The Reconstruction I

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One of the most common misperceptions for guys coming into a Red Pill awareness experience is an expectation of being able to use that awareness and Game to reconstruct an old relationship. Most often this hope is about a guy wanting to ‘fix’ his broken relationship with a girl who dumped him. This is easily the most common reason Blue Pill guys make themselves open to what the Red Pill has to reveal to him. They are desperate, not for the intergender truths that the Red Pill presents, but rather for a solution to their hearts being crushed by a girl.

This is understandable when you consider that these men are still very steeped in Blue Pill idealism they’ve yet to unlearn (or understand why they need to unlearn it) and haven’t made the connection that their idealism is part of the reason why they likely were dumped. All they feel is a desperate longing to reconnect to a girl who was their ‘One’, and only now they are desperate enough to seek answers from the Red Pill.

It’s funny how some of the most ardent Red Pill deniers will be open to listening to its truths about men and women if it presents the possibility of them getting back with a former lover they invested themselves in. This is a good illustration of the degree of control Blue Pill idealism has over guys; that they would be open to amending their beliefs if it means reconnecting to those feelings he’s been cut away from.

Unfortunately, the Red Pill is not a salve for Blue Pill disillusionment. It’s a cure, not a bandaid. I tried to succinctly address this in the 7th Iron Rule of Tomassi:

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7
It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

Another Red Pill reconstruction attempt is men who make it their goal to ‘re-seduce’ a woman they failed to effectively Game while still wrapped up in their Blue Pill mindset. The first presumption is that revenge might motivate a guy to want to pump and dump a girl who once blew him out back when he was locked into his Blue Pill mentality. Women like this idea because they think it confirms men’s egos being easily bruised, but I don’t think this is always the case.

It’s entirely possible that some past coquette has taken an organic liking to “the new him” now that his Red Pill transition and better grasp of Game has made him attractive to her. I’ve had several guys relate to me about how they have turned a former ONEitis into a plate they were spinning along with others. The experience of doing so will often solidify Red Pill/Game principles for him – the act of cycling an old ‘soul mate’ into a guy’s roster of non-exclusive lovers is a lesson in taking women of a formerly idealistic pedestal and helps humanize women for him in the process.

I should also add that there’s usually a period of time necessary to effect this. Too many men will see Red Pill awareness and just the loosest form of Game as some magic formula for pulling this off too soon. A sudden incongruent shift in his demeanor only puts her off more and leaves him discouraged.

Doing Everything Right

The third type of reconstructionist is the married man  – or the guy in a multi-year LTR – seeking to find the secret to remedy his dead bedroom. There was a time (pre-internet, pre-Red Pill) when these men were reluctant to even voice the problem they were having with their sexually indifferent wives. Generally, this was due to a couple of specific fears.

The first is that most Blue Pill men are conditioned from a very early age to always find fault in themselves before they would ever imply that it would be a woman’s. This was especially true if it was about sex. If you can’t satisfy a woman, it’s your fault. If a woman isn’t aroused or attracted by you, it’s your fault, so the presumption used to be that a man could only better himself as a means to reestablish an attraction that (presumably) he had with his wife before they were married.

Back in the day this ‘improvement’ could be defined in various old books ways. He might get a promotion at work, a shift up in status and pay. He might lose weight or find some form of competition he might possibly do well in. He might change his beliefs or accede to better identifying with his wife, or do more chores around the home, help with the kids, arrange more ‘date nights’. He might go to marriage counseling or participate in his church’s “men’s spiritual retreats” in order to show that he’s growing.

All of these ways of “rekindling the old flame” are essentially a man’s effort in acquiescing to his woman’s Frame while keeping him in a perpetual state of negotiating for her genuine desire. From a Red Pill perspective we understand this, but there was a time, not so long ago, when men’s preoccupation was all about doing everything right in order to get his wife to fuck him like she used to, or with something resembling genuine enthusiasm.

The second fear men of that time had was admitting to their inability to satisfy their wife (LTR) sexually. Again, this was all about a female-dominant Frame, and his qualifying for her pleasure, but we’re talking about a time when men’s interpretation of their own masculinity was always being questioned. It’s interesting to see how times have changed with communication technology. I can remember a time when it would’ve been taboo to be too direct about sex in church. Now it’s unavoidable and we have pastors encouraging sex quota months in order to spur the asexual wives in the congregation.

In a Blue Pill social order, men learn to always qualify for women. So the natural, male-deductive response has always been to do everything right in order to keep the sex faucet flowing. Sacrifice dreams, belay ambitions, get the right job with the right status and become a person who a woman would want to bang. These are all old book presumptions based on the Beta Female-Identifying Provider archetype, but it’s important to keep this in mind today because this same do everything right presumption still persists for men today.

The following is a post from the Married Red Pill Reddit I saved about four months ago.

Story time….

I originally posted most of this in a reply over at ASKMRP but I thought I’d share here too.

You can read my post history to get all the gory details but I moved out a few months ago in exasperation after following my MRP path to a T and seeing little to no improvement in our relationship. I’ve “fixed” myself in ways I never thought I could and moving out was me punting the final decision for a bit before I blow my beautiful children’s life to pieces.

Things are calm, peaceful, friendly and kinda fun at “home” but the sexual dynamic hasn’t changed at all despite all odds. I’ve finally reached the point that I give 0 fucks either way and every day that goes by makes me a bit more ambivalent to the whole deal.

It’s taken a long time to get here but something happened last week that opened my eyes to how shitty my life has been for a looooong time and how at this point she is the only “problem” left in my life and I can’t “fix” her.

The quick back story is that I was a fat, beta fuck for a long time and have been on this journey for about 2 years. I am fairly ripped now and have “fixed” myself to the point that I feel comfortable saying I’m a top 5-10% guy in my metro. Good looking, successful business(Doubled my sales in the last 12mos! Thanks MRP!), dress well…etc.

Last week I initiated with the wife while I was over at our house helping get the kids to bed. She shot me down like she has been for months. We still fuck here and there but the quality has been shitty for a while despite implementing as much SGM as I can.

I laughed, told her goodnight and went back to my house. I actually prefer being there now. I’ve come to love the solitude too as the loneliness and missing the kids has worn off a little.

I worked out and read for a while and got bored so I decided to download Bumble and Tinder to get a no risk gauge of where I’m at if I end up nexting her. I’ve been getting plenty of IOI’s in public but I live in a small town so pursuing them would eventually lead to big problems. I also downloaded a GPS location faker and put myself in a state far, far away to make sure I don’t get doxxed by one of her shitty, single friends…

Gentlemen…It’s been 4 days and I currently have over 60 unsolicited messages from all kinds of women. My inbox is full of unsolicited tittie and pussy shots from women waayyy hotter than my wife. I’ve got 5 women literally begging me to come fuck them and another 5 or so I’m confident I could fuck within a week if I wanted.

It’s a good thing I put myself so far away or the temptation would probably be way too much to handle. I deleted the apps this morning as I’m not ready to blow everything up yet and I want to give the marriage every last chance for my kids sake. I know myself well enough to know that once I taste some strange there will no turning back. The constant buzzing of the burner phone was also killing my productivity.

The end result is that this whole experiment has killed off any last shred of oneitis I had and opened my eyes to what my life will look like going forward if this goes the way it’s heading. My wife is a good woman and is fairly hot but it appears that she may not be able to see past all those years of beta shittiness from me and that’s ok.

I didn’t tell you my story to brag but to re-affirm that only you can change and determine the quality of your life. I can tell you that 2 years ago I was a mess trying to hang on to the shreds of my marriage while my wife was pretty much repulsed by me. My wife will or will not change into the sexy woman I want over the next few months but now I really don’t care because I have PAINFULLY built myself into a man that the world will treat very well either way.

Salvation lies within, motherfuckers! Get to work, be consistent, and reap the rewards!

Today the hope for bettering a man’s sexual prospects in marriage is found primarily in Red Pill awareness. I would daresay that the Red Pill, Game and the manosphere have done more in improving men’s sexual access in marriage than contemporary marriage counseling for about 10 years now. That’s to be lauded I think, but it also has to come with the understanding that no man’s experience, no man’s situation with his wife/woman, is ever the same, nor is it ideal.

There is a set of Red Pill men (usually married) who also attempt to do everything right – according to Red Pill awareness and applied Game – and, as per this man’s story, the situation is such that it is still ‘not enough’.

These men become Red Pill aware, they unplug, they struggle to accept it while disenfranchising themselves from their Blue Pill conditioning. They put in the time for insight and soul-searching, they deal with the uncomfortable truths of what they’ve been all their lives. They deal with the anger that inspires and they come out on the other side and begin to remake themselves. They self-improve.

Roosh recently had some Dali Lama moment about how he believes self-improvement is some Zen preset channel for men, and they ought not worry about bettering themselves. I say bullshit. Self-improvement itself is a state of being. Once a man applies himself, invests more in himself than he ever has before, changes his mind about himself, he becomes hisown mental point of origin.

These men begin to see the results of their efforts, efforts often unbeknownst to his woman. She may witness the outward changes, but only he know the experience of his inward changes. Now he’s got to deal with new experiences that were previously foreign to him in his old, Blue Pill self-identity. Some are uncomfortable and require him to use judgement he’s never had to before. Others are temptations or opportunities he’s never had access to before.

All of what’s led to this transition required a lot of personal investment on his part, and by his Red Pill awareness he’s done everything right. This transformative experience becomes a kind of Relational Equity for him; equity he believes his wife, his ex, the old high school girl who ignored him, should have some appreciation for. Just like the old books men who believed that building themselves up in their careers or getting more in touch with their feminine sides would be the key to doing everything right, the Red Pill aware guy finds that it’s not him, it’s her.

This is part one of this series.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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kfg
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kfg
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“Enter the “bot widow”.”

We have now reached the point where this reference has become obligatory:

Anonymous Reader
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kfg

“High end fridge with a camera to monitor the food?”

When they first started talking about that my reflexive reaction was: “To hell with why I would want something like that, what would I have to smoking to even allow something like that in my house?”

Not The Target Market is a reality for some. But for most people, P.T. Barnum was right.

scribblerg
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I personally cannot imagine having sex with a robot. Seems to be the ultimate opposite of an abundance mentality, in fact, such a man can only be desperate and self-hating beyond all imagining for me. I wouldn’t even use a Fleshbot, seems quite pathetic to me. I was watching the Cherry 2000 trailer and was comparing notes. My HB9 is that hot, she loves sex and likes to serve me… No robot required, boys, just game. Let the chumps fuck bots, more real pussy for us. I imagine at some point, women will marry betas and then make them fuck… Read more »

stuffinbox
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The release of the new sex bots for women,is where the real money is.

The women that can afford these $8000 machines,will have a hard time finding alpha IRL.

ollieoxenfree1
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Another exceptional essay, Rollo. Something of a habit, I see.

I would like to thank you in particular for coining the phrase ‘mental point of origin’.
It strikes me, if someone were to make a tape, repeating just this phrase and asked me to listen to it night and day for the next decade. I don’t think it would be too much. Nor would I tire of it.
For me, this is the holy grail.

Every aspect of the red pill intersects with discovering your mental point of origin. It’s this philosophy’s concept of the universal man.

M Simon
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it’s not him, it’s her

It is what i have been telling the LTR for years. She even sees it occasionally.

Good stuff Rollo.

M Simon
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If some girl found out you were plate spinning… that’s really destructive to her self esteem

Not really. It says “her” man is attractive to other woman. That is qualification. If she is “strong” she will out compete the competition. If she is weak? Well you probably shouldn’t want her.

M Simon
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Bubba Licious
January 15, 2017 at 2:11 am

Self improvement is going after what you want and getting it. It usually mean conforming to the requirements of what you want. If you want a drivers license you go to the DMV not the IRS. If you want women to be attracted to you – do what attracts women.

Conforming to what gets you the result you want is self improvement.

M Simon
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scribblerg
January 16, 2017 at 10:31 am

There is an AI map that conforms to human consciousness. It is Marvin Minskey’s “Societies of the Mind”. And it is not far off from what we do in today’s AI.

You pick domain solvers. It is what humans do. And we know how to do domain solvers. What we have no done yet is the AI for domain recognition (to pick the appropriate solver). But that is not a hard problem.

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A couple of my friends got married some years back. After 3 or so years she wasn’t pregnant, so she divorced him and remarried. Last I heard of her she’d gotten knocked up succesfully.
Could have been worse. Note the motive for the double murder in Austria a few years back:

http://nypost.com/2017/01/17/dangerous-ice-cream-killer-being-moved-to-mens-prison/

Yeah, this would be one of those European women that some men figure are so much better than the Americans.

Max from Australia
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Me: 25 Year corporate fraud investigator.

Fraudsters get away with their lies and crimes by emotional detachment.
A Woman who has eaten Satan’s apple from the Garden of Eden (i.e. been onthe carrousel for years) becomes emotionally detached and will defraud a beta. The knowledge Eve got from Satan was that she could use her body to make Adam her Slave. And work work work because men LOVE idealistically and women love opportunistically (I.e. Not our definition of LOVE at all)

If-I-Fell
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The common use of the term “pornography” to describe all sex-related materials enjoyed by men is evidence of how deep we are in the feminine imperative matrix. Men should push back against this terminology. The next time a women accuses you of watching or enjoying porn. Do (at least) the Level 2 most Alpha Mental Point-of-Origin thing. Say: “No, I do not enjoy porn—I enjoy erotica! Porn makes me feel bad about myself—erotica excites me.” Of course, if I understand Rollo’s writings, Level 1 responses would include making her watch so she can learn to please you better, giving her… Read more »

Cobslide
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Back story: Got 2 kids from a previous and got together with a woman (13 years younger; I am 42) with a kid the same age as my youngest.She appears pretty red pill, is in many ways, defers to me, sees me as her superior,has dread concerning my count…never told her what it is, but she assumes it is high due to various attributes; it’s 40+ I am not sure if I fall into the “alpha” category.Have on occasion pulled up to 4 a week without trying all to much, on account on my being somewhat lazy and falling back… Read more »

kfg
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@Cobslide:

You ask the question obviously already knowing the answer, but are looking for a way to turn “is” into “what I wish was.”

Ain’t gonna happen. Kill the beta. Deal with the reality.

stuffinbox
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Cobslide play this tune while you give to her three ways at once,just the two of you.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlwLmyaa454&w=560&h=315%5D

kfg
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kfg
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And then go out and get yourself a couple of younger, hotter, child free plates to break yourself away from the growing idea that this one might be The One.

We don’t want to see you back here in three years asking how not to eat a bullet.

SJF
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@Cobslide KFG has mentioned this twice before: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I blazed a new trail, And that has made all the difference. https://therationalmale.com/2015/11/10/the-purple-pill/comment-page-3/#comment-127445 From “PLEASE Stop Misinterpreting ‘The Road Not Taken’ by Robert Frost” http://susanbaroncini-moe.com/please-stop-misinterpreting-the-road-not-taken/ I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. What It Means: This is the most telling stanza of the poem. It talks about how we rewrite our own histories. We tell stories and… Read more »

Cobslide
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Cheers gents, had the above sentiments go through my head for a few days (since she let it slip during a chat about sex …she says she is embarrassed af now). As an aside, any idea what % (if not all) of women has this fantasy. Read somewhere it was slightly over 50%.

phb
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“Roosh recently had some Dali Lama moment about how he believes self-improvement is some Zen preset channel for men, and they ought not worry about bettering themselves. I say bullshit. Self-improvement itself is a state of being. Once a man applies himself, invests more in himself than he ever has before, changes his mind about himself, he becomes his own mental point of origin.” ‘Mental point of origin’ is the key phrase. Some people believe, though, unconsciously, that they are ‘self-improving’ just by following the script. That’s how you end up with the men you mention in part two of… Read more »

phb
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The reason why you want to be better is the reason why you aren’t.

kfg
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kfg
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“I do believe that Watts is actually advocating that you make yourself your mental point of origin.” Yes. ” . . . men who are total deadbeats . . .” . . . and “jerks,” and “misogynists,” and “literally Hitler.” All terms from the false set of books that strive to shame you into running your life according to someone else’s mental point of origin, for their benefit. The Boogie Men of the Slave Mind. What is “success”? Achieving your goals. The false set of books offers up a set of goals, all tied up in a nice, pretty ribbon,… Read more »

GW
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I love the community here!! I could not let this go by for Married Guys. “As a former OMG I can say you pretty much have had the best sex before the ring even goes on.” I an assure you this is not the case with me!! My wife is like a sex kitten most of the time (married 15.5 years with 3 kids) and apologizes for her bad behavior. She came to me two nights in sexy panties and high heels (nothing else) after locking the door to our bedroom. She hates the cold and it was 63 degrees… Read more »

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Spencer Morgan
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This statment was particularly poignant to me: “My wife is a good woman and is fairly hot but it appears that she may not be able to see past all those years of beta shittiness from me and that’s ok.” I’m in the exact same place… awakened after almost 20 years of marriage. I think I kept my frame with regard to a few things, despite being completely ignorant but otherwise my marriage is a long string of self-deprication and classic beta. I’ll make the changes for myself, not out of hopes to re-create a desire that really has not… Read more »

kfg
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kfg
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“I’ll make the changes for myself, not out of hopes to re-create a desire that really has not existed in her since before our marriage.”

There ya go, but drop in to the field reports section where we happen to be going around these issues right now.

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