Memento Mori

sjfrellc hit me with this question from Monday’s post:

Rollo, what are your real “feelings” about this blue pill guy. Are you surprised that you couldn’t peer counsel him to come around to your perspective? Or are you frustrated that the Blue Pill Feminine Imperative and social conventions are like a black hole and sucked him in and wouldn’t let go?

Lets just be clear about something I’m not sure I’ve ever addressed before, I never expect any guy to come to a Red Pill perspective. I’m thankful guys find this blog, I’m glad I can help and my book and writing here is accessible, but I don’t expect men to accept any of it. If I expect anything it’s that the vast majority of men will resist even a passing reference to anything counter to their Blue Pill conditioning like a cornered animal. Most men are completely inured and dependent on an intergender social system and a set of rules they’ve been raised to believe is fair (if not grossly weighted in their own favor) and women are abiding by. They believe that contenting and satisfying a woman’s sexual strategy is a realizable life success.

I’ve always said unplugging guys from the Matrix is like triage, but this man was like reading last rites to a guy 10 years ago only to find out he hasn’t died yet. It’s no secret that I’ve personally known a man who hung himself and two more who swallowed bullets as a direct result of their inability to come to terms with their shattered hopes of an ideal Blue Pill life. It’s one thing to have men commit suicide because their ONEitis fears of losing “the best girl they’d ever get” leave them, but it’s quite another to watch a similar man waste away to the end of his life still grasping for the hope that in the last half hour of his life that Blue Pill goal might be realized if he’s only good enough.

I never expected him to unplug even then, but to see the guy still grasping at Blue Pill ideals because he utterly has no other frame of reference put the totality of a Blue Pill existence into perspective for me. I’m all about guys spinning plates, enjoying more and better sex with them or their wives, and certainly about adopting an Alpha mindset and behaviors that facilitate doing that, but it’s important to also remember that the importance of a Red Pill awareness has much broader implications. It can literally save your life.

Anyone wondering why I have a problem with purple pill advocates pandering to the sensibilities of their majority female readership (i.e. clients) by encouraging Blue Pill half-measures to men’s lives should keep that in mind.

When you become Red Pill aware you become more conscious of how the conditioning of a Blue Pill mindset predisposes men to frustration because Blue Pill idealism is really unattainable by design. You also become aware of how dangerous that frustration has the potential to be for men who can neither handle the Red Pill truth nor the constant measuring and failure to achieve Blue Pill goal-states he’s been conditioned to believe are attainable, and other men have.

That frustration can be dangerous to both himself and others, but that’s in the now. Precious few men in the ‘sphere consider the long-term consequences of the life of a man immersed in Blue Pill idealism, responsibility and promises that keep him grinding on until he’s reached the end of his usefulness to the Feminine Imperative.

“He was never much of a man…”

Since I started writing on SoSuave, and especially more now that I’ve detailed Open Hypergamy, I’ve had many guys relate a similar story about how their grandmother, mother or mother-in-law had just openly told him or his wife that her husband was never “much of a man”.

These women are all in their late 70s to early 80s and it’s like at that point all bets are off and what do they really have to lose by letting their daughters and granddaughters in on grandma’s words of warning about “settling” on a man? I’ve even had women readers relate how their own mothers confessed that there was a “just part of her she just could never share with a man like her father.”

These Alpha Widow confessions usually came after her husband was in the ground or had been delivered to the assisted living facility and too far gone to really register the gravity of her real estimate of him after living the better part of her life with him. The guys who relate these stories to me are Red Pill aware so their jaws dropping came with a little knowing expectation, but imagine how the Blue Pill husband of the daughter of one of these elderly women must process that confession. What mental contortions does a man need to do to fit that information into a Blue Pill mindset?

I think when a woman has nothing to really lose by copping to it is when they’re most comfortable with Open Hypergamy. This same comfort is becoming more common for younger women due to the social and personal security they’re ‘entitled’ to now, but for women who don’t really feel that security has solidified until their golden years this admonition and confession of Open Hypergamy almost seems like a relief to them. A relief in the hope that they’ve warned their daughters or granddaughters to opt for monogamy with an exciting Alpha lover/husband (no matter how perceptual) rather than regretting the ‘safe bet’ she made by settling on her Plan B man, her Beta-dependable husband she conveniently ‘found’ in her Epiphany Phase.

As women age towards their later years the urgency to warn younger generations of the sisterhood about the results of their hypergamous life decisions becomes more pressing. To be sure there’s a degree of desire to live vicariously through their daughter’s and granddaughter’s experiences, but more so this confession is for their own need of closure – a final coming clean about what was really influencing those past decisions and living (or not) with them. There comes a point when admitting the ugly truth feels better than worrying over keeping up the pretense of concern.

Far too many Blue Pill men (even young men) are terrified of living the life of the lonely old man. They imagine that if they don’t comply with the Feminine Imperative’s preset relational context of women that they’ll live lives of quiet desperation. I outlined this in the Myth of the Lonely Old Man – the threat point is one where men are encouraged to believe that if they don’t comply with women’s relational primacy they’ll endure a life of decaying loneliness into old age, unloved and devoid of children who’ll comfort them bedside as they peacefully pass into the next life.

What these Blue Pill men fail to realize is this is simply one more part of the feminine-primary fantasy they’re condition for. Do a Google image search for “end of life issues”, see all of those pictures of grandpa holding hands with wife and family in a clean comforting hospice bed saying his last goodbyes before he passes on? That advertising is the Blue Pill fantasy. In all likelihood you’ll die in an elderly care home, from lung fluid buildup, in the middle of the night with no one around or a complete stranger in the bed next to you. I understand that’s a depressing thought, but the truth of it is you’ll really have no influence in deciding how you’re going out at that stage, and hopefully that wakes you up about living a Blue Pill existence based on fear, compliance and appeasement till death do you part.

Put that into perspective with a man who wakes up to his conditions.

Die Alpha

Now before I get the predictable “not with my grandpa” stories, let me just say that you’ve got to put the generational differences into perspective.

When I published Empathy I figured I’d get some backlash from women in the oversimplified binaries I’ve come to expect. So before those same sputterings arise let me unequivocally footnote here that women are absolutely capable of a learned empathy and sympathy for men. However those sympathies, like genuine desire, cannot be negotiated for. Whatever your misguided concept is about how Relational Equity should merit a woman’s sympathy or respect, those are only valid and genuine when a woman freely gives them to a man she perceives as Alpha, never as something he’s due.

In every story you’ll hear about how the wife, kids and grandkids gathered around the family patriarch in the hours before he passed, understand that he was in all likelihood a respected dominant Alpha for most of his life. I want to add a bit of balance to the Blue Pill elderly I described this week, so let me also say I’ve known a handful of Men who died Alpha. These are the Men for whom a widow and his kids honor his memory once a year. They go to the gravesite because he was worth the cost of putting him in the ground instead of a cheap cremation.

324 comments

  1. I just signed off with the fm tonight with “I need to find another woman to make you hot for me.” — “It doesn’t work anything like they taught you in girl’s school, does it?.” (I have been RPing her) She: “No it doesn’t”

  2. The problem with unplugging guys from the FI driven matrix is that the blue pill dream isn’t really unreasonable. It’s just unrealistic. It’s easy to hold on to that fantasy simply because it really isn’t too much to ask. It’s just never going to happen.

  3. Is This Thing On – “It’s easy to hold on to that fantasy simply because it really isn’t too much to ask.”

    But it is “too much to ask” because the fantasy assumes women are something other than what they are. The fantasy assumes reasonableness, and reciprocity neither of which exist in women as primary traits.

    The fantasy assumes you’re a person to her, an independent agent with human qualities. It assumes collaboration, cooperation, complimentarity, and even negotiation. None of which exist. The reality is adversarial if not hostile, andif you’re not the master then you’re the slave.

    At best you’re a thing of depreciating value. And unlike those shoes that were worn once and kept forever, you will be disposed of when you’re no longer fashionable.

  4. “Die Alpha… a woman’s sympathy or respect, those are only valid and genuine when a woman freely gives them to a man she perceives as Alpha”~Rollo Tomassi

    Alpha must be a constant… a habit as consistent and frequent as breathing. That Man never loses frame.

    From Frame

    Iron Rule of Tomassi #1
    Frame is everything. Always be aware of the subconscious balance of who’s frame in which you are operating. Always control the Frame, but resist giving the impression that you are…
    frame is not power…
    frame is who’s ‘reality’ in which you choose to operate in…
    Frame is fluid and will find its own level when a deficit or a surplus of will is applied to change it…
    frame is not interest level (IL)…

    ~Rollo Tomassi

  5. What mental contortions does a man need to do to fit that information into a Blue Pill mindset?

    Easy. He thinks “Well, she’s from a different generation. My wife isn’t like that.” I think the generational excuse is the go-to excuse for blue pill guys.

    “Things are different now. A man can’t expect to find a wife who’s been bedded by less than 20 guys.”

    “Things are different now. A strong man lets his wife spend the day with her tatted up biker ex, because in our generation relationships are all about trust. Not like the old days.”

    “Things are different now. Women aren’t looking for men with big muscles. They’re looking for sensitive guys who can cry in front of them. Not like Dad’s generation.”

    As if every damn thing in life is a “social construct” and biology has no role in the way people act.

  6. Incidentally, am I alone in not giving a tinker’s damn about what happens to my body after I’m dead? Or who remembers me? Are we animists, that we think our soul will last only as long as people remember us? If the Christians are right God doesn’t care if you remember me. If the atheists are right, none of it matters anyway.

  7. This post offered an intriguing glimpse at the dichotomy between mental reactions to the red pill. At one end, we have suicide. I would argue these men experienced the red pill, but their brain simply couldn’t handle its new reality, so it popped. This makes me wonder if an experience in itself is what compels a man to eat the licorice, or if it’s the knowledge derived from an experience that delivers the wish to be deep-sixed.

    At the other end, we have the protracted defeat. The blue pill ’til deathbed elders exemplify an instance where suicide is never considered, because their brains are literally incapable of understanding a new reality, even when it is staring them in the face. In many ways, they fit the definition of insanity by repeating the same behaviors and expecting different results than those of the past. Perhaps this is a latent survival mechanism in some men, a mental block designed to keep them carrying on in the midst of “madness” all around them, when in all actuality they’re the ones who’ve gone mad.

    Hope springs eternal in the Matrix…while all hope is gone.

    I’d like to think my INTJ pop psych personality readout played a role in my acceptance of the red pill. As a result of my introversion earlier in life, I ostracized myself from the major effects of blue pill conventional wisdom. My “one and only’s” were unattainable due to my redundant buffers to rejection, so when it finally did come time for me to experience the true nature of women, I did so from a largely internalized MGTOW perspective. The few blue pill notions still hanging on at that point were washed away when I realized a woman wants what she can’t have..until she gets it. Having the ability to deeply reflect on life events has allowed me to make the necessary greater connections, and quickly absorb red pill perspectives. I’d be a fool to say I know much of anything, but the reality is I know more than some men who are forty…fifty…sixty years older than me…and that right there is the real tragedy.

  8. I’ve had two troopers eat a gun. Both because they couldn’t deal with their wife whoring around while they were down range. One called his whore…. I mean wife and shot himself while arguing with her on the cellphone. People said oh what a poor girl to have a hateful man do that to her.

    If the army really gave a fuck about about troopers killing themselves they would sew wives vaginas shut while the men are down range. Or bar married men from service. And make training more brutal to weed out the week but mostly sew vaginas shut.

    +1 to that generational go to excuse.

    Being a piss poor Christian I very much care about how long my name is remembered after my death, as did my pagan forefathers. Same for the early Christians. The old ways are the best ways

  9. “every story you’ll hear about how the wife, kids and grandkids gathered around the family patriarch in the hours before he passed, understand that he was in all likelihood a respected dominant Alpha for most of his life.”

    For hundres of years we played the stupid game – who is better nice guy and provider, ´cos, ehm…we were told that, yes, this is what women wanted. Now we play another stupid, numb game – who is better aplha, cos…ehm, it is obvious that now women want this. If women tomorrow want us to shit our pants every morning as a proof of “alphaness”, I am sure that majority of men – stupid fucks, will do this.

    This is red pill? This is worse than blue pill..blue pillers at least do not have the informations about women, they believe in their faity tale stupid reality, so they have the excuse. But we have them!! How do we use them?

    Do we use them to finally rediscover our value and freedom from this stupid play of worms, RELAX and enjoy? NO, we use them to teach ourselves how to be better slaves of FI, how to be better “alphas”, how to better play our old game, how to better satisfy our queeen – hypergamy. We still let them to decide about our value, to define our worth! They respect you…oooooohhh…youuu are so great alphaaaa!!

    Instead of using them to make our own play in which we lure women so that they dance for us, making our own rules, taming our instincts and emotions, instead of realizing the emptiness of women and therefore the UTMOST stupidity of this all…ehm…”respected alpha/beta” play…we still play it. We still give them our power, they have none power instead of that one which is given them by us. Our problem is not hypergamy, our problem is stupidity of our fellow men, who support, kneel before, protect and slave for women… who empower women. Women themselves are powerless.

    Unfortunatelly, it might be that men themselves are not capable of ruling women. Maybe this was one of the purposes of religion – to invent higher entity that can order men to stick together, persuade them that they have bigger value than women and subject women to their power. Without this higher “god”, men are defenceless before women. and have no choice than to play their game.

    It is pathetic and sad.

  10. Nice post Rollo, Yes I am realizing how hard is to provide redpill advice to other men. Two years ago I was in the same spot.

    I remember very well the day when I could not deal with the cognitive dissonance any longer.

    I finnally splited up with my Borderline gf and was having some beers with my new flatmate on the roof of its Barcelona apartment.

    This guy that fucked his share of women, he is a poacher and will go for any chance, he was telling me how he fucked many married women, engaged, with boyfriends, etc.

    I replied to him that if I believe in his vision on the nature of women that would mean that I would have to destroy the way I saw the world. (I was talking about paradigms without knowing the term)
    6 months down the road I told the same guy how “I dispossed my old useless beliefs and created my own for my own benefit”.
    That was few months before finding this blog, I was navigating at that time purple pill blogs, such as Mark Manson.

    I also remember how hard was reading your blog at first. To be honest the first two weeks I hate it. Or to be more specific I hated the after taste in my mouth after reading it.

    I would like guys to recommend two films that can be really good to watch with your red pill googles on:

    Madison county bridges 1995 — from Clint Eastwood.
    About a bored country wife that gets Alpha Widow on a weekend from a National Geographic alpha photographer no less. Funny how most women love this film. And priceless the way they look at me when I discuss with them the main theme from the Beta husband eyes perspective. It is like watching a glitch in the matrix on real time.

    Belle de Jour 1967 — from Luis Buñuel.
    WATCH IT!!. It shocked me when I watched as a teenager, and I know now why. A handsome and rich young french doctor marries a “trophy wife” gorgeous Katherine Deneuve. This couple seems perfect but………. won´t tell you more, just watch it. Red pill film like few other.

    Good weekend guys.

  11. Concur with Badpainter. Blue pill fantasy is silk purses and sows ears. Not going to happen. A fraud being perpetrated on men for the benefit others.

  12. GeneralBangz
    February 20th, 2015 at 2:57 am

    Why do you think I’m deranged? I have been schooling the fm on RP since I started going with her 40 years ago. She is to the point where she actually likes it as opposed to fighting with me about it. And why does she like RP treatment? It gives her vtingles. She does complain about having to change her panties too often. So there is that. But compared to the other women in her age cohort she feels she is doing way above average in the sex and relationship dept.

    My point? You CAN train them. Or as Rollo points out:

    women are absolutely capable of a learned empathy and sympathy for men. However those sympathies, like genuine desire, cannot be negotiated for. Whatever your misguided concept is about how Relational Equity should merit a woman’s sympathy or respect, those are only valid and genuine when a woman freely gives them to a man she perceives as Alpha, never as something he’s due.

    But to get her to empathy she has to surrender unconditionally. Me: “I want you to be my doormat.” She: “I want to surrender unconditionally for you.”

    It can be done. But you have to keep the pressure (RP) on. And given women these days it takes time to RP them. For me the investment has been worthwhile. Not everyone is as patient as I am.

  13. @ Gregg

    Now we play another stupid, numb game – who is better aplha, cos…ehm, it is obvious that now women want this.

    Some people find biology so offensive. Non-reproduction of the unfit.

  14. gregg
    February 20th, 2015 at 6:35 am

    Better slaves to the FI? That is one way of looking at it. But if you want family, children, then you are in reality a slave to them. Keeping the woman in line is just part of providing for them. Children were a conscious decision on my part.

    What is gratifying to me is that your attitude is less likely to be represented in the next generation.

    All three of my boys are RP. The daughter? Well she rebels at the very thought. Amusing. But she knows. I expect her to wake up around 29 or 31. About six to eight years from now.

  15. What is “RP” again? I read the book but I can’t remember for the life of me what it could be abbreviating. Role Play???

  16. Oh wait……Red Pill? So in this instance it means they understand what really purchases intersexual connection for them and maintains it for their own sake or let it rot away at their own peril. Right, thanks.

  17. M Simon

    Thank you. Elegance is desirable. And alpha.

    I unexpectedly found myself bonded to a married broad who gamed me by dancing with me a lot. This created oxytocin in me and she was continually doing stuff to get me to look at her (like playing with her hair) so that I would bond to her. She wouldn’t chat with me much so her game caught me by surprise. Likely wanted to avoid platonic complications and just wanted to bang. I now have to avoid her for a few months until I get over the addiction.

  18. The longer a man waits to take the RP the harder and more dangerous it becomes. If your in your 20’s and 30’s, its probably the prime time to accept RP tenants, but when your in your 40’s and 50’s, especially if your married with kids, its too late. You have literally spent half your life in the matrix, you will die during triage.


  19. Bromeo on February 20, 2015 at 8:55 am

    The longer a man waits to take the RP the harder and more dangerous it becomes. If your in your 20’s and 30’s, its probably the prime time to accept RP tenants, but when your in your 40’s and 50’s, especially if your married with kids, its too late. ”

    That’s bull. Of course the younger you become RP aware the better, but becoming RP aware at 45 is better then dying blue pill. Sure, I can’t undo the beta stuff I did in years past, but I can stop repeating them. Even if it doesn’t make me a pussy slaying player it sure helps me make sense of female behavior and I can now lead the rest of my life on my own terms, instead of some unrealistic Bp expectations. And the wife can either stay along under the new regime or go her own way, that is no longer something I take into account in any decision I make. I have experienced a significant drop in shit test arguments and a significant rise in lays. So what do you mean too late, too late for what exactly?

  20. Men idealize womenbc she is his new god.

    The idiots that left their religion substituted one god for God.

    Nature abhors a vacuum

  21. “I never expect any guy to come to a Red Pill perspective. **** I don’t expect men to accept any of it. If I expect anything it’s that the vast majority of men will resist even a passing reference to anything counter to their Blue Pill conditioning like a cornered animal.”

    Currently, most men learn of RP perspectives because something happened in their lives to get them there. Most men get here because there was an event that shook them to their very cores. For most, it’s that ‘good wife’ in his “ok” marriage blindsiding him with divorce papers and cleaned out house and bank accounts. For some it’s a shitty sex life and wifely maltreatment. For others it’s consistent and repeated failure in some area of life, usually sex, sometimes career or physical appearance improvement. For still others it’s some nagging feeling that something’s not quite right; something’s not working.

    Fortunately I think a lot of younger men are learning at least a little bit of RP because they simply have no choice – they’re being inculcated in it; they have to learn it or they’ll be completely left behind. Old models of success for men (school, college, marry, work, have/raise kids, retire/gold watch) have been completely exploded; and they’re having to find their way into other patterns, models, and definitions of “success”.

    “Most men are completely inured and dependent on an intergender social system and a set of rules they’ve been raised to believe is fair (if not grossly weighted in their own favor) and women are abiding by. They believe that contenting and satisfying a woman’s sexual strategy is a realizable life success.”

    Perhaps that’s true of men of our age; probably not so much younger men in their late teens and 20s. As for middle aged men, most believe those rules are fair because they’ve never seen anything else. They believe women are abiding by those rules because that’s what they see and what everyone tells them. And they believe their women are “satisfied” because they get sex twice a month and because no one tells them anything different.

    They live this way because nothing ever happens to shake them out of it.

  22. Something else that had me thinking, are women really even capable of mourning? All this loyalty and hypergamy stuff started to make me wonder if its all just a big show…

  23. I think they mourne their loss. If a man who is providing either her AF or BB needs, and he suddenly dies, then they feel the vacume and are sad because of the loss. I have no idea if they actually feel empathy for the dead.

  24. • “the fantasy assumes women are something other than what they are. The fantasy assumes reasonableness, and reciprocity neither of which exist in women as primary traits.

    “The fantasy assumes you’re a person to her, an independent agent with human qualities. It assumes collaboration, cooperation, complimentarity, and even negotiation. None of which exist. The reality is adversarial if not hostile, andif you’re not the master then you’re the slave.

    “At best you’re a thing of depreciating value. And unlike those shoes that were worn once and kept forever, you will be disposed of when you’re no longer fashionable.”

    All of those things are true in a marriage or relationship where the woman isn’t aroused by the man (which is most marriages today). If there’s arousal at the outset, at the beginning, that tends to be the “glue” that holds her in the marriage.

    The problem over the past 40 years or so is that most people have completely unrealistic views of what marriage and long term relationships are, and what truly holds them together. Most men aren’t arousing and have become only less so over that period of time. Most men also cannot or will not stand up for themselves even to their wives, which only reduces their already limited attractiveness. Most women are arousing to most men, though, and have been coasting on sex appeal for a long time.

    The fact is, most true marriages aren’t really held together on sexual attractiveness, because no one – not even the most attractive people among us – can maintain peak sexual attractiveness over the entire 30 to 50 year life of a marriage. (Remember “show me a hot woman; I’ll show you a guy who’s tired of fucking her.”) But today, the marriages in which there was deep mutual sexual arousal flowing both ways are the marriages that tend to succeed over the long haul.

  25. Bromeo on February 20, 2015 at 8:55 am
    The longer a man waits to take the RP the harder and more dangerous it becomes. If your in your 20’s and 30’s, its probably the prime time to accept RP tenants, but when your in your 40’s and 50’s, especially if your married with kids, its too late. ”

    You’re wrong on this. The difficulty with swallowing the RP in your 40’s and 50’s is when you look backwards. If only I knew this shit before; how different my life would’ve been. When you look forward, the RP is empowering. The simplicity and elegance of the RP is how extraordinarily accurate it is a predicting, understanding and ultimately controlling female behavior. Behavior that made no sense before exposure to the concepts of hypergamy, appreciation, empathy, opportunistic love, etc. is now laid bare.

    I think the hardest part of unplugging and the thing that most men struggle with is learning to live for yourself. After a lifetime of serving others: your country, your parents, your kids, your wife, your boss, your church; it’s hard to figure out what you want. There is no plan. Everything you’ve been “trained” for is gone.

    Gregg said it: ”Do we use them to finally rediscover our value and freedom from this stupid play of worms, RELAX and enjoy? NO, we use them to teach ourselves how to be better slaves of FI…”

  26. Thedeti
    February 20th, 2015 at 10:18 am

    “I think the hardest part of unplugging and the thing that most men struggle with is learning to live for yourself. After a lifetime of serving others: your country, your parents, your kids, your wife, your boss, your church; it’s hard to figure out what you want. There is no plan. Everything you’ve been “trained” for is gone.”

    Spot on. After a period of adjustment this is where I am now, it is finally working out but to be honest this was the hardest part for me, Getting sex with hb´s was comparatively much easier once you see the pattern.

  27. “The fantasy assumes you’re a person to her, an independent agent with human qualities. It assumes collaboration, cooperation, complimentarity, and even negotiation. None of which exist.”

    From a beta perspective, this is true. For a man that she actually respects (alpha qualities), it changes everything in how a woman relates to a man. Respect changes everything. Badpainter, honestly, why continue thinking in a scarcity mentality that it’s unattainable (or that only an elite few attain it). The reality is that men don’t want to see that they can change things for themselves… they’d rather blame women for being innately hypergamous than do the hard work of being a man she’d respect.

  28. @girlwithadragonflytattoo: “The reality is that men don’t want to see that they can change things for themselves… they’d rather blame women for being innately hypergamous than do the hard work of being a man she’d respect.”

    Pre-RP i would’ve agreed with this. Now I just laugh. Enough chuckling though, I have to get back to the hard work of being man women can respect.

  29. Your point is escaping me. Are you saying you’re putting in the hard work to be a woman men can respect? If so, you may want to choose a better role model than Anna Karenina.

  30. … they’d rather blame women for being innately hypergamous than do the hard work of being a man she’d respect.

    https://therationalmale.com/2011/11/14/appreciation/

    Appreciation

    I think what most men uniquely deceive themselves of is that they will ultimately be appreciated by women for their sacrifices. Learn this now, you wont. You can’t be because women fundamentally lack the ability to fully realize, much less appreciate the sacrifices a man makes to facilitate her reality. Even the most enlightened, appreciative woman you know still operates in a feminne-centric reality. Men making the personal sacrifices necessary to honor, respect and love her are commonplace. You’re supposed to do those things. You sacrificed your ambitions and potential to provide her with a better life? You were supposed to. You resisted temptation and didn’t cheat on your wife with the hot secretary who was DTF and ready to go? You were supposed to. Your responsibilities to maintaining a marriage, a home, your family, etc. are common – they’re expected. They are only appreciated in their absence.

    Some of the best sex I had in my 20s was on mattress and box springs in my one room studio in North Hollywood when all I had in my fridge was half a pizza and 2 beers left from the night before.

    All I had to my name was a small pickup truck and my instruments and amps. I had girls surprise me at the front door in the morning because they wanted to fuck before they had to be at work.

    Only women locked into a monogamy with a hypergamously suboptimal man are concerned with those men working hard enough to merit their respect and sexual access.

    They’ll regularly spread their legs for a guy with an Alpha mindset whether they respect him or not. In fact probably more so if he disrespects her. It’s not about working for it. Pussy is a byproduct of Alpha, not its purpose – you know that, all women know that.

  31. @ girlwithdragonflytatoo

    I get it. It’s all my fault.

    Here’s the problem with your point if view: nothing I, or any man, can do will be enough to buy/earn your respect. If we seek that we will not get it. So my life must be built without consideration for your kind, or for your kind’s feelings. I either will or will not be worthy of whatever it is y’all have to offer. Frankly at this point I don’t care if I qualify.

    Since y’all won’t be around to help in the building process then I am less than impressed when y’all want to benefit from my creation when it’s finished. I might just get your respect but you will forever have lost mine, as well my ability to give much of a damn about y’all as people.

    So if/when I find myself with a woman, or women willing to attach to my life then they will likely be dissapointed that I too have expectations that every bit as shallow and uncompromising as any woman’s 463 point list.

    But at least y’all won’t be burdened by my unconditional love. And neither will I burdened any longer by that particular character flaw.

  32. The heart of all this is: in a woman’s mind, humans have three genders. Women, alphas, and betas. The problem is, it’s difficult to distinguish between the latter two as there are no clear biological markers; a few un-fakeable traits like height and muscularity give an indication, similar to how long hair tends to indicate a woman, but not infallibly so.

    But women have different relationships with them. To women, betas are friends, helpers, co-workers, employees, servants; unless related by blood, they are practical beings only. There is no romance to them. They are useful, fun, maybe even someone to be a little affectionate toward so long as they remain useful, but they have no deeper self, no soul, no mystical thing to bind to.

    Alphas are something else entirely. They are actually people – people drenched with desire, romance, spirit. Him, she can respect. In greater cases even worship. It matters little how well he performs objectively, so long as he does nothing to make her doubt her assessment of him as alpha. If he does perform, she admires and praises his performance – but she’s doing that about something or another regardless, even if she’s gushing about how he bought her a bag of skittles.

    No woman will stand beside a beta as he faces, and succumbs to, death. Not unless it’s convenient, or she would be shamed otherwise. It simply would not make sense for her to do so. Would you hold your employee’s hand as they lay dying? Only if they had a fatal accident right in front of you. Past that, condolences to the kids.

    Men see two genders. Men and women. Better and worse, more and less attractive, but no fundamental difference. Without being trained in a (for us) counterintuitive mindset, we will by default project our understanding of gender upon women. And so we try to improve our beta game, instead of flipping the script.

    The blue pill is miserable because it is learned helplessness. From within, it is the cracking of an invisible whip, punishment meted capriciously and without time or reason. There is no pattern or method to the blue pill man’s pain.

  33. @girlwithadragonflytattoo: “The reality is that men don’t want to see that they can change things for themselves… they’d rather blame women for being innately hypergamous than do the hard work of being a man she’d respect.”

    agree with those here (and rollo) it’s binary either FI/Hypergamy is hardwired into Females or it is not. Since at Rollo’s place we all accept the Red Pill and it’s full implications… your statements are not helpful.

    Bad advice given with noble intentions is still bad advice.
    I “could” be nice and give condescending responses that you are a “good girl” for point a purple third way. A purple option for us to have peace between the sexes. But in the end there is no peace… there can’t be. Either men win or women win. Binary end of story.

    Oh and if history is a guide… the Men vs. Women scoreboard is a good indication of the arc of your Culture, your Society and your Nation.
    So contemplate real hard on the future implications of your Red-lite, Purple Pill platitudes.

    But here is a counterexample for you. Do you really think that the Barbarians in ISIS really “do the hard work of being a man” to earn their women’s respect?
    Game recognizes Game honey.
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/crime/11424884/Three-missing-British-schoolgirls-travel-to-Syria.html

  34. Like some of the guys here, I took the red pill later in life ( age 53). I can attest to the fact the it takes a long time to fully embrace the red pill philosophy and to kill your inner beta. I’m still working on removing the beta from life support at age 57. Beta he may be, but he’s a tenacious SOB.

    Something about this post reminded me of an old Supertramp song. Check out the lyrics:

    http://www.lyricsfreak.com/s/supertramp/take+the+long+way+home_20133849.html

  35. Great post Rollo, I enjoyed it.

    The first Red Pill experience I ever had was I High School.
    A friend of mine had a Dad who lost his well paying job in the oil industry. His dad was out of work for over a year (industry downturn no jobs). His wife (my friends mom) served the dad with papers right after Christmas… lovely lady she was.

    Anyway this lesson sunk deep with me. At that moment I realized that a woman’s ‘love’ is conditional. And no silly thing like Marriage will stand in the way of a woman exercising her prerogative.

    As I have gone through life I have realized a few truths.

    Love is conditional based on circumstances.
    And
    You get the Love your Game deserves.

    Now I can add another…
    There is no middle ground between Men and Women.

  36. They believe that contenting and satisfying a woman’s sexual strategy is a realizable life success.

    One doesn’t even need a RP frame to critique that BP assumption about having a happy, satisfying life through external means. Mentally ill people search for external things to make them internally happy. The science shows that it isn’t possible. No one else can “make” you happy, but yourself.

    The BP “Happy wife = happy life” construct is a fatally flawed viewpoint that seeks inner happiness through external things, which is impossible.

    Anybody that seeks externalities to “make themselves happy” is most likely mentally ill in some fashion and will thus never be happy, because they aren’t looking at themselves, only outward. It is a failure to take responsibility for oneself. Feminism is based on this dysfunctional and mentally ill outlook. The articles in the FI magazines that always blame men for women’s unhappiness in some area of their life are a shining example of this dysfunction in operation.

    One has to be happy with one’s self in order to be truly happy with one’s life. A relationship, or a wife, is a compliment to that happiness, not it’s center.

  37. Somehow women always manage to derail the train of thought (I know I participated). I am really curious how the 40-50+ guys have dealt with the lack of a mission after unplugging from the FI. Jetxo said above it was the hardest part for him. Work doesn’t mean so much anymore. I already beat everyone I golf with and I don’t want a motorcycle.

  38. I already beat everyone I golf with and I don’t want a motorcycle.

    Enter golfing tournaments and find others that CAN beat you and play against them. “Lack of mission” comes down to being an internal problem seeking an external solution.

  39. Dragonfly:

    YOu need to realize that this:

    “The reality is that men don’t want to see that they can change things for themselves… they’d rather blame women for being innately hypergamous than do the hard work of being a man she’d respect.”

    translates to this:

    “You all HATE women. You are all just bitter losers who can’t get laid. You should have chosen better women. It’s your fault for not ‘just getting it’. You should have been able to figure it out all on your own, with no help from anyone.”

    Moreover, there’s no reason why any man should do any hard work for the sake of earning a woman’s respect. He should do the work for his own self-respect. It’s typical of a woman discussing these issues to do so from the frame of “he should do it because a woman wants/needs/expects it.” And that’s exactly the wrong reason, frame and basis for action.

  40. Rollo,

    You keep referring to the “feminine imperative” as if feminism is somehow independent of Leftism. It is not. Also, you keep describing in detail how the “feminine imperative” wants to condition “men”. That is incomplete. The “feminine imperative”, ie the Left, does not want to just condition “men”. No. It wants to condition WHITE MEN. That is the ultimate target of its actions.

    There is no separating “sex realism” from “race realism”. This attempt by Manosphere bloggers to just deal with feminism as if it were independent from the Left’s broader war against white, non-leftist, traditionalist culture is futile and annoying.

    If you understand the Left than you know that the Left has basically comandeered the in-group punishment mechanism which had worked so well to create a Northern European culture which was remarkable non-autocratic. The Left (largely though not exclusively manipulated by Jewish intellectuals) has taken that in-group dynamic and turned whites into a self-policing masochistic bunch in which all Leftist ideas are enforced by shaming tactics. And its not just feminism. Its “anti-racism”, anti-homosexuality, anti-feminism, anti-socialism, etc. (Actually, its easier to attack the Left on the economic front. Its almost impossible to attack them on the cultural front.)

    Rollo, you have some interesting insights but that said you remind me of so much of the PUA / Manosphere community; a bunch whining adolescents unwilling to truly identify who you are at war with. You are not a serious movement ready to do battle with the Left; your true enemy not “the feminine imperative” which is a bullshit term. You say you don’t want to get political. YOU CAN NOT AVOID IT.

    You want to be “alpha”? Then identify your true enemy and name what it is that enemy is out to destroy: white, heterosexual, traditionalist, patriarchal Western culture; ie the culture built by the white European males. Do you want to defend that culture or not? If not then you are on the side of the enemy. Yes that dreaded “feminine imperative” you allegedly complain about.

  41. @sgtted “Lack of mission” comes down to being an internal problem seeking an external solution.

    I’m not sure I understand that. If I zone out and meditate all day, is that internal or external? My point was 50 years of blue pill/FI conditioning sucks, but it does have the benefit of giving your life purpose. What do you do when the purpose is gone? I get that the purpose was shit (except for my kids), but what?

  42. I think Gregg makes a very salient point that everyone seems really intent on glossing over. The dance to be “alpha” can be as much of a trap as the dance to be a “better beta”. As Rollo says, the man who works for her respect automatically loses it.
    I know people will answer that they don’t alpha up for her, but for themselves, but I would wager that is as often a lie we tell ourselves in order to achieve some form of internal consistency. It’s like women who get breast implants and diet religiously who then say “I do it for me”. She;s full pf shit and so are most guys trying to alpha up all the time. Not to call anyone out, but read Msimons posts and ask yourself if it’s not alot of try hard stuff to be as alpha as possible- and read his posts and you’ll see the reward- her compliance, her love, he’s trained her, etc…
    I’m not insulting him btw, not in the slightest, just using it as an example of how Gregg is actually correct in saying we exchange one dance for another. I’m not preaching MGTOW here, either, but it would be great to come to some honesty so as to resolve the contradiction of becoming alpha after one has internalized red pill truths.
    Alpha, despite RP fantasies, is no panacea, no ideal state..
    The only real solution I have found so far is to truly not give a flying fuck about women in general, and admitting to myself I am performing in order to get a piece of ass. All the while watching my back to avoid giving anything of real value to myself to her.
    Not ideal, but then, what is?
    And btw, I have worked with people at th end of their lives for my entire adult career..let me make this very clear to you.. old men show up alone in our clinic, The wife, the kids? Rarely have ever accompanied then, and thats if the even have one by the time they get sick- most men at that age are alone.. Almost none remain married once they get sick and the decline begins. This is no country for old men, unless you are extremely rich and powerful. No-one give a fuck about you then either, but at lest they’ll have reason to pretend they do.

  43. Atticus,

    I understand what you’re talking about.

    I know one mission I still have is being a good father to my grown kids (ages 25 and 22). They still want my ear and my advice.

    Agreed on the work thing. It’s just a way to make money but I derive no fulfillment from it. So I try to maximize the money I make and minimize the time and effort.

    Which leads back to a mission and purpose for myself only. I’m revisiting desires and interests that I never fully developed as a young man. So, in some ways I’m starting to do what I should have done in my 20s.

    My interests? Weightlifting, writing, learning how to dance, riding my motorcycle (yes, I have one…), learning about meditation, learning to surf. These are all on my list.

    Perhaps not a “life mission”, but things I’m interested in just for me.

  44. @10×10, with respect, you haven’t read nearly enough of my work to make that assessment:

    https://therationalmale.com/2011/12/20/the-feminine-reality/

    https://therationalmale.com/2011/12/21/fem-centrism/

    Feminism is simply the most recent, most useful social apparatus used for the social engineering of, and ensuring feminine-primacy of the Feminine Imperative.

    Chivalry was the feminism of its time, it served as a useful apparatus for the same purpose until the sexual revolution made it functionally obsolete.

    You are gravely mistaken if you believe feminism is an exclusively ‘Lefitst’ phenomenon. Conservatives are some of the most strident advocates and enforcers of their brand of feminism.

    Just like most MRAs you misdiagnose the reason feminism exists – feminism is NOT a standalone entity. There is no feminism without out the motivating Feminine Imperative. There is no feminism without feminine Hypergamy to optimize. There is no feminism without feminine interests to prioritize.

  45. @Rollo

    Thanks for continuing to refuse to get sucked in to the left/right dichotomy that infests the rest of the manosphere. While politics are a tool of the FI, they are not the FI. Like any other special interest group, feminists will use whichever party furthers their goals at the moment regardless of that party’s other policies.

    I would really appreciate if the ‘sphere in general would get the political chest beating out of their head and focus on the problem at hand, but the vast majority of the place devolves in to ranting against “leftists”, “Marxists”, and in extreme cases a bunch of anti-Semitic whining about “the Jews”. How the fuck any of this furthers the discussion of what we talk about here is beyond me.

  46. @augustus “Perhaps not a “life mission”, but things I’m interested in just for me.”

    I know. I in the last year I’ve run a Tough Mudder, bought a bike and did a 100 mile overnight. I already lifted, but I doubled down and got to 11% body fat. Hell, I took guitar lessons (my Mom) for 6 years when I was young; but hadn’t played in 35 years, I bought one and have practiced every day for six months. My son’s friends came over when I was playing and said “wow” you’re really good.

    Nothing seems enough though. Banging chicks is fine, but it all seems so petty now. Something is missing and I can’t figure it out.

  47. I am 44 & my mission statement has never changed; make the world my bitch, but what I don’t understand is not wanting a motorcycle…..

    Make yourself, being a sovereign man and your quality of life your mission.

    Not giving a flyingfuck about women is a great way to be knee deep in pussy. Throw in some light hearted chauvinism and it’s on.

  48. Re: mission

    It turns out I’ve always had a mission. I have until recently been distracted, at least mentally, by the blue pill need to find an “approved” mission that would please others.

    In short I seek to be a Great Painter, and a more productive sculptor (I am already pretty good at that), pursue my various geeky interests without shame or need of external approval. Now I just need to find a way to monetize that and all will be right with my world. If that attracts women fine, if not no great loss.

    What I won’t do is seek out new “red pill approved” hobbies, interests, or activities unless those interest me as the primary motivation.

  49. So when females grow and mature during their 20’s, get smarter and are able to better understand themselves more in terms of how beta’s and alphas operate, obviously by getting pumped and dumped by alphas and friend zoning beta orbiters.

    Then wouldn’t they all avoid alphas all together in their late 20’s or epiphany phase and actively hunt beta’s to settle down with because its guaranteed provider ship and very low risk?

    Does that basically mean the alpha would need to let beta traits slip up in order to game this age group, and if you want to stay alpha then you only have a selective age bracket to game? i.e.. 20-25?

  50. These end of life posts have been great Rollo-something many MGTOW guys like myself think about from time to time. I’ve always maintained that the fantasy of having all your loved ones gathered around your bedside during your last breaths is simply that, a fantasy. Most all of us will die alone as you described. Everyone in my family that has passed has ended this way. Some during the night in nursing facilities, some just at home. It’s another make believe vision that people use to enforce the “lonely old man” myth you’ve also talked about. Thanks for the great articles!

  51. @bp

    I don’t know if you’ve ever posted any of your work here, but I’d be interested in seeing it.

  52. @Bromeo

    All women are vulnerable to alpha. The epiphany phase occurs specifically because alphas tend to have a particular age range since that’s where most women are their most attractive. The epiphany phase occurs because a woman’s attention from alphas begins to fall off. She will still take one in a heartbeat if the opportunity presents itself, no matter how old she is.

  53. @Atticus

    For those here who are Christians, learn to serve God in some capacity. This should be our focus in life anyway. When we do this the rest falls into place and we store up eternal rewards. Part of the BP man’s problem is that he has focused on serving his wife/family/country instead of following the course he was created for; serving and glorifying God. I know this from my own bitter experience. This was Adam’s sin. He listened to and deferred to/served Eve rather than serving/obeying God. We were created to serve, but we must serve the right master to be truly fulfilled as men.

    Don’t profess to be an expert on RP, but couldn’t let your question about life’s purpose go unanswered.

  54. Alright Ton. If you can break your buddy from beta, then maybe I need to rethink the motorcycle thing. I ridden one three times in my life and wrecked it or crashed every time. I always thinks I’m better than I am. That’s been a blessing and a curse.

  55. sgtted:

    “The BP “Happy wife = happy life” construct is a fatally flawed viewpoint that seeks inner happiness through external things, which is impossible.”

    Man, I would hear that spouted all the time by co-workers, like it was Newton’s Law of Gravity or something. It would always make me wince.

  56. Bradford. I appreciate your comments and I understand. As a Roman Catholic (never missed mass for my first 44 years) that did nothing for me. We now have a communist, Islamo appeasing pope, nancy boy Pope. Enough. If God’s out there, he checked out of this planet a long time ago. Serving God is not what it’s all cracked up to be.

  57. On Missions- I have struggles with that as well.
    But just a thought I chew on: sometimes I wonder if this whole mission thing is not just part of the FI training. Women are huge on the whole “work as life fulfilling” crap. Every woman I know has this philosophy that work is their purpose, etc. It’s a very Oprah concept that work will be the center and crux of their lives. Which makes sense since most women, like Oprah, will never marry. I wonder if being RP and coming to the conclusion that we are probably not going down the traditional path, makes us do the same and start desiring a “mission” just as spinster women do. The difference is that women are just so much better at convincing themselves that this works, and we, as men, are horrible at that so we tend to feel a bit “off” trying to find this “mission”.
    I think, traditionally, men have had missions that were always a response to necessity. War, profit, religion- if you look, you realize that men rose to these things and took on “missions” because they had to. The world imposed it on them, survival, nature etc.
    Anyway, I don’t claim this as fact, but it’s a thought I’ve been chewing on. Would love to hear other perspectives.

  58. @Hobbes I think, traditionally, men have had missions that were always a response to necessity. War, profit, religion- if you look, you realize that men rose to these things and took on “missions” because they had to. The world imposed it on them, survival, nature etc.

    That makes sense. But what gets you out of bed, ready to kick the world’s ass everyday? Used to be taking care of the family, but I did that. I have more money than I need (half as much as I used to), but don’t know what to do with it. I’ll eventually figure it out, but it disturbs me.

  59. “If I expect anything it’s that the vast majority of men will resist even a passing reference to anything counter to their Blue Pill conditioning like a cornered animal.”

    This.

    I have a blue pill “conservative” friend who’s even a natural alpha with women, and even he is so far down the matrix on things like feminism. He’s naturally charming and does well with women (so he lacks any incentive to have any bitterness, admittedly), but he does not come close to understanding women or the reason for his success. He staunchly defends leftist ideas like socialism, sees no racial problem in this country, has no idea about hypergamy. Considers himself a Christian but has no idea about the Adam and Eve story’s point. Adam was punished “because you listened to your wife.” The words are clear. Adam was not punished for eating the apple; he was punished for not standing up to and controlling his wife (for being a beta supplicant and failing to lead her). Our entire society is beta Adam failing the nationwide shit test right now.

    I tried to send my buddy links to great articles from Rollo and CH, and he dismisses them out of hand, literally out of ignorance, of course. I told him I cannot have a discussion with him if he has not even read the materials. He simply has not read what I have read the past 3 years and does not know what I know.

    I got divorced 6 years ago and then had a serious LTR, and that ended, and then I set out to find answers. That’s when I found CH and Rational Male. What I found was simply confirmation of things I’d observed my entire life about the nature of women. I also found other places on the internet where one can see that millions of men have suffered the same fate under our feminist-primary out of control system the past 20 years. It is NOT that I’m some loser beta — so many men have been divorce thefted after we just tried to be what we were told to be growing up (beta providers).

    This buddy of mine (he’s married by the way–does well with women on the side), because he’s a natural alpha with women and has not gotten divorced yet, has had no incentive to seek answers.

    But it was irritating and surprising when he dismissed articles from this blog that I sent him out of hand without even giving them a fair reading, because he is a very smart person.

  60. Another on point post, and yes, of course, the generational difference is key. Gen X men–at every stage of our lives–have not enjoyed what “Greatest Generation/WWII” generation (our grandfathers) had. Yes of course, most of us will die alone at age 83 without a loving woman with us, and many without children. These betas (I have several friends in this category) are involuntarily childless; they cannot find a woman to marry them and give them children.

    Other things my grandfather got that Gen X usually does not get:

    that loving women who held his hand as he took his last breaths and who maintains a garden on his grave monthly MARRIED HIM WHEN SHE WAS 19. She was a hottie, by the way, my grandmother (5’4″ 115 pounds), and gave her best sexual years to him from age 19-40. As there was no internet porn, tinder, and other YKW-created crap that was created to push socialism and destroy the family, my grandfather got his sexual release from a real woman (my grandmother), and real flesh beats pixels on a screen every time. As a result, he suffered no kind of weird fetishes or dysfunctions, because there had been no disgusting porn to even put those images in his brain. “Porn” for the greatest generation was a cutsie girlie calendar in the garage–you know, the one with girls in bikinis sitting on top of cars. It was hanging in the garage and of course grandma didn’t mind. And for some men, perhaps starting in the late 60s (as grandma approached 40 and they’d been together 20 years), there might have been a few playboys under the bed.

    Contrast my generation. A 39 year old Gen X man today might have found a wife who married him at 29 if he was lucky (she considered that very young and took her off of the CC 4 years too early), and if so he’s likely divorced, or he is involuntarily never married because he’s too beta to even get a woman to marry him and our society actively tells women not to marry betas. Or this guy might, at age 40, finally find a wife who is 37 and still looks pretty good. This “lucky” guy gets to have about 2 or 3 years with her while she’s still bangable. She has 40 to 60 prior partners that she had, of course, from age 18-37 while said 40 year old beta has 5 or perhaps 15 partners and far fewer total sexual experiences.

    Some Gen X men might be alpha enough to have a woman at their bedside holding their hand when they die. I have not gotten there yet, but I don’t expect it will be nearly as many as the men of our grandfathers’ generation had.

    The same effed up women who have been lied to by feminism their entire lives who act was Rollo discusses here from age 19-35 are the same women who will be 80-85 when they are 80-85. They are not worthy of tying my grandmother’s shoes. They go on dating sites at age 37 and say they want children “some day” and they “want what my parents had,” completely oblivious (of course) to the fact and the importance of the fact that their mom married their dad when she was 19 or 21 and gave him 20 good years of her youth.

  61. 10X10 great comment. Some of us get it. We are trying to figure out what to do. YKW has so much power right now. They control the media, government, banking, money, law, business, and now even our (former) right to free speech. See the founder of javascript, who was forced out because he gave a few dollars of political speech money in his own time to a cause that was agreed with by 65% of voters, marriage is one man/one woman. A normal white male cannot even express normal views using his real name without risking his livelihood.

  62. @atticus- well thats it, isn’t it? Men were designed to find and create the family and then that was the mission until death- his family. The crisis now is that either men never marry because they realize women are not worth it, or they get married -inevitably divorced- then even family becomes a sort of side project- it matters, but it isn’t a mission anymore. So here we are trying to figure out a mission, where there is none to be had.
    What gets me up in the morning excited? nothing. I get up, and get stuff done, and try to enjoy myself while achieving goals..
    I guess my mission now is learning to be my own master, to be truly mentally free from the confines of BP and societal expectation.. to become my own center of reference.
    In a sense, this ned for a mission is a need to be or do something that “matters” to society, to the world, to others. It’s not enough to enjoy and explore our lives and just BE, because we’ve been taught for so long that we need to “matter” to “become” to “do” -usually in service of women, or society, etc. So now, so ingrained is this pattern of thinking established in us, that we feel empty when we simply think of waking up in the morning, playing golf, fishing, working out, traveling etc etc. It’s not enough to simply enjoy our lives because we’ve been taught that we have to be more than that.
    Can it be that seeking or having a mission is simply a remnant of our blue pill training?
    I wish Rollo would chime in here, I really just have alot of thoughts, but no real answers that I can be sure of.

  63. It is particularly difficult to get a man to change his belief system when he is faced with actual, or potential, death. This is outlined in something called Terror Management Theory. Essentially, to guard against the fear of our mortality, we develop symbolic worldviews to give our lives meaning, direction, and purpose. When we are reminded of that mortality, we “double down” on believing in that worldview, as a way of finding meaning in how we have used our limited life time, and attaining a sense of symbolic immortality in that process.

    Given that, a man with a blue pill worldview is often going to be even more invested in that perspective in times like deployment in war and at the end of life. Unfortunately, that leads to the end of life issues noted by Rollo and the deployment tragedies noted by SFC Ton above. All the more reason to address these perspectives early though, before they become wholly integrated into a man’s identity, sense of meaning, and justification for his life. Besides, as Ton notes, there are often better ways to be remembered anyway…

  64. What do you do when the purpose is gone?

    Find another one. Keep searching until you do. One that makes you happy, as opposed to someone else.

    You mentioned you have relearned the guitar and are impressive. Take that to the next level and find a band; playing solo is fun but playing with a good group is 10X (or more) the fun.

    I’m retired from the two main missions of my younger life: the Military and raising kids to be solid adults. Now I’m focusing on those things that I put aside to do so. I’m now running a bagpipe band, as well as another Celtic Music project. I work on Harleys for a living now as well.

    If you get a bike, take a Motorcycle Safety Foundation course before you start riding seriously. It’ll help you to prevent crashes and avoid getting in over your head.

  65. @Badpainter – “So my life must be built without consideration for your kind, or for your kind’s feelings. I either will or will not be worthy of whatever it is y’all have to offer. Frankly at this point I don’t care if I qualify.
    Since y’all won’t be around to help in the building process then I am less than impressed when y’all want to benefit from my creation when it’s finished. I might just get your respect but you will forever have lost mine, as well my ability to give much of a damn about y’all as people.”

    Yes, I agree… I think men have to build their life in part for themselves, but also (as per Rollo’s Crisis of Motive), to make them more desirable to women (the hard work of having alpha qualities or being “in frame”). If they care about sex, they are going to want to work on creating themselves into a more desirable male. Just like women who care about how men see them (or care about keeping her husband’s interest), do the work of learning how to be feminine, appealing to men, wearing sexy clothing or lingerie – or they are a natural at it. They don’t solely do this for themselves (as per Rollo’s article), they also have this other motive of wanting to be appreciated by men.

    I never meant to imply that men “should earn women’s respect,” … there is a difference in a man TRYING to earn respect, and simply BEING a man she’d respect (in my opinion). But I think I’m linking respect with desire/arousal. Women disrespect betas (at least in romantic/sexual relationships with them) primarily because they aren’t aroused enough by them in order to respect them. Maybe I’m still off in my reasoning… but as a side note, I see what Glenn was trying to get at some odd weeks ago.

  66. I guess my mission now is learning to be my own master, to be truly mentally free from the confines of BP and societal expectation.. to become my own center of reference.

    This is key. Externalities won’t do the job.

    So now, so ingrained is this pattern of thinking established in us, that we feel empty when we simply think of waking up in the morning, playing golf, fishing, working out, traveling etc etc. It’s not enough to simply enjoy our lives because we’ve been taught that we have to be more than that.

    If you have a “service” itch to scratch, go feed the homeless or volunteer at the Vet Center.

    I had a friend, recently deceased, who died a virgin, but never had a lack of things to do to help people out, both in a service sense as well as being a true friend sense, or just doing what made him happy. He said before he died that if he had a woman, the woman would compete with what he thought important to do and he wasn’t going to be sidetracked. Probably the most “RP without know about RP” man I have ever known. Yes, he died a virgin and knowing what I know now about women, I think he made a good choice for himself.

  67. @Dr J

    Good to see ya, man. I actually ran right up against what you’re talking about when I first came out to my mother about abandoning religion. She’s got an extremely high iq (higher than mine) and can occasionally be convinced by rational arguments showing logically sound points. I had come to my decision at 23 through the same logical process I later learned Epicurus had.

    It is a very logical disproof of the gods proposed by basically all modern religion. She saw it, understood it, and accepted that it was reasonable. I could tell that she suddenly realized she had no reasonable retort whatsoever, then she went a direction that saddened me. She could not take the action I was taking as it would be impossible to face down death as it approached without the beliefs she had always had.

    Investment in life-defining world views (whatever those views might be) is so powerful that even an incredibly rational mind made aware of its predicament may instead choose to retain the investment rather than pursue truth. It really does make me wonder how humans ever developed the scientific search for truth with natural mechanisms that pretty much bias all human thought towards the opposite.

  68. Rollo,

    Thank you for “sticking to your guns”. You really have a solid pit bull grip on it and your ability to explain the truth from different angles is excellent. Your revelations have true integrity. The net results of peoples behavior and comments prove that.

    For just a few bucks, a man can read your work and if he is really paying attention and is honest with himself the results are priceless. Just being aware changes everything and there is no slipping back into the muck. We live only once. No man should pass this up.

  69. @Not Born This Morning, thanks.

    The message and information will always have priority for me. I make a good living on my own. I don’t need to sell T-shirts or high priced “counseling” sessions to pay the bills.

    I know a lot of guys advocate freeing yourself from being blackmailed with your job for what they write, but with that also comes a liability of compromising Red Pill truths to be more palatable in order to keep up revenue you’re now dependent on.

    I would quit writing altogether rather than make that compromise my necessity.

  70. ” ……I’ve known a handful of Men who died Alpha. These are the Men for whom a widow and his kids honor his memory once a year.”

    My mother was overjoyed my father died in his sleep 13 days ago. He was only in bad mental shape for less than a week before. It was their wedding anniversary. It was also his mothers birthday, she had lived to be 93. He lived to be 83. As you saw in the comments a couple essays ago, I alpha’d him up in my eulogy to him.

    Some random disjointed thoughts. I feel bad for Atticus and Hobbes. I have never experienced lack of drive or motivation to have a pursuit outside of work and family. I today I have a very high level of motivation to pursue family and work ethic. I’m not jaded.

    I was always red pill aware, but what kicked me into high gear was 18 months ago my son got into a bit of trouble before college and was on double secret probation as he entered college. Jack Donovan’s “The Way of Men (is the Way of the Gang)” which I read in my crisis (the crisis being that my wife was frustrated that I hadn’t gotten my son “to just get it”)–quite literally, the book changed my life.

    It made me see what I needed to do, for myself, to be better at being a man. I just got it.

    Just as Rollo reveals the codes burned into women’s hind brains and describes how evo-psychology in todays fem-centric society can predict current behavior, Donovan’s essay describes how men’s tribal evo-psych forebrains evolved and are hardwired. “What are men supposed to when there are no lands to settle and no one to fight?”

    The answer is to control yourself and channel through, for one, simulation (primal gang aggression [to which our hindbrains are wired] and gang bonding are directly simulated through participation in military service, police service). Shout out to sfcTon: that is why he exhibits a high degree of Congruence as a man. Two: Vicarious Masculinity (watching and playing sports, Watching other males demonstrate Strength, Courage, Mastery and Honor. Study historical biographies of great males, etc. Three: Intellectualized Masculinity (Rollo’s blog and the comments section here). So if you are having trouble getting motivated for a “mission” tap into the fact that just like women are hard-wired, so too are men. Find ways to simulate, have vicarious substitutes and keep working on intellectual masculinity.

    One of the biggest benefits I have found in becoming more red-pill aware has been discovering the value of engaging with groups of men. Exclusively. Exclusive groups of men that are good at being men.
    Avoiding pussified blue pill men. I don’t know what it was with me from age 18-50 , but I always preferred to have solitary pursuits outside work and family. Lately I have come to realize the value of socializing with men who are like-minded.

    I would suggest this for anyone needing a buffer against the feminine, masculine stripping current society in the U.S. Seek out those good men and hang out with them and exclude women at times. Where do you find these guys to hang out with? I found a group in a masculine realm–Hunting, fishing, shooting , golfing enthusiasts. Not places like church, or the library or at places women can dominate socially.

    When Rollo wrote about Saving Private Ryan last time, I was impressed with this paragraph in his LOVE STORY essay “Men are expected to perform. To be successful, to get the girl, to live a good life, men must do. Whether it’s riding wheelies down the street on your bicycle to get that cute girl’s attention or to get a doctorate degree to ensure your personal success and your future family’s, Men must perform. Women’s arousal, attraction, desire and love are rooted in that conditional performance. The degree to which that performance meets or exceeds expectations is certainly subjective, and the ease with which you can perform is also an issue, but perform you must.”

    What impressed me was in that last sentence “..the ease with which you can perform is also an issue..”. Red pill revelations have drastically lowered the height of barriers for me. I just don’t have things I want to accomplish seem as chore-like these days (of course there is mastery to accomplish). I already started with good skills, excellent resources, good family, good wife and kids but now its like someone gave me game cheats. Things that used to seem difficult are easier.

    I think that at anyone’s funeral it makes it easier for those attending to nod their head to someone saying “He was a good Man”. But those of us men still living life as best we can on this side of the end of life would do better to be good at being a man. As Jack Donovan says “A man who is more concerned with being a good man than being good at being a man makes a very well-behaved slave”. Don’t be a slave. Get off your ass and go out and do something adventurous and die an Alpha.

  71. @Rollo & @10×10

    I hope I live to see the day when a political party that actually encompasses the reality of the RED PILL on women. I doubt they would ever gain power in the current context even if it were to happen as their platform would have to more or less remove crap like ‘womens’ rights’ and ‘gender equality’ completly and replace it with actual constraints.

    Also, I often think men are they’re own enemy. The only real thing stopping men from creating a social order to accomodate their own sexual strategy is other men. Women could not do anything against it on their own if all men were to suddenly cooperate on the issue.

  72. @sifrellc- No need to feel bad for anyone, that’s not what this is about.
    Your post kind of makes my point- when younger we all have a “purpose” and it’s easy to find- get laid, get married, develop a career, etc. When younger I never lacked for motivation (actually don’t lack motivation now, really, what we were talking about was a “mission”).. But as I theorized, eventually the family, the kids become the mission, and that has a way of freeing a man up to other things now that his “purpose” is set- i.e. fatherhood, husbandhood, etc.
    What happens, is whether due to divorce or not ever marrying, a man finds himself without that family “purpose” in later years, and so the central theme of what we were meant to naturally be involved in lacks. So you see guys saying they are seeking a mission. For you the mission is implied, yes you may like hunting etc etc, but at the core your mission is your family, as evidenced by your post.
    My point to all that is to wonder if seeking a mission is even necessary. Better to recognize that the need is really just the lack of marriage/family and see it for what it is. Seems to work better than anything else. At least that way you can just go about achieving goals and enjoying yourself without wondering about seeking a “mission”.
    Truth is, looking at all my married and ex married friends, I am pretty damn happy by comparison.

  73. All my life I realized that there was a lot of what I call “in-between” time in your life. While commuting, while waiting for others, in between TV commercials. In between dates. On days off. In between getting laid etc. In all that in between time I always used it to pursue hobbies and passions and to make myself better. But I had the temperament to be highly introverted and seek intellectualism over everything.

    We used to work 120 hour weeks in medical residency. We fit 5 years of experience into three years. I’m 53 and fit an extra 15 years of adventure into those years by being drawn to endless pursuits.

    Lately I have had success at overcoming weaknesses in my personality and trying to maximize my strengths:
    From 16personalities.com: Meyers-Briggs INTJ type.

    It’s lonely at the top, and being one of the rarest and most strategically capable personality types, INTJs know this all too well. INTJs form just two percent of the population, and women of this personality type are especially rare, forming just 0.8% of the population – it is often a challenge for them to find like-minded individuals who are able to keep up with their relentless intellectualism and chess-like maneuvering. People with the INTJ personality type are imaginative yet decisive, ambitious yet private, amazingly curious, but they do not squander their energy.

    My latest hobby is trying to avoid the annual event of men acquaintances telling me their wife left them.

    I have been more and more successful at married man game. Even with the paradox that she is physically attractive to me, she is a good person and I want to be married to her and not out trolling for pussy–and yet my not having one-itis is key. It’s a paradox that I have to have good game, she’s +3 to my SMV but also have to rely on her innate goodness to not hypergamously next me. But believe it or not there is a lot of that going on around here. In the Midwest. I would estimate in my social, family and neighborhood the divorced rate of middle aged couples is 1 in 18. No lie. We travel in good circles and the men do well for themselves and the women want to still be with them. The key there is the guys really are always performing well, they just get it, they have resources, have pursuits outside work and family.

    I guess I don’t know how to relate to the Hobbes-ean dilemma above.
    I ran into this with my neighbor three weeks ago. Very succesful, skilled business man, never had an any economic failings. Good wife, children in their twenties. But he admitted to the lack of meaning. His profession is hard, but he is masterful at it and admits to not having meaning to his pursuits. I was at a blank as what to say.

  74. The fm was going out last night. Me: “And don’t forget to bring back a cute girl for me.” She: “I hate it when you talk like that.” Me. “But it makes you hot for me doesn’t it?” She: Laughs. Silence (with a smile).

  75. So if/when I find myself with a woman, or women willing to attach to my life

    You don’t want a “willing” woman. You want one who is gagging for it. One who can’t help herself. One who wants you no matter what.

    See my: 8:41 pm

  76. Rollo,

    You are a patient and kind guy. I understand wholly how the manosphere is built for Betas and benevolent Alphas give WAY more that I ever would just so these guys may have a shot at mating rights, but damn dude.

    How long can some of these guys comment and comment and comment and never learn? How do you stand it? You have the patience of a SAINT.

  77. @ Atticus

    ” If I zone out and meditate all day, is that internal or external?

    Understand the dialectical principle: whatever you do internal has stark influence on your outer world and other way round.

    but don’t intermix the levels:

    Like @gregg described it: most of us seek for outer solutions where there is inner pain. The recent inner conflicts are for sure caused by outer events, but they can’t be solved by re-staging and re-inscenating the same events again and again and again. A rational male knows that it can be only solved by himself.

    Therefore meditation is the means of choice (of a rational male). Make peace with ur own mind. Contemplate on and be aware of the things that hurt you most. Extend a warm welcome to your pain, feel it as a whole and then let it go. Be grateful for you to being able to do so.

    You will appreciate yourself more and let the reliance on outer apprecetiation be what it is: a nothing.

  78. “BigAl

    February 20th, 2015 at 10:01 am

    Something else that had me thinking, are women really even capable of mourning? All this loyalty and hypergamy stuff started to make me wonder if its all just a big show…”

    Only if they’re getting paid for it.

    “In Honoré de Balzac’s landmark 1835 novel Le Père Goriot, the title character’s funeral is attended by two professional mourners rather than his daughters.[2] ” Wikipedia Professional Mourners

    “Rent A Mourner

    Rent A Mourner can supply professional, discreet people to attend funerals and wakes.”
    http://www.rentamourner.co.uk/

  79. zip
    February 20th, 2015 at 8:56 pm

    I must not fear.
    Fear is the mind-killer.
    Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
    I will face my fear.
    I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
    And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
    Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
    Only I will remain.

    Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear.

  80. These are quality posts, things rarely talked about in the manosphere. I know my own grandfather found love only in his seventies (his first wife was hell on wheels). She was one of the most empathetic women and he had known the hell of war being a fighter pilot. And in their nineties walked hand in hand. When she died he died shortly there after, didnt want the help of his family, clearly didn’t want to live. I also went through something recently with a Ukrainian girl, and I was impressed with her toughness. Few men go through something where they learn to accept the possibility of death..and even fewer women go through this because of their exalted position. But she was made of some tough stuff..if she died so be it. It makes me wonder how far that toughness can be made to endure or even enjoy a life that isn’t exactly as we like. The cultures that have struck me the most traveling are the ones that have a tolerance(which here would undoubtibly be called blue pill) yet it is a toughness all its own. Ying and yang. If all men were red pill I think you’d find a strong demand for blue pill, such is this world.

  81. ……so if I don’t know of a reason to live, I could choose to die? I’m not suicidal, but It’s suddenly very reassuring to know that if i ever get sick of this shit, and I’ve gotten LOTS of shit, I could totally choose to off myself and all I’d be leaving behind are some people who think they’re better than me for sticking it out longer.

    I feel like my mind needs to be such that positive attributes need to primarily serve me if I’m going to pursue their development.

    If I can really live my life however I manage to make possible, then doesn’t that mean that there isn’t anything wrong with just focusing on practicing and internalizing “alpha” so I can get the pussy I never had access to when I was the insecure high school student with a bad stutter?

    I’m willing to do what I have to in order to get where I have to go. That suddenly feels sufficient in a way it never used to!

  82. anon
    February 20th, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    Legal marriage is an institution of the state. The key word is “legal”.

    The man-woman thing is the least of your problems. The real problem is divorce.

  83. anon
    February 20th, 2015 at 3:03 pm

    Socialism didn’t destroy the family. No fault divorce did. And the “conservative” anti-communist right went along with it. Fools or dupes? Some choice.

  84. @Rollo.. I wonder that even after this, how can you be not against monogamy? I know that you advocate men not making monogamy their ultimate goal, but if this is the level of empathy (or lack of it) on the other side, why not go the other way altogether? What should the man then do, after his SMV declines beyond his peak (say at 39)?

    I guess i’m still processing the red pill, but increasingly i feel like cipher from matrix (Again, you’ve mentioned that in your earlier posts as well) – more informed but more powerless. You mention, that a man will never find red pill contentment in a blue pill context, but envisioning that red pill context seems difficult and paradoxical at this stage of life (i’m 25 btw).

  85. @bo jangles

    As long as that harder life you talk about doesn’t involve you being less “alpha” then you should be ok.

    Remember you can’t say “we” when we’re talking about women, because when you say “we” it involves appreciating male sacrifices which is impossible unless it’s taught them.

    But I know how easy it is for a woman to make “sacrifices” for an alpha.

    My sister would catch 3 buses to be with her old flame. And she still talked about him even when she was six years into her marriage with her current husband.

    Let’s not dress up our blue-pill fantasies with too much emotion. Remember that the majority of men have both alpha and beta traits. I think it’s the expression of them, through performing and boldly going for what we want that puts a face to the ‘gina tingle.

  86. @Tilikum
    Maybe Rollo can elaborate on the numbers of men that eyeball his blog, but don’t participate in the comments section. I suspect that 85% of the viewership doesn’t participate here. Mainly because 85% of men aren’t good at intellectualizing. Most men pride themselves on not being intellectual. For the last 100,000 years, do you think that evolution would program men to think rather that have strength, courage mastery and honor in a tribe prior to the Agricultural Age? No. 85% of men are programmed, hardwired and feel strongly about not being intellectual. Do you really believe that 10,000 years ago, evolution would choose you if you were a thinker not a doer. If you were not strong and had a sfcTon attitude (I admire sfcTon’s attitude and abilities with a bromance-like focus because he is most excellent at being good at being a man).

    Unfortunately that makes most men susceptible to being sucked into the blue pill world in todays society. If you don’t intellectualize the red pill/blue pill you are no better than the protagonist in Blue Valentine. You don’t get it.

    “Rollo Tomassi types tend to believe that with effort, intelligence and consideration, nothing is impossible, while at the same time they believe that people are too lazy, short-sighted or self-serving to actually achieve those fantastic results. Yet that cynical view of reality is unlikely to stop an interested Rollo Tomassi from achieving a result they believe to be relevant.”

    Keep up the good work, Rollo. Fortunately there is a large readership out there that is non-dysfunctional, gets it and is enriched by it. Idealism–keep it up.

    And speaking of those dysfunctional’s that spice up the dialog. They advance the message very well. Proof positive that red pill truths and alpha attitudes in your life can affect your Memento Mori, your reflections on mortality. Especially as a means of considering the vanity of earthly life and the transient nature of all earthly goods and pursuits.

    Carpe Diem, my friend.

    Another eye opening event in my life was 5 to 8 years ago when a neighbor died of leukemia in his mid 40’s. I’ll be damned if his eulogy didn’t go on for a half hour (or seemed like it). The guy was a saint. Red pill, Blue Pill, Alpha, Beta. Didn’t matter he had all based covered. He was just a good guy. He was better for this world, rather than buried 6 feet under.

    Devastated every one around. Horrible for the wife, but she moved on with pride and a good family. Kids were devastated, but move on. It is possible to be a good man and have the wife and kids think of you as alpha and visit the gravestone once a year. It happens. Nice people in the world do exist.

  87. I’ll provide the scumbag perspective on it:

    People will rationalize anything to avoid having their world view shattered. Whether it’s the mom who’s convinced that her angelic son couldn’t possibly have stuffed that other kid in a locker at school, or whether it’s the feminist who’s convinced she’s a victim no matter how good she has it, or whether it’s society refusing to acknowledge that a woman can be just a shitty person like men, religious people, moon hoax conspiracy people, etc.

    If their reality is invested and built around a belief system and you challenge it, they will fight tooth and nail against blatant evidence to clutch to that reality. They’ll try anything from lashing out to discarding evidence to lying to themselves enough to LEGITIMATELY believe what’s happening isn’t happening. They’ll accept the most ridiculous explanations that make no sense just to avoid accepting the truth.

    Because if they accept that one aspect of their reality that they’ve been so convince is right, has been wrong it’s terrifying to consider that maybe OTHER aspects of their reality are wrong too. Maybe their whole fucking life has been based on wrong beliefs. Maybe all those little glitches in the Matrix they ignored were actually things they should have payed attention to. Maybe the reason their life sucks is because they were given a bad playbook from the start. Maybe they could have had the life they wish they had if they had just been given the real playbook. Maybe everyone in society even their own loved ones that they trusted with their lives was bullshitting and lying to them right from day one. How fucked up is it to realize that not only do the people you thought cared about you NOT have your best interested at heart but may actively make you suffer to benefit themselves. Accepting that world is fucking terrifying because it seems like a nightmare of monsters instead of a world of loved ones.

    The scumbag part:

    A guy can SEE his girlfriend/wife make out with me or voluntarily give me her number and if he’s fully invested in the Blue Pill he will convince himself that he didn’t see anything. She can tell him “oh you’re silly I just tripped and he helped catch me from falling that’s all” and even though he SAW our tongues wrestling he will convince himself that what she said is what happened because it’s easier to convince himself of that lie and brainwash himself to believe it than it is for him to question his entire world view and risk going down that path I described.

    You can actively USE this too, as a tactic. I’m sure it’s probably some kind of NLP concept but I’ve never studied NLP so I don’t know, but the idea is that when you spot someone having a moment where they don’t want to accept reality you actively feed them an explanation for it that they can latch onto and they can feel better and relax because for a second they were drowning in total chaos with no idea how to swim and then you throw them a floating log to cling to and they’re like “oh whew life is okay again I can relax again, for a minute there I was worried I would have to confront reality. Back to the comforting lie whew!!” and the fucked up part is they will often THANK you for that floating log you threw them even though YOU’RE the reason they were drowning in the first place because they’re more grateful that you gave them a way to stay in their fantasy than they are mad at you for disrupting the fantasy in the first place.

    This can be used for good or bad. Some good uses of this are stuff like diffusing fights/anger and tense situations or helping someone with their depression or boosting someone’s confidence or giving comfort to people who’ve gone thru trauma etc. I’ll leave the bad uses to your imagination because this week’s topics have been depressing enough as it is.

    It’s a fascinating aspect of human psychology though. Is it more comforting to believe you’ve done everything wrong because of the lies your loved ones have fed you for 70 years, or to just double down on the fantasy world no matter how illogical it is, to avoid dealing with that traumatic revelation at that stage in your life where you would be helpless to do anything about it except cry alone in a hospital bed?

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