The Unbearable Rightness of Being Female

unbearable

The following post quote has been making the rounds in professional circles. It’s from Sallie Krawcheck, CEO of Ellevest, an investment firm dedicated to helping women with financial investment (no jargon, no ‘playing’ stocks for sport, no mansplaining, you got this). She’s also the “chair” of Elevate Network, a global professional women’s network. I’m adding this here to make a later point, but it’s important to understand how normalized it’s become for women to create a sexually exclusionary organization for women who will simultaneously complain about men’s sexism for not accommodating their (presumably successful) business culture to the interests of women. More on that later.

I thought I’d riff on this click-bait for, I assume, professional women because I expect we’ll see more of this prefabricated outrage in the coming years as a response to what will undoubtedly be the suffering of the Trump era in America. I’ll be the first to admit I was surprised by Trump’s win, but the denial of the First Female President® into the White House will be the cause du jour for every jilted woman who believes she’s a “professional”. Even if Clinton had won the mainstream would’ve been inundated with how ‘we still have a long way to go’ stories, however, with Trump in the Presidency the same tired narrative of systemic male sexism will get reinvigorated in the coming years.

From, A Letter to young women, in the age of Trump:

When I was your age, I thought it was over. My mother was a feminist, so I wanted to call myself anything but a feminist. And anyway, I seemed pretty welcome at work. Even though it was Wall Street, my analyst class was about a third women. We weren’t just on our way — we’d arrived.

But then…there were the inappropriate pictures left on my desk. The guy miming a sex act when my back was turned. I wasn’t given the great assignments; the more senior woman I worked with was likewise dismissed as “lightweight” (and, lest you think that might have been true, that woman was Safra Catz, now the co-President of Oracle). Then the women started to fall away in their 30s…more in their 40s. But the worst of it, I thought was over.

And now Trump has made it clear to everyone that the battle for us women is not over.

In femopshere there will always be an ‘us’. As I’ve outline in many prior essays, the Sisterhood will always take precedence above religion, politics, personal conviction and even family affiliations for women. Largely this is due to women’s evolved propensity for collectivism among their own sex. In our hunter gatherer beginnings women had an interdependent need for collective support for keeping tribal cohesion as well as child rearing.

This intrasexual collective support has carried over into what’s become the Sisterhood today. If you look at the interactions of young girls and their social group interdependence you begin to see that nascent tribal collectivism naturally come through. In terms of larger societal scope this collectivity becomes about acknowledging a shared experience of an imagined oppression by men. Between all women there is a gestalt understanding of “the plight of women” and a presumption of an endemic sexism no matter how culturally or socioeconomically dissimilar those women are.

As I mentioned, Trump is now a universal icon of that presumption of sexism and oppression. Granted, it could’ve been any man who displaced a woman in the history books, but the fall back presumption is that whoever ‘he’ is, he becomes emblematic of a ready narrative of sexism irrespective of merit. We presume sexism, we presume a guy would mime a sex act behind a woman’s back and leave ‘inappropriate’ pictures on a woman’s desk despite decades of workplace harassment legislation. We believe it because it sounds right; it sounds like something a typical sexist guy would do.

I can’t stop thinking about this and what we can / should do:

Remember that gender bias in the workplace is not a thing of the past. I’m sorry if I didn’t act when I should have. I thought we had left sexism behind us by the time I was in more senior roles. After all, we had complaint hotlines and diversity plans and requirements for diverse slates of candidates for every job. But now I’m remembering one of the members of the senior leadership team who would kiss younger women on the cheek at the beginning of meetings. Creepy, right? I now wonder what was being said when I wasn’t in that room.

What’s creepy is that in spite of years in a professional field that’s been the domain of men she’s just now remembering this fact. Would it have been less creepy if he’d kissed only his age-appropriate women on his leadership team? Professional women’s default presumption is that it is always sexism that is holding them back from breaking through a mythologized ‘glass ceiling’, but as is women’s solipsism, their first thought is that their problems are caused by externalities. Never is there an insight that they may simply lack the skills or that they don’t perform at their peak in a job they were told should be rewarding to them.

Gender biases will never be a thing of the past because to suggest they ever might be so is to presume a default state of egalitarian equality between the sexes. The gender biases in the workplace are most evident in the peer selection and peer evaluations of women – not some secret group of guys getting together in a private office room to expressly talk about a their co-workers’ tits.

As it stands in today’s modern office men are scared shitless every time they are called to cooperate with a woman on work projects for fear of being accused of sexism or harassment:

“In a lawsuit-happy culture, where claims can be made on a ‘he said/she said’ basis, men are now trying to ensure their actions are always covered by a third party witness”

“The terror of being accused of sexual harassment is now so common it has its own term, ‘backlash stress”

There’s a reason HR departments are largely staffed by women, because they want to be positioned in a way that they can execute policy. HR departments no longer exist to serve the company with regards to employees, rather they exist in order to protect that company from lawsuits and enforce feminine-primary conditions in the workplace.

Ask tough questions, and call the guys out when necessary. I recently asked my best guy friend: “Do guys really talk like Donald Trump and Billy Bush behind closed doors?” His response: “No, but…” And the “but” was that the conversations are more along the lines of: “Boy, she has great legs,” or “she’s a looker” or “Whew. Wouldn’t touch her with a ten-foot pole.” When I asked him how he responded to this, he said he didn’t say anything; after all, he has to work with these folks.

But so do we. And breaking us down to our body parts or our appearance dehumanizes us in some way. Maybe it’s only in some small way. But it’s clear that for some years, we (and by we, I mean I) were likely too complacent about the inevitability of gender progress in the workplace and relaxed perhaps just a bit too much.

It’s funny and irreverent when all the girls in the office get together for drinks or a male revue strip show after work, but it’s dehumanizing when men do the same. I’ve known very few men who would ever comment on a woman’s anatomy in a workplace environment. I have known men who would scold other men for staring a little too long at a female co-worker. I have known women to actively flirt with guys and wear inappropriate outfits to get attention from them. I’ve known women who’ve called me and other men I’ve worked with their “work husbands”.

I’ve worked in the liquor and casino promotion businesses for two decades now. I see some pretty wild behavior on the part of women who are not unlike the poor victimized dears Krawcheck describes going to work on Monday mornings.

The modern workplace culture has conditioned men for fear of women thanks largely to strict codes of conduct, but also because these men have been raised from birth to be dutiful Betas and White Knights who look for every opportunity to correct a ‘typical man’ for his sexist and rude behaviors. They look for these backroom boys clubs where women are rated on their looks so as to expose their heinous misogyny and institutionalized sexism, but they are disappointed when they don’t actually find it. So instead they contribute to an atmosphere of fear in some lame form of Beta Game they hope will be recognized and rewarded for by workplace women.

If you’re in a bad work situation, it’s ok to quit. So many women think that it’s a “failure” if you quit your job; and you know how hard we females take failure. But sometimes it’s not us: it’s them.

I recently left the board of a non-profit that I LOVE. I had been on it for years (and years). At nearly every meeting I asked how much we were spending on our investment managers, in comparison to the return we were getting. Meeting after meeting I was told that the answer was complex, it was hard to calculate, it would take a lot of work – and why did it matter anyway? It was really the net returns that matter, regardless of how much we paid for them. And then, last spring, before I could bring up the topic, one of the men did; and all the other guys eagerly agreed with him, that we need to keep an eye on fees because those are really all we can control.

I quit the next week.

Life is too short, and I can have a lot more impact with the week-a-year I get back instead of being ignored in meetings.

I know not everyone is in the position to quit; I wasn’t earlier in my career. So the onus is also on those of us who are more senior to be more supportive of women who leave these situations. I am hopeful that an outcome of this election will be greater understanding of this.

If it had been a woman who’d made the same suggestion would we be hearing about this? Shit like this happens all the time in the workplace. One reason The 48 Laws of Power resonated with men so well is because it was relatable to exactly this kind of situation. Law 7: Get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit for it yourself. Sallie sees this as sexism because it happened to be a guy who pulled it on her, but would she have quit the non-profit had it been a woman who outplayed her?

This is the reality of even the most seemingly benign of companies. They are defined by the interplay of power dynamics, but when women are bested in it the sexism narrative is ready on standby to comfort and explain their failure. So it becomes OK to quit, because the environment is always sexist. The business environment is one defined by competition and this grates on women’s expectation of it to be cooperative and collective. Women like Sallie expect recognition for merit, but wish for things to be easier rather than developing the skills to play the game better.

Get yourself a senior, successful – preferably female – mentor, who can help you navigate the politics of your company. This includes the gender politics. Can’t find one on your own? Speak to HR about helping you find one; this is their job, after all.

Your company doesn’t have a senior, successful female? Get the hell out of there.

Really the only sexism I’m seeing in this piece has been one coming from and endorsed by Krawcheck. She bemoans a lack of gender equity and then suggests a female mentor would be preferable to a male one. Her sexism is blatant here – the only definition of a solid reputable company is one that ensures it has a senior, successful female in it. Since most HR departments are staffed primarily with women it’s their job to help you find a senior, successful and female mentor? I’m not a business insider, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t their job.

I made this point in Male Space, but what happens when women insert themselves into a traditionally male dominated domain is that the enterprise becomes about accommodating the female influences rather than the enterprise itself. This entire article is an indictment of this. Again, the solution to a woman’s problem of not being successful is sought externally.

Do your best to make sure that your success is quantified. Be it a sales goal, a client satisfaction rating, an output metric, a quality target. Numbers count here because they’re black-and-white, cut-and-dried. Were you successful or not? I recommend this even if you work in a “normal” company, because implicit gender biases and expectations still exist for all of us.

Solid enough advice, but it’s couched in the context of an expectation of gender biases (at least the type of bias Sallie finds unacceptable). There’re implicit gender biases, but the ones we see dominate even ‘normal’ companies are ones that favor a feminized workforce.

Think about starting your own thing. This is what’s exciting; we have the ability to start our own businesses today, in a way we didn’t in the past. Why not take our marbles to our own playgrounds and build great businesses and cultures? Our mothers couldn’t do this because the cost was so high – but the costs of everything-about-starting-a-business, including technology, people (i.e., freelancers), real estate (co-working spaces) and support services are coming down. And then no one can relegate you to the less-interesting jobs.

Women are taught that they deserve the luxury of interesting jobs. In fact this is the sole reason for even wanting to enter the workforce most times – a rewarding career that’s fulfilling, but as I wrote in She’s Unhaaapy… that fulfillment is always elusive. Therefore it must be that uncooperative men are holding women back from this happiness.

I’m not sure opening another gourmet cupcake eatery counts as contributing to the status of women in business, but I would say that women ought to be encouraged to start up their own businesses rather than rely on the proven successes of established ones to prove their business acumen. Carly Fiorina and Sheryl Sandberg are not innovators in any sense. Neither started a company from scratch, but they are lauded as powerful businesswomen because they supposedly had the moxie to compete with the big boys and their sexist enterprises – not actually as a result of their companies wanting to present a feminine-correct public image.

I would love to see women’s organic business successes despite themselves, but my guess is that every failure or setback would have some tinge of external sexism attached to them. The truth is there are very few women who actually create something of worth because the easier path to success is to create a social convention that shames men for not including women in their own successes. It will always be easier for women to appropriate the success of men rather than create anything for themselves.

I am going to go out of my way to support other women. It’s clear now: we can’t do this alone. Another woman who is promoted or celebrated or funded clears the way for another. I am actively looking to buy from women-owned businesses, which is much easier these days — Glossier, Outdoor Voices, and Project September are just a few of a new wave of startups led by women — and avoid companies that remain all-men. I’m just so over supporting them.

And here we have yet more fem-centric sexism in a piece decrying male sexism. Weren’t we just reading about how surprised Sallie was about gender bias not being a thing of the past in the workplace? Because Trump won the election she calls for a boycott from buying anything from male owned companies?

One thing I’ve always found ironic about women’s call for collective, gender-exclusionary support for other women is that women are often guilty of even worse infighting than men are in the workplace. Lets face it, women hate other women to a degree that most men are unaware of. Their capacity for sub-communication and psychological warfare among themselves makes intra-sexual competition more brutal than having to deal with any so-called sexist male co-worker. From women’s collectivist perspective one would think that women’s intra-sexual support of other women would make them all outstanding successes in business, but we find the opposite is true. Women have a very hard time making an all-female enterprise a success. Naturally this is blamed, again, on men’s sexists brinksmanship and outmaneuvering them, but by and large it’s internal conflict that destroys all-female run enterprises.

Invest. Having spent my career on Wall Street and now being the founder of Ellevest, a digital investment platform for women, I know I’m a broken record on this topic. But men invest to a greater extent than women do, and it costs us. Indeed, I believe investing is the best career advice women aren’t getting. Think about it – are you more able to tell your boss to take this job and shove it if you have more money or less money?

That’s what I thought. At the end of the day, money is the real key to gender equality.

Of course we get the sales pitch at the end. Women don’t invest because it’s not sexy. It requires a degree of commitment and a depth of insight that goes well beyond what an average woman has any interest in. I do find it entertaining that Sallie finally gets to the real reason for a gender inequality she claims she wants to see abolished. Money is most definitely a key to establishing social dominance and that creates a fundamentally unequal condition between men and women.

Businesses, successful ones, are founded on competition, not cooperation. This is the fundamental conflict we are experiencing in today’s corporate culture; women’s collectivism promotes what they believe should be a successful enterprise based on egalitarian cooperation while men largely see the enterprise as competition. Sometimes this is a win-at-any-cost type of competition, other times it may be more subtle, but the crux is that women’s propensity to want for a more collectivist approach to a successful enterprise is at odds with men’s competitive approach. Success in business is fundamentally unegalitarian, there are winners and losers, not co-equal participation trophy winners. But as women continue to insert themselves into the unegalitarian male spaces of enterprise we will see this push for cooperative hopes for business success fundamentally alter the purpose of these businesses as we attempt more and more to accommodate them.

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Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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SJB
SJB
4 years ago

@Rollo: It’s incredibly amusing hearing females like Krawcheck trot out the charge of dehumanization yet happily refer to Human Resources — what was once named Personnel Department. The ease of project managers requesting “resources” for a task, rather than people, ought to strike Krawcheck to the core.

Excellent work on your part.

dr zipper
dr zipper
4 years ago

Not this last election cycle, but the previous one just for local/state I had an interesting power struggle between my wife and I play out. The neighborhood Mrs. Kravitz is politically active and when someone she knows is running, you’ll see the candidate signs in their front yard. So of course one day after work I drive up and see a candidate’s sign in my yard. I say nothing; pull the sign out and put it in the back yard for target practice. Later that day Mrs. Zipper wonders where the sign is and I say, “Out back. I need… Read more »

kfg
kfg
4 years ago

” . . . happily refer to Human Resources — what was once named Personnel Department.”

Hey, at least a human resource is an object. Perhaps even an individual object.

There used to be something called a “customer,” which was people, perhaps even individual people. Now there are “consumers,” an entirely abstracted demographic group of resource destroyers. And even the concept of “consumption” has been so abstracted that we refer to people as consumers when nothing at all is consumed.

Pinelero
Pinelero
4 years ago

@olllioxenfree; you must have some high-T levels yourself, to come onto a blog titled “The unbearable rightness of being female” and then proceed to act according to the blog title.

Maple Curtain
Maple Curtain
4 years ago

@sjb 12:23 p.m.

I’m not sure there is any more obscene, dehumanizing phrase coined in the 20th century than “human resources.”

That phrase sure attracts a lot of malevolent misanthropic garbage – like the Pied Piper for hate-filled female narcissists.

rugby11
rugby11
4 years ago
Reply to  Maple Curtain
dr zipper
dr zipper
4 years ago

@rugby – I used to click your links but I didn’t always understand what they meant so I stopped. Assuming you’re not a troll or spammer, a bit more context might help some of us get your message.

rugby11
rugby11
4 years ago
Reply to  dr zipper

Got it will add context. Just found out a busy of mine died of an overdose and a dear firmed of mine passed away in oregan. I’m uploaded links because I’m nervous and it’s been hard on me. Doing the link posting is a way for me to connect without complaining. Will add context especially to darlock and the casual sex project. Bear with me.

gb_hill
gb_hill
4 years ago

Indeed, over the long term if welfare, gender and race quotas, and other protections for ‘oppressed classes lol’ were eliminated then only the strong and intelligent would be able to afford to reproduce, having a eugenic effect on the population in question. Yes, this is very true. Its the only way to have African, Arab, or Meso-American populations and not have race war or civilizational collapse. If you are going to have a multi-racial society, especially with low IQ populations, then you need to have a libertarian societal arrangement. The more libertarian of the alt-right movement are calling it “right… Read more »

Anonymous Reader
Anonymous Reader
4 years ago

rugby11, condolences on the recent deaths in your social circle. It is perfectly understandable now that you are posting links, as a thing to do. Stuff you should be doing: Whatever your normal exercise regime, keep up with it, do not let thoughts deter you from it. Do any lifts with care, concentrate all your attention on what you are exactly doing in that moment. When you go walk, walk like you have somewhere to get to and pump up your awareness of what is around you, don’t go around all wrapped up in your thoughts. If you aren’t taking… Read more »

hank holiday
hank holiday
4 years ago

@culum This was the 4th or 5th online lay just in November so get 4 or 5 in December that AREN’T online I’ve always enjoyed dirty talk and I am getting filthier and filthier especially with the last two MILFs…calling them my slut and my whore, sticking fingers up asses..the works, even with what sounds really nasty degrading stuff (I was free-associating and was pretty turned on myself, but at one point I was saying something along the lines of how she was just a hole I was using to get myself off or something and she was just getting… Read more »

Urocyon
Urocyon
4 years ago

Great article Rollo. I’ve been reading this blog for a few years and have yet to comment. I felt compelled to comment on this article because I think the manosphere should start making the connection between “feminism” and “the new world order”. For those that don’t know about the new world order, its all about consolidating and expanding the economic and political power of a few ridiculously wealthy elites over the masses (us). Women’s propensity for “collectivism” instead of competition (men) is an extremely useful tool in this respect. Think about Brexit. For those that were in favor of staying… Read more »

SJF
SJF
4 years ago

@Urocyon Thanks for making your first comment. What I find a lot of people doing in the manosphere these days is lamenting how humans were evolutionarily designed to act. Human’s act on impulses and they develop fiction narratives to buffer the fact that they are mortal and have mortal natures including the fact that they have the capacity to die at any moment. No different then the fact that self evident in the PUA community, that you have to put yourself above being shot down by a women at any point. Similar to Rollo’s essay Buffers in which rejection is… Read more »

Urocyon
Urocyon
4 years ago

Thanks for the comments, I’ll have to check out the book.

I still think that feminism has been used to further a globalist agenda for decades.
Similarly, I think its highly unlikely that the LGBT movement organically sprouted up out of nowhere. We are being bombarded with LJBT in tv shows, movies, MSM. I just saw a job announcement that included LGBT in with affirmative action. Sexual preference and gender identity is now being considered in employment decisions.

All we can do is take care of ourselves.

SFC Ton
4 years ago

Given the crime statistics we already have a a low intensity race war going on.

Not to mention the low intensity jhaid.

The media does an excellent job of glossing over the problems.

SFC Ton
4 years ago

I am getting filthier and filthier

LOL even the good girls eat that shit up but be careful they don’t catch feelings for you

It’s all about the intensity of the experience. You take them on an emotional roller coaster ride when you are flirting with them; take them on a second roller coaster ride when you fuck them.

Best way to get repeat buiness right there

anon
anon
4 years ago

” I just saw a job announcement that included LGBT in with affirmative action. Sexual preference and gender identity is now being considered in employment decisions.”

That became a foregone conclusion in the military (for promotion and command positions) the minute they repealed DADT.

newlyaloof
4 years ago

, really digging your comment about globalism and small tribes. Thanks.

newlyaloof
4 years ago

@Rollo, OT but relevant nonetheless

Got a gift card and am about to do an Amazon book blitz. I have your Rational Male book but I bought it over a year ago (can’t remember exactly how long) and the text was seriously too small for me to read comfortably, so I didn’t read more than the first chapter. I believe you mentioned that the text size would be addressed, but I’m not 100% sure on that. Could you let me know? I’m about to buy Preventative Medicine, but if RM has been altered, I’ll add that too.

MrT
MrT
4 years ago

Rollo

Whats your take on line length in terms of readability?

Kaminsky
Kaminsky
4 years ago

@Zoe Bowman, “She is a classic feminist, always going on about glass ceilings and salary equality and the like. I think she probably fought tooth and nail to get to where she is today.” Nope. No she didn’t. More than likely she just showed up and did what was expected, enjoying a total lack of fellow female competition. 60 is easily young enough to ride in on the affirmative action zeitgeist. She didn’t ‘fight tooth and nail’ anymore than any of the men in her position, at best. The fact that she rails on about the glass ceiling is a… Read more »

MrT
MrT
4 years ago

http://baymard.com/blog/line-length-readability

I mean for this blog. It used to be narrower before the last update.

A Wise Man
4 years ago

@theasdgamer “IQ is another discrepancy. Whites test higher than blacks, ceteris paribus. Notice that I am discussing AMERICAN blacks. Blacks from Africa tend to perform much higher than American blacks in academics and perhaps on IQ tests. So, I can’t assume that this is a racial thing, but may be due to some factors in the American context.” African blacks scoring higher on IQ tests than American blacks is very misleading because the black Africans that attend Western Universities immigrate only from the wealthiest and most elite families. The average IQ of a Sub Saharan African is 65, that is… Read more »

sfer
sfer
4 years ago

@YaReally and PUA crew I got tooled for the first time in a while. Some dude did the classic “what’s that on your shirt?” trick: http://giphy.com/gifs/edbassmastershow-cmt-the-ed-bassmaster-show-xT4uQmGO5Sehm9ymDS I wasn’t particularly flustered. just surprised and reactive. He asked if I was gay and when I said I was heterosexual, he said he did not know what that was ( probably a language issue? – he was a hispanic dude) I am pretty sure it is a boundary issue because I let him muscle into and ruin an interesting conversation earlier with some other dude. the tooling happened later when I was talking… Read more »

kfg
kfg
4 years ago

@sfer:

Do you know what professional con men do for fun?

Try to con other professional con men.

Höllenhund
Höllenhund
4 years ago

Off-topic, just for laughs: Aunt Giggles gets called out by one of her moderator minions for not being sufficiently invested in Democrat identity politics.

http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2016/11/23/politics-and-feminism/us-divorce-rate-plummets/#comment-3021669703

rugby11
rugby11
4 years ago

Context something funny to laugth at.
https://youtu.be/XlTWNSrVw9M

Anonymous Reader
Anonymous Reader
4 years ago

@Hollenhund re $usan Wal$h : Sooner or later, the revo eats its own. Always.

Blaximus
Blaximus
4 years ago

@ sfer

” I am pretty sure it is a boundary issue because I let him muscle into and ruin an interesting conversation earlier with some other dude.”

What is ” a boundary issue ” ??

Blaximus
Blaximus
4 years ago

@ A wise man

Thank you for the edification. You may cut it out now. Thanks.

sfer
sfer
4 years ago

@Blaximus I let him get away with stuff earlier that lead him to believe he could get away with what he did later.

sfer
sfer
4 years ago

@Blaximus “Thank you for the edification. You may cut it out now. Thanks.”

There are other places for that and they are (not surprisingly) horrible.

EhIntellect
EhIntellect
4 years ago

From blog post: “Even though it was Wall Street, my analyst class was about a third women. We weren’t just on our way — we’d arrived.” Apparently, women actually enjoy the erstwhile maligned, sexually-charged FI-fueled dominance too. From The Atlantic: “The authors also note a 2011 survey of 302 male college students. It found that 51.2 percent reported “at least one sexual victimization experience since age 16.” “About half of the victims reported a female perpetrator.” I’d imagine there’s wink-wink character to some of the female-on-male sexual abuse. The number of over 18 female on juvenile male (legally non-consensual, however… Read more »

Blaximus
Blaximus
4 years ago

@ sfer ” @Blaximus I let him get away with stuff earlier that lead him to believe he could get away with what he did later” Okay got it. Ime, sometimes strangers ( men especially ) will test you just like a chick might shit test. Lots of guys recommend being nice and amiable and funny and smiling and non-threatening and blah, blah, blah. I recommend testing back. If you are up to it that is. If you’d rather not, it’s not a problem until it is. I don’t have physical boundaries with dudes depending on how they come at… Read more »

rugby11
rugby11
4 years ago
Reply to  Blaximus
sfer
sfer
4 years ago

@Blaximus

Thanks for the advice. I usually just try to be friendly but calling people out when they need to be called out is a good idea. I will probably see the dude again.

sfer
sfer
4 years ago

@rugby11

“Context Cuba news
http://app.getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=pCczt&mc=Ci&s=i3or2A&u=BwrQt&y=Y&”

It is a blog post by pornhub. Why do you use redirectors and shorteners?

the real link:

http://www.pornhub.com/insights/searching-cuba

tells me that it is hosted on “pornhub”, it has to do with “insights” which is apparently a section on pornhub’s site and the topic is searches related to cuba.

Why do you want to throw that away?

redlight
redlight
4 years ago

At this point an unprofessional shrill would reference the video of Tyler and Julien trying to get each other to react (whoever reacts loses), but sadly those days are gone

dr zipper
dr zipper
4 years ago

@Blax – yep, I’ve found that there are indeed some men that test other men just to see what they can get away with. Once you demonstrate that you’re not going to be a pushover, they will warm right up and be cool. At the very least he will still be a dick, just not to you. I remember a couple of times being tooled in my early 20s and not liking it at all. These moments were seminal (hehe) in my self-improvement journey. One book that I’ve seen mentioned here before is “When I Say No I Feel Guilty.”… Read more »

Blaximus
Blaximus
4 years ago

@ dr zipper ” @Blax – yep, I’ve found that there are indeed some men that test other men just to see what they can get away with. Once you demonstrate that you’re not going to be a pushover, they will warm right up and be cool. At the very least he will still be a dick, just not to you.” Yes, this has been my overall experience also. I never take it as insulting, it’s normally just a test. Some dudes get off on that sort of thing. They just need to understand to go and get off on… Read more »

SFC Ton
4 years ago

Are you gay

Sorry sweetheart you ain’t my type

Yollo Comanche
Yollo Comanche
4 years ago

@Blaximus

Hey what if i wanna fuck his girlfriend and all I have to do to make her abandon him is slap him in the face and run away laughing?

Blaximus
Blaximus
4 years ago

@ Yollo

Sorry. I have zero reference points for that scenario. : )

dr zipper
dr zipper
4 years ago

Being tested by either man or woman is really about the same thing: what kind of man are you? Do I respect you? Do I fuck you? Can I use you? None of these things are openly asked; they are inferred from your presentation and interactions — at least initially. That’s nothing new to the folks here, but I’m trying to find a theme or some kind of bridge to bring together the notions of handling women and handling people in general. There are differences, of course, but many more similarities than not. Many of the fellas here seem young… Read more »

MrT
MrT
4 years ago

@sfer DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT CERTIFIED PUA RSD ADVICE. HANDLE WITH CARE. If I got tooled like that, Id probably just laugh and high five him (it is kinda ridiculous to get tooled like that). Also I dont know if was some rascal or some valuetaking cockblock. If a guy is groping you or physically trying to establish dominance, tell him youre not that guy and to buy you a drink first if he wants to escalate like that. He should start qualifying and reacting to you. The are you gay was most likely a shit test (which you may… Read more »

Culum Struan
Culum Struan
4 years ago

YaReally Sentient HABD Wala Scray Hank Forge PUA Mini FR guys. Was eating dinner alone in a nice family-vibe Italian place (travelling). Waitress (HB7 brunette) who took my order at the counter was friendly and made solid EC. Later (while cleaning near me) asked if I liked the food and I made some joke and she smiled. Separately another HB6 blonde waitress brought me my cutlery and drink and I said nothing except for “thank you” with SOLID EC. Finished eating, went up to pay at the counter, chatting and joking to HB7 while the card machine is processing. She… Read more »

Blaximus
Blaximus
4 years ago

@ dr zipper ” None of these things are openly asked; they are inferred from your presentation and interactions — at least initially. That’s nothing new to the folks here, but I’m trying to find a theme or some kind of bridge to bring together the notions of handling women and handling people in general. There are differences, of course, but many more similarities than not.” The most important thing for men to remember is to act from a strong frame. Men and women ( especially women ) react positively to this. there will always be exceptions, but generally this… Read more »

Blaximus
Blaximus
4 years ago

…..Or as HABD would say, ” The FI is cunning and pervasive “.

theasdgamer
4 years ago

@sfer

I’m reactive, too, but I’m learning to calibrate men at the bar.

He asked if I was gay

“Nah, man, I don’t want a date, but cool if you’re gay.”

Sentient
Sentient
4 years ago

Culum soooo close… try this “After a couple minutes I was just leaving and the HB7 was like “So, do you come here [the restaurant] often..” and I had to explain I was out of town etc” Her: So do you come here often? [oldest pick up line in the book btw…] You: No. I’m travelling through… where is is good for a drink? Her: blah blah You: Good. Give me your number, we will grab a drink later then. [direct] OR [let her take the hook] You: Well if you weren’t working I’d say come join me… when do… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
4 years ago

Blax re Sfer being tooled…

I suspect advice on how to handle this will be hugely influenced by whether respondents have or haven’t thrown and taken punches…

Sentient
Sentient
4 years ago

when… do you…….. get off [eye contact – smirk]…??? Oh it’s been a while? LOL

Blaximus
Blaximus
4 years ago

@ Sentient

” I suspect advice on how to handle this will be hugely influenced by whether respondents have or haven’t thrown and taken punches…”

Affirmative.

My motto: I don’t start fights, I end them. ( awaiting ” bad ass alpha ” jokes..w/e ).

rugby11
rugby11
4 years ago
Reply to  Blaximus

Context
Liberalism as it’s own religion and thoughts on homesexuality
http://wp.me/p10w4n-4Kk

SJF
SJF
4 years ago

@Sentient, Culum “either way you have lost nothing. Took 2 more minutes out of doing what you wanted to be doing anyway… Try it. [spot the windows, jump through the windows… see a cracked window,try and open it up to jump through] That Luke Gerhard RSD video when he mentioned Rollo (obtusely) also had him mentioning Vadim Zeland’s “Transurfing Reality” which was a mindset piece. This snippet/analogy was the best answer for your problems is the easiest and often right in front of you moment that Sentient is advocating for: Discover How To Trust Yourself Transurfing will teach you how… Read more »

kfg
kfg
4 years ago

“I don’t start fights, I end them.”

I don’t want to get in a fight if I can avoid it at all. I’m not only getting close to getting old, but I’ve always had toothpicks for bones. I break easy. So I’d probably just have to kill the bastard.

And I hate paperwork.

Culum Struan
Culum Struan
4 years ago

Sentient – thank you. Spot on of course, but just didn’t occur to me in real-time as HABD would say. I’m up to seeing stuff like this happen in real time and I’m even taking action in real time (like the EC and telling stories and joking around) but just need to keep doing it to internalize the next step in real time (sexualization/closing). Re the sfer stuff – don’t quite understand your point about how advice will differ based on whether someone has been in a fight or not. Me: I don’t think of myself as a “fighter” at… Read more »

Keith
Keith
4 years ago

ROLLO I’m just a maintance man at a manufacturing plant. I don’t know shit about investment banking or wall St. Corporate shit. I can tell you this if adjust a fan on the assembly line for 1 woman your gonna spend all day doing the same for every women on that line. And if you change out 1 womans fluorescent bulbs too LED lighting in a office your gonna spend the next month changing every other female lights to LED in that department. We got a place on the other side of HR that we call cube city. It is… Read more »

Culum Struan
Culum Struan
4 years ago

– thanks I’ll check it out (wait is RSD Luke’s name “Luke Gerhard”?? No wonder he doesn’t actually use it in his marketing..).

I think there needs to be a balance between the abstract and the specific – one informs and feeds the other (or inner game and outer game in PUA terms). So I will check it out.

Culum Struan
Culum Struan
4 years ago

@Keith – welcome to the TRM comments (assuming that was your first comment). Settle in and pull up a chair. Can feel overwhelming reading all the comments here and we talk about all kinds of stuff but it’s a good place with a good group of regular guys and it’s good to have men with different perspectives – I don’t think there’s anyone else here with a real manufacturing job background.

Blaximus
Blaximus
4 years ago

@ kfg Back in the spring, I tried out some Floyd Mayweather styled tactics in the gym. I was able to impress my mid 40″s instructor very much, and boxed him pretty much to a draw in 3 rounds. He then called into the ring a 22 year old light heavyweight for another 3 rounds. I was fully able to hold my own for round #1, but the sheer effort it took to evade this young man’s speed and strength took everything out of me. I was pummeled for the remaining 2 rounds. Thank God that most guys aren’t trained… Read more »

SJF
SJF
4 years ago

“(wait is RSD Luke’s name “Luke Gerhard”?? No wonder he doesn’t actually use it in his marketing..)”

I assumed it from his instagram label:

https://www.instagram.com/rsdluke/

Lost Patrol
Lost Patrol
4 years ago

@Keith I can tell you this if adjust a fan on the assembly line for 1 woman your gonna spend all day doing the same for every women on that line. And if you change out 1 womans fluorescent bulbs too LED lighting in a office your gonna spend the next month changing every other female lights to LED in that department. Enjoyed your comments. This one alone probably contains so many Red Pill truths that Rollo could do a whole post on it. If he hasn’t already… Trump experiment is likely to make for interesting times, one way or… Read more »

Not Born This Morning
4 years ago

IMG_3984.JPG

Blaximus
Blaximus
4 years ago

Re: Trump and manufacturing jobs. With all of the talk about ” globalization ” for the last 20+ years, and the lamentations of our own representatives that there’s nothing to be done about it, I’m ecstatic to have heard Trump talking about the issue at least as unacceptable. Any nation that is supposed to be a true Superpower can not give up most of it’s industry for private profits. That is long term suicide. Our ” Trade Deals ” are indeed a joke, and have been forever. U.S. citizens always get the sharp end of the stick. TPP was a… Read more »

Keith
Keith
4 years ago

@culum struam not my first comment. I normally only make a statement when I’m mad at some Purple pill or sjw type. All I got is a I phone so it don’t come out correct. I will say HR departments at company’s are only there to protect the company from workmans comp claims and sexual harassment claims. And large company’s the Peter princable and CYA is always In effect in the white coller world. From non Union blue coller guy I tell you ignorance is blissful and red pill wisdom is a burden that is harder to carry than can… Read more »

Blaximus
Blaximus
4 years ago

@ Keith

Lol. I can only get high as hell. High as fuck is a bit much for me. Moderation and all that.

Anonymous Reader
Anonymous Reader
4 years ago

Keith I can tell you this if adjust a fan on the assembly line for 1 woman your gonna spend all day doing the same for every women on that line. And if you change out 1 womans fluorescent bulbs too LED lighting in a office your gonna spend the next month changing every other female lights to LED in that department. A few years back I had to sit through a course in “management”. It was full of case studies. You remind me of one. Small factory probably back in the 60’s, all female workers on a line. Some… Read more »

SJF
SJF
4 years ago

“That’s rite I’m teach y’all omg umc fuckers how to give zero fucks. When they drain the foam pool party I’m be that dead middle aged fucker at the bottom with no 401k plan cause he didn’t pull the plow” Once a guy has his castle (family, kids >21, 401K, >20 years of LTR, former HB8+ partner, and freedom to roam because of the former, it is actually easy to give ZF’s. We already died a million times and are free to roam. No plow pulled. Full on living at the edge without falling off the cliff. It is actually… Read more »

SJF
SJF
4 years ago

“If Donald can manage to actually hold fast to the things that got him elected…well, most of them anyway…it will at least start a meaningful change in this country.” Well you can hold Trump to style if you understand his personality type. Don’t think he won’t be true to his style: https://www.16personalities.com/estp-strengths-and-weaknesses ESTP strengths Bold – People with the ESTP personality type are full of life and energy. There is no greater joy for ESTPs than pushing boundaries and discovering and using new things and ideas. Rational and Practical – ESTPs love knowledge and philosophy, but not for their own… Read more »

Pellaeon
Pellaeon
4 years ago

@Dr Zipper One book that I’ve seen mentioned here before is “When I Say No I Feel Guilty.” For me, this book was a life changer; I read it in the early ’90s. It breaks down interpersonal dynamics within a frame of how people try to manipulate each other to get what they want. Recognizing when you are being manipulated goes a long way towards making it less effective. Highly recommended. Cosign. I think it was written in the 60s or 70s, and it translates well into modern day – I read it just last year. One thing I found… Read more »

Keith
Keith
4 years ago

@SJF. What’s a man to do ? I done lost my kids,wife,family, house , c- Corp business. Ended up sleeping in truck on my brothers front yard cause that’s all I got left. Took a job in a factory cause the state and DHR said I got to keep a steady pay check and insurance on the kids. These guys on here worried about getting doxxed. I’m like I got nothing left to loose. So fuck it ! I’m not a man of his own mission. I’m just a asset to be managed by the system. It’s like 2 pillers… Read more »

John
John
4 years ago

Donald Trump will be the deceiver in chief puppet for the right, just as Obama was for the left (change!). Trump is walking back on much of what he campaigned on and surrounding himself with the establishment that he claimed to be against. You can’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth. How a city slicker billionaire managed to game republican voters with his fish net hats and simple speak disgusts me in the the same way it disgusts me that Clinton voters were completely oblivious to her corruption. At this point, I think it’s obvious that trump… Read more »

SJB
SJB
4 years ago

@kfg: And I hate paperwork.

Mandatory paperwork might be the basis for universal peace. Aversion therapy if you will.

A Wise Man
4 years ago

@Blaximus

Cut what out? We can get real about sex, but not about race? I’m not trying to hurt your fee-fees but the ‘red pilling’ of white men requires a heavy dose of race realism too. You don’t understand the amount of brain washing and guilt that white men are indoctrinated to believe. It’s even worse than the fem-centric brain washing IMO.

DisgruntledEarthling
DisgruntledEarthling
4 years ago

@(un)wise man

Up hear in Canada we don’t have that race history you guys have. There’s the usual inner-city cop shoots young black kid unfortunately but it’s not something I really grew up with.
Race discussions and RP don’t mix. If I wanted to read about race shit in forums I’d check out Heartsie. Maybe that’s more of an appropriate place for your race rants.

Blaximus
Blaximus
4 years ago

This ain’t a PUA/alt right site. I’m certain CH would love and agree with all of your ” realism ” though.

SFC Ton
4 years ago

Trump is a populist, with a shit to of leftist ideals. Even his stuff about border control would have matched Bernie Sanders’ a few years back

Calling him right wing…. probably not the best display of poltical understanding on the interwebz

kfg
kfg
4 years ago

Trump was a stalking horse. That’s a different animal than controlled opposition. For a stalking horse to come to life and win a race is really quite a remarkable achievement. Wikileaks let us know that Bernie was compromised and was the controlled opposition. I don’t agree with Bernie’s political views, but I always liked him as a person and appreciated the way he built a political career out of being the grist in the establishment machine. To see him end his career as a grovelling water carrier for the Democrat machine is really a bit sad. Makes one wonder just… Read more »

SJF
SJF
4 years ago

“We can get real talk about sex, but not about race? ”

That is correct. Your race talk is unwelcome.

Yollo Comanche
Yollo Comanche
4 years ago

@A Wise Man

The problem with Race realism is it’s overtly Anti-social behavior in the wake of the Sexual Revolution.

Painting ourselves into a corner is antithetical to game aware pragmatism as described, not “PRE-scribed” on this site.

Yollo Comanche
Yollo Comanche
4 years ago

Also describing, not prescribing is a great way to avoid getting censored, not that I think of it.

traveluzion
traveluzion
4 years ago

“I’m not sure opening another gourmet cupcake eatery counts as contributing to the status of women in business” this really does sound sexist. I know your going to flame me as a white knight or something but really? a gourmet cupcake eatery. You are selling the ladies short with this one.. Do think the article has some sense. The whole money world is artificial construct. If you look at some of the research in anthropology in the modern world people are working considerably harder yet all this technology should be reducing labor but it isn’t. Women have a lot to… Read more »

John
John
4 years ago

@SFC Ton

Yes, trump campaigned as a populist and got some blue collar moderate democrats to vote for him, but the majority of his support came from the right, alt right, republicans, whatever you want to call them.

I agree with a lot of what trump campaigned on, I just think it’s obvious he is surrounding himself with the snakes. America is an oligarchy, controlled from the top down, not bottom up.

Yollo Comanche
Yollo Comanche
4 years ago

@Traveluzion

He’s not knocking women he’s just not respecting hypocrisy. And this woman thinks her hard work and bashing men will grant her all her wishes. No awareness required.

traveluzion
traveluzion
4 years ago

I am getting that there is the supposition in this article and comments that the corporate business world is masculine. My understaanding would be that these structures evollved out of the colonial companies that were essentially state sanctioned monopolies to conquer and extract wealth. This then I would say is not masculine but a corruption of a male archetype. This is very common I think with both genders to consider a corrupted archetype the actual archetype. Here I can post a link to a very successful musician who is female if you wish to explore the music and imagery and… Read more »

John
John
4 years ago

@kfg

I’m glad you recognize that Bernie was compromised Trump is compromised as well, he has connections with Soros and now surrounds himself with the establishment. The presidential race was a puppet show, the choices presented to us are chosen by the the people.

John
John
4 years ago

*not chosen by the people

SFC Ton
4 years ago

LOL @ women have a lot to offer I own a 1/4 stake in a bar. Roadhouse sort of place catering to bikers, car guys, the 4 wheel drive folks and what not with a mostly female staff You have to rule them bitches with a semi iron fist. The shit they think is worth bickering over is unfucking real. I am trying to talk the other owners into going to an all male staff. Ran into a place a lot like ours out saddle tramping with an all male staff( though mostly geared toward professional watermen) and got to… Read more »

SFC Ton
4 years ago

Got go be honest though, The Ton loves gourmet cupcakes. Which I know has to look ridiculous when my homeless troll looking ass is smashing $3 a piece strawberry cream cupcakes but fuck it. Trump was never the rights 1st choice. More like a useful tool and those of us on the right where stoked just to see someone piss off the media and coastal cities. And Trump played that role. There is no organized or large scale right wing party in the usa. As for Trump, time will tell. Every president of my life sucked, each new one sucked… Read more »

EhIntellect
EhIntellect
4 years ago

Re: fighting. 25 years back @ Ft. Bragg we’d throw punches regularly with townies, each other. We’d settle scores. A couple blanket parties in Basic. It was a rush, but never felt my life was at stake, even when getting bested (even choked down once). Couple fights in college, 2 in my 30’s. Sometimes we have to fight, there’s no alternative. All the advice here is really sound. Wow. Perhaps this stems from selection bias, but my desire to keep people, you guys in particular, safe, is important to me. My community is changing with immigrant populations who hold different… Read more »

traveluzion
traveluzion
4 years ago

“How many are beauty, food, craft or women’s interests related?” i don’t doubt it. Women and men are different. I am all for it think jill Stein would have been the best choice for president. Amazingly smart woman she would have done so much for health and bring some sanity to the world. Still Trump could get her on board to help him that would be a smart move. She might not have got many votes but still she has risen to the top of the green party and is influencing the situation globally. I would think a synthesis of… Read more »

John
John
4 years ago

@SFC Ton

I hope you are right about trump, I just can’t help but be highly skeptical about his flip flopping and the people he has surrounded himself with (Rudy Giuliani, Ben Carson and now Mitt Romney). That feud between Trump and Mitt feels fake now…

SFC Ton
4 years ago

LOL flaming mug? Trying to recall the name of that place in Spring Lake. Biker joint… always getting busted up —— Tribal pride and masculinity has a kill or be killed hard edge in these communities. Badness happens instantaneously and is permanent….. Proficiency in violence is job #1 for men because the world is always tribe vs tribe everything in the smp is a proxy for violence because violence is how you keep your shit your shit, your bitch your bitch and your get from having his head smashed against a tree. People don’t see that as clearly know because… Read more »

SFC Ton
4 years ago

I think know Trump made a smart move with mittens Trump isnt all that into foreign policy shit. Mostly I think his plan is to disengage and shore up old alliances Obama pissed on. Mittens can do that. Trump is going to need the GOP machine to get shit done. Mittens is part of that machine son Trump makes nice on a topic he doesn’t much give a fuck about and hopefully gathers support for battles he does want to win I think. Fuck manot, what do I know? I didn’t graduate high school and only got my diploma because… Read more »

kfg
kfg
4 years ago

“The greens have these other business mdels in their plan like cooperative business . . .” The reason you think that the male archetype has been corrupted is because your male archetype has been corrupted. You are not a White Knight. You are a girl. And with a girl’s eyes you cannot see how the male competitive business model is far more cooperative than the female consensus model. “Certainly for the business world I would reccommend investment in the highest quality organic foods from family homesteads . . .” The last time that was tried 100 million starved in a… Read more »

newlyaloof
4 years ago

@SFC Ton, have you seen the movie The Big Short? Jesus man, you have to see it if you have not. Even with Trump in, the swamp isn’t drained, and the Federal Reserve and corrupt banks got away with their crimes through bailouts, and the problem was never solved and is even bigger than it was before. The way I see it through analogy: Imagine a boat with half the crew battling the other half for control. Each side has their leader and each side is busy complaining about the flaws of each leader. Meanwhile, a $19 trillion hole in… Read more »

scray
scray
4 years ago

@rollo (from last thread) Witnessing guys with Game, who go against what you’d expect a woman would respond to are the exception. Very few guys run Game in the sense that PUA presents it. Fewer still make it effective. Totally cosign with your comment there. By and large what I see out and about is just large muscular dudes with like 10% game and that’s that. This is probably the main reason why PUAs are so on guard against the theoretical stuff. Theory and “abstractions” and whatever become substitutes for the real deal of getting out in the field. Like,… Read more »

Sentient
Sentient
4 years ago

EhIntellect Culum Blax Fighting… heh I grew up in a place like this [great scene, all the dialogue, the ball busting, the older guys pushing the younger guy, the vendetta, the tribalism… spot on] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZIq4SfLNMk any random day or night shit like this would go down, generally because we were bored or drunk or “Us” came upon “them” or vice versa… guys from different towns or streets… I first bloodied a kids nose when I was on the bus in kindergarten, i was 4. He was a first grader. My 6th grader neighbor who was in charge of getting me… Read more »

kfg
kfg
4 years ago

“The best example is the concept of being an “asshole” or a “dick.””

As per an above comment, as often as not a man being an “asshole” or a “dick” is actually being a Gentleman. And as I have mentioned before, if you really want to piss an “Entitled Princess” off, actually treat her as if she were an actual Princess.

And you are a King.

dr zipper
dr zipper
4 years ago

@ Ton “People don’t see that as clearly know because the violence is done by professionals and normally away from the public eye but reality never changes because human nature doesn’t change.” This is important. Our society has compartmentalized the reality of violence so that it can be removed (mostly) from our lives in the name of civilization. The ‘dread’ of violence or physical coercion of any sort is really at the heart of why people even get along as well as they do. So we are made weak by our insulation and dependent upon others. We still have some… Read more »

scray
scray
4 years ago

@all

reality never changes because human nature doesn’t change.”

comment image

these appeals to “human nature” are always mad gay.

Huma Abedin
Huma Abedin
4 years ago

1) AA
2) Diversity laws
3) White Knighting
4) PC terrorism
5) The Feminist MSM
6) CultMarxism

Take these away and judge girls on their ability. How many are still in employment?
Maybe 10% & all in crappy jobs like secretary. No way in jobs for responsible adults that men have to bail them out.

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