Plate Theory V: Lady’s Game

I had a good amount of response on last Friday’s Plate Theory post asking for a more complete idea of women being natural Plate Theorists, so I thought I’d elaborate on this.

Female Plate Theory

For as often as I’ve mentioned women being natural plate theorists, I don’t think I’ve ever gone into detail about it. I think it’s pretty well established that I completely disagree with idea that women will only fuck one guy at a time. I could outline several women I know from experience in this, but really, observing behavior will bear this out fairly predictably. I will however agree that they are predisposed to, and are socially encouraged to, seek monogamy, but as in all things female the talk rarely matches the behavior. Sexuality is a woman’s first, best agency and even the homeliest woman know this – even when they’re just complaining about other women using it.

The principle that a woman’s first priority is to seek out security is true, and we’d be wise to bear this in mind when evaluating motives for behavior, but their methodology is what’s in question here. There is an understandable confusion for guys in this respect. On one hand women present a constant facade that the fear of being perceived as a slut (i.e. concurrently fucking more than one guy at a time) is primary to their self-respect and respectability. However, this has to be tempered with the desire to experience a variety of men in order to ensure the security/provisioning from the best among them. So in order to facilitate this women must practice a kind of calculated hypocrisy that is socially reinforced by the gender as a whole as well as some men (usually those so optionless as to excuse the behavior in order to get to her sexuality, or guys so conditioned that they overlook it as normal).

It is socially acceptable for a woman to blatantly spin plates.

Does this sound outrageous? While a woman who makes her sexual practices a bit too overt runs the risk of being perceived as a slut (which is dubious in this age as it is), most relatively attractive women covertly have a constant bullpen of starters ready to go to bat at any one time – these are also known as ‘Orbiters’. These are the attention providers, the “maybe” guys. And it makes little difference in terms of available options which she chooses at any given time, the very fact that she has five or six of them pursuing her is enough to boost her sense of self-worth, her social status within her same-gender peers, and give her the confidence to drop any one of her plates at a moments notice for any reason knowing that 2 or 3 more guys (or 20 more on facebook) stand ready to take his place, no questions asked and prepared rationalizations at the ready.

In addition, this practice is socially reinforced by women doing the same thing and the social conventions constructed to excuse the behavior. It’s the unspoken rule of a woman’s prerogative; she can always change her mind. This is a powerful tool for women –  in any situation, if a woman doesn’t choose to be sexual it is necessarily forced (or obligated), even when it’s after the fact. Either the “Jerk” forced her, physically or emotionally, or she had thought she wanted to, but later reconsidered – it makes little difference. In all social situations the default is to side with the feminine, the “weaker sex” – women, from sympathy or empathy, and men, from a desire to eventually become intimate with them. Dalrock expertly describes this convention in his “Don’t hit me, I’m a girl” post.

In either instance, the feminine prerogative is socially reinforced. That’s important to understand because even by my focusing on it here as a male, my motives for doing so become suspect. That’s how embedded this dynamic is – to question it risks ostracization. However, I also understand that for the greater part of women, this plate spinning dynamic isn’t a conscious effort on their part. In fact I’d suggest that it’s so thoroughly recognized that women default to it autonomously. Also, this is a good example of the first principle of power – when you have power, always feign powerlessness.

Free Reign

So, with a firm understanding that their behaviors will for the most part be excused, they are free to practice the feminine form of plate theory unhindered by social reprisal. The feminine plate spinning involves much more than sex though. Remember that attention is the coin of the realm in female society. The capacity to command attention determines self-esteem, peer status, sexual selectivity, and a host of other factors in a woman’s life, so spinning plates becomes more than just a “which guy am I gonna bang tonight” prospect. This dynamic and these factors are what makes women natural plate spinners. Even when a woman has no intention of ever becoming sexual with a “maybe” guy, his attention still has some value to her. It appeals to the long term prospective for security that’s a continuous subroutine running in her hindbrain. This is the rudimentary psychology behind hypergamy.

Now, combine all of this with women’s native language – covert communication – and it’s natural for a man to assume that a woman will only ever become sexual with one guy at a time. This serves the latent purpose of keeping him in a kind of stasis. If he assumes women will only be sexual under the precondition of commitment she is free to spin plates (essentially weighing options) as she pleases and sample at will what she sees as in her hypergamic best interest at the time. If the carrot looks good enough the guy will patiently pull the cart until such time as another, better carrot comes along. Either way he’s in that stasis. If a guy were to see her social and psychological machinations for what they are, he’d never pull the cart – so it serves women best that men think commitment should always be required for intimacy, even in the face of her behavior directly contradicting this.

Plate Wars

Lastly, this social dynamic serves as a very effective weapon for women against each other. As I stated in the last Plate Theory post, competition anxiety between women is something men can exploit for their own plate spinning, but the reason it is useful is because women so readily use it against each other. For a woman to say another is a “slut” translates into an overt betrayal of this unspoken social contrivance. She essentially is saying, “the rules are that women require commitment for sex, but here’s one who’ll never be worthy of any guy’s commitment because she wont play by the rules you suckers think she will.”

She is tacitly disqualified for a man’s commitment and is, at least in the accusing woman’s mind, a reduced threat in this feminine competition. She becomes exposed in the same game they’re all playing and in being so loses attention and therefore status and personal esteem. It seems petty to guys, but it’s really intra-gender warfare. Think of how many times an exceptionally attractive woman, that is completely anonymous to a group of women you happen to be with, berate her based on appearance alone. “She’s must be a tramp if she dressed like that.” These are the same women who’ll berate a man for basing his estimation of a woman on her outer appearance. This is feminine competition anxiety. Ask a woman to name the most attractive female actress they can think of. Odds are it will be a woman (who as a guy you’d never think of) who presents the least threat of this anxiety.

Gentlemen, as I’m fond of saying, women will fuck. They may not fuck you, they may not fuck me, but they will fuck someone. The girl who bangs the hot guy at the foam party in Cancun on Spring Break within 5 minutes of meeting him is the same girl who want’s you to believe that they’ll only fuck one guy at a time and then after commitment. All women are sexual, you just need to be the right guy at the right time for the job.


43 responses to “Plate Theory V: Lady’s Game

  • Samuel

    Yep. Women get horny and want their pussies fucked, and therefore it will happen. One way or another. To believe that they are immune to the power of the ‘gina tingle is to be deceived. They thrive on stimulation and vibration of all kind. From a man’s voice, to a rumbling Harley or Motorboat, they RESPOND. They like thrills, and equate excitement with happiness. This is part of why they are hypergamous… because its so hard for one guy to keep triggering that vagina tingle, and once it drops off, the next guy that flips her switches is gonna get some traction.

    Those who have taken the red pill discover that there is a much more efficient way to get that carrot, and in fact, its by not pulling the wagon at all.

  • Random Angeleno

    Really nothing new. In my parents’ and grandparents’ generations which took place well before the sexual revolution, it was common for young women to have several suitors for marriage. Heck, if she was only moderately attractive and sociable enough, she often had multiple marriage proposals in hand and the luxury of picking one of them. In other words, there was often no exclusive dating until she accepted a proposal from one of her suitors to start the official engagement. There wasn’t nearly as much premarital sex then so typical men were more willing to marry to get access to sex. Have to remember that the average age at marriage was much lower for both sexes then than today.

    Of course several factors have conspired to turn the chaste playing fields into the cock carousels, but as Rollo has illustrated well: the underlying principles haven’t changed and it’s important for men to understand that.

  • Leap of a Beta

    Hmmm…. Interesting. So a man’s spinning plates are defined exclusively by women he’s had sex with, or plans on having sex with very, very soon.

    A woman’s spinning plates are people she get’s support from in some form – financially, emotionally, ect. Possibly Beta chumps who she’d never sleep with, or possibly Alpha’s that she is having sex with. But atleast one plate is having sex.

    Hurray women spinning plates via facebook.

  • Kane

    Gentlemen, as I’m fond of saying, women will fuck. They may not fuck you, they may not fuck me, but they will fuck someone.

    Behind every beautiful woman is a man tired of fucking her.

  • jzEllis

    so true…

    In fact that realization alone, and having the epiphany of being in that situation is when I realized the red pill was beginning to take affect in my life.

    Pretty girl, average girl, ugly girl. There comes a point when you understand that except for regular sex, I don’t NEED any of them. Once one is honest with himself about what he needs or wants from a woman, then her game is nullified, because you only play when your needs are sure to be met.

  • Good Luck Chuck

    I’m probably the most cynical bastard in the manosphere and although I do agree that it is possible for a woman to fuck more than one guy at a time, it isn’t the norm. Despite the devaluation of sex over the past 50 years, women are still not wired to look at it the way men do and thus most of them are not comfortable with the idea of screwing two men concurrently unless they are transitioning from one monogamous relationship to another.

    For men spinning plates can involve anything from dates to sex with multiple women at any given time. Women play this game differently. Chicks would MUCH rather have one guy they fuck and several more orbiters who feed their need for attention and validation that they can count on to step up to the plate should something happen with their “A” guy. Generally, when they start banging one of the orbiters it means that the primary relationship is done.

    These serial dater chicks usually have a fuck buddy or some dude they are in love with who is already married. They will go out with you on TWO dates max before moving on to the next chode because they know that most guys expect sex early on and they aren’t willing to give it up to every guy they meet.

    For women sex is a tool. With a lower sex drive, societal expectations, and the need to “protect the egg” it only makes sense that they wouldn’t feel the need or the desire to bang multiple men concurrently. The exception might be a woman utilizing a cuckold strategy where she is using one man for his sperm and another for his provisioning, but this is the exception not the rule.

  • Bolkie

    Could you explain what ‘not pulling the wagon’ means?

  • Anton

    Gotta agree with GLC here. Damn rare for a woman to fuck two guys for a prolonged period of time.

  • Good Luck Chuck

    One more thing to note- aside from the soulless Sex and the City skanks (of which there are undoubtedly more of these days) women just don’t get off on sexual variety the way men do. Most men aren’t content to fuck only one woman at any given time. If a woman’s main partner has enough SMV to monopolize her sexual resources most women have little desire to screw around outside of their primary relationship. That’s why if she DOES have any kind of desire it is most likely the beginning of the end.

    Hypergamy’s a bitch, you know.

  • Johnycomelately

    “Damn rare for a woman to fuck two guys for a prolonged period of time.”

    Dunno about that, I know plenty of guys fucking married women for years without the husband knowing. Way more common than you think.

    Heck, a friend showed me a text from a girl he fucked who then went to a dinner with her husband at her in-laws and she texted that she was dripping his cum while at the dinner table!

  • xsplat

    Sounds like “smell nice and act disinterested”. A hidden anti-game comment?

  • xsplat

    There are other needs that women can meet, other than sex. Cooking, cleaning, romance.

    Or are you saying that you’ve decided that you don’t like to feel romantic anymore?

  • xsplat

    I’m not convinced. There seem to be women who can remain in love and fuck around casually and discreetly.

    I know men don’t like to believe this. We like to think only men are capable of it. The theory is supposed to be that women are hypergamous and only fuck around on beta providers that they are not sexually attracted to.

    I don’t buy it. At the minimum, a sizable minority of women are emotionally capable of fucking around for fun while remaining attracted to and bonded and sexually hot for their main guy.

    Women need to be mate guarded, and no one gets a free pass. Not an alpha, and not a married man. Not all women will fuck around, some bond more exclusively than others, but the pragmatic attitude is to assume your girl would do so, given the opportunity.

  • xsplat

    And yet men tell stories of long term affairs with other men’s women.

  • xsplat

    Ya, that’s the theory that us men like to tell ourselves.

    I don’t think that holds up nearly as much as we’d all like to think.

  • xsplat

    Ya. When you’ve been that guy on the phone enough times, you know that trust and alphatood won’t prevent you from being the guy at the dinner table.

  • Blog Sluts

    I have a date this week with a girl in a relationship and am gaming 2 married women on facebook. 2 of the 3 are exes. 1 cheated on me and I cheated with her once. Most of my exes are cheat material, for me especially.

  • Blog Sluts

    I failed to mention 1 of the men I consider more alpha than me; another makes more money in his career and is a model provider and is also alpha. The other isn’t a total beta, but his woman is only a 6 and is very poachable as she misses me.

  • xalex

    Frankly, i believe that if you’ve been in an ltr (commitment and all), you have likely been cheated on. She was probably drunk and out of town, so it doesn’t really count, though.

  • Danger

    I have seen plenty of girls cheat on their boyfriends over and over again.

    However,

    I have also seen a similar quantity of cheating girls deny sex to their husband and instead provide it to their new lover.

    I honestly do not believe one side outweighs the other. I think both kinds exist in equal numbers.

  • Doc

    Over the years I’ve found that much of what I “assumed” to be true about women, isn’t. Pretty much every pattern of behavior accepted as the “norm” by society is just so much “BS” when it comes down to getting between the sheets.

    I have found that while a lot of guys accept the “serially” monogamous idea when ti comes to women, that in fact they will have one “official” BF, and one or more “unofficial” ones that are only their “dirty little secret”. Since I’ve been that “secret” more times than not, I know that it is quite common for women to have one guy they are grooming for marriage, and one or more who are there to placate their other predilections. Now usually the “official” guy meets all of their female friend’s criteria for “acceptable” to them as far as age, income, status, and such, whereas their unofficial guy satisfies some other need, and they don’t want to give that up.

    Of course, most women know that this is how women operate, and they will attempt to use it to their advantage when necessary, but they do have a vested interest in not broadcasting this behavior to the world. As I have said more than once, “Women want to fuck as much as men, they just have better PR when it comes to keeping it hidden, and justifying it.”

    From the male perspective, it is a LOT easier to be the “unofficial” guy, since she doesn’t expect you to only be there for her, and she is much more accepting of the “friend with benefits” role. A lot of men find that such behavior is difficult to accept – but it doesn’t make it less true…

  • YOHAMI

    About half of the girls I´ve hooked up with had boyfriends at the time.

    Girls always have a *boyfriend* or someone on the plate, then several other interests with varying degrees of interest and investment.

    Even if they are in a relationship there´s always some dude hitting on them and they rarely cut the contact, they usually renegotiate the interest so they can keep them around, and of course the dude will re-attempt from time to time

    But having sex with them? mmm I´ve known a few who do. I think sex happens more as a result of what the dude does. The more she can be absolved from responsibility, the more sex can just “happen” like accidents happen. For me this just meant I had to be bold strong confident sexual and escalate quickly.

    Which also works with single girls (single girls have MORE resistance and screen longer though)

    The few girls that I know who “spin cocks” are hardcore sluts (2-4 guys a month) and not very physically attractive. They keep spinning cocks when they are in relationships. I know one who only spins cocks when she has a boyfriend. She´s celibe when she´s single, but fucks other guys when she has a boyfriend. Weird uh?

  • Cracker

    For a woman, juggling multiple men who give her attention and emotional investment in hopes of sex is the equivalent behavior to a man who fucks several women who long for his committed attention . If she has to give up a little sex to get that attention, she will, but it is not her primary motivator. Not that she won’t enjoy the sex, but she’s not fucking around just for the sake of it. Just like a man will give up a little attention and emotional investment (not his primary motivator) to get sex if he needs to (even when juggling multiple women). He might still enjoy the emotional interaction somewhat (dates are still fun to some degree), but his primary goal going in was her body.

    There are plenty of women who fuck around, especially in this day and age of lowered social expectations, but I still think they tend to be lower status women (even if it’s just in her own mind). They are giving up sex to lots of men hoping that one will offer some commitment, or that her sexual openness will make her more enticing to one particular guy who she hasn’t fucked yet. It doesn’t usually work. She might tell herself “oh I’m just having fun, I like sex. it’s college, I’m a sex positive feminist” etc. but deep down she wishes she could commit herself sexually to a man of her choosing.

    There are also plenty of men who are “emotional sluts”, willing to offer attention or commitment to several girls in hopes that one will sex him, or that his emotional openness will make him more enticing to one girl who he wants to fuck. A cheap gambit for lower status (“beta”) men. Again, a wasted effort in getting what he really wants. These men will also lie to themselves – “oh, I like having female friends, sex isn’t a big deal” etc., but deep down he wishes that he could commit himself emotionally to the girl he likes most.

  • xsplat

    Just look at what monkeys do.

    If we do the same things that monkeys do, and if monkeys don’t have complicated intrigues, then it’s unlikely that our motivations are complicated either.

    Monkey girls fuck around. Human girls fuck around. We do it because that’s what our species does.

    Generally women are motivated by commitment, and generally more so than men. And yet a sizable minority of men have a lower socio-sexual score than does the average woman. Some men want commitment more than does the average woman.

    Some women like variety, for sake of it. Some women fuck for fun, sometimes and aren’t doing it for commitment or provisioning. And some of them will do so no matter what their relationship status.

    There is no rule that says a woman in love won’t cheat. Your chances are better that she won’t, the more she is in love with you – especially during the initial honeymoon period and after she has given over her heart to you and proclaimed commitment. But the risk is there, because the motivation never entirely disappears. No matter who you are, there is another option that appeals for other reasons. Or for the same reasons.

    Women are monkeys. Monkeys fuck around when no one is looking.

    A woman with a lower socio-sexual score is what a lot of guys want. Especially men who also have low socio-sexual scores. Your chances of fidelity are better with such women. But such women have different drives then women with higher socio-sexual scores. It isn’t just a matter of moral conditioning – people have innate drive differences. A higher risk girl will have a higher sexual heat, and vice versa.

    There is no ultimate boat, or car, or airplane. You gain power at the cost of weight and handling, you gain torque at the cost of horsepower, you gain all terrain handling at the cost of specialty handling. A low risk girl is a tradeoff, just like a high risk girl is. A girl with a low risk for infidelity carries a higher risk for a boring, sexless, domestically oriented marriage. A higher risk girl may help you arrange threesomes, but you won’t know for sure what she’s doing when she’s late coming home with the groceries.

    But all women are monkeys, and will fuck around for no reason.

    It will “just happen”.

  • Good Luck Chuck

    I think we are probably all more in agreement than not, it just comes down to definitions and semantics.

    I do not deny the fact that there are plenty of women out there who will fuck multiple men at one time. My point was that this is not women’s general MO. They are wired to view sex differently than men. Again, MOST women can achieve a satisfactory level of overall fulfillment from multiple men WITHOUT having to bang them.

    And remember, women are predisposed to growing attached to a man who they are having sex with. Any guy who has ever had a verbal contract with a casual fuck buddy will tell you that it isn’t long before most women catch feelings. It’s a chemical reaction in the brain, and most women aren’t wired to be able to cope with splitting attachment between multiple men. Usually when a new attachment begins it spells the end for any previous attachment. This is why it is usually pretty easy to tell if a chick is cheating on you. Things just don’t seem the same when it happens because women are for the most part incapable of dividing up this emotional investment.

  • flyfreshandyoung

    Gonna have to agree with xsplat here.

    I’ve, erm, been involved with 3 girls who were in LTRs, LTRs that any outsider looking in would be like hey these two people love each other. They banged a lot, got along really well. Flowers and sunshine.

    But the chicks wanted something else at the same time. So they got some on the side, with me. It was only on a few occasions, and their priorities always rested with her bf first and foremost.

    Maybe they were outliers, but then again, maybe they were just in an ideal situation to get some extra on the side in the manner most of us would attribute solely to men.

  • xsplat

    There is a lot of truth in that.

    However there is another true generality about women that is a bit more disconcerting. They have an uncanny knack for compartmentalizing their awareness.

    And it’s difficult for a man to know just how many compartments he is taking up. I’ll guarantee it’s never 100% of them.

    Women can set aside other options when they are emotionally engaged with 1 compartment.

    But that isn’t the whole woman you are dealing with. It’s just one compartment of her.

  • Leap of a Beta

    Once the gates are open, anyone’s allowed through.

  • walawala

    Girls like attention…flip that switch and they chase, that’s what I learned when I learned game.

    I’ve broken up with my gf of a year…now, she’s super keen and cool, always wants to meet up, chat, etc.

    The one who i gamed is 27, she has blokes chasing her up.

    But after parties she waits for me so she can get into the sack and go explore more.

    This is more unspoken. We chat, hang out, but the subtext here is we will go further.

    She gets little gifts from guys who think that’s the way to her heart. I get texts from her at all hours on all types of subjects.

    So…when chicks start into the “how many girls are you seeing?” you can Agree and Amplify…

    or simply reframe…

    “Chicks always see at least two or three guys, in fact how many guys names do you have in your contact list?”

    Then watch them squirm….

  • itsme

    flowers and sunshine is the problem. women crave drama and excitement. banging another guy on the sly satisfies the craving a bit.

  • Linkage is Good for You: Still Here Edition

    [...] – “What to Demand from Your Woman?”Rollo Tomassi – “Plate Theory V: Lady’s Game“, “The Rush“, “A League of Your Own“, “The Slut [...]

  • Doug1

    Yeah but often the wife having an affair will fuck her own husband less and less. Maybe she’ll make herself do it some to try to keep him from getting wise, but no longer really wants it, and in fact tries to invent reasons why she shouldn’t give him sex, picks fights, and so on.

  • Doug1

    One source of info I have on this are cheating wife blogs.

    In a few of the cases the wife is just as motivated to have sex with her husband before she began cheating, but usually not.

    They usually stop being sexually attracted much to their husbands but if they stay in the relationship, still love him in other ways, as someone easy to get along with, a good father, and provider, etc. Well they usually don’t explicitly say good provider but that’s often pretty clearly part of the motivation to stay with him.

    I do agree that there are SOME women who really crave variety and who like slutting it around for it’s own sake, while simultaneously remaining sex providing and pair bonded to her primary, for security, etc. Just not very many women.

  • Ncalif

    Obviously everyone thinks and lives differently than another, though sometimes similar. My wife has experimented ( had affairs ) prior to marriage ( dating and engagement timeframe ) and during our marriage. Women have numerous attention requirements. Marriage and relationships should be happy for all involved, clearly. My wife and I have come to an agreement for her to have some extra fun if she desires. She has desires and complied with our agreement with a very well endowed law enforcement man that was interested in her as he learned we were having marital problems. Guess the sex was filling and exciting for her but he has been the only man to help exercise our agreement. He is in a conventional relationship but does text my wife and the sex chat and tease each other. We have been together a long time and I think she needs some spice occasionally. So far it’s only been with Mr. Thick Cop friend as she is very picky and safety is a real and obvious concern. I suspect she may have experienced the start of becoming a bit of a girth seeker.

  • YOHAMI

    Are you banging other women as well?

  • Ncalif

    No I am not banging other women as well. When I was younger in my 20s and 30s I had my share and probably your best friends and your share of women. My wife had only a few men when she was of that age. We have been together for a long time and she seems interested in some spice. By the way, our sex life is great, actually better than many of our friends who have been married less in years than us.

    She was pursued by a man who was divorcing after 17 years of marriage. We were not as happy as we should have been and I was a complete ass. The affair brought our marriage to the brink of destruction for 3 months but we overcame our shortcomings with better communication of our needs and expectations. Her desire was to ride her cop friends very thick cock when she desired and I gave her permission to ride him as long as we have no more secrets and no more sneaking and cheating. He and my wife continued to have some serious sessions some lasting 3 or so hours with mini breaks in between for about 3 months. I think the attraction ran its course and I hung in there for my families sake. He showed his true colors and is a bit of an ass. He being an alpha male loves fucking other men’s wives as he has a history from what my wife has learned.

    All of this has certainly spiced up our marriage and our sex life which was always good is actually great at this time. We or she tells real stories from her extra fun when we have sex and it somehow really works for both of us.

    She actually showed me a picture or a few he sent her phone of his thick cock. It is very thick and scary sort of. Not very long maybe 6 inches. I am definitely longer with 7.5 inches but not with his girth. His girth is impressive. We looked at it together on her phone photos two nights ago and just started laughing out loud at that monster. I do remember having sex with her the day after he has a few times and she was sincerely opened up and loose. Guess that goes with the territory.

  • Ncalif

    Agree totally, I know first hand.

  • Women & Regret «

    [...] of any one encounter is compared against the frequency with which guys are hitting on her. This is female Plate Theory in action. If you happen to be one among many of the throngs of her suitors she’s less likely [...]

  • Year One «

    [...] Plate Theory V [...]

  • saagarsachdev

    That explains women looking for only ‘new friends’ on OKCupid.

  • Grendel

    Ncalif – Wow what a cuckold

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