The Rush

For today’s post we’re going to do a little experiment. Before you press the play button, take a deep breath, and while it is work-safe, you may want to plug your headphones in or be in someplace where you can be uninterrupted for 10 minutes. Be forewarned that any women within casual listening distance will likely be provoked to indefensible, yet hysterical defense of the sisterhood after eavesdropping. Pay attention to your heart rate and do quick self assessment of your mood. As you listen to this, be aware of the chemical reaction percolating in your bloodstream as the inevitable end comes. Then be aware of how you physically feel afterwards. Ok, press play.

 

All done? How was that for you? Heart rate up?

 

I must admit, I got an adrenaline rush out of that. Kind of like watching a car wreck in slow motion. However, I find that kind of ironic since any number of daytime shows (i.e. Tyra Banks, et. al.) have been basically doing the same shit for decades now. A lot of guys acknowledge the power of the chemical rush, but it’s only episodes like this that make it real for them. I’m sure most of the guys hearing this felt it; the high of adrenaline, endorphins, dopamine, etc., this is the chemical cocktail that women come to crave. I’ve read the chemical profile is very similar to that of heroin. Indignation triggers it for women in the same way sex and death trigger it for Men.

The main reason I wanted to pick this apart is because there’s a lot of elements to the whole incident. There’s so much at play in this, it’s hard to know where to begin. It’s interesting to read the responses to gauge what impacts people first. Women naturally lean toward the guy being classless for opting to hash this out in a very public forum, yet it feel fully justified for doing it themselves for decades. White Knights will come out of the woodwork to defend the indefensible in spite of the circumstance responding viscerally to a woman weeping. How did you feel when you heard the girl cry? We can pour through the reasons why the guy was a chump to have been living with her for as long as he did, but think of this more from the perspective of the physical effect it has upon the listeners.

Funny how even when a woman confesses to her infidelity we’ll look for ANY angle available to still cast her in the victim’s role. We’ll readily analyze the guy’s history, we’ll euphemize her misconduct as a “mistake” (or she’ll do it for us), and we’ll speculate “where her heart is really at.”

 

“but, Rollo, dumping the hor in private would have achieved the same end.”


I’m not so sure about that. I’ll be the first to advocate against revenge, but for pragmatic reasons (wasted effort), not so guys can cling to some self-righteous high ground. If the guy is resolved to break it off with her, and he has the opportunity to rub it in (on valentines day, caught red handed, thinking a proposal is due, etc.), but instead holds back and discreetly pulls up stakes, does it have the same impact? Would she genuinely appreciate the gesture? How would she ever know that he could’ve resorted to publicly humiliating her yet chose not to?

The guy opting for the “high-road” would be the only one capable of appreciating what he could’ve done if he hadn’t, and even his expressing his option to do so makes him sound vain and conceited. By all rights this woman was under the impression that he was going to propose to her on-air and was utterly crushed instead. How does a woman spared from this ever make that kind of acknowledgement?

The answer is she doesn’t. I’m not saying he should’ve done it, but in light of the life-altering gravity of entering into as binding a commitment as marriage (a topic of much discussion in the manosphere), I can understand why he’d consider it. We can call him a chump for living with the woman for 5 years, but he’s a chump who’d made the decision to commit and had the ring to prove his intent. She on the other hand, knew he’d decided to enter into this commitment, and not only betrayed that, but KNOWINGLY, and happily, was ready to let him propose in spite of herself.

 

“Is justice somehow rendered as “less than justice” when it is administered by your OWN HAND?”

 

Therein lies the rub. There will always exist an element of bias (revenge) whenever one enacts what they perceive as justice. Women are almost universally absolved of this. Carrie Underwood can write a chart topping song about vandalizing the truck of a cheating lover that women (and men) will gleefully memorize the lyrics and sing along with, but let a man publicly humiliate a caught-in-the-act, cheating lover and “he’s less of a man” and runs the risk of having his personal life ruined as a result.

As far as this guy breaking Iron Rule #4; yes, the guy’s a fool for having done so for 3 years, and I’d go so far as to say an even bigger fool for being monogamous with a solitary woman for 5 years during his prime (I assume Chris was in his 20’s). My point was to illustrate his degree of commitment (he bought a ring) not to justify his having lived with her as long as he did. Contrast this incident with Tiger Woods situation: a lot has been made about commitment being tantamount to male virtue, so my emphasis was his readiness to commit and the gravity it bears on a man’s life.

There was another aspect that I hadn’t considered in this. I don’t entirely believe that reversing the roles to understand a contrast would be applicable in this case. Generally women don’t ask men to marry them. I understand it happens, but never to the degree that a man must prepare to make a proposal of marriage. Chris had resolved in his mind to marry the girl, and acted on this resolve by buying a ring and planning to propose on V-Day. Men are the True Romantics; Women simply do not have a parallel experience for this.

I understand this is a bit of a stretch, but for a moment lets assume Chris knew exactly the future liabilities of his commitment – all of those high-road, morally binding liabilities Tiger reneged on in his marriage – should his response to her deception be any less measured than what he did when you think of what he’d almost committed to?

Think of the impact his commitment to her would’ve entailed; think of how it would effect their families, his career and / or educational opportunities, their future children and their personal decisions, his finances, his psychological well being, their quality of life, and the list goes on, but essentially he was betting his future life on this girl. The guy was a hair’s breadth from making that commitment when he discovered the deception. I think she got off rather lightly.

 

*I’ve got to give props to the guys over at the BodyBuilding.com forums for rediscovering this link for me. I had originally used this audio in a SoSuave forum post back in February of 2010 and lost the audio link. Thanks guys.

44 comments

  1. This is very timely — so many guys I know are in the final stages of getting engaged, leading up until Valentine’s Day. Sharing freely and openly.

    I’ve had my own slip ups, even in recent years, where I let her gain hand because I just honestly slipped up. My composure wasn’t alpha when it happened. This guy’s composure for years was likely weak, allowed her to control the relationship on her terms. As she continued to gain hand in the situation, he just let it slide out of control.

    What’s worse is that she was making out with this dude even AFTER she found the ring. That’s absolutely what happens, and he’s right: she’s disgusting.

    Great, great post RT.

  2. Bwahahahaha!!! An oldie but a goodie. Haven’t heard that in a while.

    Was the guy beta for playing house with her as long as he did? Sure, but we have to remember that’s probably what he’s been programmed to do.

    I can’t help but wonder if she learned a lesson from this. The fact that at the end, she says, weeping, “What kind of people ARE you? I hate you!!!”, tells me the answer is no.

    An expensive lesson to learn, but the guy dodged a bullet. I’d be interested to find out how things went for him moving forward.

    …essentially he was betting his future life on this girl.

    Jeez, never heard it put that way before. Frightening.

  3. Isn’t it curious how many guys we all know who want to marry their girlfriends, women who still go out (without the guy) 2 nights a week?

    I kid you not — I know of at least 5 guys who have all asked me for engagement advice since Thanksgiving. I asked them the same first question: “Has she stopped going out to bars without you? Completely stopped?” When they replied (all of them said “Well, she still goes out once a week, maybe twice”), I told them: you can ask a woman to marry you when she’s proven that she’s already settled down and is waiting for you. Not a moment sooner.

    Rollo: Did your wife still go out to bars once or twice a week when you proposed? Exactly.

  4. I understand this is entirely anecdotal evidence, but I have to use this instance to reinforce my point from yesterday’s thread – if the hypergamous inclination is strong enough women will readily take concurrent lovers.

    I know Good Luck Chuck will disagree, and in theory I understand what he was describing yesterday, but I’m unconvinced. I see his point about women’s security instinct, but given a better hypergamous opportunity they’ll at least entertain the possibility of swinging to another branch while the first one’s still in hand.

  5. I told them: you can ask a woman to marry you when she’s proven that she’s already settled down and is waiting for you. Not a moment sooner.

    $$$

  6. The difference between a woman who spins plates and a woman who protects just one is all in how much fear she has that she will lose the best option available to her.

    When a man screws up (as I have in my past) and confirms to a woman that she is the best woman for him, she loses the desire to protect her one plate. We do this to our relationships without thinking sometime, just by using terms like “the best” or “my one and only” or “I’m so lucky” or “my everything.”

    Even if you *are* monogamous, you have to give her that bit of fear that she could lose you, that other women want you, and that she still has room to improve.

    Also, as I’ve said above and hundreds of times before: women who go out and party are undateable. If I see a woman posting photos of herself with a cocktail in her hand, she’s on time-out. If she has any 2 such photos in the previous 2 months, NEXT!

    Facebook, Twitter and Foursquare are making urban women undateable.

  7. Nice wakeup call… glad that guy caught her before he put the ring on her, it would have been much worse after.

  8. I didn’t feel an indignation rush. Instead I was just laughing.

    When the girl started crying I saw through her ploy as if it was made of onion paper. I laughed harder.

    Indignation happens when your moral expectations of others leads you to be surprised. Moral expectations are like a horse’s blinkers, and lead you to miss what everyone else can see. Indignation is a sign of willful ignorance. How COULD she?!

    Anger on the other hand, that I believe in.

    When you have enough experience with women, the stupid shit they do and their tissue thin ploys at righteousness are just food for humor. Women are like the weather. We learn of their natures, learn some vague forecasting skills, and manage our lifestyles to accommodate, enjoy, and limit the damage of them, but we never fully control them. Thunderstorms and lightning, hurricanes, or spring days with a nice sailing breeze – we manage our enjoyment of the weather, but we don’t really manage the weather. Who would be indignant at the weather?

  9. In hindsight it’s clear the guy was too trusting.

    Why aren’t men taught the skill of mate guarding anymore?

    Where did we lose the cultural knowledge that women are not to be trusted and need to be mate guarded?

    My girl was a 21 year old virgin when I first met her, and shows every sign of being more in love with me every day. A year and a quarter together and I get marriage proposals almost every day. But I still mate guard her. I won’t even let her English tutor be a man. Of any age.

    There is nothing a girl can do that earns a man’s trust. Nothing. Don’t trust a woman. Ever.

    Mate guard.

  10. Men cry when they’re sad.

    Women cry when they want something (forgiveness, attention, trinkets).

    A gal I was dating last year cried about some random act of unkindness from a coworker, and I told her point blank: “Mom told me about you women crying. Stop, or it’s over.”

    She stopped, laughed, and we had sex.

  11. Good stuff. If you have more links, send them my way — I’m working on a go to website that JUST gives guys the links needed to fend off typical hypergamous woman behavior. These are solid gold.

  12. Ha I love these.

    How dare him! How DARE him! hahahah she got what she deserved. I also must give credit to the DJs for not giving her an ounce of wiggle room.

    “but given a better hypergamous opportunity they’ll at least entertain the possibility of swinging to another branch while the first one’s still in hand.”

    Even an alpha can get played by a ho if a bigger alpha comes along.

  13. A.B.: you should also look for Roissy’s list of slut tells. From memory:

    1. A woman who talks about sex within a few hours of meeting you.
    2. A high testosterone woman: ring finger longer than index finger; hairy forearms; flat ass, narrow hips; broad shoulders.

  14. I agree with the idea that cheating happens a lot more often than us men would like to believe.

    Again, my point is that as a general rule women are more prone to attaching feelings to sex and as such less likely to be able to screw multiple men at any given time. Doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen, just that women are less prone to that sort of behavior.

  15. Ya. On the whole your average non-player girl is less likely to step out than your average alpha. More likely then your average beta.

  16. This clip of a woman getting utterly busted for cheating live on radio is a good summary of female reaction when confronted with unsavory facts.

    1. Denial when she is first confronted. .
    2. Denial is not working. The hamster wheel starts spinning. She has to figure a way out of the mess. She knows she’s busted. Hesitation, defensiveness, dissembling, lame attempts at explanation.
    3. Then she recasts it as having made “mistakes”. Atttempted reframe. The hamster has settled on her explanation.
    4. Her explanation is not working. She resorts to crying. This serves two purposes: to show submission (don’t hit me, I’m a crying girl!) and to garner sympathy (how can you be so mean to me!).
    5. Crying’s not working. She turns to shaming “What kind of people are you?! I hate you!”

    fascinating.

  17. Tom Leykis has a few episodes with similar acts of guys dumping their cheating wife/gf on the air. War of the Roses on the Kane Show has had similar fare, although it’s more equal opportunity and they catch guys as often as women.

  18. I thought this was legitimately hilarious enough that a reasonable minded girl would also find it hilarious. So in a experiment of my own I showed it to my sister and she was laughing at it too. I think that you overestimated the irrationalness of the sisterhood’s programming. As you pointed out in your plate theory V post, it is necessary for women to shame sluts in order to protect the commitment as prerequisite for sex (when it’s convenient for them and they aren’t on vacation) paradigm. It is for this reason that one should expect women who want to be perceived as “quality” will in fact consistently stand against egregious slutty behavior. If a girl actually came to the defense of the girl in the video you might as well paint a bullseye on her pants. It’s not that my sister is actually quality, she’s just smarter than my other sister who ended up on thedirty.

  19. Can you go into more detail? I’m assuming you mean preventing one’s SO from having sex with other people. How is that something you can even accomplish besides having them followed around all day?

  20. No, no, no…

    I bet you showed it to your sister in private.

    If you try it again in a mixed group with other girls, the result will be different. The sisterhood will come out in force, not in defense of the girl, but against the guy and the DJs, and she’ll probably join in.

  21. As was stated above, men cry as a result of the feeling they have, whereas women cry to manipulate the feelings of others.

    Interesting how a woman can clearly be in the wrong yet try to discharge the discomfort in the form of blame to everyone else around her. Once shit hits the fan, it’s always “boo hoo pity me, I’m a woman. I made a mistake. I know not of what I did. It’s not my fault.” Instead of viewing themselves as persons with agency, women will often perceive themselves as objects in which things happen to. This is convenient since it abdicates women of any sense of self-responsibility.

    Anecdotal, but I’ve found in my experiences that it’s more difficult for women than it is for men to accept that sometimes they are responsible for or play a major role in their own misery. The mere suggestion is often dismissed by what they feel they inherently deserve or don’t deserve by virtue of simply existing as a poor, defenseless woman.

    The woman in this audio feels injustice for having been humiliated publicly. She “hates” the radio personalities for helping execute this humiliation and questions what kind of people THEY are. Yet her personal sense of accountability for cheating on a man who was about to propose to her after 5 years of commitment devotion was nowhere to be found.

    Personally, I found this hilarious and well justified. Good for him for dodging that bullet.

  22. The first time I heard this I laughed so hard I almost ruined my keyboard, even though I knew it was coming. It was the “bitch be trippin” that made me lose it…

    I thought it was a very fitting break-up – made it so that she knew why he was ending things, as well as all of her friends, since otherwise they would only hear her side of things. Gotta love it…

  23. “Your not even a listener.”

    Great line. Tells her she didn’t make the minimum of redeeming value to them.

  24. Pure entertainment there. Did not feel an ounce of pity for her only amusement over her rationalization and lack of morals.

  25. Got a rush when she was going “Oh my god oh my god”, expecting a proposal, while I knew she was gonna get dumped. It was that anticipation. Afterwards it just became funny. There was also a subtle underlying emotion during the whole video: a scary bad feeling that a long, solid loving relationship can be ruined by something stupid you might do. Of course, cheating doesn’t just accidentally happen, but some people have OCD-tendencies and think they might do something they would never do, and are very scared by it (like that feeling you get when you stand in front of a cliff, like you “want” to jump but at the same time know it’s a horrible idea). Can’t say I felt pity for her, but there was a clear “sucks to be her” feeling.

    Showed it to my female friend and she also thought it was funny and if the video shows all there is to it, she deserved it.

  26. This is so special because this lying, cheating witch is immortalised. Even after the engagement ring was found, she was at least making out with the other guy.

    The NCU is strong in this one.

  27. I dunno. I think it’s kinda sad. She deserved the harshness, but I don’t think it’s ever a good thing to make someone’s distress into entertainment. It’s good for ratings, though.

  28. I’m new to the game but I have a question regarding this.

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought that Game, Plate Theory, Alpha Male blogs, etc. advocated against oneitis, but for being relatively unphased (most of the time) when a girl directly or indirectly tries to shit-test or throw her bullshit on you. Doesn’t going on the radio and designing this elaborate break-up prank constitute losing your cool? Sure, he was with this girl for 5 years. But if the guy was alpha and knew that there were tons of fish in the sea, why go through all the trouble to get revenge? Why wouldn’t just a two-word “We’re done” text suffice?

  29. Of course Emma your friends are probably like minded to you. You probably do no wish to associate with many or all that would sympathize for her. She denies it, then admits, then blames her b/f for being mean about it.

  30. I think it is deeper than that my same named friend. By shaming her on radio she will have trouble spinning it to her friends and family. Without the publicity of this she would just call him an a-hole and make stuff up. This is needed to expose people especially young boys of how women manipulate with crying and when exposed of doing wrong blame their b/f or husband.

  31. Fucking awesome man! I laughed my ass off! I was really surprised that she both stayed on the line for so long and fessed up. Most women would have lied and hung up. Bitches!

  32. Its hilarious to me how she hates the thought of being proposed to in public yet had no shame in sucking face with another in public. Her dumping over the air was rightly deserved. Bravo!

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