The Burden of Performance

performance

 

From Love Story:

Men are expected to perform. To be successful, to get the girl, to live a good life, men must do. Whether it’s riding wheelies down the street on your bicycle to get that cute girl’s attention or to get a doctorate degree to ensure your personal success and your future family’s, Men must perform. Women’s arousal, attraction, desire and love are rooted in that conditional performance. The degree to which that performance meets or exceeds expectations is certainly subjective, and the ease with which you can perform is also an issue, but perform you must.

One of the most fundamental misconceptions plugged-in men have with regard to their intersexual relations with women is the issue of performance. Back in late March of this year I read an interesting article from Roosh, Men are nothing more than clowns to the modern woman and it struck me that although I certainly agreed with him in the context he presented it, there was more to the ‘entertainment’ factor than simple amusement on the part of women.

Women don’t seek out comfort or stability in men anymore—they seek entertainment. They seek distraction. They seek hedonistic pleasure. This is why provider men (beta males) are so hopelessly failing today to secure the commitment of beautiful women in their prime, and this is why even lesser alpha males fail to enter relationships with women beyond a few bangs. Once the entertainment or novelty you provide her declines—and it inevitably will—she moves on to something or someone else. In essence, the only way you can keep a girl is if you adopt the mentality of a soap opera writer, adding a cliffhanger to the end of each episode that keeps a woman interested when being a good man no longer does.

After reading this I tried to imagine myself being a recently unplugged man or a guy just coming to terms with the uncomfortable truths of the red pill and learning that all of the comforting “just be yourself and the right girl will come along” rhetoric everyone convinced me of had been replaced by a disingenuous need to transform oneself into a cartoon character in order to hold the attentions of an average girl.

That’s kind of depressing, especially when you consider the overwhelming effort and personal insight necessary in realizing red pill awareness. Roosh later tempered this with How to be a good clown and Clown Game vs. Good Man Game, and although he clarifies things well in Game terms, the root of the frustration most guys will have with the ‘clown factor’ is that, in these terms and in this context, their performance isn’t who they are.

In this environment it’s easy to see why the MGTOW option seems like an understandable recourse for red pill men. It’s a very seductive temptation to think that a man can simply remove himself from the performance equation with regards to women. I’ll touch on this later, but what’s important here is understanding the performance game men are necessarily born into. Like it or not, play it or not, as a man you will always be evaluated on your performance (or the perception of it).

I think what trips a lot of men up early in their red pill transformation is sort of a sense of indignation towards women that they should have to “be someone they’re not” and play a character role that simply isn’t who they are in order to hold a woman’s interest. I covered this idea in Have A Look and developed how women are like casting agents when it comes to the men they hope will entertain them.

This was really about a sexual context when I went into it, but as I read Roosh’s original article I began to consider that women’s “character” role they expect men to perform changes as their own phases of maturity dictates and their SMV can realistically demand for that phase. In other words the “characters” they want performed in their Party Years will be different than the ones they want after their Epiphany Phase, which may be different than the character they want for their mid-life years.

How realistic it is for men to be that character becomes less and less relevant as women are socialized to expect disappointment from men actually living up to the characters they’re conditioned to believe they should realistically be entitled to at various stages of their maturity.

Living Up

Right about now I’m sure various male readers are thinking, “fuck this, I’m gonna be who I am and any girl who can’t appreciate me for me is low quality anyway.” This will probably piss you off, but this is exactly the blue pill mentality most ‘just be yourself‘ Betas adopt for themselves.

It’s actually a law of power to despise what you can’t have, and deductively it makes sense, but the fact still remains, as a man you will always be evaluated by your performance. So even with a ‘fuck it, I’ll just be me’ mindset you’re still being evaluated on how well ‘you are just you’.

The simple fact is that you must actually be your performance – it must be internalized. In truth, you already are that performance whether you dictate and direct that, or you think you can forget it and hope your natural, undirected performance will be appreciated by women (and others), but regardless, women will filter for hypergamous optimization based on how well you align with what they believe they are entitled to in a man in the context of their own perception of their SMV.

Looks, talent, tangible benefits and other core prerequisites may change depending on the individual woman, but to be a man is to perform. Even if you’re a self-defined man going his own way who enjoys escorts to fulfill his needs, you still need to perform in order to earn the money to enjoy them.

It Doesn’t Get Easier, You Get Better

For Men, there is no true rest from performance. To believe so is to believe in women’s mythical capacity for a higher form of empathy which would perdispose them to overriding their innate hypergamous filtering based on performance.

Women will never have the same requisites of performance for themselves for which they expect men to maintain of themselves. Hypergamy demands a constant, subliminal reconfirmation of a man’s worthiness of her commitment to him, so there is never a parallel of experience.

Women will claim men “require” they meet some physical standard (i.e. performance) and while generally true, this is still a performance standard men have of women, not one they hold for themselves. There simply is no reciprocal dynamic or prequalification of performance for women, and in fact for a man to even voice the idea that he might qualify a woman for his intimacy he’s characterized as judgmental and misogynistic.

Social conventions like this are established to ensure women’s hypergamous sexual strategy is the socially dominant one. Expecting a woman to perform for a man is an insult to her ‘prize status’ as an individual.

From a humanistic perspective there’s a want for a rational solution to this performance requirement, but as I’ve outlined in prior posts, appeals to women’s reason are no insulation against the subliminal influences of hypergamy.

I read many a ‘dating coach’ who’s approach is complete honesty and full disclosure in the hopes that a like-minded, rational woman will naturally appreciate a man’s forthrightness, but this presupposes a preexisting equal playing field where subliminal influences are overridden by mutual rationalism.

The real hope is that women will drop their innate hypergamous performance requisites in appreciation of this vulnerable, inadequate honesty.

What they sweep under the rug is that you cannot appeal to a woman’s reason or sentiment to genuinely forgive a deficit in a man’s performance. Love, reason, both demand a preexisting mutual appreciation in a common context, but neither love nor reason alleviate the necessity of performance for a man.

Women simply are not motivated to compromise hypergamy on their own accord. They will not be reasoned into accommodating a situation of mutual needs by overt means.

It is a Man’s capacity to perform and demonstrate (never explicate) higher value that motivates women to accommodate mutual needs in a relationship – whether that’s a same night lay or a 50 year marriage.

Demonstrating Higher Value

I get the impression that DHV tends to get a bad rap both from blue pill critics as well as red pill aware men. A lot of that gets wrapped up in technique and practice. It’s easy to dismiss this concept as posturing or bluster, but DHV, as a principle isn’t defined by egotistical measures or how well a guy can ‘showboat’ himself around women.

A lot of DHV is unintentional. In fact the best most genuine forms of DHV are exhibited when a Man doesn’t realize he’s actually performing in a way that demonstrate his higher value. This can be as simple as walking int a room in the right context or environment. Even humility can be DHV in the proper context.

What I’m driving at here is that after reading all of this you might think I’m saying you need to be superhuman to qualify for women’s performance standards, and again that’s kind of depressing – that’s not what I’m getting at. A woman’s performance standards are dependent on many varied contexts and according to the priorities she places on the type of character she finds both arousing and attractive and according to what her conditions dictate for her.

It’s not how you perform so much as that you perform. Ambition and personal drive to perform and be the best and most successful you you can be may have absolutely nothing to do with your intention of attracting a woman, but you are still performing and you will be evaluated on that performance.

DHV or DLV is performance whether intentional or not. You cannot remove yourself from this performance equation. You can cease to direct your part in this performance, but until you die you cannot exit the game.

 

 

 

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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Fred Astaire
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Fred Astaire

Sorry, but that could maybe do with a re-write…it’s confusing and I’m no clearer now about what your main point is, or what I should do about it in practice, than I was at the start.

Promethean
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Promethean

As far as DHV goes, the rule tends to be; “Show, don’t tell.” Women get rather good at spotting a DHV’s and if they are interested will ask questions to gain information on a man’s value. If a woman isn’t asking you any questions, it tends to be an uphill battle for a man to perk her interest. A man’s “entertainment value” should be the last of his priorities and simply an added extra when all other things are in place. Ironically, (all things being equal) women’s “equality” and participation in the workplace means that men are expected to work… Read more »

Wanderer
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Wanderer

“…the best most genuine forms of DHV are exhibited when a Man doesn’t realize he’s actually performing in a way that demonstrate his higher value.” I would add to this that the most effective ways of demonstrating DHV are when a man does not appear to be trying to DHV. The best thing a man can do with his time is focus on his own improvement. When a man focuses his life and energy in this manner he cannot help but to genuinely demonstrate his higher value to women. As a result, he will reap the woman (women) he is… Read more »

Nick (@patientambition)
Guest

I think you’ve made an important point about DHVs. I never used these as a game technique (at least consciously), such as “dropping a DHV” selectively in a conversation, but I’ve come to recognize that being a high value man all around is what makes the difference. Once your entire life displays high value you’ll reveal your quality in un-self-conscious ways that attract women. It can’t be a try-hard gimmick. Regarding what Roosh wrote on “clown game” I think he’s right to an extent, particularly applied to women influenced by western culture. Their expectations are based on entertainment media, not… Read more »

Promethean
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Promethean

“I concede that this state of affairs is not conducive to a man who has convinced himself that he needs an LTR to be happy. LTR’s as a way of life will certainly become less and less common. But if the same man can change his expectations of what he wants out life and women, then I think he can learn to appreciate the situation for what it is, too.” In my opinion, traditional “marriage” in Western Countries, as far as men is concerned is fast becoming a suckers play. At bare minimum, 40% of marriages end in divorce (and… Read more »

kfg
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kfg

Chop wood, carry water.

Badpainter
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Badpainter

Rollo – “You cannot remove yourself from this performance equation. You can cease to direct your part in this performance, but until you die you cannot exit the game.”

True enough.

But the choice to play, and how to play is entirely up to the individual. There are no binding rules to the game, no universal victory conditions, no guaranteed rewards or punishments. All of that can be defined by the individual player. That is a liberating realization.

WaterUnderTheFridge
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WaterUnderTheFridge

I think that the objection to clown game is a bit different from an aversion to performance. So I won’t have the attraction and love of a desirable woman just because of the sparkly shiny snow-flake uniqueness in me? That’s fine, I was never that naive. Muscles, confidence and economic means are what work? Well actually that’s great, it encourages us to be fitter, healthier, and more productive. So loyalty is highly likely to go unrewarded? (Relational Equity as Rollo would put it) And kindness, kindnesses and appreciation itself can cause her to appreciate me less? Ok, I’ll have to… Read more »

vinay3543
Guest

A couple of points to this post: To a degree, a man can “be himself” and still be successful with women. The sheer nature of his care-free attitude, decisiveness and self-entitled demeanour will stand out to women who are all so accustomed to being surrounded by try-hard men acting supplicated and infatuated by female existence (especially if she is cute or hot). The problem lies in the hands of men who don’t truly believe in this approach – men who are pretty much living in vain hope that their relaxed interaction with women will reap rewards. No matter how much… Read more »

Kate
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Kate

I understand where he’s coming from. For those who are not naturally gregarious, putting on that performance can actually be draining, especially when you’re dealing with the below average conversationalist. What I think he needs to come to terms with is that many people are boring. Many people have no class, no social finesse, and really nothing to offer the group. I know he has his internet society to talk with, but finding the people in the larger world can be difficult. I’d invite him here for an intellectual vacation, but I seem to recall he had some beef about… Read more »

totenhenchen
Guest

“…a disingenuous need to transform oneself into a cartoon character in order to hold the attentions of an average girl.”

My first step toward unplugging, long before I even knew what the red pill was, was recognizing this behavior and refusing to engage in it. When women would get pouty about it, I would tell them “I don’t do the monkey dance.”

Better to be alone with self-respect than without it.

Christopher B
Guest

Promethean marriage will only become a suckers play for men who do not learn to display value, in particular a type of mystery by sticking to their path. Women will always want drama. It is life to them. You can create a type of high value drama for them that is enticing for them and fun for you. This is keeping control of the situation and being of high value. Or a man can delude himself by thinking there should never be drama and thus fall into the trap of her creating drama, because she will always want it. Women… Read more »

Plagio
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Plagio

Not really. The man who achieves does not get the girl. He gets the woman. That is to say that after she had her fun from age 18 to late 20’s she decides its time to marry and she chooses the man who has a pus on something profitable or she marries a guy who owns a business. The girl, that attractive(or even average) person with a high sex drive is only interested in good-looking men. I remember seeing this 6’4″” dutch guy glance at a girl in class for two hours. A couple days later they became a couple.… Read more »

totenhenchen
Guest

“A lot of DHV is unintentional. In fact the best most genuine forms of DHV are exhibited when a Man doesn’t realize he’s actually performing in a way that demonstrate his higher value.”

A few years ago (pre-RP) I briefly dated a woman I had the Oneitis for. She talked a lot, which meant that I ended up ignoring her a lot. Occasionally she would apologize for trying to pick a fight, thank me for not taking the bait, and fuck me silly.

Plagio
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Plagio

Kate, the man who can illuminate a room is not women are seeking, speaking from What I’ve observed in my life so far, women are far more visually turned on that men. I’ve seen foreign students who were barely familiar with the language and they picked a lot of women. Women who are young select men via looks. Older women want money.

Bango Tango
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Bango Tango

@Plagio. Good post. Most of us who are not Scandinavian gods have come to the same conclusion. These guys can talk about game or you need to DHV all day but in the end if it comes down to working your ass off to get a kiss on the cheek while the 20% alphas can show up and destroy all your work with a glance then really what’s the point. You are not going to resent women knowing this is the situation? Or somehow your game can overcome the allure of the tall sexy man that your girl knows all… Read more »

totenhenchen
Guest

“A few years ago (pre-RP) I briefly dated a woman I had the Oneitis for. She talked a lot, which meant that I ended up ignoring her a lot. Occasionally she would apologize for trying to pick a fight, thank me for not taking the bait, and fuck me silly.” I should point out here that I was totally oblivious to what was going on here, but I was at least smart enough to keep my mouth shut and roll with it. I was still very blue pill and thought that all those beta game tactics (full disclosure, sniper mentality,… Read more »

LiveFearless
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Above all else a person has to relieve themselves of delusions and determine that the outcome and results they want are more important than what they have to go through to get traction toward getting them.

~Dan Kennedy

Anonimity
Guest
Anonimity

“what is the upside? A “fulfilling” relationship with a woman who is always keeping you on your toes to push you to be a “better” man?”

Hah! For all too many women these days; rather that pushing (in a positive way) or supporting their man to be a better man, they expect that a man is “ready made” and who’s main objective is to make HER “happy”.
(Whatever the hell her being happy is).
Hence older women (30+) looking for or holding out for a man with (enough) money.

jf12
Guest
jf12

re: unintentional DHV. There is absolutely nothing wrong with practicing to make your DHV look unintentional. It is the same as working on making your sprezzatura seem natural.

It is silly that the Looks guys, the Face boys, the Dudes that are so very into good looking men, you know what I mean, are still harping and peddling their bobble-head plastic figurines even on a post that is entirely about behavior.

Johnycomelately
Guest
Johnycomelately

Aunt giggles makes the salient point that women prefer men within a 1-3 year difference up to 35 years of age which is exactly mirrored in marriage data.

Marriage age data clearly shows that for the majority (90% +) women’s choices trump male choices.

Men do the clown dance and women choose.

“Sense of indignation towards women that they should have to be someone they’re not.”

The indignatation is that the rewards for DHV are diminished as the marriage age rises and the cost of up maintaining DHV are exorbitantly high in today’s divorce culture.

Siminov
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Siminov

Ol’ Joe Rogan is an inspiring character in so many ways. Joe Rogan: Be The Hero of Your Own Movie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTuElM6T50w Published on Apr 17, 2014 If your life was a movie and it started now, what would the hero of your life’s movie do right now? Do those things and #GetOnnit. Tim Kennedy, Pro MMA : The Most Challenging Of All Resistance Comes From Within http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-YbBNWfeKs Published on Apr 15, 2014 Tim Kennedy is currently the #8 ranked middleweight in the UFC. He is also one of the few fighters to simultaneously serve full-time in the United States Army… Read more »

Brave New Man
Guest

reminds me of truisms like “looks matter” or “doesn’t matter what you say but what you do”. Whether we like it or not, we will always be expected to perform. And we will.

Siirtyrion
Guest
Siirtyrion

‘Game’ is entirely dependent on other ‘gina-tingling’ variables that have nothing to do with game – it is *not* a proxy for attraction. So, all ‘game’ can conceivably do, is ‘maximize’ a man’s opportunities on a case by case basis(no gina tingle, no ‘game’ optimization opportunities). Game merely tries to indoctrinate males on how to establish psychological leverage. Ergo, for the vast majority of low (mating)status males, it is of negligible value. Take for instance some examples of pua lingo tossed around in the manosphere: The whole notion of ‘shit-testing’ or ‘DHV’s, as any kind of a fitness test. In… Read more »

Bango Tango
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Bango Tango

Good dog.

Nathan
Guest
Nathan

It Doesn’t Get Easier, You Get Better

Sums up everything

Bango Tango
Guest
Bango Tango

@Siirtyrion. Yet another great post. Do you have your own blog? I always have laughed when pua’s talk about shit testing as being built into a woman’s psychology and act like women apply it to all males equally and it’s just something you have to put up with and overcome with your “game”. If I think for a second a woman might be shit testing me I ignore her and move on. But no you shouldn’t do that you should give her what she wants and peacock even harder! No thanks.

jf12
Guest
jf12

Dishonest signals actually work better than honest signals. Don’t shoot the messenger.

Atticus
Guest
Atticus

“It is a Man’s capacity to perform and demonstrate (never explicate) higher value that motivates women to accommodate mutual needs in a relationship – whether that’s a same night lay or a 50 year marriage.” I’m living proof of this. From the time I was fourteen, I knew what I wanted to do. We had a small family business that I was going to build into a big family business. And I did. When I became CEO at 26, there were 40 competitors in our market; now there are 3. We do tens of millions in sales. I cannot think… Read more »

LD
Guest
LD

YKW knows this perfectly well. Increased male effort for decreased material reward is very economically sensible if you’re in the elite. It’s not really about relationships it’s about tinkering with intergender relationships and family structures for the benefits of bankers.

deti
Guest
deti

@ johnycomelately: “Aunt giggles makes the salient point that women prefer men within a 1-3 year difference up to 35 years of age which is exactly mirrored in marriage data. “Marriage age data clearly shows that for the majority (90% +) women’s choices trump male choices. “Men do the clown dance and women choose.” ______________________________ Giggles doesn’t know it, but the post you’re referring to and the evidence she uses are proof positive of Alpha Fux, Beta Bux. Here’s what Giggles said in her post: “Female preferences trump male preferences. That is because men display and women select in mating.… Read more »

deti
Guest
deti

Men and women make the choice to lock each other down for very very different reasons.

Men: for sex.

Women: for provisioning.

Mr. Roach
Guest

I think DHV is key. I’ve done it and had it said to me several times in ways I didn’t expect at the time. Always seemed silly to harp on these things, but that’s what chicks dig: DHV in watching me talk on the phone at work. “It was sexy.” DHV in how people knew me at bar and all approached me to say “hi” and not other way around. DHV in the type of watch I wore, car I drove, clothes I wore. DHV in that I knew something about a country someone visited or a few words in… Read more »

Zenramid
Guest
Zenramid

I’m curious about what are your arguments against MGTOW, because the way I see it, if you don’t want anything from women you surely can remove yourself from the equasion. There is absolutely no reason or need to perform for someone you don’t want anything from. If one comes to realization that pussy isn’t worth jumping through hoops, he can just leave the sexual market and focus on achieving goals and performing in different fields, like job and hobby, which provide much more certain gratification. How would you adress that, Rollo?

eon
Guest
eon

“I would add to this that the most effective ways of demonstrating DHV are when a man does not appear to be trying to DHV. The best thing a man can do with his time is focus on his own improvement. When a man focuses his life and energy in this manner he cannot help but to genuinely demonstrate his higher value to women.” Focusing on his own improvement, as the primary objective, can emphasize aspects that this has in common with “making a woman his mission”. Having a mission in life that is separate from him, and also above… Read more »

Ras Al Ghul
Guest
Ras Al Ghul

“Expecting a woman to perform for a man is an insult to her ‘prize status’ as an individual.” Which leads to the dynamic where women have less and less to offer, and “deserve” more and more for simply providing sex occasionally (which they don’t have to) Chris B: “Promethean marriage will only become a suckers play for men who do not learn to display value, in particular a type of mystery by sticking to their path. Women will always want drama. It is life to them. You can create a type of high value drama for them that is enticing… Read more »

Ras Al Ghul
Guest
Ras Al Ghul

This seems appropriate to the whole performance versus how I am inside: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGGXgjfOWTc And one more thing Chris B, Most men go into marriage thinking they’re “better” than other men. Whether its blue pill conditioning telling them they’re “the nice guy” and not an asshole or the red pill guy telling himself “I’m not the nice guy, I’m the alpha” This kind of pride goes before a fall. I am goddamn sick of the idea that if only you’re “red pill alpha” enough you can be happily married and the implied message that you weren’t man enough if you get… Read more »

Nathan
Guest
Nathan

Without religion there is NO controlling women.

Or dumb ass male elders threw every constraint in religion away. Dumb ducks.

Reap the whirlwind. Without the reinstitution of religion we will not survive this. Muslims will take over. They already have in Europe. “Humanism” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ask Dostoevsky about humanism

DeNihilist
Guest
DeNihilist

“From Love Story:”

LOL, thought you meant the movie, I read the quote with Ryan O’Neil in my head mouthing the words – Too Fucking Funny!

agent p
Guest
agent p

@bango Tango “I just have to ask you guys reading RM how you still find women as attractive as you once did when you didn’t know their true nature and still had those romantic fantasies. I honestly don’t respect them at all even knowing they can’t help it and it’s evolution blah blah. ” I cannot speak for others, but yes I can still love women, it’s just a very different kind of love now. It starts with an air of forgiveness on my part, as if I am dealing with a child that simply doesn’t know themselves yet. “She… Read more »

Wanderer
Guest
Wanderer

Perhaps you’re right, Rollo, although I think I should clarify my point. If I understand correctly “who he is deep down inside” is equivalent to a guy being nice, loyal, and supportive, then this still does not excuse the guy from the arena of competition. He is still competing to be the nicest, loyalest, and most supportive guy in the market. I suppose this is exactly what the majority of men are doing today and why I shake my head in disbelief at them. I know this is happening but it is still “performance in one manner or another.” We… Read more »

DeNihilist
Guest
DeNihilist

” You cannot remove yourself from this performance equation. You can cease to direct your part in this performance, but until you die you cannot exit the game.” That, that right there is the elephant in the room, that people like you have finally gotten me to understand Rollo. I would love for my wife to love me for me, warts and all, but in this day and age, it aint gonna happen. Matters not if you have kids, financial security, health, whatever, she wants to be distracted constantly so that she never has to turn her gaze inward and… Read more »

DeNihilist
Guest
DeNihilist

Jezuz! Blue Valentine, just watched it with the old lady about 3 weeks ago, we were both gagging. I could see the utter look of disdain on the wifes face! I think that performance may have turned her off of RG forever!

Yet just a few short years ago, that was me! OMFG! I gotta go puke!

DeNihilist
Guest
DeNihilist

You are a cruel fucker Tomassi for recommending that filthy film!

Badpainter
Guest
Badpainter

agent p -“You cannot read what we read here at therationalmale.com all the time and tell me they, women, consciously know what they are doing and fully intend to do it all the time.” Whether by incompetence or malice it matters not at all. What does matter is that the resulting reality is what it is. And that reality is that there is no deeper meaning or connection only the temporary illusion of such. As well, I therefore have no actual responsibility to any woman in any form of relationship. I only have to pay the form of currency demanded… Read more »

agent p
Guest
agent p

@Siirtyrion I have found in my own RP experience that a DHV and a shit test are not the same thing by a wide margin. Perhaps the outcome they affect is but they way they come about is most certainly not. Context, I am married, was deep blue pill for 8 years, took the pill and put it all to work very quickly. I love doing empirical testing, mostly physics related, but empirical field testing is always very helpful for figuring out how effective some things are. So I have approached DLV, DHV and shit tests in my relationship. I… Read more »

DeNihilist
Guest
DeNihilist

Best response ever to a shit test. Buddy is the coolest dude ever, never looses frame. His wife would shit test and shit test and shit test, Buddy, no response, or sardonic comment. One day he is sitting in the big comfy chair eating a plate of sphaghetti, wife is bleating on about something “important”, he just inores her. She looses it and flies at him like an outside linebacker, knocks him and the big comfy chair flying! Buddy does a gracious tuck and roll, ends up sitting cross legged on the floor, not a bit of sphagetti spilled, and… Read more »

D-Man
Guest
D-Man

agent p, I definitely follow your reasoning, and it’s hard to argue with demonstrable results. Idiots and masochists will keep burning their hands on the stove. Some guys develop pretty good callouses/heat tolerance though, too. Many of us have fully internalized (been implanted with?) the modern gospel that women are full equals, they’re just as capable as any man, with just as much agency as men. They’re not animals or children, and it’s abhorrent to treat them as such, no matter how positively they respond to it. But our righteous anger bubbles up like lava when they constantly angle for… Read more »

kfg
Guest
kfg

“The truth will set you free . . .”

Freedom’s just another word for . . . well, you know the rest.

D-Man
Guest
D-Man

Going your own way doesn’t have to mean celibacy – quite the opposite in my experience. When I started figuring out the score and conducting myself accordingly, opportunities abounded (not without speedbumps of course).

Whether women consciously acknowledge that today’s traditional men are in the crosshairs or not, they respect a man who knows the score. And I have as little interest in big game beta hunters as they have in me. Someone above mentioned that disgust is the proper response, and I agree.

Bango Tango
Guest
Bango Tango

“You can’t negotiate desire and that works both ways.

I won’t be appreciated for my sacrifices and commitment so I won’t bother making any. Women love opportunistically, best to return the same and forgo the hassle of pretending my feelings actually mean anything or are of any consequence to anyone but myself.”

Very, very well said. Nuff said.

Dutch
Guest
Dutch

After reading every RP site out there, having numerous lovers and many blue pill failures, I have finally distilled the RP down to the fact that a woman’s love is CONDITIONAL. Only my Mom loves me unconditionally(at times not even her), every other woman only loves how I can make her feel, provide for her or perform a function. Yes it is a tough pill to swallow but now that I know the rules my interactions with women are much more pleasing. I now ask what this woman can do for me? How are you going to make my life… Read more »

George
Guest
George

Rollo – thanks for another excellent post.

Higher value can only be effectively demonstrated when it is real and a man is aware of it. “Posers” are “Losers” spelled with a “P” and most women (people) see straight through the bullshit. Self depreciation (regardless of why) is the nemesis of higher value. As a man thinks so shall he be.

jf12
Guest
jf12

On the primacy of male behavior, NOT male appearance. 1.

Renninger, L. A., Wade, T. J., and Grammer, K. 2004. Getting that female glance: patterns and behaviors of male nonverbal behavior in courtship contexts. Evolution and Human Behavior, 25, 416-431.
Renninger et al. document that male dominance behaviors, especially approaching and initiating contact with females, and male body language, especially space-maximizing movements and postures, *determined* male success in “real” “courtship” settings (bars and clubs near college campuses). Renninger et al. specifically question why more men do not game the system and behave so as to give dishonest signals of dominance towards women.

jf12
Guest
jf12

On the primacy of male behavior, NOT male appearance.2.

Hill A., Hunt J., Welling L., Cardenas R., Rotella M., Wheatley J., Dawood K., Shriver M., Puts D. 2013. Quantifying the strength and form of sexual selection on men’s traits. Evolution and Human Behavior, 34(5), 334–341.
Hill et al. comprehensively review the state of the literature on male phenotype selection for physical attractiveness and dominance behaviors, and perform the requisite little experiment of frat dudes picking up sorority chicks, and conclude: dominance all the way. 100% of male sexual success was predicted by dominance alone, 0% attributable to attractiveness.

Steve H
Guest
Steve H

Blue Valentine is a great film. I recommend it. I watched it because Rollo said to watch it. Badpainter is spot on. Whether it’s incompetence or malice – it’s all narcissism and therefore inexcusable. She does what she does because she thinks only of herself, with no regard to who gets hurt, or how badly they suffer for her Macchiavellian pursuit of her eternal AFBB agenda. That is reason enough to eschew sympathy ploys. Escorts are great. If you’re not married or in a LTR, use them for christ’s sake. You have to at least ask yourself ‘Am I a… Read more »

kfg
Guest
kfg

“Self depreciation (regardless of why) is the nemesis of higher value. As a man thinks so shall he be.”

I think I have sufficient selfesteem that I can give some of it away (with a nudge and a wink) without losing any.

And consider Feynman who did it in a left handed sort of way, bragging that he was special for winning a Nobel Prize in physics because, by objective measurement, we wasn’t really very smart, and smart people winning Nobel Prizes was really rather ordinary.

Siirtyrion
Guest
Siirtyrion

@Bango Tango Yet another great post. Do you have your own blog? I always have laughed when pua’s talk about shit testing as being built into a woman’s psychology and act like women apply it to all males equally and it’s just something you have to put up with and overcome with your “game”. If I think for a second a woman might be shit testing me I ignore her and move on. But no you shouldn’t do that you should give her what she wants and peacock even harder! No thanks. Realize this: PUAs are only trying to sell… Read more »

Promethean
Guest
Promethean

“Without religion there is NO controlling women.”

This; and Family, with a strong, present father.
Yet, the family as we know it is under sustained attack and gradual erosion by the influence of the Frankfurt School/Cultural Marxism, Unrestrained Capitalism, the Mainstream media, Feminism etc.
The “evil patriarchy” allowed Western civilization to develop and acted as a brake to restrain women’s natural hypergamy and default mode of shirking responsibility/accountability.
It might not be perfect but if things were left to women, we would still be living in grass huts.

Professor Von Hardwiggs
Guest
Professor Von Hardwiggs

”d destroy all your work with a glance then really what’s the point. You are not going to resent women knowing this is the situation? ” Well, I don’t know about him, but I don’t resent women. Do I expect a Lion to bite off my hand if I put it inside its mouth? yes, its the natural of the wild predator to hunt prey. When a man is first presented with the nature of women, it is natural for him to be bitter for a time. I mean, you have your natural urges to contend with and those urges… Read more »

Professor Von Hardwiggs
Guest
Professor Von Hardwiggs

”Apologizing for a lack of Game isn’t a form of Game.” Game is an ability to draw pleasant reactions from women, by using language, but the difference in how effective ”game” is, depends on the man’s looks. I have never in decade-long of being attracted by my friends to vagina-avenues(nightclubs, bars etc) have seen men of average-looks pull women of average or below looks. These guys knew how to talk, and worked to the bone trying to get the girl to come with them. Then I’d see a tall, hulking figure of a man. He’d grunt, she’d come running to… Read more »

Professor Von Hardwiggs
Guest
Professor Von Hardwiggs

Yo I gotta get back to my league of legends promo games, but i want to say, that when a woman is attracted to a man, she doesn’t put up shit tests or attempts to filter his Alphaness. Women very rarely meet men they are attracted to, so when they do t hey put up in the nearest bathroom if that is needed.

LiveFearless
Guest

Get the Greyhound.

Professor Von Hardwiggs
Guest
Professor Von Hardwiggs

aha, dogs can’t hunt what doesn’t want to be hunted and women can not only choose only the best-looking men for fun and one day their power over society will be so immense, they will be able to reproduce only with the most handsome of men. Damn, there’s this reddit sub, its called oldschoolCool. One of the users posted a picture of his grandfather when the guy was 20, circa 1940. Very few threads on that sub get 100 posts. This one got 1000 in less than an hour, even the guys are fawning about how attractive the guy was.… Read more »

Nathan
Guest
Nathan

Hi Rollo,

Below I’m linking to the GB4M’s blog bc he is on FIRE! Please go ahead and delete the link if you think it’s an inappropriate solicitation for him

Genius: http://greatbooksformen.wordpress.com/

Nathan
Guest
Nathan

LOOKS>Game.
Looks> Money.
Looks>all.

True, but looks must seek their own relative level

Softek
Guest
Softek

My friendships with my male friends have improved dramatically since unplugging. This is a high point that shouldn’t be taken lightly. It’s one of the (potential) best parts of unplugging. Another great part is becoming conscious of how you’re choosing to spend your time, and who you’re choosing to spend your time with. And also what you’re choosing to spend your time thinking about. What thoughts and feelings are you practicing in your mind every day? Are you developing skills every day? Are you enjoying yourself and having a good time and enjoying being alive every day? If you’re unhappy… Read more »

Promethean
Guest
Promethean

” http://www.personalpowermeditation.com/forum/social-dynamics/the-betaization-process/ ” A great analysis and shows how a man that is married can become progressively betaised and have his choices/options limited because her options/choices take precedent or are allowed to take precedent, partly because of the law being on her side, ie, being raped via divorce. Also, the vast majority of women these days have entitlement complexes. It can even be something as simple as wanting/expecting to “keep up with the Joneses” the attitude being …”why can’t you (husband) do better, earn better, provide better so that my status and confort is raised to the level of my… Read more »

Professor Von Hardwiggs
Guest
Professor Von Hardwiggs

”As far as looks go; looks ARE important and DO play a role, but only up to a point. As a man gets older, the importance of his looks become secondary to other factors such as status, money, job, ability to provide etc.’ What does it matter? The guy is still the last pick. The guys she slept when she was 20 had her when she was decent-look, didn’t have stds, no abortions, had a high sex drive, and only wanted to have fun. Its not hard to pick women when you are in your 30s, just have a job,… Read more »

Steve H
Guest
Steve H

I will sometimes pay for a 4-star hotel room in a city center just to have a spot to take a load off, have a clean bathroom, and crash without having to drive after drinking. I’m happy to pay, and pay quite handsomely, for something that enhances any given day in this brief life.

There’s a corollary.

Wanderer
Guest
Wanderer

@Rollo

Just finished Blue Valentine. Wow. If there ever was a red pill movie…

Also, I just noticed that you linked the Mark Manson video to your response. I watched about thirty minutes before my brain got tired. He was obviously trying to argue against performance but all it came across as was “set low-standards both for yourself and the women you want.”

Evan
Guest
Evan

I have a few thoughts when reading this. My first thought is that women value different things at different times with men they seek. Sure they seek a man with a strong frame and healthy body but they are also looking for different flavors at different times when it comes to personalities and characters. The problem with men “being themselves” is that there is no real growth or getting outside of your comfort zone. When your not playing the game your still playing but your not moving onto any new levels. Your not expanding your abilities and personality. When you… Read more »

Professor Von Hardwiggs
Guest
Professor Von Hardwiggs

MGTOW don’t necessarily spend their entire time on porn and on video games. I know guys who take trips to other Countries(Countries to visit, not Countries to sample the whores) learn foreign languages, learn a trade, or develop an artistic hobby. I know a guy who spent the majority of his time chasing women to no avail .He began to dedicate that time to painting, even beginning at it ”really late” and having no talent for it but now he’s selling paintings and having his work in relevant art places.

Will
Guest
Will

So many things. First @plagio. You are wrong looks are not the biggest factor for young girls, although they are a factor. Evidence: me. First hand evidence. I was captain of the football team in higjschoool but had horrible horrible acne + acne scars and was not a pretty boy at all. At the the time I was fucking a 9 blonde hair blue eyed girl in my grade based on my performance. Biggest thing from this post is don’t tell dhvs, show and demonstrate them. So many examples for this….this is usually done through hard work and character development.… Read more »

Hobbes
Guest
Hobbes

I think the next version of Game is going to have to find a worthy and successful mindset for unplugged men that tackles the inevitable bitterness that arises from RP truth. I know many men say they are not angry or bitter etc anymore, but the fact remains that once you know about female nature/hypergamy etc the bloom comes off the rose and it is not always easy to find motivation once it does. I’ll give an example. RP is alot like physics. Once you understand it you realize that life is merely a complex set of chemical interactions mediated… Read more »

strauMan (@strauMan)
Guest

I’ve noticed a lot of talk about looks being the determining point around the sandbox the past few months. I consider myself a few points above average. I’m in my 30’s. Here is my story… My former self (prior to “enligtenment”/TRP): *balding on top *just under 6ft *bad skin *170lbs *skinny *glasses *spoke too fast *anxious *job getting me nowhere *no style of dress *few hobbies *stayed in comfort zone Myself today 4yrs later (post “enlightenment”/TRP): *balding on top though I keep my head trimmed not shaved (looks the best) *just under 6ft *went to dermatologist over the years, found… Read more »

walawala
Guest
walawala

I think a longer term goal of learning game is to internalize all the concepts and learnings and ideas so they become more natural. Just learning any new language, it takes time to become fluent. But by internalizing the learnings, you’re less “conscious” of making the effort to “neg” then build comfort etc etc…and you’re more calibrated…and not “performing”…but more becoming the prize every man should aim to be. Personally it’s been fits and starts. I have huge strides, then setbacks then lurch forward. I’m conscious of each step. I over-analyze every time I fail to move forward with a… Read more »

stuttie
Guest

@ strayman – you could be my new hero @ hobbs – the physics analogy lends itself well to RP. In my case, I liken it to when I figure out a certain piece of music I want to learn; unravel its mystery and then tend to lose interest in hearing the song again – because I know it ‘too’ well. Unplugged here 9 months ago and having gone through my own various stages of grief (and giddy excitement) I now find myself struggling with a certain RP phase that I can’t put my finger on. But your post hits… Read more »

jf12
Guest
jf12

1. Scolding and making mountains out of irrelevant molehills is womanly. 2. Male self-ratings of sexual success are in fact excellently correlated with actual sexual success in EVERY measure. Although we titter about magnifying conquests by a factor of two or three, it is the same factor for 20 as it is for 5. Rankings don’t change a bit. Only women think otherwise. 3. Only women care if a male display is honest or not. 4. Only women have a vested interest in males not becoming more sexually dominant across the board. 5. The proof is in the pudding. As… Read more »

bbb
Guest
bbb

@Hobbes – The awareness of science is indeed analogous to taking the red pill. Internalization of both explains everything. But, as with the faith of the pious, each should operate covertly so the adherent avoids rejection from nonbelievers.

Professor Von Hardwiggs
Guest
Professor Von Hardwiggs

”1. Scolding and making mountains out of irrelevant molehills is womanly. 2. Male self-ratings of sexual success are in fact excellently correlated with actual sexual success in EVERY measure. Although we titter about magnifying conquests by a factor of two or three, it is the same factor for 20 as it is for 5. Rankings don’t change a bit. Only women think otherwise. 3. Only women care if a male display is honest or not. 4. Only women have a vested interest in males not becoming more sexually dominant across the board. 5. The proof is in the pudding. As… Read more »

Professor Von Hardwiggs
Guest
Professor Von Hardwiggs

I mean I’m an Ectomorph.

DeNihilist
Guest
DeNihilist

Both the commentary and the commented upon story are worth reading. Another 30 something women, (model to be exact) coming to terms with the falseness of her womens liberation as pertains to her SMV/MMV

http://stuartschneiderman.blogspot.ca/2014/09/the-feminist-life-plan.html

Robert What?
Guest
Robert What?

Men are expected to perform…

It has always been that way. The difference is that there used to be societal rewards for that: respect, deference, property rights, etc. Even on the lower rungs of society. In the modern western world, for most men, those rewards are gone. But they are still expected to live up to their responsibilities. Today, the rewards come primarily only from within: ie, the internal rewards of self improvement.

nikochoski
Guest

@Provessor I used to be an avid gamer. I am now working as a doctor in a hospital and make decent money. There’s been a trip somewhere in between those 2 sentences where I tried to grow up. I am not what you might call a catch but I have tried to learn from every experience in my life. I don’t even actively seek girls in my life but I have had my fair amount of successes. Looks, money, game all have their role in life. But I am a firm believer in the notion that you should be who… Read more »

gregg
Guest
gregg

@agent p. Women know PRECISELY what they are doing. They are the master class, amoral, manipulative, fickle, disloyal. Theese are the traits of a master not of a slave, my friends. Theese are the tools for management of men. Carefully designed, brilliantly used, and wisely masked. Master can be fickle, amoral, disloyal, cold hearted – she manages others. Slave must be loyal, dependent, predictable…otherwise he is dismissed. So are men. I have yet to find a woman/master that do not know what she is doing. Woman KNOW what she is doing, remember that! When she uses drama to tighten the… Read more »

haunted trilobite
Guest
haunted trilobite

@ agent P, to absolve women of all accountability because of ‘nature’, is to completely play into their hands. They may deserve some, lee way on account of being the fairer sex (a title they are railing against, in preference of becoming ‘strong and independent’), but every human knows the difference between right and wrong. You liken them to animals, a snake of all creatures, and this is quite accurate, when they don’t pay heed to their higher functioning thoughts. There was a reason women were flogged publicly in the past, not just dismissed as ‘snakes gonna snake’.

George
Guest
George

LOOKS>Game.
Looks> Money.
Looks>all.

Looks are very important but will accomplish nothing unless you know how to use them, are self confident and know how to interact effectively.

George
Guest
George

@haunted trilobite “but every human knows the difference between right and wrong.” Frustration stems from the perception of “right” and “wrong”. This is normal given what we are all brought up with and constantly reconditioned to believe. If woman’s hypergamy is “wrong”, then certainly our male sexual conquests including our fantasies (we all have plenty and many are “nasty”, some “perverted”, “fetish”, “eeeeeeewww!!” etc.) are also “wrong”. I am not condoning unbridled sexual irresponsibility here, but It’s much better to accept the normal instincts than beat ourselves to death trying to force fit “right” and “wrong” into our psyche. Clinging… Read more »

Black Poison Soul
Guest

It’s not the constant having to perform and the DHV stuff that trips men up. It’s when they are/were lied to (aka brainwashed) for however many years by women saying “these things are what women want” – when these things do not actually turn her on. Yes, we are always performing. Yes we are always constantly striving to DHV. These things are inbuilt, we’ve always done it. The fail is where we were told the wrong things were HV – typically by a mother because we didn’t have any father, and no way was she gonna reveal what turned her… Read more »

Black Poison Soul
Guest

Addendum: “These things are what women want” – in a man that they are attracted to.

Not one hint from them about what makes them attracted. Probably because if they consciously knew it and told it they’d die from embarrassment.

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