Two Guitars

2guitars

Recently, I’ve been very busy with more than a few business projects. ‘Success Coaches’ always tell you to develop passive forms of income in addition to whatever it is you consider your vocation, but I have an odd habit of turning my past “vocations” into passive forms of income as I move on to my next project.

Then I’ve had the audiobook of The Rational Male as a front-burner project for my leisure time along with doing re-edits of the first printed book (new, better-edited, bigger font edition coming soon) and then there’s the first draft of the third book I’m picking away at.

In between all of that I’ve been doing my best to stay on top of the comment threads for the essays I’m writing. Among these, for the past 6 or 7 months has been the saga of a commenter who goes by Softek. While I haven’t been able to keep abreast of all his comments and the exceptional advice of fellow Rational readers, I’m going to take a moment now to address his situation because it serves as an example, and perhaps a warning, to Red Pill aware men who come into a new awakened understanding of intergender dynamics and fall prey to some of the pitfalls inherent in unplugging themselves from their prior illusions.

I’ve followed Softek’s unplugging and his increased confidence from a thoroughly Blue Pill conditioned guy to something approaching Alpha confidence. Whether this is beginning to stick and becoming an internalized part of who Softek is as a man, I’ll let him say, but recently he’s been dealing with some of the fallout that comes from being caught up in what I went through in Dream Girls and Children with Dynamite.

Another very common occurrence is the “reformed” AFC who makes progress toward becoming more Game savvy, and as a result gets his “dream girl”, only to lose her after reverting back into an AFC frame once he’s in an LTR with her. I’m not a big Ross Jefferies fan, but he did say something very profound once, he said “teaching PUA skills to these chumps is like giving dynamite to children.” This is probably truer than he realized, because the potential for disaster is much higher. Most guys want that silver bullet, the magic formula that will get them the girl, but it does nothing to prepare them for the idyllic LTR their beta nature has fantasized about for so very long. They don’t become Men, they become children with dynamite. So are we really surprised when the guy who finally gets his Dream Girl as a result of learning Game becomes despondent and suicidal when he loses the “best thing he’ll ever have” when she leaves him? Are we shocked when his ONEitis turns out to be a BPD girl and his life’s ambitions fall into a death-spiral because he was unprepared to deal with a post-Game LTR?

Now, I’m not suggesting that Softek is despondent or suicidal in his present position. In fact, likely not because he’s got a base of support on this blog and in the manosphere at large to coach him through it. I’ll let him outline his situation in the comment thread for this post, however, Softek’s situation of getting wrapped up in a yo-yo clingy BPD relationship reminded me of a story I’m not very proud to relate, but in the interests of other guys in a similar situation I’ll explain it.

The Price of a BPD

Towards the end of my relationship with my own BPD there came a point when I attempted to make it work with her as a long distance relationship (LDR). This was really the last nail in the coffin for us. I knew damn well she was ‘cheating’ on me while I blithely convinced myself I would eventually get her to move another state away to join me so I could continue wallowing in her neurotic psychological abuse of me.

I’m happy to say that never happened, but it came at a cost. At one point during the LDR I had to make a decision in order to find a way to drive over a state to see her college graduation. I’d already had my (correct) suspicions she was fucking a guy from one of her classes, but I wasn’t entirely sure. You’ve got to understand that as a BPD she’d already had me ‘converted’ to accept her frame as the dominant one. And as pathetic as it’ll sound, I was still her thrall and blamed myself for her neurosis even as I lived 800 miles away.

People love to cast me as some life-long Alpha, but I’ve been Beta, a natural Alpha, and during this period of my life I was approaching Omega (by Vox’s definitions). If there’s a bright side, it was that the bit I’m about to relate to you was the catalyst in my turning my life around to be a ‘lesser Alpha’ in a permanent way.

I had already been brought low. In her neurotic jealousy, she insisted that I toss out a photo album of all the times I’d been on stage in my Hollywood days and essentially destroy the memories of friends and events I had archived of that time. It was like losing part of my soul, but I did so because I thought she was right; I was convinced anything that came before her that I’d done was the source of her distempers.

You might think that was bad, but in order for me to go to her graduation – the time she intentionally had me discover her fucking this guy – I had to pay for that horrible experience by selling off two very expensive guitars. I won’t tell you the brand, but they were a 12 and a 6 string acoustic that was priceless to me. Even the guy I sold them to asked me if I was sure I wanted to part with them, he could tell I didn’t.

But I did sell them, for $800. Now they’d be worth around $4,000, but it’s not the dollar value I regret the most, it was voluntarily cutting off a limb from myself for the privilege of learning exactly how fucked up this person was. The only time I’ve ever snapped with Mrs. Tomassi was her casually suggesting I might sell off a guitar from my present collection. She knew there was something more to it and I’ve never silenced her with more seriousness.

I have one post outlining Borderline Personality Disorder and I feel like it’s all I really needed to post about it. There was a time in my life when I was completely in the dark about anything like it, so when I first discovered it in the DSM while studying psych it literally sent chills down my spine.

After this traumatic experience, I came to realize that while all the women I’d been convinced and conditioned to believe were my duty to be supportive of were banging other men and earning degrees, my life was paralyzed. Now, in hindsight, I can see that my beating myself up over being stalled in life because of my Blue Pill conditioning was misplaced. ONEitis will do that to you, but when you combine it with a BPD it takes a trauma to wake you up – either that or you swallow a bullet or put a rope around your neck.

On the BPD comment thread, there’s a sobering account of another man’s experience with a BPD woman. I’ll quote it here, but virtually every experience I’ve had men relate to me about a BPD is a frighteningly similar story.

From Hugh:

So, to start, I discovered that my ex was having an affair, revolving around a “church based canoe group”. Initially, I began questioning and blaming myself, telling her that we needed to work it out. I spoke to a professional seeking support and answers, who somehow got her in to see him.

He reported to me that he diagnosed her with Borderline Personality Disorder, and that I had some major choices to make, as she rejected his diagnosis and any thought of treatment. He advised that she would never change without help, and that what she did had little to do with me or the children – it was all about her.

I initially failed to understand, and tried to reconcile. Over the next few months she promised to try, and even started going to church.

But, little-by-little she revealed how this had begun, first with lesbian affairs with coworkers, then eventually, when I bought her a new car, but declined to take a car maintenance class with her – she slept with the mechanic giving the class. I learned of more in rapid succession, of affairs, one night stands, and worse over a 7 year period. She was in the medical field and used the cover of being on call,being in surgery, working extra for a dentist, going to medical conferences, etc, etc.(I could comment on my opinion of medical morals, but ’nuff said) I recalled an occasion when I got overwhelmingly sleepy after consuming a soft drink at a movie with the ex. I realize now that she drugged me. She also infected me twice with STDs, telling me she had a yeast infection. She put antibiotic in my food unknown to me. My children later reported to me, when asked, that whoever I was out of town, the ex was “always” gone to the hospital at night “on call”.

The gross details aren’t necessary, but the revelations shook me back to reality. (disgusting, degrading, and sick are better terms even than gross)

She began trying to convince me to sell our house and move. Now awake, I realized that she wanted her share and would dump the children on the street and force a move to a new neighborhood. I had recently pulled her off the chest of our 11 year old son when she tried to strangle him for begging her not to leave him – so I wasn’t exactly fooled by her house sale drive. I resolved that my children needed to have the support of friends and family, and not be moved out of their home and away from friends. How I would do this came to me eventually – wait long enough and she would find another prince, but couldn’t hide it easily, and would have to leave.

I had been contacted by the wife of her latest affair, a physician whom she had recommended me to for minor surgery.(Roll that around for a second). She and I had quite a conversation, during which I learned that he had “done this before with his office nurse, and she had attempted suicide when he dumped her – possibly for my wife”. I advised her to seek professional medical and legal council, but also delivered an explicit warning concerning what I would do if I ever saw her husband in public.

The next day the ex came home late from work, crying and just glaring at me (a Thursday BTW – a favorite day for medical professionals at some hospitals to play, as it offers the cover for some surgeons who “have surgery that day”.) The next day, after meeting with her surgeon friend again, she proceeded to drive her car right in front of an oncoming truck, suffering broken ribs. I rushed to the hospital, told she was being X-rayed and that I should go to the room she was assigned. I did so and in rearranging the pillows on the bed, found a hand written note from a “friend” indicating they would be by later. I didn’t stay long after she got to the room.

Well, we bought her a new truck, and about 3 weeks later, she called to inform me that she was taking our motor home on a canoe trip that afternoon, and when she returned, she was “leaving the family”. She asked our teenaged daughter to drop her off, and my daughter called me, appalled, that the canoe trip was my ex and 4 men. My daughter said she threw gravel “all over them” with her rapid departure.

She never said anything to the children, but shortly after informed me that she was leaving that afternoon. She got friends to help her move and was gone when my dad and I returned from picking up the kids at school golf team practice.

The judge at the divorce hearing classified her as having abandoned the family and offered to impose child support payments on her – which I declined, in an attempt to cut all ties.

That was 31 years ago, and we had absolutely no contact with her until Dec 24, when a scribbled note, from some tiny town in East Texas arrived, stating that she had breast cancer, and I should take “appropriate measures concerning the children”.

I can’t imagine that she thinks any of us care!

So, that’s my early life’s scary story – though I left the horror story parts out!

Be safe, there are really monsters in the world!

Hugh

P S – My 2 older children are college educated,very successful professional people with families and children. I remarried a spectacular woman a few years after, the true savior of our lives, and have a third child, who is a Nurse Practitioner, and who also has 2 children.(I have advised her about morals in the medical field particularly).

Softek, the reason I’m dedicating an entire post (and hopefully an on-topic comment thread) about this is because, in my estimate, you’re in both a more precarious, yet potentially more hopeful, position than guys who’ve dealt with what you are now. My concern is that your Red Pill awareness and basic Game skills have brought you a dangerous woman. It’s the kids with dynamite dynamic I’m seeing unfold.

The good news is you have a solid community of men ready to help you with this, most of whom have some experience with toxic women. I’ve seen too many men learn Game or adopt an abundance frame, but still cling to the hope that they can fulfill a Blue Pill ideal with their Red Pill awareness. Women like the one you’re involved with will believe your Alpha frame, but when you shift or backslide into Blue Pill idealism they’re either disgusted with a man, or they see him as potential prey – and often are oblivious to their own interpretations of why they do.

I’d like to open up the commentary here for men to relate their experiences of dealing with BPD women and/or offer something for Softek. I realize there are a lot of well-meaning guys who think that BPD is overestimated in the ‘sphere, and while I can appreciate that, I think it speaks volumes that women can so regularly be confused with the signs of BPD today as to make that estimate. For my outline have a read of Borderline Personality Disorder first.

 

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Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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M Simon
5 years ago

And for all you “old men” forget big pharma for getting a stiff dick. CBD works very well. About 2 or 4 puffs from an e-cig are good for 2 to 4 hours. No side effects. No warning labels.

scribblerg
scribblerg
5 years ago

@ASD – Lol, still living rent free in your head. That’s the best payoff of all.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlOSdRMSG_k&w=560&h=315%5D

theasdgamer
5 years ago

I think that “crazy” and I are allergic to one another. Girls like that have never been a problem for me. I unconsciously screen for girls who are sweet and mentally healthy.

There are a few who have chased me, but I handled them quite easily. My mother taught me to play dumb and that works very well. It’s the opposite of being engaging. Guerrilla fighting.

M Simon
5 years ago

scribblerg – May 26th, 2016 at 1:54 pm

@Blax – Correction: Monogamy is blue pill as shit.

I think circumstantial or intentional matters. Temporary or permanent?

Monogamy until the kids are about 24 is good. It gives them a sense of security.

scray
scray
5 years ago

@blax

“Not defacto. Not all men can pull marriage off successfully. Like everything else in one’s life, it will depend on the man’s mindset and just how vulnerable he is to pedestalizing women.”

ok but

if

‘As I stated in the previous thread, women aren’t aliens. They aren’t ” gifts “. They aren’t special. Their ” beauty ” doen’t mean anything at all on any kind of deep level.’

then why marry one of them?

marriage just SEEMS to BY DEFAULT hold one woman out as ‘NAWALT’ and ‘SPECIAL!’

Blaximus
Blaximus
5 years ago

@ scray Both statements remain 100% true. I try to dissuade men from worshipping pussy/women/high HB#’s. Sometimes you can sense it in the way certain females are spoken about, and it comes across loud and clear that the dude is thinking in a manner that could prove very dangerous. Some guys react as if the woman is some kind of goddess or special human because of what they see with their eyes, and they seem as if they would give left/right nuts for a shot at them. This is wrong. It is weak. It is assuming and projecting. Imo, men… Read more »

scray
scray
5 years ago

@blax it’s just interesting as my n-count has skyrocketed, so too has my ‘marriage lol wat why?’ attitude ive been with plenty of awesome chicks. some are academic superstars, some can do a lot of shit that could add some value to my life sure….and they have but lol why is that worth MONOGAMY? as far as I’m concerned, scribb is on point…..but shit man, scribb has just been on a bloom lately. *wipes a prideful tear* i told him if he just embraced his inner dirtbag…. monogamy = blue pill i’m convinced that men who are actually monogamous must… Read more »

M Simon
5 years ago

Blaximus
May 26th, 2016 at 3:38 pm

Yes.

The only way a marriage can work is if she is holding on to you. If holding on to you makes her happy she will do it at considerable cost.

Blaximus
Blaximus
5 years ago

@ scray

Lmao.

Nah, I exploded my first marriage by trying to ” improve ” it by being much more blue pill. It was the dumbest shit I’d ever done in my life. I ” fixed ” something that was in no way broken. Fixed that shit right into a divorce.

But we agree. If monogamy makes no good sense, stay clear. I ain’t got a problem with that at all ( not that it would matter – man’s gotta do what man’s gotta do ).

Blaximus
Blaximus
5 years ago

@ M Simon

” The only way a marriage can work is if she is holding on to you. If holding on to you makes her happy she will do it at considerable cost.”

Yup.

And they will hold on as long as they see you as someone to hold on to.

M Simon
5 years ago

The only way to make her hold on to you is to have other options. And continuously show her you have other options. At the very least she has to see other chicks give you IOIs. And they do watch. They have eagle eyes for that. I always tell the LTR – you want to protect me from the allure of other women? Want me more than they do. She does have a strong side which I have encouraged. She likes to let me go as far as I want with other women and then win me back to prove… Read more »

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

Hey Blaximus. I got a chapter of Deida for you. (Warning not safe for the non-spiritual. ) Perhaps Blaximus alone can understand this chapter. And when Softek gets this concept, we can breathe easy on his arrival out of triage red pill triage. Chapter 43 Use Her Attractiveness as a Slingshot Through Appearance </b A good woman is a source of inspiration and attraction into the world for a man. He must never forget, however, that neither the world nor his woman is the purpose of his existence. His practice is always to feel through women and the world, without… Read more »

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

Sorry about the bold, I missed a bracket there. Hey Scray, you should read “The Way of the Superior Man” Sometimes a man wants something in life. Pehaps a good profession/job. Perhaps a nice house. to live in. A good vehicle. Perhaps a good sexual partner. Thereafter perhaps children. Perhaps he also wants a second property, a vacation place on the lake. Or a farm if he is inscrutable. Perhaps he wants a firearm. Etc. How does a man decide on which one to get? Which profession, house, car/truck, sexual partner. Whether to have children Etc. He decides the same… Read more »

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

@ M. Simon This Deida chapter is for you: Chapter 29 Choose a Woman Who Chooses You If a man wants a woman who doesn’t want him, he cannot win. His neediness will undermine any possible relationship, and his woman will never be able to trust him. A man must determine whether a woman really wants him but is playing hard to get, or whether she really doesn’t want him. If she doesn’t want him, he should immediately cease pursuing her and deal with his pain by himself. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you want to… Read more »

scray
scray
5 years ago

@SJF “Why didn’t he just trade his profession and house for a new one every ten years, His vehicle every two, his sexual partner every weekend, and his farm every 9 years for a new one?” idk the SECOND his profession started being a chore, he should have dropped that and done something else same with his house same with his vehicle etc. to me it’s all the same. there are no do-overs. if you’re starting to throw good money after bad, just get out. the power to walk away as soon as all your needs aren’t meant is a… Read more »

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

@Scray “I’m convinced that men who are actually monogamous must not have other options.” No. It goes to motive and opportunity. Do you even read Rollo, bro? Chapter 26 You Will Often Want More Than One Woman Any man with a masculine sexual essence will desire sexual variety. Even if he loves his intimate partner and is completely committed to her, he will naturally want sexual occasions with other women besides his chosen intimate partner. How a man deals with his desire for other women is up to him. He should know, however, that there is no way to avoid… Read more »

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

scray

May 26th, 2016 at 4:41 pm

You’re must’ve not read the part about the ones he chose are pretty damn good ones.

Sure things can degenerate. That is a relative risk of making a choice. It is not an absolute risk.

scray
scray
5 years ago

@SJF “No. It goes to motive and opportunity. Do you even read Rollo, bro?” lol just because I read him doesn’t mean everything he says is the gospel. ‘It’s your call. Just remember that self-discipline is not self-suppression. Suppression is when you resist and fight against your desires, keeping them as buried and unexpressed as possible. Self-discipline is when your highest desires rule your lesser desires, not through resistance, but through loving action grounded in understanding and compassion.’ to me that reads as quasi-religious mental gymnastics. fucking hot women isn’t going to destroy you. it’s not going to destroy your… Read more »

Blaximus
Blaximus
5 years ago

@ SJF Thanks for the Deida! One part of vetting the wife was seeing if she was open to life and love on a level she’d not been accustomed to. I just needed to know if she was curious, and I’d handle the rest. The quotes from Rollo’s piece are great. Men get frustrated because they have thoughts of sex with other women. Frustration is a dead feeling. Useless and negative. Discipline is a masculine trait. A man can do whatever he wants to do with his life and times. A man also must remain discerning about what he chooses… Read more »

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

“fucking hot women isn’t going to destroy you. it’s not going to destroy your highest desires, either.” Agreed. I fuck what I consider a hot woman (even if you wouldn’t). I don’t desire another one by total fucking choice. “why not fuck other women? I mean, why not have a relationship where you can fuck other women?” Sure I want to fuck other women. Why not is because of self discipline and lack of motive. (And I’ll concede lack of superalpha shit and ironclad dark triad tendencies. ) If she was gone tomorrow, I would have motive and opportunity. Let… Read more »

Blaximus
Blaximus
5 years ago

@ SJF

Oh yeah, Happy Birthday!!

I always go by the year, but I hit the double nickel officially in a couple of months.

Good job!!! Aarp will now stalk the shit out of both of us.

Andy
Andy
5 years ago

“But I don’t want to have sex with her. I have ” had sex ” with ” her ” a dozen times already. Her type. It almost takes some of the edger/urge away.” @SJF This is the difference between Blaximus, and you and me. Not telling u what to do, but it seems like you’re losing your shit over this subject lately with all of your reading secretly encoded hate messages in YaReally’s posts. Lol. The medium is the message and all that. Nobody would judge you if you decide to change your mind. Anyway, even if I lived liked… Read more »

scribblerg
scribblerg
5 years ago

Finally, some bites! I’m down with Scray on this. I want to fuck more than one woman so I will. @SJF – I respect where you are at and I think you know I’m being hyperbolic and provocative to start a dialog. But will you try a thought experiment with me? If you could fuck hot 20 somethings without any consequences in the sense of your family, would you? Isn’t it so that you don’t do so only because you fear the consequences of getting “caught”? Let’s try another one. Would you fuck other women if your wife brought them… Read more »

Via Vitae
Via Vitae
5 years ago

@scray “the power to walk away as soon as all your needs aren’t meant is a power that IME is unmatched” Using Neil McCauley from “Heat” as an example is ironic considering he actually was not who he thought he was. He could walk away from everything except himself, and it destroyed him in the end. “the SECOND his profession started being a chore, he should have dropped that and done something else” OK, and what if you do that, and then become unhappy in the next thing, and the next thing? Actually, this is likely to be the case… Read more »

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

@Andy I’m not losing my shit over this. I’m actually enthused as hell about this shit. Like a 5 year old boy. (That is what accounts for my inscrutable behavior). Yes, we are all different. Up until the point where we are the same. The sameness of the tribe is my point. And when the tribe has a common goal, that’s where tribalism shines. Sure, there are dust-ups in a tribe or in a bar. Intellectual debate is a “dust up in a tribe” that serves as a surrogate behavior for guys in real life beating the shit out of… Read more »

Via Vitae
Via Vitae
5 years ago

I forgot to add that even if you don’t care about money, a perspective which I respect, there are more important concerns. If you quit your career, you will have a hard time going back if you “find yourself” and figure out it was yourself and not the career. If you leave your chosen game, you might come to regret never having the opportunity to master your game at the highest levels.

But my point still stands; If you don’t like your career, or anything else in your life, first place to look is inward, not outward.

Blaximus
Blaximus
5 years ago

@ Via Vitae ” Almost everything that people hate about work has to do with things that happen at every work, and the best way to get away from those things is to get better at what you do, so you are the prize and can demand better, and walk away from worse. Instead of giving yourself one second, maybe give yourself 10 years to make sure whatever you hate is really about the job and not about you.” ^^^ This right here ^^^ I get what scray is saying, and I agree with him up to a point. No… Read more »

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

@ScribblerG I fucking love you, man. You are the best. I didn’t take your bait because you are a buddy and I get you. (yes I got your provocative hyperbole and I love it) Keep in mind that even though we are at opposite poles on a spectrum I get you and you get me. I’m 100% OK with that. I respect you. You respect me. So, you just threw a couple soft balls at me. I wish I could transmit my best Don Adam’s/Maxwell Smart voice in answer to your questions. “Would you believe me if I said…..” “If… Read more »

M Simon
5 years ago

scray
May 26th, 2016 at 5:03 pm

The best way IMO to learn self discipline is to practice silence.

Andy
Andy
5 years ago

“I’m actually enthused as hell about this shit. Like a 5 year old boy.”

Are you sure you should be operating firearms and heavy equipment? Just sayin.

“Yes, we are all different. Up until the point where we are the same.”

Genius.

“Would you believe me if I said I like you Andy?”

You’re only human. 🙂

M Simon
5 years ago

Blaximus
May 26th, 2016 at 5:47 pm

Aarp will now stalk the shit out of both of us.

Don’t worry. By your late 60s they seem to lose interest.

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

“you will not attain mastery by walking away from the hard, stressful parts of life.” And who might be reading “Mastery” by Robert Greene? Mastery is a universal goal of red pill awareness and game. With mastery come lower hurdles. That is what the beauty of what YaReally preaches in game. He is a master. He has low hurdles. 98% of what he says is great, until he writes some other guys script. Picking what kind of red pill game script a guy should write for another guy is a fools game. Ever notice why Rollo doesn’t give prescriptive advice?… Read more »

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

“Are you sure you should be operating firearms and heavy equipment? Just sayin.” I have the spirit of a 5 year old for red pill awareness and game. Balls deep. I have mastery over firearms and heavy equipment like my 83 Hp diesel tractor and implements after 5.5 decades. Did I mention cutting up people (as an autopsy assistant–the term being diener–A diener is a morgue worker responsible for handling, cutting out every single organ, and moving, and cleaning the corpse. Dieners are also referred to as morgue attendants, autopsy technicians) in 1985 like Leonardo da Vinci? Stoicism, anyone? Wait,… Read more »

Ajax Parallax
Ajax Parallax
5 years ago

@Softek Good comments here, but back on topic. This is where I first heard of *Toxic shame*. “I was the sickest kid in school … and yet I was class president.” “Healthy Shame= I made a mistake” “Toxic Shame= I am a mistake” “Shame-based people find shame-based people. The hockey player doesn’t hang out with the chess player.” -John Bradshaw Listen to this dude (RIP). He went through some very damaging upbringing shit like a few of us here and wrote the bestselling, “Healing the Shame That Binds.” It’s cheap and a short but good read. Badly shamed/abused as a… Read more »

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

@Gordan001freeman

Welcome here.

You write well and please contribute more.

scribblerg
scribblerg
5 years ago

@SJF – Back at you, bud. One more point. Do you actually know that your wife wouldn’t enjoy having a cute 25yo join you? Do you actually know what her fantasies are? Have you ever snapped on some lesbian porn in the bedroom? For me, the biggest shock of all is how sexual women actually are. At some level, I always knew this but I never really internalized it. Last thought. Don’t underestimate your value to your wife. She has no better options and she should be damn grateful to have you. I get the sense that you still think… Read more »

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

@Via Vitae “Using Neil McCauley from “Heat” as an example is ironic considering he actually was not who he thought he was. He could walk away from everything except himself, and it destroyed him in the end.” Something struck me about that Robert Deniro meme. And it struck me the same you said it. He actually had no choice in choosing the girl. Because he couldn’t deviate from his path. It is not a criticism of Scray. It is a warning from a guy that has known high adventure (me). Sometimes you actually have to choose your path. And it… Read more »

scribblerg
scribblerg
5 years ago

@Ajax – Bradshaw is amazing. I did a ton of therapeutic work based on him. I believe Healing the Shame that Binds You was a great one ( long time ago). A nice accompaniment is At My Father’s Wedding by John Lee.

However, my journey through all that crap was not complete until the Red Pill. It allowed me to fully accept and embrace myself without self-loathing and shame. Great post for Softie – jump on this shit, it will help you.

HowlingManTodd
HowlingManTodd
5 years ago

A song for Softek:

https://youtu.be/niVLasaDPAQ

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

@ScribblerG “For me, the biggest shock of all is how sexual women actually are. At some level, I always knew this but I never really internalized it. Last thought. Don’t underestimate your value to your wife. She has no better options and she should be damn grateful to have you. I get the sense that you still think your wife is the prize and I know from our other conversations that this was the dynamic of your relationship in earlier days.” First of all, yes I was amazed last year when I made a married red pill turn-around and thanks… Read more »

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

Well, I might have fucked up that last paragraph. Or been distracted.

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

I was slow composing my comment @8:57. (distracted by the wife and some silly satellite outside and something about the country club opening of a new renovation at the west grill/bar).

I didn’t read Rollo’s @8:02. until after I posted.

I ask you: How did that mirror?

The answer is:

Rollo gave an honest answer.

And I gave a congruent comment to what I am and what I do. And when a male is overt. Guess what? He means what he says.

Ellte Manhood
5 years ago

BPD is simply what happens when a woman is shackled to an extreme Beta male.

The disgust women have when they view you this way can actually lead to them offing you

Via Vitae
Via Vitae
5 years ago

@ellte

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gregg
gregg
5 years ago

I have a BPD employee. Very attractive. I must fire her, she is detrimental to atmosphere in my company. However, its interesting to watch how she can ensnare other male colleagues into her web. BPD are dangerous in any position. The most dangerous situation is when BPD is your mum. You have no defenses as a child and you are dependent on her. To be dependent on somebody with this “disease” is horrible. Many children of BPD´s comitted suicide as a result of emotional terror. BPD wife with kids is also very, very dangerous not only for husband but for… Read more »

M Simon
5 years ago

Ajax Parallax
May 26th, 2016 at 7:37 pm

Re: addiction. No such thing. It is just a stick for beating people.

People in chronic pain chronically take pain relievers

Dr. Lonny Shavelson found that 70% of female heroin users had been sexually abused in childhood.

pinelero
pinelero
5 years ago

Emily drink the sparkling water and set yourself free.

IAS
IAS
5 years ago

@Andy, Blaximus, Rollo, Scray, Scribblerg and SJF Some of my thoughts on the tangent about monogamy and cheating. This is something I’ve been wondering more about than I used to before the Red Pill. Rollo says cheating boils down to opportunity + reason. That seems like a good approximation. I used to think I didn’t have reason (I actually honestly think I had a couple of opportunities in the past). I wonder if I’m fooling myself and I would cheat if I had a strong opportunity. I still think I wouldn’t, without breaking up first. Things have been getting (much)… Read more »

Ajax Parallax
Ajax Parallax
5 years ago

@IAS

About cheating. The best summation I keep going back to was written by an alpha husband who was tired of seeing his friends’ marriages blown up by it.

“An affair is the embodiment of entitlement – fueled by resentment and a lack of respect.”

When I looked back at the behavior of cheating exes (and my own behavior within the Rs) and my own temptations to do the same, this really hit home.

ludiam0ndz
ludiam0ndz
5 years ago

@Rollo.. comic is hilarious! @All I won’t wax nostalgic about my experiences on this topic, but will say; to those like @Jax and others who want to take full responsibility for their part in these sorts of relationships; although I fully agree that we MUST own our dependent behavior and all the ways we enable women like this to mind fuck us into acting against our self interest, I definitely distinguish that from accepting this basic truth; with a real BPD individual, there is literally no amount of “man-ing” up that will enable you to survive/thrive in such a relationship… Read more »

Andy
Andy
5 years ago

“internal mindset videos from RSD helped me greatly”

Just messin with ya. Have you checked out the free tengame stuff Julien put out? It’s really good.

@IAS

“Is it because I’m far from getting all I’d want to from my wife? ”

It’s probably because you’re a human being.

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

@IAS “Just a natural consequence of paying more attention to women in general because I’m trying to practice game?” Yes. It is because you are reclaiming your masculine core. That’s why the term “Masculine Self Improvement” instead of the weak term “therapy” was coined. Relax, you’re normal. And Deida can explain it better than I can: (Warning: NSF Scray and a hat tip to Blaximus) Chapter 23 Your Attraction to the Feminine Is Inevitable Masculine men are attracted to forms of feminine energy: radiant women, beer, music, nature, etc. If a man tries to hide his attraction, it reveals some… Read more »

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

Andy,

Thanks. I’ll investigate that. My internal mindset really came around nicely and I can tell yours is too. The RSD stuff was actually more of a confirmation bias after I learned and mastered red pill awareness and MRP game from a number of sources. TRM being instrumental.

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IAS
IAS
5 years ago

Interesting from Deida, very spiritual but I think I get what he is getting at.

I can think of a few examples of happy, smiling, laughing women that I don’t even think are particularly “hot” or whatever in a physical sense but it just radiates and makes me happier myself.

How does he get to beer being feminine energy though?

D Man
D Man
5 years ago

Hi everyone, I will relate my friend’s BPD experience which my local community of men witnessed. My friend was with this girl for around 6 years, every occasion involving him joining the guys for a beer or even an works meal would be impossible for him to attend because of her behaviour. (We don’t know what exactly went on as it was behind closed doors). Then came the “proposal” (made by her!) Which he accepted. Unsurprisingly she did not “permit” him to attend his own batchelor party and threatened to jump off her balcony window as he was considering coming… Read more »

Carl
Carl
5 years ago

http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/queensland/man-drought-sees-shortage-of-eligible-men-as-women-struggle-in-dating-game/story-fnihsrf2-1226804921893?nk=cdd0b58ea0bf7897bbaa75c1de4a2569-1464355767

This comments is WTF.

“The inflow of Asian females is out of control in any prosperous country that will let them in (not England or the USA) and the government grossly incompetent in dealing with it. The messed up gender ratio is/will cause serious long term damage to society with women being the biggest losers.”

Trent Lane
Trent Lane
5 years ago

@ Rollo: Many thanks for your answer and your honesty. „I understand a lot of guys will say my disinterest in fucking the opportunities I have means I’m really Blue Pill or it’s “cheaper to keep her”, or I’m really lying about not cheating,“ I don’t view it like this at all. On the contrary I’m asking these questions because I’ve been pondering the possibilities of long term monogamy out of a PUA/Red-Pill-perspective regarding the „male imperative“ opposing the female imperative in the form of AF/BB. If we presume that for a woman the genetical mission is to live up… Read more »

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

“How does he get to beer being feminine energy though?”

The sentence before Music, beer,nature women says it: it gets you out of your head (male cognition) and into your body (the feminine desire to be filled up).

For any criticism of Deida’s new agey-ness, I find it easy to translate into more alpha masculine words to say the same thing.

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

@Trent Lane May 27th, 2016 at 6:49 am You really can’t pick how things are going to go. That’s where all those inspirational sayings about know your purpose, lean out on your edge, your purpose comes before your relationship, etc. As you open yourself to living at your edge, your deepest purpose will slowly make itself known. Your life and things unfold as you go along. You can’t necessarily step up to the plate like Babe Ruth and point to where you are going to hit a home run. But you should try to swing for the fences. TIP #51… Read more »

scray
scray
5 years ago

well aight… this entire discussion seems like an end run around the simple saying —> “Know your limits.” It takes a high degree of mental power to pull off what we’re discussing, and it seems like most men just sort of say….’well, I need to know my limits.’ @SJF ‘Sure I want to fuck other women. Why not is because of self discipline and lack of motive. (And I’ll concede lack of superalpha shit and ironclad dark triad tendencies. )’ So you come back to self-discipline, which tells me how you’re able to control your urges. But WHY do you… Read more »

scribblerg
scribblerg
5 years ago

@Emily – Without realizing it you are becoming more submissive here, and nicer and more feminine. Well done.Being submissive is not about inviting abuse or taking abuse. It’s about getting off of your own pedestal (women pedestalize themselves) and being complementary instead of competitive. It’s about appreciating and respecting masculinity the same way women want men to appreciate and respect femininity. In a way, it’s about bringing your own best self forward as a woman. As for marrying for wealth, I didn’t suggest that at all. You could easily fall for a 31yo man and love him. The larger point… Read more »

scray
scray
5 years ago

@emily “I don’t think you guys would like a woman who is completely submissive would you? She needs to have some fire in her. I say that from experience… I used to be completely submissive (like Liz 2.0) and my ex used to abuse me AND cheat on me, so my submissiveness obviously didn’t make him more attracted. Why would a man be attracted to a doormat? There’s a good middle ground between RPW and feminist bitch. I’m trying to find it.” your submissiveness had nothing to do with it. he did what he did because he could. begins and… Read more »

YaReally
YaReally
5 years ago

@Trent Lane “So I’d come to the opinion that the pLTR-modell of @YaReally would come as close to a heterosexual mans ideal situation mating-wise as possible: Say one primary LTR with whom you bond emotionally, share intimacy (and possibly children) with whom you agree that it is okay if you both have sexual experiences with other people but who consequently chooses to be mongamous with you out of her own free will (in red pill speak: out of her hypergamous impulses, because she comes to the conclusion you are her best option mating-wise). You on the other hand would be… Read more »

kfg
kfg
5 years ago

“ya, like pretty much all american crime movies, the CRIMINAL’S rule is CORRECT and only when the criminal BREAKS the rule does he fall.”

Real life example: Manfred Von Richthofen was killed when he abandoned his own rules of combat. He got the Red Mist and continued single pursuit of a single target when he should have broken off and reformed with his squadron, as he taught them to do.

SJB
SJB
5 years ago

There’s a good middle ground between RPW and feminist bitch. I’m trying to find it.

An excellent demonstration, given the subject of the article, of the female hamster and the cycling between the two poles during her biological cycle. Back-and-forth she goes sometimes building up (RPW) sometimes tearing down (feminist bitch). The cycle might not be extreme enough to warrant a clinical diagnosis but it is there nonetheless. The only relief for a woman is to be mono-polar: a tight orbit around a man; a man with gravity (attraction/attractiveness).

For men body follows mind.
For women mind follows body.

Softek
Softek
5 years ago

@ Howling That one hit home. Here’s another: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ve6kmgYQ1Oo @ scrib re: abuse The main thing is the overrun into my perception of relationships. i.e., what I’m craving. The attachment to this girl is exactly as YaReally pointed out: it feels RIGHT because it’s fucked up. Her insecurity and obsessive and intrusive need for reassurance and promises of commitment and all that, which I think probably go beyond ‘normal’ girls (contrary to what she says, which is that all girls would be at least as upset with her for not committing, and probably more upset, and that her reaction is… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
5 years ago

SJF / Scribblerg “Your platinum rule script is not my platinum rule script. ” That is an essential part of the Platinum Rule, you get what you want out of pursuing it. It is individual. So both of you are practicing it if you are getting what you want. And I always say pursue the Platinum Rule because it is a path toward an end – freedom – it is not mutually exclusive with hard work, a plan and a future time orientation. It is taking the steps to be in the place when you can do whatever you want… Read more »

Softek
Softek
5 years ago

@ Rollo Forgot to commend you for the meme a page back or so too. Well played. I feel like the ‘sphere needs more of that. @ SJF, YaReally Good points as always…I have to put those books down on a list. And figuring out what I want has been fun. Slow process but I’m feeling more whole as I even just entertain possibilities about what I could have in my life. Even years ago I knew a huge problem for me was not knowing what I wanted. That’s been slowly getting clearer, even on a professional level, and the… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
5 years ago

Softie

http://il5.picdn.net/shutterstock/videos/5027315/thumb/1.jpg

The door is open. Walk through it.

scray
scray
5 years ago

@softek ffs dude i quote myself —> ‘So many guys tolerate so much bullshit in their lives and in their relationships because they don’t know any better. They watch bullshit TV shows where the man gets henpecked by the bitchy, not-that-hot wife and think “Oh that’s just life.” They hear a lot of ‘you go grrl’ and ‘man up!’ nonsense and think “oh, that’s just how it is.” People don’t make it worse with their “relationships are tough,” “relationships are about compromise,” etc. bullshit. Your life is as tough or difficult as you make it…in every sector. Treat as though… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
5 years ago

http://imgs.abduzeedo.com/files/paul0v2/peter-tunney/pt-02.jpg

Softie – Tunney is speaking to you…

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

@Scray May 27th, 2016 at 9:10 am I don’t believe in putting a restrictor plate on a man’s ambitions. A man knowing his limits is not the same as a man believing he has or actually does have unlimited potential. I firmly believe in a man shooting high, pushing his limits and achieving great things. That with effort, intelligence and consideration, nothing is impossible. Re sexual lifestyle: As Rollo stated in the Fidelity essay Feb 28, 2012, a comparison of advantage to disadvantage in either lifestyle is not really an issue. They are two different lifestyles and one is not… Read more »

M Simon
5 years ago

Trent Lane
May 27th, 2016 at 6:49 am

NEVER promise monogamy.

I was never monogamous when we were dating and I made sure she knew it. The monogamy (so far) during the marriage was an accident. We are going to see if we can’t rectify that. Why? Because she admits her attraction to me is greatly improved when I have a GF.

Once you promise monogamy she makes less effort. And women are designed to make as little effort as possible.

M Simon
5 years ago

Trent Lane
May 27th, 2016 at 6:49 am

You don’t choose. She does. You can have a choice among the women who want you desperately. And the best choice is the woman who wants you the most.

And then you have to do all the things required to keep her interested.

M Simon
5 years ago

SJF
May 27th, 2016 at 7:20 am

The value of silence is greatly under rated.

scray
scray
5 years ago

‘It’s not a lack of power. And I don’t believe in harboring fear either. ‘ okay, what is it? i’m curious. we agree you want to fuck other women. what’s the UTILITY of this ‘self-discipline?’ what exactly will go awry if you fuck other women? what are you using your self-discipline for? that’s where no one is giving a clear answer. ‘but the real test is in how well it provably functions in getting you to intimacy with a woman.’ who has better game — a man who has regular passionate sex with his wife, a man who has regular… Read more »

M Simon
5 years ago

why master something you don’t like?

You don’t like swimming?

Do you want to be a sailor or don’t you?

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

@Sentient

That is freaky.

I wrote my comment @10:54 before I read your comment @10:40. But thanks for the affirmation.

Sentient
Sentient
5 years ago

Two last bits…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hi80sXmxwtE

Tunney – displaying the power of supra game…. lifecomms!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEt52UzGpds

And Magnus being Magnus… this is for you Blax (even though you like big blocks – heh).

M Simon
5 years ago

ya, like pretty much all american crime movies, the CRIMINAL’S rule is CORRECT and only when the criminal BREAKS the rule does he fall.

To live outside the law you must be honest.

scray
scray
5 years ago

@M Simon

you like everything?

M Simon
5 years ago

Sentient
May 27th, 2016 at 10:44 am

Wrong direction. LOL.

M Simon
5 years ago

the US isn’t a magical meritocracy where ‘omg if i just become more competent people will like me and i will get WHAT I DESERVE’

the best way to get what you deserve is to DEMAND what you deserve AND BE PREPARED TO WALK if you don’t get it

Well. I used a little different technique. I’d often get assigned a team of the WORST performers. My specialty was turning them into a team of the best performers.

Besides – demands not commensurate with your ability will provide you with walking papers.

Sentient
Sentient
5 years ago

M Simon – expand upon your comment. what is wrong and what is the direction?

scray
scray
5 years ago

@M Simon

‘. I’d often get assigned a team of the WORST performers. My specialty was turning them into a team of the best performers.’

lol cool, if you took on that task without demanding a premium you’re a sucker.

‘Besides – demands not commensurate with your ability will provide you with walking papers.’

ability as decided by -WHO-?

yeah guy, the dude getting paid the most in the company is the ‘most competent’ worker bee.

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Sentient
Sentient
5 years ago

M Simon

Ha yes I get it. Stupid internet…

Softek
Softek
5 years ago

@ Sentient Learned helplessness for sure. It isn’t hopeless but it does help me to know that’s where I’m coming from. Learned helplessness can be overcome. @ scray @ scrib I don’t want to harp on abuse. Like childhood abuse and all that. But the reason I do it is because I think a part of me doesn’t recognize it as abuse, and knowing what is and what isn’t acceptable is going to be an important part of setting boundaries and knowing when to say “No” or simply just walk away. No one stepped in. I never had therapy for… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
5 years ago

Scray

“ability as decided by -WHO-?”

LMFAO – the guy signing your pay check. Is that you? If not you walk away and into another’s frame again…

scray
scray
5 years ago

@sentient

‘LMFAO – the guy signing your pay check. Is that you? If not you walk away and into another’s frame again…’

oh, so i just need to persuade him?

so again…as decided by WHO, really?

replacing me costs the guy signing my check nearly a year of my salary UP FRONT, so without even getting to the question of competence, i have money to play with by just utilizing my ability to WALK THE FUCK AWAY

the ‘companyman’ advice is pretty much the same as TBP advice….

scray
scray
5 years ago

@soft

‘A lot of guys don’t know any better, as scray said.’

ya man, in many many walks of life dudes just hear shit over and over again and they just repeat it and think that’s how the world works. and fully 90% of it is garbage that only serves to keep them down and ‘in their lane.’

Andy
Andy
5 years ago

“yeah guy, the dude getting paid the most in the company is the ‘most competent’ worker bee.”

I’m like brain cancer. You can’t extract me without killing the patient. Under promise and over deliver would be another key tenet of my philosophy. Works REALLY well when nobody really quite understands what you do. lol.

M Simon
5 years ago

scray
May 27th, 2016 at 11:15 am

I like everything I have to do. To do otherwise is a waste of energy. To do otherwise reduces your chances of success.

LeeLee
5 years ago

@bluepillprofessor- I’ve been thinking about your comment. You got me thinking about how personality issues express themselves differently in men than in women… and if we do struggle with them to the same extent, why is BPD mostly a female issue? The whole acting crazy and then the phone rings and you answer it totally sane — my dad used to do that. But I’d never think to label him BPD. I guess your comment kind of got me thinking that maybe we throw out the label BPD at women liberally when it’s like less than 2 percent of the… Read more »

M Simon
5 years ago

Sentient
May 27th, 2016 at 11:26 am

M Simon – expand upon your comment. what is wrong and what is the direction?

Jail cell doors open out. So you were inviting us to walk into a cell.

kfg
kfg
5 years ago

“To live outside the law you must be honest.”

And the ruling maxim is: Don’t break any law you don’t intend to.

scray
scray
5 years ago

@M Simon

lol 99% of discussions on here turn on weird tangents

there is no career that you HAVE to do and that’s the context in which we were discussing mastery

if you don’t have to do all careers, then by extension you don’t like all careers, and the next question is whether you feel some obligation to master that which you don’t like

scray
scray
5 years ago

@andy

‘Under promise and over deliver would be another key tenet of my philosophy. Works REALLY well when nobody really quite understands what you do. lol.’

not sure why.

a lot of that sounds like old school advice designed to keep you working and working and making other people money.

you want me to do more, pay me more, otherwise fuck off.

Sentient
Sentient
5 years ago

scray – you would stand taller without the chip on your shoulder… LOL

Hint – you better have that year of S A L A R Y in hand already… because what was promised is not what is always delivered…

But it does not matter… you missed the bigger point… WHO is signing your paycheck? Today? Tomorrow?

Whose frame are Y O U living in if it ain’t Y O U?

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