live interview

Red Pill 101 – Ep. 6: The “Rules”

Do you feel like you’re playing by by one set of rules while everyone around you seems to be playing by another? Do all the women you interact with seem to have a restrictive set of hoops for you to jump through in order to qualify for their intimacy while they eagerly break their own rules for a different type of guy? Do the married guys you know still cling to their wives rules like their sex live depend on it?

The rules that a woman creates for a man she perceives as Beta carry over into that man’s LTR and marriage. A marriage/LTR usually retains whomever’s Frame that relationship had when the couple first became intimate. A lot of Beta men (and even some well-meaning Red Pill men) carry over this need for female (their Mother’s) approval into their relationships, proudly integrating their personal beliefs into how well they satisfy a woman’s rules and plans for his own life.

Are the ‘old set of books’ social agenda really the same set of personal rules women have for their own approval for Beta men?

Pat and I will discuss these issues and how to help men avoid the most common problems that lead to dead-end and damaging relationships for men.

Bonus: Why ‘Promise Keepers’ issues are really mommy-issues not daddy-issues.

Relevant Links:

Promise Keepers

Men in Love

The Second Set of Books

Blue Pill Frame

No Prescriptions

On Saturday I had a great discussion with Anthony Johnson, Rian Stone (Married Red Pill Reddit) and “Carl” from Black Label Logic. The topic was a critique of the impact Dr. Jordan Peterson is having on a society of ‘lost’ (mostly) young men and how his message is affecting this generally rudderless generation of men. It’s a little over two hours long, but from the overwhelming response on YouTube, Facebook, Reddit and other forums it’s definitely struck a nerve. As an aside here, I’m considering making this meet up video format something I may do semi-regularly (like every other week) with some of the men I consider peers in the manosphere.

You can watch this talk at your leisure, but it has taught me a few things. As I mentioned in the chat it’s next to impossible to have any disagreement or critique of people whom other’s believe are your betters. As Rollo Tomassi it’s impossible for me to be critical of any high profile guy in the sphere without the accusations of professional jealousy or sour grapes being the first reflexive response from haters. I got that, but I’ve learned the conversation is more important that trying to convince anyone of it being genuine. In fact, I think it belies a bigger problem when they are above critique.

That aside, I think it was good to finally parse where Red Pill awareness and what Peterson is advocating have some overlap and where we differ. Peterson is a fountain of hope for the ‘lost’ boys, so anything critical of his message is going to sound like it’s endorsing an “enjoy the decline” mentality. I can’t expect everyone to have read up on my own opinion about that, but the short version is that I’ve never been convinced of some inevitable decline and fall of western civilization. In other words, I think it is possible to turn the ship around; where I may differ is in how that might be done.

For the record here I want to say that I have a great respect for Dr. Peterson. I think he’s what the sphere has needed for a while and I think he fits the role of ‘champion’ that a generation of young men have wanted to place on someone. Ideologically I agree with about 85-90% of what he advocates and there’s no doubt that he’s got definite skin in the game. In fact I really hate it when people use that as some catch phrase to disqualify men today. As a man we all have skin in the game now. How much and to what degree may be debatable, but we all live in a feminine-primary social order and as such we all have a lot to risk whether we acknowledge this or not.

Where I differ with Peterson is in his very Trad-Con solutions to turning the ship around. I wasn’t shocked to see him endorsed in videos for Prager University. In some ways what he proposes resonates with young men looking for a direction because their fathers and generations of Blue Pill men haven’t been able to deliver a way out of Hell for them. I go into this in more detail in our talk here, but here are some of my issues with Peterson’s take on things:

• Life is suffering and sacrifice: In every video I’ve watched Dr. Peterson’s founding (zen-like) premise is that life is suffering and the best men can do is to find ways to minimize that suffering. Men (and I’ve yet to see a video addressing women) must sacrifice parts or all of themselves in order to qualify for “genuine” manhood. The degree of that self-sacrifice is relative to how high a status that man can achieve.

I fundamentally disagree with this premise though I do understand why it’s so appealing to a ‘lost generation’ of young men. From my own perspective, life is based on a perpetual discontent, but how a man deals with that discontent – creatively or destructively – is the measure of him. Furthermore, I would argue that women fundamentally lack the capacity to appreciate the sacrifices men make in order to facilitate their reality.

• Blue Pill conditioning seems to define his perspective of women: Essentially the archetype he has for women was formed for him as a 7 year old boy when he first developed a soul-mate ONEitis for his wife. His reluctance to acknowledge the Alpha Fucks side of women’s Hypergamy in any video (beyond his repeated use of 50 Shades of Grey as a humorous example) leads me to the impression that he defaults to women as innately ‘good’ and above too much criticism. As such he focuses almost entirely on the good provider / parental investment / Beta need side of Hypergamy. This is unsurprising as it follows the same Trad-Con interpretations of women being “closer to God than men” and men must qualify themselves, and sacrifice themselves for women’s (wives) intimate approval. Dalrock has covered this dynamic among male “complementarian” Christian leaders quite extensively.

• Sacrifice of men is a parallel to men’s disposability: Men will blow themselves up for pussy. From what I gather from his talks Peterson endorses male disposability as a form of Honor. He seems to play on the ‘Man Up / Shut Up’ dynamic I talked about in The Honor SystemWhat ever aspect of maleness that serves the feminine purpose is a man’s masculine responsibility, yet any aspect that disagrees with feminine primacy is labeled Patriarchy and Misogyny. I’m not suggesting Peterson is accusing men of Patriarchy or Misogyny, rather, like most Trad-Cons, it’s a question of living up to one’s duty as a man in his disposability and his usefulness in that sacrifice.

• “Get your shit together” is also a plea for sacrifice: If a man is less valuable his sacrifice is less meaningful. No one cares about mediocre / average men’s sacrifices, but if a man accepts that he is to improve himself it is so that his sacrifice is more appreciated and important. Thus, the comparisons to Christ’s sacrifice as being the ultimate expression of sacrifice and meaning which Peterson uses in his dissertations on manhood and the Bible. My issue here is that women and a feminine-primary social order lack a capacity to appreciate the sacrifices men make because these are taken-for-granted expectations of what a man just “ought to do”.

• Peterson is egalitarian to a fault: The mantra may be for men to sack up and make something of themselves, but this is couched in an egalitarian equalism that’s prevalent today. If I had one question to ask Jordan it would be this; is there a dominance hierarchy in a healthy LTR or marriage? I don’t know for certain. My guess is he would say it passes back and forth between a husband and wife which is to say he falls back on an egalitarian ideal. However, outside the family structure he acknowledges that men and women in a state of egalitarianism choose to adopt traditional gender roles (I think he gave the same example as was covered here).

• Dr. Peterson regularly resorts to shaming language with men, rarely does he do the same with women: This may be a simple question of his delivery, but Peterson is always harder on men than he is with women. In so doing he adopts the AMOGing of only men techniques that a pastor like Mark Driscoll uses from the pulpit. Inso doing he pedestalizes women and absolves them of any consequences of their Hypergamous choices by imploring men to “man up and marry those sluts“. In essence the sacrificial nature of men becomes one that is necessary for the continuance of ‘family’ and western culture in spite of women. I also see how this plays into the idea of women lacking any moral agency, personal responsibility and wiping the bad behavior of women off on the men who have allowed this to happen. Once again it comes back to the hypoagency of women.

• Peterson believes that desire can be negotiated: This is my biggest problem with Peterson’s approach to women. This undoubtedly comes from his being a clinical psychologist, but like most therapists he defaults to the idea that genuine desire can be motivated by a process of negotiation. If there is one example of his lack of experience with women it is this belief. In several of his interviews and podcasts he makes reference to appealing to women’s reason and negotiating terms for acceptable behavior (always a man’s behavior) in exchange for intimacy and/or a stress-free marriage. This is the egalitarian, Oprah Approved, male-sublimated means to achieving transactional intimacy.

As you might guess, I strongly disagree with negotiating intimacy. You cannot negotiate genuine desire. You can obligate a woman to fuck you (now called rape) via negotiation, but you cannot organically inspire genuine desire in a woman. This has always been my main point of contention with the marriage counseling trade for a long time.

What is the Red Pill version of “man-up”?

I had a commenter ask me this in the last comment thread. I think there’s two sides to this question. First, I think there’s a need to keep the Red Pill (in the intersexual sense) as close to an objectivist purpose as possible. That means Red Pill awareness is the result of a continuing praxeology.

I’ve locked horns with a few Red Pill guys recently who seem to think that ‘Red Pill’ is an ideology and it’s just the counter revolt to feminism; basically it is feminism for men. I think that does a huge disservice to everything and everyone that’s brought us to where we are today in Red Pill awareness and all of the work and personal risk that was put on the line to explore what we know as Red Pill awareness now. Not only that it casually devalues the effort and work that’s continuing right now.

Critics and feminists alike want to draw parallels in the manosphere to whatever (fictitious) wave of feminism they think applies to whatever the Men’s Rights Movement is calling Red Pill at the moment. Believing that Red Pill is an ideology is one more casualty of how the term / brand has been bastardized by other ideologies who’ve never had any business referring to themselves as “red pill”.

Presuming Red Pill is just an ideology is juvenile, and unsurprisingly it’s an opinion of some underexperienced men in the manosphere who want for simplistic answers. They don’t want to think about what Red Pill awareness implies on a larger social scale. They want a flag to wave and an easy to understand ideology so they can stick it to their feminist enemies. I get it. They want Red Pill (however they define it) to be that ideology, but to me, I think, and I’ve always said it, the Red Pill needs to remain fundamentally apolitical, areligious and amoral to ensure that it stays true to understanding truth. It needs to remain true to being an aggregate of men’s collected experiences with intersexual dynamics.

What these guys want is a meaning to that truth, but that’s not the Red Pill. Meaning is what men will apply to that truth according to their individual needs, situations and circumstances. This is why Peterson and probably some more personalities to follow him will be popular in the future; they prioritize meaning above truth. If you listen to the first podcast of Sam Harris and Jordan Peterson they spend the entire time trying to come to an agreed measure of truth between the two of them so they can move on (in the second podcast) to what is meaning.

You want to know why I don’t do prescriptions on The Rational Male? Because we disempower ourselves when we follow someone else’s path and not our own.

There is a deep need in almost all people to improve or ‘fix’ ourselves in some way. I’ve written essays about it; discontent is is the human condition. That in no way means that life is suffering as per the Peterson (Zen) doctrine, but it is man’s condition to never be satisfied with even the greatest of accomplishments. That is what put us at the top of the species contest on this planet. You can be constructively or destructively discontent, but when you tell me that life is suffering and the only way to lessen that suffering (never to solve it of course) is to sacrifice my way to a better life all that says to me is that you’re out of ideas for a creative solution and you’re all-in on the destructive methods. Either that or you’ll continue naval gazing.

Fuck that.

So, the Red Pill needs to remain a praxeology and it ought to always resist being force-fit into an ideology because it’s always some ideological hack who wants to claim the truth it reveals as proof of his own purpose. The Red Pill has to remain an open source aggregate of men’s experiences. That’s why we’re still here today in spite of the Rooshs who said it would die out 3 years ago – it’s open source and decentralized information.

Now, to the second point, what does ‘Man up’ mean in the Red Pill context? I think this is really for the individual to decide, but I’d say that it would involve a man utilizing and internalizing the awareness the Red Pill represents to him and improving his life with it. In the Safety Net post’s comment thread there are hundreds of examples of how men saved their own lives, often literally. How the Red Pill truth reached them and then manifested in their lives is highly individual. I mentioned the need for a dissociation with ideology because that usually means aligning oneself with the expectations of someone else’s version of truth, not the objective (or as objective as we can make it) truth of the Red Pill.

When I hear ‘man-up’, I identify the context only as derogatory… is there any other definition which is not?

It should, because in almost all contexts imploring a guy to “Man Up” is following someone else’s path, not your own. This is what I mean when I say that I’m not in the business of creating better men, I’m in the business of men making themselves better men. And in today’s world of men seeking direction there is no shortage of personalities who’d like nothing more than to profit from selling men on their paths.

If there is a definition of ‘manning up’ in a Red Pill sense it is living a better way than your previous life that was informed by the falsehoods of your Blue Pill conditioning. Manning up Red Pill is killing off that old Blue Pill-created persona and killing off the false idealisms it taught you. It’s understanding and internalizing that those lies made you a less authentic person because the Blue Pill is firmly an ideology, but one that wears the mask of freedom or choice or individualism. If self-improvement in a Red Pill sense entail some basic tenets, one is that a man cuts himself away from that old Blue Pill paradigm and rebuilds a better life for himself based on a real understanding of intersexual truth on the personal, social and political scales.

Manning up Red Pill begins with rejecting the lies of egalitarian equalism and a commitment to real objective understanding of intersexual dynamics.

 

Interview with Mark Baxter

 

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http://realmarkbaxter.com/2017/06/29/029-rollo-tomassi/

Last week I had an almost two and a half hour talk with Mark Baxter. This is the third time I’ve been on with Mark; once with Ed Latimore and again with Carl from Black Label Logic, but this time it’s just the both of us. I was on the road for this one, but I made sure I set aside plenty of time and a quiet room so the audio is much better than some other interviews I’ve done. We covered a lot of material. There’s so much packed into this show, one listen probably won’t be enough.

We start the show covering the Red Pill and morality, work our way through male and female sexual strategies, and close out with a big section on red pill parenting. I can tell Mark is a practiced interviewer. He’s always prepared with good questions and followups to them so he really gets the best from the guys he talks with. If you listen to his other podcasts you’ll know what makes him good.

Also, Mark’s podcast is primarily directed at the personalities in the manosphere. He’s a good guy with a great Red Pill story (and a very ‘grounded’ Red Pill blog I might add). He’s doing what I think is very much needed work in the ‘sphere. So, have a listen, let me know what you think. As always, the comment section is wide open for discussion on anything we covered.


The 21 Convention

As of this writing we’re two days away from another price increase for the 21 Convention. Since my last update the line up of speakers just keeps getting longer and better. You already know Jack Donovan has confirmed, but newly confirmed speakers now include Ivan Throne from Dark Triad Man and The Family Alpha. As if that weren’t enough, Alan Roger Currie from Mode One is also on the bill now. As you can see the convention is shaping up to be a real Red Pill summit this year. I’ve got to admit I had no inkling that this gathering would snowball into what it’s become. I can’t say for sure, because I think the line up is reaching the maximum, but there may be one or two more influential Red Pill speakers added before we get to the end of August.

Myself, I’ll be doing two talks for this event. I also wanted to take a moment to thank all the guys who’ve already reserved their spots to come out to see me. I understand the investment and I’m humbled that so many guys have purchased tickets, arranged travel and reserved rooms for the weekend. I want to sincerely thank you for that. I had some real reservations about speaking at this convention, but the level of interest and commitment you’ve already shown, as well as the incredible line up of speakers that have confirmed, I’m much more confident about this summit being something memorable and valuable for all attending. Thank you.

Also, Anthony Johnson informs me that the $400 Early Bird sale is being extended to July 2nd. So, if you’re still on the fence about seeing this incredible line up of speakers now’s the time to pull the trigger. For more information on this event see my blog post about it here. Tickets can be purchased here or click the banner above. You can also hear my interview with Anthony about the convention and many other topics here.


The Rational Male – Positive Masculinity

Just an update on my upcoming third book; the third edit of the first draft is now at Createspace and I’m awaiting the 2nd proof of the physical (print) copy. The book weighs in at over 300 pages – comparable to the first book – and I’ve taken into account all the suggestions readers have given me. The text is larger, the book is more organized, and I’m working with a professional editor to make sure it’s the best it can possibly be. Needless to say, being a professional designer, I’ve personally done the print book layout myself. I’ve also added a dedication forward to The Private Man for this edition.

Once I’ve approved the final draft I’ll be sending the manuscript off for digital conversion and then it will be available to the public. I expect this will be sometime towards the middle to end of this (July) month. So, thank you for being patient, but I want to make sure this is a great read for you.

I’ve been on the road this last week for work. Summer is always hectic for what I do professionally, but I will have new essay I wrote on the road up tomorrow.

Thanks for reading.

Rollo

Interview with Obsidian & Special Announcement

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Last Friday I had the opportunity to return to Obsidian’s blogtalk radio show. It’s been a while since I’ve been on live with O and Allan Roger Currie and it’s always enjoyable, especially when it’s a call-in show. I really think Obsidian fills a very vital role in serving the African-American community by marrying Red Pill awareness to Black culture. One of the aspects of Red Pill awareness that I believe is very profound is that it’s not limited to one culture, age demographic, ethnicity, religious or political affiliation. The Red Pill and understanding intersexual dynamics are universal, and yet it’s never a one-size-fits-all proposition. That’s one of the greatest strengths of the Red Pill community – the manosphere at large – it’s open to all men from all walks of life to contribute their experiences to. It’s also my belief that this ‘open source’ nature of Red Pill awareness should also be protected from elements that would seek to limit it in the scope of race, creed or religious/political stripe.

Simultaneously, this open source nature is also something that frightens Blue Pill believers locked into our feminine-primary social order. The fact that this community is so broad in terms of demographics and socioeconomic levels of the men who seek and find it is something that really threatens the ego-investments of people still trapped in the Matrix of the Village. We discussed this at length in this interview. It’s interesting to me how fluidly Red Pill detractors will reinvent their rationales to the same, very old, debates we’ve been hashing out for years.

We covered a lot of material in this interview, and by that I mean stuff I don’t generally get asked about. The show I’ve linked here is actually 2 hours of what went on for a 3 hour discussion. The first 2 are free of course, but if you want to get the bonus hour Obsidian requires a membership subscription. As I was saying, this show is primarily aimed at a Black audience, and I’m proud to say The Rational Male has an extensive following Black men. It’s always enjoyable to me to get feedback from men in cultures I may not have a foot in. The trials and solutions may be in a different context, but the understanding is very much Red Pill.

So, have  listen here (link in the picture too) and let me know what you think in the comments.


Jack Donovan confirmed for the 21 Convention!

Things at the 21 Convention are getting real interesting lately. Due to scheduling problems (I believe due to his boxing training) Ed Latimore will regrettably not be able to join us in Orlando. I’m understandably bummed about this, but to offset this news we have had another Red Pill heavy hitter who’s just confirmed he’ll be speaking.

Jack Donovan will be a featured speaker this year!

I figure most of my readers know who Jack is, but for those who don’t he’s the author of The Way of Men, Becoming a Barbarian and A Sky Without Eagles and the proprietor of Masculinity and Tribalism.

You can read Jack’s announcement here. This addition really makes this convention a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to attend what’s being called a ‘Red Pill Summit’ now. Myself, Jack, Goldmund, Christian McQueen, Tanner Guzzy, Anthony Johnson, Stonepimpletilists (Married Red Pill sub-red), Ross Jefferies and so many more are going to make this convention something to remember.

Anthony’s informed me that we’re down to the last 45 tickets already. Right now the price for the 4 day event is $999, however this will increase to $1099 beginning June 1st, so if you’ve been on the fence about attending – and maybe Jack’s inclusion decides it for you – now’s a good time to make your travel plans.

You can learn more about the convention from my original post here. And you can always listen to the podcast I did recently with Anthony here.

Feel free to leave and questions or comments about the convention in this comment thread too.

Live with Obsidian and Alan Roger Currie

brk-news

Just a quick heads up here. I’ll be doing a live call-in chat with Obsidian and Alan Roger Currie tomorrow at 1pm PST. This was kind of spur of the moment so I’m not really sure what the topics will be, but we’re likely to be all over the Red Pill map.

I went on Alan’s show earlier this year and it was pretty entertaining so I can imagine what talking to him and Obsidian will be like. Sorry for the short notice, but if there’s anything you’ve ever wanted to ask me or you just want to go live with us you can find the show here tomorrow at 1pm on the west coast.