Indignation

In the absence of indignation, women will actively manufacture it for themselves.

Over the weekend, The Chateau had an interesting quick-hit post extolling the Game virtues of a man losing his cool. This is an interesting concept from a behavioral psychology perspective in that it unexpectedly rattles comfortable, predictable, behavioral patterns women come to expect from their men. When controlled and used tactically it can reinvigorate a woman’s failing interest level, but I should add the caveat that for it to be effective you already need to have established a relationship to the point that doing something unexpected conflicts with a set expectation of behavior from you. If a woman doesn’t know your character “losing your cool” will only make you seem erratic and unstable.

Lets dig a little deeper here – what makes this break in routine so appealing to women’s psyches? You can of course argue that it’s outburst of feral Alpha that sparka ‘gina tingle, and that’s definitely a visceral effect, but what drives that glandular response is the prompt of indignation. Women live in a quandary when it comes to security. On an evolutionary level, the security impulse is a primary directive. Long term provisioning, parental investment and the innate understanding of the rigors of hypergamy and it’s relation to breeding make ‘security seeking’ a woman’s primary impulse. This isn’t to discount the influence of other impulses – sex being the next in order – however, herein lies the problem; the very cues that fire a woman’s sexual triggers are the same that conflict with her security needs.

On the surface, women have a social responsibility to present the perception that their interests are those of the uniter. Everything should revolve around home and hearth and security above all, but their behaviors tell a much different story about their appetites. Women need indignation. Watch one episode of ‘Dance Moms‘ and you’ll get a much clearer picture of the value indignation holds for women. Whether the source is gossip, living vicariously through third parties or eating it up in popular media (Oprah, Tyra Banks, romance / fan fiction media), in the absence of indignation, women will actively manufacture it for themselves. A lot of men believe that this need for indignation is the calling card of a “high drama” woman when in fact it’s really psychological predisposition for women.

Women’s biology predisposes them toward security, but they chafe in a condition of total security. In contemporary terms this translates to living under the conditions of relative security whilst seeking out avenues to create that indignant spark. The wise Man will develop tactical, measured ways to make himself the focus of that need for indignation. The Chateau’s article actually illustrates the most common way Men stumble upon the usefulness of this dynamic. You get fed up and pissed off, either at some boundary she’s crossed or some 3rd party has, and your anger flares up. Your usually patient countenance is gone and you go caveman. The reason this is shocking is that most men will tolerate far more personal indiscretions from their romantic interests, or want to present the appearance of humility or patience with others while she’s around, in an effort to convince his LTR interest that he is a good security provider. And while this may appeal to her provisioning instincts it directly conflicts with her more feral instincts of physical attraction.

Most plugged-in men don’t like this reality. It’s far more comforting to think of women’s attraction as requiring less confrontation. Women who are grossly overt in this need for indignation are (rightly) labeled ‘Drama Queens’, but what they don’t consider is that ALL women have this innate need by order of degree. It can be a useful tool for a Man who can use it covertly and skillfully. Accepting a feminine need for indignation is the first step, the next is to center her focus for it on yourself – instead of Dance Moms and gossip. An occasional, well timed flare up is sometimes all it requires to grab her attention, but be damn sure you’re in the right about whatever issue you decide to explode upon. Send a perfectly good plate of food back at a restaurant. Find some issue that meets with your disapproval and “let it get to you”.

The Power of No

A perceived righteousness of purpose is often best when you “get upset”, however, it’s not always necessary. One very powerful assertion of frame control is simply the word “no”. For as often as men will blather off a complicit “yes” in order to keep the peace, women NEED to be told “no”. Get into the habit of saying no, even when it seems unreasonable. Get comfortable in saying no for the sake of establishing your authority. Most men don’t see the purpose or value in this to even consider experimenting with their respect and frame control. They just want to keep their heads down, not rock the pussy boat and get along. That’s the recipe for a beta-herb divorce.

Here’s an example: there was once a point in my life when Mrs. Tomassi asked me if we could buy a new bed for our daughter; I told her no. I had the money, it was really no issue, I just didn’t want to build a new bed at the time and get rid of the old one. Besides, her bed was more than fine for the time and Mrs. Tomassi really wanted it because of the style. She got indignant; “I don’t see why we can’t, it’s a good price,…blah blah blah,..” and against my first impulse toward contrition I again said “No. We’re not getting the damn bed.” At that point the dynamic of the conversation shifted. It wasn’t about a bed, it was about frame. Of course lesser men will laugh and think, “yeah, she turned off the pussy after that to I bet, heh, heh,..” and for about a week they’d be right, but learn this now:

No amount of negotiated pussy will ever be worth losing frame for.

It’s always better to fuck a woman who accepts you as her authority than some half-assed lay with a woman who’s only fucking you out of a sense of obligation. Learning to use indignation is a fantastic primer for frame control.

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Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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AlphaBeta
AlphaBeta
9 years ago

Back in my clueless beta days I had a number of highly sought after girls tell me – literally – that they didn’t find me attractive because I never said “no” and/or because I never got angry.

xsplat
9 years ago

Anger is a tricky emotion. Like alcohol, it’s a disinhibitor, and it can lead to poor choices.

But a man can become experienced with alcohol and anger, and learn to function to a high degree while under the influence.

Anger does not automatically mean a loss of control. Expressing anger is not equal to “losing it”. You can express extreme anger on purpose, with accuracy and force.

108spirits
108spirits
9 years ago

My dad taught me something very similar recently, and the example he used also involves a bed – my parents’ bed. Without knowing any of these concepts we use on the blogs, he intuitively understands frame and has kept it well in the 33 years he’s been with my mum. He gives her the regular dose of indignation but never gives up his authority. When he expresses his anger, it is very scary to be on the receiving end, and sometimes it appears that he’s just about to lose it, but somehow stays just on the line. My mum usually… Read more »

houseofjacques
9 years ago

I do not doubt the value of indignation when in a LTR; I’ve seen it work its magic. However, when dealing with women in general, showing any sort of indignation at their behavior is usually very badly seen. I’ve this happen twice. Once, some girls (acquaintances) were talking about how marriage ceremonies are all about them, their pictures, their glamour, and that men were largely useless in it, relegated to looking forlorn in a corner. I found this to be outrageous, and I took a stand. “Excuse me, girls! Are you for real? Without us there’d be no marriage!” It… Read more »

itsme
itsme
9 years ago
Reply to  houseofjacques

having a rational and logical debate with a woman is a waste of time. they’re not men – their brains don’t work the way ours do. women take marriage ceremonies (not the actual marriage, mind you, just the ceremony part) fanatically seriously – it’s what they’ve been waiting for their whole lives. so any disruption of their fantasy results in a severe backlash. when dealing with any woman, remember the attitude to adopt: amused mastery. i simply think of women as toys that are there for my amusement. always have a bunch of them around to play with – different… Read more »

xsplat
9 years ago
Reply to  itsme

Great comment.

I was a slow learner who kept trying to make progress by banging my head against the wall, but eventually also came to realize that women are not to reason with. That their stubborn unreasonableness was not an effective strategy against my manipulating them to my will took effort to learn. Women are toys and if you want you can play with them like erector sets and create something useful out of them.

itsme
itsme
9 years ago
Reply to  xsplat

i remember back in elementary school (the 70’s), the boys hung out with boys and the girls hung out with girls. we’d talk about important stuff like baseball cards and cars, and couldn’t care less about the girls. the only time we ever interacted with them was during recess when we’d play this game called ‘juicy butt’, where a boy would sneak up on an unsuspecting girl, pinch or slap her ass while saying ‘juicy butt!’, and run away. the girl would give chase and give up in frustration and anger because the boys were faster. strangely, the girls always… Read more »

The Ace of Spades [A♠]
The Ace of Spades [A♠]
9 years ago

This is, quite possibly, the best article I’ve ever read in its genre.

Thank you, Rollo.

rmaxd
rmaxd
9 years ago

If you’re not constantly confronting a woman for all the stupid shit she does, you’re not in a relationship

If you’re not calling out all her bat shit idea’s & idiotic feminist views, you’re not in a relationship

You’re mollycoddling some woman with batshit idea’s & the stupid shit she does

Learning to put a woman in her place, is not just a skill, but a life saving skill for dealing with batshit women everywhere

trackback
9 years ago

[…] that women come to crave. I’ve read the chemical profile is very similar to that of heroin. Indignation triggers it for women in the same way sex and death trigger it for […]

Ceniek
Ceniek
9 years ago

Mr R-Male.
My respect about this and other your articles.
They are long but I mostly read them all, sometimes in parts, and I collect them as well, sometimes cite, too, during my own discussions.
I will have occasion to test power of NO in my personal life soon and I know it will work better than anything else I tried.

Bow.

Rollo Tomassi
9 years ago
Reply to  Ceniek

Glad you’re getting something out of it.

Thanks.

trackback
9 years ago

[…] I’ve noted in many a prior thread, Indignation is a basic requirement for the feminine psyche (and extended to the male feminine […]

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9 years ago

[…] a woman’s attention is straying into comfortable, routine familiarity and she begins seeking indignation from other […]

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9 years ago

[…] compare to the original high of infatuation, love, etc.. Creating situations where jealousy, indignation and suspicion are present is an attempt to trigger that rush the original triggers did, only this […]

trackback
9 years ago

[…] of a Double Standard and women will gleefully presume the term refers to them. Women’s feminine indignation need requires little prompting to […]

trackback
8 years ago

[…] flashes of Alpha are cyclic. Women thrive on indignation to be sure, but it’s the uncertainty in their hypergamic doubt that makes it exciting and the […]

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[…] they are as to why ‘Bella’ would cheat on ‘Edward’. As I wrote in Indignation, from a very early age girls / women have a psychological need for something beyond the mundane […]

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[…] hypothetically) another woman’s behaviors reflecting badly upon the feminine as a whole. In Indignation I touched upon the need for women to create the rise that comes from indignation for themselves, or […]

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8 years ago

[…] girls just want to live vicariously through their single girlfriends?” I’ve written volumes about […]

Matt Hudson (@matt_s_h)

Great article. The italised sentence and the last paragaph are very powerful and probably illustrate the differences between an alpha and a beta man’s relationship.

trackback
8 years ago

[…] indignation at this blog or the community on whole is due in large part to this social framework. You see the […]

trackback
8 years ago

[…] the indignation prompting social fallout, there’s an interesting illustration in Game theory here. Melissa […]

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[…] the doldrums of a well provided-for existence, women will actively create the elusive indignation they need to feel […]

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8 years ago

[…] dystopia between guys they’d never want to fuck otherwise because it primes their need for indignation while simultaneously satisfying a woman’s need for attention and affirmation of her own […]

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[…] wallows in the frustration of men’s imperfect suitability for their needs. Not only is the indignation aspect of Girls supremely satisfying for women, but the emotional associations women make with […]

trackback
8 years ago

[…] contracted to the Huff-Po so the context begins in terms of what entertains women’s need for indignation. No indignation, no audience. George is hamstrung from the outset: we have the ubiquitous 50+, […]

Matt Hudson (@matt_s_h)

Here’s an example of Indignation from American Beauty: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYA4a2l1loM

red
red
7 years ago

That penultimate paragraph is gold. Honestly, thank you!! It really struck a chord. It got me thinking about someone that I was seeing recently that ended it fairly suddenly.( Problem is nobody ever gets report sheets when things end so that we may be better in our future encounters.) It hurt a little but if I’m honest it was more my ego than anything else. My primary issue has never been attracting women. It that projection thing where after a short time of things going really well I start seeing things that aren’t there. I see how things could/ should… Read more »

trackback
7 years ago

[…] this story, the build-up to men realizing this is what stokes the feminine indignation that sustains women’s interest, but the real satisfaction is summed up at the end when he […]

Monarch Programming
Monarch Programming
7 years ago

“It’s always better to fuck a woman who accepts you as her authority than some half-assed lay with a woman who’s only fucking you out of a sense of obligation. ”

There’s the catch: if you’re her “authority”, then she’s f*cking you out of obligation.

trackback
7 years ago

[…] it often comes with a lot shock and indignation (which women instinctively crave) when women are forced, sometimes rudely, to acknowledge that men’s experience doesn’t […]

gcm
gcm
7 years ago

“I just didn’t want to build a new bed at the time and get rid of the old one.” And men will create a controversy to assert themselves for no other reason than to be dick. Listen, a rank amateur would make this stand. The true professional would simply state, “Yes, dear, you MAY buy [x], but we ARE going to buy [y] in the future when I want to.” (“y” being something of value to the male but something of a sore spot to a female). In this way, you ALLOW her to purchase something she wants (because you… Read more »

trackback
7 years ago

[…] It ties in very nicely with one of the most superb articles written by Rolo Tomassi; Indignation | And so the article makes sense, here's the definition for 'indignation'; anger or scorn […]

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[…] it. This article by Rollo Tomassi perfectly illustrates why women get so pissed about this stuff; Indignation | Grab your popcorn […]

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[…] = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Indignation | You're stating something that women are only supposed to know. They get pissed when a mere man […]

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[…] to say I wasn’t disappointed, but as an added bonus we got an indignant insight into what a feminine-primary culture expects men not to expect in marriage (spoiler alert, […]

New Yorker
New Yorker
6 years ago

This is an invaluable article. Frame control is by far the most important lesson in intersexual relationships. My view is that the husband in the article had zero frame, hence the wife’s lack of desire. He then tried to negotiate her desire through his spreadsheet, which is unlikely to help. The woman does not want to negotiate sex….she wants to willingly follow a stronger man who implicitly pushes her buttons. The only way to keep a strong frame is to have your own vision for your life and the woman is simply a piece that fits into it. That is… Read more »

Tom
Tom
6 years ago

Here is one of the most profound relationship management aphorisms of all time. Posted on alt.seduction.fast back when it was a working newsgroup by Franco, an Italian doctor living in Finland and one of the all-time PUA greats.

“Give your woman regular doses of drama- otherwise she’ll create some for you”

Nathan
Nathan
6 years ago

This is the summation of game:

“Accepting a feminine need for indignation is the first step, the next is to center her focus for it on yourself”

1 sentence. You are a genius Rollo

rugby11ljh
rugby11ljh
6 years ago

No

CP
CP
6 years ago

What is the evolutionary reason women love to feel indignation?

trackback

[…] in contemporary society women’s attention and indignation needs are as ubiquitously satisfied as men’s need for sexual release (i.e. internet porn) is […]

rugby11ljh
rugby11ljh
5 years ago

No.
Learning how it’s scared

trackback
5 years ago

[…] is no need for a concerted effort when women’s natural, fluid interest in attention and indignation will motivate them to co-opt the narrative of Red Pill […]

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[…] a larger society’s) ego-investments in blank-slate Equalism. The root of this prefabricated indignation rests in women’s existential doubt of optimizing Hypergamy. That doubt conflicts with the […]

Why do my eyes hurt?
Why do my eyes hurt?
5 years ago

The first thing I ever said to my ex-gf, who happened to also be a model/bartender was no. Needless to say, that set the frame from the very beginning. Thanks for explaining the theory behind why things happened the way they did.

trackback
5 years ago

[…] live in an age of outrage media. I’ve written in the past about how women need indignation as part of their innate solipsistic make up, so it follows that in an era where men are feminized […]

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[…] respect, the onus of sustained, faithful monogamy is always a responsibility placed upon men. The indignation that comes from even the suspicions of a man’s “straying”, a wandering eye, or […]

bluepillprofessor
4 years ago

Rollo, I wonder how much of “Dread Game”

(https://bluepillprofessor.wordpress.com/2015/05/22/hello-world/)

is really just “Indignation Game.” In other words, would women respond with the tingles over anything that makes them indignant? Or is Dread a subset of indignation that activates the tingles because of competition anxiety?

Women don’t seem to tingle up when you tell them “no” and they don’t seem to tingle up when you pull out full on asshole game (at least in a marriage). They certainly DO seem to tingle up when they are indignant about the threat of you cheating or leaving them.

trackback
4 years ago

[…] that women are always looking for an emotional rush whether positive or negative. I detail this in Indignation but in the absence of indignation, women will actively create it for themselves. Any PUA worth his […]

trackback
4 years ago

[…] light of how women’s psyches interpret instantaneous affirmation, as well as instantaneous indignation, attention and emotional consolation from both Beta orbiters and ‘you go girl’ […]

Omega Man
Omega Man
4 years ago

the word, “no” is EXTREMELY powerful with younger women nowadays. the sense of entitlement, attention whoring, looking down from pedestals, and social media sets the stage for the jolt that “NO” gives them.

i give them ‘cool’ dude drama to shock their system every now and then. thanks to my Dad for that very early lesson.

and they get very calm, slowly spoken (while looking them right in the eyes), “no… and i’m not discussing this any further,” line. all without yelling… all without pause… firm, steady, and with a “don’t try me” low tone to my voice.

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[…] any effort to really understand the praxeology. That doesn’t make for good tingles of indignation for women, but a good outrage broker knows their what their audience […]

stuffinbox
4 years ago

“Women’s biology predisposes them toward security, but they chafe in a condition of total security. In contemporary terms this translates to living under the conditions of relative security whilst seeking out avenues to create that indignant spark. The wise Man will develop tactical, measured ways to make himself the focus of that need for indignation. The Chateau’s article actually illustrates the most common way Men stumble upon the usefulness of this dynamic. You get fed up and pissed off, either at some boundary she’s crossed or some 3rd party has, and your anger flares up. Your usually patient countenance is… Read more »

trackback

[…] contemporary society women’s attention and indignation needs are as ubiquitously satisfied as men’s need for sexual release (i.e. internet porn) is . […]

eghost247
3 years ago

Reblogged this on eghost247.

Max
Max
3 years ago

Very good

Sri
Sri
2 years ago

So speaking of the bed, how did you get your wife to come around after that?

MightyTone
MightyTone
2 years ago

Letter to my friend about the RationalLoser. OK so you want a response right? I hope so. He’s real smart he’s real clever and he’ll never spend one moment as his authentic self with a woman because a woman to him is just a biological entity nothing spiritual but then there’s nothing spiritual about that man. I can summon his wisdom up like this. Women are so fucked up that you can’t be yourself and get what you want. That is a universe apart from women are fucked up, you can’t live with them you can’t live without them. That… Read more »

Daniel Hughes
Daniel Hughes
1 year ago

Any social convention which attempts to control you in anyway is unhealthy. Anger is normal. Its just where idiots use anger in a negative fashion. Denying any emotions will result in ill health. Saying no however can be very difficuly for those whose parents conditioned them to never be alloweed to say no. Couple that with romanticism, white knight beta tendencies and your fucked.

Spencer Morgan
Spencer Morgan
1 year ago

Great article. So when it comes to actually using the indignation strategically, it sounds like you’re talking about the man expressing HIS indignation. But you also said earlier that you want to be the target of her indignation. Seems like that slips very easily into disgust, however… especially if the relationship has a backdrop of years of beta behavior and you’re suddenly trying to recover frame (like myself). What would be an example of using her indignation in a strategic way?

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[…] social media has evolved to serve in most women’s lives now. There was a time when a woman’s indignation needs could be met by daytime television, talkshows and romance novels when living vicariously […]

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[…] social media has evolved to serve in most women’s lives now. There was a time when a woman’s indignation needs could be met by daytime television, talkshows and romance novels when living vicariously […]

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[…] social media has evolved to serve in most women’s lives now. There was a time when a woman’s indignation needs could be met by daytime television, talkshows and romance novels when living vicariously […]

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