Two Guitars

2guitars

Recently, I’ve been very busy with more than a few business projects. ‘Success Coaches’ always tell you to develop passive forms of income in addition to whatever it is you consider your vocation, but I have an odd habit of turning my past “vocations” into passive forms of income as I move on to my next project.

Then I’ve had the audiobook of The Rational Male as a front-burner project for my leisure time along with doing re-edits of the first printed book (new, better-edited, bigger font edition coming soon) and then there’s the first draft of the third book I’m picking away at.

In between all of that I’ve been doing my best to stay on top of the comment threads for the essays I’m writing. Among these, for the past 6 or 7 months has been the saga of a commenter who goes by Softek. While I haven’t been able to keep abreast of all his comments and the exceptional advice of fellow Rational readers, I’m going to take a moment now to address his situation because it serves as an example, and perhaps a warning, to Red Pill aware men who come into a new awakened understanding of intergender dynamics and fall prey to some of the pitfalls inherent in unplugging themselves from their prior illusions.

I’ve followed Softek’s unplugging and his increased confidence from a thoroughly Blue Pill conditioned guy to something approaching Alpha confidence. Whether this is beginning to stick and becoming an internalized part of who Softek is as a man, I’ll let him say, but recently he’s been dealing with some of the fallout that comes from being caught up in what I went through in Dream Girls and Children with Dynamite.

Another very common occurrence is the “reformed” AFC who makes progress toward becoming more Game savvy, and as a result gets his “dream girl”, only to lose her after reverting back into an AFC frame once he’s in an LTR with her. I’m not a big Ross Jefferies fan, but he did say something very profound once, he said “teaching PUA skills to these chumps is like giving dynamite to children.” This is probably truer than he realized, because the potential for disaster is much higher. Most guys want that silver bullet, the magic formula that will get them the girl, but it does nothing to prepare them for the idyllic LTR their beta nature has fantasized about for so very long. They don’t become Men, they become children with dynamite. So are we really surprised when the guy who finally gets his Dream Girl as a result of learning Game becomes despondent and suicidal when he loses the “best thing he’ll ever have” when she leaves him? Are we shocked when his ONEitis turns out to be a BPD girl and his life’s ambitions fall into a death-spiral because he was unprepared to deal with a post-Game LTR?

Now, I’m not suggesting that Softek is despondent or suicidal in his present position. In fact, likely not because he’s got a base of support on this blog and in the manosphere at large to coach him through it. I’ll let him outline his situation in the comment thread for this post, however, Softek’s situation of getting wrapped up in a yo-yo clingy BPD relationship reminded me of a story I’m not very proud to relate, but in the interests of other guys in a similar situation I’ll explain it.

The Price of a BPD

Towards the end of my relationship with my own BPD there came a point when I attempted to make it work with her as a long distance relationship (LDR). This was really the last nail in the coffin for us. I knew damn well she was ‘cheating’ on me while I blithely convinced myself I would eventually get her to move another state away to join me so I could continue wallowing in her neurotic psychological abuse of me.

I’m happy to say that never happened, but it came at a cost. At one point during the LDR I had to make a decision in order to find a way to drive over a state to see her college graduation. I’d already had my (correct) suspicions she was fucking a guy from one of her classes, but I wasn’t entirely sure. You’ve got to understand that as a BPD she’d already had me ‘converted’ to accept her frame as the dominant one. And as pathetic as it’ll sound, I was still her thrall and blamed myself for her neurosis even as I lived 800 miles away.

People love to cast me as some life-long Alpha, but I’ve been Beta, a natural Alpha, and during this period of my life I was approaching Omega (by Vox’s definitions). If there’s a bright side, it was that the bit I’m about to relate to you was the catalyst in my turning my life around to be a ‘lesser Alpha’ in a permanent way.

I had already been brought low. In her neurotic jealousy, she insisted that I toss out a photo album of all the times I’d been on stage in my Hollywood days and essentially destroy the memories of friends and events I had archived of that time. It was like losing part of my soul, but I did so because I thought she was right; I was convinced anything that came before her that I’d done was the source of her distempers.

You might think that was bad, but in order for me to go to her graduation – the time she intentionally had me discover her fucking this guy – I had to pay for that horrible experience by selling off two very expensive guitars. I won’t tell you the brand, but they were a 12 and a 6 string acoustic that was priceless to me. Even the guy I sold them to asked me if I was sure I wanted to part with them, he could tell I didn’t.

But I did sell them, for $800. Now they’d be worth around $4,000, but it’s not the dollar value I regret the most, it was voluntarily cutting off a limb from myself for the privilege of learning exactly how fucked up this person was. The only time I’ve ever snapped with Mrs. Tomassi was her casually suggesting I might sell off a guitar from my present collection. She knew there was something more to it and I’ve never silenced her with more seriousness.

I have one post outlining Borderline Personality Disorder and I feel like it’s all I really needed to post about it. There was a time in my life when I was completely in the dark about anything like it, so when I first discovered it in the DSM while studying psych it literally sent chills down my spine.

After this traumatic experience, I came to realize that while all the women I’d been convinced and conditioned to believe were my duty to be supportive of were banging other men and earning degrees, my life was paralyzed. Now, in hindsight, I can see that my beating myself up over being stalled in life because of my Blue Pill conditioning was misplaced. ONEitis will do that to you, but when you combine it with a BPD it takes a trauma to wake you up – either that or you swallow a bullet or put a rope around your neck.

On the BPD comment thread, there’s a sobering account of another man’s experience with a BPD woman. I’ll quote it here, but virtually every experience I’ve had men relate to me about a BPD is a frighteningly similar story.

From Hugh:

So, to start, I discovered that my ex was having an affair, revolving around a “church based canoe group”. Initially, I began questioning and blaming myself, telling her that we needed to work it out. I spoke to a professional seeking support and answers, who somehow got her in to see him.

He reported to me that he diagnosed her with Borderline Personality Disorder, and that I had some major choices to make, as she rejected his diagnosis and any thought of treatment. He advised that she would never change without help, and that what she did had little to do with me or the children – it was all about her.

I initially failed to understand, and tried to reconcile. Over the next few months she promised to try, and even started going to church.

But, little-by-little she revealed how this had begun, first with lesbian affairs with coworkers, then eventually, when I bought her a new car, but declined to take a car maintenance class with her – she slept with the mechanic giving the class. I learned of more in rapid succession, of affairs, one night stands, and worse over a 7 year period. She was in the medical field and used the cover of being on call,being in surgery, working extra for a dentist, going to medical conferences, etc, etc.(I could comment on my opinion of medical morals, but ’nuff said) I recalled an occasion when I got overwhelmingly sleepy after consuming a soft drink at a movie with the ex. I realize now that she drugged me. She also infected me twice with STDs, telling me she had a yeast infection. She put antibiotic in my food unknown to me. My children later reported to me, when asked, that whoever I was out of town, the ex was “always” gone to the hospital at night “on call”.

The gross details aren’t necessary, but the revelations shook me back to reality. (disgusting, degrading, and sick are better terms even than gross)

She began trying to convince me to sell our house and move. Now awake, I realized that she wanted her share and would dump the children on the street and force a move to a new neighborhood. I had recently pulled her off the chest of our 11 year old son when she tried to strangle him for begging her not to leave him – so I wasn’t exactly fooled by her house sale drive. I resolved that my children needed to have the support of friends and family, and not be moved out of their home and away from friends. How I would do this came to me eventually – wait long enough and she would find another prince, but couldn’t hide it easily, and would have to leave.

I had been contacted by the wife of her latest affair, a physician whom she had recommended me to for minor surgery.(Roll that around for a second). She and I had quite a conversation, during which I learned that he had “done this before with his office nurse, and she had attempted suicide when he dumped her – possibly for my wife”. I advised her to seek professional medical and legal council, but also delivered an explicit warning concerning what I would do if I ever saw her husband in public.

The next day the ex came home late from work, crying and just glaring at me (a Thursday BTW – a favorite day for medical professionals at some hospitals to play, as it offers the cover for some surgeons who “have surgery that day”.) The next day, after meeting with her surgeon friend again, she proceeded to drive her car right in front of an oncoming truck, suffering broken ribs. I rushed to the hospital, told she was being X-rayed and that I should go to the room she was assigned. I did so and in rearranging the pillows on the bed, found a hand written note from a “friend” indicating they would be by later. I didn’t stay long after she got to the room.

Well, we bought her a new truck, and about 3 weeks later, she called to inform me that she was taking our motor home on a canoe trip that afternoon, and when she returned, she was “leaving the family”. She asked our teenaged daughter to drop her off, and my daughter called me, appalled, that the canoe trip was my ex and 4 men. My daughter said she threw gravel “all over them” with her rapid departure.

She never said anything to the children, but shortly after informed me that she was leaving that afternoon. She got friends to help her move and was gone when my dad and I returned from picking up the kids at school golf team practice.

The judge at the divorce hearing classified her as having abandoned the family and offered to impose child support payments on her – which I declined, in an attempt to cut all ties.

That was 31 years ago, and we had absolutely no contact with her until Dec 24, when a scribbled note, from some tiny town in East Texas arrived, stating that she had breast cancer, and I should take “appropriate measures concerning the children”.

I can’t imagine that she thinks any of us care!

So, that’s my early life’s scary story – though I left the horror story parts out!

Be safe, there are really monsters in the world!

Hugh

P S – My 2 older children are college educated,very successful professional people with families and children. I remarried a spectacular woman a few years after, the true savior of our lives, and have a third child, who is a Nurse Practitioner, and who also has 2 children.(I have advised her about morals in the medical field particularly).

Softek, the reason I’m dedicating an entire post (and hopefully an on-topic comment thread) about this is because, in my estimate, you’re in both a more precarious, yet potentially more hopeful, position than guys who’ve dealt with what you are now. My concern is that your Red Pill awareness and basic Game skills have brought you a dangerous woman. It’s the kids with dynamite dynamic I’m seeing unfold.

The good news is you have a solid community of men ready to help you with this, most of whom have some experience with toxic women. I’ve seen too many men learn Game or adopt an abundance frame, but still cling to the hope that they can fulfill a Blue Pill ideal with their Red Pill awareness. Women like the one you’re involved with will believe your Alpha frame, but when you shift or backslide into Blue Pill idealism they’re either disgusted with a man, or they see him as potential prey – and often are oblivious to their own interpretations of why they do.

I’d like to open up the commentary here for men to relate their experiences of dealing with BPD women and/or offer something for Softek. I realize there are a lot of well-meaning guys who think that BPD is overestimated in the ‘sphere, and while I can appreciate that, I think it speaks volumes that women can so regularly be confused with the signs of BPD today as to make that estimate. For my outline have a read of Borderline Personality Disorder first.

 

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Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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Softek
Softek
5 years ago

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traumatic_bonding If a guy has gone through abuse, and meets a girl who has also gone through abuse, it makes the relationship feel even more “special,” and the ONE-itis is based on deeply ingrained behavioral patterns, not just your run of the mill scarcity mentality. The killer here is that the relationship is attractive BECAUSE it’s abusive. Not WANTING a normal, healthy girl, is the problem. Seeing a girl like that and thinking it’s too BORING. Or lacking emotional depth/substance/stimulation. Child abuse is a good way to get guys soaked in the FI. This is probably what being a woman… Read more »

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

Yes, I realized what I just commented @6:09 will seem like a paradox to most observers, (INTJs are able to live by glaring contradictions that nonetheless make perfect sense to them) because of what I said in the second paragraph May 31st, 2016 at 6:18 pm. I resisted the bullshit social conventions, but followed what turned out to be the Good ones for me.

fleezer
fleezer
5 years ago

“lol welcome to 2016 and a level of LITERALLY infinite abundance that the average girl has because of technology:” key word is average. do not waste time/energy interacting with average girls. “And check out what your texting competition is and why (in my opinion) texting is starting to be viewed as low-value:” texting for any reason other than immediate meet logistics was always low value. what it had going for it was novelty. that has worn off. “no matter how many times the man might reach out to her to talk, the fact that it’s through online dating just makes… Read more »

having a bad day
having a bad day
5 years ago

@YaReally @redlight The problem is the successful oLTR/pLTR arrangements to learn from are the ones that aren’t advertised, which is a huge part of WHY they’re successful (see my archive for “Why monogamy is broken” about the nuances of keeping social pressure off the girl in pLTRs). Even Tyler is pretty hush hush about the details of his relationship because if he spills all the beans it’ll put a bunch of social judgement on his girl which fucks things up. Once you spill the beans and social pressure is applied to the girl you end up in a Gene Simmons… Read more »

The Man
The Man
5 years ago

Hey Soft way back in another thread, and one point – you said: “And boy does that feel difficult. Magic question: How do you know? That’s what I’m going to start working on tonight. How do you know you don’t deserve anything? There are memories that ‘prove’ to you that this belief is true. Whether it’s childhood experiences or something that happened 10 minutes ago. The goal is to start identifying what memories support this BS and start addressing them one by one, letting them go, and re-writing the programming. ” Man ….. that is the deep stuff right there,… Read more »

kfg
kfg
5 years ago

Somebody has read Dianetics.

Harrison Bergeron
5 years ago

@SJF I generally think personally types are mostly horoscope-style in that they scatrershot and a person’s confirmation bias will pick out what they already think of themselves. More specifically, some of the questions are about characteristics that are highly malleable. As an example, I saw “do you have difficulty, or are reluctant to introduce yourself to new people?” This comes down to self stifling. Culum’s recent FRs are proof that this can be changed or overcome over time. Amazing progress btw man! Another one was along the lines of “do you let other people influence your decisions?” Basically, do you… Read more »

redlight
redlight
5 years ago

Savage Love today: Apparently, there are lots of people out there who don’t realize how many long-marrieds—men and women, gay and straight, poly and mono—fuck their spouses out of a grim sense of duty. It seems a bit extreme to describe that kind of sex as a consent-free/sexual-assault-adjacent trauma. Choosing in the absence of coercion to go through the marital motions to keep your spouse happy is rarely great sex—for either party—but slapping the nonconsensual label on joyless-but-trauma-free marital sex is neither helpful nor accurate. http://www.thestranger.com/savage-love/2016/06/01/24147017/savage-love Of course if a husband wasn’t getting properly drained he could avoid any nonconsenual… Read more »

The Man
The Man
5 years ago

“Somebody has read Dianetics.” – Ha! That not be me. If the old bastard Hubbard said shit like that – guess he musta read my mind or something.

kfg
kfg
5 years ago

“I generally think personally types are mostly horoscope-style in that they scatrershot and a person’s confirmation bias will pick out what they already think of themselves.”

They’re the somatotype of the mind. It’s interesting that the idea of somatotypes was formed by a psychologist, not a physiologist, as he believed that somatotypes were related to personality types.

More or less phrenology expanded to take up the whole of the body.

These ideas can have value, I’ve used tarot cards to get people to open up, so long as you avoid the danger of starting to believe they’re empirically real.

Softek
Softek
5 years ago

@ The Man The abuse was multi-faceted, but as one example, one of the regular abuses made me think I was going to die every time: Forcing my face into a pillow so I couldn’t breathe, and not being let up until I was screaming/begging to be let up and I thought I was going to die because I couldn’t get any air. Tears would be streaming down my face and I’d be terrified and exhausted after, during which time I’d be called a crybaby. I haven’t actually addressed that memory yet. Thanks for bringing up my old comment: that’s… Read more »

kfg
kfg
5 years ago

“Ha! That not be me.” Perhaps I was a bit too terse this time and should have included “or has been influenced by someone who has.” Your terminology is straight up Dianetics, and as Hubbard constructed his own terminology, you got it from somewhere other than a conventional source. In constructing his terminology he used a common huckster trick (see feminism) of taking existing words and giving them new definitions. An engram is a form of conditioned memory used by organisms that lack a nervous system. Generally in the form of chemical responses to chemical stimuli. So we’re talking single… Read more »

scray
scray
5 years ago

@ya Chris Hemsworth and RDJ have some good examples. like at :35-1:00 where RDJ is doing his usual thing that he’d do to Evans (expecting him to build him up after self-deprecating) but when RDJ is like ‘I’m just a fella…’ Hemsworth PAUSES and then is like ‘no you’re not….’ but it’s in a tone of mock sympathy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5oMqW9W5MA ‘lol welcome to 2016 and a level of LITERALLY infinite abundance that the average girl has because of technology:’ i agree with this, but at the same time, most guys are so lame that I’m finding it easier and easier to… Read more »

kfg
kfg
5 years ago

“the US is one of the biggest lying POS societies ever to exist.”

Back in the Cold War there was a joke: the difference between the Soviet press and the American press is that the American government can’t get the press to report its lies accurately.

My how times have changed.

Softek
Softek
5 years ago

@ The Man Also, I’m not trying to play keyboard warrior. Two steps I’ve taken recently, in line with advice from guys here, has been deleting my FB profile, and not responding to a string of texts from the GF that I’m suspecting (still naive with this stuff, lol) are an attempt to manipulate me/guilt trip me/shame me into putting up with her behavior. Worked out this morning, got a couple jobs done, and have been more structured today. I haven’t been sleeping or eating well and taking care of myself on a basic level (changing clothes/showering/eating/sleeping) is priority 1.… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
5 years ago

As with most things in order to answer the question you need to peel the onion and discover the underlying motivation. In the Monogamy / Non Monogamy non sequitur if the motivation is ultimately based on fear and that fear from scarcity… there will be issues on either path. If the choice is based on abundance however, neither is wrong. And to get to a true abundance mindset you need to have had children… and I would say male children at that (interesting that I think all the prolific posters have no sons? Is that right?). when you have a… Read more »

scray
scray
5 years ago

@kfg

‘Back in the Cold War there was a joke: the difference between the Soviet press and the American press is that the American government can’t get the press to report its lies accurately.’

George Lucas has a great quote about this too

he’s like ‘ya in America you’re so censored by commercialism and having your artistic vision firmly in control of the studio….i mean, i envy the soviet fillmmakers…they can say whatever they want as long as they don’t criticize the government.’

Softek
Softek
5 years ago

This is also why scrib has advised to FUCK OTHER WOMEN. Why? Because it gives your brain new reference points. New unconscious material that it can draw on to write your own personal “How-To Manual” for the world. I’ve been having sex dreams for the first time in my entire life, because for the first time in my entire life I know what it feels like to have my dick inside a pussy. Never thought I’d see the day. Take that to the next level, and knowing what it’s like to experience Abundance: you can lock that in, too. Especially… Read more »

The Man
The Man
5 years ago

Hey Softek – this “Faster EFT method” you speak of (which I don’t know anything about other than what you have explained), sounds a bit like Carlos Castaneda’s prescription of “recapitulation”. Despite what you may think of CC (very very controversial guy) the point I am making is ….. I think alot of people and healing traditions have seen the value in “undoing” psychic scripts or engrams or habits or whatever you want to call them, if such are no longer useful or are actually now obstructive. Heck ….. that is what Freud & company and the psychoanalysis tradition is… Read more »

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

@Harrison Bergeron You are correct in the fact that personalities change. Rollo’s example: military PTSD. Another problem is that people distribute on a bell curve rather than on the tails, so there might be less accuracy. But it is not so much somebody telling you how you are it is about a person understanding themselves. If the shoe fits, it then become about awareness of strengths and weaknesses. As far as minimizing weaknesses, take for example what Softek is up against in beating blue pill, AFCism and One-itis: Too Idealistic – INFPs often take their idealism too far, setting themselves… Read more »

ETA
ETA
5 years ago

About the “Operation No Pay”

This is a prime example about the strength of the Sisterhood, where women feel comfortable, not just using men, but sharing it publicly with pride. While on the other hand when a man does so, his life is ruined.
Example: Asheville Coffee Shop owner
http://jezebel.com/asheville-coffee-shop-owners-secretly-ran-misogynistic-1732097139

The Man
The Man
5 years ago

Hey kfg – the way I am using the term “engram” or “psychic scripts” is in keeping with Gabor Mate’s ideas around the implications of the huge human brain architecture changes during infancy and very early childhood periods, as mitigated by the the google definition: engram = a hypothetical permanent change in the brain accounting for the existence of memory; a memory trace. Now the you mention it, (and as such I have now looked at the wikipedia Dianetics article) I do see the Hubbard used this term as well (but so did others). Truth be told I really don’t… Read more »

kfg
kfg
5 years ago

“Gabor Mate . . .” . . . is lifting a good deal of pre-Scientology Hubbard (as have others). “I’m confident that, wrt what I wrote above, my meanings were otherwise clear enough . . .” Correct, but you will be tagged as a Scientologist for use of their terms. I’m just making you aware of that. “Can’t remember what put me off wrt Hubbard’s writing.” He wrote Dianetics as if he was speaking to an idiot child. I suspect he did so deliberately to filter for idiot children. ” . . .etymology discussion.” Bugs got nuttin’ to do with… Read more »

The Man
The Man
5 years ago

Hey – kfg – I didn’t know that about Gabor Mate – interesting …… do you have a source that is making the point that Mate was seriously affected by Hubbard? If you have such, please let me know ….. cause I am very interested in “concept etymology”, as opposed to being less so interested in “word etymology” (though I do see the two fields of inquiry are related). And it is clear that Mate himself does suffer from certain psychological problems (in fact he is not shy about saying so). I still like his core ideas though. kfg –… Read more »

kfg
kfg
5 years ago

The bug thing is “entomology” It’s a fair cop. I had a serious brain fart at an inopportune moment and must pay the consequences. The funny thing is, it got all jumbled in my head when I looked at the etymology and entomology (does Selective Trout count?) texts on my deskside bookshelf. I may not be an idiot child, but I am dyslexic and it can sometimes pop up with some odd symptoms. I learned to touch type formally to help deal with the comorbid dysgraphia, so where I used to mirror write d and b, I now mirror write… Read more »

The Man
The Man
5 years ago

I get brain farts all the time. Dyslexia is only one of many ways of being subject to seeing things differently than others. We humans be creatures with messy minds. That’s why we gotta be good to each other man.

kfg
kfg
5 years ago

“I didn’t know that about Gabor Mate – interesting …… do you have a source that is making the point that Mate was seriously affected by Hubbard?” Just some historical knowledge (including that of hucksters and their techniques) and having read some of their stuff. Dianetics was published when Mate was only six years old, and had been in development, publicly, for some years previous. One thing hucksters do is what has been proven to work. Find something that worked in the past but people have largely forgotten about (20 years is sufficient, in fact in some fields, like diet,… Read more »

Blaximus
Blaximus
5 years ago

@ scray “….and back in the day, like you guys say, a lot of the social conditioning was still okay because most people still benefitted. like, ok, the guy maybe didn’t think his job was the best, but he could make a decent wage without a college degree and have some solid friends and most of the time his blue pill behaviors would pay off. that’s not true anymore. if you don’t know exactly what the fuck is up these days, you. are. FUCKED.” ^^ This is all very true. There has been a bullshit program foisted on the American… Read more »

The Man
The Man
5 years ago

kfg – jeez! – now I think a might haveta go have a looksee at dianetics, to see what you are alluding to. Yikes! It is in the nature of this meme thing to demand this – dammit!

Hey – I gotta go attend to other matters now, maybe I will come back to this topic and have a better response for you later.

Blaximus
Blaximus
5 years ago

Best cover ever.

kfg
kfg
5 years ago

“I can hardly wait to see the Cernovich love affair that follows.”

Not to mention Vox Day, so I won’t.

Andy
Andy
5 years ago

@habd I agree with everything you said about kids. Great comment. Given the same parents there’s no way a successful pLTR or oLTR could be worse than a divorce… The only real question in my mind is if it increases the chances of losing custody in the eyes of the law if things go south. Or if it increases the probability of things going south. I have no idea about that… Monogamy or pLTR, get a lawyer to figure that shit out before you take the condom off. “And to get to a true abundance mindset you need to have… Read more »

Andy
Andy
5 years ago

Whoops that second quote is Sentient.

Sentient
Sentient
5 years ago

Andy At a certain point you actually need abundance to truly have the mindset… A large family is evidence of that. And having 4 daughters and 1 son, I can say there is a dramatic difference… I think part of it is you are always giving your daughters away, and their kids will be raised by another man… in effect cuckolding your line to a degree. Whereas with a son, like I said it is a facsimile of you but to the power of you, as you can influence his development to a far greater degree… and so on and… Read more »

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

@Sentient “In the Monogamy / Non Monogamy non sequitur if the motivation is ultimately based on fear and that fear from scarcity… there will be issues on either path. If the choice is based on abundance however, neither is wrong.” There is a lot of truth in that summary. Spot on about the monogamy/non-monogamy. Imagine, you, Sentient, bridging that crest of the debate well? I have a 21 year old son. He’s doing well as far as I can see. He was well cared for. My dimes and his mother’s unconditional love (she’s a great nurse type) gave him a… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
5 years ago

SJF – “I understand what you are saying about having children but only in retrospect. At 25 to 30 years old I don’t recall any urges to procreate. Just to fuck my hot wife, ” same here… which is why it bears saying… here is The Memo guys… PS – “n though I have been 100% covert about my adventures. My wife asked me if I wanted to go to a major event this Sunday (I really didn’t) and I told her no, I have someone coming to clean my farm cabin that day. ” why wouldn’t you say “no,… Read more »

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

“why wouldn’t you say “no, I have Kathy (whatever her name is) coming by to clean the cabin then, have a great time at your thing”… ” Because my sub-comms said that just as well. I implied that it was a maid without saying it. I was not overt in order to not be try hard or butt-hurt. I didn’t need to try hard (go overt). It will come out in due time (maid dread) and I’m trying to play three chess moves into the future. How the cabin clean-up actually goes matters, because it can be an ongoing thing.… Read more »

Andy
Andy
5 years ago

comment image

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

“They are most comfortable when they are slightly uncomfortable after all…” This. Is important. I already read her subcomms after she returned from her Memorial Day weekend Mom’s weekend out with our son at his girlfriend’s parents place during her shark week. She was already slightly uncomfortable with my allegiance to her. Due to my Frame. When she returned her first words were a mild complaint after the usually stressful ride home. I smirked and very calmly replied while lazer-ing her with my eyes “I missed you too….” And I did not reward her with time and attention when it… Read more »

mgkrebs772016
mgkrebs772016
5 years ago

Rollo,
Concurrent with BPD, it would be interesting to see how many men find their significant others to unknowingly (or more often than not, un-admittedly) suffer from another DSM disorder,(especially as the relationship progresses marriage, children, housewife, etc): NPD…Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Check out this link to an eye opening article on the topic written by Dr Leon Seltzer from Nov 2013 Psychology Today.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201311/6-signs-narcissism-you-may-not-know-about

having a bad day
having a bad day
5 years ago

@Andy @Sentient “And to get to a true abundance mindset you need to have had children… and I would say male children at that” Why do you say that? Wouldn’t a true abundance mindset be independent of any external factors including kids? yes, it is… abundance is abundance…lol… regardless of the details… it really is all in the attitude/mindset… for example, see those koans in my comment to @STRONGTEK. do you think those zen masters had an abundance mindset? of course they did… one of them was trying to show the other guy that ‘arguing’ over a BOWL to put… Read more »

trackback
5 years ago

[…] the last woman I’d been in a formal LTR with before my wife was the BPD I described in the Two Guitars post. I had no intention of getting into an LTR at the time and for a long while, Mrs. Tomassi was […]

sandstorm
sandstorm
5 years ago

As someone in his late 30s who’s brushed with more than one crazy over the years, I believe guys who haven’t had first-hand experience don’t really know how bad it can get or how much a spending time with these girls can unhinge you from your natural flow. I got engaged to crazy once, ignored all the red flags, saw in her what I wanted to see. As soon as the ring went on the finger, a demon emerged. Extreme jealousy, petty arguments, withholding of affection, gaslighting, blaming, self-victimisation, subtle insults and put-downs, eventually escalating to physical violence, or attempts… Read more »

SJF
SJF
5 years ago

@sandstorm

In relation to the things you mention in “Common themes / red flags I’ve seen in these types of girls” , Joseph W. South’s book “Practical Female Psychology ” concisely gives practical advice on how to vet girls for these in PUA game.

Joseph W. South (pseudonym) used to hang out on mASF forums back in 2007 and studied and learned and wrote about relationship game including poly LTRs like YaReally writes about. He wrote the book with Franco, who had a great follow up book on PUA.

Here is a good podcast with him from Girlschase:

https://soundcloud.com/girlschase/girls-chase-podcast-episode-4-with-joseph-w-south

sandstorm
sandstorm
5 years ago

Good stuff. Will take a look.

trackback

[…] and were screwed over because they believed in the lies. They were burned some more so than others, many had their lives destroyed. They didn’t understand how completely depraved that women could be. They had them on a […]

redlight
redlight
5 years ago

bold test

woundedgiant
4 years ago

Awesome post, Rollo. Despite the painful way that her true face was revealed to you, you were, as you say, fortunate to have got out. I have not been so lucky. Or rather, I have not been so conscious. You are so right when you talk about “kids with dynamite”. That is what I was. I spent years in the pickup community having amazing adventures and increasing my confidence and positivity as well as the quality of women I was meeting. I travelled a lot and built up a harem in every city I went. At the same time, I… Read more »

woundedgiant
4 years ago
Reply to  Rollo Tomassi

Done.

Sunnybutt
Sunnybutt
4 years ago

I’ll never forget mine. I drove several states at the cost of too many dollars, whereupon she sat me down, looked me in the eyes – riveted me with her baby blues, if you can only dig that – and explained what BPD was and gave detailed examples of how she had mistreated people before. Included message logs and archived Facebook posts, even. I sat there eating it up, thinking to myself, “see, being a Really Nice Guy is paying off. I’m uniquely situated to help her confront her problems in ways she never has before.” Ya’ll can imagine how… Read more »

Matttt
Matttt
2 years ago

Yup! I sold $17,000.00 worth of collectibles to keep my ex happy. She was never happy, like a tornado of wild mood swings and verbal abuse. Meanwhile, she would accuse me of outlandish shit and hide my glasses in the middle of the night in fear that I was absconding. She LTR’d my (at the time) best friend and ran the same shenanigans on him.

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