Indignation

In the absence of indignation, women will actively manufacture it for themselves.

Over the weekend, The Chateau had an interesting quick-hit post extolling the Game virtues of a man losing his cool. This is an interesting concept from a behavioral psychology perspective in that it unexpectedly rattles comfortable, predictable, behavioral patterns women come to expect from their men. When controlled and used tactically it can reinvigorate a woman’s failing interest level, but I should add the caveat that for it to be effective you already need to have established a relationship to the point that doing something unexpected conflicts with a set expectation of behavior from you. If a woman doesn’t know your character “losing your cool” will only make you seem erratic and unstable.

Lets dig a little deeper here – what makes this break in routine so appealing to women’s psyches? You can of course argue that it’s outburst of feral Alpha that sparka ‘gina tingle, and that’s definitely a visceral effect, but what drives that glandular response is the prompt of indignation. Women live in a quandary when it comes to security. On an evolutionary level, the security impulse is a primary directive. Long term provisioning, parental investment and the innate understanding of the rigors of hypergamy and it’s relation to breeding make ‘security seeking’ a woman’s primary impulse. This isn’t to discount the influence of other impulses – sex being the next in order – however, herein lies the problem; the very cues that fire a woman’s sexual triggers are the same that conflict with her security needs.

On the surface, women have a social responsibility to present the perception that their interests are those of the uniter. Everything should revolve around home and hearth and security above all, but their behaviors tell a much different story about their appetites. Women need indignation. Watch one episode of ‘Dance Moms‘ and you’ll get a much clearer picture of the value indignation holds for women. Whether the source is gossip, living vicariously through third parties or eating it up in popular media (Oprah, Tyra Banks, romance / fan fiction media), in the absence of indignation, women will actively manufacture it for themselves. A lot of men believe that this need for indignation is the calling card of a “high drama” woman when in fact it’s really psychological predisposition for women.

Women’s biology predisposes them toward security, but they chafe in a condition of total security. In contemporary terms this translates to living under the conditions of relative security whilst seeking out avenues to create that indignant spark. The wise Man will develop tactical, measured ways to make himself the focus of that need for indignation. The Chateau’s article actually illustrates the most common way Men stumble upon the usefulness of this dynamic. You get fed up and pissed off, either at some boundary she’s crossed or some 3rd party has, and your anger flares up. Your usually patient countenance is gone and you go caveman. The reason this is shocking is that most men will tolerate far more personal indiscretions from their romantic interests, or want to present the appearance of humility or patience with others while she’s around, in an effort to convince his LTR interest that he is a good security provider. And while this may appeal to her provisioning instincts it directly conflicts with her more feral instincts of physical attraction.

Most plugged-in men don’t like this reality. It’s far more comforting to think of women’s attraction as requiring less confrontation. Women who are grossly overt in this need for indignation are (rightly) labeled ‘Drama Queens’, but what they don’t consider is that ALL women have this innate need by order of degree. It can be a useful tool for a Man who can use it covertly and skillfully. Accepting a feminine need for indignation is the first step, the next is to center her focus for it on yourself – instead of Dance Moms and gossip. An occasional, well timed flare up is sometimes all it requires to grab her attention, but be damn sure you’re in the right about whatever issue you decide to explode upon. Send a perfectly good plate of food back at a restaurant. Find some issue that meets with your disapproval and “let it get to you”.

The Power of No

A perceived righteousness of purpose is often best when you “get upset”, however, it’s not always necessary. One very powerful assertion of frame control is simply the word “no”. For as often as men will blather off a complicit “yes” in order to keep the peace, women NEED to be told “no”. Get into the habit of saying no, even when it seems unreasonable. Get comfortable in saying no for the sake of establishing your authority. Most men don’t see the purpose or value in this to even consider experimenting with their respect and frame control. They just want to keep their heads down, not rock the pussy boat and get along. That’s the recipe for a beta-herb divorce.

Here’s an example: there was once a point in my life when Mrs. Tomassi asked me if we could buy a new bed for our daughter; I told her no. I had the money, it was really no issue, I just didn’t want to build a new bed at the time and get rid of the old one. Besides, her bed was more than fine for the time and Mrs. Tomassi really wanted it because of the style. She got indignant; “I don’t see why we can’t, it’s a good price,…blah blah blah,..” and against my first impulse toward contrition I again said “No. We’re not getting the damn bed.” At that point the dynamic of the conversation shifted. It wasn’t about a bed, it was about frame. Of course lesser men will laugh and think, “yeah, she turned off the pussy after that to I bet, heh, heh,..” and for about a week they’d be right, but learn this now:

No amount of negotiated pussy will ever be worth losing frame for.

It’s always better to fuck a woman who accepts you as her authority than some half-assed lay with a woman who’s only fucking you out of a sense of obligation. Learning to use indignation is a fantastic primer for frame control.


39 responses to “Indignation

  • AlphaBeta

    Back in my clueless beta days I had a number of highly sought after girls tell me – literally – that they didn’t find me attractive because I never said “no” and/or because I never got angry.

  • xsplat

    Anger is a tricky emotion. Like alcohol, it’s a disinhibitor, and it can lead to poor choices.

    But a man can become experienced with alcohol and anger, and learn to function to a high degree while under the influence.

    Anger does not automatically mean a loss of control. Expressing anger is not equal to “losing it”. You can express extreme anger on purpose, with accuracy and force.

  • 108spirits

    My dad taught me something very similar recently, and the example he used also involves a bed – my parents’ bed. Without knowing any of these concepts we use on the blogs, he intuitively understands frame and has kept it well in the 33 years he’s been with my mum. He gives her the regular dose of indignation but never gives up his authority. When he expresses his anger, it is very scary to be on the receiving end, and sometimes it appears that he’s just about to lose it, but somehow stays just on the line. My mum usually bosses everyone else, but always submits to him. Theirs is one of the happiest marriages I’ve observed.

    I pick up so many little gestures from him that I haven’t been aware of until now, like the art of pausing before answering, slightly shaking my head while looking amused (one of the best non-verbal negs, I’ve found) or saying no habitually when dealing with women.

  • houseofjacques

    I do not doubt the value of indignation when in a LTR; I’ve seen it work its magic. However, when dealing with women in general, showing any sort of indignation at their behavior is usually very badly seen. I’ve this happen twice. Once, some girls (acquaintances) were talking about how marriage ceremonies are all about them, their pictures, their glamour, and that men were largely useless in it, relegated to looking forlorn in a corner. I found this to be outrageous, and I took a stand. “Excuse me, girls! Are you for real? Without us there’d be no marriage!” It didn’t take long before one girl turned around and said, VERY angrily I might add, “DON’T TAKE EVERYTHING SO SERIOUSLY! BESIDES, YOUR ONLY USE IN A MARRIAGE IS SAYING YES TO US, SO THERE!” I gave her back a weak “Yeah, whatever” smirk. I was taken aback. She shamed me and she reacted swiftly and violently at my challenging of their girl-world point of view. I wasn’t expecting this, and it got under my skin. Later on that night, I was still pissed off (not very Alpha, I know)

    Later on, I was discussing with a friend (girl) about something an ex-girlfriend did, who happens to be a friend of my friend. I said I didn’t agree with my ex’s actions, at which point my girl-friend got seriously outraged! Objectively speaking, maybe I wasn’t right to criticize, but her reaction took me aback, once again. She started criticizing me for not agreeing with her on seeing my ex’s actions as good. I told her she was free to think whatever she wanted, but that I stood by my initial assesment. At this point she cranked up the manipulation and flat out told me “I seriously hope you won’t go tell her any of this, she’s a good friend of me, and you don’t have the right to criticize her” This got under my skin. Who does she think she is!? Indignation got the best of me. I said I’d tell her whatever I felt like telling her, even if made her (my friend, not my ex) mad. At this point, it was a whole different game. She started shaming me. She called me immature, a little capricious kid, she went on about how “she couldn’t fucking believe me” and then she left.

    I stayed. I thought this over. Your blog and the manosphere have opened my eyes, and I can see the Matrix code now. I can see the social conventions. I can see the manipulations. I can see girls trying to frame me into their girl-world through shaming and convoluted arguments and leaving unexpectedly. I couldn’t fucking believe it. I also realized that I’ve been too overt when dealing with girls recently. I’ve sort of become a prick, because I finally see them for who they are, and it angers me. I’m angry; I guess it’s normal after unplugging. But this makes me think of my dad, for whom righteous anger was as natural as breathing when he was young, and who lost it later on because women ran him down with their power play. If I let girls let under my skin, they’ll have me in no time at all, just like they had my dad (in his defense, there was no one to explain him how women worked, so eventually just gave up)

    So, there. My point of view is that righteous indignation is effective in a relationship you’ve already framed, but in society at large you have to be more astute. I know I’m not covering any new ground by saying this.

  • itsme

    having a rational and logical debate with a woman is a waste of time. they’re not men – their brains don’t work the way ours do.

    women take marriage ceremonies (not the actual marriage, mind you, just the ceremony part) fanatically seriously – it’s what they’ve been waiting for their whole lives. so any disruption of their fantasy results in a severe backlash.

    when dealing with any woman, remember the attitude to adopt: amused mastery.

    i simply think of women as toys that are there for my amusement. always have a bunch of them around to play with – different types depending on my mood. when i get bored of one, i play with another. when one breaks, replace it.

  • xsplat

    Great comment.

    I was a slow learner who kept trying to make progress by banging my head against the wall, but eventually also came to realize that women are not to reason with. That their stubborn unreasonableness was not an effective strategy against my manipulating them to my will took effort to learn. Women are toys and if you want you can play with them like erector sets and create something useful out of them.

  • itsme

    i remember back in elementary school (the 70’s), the boys hung out with boys and the girls hung out with girls. we’d talk about important stuff like baseball cards and cars, and couldn’t care less about the girls. the only time we ever interacted with them was during recess when we’d play this game called ‘juicy butt’, where a boy would sneak up on an unsuspecting girl, pinch or slap her ass while saying ‘juicy butt!’, and run away. the girl would give chase and give up in frustration and anger because the boys were faster. strangely, the girls always chased even when they knew they couldn’t catch us, and they never reported us to the teachers. almost as if they enjoyed being the source of our entertainment.

    as the years passed, a few of us boys never grew out of this mindset, never got brainwashed. i was not one of those few. guess who monopolized all the pussy in high school?

    those girls never grew up. no girls ever grow up; they’re all still 12-year olds on the inside.

    all their protests to the contrary notwithstanding, women don’t really want to be taken seriously, and they’re primally attracted to men who don’t take them seriously.

    hard lessons indeed.

  • The Ace of Spades [A♠]

    This is, quite possibly, the best article I’ve ever read in its genre.

    Thank you, Rollo.

  • rmaxd

    If you’re not constantly confronting a woman for all the stupid shit she does, you’re not in a relationship

    If you’re not calling out all her bat shit idea’s & idiotic feminist views, you’re not in a relationship

    You’re mollycoddling some woman with batshit idea’s & the stupid shit she does

    Learning to put a woman in her place, is not just a skill, but a life saving skill for dealing with batshit women everywhere

  • The Rush «

    [...] that women come to crave. I’ve read the chemical profile is very similar to that of heroin. Indignation triggers it for women in the same way sex and death trigger it for [...]

  • Ceniek

    Mr R-Male.
    My respect about this and other your articles.
    They are long but I mostly read them all, sometimes in parts, and I collect them as well, sometimes cite, too, during my own discussions.
    I will have occasion to test power of NO in my personal life soon and I know it will work better than anything else I tried.

    Bow.

  • Rollo Tomassi

    Glad you’re getting something out of it.

    Thanks.

  • No Preference «

    [...] I’ve noted in many a prior thread, Indignation is a basic requirement for the feminine psyche (and extended to the male feminine [...]

  • Dread Games «

    [...] a woman’s attention is straying into comfortable, routine familiarity and she begins seeking indignation from other [...]

  • Detox «

    [...] compare to the original high of infatuation, love, etc.. Creating situations where jealousy, indignation and suspicion are present is an attempt to trigger that rush the original triggers did, only this [...]

  • Double Standards «

    [...] of a Double Standard and women will gleefully presume the term refers to them. Women’s feminine indignation need requires little prompting to [...]

  • Flashes of Alpha «

    [...] flashes of Alpha are cyclic. Women thrive on indignation to be sure, but it’s the uncertainty in their hypergamic doubt that makes it exciting and the [...]

  • Pushing Forwards Back «

    [...] they are as to why ‘Bella’ would cheat on ‘Edward’. As I wrote in Indignation, from a very early age girls / women have a psychological need for something beyond the mundane [...]

  • Blueprint for an Alpha Widow «

    [...] hypothetically) another woman’s behaviors reflecting badly upon the feminine as a whole. In Indignation I touched upon the need for women to create the rise that comes from indignation for themselves, or [...]

  • Girl’s Night Out «

    [...] girls just want to live vicariously through their single girlfriends?” I’ve written volumes about [...]

  • Matt Hudson (@matt_s_h)

    Great article. The italised sentence and the last paragaph are very powerful and probably illustrate the differences between an alpha and a beta man’s relationship.

  • Time’s Up «

    [...] indignation at this blog or the community on whole is due in large part to this social framework. You see the [...]

  • Too Hot «

    [...] the indignation prompting social fallout, there’s an interesting illustration in Game theory here. Melissa [...]

  • The Feminine Imperative – Circa 1300 «

    [...] the doldrums of a well provided-for existence, women will actively create the elusive indignation they need to feel [...]

  • Nice Like Me «

    [...] dystopia between guys they’d never want to fuck otherwise because it primes their need for indignation while simultaneously satisfying a woman’s need for attention and affirmation of her own [...]

  • Generation Alpha Widow |

    [...] wallows in the frustration of men’s imperfect suitability for their needs. Not only is the indignation aspect of Girls supremely satisfying for women, but the emotional associations women make with [...]

  • It’s Their Game |

    [...] contracted to the Huff-Po so the context begins in terms of what entertains women’s need for indignation. No indignation, no audience. George is hamstrung from the outset: we have the ubiquitous 50+, [...]

  • red

    That penultimate paragraph is gold. Honestly, thank you!!
    It really struck a chord. It got me thinking about someone that I was seeing recently that ended it fairly suddenly.( Problem is nobody ever gets report sheets when things end so that we may be better in our future encounters.) It hurt a little but if I’m honest it was more my ego than anything else.
    My primary issue has never been attracting women. It that projection thing where after a short time of things going really well I start seeing things that aren’t there. I see how things could/ should be in FUTURE.
    WTF?!
    The future??
    Life is here and now. I possibly do the pedestal thing to varying degrees because I like an easy life and as long as the other person isn’t a fucking retard I like drifting with them. Looking back a few STFUs wouldn’t have gone a miss.

    I’m going to try that old adage of treat the whores like princesses and the princesses like whores*.

    *I don’t tend to knock about with whores. So more friction please.

  • The Script |

    […] this story, the build-up to men realizing this is what stokes the feminine indignation that sustains women’s interest, but the real satisfaction is summed up at the end when he […]

  • Monarch Programming

    “It’s always better to fuck a woman who accepts you as her authority than some half-assed lay with a woman who’s only fucking you out of a sense of obligation. ”

    There’s the catch: if you’re her “authority”, then she’s f*cking you out of obligation.

  • The Male Experience |

    […] it often comes with a lot shock and indignation (which women instinctively crave) when women are forced, sometimes rudely, to acknowledge that men’s experience doesn’t […]

  • gcm

    “I just didn’t want to build a new bed at the time and get rid of the old one.”

    And men will create a controversy to assert themselves for no other reason than to be dick. Listen, a rank amateur would make this stand.

    The true professional would simply state, “Yes, dear, you MAY buy [x], but we ARE going to buy [y] in the future when I want to.” (“y” being something of value to the male but something of a sore spot to a female). In this way, you ALLOW her to purchase something she wants (because you let her) while getting something YOU want. More than likely, she will resort to a mild protest, but then the guy puts his foot down, noting the past agreement. A win-win all the way around.

  • Anonymous

    […] It ties in very nicely with one of the most superb articles written by Rolo Tomassi; Indignation | And so the article makes sense, here's the definition for 'indignation'; anger or scorn […]

  • Why I like Return of Kings

    […] it. This article by Rollo Tomassi perfectly illustrates why women get so pissed about this stuff; Indignation | Grab your popcorn […]

  • A Reason Not to have kids! And Another question!

    […] = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Indignation | You're stating something that women are only supposed to know. They get pissed when a mere man […]

  • Case Study – Low Expectations |

    […] to say I wasn’t disappointed, but as an added bonus we got an indignant insight into what a feminine-primary culture expects men not to expect in marriage (spoiler alert, […]

  • New Yorker

    This is an invaluable article. Frame control is by far the most important lesson in intersexual relationships. My view is that the husband in the article had zero frame, hence the wife’s lack of desire. He then tried to negotiate her desire through his spreadsheet, which is unlikely to help. The woman does not want to negotiate sex….she wants to willingly follow a stronger man who implicitly pushes her buttons.

    The only way to keep a strong frame is to have your own vision for your life and the woman is simply a piece that fits into it. That is the only way that an LTR can work. She needs to bring enough to the table whereby you want her on your team, but it can only be on terms where your vision will always drive the relationship. Anything else will send her on a search for security in a different place…..and yes, then forget about sex.

  • Tom

    Here is one of the most profound relationship management aphorisms of all time. Posted on alt.seduction.fast back when it was a working newsgroup by Franco, an Italian doctor living in Finland and one of the all-time PUA greats.

    “Give your woman regular doses of drama- otherwise she’ll create some for you”

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