When I first began writing on SoSuave over a decade ago I used to get into what I consider now some fairly predictable arguments about monogamy. It was an interesting time since it was around then I was getting into some heated arguments in my behavioral psychology classes in college.
I had just written what would later become my essay, There is no One and a good majority of my classmates and all of my teachers but one were less than accepting of the theory. I anticipated most of the women in those classes would be upset – bear in mind this was around 2001-02 and the Red Pill was yet to be a thing – what I was surprised by was how many men became hostile by my having challenged the soulmate myth.
I got a lot of the same flack from women then that I get from uninitiated women when they read my work now; “Aren’t you married? Isn’t she your soulmate? Don’t you believe in love? You must’ve got burned pretty bad at some time Mr. Hateful.” Those were and are what I expect because they’re the easy subroutine responses a Blue Pill ego needs to protect itself with. There was a time I probably would’ve mouthed the same. That’s how the conditioning works; it provides us with what we think ought to be ‘obvious’ to anyone. And at the same time, we feel good for ‘defying the odds’ and believing in what we take for granted, or common sense.
This is how deep the subconscious need for assuring our genetic heritage goes. For women this assurance is about optimal Hypergamy, for men, it’s about assurances of paternity. In either case, we need to believe that we will reproduce, and so much so that we will attribute some supernatural influence to the process of doing so. The fulfillment of your own sexuality is nothing less than your battle for existence, and on some level, your subconscious understands this. Thus, for the more religious-minded it gets attributed to fate and faith, whereas for the more secular-minded it’s about the romanticized notion of a soulmate.
Monogamy & ONEitis
I contemplated the idea of ONEitis for a long time back then. I’d most certainly been through it more than once, even with the BPD ex-girlfriend. By then I understood first hand how the belief absorbs a Beta and how it is an essential element, effectively a religion, for a Blue Pill life experience. I didn’t realize it then, but I was maturing into a real valuation of myself and I had the benefit of some real-world experiences with the nature of women to interpret and contrast what I was learning then.
Honestly, I had never even encountered the term ‘ONEitis’ prior to my SoSuave forum days. I referred to the soulmate myth in my writing as best I could, but it wasn’t until (I suppose) Mystery had coined the term. Outside the ‘sphere people got genuinely upset with me when I defined it for them. Back then I attributed this to having their ego-investment challenged, and while that’s part of it, today I believe there’s more to it than this.
The old social contracts that constituted what I call the Old Set of Books meant a lot in respect to how the social orders prior to the sexual revolution were maintained. That structuring required an upbringing that taught men and women what their respective roles were, and those roles primarily centered on a lifetime arrangement of pair bonding.
It’s interesting to note that the popular theory amongst evolutionary anthropologists is that modern monogamous culture has only been around for just 1,000 years. Needless to say, it’s a very unpopular opinion that human beings are in fact predisposed to polyamory / polygyny and monogamy is a social adaptation (a necessary one) with the purpose of curbing the worst consequences of that nature. We want to believe that monogamy is our nature and our more feral impulses are spandrels and inconveniences to that nature. We like the sound of humans having evolved past our innate proclivities to the point that they are secondary rather than accepting them as fundamental parts of who we really are.
Women, in particular, are far more invested in promoting the idea of ‘natural’ monogamy since it is their sex that bears the cost of reproductive investments. Even the hint of men acknowledging their ‘selfish gene’ nature gets equated with a license to cheat on women. This is an interesting conflict for women who are increasingly accepting (if not outright flaunting) of Open Hypergamy.
I’ve attempted in past essays to address exactly this duplicity women have to rationalize with themselves. The Preventive Medicine book and posts outline the conflict and how women internalize and ‘hamsterize’ the need to be both Hypergamously selective, but to also prioritize long-term security at various stages of their lives. Ultimately a woman’s position on monogamy is ruled by how she balances her present Alpha Fucks with her future prospects of Beta Bucks.
Seed and Need
It might be that women would rather share a confirmed Alpha with other women than be saddled with a faithful Beta, but that’s not to say that necessity doesn’t eventually compel women to settle for monogamy with a dutiful Beta. In either respect, the onus of sustained, faithful monogamy is always a responsibility placed upon men. The indignation that comes from even the suspicions of a man’s “straying”, a wandering eye, or preplanned infidelity is one of the most delicious sensations a woman can feel. Women will create syndicated talk shows just to commiserate around that indignation.
But in an era when the likes of Sheryl Sandberg encourages women to fully embrace their Hypergamous natures and expects men to be equally accepting of it, it takes a lot of psychological gymnastics to reconcile the visceral feelings of infidelity with the foreknowledge that a less exciting Beta will be the only type of man who will calm her suspicions.
It’s important to also contrast this with the socialization efforts to make women both victims and blameless. As I mention in the last post, men who lack the appreciation of the necessity to prepare for a sustained monogamy with a woman are considered ‘kidults’ or prolonging their adolescence. They are shamed for not meeting women’s definition of being mature; that definition is always one that centers on the idea that men ought to center their lives around being better-than-deserved, faithful, monogamous potentials for women’s long-term security and parental investment.
On the other hand, women are never subject to any qualifications like this. In fact, they are held in higher regard for bucking the system and staying faithful to themselves by never marrying or even aborting children along the way to do so. So once again, we return to the socialization effort necessary to absolve women of the consequences that the conflict Hypergamy poses to them – they become both victims and blameless in confronting a monogamy they expect from men, but are somehow exempt from when it’s inconvenient.
Pair Bonding
Arguably, pair bonding has been a primary adaptation for us that has been species-beneficial. It’s fairly obvious that humans’ capacity for both intra- and inter-sexual cooperation has made us the apex species on the planet. However, the Feminine Imperative’s primary social impetus of making Hypergamy the defining order of (ideally) all cultures is in direct conflict with this human cooperativity. A new order of open Hypergamy, based on female primacy (and the equalist importance of the individual), subverts the need for pair bonding. There is no need for intersexual interdependence (complementarity) when women are socialized and lauded for being self-satisfying, self-sufficient individuals.
Add to this the conditioning of unaccountable victimhood and/or the inherent blamelessness of women and you get an idea of where our social order is heading.
Both sex’s evolved sexual strategies operate counter to the demands of pair bonded monogamy. For millennia we’ve adapted social mechanisms to buffer for it (marriage, male protectionism of women, etc.), but the cardinal rule of sexual strategies still informs these institutions and practices:
The Cardinal Rule of Sexual Strategies:
For one gender’s sexual strategy to succeed the other gender must compromise or abandon their own.
In this respect, it is men who are expected to make the greater compromise due to an evolved sense of uncertainty about paternity and the social mandate to accommodate women’s sexual strategy.
The counter to this is that women have always borne the responsibility of parental investment if they chose a father poorly (or didn’t choose), but in our post-sexual revolution social order, the consequences of this responsibility have been virtually eliminated. In fact, those consequences are now viewed as evidence of women’s independent strength.
Even aborting a child is a source of pride now.
Men bear the greater effect of compromising their sexual strategies to accommodate and resolve the strategy of women. When we account for the normalization of open Hypergamy, soft cuckoldry, and the legal resistance to paternity testing (ostensibly centering on the emotional wellbeing of the child in question) it is much clearer that men bear the most direct consequences for compromising their sexual imperatives.
From Warren Farrell’s book. Why Men are the Way They Are (h/t to SJF):
Why are men so afraid of commitment? Chapter 2 explained how most men’s primary fantasy is still, unfortunately, access to a number of beautiful women. For a man, commitment means giving up this fantasy. Most women’s primary fantasy is a relationship with one man who either provides economic security or is on his way to doing so (he has “potential”). For a woman, commitment to this type of man means achieving this fantasy. So commitment often means that a woman achieves her primary fantasy, while a man gives his up. — P.150
Men who “won’t commit” are often condemned for treating women as objects — hopping from one beautiful woman to the next. Many men hop. But the hopping is not necessarily objectifying. Men who “hop from one beautiful woman to another” are usually looking for what they could not find at the last hop: good communication, shared values, good chemistry. — P.153
The meaning of commitment changed for men between the mid-sixties and the mid-eighties. Commitment used to be the certain route to sex and love, and to someone to care for the children and the house and fulfill the “family man image.” Now men feel less as if they need to marry for sex; they are more aware that housework can be hired out and that restaurants serve meals; they are less trapped by family-man image motivation, including the feeling that they must have children. Increasingly, that leaves men’s main reason to commit the hope of a woman to love. — P.159
Dr. Farrell is still fundamentally trapped in a Blue Pill perspective because he still clings to the validity of the old order books/rules, and the willfully ignorant hope that women will rationally consider men’s sexual imperatives as being as valid as their own.
That said, Farrell’s was the germ of the idea I had for the Cardinal Rule of Sexual Strategies, he just didn’t go far enough because he was (and still is) stuck in Blue Pill idealistic hopes of monogamy. Bear in mind, Farrell’s book is based on his intrasexual understandings of everything leading up to its publication in 1986, however, this does give us some insight into how the old order evolved its approach to monogamy then into an open, socially accepted form of Hypergamy now.
He relies on the old trope that men are afraid of commitment by reasoning that men only want to fulfill a fantasy of unlimited access to unlimited sexuality – all shallow, all superficial, while women’s priority of commitment is correct, selfless, valid and blameless. Farrell also reveals his Blue Pill conditioning by making the presumption that men only Game women in the hope that they’ll find a unicorn, and they’re endlessly fucking women for no other reason than to find a woman with good communication, shared values, good chemistry, etc.
I sincerely doubt that even in the mid 8os this was the case for men not want to commit to a woman, or essentially compromise his sexual strategy to accommodate that of women’s. Farrell never came to terms with dual nature of women’s sexual strategy and how it motivates women over time because he believes men and women have, fundamentally, the same concept of love and mutually shared end-goals.
Mandates & Responses
In the decades since this publication, the normalization and legal mandates that ensure men will (by force if necessary) comply with this compromise is something I doubt Farrell could’ve ever predicted. Legal aspects, social aspects, that used to be a source of women stigmatization about this compromise have all been swept away or normalized, if not converted to some redefined source of supposed strength. Abortion rights, single parenting (almost exclusively the domain of women), postponing birth, careerism, freezing women’s eggs, sperm banks, never-marrying, body fat acceptance and many more aspects are all accepted in the name of strong independence® for women.
Virtually anything that might’ve been a source of regret, shame, or stigmatization in the old order is dismissed or repurposed to elevate women, but what most men never grasp (certainly not Dr. Farrell) is that all of these normalizations were and are potential downsides to a woman’s Hypergamous decisions.
MGTOW/PUA/ The Red Pill, are all the deductive responses to this normalization, but also, they’re a response to the proposition of the compromise that the Cardinal Rule of Sexual Strategies presents to men in today’s sexual marketplace.
In all of these ‘movements’ the fundamental, central truth is that they all run counter to the presumption that men must compromise (or abandon) their sexual imperatives – long or short term. Thus, these ideologies and praxeologies have the effect of challenging or removing some of the total control of Hypergamy women now have mandated to them. Even just the concepts of MGTOW/PUA/TRP are equatable to removing this control.
However, it is still undeniable that there is a necessity for monogamy (even if it’s just temporary) or some iteration of pair bonding that ensures men and women raise healthier, stronger, better-developed children. We are still social animals and, despite what equalism espouses, we are different yet complementary and interdependent with one another. Mutual cooperation, tribalism, monogamy and even small-scale polygamy have been beneficial social adaptations for us.
Gynocentrism and the respondent efforts against it defeat this complementary cooperative need.
Gynocentrism / egalitarianism defeat this cooperation in its insistence that equalism, self-apart independence, and homogeny ought to be society’s collective mental point of origin in place of the application of differing strengths to differing weaknesses.
So we come to an impasse then. It’s likely it will require a traumatic social event to reset or redefine the terms of our present social contract to ever make monogamy a worthwhile compromise for men again. We can also contrast this ‘raw deal’ compromise against the Cardinal Rule of Relationships: In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least. It’s easy to think women simply have no need of men when their long-term security is virtually assured today, but fem-centrism goes beyond just separating the sexes by need. It wasn’t enough to just separate male and female cooperation, fem-centrism has made men’s compromise so bad that they must be made to despise their sex altogether. Men had to be made not only to accept their downside compromise but to feel ashamed for even thinking not to.
@ Sentient ” But I also know what is inside me, and inside you and inside all of us. The Masculine is stronger than the Feminine… But let’s engage a bit here… I know you are not looking for Internet Warrior points and can actually have a dialogue in good faith. Maybe you were socially conditioned to behave this way? LOL And you are not a incel KJ theorist… your experience is valuable. We may yet disagree IDK, but that’s cool too. So here is the issue… ** Is evo psych/bio real? I believe so to a greater extent. I’m… Read more »
@ Kayos
That was pretty damn good.
Kayos
I may be reading your positions wrong but that’s how I understand what y’all have been saying lol
Pretty close, you are a careful reader. yareally hasn’t caught on yet that his own arguments are circular…. and I also champion the MI over the FI… because the FI has built in its own destruction via its rapaciousness, it is already beaten.
“Come with me [if you want to live]” the clarion call of the MI from Day One.
Hank ” Its more important that consumers FEEL your product is the safest rather than it ACTUALLY be the safest.” Said no one in a car accident ever… and to bring it back to game…. Having value isn’t enough, you have to ACT like you have value, and DISPLAY that value in a way girls understand. Fake it till you make it a valid strategy – up to a point. You need to make it. Fake value and alpha diminishes fast when held up to reality. Whether the fake is caught at the open, make out, the pull, P entering… Read more »
Blax Well we are basically in agreement… Except for this ****Can society reign in limits on FI? Ahhh, yes society can. But the question is will it? My answer is “society” writ large will not reign in the FI, absent apocalypse [keep hope alive!], the geopolitical and economic drivers are at odds with this. BUT… at the end of the day, if YOU can do YOUR home [and all that come under it] and I can do mine, and we can lead OUR tribes and OUR tribes can confederate… it does not matter. http://archimedespalimpsest.org/images/homesubcat_eureka.jpg Eureka! Q&A Let’s say you were… Read more »
There are two or three great drivers in the world:
The money, the business model and sex.
Figure out who has or wants the money, figure out how everyone’s business model works to get them their money [or take yours] and figure out the sex angle – who wants it, who has it and who doesn’t.
Knowing these things will solve most of your problems.
@PUAs Looking for advice on bitch shields & nasty cockblock friends of hotter girls, from those who are out regularly here – have been taking them as basic shit-tests, & trying to plow through them. Opened some 15 sets at a kiddy club & got an unusual amount of hard-no responses (no “fuck offs”, just a back turn, zero response & some “ok thanks bye bye!” from fugly cockblocks). Have purposely gone out with sub-standard hair & clothes, though to be fair they’re really average rather than obviously sub-standard. Have tried Max’s word-association improv from the vid YaReally posted with… Read more »
@Kayos Yup, that’s about right. Really Sentient and I agree on literally everything except that when I say “laws and society have changed to where “being masculine” is often viewed as abusive and punished, and “frivolously using the court systems when you’re an unhaaappy woman/child” is encouraged, a very blatantly obvious and observable trend that pretty much everyone but Sentient agrees is happening all around us, suddenly the dude loses his fucking mind and starts throwing out “OH I GUESS NAWALT THEN EXCEPT OH NO WAIT SOMETIMES ITS AWALT LOLOL LOOK AT YOU STRAWMANNING LOLOL OH I GUESS YOU’RE SAYING… Read more »
@Junior You’re setting off radars. Get sneaky and sarge all the potential cockblocks first to disarm them in advance so you have group approval before engaging the hot one that you want. Disqualify yourself with an opener about your girlfriend (later on if you can get to the hot girl you can always say you were just making shit up so her friends wouldn’t try to cockblock you and she’ll lol). Opening with a girl on your arm works as a disqualifier as well as preselection (they don’t know if she’s your girlfriend or whatever, but you’re clearly more “safe”… Read more »
Keep in mind that men like Sentient are bound to stick to their chosen narrative, no matter what you say. Because they cannot argue for anything else. They have no other talking point. There’s nothing else they can tell other men. I’m curious to hear what my narrative is? And if you’ve ever written anything i’ve posted? Please enlighten me on my narrative. I’d call this narrative “cargo cult masculinity”. It’s very popular in the ‘sphere, especially in its Christian quarter. It’s the equivalent of viewing masculinity as a magic potion of unlimited power, capable of solving any problem, personal… Read more »
@YaReally just reaching out for a few insights. One of the girls I’m banging is a hypochondriac and attention seeker.
In the last 4 months she’s claimed she’s gotten an STD, ear infections, flu, and the recent one: she’s “late” by one week.
A pregnancy would be highly unlikely: extra safe condoms, pulling out, no goo anywhere….
My response each and every time has been to shut it down: “see a doctor”. “highly unlikely”.
Any thoughts?
@walawala: what about don’t stick your dick in crazy?
There are plenty more girls to bang and you are able to do so, why risk it with that one and put up with her shit…
You have been trying to shut her bad behavior down for 4 months and haven’t been able to eliminate it (presumably it is more under control than it would be with someone displaying more beta traits). Soft next at the very least seems to be in order, if not a hard next.
You are not in scarcity, don’t act like you are!
I wonder if my generation is just going to go quietly like lambs to the slaughter. My dad used to slaughter lambs. They don’t have that expression for no reason. You lay them on their back and slit their throat and they don’t even move an inch to try to resist. Is that how this generation is going to go out? It’s like masculinity has been eradicated. There isn’t even a resistance or the lifting of a finger. Men can’t even approach women anymore, let alone actually fuck them, let alone do anything to change their country for the better… Read more »
@IAS There’s a definite pattern here indeed. The hypochondria and attempts at attention are clearly not something serious. When she claimed she might have an STD…I blew it off. She never mentioned it again. When she brought up the flu and whatever I just laughed it off. Never brought up again. The latest was “See a doctor” and I honestly don’t see this as a real possibility. But there isn’t the frantic cries for help it’s like a “I’m late” text. That’s the first clue it’s not serious. Yes, soft next is in order. As for not sticking your dick… Read more »
@yareally You are clearly here to help men. As part of that you hate to see misinformation being given out that is dangerous to men. You do whatever it takes to refute the misinformation. For example you represent the other’s position as OH I GUESS NAWALT THEN EXCEPT OH NO WAIT SOMETIMES ITS AWALT LOLOL LOOK AT YOU STRAWMANNING LOLOL OH I GUESS YOU’RE SAYING NO ONE HAS EVER GOTTEN DIVORCED BEFORE SMARTPHONES????!!?!” You mock them personally, such as “you’re still a badass” Nobody can come anywhere close to matching you on volume of text or the number of informative… Read more »
The big alpha guy in the car with the women who is clearly having sick fun f***ing with him and knowing/enjoying seeing him get worked up. He should have just serenely walked off and gone down to a pub to get a brew without saying a single word instead of screaming at her to get out. Yeah, shits bad out there – damn – and the kids of that one dude with his hellcat wife – the little girl will grow up to become a hellcat and the little boy – a future edgelord. Sad shit for sure. On a… Read more »
@Hollenhund Fucking hard lols. You nailed it. That’s why I bring up the silly LARPy “masculinity will conquer all” stuff. I get that it’s nice feel-good stuff to hear, but the reality is that family court judge who takes your kids away doesn’t give a shit about your masculinity (and will probably classify your masculinity as “potentially violent and abusive”). Sending guys out into the real world in 2016 full of this silly fluff is like sending guys out to bang girls without understanding how to prevent Buyer’s Remorse. It’s irresponsible and comes with a lot of potential danger. @walawala… Read more »
@kfg,
Darth Vader just needs to get laid – and so does Sandman.
@softtek
“….well, there you go. There’s the problem. It’s all internal resistance. In that sense it isn’t even about women. Men who aren’t good with women also aren’t good with men: they have trouble getting respect from other men, and probably get shit tested mercilessly and made fun of, etc., branded as a Beta, etc. ”
Nail on head – this is the root cause of a lot of shit us newbies are going through. Big step forward in recognizing it.
http://static1.squarespace.com/static/524eca7fe4b008299350301f/t/529d63fce4b0793e6bbe7c90/1386046461135/someone-on-the-internet-is-wrong.jpg
Another Yareally gamma-esque snark storm?
You are becoming a meme Yareally
GUYIZ IT’S TRUE HE IS LARPING LOLOLOLOL NO ONE CAN DO ANYTHING I SAY THEY CAN’T BECAUSE I HAVE A VIDEO CLIP HERE THAT PROOOOVES IT! AND I’M THE VICTIM BECAUSE I DO THIS FOR LUUUUUV.
synopsis.
@YaReally Thanks. No, I texted her: “See a doctor”. Her text to me today, at noon was: “period week late”. me: “And?” The rest I described. I never raw dogged her, always bagged up, used the extra safe ones so the chances of anything are low. The week late is what happens to chicks who stress out all the time and then make things up—like the other stuff I wrote. I asked whether she was feeling out of sorts and she said no. Girls know when something’s truly wrong and would be concerned about it to get tested right away.… Read more »
@Hand Fuckin solid “def got a lot of interest today. just gotta push more next time, and use those DHV. None of these girls were like “omg fuck me” but they were into me enough to pull.” Ya, just start with more DHV. You have a stack set up… What might help is having a few less abrasive DHV’s for circumstances where your ‘I almost killed a stripper’ dark humor shit might not fly. Like, I’d be all over that in a nightclub situation but sitting next to a girl in the daytime in a massage chair it’s a little… Read more »
Yareally You say a lot of interesting stuff but the line about more shit tests on cold approaches as you age….. Well I’ve experienced the opposite. To quantify I am pretty settled into life with the Girls, reckon it’s been near on two years since I picked up any strange but I still game just about every cute girl I run across and like I said, I rarely have any type of shit test and more IOI’s these days then I recsll The question becomes Have I not yet gotten that old Has my vibe changed to compensate (have radically… Read more »
“YaReally says you have to get up. YaReally says you have to go out and hit the field again. YaReally says you have to work on your subcomms again you buger”
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPo2RMHgSKQ&w=420&h=315%5D
“It’s the equivalent of viewing masculinity as a magic potion of unlimited power, capable of solving any problem, personal or social. “There’s no need to worry about frivorce, dead bedrooms, false accusations of rape or domestic violence or any of that crap. Just bring the alpha, and you’ll be fine.”
Male hyperagency is a thing as much as female hypoagency.
@YaReally The whole situation wouldn’t be so absurd if masculinity and femininity were both discussed and promoted with equal vehemence and attention in public discourse, both in the mainstream media and various online countercultures. Imagine some female journalist, or just some random woman, making the following arguments anywhere on female-dominated, fem-centric media: “Male-on female domestic violence is surely a problem, but in most cases it could be remedied or alleviated by the woman acting in a more feminine fashion and eliciting positive, desirable responses from her partner.” “Many women get cheated on, but I think in many cases it’s due… Read more »
Fuck I was still so drunk I think I posted my comment below into a 5 year old thread this morning Guys so much stuff to read! Gonna set aside some time to catch up later today/tomorrow. Now I need to go nurse my epic hangover from last night. I wrote this FR last night when I got home. I’ve cleaned up the spelling and writing a bit but otherwise left it as is for posterity – think it gives a good flavour of the night lol: YaReally Sentient HABD Forge hank holiday and gang Writing this Thursday night drunk… Read more »
I’m smiling out loud at the epic frame battle between Sentient and Ya. Let’s you and him see who can be more indifferent to the other’s mindset.
I cosign everything Sentient has said. And l am wondering who these LARPers are that YaReally is referring to.
@SJF, let’s not forget that dudes actually get into arguments with their boyz. Shit happens sometimes. I think there’s mutual respect between them. I hope this one ends soon though.
Hollenhund But when masculinity is discussed in exactly the same way, we accept it as entirely normal, even in the mainstream media. Even on MRA/RP boards… I wanted to get back to your comments as well… I’d call this narrative “cargo cult masculinity”. Interesting, not sure what cargo means, but I accept the overall perspective being Greco-Roman, Judeo Christian in the sense of Western historical/cultural outlook, vs Buddhist or Hindi for example. Not that it’s Christian per se or Churchian at all though. If you live in another culture maybe that would seem too limiting. I assume your screen name… Read more »
Culum –
LOL you did… “dude where is my car?” style drunk. Funny report.
A FR on a Friday afternoon. Ran into a guy from this report not long ago, situation where you are in a bar in a different city and you come across a guy you know and neither of you have a reason to be in the same place at the same time “hey what are you doing here?” style. Brought it to my mind again. One of my best pick ups and probably the douchiest at the same time… Never wrote up more than a little snippet because it was a little to close to work related… Anyhow this guy,… Read more »
Part 2 So I break the make out… and we go back to some bantering but the deal is not done yet… We go back over to the group and they all start talking. She is very engaged now with the other two, trying to get me to chase her. I remain calm, roll off the group, head to the bar and give her my back. call the Hard 9 model bartender over and just ask the most basic bullshit tourist questions to keep her over by me for 5 minutes… get another drink. Now Maude is up and circulating… Read more »
@yareally @forge Pay attention to the pattern that the sets you eject from are the ones that are going decent or aren’t going bad, and the ones you’re staying in are the ones that are going bad lol Slight ego-protection going on there in your brain…like you’ll re-open the green hair girl until she hates you and lol to yourself, but when you’re chilling with the chair girl or talking to the piercings girl it’s like “WELL BYE!!!!” instead of running those sets to the ground like the green hair girl. and Then you gave her A3 by telling her… Read more »
@yareally @forge
format error lol.
the first two paragraphs starting with “Pay attention to the pattern” and “Then you gave her a3” were the only ones supposed to be italicized lol.
I’ll just leave this here.
Blog update: I tweeted this yesterday, but my friend Ed died in his sleep around 3am on Thursday. I’m helping his widow with arrangements, but it’s likely he’ll just be cremated and forgotten by all but a few of his friends. Even his daughter wasn’t too moved by his passing. No eulogy, no remembrance, I doubt many people on FB would even notice his departure. I’ve already written a blog post about his life, but I may do a follow up as a kind of eulogy for him, I dunno,… I’ll have a new post up on Monday or Tuesday.… Read more »
I’m sorry to hear that Rollo. I hope he’s at peace now.
Sentient – great FR. Always good to read one that reads like a good story, with a good…um..climax. Couple thoughts: 1. What about security? I assume this was a different city from your wife etc but making out with this chick and taking her upstairs in front of all these guys you know? Isnt’ that a risk? 2. I’ve had the leg over thing a few times too – major sexual interest IOI (the first time it happened to me was the first time I was in the restroom getting a BJ 20 mins later). Other key signs (when sitting… Read more »
Usual gang Catching up on various comments guys finally. @Harrison Bergeron – yeah YaReally also made a similar point re direct openers not being absolutely necessary and I didn’t use any on my Big Drunk Night. It’s a great rush to do them though and I don’t want to have AA just for direct openers so just for that purpose it’s worth working on them. I also read Jeffy’s Nine Ball (actually I’m still half-way through). It’s really good. I mean the editing and formatting are crap – it’s literally as if he cut and paste all his FRs into… Read more »
@yareally @culum @forge @habd Got through the whole of attraction now. Solid run through. Girl had bf so didn’t get number, but was almost able to pull her anyway lol. With better game could have gotten her, and know one thing already I can do next time. Went out again today, but not as much people as the other day. A lot of what enabled me to do a bunch of opens was just the number of people there then, and having a lot of halfway decent girls I usually don’t have around here. Stopped by bookstore and grocery store… Read more »
also, the 7 VERY DEFINITELY was not fat, which is why i teased her about it. again, wish i could remember what exactly I said because it went over alright in person, but sounds a little calibrated and weird as I typed it up here lol.
@ Rollo
Sorry for your loss
https://youtu.be/095zEWH9MR0
@Rollo
I’m sorry to hear that.
Everyone’s legacy is ultimately finite. But there’s a strangeness to seeing someone pass seemingly without a trace.
Fortunately for your friend, he had you. So his tale lives on in some fashion, even if it’s a cautionary one.
@Hank, Culum Fuck me, you’re doing great work out there. I’m having an off day here. STILL can’t approach consistently in day venues. I just had a huge approach invite from a hot lil redhead in a grocery store. She saw me and just sort of stood there staring at the fucking potatoes, looking at her list for a long time, etc with this smolder on her face. And I froze up and looked at the onions. ‘Man, there are too many types of potatoes. What, are you gonna make tiny little French fries from these ones?’ JUST THAT would… Read more »
@Hank You being scatterbrained trying to remember details is a good sign. Just think of those RSD videos of Tyler after sarging where he can’t even string thoughts together, it’s all just enthusiastic jibber jabber. That’s the ‘on’ state. It happens instinctively when you’re in a mutual-attraction situ. @Culum Peacocking is optional. I used the bow tie bc I think it’s cool and looks good on me, and I don’t care if I stand out. Scarf is a great prop tho. You can even use it to bind a girls wrists playfully as part of a roleplay. Or pretend you’re… Read more »
@Sentient Thanks for your reply re: frame btw. These are the sorts of things I need to be thinking about (well that and pickup skill). I’m definitely in a fuckboy frame right now. I get a little bit of a sense that she’s probing for BB potential just to figure out her options besides, but I don’t feed that much. Just had a meeting with a business hotshot and we’re discussing business ideas, and he’s planning on making a video about the stuff I’m doing, and so that doesn’t help lol. When she heard I got a few pretty strong… Read more »
@Rollo: “I’ve already written a blog post about his life”
And so I, who never met him, remember him.
At Rollo. Sorry for the loss of a friend and former peer who you counseled. Your essays made him an icon in the manosphere as someone that did not make it out of triage. (Icon: a person or thing regarded as a representative symbol of something.) A eulogy would be welcome for what a man should or should not do for a follow up essay. (It is heartbreaking to think the wife or daughter didn’t think much of him.) Who is to blame for lack of agency? Him, the Feminine Imperative or Homo Sapiens quest for living on in an… Read more »
@Rollo
Condolences.
@Rollo Really sorry to hear that all play out the way it has, but thanks for sharing with your audience here. Sobering. @YaReally Really appreciate the advice & linked vids. Shoving in my face what I need to work on. Popped out solo last night, & despite feeling ‘on’ through the day at work & looking forward to heading out, found myself hitting a wall when I hit the pavement. Aimed to do some social street opens to just add value to people’s night to warm up, but only managed a handful & felt horrendous lol, in my head &… Read more »
@ Hank, Regarding subcomms, For so many years I wouldn’t even glance at womans’ breasts or look at them sexually knowing that by NOT looking at them in that manner it ANNOYED them –remember that I was bitter, lol. Anyway, regarding subcomms, I’ve noticed for myself in my RP journey that the way I look at women now is often in a sexual way. It is all with the eyes and they all LOVE it. I understand that body language and this and that are important, but the eye contact I think is hugely important. I know some here call… Read more »
Even on MRA/RP boards…
Unfortunately, yes. It just shows how deep this mentality runs.
not sure what cargo means
“Cargo cult”. Google it.
Do you have a Y chromosome? If yes, you ARE a real man
Nobody actually believes that. Nobody. Let’s just make that clear. The social consensus is that you’re supposed to jump through various hoops in order to be considered a “real man”, and that you “man card” can be revoked anytime for any arbitrary reason.
Since I started coming here, a lot of things have fallen in place for me in explaining women’s behaviour. Reading stuff from yareally and others (though I must admit I lack the patience to go through all those videos…), What to me seemed to be haphazard behaviour has started to look very predictable to me. But still, there are many things I could never predict. I pick up and fak a gal who does not even know my name. She cums and becomes too sensitive down there. Though she is looking rather breathless and sweaty, I ask her for head… Read more »
“In particular what are you going to tell your son, find a unicorn?”
What I told my son: “Dominate, dominate, dominate.”
” “I didn’t like the way he looked at my girl”. Truthfully, I couldn’t fight my way out of a box of cream puffs, so unless you CAN it’s advisable to use discretion in certain situations.” Just look him in the eye. Say nothing. Do not be intimidated. Confidence works as much with guys as with girls. If he was the more confident he would have just cut you off and said nothing. The verbal challenge says, “loser” – because he has to tell you he is a tough guy. Of course it is situational. If you are in the… Read more »
SFC Ton August 5th, 2016 at 6:45 am I have similar experiences. I’m going on 72. I’m convinced confidence has a smell. The LTR is always amazed that HB7s and up start chasing me occasionally. It keeps her on her toes. There have been a number of occasions where I do nothing and girls come up to me and swoon. Often with the LTR right next to me. The LTR says I have that affect on her. She likes to pretend from time to time that it isn’t so. I remind her that in our relationship she is powerless and… Read more »
@ Rollo
I’m sorry for your loss. I think a followup post as a kind of eulogy for him would be a great idea.
hank holiday,
Brevity is the soul of wit. Seeing your walls of text usually gives me the tl;dr experience.
Colbert
August 4th, 2016 at 6:15 pm
The LTR has told me more than once that betas didn’t interest her. At all. The woman who “wants” a beta has settled. Settled for what? Power. For power she has given up attraction.
The milieu we live in is full of women who want power. It will not make them happy.
@ Sentient, BTW, i read your post. That was some serious old school wrecking ball shit you pulled on Claude or Maude or whatever the f*** her name was. Well done sir. You had the wisdom to dispose of her panties to avoid any possible FRA, so I see you’re not completely behind the times. 😉 @ M Simon, “Just look him in the eye. Say nothing. Do not be intimidated. Confidence works as much with guys as with girls.” Duly noted. Not exactly the hood but still……….sometimes ” a man’s got to know his limitations.” Just saying is all.… Read more »
@ Rollo
Very sorry to read this about your friend. My condolences.
@ M Simon,
“The LTR has told me more than once that betas didn’t interest her. At all. The woman who “wants” a beta has settled. Settled for what? Power. For power she has given up attraction.”
“The milieu we live in is full of women who want power. It will not make them happy.”
It’s clear to me now. You submit to their frame and…….You. Are. Done.
@M Simon Brevity is the soul of wit. Seeing your walls of text usually gives me the tl;dr experience. because they are usually FRs lol I mean, I could have summed up my last one as: “Did first solid A1-A3. Lots of IOIs from girl, definite interest, but she was tight with her bf and couldn’t number close despite multiple attempts.” but who does that help? there’s not enough details for other guys to give me tips. like, a huge part of what determines (for me anyway) how positive a set will be is if I approach at an angle,… Read more »
@Junior “And skip to the “Group Theory” section. I’d cut and paste it but it comes out all chopped up.” Here Ya go: Group Theory from The Mystery Method Women of quality tend to be found in groups; they are rarely if ever alone. When girls get together, they engage in a group-think mentality. This groupthink is due to the same psychological mechanism that causes pre — selection — girls look to each other to validate their choices and feelings. They will touch each other, hold hands, whisper tilings, move around the venue together, go to the bathroom together, rescue… Read more »
Enjoy this one, fellas. POTUS posted this two days ago. I can almost hear Rollo and Dalrock’s heads explode in parallel lol.
Some real cringe-worthy SJW soapbox shit throughout here.
The Blue Pill: It metabolizes and distributes its payload systemically all the way through the top
(And a prime example of what happens to men who are raised without a masculine father figure)
PS. Condolences, Rollo. No one should be remembered like a John Keats epitaph: “Here lies one whose name was writ in water.” Sad.
http://www.glamour.com/story/glamour-exclusive-president-barack-obama-says-this-is-what-a-feminist-looks-like?mbid=partner_facebook_huffpowomen
…For you ADD link-clicking haters lol here’s a POTUS soapbox nugget from the piece referenced above: “So we need to break through these limitations. We need to keep changing the attitude that raises our girls to be demure and our boys to be assertive, that criticizes our daughters for speaking out and our sons for shedding a tear. We need to keep changing the attitude that punishes women for their sexuality and rewards men for theirs. We need to keep changing the attitude that permits the routine harassment of women, whether they’re walking down the street or daring to go… Read more »
Nice work. This the premier manosphere site now.
when an alpha has an obit:
http://www.nj.com/atlantic/index.ssf/2016/08/wife_girlfriend_place_competing_obituaries_report.html
@Forge – I’ll try the scarf out tonight! @Junior – great work on the FRs and gettnig out there – looks like you are getting good results. I’ll say one thing about the getting discouraged and having bad nights stuff – it happens to me too, it happens to most people who are trying to build a new skill set and working hard on it. COnsistency in going out and practicing is important even through the ups and downs. I find the important thing is to keep focussing on the process – “I am going out and practicing” and not… Read more »
Culum / colbert Couple of decent vids you may like… first one weird dude in pirate get up and girls are nothing special, but shows a very easy natural daygame routine, early kino and number closes… stuff you could do all day long. Note the two set he just plops down at the table… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzC3bx4-VVM And this here of Mystery… you were talking about movement in club, this is good. also a lot of the real subtle body shifting pressure on and off stuff he explains I do a lot of but it doesn’t come through in FR… too subtle… Read more »
Thanks Sentient – just looking at the Mystery How To Move video now.
One thing I’ve noticed (just in this Blitz Week actually) is often I’ll be standing at the bar and a 2-3 set will be to my side and the one beside me (facing away) will back into me and touch my arm (on the bar) more than she needs to – ie, her back will be jostling my arm. Similar to what you’re talking about..hmm.
PS – Just saw Mystery moving video. What is he doing there? Does he literally have a few people over at his house and he’s doing some impromptu lecturing with a camera switched on?
PPS – Also reminds me of back in the day when I used to go to swingers clubs and stuff – especially when in jacuzzi and stuff – very similar sort of compliance tests/IOI tests in whether someone’s foot “accidentally” brushes on yours underwater and that sort of thing..
hank holiday
August 6th, 2016 at 7:17 am
Hank,
I have written for a living. You have to THINK about what you write. THINK about what you can cut. THINK about how to get the phrasing just right.
I may take short cuts for in passing comments. But not too many. And you have to PRACTICE to get good at it.
One thing that helps is READING a LOT of good writing to get a feel for how the good ones do it.
Culum
Yeah those girls are literally throwing themselves at you. So you can open them confident and laid back which will just amp attraction more and the virtuouse cycle starts…
You can find the whole long session Mystery is doing, this is just a pirated clip from Area51. Its the same session with the Lovedrop kino demo which is perfect too.
@ Ajax
Thanks man ,my wife already thinks Obummer is a dousche.And here is more proof.
As men, we are all equal in the presence of death.
Publilius Syrus
Roman Writer (~100 BC)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fGFLyA3u_rw
Well, losing this frame battle. It’s interesting how it all plays out. I have my own internal frame pretty solid, but it’s evident I don’t have much experience enforcing it wrt girls. They have all kinds of tactics that are designed to weaken your frame and it’s just a matter of experiencing them before you can effectively recognize and counter them I suppose. Had (random excuse for FWB to come over) this morning. Was organizing it last night over text, dropped light flirting into the mix and she was like ‘just so u know it’s just (activity) this time. I’m… Read more »
Interesting read
http://bit.ly/2aHlFKl
“As a nation, we did our part in each instance by exhibiting the requisite outrage and disgust. . . . Most of all, we wanted to believe that this was the exception and not the rule—when, in fact, everyone from the club-prowling playboy to the Similac-smeared Dad of the Year is prone to—likely even wired for—this behavior.”
People always rail the hardest against the sin they are committing, or want to.
Kfg
“People always rail the hardest against the sin they are committing, or want to.”
http://bit.ly/2aRbgLx
Comic panel
http://bit.ly/2aXwad8
I always do this to myself and that frame is good introspection.
@ stuffinbox The hardest thing for me after choking down the big red horse pill remains its subsequent major side effects – nausea and near vomiting when exposed to blue pill prions like the following. They no longer pass through my system harmlessly or go unnoticed. They are pervasive and their insidious agendas can neither be rationalized away nor unseen. Some of the more disturbing quotes from his FI treatise: “And those same stereotypes affected my own consciousness as a young man. Growing up without a dad, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out who I was,… Read more »
@FOrge – good FR – I think you’ve analyzed it well. I’m not sure it will cause as big a problem as you might think. Is this really soft-next territory? But other than that only other thing I wanted to add is – did you perhaps come across a bit butthurt with the massage thing? Like I don’t know your voice tonality on that obviously, but why explicitly state the sex quid pro quo? Why not deny her the massage validation saying something like “Hey I would, but then I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands and other body… Read more »
It takes experiencing this while understanding it from a redpill perspective to really start associating things. If I had been an ass and ignored her when she was trying to get comfort from me she’d be pissed – and also keep me more strongly in the ‘lover’ category. If I’d been like ‘ok we’ll reschedule’ when she texted about no sex last night she’d be like ‘wtf really?’ And send a bunch of frame tests. But then she wouldn’t come over unless dtf.
Winna winna chicken dinna
See how the Platinum Rule can guide you in these things?
@Forge/Culum Here’s an example from my own interactions and gaming last night. I’m at my regular Latin club. I spot a tall, cute, slim HB7 I opened a month earlier. I get the IOI and invite her to dance. Me: “Hey trouble-maker” Her: blah blah blah…hi wala Do you remember my name? Me: Remember the face…and the place (name her city) but not the name….Kate…Alice…Brnda Her; laughing…no… Me: I’m just going to keep naming girls names until I get it Her: laughing more….my name is Jimby Me: No, that’s not it.. Her; YES!! It is! you can see how this… Read more »
@yareally @forge @culum @habd Okay, so I do think I am getting somewhat more sexual subcoms. Part of it I have always had because I have naturally squinty eyes — not as bad as james franco though lol — but I am kind of always slightly lasering. Another thing is that I am often tired, especially the past few days. Its also that I just NOTICE the IOIs that I didn’t before. But I DO think I am getting more sexual in general. So today at work had a couple come in. 7 white mid 30’s. Stereotypical beta husband, short… Read more »
@Culum ” Is this really soft-next territory?” Not totally sure yet, we’ll see how it metabolizes. I’m not sure if our definitions are the same, basically I mean that she’s free to come to me but I’m not gonna extend invitations or go after her, at least not for some time. I suspect I’ll get a ‘heeey’ text sooner rather than later the way things have gone so far. But I just got a bit of a tone to the whole interaction like she’s trying to backtrack her free sexuality with me in order to start using it as leverage.… Read more »
@Forge the sky
“Until you’ve seen a girl submit to your frame totally a few times it’s hard to figure it out, to see the signs that you can move forward, to know HOW to move forward.”
Beautiful written
@Forge the sky
“Until you’ve seen a girl submit to your frame totally a few times it’s hard to figure it out, to see the signs that you can move forward, to know HOW to move forward.”
Beautifully written
@Sentient What makes that Mystery clip so compelling isn’t what he’s saying but how he’s saying it. He starts the motion then he starts to tease the meaning then he explains the motion then he bikes on it. In my own interactions when I slow it down, state, chuckle as if to myself I’m building on a riff. When I describe how I banter or escalate I’m using all those techniques that I’ve now internalised. They’re not forced anymore. I’m now at the point where when I sense an ioi I love to the next level. When I miss an… Read more »
@Forge the Sky Your write-up is very, very sagacious. I think you are spot on about the dynamics of (I dare mention) what is now relationship game for you. Here is why I mention and drive YaReally crazy. This is your fork in the road. Your perceptions are accurate on how she is trying to manipulate you. And this is where you keep frame. It is an epic frame battle and you know your charge. If you stick to your script she will respect you. She is shit testing you. And you are passing with flying colors. When you have… Read more »
Just finished my year anniversary of “the martini party at the club” 2015. And got back from the party this year, 2016. An excellent time was had by all (100% married folks–how the hell did that happen?). That event last year in which Scribbler convinced me to take a hiatus from alcohol. And I did. Starting Aug 1 at the martini party. That worked out great and I had my first return to alcohol after the hiatus last year in person IRL with Forge the Sky on Nov. 20. Back then my thoughts I expressed to Forge were that I… Read more »
@ Ajax Looking at the photo of the pet carrier while reading the Hillary sales pitch,it is hard not to imagine a young working class boy trapped inside of the cage. A call for feminism is really dirty pool,a cheap shot for the party,to get Hillary elected.When you are already the most powerful man in the free world you can afford to say these things and maybe still wear the pants.Buut I don’t see a full women secret service,Potus body guards and all now or in the distant future.Equality? Sentient is correct in saying that Feminism has already defeated itself.The… Read more »
@SJF Thanks for linking the breakdown, appreciated. @Culum Great advice. Totally empathize with your recent trips into the field – just had two of my more disappointing nights in a row, the kind that send you back to square one scratching your head thinking whether this is really a possible journey. But, sadly, they were likely better than 90% of the rest of the guys I saw out – I opened around 6 sets each night. I’d be surprised if your average guy’s opening any, & if he is he’s likely boozed. I was totally sober, zero money spent, &… Read more »
Forge
You got this… The takeaway is absolutely a dominance move. Anything that puts your frame forward is.
Wala
Yeah Mystery does a ton of NLP things with his voice and body all the time… Thats the stuff you are refering to. It can be complex but it can take a very simple sentence and make so much more of it. Ross Jeffries was the pre Mysery PUA guru and his stuff was very NLP based… He taught Mystery.
@ Sentient…and everyone. Watch The October Man sequence. This is pure gold. I’ve adopted this into my game For Hank and Culum who are struggling to figure out how to start conversations this is a way of unlocking that. The guy looks like a Sopranos thug…but listen closely and watch this. Mystery obviously polished this up and marketed it more aggressively. It’s about 1. what feelings emotions/identity you want to draw out of her… 2. Bring out the idea and turn into a symbol that she gives you… 3. Then you manage the symbol, use her world to propel her… Read more »
@ Ajax
Wtf the quip about women not being able to go on the internet without being attacked.First you cannot attack someone on the internet,only their ideas”ideals”,second do we see men going into female space on the net without being shot down or viceversa?
This reminds me of Em and the chatbots pushing their Ideals into masculine space and having them shot down.This also rings loudly of censure,goodby 5th amendment.
The last refuge of masculinity in the modern world,virtual at best,must now be censured to prevent radical feminism from getting it’s pussy hurt.
@Culum Struan “One thing I’ve noticed (just in this Blitz Week actually) is often I’ll be standing at the bar and a 2-3 set will be to my side and the one beside me (facing away) will back into me and touch my arm (on the bar) more than she needs to – ie, her back will be jostling my arm. Similar to what you’re talking about..hmm.” That’s pAImAI. It means they want you to open them lol The one with her back to you is the one that likes you. Would she back into and continue to jostle a… Read more »
@Forge Yareally did a great breakdown. I’d add that this is why Blackdragon is adamant about putting each girl in a strict box, and acting accordingly. Like, what is she to you? A FB or a mLTR? The moment you start doing boyfriend-ish stuff with her, she becomes the latter, and its way more difficult to handle. You cannot go back and forth between the 2, girls are very good at sensing incongruities like this, and that is why you got this shit test. You have to have strict rules about what is the place of each girl in your… Read more »
@ Klem “And girls LIKE that, they have absolutely no problem just having sex with you if you act congruently.” This is not true for all girls, and this is hard to face if you’re still Blue Pill and struggling with scarcity mentality. Women still have the option to not submit to your Frame, and many of them won’t. This is where screening comes in. And to screen you have to have a solid abundance mentality. Some girls will NOT be okay with fucking a guy if he’s transparent about not being exclusive. This is all elementary, but it’s important… Read more »
@Softek “This is not true for all girls” Nah man, girls are all wired the same at the basic level, just like guys. Sounds a lot like NAWALT! “Some girls will NOT be okay with fucking a guy if he’s transparent about not being exclusive” Well, define “transparent”. If you mean overt yeah I agree, but if you covertly convey that you are not exclusive there’s no problem at all. Another thing that will blow your mind : girls actually LOOK for guys like that, and the hotter the girl the harder for her to find a guy like that… Read more »
@ SJF “However, I want to emphasize that this removal of your time and attention can easily denigrate into actual abuse of your wife if you are not extremely careful. Yes, I said it and I mean it. Don’t be an abusive asshole with these techniques.” I’ve been accused of “abuse” for removing time and attention and basically just ignoring her and that is complete and utter bullshit. You can abuse children and infants by ignoring them, which can equal emotional neglect and outright abuse, because children are dependent on their parents and their brains aren’t fully developed, and in… Read more »
@ Klem I would feel like many girls could be fuckbuddies, and not care that the guy is seeing other girls, if he sets that as the Frame. But what if he’s seeing a girl *as if* he was exclusive with her, doing boyfriend/girlfriend things, and still holds to being non-exclusive? Is that truly being incongruent, or is that ‘incongruence’ simply a result of the feminist idea that “boyfriend/girlfriend” behaviors can only take place in the context of an exclusive committed relationship? If AWALT, then women should be fine with being a guy’s girlfriend, and being monogamous to him, even… Read more »
@yareally thanks. no rush whatsoever, but would like a solid breakdown on that black 7 at glasses store, since it was a big deal for me. Especially on what I could have done to get the number close on her. She was definitely in to me (which I see even more now, just did another a1-a3 with a okay number close, resistance to giving me her number, could only give her my number, found issue w/ foriegn girls but already figured out how to fix it lol. but point is this girl was like regular into me, and I see… Read more »