Disassembling ONEitis

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Just a personal note here; at the end of November I accepted a very lucrative promo contract for a large entertainment/gaming corporation. It should last me a while and keep me busy in several states this coming year. As if that weren’t enough, I also accepted a principal creative offer to add an additional brand to my portfolio (craft beer/ale) as of last week. Needless to say this will keep me busy throughout 2017.

Unfortunately, I had to cut short my sabbatical I was using to work on the third installment of The Rational Male. Progress is still moving apace, but I’ve moved my publishing date out to March of next year to give me time to settle into my new projects. I wont be taking any time away from the blog, but one benefit of my new gig is that it’s put me in such a position that I’ve been able to begin making the rounds again on my old forums (SoSuave) as well as the Red Pill sub on Reddit and a few others.

It was on the TRP subredd that I came across this post from The_Bitter_TruthIt gels pretty well with what I’ve been developing over last week so I thought I’d riff on it for a bit.

Recently I met my perfect 10. I was mesmerized by her beauty – I actually froze up in front of her during the middle of our first conversation (not typical of me). I am currently, and was at the time when we met, spinning plates (including my ONEitis), but for some reason I idolized this girl. Somewhere inside of me decided I had to have this girl. I wanted her more than anything. I fooled myself into thinking she was different, and I put her on a pedestal.

The ‘special little snowflake’ concept is a very old Red Pill cliché, but sometimes it’s worth returning to why these came about. One thing Blue Pill conditioning does for boys who will later become men is that, by default, it puts the feminine as the highest priority men need to have for their lives. One reason I stress men becoming their own mental point of origin is because they are taught from a very early age to replace their own imperatives as their first thought with those of women; in other words to pedestalize the feminine. They are conditioned to seek feminine approval, and in so doing, the reward that this approval represents becomes the gender-correct context through which boys and Blue Pill men are taught to filter their social interactions through.

Because the feminine is the ‘correct’ context in which men are raised, the natural, deductive, response with regard to intimacy is to place girls and women on the proverbial pedestal. I mentioned this dynamic a couple of posts ago, but the pedestal Blue Pill men refer to is a personal part of a much larger social pedestal upon which men are taught to put women on socially. The larger whole of Blue Pill conditioned society will later blame this pedestalization on individual men – being told their insecurities are due to their own deficits, a lack of confidence or a belief in themselves – when in fact they were raised and conditioned by a feminine-primary social order to default to this pedestalization. This default deference to pedestalizing women may indeed be something men must overcome in the long term scope of their lives, but make no mistake, it starts from a feminine-centric, feminine-correct upbringing.

Even for guys employing Game and dating non-exclusively, there at some point comes a ‘special’ One girl that embodies a deeply held Blue Pill idealism about the ‘perfect girl’ for him. Usually this girl meets the criteria for what he considers his ‘Genetic Celebrity‘, but as men mature they tend to modify this ideal based on what their conditioning has taught them qualifies as a ‘Quality Woman‘.

This occurrence is always a test for men who are Red Pill aware. Men’s own innate idealism is focused on outward possibilities; the hope for what can be. The problem is that this male idealism has always been a useful thumbscrew in conditioning men to accept a necessary deference to women, and this comes at a price.

Two Sides of ONEitis

One of two things generally happen for the Blue Pill guy who gets his wish and achieves intimacy with his ONEitis girl. He either defaults to supplication with her, or his ONEitis idealization of her is dispelled, and she and womankind are brought back down to earth to mingle with the mere mortals. It’s important to really understand what ONEitis really is; an unhealthy attachment to  an idealization. A lot of guys make the mistake of believing that if they’re “really in love” with their ONEitis everything is OK, but the fact is that guys wrapped up in ONEitis are committed to the belief in their idealized Dream Girl.

On the third date with my ONEitis we made dinner at my place, we watched a movie together, and we fucked for the first time. For the first time in a long time I was actually anxious (maybe even excited?) about having sex, as I had been idolizing and fantasizing over this girl for some time. Even though I was anxious I didn’t spill my beans and kept my cool, and gave her a fuck she’ll be hard pressed to forget – but I realized something when I was balls deep inside her: The sex isn’t that great and neither is she. At this point she’s no different than any other girl I’ve put into my bed who’s spread her legs for me. After I dumped my load inside her my head started to clear a little and I could see that this girl I had been worshiping isn’t any better than me, and I’m not a better person for fucking her. It doesn’t make me a better friend, Man, or XYZ because I put my dick in some girl I was fantasizing over.

In addition I started to notice her imperfections, a birth mark, nervous ticks, less than perfect qualities. In my mind I had painted her out to be this perfect angel – but that couldn’t be further from the truth. She was so attractive to me because she seemed out of reach, but now that I’ve had a taste I know it’s nothing special.

This is a good example of having the ONEitis ideal disillusioned for a guy. When PUA gurus tell you to think of a hot girl like she’s just another girl that mental state comes from replicating this disillusionment. Roissy had an excellent maxim in The 16 Commandments of Poon about this:

X. Ignore her beauty

The man who trains his mind to subdue the reward centers of his brain when reflecting upon a beautiful female face will magically transform his interactions with women. His apprehension and self-consciousness will melt away, paving the path for more honest and self-possessed interactions with the objects of his desire.…

Roissy even goes on to suggest guys stop using terms like ‘hot’ or ‘cute’ when referring to women (as well as to avoid complimenting women on their looks if you’re not sleeping with her) in order to put your head out of the conditioning that led to your idealization of what will become a ONEitis woman. Again, the idea is to come to the disillusionment state Bitter Truth is outlining here before you make an approach and before you move into any possibility of becoming monogamous with a girl who’s representative of an idealization.

Another way I was misleading myself is that I was using my ONEitis for validation – “If I can fuck this 10 then obviously I’m the perfect chad that I’ve always wanted to become.” I was looking for acceptance through someone else’s eyes, but when I finally got it – it didn’t change who I was as a person. Having a beautiful, young girl on your dick or around your finger may win the admiration of needy guys and make other girls jealous – but it doesn’t make you a better person.

I’ve covered the idea of men using sex for validation before, so I wont belabor it now. However, I will add that it is part of Blue Pill conditioning’s goal that men internalize the idea that their sexual imperative is inherently bad and, by a feminine-primary context, incorrect. Part of making men believe this is inculcating the idea that men seek to build their egos and their status up by having sex in popular culture. Part of this comes from the goal-centered nature of men being the sexual performers for women’s acceptance – further reinforced in a fem-centric social order – but beyond this, the sex-for-affirmation narrative is meant to diminish the legitimacy of men’s sexual strategies in favor of women’s socially correct sexual strategy (Hypergamy).

I hear and read even well-meaning Red Pill men who still promote this idea while tossing out “atta girls” for women aping men’s sexual imperatives themselves. The giveaway here is in Bitter Truth’s referring to his not ‘feeling like a better person’ for having banged his Dream Girl. His anticipation was that he would ‘be a better person’ for having been approved for, and consolidating on, sex with his ONEitis. Again, this comes back to the disillusionment I mention above, but it’s also the result of his being conditioned to believe that ‘all men have sex to build their egos, their status, and feel good about themselves’.

Feminine-primary society seeks to diminish men’s sexual agency, and the primary way of doing this is to turn it into a pathology. We see this all the time with regards to how feminism and the Feminine Imperative obfuscate and redefine conventional masculinity to fit its convenience. But with regards to men’s sexual imperatives, their strategy must be made a sickness or an ego flaw when they pursue it.

I’ve read a few posts on TRP about ONEitis. They’re usually written about the girl we can’t have, or the girl that’s out of reach. So maybe this can give a bit of a different perspective on the topic. Sometimes when things seem just out of reach we want them more because we can’t have them. Sometimes if we never see what she’s like up close, we’ll never be able to see through our ONEitis tinted lenses we’re viewing her with. She is just another girl. She’s not perfect, I just refused to see her as she really is. The only thing special about her is her looks – and she really doesn’t bring anything into my life except another hole to fill. The morning after her phone was blown up with messages from beta orbiters telling her good morning and asking her how her night was (great thanks to me, and thanks for asking). These guys were idolizing her the same way I was by putting this girl on a pedestal and refusing to see her as an equal (or less). They’re wasting their time. They don’t really know this girl, they just want the fantasy figure they’ve painted inside their minds.

This is a good observation, but the thing is that this ‘celebrity’ Dream Girl isn’t something they’ve painted in their heads of their own volition. Women’s Beta Orbiters are a persistent fact over generations now because it’s what they’ve been bred and raised to be. To be sure, most willingly create their own idealizations, but the seed is already there for them to water.

There’s an interesting paradox about this disillusionment. On one hand there is a certain emotional satisfaction that comes from believing in that Dream Girl ideal. It’s what inspires men to achievement, self-improvement and many great creative endeavors. But the idealization can become a trap. It becomes a comfort to believe in that Blue Pill Disney-wishes-can-come-true fantasy, and that fantasy transforms into a sweet vindication when a Blue Pill guy finally gets his Dream Girl. At that point his investment in that ideal girl is just as important as his capacity to sustain that relationship in a Blue Pill context.

These are the guys who get gobsmacked when their Dream Girl leaves them once they’ve determined that he’s not the Alpha dominant guy he’s sold himself as. Now, not only is he dealing with losing “the best girl he’s ever gotten”, he’s also confronting the truth that his Blue Pill conditioning and the ideals it’s bred into him have been false and a source of his own self-deception. Losing that ONEitis girl is compounded by his losing faith in his Blue Pill world.

So if you have a ONEitis you’re fantasizing over right now, take a quick moment and consider that she’s just a normal girl with above average looks (or just really good at putting on makeup). She has flaws and imperfections – you just haven’t known her long enough for them to come out, or you’re refusing to see them. Literally the only reason I wanted this girl was because of something that was completely irrelevant to who she is as a person – good genetics. She has flaws and insecurities just like any other girl. She’s not perfect and makes dumb choices. She’s just looking for her Chad – just like every other girl. “We see the world (girl), not as it (she) is, but as we are.”

Edit: I would like to stress the importance of spinning plates and having options. It has helped me greatly. Not only for the abundance mentality, but being able to compare her to my other plates has helped me put things into perspective – but having plates didn’t prevent me from developing ONEitis in this circumstance.

I did a fun post a while back called Show and Tell where I compared the pictures of made up and non-made up porn stars to illustrate the fantasy image men hold with the real-life ‘smell her farts’ reality of women. Most Blue Pill men will tell you that their idealizations are about the girl underneath all the make up. This is the idealization they are taught to believe is acceptable for women because it absolves women of having to qualify in any way for men’s sexually strategic approval. Holding standards for a woman’s looks, her weight or how she presents herself will always be conflated with sexual objectification of women. But when a Blue Pill guy finds his Unicorn she almost always qualifies for that status because of “who she really is”.

While it’s all well and good to keep a realistic perspective of a woman’s presentation, part of Blue Pill conditioning is promoting the idea that the women men ought to pedestalize should base that idealization on intrinsic rather than extrinsic factors. You will find that some of the most pathetic guys with ONEitis will often pine over some of the least physically attractive women. I’ve stood in wonderment over the weeping and gnashing of teeth Blue Pill guys will display over women whom they exceed in SMV by as much as 2 points.

That’s the ‘real’ ONEitis; when a guy who you know could easily do leagues better than his ONEitis girlfriend in the SMP is bawling over her, head in hands, because she’s his ‘One’. Looking at this from the outside we think ‘what the fuck man?’ and try to deductively reason with him about how much better he can do, but what we don’t wrap our heads around is that this guy was conditioned since his earliest years to believe that his ‘snowflake’ is unique in her intrinsic qualities.

Yes, there are guys who blow themselves up over HB 9s that they fantasize over obsessively, but for the vast majority of men (that is to say the Beta 80% of them) this fantasy remains just that, a fantasy. In fact, according to the book A Billion Wicked Thoughts most men reserve their sexual fantasies, and consciously limit their extent, for sexual encounters with women whom they believe are ‘attainable’ to them. This is one explanation for the rise in the popularity of amateur porn, but also, it’s because most men want to fantasize over what they believe might be possible for them to actualize.

I would argue that for most guys with ONEitis this comes as a result of their comparing what they believe their SMV is with the grossly over-inflated SMV value most average women apply to themselves. On average, and with the aid of connectivity and social media, most women presume their SMV value is greatly above that of men. This perception them filters down to the average guy and now you can understand why guys believe that their much lower SMV girlfriends are “the best girl they’ll ever get.”

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Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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Blaximus
Blaximus
5 years ago

@ Ton

” Yeah but you’re an old dude and don’t know shit……………………………..”

That’s what I’ve been told.

scribblerg
scribblerg
5 years ago

– I’ve mentioned it in the way past, yeah, The Red Queen is awesome. I think I’m due for a re-read in fact.

If-I-Fell
If-I-Fell
5 years ago

@SJF I was responding to your quotation of Deida and not the entirety of the book from which it came or the entirety of his works. I am mostly aware of his writings from postings in TRM. To provide more detail as to my objections to the quote: “…she does want to feel that you are capable of facing death, if necessary.” The question here, as I read it is, “Are you willing to kill or die for her benefit?” If your concern is, “What will she think of me?” — you are playing into her frame. You are the… Read more »

scribblerg
scribblerg
5 years ago

Re: @SFC Ton hurling some truth grenades “down range” as they say. “I do not treat them like an equal on any level which brings stillness to a woman like nothing else. They don’t complete me, I am complete on my own. They enhance my life for sure but make you complete thing is the dumbest shit i’ve read since “women abhor violence”.” I’m watching this with my HB9. She’s submitting beautifully and even self-corrects her emotional outbursts. You see, I’m the only guy who won’t “worship” her, lol. Because she’s so hot, most guys freak out with her. And… Read more »

MikePhil
MikePhil
5 years ago

If Deida didn’t cover his few nuggets of common sense with a heaping load of New Age chic-crack woo that panders directly to his real audience (surprise! it’s women), then I’d give his Way of the Superior Man another go-over. But it’s nearly unreadable, not for what it says but how he says it.

DisgruntledEarthling
DisgruntledEarthling
5 years ago

@scribblerg @All Newer Older Single Guys Here – I’m your experiment and proof. Game works. You can indeed rope a young hottie or two down. But if you want what I am getting, you must do what I did. While I love the OMGs here, my growth in getting younger women came when I tried doing PUA. I used Mystery Method and I think in many ways it’s the foundation of a lot of the other PUAs out there. Like if you “get” Mystery Method, then all other techniques and approaches will make sense. And he focuses so much on… Read more »

scribblerg
scribblerg
5 years ago

@Earthling – Great attitude. Still a work in progress here for sure. Approaching will make confront how you see yourself as not of high enough value sexually or as a mate, or even just as a human being for her. Which if you step back and think about it is just whacky. These young chicks are mostly overwhelmed and undereducated and confused and stressed. Many crave the stable frame a congruent man who takes himself and his life seriously projects. Doesn’t matter if you are Fleezer, not being a big time “success” at work, or an SJF, a dialed in… Read more »

scribblerg
scribblerg
5 years ago

And check this out. Research shows the female rats prefer stressed out, dominant male rats to non stressed rats. Shocker, social dominance is selected for sexually by other species – but no, no, can’t be true for humans.

https://www.inverse.com/article/25995-female-rat-stress-mate-preference

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SFC Ton
5 years ago

Everything one of my peers get devoured….. I mean divorced I tell them in 3 years you’ll be banging 20 year olds They all think I am bullshitting….. until about year 3. I think it’s unrealistic to go from low success with girls to banging chicks half your age. You need to have a plan. Seems like you are ready for the next step but need a half step 1st. This half step is wickedly complex, requires hours and hours of you tube videos but here it is…..wait for it…. talk to a bunch of girls with no intention of… Read more »

scribblerg
scribblerg
5 years ago

Okay, I’m winding down for the week and am going to take a moment to address: @Joe K – Joe. You seem like a good guy, really. But you also are basically an archetype that those of us who have been around here for a while can readily identify. You are in the anger phase of unplugging, and it’s a totally normal thing to go through. Every guy goes through it. I did so too, a couple of years ago the anger I sprayed around here at women – even when couched in cold, intellectual arguments – was killing me.… Read more »

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

@Scribbler “@OMGs – It’s very interesting to work game in an PLTR.” (warning: lots of analogies alert ahead) Yes it is. It’s one in the hand vs. two in the bush. The “she’s got qualities after fucking her”paradigm. It like water seeking its way–your desire for quality is homing in on her because she has quality (even if is just base HB9 Beauty because that is feminine energy personified). It is interesting to work game when you are this far along in Mastery of Game. Stepping over that threshold of Conscious Competence to get in the realm of Unconscious Competence.… Read more »

Nudiam0ndz
Nudiam0ndz
5 years ago

@Rollo @Cicero, both funny stories on the cyclical one-itis. Even with new found red-pill awareness I still occasionally get that, anxiety when i see a painfully exquisite physical specimen. These days rather than freeze in my tracks, I run towards the feeling now instead of letting it consume/derail my interaction. even if/when i get shutdown, just acting on that tension instead of letting it stop me, gives me a kick. Slight segway, I’m reading this book “Sex at Dawn” are you evo-psych enthusiasts familiar with that book? it makes some very compelling arguments that go against the standard evo-pysch model… Read more »

kfg
kfg
5 years ago

” . . . it makes some very compelling arguments that go against the standard evo-pysch model . . .”

I haven’t sat down and read it through, because skimming it showed that it didn’t really offer anything I wasn’t already aware of. It certainly doesn’t offer anything that goes against the Red Pill model, which is in alignment with evo-psych (and, for that matter, oddly enough, The Model).

Pop-political evo-psych is not evo-psych.

Nudiam0ndz
Nudiam0ndz
5 years ago

@rugby11 Interesting video. I hadn’t heard of this fellow before. I agree with dude.. justice and compassion conjoined.. not pity. Take fucking responsibility.

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[…] then Rollo Tomassi’s recent post titled “Disassembling Oneitis” where Tomassi […]

XeRussian
XeRussian
5 years ago

Lost my youth because of oneitis. Sad times.

Varsana
Varsana
5 years ago

Hmm so why are 85% of single parents In the USA women? 75% whom are fully employed. The modern day hunter and gatherer. Men are SHIT scum LOOK AT THE FACTS
Ladies CLOSE YOUR LEGS OR YOU WILL GET THIS TYPES OF MEN. Single mothers in the USA is RISING FORFOLD. You need to DENY these types of men your bodies! Or they become selfish and (dick brain) like these men here.

Varsana
Varsana
5 years ago

So should all the 22 million single mothers in the USA 75% of them who work full time (yes look at the Records) also have been “ONITIS”? I guess it’s their job to care and raise kids. Did ONITIS make you have your mother and father? No which if you did you probably wouldn’t be so selfish like you are now! Sad sad Men who want sex WITHOUT the consequence! They want your body and time WITHOUT the effort- for FREE And women you perpuate this by giving these deadbeat (unless it’s to themself) selfish caveman type of man. FUCK… Read more »

Blaximus
Blaximus
5 years ago

That’s the best comedy routine I’ve seen this year. Bravo! To you and your dildo!

stuffinbox
5 years ago

Well hardy har ahr,what is instagram?

theasdgamer
5 years ago

I wish you and B.O.B. (battery operated boyfriend) much happiness.

kfg
kfg
5 years ago

Two pictures paint ten thousand words:

An honest to God (Defender of the Faith is one of her official titles) princess:

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The (keeper of the “alternate” spelling) Princess of the Vaginal Bananna:

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I shouldn’t expect any questions.

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[…] cut her off earlier than I did. But like many men I can be weak in the face of pussy, and she got severe oneitis for me. A guy who is sufficiently high status, or sufficiently high status in the eyes of a few […]

Pinelero
Pinelero
4 years ago

@varsana please work on your shaming tactics…this low level stuff will work on blue pill guys but up your shame_game for better results here.

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