I came across another familiar story on the TRP Reddit this week. It’s familiar because this story is becoming increasingly more common as Hypergamy becomes a more open secret that women can no longer keep under wraps.
For the better part of 2014, and in Preventive Medicine, I explored the social trend of Open Hypergamy and the impact it’s beginning to effect on contemporary western(ized) culture. In that exploration I published Saving the Best (another TRP link), a story which revolved around the increasingly more common post-Epiphany Phase “regrets” women have when their Party Years indiscretions are made evident to the Beta men who committed to them in monogamy or marriage.
Have a read of Saving the Best before you continue here, you’ll see the commonalities immediately. I’m going to dissect this “confession” a bit as I go, but bear in mind this woman’s predicament is the direct result of the unintentional Red Pill awareness that Open Hypergamy has brought men to – even uninitiated Beta men.
An update, for those asking for it. Here’s the link to my original post although the text has been deleted? Before I get into the details, I’d just like to say I greatly appreciate the support this community extended me. Believe it or not, I read every response.
As of this morning, we still hadn’t slept in the same bed or spoken more than 10 words to each other in passing. As I was waking up, he was walking in the front door with two coffees. He sat me down at our kitchen table and finally opened up to me.
Basically he feels that he was “conned” (his word) into the marriage, saying that he wouldn’t have even dated me, let alone married me, if he’d known what he knows now. His view of me has been irreparably changed and he no longer sees me “as someone worthy of being [his] wife”. (quoting him here… fucking prick) Beyond the sexual aspect, he says he no longer trusts me because I “kept something this big” from him our whole relationship.
One of the primary disconnects women are conditioned to believe during their Epiphany Phase is that a “good man” will be willing to forgive and forget her past indiscretions. On their journey of self-exploration and discovery women are encouraged to adopt a finely tuned cognitive dissonance with who they conveniently become and what should be the consequences of their pasts. While men are expected to live up to their responsibilities as men, and are expected to own up to the consequences of their failures, at the Epiphany Phase women are encouraged to convince themselves that they become someone else – someone who was “so different” from who she was in her Party Years.
Her husband feels “conned” because he was conned; conned after discovering the dual personality of his pre and post Epiphany Phase wife. What we’re expected to believe here (courtesy of the social conventions emplaced by the Feminine Imperative) is that her husband is some prudish, moralistic throwback unwilling to accept and embrace the “real” her – the one who was trying to “get it right” by turning over a new leaf with him. This is the easy, ready-to-use shame that women have available to them; if a man becomes indignant over a woman’s sexual past it translates into his insecurities as a man. His feeling conned over his bait & switch marriage is redirected to being his problem.
Men aren’t off the hook with that convenient convention either. There’s a moral high ground many men want to claim and cast the actions of a guy in this circumstance as virtuous and a proper revenge for being mislead. While that may feel good, men in this situation aren’t disillusioned with their ‘unworthy’ wives from a moral pretense, but rather that they believed they would be entitled to their wives’ sexual best reserved for him. As I quoted in Saving the Best, they “marry a whore who fucks like a prude.”
Subjectively that may or may not be the case, but it’s the freedom and genuine desire with which their wives had sex with prior (Alpha) lovers; desire that wasn’t based on material provisioning, emotional investment or the logistical hoops women expect their post-Epiphany “good men” to perform to in order to merit their sexual and intimate attentions. That’s the disconnect, that’s the con; Alpha Bad Boys get her 3-Way genuine sexual abandon with no investment expected, while he’s got to maintain ‘multiple businesses’ in order to get a prosaic sexual experience with her. The Bad Boys got her sexual best for free, while he’s expected to accept her as the ‘new’ post-Epiphany her…
Nothing I could do or say could convince him that these were past mistakes and not reflective of who I am today. He wasn’t angry with me, didn’t call me a slut or anything like that. Never once raised his voice. Part of me wishes he did, although I can’t exactly say why right now. It felt like I was being laid off from a job.
As I mentioned, the expectation is for her husband to accept “who she is today”, yet who she was ten years ago had a more genuine desire for less established, but sexually arousing, lovers. I’m going to speculate here, but it’s likely that a man who owns multiple businesses spent more of his time diligently and (I presume) responsibly cultivating those enterprises than the men his wife took as lovers ten years ago. Again, we can see that as a moral virtue on his part, but there’s a root indignation of what her past represents within the context of his (I assume) responsible past.
And like a good business owner he plays the confrontation calmly and collectedly. The part of her that wishes he’d raised his voice is the same part that got excited by the Alpha indifference of her former lovers.
So that’s it. We are getting divorced. My supposed life-partner turning his back on me without a second thought. He didn’t even have the decency to discuss it with me first – apparently he visited his lawyer during the week and “the process is in motion” (his words). Knowing him, there is absolutely no changing his mind.
My husband owns multiple businesses and wouldn’t get married without a prenup. I signed it, honest-to-god thinking we’d never, EVER have to use it. Well, he had the fucking document with him this morning. He said he’d pay off the remainder of my student loans, which he isn’t “legally obligated” to do. While I appreciate that, I am going to meet with my lawyer this week and see if the agreement can be challenged in court. We have built a life together, I gave him 5 of the best years of my life and I’ve been 100% faithful to him – I don’t fucking deserve to be tossed out like a piece of trash.
So that’s it. My life turned upside-down in the span of a week, over something I did 10+ YEARS AGO BEFORE I EVEN KNEW HIM. It’s fucking asinine. The thing is, even as I wrote the original post, in the back of my mind I knew he was through with me. He’s ended friendships and business partnerships over less.
Ghosts of Epiphanies Past
In Preventive Medicine I go into a bit of detail about men in this increasingly common circumstance. There is a subconscious expectation on the part of Beta men who find themselves at or just past women’s Epiphany Phase, that predisposes them to believing that what they’ve become as a result of their perseverance throughout their 20’s has now come to fruition and the women who ignored them then have now matured to a point where he’s the ‘sexy’ one at last.
Unless men have a moment of clarity or a Red Pill initiation of their own prior to this, what they don’t accept is that this expectation is a calculated conditioning of the Feminine Imperative to prepare him for women like this; women who can no longer sexually compete for the Alpha Fucks they enjoyed in their Party Years. The Feminine Imperative teaches him that he can expect a woman’s “real” sexual best from the “real” her – why else would she agree to a lifelong marriage if he weren’t the optimal choice to settle down with? Why wouldn’t she be even more sexual than in her past with the man she’s chosen to spend her life with and have children with?
That is the message the Feminine Imperative used to subtly and indirectly imply to Betas-in-waiting. Now with the comfort of Open Hypergamy this message is published in best selling books by influential women:
“When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.”
― Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead
Not to belabor Sandberg yet again (she has been hocking the tired out Choreplay meme recently), but this is essentially the outline of the script we’re reading in this woman’s lament. She’s essentially followed Sandberg’s advice only to find that her Beta-in-waiting bought into the same script too. The problem for her is that he took the “nothing’s sexier” part to heart only to find that someone else was sexier long before she’d convinced him otherwise.
For what it’s worth, fem-centrism has far less to fear from the manosphere revealing the ugly Red Pill truths about Hypergamy and more to worry about from pridefully self-indulgent women gleefully explaining it to the general populace themselves. Roosh had a tweet this week with what would likely have been the attitude of our subject wife ten odd years ago:
The more common Open Hypergamy becomes and the more proudly it’s embraced by the whole of women the less effective shaming men into acceptance of it will be. However, I thought it was entertaining when the counter-comments on Saving the Best questioned how common this situation really was or else thought it was trolling.
I think it’s much more prevalent than most men would like to admit. Perhaps not as dramatic as this example, but far more common for a majority of men who’ve tacitly accepted that the woman they married (or paired with) gave her best to her prior lovers and are too personally or family invested to extricate themselves from her after they’ve realized it. That investment necessitates them convincing themselves of the pre-planned memes the Feminine Imperative has prepared for them – that they are doing the right thing by forcing that dissonance out of their minds.
A lot of Betas-in-waiting like to claim a personal sense of vindication about their successfully pairing and breeding with women who they believe are (and were) their SMV evaluate equals once those women have “got it out of their system” with regards to self-discovery and Alpha indiscretions. In a sense they’re correct; often enough these are the men who gratefully embrace a woman’s intimate acceptance of him precisely at the point when his SMV has matured to match this woman’s declining SMV. I call this crossover the comparative SMV point in my SMV graph.
Even women on the down-slide of their SMV like to encourage the idea that their post-Epiphany decision to marry the Plan B Beta provider (long term orbiter) is evidence of their newly self-discovered maturity. How could they have been so foolish and not seen how the perfect guy for her had been there all along? That consideration gratifies the ego of a Beta who’s been hammered flat by rejection or mediocre experiences with women up to that point.
The primary reason I spent the last year compiling Preventive Medicine was to help men see past the compartmentalization of women’s phases of maturity, but also to help them see past their own immediate interpretations of those phases as they’re experiencing them. Long term sexual and intimate deprivation (i.e. Thirst) will predispose men to convincing themselves of the part they believe they should play in the social conventions of the Feminine Imperative. Their own cognitive dissonance is a small, subliminal price to pay when they believe they’re finally being rewarded with a woman who’s now ready to give him her best.
What inspired me to this post was reading a cutesy photo-meme on Facebook. The syrupy message was “My only regret was not meeting you sooner so we could spend more of our lives together” superimposed over some kids in black & white holding a rose. Then it hit me, this was a message a guy was posting to his girlfriend; the one he’d met after his second divorce was finalized. What he didn’t want to think about was that if he’d met her sooner she’d have been too busy “discovering herself” to have anything to do with him.
[…] Tomassi has written the ultimate essay! […]
[…] By Rollo Tomassi […]
I used to be like this. Years ago I had a girlfriend who moved to my city after meeting up with me on a vacation. We were hot and heavy for around a month or two…I did everything for her: helped her move, was attentive…the “perfect” boyfriend. Then one day in a conversation it emerged that when she went back from her vacation and began contemplating moving out to my city…she had gone back to her then boyfriend in her city. I was CRUSHED…she started rationalizing it saying things like: “i thought what we had then was just a fling…”… Read more »
Better late than never Rollo. I feel like I finally got to the 2nd level in the most exciting video game ever. I’ll call it: King of the clowns.
Pre-order now and you’ll get free sweatbands for your pet hamster.
Despite the increase in men aware of women’s sense of entitlement, there remain many who still don’t have a clue. Trying to warn them rarely works, and yet when the bomb gets dropped on them, they lament that no one warned them about this. This is the real issue, for women are not worth the effort to dominate them nor to change them. Save the men, and wave at the wome as you leave them behind.
What inspired me to this post was reading a cutesy photo-meme on Facebook. The syrupy message was “My only regret was not meeting you sooner so we could spend more of our lives together” superimposed over some kids in black & white holding a rose. Then it hit me, this was a message a guy was posting to his girlfriend; the one he’d met after his second divorce was finalized. What he didn’t want to think about was that if he’d met her sooner she’d have been too busy “discovering herself” to have anything to do with him. Now that… Read more »
[…] As I was writing this post Rollo put up a new post of his own, where he delves into the subject of “Betas in Waiting.” […]
Hah, all of this is kinda making me concerned about pursuing my goals as I am currently. Increasing my BB credentials too much. I’m trying to up the alpha as well, and it’s going great, but the motivation the RP has given me is settling a lot in low-hanging fruit and opportunities around me career-wise…
Women have tender-soft claws for men who seem soft yet stable.
@Forge the Sky
Well too bad for those branch-monkeys.
THIS prick’s got retractable pricks now.
Not that I’m being self-righteous mind you. I’m just happy to serve them as I best know how. Hahaha.
Rollo: this is not the first nor will it be the last time you hear this. I am forever in your debt for unpacking the baggage that is the feminine. Roosh, Chateau Heartise, and the very gifted commenters here, I thank you as well. I am changing for the better; I have placed my tent on this mountain.
@Tent, good to hear.
Notice how she responds to this with anger. She never loved him. She is running to the lawyers looking to get her piece of the Beta Bux. She never planned to honor the prenup, just like she never really committed to the marriage. It was just the next step in her life for herself.
What a great look at myself.
I need to work on minimizing my thirst; I’ve read your first book and know that abundance is a work in progress. In the meantime, how do I prevent this thirst from fooling me? As men, we have strong libidos and we must reconcile it with reality, so what do we do if we’re still a work-on-improving on our game in the meantime?
Thanks for articles like this; it’s a great additional read (with a real example) from what you wrote in your book.
RP truths just never get old…The FI has really made this racket effective, even when still plagued by blue pill thinking, perspective, I think many guys always have this thing in their subconscious that tells them ‘The Fuck!?’, that ‘splinter in your mind, driving you mad’. But like sensei said, the FI has fought too hard through media, education, government, social engineering to make sure that line of question is done away with by encouraging and bringing up White-knights (-hood, -ism) and captain save-a-hoe mentality on a global scale…May we continue to be edified. The bitch’s dissonance is even extending… Read more »
This is why I don’t take dating girls over 23 seriously, if I ever date them at all.
The Beta Bux chap in this scenario should scare the crap out of women everywhere. Guy sounds like a moderated, polite individual, no doubt solicitous to a fault.. As noted, he has built a very successful life for himself this way–giving others respect and expecting to receive it in kind. Were he to change his personality completely, he might get a little more play out of women, but at significant financial risk. Personal relationships are paramount in business if you want to raise capital for a new venture or acquire at a good price. The reliable, intelligent man with a… Read more »
The FI is changing that with googles right of removal in Europe.
As for that neophyte on Twitter, Roosh screen munched…
That should be a light-bulb moment for many a man, in or out of the matrix.
To all men, observe. learn. adapt.
I can’t tell if a woman hiding her sexual past post-epiphany is a con or cognitive dissonance or a bit of both. What it demonstrates is a (perhaps subconscious) acknowledgement that having an extensive list of sex partners is considered by most if not all “good” men to be a negative if not entirely disqualifying quality. Despite a feminist-led campaign to eliminate “slut shaming” women themselves seem to have continued the practice unabated – I find it hard to believe that women themselves don’t understand that calling another woman a slut isn’t intended to decrease her SMV at least relative… Read more »
“Even without the prenup, highish net worth men do not get divorce raped as often as the media portrays it. He can afford better lawyers than her.” Actually a guy like this who is to one degree or another self-employed is going to be raked over the coals. For a guy who gets his W2 income from a single source in which he is not a shareholder/partner/officer/etc. child support and spousal maintenance (if applicable) is a relatively simple affair – most states have a “matrix” where income and number of kids converge and there isn’t much wiggle room in that.… Read more »
Evidence that no amount shaming slut-shamers will ever eliminate the root cause: no man wants another man’s sloppy 56ths. The guy may not know the specifics of why (Alpha Widows that aren’t actually giving you their sexual best, higher likelihood of divorce, etc) but he doesn’t need to. Every guy knows instinctively it’s a bad idea to marry another man’s slut. Somewhat ironically, women know it as well. Even though my own mother kept telling me one day when I got in to my career and spent years being snubbed girls would finally notice me, she still recoiled in horror… Read more »
@Rollo Tomassi writes: The primary reason I spent the last year compiling Preventive Medicine was to help men see past the compartmentalization of women’s phases of maturity, but also to help them see past their own immediate interpretations of those phases as they’re experiencing them. Long term sexual and intimate deprivation (i.e. Thirst) will predispose men to convincing themselves of the part they believe they should play in the social conventions of the Feminine Imperative. Their own cognitive dissonance is a small, subliminal price to pay when they believe they’re finally being rewarded with a woman who’s now ready to… Read more »
The Beta Bux chap in this scenario should scare the crap out of women everywhere.
Only if he wins the pre-nup challenge and is able to walk away on his terms. Otherwise, she wins. Outcome still pending.
The men that truly “scare the crap out of women everywhere” are the ones that, when push comes to shove, are willing to burn everything to the ground and spend years in prison (or go on the lam) in order to keep the bitch from getting anything… including another breath of oxygen.
Then again, those men generally are getting the hotter sex for free (or less), and don’t need to be the Beta Bux type.
I have my suspicions that more and more men will go MGTOW as hypergamy becomes more and more open.
On the flip side, open hypergamy ultimately leads to the end of feminism.
“The men that truly “scare the crap out of women everywhere” are the ones that, when push comes to shove, are willing to burn everything to the ground and spend years in prison (or go on the lam) in order to keep the bitch from getting anything… including another breath of oxygen.”
Yes – the infamous case of H. Beatty Chadwick:
‘Notice how she responds to this with anger. She never loved him. She is running to the lawyers looking to get her piece of the Beta Bux. She never planned to honor the prenup, just like she never really committed to the marriage. It was just the next step in her life for herself.” I guarantee that this woman in her Epiphany phase was telling everyone of her friends and elders that going into her marriage that any woman should be happy with any beta male out there that would provide for her. And that she should “never walk away… Read more »
“On the flip side, open hypergamy ultimately leads to the end of feminism.” To the extent that feminism isn’t disguised lesbian recruitment (look it up – Stacy McCain has collated the source material) the thinly veiled goal of feminism is open hypergamy and resource extraction to subsidize it. And it won’t matter if you go your own way, you’ll still get the tax bill for it. (both directly on your 1040 and indirectly when, for example, your company has to pay for you as a man to have birth control coverage or it gets Lilly Ledbettered into diverting more of… Read more »
Perhaps the silver lining is that the overwhelming majority of lawyers who pursue family law aren’t the kinds of lawyers who understand how businesses work and operate, tax returns and the like, so there is a puncher’s chance that he’ll just have to endure manipulation of the children and screwing with the visitation/holiday schedule. He owned several businesses. I’ve checked two posts, seen no sign of any children. He’ll be fine. /Disclaimer: Personal experience. We were not in a community property state, and I did just leave rather than play along. My ex, to protect her government pension/retirement accounts, did… Read more »
The original story by the woman in a post in r/relationships at Reddit has been deleted. Here is the original post from the woman name “husbandhatesme”. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – My husband [M34] of 2 years found out some unsavory details about my [F31] past, and I’m scared it could lead to divorce. I’ll try and keep this short. We’ve known each other 5 years, been married for 2 years, and up until last weekend things were perfectly fine. Maybe once… Read more »
Epiphany phase rationalization. Reoriented to obtain provisioning from a male.
Unless I missed something I think it’s funny that she never really expresses any sadness or regret for losing him. She doesn’t show any hurt or emotional loss. She just kind of dives right into the logistics of lawyers, pre-nups, compensation, student loans that he is so generously paying for her (Not good enough!). So revealing. Young bucks out there, you have been very fairly warned. Rollo, I finished the book and stand amazed, once again. I echo all the gratitude from some other posters. I hope you really understand how valuable your efforts have been for all of us.… Read more »
The man in the post sounds like a cold assed alpha.
Another tell is her writing that she’d been “100% faithful to him” for a short five years as if a) there is a percent of faithfulness less than 100% and b) it was an accomplishment and not the requisite minimum expected from promised by her at the time of marriage. I tweeted to RT a recommendation of the PBS “Independent Lens” documentary “Little White Lie” which premiered last night and can be viewed online. It’s funny how the RP is a Rosetta Stone that unlocks the truth of female behavior that you wouldn’t be able to process without it. The… Read more »
@swiftfoxmark2 More and more men are going MGTOW as hypergamy becomes more and more open. FTFY. http://www.breitbart.com/london/2014/12/04/the-sexodus-part-1-the-men-giving-up-on-women-and-checking-out-of-society/ Most guys’ reaction to just a taste of Red Pill truth is to pretty much say “Well shit, I’ve wasted all this time and all that’s left are used up fat chicks, single moms, and psychos. I’m out.” Several of my good personal friends have already gone that route. It’s incredibly common already among guys in their 30s and single. It’s not going to happen, it’s already happening. @OP Thanks. Think I’ll take my own shot at translating this… Probably 12-15 in total,… Read more »
Honestly the funny part in all this is that the only thing keeping the vast majority of men engaged with society is the promise of pussy. Open Hypergamy is making it clear that promise is composed of 100% Grade A Prime Horseshit. There is no dispensary where “The One” is waiting for the moment in your life when you’re ready for her. There’s just a bunch of used up sluts sighing, looking the other way, and extending her hand to him saying “Fine. If I have to…” Most guys simply can’t handle it, and I get it. It really does… Read more »
” but obviously I didn’t share intimate details about our sex life” Guys : pay attention to the word OBVIOUSLY as if she’s talking to Sheryl Sandberg, “I’m not a good person for keeping this from him” . Listen to the manipulation , you deliberately hid that from him or to any any other Beta $$ you wanted to marry. “so please don’t lecture me”. (don’t cast the first stone, ya know). “It was a chapter of my life I’d thought I’d closed for good. It was my ONE secret,” Chapter of my life = 2 different taste of come.… Read more »
@Alec I actually caught that show tonight. I just returned from a conference in San Francisco, where I prided myself in not watching television but had to decompress from the plane ride home and springing three hours forward. The show followed a sob story about anecdotal “immunization” Frontline on PBS that showed that immunizations had nothing to do with autism. But individual “feelings” like those of Jenny McCarthy have a way of being solipsistic. E.G. “As an epistemological position, solipsism holds that knowledge of anything outside one’s own mind is unsure; the external world and other minds cannot be known… Read more »
Thanks to a site like this that solved 8000 years of confusion.
In the cradle of civilization (mess opotamia) women weren’t allowed to be a witness because no sane jury would by the crap that comes out of their ass,I mean mouth.
“I would actually not recommend the waste of time watching that program. It was so predictable in light of the rational male with the added insult of watching the race card put in play beyond the the Jewish card. Just a little two indulgent for me. I am race neutral. Show me the content of your character and I can judge you just fine. I’m glad to sacrifice my time to say it sucked and it was nothing more than a drive by travesty.” I get that reaction entirely – it seemed like the unstated conclusion we were to draw… Read more »
“The value in it for me was seeing all of the Red Pill truths unintentionally laid bare together with the mother’s abject lack of remorse or empathy for the man she cuckolded and humiliated for decades – even if he was credulous enough to believe that this black child was his biological daughter. You just don’t see the whole arc of the FI shown honestly in an hour program – it was perhaps the fact that the stock culprit was supposed racism that allowed the story to be told so openly and honestly” Totally agree Alec. I value seeing it… Read more »
New 1:30 podcast with Christain McQueen?
The last podcast was fucking (sic) phenomenal.
Female. Over 30. Currently seeing someone who is into RP. Recently discovered your blog and have read all I could get my hands on. While I agree with some of what you teach/ preach I have a real issue with the hypocrisy of this post. You advise men to spin plates, don’t commit and use women for sex for as long as possible while at the same time hold those women accountable for this. You’re telling the men how to be the alpha fucks that are going to get laid by women then call those same women not worthy of… Read more »
My mother was probably an 8 back in her day. 5’8″ brunette with hazel eyes and a state swimmer body. Dudes apparently fell all over each other to date her. Apparently did remain a virgin until she married at 21 even. My extremely Beta emasculated pussy of a stepfather married her at just past 50 thinking he had lucked out by finally snagging one of the girls who was so hot when he was younger. This dude couldn’t be more soaked in Blue Pill. My mother sat in front of me happily prattling along about how he was such a… Read more »
@Newgal The double standards are are incredible. There are two standards because there are two totally different dynamics. A man can only spin plates by working at his Game, looks, social skills, job, confidence, and basically everything that makes him a man. If he can spin plates, it’s a sign he actually has done the work to become high quality. A man doesn’t have to conceal his sexual past because it’s proof of his value. A woman can spin plates by saying “yes”. No work. No value needed. Just lower standards to her own attractiveness instead of 2 points above,… Read more »
Newgal Tell us how you feel about yourself and what you bring to your man. How are you his prize? How do you bring to him a virtue if you lock him down. You do realize the conundrum of being over thirty and having had your alpha quotient? And now you want to be provided for? The last 15 years have degraded the experience that a 30 year old professional male would have with a female ( acquaintances of mine). When we got married, it was a different time. It does not behoove a male to get married today unless… Read more »
@melmoth & @Mr T.
Hope you don’t mind that I’ve shared your comments here and there:
I suppose the equivalent would be if, after marriage, it transpired that the guy she married was not the wealthy individual she had assumed him to be but an undischarged bankrupt – but it was learning experience for him, had made him what he is but broke.
One must always surely be wary of any woman past a certain age who is marrying for the first time, but exactly what that age is might be considerably younger than one might suppose.
Women only want what I like to call “selective equality”. They want to keep all of their benefits of the past while taking on new benefits of a man (minus the responsibility or accountability). All adults (if they’re adults) have choices to make and there are consequences for some of those choices. Men who decide on careers that are not considered high value (status, money or both) are looked down on by women. Women will never say this out loud in public because it’s not the acceptable thing to say in society (it makes her look bad; she’ll be labeled… Read more »
[…] for women to sow their wild oats with Alphas, then settle down with Deltas and Gammas afterwards with one woman’s actual experience of having her past unexpectedly disclosed to her husband:As of this morning, we still hadn’t […]
@Newgal Men aren’t the ones promoting dating (sleeping) around with many men (that was feminism looking for equality and Sheryl Sandberg selling books to women) – but nice try on the shaming (blaming). Spinning plates and Game are the direct results of the current environment (thanks to feminism). Women want it all (but only the good stuff) – the high paying jobs, the freedom to sleep around with many men, etc…but only the benefits (no accountability). They want selective equality (they still love it when men pay for dinner) and don’t want to be called out for their behavior (even… Read more »
The guy in this scenario doesn’t seem beta to me at all. I mean, he did misjudge her initially, but now that he’s found out the true quality of the woman he picked to be his wife, he gets rid of her without any drama and has a prenup to limit his losses to boot. But she made the worse misjudgment: She thought the guy was beta enough to swallow the harsh truth about her if it ever would become known to him, instead he nexts her like a boss. Not all alphas are bad boys, not all bad boys… Read more »
“AWALT, even your own mother.”
I really enjoyed this post. One of the very best. Its very interesting to see that the Alpha dude or dudes are rarely or remotely mentioned in the comments section of her “confession”. They remain anonymous and insulated yet the Beta husband is given a lashing for going through with the divorce. So society frowns upon the Beta. Actually in a sense the Alphas are defended as one commentator states and I quote “If he is so foolish to leave his WIFE for something that happened years before you guys met which wasn’t his business anyways, then you are better… Read more »
This is why I refuse to get married to a woman in this country(Australia). I’m not the most handsome man in the world–I’m short and balding, but I have a decent looking face–and I don’t have a great ‘career’, yet I own my own house, have decent savings(including retirement), and have a great inheritance to look forward to. Why the hell would I jeopardize all of that to get substandard, old, worn out pussy? I can still attract women who are younger than myself because I have a youngish looking face(I’m 36), but I have no interest in them anymore,… Read more »
Notice how she responds to this with anger. She never loved him.
This is exactly what I was thinking. If she loved him, she would be utterly devastated about this.
“I suppose the equivalent would be if, after marriage, it transpired that the guy she married was not the wealthy individual she had assumed him to be but an undischarged bankrupt – but it was learning experience for him, had made him what he is but broke.” ______________________ Outstanding take. And you know that it is wholly socially acceptable for her to announce that she’s divorcing him because he deceived her about his income and net worth even if they never had an explicit conversation about the extent of his income assets and expenses. And no one would shed a… Read more »
@Willy Wonker So society frowns upon the Beta. You are addressing a topic I find most disturbing and hard to handle with in all the Red Pill Truth. Don’ get me wrong: I am grateful for the insights Red Pill Manosphere has provided about the true nature of women, their sexual strategies and their convenient lies. But what I always found most repulsive is that there obvisiouly is a secret and well concealed coalition between Alphas and the Female Imperative. Both shit on and mock Beta Males although these are the people who built civilization and from whom they benefit… Read more »
How to expose hypocrisy in women. Woman: Judging someone because of their past is wrong! Man: Really? Glad you said that because in college I hooked up with gay guys, you know, just to experiment. Woman: OMG! Don’t touch me!!! I can never think of you the same again!! This hypocrisy can be seen on OKCupid, where women will proudly proclaim they’ve been with women, but check the box that says they’ll reject a guy who has been with guys. They need to realize that them being with a lot of guys holds about as much appeal as us being… Read more »
@ newgal: “Female. Over 30. Currently seeing someone who is into RP. Recently discovered your blog and have read all I could get my hands on. While I agree with some of what you teach/ preach I have a real issue with the hypocrisy of this post. You advise men to spin plates, don’t commit and use women for sex for as long as possible while at the same time hold those women accountable for this.” Men are responsible for their sexual strategies and the consequences that flow from it. Women are responsible for their own sexual strategies and their… Read more »
newgal: https://alphaisassumed.wordpress.com/2014/09/20/she-does-what-she-wants-guest-post-by-deti/ “It’s not her lack of self esteem. Her friends are not requiring her to have sex. Nor is any good looking player forcing her into that bedroom. She could have chosen any number of other things to boost her self-worth and self regard. She chose sex and sexual validation. That’s her choice and her decision to make; she is free to make it; and no one can stop her from making it. “Her having sex with a guy who “done her dirty” was not a “mistake”. It was a judgment call, a choice, a decision; the responsibility for… Read more »
Its a simple conflict of advertising. In the ‘Carousel’ phase-and indeed nearly all the time far as I can tell- a woman is in a constant state of dual marketing. All women to some extent present the impression of high value, prudish girls (I’ve only been with three guys honest!) while actually being expert sexual beings. Its no different then a used car lot rolling back the odometer. Experienced men don’t buy the advertising , while the betas do. The resentment has much in common with discovering the shiny car in your driveway was a flood salvage title misrepresented by… Read more »
Psychology of Love, John Alan Lee. PRAGMA is a utilitarian love concerned with a sensible match that will effectively meet the social and emotion needs of each partner. Eros is passionate love. Erotic lovers seek intimate sexual and emotional involvement. Ludus is flirtatious; love is a game. Ludus lovers avoid commitment or self-disclosure. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_styles Couples: Scenes from the Inside, Sally Cline “While the need for basic human attachment and intimacy must still be satisfied, we now privately choose the specific “love styles” with which we gratify those needs. New dyadic relationships are measured not by their capacity to foster traditional… Read more »
Ladies: If you want to sleep with players and avoid commitment from nonplayers (and by all indications, around 90%+ of you clearly display your intentions to do exactly that), then accept the natural consequences of your decisions. 1. Your marriage choices will be severely restricted. You’ll be limited to men who are willing to marry sluts – mostly unattractive, low value men. And you’ll probably have to lie through your teeth to persuade a man to marry you. 2. You’ll be miserably unhappy in your marriages. You’ll be unwilling to bond to your husband, unable to bond to him, or… Read more »
One last thing and then I’ll leave this. Note that the husband’s disgust is not so much over her past sexploits. It’s about the lying. She was fundamentally dishonest about a material, foundational aspect of the relationship. She defrauded him. She was disloyal to him. She showed her first loyalties are to herself, not to him. This is not about her fucking other guys. This is about her lying about it, which is elemental lack of character. As a result, he can no longer trust her. If she has lied about this, what else has she lied about? What other… Read more »
If he cannot trust her to be honest, they have no marriage.
This shit is GOLD!
@Stingray, you wrote: “Notice how she responds to this with anger. She never loved him. This is exactly what I was thinking. If she loved him, she would be utterly devastated about this.” If you look at her post, she is setting up buffers to her devastation using anger. She WANTED him to respond to her with anger – if he had done so, she would have felt justified in her rage against him. If he had yelled at her, verbally “abused” her, hit her – she could feel some legitimate anger toward him – shift some of the blame… Read more »
Coming into the lions den and getting ripped apart. You have reached expiry, pump and dump forever now.
@Deti One point where I disagree with you – I don’t believe the problem here is the lying (or, not exclusively the lying). It’s also the sex, the drugs, the history of hedonism. Look, I am a married man, a father, and a business owner. My wife is legally entitled to share my assets, mother my children, and be an integral component in my life. I CHOSE my wife because I think she is a trustworthy person, and I based that decision on her past behavior. True, past behavior is not necessarily an indicator of the future – no more… Read more »
Newgal fails to realize that the men she (and all women want, the 5%) do the choosing by their standards.
Your comment Ladies
Well roar’d Lion! This should be hammered home to the Ladies once for all.
@ Newgal Women are NATURAL plate spinners. They are always one text away from a new orbiter, or some silly ex, or a new “friend.” Even if you are not screwing guys, you are emotionally spinning them. 🙂 Never met a woman that was not “spinning” game. My wife tells me each time one of her old male “friends” messages her on FB. I call that game. After 22 years of marriage. Interesting right? A RP man is aware of your game and understands it. And you HATE that. You want your sexual strategy to prevail. A RP man will… Read more »
@thedeti: You got good points there, but I cannot follow you regarding the matter of trust. Imho you cannot trust any women you have sex with anyway or at least not very far. Because hypergamy and all that.
And I don’t see the need to rationalize or justify his decision. The knowledge about her past turns him off and that’s enough to next her. If women can “change their mind” for much less, why should a man not do the same?
@downunder Well said. I think the funniest part is when a woman is throwing out these lines while they are plate spinning (the rationalization) and you are very aware what is going on at the time. She’s always going to give some excuse as to why some guy is contacting her (i.e. an ex or old crush) but she’ll never reveal why (now). She always has to look good (for you) because you are on deck. She’s not going to tell you that she led on her ex for a little cash (just two days ago) and now she’s ignoring… Read more »
@downunder & Newgal:
I’ll never forget the first time i saw this pic on Dalrock’s and the feelings it evoked inside me.
I doubt this will get any better with my generation. Millennials are more aware nowadays about the truth of women, we got music rap hip hop, movies, the internet, magazines, word of mouth, etc. Telling us the truth about girls. Word spreads fast, I bet blogs like these are popular in colleges. Anyway, when I’m 30 I’m gonna do the same thing, I won’t marry a girl who is my age, so many sluts nowadays and they think we don’t know about it. The best way to counter this is to not give them what they want in the end,… Read more »
“Women are NATURAL plate spinners. They are always one text away from a new orbiter, or some silly ex, or a new “friend.” Even if you are not screwing guys, you are emotionally spinning them.” So true. And by so doing they’re conditioning Betas to yield to the FI by yielding provisions and emotional support without sex – they’re very adept at keeping orbiters in tow but with enough distance that they’ll keep hope alive while at the same time fearing rejection and humiliation for making a move on the woman. Even to the point that if they sense the… Read more »
She denied him choice. She denied him the information needed to make an informed choice and he spent a good chunk of his life with an illusion of a person rather than an actual person.
Isn’t that what feminists want to be called rape now?
I like the way when she’s getting ready to lawyer up it’s “I gave him the best 5 years of my life,” but it turns out that they’ve simply known each other for 5 years and only been married for 2.
When you get into court, it’s only the 2 that count sweety. Only 2.
@Willy Wonker – Nicely put.
Female. Over 30. Currently seeing someone who is into RP.
Almost forgot to mention: high chance you never have a chance of getting a commitment out of him. You’re not a special snowflake. You’re just another plate. No 30+ year old gets Unicorn status.
Jeremy, That’s not devastation over lost love. Nowhere does she mention that the man she loves will be out of her life. She would be a complete mess, instead she is calculating how to get back at him for ruining her plans of what she thought her marriage would be. Read the comments here. This woman thinks her faithfulness deserves some kind of reward. It was not a defat position. It’s all about her, her, her. Nothing about him. No regret, no understanding of his position, just thoughts of how to get back at him. That is not a woman… Read more »
For the young men reading this post and comments. Familiarize yourself with Rollo’s work. It is better than a PhD. Believe it. A failed marriage and divorce can ruin your financial, social, and psychological well being. Sometimes with deadly consequences. An addiction to a woman can have deadlier consequences than any drug. Period. Remember. Always assume her phone contains at least 5 numbers she can dial in a flash and another guy will take your place. Always assume she can flirt and manipulate another guy. Always assume that she has one, two, three or even four back up plans in… Read more »
On the subject of the double standard, what’s really interesting when you look at it is why that standard exists. It exists because of how each sex views the other sex. Women are the ones who select for the guys who are high quality and can spin plates. Men are the ones who select for charming, low/no-N count women. The reason women get upset is because men won’t apply the female standard for men to women, instead applying a standard (self-control: don’t overeat, don’t fuck everything that moves) that women find difficult to live up to. When women bitch about… Read more »
@Newgal, your confusion about some perceived double standard is understandable, and Deti did a good job of explaining it, however Roosh addressed this very well too: http://www.rooshv.com/the-contradiction-of-pursuing-casual-sex-while-advocating-for-traditional-values A popular manosphere saying is that women are gatekeepers to sex and men are gatekeepers to commitment. I wish this was an absolute truth, but it’s not. As a collective, women are often gatekeepers to both sex and commitment. Most men reading right now can surely attest to their failed attempts to secure commitment from women they slept with, and if you poll the entire population of men, you may find that they… Read more »
I don’t have any problem with any woman who wants to sleep around. I have no problem with any woman who wants sex with hot players. I have no problem with women wanting sex with good looking men with options, and who are going for the longshot that they can get commitment. What I have a problem with is women lying about it. I DO have a problem with women believing their decisions have no consequences. I DO have a problem with women insisting that they should not bear consequences that naturally flow from their decisions. I DO have a… Read more »
“I am going to meet with my lawyer this week and see if the agreement can be challenged in court.” Then the hooker hamster spins wildly: “We have built a life together, I gave him 5 of the best years of my life and I’ve been 100% faithful to him – I don’t fucking deserve to be tossed out like a piece of trash.” Hooker deserves to be paid!!! Difference between a hooker and a wife? A hooker demands cash upfront while a wife will have sex with you on credit, put on an a payment plan, and demand an… Read more »
It is interesting to read women write on their utter confusion at a man who wants to blow up his relationship with her once he finds out that he’s not getting her sexual best. In their solipsism they truly believe that their sexuality is theirs to do with what they want, to give to whomever they want, however they want, and no one should ever complain about getting less. The women are simply mistaken. This just doesn’t work out on the long term. Male productivity could be argued the same way. What if husbands decided to force their wives to… Read more »
All the obvious answers have been given already, so I’ll try something a bit more subtle – I am not sexually attracted to men.
The elephant in the room is; what sex act had she denied him that he discover she had performed willingly and repeatedly in college?
“You’re telling the men how to be the alpha fucks that are going to get laid by women then call those same women not worthy of marriage later in their lives . . . It goes both ways. The double standards are are incredible. It’s almost as though you’re teaching men to ‘not belong up any club that will have them as a member’. What’s the solution here?” _______________________________ You’re focusing here on the supposed double standard of women and men writ large. What you’re overlooking is something I could best frame thus: With regard to the specific case at… Read more »
Women will break the rules for men who turn them on and create rules for men they don’t respect.
Saw that when it popped up yesterday. Such an excellent rule of thumb, I have no idea why I didn’t think of it before.
Jeremey “The women are simply mistaken. This just doesn’t work out on the long term. Male productivity could be argued the same way.” My favorite analogy is that women would be hard pressed to accept the following scenario. Chick pines for dude because he’s handsome, wealthy, funny, commands a room, is a celebrity, owns tons of property, etc.. Buddy rebukes her constantly, but showers other chicks with money, parties, fancy outtings etc.. and they do nothing for him but fuck him and suck his dick. Years later, he’s broke, his hairs fallen out, he’s got a gut. He spent all… Read more »
Women will break the rules for men who turn them on = Chemistry “Oh my god, it just happened” “Was meant to be” “Like i’ve known you forever” Create rules for men they don’t respect = Creepy / Disgruntled “Ewww creepy rapist guy go away” “Do the dishes and MAYBE i’ll let you go down on me” “I’m not that kind of woman, i’m done with the games.” “I want a REAL MAN, not a boy.. we go on dates, you pay” “I got stuck with Harold once i hit 40. He’s useless. We don’t have sex” It’s like MAGIC… Read more »
I like your example a little better M3. However, it’s written to make sense to guys, not girls. Girls don’t really give a shit where a man came from, as long as he’s socially/financially dominant *now*… so restriction of surplus male production (and/or attention) *now* is what women would understand.
Also… damn fine picture selection on this post. Hah, I swear that was me once or twice.
@Jeremy, thanks, I got inspired.
“While out last weekend for a friends birthday, a(now ex) friend of mine told my husband about a relationship I had in college. My husband knew about my college boyfriend, but obviously I didn’t share intimate details about our sex life.”
Women friends. Awesome. That is some War on Women shit right there. Women are so cruel to each other on a day-to-day basis that it’s nearly incomprehensible.