think men don’t talk about one nighters with whores in their own work place? You must be the hospital joke!”

    I didn’t hear from her for 31 years, but was and am immediately prepared to use her fear again, any time she might attempt any further contact.

    It’s worth keeping this in your back pocket, if you are in such a situation yourself. A threat to inform every family member you can find of what she really is, comes somewhere near an 100% effective way of finally never hearing from the BPD again IMHO!

    Hugh

  38. Another word of caution concerning BPD partners.

    There is ample literature documenting potential violence by BPD people against family, as well as acquaintances.

    In my individual case, my ex was in the medical field with access to drugs. I experienced several instances where she, unknown to me, administered drugs to me, as follows:

    – An unknown number of times administered antibiotics in my food treating me for STD she had contracted and passed to me.

    – At least one instance of secretly administering a sleep inducing drug to me.

    (I later considered whether this should be reported as a safety concern related to her. I didn’t report it, as she abandoned her medical licenses and became a bum instead.)

    (It may be an area that needs closer examination. Medical facilities don’t administer pre-employment psychological testing commonly, to my knowledge. Many businesses do, and it should probably be administered to medical workers!)

    Other examples of her violence-

    – Once attempted to strangle our 11 year old son who was begging her not to abandon the family.

    – Once, while on a golf course, a bullet barely missed me as I walked the course. No proof that she was involved but I have great suspicion because she had been berating me for “loving golf more than her” and then was strangely unemotional when I reported the event later. Her brother, with a long criminal record, was living in the area at the time.

    I mention this, just in case someone is involved with a BPD, and particularly if the BPD is in the medical field.

    I consider myself extremely fortunate that neither me or my children suffered any permanent physical harm from dealing with a nut case ex. The psychological damage required a lot of time for healing.

    Be careful! There are real monsters out there!

  39. Hugh, so sorry to hear about how bad you’ve had it. Should i be more scared? I’ve been sued 6 times now by a BPD in 13 months and she continues to revenge stalk me for leaving her. I don’t think she’ll get violent, but stories like this make me wonder if i should be more cautious.

  40. When dealing with a BPD always remember not to assume that your morals and logic are even remotely related to their morals and logic. Just because you would never commit an act doesn’t mean a BPD wouldn’t, plus blame you for “forcing them” to do it.

    I’d be very careful with someone that obsessed Randy!

  41. The malfunctioning brain of a BPD is impossible to understand using logic.

    Once they have you in a relationship with them, they seek total control by manipulation. They want you to sacrifice who you are completely.

    My BPD -ex rather successfully isolated me from family and friends for a time – always having a reason to not visit or have activities with family or my friends.Family group vacations were out, family dinners were out, golfing with buddies was severely criticized on every occasion. (Note – I was/am an accomplished tournament player, but she thought I should stop playing).

    Mind you, this is a person who cheated on me for years, with dozens of men and women – but frequently warned me that she would kill or injury me if I ever cheated on her!

    The impossibility of predicting their actions can be further illustrated by two incidents—–

    1 – I bought her a new car. She wanted to take a community college short course in maintenance. I wasn’t interested, saying that a professional mechanic could do that job better than me. So – she took the course without me and slept with the mechanic teaching the course, three nights running!

    2 – Once on a business trip near a lake on which my elderly father grew up, I got the idea to drive to the lake and attempt to catch some fish for my dad. I did so, cleaning the fish, packing them in ice, and carried them on the plane back home. I called my BPD ex, telling her that I was going to give the fish to my dad on the way from the airport, and invited her to meet me there. She declined. When I got to my dad’s, he was over whelmed with the fish, and immediately asked my mom to fry them up. It was a wonderful, life-long memory, eating those fish with my dad!

    When I got home, the BPD went nuts, screaming at me for taking the fish to my dad and not to her!

    Be careful – there are really monsters out there!

  42. Seriously. This is so ignorant. This is NOT BPD! This is sociopaths. Please, learn the difference so that the right treatment can be offered to those with BPD. Because they can actually get healthy again. Sociopaths and psychopaths can’t. BPD’s have feelings they don’t know how to regulate. SP/PP’s don’t have any empathy at all for other people sometimes. BPD’s love too intense, are too loyal etc, PP/SP’s will make you become loyal by threatening you. BPD’s don’t make you cut off your family. That’s what the other group does. PLEASE, please educate yourself on the topic more. She may have had two of these disorders combined, but then you should at least separate what made her do what.

  43. Nothing you said was mutually exclusive. BPDs are “too loyal”? You sound like you might have BPD and are defending it. I can’t even think i’ve ever met a BPD who wasn’t a sociopath, or as they often call them, narcopaths.

  44. I don’t diagnose people, I report what Psychiatrists report after analyses and testing.

    I disagree that there is a cure for BPD. My ex is still as dangerous as ever, recently threatening her 92 year old step mother over inheritance and a will, after initially pretending to be greatly concerned with caring for the old lady. She didn’t get answers that she wanted and flipped to her true black self!

    I agree with the previous poster, that your criticism indicates your own condition. That’s reported as a main problem with possible BPD improvement – an inability to comprehend their own reality.

    Having endured personally and parented two children whose BPD mother abandoned and disappeared from their lives forever, I tire of internet BPD sites promoting ideas such as BPD’s deserve happiness, and are really good people!

    My opinion is that my BPD ex was the most evil person I have encountered in my long life. Whether her disease was to blame or not, the fact of her guilt remains.

    I am gratified that her life became the title of a famous blues song, “You Get What You Deserve”!

  45. Destroying the lives of everyone around them, including their own children, qualifies BPDs for nothing but contempt, rejection, and the life they forced on others!

  46. It’s ironic and instructive that we are told that a BPD’s feelings are something like,
    “I hate you, don’t leave me” while those involved with and betrayed by BPD’s have feelings something like, “I hate you, please leave me”.

  47. Another plain speaking guide to spotting a BPD, and why you must not be drawn in by their attraction tricks, controlling, and inevitable destruction of their victims.

  48. It’s difficult for normal people to realize that to a BPD person, you are akin to just another tree in a forest, offering them temporary shelter from today’s sudden storm. Tomorrow, another tree that’s more immediately available will be chosen and any memory of you will be eliminated. When they find another tree, they quickly conclude that you were inferior protection from the storm and are now unworthy. That is precisely how little you mean to them!

  49. D.R is the craziest bitch I ever met. No man I know likes her. She talks shit about everyone. She’s ugly, smells horrible, family doesn’t even like her, no sex appeal. A total psycho bitch

  50. There’s a book called “Practical Female Psychology for the Practical Man” in which the natural tendency for women to blame the world (i.e. men) for her problems (as though an extension of the sexual principle) is actually something we would associate with of mild BPD. A mild version of this was covered in John Gray’s book where he talks about women behaving like waves.

    It doesn’t seem like you can have a woman without this. An autstic, Asperger’s or very ruthless man is an example of an extreme male mind gone too far, while BPD is an example of an extreme female mind.

  51. I just read justactsane’s previous comments again. “BPDs have feelings they don’t know how to regulate. …..love too intensely……are too loyal…….!

    Wow! I guess that’s what my Psychiatrist diagnosed BPD ex was thinking when she put our children in day care every day, lying about being at working at the hospital, so that she could partake in repeated afternoon adultery. She was so intense, she did it for years.

    What empathy and caring!

    There are real monsters in the world and many are BPDs!

  52. BPDs are programed to be the ultimate losers. As they age, they become less able to deceive and manipulate targets, eventually running out of victims. As younger monsters,abusing so many trusting people, they cannot foresee that they will generally live out their senior years shunned and alone. What goes around comes around!

  53. I’ve always been attracted to the speech of the comedian Whitney Cummings. She had a recent writing piece in the New York Times. I think she is a high testosterone woman. Can’t tell exactly from her digit ratio. She speaks in female masculine talk.

    https://whitneycummings.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/whitney-cummings-8.jpg

    https://whitneycummings.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/whitney-cummings-10.jpg

    Full quote here. If you get cockblocked by the NYT paywall, you can always erase the NYT’s cookies in your browser.

    This made me think of the latest back an forth with Scribbler (I love your AMOGing Scribbler. Please do not stop. It’s fun. And it serves you best.):

    https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/30/movies/whitney-cummings-the-first-time-i-hung-out-with-wolves.html

    Excerpt from The First Time I Hung Out With Wolves article, in perhaps Catonese, maybe not. JAN. 30, 2018:

    I assumed I’d be watching the wolves from 20 feet away, squinting through glass and chain-link fences, desperately trying to get a selfie. No, no. At Wolf Connection, you go right into the enclosures with the animals. I was surprised that their hair was so coarse, that their musty smell was actually calming, and that I did not wet my pants.

    Each wolf was doing something different. One was digging, one was pacing, one was howling, one was eating, one was grooming itself, one was sleeping, one was hiding, one was hanging out in its den, one was digging on top of its den and one was intently and seemingly menacingly staring at us.

    Cate Salansky, our wolf expert and guide, asked me, “Which one do you think is the alpha?”

    Duh, I thought. This woman really took me for an idiot. “The one who’s howling,” I said. “That’s obviously the leader.”

    “Nope.”

    All right, I thought, then it must be the one that is eating.

    Wrong again.

    I went on to guess every wolf except the alpha. Turns out, the alpha wolf can usually be found sleeping. Sleeping. Didn’t it need to bark and growl and intimidate people to show everyone that it was the alpha? No; overcompensating is more of a people thing. Ages ago, I read somewhere, probably in a self-help book I bought after a nasty breakup, that truly powerful beings don’t need to prove how powerful they are. This made no sense to me until I saw it in action with the wolves. When you’re truly in control, you don’t need to tap on people’s shoulders constantly to remind them how in control you are.

    Cate explained to me what every role in the pack entails. I was especially fascinated by the way the current alpha trains the burgeoning alpha, as if it were so at peace with death that it instinctively knew to train its replacement. That was the kind of surrender I needed to navigate the grief in my chest. It also comes in handy in a business where you constantly feel as if you were being replaced by people who are younger and prettier and got famous by posting bikini pictures on Instagram.

    My ego doesn’t love being wrong, so I snooped around for some information that would make me seem less incorrect about the alpha thing. I know quite a bit about dogs, and some of the rescued wolves at the sanctuary had been bred with dogs. I tried to figure out a way to manipulate the conversation to a topic I know something about. I asked, “Which ones have the highest dog content or the highest wolf content?” I could tell that she was asked this question a lot. “Do you give them blood tests to find out which are more wolf than dog?”

    Cate explained that they don’t give the wolves blood tests. They focus on their behavior. Some wolves were not raised with other wolves, so they never learned certain behaviors, and some that looked less like them were raised with wolves and hence more wolflike. Hang out with a wolf, and you’ll become more like one.

    I had just spent two years putting all my time and sweat into making “The Female Brain,” a film that explores how much of our behavior is nature versus nurture, and after five minutes with wolves, it all made sense. The death of a parent tends to make you wonder if you were destined to follow in his footsteps or repeat his mistakes, but the wolves showed me that maybe the apple can fall far from the tree.

    In a culture that makes me feel that I have to compete, audition, peacock, post and posture constantly, observing the effortless functionality of the wolf pack pushed “Pause” on those impulses. The alpha wolf showed me that when I’m feeling as if I need to work more, make more, fight more or tweet more, maybe the best thing I can do for myself and everyone around me is to go take a nap.

  54. I’ve seen it myself up face. It’s a nuclear meltdown — BPD people have no limiters on their emotional intensity and they’re more dangerous than religious extremists. It’s the ‘extreme female brain’.

  55. To everyone struggling with the decision of whether or not to divorce a cheating BPD spouse, realize, that every person whom they cheated with, and every time they cheated, the BPD considered that person was more important than you. You have only secondary value, as a servant, to a cheating BPD. You will remember forever what a good decision divorcing a BPD is and was.

  56. Can you resist? You better.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bz7IGr3hWog

    “Self Esteem” – by The Offspring

    I wrote her off for the tenth time today
    And practiced all the things I would say
    But she came over, I lost my nerve
    I took her back and made her dessert

    Now I know I’m being used
    That’s okay, man, ’cause I like the abuse
    I know she’s playing with me
    That’s okay ’cause I got no self-esteem

    We make plans to go out at night
    I wait ’til 2 then I turn out the light
    This rejection’s got me so low
    If she keeps it up I just might tell her so

    When she’s saying that she wants only me
    Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends
    When she’s saying that I’m like a disease
    Then I wonder how much more I can spend

    Well, I guess I should stick up for myself
    But I really think it’s better this way
    The more you suffer
    The more it shows you really care
    Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah

    Now I’ll relate this little bit
    That happens more than I’d like to admit
    Late at night she knocks on my door
    She’s drunk again and looking to score

    Now I know I should say “No”
    But it’s kind of hard when she’s ready to go
    I may be dumb but I’m not a dweeb
    I’m just a sucker with no self-esteem

    Then she’s saying that she wants only me
    Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends
    When she’s saying that I’m like a disease
    Then I wonder how much more I can spend

    Well, I guess I should stick up for myself
    But I really think it’s better this way
    The more you suffer
    The more it shows you really care

    Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah
    —-

    https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/89/Kali_by_Raja_Ravi_Varma.jpg

  57. Rollo,

    I’m a man and my therapist(old man with a long career and isn’t pushing blue pill nonsense at all, so I don’t doubt him) believes that I have BPD, among other things. Do you have any experience with seeing this illness in men? Is there any guidance you can offer to men looking to overcome borderline?

  58. You might find that if you are a male with BPD, you might find it difficult to follow along with The Red Pill. Namely because the Red Pill is concerned with a praxeology of how things work, as in the reality of Hypergamy in male female interactions. And since a hallmark of BPD is that “A distorted view and understanding of reality is one of the major issues with BPD”, that, again might be difficult for you.

    In answering a Quora question, one commenter volunteered this:

    https://www.quora.com/How-can-you-tell-the-difference-between-a-borderline-and-a-psychopath/answer/Michael-Gerakios

    As far as what BPD is, I had created a brief summary which I am copying below. I hope it helps:

    BPD is a hereditary, genetic condition that significantly affects emotions, sense of self, memory and interpersonal relationships. Studies reveal extensive differences in brain structure and function. BPD is often triggered from the interplay of genetics with trauma during childhood. While there is no cure, BPD is very treatable with Dialectical Behavior Therapy that was specifically designed for people with BPD (by a person with BPD) and can give someone the tools to recognize and manage the symptoms.

    More specifically, BPD causes intense emotions that are difficult to control and manage, including Fear of Abandonment which is central to BPD. BPD is primarily noticed through interpersonal relationships:

    Persons with BPD (PBPD) feel all emotions intensely, therefore, when they like someone (either in friendship or romantically) PBPDs will love that person intensely. If the other person reciprocates then they will both be enmeshed in a very intense and personal relationship. When a PBPD loves you, they will make you the center of their lives. This phase is called “Idealization” and the loved one is viewed as “all good”. PBPDs also feel intense fear of abandonment – and in order to avoid any possibility of abandonment happening – they will unconsciously suddenly start to hate (“devalue”) their loved ones in a process called Splitting (which will also completely change their memories of such a person).

    Splitting occurs primarily against those people PBPDs feel like “they cannot live without”. At the suspicion of real or imagined abandonment, suddenly (overnight), the loved one will be viewed as “all bad” and all their behaviors become suspect with malevolent ulterior motives. The entire relationship is completely forgotten and replaced with an alternate reality where the former loved one was always “all bad” and the two were never enmeshed in an intense, loving and personal relationship. This phase is called “Devaluation”.

    It is important to note that BPD causes fragmentation of memory including, lack of object constancy, lack of whole object relations, “emotional amnesia” as well as outright False Memories (things that never quite happened, but feel as true to PBPD as anything else). This peculiar problem with memory means that PBPDs only remember others based on their last encounter and continuously color the entire relationship based on each last encounter. Furthermore, PBPD memories are based on their present emotions and not the actual past. A distorted view and understanding of reality is one of the major issues of BPD. Without treatment, PBPDs are generally unaware that their memories are distorted.

    If a PBPD Devalues you, then you will be remembered as always having been a terrible and evil person who they don’t particularly like (even though up until yesterday you were the center on their lives and could do no wrong). Any attempt to remind an untreated PBPD of the past will cause them confusion and Cognitive Dissonance. Untreated PBPDs will ultimately Rationalize their behavior even against overwhelming facts. For PBPDs, how they presently feel about something, makes it the absolute and only truth.

    Once Devalued, the loved one will notice a very drastic, sudden change in the PBPD’s behavior towards them– the person who was extremely loving yesterday and had made you the center of their life, now treats you like a persona non grata for no apparent reason while denying anything is different. Because PBPDs fear abandonment, they may still try to keep the (now former) loved one around in the famous “I hate you, don’t leave me” phase. Alternatively, a PBPD may suddenly disappear from your life and reappear later.

    It’s possible for the PBPD to slowly love the devalued person again, starting the cycle of idealization and devaluation all over again. Until the PBPD receives treatment, devaluation of loved ones is inevitable and at some point, this cycle will break into permanent devaluation.

    BPD causes a host of other symptoms, such as: Getting angry or upset very easily and finding it difficult to calm down, strong feelings of emptiness, impulsivity, drug use to manage the intense emotions, self-destructive behaviors like sabotaging close relationships or even self-harm, incorrect perception of reality (“delusions”), unstable sense of self (PBPDs have a hard time knowing who they are or what they like and dislike), difficulty to admit fault (“projection” of fault to others), disassociation from reality under stress (and/or hallucinations), and ultimately an extremely high rate of suicide (up to 70% of PBPDs will attempt suicide).

    It is imperative that PBPDs receive professional treatment. Besides Dialectical Behavior Therapy which is absolutely necessary, it is said that yoga, meditation and breath-work can help manage the intensity of the BPD emotions.

    It probably sucks to be a male with BPD too because females with BPD have an innate attraction lure (as in be attractive, don’t be unattractive, be fun and add value) in inter-sexual play with men, otherwise known as a vagina.

  59. To weed out toxic people, all one has to do is look at the maturity level of that person’s personality. Rarely does chronological age matches a person’s psychological age. A person can be 30 years old, but have the psychological age of a 16 year old, or worse, a 5 year old due to arrested development caused by a childhood trauma or by a genetic disposition.

    White Knights tend to have a healing aura that attracts damage people. Using victimhood to draw you in (does she complain being treated badly by her ex, not owning any part?) So it’s necessary to screen out immature people.

    Does the person act uncouth out in public, is that person late to appointments, have a stable work history, poor credit rating, lies once, it comes done to healthy boundary levels.

    We are attracted to similar IQ and maturity levels, and if you have a history of bad girls in your life, then it’s best to take a good look at your own maturity level (since you attract similar maturity into your life). I believe there are mature women out there, just need to screen out the low life’s regardless of looks.

    In my researching cluster b women, I came across something paramount and wide spread that’s taboo and hardly mentioned. Look up DES Daughters.

    From the late 1930s to early 1970s, millions of pregnant women were routinely taking for the first time a synthetic female hormone pills to help in preventing miscarriages. Some babies were born physically deformed but some new psychological studies found a disturbing trend from that hormone pill, that in caused widespread mental disorders similar to BPD, not to just that first generation but to their offspring too, so its no illusion, bat shit crazy women are the norm, a majority of women are the product of a mass alterations from a biological drug that created several generations of DES Daughters. Something to consider, gents.

  60. BPD is the extreme female mind as autism is the extreme male one.

    In Taoism, masculinity leans toward earth and is like the sun and Femininity leans towards the water and is like the moon. The Ying Yang circle has two dots in each half of the opposite color. The idea is that if the yang loses that yin dot, the masculine will become far too heartless, an inhuman machine. And if the feminine loses that masculine dot, it will fluctuate without any limit or grounding into insanity.

    Autism is the first case. BPD is the second.

    All women have the characteristics that are in BPD women, you can’t have the feminine without some irrationality and solipsism, but in normal women there are natural limiters, just like there are physical limiters in our muscles to stop them from ripping off from their joints. Normal women can see reason when they’re calm. A BPD woman doesn’t have these limiters wired in, and this means you’re walking with a nuke.

    Borderline Personality disorder (BPD), Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD) are the female dark triad, with the added rider that females are naturally Machevilian as it is.

    I was in a marriage to with a woman who showed me what was BPD up close and personal. I survived to tell the tale. And I intend to tell it threadbare, cause no one ever discussed the gory details outright. It’s a warning.

    The thing I notice about these females is that they tend to be far more cunning than the average female. And absolutely ruthless if needed. They have the mentality of a fanatic suicide bomber.

    The blame. All women project their fate on to their environment, in a giant extension of the sexual principle, where they feel as though the world acts on them. But BPD women take blame to another level – they literally cannot tolerate the pain of feeling responsible. They must get the other person to beg and plead for the smallest of mistakes. My ex would force me to keep apologizing until her anger would die down, make me dictate the lines where I had to say what I had done and what I should have done.

    Every discussion with a BPD woman becomes a court in trial, and the only objective is to prove you’re guilty.

    They are expert liars and masters of gaslighting (I didn’t know this word existed till I read up after getting out). They can sniff every potential gap in your memory and fill it up with their narration. Only your guts warn you that something’s off, but her persuation and maybe even a few histrionics will force you to accept – the stage is then set to control the narrative. She gaslit me a lot of times about things that happened when I wasn’t around, and often I found myself questioning my own memory.

    My ex gaslighted so many people in my circles that I only realized the scale of it after cross checking and comparing notes. A lot of people realized they’d been lied to.

    They simply cannot tolerate disagreement. Even the smallest disagreement can explode like a mountain of nitroglycerine. Your relationship with a BPD woman is not walking on egg shells – you’re walking on landmines. It’s only a question of how many times in a day will it get set off.

    They have extreme interrogation skills and masters of putting you in lose-lose situations. Good cop, bad cop, hell cop, all in one. BPD women don’t bat an eyelid at using violence to get their ends met.

    Their hamsters will rationalize their anger as totally and completely justified, which just helps perpetuate a cycle of escalating violence. Their extreme sensitivity means they suffer PTSD ridiculously easily, which only makes it worse for them. An argument or a fight could send them into PTSD and could spell real trouble down the road. A relative falling ill can send them into paroxysms of fear of death.

    Their minds do not know what consequences are. They have no qualms about blowing up your house, wrecking your phone, crashing your car (I would fear my ex could grab the wheel in a moment of disagreement in the car). There were days after a quarrel in the morning where I’d be afraid to go to work, not knowing what to expect when I got back.

    Their extreme emotions and solipsism means they are literally incapable of understanding or seeing any other perspective as valid apart from their own. They crave partners who’re BPD like themselves. If you don’t go neurotic, they think that you’re uncaring and you don’t love her. I know a couple of former neighbors like this, when they fought, you wouldn’t believe that a human being could make sounds like that. The most sane member was in fact their dog.

    And this – BPD women NEVER apologize, because it is your fault and you must apologize for it. BPD women have extraordinary egos and entitlement mentalities. They demand the respect and fear shown to dictators. They seldom appreciate, because duh, they are supposed to deserve the best as a basic requirement. They can remember your list of sins in a way the book-keeping angels aren’t capable of.

    One real weakness with them is that they have no frame of their own. They fluctuate so much you can actually see their reality and beliefs and everything change with their moods – so much so that you have no idea who you’re dealing with. Their expectations change faster than the weather, and therefore you’re continuously fed a steady stream of brainwashing that you’re never good enough.

    Another characteristic of the female mind is that it tends to value small stuff as seriously as the big stuff. BPD women don’t know the difference between a serial killer and a strand of hair just a millimeter out of place. BPD women are hyper-perfectionists. That and their extreme moon mentality means they literally need their day to be perfect lest they feel wrecked by their own despair — this impossible goal leaves them perpetually frustrated.

    This hyper perfectionism makes them over dominant, absolute control freaks. It may simply be impossible for these women to submit to a man and accept it that life is never perfect. That means they hate alphas for being dominant and they also hate betas for being despicable wimps who are only capable of begging forgiveness at her feet. It’s a no win situation and they’re doomed to be unhappy.

    Even dread can backfire on you, cause they’re rabidly jealous, and can ramp up the level of control to the next level. BPD women absolutely fear abandonment to paranoid levels. But unfortunately her insecurities do end up creating the very reality she fears. She won’t mind killing you herself if she feels she cannot deal with the pain of you walking away. My ex caught me reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and flipped out like I was caught in the middle of an affair. Even reading a book made her feel

    They might also sometimes lose distinction between dreams and reality – often sleepwalking or having extremely vivid dreams and nightmares.

    And then the amnesia episodes. BPD women get so worked up they can suffer memory black outs and claim they do not remember what they said or did. Some of them even claim to have out of body experiences. Their nervous system goes out of control. My ex did do this. Till date I have no idea if her blackouts were real or faked. It’s called dissociation.

    Suicide threat tests can happen and when they do, they quickly escalate to being rampant. My mom and dad have had numerous arguments, but despite their clashing minds the worst I’ve ever heard my mom say is that “One day I’ll be gone, and that’s when you’ll feel my absence.” Well, with a BPD woman, she can very well kill herself if it means you’ll be sent to prison. My ex threatened me with a knife to her throat near the end. My apartment was located high up, and it has been on more than one occasion where I had to wrestle her back to the living room.

    You’re basically counting your blessings if you somehow manage to get to bed alive.

    And then there’s what happens when you go out in public. A BPD woman has no qualms about public humiliation, raising hysteria or even getting violent with you because she knows the white knights will come for her. And she’ll laugh at you that you can’t save your dignity in public.

    Relationships with a BPD woman follow an abusive pattern where each cycle of abuse is more violent than the previous one. It might start small, but with every argument, you notice things getting worse, and worse, and worse.

    The violence. I’ve been hit everywhere from the top of my head to my toenails. My eyes have been hit so hard I’ve hard flashes of light afterwards. My lips have bled more often than I can remember. My glasses have been twisted beyond repair a few times. A few bedsheets torn up. Bitten, hit by slippers for forgetting to take the shampoo in a hurry. BPD women are a special breed of violence incarnate. You try to defend yourself, they can easily play the domestic violence card against you.

    Beware of that day when her feelings turn from fickle to permanently against you. It happened to me. She will become another animal, triggered by your words, your clothes, your presence, your walking — it’s absolute hate as I’ve never experienced it – I never believed a human could be capable of such hate till I saw it. There is nothing a woman in this state won’t do to destroy you to get you out of her mind.

    And oh god, never believe her if she says a child will make her feel better. Once she has the kid, you’re trapped. My ex told it to me that after she has what she wants, she’ll teach me what ‘loneliness’ feels like – considering that a guy in my circles faced a situation where he comes home to see her gone with his son, I was pretty sure she was planning her exit.

    We hadn’t had sex for so long (I was scared, cause if she didn’t feel attracted enough, she’d get into a huge fight treating me like I had abused or molested her) that she began to accuse me of impotency, and would go on uncontrollable rants of how I hid that from her and that “even rapists are men”. As if the beta insults weren’t enough. She even tried hitting me in my balls and laughing telling me I shouldn’t worry as she can’t hurt anything that isn’t there.

    The thing about a BPD woman is that sometimes the only one who really gets to know just how deep this side of her goes is her spouse or boyfriend – it seems to be triggered hard by love that has many needs (and kind of lays bare the truth the lies underneath the feels). BPD women are experts at concealing this side of themselves from the world, except the one whom they’re really intimate with. Other relatives and friends might not have a clue what she’s capable of or might have rationalized her milder episodes as normal. They. have. no. clue. whatsoever.

    For months, I had no choice but to play peacekeeper as it was either that or endless fighting. A BPD woman will die first before losing the argument, and she won’t hesitate to blow herself up if it means she can do some damage to you. My ex literally told me that they could keep fighting till she dropped dead, which meant either I had to accept defeat or her family would make me pay for her death.

    The worst part was that I became a shell of my former self, always apologizing, pleading, begging, and she hated me all the more for it. It only convinced her I was a loser. And she would repeatedly threaten me with divorce, or expose me to our families or threaten to disappear before I returned home from work.

    Then she’d flip the script, and make me feel guilty for making her feel miserable. She had a wonderful life, and I destroyed her happiness. This actually got to me. I felt toxic shame and guilt. It was a friend who was in on my secret who heard us arguing and immediately told me I had the worst case of Stockholm syndrome ever.

    It was Rollo and Dr. Robert Glover’s No More Mr. Nice Guy that gave me the courage to walk out. When I did try to discuss it with my ex, she went mental. She told me she’d not leave before she tortured me and my family and left us on the streets.

    When I read on quora about the guy who went out for a walk after an argument, only to find that his wife set herself on fire and when he tried to save her, she tried to burn up his balls, so that he’d never be able to have a life with any other woman again, I know I dodged a bullet.

    I see my uncle’s best friend struggling through a family court for years, where his wife seems to agree to divorce mutually and then comes up and tells the judge she doesn’t want out and gets it cancelled. If he tries to go for a one sided filing, she threatens to have him thrown in prison. She’s promised him she’ll let him go when he’s too old and alone. I thank my stars I didn’t get to that point.

    When you try to get out of it, you must be very smart to get out intact. Two things can happen – 1) She literally makes a complete 180 degree U-turn, rewards you with sex, acts overly nice, promises to change, for a while. Until the first mistake.

    2) She goes nuclear. It’s not easy to get these people out of your place, they know every dirty trick in the book.

    The only solution is prevention itself – never get into a relationship with a BPD woman. Screen carefully. It ought to be the 11th commandment. And if one has hooked up a hose to you, frame and strength alone cannot deal with them. You need to be extremely cunning to deal with the kind of dirty tricks she can throw at you, tricks that need to be prevented before you’re sucked into them. And you need to be very cunning to get out.

    I spent the last few months keeping a secret recorder app running in my PC hidden. She even checked my phone and PC to find out if I was recording her, while recording her interrogation sessions to show her family that I admitted it was all my fault.

    Fortunately I got out. It was when she went home after a major fight (her folks wanted her home) that I called up my family and told everything. I called up my lawyer, who heard one excerpt of one recorded quarrel, broke into a sweat and just said, “Get out now. Get out!” Her family refused to believe it and laughed at me for being so unmanly that I would be hit and dominated by a girl. She had gaslighted my own relatives so much that only after I showed the footage to them, they realized what happened. Her father flatly called me a liar and accused me of pretending and all the dirty tricks she used on me, while her mum just made enough hysteria to make a discussion impossible.

    I however managed to get a mutual consent divorce, and she hated my guts so much she didn’t ask me for anything. In fact, I remember the scene in the court where they were acting as though I didn’t exist, or never existed.

    It was then I read TRM in detail and realized Rollo had faced a similar situation and the way he writes about it, he still dreads that experience. I myself can’t help but get into a cold sweat recalling the days when I began to babble to myself before the mirror, laughing and crying senselessly in despair, fearing every morning and even beginning to feel my dreams to be real and waking up every day of real life to be the nightmare.

    Fortunately it’s over.

  61. To all who are unfortunate to have been mistreated by a BPD – best advice from a psychiatrist – realize that the BPD’s actions had nothing to do with you! Now that you know that, you can be freed from feelings of responsibility. You had a horrible experience, but have learned and are now free to release the BPD to find their way – possibly to a better place also. You can go on with your life, armed with new knowledge. The world is a huge place, filled with many, many wonderful people and experiences. Go and find them!

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