London Real

I didn’t really see the point in jumping on the Krauser-love band wagon since The Chateau already has most of the manosphere’s eye-attention, but I did want to repost the full interview which is worth every minute of the hour you’ll spend watching. I tend to get associated as one of the three ‘R’s (Roissy, Roosh, Rollo) of the manosphere, but if I had to define the impetus of my writing it would be more about Game Theory than actual PUArtistry. I had more than my share of women in my libertine rock star 20’s but in my writing I look under the hood and see how the PUA car works from a sociological, psychological bent.

So it was with a profound sense of pride that I hear Krauser using terminology and addressing concepts I in some part feel responsible for introducing to the manosphere. I’ve had Krauser in my blogroll since day one, because I’ve always felt he most closely melds the ideologies and theory of Game with the actual practice of Game. That isn’t to take anything aways from Roosh or the other godfathers of the ‘community’, but it was inspiring to finally hear a self-described (former) PUA speak intelligently about his progression from that PUA mindset into something resembling maturity in Game.

I’ve seen far too many celebrity PUAs crumble under social pressure and fem-centric shame interrogations on mainstream talk shows. All of which cast Game, even the earnest study of the mechanics behind Game, as some cheesy endeavor to hypnotize girls into fucking a man she’d never give the time of day to. Krauser is the first public PUA/Game-Aware figure that I believe could be taken seriously.

Relational Equity

When I started in on the Hypergamy doesn’t care,.. post I knew it was going to come off as some unavoidably deterministic rant about the evils of hypergamy.

That post was born out of all the efforts I’ve repeatedly read men relate to me when they say how unbelievable their breakups were. As if all of the investment, emotional, physical, financial, familial, etc. would be rationally appreciated as a buffer against hypergamy. The reason for their shock and disbelief is that their mental state originates in the assumption that women are perfectly rational agents and should take all of their efforts, all of their personal strengths, all of the involvement in their women’s lives into account before trading up to a better prospective male. There is a prevailing belief that all of their merits, if sufficient, should be proof against her hypergamous considerations.

For men, this is a logically sound idea. All of that investment adds up to their concept of relationship equity. So it’s particularly jarring for men to consider that all of that equity becomes effectively worthless to a woman presented with a sufficiently better prospect as per the dictates of her hypergamy.

That isn’t to say that women don’t take that equity into account when determining whether to trade up or in their choice of men if they’re single, but their operative point of origin is ALWAYS hypergamy. Women obviously can control their hypergamic impulses in favor of fidelity, just as men can and do keep their sexual appetites in check, but always know that it isn’t relationship equity she’s rationally considering in that moment of decision.

This dynamic is exactly the reason the surrogate boyfriend, the perfect nice guy orbiter who’s invested so much into identifying with his target, gets so enraged when his dream girl opts for the hot asshole jerk. She’s not making a logical decision based upon his invested relational equity. Quite the opposite; she’s empirically proving for him that his equity is worthless by rewarding the hot jerk – who had essentially no equity – with her sex and intimacy. He doesn’t understand that hypergamy doesn’t care about relational equity.

This is a really tough truth for guys to swallow, because knowing how hypergamy works necessarily devalues their concept of relational equity with the woman they’re committed to, or considering commitment with. Men’s concept of relational equity stems from a mindset that accepts negotiated desire (not genuine desire) as a valid means of relationship security. This is precisely why most couples counseling fails – its operative origin begins from the misconception that genuine desire (hypergamy) can be negotiated indefinitely.

The Rational Female

Aunt Giggles recently posted a fluffy little piece of interpretive Alpha fiction extolling the virtues of Beta men (who of course to her are the real Alphas only without teeth, pee sitting down and only say sweet things about girls). It’s not a bad list in and of itself despite the fact that her definition of Alpha is George Costanza who morphs into Sterling Grey upon command when the moment strikes. It’s a noble effort, but where her list falls flat is in the presumption (her hope) that women will make a conscious, rational decision to opt for a Beta male as a suitable long term provider. What a novel concept!

Irony aside, Giggles still falls prey to two fallacies in her pleas for a better Beta. The first is as discussed above; the hope or the realistic expectation that women’s hindbrain hypergamy can be sublimated in favor of a rational cognitive decision making when choosing with whom to spread her legs for, much less settle down with. I understand it’s been at least 28 years since she had to make that particular decision, but not much has really changed in that time with regards to the limbic influence hypergamy has over women’s decision making processes. The short answer is that she believes that healthy relationships can be rooted in negotiated desire (which is also called ‘obligated desire’ in the real world).

This then leads into the second fallacy in which she presumes relationship equity – even the potential for that equity – will make the life time commitment to a “he’ll-haffta-do” Beta endurable while repressing her innate hypergamy. As I stated above, hypergamy doesn’t care about relational equity. If it’s a consideration at all in a woman’s decision making process, it’s only for comparative purposes when assessing risk motivated by hypergamy. Some times that risk association is present in deciding whether to accept a marriage proposal, sometimes it’s present when she decides another man’s genetic potential rivals that of the provider she’s already committed to, but in all instances the originating prompt is still hypergamy.

*late post edit* As is his way Roissy offers up another timely refutation of Aunt Susan’s played out trope ‘WARNING: Alpha traits alone are suitable for short-term mating only!’

The Rational Male

All of that may sound like I’m excusing men from the equation, I’m not. As I detailed in The Threat, when men progressively become more aware of their sexual market value, the better their capacity develops to assess long term investment potential with women. The trouble with this model, in its present form, is that the phase at which men are just becoming aware of their true long term value to women (usually around age 30) is almost exactly the phase (just pre-Wall) in which women hope to press men unaware of their SMV into their long term provisioning schema. As this relates to men, most spend the majority of their teens and 20’s pursuing women, following the dicktates of their biological impulses, and to varying degrees of success learn from experience what really seems like women’s duplicity or fickleness. So it comes as a breath of fresh air for the average (see Beta) guy to finally encounter what he believes is a woman who’s “down to earth” and seems genuinely concerned with hearth and family at age 29. Her past character, her very nature, even her single-mommyness can be overlooked and/or forgiven in light of finding such a rare jewel.

There’s a new breed of White Knight in the manosphere who love to enthusiastically promote the idea of rigorously vetting women as potential wives. It sounds like virtue. For serial monogamists playing the ‘Good Guy’ card, it sounds so satisfying to lay claim to having experience and integrity enough to be a good judge or authority of what will or will not do for his ‘exacting standards’. This is really a new form of Beta Game; “look out ladies, I’ve been through the paces so if you’re not an approximate virgin and know how to bake a hearty loaf of bread, this guy is moving on,..” and on, and on, and on. All any of this really amounts to is a better form of identification Game, because ultimately a profession of being a Good Guy is still an attempt to be what he expects his ideal woman would want – a good judge (of her) character.

Know this right now, no man (myself included) in the history of humanity has ever fully or accurately vetted any woman he married. And certainly not any guy who married prior to the age of 30 or had fewer than 1 LTR in his past. It’s not that high school sweethearts who last a lifetime don’t exist, it’s that no man can ever accurately determine how the love of his life will change over the course of that lifetime.

Right about now, I can hear the “wow, that’s some pretty raw shit there Mr. Tomassi” from the gallery, and I agree, but ask the guy on his second divorce how certain he was that he’d done his due diligence with his second wife based on all his past experience. Bear this truth in mind, you do not buy into a good marriage or LTR, you create one, you build one. Your sweet little Good Girl who grew up in the Amish Dutch Country is just as hypergamous as the club slut you nailed last night. Different girls, different contexts, same hypergamy. You may have enough experience to know a woman who’d make a good foundation, but you ultimately build your own marriage/monogamy based on your own strengths or dissolve it based on inherent flaws – there are no pre-fab marriages.

The New Sensitivity

With profuse apologies for shamelessly lifting this thread from CH’s most recent post comments, but it dovetailed perfectly into my topic today.

From The Whammer:

I can acccurately predict who is the Alpha or Beta with a simple test which I will prove here. I’ll tell you who will get laid within the next week. Do this, take out your wallet and then describe the wallet and list the contents (don’t bother to list that condom that expired in 1999) I can determine from this test how well you will do with females and whether you’re a true Alpha.

OK I’ll explain then. Have you ever seen someone carrying around a wallet bulging with stuff? Sometimes you’ll even see a rubber band around it it’s so full of junk lol This is typical prole (beta) behavior. They carry all of this stuff in case they have to “prove” something. You will never see an Alpha carrying around all of this crap. Alphas carry a slim wallet with perhaps some cash, a credit card and a license at most. Alphas have certain habits or traits and they’re reflected subconsciously in a lot of outward ways. An Alpha would never even think that he’d ever have to prove anything to anyone.The first guy who answered said he just carries some cash in a money clip and that would indicate Alpha behaviour to me. I wasn’t really concerned with the amount of cash.People, especially females, subconsciously equate a bulging wallet with a beta flunky and that’s not even taking into considerstion the bulge you’ll have in your chest suit pocket. Betas don’t get laid.

I’d encourage readers to read the thread in its entirety. It’s some real funny shit, however there is a germ of truth in The Whammers humor. A lot has been written about Beta (and Alpha) ‘tells’ in the manoverse. In fact, I’d argue that in its infancy formalized pick up artistry was fundamentally about ridding oneself of the Beta ‘tells’ and emphasizing Alpha ‘tells’ to maximize guy’s chances of getting laid.

However, with the unplugging from the Matrix comes a progressively developing sensitivity to the feminized world around us. We see it all around us, usually in advertising first – maybe the undertone of masculine ridicule in TV commercials, then the subtle association we make when considering that women arre the primary consumers in society. The next easy observation is how men are portrayed on television; feckless, ridiculous slobs in need of feminine intuition to solve their problems.

This new sensitivity then becomes more refined. We pick up idioms and subtle attitudes in people’s conversations. We pick up on terms and assumptions of premise that previously, in our Blue Pill fog, we would’ve taken for common sense or matter of fact. We hear the same tropes offered as the solution to the same issues that we thought were so confusing in our plugged-in existence.

I use The Whammer’s wallet test as an illustration here to detail this new sensitivity. It’s fairly easy to assess the difference between a Beta’s Look (or lack thereof) and that of an Alpha. Like most other higher order animals, human beings have an evolved sense, on the subconscious level, that helps us determine the looks, posture and vocal cues of sexual competitors. But looks can be deceiving, and in an age of feminization, the guy who outwardly may be the very specimen of an Alpha in a physical sense, can also be the most debilitated Beta due to his life’s conditioning.

Maybe it’s from having been unplugged from the Matrix for so long, or maybe it’s my constant observation and writing about it, but I am very sensitive to the choice of casual words men use when talking about gender issues. It’s been acculturated into feminized men’s vernacular to use words, idioms and presumptions that are assumed, on the subconscious level, to be more neutral or inoffensive to women-as-authority or feminine primacy. I can pick out the subliminal self-deprecations men filter into their conversations, often with a nervous laugh, or else they’ll drop some blunt truth only to casually (but practiced intentionally) to backpedal by ridicule themselves or men in general for being ‘how they are’ as if it were some kind of apology.

Everything you need to know about a guy, or really the state of feminine primacy in society, is in the choices of words he uses. It’s a fairly easy task to pick through the writings on someone’s forum posts to determine where they stand on the Beta-Alpha spectrum. Is he using Disney-esque dialogue about the girl he thinks is special? Is he using Shakespearean prose, words he would never actually speak in casual conversation, to describe his yearning and longing for a soulmate? These are easy ‘tells’ when you read them on your monitor; all but the most Aspergery of men probably wouldn’t use Arthurian vernacular when casually speaking about women.

Better to beg forgiveness than beg for permission.

On my commute to work I often listen to local talk radio. No, not the conservative AM band, rather the variety show FM band type shows. I actually work somewhat closely with a few of the stations and hosts  whenever I’m doing a brand promo or a launch party at some local club or event. Of the talk show personalities I know, it’s really only in a business sense. Most of them are pretty likable enough guys, but every time I listen to any topic on their show that veers into intergender issues (which is quite often) the Beta just oozes from every pore. Matrix trope after trope, constant repetition of fem-speak colloquialisms, I swear, some of the worst offenders in perpetuating feminine social primacy are talk radio hosts – even the conservative ones. Naturally I bite my tongue in the interests of my business, but these guys are worse than any White Knight, mangina or Beta I’ve ever encountered in the manosphere; and all are blissfully oblivious to their conditionings.

In all of their ramblings, there is always a default premise of female authority. I’m convinced it takes the better part of a lifetime to inculcate into a man, but on the limbic level the Beta mindset uses the feminine imperative as his starting point for everything. In every issue, and on a subliminal level, the origination of a thought is tempered with how it will be interpreted in a feminine-primary context. This is almost a default state of mind for the Beta mindset: ask permission from the feminine.

I’ve got another friend who’ll always abdicate to his wife’s authority by saying “Gotta clear that with the boss” in reference to his wife when we’re making some plans to hang out. This tells me everything I need to know about his perception of gender and his history of success with women in general. Woman = authority; before all else, in any decision the thought is colored by the feminine.

Just as in the wallet test, the unplugged develop a sense in placing an Alpha mindset. Although we may hear it occasionally in their choice of words, it’s the lack of words that indicate an Alpha. Just as an Alpha doesn’t need a wallet full of safety measures, the Alpha doesn’t need superflous words. By virtue of his confidence-through-options the Alpha mind doesn’t care about feminine priority. He may occasionally say “uhm,…sorry?“, but his first thought isn’t to ask permission from the feminine.

When your silence inspires more intimidation, more respect, more gravity than your words, then, you’re thinking like an Alpha.

Hypergamy doesn’t care,..

Hypergamy doesn’t care how great a Father you are to your kids.

Hypergamy doesn’t care how you rearranged your college majors and career choice in life to better accommodate her.

Hypergamy doesn’t care how inspired or fulfilled you feel as a stay-at-home Dad.

Hypergamy doesn’t care that you moved across 4 states to be closer to your LDR.

Hypergamy doesn’t care how ‘supportive’ you’ve always been of her decisions or if you identify as a ‘male feminist’.

Hypergamy doesn’t care about the sincerity of your religious convictions or aspirations of high purpose.

Hypergamy doesn’t care about those words you said at your wedding.

Hypergamy doesn’t care about how you funded her going back to college to find a more rewarding career.

Hypergamy doesn’t care how great a guy you are for adopting the children she had with other men.

Hypergamy doesn’t care about your divine and forgiving nature in excusing her “youthful indiscretions.”

Hypergamy doesn’t care about your magnanimity in assuming responsibility for her student loans, and credit card debt after you’re married.

Hypergamy doesn’t care if “he was your best friend.”

Hypergamy doesn’t care about the coffee in bed you bring her or how great a cook you are.

Hypergamy doesn’t care about all those chick flicks you sat through with her and claimed to like.

Hypergamy doesn’t care about how well you do your part of the household chores.

Hypergamy doesn’t care about how much her family or friends like you.

Hypergamy doesn’t care if you think you’re a “Good” guy or about how convincing your argument is for your sense of honor.

Hypergamy doesn’t care whether the children are biologically yours or not.

Hypergamy doesn’t care if “she was drunk, he was cute, and one thing led to another,..”

Hypergamy doesn’t care how sweet, funny or intellectual you are.

Hypergamy doesn’t care if you “never saw it coming.”

 

Add your own, I’m sure there’s more,..

Detox

“Who needs reasons when you’ve got heroin?”

Letter from an addict:

I can’t get my ex to stop popping in my mind. No matter what or where I go, everything reminds me of her. What can I do? As it stands I have the power, she’s called me last, but I keep gettin the urge to give in and call.

The fact that I’ve been spinning plates has only made it worse. When I’m out with these new girls, keeps reminding me of stuff that I did with her, its whacked.

I feel like I just can’t get away, no matter where I look or go, there she is. The sad part is, I don’t even pine over her, I despise her, I think of her negatively but I’m addicted.

I need help.

If you were a drug addict or an alcoholic the first step back to sobriety is your moment of clarity. You’ve obviously had that. The next step is to detoxify yourself – that’s the hard part. You need to isolate yourself, and put yourself into complete separation from your drug of choice; in this case that’s your ex.

You’re feeling hopeless about her and your present condition because the cessation of what you’ve mistaken as a reward for so long is now out of reach. You need to understand that what you want to go back to isn’t what you think it is, nor will it ever “get better”. Even if you could reengage with her, it will never be what you think it could.

Withdrawal Symptoms

I think half the battle of controling an emotional response is consciously recognizing that it is taking place. Children (of both sexes) cannot help but react emotionally to external stimulus. They do this because they have no prior experience with that stimulus to associate a response to. In addition, they have an underdeveloped capacity for abstract thought and therefore an emotional response is almost a given. But as we mature and experience things, we understand what is happening (because it’s happened to us prior) and we can better react and prepare responses for them accordingly.

When a person first experiences jealousy this triggers a complex chain of hormonal and emotional imbalances. True jealousy, the type generated by the suspicion of having invested emotionally in a person who betrays that investment, rarely occurs before puberty so there is no prior experience to prepare an individual for it. It also happens so rarely that we don’t acknowledge it as an issue to consider until we’re in the middle of experiencing it. This is further complicated by an immature, but developing capacity for abstract thought, as well as the fact that jealousy is an in-born, innate biological response that has served our species well for millenia. Needless to say this severly limits rational thought processes and the ability to form appropriate behaviors based on them.

Now lets further complicate the situation with the same chemical cocktail and the emotional responses associated with sexual relations and you can see where this is going.

Depending upon the level of emotional attachment, what most guys experience in a breakup are withdrawal symptoms from an addiction. The brain’s neurochemistry in response to environmental cues and the effects solidified by routine experience are truly fascinating. Studies have shown that the chemical/hormonal signatures that naturally occur in the human body while one is experiencing love are virtually identical to the euphoric properties of heroin. The reason you pine over this girl, the reason that her rubbing your nose in it (so to speak) seems satisfying, the reason seeing her with another guy or the idea of renting her a room to go fuck him in provokes such an intense emotional response from a guy is because it re-triggers that same hormonal charge you got from it the first time and you’re seeking ways to re-stimulate that rush. You’ve yet to develop the cognitive capacity to deal with the associations of this rush because you have few or no prior experiences with this jealousy/betrayal dynamic, so you think of it in the only terms that have been available to you up to now – that which media/culture has conditioned you to take at face value. Therefore you have this Shakespearean sense of betrayal.

There is a quantifiable hormonal response to environmental cues that inspire jealousy. From an evolutionary perspective this makes for a semi-efficient genetic-investment protection mechanism. Animals that get hormonally pissed off at the cues indicating cuckoldry will reserve their parental investments for better, more prolific breeding opportunities. However , the same evolutionary advantages that same hormonal response causes are also liabilities in other instances. While it may be beneficial for parental investment that a chemical cocktail engendering feelings of trust, infatuation, love, etc. be pumped into our bloodstreams to inspire pair bonding, that same cocktail can also become a powerful narcotic when the rewarding ‘high’ is removed.

Detox

What happens in a breakup is similar to coming down off a narcotic. The addict seeks to re-stimulate the reward process, only now that process is denied to him (or her). Thus the addict is forced to create novel ways to reestablish that reward, however under these new circumstances that reward rush doesn’t compare to the original high of infatuation, love, etc.. Creating situations where jealousy, indignation and suspicion are present is an attempt to trigger that rush the original triggers did, only this time it’s cheaper and less potent since its conditions are temporal, few and far between. So is the high of love, lust and infatuation replaced with the lesser high of suspicion and jealousy.

This is the biochemical addiction phase most guys find themselves in in a post-monogamy breakup. I should add that this is yet one more reason to cultivate a Plate Theory mental model of abundance, however, once again, knowing is half the battle. As the more rational and reasoned sex, one condition for dropping this default mental state is whilst under the influences of intoxication (funny we call love intoxicating) and hormonal imbalances. In other words it’s very hard to make rational assessments when your physiology is jonesing for a fix, but if you know you’re jonesing and why you’re jonesing, you’re half way to recovery.

The Beta Response

As an end note here I think I should elaborate that Beta men, in comparison to more Alpha Men, tend to have a much tougher experience when it comes to jealousy and postpartum emotional states. You’ve got to consider that men who have less opportunity for sex, love, emotional investment, etc. will experience a sense of loss greater than men who have more intimate opportunities. On a subconscious level, the Beta male has a much higher investment risk in losing a potential long-term lover since most of his proverbial eggs are going to necessarily be tied up in one basket at a time. This is a liability of the Beta  breeding strategy – All In, but also All Out if he loses on his bet.

Furthermore, by his nature, the Beta will have less prior experience in coping with the emotional response prompted by that biochemical rush. Ergo, the guy who you “never though was capable” of the actions he takes will often surprise you by the extents to which he will go to reestablish that reward prompt. The Beta male and post-partum rejection, jealousy, betrayal, suspicion, etc. are often a very volatile mix.

Coquetry

I generally avoid troubling myself with the blatantly girl-world propaganda advice articles over at AskMen.com, but I had a friend refer this article to me. It’s the same predictable boilerplate reasoning I’ve come to expect from the Hooking Up Beta crowd when discussing the merits of Waiting for It. Side note: please do read the short bio of Giulia Simolo for an enlightening brief on what makes for a good ‘relationship correspondent’.

All this article does is reinforce the feminine as the primary sexual interest. As is the default pre-position of every solipsistic woman giving advice, every point she makes presumes the woman is the PRIZE. So lets break this down from a less orthodox presumption:

Waiting Creates Anticipation
Anticipation is already present from the moment you and she feel arousal for each other. Attraction isn’t a choice, and anticipation isn’t something “created” by intent. Trust me, no girl making you wait is thinking, “Oh I just want him to savor this delightful anticipation.”

Waiting Creates Challenge
Yeah, for you. I love how the feminine rationale is that it’s the Man who’s given the opportunity of creating the challenge, when in fact it’s classically been a woman’s realm for millennia to play the coquette. Who are we bullshitting here?

Waiting Shows You Don’t Think She’s A Slut
The only gender concerned with being perceived as a slut is women. Once again, feminine primacy. Every man loves a slut, he just wants her to be HIS slut. The importance is less about his perception of her being a slut and more about her self-concern about her moving past the thinking she’s one. When it comes to sex, single women filibuster with concerns about slut status, when in an LTR they filibuster with concerns about “feeling sexy” – in both instances sex is always about her, not you.

Waiting Keeps YOU Interested.
And again, feminine primacy. For centuries, nothing has served women better than an implied promise of future sexual release with her. The longer you stay in a state of suspended sexual interest, the less time and opportunity you’ll have to weigh other, better, options than what she may represent. However, you can only shake the shiny keys for so long before someone else shakes their own and draws attention away.

Waiting Shows You’re A Gentleman
Qualification for her pussy. Women don’t want to fuck gentlemen, they want to fuck Men who are sexual and have a mutual, covertly recognized desire to bang her.

Waiting Gives You Time To Evaluate Her
The only thing most men are evaluating about a woman they haven’t slept with is HOW to sleep with her. This may sound like logic, but it’s really an unassailable idealism meant to compliment a man’s ego. It’s complimentary; of course you’re a well rounded man of the world who’d be interested in qualifying her for your intimacy, you’re mature and experienced enough to know what’s best for you, right? Women ALWAYS play by the rules when they’re relaxed and show you their true colors while you’re waiting to fuck them. They’re incapable of hiding their character flaws in the time it takes for you to wait her out sexually, right?

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait
And of course what girl-world article would be complete without a trite aphorism at the end? At least we get down to brass tacks. She is the PRIZE. The carrot really is worth the effort of towing the feminine primacy cart. Play her filibuster games and there’s a nice piece of chocolate cake at the end of it for you. It’s the same piece of cake the outlaw biker got about 8 months ago due to her hormonally fueled urgency to fuck him immediately, but she’s turning over a new leaf with you. She’s trying to do things different now with you, because you’re really the ‘special’ one.

Coquetry

I was skimming through the Art of Seduction last night and I came across a passage there that reminded me of this article. The section was about coquetry. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, playing the coquette is by and large the natural (some would argue ‘unlearned’) default method of seduction for women; going from hot to cold, interest to feigned disinterest, the promise of fantastic sex and then a complete disconnected indifference. That is coquetry, and it hardly needs to be taught to women since for thousands of years it’s proven to be so effective in covertly drawing out what they want in men. As I’ve said in many prior posts, a woman’s best agency is always her sexuality. It’s their first best key to power over men (which explains why it’s so distressing for women as it decays with age).

What this article is attempting to do is convince men that they can play an effective coquette too – essentially adopt a female seduction method. While there is some merit in adopting female seduction methodologies (i.e. “flip-the-script” Game), when promoted by women giving men advice, the premise is disingenuous on so many levels it’s hard to know where to begin with it. However, after re-reading it I can see the mechanics behind it. The idea is to draw men into thinking that they are the ones doing the resisting, when in fact they are only better playing into a woman’s coquetry and ultimately better facilitating the methods of her innate hypergamy.

The principle is this: the one who is doing the resisting is the one who is controlling the dynamic. It comes back to The Cardinal Rule of Relationships

In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.

The trick to feminine coquetry is incrementally rewarding her target(s) with marginal intimacy while simultaneously resisting him enough to keep him in the limbo necessary for her to assess the best options for breeding and provisioning from a pool of potential suitors.

Now, why would a woman want to do this? The polite answers, the pretty lies, are found in the bullet points in this article. Each of which is intended to convince men to play along with her coquetry (feminine seduction) and better facilitate the real function of her coquetry – sexual selection from amongst her best options (i.e. hypergamy). If a man can be convinced that it’s in fact he who is doing the resisting, for all the noble and acceptable reasonings, it only makes her coquetry easier.

Coquetry is a woman’s socially approved methodological equal of Plate Theory for men. And just like Plate Spinning, it requires a woman to keep a covert stable of potential suitors in rotation. They can’t implicitly know about each other. If they did, she runs the risk of them losing interest in frustration. So, how much the better if a Man is an active participant in her own coquetry? How much the better when he believes it’s his own idea to be his own coquette?

In Iron Rule #3 the reason I said waited-for sex is never worth the wait is because it reduces sexual tension and urgency. It’s essentially negotiated desire – “OK well play by your rules and fuck when you’re finally convinced that I’m worthy of your vagina.” By playing your own coquette, you may think you’re drawing her into YOUR web and she’ll be a foaming hot mess for you by the time YOU “allow” her to ride your cock, but you’re only fooling yourself. Assuming you even get to actual sex with her, it’s still her who’s doing the resisting, and now your sex is based on the implied negotiation you agreed to by waiting her out. And what were you waiting for? Her to come to the conclusion that she couldn’t do better than fuck you in the immediate future.

Every chump in human history has, in different versions, thought he was doing the right thing by playing the friend, waiting patiently, building comfort and trust, being a gentleman, being emotionally supportive and sensitive to a woman’s desires in the interim times when she’s not riding the Alpha Bad Boy’s cock. Women who are interested in you wont confuse you. If you are her “A” guy she wont make you wait (very long) to get after it with you. If she’s delaying and filibustering, rest assured you are her “B” or “C” guy, and she needs negotiated convincing to bump you up to being her starter.

Case Study – The Great Catch

Here’s a new Case Study from a Rational Reader who wished to remain anonymous (because he lives in my home state among other reasons),…

So I recently started dating this woman I met online. For the last 2 months I would say we were “dating”

Some facts:
-She’s successful and she knows it. 25, bilingual, owns her own place, masters degree in engineering. You get the picture. A great catch.
-We have very similar backgrounds when it comes to family, values, etc. Both hispanic, raised overseas, strong family, etc.
-She’s cute although not hot. Looks, HB6, however I’m far more interested in her intellect and overall qualities than solely looks. I can actually admire her achievements and intellect.
-She’s conservative when approaching relationships. Takes it slow, claims she’s a virgin and she’s waiting for the right man. From any ol’ chick, I’d say bullshit. In this case though, her life is so well together and coherent throughout, that I’ll actually “buy it”
-Talked about past relationships and what happened, she claims it’s not easy to find guys that respect not going intimate. She also claims she’s picky and tends to put up a wall when meeting people.

SO- two breaks in between when she went home (out of state) from a school break. Since I met her, she’s been away probably 3 weeks combined. Else, we have hung out at least once a week. During those breaks, very little communication, maybe a call here or there, some texting.

When we are together, it’s good. Great chemistry, etc. Last time (Saturday) I picked her up from the airport, we went to her place, instead of going out we cooked dinner, went to starbucks, etc. Good stuff, great time. I respect her intimacy “rules” so I don’t even push on that front. Frankly, I’ve gotten laid enough. lol

ANYWAY. here’s the bottom line. Communication in between dates is very very limited and this is where I’m concerned. I don’t know if in past relationships I’ve gotten used to too much communication (calling every day or texting, etc) or if in this particular case communication is lagging.

For example this week: Saturday airport pick up, did stuff at her place. Sunday silence. Monday she called me after work. Tuesday silence. Wednesday I called her in the morning to “kick off” the day, left voicemail but never heard back. Text her inviting her for an after work drink but she had a thank you dinner to attend. C&F wishing her a wonderful date, got a two liner back, the rest of the afternoon and evening silence.

SO the big question becomes: Is this a test? Low Interest Level? Am I expecting too much communication too early? Did I get used to too much communication too early in the past?

How often do YOU communicate with your successful prospect? How often do you find that you communicate with your adult ‘mature” women?

Oh and to top it off, her aunt and grandmother are arriving tomorrow, so the weekend is basically off limits. In other words if no hang out today, I probably won’t see her until next week.

If you haven’t already, you’re about to be LJBFed. Would you like to know why? Because every word you’ve used to describe this woman, every reason you’ve given for qualifying her as “unique” and every indication you’ve presented about yourself points to you approaching any future relationship from a submissive frame.

Predictably, the first response most guys will want to pile on about is to tell you she’s messed up or break down her problems for avoiding you, but honestly, the answer is starring back at you in the bathroom mirror. You’re ‘dating’ a woman who was raised as a man.

First, why are you meeting women online? You’re 25, meeting women face to face, approaching them, interacting in person should be your first course of action. I’m sure you’ll just come back with the “It’s just easier / I’m too busy” line of horse shit, but at 25 your scenario here about “meeting” her online is nothing but a Buffer for you. Also, what do you think constitutes dating? You’re certainly not banging this girl, so how many ‘dates’ have you had?

-She’s successful and she knows it. 25, bilingual, owns her own place, masters degree in engineering. You get the picture. A great catch.

If I heard a woman say, “wow, he’s got his own place and a masters degree in engineering, what a great catch” I’d think they were gold diggers to some degree, but it wouldn’t be unexpected. Any guy using the term “great catch” about a woman in the same context reeks of Beta. Women use this term to describe men, Betas use it to describe women who they think would make a good husband for them – and no, that wasn’t a typo. That you’d use the term as you did here only screams “I’m a chump who buys into buys into feminized equalitarianism in an effort to seem more attractive acceptable to them.”

-She’s cute although not hot. Looks, HB6, however I’m far more interested in her intellect and overall qualities than solely looks. I can actually admire her achievements and intellect.

Chumps love to rationalize their “choice” of women and their less than ideal looks by emphasizing that “it’s what’s on the inside that’s really attractive.” Admiring achievements and intellect are criteria for women’s attraction to men. Parroting this feminized talking point back sounds like you’re taking some high road, but the degree on her wall doesn’t make her look any better naked. This is a very common AFC identification rationalization. Here’s a secret: even brainy women will only want to fuck when they feel sexy, and she’s fully aware that your hammering away about how her mind turns you on wont make an HB6 an HB10. You’re not fucking her mind.

-She’s conservative when approaching relationships. Takes it slow, claims she’s a virgin and she’s waiting for the right man. From any ol’ chick, I’d say bullshit. In this case though, her life is so well together and coherent throughout, that I’ll actually “buy it”

-Talked about past relationships and what happened, she claims it’s not easy to find guys that respect not going intimate. She also claims she’s picky and tends to put up a wall when meeting people.

So lets break this down; she’s 25, masters degree in engineering, owns her own home, etc. Now, maybe an engineer can qualify this for me, but if I’m not mistaken a Master’s degree in engineering is at minimum a 6-8 year life investment, meaning she’d have to have began on it at 18. How many “relationships” do you really think this virgin has had in those 6-8 years while earning a masters degree in a very intense field like engineering? How many valuable learning experiences do you think she’s had with “relationships”? An HB6 girl with a master’s and a house at 25, yeah, she’s a virgin, but not because she’s so conservative, well grounded or picky. You’re making her necessity a virtue because you think it’ll lead you into some fantasy relationship with her.

I respect her intimacy “rules” so I don’t even push on that front. Frankly, I’ve gotten laid enough. lol

Exactly the rationale I’ve come to expect from AFCs reasoning why they aren’t getting laid. Genuine desire is non-negotiable. It happens or it doesn’t. Desire is a spontaneous, chemical arousal between people, not a pre-written contract. By placing preconditions on what will or will not qualify for a woman’s intimacy, she essentially rules out any chance for genuine, organic desire. You’ve basically by-passed the arousal stages and moved directly into comfortable familiarity – you’re already living out the role of being a good homemaker for her in your head. Comfort, rapport, familiarity, are all anti-seductive. Sexual tension is uncomfortable; it’s supposed to be in order to prompt desire.

A “friends first” policy is a shit test. This is basically a woman wondering if you understand women well enough to know that what she really wants is the contrary of what she’s saying, and if you’re Alpha enough to act upon that understanding with confidence anyway. You’re not which is why you’re explaining it away. Any 25 y.o. guy saying he’s gotten laid enough is selling himself something.

Well, oneitis is an issue, however i’m also seeing other women. It’s just that this one is a Ferrari and the others are Cadillacs! hehe obviously i’m going to try a bit harder.

So, the brainy, home-owning, HB6 virgin with intimacy issues is a Ferrari to you? Call me crazy, but I DON’T think you’ve gotten laid nearly enough.

Ultimatum

A comment on the Iron Rule of Tomassi #4

Rollo mentioned that once a woman gets into a cohabitating situation, that her sexual availability markedly decreases. It seems to me that so long as the man is able to give and act out the ultimatum that “either I get a sexually satisfying relationship or I’m out (or you’re out, if it’s my place)”, then there should be no problem.

Sure, there are financial and legal entanglements, but this would be akin to dead money on any investment – sure it hurts, but that’s the risk one takes. And in the case of a lease, the man could always take the attitude that he wants out, and is only living in the apartment because he is on the lease (he could always go back to his available bachelor days.)

Interesting you used the word “ultimatum” here. It’s important that you understand what an ultimatum implies. Whenever a person delivers an ultimatum, always understand that this is a declaration of powerlessness. In other words, “I am so out of control in this circumstance you must do this or I will remove either myself or you from the circumstance.”

First off, in this particular instance it’s far more likely that you’ll be the one leaving considering the preference modern legalities give women today with regard to evicting them from such a situation. Secondly, it only confirms for her what she wants to know, that she is your one and ONLY source of sexual intimacy and by you cohabiting with her, emotionally, financially and logistically it makes it almost impossible for you to really make good on your ultimatum. You only consolidate her sexual monopoly by living with her.

I’ve already gone into all the practical reasons as to why a guy should never move in with a woman in Iron Rule #4, but I think it may be better to ask yourself why you do want to move in with her. What are you benefitting from in this situation that you aren’t by remaining independent of each other? For most guys the fantasy is more accessible sex, but if you’re living as you suggest here already, how is living together any different? And even if this were the case, that you had more sex with her by living together, you are still assuming a greater degree of responsibility, accountability and liability in your relationship and in your day to day life in exchange for that sexual accessibility. How is that an advantage? How is that not like marriage anyway?

As I’ve stated in the prior posts, when you commit to ANYTHING – women, career, education, family, etc. – you necessarily lose options and your ability to maneuver in taking advantage of them.

Ultimatums

Ultimatums are declarations of powerlessness because you are resorting to a direct threat to get someone to do what you want them to, and in doing so you OVERTLY confess your weak position. If you were in a genuine position of control it wouldn’t be necessary to resort to an ultimatum; you’d simply use that control. There are many ways to effect a change in another person, but ultimatums will never prompt a genuine change. If they change behavior it’s prompted by the threat, not unprompted, organic desire.

One of the primary tenets of my Game philosophy is that true desire cannot be negotiated. A natural, unsolicited desire state, unmitigated by obligation or concerns for resources exchange, is the ideal basis for any intergender relationship. Any factors that introduce elements that hinder this genuine desire – exchange, negotiations, obligations, reciprocity, etc. – weaken this desire and weaken the relationship. Delivering an ultimatum is the most direct, overt way to introduce exactly these elements into a relationship.

Now you might say that an ultimatum is implied in how you stated this it to her, or the context it was in. If this was your intent, you are still in a position of powerlessness since you are still trying to get this person to do what you want. It’s not what you can do to her (i.e. withdrawing your attentions) that’s the power issue, but the actual desired result, getting her to genuinely have a desire to do what she has no desire to do.

I should also add that ultimatums are, ultimately, self-defeating. You can keep your dog from running off by chaining him in the yard, but that dog still wants to run off. You cannot effect a genuine change of desire with an ultimatum as your relationship will be founded on that threat. And this is the real power issue; that you’d want a person to conform to your desire so badly that you’d use a threat to effect it in spite of the foreknowledge that it can never be a genuine conformation because they didn’t orginate it and did so only under duress.

So from your standpoint, yes you do have the power to affect your own actions (like walking away), but you are powerless to force her to do what you want (prompt a genuine desire in her), thus you resort to an ultimatum and only illustrate this OVERTLY.

Boundaries

It’s very important to make the distinction between setting boundaries and delivering ultimatums. Men with a head for absolutisms seem to think that avoiding ultimatums is the same as spinelessly avoiding laying down the law and setting the frame for a relationship (or even a particular plate they’re spinning). Establishing boundaries and assuming frame requires exemplification and demonstration. As with the 9th Law of Power: Win Through Your Actions, Never through Argument – demonstrate, do not explicate. There is no more overt an explication than your delivering an ultimatum. Ultimatums only lead to behavioral shifts based on the fear of repercussions, never a genuine desire for that behavior.

However, a continuous demonstration of what you necessitate in a relationship is vital to its health and your continued primacy of frame. Telling a woman what’s what or else often smacks of insecurity and childishness, but a firm discussion-less enacting of what is important to you and necessary for any future relationship viscerally teaches her what is expected by experiencing the very repercussions you ultimatum would only advertise to her.