The Reconstruction I

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One of the most common misperceptions for guys coming into a Red Pill awareness experience is an expectation of being able to use that awareness and Game to reconstruct an old relationship. Most often this hope is about a guy wanting to ‘fix’ his broken relationship with a girl who dumped him. This is easily the most common reason Blue Pill guys make themselves open to what the Red Pill has to reveal to him. They are desperate, not for the intergender truths that the Red Pill presents, but rather for a solution to their hearts being crushed by a girl.

This is understandable when you consider that these men are still very steeped in Blue Pill idealism they’ve yet to unlearn (or understand why they need to unlearn it) and haven’t made the connection that their idealism is part of the reason why they likely were dumped. All they feel is a desperate longing to reconnect to a girl who was their ‘One’, and only now they are desperate enough to seek answers from the Red Pill.

It’s funny how some of the most ardent Red Pill deniers will be open to listening to its truths about men and women if it presents the possibility of them getting back with a former lover they invested themselves in. This is a good illustration of the degree of control Blue Pill idealism has over guys; that they would be open to amending their beliefs if it means reconnecting to those feelings he’s been cut away from.

Unfortunately, the Red Pill is not a salve for Blue Pill disillusionment. It’s a cure, not a bandaid. I tried to succinctly address this in the 7th Iron Rule of Tomassi:

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7
It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

Another Red Pill reconstruction attempt is men who make it their goal to ‘re-seduce’ a woman they failed to effectively Game while still wrapped up in their Blue Pill mindset. The first presumption is that revenge might motivate a guy to want to pump and dump a girl who once blew him out back when he was locked into his Blue Pill mentality. Women like this idea because they think it confirms men’s egos being easily bruised, but I don’t think this is always the case.

It’s entirely possible that some past coquette has taken an organic liking to “the new him” now that his Red Pill transition and better grasp of Game has made him attractive to her. I’ve had several guys relate to me about how they have turned a former ONEitis into a plate they were spinning along with others. The experience of doing so will often solidify Red Pill/Game principles for him – the act of cycling an old ‘soul mate’ into a guy’s roster of non-exclusive lovers is a lesson in taking women of a formerly idealistic pedestal and helps humanize women for him in the process.

I should also add that there’s usually a period of time necessary to effect this. Too many men will see Red Pill awareness and just the loosest form of Game as some magic formula for pulling this off too soon. A sudden incongruent shift in his demeanor only puts her off more and leaves him discouraged.

Doing Everything Right

The third type of reconstructionist is the married man  – or the guy in a multi-year LTR – seeking to find the secret to remedy his dead bedroom. There was a time (pre-internet, pre-Red Pill) when these men were reluctant to even voice the problem they were having with their sexually indifferent wives. Generally, this was due to a couple of specific fears.

The first is that most Blue Pill men are conditioned from a very early age to always find fault in themselves before they would ever imply that it would be a woman’s. This was especially true if it was about sex. If you can’t satisfy a woman, it’s your fault. If a woman isn’t aroused or attracted by you, it’s your fault, so the presumption used to be that a man could only better himself as a means to reestablish an attraction that (presumably) he had with his wife before they were married.

Back in the day this ‘improvement’ could be defined in various old books ways. He might get a promotion at work, a shift up in status and pay. He might lose weight or find some form of competition he might possibly do well in. He might change his beliefs or accede to better identifying with his wife, or do more chores around the home, help with the kids, arrange more ‘date nights’. He might go to marriage counseling or participate in his church’s “men’s spiritual retreats” in order to show that he’s growing.

All of these ways of “rekindling the old flame” are essentially a man’s effort in acquiescing to his woman’s Frame while keeping him in a perpetual state of negotiating for her genuine desire. From a Red Pill perspective we understand this, but there was a time, not so long ago, when men’s preoccupation was all about doing everything right in order to get his wife to fuck him like she used to, or with something resembling genuine enthusiasm.

The second fear men of that time had was admitting to their inability to satisfy their wife (LTR) sexually. Again, this was all about a female-dominant Frame, and his qualifying for her pleasure, but we’re talking about a time when men’s interpretation of their own masculinity was always being questioned. It’s interesting to see how times have changed with communication technology. I can remember a time when it would’ve been taboo to be too direct about sex in church. Now it’s unavoidable and we have pastors encouraging sex quota months in order to spur the asexual wives in the congregation.

In a Blue Pill social order, men learn to always qualify for women. So the natural, male-deductive response has always been to do everything right in order to keep the sex faucet flowing. Sacrifice dreams, belay ambitions, get the right job with the right status and become a person who a woman would want to bang. These are all old book presumptions based on the Beta Female-Identifying Provider archetype, but it’s important to keep this in mind today because this same do everything right presumption still persists for men today.

The following is a post from the Married Red Pill Reddit I saved about four months ago.

Story time….

I originally posted most of this in a reply over at ASKMRP but I thought I’d share here too.

You can read my post history to get all the gory details but I moved out a few months ago in exasperation after following my MRP path to a T and seeing little to no improvement in our relationship. I’ve “fixed” myself in ways I never thought I could and moving out was me punting the final decision for a bit before I blow my beautiful children’s life to pieces.

Things are calm, peaceful, friendly and kinda fun at “home” but the sexual dynamic hasn’t changed at all despite all odds. I’ve finally reached the point that I give 0 fucks either way and every day that goes by makes me a bit more ambivalent to the whole deal.

It’s taken a long time to get here but something happened last week that opened my eyes to how shitty my life has been for a looooong time and how at this point she is the only “problem” left in my life and I can’t “fix” her.

The quick back story is that I was a fat, beta fuck for a long time and have been on this journey for about 2 years. I am fairly ripped now and have “fixed” myself to the point that I feel comfortable saying I’m a top 5-10% guy in my metro. Good looking, successful business(Doubled my sales in the last 12mos! Thanks MRP!), dress well…etc.

Last week I initiated with the wife while I was over at our house helping get the kids to bed. She shot me down like she has been for months. We still fuck here and there but the quality has been shitty for a while despite implementing as much SGM as I can.

I laughed, told her goodnight and went back to my house. I actually prefer being there now. I’ve come to love the solitude too as the loneliness and missing the kids has worn off a little.

I worked out and read for a while and got bored so I decided to download Bumble and Tinder to get a no risk gauge of where I’m at if I end up nexting her. I’ve been getting plenty of IOI’s in public but I live in a small town so pursuing them would eventually lead to big problems. I also downloaded a GPS location faker and put myself in a state far, far away to make sure I don’t get doxxed by one of her shitty, single friends…

Gentlemen…It’s been 4 days and I currently have over 60 unsolicited messages from all kinds of women. My inbox is full of unsolicited tittie and pussy shots from women waayyy hotter than my wife. I’ve got 5 women literally begging me to come fuck them and another 5 or so I’m confident I could fuck within a week if I wanted.

It’s a good thing I put myself so far away or the temptation would probably be way too much to handle. I deleted the apps this morning as I’m not ready to blow everything up yet and I want to give the marriage every last chance for my kids sake. I know myself well enough to know that once I taste some strange there will no turning back. The constant buzzing of the burner phone was also killing my productivity.

The end result is that this whole experiment has killed off any last shred of oneitis I had and opened my eyes to what my life will look like going forward if this goes the way it’s heading. My wife is a good woman and is fairly hot but it appears that she may not be able to see past all those years of beta shittiness from me and that’s ok.

I didn’t tell you my story to brag but to re-affirm that only you can change and determine the quality of your life. I can tell you that 2 years ago I was a mess trying to hang on to the shreds of my marriage while my wife was pretty much repulsed by me. My wife will or will not change into the sexy woman I want over the next few months but now I really don’t care because I have PAINFULLY built myself into a man that the world will treat very well either way.

Salvation lies within, motherfuckers! Get to work, be consistent, and reap the rewards!

Today the hope for bettering a man’s sexual prospects in marriage is found primarily in Red Pill awareness. I would daresay that the Red Pill, Game and the manosphere have done more in improving men’s sexual access in marriage than contemporary marriage counseling for about 10 years now. That’s to be lauded I think, but it also has to come with the understanding that no man’s experience, no man’s situation with his wife/woman, is ever the same, nor is it ideal.

There is a set of Red Pill men (usually married) who also attempt to do everything right – according to Red Pill awareness and applied Game – and, as per this man’s story, the situation is such that it is still ‘not enough’.

These men become Red Pill aware, they unplug, they struggle to accept it while disenfranchising themselves from their Blue Pill conditioning. They put in the time for insight and soul-searching, they deal with the uncomfortable truths of what they’ve been all their lives. They deal with the anger that inspires and they come out on the other side and begin to remake themselves. They self-improve.

Roosh recently had some Dali Lama moment about how he believes self-improvement is some Zen preset channel for men, and they ought not worry about bettering themselves. I say bullshit. Self-improvement itself is a state of being. Once a man applies himself, invests more in himself than he ever has before, changes his mind about himself, he becomes hisown mental point of origin.

These men begin to see the results of their efforts, efforts often unbeknownst to his woman. She may witness the outward changes, but only he know the experience of his inward changes. Now he’s got to deal with new experiences that were previously foreign to him in his old, Blue Pill self-identity. Some are uncomfortable and require him to use judgement he’s never had to before. Others are temptations or opportunities he’s never had access to before.

All of what’s led to this transition required a lot of personal investment on his part, and by his Red Pill awareness he’s done everything right. This transformative experience becomes a kind of Relational Equity for him; equity he believes his wife, his ex, the old high school girl who ignored him, should have some appreciation for. Just like the old books men who believed that building themselves up in their careers or getting more in touch with their feminine sides would be the key to doing everything right, the Red Pill aware guy finds that it’s not him, it’s her.

This is part one of this series.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

528 comments on “The Reconstruction I

  1. That video didn’t work out well.

    “Now it’s unavoidable and we have pastors encouraging sex quota months in order to spur the asexual wives in the congregation.”

    .

    The point I would make is that men have been feminized to the point that they need the reverend to have a say in sex.

    Where is the natural instinctive drive to reproduce,Has it been killed by feminism or epigenetics?

    Has social conditioning via the village gone to the no game point that the game has been handed over to religeous leaders?This is counter productive at best,I meen having a preacher negotiate sex for the men in the congregation is like shooting them all in the foot.

  2. Rugby

    Nice find… Man leading woman following…

    Fyi if anyone wants to view a DPA guy who betaizes himself because of what he thinks he hears and is expected of him, a woman who settles for a greater beta… and remains an alpha widow… And longs for what might have been… See La La Land.

  3. @Kobi

    I could see a man going to a religeos leader and asking for help or advice in marriage matters.What I don’t get is that same leader negotiating sex on a grand scale.

    The next move for the church will probably be even more divisive.

    In order to fill the pews they will have to cater to an all encompasing diversity.

  4. @Nova ‘…Not by “trying to be her best option at all times”, but just by being the guy, through living your life, who actually IS her best option at all times without specifically focusing on being that guy. It’s a side-effect of who you are, in other words….’

    I had been figuring out how to say this exact thing. You nailed it.

  5. @Ton

    women are…natural born pysops agents.

    Natural, but not as effective as men who do psyops. I’m sure that you can read women’s bullshit quite easily. Men excel at everything except female reproductive stuff…gestation, etc.

  6. @stuff

    The point I would make is that men have been feminized to the point that they need the reverend to have a say in sex.

    I am shocked that there are reverends even aware of this and double-shocked that they are trying to fix it. Some of them must be reading manosphere sites.

  7. Tomassi, indignation is defined as “anger aroused by something unjust, unworthy, or mean.” When you dismiss women’s indignation, you sever our ability to turn to men for protection, provision, against the things that are unjust,unworthy,and mean.

    Worse,when you encourage men to exploit indignation as a means of sexual attraction, what you are basically implying is that men themselves are the thing that is “unjust,unworthy, and mean.” That is the exact same message feminists promote and I believe it is really harmful to us as a culture.

    Now if you simply wish to dabble in some indignation to spark a good pillow fight as a form of forplay, there’s nothing wrong with that at all. The problem arises when our praxeology becomes a cultural narrative that actually severs natural affection,that runs contrary to biology,that begins to do harm.

    If you simply focused on sexual matters without the sexual politics, I wouldn’t say a word. The problem is that much like feminism, you take the personal and make it political.

    1. Once again, in the absence of indignation women will actively manufacture it for themselves.

      If you read the post you’ll understand that women have a psychological need for indignation separate from whether a particular man is the of it. Ignore that fact at your peril.

      Women will create elaborate productions for themselves to effect this. Women will live vicariously through other women in order to feel it by proxy. This includes TV talk shows like The View and this includes deliberately putting rival men into the same social environment.

      If you expect some baseline equalist notion of fair play and self-policing of this on the part of women you will eventually find yourself the foil for her need for indignation. Far better to accept and master that need, reign it in and use it to your advantage.

      1. “If you read the post you’ll understand that women have a psychological need for indignation separate from whether a particular man is the of it.”

        Of course we do. This isn’t rocket science. What else is going to trigger our desire for a man’s protection, provision, besides indignation?

        But you are politicizing that in a way that dismisses and demeans the validity of a woman’s indignation about the things that really matter. So you render us powerless to take our concerns to men, which then drives us out into the public square where we are forced to look to others rather than our men, other like the government, like the View, in order to find that sense of safety, justice, provision that women cannot live without. Hence the roots of “social justice,” perpetual indignation mixed with an endless thirst for justice.

  8. “Men excel at everything except female reproductive stuff…gestation, etc.”

    Just about a year ago today I said that very thing to a woman, and she agreed without hesitation or qualm.

    She was also over 80.

  9. @Gamer

    “I am shocked that there are reverends even aware of this and double-shocked that they are trying to fix it. Some of them must be reading manosphere sites.”

    Any reverend that wants to help his congregation in regards to sexual dynamics,(and they do need all the help they can get in the modern climate) should study the rational male as a doctrine.

  10. ” . . . you are politicizing that in a way that dismisses and demeans the validity of a woman’s indignation about the things that really matter,” she said indignantly.

  11. @IB

    But you are politicizing that in a way that dismisses and demeans the validity of a woman’s indignation about the things that really matter. So you render us powerless to take our concerns to men

    You are correct that women’s whining is a feature, not a bug, as the esteemed Deti has pointed out previously…however, whining must be filtered for usefulness…not all of women’s whining needs to be acted on…some just needs emotional comfort

  12. @stuff

    Any reverend that wants to help his congregation in regards to sexual dynamics,(and they do need all the help they can get in the modern climate) should study the rational male as a doctrine.

    Yeah, the idea of trying to monitor sexual compliance from the pulpit is silly. There are better ways to handle the problem from the pulpit, like studying the Song of Solomon from a Red Pill perspective, as I have frequently pointed out over on Dalrock’s site, and have been just as frequently ignored over there. Lots of the commenters over there are VERY Blue Pill.

  13. @gamer

    I gather Dalrock’s is the place to discuss this sort of thing,blue pillers need to start somewhere,most people I have met are adverse to studying anything from any perspective.

    This may be why the majority are joiners.

  14. “This isn’t rocket science.”

    Last time I checked, it was akin to it. Do you even Read Rollo? (like all of his essays? or do you just imagine what he had to say the last 5 to 15 years?) Just because you can’t understand masculine and feminine motives, and how those motives reach equilibrium in sexual strategy, doesn’t mean it is not rocket-science like. You keep conflation religious ideology with practical masculine strategy. If you want to engage in ideological discourse about ideological feminine strategy, perhaps you shouldn’t waste yours or our time on manosphere blogs.

    You can’t build today with the broken pieces of yesterday. See The Red Queen hypothesis:

    The Red Queen hypothesis, also referred to as Red Queen’s, Red Queen’s race or the Red Queen effect, is an evolutionary hypothesis which proposes that organisms must constantly adapt, evolve, and proliferate not merely to gain reproductive advantage, but also simply to survive while pitted against ever-evolving opposing organisms in an ever-changing environment. The hypothesis intends to explain two different phenomena: the constant extinction rates as observed in the paleontological record caused by co-evolution between competing species, and the advantage of sexual reproduction (as opposed to asexual reproduction) at the level of individuals.–Wikipedia

    “What else is going to trigger our desire for a man’s protection, provision, besides indignation?”

    You can have desires all you want. But more important: what is going to do to trigger a man’s desire to protect and provide for you? What is going to trigger him to give you his commitment card? Simple Indignation on a small or large scale? YGBFSM. Good luck with that…..

    You got it backwards. With self centeredness. Otherwise known as Solipsism.

    What should trigger your desire is an “Alpha” male: One that in your mind has presence for you, intelligence, strength, passion, direction and humor. Feel free to reduce this to Passionate, Dynamic and Authentic. (Objectivity is optional for women–in this regard.)

    Otherwise, go ahead and settle for Beta Provisioning. Make sure you bone up on Female Stages of Manipulation for that choice of yours. Or pick a stupid man. That doesn’t realize what you are actually doing to him.

    What attracts that male to you is: beauty, sexual openness (really), your trust of that man’s direction (if he has one of course, if he doesn’t have a “good” direction, then why do you even want him? Oh, that’s right, I forgot…. unilateral provisioning…..), support for that man’s vision (if he has good vision otherwise don’t choose him), intelligence and healthy radiance (don’t be a solipsistic bitch, rather, be feminine).

    These qualities were derived from surveys of (intelligent) men and women. Intelligence is optional if you so desire.

    Arbitrary or tactical Indignation is, in my opinion, is not an attractive feminine virtue. And I certainly wouldn’t commit to a woman that consciously or unconsciously employed it as a tactical virtue.

  15. “Just because you can’t understand masculine and feminine motives, and how those motives reach equilibrium in sexual strategy, doesn’t mean it is not rocket-science like.”

    Rocket science is pretty straight forward. Rocket engineering is the tricky bit.

  16. “What else is going to trigger our desire for a man’s protection, provision, besides indignation?”

    This too fits under:Hypergamy doesn’t care.

    If this desire trigger isn’t on no safety preset,someone just isn’t paying attention to what is happening in the world all around them.

    I think the biggest problem with IB is she doesn’t get out enough.

  17. In the context of indignation from titled article.

    “I should add the caveat that for it to be effective you already need to have established a relationship to the point that doing something unexpected conflicts with a set expectation of behavior from you. If a woman doesn’t know your character “losing your cool” will only make you seem erratic and unstable.”

  18. “Rocket science is pretty straight forward. Rocket engineering is the tricky bit.”

    If you made IB’s statement to Elon Musk : “Of course we do. This isn’t rocket science. What else is going to trigger our desire for a man’s protection, provision, besides indignation?” What do you think he would say about that? I bet he would say inter-sexual relations were harder than rocket engineering. Most certainly IB is underestimating the complexity, because she is emoting, and not engaging in concrete (nor abstract) thought or deductive reasoning. She’s ideological all the way down, while we are meanwhile busying ourselves with praxeology. (She doesn’t care what actually works, nor what is, instead of what ought to be.)

    And I’m on record as not having a problem with the existence of Religion. I wouldn’t be here where I am without the former existence of organized Religions in the human race. Religion is useful, just not in the ways she thinks it is.

  19. @rugby11
    I agree. Software is softer therefore more amenable to tweaks. Hardware on the other hand is hard…tweakable, but to a less extend.

    PS:
    Is it possible to be putting the links in a way that one can tell what the content is before clicking?

  20. IB –

    “Hence the roots of “social justice,” perpetual indignation mixed with an endless thirst for justice.”

    Justice for who?

  21. But you are politicizing that in a way that dismisses and demeans the validity of a woman’s indignation about the things that really matter. So you render us powerless to take our concerns to men, which then drives us out into the public square where we are forced to look to others rather than our men, other like the government, like the View, in order to find that sense of safety, justice, provision that women cannot live without. Hence the roots of “social justice,” perpetual indignation mixed with an endless thirst for justice.

    Huh?

    The manosphere didn’t cause feminism. Feminism had already politicized the personal. There is no way back from that without a social and cultural and political revolution, and none of those are happening (nor would most of us wish them on anyone). So we adjust. Women weaponized affection, sex, relationships, and we find the response. There is no way of “decelerating” the process. It can’t be done unilaterally at this point, things are too far gone. So we adapt, we adjust, so that we can at least attract and retain someone, while being true to our mission, under the current constraints.

  22. Rollo
    Once again, in the absence of indignation women will actively manufacture it for themselves.

    There is an observation that may be close to an axiom in the Artificial Intelligence world:
    “Neural networks perform best in the presence of noise”. A totally clean signal can be confusing to many of the standard neural-network based AI”s, deliberately introducing a controlled amount of noise, not too much, makes the pattern recognition much better. Understand that the standard neural network system used now is all but unchanged from the early 1990’s, so this is not a new discovery. Those “neurons” are primitive compared to anything in nature. But the principles used in the artificial world do seem to reflect something from the real world.

    If there is not ‘noise” for a woman’s neural net to work around, she’ll manufacture it herself.

    Another perspective: YaReallly and other PUA’s write of the emotional roller coaster – either take a woman on a roller coaster ride, or she’ll try to make one for herself. Dalrock has observed that women need life to be something like a theme park in that there is a roller coaster that looks dangerous but is actually safe (Amelia Earhart’s flight across the Atlantic being a good example).

    Older men in my life would look at some woman having a hissy fit over nothing and wryly observe, “Oh, she’ll get over it”. Younger me, stuck in my equalitarian phase and always working to Take Women Seriously (because that’s what they said they wanted) would disagree. Older me realizes how wise those men were. Because if women couldn’t “get over it”, they’d never be able to survive War Bride status – so it’s in their hindbrain to brew up a tempest in a teapot, and to get over it – unless some stupid Betaized male tries the feminine cure of “tend and befriend” or as too many churchgoing men put it, “Just lovin’ her no matter what”. That is rewarding bad behavior, a sure fire way to get more bad behavior.

    tl;dr
    There’s sorta-sciencey reasons supporting Rollo’s observation. Women will manufacture indignation or other drama because at some level they need it, just as they need to be told to cut it out.

  23. Novaseeker:

    The manosphere didn’t cause feminism. Feminism had already politicized the personal.

    Eh, dude, she’s a second stage feminist old woman. To her, everything is men’s fault. That’s the go-to for most bitter women, but in this case it’s double or triple intense.
    It’s All Men’s Fault is so deeply grooved into her neuroplastic brain it would take a lot of work to sand that over. Because she’d have to admit that women’s bad behavior has affected men, and that runs right into It’s All Men’s Fault.

    Bitter, aging, post menopausal feminists with a deep mean streak don’t respond to reason.

  24. Novaseeker: ‘so we adjust’

    Wtf man, an eye for an eye just makes the whole world blind. Why don’t you just surrender? Your mission doesn’t seem very decent. I’ve only read your one post and the means you’re alluding to (Game) of retaining a woman don’t seem very legit. Why would you even want to retain a woman so ingrained in a feminist ideology (all women even the sluts, all except Self-realised saints basically i.e. absence of ideology). I recently got massively screwed over by a guy and I’m not sharpening my pitchfork and going on a ‘mission’.

    ‘As long as a person is involved with warfare, trying to defend or attack, then his action is not sacred; it is mundane, dualistic, a battlefield situation.’ – Chogyam Trungpa

    True love is not adversarial.

  25. Well, it seems the crazy has moved on from The Crazy.

    I don’t know whether she’s spring bound or not wound tight enough, but her pendulum ain’t keepin’ time with the music either way.

  26. Tomassi, indignation is defined as “anger aroused by something unjust, unworthy, or mean.” When you dismiss women’s indignation….”

    There is a difference between real indignation and fake indignation. Real indignation among men is explained in The Misandry Bubble. Fake feminine indignation as a tactic is what Rollo is pointing out to you. It’s obvious in your posts, your motive and your intent.

    I wonder how InsanityBytes would read this in regards to real masculine indignation:

    http://www.singularity2050.com/2010/01/the-misandry-bubble.html

    I suspect she would rally round the needs of the sisterhood and by extension Churchian ideology. Men here have bigger issues. That is why they dismiss yours there.

    Which include SJW’s that try to delve into engineering social issues.

    “So you render us powerless to take our concerns to men, which then drives us out into the public square where we are forced to look to others rather than our men, other like the government, like the View, in order to find that sense of safety, justice, provision that women cannot live without. “

    Real men with real value are out there to be found. You just don’t care because you have bigger issues Granny Insanity. Fake Indignation or Concern Trolling doesn’t get your real goal: association with real men, nor does it make them care about you. Cause you have greater issues: the sisterhood and the preservation of Church. You and the sisterhood have an evolutionary duel strategy: use it wisely or deny it. Manipulating a man into provider-ship on your part on a large scale is you settling. Good luck with that. It is not a practical winning strategy.

    We are watching you.

    http://cdn.collider.com/wp-content/uploads/little_fockers_movie_posters_stiller_de_niro_slice_01.jpg

  27. “Well, it seems the crazy has moved on from The Crazy.”

    I’m just saying a little prayer that she is not Softek’s girlfriend being indignant about him learning “stuff” (otherwise known as masculine self improvement for his own sake) on the internet, rather than being indignant about porn watching. That is why I always advocate for a man to answer the question about what he is “doing” so much (while he is participating in masculine self improvement via the manosphere) online: “Don’t worry honey, it’s just Porn.” She says” Good. You shouldn’t know this TRM stuff. You should, but you shouldn’t. Stop taking away my Agency. I’m Indignant that you deign to take away my Agency.”

    Then A decides to lash out at someone for not actually having enough beauty, sexual openness, trust of her man’s direction, support of her man’s vision, intelligence, or healthy feminine readiance–or at least enough to entice the guy into providing. So the lashing out target is TRM.

    I fear this won’t end well.

    But at least I got my hunting cabin well cleaned yesterday, and my wife is really embodying those attributes of the feminine mentioned before that last sentence, that I like and have desire for. Women do have control over themselves (via mastery and feminine radiance) when they have an actual desire to go along willingly. I’ll pass on those that don’t.

    Go rant somewhere else Ms. A. This blog is not the genesis of your frustrations. Your motives and your tactics are. You don’t actually care for the best of your partner. That is normal operating procedure for non-feminine feline cats. They don’t actually care about men and I’m OK with that. It is normal, just don’t expect to advance your imperative with defiance. It won’t work. IOW, keep the same mentality and you will screw yourself into the ground.

  28. @Neo

    “Where do I ask questions not directly related to a blog ? So suave forum?”

    Depends on what the question is. What is it? I’ve never even heard of a question from a guy in the last couple years that wasn’t relevant to this blog.

    That being said, there is the About section link at the top of the page below the Title that can be used to answer an obscure question.

  29. @Rollo on indignation….I’ve found increasingly agree and amplify doesn’t always work. I now simply deconstruct the drama, point out how needless a confrontation is….then change the subject.

    That is enough to diffuse it because it’s a touch point for more escalation.

    In fact I’ve found agree and amplify doesn’t always work in diffusing the indignation because it leads to MORE indignation.

    There is a need for women to be put in their place. Agree and ampliy is but one tool. Assertiveness is key.

  30. Spent a chunk of the morning “whispering” one of these:

    http://www.roschmitt.com/0515/images/13140_B.JPG

    Stuck inside one of these:

    http://www.antiqpedia.com/admin/pictures/articles/56/6dfe8354f0f8d8d2fe2fde1061251636.jpeg

    . . . that, after a mere 113 years, seemed to have a bit of a crisis of motivation. For the moment she seems to have “got over it.” We’ll see.

    Got me to wondering where my old Seth-Thomas metronome has got to. I haven’t seen it in ages, but I don’t recall ever having gotten rid of it either. Doesn’t mean that somebody else didn’t while I wasn’t looking. I’m going to have to do a proper inventory of the treasure rooms one of these days and see what turns up.

  31. Perhaps you should start from the beginning. Rather than the end.

    Male concrete and abstract deduction is base on facts, not emotions.

  32. “They always project.”

    Social Justice Warriors usually proceed from a Top Down approach.

    When one approaches you with a bottoms up approach, that is a scary live wire.

    I think we got one of those on our hands.

    Paging Softek: “Are you OK?” I’m worried.

  33. @wala

    I’ve found increasingly agree and amplify doesn’t always work. I now simply deconstruct the drama, point out how needless a confrontation is….then change the subject.

    As I’ve pointed out on my blog in a post about relationships, women often NEED drama. You need to set off the drama firecracker before it becomes dynamite. Your method will simply postpone the inevitable and make the drama explosion bigger than it need be.

  34. “I don’t have BPD! You’ve got it all wrong! Wtf. If you met me you wouldn’t think so.”

    I’ll take you up on that deal. Post your Facebook name and cell phone number here and I will meet you and decide. But make sure you don’t tell my wife that I am interacting with you. She might get soft dread. I guarantee I’ll right you, if so deserved.

    And what is your definition of BPD? And how would you disqualify yourself from that? Once again, tell your narrative of your frustrations, and stop being so cryptic, or stop commenting.

  35. He told me he was a virgin. He told me that 500 times. He said he’s never touched a girl before/been in a relationship. That everything was new to him.

    M8 I’m not posting my personal details here.

  36. “I have no idea what’s going on “

    Wonder why?

    A blog is meant to convey ideas. The normal course of events is to read the original essays. Which is in this case >500 of them with links to former essays.

    Get into the flow of ideas, then start commenting.

    While understanding that this is mostly guys sharing ideas with each other. A male space.

    If you want to barge into that space, you damn well better have something good to say to the male audience. Or show good tits.

  37. “He told me he was a virgin. He told me that 500 times. He said he’s never touched a girl before/been in a relationship. That everything was new to him.

    M8 I’m not posting my personal details here.”

    What the fuck are you going on about?

    We are not about accepting your cryptic emotional postings. Move along girl.

    Do you have any understanding about what Rollo Tomassi on The Rational Male is all about?

    What are you all about?

    You found a blog to lash out regarding a failed relationship, without discussing the dynamics about what the hell happened there?

    Full Stop.

    We have no idea what you are taking about!

    Was it you or him at fault?

    I can take a wild guess: Both.

    Sounds like an indifferent tale you are telling.

  38. kfg, now i’m going to have to look for my copy of “The Modern Clock” so that I can put it somewhere else, where it will be easy to find when I need it.

    No idea why you are first posting about UXP (Hi, Opus!) and then going on about clocks.

  39. @SJW

    I don’t have BPD!

    http://www.indianfunpic.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Oh-really-tell-me-more.jpg

    Did you just get defensive with psychological projection, or were you hearing demeaning voices here telling you were BPD. What is BPD? Where did you hear that and why are you being so defensive.

    Do you hold yourself in high self esteem. Or do you figure once in a while you have low self esteem with others. And you fake like you don’t–on occasion?

    You may hope to emote here, but I’ll be damned if males don’t decide on described concrete descriptions about you and him. You want to have a dialogue? Don’t be vague about what the hell you are dealing with. It doesn’t work that way here.

    Out with it or STFU. No one cares. Unless you present a good feminine case for your frustrations.

    Start now. With the drama. Real or imagined.

  40. “He told me he was a virgin. He told me that 500 times. He said he’s never touched a girl before/been in a relationship. That everything was new to him.”

    Why did you post that? Who the hell cares or is not indifferent to that fact without back story.

    What is the point? Is him being a virgin good or bad. I cannot tell. If yes or no, what still is the fucking point of your story.

    I think you are disgruntled. But I don’t exactly know why.

    And what is your point in reference to the theme of this blog?

  41. You guys got used bad. The only reason you think I have BPD is because he had a case to present to the faculty in case they questioned him. You were his prosecutors.

  42. “You guys got used bad. The only reason you think I have BPD is because he had a case to present to the faculty in case they questioned him. You were his prosecutors.”

    Please. Do not use female blindsiding. I’ve never been used much. And I refuse to do so by you.

    You vague poster you. What the hell is going on?

  43. @ManylyMan: “. . . it is certain there are few men.”

    Check the attic. Hold your breath until you hose it down with Ozium.

  44. ‘I’m not angry! Just things makes sense now.’,/i>

    Wait, What? how the hell did that happen? Are you through denial, anger, bargaining and depression? You fully accept your Wall Epiphany ? You still haven’t told your story. Out with that you aren’t originally cool. What is your deal?

    Makes sense to you now what?

  45. Dr Zipper:

    Just had this with one of my plates who just wants an arguement and feels guilty she did something I called her out at. I simply said: Chill. Not everything is a confrontation.

    girls want to push your buttons with this stuff. Call them out. Let them blow up and then leave it.

  46. @insanitybytes22

    Those same laws that force men to support women and children are also used against men who are trying their best to be good husbands and fathers. A man who does his best to meet all of his wife and children’s needs can lose them, because his wife just isn’t ‘feeling it’ any more. That’s fair enough, it’s a free country, but we incentivize broken families when we allow women to enjoy provisioning even after she has chosen to leave the union. (And if you want to talk about righteous indignation, there are even some jurisdictions in which the man can be forced to pay child support for the child of infidelity.)

    “Good guys” are ultimately going to observe this and end up on websites like this, trying to reverse engineer women’s emotions. If you don’t like Rollo’s advice, then point to something better. (The link you provided to your own site, compared men seeking self-help to a murderer. That’s not helpful, to say the least.)

  47. The ’57 SAAB dashboard wind up has been sitting around for decades. I couldn’t “whisper” it back to functioning a couple of days ago and set it aside. I just gave it another go and . . . nothin’. Not going to crack the case any time in the near future.

    So I put it down. A bit rougher than I had intended. A bit of a “crack” on contact.

    Wait! What’s that noise? Why, YES . . . it’s ticking.

    Sometimes you have to whisper gently. Sometimes you have to give them a bit of a smack, just to get their attention first.

  48. False alarm I’ve read his posts. I’m not Softek’s gf. *sharp exhale of breath* But you gaming people are deceptive. If some girl found out you were plate spinning… that’s really destructive to her self esteem. I apologise, I have a really strong paranoia radar. I just don’t approve of all the games you play. I know you don’t care at all etc.

  49. “Good guys” are ultimately going to observe this and end up on websites like this, trying to reverse engineer women’s emotions. If you don’t like Rollo’s advice, then point to something better”

    Jesus Christ is better. I’ll point to having a powerful relationship with Him as a far better choice then endlessly trying to game women. I hope that is not offensive. I mean Tomassi has his own charm, he is just not Jesus Christ.

    As to good guys trying to reverse engineer woman’s emotions so as to protect themselves from divorce rape, or improve their marriages, I could see that. But the truth is most of the guys at Tomassi’s site are far more interested in using their anger and hatred towards women to fuel and justify their desire to bang a lot of hot chicks.

    So men, perpetually bitter and angry, and women having their emotions reverse engineered so they can be used for sex and thrown away. That’s a more realistic view of what’s really going on.

    In the olden days pua’s at least had some affection for women, women had some idea of what was going on, and picking up women was more akin to an art form. The red pill has transformed that into something more like, “how can I act like a complete self centered sociopath and go get revenge against all of womankind?”

  50. Women get oneitis too fellas. Cos I’ve seen the pain the hypergamous mindset/?biology can cause. Like in my situation my dad is beta and gets shit tested by my mum all the time (e.g. her enjoying it when it physically pains my dad when my mum compares him to some ‘alpha’ in her past). I understand what it’s like. I’ve intro’d him to RP and he’s slowly gaining more awareness and getting empowered.

  51. “Jesus Christ is better. I’ll point to having a powerful relationship with Him as a far better choice . . .”

    -Insanity Bytes Me

    “That woman is by nature intended to obey is shown by the fact that every woman who is placed in the unnatural position of absolute independence at once attaches herself to some kind of man, by whom she is controlled and governed; this is because she requires a master. If she, is young, the man is a lover; if she is old, a priest.”

    -On Women; Arthur Schopenhauer.

    Guess who’s old.

  52. Hey, there are young women who are serious about Jesus Christ and his message too. And not in a lame as insincere/materialistic Cruel Intentions sort of way lol.

  53. ” . . . there are young women who are serious about Jesus Christ and his message too.”

    You are here complaining about a lover.

  54. kfg
    Wait! What’s that noise? Why, YES . . . it’s ticking.

    I told you it looked like an UneXploded Bomb.

  55. A
    If some girl found out you were plate spinning… that’s really destructive to her self esteem

    The self esteem of girls is clearly the most important issue facing the world today.

  56. Nah, it’s just mutual respect. If you don’t respect girls who probably don’t have much respect for the world either.

  57. @IB:

    Jesus Christ is better. I agree. You want to wank at a guy’s suffering. Go ahead. Whip him silly, put a crown of thorns on his bleeding head, slap him, spit on him, hang him on a piece of wood, nail him on it, spear his “side”. Then listen to him say in the most heavenly voice “Father forgive her, for she knows not what she does.” And the only reason you don’t break his legs is because he is dead already anyway! You killed the nice guy. And you will kill the next one up.

    One is not enough. You are asking for another flesh and blood guy to do the same to?

    Let the guys learn from their past mistakes and take the appropriate contingency measures. Stop trying to sell them snake oil. If you want to engage the men in here, stand where they are standing if you can. They will be engaged.

  58. Thanks A. I respect that. You are one in a million. Very few people can say such a thing when it needs to be said.

    I am a Christian, and I too have no idea what I am talking about. Hahahaaaaa…

    But going by what we can glean from scripture, Jesus was male. And all his twelve disciples were male.

    Those who believe in that kind of stuff insist that He is supposed to come back as a King. Not a Queen.

  59. Dear Cheupez, thank you for being calm. I feel like a lot of these guys on PUA forums don’t know how to do that 🙁

    Also you’re very pretty! #nohomo

  60. I am actually one of the more volatile ones in here. Most guys on TRM are pretty level headed. I think TRM is not really a PUA forum, it is more like a men’s locker room. I believe most guys are here to explore what the nuts and bolts of inter-gender interactions are. Not to learn how to get laid. My impression has been that even the guys in here who have been getting laid have no idea why. and they wanna know.

  61. Hey, this is unrelated but I don’t think Elliot Rodger would’ve been aided by this blog or other PUA literature. He should’ve gone to one of Adyashanti’s talks (I’m not a promoter) and practiced Self-Enquiry. For more information: look him up on the ROTK forum or Google ‘Adyashanti’.

  62. ‘I am actually one of the more volatile ones in here. Most guys on TRM are pretty level headed. I think TRM is not really a PUA forum, it is more like a men’s locker room. I believe most guys are here to explore what the nuts and bolts of inter-gender interactions are. Not to learn how to get laid. My impression has been that even the guys in here who have been getting laid have no idea why. and they wanna know.’

    lol

  63. Elliot did not even need to get into this blog. He only needed to read a few pages of the first book, “The Rational Male”. It takes a very tiny spark from such stuff to ignite the energy it takes to transform such a fella into a pretty solid dude.

    I will look up Adyashanti. But I am a very cynical sceptic, so I will not promise you that I will not be quite pissed off at any bullshit from them…and yelling at them to shove it up.

  64. Adyashanti seems to be a good man, that’s why I like listening to him. He’s supposedly enlightened too! 🙂

    ‘Heheheeeee…why are you loling at that.?’

    The fact that they don’t know, mirrors why I don’t know why I fell for this dude irl who is so steeped in PUA strategy lol. He’s not even a human anymore.

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