It started with a girl I met at summer camp and ended with the woman for whom I left my first wife. In between, I bounced from one girl to the next — dozens of them — without so much as a day off between romances. You might have called me a serial monogamist, except that I was never exactly monogamous. Relationships overlapped, and those overlaps were always marked by exhausting theatricality: sobbing arguments, shaming confrontations, broken hearts. Still, I kept doing it. I couldn’t not do it.
I can’t say that I was always looking for a hotter girl. I’d trade good women for bad ones; their character didn’t much matter to me. I wasn’t exactly seeking love, regardless of what I might have told them. I can’t even say it was the sex either. Sex was just the gateway drug for me, a portal to the much higher high I was really after, which was the chase, the seduction.
Seduction is the art of coercing somebody to desire you; playing on someone else’s longings to suit your own agenda. Seduction was never a casual sport for me; it was more like a heist, adrenalizing and urgent. I would plan the seduction for months sometimes, picking the target, looking for openings. Then I would break into her deepest vault, steal all her emotional currency and use it myself.
If the girl was already in a committed relationship, I knew that I didn’t need to be hotter or “better” than her botfriend; I just needed to be different. (The novel doesn’t always win out over the familiar, mind you, but it often does.) The trick was to study the boyfriend and to become his opposite, thereby positioning myself to this woman as a sparkling alternative to her regular life.
Soon enough, and sure enough, I began to see that woman’s attitude toward me change from indifference, to trust, to IOIs, to open desire. That’s what I was after: the sensation of steadily dragging her fullest attention toward me and only me. My guilt about the boyfriend was no match for the intoxicating knowledge that — somewhere on the other side of town — somebody couldn’t sleep that night because she was thinking about me. If she needed to sneak out of his house after midnight in order to call, better still. That was power, but it was also affirmation. I was her irresistible temptation. I loved that sensation, I needed it, not sometimes, not even often, but always.
I might win the girl over eventually. But over time (and it wouldn’t take long), her unquenchable infatuation for me would fade, as her attentions and guilt returned to her boyfriend. This always left me feeling abandoned and invisible; desire that could be quenched was not nearly enough for me. As soon as I could, then, I would start seducing another girl, by turning myself into an entirely different guy, in order to attract an entirely different woman. These episodes of shape-shifting cost me though. I would lose weight, sleep, dignity, clarity. As anyone who has ever watched a werewolf movie knows, transmutation is excruciating and terrifying, but once that process has been set into motion — once you have glimpsed that full moon — it cannot be reversed. I could endure these painful episodes only by assuring myself: ‘‘This is the last time. This girl is the ONE.’’
Back then, if you asked me what I was up to, I might have claimed that I was a helpless romantic — and how can you judge that? If I was really cornered, I might have argued that I was a revolutionary bucking the trend by countering women’s own manipulations in kind.In my mid-20s, I married, but not even matrimony slowed me down. Predictably, I grew restless and felt unappreciated for my Beta supportive sacrifices. Soon enough I seduced a new girl; the marriage collapsed. But it was worse than just that. Before my divorce settlement was even signed, I was already breaking up with the girl I had broken up my marriage for. You know you’ve got intimacy issues when, in the space of a few short months, you find yourself visiting two completely different couples’ counselors, with two completely different women on your arm, in order to talk about two completely different emotional firestorms. Trying to keep all my various story lines straight (Whom am I angry at, again? Who is angry at me now? Whose office is this?) made my hands shake and my mind falter.
At our last counseling session, my soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend and I argued bitterly, and she ran off in a different direction. I came home distressed, only to find a string of distressing phone messages from my divorce lawyer: Nothing but ruin on that front too. Then I did an unusual thing. I did not grab the telephone and call yet another woman. Instead, I asked myself, ‘‘What are you doing with your life?’’
For the first time, I forced myself to admit that I had a problem — indeed, that I was a problem. Tinkering with other people’s most vulnerable emotions didn’t make me a romantic; it just made me a cad. Lying and cheating didn’t make me brazen; it just made me a needy coward. Stealing other men’s girlfriends didn’t make me a an irresistible player; it just made me a menace. I hated that it took me almost 20 years to realize this. There are 16-year-old kids who know better than to behave this way. It felt shameful. But once I got it, I really got it: There is no way to stop a destructive behavior, except to stop.
I spent the next six months celibate and serious, working with a good therapist, trying to learn if I even existed at all when I wasn’t soaking up women’s desire for me. Then one afternoon I ran into a girl I liked. We went for a long walk in the park. Flirted. Laughed. It was sweet. Eventually she said, ‘‘Would you like to come back to my apartment with me?’’
Yes! My God, how I wanted to unwrap this woman like a Christmas present!
Wasn’t this great? Wasn’t this a beautifully written, wise and brave account? Too many men are punished, and quietly punish themselves, for what is indeed our birthright: “human complexity”. Understanding and acceptance of a man’s capacity for cruelty is necessary for personal growth, right?
Have you ever been the cuckold boyfriend on the other side of this equation? Isn’t it nice to get a bit more clarity from a PUAs side? Its a rough road, but I admire this guy’s courage and honesty. He’s earned my forgiveness and I expect he’s also earned yours.
Or…is this guy just an evil fuck seeking absolution from women for his manipulations? Should we forgive a guy who’d run a ‘boyfriend destroyer’ scheme and sow such discord for his own personal distemper on a dozen, two dozen, women? Is this man above forgiveness in spite of his personal insight and professed regret?
Men can be so callous; it’s good to see the PUA/Seduction perspective finally come to real insight, because, Lord knows, no woman would ever be able to relate to such horribly damaging obsessions, right?
Post Edit:
OK, all snark aside, my intent with this was a comparative in a similar vein as my Qualities of the Prince post.
When you use exactly the same words and narrative women use with the genders flipped you begin to see the code in the Matrix. I purposely left the original article link at the end because the interpretation of how horrible and denigrating a man exhibiting such behaviors and rationalizing them needed to be expected and believed by default.
However, the real issue here isn’t so much Gilbert’s overt embracing of Open Hypergamy, it’s the degree to which she expects a fem-centric pop-culture not just to forgive her for it, but to redefine it as a necessary growth step in the maturation of a woman.
As most of you figured out, it’s (an albeit delayed) Epiphany Phase rationalization that all women have to confront eventually. The only difference here is the heroic narrative context. When a man spins plates, even with the most open and honest approach to being non-exclusive, he’s typecast as a monster, a predator, a player and a cad –and those are the nice adjectives.
But have a woman spin plates (as all of them do to varying degrees), and she’s a hero for her journey of self-discovery. Have a look at the comments on Gilbert’s original article. I even incorporated a few into the end of my post.
“This was a beautifully written, wise and brave account.”
“Too many men are punished, and quietly punish themselves, for what is indeed our birthright: human complexity”
As Open Hypergamy becomes more widely accepted, and men’s cooperation with it becomes an expectation for men in “a mature adult relationship” the Feminine Imperative will progressively need to redefine the inherent duplicity of women’s sexual strategy and mold it into a personal strength of women. We can see this fluid redefining in this article and I expect in Gilbert’s next book.
Men will need to be made compliant to women’s overt Hypergamy and the first step is to make them accept it as a triumphant self-discovered strength in women. Men need to be taught to applaud women for the courage to embrace their Hypergamy openly, and any man who doesn’t love women more for it is a chauvinist / misogynist.
M Simon June 26th, 2015 at 2:24 pm “Of course you give the junkie another fix – until you can heal his pain. People in chronic pain chronically take pain relievers. Everything they teach you in popular culture about “addiction” is wrong. Every damned thing.” I mostly agree. But the more I see the more I believe love-addiction is probably the real disease behind pretty much every drug-addiction. All the drugs are the pain relievers for the lack of love and I’d also advice for cannabis if something is needed. But in the end the cure is to get rid… Read more »
insanitybytes22 June 26th, 2015 at 1:01 pm “Yes, powerful words there, love really is submission, but men are called to the same! Men were called to love, too! In faith men submit to God, the ultimate source of love, and they reflect that back out into the world. In the absence of faith however, I have no idea how you would go about doing that.” I agree in the old days the love of God was where men could direct their desire for love and submitting. It was an important part of the old set of rules and giving up… Read more »
God’s been killed before. He’s got a nasty habit of coming back.
@Scribblerg
Yup, working on the links myself.
@ M Simon
Love the post about Courage. That’s great stuff, and very true.
I think it’s important for guys here to realize that they are in fact incipient Alphas. The guys who are completely non-receptive to this stuff and are so entrenched in Blue Pill thinking that they won’t even find a place like this — those are the guys that are really stuck.
The value of connecting with like-minded Red Pill aware men also can’t be overstated.
Still waiting for a post on circumcision, i.e. male genital mutilation. Although I’ll probably end up writing a book about it eventually. If you search “female circumcision” on Google, it comes up with “female genital mutilation.” If you search “circumcision” it just comes up with male circumcision. This is a double standard that more people need to be aware of. Genital mutilation of baby boys is par for the course, and few people have a problem with that, which is beyond incredibly fucked up. There’s something called the foreskin coverage index — how much they remove in circumcision varies. I’m… Read more »
alltheprettyhorses,
This website provides evidence-based natural medicine information that is difficult to find elsewhere:
http://www.greenmedinfo.com/greenmed/smart/search/2
Notice that this is an actual medical database that is documented and referenced.
“… the primary mission of Greenmedinfo.com is to collect, index, disseminate and popularize the scientific data in existence today on the therapeutic value of natural substances and modalities … we now have over 17,000+ studies indexed, with our “Cancers: All” page alone containing over 1,400 studies …”
Best wishes.
Insightful…the idea of a woman “spinning plates” being acceptable but women getting all self-righteous about “players” is something I do hear. I just treat it like a shit-test. But it’s something in my mind I still have trouble reframing or even understanding. To say “Well why is it ok when women say it?” seems beta.
This post is brilliant in its irony and satire. But i’m not sure what to do with this information. I tend to now keep my Red Pill knowledge an insights to myself.
@Pretty Horses
It’s not just going to be ok,
it’s going to turn out magnificently!
I was in 24/7 live-in inpatient care for most of last year after a hit and run accident.
Rollo Tomassi literally saved my life.
You are not alone.
Softek
June 26th, 2015 at 9:57 pm
Well I dunno. It is not something that bothers me. And it has advantages. The loss of sensitivity means I last longer. And that means there is a better chance she gets off. And I like getting her off. Makes her want more.
Softek
June 26th, 2015 at 9:57 pm
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3130485/
Disagrees with you. And there are different studies with different methods that give different results.
Search “premature ejaculation circumcision” – In the 3 or 4 links I read it seems that there is no definite answer to the question. Some say yes Some say no. Some say no difference.
thedeclineandfall June 26th, 2015 at 10:34 pm Fertility is falling in all countries. And if you look at rates of decline it seems to fall fastest and farthest in male dominated cultures. Take the ME. Arab countries are feeling it. Iran has the problem (look it up). A lot of what we see politically is rulers deciding to go to war because this is their last chance. Women with 2 children are not as interested in war as women with 10. That was a LOT of German motivation pre-WW2. Fertility decline. In cities it is below replacement. Thus the desire… Read more »
@ M Simon: Thanks for your advice, I read almost all articles here plus the comments and I really appreciate your opinion. Deep down inside, the core of my problem with women is approach anxiety, I guess. As I said, I’ve read a lot of stuff, such as: the game, Mystery method, the manipulated man, Anatomy of female power, book of pook, the predatory female, daygame, bang, bukowski’s women, Rollo’s books and many more. The thing for me is putting it to work. See, my personality is 100% ISTJ which seems to be a problem when it comes to women.… Read more »
[…] Eat, Prey, Love | […]
“More likely it is population density. Cities. ” We are large predators. We weren’t meant to live like prairie dogs. In a more natural environment it would be suicide. All large predators have mechanisms in place to damp reproduction not only keyed to the food supply, but also to simple population density so as not to outrun the food supply in the first place. Losing a million prairie dogs to starvation is no biggie. They’ll simply be replaced in the next breeding cycle. Losing a million tigers to starvation is extinction. A need for some “elbow room” is built in.… Read more »
Anonymous June 27th, 2015 at 3:47 am This is so funny it is a crime. The very best place to look up cannabis research is “NIH cannabis (disease or condition)” . It is all animal models as no human trials are allowed. But it will give you a start and a place to cross check other information including anecdotal human trials. As to side effects? None of the scare stories are true. Not one. It can sedate you. You shouldn’t operate motor vehicles. And that is about it. Remember these are analogs of substances that occur naturally in the body.… Read more »
@Softek- Male circumcision. I get the hypocrisy of it, and kind of always have. 27 years ago when my erstwhile wife was pregnant with our child and we didn’t know if it was a boy or a girl, I decided that if we had a son he would not be circumcised. My ex seemed to believe that this was her choice and tried to assert herself as many mother’s do, just assuming she had the final say. It was one of those weird moments in my marriage where the ridiculously skewed power relationship with my wife really jumped out at… Read more »
@ M Simon I’ll just leave this here: ———— ‘The foreskin: Why is it such a secret in North America? ‘ http://madsciencewriter.blogspot.de/2013/05/the-foreskin-why-is-it-such-secret-in.html ———— I’ll summarize it like this, in the spirit of the article Rollo wrote here: “I’m just going to cut off the most sensitive part of your penis. You don’t need it anyway. You’ll be healthier without it. It’ll only take a minute.” Compare that to: “I’m just going to cut off the most sensitive part of your vagina. You don’t need it anyway. You’ll be healthier without it. It’ll only take a minute.” Why the double standard?… Read more »
Guys, I’ve decided to enjoy Insanity as our “pet troll”, or perhaps she could even be our mascot? She performs an awfully useful purpose in demonstrating the effects of the FI – if women aren’t screaming at us to stop oppressing them, they will scream at us to put the bit back in our mouths and starting pulling again. It’s an interesting phenomena. Both sides cannot tolerate one thing though. Men who see through them and laugh at their attempts to dominate through emotional manipulation. Do you know what makes Insanity most worried? That we simply don’t give a shit… Read more »
“…Insanity as our “pet troll”, or perhaps she could even be our mascot?”
How about poster child?
I appreciate all of your insightful comments. Thank you all graciously.
I actually have no family. No siblings and parents have passed away. I have been consumed by the idea of being “saved” by a woman. Deadly wrong. I know.
It is a powerful delusion, that I now have to relinquish. I see men around me sacrificing health and life, but very very few women. I guess it is their nature. It hurts but must be accepted.
I thank you all again. You made me think, laugh, and feel human. I appreciate it Rollo.
@ Glenn I was just looking over my psych test results from when I was in the mental hospital: pervasive developmental disorder, avoidant personality disorder, depression and anxiety, all in the clinically significant range. One of the most extreme things was my severe difficulty in processing and organizing information. I’ve been trying to be aware of that more often but it’s very hard. I’ve been talking about that in therapy and I hope we can find some solutions for that. I asked last session for my test results and when I got those I’ve been looking over them, and I… Read more »
And as far as advice goes, I always get a boost from this one. Lamb of God has some really good lyrics in some of their songs that really hit home. True stuff: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwLpNwBkuCE “You want to blame me for the way you hate yourself You think you can find who you are in someone else Criticize to better your relative positioning You’ve got a long way to go So go and weave your tale of woe Convincing yourself it’s so You’re so set to fail Somewhere you’ve finally lost your way Only yourself left to betray A nameless heir… Read more »
@Forge & Rollo – Rereading those posts on love was awesome. Chewing on it all as run around enjoying this nice summer Saturday. My one quick point is that I was wondering more about the specific condition of Oneitis from the perspective that it seems this ‘struck by lightning’ phenomena that happens to men occurred before the onset of romance and courtly love and chivalry. I was wondering if there was an evo psych explanation for this? It seems to me to be all consuming when it happens. I’ve had twinges of it a couple of times post-Red Pill and… Read more »
One more note: foreskin restoration. So far, painful tight erections gone, also last time I got a handjob I didn’t have to tell the girl she was hurting me, because I developed enough skin mobility to where it worked out OK. Tight as a drum before and any girl rubbing my dick without lubrication felt like the skin was going to rip off.
Definite improvements, and I’m going to keep up with it. It was a big relief. So there is something you can do about it, but it requires acknowledging and understanding the problem first.
InsanityBytes is an dumb as a stump….I wonder if she was the chick in that deer crossing youtube scribblerg posted.
@Rollo any man who doesn’t love women more for it is a chauvinist / misogynist. Just like he’s a chauvinist/misogynist when he tells her to stop attacking his masculinity and let him be a man. “Heads I win, tails you lose” is the order of the day. @scribblerg Guys, I’ve decided to enjoy Insanity as our “pet troll”, or perhaps she could even be our mascot? She performs an awfully useful purpose in demonstrating the effects of the FI – if women aren’t screaming at us to stop oppressing them, they will scream at us to put the bit back… Read more »
@Atticus
Dude in your video link gets mad Man points. No excuses. None.
@Insanity: I could not take it any more. “Men and women were not designed to live their lives as nothing more then sexual commodities, endless exploiting each others psychology, gaming each other. That really is emotional vampirism and in the end it will leave you empty and unfulfilled and full of regret.” That is EXACTLY how we were designed. “The problem with no name” that you refuse to recognize because you are incapable of empathizing with the male perspective is that it is WOMEN who have won the competition. The culture supports open hypgamy while the law punishes faithful men… Read more »
@alltheprettyhorses 1. You are being played by your Ex. Knock it the fuck off right now. Frankly, unless she is blowing you regularly why are you acting as her emotional tampon? Go out and build a life and stop worrying about a woman. Women accompany a good life, they do NOT create it. Trust us on that point at least. 2. Read some books on game and start doing cold approaches. “The Natural” and the Roosh books (Bang and Day Bang) are great. I have an entire section on game and seduction in my “50 Books that Changed my life”… Read more »
I ignored the disablement aspect because it doesn’t matter:
https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2014/09/05/alpha-male-of-the-month-4/
“You simply do not understand male and female sexual strategy. Both women and men want to have sex with a variety of partners.” I never really wanted sex with a variety of partners. I wanted sex with one, quality over quantity. I may well be an outlier or a defective unit or something, but it is what it is. “So for men to gain sexual victory in marriage, it means they have lots of sex. Both partners are usually happy. For a woman to gain victory in marriage, it means she is in control and gets to deny sex. Both… Read more »
it’s so insidious how they brainwash people from a young age to believe in such crap. one look out the window and you can see the destruction caused by open hypergamy. it’s not brave to be a slut, it’s just stupid.
by the way i actually believed that it was a man speaking those words and i felt genuine sympathy for him lol.
Softek June 27th, 2015 at 8:05 am From my reading of the research the results are equivocal. But that brings up an interesting point. I once had a GF whose clit NEVER got engorged even when aroused. OTOH her G spot when aroused was as big as a walnut. It made her pussy real tight when she was aroused. And sometimes if she was really smokin she got a LOT tighter when I was in her. Bigger than a walnut I’d guess. Good times. BTW my jihad is Prohibition. We get done with that and I might consider other issues.… Read more »
Softek
June 27th, 2015 at 12:00 pm
Never had that problem in a serious way. If it needed lubrication I told her to lubricate me. Deep. With a LOT of tongue.
Softek June 27th, 2015 at 9:34 am One of the most extreme things was my severe difficulty in processing and organizing information. Practice. Practice. Practice. Practice. Practice. Practice. The human brain will build the structures you need if you force it to. What seems like a natch is just some one who started building the structures early. One thing to recognize is that endocannabinoid production in the human peaks in the 15 to 25 age range. After that it is difficult learning new things. The social recognition of that came in the ’60s with “never trust anyone over 30.” But… Read more »
@ M Simon I don’t know why but the 4-5 times I got high, it made me anxious every time. The first time was absolutely horrible, full blown panic attack for a few hours. I figured it would be better the next time. Nope. I didn’t have a panic attack but it made me extremely anxious and uncomfortable. And the next few times were just as bad. I’d experiment more with it if it was legalized. I think I’m so used to being alone that smoking with other people threw me off. I’ve never tried doing it alone. But I… Read more »
I’ll also add the area I’m in isn’t that conducive to guitar work. My friend, who’s taught me a lot, gets enough business to get by, but places like Nashville and Austin are where the real scene is at. Places where a majority of people play guitars or own guitars. If I was in a band or around musicians a lot more I could be a big hit. I could even get some business selling my own guitars by playing them out live — my friend told me that was how he did it a lot of times. Build a… Read more »
@MSimon
What kind of effort?
@Rollo, Scribblerg Read all the links, mulling it all over. There’s a lot of good stuff there, a lot of clarity about what men and women’s love entails and the way men’s idealistic love schema can be twisted against him – and the weakness of the relationships created in that way. I’m kinda still with Glenn here though; I recognize how oneitis is used against men. But I’m less clear on how it originates. Certainly FI conditioning, BP mind sets, and a want of motherly love can make it much worse, but it’s so common even in men who were… Read more »
Forge the Sky – “My theory is that it’s an adaptive trait that emerges in men who subconsciously feel low-status, so the ‘beta switch’ gets activated and they become a terrific provider/ protector while simultaneously throwing off a bunch of ‘don’t fuck me while ovulating’ red flags for women to read.” Interesting. I guess then that oneitis is a malignant manifestation of idealism. If a boy is raised to understand he is never good enough then his idealism is twisted such that it becomes a crutch that both serves to validate his own trained inferiority and his sacrificial nature. His… Read more »
Had Elizabeth Gilbert met M Simon instead of that guy, I’m sure she would’ve fucked M Simon and her story would’ve never made it all the way to the new York times. I mean, M Simon have an unbelievable charm on women even gay women. This is what M Simon is capable of ; “to me a few times a year. I walked into a taco joint once to pick up something at the counter. A gay girl sitting with her GF rushed me and begged “why am I so attracted to you?” And the LTR was with me. And… Read more »
Is there a center for sluts “seduction”addicts anonymous? I’d love to join. (covertly).
@Mr T
I think we should root for women like Elizabeth not condemning her addiction to fuck, hell, I hope all women become like her. I mean for a guy like me with no game!
That’s uh… pretty much the strategy advocated throughout the ‘sphere. Game is pretty much about treating all of them like they already are like her because for the most part they are.
Sun
I’m gonna buy lots of copies of all Elizabeth’s books and carry one on me 24/7 and upon meeting women (feminists preferably) telling them how much I adore Miss Gilbert’s books and how liberating it is and ask them to come home with me for further study.
One more VERY important book I should have on me too, ,
Robin Rinaldi
The wild oats (fuck) project.
Ps
Forgot about all the books you read about game.
I think this book is the best game.
I don’t understand. The cad admitted he was the problem. He wanted to unwrap the woman like a Christmas present, but didn’t (if the story in the link counts). It’s a bit selfishly unaware for a cad to put his name on such a text and expect to be forgiven and accepted, but it’s a start. He’s changing his behavior. A cad won’t change overnight, but hopefully it’s a beginning of continuous improvement.
…
Wacka wacka?
@ alltheprettyhorses – Listen to the Men here; it’s all solid advice. But I have this gut feeling that you’re not going to follow it. You need to see this woman for what she is. All the signs are there – http://therationalmale.com/2011/09/06/the-medium-is-the-message/ Keep posting here – we can and will help you through this. @ Anonymous – “There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.” ― Morpheus. Don’t wish it were easier – wish you were better. Next time you feel frozen in fear of approaching a babe, just assume you’re going to be talking to… Read more »
@ nataliya – LOL gold…
“I said: ‘‘You know what, my friend? I don’t think I’m ready for this.’’
I’m not aroused by you.
“He said: ‘‘No problem. Let’s get Italian ices, instead.’’
That what made trust her “woman’s instinct ‘ that he wasn’t a tingle.
“We spent a few more pleasant(boring) hours together, ”
then said our goodbyes. I walked away alone(bored) but calm(dry pussy). And that’s when I realized that the better part of my life had already begun.(finding a beta provider who believe in ontie/soul mate.
The New York Times let this nymph publish her story?
Thank you new York times.
“Tomassi, I really, really get it. I just think you’re flat out wrong.”
“Not at all, Tomassi, I thought it was rather clever and gave me a chuckle.”
“I have plenty of intellectual curiosity, too much in fact.”
“No sweetheart, I wanted so badly to laugh at your satire, but it cut too close to home and broke my heart.”
Pfffffttt!!! You couldn’t make this shit up it’s so fucking ridiculous!
The rodent is back…solipsisim, extreme ego investment, ‘feminine mystique’, projection….check, check, check, check!
http://i834.photobucket.com/albums/zz269/OrangeJulius1/hammeme5_zps2653e0b6.jpg~original
http://ct.fra.bz/ol/fz/sw/i58/5/12/12/fbz_3bf8f5c084d4c3af544aeda0c86f0c34.jpg
Softek
June 27th, 2015 at 4:20 pm
Let go. My 20s were devoted to letting go. By 28 I had pretty much accomplished it. But you are never done.
There is no universal medicine.
Forge the Sky
June 27th, 2015 at 5:12 pm
Effort at what ever you are trying to get good at.
Mr T
June 27th, 2015 at 7:02 pm
Obviously it has never happened to you. And it doesn’t happen to me with many women. As I said – only a few times a year. What does that mean – one in a thousand? One in ten thousand?
Gilbert? Odds are against it. Way against it.
Elizabeth Gilbert & Guy she ” liked” ;
“He said: ‘‘No problem. Let’s get Italian ices, instead.’’
ices?! Or ISIL?
Mr T
June 27th, 2015 at 7:16 pm
Some day – if you are of a mind – please tell me how you keep hidden what can’t be hidden. How do I hide my height – for instance – when out in public?
And tell me, if ladies coming on to me makes the LTR hot for me what purpose would it serve to hide it?
M Simon
“Some day – if you are of a mind – please tell me how you keep hidden what can’t be hidden. ”
You can do what can be hidden at the Star Bucks.
What can’t be hidden, ,,at the Taco joint.
I have hung out with guys like Peter Coyote. Not A grade but definitely hot. His attractiveness to the ladies was obvious. No hiding it. Dozens chasing him to varying degrees at any one time. Dave Mamet was the same to a lesser degree. I also had a friend “Bill” – the ladies were ALWAYS drooling over him. No way to hide it. He had at least 6 HOT women chasing him on his wedding night. I don’t get your obsession with covert. Just had a short discussion about it with LTR. “When they throw themselves at me it reminds… Read more »
“Seduction is the art of coercing somebody to desire you”
I wish people would stop using that word without first looking it up in a dictionary.
Another great exercise in the convenient double standards that most feminists have. There is nothing a feminist hates more than a level playing field. That means she will have to stand on her own two feet & have some degree of merit or personal responsibility.
I have been lurking on TRM since DEC 2014. Recently bought your books as well. I am just grateful as fuck to the overall improvements in my life since I stared reading your blog. Much obliged Rollo!
“When a man spins plates, even with the most open and honest approach to being non-exclusive, he’s typecast as a monster, a predator, a player and a cad –and those are the nice adjectives.”
Is that so? It was my impression that fun guys, even if slightly evil, will be liked, and people will want to hear their entertaining stories. But if you’re a boring man, you will be judged more harshly for the same actions (or attempting them, at least).
@ M Simon:
I’ve read some stuff about cannabinoids and it’s becoming clear why there is so much resistance against it, mainly through lobbying, I suspect.
You mentioned to Softek above, that you were working on letting go in your 20ies. I’m on it as well, so I wonder ho you had achieved it?
An early (1980s) song about open hypergamy and other stuff:
http://classicalvalues.com/2015/06/hell-in-a-bucket-anyone/
@insanity You’re a masterful troll insanity but also an excellent foil. I could rebut all of your posts with redpill wisdom. Rollo, illimitable man, Gaylubeoil (yes that’s his name), all have published posts on navigating this new world. Love, self-interest, female mating strategy and pragmatism have all been covered extensively. But why should I post all this content if you’re going to ignore it and preach your own delusional philosophy? You’ve created some ideal fantasy world in your head where men and women coexist in perfect harmony. This hallmark romance you advocate is exactly what has destroyed many men’s lives.… Read more »
Anonymous
June 28th, 2015 at 1:09 pm
300 bad acid trips and Aleister Crowley’s banishing ritual. It was all about giving up my anger. In ’73 Stephen Gaskin came to town (I kind of sponsored him as I was working for the local radio station WTAO) and he noted that I still had a lot of anger. Another year and it was greatly reduced. And by then I had met the LTR.
@Nataliya
I like your blog Nataliya and you’re one of the saner voices in the manosphere. Most of the time you can empathize with men but in this case I think you are missing the point. For a man to thrive in this new world, he has to become and remain a cad at heart. He can never rest or leave the game. He’s a gunslinger who always has to be quick on the draw or else he won’t be respected.
http://therationalmale.com/2014/09/23/the-burden-of-performance/
“Seduction is the art of coercing somebody to desire you”.
Nope, that is called manipulation/psychopathy. Stopped reading there.-
Nope, that is called manipulation/psychopathy. Let’s be fair: all interactions with other human beings, no matter how small or short, are an attempt to manipulate them. It isn’t something only psychopaths do either. If you’re not attempting to manipulate the other person, then they’re attempting to manipulate you. Seduction would be a subset of that manipulation intended to garner sexual interest in you from the other person. Building a nice body then wearing clothes that accent it, developing witty banter, learning how to read signals then respond accordingly… make no mistake: seduction is manipulation. Lose the idea that manipulation is… Read more »
No. You are wrong.
Healthy people develop assertiveness.
Manipulation is exclusive of mentally ill people.
I find it pathetic that people here talk about the female hamster, in a blog called “therational male”, the mother of all male hamsters.
@ddd
No, I’m not. Look just because you don’t like the label doesn’t make it any less true. That would be your hamster you’re hearing on that wheel.
“You’re a masterful troll insanity but also an excellent foil.” I am neither a troll nor am I foil. “You’ve created some ideal fantasy world in your head where men and women coexist in perfect harmony. This hallmark romance you advocate is exactly what has destroyed many men’s lives.” No, I’ve actually won the game, hit high score, and the fireworks went off. That “ideal fantasy world” where men and women coexist in harmony is very real to me, I live it, I am surrounded by it. It really is a fairytale, a Hallmark romance for me, although just tad… Read more »
“Healthy people develop assertiveness.”
What? The honest form of manipulation? Assertiveness is just persuasion by backed by the credible threat of “or else.” It’s the essence of solid frame.
“No, I’ve actually won the game…”
So you’re slumming for fun? Or just showing off, rubbing our noses in your good fortune? Is that it? Is it because you’re bored with your prize? Clearly winning isn’t enough to satisfy you otherwise you’d find a better way to spend your time.
“Clearly winning isn’t enough to satisfy you otherwise you’d find a better way to spend your time.”
Don’t all hamsters need a few lab rats now and then?
@Badpainter What? The honest form of manipulation? Assertiveness is just persuasion by backed by the credible threat of “or else.” It’s the essence of solid frame. Exactly. Assertiveness is just overt manipulation, as opposed to the covert manipulation that is considered immoral by most men. Truth is that the successful individual learns to communicate in both ways while appealing to the self-interests of others so that they’re not perceived as “manipulative” in the pejorative sense. Still doesn’t make the charismatic leader’s behavior any less manipulative. He just knows which buttons to push to make you happy to go along with… Read more »
Rollo, I have a question, not entirely related to the certain topic, but I figured you’ll check here rather than some previous posts… I am in confusion about on of the things you’ve pointed out. This is coming from a compilation of thoughts gathered from most of your posts I’ve read. I understand and agree with the points you made in your Plate theories, but there is this ‘dot’ I feel like I’m missing to connect the big picture. Mainly, one of the biggest things you pointed out is that Medium is the Message, and that overt communication should not… Read more »
Dunhill – “My conclusion to this is that a man should never expose his very arsenal to the enemy, figuratively speaking.” Don’t fall for an absolute conclusion. Most of the time you would be correct simply because it’s not necessary to reveal everything. But if your arsenal is sufficient to guarantee victory then making it obvious creates a deterrent. Frame + game + value in the overt obvious to all sense means you never have to actively defend yourself or your prerogatives. Others are placed in the position of having to prove themselves to you. The way this seems to… Read more »
@ddd, when’s the last time you bought a new/used car from a dealership?
@Dunhill, one of the reasons I make an effort not to be prescriptive in what I write is because Game and/or an applied Red Pill awareness is not a one-size-fits-all proposition. How I go about applying my own awareness is not going to be what you or anyone else would depending on who you are and what your situation is like. That said, the closest I come to being prescriptive is the 9 Iron Rules of Tomassi, and even in these the intent is to provide men with a general outline in regard to what they can expect from themselves… Read more »
@Rollo My wife expects the awareness from me because it’s part who I am. It’s casual, natural and effortless for me because that’s the Man she fell in love with. And that’s exactly what I thought I’d hear. It seems that LTRs are only feasible once a guy has completely internalized a truly Red Pill personality. It has to be who he is, as opposed to in the beginning when it’s just something he does. That being said, it’s fucking hard to get there. At this point, I feel like I’ve got an extremely good understanding of a lot of… Read more »
I’d like to throw something in here. The Blue Pill and traditional psychology/psychiatry have a lot in common. And a little later I’ll get to TRP, and how ‘fringe’ it is, and how TRP is a parallel to alternative modalities for treatments for mental illness. I’ve had over 13 years of therapy with very little results. Been on various medications. All kinds of different therapies, and both in-patient and out-patient. I had EXTENSIVE testing done the last time I was in the mental hospitals, hours and hours, got an extensive report, and treatment still hasn’t been changing much. The general… Read more »
I have been teaching the LTR female psychology. She is slowly getting it. But she does from time to time get annoyed. “Whadya mean all women are like that?”
One more thing: I feel like I *have* joined the men here in the self-improvement project. I don’t think it’s fair to cast me out like I’m not a part of that. I just started out at a much lower point. But just because a huge improvement for me doesn’t place me at even a tenth of the level that other guys here *started out at* doesn’t mean that I haven’t made those improvements. Forcing myself to go to some parties where I didn’t know anyone, applying enough Game to get a couple hookups, ending an unhealthy LDR I was… Read more »
BTW, not trying to stir anything up here. The hypersensitivity to criticism, whether it’s real or perceived, is just in line with the whole Avoidant Personality thing, which I’m trying to be more aware of, so when I come off as defensive that’s basically the reason why. But I do really enjoy being a part of this community and I did want to express that, and for all the issues I still have, I have made a lot of progress thanks to so many of the comments from other guys here, as well as, obviously, the material Rollo’s shared here… Read more »
Okay, I am going to give a field report on my experiences this weekend. This will be long. Not yet divorced, still living in the same house though it is sold. So I am not doing formal dating yet. I am doing Meetup groups to meet new people (women.) I’ll talk to the men, but mostly focus on the women, for practice or whatever, and in case something happens. I like the groups. I need some comfort and an opener to work. It’s why I was always a zero in bars unless the woman came onto me. Not comfortable and… Read more »
@Striver
I can’t wait until I get my white male privilege. To hear angry radfems describe it, I’ll be walking on water with a mermaid sucking my cock. I am so looking forward to that. I haven’t had any really good action in a few years.
One of the RP topics that I find most interesting is the inability of an individual to admit to a RP defined reality. The times that I’ve engaged in an even borderline real life RP conversation, I’ve found myself backpedalling into whatever minor degree of RP reality that the individual defines for himself. Every time this occurs I ask myself: What determines whether a man can actually unplug, not just a from BP defined perspective of hypergamy, romance, opportunistic/idealistic love and game, but also with regard to positive masculinity and self improvement? Rollo has covered this to a degree with… Read more »
@ Striver – read Mystery Method.
@ BreakinnBenjaminn – “One of the RP topics that I find most interesting is the inability of an individual to admit to a RP defined reality.”
An individual still plugged in will never admit to a RP defined reality. How could he? It’s a process. I think each individual processes the RP as defined by their past experiences. In my opinion, unless a Man has experienced some form of relationship trauma, it’s tantamount to explaining what the color blue smells like.
Striver June 29th, 2015 at 12:07 am Very nice. One thing you will get after doing “it” for a while is that everything matters. Watch how she twitches when you say things. Quiet your gut so you can feel hers. I have been telling the LTR how she feels as soon as or before she notices. I have NEVER been contradicted on the matter by her in 40+ years. And it is not because she is shy. That tool is very handy. You will of course get the easy stuff right away. Anger, fear, pain. As you learn to pay… Read more »
@ M Simon:
Well, I won’t have acid to help me but I chose meditation quite some time ago. Anger is also a major thing in zen and with women as well. It might well be that the only reason someone’s not good with women is underlying anger and frustration. What do you think?
I wonder what else one can do against it though.
Anonymous: Look into Faster EFT. “HealingMagic” channel on YouTube. It’s simply a tool, a life skill you can use, and you can use it on any problem. Extreme rage is one of my major problems and I can testify that it’s helped a lot with that. For the record I also used it extensively for the case of ONE-itis I had, which probably ties into my Dependent Personality Disorder traits, e.g. separation anxiety and other issues, with great success. The whole system gets deeper than this, but if you want a real, practical life skill that you can use on… Read more »
@Sun Wukong June 28th, 2015 at 10:23 pm “That being said, it’s fucking hard to get there. At this point, I feel like I’ve got an extremely good understanding of a lot of what you teach intellectually, but it’s going to take so long to make it a gut reaction. That’s an incredibly discouraging step to be at, because there’s no formula or timeline or real way to measure progress. You’re either there, or not yet.” My re-acquisition of frame in my LTR was very difficult. As Rollo has said it is better to have never gave it up in… Read more »
@Rollo “I know it’s futile as well as a wasted opportunity to allow her to connect with me. I played with her and I played with her because I know her efforts to appreciate me in the tacit circumstance of dread were what she wanted to do. If I’d tried to defuse that with comfort, I deny her that as well as confirming myself as an optionless Beta.” This is huge, probably because its showing game in real life practice. Whenever I read FR’s or game examples I always run down the scenario in my head of how I would… Read more »
“Giggles’ tropes” Heh. Speaking of HUS, there’s quite the discussion over there about cheating. Susan says she wasn’t bothered by a depiction of a man cheating on his wife, in the context of reviewing a movie in which star crossed lovers meet again 10 years after their initial meeting; and the man was in an unhappy marriage; and it’s clear the man’s wife was also unhappy. Eh. I’ll let Susan say it. “I’m not surprised people are upset about the cheating but it didn’t bother me. Surely Jesse’s wife does not believe she’s happily married. The Jesse/Celine connection feels like… Read more »
@Deti, I wonder if the guy with the fiancé Aunt Giggles pity-fucked back in college would be “grandfathered in” for her today?
It’s amusing to see her confirm both AFBB and Alpha Widowhood in the same comment.
Eric Hoffer – The Tyranny of the Intellectual
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOUXSPpN_eE&w=560&h=315%5D
“Another thing that does not work for me is asshole. On the occasions when I’m an asshole, apparently I’m not a sexy asshole. Never get a good reaction back. “ I’ve had the same difficulty. I strongly suspect the main issue is anger vs. aloofness. Cross a beta and he’s liable to become angry because you’ve offended his sense of fairness or justice or whatever, and this hurts him. Cross an alpha and he’ll decide to start ignoring you as you are no longer worth his time – unless you won’t back off, in which case he’ll snap and go… Read more »
@Rollo
“when’s the last time you bought a new/used car from a dealership?”
Allow me to answer that. Would you like the guy that wrote this manifest to date (and fuck the brains out of) your daughter?
You do realize a woman actually wrote this “manifest” right?
This is what happens when you don’t read the post and decide to comment.
Try to keep up, we’re already 4 pages in now.
“It’s amusing to see her confirm both AFBB and Alpha Widowhood in the same comment.”
Rollo, it’s also sad to see you were right on point in this context with your Wives and Lovers essay this last March. Women don’t get it. So you have to demonstrate to them.
http://therationalmale.com/2015/03/31/wives-lovers/
“….that the context of romantic love has superseded the condition of a committed monogamy – traditionally marriage – as an idealized goal-state.”
I’m not complaining. It is what it is, but you explained it well in that essay.
@Forge the Sky: ” . . . girls see that aloofness as being a far greater insult than beta rage.”
I don’t care.