Equalism and Masculinity

masculinity

What a lot of feminists hate about red pill theory is that it simply does a better job of predicting social behavior than feminism ever has. I’d like to think that red pill awareness has fundamentally altered (or enlightened if you’d like) intergender interpretations and understanding in a relatively short time, but that would be a mistake.

There’s a distinct group of self-evincing red pill guys who like to remind us in various comment threads that it hasn’t always been thus. Their story is our forbearers “knew better” with regard to how men and women ought to interact with one another, and essentially spelled this out for future generations in the religious and philosophical texts of antiquity.

While I can’t deny the merit of this, I also know that the men of those bygone eras didn’t have anything approaching the mass of information and the connectivity men possess today. It’s easy to get caught up in the romanticism of the idea that back in some Golden Age of manhood, men knew about the dangers of allowing women’s hypergamous natures to run amok. I’m sure those men knew of the consequences of allowing women to control their fates. I’m sure there were Beta men and cuckolded men as well, but even the most wise Alpha among them could never, for instance, understand the impact that a unilaterally feminine-controlled form of birth control would effect upon a globalized society.

The sages of manhood-past may still have many relevant lessons for the men of today, but they simply lack the compounded experiences and understanding men possess now. Though they undoubtedly were keen observers of human behavior, the greatest thinkers of antiquity simply didn’t have an inkling as to the evolved, biological motivators of the sexual strategies our psyches developed in our hunter-gatherer human past.

What frustrates the advocates of this bygone manhood wisdom is that for all of our collective experience and knowledge, for the past sixty or so years, men struggle to come to terms with what that masculinity should mean to them. For all of the accumulated male experience and relation of it that’s led to red pill awareness, men still grapple with ‘what being a man means to them’.

Undoing of a Man

When I do consults with men of all ages I have to begin from a presumption that what these men’s concept of masculinity is usually is the result of a deliberate attempt by the Feminine Imperative to confuse men about what being a man should be for him.

Even the men who tell me they were raised by the most dominant, positively masculine fathers still suffer the internalized effects from this feminized effort to cast doubt on men’s masculinity.

Recently NPR began a series of articles attempting to suss out what it means to be a man in the 21st century. I do listen to NPR, and while I know bias will always be an inevitable part of news stories, I couldn’t help but assess what a morass attempting to define masculinity has become for contemporary men. Each story, each attempt to redefine masculinity, relied on the same tired tropes the Feminine Imperative has been using for men since the start of the sexual revolution.

Weakness, vulnerability, is sold as strength. Submissiveness and compromise to the feminine is sold as “support” and deserving of praise and a reciprocal appreciation (which never manifests in women). Beta is Alpha and Alpha is insecurity, bluster and compensation.

Those are the main premises, and, to a large degree, most red pill aware men realize that behavior is the only true determinant of motivation, and reject the feminized, egalitarian equalist messaging. However, what still surprises me is that this same, deliberate effort to cast doubt on what masculinity should be for a man hasn’t changed its message or methods of conditioning men to accept this masculine confusion for almost 40 years now.

Through the late 80’s and up to now, the idea of anything positively masculine is either ridiculed, cast as misogynistic, or implies a man might be gay if he’s too celebratory of his maleness. Since the start of the sexual revolution, any definition of what masculinity truly should mean has been subject to the approval of the Feminine Imperative.

In the absence of a clear definition of what masculinity is for men, the Feminine Imperative is free to create as grotesque a straw man of ugly masculinity, or as beatific a feminized model of masculinity as it needs to serve its purpose. With the aid of the Male Catch 22, blurring and distorting masculinity, raising and conditioning men to accept ambiguity and doubt about the security of a ‘manhood’ they’re encouraged not to define for themselves, are all the methodologies employed to ensure a feminine-primary social order.

Equalism vs. Complementarity

Agreeableness and humility in men has been associated with a negative predictor of sex partners.

The problem inherent in applying reciprocal solutions to gender relations is the belief that those relations are in any way improved by an equilibrium between both sexes interests.

The Cardinal Rule of sexual strategies:
For one gender’s sexual strategy to succeed the other gender must compromise or abandon their own.

The mistake is applying a humanistic, egalitarian equalist ideal to human sexual strategies that evolved over millennia to be complementary to each other, not an equitable exchange of resources to be negotiated over. This is one reason genuine desire cannot be negotiated – this fundamental is rooted in our most primal, complemetary understanding of sex.

The point at which egalitarian equalism (the religion of feminism) fundamentally fails is presuming that intergender relations should ideally exist in a goal-state of egalitarian equalism and / or a reciprocally equal state of mutually supportive interests.

Hypergamy doesn’t care about equalism and reciprocity.

The sexes evolved to be complementary to each other for the betterment of the species. Why do you think women form the most secure emotional attachments to men 1-2 SMV steps above themselves? Why is masculine dominance such an attractive male aspect for even the most feminist of women who’d otherwise plead for equality among the sexes?

I have a bit of a weird relationship with “traditional masculinity”. I’ve looked critically at it enough to know how much damage it does as a paradigm. I’ve seen the harm it can do to both men and women on an individual level. I’ve been subject to the violence it encourages. But despite all that, holy shit does it ever turn me on.

[…]

There’s just something about assertiveness (let’s be real, sometimes flat out arrogance) that does it for me. No matter how much I can be attracted to someone emotionally and intellectually, my swoons only happen when confronted by a powerful, competent man.

This has lead to some issues in my personal life. Who knew being attracted almost exclusively to men that inherently make bad partners wouldn’t work out well for me?

What we’re observing here is a rudimentary conflict between an internalized humanist idealism (the way equalism teaches thing’s should be) versus evolved, impulsive realism (the way things are).

The doctrine of equalism presumes a socialized expectation of being turned-on or attracted to men exemplifying a ‘gender equitable’, equalist-correct, mindset and the evolved, visceral arousal / attraction to a man exhibiting the dominant characteristic traits of masculine complementarity.

Another example of this conflict can be found in my essay on Choreplay.

In 2008 the transactional nature of sex-for-equitable-services was an over blown meme. The message then was that men needed to do more feminine-typical chores around the house, and the equitable exchange would be his wife reciprocating with more frequent and more intense sex as a result of his “equitable” participation in that negotiation.

Fast forward to 2013 and now (by the same author mind you):

Hey, fellas, put down those vacuum cleaners and pull out the lawn mowers.

Married men may think helping around the house may up their hotness quotient in the bedroom, but what really matters is the type of chore. Heterosexual married men who spend their time doing yard work, paying bills and changing the oil have more sex than husbands who spend their time cooking, cleaning and shopping, according to a new study on the subject of housework and sex.

“Households with a more traditional gender division of labor report higher sexual frequency than households with less traditional gender divisions of labor,”…

So what you see illustrated here, in just the space of 5 years, is the frustration and conflict between an equalist idealized model vs. the evolved complementary model of gender relations. It’s not about the equitability of like for like exchanges or like for like reward/benefit, but rather the way that equitability is expressed and how it grates against instinctually human expectations of behavior.

Sex differences, biologically and psychologically, didn’t evolve for hundreds of thousands of years to be co-equal partnerships based on humanistic (or moralistic) idealism. They evolved into a complementary form of support where the aspects of one sex’s strengths compensated for the other’s weaknesses and vice versa.

For every behavioral manifestation of one sex’s sexual strategy (hypergamy in females), the other sex evolves psychological, sociological and behavioral contingencies to counter it (mate guarding in males). The ideal state of gender parity isn’t a negotiation of acceptable terms for some Pollyanna ideal of gender equilibrium, it’s a state of complementarity between the sexes that accepts our evolved differences – and by each individual gender’s conditions, sometimes that’s going to mean accepting unequal circumstances.

Feminists (and anti-feminist women), humanists, moral absolutists, and even red pill men still obliviously clinging to the vestiges of their egalitarian blue pill conditioning, will all end up having their ideologies challenged, frustrated and confounded by the root presumption that egalitarian equalism can ever, or should ever, trump an innate and evolved operative state of gender complementarity.

And thus we come full circle, back to a new model of masculinity that is found upon the evolved complementary order and aided by red pill awareness. I have no doubt that it will be an arduous process of acceptance for blue pill, masculine-confused men vainly attempting to define their own masculinity under the deliberately ambiguous contexts laid out for them by the Feminine Imperative, but I do (hopefully) believe that red pill awareness is already making a positive impact on countering a presumption of equalism that only truly serves feminine primacy.

It’ll take time, but with every aware man utilizing red pill awareness to realign his masculine identity and benefit from it, other men will begin to come to the same awareness or else fall off into their own ambiguity.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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eon
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eon
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“That transfer of power IS transactional. However, that very transfer of power and submission creates sexual desire in women almost by magic. Who knew?” Blueplillprofessor (August 22nd, 2014 at 5:00 pm) sounds like he might be on the right track, but the terminology is not completely clear. . “Transfer of power” sounds a bit like the “Power Exchange” that refers to aspects of the BDSM lifestyle [en.wikipedia[]org/wiki/Power_exchange_%28BDSM%29]. BDSM, which comes in several varieties, tends to be highly stylized, with central emphasis on “safe, sane and consensual”, and is quite different from what people who are not familiar with it usually… Read more »

glenbert
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“I also know that the men of those bygone eras didn’t have anything approaching the mass of information and the connectivity men possess today.”

Quality not quantity. None of my great grandfathers ever watched romantic comedies or got lectured on queer theory. Their time was never wasted the complete bullshit we have to filter out today. I think my brain has actually been hurt by simple ingesting that data.

George
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“Transfer of power”?To me, power is not transferable. it is either exercised or not. You have your power, I have mine. The decision to exercise it or not is an individual choice always paired with the choice to submit and relinquish control or not. We sometimes fool ourselves into believing that if we sublimate ourselves the other party will appreciate our self inflicted martyrdom and reward us with what we want. This of course is just another attempt to exercise power but usually fails when employed alone. One may argue that martyrdom in a religious or “spiritual” context facilitates ultimate… Read more »

J.J.
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For those of you ready for the Real Red Pill, read this:
http://www.theabsolute.net/minefield/j3.html

bios
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“. I’ve worked with one “HB9″ who said she thought her bald plump neighbor had no business driving a Ferrari because “he looks foolish in it” and, “It won’t work” Yeah it won’t work for her and other HB9’s in your country, but that is not the universal law. Also, who says you have to get a 9? I’m sure a rich 5 is perfectly content with a HB7 or 8 and that is definitely doable. George, the less attractive affluent men you know who are paired up with women of equal attractiveness probably have zero game and are essentially… Read more »

Tilikum
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comments here are outstanding, Rollo.

Siirtyrion
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@Magent Hmm, well, you could have just responded to my “key points” without this comment, so I find it a bit superfluous. See? Anyone can be snarky! Listen man, the only reason I said that was because some commentators want me to refute every point they make. I wasn’t going to fall for that trap this time, so instead I picked out the points you were trying to make. I basically didn’t want an argument to consist of, “Oh, but you didn’t refute what I said there! See! He knows I’m right!!” That’s the way children and women debate but… Read more »

George
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I wrote this several years back, Just for laughs…..

The Nobleman

His master is chivalry
Or so he thinks it to be
Yet the eyes of those who see
Revile the true despot to be
Her infantile tyranny

He accepted her decree
Handed her his destiny
Relinquished his ability
To hold his autonomy
Bartered for a fantasy

Could he renounce this deity
Born on the wings of piety
Only truth can set him free
To endure anxiety
Every choice demands a fee

Siirtyrion
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re Power,Status,Money, and mutual sexual desire: Thao Ha et al 2009 tested that male social status does not strongly affect mating desire on female teens and at their first twenty. Another study [Gil-Burmann et al 2002] found women under 40 years old seek mainly physical attractiveness in men, whereas majority over 40, females past their fertile period, want trade-off between resources -socioeconomic status and attractiveness. One can also infer that, mutual sexual attraction, traditionally, has never been a requirement for long-term relationships. Rather, sexual desire was (and in many cultures still is) a frequent trade-off that women were expected to… Read more »

Tilikum
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@Siirtyrion

I’m curious were you are making these observations. Might help us all with very different experiences reconcile WHY you are seeing what we are not.

Even a region?

J.J.
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Masculinity is predefined in men. Just as femininity is predefined in women. We come biologically as well as psychologically pre-programmed. Socialisation basically fucks with that pre-programming if it deviates from true masculinity or true femininity according to our masculine pre-defined spyche. On a psychological level this pre-programming is through the male and female archetypes. Our male or female “chip” in our motherboards. Men are born with the Anima archetype and females are born with the Animus archetype (See: Carl Jung archetypes). It is true however that neither the anima, nor the animus are a true reflection of how men and… Read more »

Magent
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“Listen man, the only reason I said that was because some commentators want me to refute every point they make. I wasn’t going to fall for that trap this time, so instead I picked out the points you were trying to make. I basically didn’t want an argument to consist of, “Oh, but you didn’t refute what I said there! See! He knows I’m right!!” That’s the way children and women debate but not men.” We’ve locked horns before, and I did not do this. In fact, one could say I do the exact opposite; I prefer to hammer down… Read more »

Siirtyrion
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@Tilikum I’m not exactly sure of what you’re asking me. If you could, I would appreciate it if you could rewrite your question. @Magent I don’t have to change my approach or writing style to suit your needs, Magent. I’ve had many other people fully understand the concepts that I write. Even if they have to read it 3 or 4 times to get it, they still “got it.” Either way, It’s apparent that no amount of evidence will convince you of the reality here, so it seems you will continue to grasp at ever more distant straws to confirm… Read more »

Glenn
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As usual, the whole thing is going into the ditch – an interesting ditch, but a ditch nonetheless. I’m not going to play “web academic” here – I used to and I realized the true sophistry that such an endeavor was. I do possess reasonable expertise in a number or areas, but I’m an amateur when it comes to science. A increasingly well read one, but an amateur nonetheless. What i do is try to identify trusted sources and listen to them SPEAK at length, not just short articles. Thank god for podcasts and youtube – many big thinkers in… Read more »

Glenn
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I will offer one cite – merely to substantiate that I’m not pulling this all out of my ass. http://www.ehbonline.org/article/S1090-5138(13)00061-5/abstract

Attractiveness ain’t the whole story with women. I’m not saying this guy has all the answers either, but anyone with google can find tons of research like this. I wonder, how many of you have?

George
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We can google specific words to find articles and “studies” (academic or not) that support our introspective conclusions and find numerous “results” that satisfy our “purpose”.

Real truth is confirmed when we encounter others previously completely unknown to us who objectively and clearly communicate specifically the same conditions and realizations we experience.

Academic pontification will never outperform the genius of “common sense”.

Professor Von Hardwiggs
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Game, the PUA industry and the red-pillers who still cling to the fantasy of being able to attract women based on using their personality and emulating masculine behavior(”Game”/Alphas) do so for two reasons. The PUA industry profits from all the betas who can’t get laid. Nothing wrong with making a buck but at least have some morals. Players, the men who are successful with women use sex and women as a measuring tool to determine how much manly they are. Kinda hard to feel like you’ve accomplished something if the majority of the men gave up on women and moved… Read more »

Professor Von Hardwiggs
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Man, don’t get started on that path. You looked like Tom Cruise in your youth but you dont’ consider yourself to have been attractive? Well, Tom Cruise was and sill is very handsome. Much, much better-looking than most of the younger men in their 20s. Sure, he’s short, but women make concessions when the guy has the face of a god. Michael J,. Fox was also handsome. Attraction is objective. Women only feel sexual attraction for men who are good-looking, lets say masculine. Tall, or handsome. Don’t end up like those freaks on reddit/noFap. The majority of them believe that… Read more »

strauMan (@strauMan)
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@ Glenn I agree with a lot of your take on this. Seems like this topic has been bounced around the ‘Sphere’ lately. Sometimes I feel we men get carried away with our deductive sides. Can we put robots on Mars and calculate the landing within a few seconds? Hell yes! Can we fry that? Hell yes! If I do a DHV at this point and finish it off with a story about my nephew, do a future projection, then I should extract. X+Y=Z… Women are likes waves. Men are like the rocks they crash against. I used to suck… Read more »

Siirtyrion
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@Glenn I will offer one cite – merely to substantiate that I’m not pulling this all out of my ass. http://www.ehbonline.org/article/S1090-5138(13)00061-5/abstract Attractiveness ain’t the whole story with women. I’m not saying this guy has all the answers either, but anyone with google can find tons of research like this. I wonder, how many of you have? Been there, covered that. Rollo asked for my take on that same study via a post Heartiste had on the topic. Here’s his comment: Don’t be so sure about that. You want a study? I’d be interested to read your take on this: http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/07/22/study-dominance-not-looks-predicts-mens-mating-success/… Read more »

Phero
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“The sages of manhood-past may still have many relevant lessons for the men of today, but they simply lack the compounded experiences and understanding men possess now” I’m not so sure about this because the more I read the more it seems women’s behaviour has not changed in mellenia. Of course just like kids the more you give them the more they want, and they will quickly re-ajust when given discipline. The issue is the who and how that change (discipline) can be had. In the last few decades is successful men have too much to lose now, so it… Read more »

Magent
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‘I don’t have to change my approach or writing style to suit your needs, Magent. I’ve had many other people fully understand the concepts that I write. Even if they have to read it 3 or 4 times to get it, they still “got it.” ‘ You admit your writing is so obtuse and lacks clarity so badly that people need to read posts MULTIPLE times just to comprehend them and yet you feel you have no need to change your writing style… And you think *I’m* the guy who cannot be convinced of anything? You are funny in a… Read more »

eon
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@ Siirtyrion . [August 22nd, 2014 at 3:48 pm]: Glenn: “I do agree, it’s a threshold issue for all humans – nobody, male or female want to fuck people they are un-attracted to. But it does seem that women are working off of many other considerations as well – and not just the AF/BB dyad.” Siirtyrion: “Wrong. As I’ve stated before, “…there are only two quantities of value females consider in mate choice: genetic benefits (indicated in physical attractiveness), and direct benefits (indicated in investment strategies with respect to material resources, and paternal investment).” What evidence do you have that… Read more »

eon
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In case anyone clicks on that apparently active link above:

www[]ncbi.nlm.nih[]gov/pmc/articles/PMC2933005/

it won’t work, because I messed up when trying to make it inactive.

heyjay
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Thanks George for your eloboration on weight training. Yeah, I’ve implemented it in my life about ten years ago, but because I always was on a diet and made a couple other mistakes I’m not as bulky as I wanna be. I’m pretty strong though. Thing I’ve noticed is it eases the mind, makes me feel more energetic and raises confidence. I think this is a side effect of raised T levels and other hormones which is surely making you more attractive not only through looks but through smell as well. I’ve had the opporunity to smell diferent compounds which… Read more »

Magent
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“Are you trying to say that your writing is self-indulgent preening rather than an honest attempt to communicate, or that you don’t understand your material well enough to explain it clearly to your intended audience, or that you are just incompetent and foolish?

And, more importantly, why are you so proud of this failing?”

For Sirtyrion, it is a feature, not a bug.

Glenn
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@ strauMan – Great points. I too became interested in math, and also probability, later in life and it helped me understand so much about the limits of reason and “formulas” and algorithms etc. I also became very interested in cognitive sciences at a certain point and realized how little human beings are “right” about in general. Anyone unfamiliar with this work should go visit lesswrong.com – a great place to get acquainted with the science on human cognition. What we do individually – at best – is motivated reasoning. We only self-correct collectively, via argument, but even then we… Read more »

oltresguardo
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i just discovered this “red pill” thing. Are you guys deeply retarded or this is a joke that is going on for long?

DeCode
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@ Opus “I knew one guy with movie-star looks who women drooled over but who never scored because, psychologically, he was Mister Angry. That is not to say however that one cannot improve ones position or rather wreck ones chances by failing female fitness testing.” You do realize that your statement just torpedoes your argument. If the situation was the reverse ie a woman who is physically perfect but always bitchy, she would not only have a man, but many others to choose from on the side. I’m not saying looks don’t matter for a man. But they matter a… Read more »

Magent
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“i just discovered this “red pill” thing. Are you guys deeply retarded or this is a joke that is going on for long?”

Yep…all a joke. We’re just joshin’. Got ya!

You can go back to whatever SWPL website you wandered over from. No need to worry. Cheers!

Phero
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“have I simply aligned myself with a context under which their genuine desire” Lol Rollo, it’s called “Doing it hoping to get laid”. I agree with most here, but now your using fancy wordings for a very simple concept: You’re going to the gym to make yourself more fuckable in her eyes. It sounds like a chick wearing makeup & pushup bra just for herself. Guys shave their chest, arm leg in hope to get laid too. Cause women like it that way now. Maybe it’s modern evolution of copulation, but that’s where it’s at. If you want fucking women… Read more »

kfg
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“You’re going to the gym to make yourself more fuckable in her eyes.” I go to the gym to make myself stronger, so that I might ride my bike faster. When I am riding my bike her eyes don’t see me for the simple reason that she can’t keep up. If I’m going for a record I’ll shave my legs, because wind tunnel tests show that it actually does confer a significant advantage. I don’t shave my beard, because the wind tunnel tests show that, much to my surprise, it does not. I don’t shave my chest because the skinsuit… Read more »

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Bluedog
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Rollo – I think that when you talk about humanism and equalism you are in many respects taking things underneath the surface. If the dialectic most people are engaged in is touch and massage, your approach – i think – is a hypodermic needle. You are attacking the sub-dermal dialectic – and that’s likely to be lost on a lot of readers. I don’t think you mean to collude philosophical and political humanism with gender/sexual relations – but you also don’t really clarify this yourself, you kind of leave it open-ended. So – as an example of how this can… Read more »

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[…] one of the missives of an equalitarian mindset; that an individualized, egalitarian balance of masculine and feminine aspects in two independent […]

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[…] written more than a few posts about equalism here, but one thing that needs to be made clear is that a true state of egalitarian equalism among […]

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[…] perspective we see the error in evidence of this egalitarian fantasy. I’ve written countless posts on the evidential and logical fallacies that make up gender equalism, but the important thing to be […]

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[…] mind, it’s going to come up often in this post. I’ve covered egalitarian equalism both here and […]

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[…] hadn’t fully considered how this rule interacts with, and contradicts, many of the tenets of egalitarian equalism. The idealistic state of that equalism is one in which two co-equal, yet independent people come […]

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[…] Equalism and Masculinity […]

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[…] ingrained in us to treat them the same regardless of how observably false it is. Treating women as equally the same in the workplace is preached like doctrine, and reinforced the […]

rugby11ljh
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The body keeps the score…

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[…] talk. I’ve done my best to explain the differences between equalism and complementarity in Equalism and Masculinity and Positive Masculinity vs. Equalism. My detailing the social dynamics and psychological […]

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[…] written extensively on the conflict between an idealized Equalism and human beings’ evolved predilection for Complementarity. Whenever there is a new […]

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[…] see, equalism (the religion of feminism) would have women believe that what makes men happy must necessarily be […]

rugby11
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rugby11
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A wonderful post on self ownership and total self acceptance.
http://www.drglover.com/blog/x_post/authentegrity-00012.html

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[…] see, equalism (the religion of feminism) would have women believe that what makes men happy must necessarily […]

Pagal
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Hahah,the guys who are saying looks are everything and game is overrated,I can bet have got no game at all.
Having a tight game is no child’s play and to get to that level is a daunting task.
But it does work.

Sri
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Anyone writing with this kind of an agenda in the media is a liar with a purpose. Never totally trust a politician.

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[…] R. (n.d.). Equalism and Masculinity. [online] The Rational Male. Available at: https://therationalmale.com/2014/08/20/equalism-and-masculinity/ [Accessed 27 Apr. […]

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