The Reconstruction III

 

I added this video today to illustrate a point, watch it carefully and with a Red Pill Lens. In this post-sexual revolution 2017 there is a strong want for the fulfillment of what I call the Old Books socio-sexual model goals. I’ll be impressed if you can stomach even half of the boilerplate ‘Man Up’ message in this video, but watch it carefully because it illustrates the dichotomy of a social order that’s been founded on feminine-primacy for over six decades now.

On a side note, I think it should be recognized that even ostensibly conservative thought leaders often toe the line for the Feminine Imperative more effectively than the progressives they attempt to disparage. I’m not going to riff on this video as I think most of my readers will understand the subtext being communicated here, but it’s an interesting exposé of the old books expectation of “doing the right thing”. Granted, it’s the same message of shaming men for exactly what I covered in Are You Experienced?  Only this time the shame for men comes from another man (we’re supposed to respect?) while he attempts to sell the same message that Sheryl Sandberg does in Open Hypergamy,… Be like Ward Cleaver (he’s a stud) and in time, nothing’s sexier.

When we consider that western cultures have consolidated on feminine social primacy, and a women’s-needs-first way of interpreting any social dynamic, things get a bit easier when you distill the intent down from a social scale to a personal scale. What’s being related in this video is the desire to socially, culturally, change the definition of what should be considered “sexy” by women in spite of all evolved arousal and attraction cues they’re subject to. The presumption this is based upon is that attraction is a social construct and therefor something that can be changed.

If a man does everything by the book, if he does everything right, if he accepts the responsibilities feminine-primacy expects of him, he can be considered an adult, and he can assume his chances of being considered ‘sexy’ by women and certainly his own wife.  In so accepting this definition of his burden of performance women will appreciate the equity he accrues in the relationship by investing himself in it.

From a Red Pill perspective we see this for what it is, the old books social contract that is still being sold to a generation of men who increasingly are seeing it for the life-changing lie it is. However, I’ll have you note the final summation of the video where men are encouraged to see adulthood as getting married, becoming a father and working hard to buy a home. I could argue that there are no June Cleavers left in the world or that getting married is a high-risk, low yield gamble. I could argue that becoming a father only makes a man fall in line with the ridiculous or hated caricature popular culture has made of them. I won’t even start on the risks of the housing market.

For all of this, the desire is still a return to a social contract wherein men are conditioned to believe that they will be rewarded for doing everything right. That old school notion has become the Beta bait of the past 3 generations.

As I mentioned in the last installment of this series, most men who are ‘awakened while married’ want to apply their Red Pill awareness in such a way that they might achieve this idyllic state that the guy in this video assures us is possible if we’d all just Man Up. Most married Red Pill (MRP) men are looking to save their marriages. They see it as a key to getting a woman to appreciate his investment in her, in their kids, in his marriage, his dedication to ‘doing everything the right way’,

Much in the same way that single Red Pill guys will (initially) focus on Red Pill awareness and Game in order to eventually connect with their Dream Girls, so too does the MRP guy. The difference being that he’s convinced he’s already married to his dream girl and the only thing between him and that ideal life with her is finding the formula to achieve the life-plan this video elaborates.

As I said before, most married men’s first intent when they unplug isn’t to divorce their wives, hit the clubs and spin plates. His first thought is “how do I get her to come around to appreciating me?” or “How do I get back to the kind of sex we had (or I think we could)?” I think it’s important for men, both Red Pill singles and MRP to disabuse themselves of the Blue Pill goals they think might ever be achievable with Red Pill awareness. I say this because it put that awareness into the perception of it being a cure to their problems. While it may seem noble to a newly unplugged guy to want to use his new superpower of Red Pill awareness for good (not for evil) and valiantly use it to do the right thing for his wife, his desire to do so is still founded in a Blue Pill conditioning that’s taught him he’ll be appreciated for it.

It may be that his new Alpha impression on his wife isn’t something she will ever recognize or accept as ‘the real him’. And while this frustration plays out in his marriage, he also sees the positive responses from women outside his marriage – women unfamiliar with his Beta past – who readily respond to the Game he applies. That new positive reinforcement with outside women contends with his wife’s negative reinforcement inside his marriage.

The following quote was part of a comment from ollieoxenfree in last week’s thread:

Who sees you as a viable long term option and is eager to please (in fact has pleased on many occasions) but is aware you may never reciprocate in kind. Will he waste his best years coveting something he may never have? Wouldn’t it be better to entertain a slightly lesser, suitor and be their top priority?

If a wife can no longer give of herself, does she still see fit to demand the level of investment as when she did? Can a man still appreciate the tacit approval his wife offers him, in not questioning his whereabouts when he’s engaged in an extramarital affair. Does she show affection and support in other ways?
The truth is most women under the influence of the Feminine Imperative don’t support their partners, nor cultivate an understanding with them in regards to the limits of their sexual capacity.

Men, for their part, like to think sexual intercourse with their partners, will always be available, given time and circumstance. The reality is, it isn’t.
Our biologies weren’t meant to tolerate these conditions. Especially with a woman who will constantly shit test you and emasculate you, in every conceivable way she can divine.

A woman will invariably condemn you for your weakness, but expect understanding for hers.

Common Experiences

There is a school of thought about being Red Pill and married that believes that getting a wife (or LTR girlfriend) to accept the ‘new you’ as being impossible. Things may nominally improve due to Dread working, but your new Red Pill marriage will never be what you want it to be because you have improved, she hasn’t and she never wanted you this way in the first place.

I don’t accept this assessment in its entirety, however I do see where this sentiment comes from. Most men who are awakened while married are men who followed the same script as the men I illustrate in Betas in Waiting. These are the men who have ‘done everything right’ for the better part of their lives. They cultivated themselves to be the perfect providers that Sheryl Sandberg would have women believe will be waiting for them when their looks begin to fade and it’s time to cash out of the SMP. These are the men who believe their hard work and perseverance is finally paying off with a women who now find him irresistible because he represents their salvation in long term security and parental investment.

Most women entering their Epiphany Phase are expressly looking for a Beta to take care of them now that the Party Years are coming to an end for her. They’re (ostensibly) done with the Bad Boys (something they had to ‘grow out of’) and now want to do things ‘the right way’. This, of course, suits a Beta in Waiting just fine because his Blue Pill conditioning has prepared him by expecting him to ‘do things the right way’ and to believe any woman wanting to do the same must be a Quality Woman.

These men believe their ship has finally come in, but because of this these men are often the most difficult to unplug. They have the hardest time with Red Pill awareness because in accepting it they must also accept that what led up to their marriage to that Quality Woman was also a result of their Blue Pill conditioning. A lot of their ego is invested in Beta Game and Blue Pill convictions, but also a forced-convincing of themselves that they did everything right and were rewarded for it.

This is why it’s a bitter pill to swallow when that guy’s wife drip-feeds him sex, or he discovers her sexual best was reserved for another man in her past, or she tells him she loves him, but she’s not in love with him. Even in the face of outright disrespect or his Beta confirmations of failed shit tests, he’ll still refuse to acknowledge his state. Often it’s only prolonged sexlessness (and even this is rationalized for a long time) that motivates him to seek the answers of Red Pill awareness.

The Beta in Waiting never had Frame before or during his marriage. In fact, it was just that lack of Frame that made him marriage material for his wife. He was never “Alpha” for her, and in his equalist mindset he believed this was what set him apart and attractive then.

So going from this very strong Beta initial impression to an Alpha position of dominance can be all but impossible – particularly if his self-confirmed status was that of being a proud Beta.

There are other men who’ll report having had an Alpha status prior to their marriage, but they lost it somewhere along the way. They were the Alpha backsliders who possibly entered into the marriage with a dominant Frame, but this dissolved as his wife’s Frame or insecurities about him came to dominate their relationship. I think this is likely the scenario that provides the most believability when a man becomes awakened while married, because it is a return to a prior impression (or one his wife had hoped he’d find) and therefor more believable when he does.

The ‘tamed’ Alphas are also the guys with wives who’ll try to actively minimize his Red Pill transformation. Their wives are simultaneously aroused by this rekindling of his Alpha dominance and fearful that he will come to see her as the failed investment she likely is for him. That may or may not be the actual case for him, but for her it will prompt possessiveness, surveillance and a control over how he’s allowed to ‘appropriately’ express this dominance – which in turn disqualifies it.

In the last installment of this series I will outline some ways in which a Red Pill man might go about internalizing this transformation, how that might manifest itself in an authentic way, and also the pitfalls to be aware of that can stifle it.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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kfg
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kfg
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@ollieoxenfree:

Your concern has been noted.

ollieoxenfree1
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@Kfg

You must have had a life once.

It couldn’t have been much. Judging from your time here.

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Ollie Here’s an example of a strong minded, independent woman talking about women, taking responsibility for themselves. Here’s an example of a confused woman who doesn’t know what attracts men. I respect the fact a woman may not want a relationship, for whatever reason. They all want a man, with the exception of lesbians (most of the time). The problem is they self-rank higher SMV than they really have all too often, until the Epiphany phase. Just as I respect the fact a man shouldn’t feel pressured to commit to a woman who clearly isn’t right for him. Sure, because… Read more »

insanitybytes22
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“Damn, I’m good. I gotta find a way to bottle this kind of influence.” Tomassi, I keep trying to tell you, stop short of nothing but world domination. Here’s the cincher though, you can’t fence sit on your values and morals. You must embrace your so called biases, you must stop acting as if your red pill is just amoral, not prescriptive, so not your spiritual problem. Why? Because I hear a quiver in your voice when you speak, and when you write, an attempt to cover all your bases. Of course you have influence. Unfortunately some of that influence… Read more »

Yollo Comanche
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@insanity The reason he “covers his bases”, or rather takes a step to chew some of this food for you and others, if because he’s worldlier than you. Do you watch much T.V.? Or movies? I just saw LA LA Land. And in it the whole story is RICH people having lives, taking risks, “making it.” Why do they bother to make such a distinction? My brother tells me how in the Super Girl tv show as of late they’re trying hard to make the girl less of a Mary Sue. Coincidence? Rollo and his work are getting attention now.… Read more »

If-I-Fell
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@ Novaseeker Re: The “Alpha female” discussion “The marriages and LTRs I have known who are the happiest seem to be ones where there is good polarity between the two, but also not where the wife is the de facto day to day lead. It may not be an express captain/first-officer relationship, but this is what it is de facto, even if the couple says outwardly that they are egalitarian. The wording doesn’t matter — what matters is what the couple actually *does* and how the relationship actually *works*. That format seems to be the one that works, de facto,… Read more »

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@If-I-Fell

You did it right by accident. When you gave her a chance to find you two a room and she pulled through she did it for YOU more than anything. And from the look of it you didn’t make her regret trying. Her making choices is her performing for you and relieving her stress by proving to herself that she’s useful to you. No defiance of Red Pill there.

insanitybytes22
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“The reason he “covers his bases”, or rather takes a step to chew some of this food for you and others, if because he’s worldlier than you. Do you watch much T.V.? Or movies?”

I’m really going to have to get a bigger face palm.

rugby11
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Dance rugby and life (show don’t tell)
https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/5r9za4/beware_male_shit_tests/

SJF
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“I’m really going to have to get a bigger face palm.” And that’s your version of Frame control here? Good luck with that. All I’m hearing are your rusty breezes Pushing around your weather vane Jesus. In a background, at the start, is the sound of a loon. I’d prefer a man’s faith in himself. A mother’s faith in her son’s innocence. (A model that can’t be replicated by a woman other than a mother, so be it.) About any country and it’s faith in a man’s fallibility. And about women, just lying there, all her faith bleeding out into… Read more »

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@Ollie You might have missed this: https://therationalmale.com/2015/03/13/bachelor-nation/ The original video was taken down, but it is called “Frustrated: Black American Men in Brazil – Why?” and you can search for background information about it. In a feminine-primary social order to be a ‘responsible’ man is to comply with dictates of women’s sexual strategy while accepting her dominant and counter-feminine role and demeanor. To be a ‘real man’ he must accept being relegated to being her dependent while still being expected to be a good father. To be an ‘adult’ he must accept the doctrines of equalism while still being beholden… Read more »

bloomfy
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Whilst I may be pre-empting what Rollo will address in his third book, what would people think would be the one, most important factor an RP father could instill into his early teen daughter?

I’m cognisant that there may be many factors that should be considered, but interested in what people think would be the main one.

Agent P
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If you give it away it ain’t worth nothing

Or the more partners you have, the less happy you will be in the long run (science not conjecture)

Don’t be a feminist

Be feminine, it’s very fulfilling for women (the corollary to being a feminist)

If-I-Fell
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@ SJF RE: Deida Doesn’t Deida’s polling women about what they want in a spiritual communion invalidate the process because he is listening to what women say and not what they do? He is ignoring the hindbrain dual nature of womens’ sexual strategy. Rollo has written that women will name all the noble traits they want in public; then fuck the hot guy at the foam canon party (someone has to enlighten me about what that is—never went on spring break.) Also, Deida’s stages sounds more like a religion. Doesn’t Scientology have a program where the adherent either advances or… Read more »

EhIntellect
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@ bloomfy

Agent P +1

Satisfaction is found serving her man, children, community with as trusted an Alpha she can find at the helm.

EhIntellect
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“…you must stop acting as if your red pill is just amoral, not prescriptive, so not your spiritual problem. ”

RP affords exercise of freewill, unencumbered by feminist distortion, cultural rot.

IMO RP promotes a stable spiritual development, beyond the confusing din of modern Christianity.

Scales from the eyes.

SJF
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@If-I-Fell There may or may not be a Hawthorne Effect in polling girls about what virtues and traits they would prefer in an Alpha Seed Male. Women say and do things covertly all the time and it helps to open your eyes to them. But if you allow them, esp. these days with open Hypergamy, sometimes they just come out and say shit. (My wife is doing this quite a bit these days, esp. with the Trumpening). And you are conflating what women want in a beta bucks male to what they want in an alpha male. If you are… Read more »

Bromeo
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IM Maxim 8. – “The battle of the sexes is the only war where crushing the opposition isn’t victory. No, a man must avoid checkmate and stalemate, he must continuously put his woman in check. This and only this is victory for both sides.”

Beautiful.

EhIntellect
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“It doesn’t matter what I had been doing, it matters how she perceives what the hell I’ve been doing all along.”

My inflection point: speaking, doing masculine, understanding its perception by the feminine, while not stifling the feminine.

SJF, brother, I can’t thank you enough.

EhIntellect
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Foam cannon? I have two: One for the bedroom and the other for whole-house orgies. Seemed reasonable at the time.

comment image

https://youtu.be/jRtC3PIdxAw

NiceGuyGoneFrog 🐸 (@NiceGuyGoneCad)
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There’s a ton of redpilled comments on that video. Men are waking up fam, don’t lose hope. We still can #MakeWomenOppressedAgain. Otherwise, at least a good number of men will save themselves from the horrors of “egalitarian” marriage.

Incubus_Rising
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@Rollo Tomassi: “After this 3rd book I may have plans to write a Red Pill appeal to mainstream Christian men (the ones trapped on the church’s Beta farm)”. Such a book will not only help Christian men, but also millions of men trapped in the Hinduism and Buddist beta farms. Feminism has taken root in many main stream religions (except Islam – where women are not exalted at the detriment of masculinity) – and millions of men feel lost with no other option but to continue to “man up” and be a slave on the plantation.

insanitybytes22
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“But it will do exactly what you ask of me, it will be an appeal to men of conviction to open their eyes to seeing how that conviction has been used to make them compliant slaves beholden to old books social and spiritual contracts while making them the perfect Beta chumps ready to accommodate the more ‘perfected’, more closer to God, women in their congregations who insist on the entitlements of a christianized feminism without calling it feminism.” Huh. Fascinating Tomassi, I encourage you to do just that. I’m not the least bit concerned about men of faith finding their… Read more »

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bites
Fallen woman here, totally. I’ve never had any illusions about that.

Liar.

Lost Patrol
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Yes, that’ll be a book I’ll write soon.

Hai dozo, and whenever it arrives will not be a moment too soon. Even now, a small cadre is working behind the lines to extract men from the impenetrable fog and lead them to daylight. They could make good use of a targeted exposition.

EhIntellect
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“men of faith”

Your definiion suits your purpose.

“Fallen woman here, totally. I’ve never had any illusions about that.”

Virtue-signaling humblebrag.

” And yes, woman are the absolute worst when it comes to that self righteous, hypocritical spirit. By far.”

Obvious feint.

EhIntellect
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Look IB. Generally we have little effect on a lot of people, but have enormous effect on a few.

Don’t you have a grandkid or close social circle to evangelize? Flailing proselytizing here isn’t valor, convincing, glorious, whatever.

You’re not helping your cause even. I’m assuming no one listens to you there either. Honestly, no joke.

I grew up with 70’s feminist-religion sisters. Heard all this 40 years ago. Stupid then, stupid now. Both them divorced. Congrats aligning yourself again with failure.

EhIntellect
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Tolerance isn’t acceptance. Like herpes, I accept your (FI) existence. To hell if I ain’t gonna put rhetorical Abreva on it.

EhIntellect
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correction: I tolerate your existence.

theasdgamer
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Much in the same way that single Red Pill guys will (initially) focus on Red Pill awareness and Game in order to eventually connect with their Dream Girls, so too does the MRP guy. The difference being that he’s convinced he’s already married to his dream girl

This certainly doesn’t fit me because I don’t see Mrs. Gamer as my “dream girl”. Maybe I did once, many moons ago, but no longer. I don’t think of “dream girl” as a useful concept.

ollieoxenfree1
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@SJF “In a feminine-primary social order to be a ‘responsible’ man is to comply with dictates of women’s sexual strategy while accepting her dominant and counter-feminine role and demeanor. To be a ‘real man’ he must accept being relegated to being her dependent while still being expected to be a good father. To be an ‘adult’ he must accept the doctrines of equalism while still being beholden to the responsibilities of conventional complementarianism.” This is the absolute truth. Which is why I posted the ‘being single over 30’ video. The women, Dawn talks about in this video, are the women… Read more »

othergrain
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“My husband does not like younger women.”

Hell, I don’t *like* em but they make me feel funny in my penis so…

I do prefer them over older, midlife women for sure though…I’ll take “vain, shallow, self absorbed, completely unaware” over “vain, shallow, self-absorbed, completely unaware, AND OLD” any day of the week.

othergrain
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Mini FR: I lapsed and asked a girl where she’d prefer to go the other night. Her response was: “I’d be happier if you just *told* me where we’re going and when.”

Leading, fellas, straight from the horse’s mouth.

stuffinbox
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It is so sad to watch the way these churchian women treat their men.So much disrespect for the men that provide their very sustenance of life. It is funny to hear these churchian women bragg and boast on their husbands then turn right around and treat them like dirt in public,as if all that boasting is just a shit test for the guy they really want just to see if he has any balls still as her husbands have been removed by a constant barrage of bitchy guilt an fake shame. “After this 3rd book I may have plans to… Read more »

ollieoxenfree1
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This made me laugh.

Your thoughts?

stuffinbox
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Now Jesus,there was a cool dude never got married,went fishing whenever he felt like it,made the best home brew.
The most famous and powerful man to ever walk the face of the earth.
It would appear as if he just loved to go to church and discuss things with the feminist sympathisers of his day.probably would run em all out for having a bake sale.

ollieoxenfree1
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Sorry another with Steve Santagati

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ne_csqP0K9E

It’s funny, but is it purple, red or blue?

rugby11
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Anonymous Reader
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It’s funny, but is it purple, red or blue?

It’s a TV show that is intended to get eyeballs and therefore ratings and therefore advertising.
Better that Girls… but what isn’t?

If-I-Fell
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@ EhIntellect

Thanks for the foam cannon visual!

I take RM commentary with me in mp3 format. Coincidentally, I was taking a mid-day walk today on a busy sidewalk when your comment, “Thanks for calling EhIntellect’s Submission Hotline” played. I burst into laughter, startling the people around me.

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@ ollieoxenfree1

I enjoyed your computer OS analogy. While coming to an identical conclusion, I would propose that the firmware is a confusing mix of basic routines; many routines favoring blue pill. The OS is a mix of blue pill and red pill. The system has installed an anti-malware program to remove the blue code. The blue code is insidious, and the anti-malware must be constantly upgraded to remove as much of the blue as possible and prevent more blue from returning. Oh, hell, like you said, Over to you Rollo.

EhIntellect
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@ If-I-Fell You’re welcome. Speaking of submission, was out past my bedtime last night, suit and tie as usual. 20-ish 190 pound drunkard demands I fight…I look to side step, he clacks my jaw with his elbow. O.K. here goes. After seeing no real option to walk away he, fists up, hulks my direction. I step-push his thigh away x 2, imbalance him. He’s really drunk, I figure out, from the wobble. At that point he goes for a two-leg take down, I sprawl, he’s facedown, I’m in back mount, throw a rear naked choke and ride his energy down.… Read more »

If-I-Fell
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“I don’t know why Brad would still want Angelina. She is no longer a woman”, I said. Wait for it… Wait for it… “That’s an awful thing to say; she has cancer in her family, and she had no choice,” she said. This argument occurred after Angelina underwent her “de-womanizing” surgery, and before the “Brad is a drunken child abuser” incident. This left the question—why did she have the surgery and why does calling a woman a eunuch raise such an emotional response from a woman, concerning a woman that she doesn’t know or really care about? I am going… Read more »

theasdgamer
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@insanity Oh yeah, I’m so riding that train. Who wrote this stuff, SJF? It’s fabulous. Hook me up and I’m out of here. Tomassi will probably thank you. Recently, Mrs. Gamer and I were at various airports. Mrs. Gamer typically is very nervous about making flights and all kinds of shit related to airports and she confuses things a lot. She will run up to ask someone a question about flights/baggage/whatever and that question is often the wrong question and she sometimes interrupts a convo, where I am asking someone a question, by asking her question. When Mrs. Gamer does… Read more »

SFC Ton
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Marrying Angelina = beta tell

kfg
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kfg
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” . . . the surgery is supported as a way of reducing the cancer risk.” And let us not mention the risk of the elective surgery itself. ” . . . it is my understanding the increased cancer risk touted as doubled can be as small as a change of 1:100,000 to 2:100,000.” Once upon a time there was a guy who took out a mortgage on his house, because he figured that increasing his odds in the state lottery 40,000 times meant he couldn’t lose. Of course he lost. Always check the absolute odds. 40,000 times nil is… Read more »

anon
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“” . . . it is my understanding the increased cancer risk touted as doubled can be as small as a change of 1:100,000 to 2:100,000.”

The risk is much more than doubled.
Statistically, 55 to 65 percent of women with the BRCA1 mutation will get breast cancer and around 45 percent of women who inherit the BRCA2 mutation will develop breast cancer. Those are better than average odds. Mastectomy reduces that risk by 95 percent.

anon
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anon
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But, yes, death is assured for 100 percent of us.

rugby11
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Milo
http://wp.me/p6SXrP-jmy

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[…] but as it stands now, the far more common occurrence is the Blue Pill, Beta husband who was “awakened while married” and turned his marriage back from the brink – if indeed that is the case at all. Even more […]

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[…] men, but as it stands now, the far more common occurrence is the Blue Pill, Beta husband who was “awakened while married” and turned his marriage back from the brink – if indeed that is the case at all. Even more […]

JohnD
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You mention a woman saying something along the lines of, “I love you but am not in love with you”. Looking at this phrase with the notion not to trust a woman’s words just her actions and that women don’t love like men believe they will gives this further context. Even if she is in love, it’s not how he believes it is and is opportunistic instead of idealistic. If a woman said this to me, and to be honest it is the epitimal GTFO situation, I would take her words to mean she doesn’t love me at at all… Read more »

Kev
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Bingo on that second from last paragraph.
That was an eye opener and had to read it a few times, exceptionally the failed investment part as the wife even mentioned that just the other day in a round about way!

Great blogs, thanks for posting them

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