Have A Look

One of the hardest things to drive home for a freshly unplugged guy is their tendency towards absolutism. You can’t really blame a guy who’s been desperate for intimacy for so long to want to follow some prescribed program that will only solve his most immediate problem. “OK, what do I haffta do to get girls? Wear this? Say this? Act like so?,..” It’s exactly this type of literalistic, binary bent that makes most Plugins skeptical of the proponents of Game, and thus the veracity of Game itself.

Understanding the difference between Peacocking and having a style is one of these major entanglements. “Wear a funny top hat? Black nail polish? Get the fuck outta here!,..” Most guys new to Game tend to conflate the more extreme aspects of Peacocking with having a style or as Adam Carolla puts it here, having A look. This is a very awkward progression for ‘regular’ guys to make because for so long they’ve been told to Just Be Themselves. They find comfort in saying things like “I don’t want to be with a girl who doesn’t like me for who I am” yet wonder why they’re dateless virgins who’ve never kissed a girl at 29.

A Look

It’s important to have A Look. The basis of physical attraction is going to be conditional for any individual girl, but always bear in mind that A look is contextual. The archetypal “douchebag” with tats and an MMA appeal is a Look. Guyliner, black nail polish and Emo skinny jeans is a Look. The guy in a 3 piece Armani has a Look, and there are dozens more, but the point is that women are in fact like casting agents looking for the right character to fill a role.

But, does “A” look really imply “any” look? Some of these men look so bizarre that it’s hard to imagine them conforming to an interesting character sought by a particular group of women. Can freakishness itself be a strong pivot in attracting women?

“Freakishness” to some is mundane to others. Everyone is playing a role by order of degrees on any given day and in any given circumstance. Where I work I’m free to wear jeans and a t-shirt if I so desire, but I opt to dress much sharper than that, why? Because it commands a certain respect, even if it’s not necessarily legitimate. When I’m at a club, say, doing a new product launch, my persona and dress changes to match the environment.

A guy like Mystery doesn’t go around wearing elevator boots and top hats to the 7-11 to buy a big gulp. I doubt he even wears that getup to clubs any longer;  those shots were taken in his experimental phase. He still peacocks for sure, but it takes far less now because guys like him have distilled the principle down to what draws attention in various situations.

Club hopping in full Gene Simmons stage attire isn’t impressing anyone, but that’s what a lot of guys without a Look like to poke fun at – the extremes. An extreme douchebag, an extreme Emo, an extreme Orange County Chopper style, etc. make for easy targets, but that’s not the point of having A look.

Peacocking

Peacocking is not a style, it is a functional PUA skill ( use of props actually). It takes a sense of style to know how to pull it off effectively, but peacocking as a skill is more about use-of-instance than it is about your overall look.

When PUA studies were in their infancy, the idea of peacocking was pretty much a no-brainer. It’s not too hard a concept to follow since most socially intelligent people will want to set themselves apart from the mating herd. Truth be told, everyone peacocks to some degree. Just selecting a tie or a pair of shoes for an occasion may seem innocuous enough, but subconsciously you make choices and develop preferences for certain items in certain situations because you think they improve your appearance, and thus your odds for drawing attention to yourself.

The intent behind peacocking is more about having a subtle difference, or a conversation piece that draws a woman into your frame. Oddly enough (or not) I’ve found that nice expensive shoes seem to be a natural pull for some girls. This isn’t surprising considering most women’s obsession with shoes. One thing that’s important to remember is women’s sensitivity to covert subcommunication, body language, appearance, non-verbal cues, etc. In the briefest glance they’ll size one another up and come to operative conclusions about a woman’s status in their girl-hierarchy. It follows that they use the same tools with the Men they find attractive.

Most newly Game-aware men who are comfortable enough to venture using Peacocking don’t realize that a little goes a long way. Your Game isn’t peacocking, it’s just the flashy lure to get the fish to strike. It’s up to you to play the fish once it’s hooked.

I should add here that it sometimes helps if you can combine an element of  Chick Crack to your flair item. Of all the strippers I’ve ‘dated’ every one subscribed to some form of non-mainstream spiritualism. This girl Angie I used to bang kept Tarot cards in her pink lady’s devotional Bible, another professed to be a psychic, etc. These types look for that connection in a guy. For instance I bought a very smal silver yin-yang ring that I’ve worn for almost 18 years now when I was in college. I don’t really have any eastern mystic beliefs, I just bought it from a street vendor at the time when I felt I needed a reminder to keep balance in my life. But damned if I haven’t had more women point it out and ask me about it, and have it be some karmic conversation starter since I got it. The thing is tiny, but that’s a cue that they gravitate towards.


43 responses to “Have A Look

  • Candide

    I’m an okay looking guy, but short and not classically handsome, but I’ve always drawn looks and even openers with my dress styles. It’s a very easy ice-breaker at the least. There’s a guy I know who’s a promoter of small SWPL artsy events around here, and he’s what I’d call “classically ugly” – i.e the kind you see at the theatre in plays – but he’s hands down the best dresser I’ve seen. Just enough flash and style to make him unforgettable the moment you see him. Always see him with a HB8 in tow. That man owns his A Look.

    Once you’ve mastered your A Look (I’m slightly reinterpreting your concept), I find that women will find you a lot more attractive if you add another B Look and throw it in occasionally. This is very effective with women you see at least somewhat regularly, because it adds an element of curiosity / mystery. Just when they thought they’ve figured you out for your A Look, you appear as B which is significantly different to A. Essentially it’s a quick peak into another aspect of your personality, which makes you a lot more interesting and leaves them wanting to know more of what else is behind the A Look. Essentially, I’m talking about having different personae (which we all have anyway but rarely present them well), so you don’t get typecasted.

    You mentioned that expensive shoes draw women’s attention. I’ve actually done a fair bit of social experiments (using myself and my friends) on what parts of your clothing attract their eyes. The two things most of them pay attention to first and foremost are the two extreme ends of your body – your feet and your head, and therefore it is your shoes and your hair (OR hat). They happen to be the two things women obsess over the most on themselves and other women, so I guess that partially explains why they notice them first on men too. I’m too lazy for hair styling so I go with hats (have a big collection), and they make better ice-breakers and props than hair or shoes. You need to learn how to wear them though. Whenever I go out, I’d get at least a few “I like your hat!” from women (and men too, but that’s a different value – you get respect from them) and a bit later, I’d be teaching them a thing or two about how to wear a hat in various styles and the different ways in which they communicate your personality. DHV, close physical contact, easy switch to chick crack talk (since we’re bringing up style and personality), even some light-hearted let her and her BFF fight game (since one will wear that hat better, naturally), all checked.

  • Flahute

    Undefeated Gucci loafers!

    I was complemented on my shoes recently – by a gay man. I must be doing something wrong.

    I think they key is to wear something that takes confidence to pull off. It’s the confidence to rock something that stands out, with the attitude that “this shit is cool and I don’t care what anyone thinks,” that is attractive.

  • TGP

    I agree with the concept of mixing it up too, sending signals of complication. For example, this morning I had a mediation in a work comp case, so I have on a crisp white shirt with nice tie, but over that I have my old camo hunting coat. Blitz the senses a little.

  • Good Luck Chuck

    As much as it offends the sensibilities of the dockers crowd, douchebag game is very much alive and well.

    Never in my life have I been blatantly approached by women in public outside of a bar or club environment. That all changed when I lost about 10 lbs and started sporting a mohawk. Happened twice in the span of about a month. Once at the liquor store and a second time in the spice isle at Target. And we aren’t talking about silly 22 yr old college girls….one was probably late 20′s and the other was in her 30′s. Obviously this isn’t limited to the superficial early 20′s crowd.

    Incidentally, I also managed to land the hottest piece of ass I have ever had during that time. Rollo can testify. I showed him a few of my own personal hotchickswithdouchebags pics.

  • Rollo Tomassi

    Yes, and it rustled my jimmies.

    Heheh,..

  • (R)Evoluzione

    Developing an individual style or look is a lot of fun. It’s an expression of one’s personality. I really enjoy digging up new things that are inexpensive yet add a lot of value, like that ring you mentioned.

    I agree, newbs often reject this aspect. Why? I don’t know. Some men see it as less than manly to work on appearances, which is a patently ridiculous position to take.

  • YaReally

    Good post. BradP’s big on the concept of Sexy Stereotyping:

    http://bradp.com/3-real-life-examples-sexy-stereotyping-action

    His fashion bible eBook thing is a good read if you’re new and totally clueless about fashion.

    But ya peacocking can be as simple as wearing a t-shirt and jeans to a high-end club where the other guys are in suits, or a dress shirt to a casual bar where everyone’s in t-shirts.

    Far as how important a nice pair of shoes or hat or watch goes, I look at it like if you’re boring that’s when she starts scanning you for reasons to like you. “zzzz this guy is cute but ehhhh…well at least he has nice shoes…I’ll give him a chance I guess…” I went thru a summer where my black dressy shoes were literally duct-taped together on the outside cause I couldn’t afford new ones. landed a super “good girl” year+ long girlfriend in those months, she specifically told her friends to check my shoes for her lol my game was super tight that night cause I had chatted up most of the room before I saw these girls.

    But they do give girls a reason to open you with a compliment/ioi (Mystery’s crazy shit gets you opened with a shit-test, of course technically passing a shit-test is a better opportunity to build attraction blah blah blah) so I’m not talking smack about getting a nice pair of shoes cause like Chuck explained you get approached, just saying don’t avoid approaching just cause you’re wearing your shitty runners that day.

    Anyway, it’s Friday. Wear whatever you want, long as you go out tonight. Try peacocking tonight if you haven’t before. Try dressing plain if you always have necklaces and attention-grabbing shirts etc. have fun!

  • Good Luck Chuck

    I have an ancient roman serpent pendant that was used 1500 years ago as some sort of a health fertility or virility charm. It is too small to attract attention. Too bad it’s not about twice the size because that would be an awesome conversation piece.

    You can pick up all kinds of ancient jewelry on ebay for under fifty bucks. Rings with pentagrams, phallic symbols, all kinds of crazy stuff that has mystical and sexual over/undertones. The cool thing is that you can probably double your money on it if you hold onto it for a few years.

  • DicTater

    In DicTater-centric world there is no-game. When the ladies hear DicTater is going to be in town they exercise for a year before, and when they get a chance to catch a glimpse of me they flirt saying “We want your Dic-Tater,” and I respond “Get away, get away.”

  • Hero

    The “experimental phase” link is broken. It’s missing a colon.

    It should be:
    http://kidstrangelove.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/mystery-and-style-pua-peacocking.jpg

  • Deep Dish

    I still remember the last time I went into a strip club, several years ago, wearing a black shirt with a big pentagram. Two strippers asked curiously about the shirt and when one asked if I was pagan, and I said no, she said “Ah, too bad, because we’d have so much in common.”

    Chick crack, so much cheaper than an 8 ball of cocaine, but just as effective.

  • Rollo Tomassi

    Rachel’s doesn’t count as a strip club. Tapped titties is unfair.

  • Tanner

    The benefits of having a look are two-fold. First it does what others have talked about – drawing positive attention towards you and away from competitors. You’re doing what a peacock does with its plumage. The second is equally important though – when you have a look and get that attention, you’re in a more confident frame of mind and are better able to turn that attention to your advantage. I’ve found I’m a lot more natural at accepting compliments unrelated to my style when I’m dressing well than when I’m not. It affects your perceptions of yourself.

  • LionSoul

    Good post.

    Every man has their own style. They just need to find out what works for them.

    Even though I can grow a head full a hair, I buzz cut mine because it just looks good to me. That’s what really matters. The better you feel about your looks, the more confidence you will project. Women have their own like and dislikes, so I just keep it clean and do me.

  • Captain Action

    What about if you’re in an LTR, how do you keep her interested in your look? How do you even get perspective on your look?

  • Good Luck Chuck

    Women today are caricatures of femininity and strippers are caricatures of women. It’s not surprising that a caricature of a caricature would be even more susceptible to chick crack and douchebag game.

  • Stingray

    Whatever your look is, go out with your girl for an evening and take it up a notch. Just as an example, if your look is nice suits, step it up to the three piece suit, go for the windsor knot, spit polish your shoes, etc. It just takes your look to the next level and keeps it exciting.

  • Hero

    Try one upping your girl.

    Look at the couples around you when you go out. Most women spend a lot of time on their look and their men look like crap.

    Next time you are headed out dress nicer and see what happens. Don’t rub it in her face. Just relax into the thought “I look good”.

    I bet you’ll like the results.

  • LionSoul

    Great points by Stingray and Hero.

    In my experiences in LTRs, the best thing you can do is be spontaneous. Period.

    Now, don’t be to erratic. But always spice things up(keeps you from being bored, too) by playing pranks(shot my girl with a watergun when she came home the other night), going on weekend getaways that you plan without her knowledge(stuff you would both like), going out to new places in town(my girlfriends usually like to dance, so new clubs), ect.

    Small things go a long way, too. Easier on the pocket if you have a budget.

    As for the look(to add on to my fellow blogger’s advice), it depends on your body, hair, and personality.

    Going to the gym and buffing up a little goes a long way(bring her, too).

    Different hair styles out of the blue(mine ranges from buzz, to preppy–always clean).

    Different facial hair styles.

    Shave your balls/trim(if you already don’t).

    The advice the others have on going out is top notch.

    As far as getting perspective, it really doesn’t matter. You need to like it and be confident in it. You should never change yourself just for the woman. That’s never a good thing. I change my styles based on my own boredom and what I think looks good.

    Now, I usually have a couple gay friends who help me on the fitting and measurements. Dress like a man, not some punk kid. Well, I say this because I’m a business man and have an image to upheld. Depends on your age, job, and social circle, I guess.

  • Candide

    Keep yourself in top shape (that means muscular and lean). Other than appreciating it, your girl will sense the competition anxiety from other girls checking you out.

    When you go out with her, dress sharp as if you’re single and out to pick up.

  • Jordan

    Leather jacket, hat (if the hair isn’t cooperating), jeans, good shirt, boots. Simple, but you’d be surprised how many people never do it or can’t pull it off.

  • Matt

    I agree that style can make a huge difference. Years ago I started wearing a sport coat instead of a sloopy sweashirt/hoodie/jacket whenever the weather would cool off. SInce I live in a city that is militantly casual, it really got me noticed. Then last fall I picked up a top hat (wool not silk) in New Orleans and I when I wear it I get amazing amounts of attention. It was a well spent $80.

    Americans have quit wearling hats (except for those ugly ballcaps). Go watch some old black & white movies and see how expressive they can be. Humphry Bogart, Jimmy Stewart, Gary Cooper, etc. all had their own style and look that really worked.

    Next time I’m in New Orleans I plan to go back to Meyer’s and pick up a couple more hats including at least on snap-brim hat.

  • Irminsul

    When I doubt, go for a douchebag look. it’s might be the easiest way to get laid IMO.

    On a related note: I have a mohawk and I usually dress in a casual suit with open buttons and no tie to it. Sure works better than some years ago when I was the typical shirt+jeans guy.

    But the best overall reception I’ve had from girls have been when I decide to go over the top, dress like an MMA wannabe gangster and just act like an idiot.

  • Obstinance Works

    I really don’t peacock as much as I used to as it’s more of a younger man’s move, but do in more subtle ways like Rollo as in dressing slightly up or down relative to the rest of the group. Anything to gain advantage.

  • Obstinance Works

    It’s always better to get a reaction. I thrive on shit tests. If a gril doesn’t shit test I either get bored or create the Situation. I even like to make enemies with men even the big shots. 48 Laws Of Power shit right there.

  • Obstinance Works

    And when you act like this you will get kicked out of venues if you push it. There is often an opportunity to hood a lead so watch for it. Last bar I went to like a year ago I got kicked out of and brought the two girls I was talking to with me.

  • Good Luck Chuck

    A few weeks ago I was out with a girl I am seeing and her friend. The friend is single and starts asking me if I have any friends I can introduce her to. I asked her what kind of guys she likes and both girls answer at the same time “Guys with TATTOOS!” (meaning the friend is into that, my girl isn’t).

    I have a feeling that this chick would be willing to overlook quite a few flaws in a guy if said guy was rocking a sleeve or two. I would also be willing to bet that any one night stands this chick might have had were with dudes who were heavily tatted. She works at a law firm, doesn’t have any tatts herself that I am aware of, and looks and dresses like a normal girl.

    Long hair is another douchebag peacocking gimmick that works like a charm. My business partner has had shoulder length hair for years and he’ll never cut it.

  • Dan

    For a minute that was like a clip of us smooth men from SoSuave.
    Have our own style(s) because we like it (or at least experiment with different styles in different venues), not just because girls may like it, but because that’s how we usually dress in that venue. Maybe some days be clean shaven and other days have some type of beard. If we have a niche interest and then just happen to dress that way there, then meet some women in that niche place.

  • Coy

    After taking the red pill recently, I have been making changes to my looks as well as personality.Regular friends think i look like a clown, while old friends(whom i meet once in a year etc.) are complimenting me.(on looks as well as confidence).I think my friends are becoming a hindrance to my growth.Any opinions?

  • walawala

    Another more subtle form of peacocking is wearing nice colognes.

    I get complimented all the time by chicks, especially when I’m dancing close.

    If they’re giving an IOI it usually goes like this:

    Her: “mmm, you smell good…”

    Me: Smiling….”I haven’t bathed in 2 days….”

    In one case, the chick followed that thread with:

    “It’s your animal magnetism….”

    We set up a time to hang out…

    I made out with her the next time we met up…

  • mikec74

    Regular friends think i look like a clown, while old friends(whom i meet once in a year etc.) are complimenting me.(on looks as well as confidence).I think my friends are becoming a hindrance to my growth.Any opinions?

    You might have to ditch them. Here’s the problem…they are sort of invested in the “old you”. They perceive your attempts to change and improve as “not being yourself” or trying to be “fake”. They could become like a lead weight strapped on you as you attempt to run faster. Sometime reinventing yourself means having to leave things and *some* people in the past. If they are AFC chumps themselves, they may also have some bitterness/resentment to success you have.

  • Stingray

    What is AFC?

  • deti

    average frustrated chump

  • mikec74

    Stingray, it is a PUA/Game acronym that stands for Average Frustrated Chump. It’s basically the everyday average Joe guy who has limited sporadic success in women, and whose mindset thinks in terms of “getting lucky” because he really doesn’t understand female attraction at all.

    It is problematic for a guy takes the red pill and becomes Game aware to socialize a lot with blue pill AFC types. They simply become a roadblock to progress.

  • Stingray

    MikeC, Deti,

    Thank you.

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