Plate Theory IV: Goal-State Monogamy

Whenever a guy uninitiated to the concept of spinning plates reads the theory for the first time his first response is usually rejection of it because it conflicts with their monogamy-as-goal mindset. Understand, this is always going to be a tough stretch for any AFC of course, but also the ‘natural’ guy who doesn’t have much trouble attracting women. Monogamy-as-a-goal is a feminine imperative social contrivance, but it also has roots in our natural desire for security, so it makes anything even remotely like plate spinning counterintuitive. The feminine imperative pounds into men’s collective consciousnesses over the course of a lifetime that monogamy will cure loneliness, make them responsible, provide them with a constant supply of sex, and a host of other things that assures them it’s “the right thing to do” and in their own best interest. This then leads the more option-less individuals to develop and practice AFC methods and rationales in accordance with what they believe (and have been told by) women is required of them in order to achieve their monogamous intimacy.

So understandably when the principle of being non-exclusive is presented to them in a rational way (in stead of a ridiculed way as it’s normally passed off as) it conflicts with this perceived path to happiness in monogamy. The very idea that any man would be better off with more options in this arena of life, or could feasibly and logistically pull it off seems foreign. As a counter to this he makes up rationales as to why it wont work or wont work for him.

Logistics

“I can’t spin plates because I have too little time, I can’t manage more than one without the other finding out, etc.”

If you are indeed spinning plates in a healthy, upfront, non-exclusive way this should never be an issue. There are Game-aware Men with less time than most who manage 4-5 different girls in a week without having them consume all their leisure and business time. I don’t suggest that you go this route per se, because for the better part PUAs rely on a dishonesty in non-exclusivity. However, the reason they are capable of this is because they’ve perfected plate spinning effectively enough to have the plates spin themselves.

Most uninitiated AFCs reason that they MUST, at all costs, apply a constant effort to each and every girl they encounter at risk of losing a “good one.” Besides this being indicative of ‘soul-mate thinking’, what they fear is losing a plate because they are unaccustomed to having the leisure to do so. This is evidence of a scarcity mentality that is a result of their monogamy-as-goal preconditioning. Plate Theory necessitates an attitude of fearlessness – not carelessness, fearlessness. When you’re practicing Plate Theory your plates should call you. You are the PRIZE and the Prince who’s time is valuable and sought after. You should be the object of women’s pursuit. That said, you still have to make an effort to see them and keep the attention you do apply to them valuable, but this must be done with the attitude that if one plate falls you’re confident in your other options or your ability to generate new options.

Personality Type

“I’m just not like that. I don’t want to be considered a playah. I could never do that to a woman. How can anyone be like that?”

This rationale is a common one and not limited just to AFCs. There are plenty of otherwise confident, positively masculine men who’d still think they owe it to women to allow them to set the frame of their relationships without any fear of competition anxiety. Players are men who’re dishonest – they are not spinning plates because they are isolating each plate independent of the other, and this goes back to logistics. Of course you can’t find time for anything else if all you do is try to coordinate each individual story with each plate for fear that they discover each other. The plate spinning Man has no need for this, because he NEVER IMPLIES EXCLUSIVITY TO ANY PLATE. Either they accept this or they’re not a plate to consider. Done in a frank, honest, yet indirect above-table way you will not be a ‘Player’ and you will establish yourself as Man who’s attention is worth competing for.

Women would rather share a successful man than be saddled with a faithful loser. This perfectly sums up Plate Theory vs. Monogamy-as-Goal mindsets. Men in general gravely underestimate the power of female competition anxiety and how useful it really is. As I’ve said before, women are natural plate theorists – they are accustomed from a very early age to mitigate multiple sex-interests, they simply learn how to balance their indirect communications with that anxiety in their own plate spinning. Anxiety in women is good for men. Even when they make no effort to use it or would never consider it if they knew it’s usefulness it is ALWAYS present. Everything a woman does on a daily basis is colored by competition anxiety. Make up, clothing, shoes (God, the SHOES!), indirect communications with men and women, social contrivances, comparing and evaluating dates and possible suitors, EVERYTHING is bourn from this competitive desire to achieve security with the best possible guy and make damn sure the girl next door doesn’t get him first. This anxiety is analogous to men’s consummate fear of rejection and all of the myriad rationales he’ll create and the Buffers he’ll devise to avoid it.

Bear in mind that monogamy is a dictate of the feminine imperative. It is the social contract that the feminine ultimately needs in order to quell a constant desire for security in a very chaotic world. When you are predisposed to monogamy-as-goal thinking, or trying to break yourself of this, understand that this is a tool of the feminine imperative. That’s not to discount the overall merits of monogamy, but it is to make you aware of how it’s acculturated into men as a responsibility to providing monogamy. Men who find themselves in a state of internal conflict about abandoning monogamy-as-goal are really confronting a fundamental shift in their prior conditioning.

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Sargonzo
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Sargonzo

First time commenter, long time subscriber here. I’m on board with your plate spinning strategy, but if I’m not mistaken, doesn’t it indirectly imply that she can or should be spinning plates too? This is a problem because the thought of being with a girl who is fucking other men in parallel to me is the ultimate boner killer. The revulsion I feel at going where some other men has just been seems instinctual and therefore probably hard to get over. Is it realistic to expect multiple plates to be exclusively sexual with me? Is the answer to just let… Read more »

Ty
Guest
Ty

I have learned and applied a lot of your plate theory and I kk forward to reading more about it in the future. One question I have though, is, what were your reasons for getting married? Do you have a monogamous marriage our is it open? I’m curious as to why you chose marriage knowing what you know.

A.B. Dada
Guest

I’m a relatively successful plate spinner, but I also don’t try to hide or mask things. The key is to not be a total dick about it, unless the gal “gets off” on various bits of information. My #1 (2 years now, which isn’t a long time) was my #3 when I met her. She was fine with her position, and she strived very strongly to make sure I was always happy with her. She’s the first gal I’ve dated for more than 6 months who has literally never been on time out. Once she hit the #1 position (meaning… Read more »

A.B. Dada
Guest

I have been a plate spinner since I started date at 13. I can say, without a doubt, that women who spin plates are terrible at doing so. There are 5 groups of female plate spinners: 1. Attention whores — they will never put in more than they receive. 2. BPD — you usually find these gals as actresses or strippers. Fun for a night or a weekend in Vegas, but that’s it. 3. Single moms who have kids with more than 1 dad. Stay away. 4. Realtors who earn a lot of money. Stay away. 5. Women really unhappy… Read more »

caRIOca
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caRIOca

I’m spinning a plate for 3 months now. We will be in different New Year’s parties and I’ll be out of town. She knows I’ll probably bang other girl. How can manage my fear (or my certainty) that she will be fooling around too? I think it applies to the whole Plate Theory. I don’t wanna be monogamous, but I want to eat my meals in clean plates!
(It is killing me)

A.B. Dada
Guest

Nothing you can do — if you care that much and it hurts you, end the relationship because your one-itis is controlling your life, even if you will probably bang another girl. If a gal isn’t covering your needs right, she’s not the right girl, or you’re not ready for that type of gal yet.

YOHAMI
Guest

Yes to all of it

YOHAMI
Guest

If you´re spinning, hiding it or lying about it is beta – you´re not comfortable and you dont think the girl would want you as is so you lie – present a “better”, in your mind, self so you get what you want from her while she doesnt get what she wants from you. When I was spinning Id do it in the open. I had one main girl I cared about, and she knew most of the other girls, and most of the other girls saw me with some of the other girls at some time or shared a… Read more »

(r)Evoluzione
Guest
(r)Evoluzione

The hallmark of a man with tight game is when he can acquire more plates to spin in the physical presence of his currently spinning plates, without dropping any.

AB, you’ve got some tight game. I like the 200-mile monogamy idea. Probably wouldn’t work for me presently, but I could see some future application.

A.B. Dada
Guest

Agreed completely.

My Facebook over the years has had some hilarious “catty” wars going on between two or more gals who knew about each other and would amplify for me. It’s so fucking passive aggressive — getting “tagged” at a popular club, or a photo tagged of her sitting on my lap in a bikini in the Caribbean. Total beta male move, but great when women do it competitively.

Open and mysterious, not closed and mysterious.

A.B. Dada
Guest

Thanks, (r)Ev. It’s also proof that a short and relatively ugly guy with tight game can do better than a tall and really handsome beta. If I was 5 inches taller and my mug wasn’t fucked up from years of personal aggressive sports abuse, I can’t imagine what I would be tagging. And yet, I’m still extremely happy with who I’ve been with (short of my ex-wife and one of my ex-girlfriends) — there’s no complaining, just do it and be done with it.

YOHAMI
Guest

Open, mysterious, hyped and in demand.

A.B. Dada
Guest

Nice post on your blog today, Yohami. I try to cover “relationship economics” once a month or so — I’ve been a believer in it for 15+ years.

YOHAMI
Guest

Thanks bro. Maybe this economics thing is all there is, and the idealistic non competitive thing is just idealistic. If so, at least I already know how to play the business.

A.B. Dada
Guest

All relationships (friendships, business, sex, love — even family) have economic values. Economic values does not mean financial economics, but some need/give economics that are involved.

As in true free market capitalism (a la the Austrian School), we all have a time preference, and we all have a “profit” versus “cost” point in everything we do. The joy of spending time with your 2 year old is a profit in entertainment, love, etc.

So you’re right — it’s all economics, you just have to figure out the values.

Muse
Guest
Muse

“Anxiety in women is good for men”…Rollo can you do an article on this please or post link ? Thanks

OnTheWayUp
Guest
OnTheWayUp

Very lucid OP. I’m completely sold on the idea of plate theory and have been practising it for just over a year now. “Players are men who’re dishonest – they are not spinning plates because they are isolating each plate independent of the other, and this goes back to logistics. Of course you can’t find time for anything else if all you do is try to coordinate each individual story with each plate for fear that they discover each other. The plate spinning Man has no need for this, because he NEVER IMPLIES EXCLUSIVITY TO ANY PLATE. Either they accept… Read more »

Richard
Guest
Richard

I want to spin plates and I’m ultra-confident that I can (and I will eventually), but to do so I have to improve finances and move to a larger area with more plates. It can take a while to get over the Madonna aspect and accept that any girl you are “seeing” is very likely also “seeing” other guys, but we can (and if we decide to live this lifestyle we have to) get used to it and accept/be cool with this because she probably is “seeing” other guys anyway. Plus, there’s many AFC guys who are married and being… Read more »

Flumpy
Guest

I agree with most of this, and agree that most societies try to make monogamy (at least for the middle classes) more or less unquestionable. It is just assumed. However, because the social drive for monogamy is so great, you can’t tell broads that they’re one of three, or whatever. This is where guys who just sit around theorizing about dating multiple women have it wrong. I’ve dated multiple women since late 2002, and it’s become very clear that they are socialized to such an extent that they will not allow themselves to tolerate polygamy if it’s shoved in their… Read more »

Brian
Guest
Brian

There is truth in not telling women the complete truth and being discreet. It’s similar when approaching and talking with a new woman, it would be so much easier from a male perspective to just ask her “Do you want to have sex?”, a male would respond to most females asking him this question “Yes”, however most females would say to this honest question “No, get away from me creep” even if she wanted to because she logically cannot handle the truth, so that’s why with Game it is often said to keep escalating the seduction (getting her to have… Read more »

xsplat
Guest

There are several variables that constrain the sustainability of spinning a particular plate. * Do they know each other, and are they in contact through facebook, sms, mutual friends, or other? * How deeply is the girl in love with you? The more she is bound to you in heart mind body and soul, the deeper she will feel volatile jealousy. * Is the girl trying to marry you? Are the other girls also trying to marry you? * Is she looking for provisioning from a man and have you not kept alive her hopes that you will do so?… Read more »

OnTheWayUp
Guest
OnTheWayUp

“I can always tell bloggers and posters who have never actually had MLTRs by their insistence that it can be done openly. It cannot, at least not for any length of time.” I would be interested in knowing your definition of MLTR. Is it a relationship in which you see multiple girls for an extended period of time (say 1 month +), but the girls are monogamous to you? If so, I can say nothing against the above comment. I have never experienced this for longer than a month or so at a time. If, on the other hand, you… Read more »

walawala
Guest
walawala

Women are more interested in plausible deniability than in exclusivity.

I was just with a girl I was gaming. Just before banging her, she asks: “Am I girlfriend or sex friend?”

Me: “Wow…so many questions, what do you want?”

Her: No answer…continue to bang…

Keep it interesting for them and they’ll stay with you…

Good Luck Chuck
Guest
Good Luck Chuck

Speaking of plausible deniability, almost all if not all of my past g/f’s have came straight out and told me that if I wanted to screw around on them, just make sure I kept it on the DL cause they didn’t want to hear about it.

What I heard was “I don’t really have a problem if you cheat as long as you don’t force me to confront the truth.”

Nutz
Guest
Nutz

I’m in the same boat as another poster–I want to spin plates, but I don’t want them to do the same and mess around with other guys. I think this is the real reason “players” lie, they don’t want other men encroaching on their women.

walawala
Guest
walawala

This takes a lot of inner confidence. When I first got separated from my now ex-wife 10 years ago, it was like being freed from house arrest. I didn’t understand game, but I didn’t care either. So by going out and circulating I was hanging out with 3 great women. Then I was banging all three of them. I just kept it fun, loose and kept them at bay….soon they couldn’t get enough of me…This is before I learned game. As soon as I got one-itis with one of the girls, I blew it all…lost all 3…lost my nerve. Girls… Read more »

Nutz
Guest
Nutz

“As soon as I got one-itis with one of the girls, I blew it all…lost all 3…lost my nerve.”

I’ve had the same thing happen. Every time I get serious everything falls apart. I wrote about this here:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1874588&postcount=51

xsplat
Guest

You can get serious and get her more interested in you for that fact. Many people misinterpret an abundance mentality as a disinterest mentality. You can be way into the girl, and even quite in love. That’s attractive. It’s only when you are exclusively interested and in a position where you lose hand to her where things fall apart. If the girl needs you more than you need her, you can be as into her as you want. Just tend to show 1/3 as much interest as she does, and always keep your options open, or better yet see other… Read more »

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Gunny
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Gunny

“Bear in mind that monogamy is a dictate of the feminine imperative. It is the social contract that the feminine ultimately needs in order to quell a constant desire for security in a very chaotic world. When you are predisposed to monogamy-as-goal thinking, or trying to break yourself of this, understand that this is a tool of the feminine imperative.” While I don’t disagree with the idea of women as natural “plate-theorists” or the concept of hypergamy, it is prudent to remember that men, too, have a biological stake in monogamy. As women need it to ensure the man doesn’t… Read more »

Kyexi
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Kyexi

Gunny is correct. When a few men monopolize a lot of women, the “AFCs” get pissed and pick up their spears. Monogamy was devised to create stable societies.

Darron
Guest
Darron

I prefer to bone just one woman at a time to reduce the chance of getting an STD. I know once things run their course I can find another to take her place.

RickSanchez
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RickSanchez

College demographics suggest monogamy is a masculine imperative. Where there are far fewer girls, hookup culture is the norm. Where there are far fewer boys, couples happen.

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[…] be further from the truth. If you are a high value man women won’t mind sharing you. As Rollo Tomassi says women would rather share a high value winner than have complete commitment from a faithful […]

Rob
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Rob

Rollo, you’ve got a real gift brother. I havent seen another red piller helping men while maintaining the respect and love women obviously deserve. Thanks man

T-Prop
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T-Prop

“God, the SHOES!”
Lol you got it Rollo!
Whole shebang.
Dude, yer a Man-God.

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[…] Çeviri : Plate Theory IV : Goal – State Monogamy […]