Respect Reconsidered – Part I

Thank you for your patience in my absence. I’ve been focusing intensely on the 4th book for the past 2 months and I will be for the foreseeable future. The good news is I’m ‘in the zone‘ so to speak. I have the ability to occasionally get myself into a flow state where an idea I was originally working on branches off into other ideas that I have to follow or else I risk losing the branch altogether.

This is just how my mind works. Regular viewers of my podcasts understand this in real-time. I can start off with a solid premise – often one I’ve been considering (repeating) since the early days – and as I’m making it I consider how it affects other ideas and I have to follow that thread. I know, it’s annoying sometimes, but I do my best to organize my thoughts once they’re all out on the table.

I do this in my ideation process when I’m writing too. Right now I’m looking at no fewer than eight notebooks (9 if you count my gym log) that I keep to return to when I’m exploring ideas. Two of these are full. The oldest I’ve had since my first book was published, but I keep returning to it because I scribbled down ideas regarding religion and the Red Pill back then. This was from an era when I was much more active on Dalrock’s blog and I was hammering things out with a lot of guys struggling with Red Pill awareness, and reconciling it with their religious convictions. It was then I came across an unpublished reconsideration of the concept of Respect. I titled it Respect Reconsidered with the intent of coming back to an essay I wrote in 2012 called Respect. This original essay was inspired by some of my earliest conversations on the venerable SoSuave forums circa 2002-2010. I still think it holds up pretty well, but my reinterest in the topic of respect has come anew from my working on this fourth book.

So, at the risk of giving away a little bit of book 4, I’m going to delve into the concept of respect today.

God is Love?

Book 4 is about squaring Red Pill praxeology (deal with it) with religion. As a part of this I’ve had to re-outline my original premise on Love and how men and women approach love from different concepts. I wont bore you with reiterating it here (there’s a whole category on love in the side bar), but suffice to say that men and women come to love, and have an understanding of love, based on gendered ideals that are specific to our biological and psychological differences as men and women. Most intersexual conflicts between men and women are rooted in the presumption of a mutual, commonly understood concept of what love is to both sexes. The truth is men and women hold differing mental models of what legitimate “real” love means to them. Each sex arrives at this understanding as a result of their experience as a man or a woman, and then molded by outside influences and innate idealism.

This was an important distinction to consider while I’ve been exploring the way men and women idealize the concept of divine love from a god or some metaphysical source. Each sex has a gendered concept of love that they believe the other sex shares with them, but in fact doesn’t naturally come to without some education or experience. It’s this presumption and misunderstanding that is the source of conflict between men and women and how they expect the other to Just Get It with respect to how they’d have the other sex love them.

But if men and women have different, innately gendered concepts of love is it possible that there are other higher concepts they might not share the same ideas about, but presumes the other sex just gets? I believe so, and Respect is at the top of the list of those higher concepts.

Respect is earned?

When I was having my now infamous discussion with Andrew Tate a month ago we (quite unintentionally) hit upon the concept of respect and how men and women view it differently. A lot of my female viewers – particularly the newer female viewers – despised the truths that we were discussing about the nature of women:

“No woman would ever agree to ‘share a hot Alpha’! Any woman who would must not respect herself.”

“No woman wants to have sex with a guy she doesn’t respect! If she’s not fucking you with any real desire it’s because she doesn’t respect the guy she’s with.”

“You can’t expect a woman to submit to a man she doesn’t respect.”

These were a few of the comments and responses that got me thinking; Respect is an idea that men and women hold different concepts of as a result of our innate sexual differences. The criteria that would prompt respect in a woman is not the same that prompts it in a man.

A lot gets made about mutual respect being a keystone of a good relationship. It’s one of those sayings like “Open communication is the basis of a healthy relationship” or “Relationship take a lot of work.” Respect is another truism that sounds right. Because it’s so ambiguous, and it’s generally only legitimized according to one sex, it’s easy (mostly for women) to use a “lack of respect” as leverage or an alibi to excuse behavior or a misunderstanding between men and women.

The concept of respect today is cheap. We use it far too readily to explain away why we, or someone we identify with did what they did. We use a convenient, subjective understanding of respect as a qualifier for describing what we agree or disagree with. And we use this cheapened “respect” to grade a person’s integrity according to what we think others should agree or disagree with – usually by how it aligns with our own interests.

Male Respect is not the same as Female Respect

The popular concept is that Respect is something that should be a default setting. People deserve respect. Disrespecting someone, or ambiguously implying a ‘dis‘ might be enough to get your ass kicked. Today’s globalized concept of respect is the subjective female concept – respect is always on. This is a respect based on ‘grace‘, it just is, and it should be freely given to discourage the idea that anyone is greater or lesser than another. We all deserve respect is very much a collectivist form of respect.

At first I thought that maybe Respect was something being confused with common courtesy, but no. There are two main dictionary definitions of what respect is, and this is where we will see the gendered difference between these concepts:

Respect

1. A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

2. Due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others.

Courtesy

1. The showing of politeness in one’s attitude and behavior toward others.

Courtesy and the feminine form of Respect (2.) are very similar. Today’s global respect is rooted in the feminine form. I’ll explain this below, but a default respect based on race, gender, sexual orientation, culture, religion and other aspects of human diversity is the feminine concept; unearned and by default always ‘on’.

Women just are. Men must become.

This is an old Manosphere maxim. I’ve used it many times to describe the male Burden of Performance. To be a human male is to exist in a dominance hierarchy until your last day. Men must perform. In fact, it is part of our inborn nature to want to perform for women because it is the most deductive way to solve men’s reproductive problem. When a young boy sees a pretty girl for the first time his natural impulse is to find a way to draw her attention. Ride a wheelie down the street on his bicycle or some other, usually risk taking, feat to prove physical prowess and a capture her attention. Most male animals do some form of this showing off to get a female interested in eventually breeding with him. The PUA concept of Peacocking and why it’s effective finds its roots in this dynamic. Call that being a Dancing Monkey if you like, but performance comes naturally to men.

Competence, physical prowess, creative intelligence, dominance, social proof and preselection are the metric by which we rate a man’s respectability. The Burden of Performance is not only about women determining who they’ll choose to mate with, it’s also about men’s merit-based ranking of respectability and admirability. This applies to all social interactions (family, career, military, athletics, etc.). It is a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements that makes a man respectable. How we define this respectability by context of cultural, moralistic or personal metrics is the topic for the next essay in this series.

Male Respect is for Male Space

Of course, this definition can apply to exceptional women, but this concept of respect is male in origin. This male form of respect is part of a male dominance hierarchy. Women can insist on being included in this definition, but it rarely works out in their favor – at least not in the same way that a default female form of respect works for women. One reason women (the Feminine Imperative) insists on assimilating Male Space is in order to restructure it to have access to this male form of respectability. The problem is that in restructuring that space to accommodate their deficits, women fundamentally alter the nature of that male form of respect.

TheWarrior Princess strong female lead mythology that Hollywood writers think is empowering to women isn’t believable because our hindbrains understand the deception that’s being played on it. We’re supposed to respect this fictitious archetype in a male form of respectability, but it falls short for us because 100,000 years of evolution prevents our hindbrains from suspending our disbelief.

We know what usually happens when women are called to measure up to a male Burden of Performance. Today, transgender male athletes competing and dominating in female-division sports are a sharp reminder of this performance-to-respect distinction in gender. The gynocentric element that squawks the loudest about gender being a social construct is the same element that complains about male athletes putting female athletes to shame in the same sport or activity while masquerading as female. As a result, we don’t respect men who pretend to be women, and then outclass them in competency, in order to appeal to a male form of performance-based respectability. Our hindbrains, men and women’s, reject the legitimacy of what we’re expected (by a gynocentric social order) to respect by merit.

Men earn no admiration from beating girls, but women always are afforded admiration for defeating men. Why? Because our hindbrain presumes a state of performance superiority on the part of men.

Female Respectability

Women’s respectability comes by default.

Respect by virtue of just being female is due to all women, irrespective of performance. In a gynocentric social order this form of respect is the common one applied to social forms of respect. I’m still on the fence as to whether common courtesy is a part of this form of respect. As I mentioned above, default courtesy and respect are due to any and all based on race, creed, religion, etc. This is the due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others. So it could be that courtesy is the expression of this default respect when we’re talking about larger narratives of respect (race, religion, culture, etc.) In either instance, respect is unmerited and really cheapened in a feminine-primary context.

But for women, just to be a female is to be entitled to respect; and only in the circumstance of intra-sexual competition among women is this form of respect ever challenged. Default respect for women is utilitarian for virtually all women. The entitlement to respect is constantly leveraged for advantage and special dispensation among women with men.

Women just are, is the premise here. Female respectability is never merit based, though it can be lost if a woman is convinced that she “has no respect for herself” or if someone casts that woman as self-loathing, but this is only effective when it comes from other women. In a feminine-primary social order men can never challenge a woman’s respectability without the risk of incurring some social backlash or damage to his own performance-based respectability. And labels of sexist, misogynist and chauvinist await any man who would challenge the default respect that is due to women.

Chivalry, Virtue and Female Respectability

A lot of this impression is the result of the old social contract and men’s evolved instinct to protect women. This protector instinct will also be the topic of another essay, but suffice to say that the evolved imperative to protect women (sperm is cheap, eggs are expensive) crosses over into the chivalrous notion of protecting the honor of a lady. At various points in human history (western and eastern) this protector instinct has crossed over into societal practices. During the era of Courtly Love a woman’s virtue became something to defend – and by defending that virtue a man merited respect by earning a woman’s favor. I’ve detailed this dynamic in prior essays; the romanticized form of Chivalry was a means to female power in an epoch when the entire social order was effectively a Male Space. Romanticized Chivalry was the feminism of its time.

The Feminine Imperative understood the protector tendency in men and exploited it in the practices of courtly love or romantic love being elevated to a requisite criteria for male respectability. The social pedestalization of women that forms the basis of the old social contract we know today was started in the ideals of romanticized chivalry. A big part of men’s Burden of Performance under the old social contract was his dedication to protecting a woman’s honor if he himself was to be respectable in the male form of respect.

Feminists will of course bleat that “In the past women were treated like property“.

Yet at some point along the way, even while a woman was a man’s ‘property’ (arguable) she was still held above the male form of respect and a female form of respect became her due. Even in the old Patriarchal Abrahamic religions wives and most in-group women were held in high regard and served as role model archetypes for female respectability. The only way to really lose this due-respect was to be a prostitute or an adulterous woman – both bad bets for men’s parental investment trade-offs and ensuring his own paternity in the long run. Being a nag was also something a respectable woman would avoid, but the operative here is that, default respect for women didn’t require anything like the male Burden of Performance.

Respect Your Elders – “Okay, Boomer,…”

One last point to note is that respect for one’s elders used to be included in this default form of respectability. This is no longer the case today, at least for men. My theory is that by virtue of being older the presumption was one of attained wisdom. Maturity implies mastery, or at least it used to. So, a default respect for one’s elders entered into religious canon. Honor thy father and mother, for instance, is a reflection of this default respect.

But in today’s gloablizing social media marketplace being old is a weakness and a liability unless what makes that man respectable is relatable to his prior performance. And even then respect is just a courtesy if it appears at all. Default socialized respect for women is generally a given in gynocentrism, but mature men are held to the performance burden of young men, because we have such access to seeing this performance difference in real time today.

There is a similar questioning of respect based on a position of authority for men. School teachers, martial arts instructors, policemen, civil authorities and military officials are examples of this diminishing respect. There is a saying that even if you don’t respect the man you should respect the office, but today this is no longer the case. Position no longer indicates respectability the way it used to under the old social contract.

Next week, I’ll be publishing part two of this series.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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Rudolph
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How do you get folks to obey? Primarily as noted by fear of punishment. If we look at “shame” as punishment then we see the value of the female form of respect. A default level of respect that can be taken away becomes the lowest tier of control. It is perhaps a foundation level of all control. There is a minimal level of “conforming” one must do to avoid shame and keep your default level or the female version of respect. If a male is not maintaining this level of respect he is not obeying and thus can not walk… Read more »

Fact
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Yollo Comanche
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@Johann Leibert

You know they’ll accuse you of being a puppy shooter for having that thought.

JohnO.
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@ Johann Liebert

Blaximus
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Cooperation, up to a point.

Obedience? Nah.

NotaBene
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Very interesting points, especially from someone who has read (and taught) books like “Love & Respect” by Eggerichs. Since women naturally have a fuzzy concept of what love is to a man, they must be taught. This is also exactly why the Bible commands women to submit to, obey, and respect their husbands. Because you cannot love a man until you respect him. Women know this instinctively but ignore it after marriage. If you watch a woman dating someone she wants to keep, she does all sorts of things to show her respect. She dresses nicely (for his tastes), consults… Read more »

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So they dropped the new marvel movie trailer for Black Widow and not a single one of the “incel community” has had a bad thing to say about it. Based on this post it is because the character “earned it” and the fans (male) all respect the character. Im pretty sure this is why it’s has been such an accepted film while basically every other female lead movie has no flaws and we are just told she is amazing and we should respect her. This post has some great insight and I completely agree. I’d enjoy an entire series on… Read more »

Yollo Comanche
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@Elooie

I honestly couldn’t care less about Marvel. It’s just subversive propaganda aimed at keeping the welfare state going through operative social conditioning of consumer pay-pigs with no mental point of origin.

As for earning respect? Sure let’s pretend Widow is a man.

Anonymous Reader
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Eelooie So they dropped the new marvel movie trailer for Black Widow and not a single one of the “incel community” has had a bad thing to say about it Disclaimer: I quit reading comic books a long time ago, so I am ignorant of many pop culture artifacts. Marvel is just a piece of the machine. Part of Di$ney, right? Maybe not? Either way, Marvel sprays out the propaganda message it’s been assigned. Just like $tar War$ – part of Di$ney, part of the machine. Do not expect anything interesting out of Di$ney. Incels are often extremely Betaized men… Read more »

Dunno
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Question:

What do you think the long-term effects of the low birth-rate in the West are going to be?
I’m asking because I often read and hear people talking about this as a contributing factor to all kinds of violent and economic problems in the future. What if women reproduce even less than today and what will it do to societies in the future economically, socially, politically etc?

Would love to hear Rollo’s or someone else’s thoughts on this.

kfg
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“It’s just subversive propaganda aimed at keeping the welfare state going through operative social conditioning of consumer pay-pigs with no mental point of origin.” That might be something to care about. “Sure let’s pretend Widow is a man.” To their credit I will note that the main fight sequence in the trailer is between two women of equal size and training which ends in a draw. Of course that means it’s just a bit of fan service fluff. “Marvel is just a piece of the machine. Part of Di$ney, right?” Absorbed into the Borg in 2009. DC Comics is owned… Read more »

kfg
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“What do you think the long-term effects of the low birth-rate in the West are going to be?”

Destruction by violence and/or displacement. I’ll note that I have a number of times opined that the low birth rate in and of itself is not an object of worry, that after a Baby Boom one might well expect a regression to the mean with a Baby Bust, which in many respects is desirable, however, aspects of the Baby Bust are symptoms, not the disease. The disease might be some cause for worry. Historically it has always proved fatal.

kfg
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“Human beings are already over-populated . . .”

The Great Mouse Utopia never even got anywhere near carrying capacity before its extinction collapse. Overpopulation models based on being “too full” are too simplistic.

theasdgamer
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“Human beings are already over-populated”

young skulls full of mush are so easily brainwashed

elooie
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@yollo @anony
my comment wasn’t really about Marvel, Disney, or the quality of the movie/story. It was an observation that about the response to it vs other female lead movies. It’s my opinion that it is being generally accepted because the character effectively earned male respect vs female respect like most other female lead movies. They basically just yell at you that she is strong person and you have to respect her. Its a complete lack of understanding of male respect. I think Rollo has nailed it and this RESPONSE is simply an example of it.

rugby11
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Dr. No
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Seems a triangulation, or linkage, between respect, entitlement, and the increasing phenomenon of perpetual female unhappiness.

These seem somehow related.

Testi
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I am now convinced Johann Liebert is a bot.

Yollo Comanche
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Johann Leibert is just German.

wahoo Mcdaniels
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Johann Liebert kfg or kentucky fried gato (referring to his preferred survival cuisine)is correct in that blaming all these problems on overpopulation is to simplistic, We all have a tendency to look for one solution to a problem when it is multifaceted. kfg turned me onto this article a few years back I found it to be informative to the cyclic nature of society or civilization if you will. http://sultanknish.blogspot.com/2016/04/in-city-of-decadents.html I would conclude that the natural balance is not lost , rather perverted and is in an adjustment phase as we speak. I fully expect massive upheaval via war, starvation,… Read more »

Blaximus
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Lol, nothing is going to happen in the next five years outside of the possibility of a full on economic collapse, that isn’t already happening currently….unbeknownst and ignored. There is no overpopulation. That’s crazy. Hell, most of the u.s. Is unpoplated mostly. Fly from East to West and look out the window. There are systems in place that have inordinate control of resources. Artificially creating the haves and have not by rule and law. Shortage means more profit. Unnatural, unbound practices poison the land, and and seas for everyone, while creating wealth and prosperity for relatively few. We are ruled… Read more »

liz
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Thanks, Fact.
That’s….not weird at all.

wahoo Mcdaniels
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That was supposed to read 50 not 5.

At any rate we are in the midst of a natural cycle, nothing new. The world isn’t going to end rather return to it’s normal stasis.

All the pollution is from natural elements found and refined right here on this planet and will all return back over time,don’t drink the water.

I used to think I was born to late and would like to have lived in the 18th century frontier, now I see that these times are as exciting and new challenges or opportunities arise faster than I can process.

Sea Pirate
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Rollo, why do you ban people?

kfg
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“Looking for that ” one thing ” that will trigger calamity is missing the slow and unceasing corruption endemic in ” the system ” . . .”

Rome had been fallen for about a century before the average Roman began to suspect that something was up.

John O.
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@Sea Pirate “Rollo, why do you ban people?”

Haven’t you been following?

We’re overpopulated.

Fact
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Feminists push the narrative that women have no agency because of “patriarchy”, but RPT irrefutably shows that women have no agency because they think with their vag. Society won’t collapse because of over-population, society will collapse because of approaching peak beta.

Blaximus
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” Women ” don’t think with their vag’s. That’s a misunderstanding using dog logic and not understanding The Game. Women have a hard time communicating with men, because the languages are different. But what they do understand once they hit puberty ( and sadly, sometimes before then ) is that men will listen or try to listen if you get them to believe that there’s a chance that you’ll consider sex or at a minimum, sexual attention, whether it is real or imagined. Experience teaches. Traditionally men have fallen for this and continue to do so. Consistently trying to lower… Read more »

Fact
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@blaximus

AWALT

Blaximus
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Sure, but don’t get that twisted. Awalt is by degree along with circumstances. Attribution of the worst proclivities to all women all the time is incorrect.

A screaming purple haired rabid feminist says nothing about the state of women. The same way mass shooters say nothing about the state of men.

Awalt is subject to a measure of intention and action. All are capable, not all act.

Yollo Comanche
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Women don’t think with their vagina. They think with heir uterus. And all while marketers bombard you with messages designed to drain your will to effect your own plans in the world.

They want you to push the cart. They don’t want you able to refuse.

John O.
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Women don’t think with either vagina or uterus, they feel.

Hysteria and hysterical (hardly terms connoting rational thought), are words that derive from the ancient Greek for uterus.

wahoo Mcdaniels
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We are almost all in agreement what forces of nature drive female logistics. The question is what motivates you men?

Sentient
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Compare and contrast

Beforecomment image

Aftercomment image

John O.
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Make-up hides a multitude of sins…

Sun Wukong
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Humans aren’t overpopulated. Our needs are just too well met through all our technical innovation allowing idiots and their ideas to flourish. Being an absolute fucking moron is no longer fatal or even a detriment.

Humans aren’t overpopulated, however idiots are overrepresented.

Yollo Comanche
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@Johann Liebert

“10th grade isn’t a child.”

In Europe.

Anonymous Reader
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Dunno
What do you think the long-term effects of the low birth-rate in the West are going to be?

Too early to tell. If low TFR concerns you, there is an obvious actionable solution at your personal level.

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While men were watching professional football or drinking beer or bowling, they, the women, were thinking about us, concentrating, studying, deciding whether to accept us, discard us, exchange us, kill us or whether simply to leave us. In the end it hardly mattered; no matter what they did, we ended up lonely and insane.”—Charles Bukowski YGBFSM. Demotivating, demoralizing, discouraging, dispiriting, dejecting, depressing, disenchanting, disheartening, de-motivational, deterring, dissuading words by a total fucking loser. Not hardly. What kind of fucking life is that? Is he your German heritage hero Johann? (I’m half German. And the other half is Polish. So don’t… Read more »

Blaximus
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Sentient, Lol, Make up is one of my favorite subjects. Moreso, how guys react to a chick made up or nah. When dudes go out to the club or a function girl hunting, and they return with tales of HB9″s wall-to-wall, I always give a hearty ” Lol”. If you haven’t honed the ability to see through make up ( or you don’t carry scrub brushes and brillo pads with you ), you won’t know what you’re actually looking at. Copious mascara and eyelashes that resemble tarantulas are all the rage today, but the more savy chicks practice using foundation… Read more »

Sun Wukong
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The respect of men is earned through your actions. The respect of women is earned through their witnessing the respect of many men.

If you want respect, your behavior must default to Game.

Eric C Smith
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new reader. I’ve seen the blog around in related searches and after reading about the soulmate myth and a few of the other topics about the fundamental change vs giving dynamite to kids, I’ve ordered your books happily. thank you for such a dense and balanced overview of these topics. I think they will greatly help my critical thinking skills and increase awareness. I’m 27yro and always felt, dreamt, you name it, that I was capable of so much more given I earn a certain amount of freedom through right thinking and action.

thank you.

theasdgamer
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Lol @ troll pretending to be me. I would never say his sh*t.

theasdgamer
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“Awalt is by degree”

Just stop. AWALT is because women’s sexual wiring is the same and only because of that. Don’t say this sh*t. There’s no “degree” to wiring.

Sentient
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“Divorce rates had been increasing since the mid-1800s, in part because of what Cherlin described as “a gradual growth in the sense that it was okay to end a marriage if you’re unhappy.” Divorces spiked after World War II, peaking in 1980. ”

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/the-not-so-great-reason-divorce-rates-are-declining?utm_source=pocket-newtab

Yollo Comanche
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“What do you think the long-term effects of the low birth-rate in the West are going to be?”

A bunch of the people we try not to insult that were born since the Civil Rights movements and the Birth Control Pill will likely die off.

Jed Mask
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“God is Love?”

Is that even a “question” Mr. Rollo. OFCOURSE GOD is LOVE “silly sir” lol. razz

IRL
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LOL

That soap keeps coming back:

https://mobile.twitter.com/Rich_Cooper/status/1205389412244307968

Lolz at the God of War beard oil… smh

Just Beers
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Off topic for the moment. I was looking for the image/drawing that headed one of Rollo’s posts, where a woman was sliding her hands inside the ribcage of a man to grab his heart. Would love to find that, and more art like that. Thanks advance!

Just Beers

Centuries
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Yollo Comanche
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@Johann

Rollo’s deleting your posts?

trackback

[…] Part I of this series I dropped this […]

Just Beers
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Centuries, yes, that’s it, much obliged !

aubreylaventana
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“In a feminine-primary social order men can never challenge a woman’s respectability without the risk of incurring some social backlash or damage to his own performance-based respectability. And labels of sexist, misogynist and chauvinist await any man who would challenge the default respect that is due to women.” this is the root of the prohibition on violence against women. A man can be struck, by man or woman, when he merits it. Women may never be struck. There’s an implicit, maybe innate, acceptance among women that mens’ respect is based on merit, and among men that womens’ respect is based… Read more »

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