State Control

Reader, constrainedlocus had an interesting thought in the Anger Bias essay comment thread:

“The point is that a feminine-primary social order readily makes this nature a useful tool in dismissing what would otherwise be valid, but uncomfortable Red Pill truth. This anger bias mechanism is a tool for message control.”

What I find interesting is that, from my own personal observations of men in both marriage and long-term relationships, is that this dismissal happens readily and frequently at the micro level in sexual relationships as well. It’s impossible for men not to notice the hypocrisy.

A man need not experience the trivialization of his anger from “the sisterhood” response in the media, in the corporate setting, or even while at a party with other couples.

I think it now common for a wife or long-term girlfriend to assume a certain privilege or “authority” to express and direct her own anger, indignation and outrage rather freely and loudly – whenever she wishes – toward her male companion, without much consequence.

But should her male companion ever lose his composure, raise his voice in anger toward here, then this is either considered “verbal abuse”, an uncalled for overreaction, or his complaint is simply trivialized, ridiculed or disqualified by her, much like she would belittle the tantrum of her own young child.

Who has not witnessed wives scold their husbands in public at a restaurant or at a park like little children for his getting angry at her attitude or behavior? “Don’t you EVER raise your voice at me, mister!”.

I realize this is all about a man’s frame in the relationship.
I know that it is a weak man who tolerates this, while a wise man just ignores or nexts it.

Indeed, it is all about control.

But I still find it fascinating the confidence level with which so many women feel they can just scoff and ridicule the anger of men in relationships overtly, while unilaterally assuming the validity and overriding importance of their own anger whenever convenient for them.

It’s seems like an added bolt-on power up of feminist triumphalism.

Even among ourselves, we men are not supposed to show such angry emotions, at risk of verbal abuse or a humiliating well-deserved fucking beat down. Us dudes are to be these rational Vulcans walking around and doing shit, deleting emotion commands from our code. Because the thought is this: allowing someone else’s behavior to determine your feelings and emotional response is regarded as a sign of male weakness.
Anger should be expressed infrequently, and when expressed, done decisively and with brevity and action.

I think a lot of dudes recovering from blue pill conditioning struggle with this immensely, and are not sure what to do when their anger and frustration is openly minimized, trivialized or negated by their wife or LTR.

In a feminine-primary social order men are expected to show exactly this emotional restraint out of fear for being considered a typical, angry bully for any marginal display of aggressiveness. Yet, men are simultaneously conditioned to be emotionally expressive, emotionally available, in order to be ‘fully actualized’ human beings. They’re taught that strength is weakness and weakness is strength, and that vulnerability and emotionalism makes them whole persons.

Then the narrative changes again as per the needs of the Feminine Imperative. Men who are agreeable and show humility are punished with a removal of women’s sexual interest in them, while more conventionally masculine men, more Alpha, potentially more aggressive men who display outward signs of it – the emotions they’re taught to repress – are more commonly rewarded with women’s sexual interests.

When you have a social structure based on a calculated duplicity and confusion of purpose is it any wonder we see a generation of frustrated Betas with a perceived potential for violence? We’re supposed to delete emotional commands, but also to be more emotionally available and in touch (whatever the fuck that means) with our emotions. What it really comes down to is men are socialized to be automatons whose emotional connection should only apply to those emotions that benefit and complement with the Feminine Imperative and repress the emotions that frighten or potentially threaten the Feminine Imperative. In other words, to become more like women is to become a more perfected ‘man’ by today’s metric.

Blank-slate Feminism

We presently live in a feminine-primary social order that wants to convince us that egalitarian equalism is the normative presumption between men and women. The blank-slate idea is that men are the functional equivalents of women, but, for all the social constructivism, men need to train, learn, be conditioned to constrain the aspects of themselves that conflict with their identities becoming more like women in their emotional nature. If boys and men can be conditioned (or medically treated) to repress every evolved aspect of their maleness that conflicts with aligning with the feminine they can be trained to be ostensibly more ‘equal’ beings. In this mindset, for a man to become more ‘equal’ he must be more feminine.

The normative belief is that boys and men are simply unperfected women, but the subtext to this is that men and women, binary genders, are (or ought to be) functional equivalents. This too is based on the (I believe flawed) Jungian theory of anima and animus; that no matter the sex, every ‘person’ has some counterbalancing elements of male and female nature to them. I believe this is a flawed theory for the simple fact that men and women have never been functional equals from an evolutionary standpoint and modern science is disproving Jung’s (often metaphysical) presumptions with neurological and hormonal (and the functional behaviors that derive from either sex’s innate structures) understanding that didn’t exist in Jung’s time.

I’ve dug into why I have a problem with Jung in the past, but the point I’m making is that, in Jung, the Feminine Imperative and 2nd and 3rd wave feminist agendas have had an incestuous affair with his theories and conflating overwhelmingly disproven blank-slate equalism. This conflation of flawed theory has been the foundation for normalizing the social feminization of boys and men for almost a century now.

With this equalist presumption as a point of origin, the first step is to condition boys for emotional control.

State Control

Emotions have an evolutionary purpose in men and women. We can trace the manifested behaviors of emotional response to survival-specific functions. Oxytocin, for instance, predisposes human beings to feelings of trust and nurturing which primarily affects women most. The effects of testosterone, which men produce 12-17 times the amount that women do, are well known and masculinize the human body. These are just some basic hormonal differences, but the function behind the effects of those hormones (as well as men and women neurological structure) is where we run into conflict with the Feminine Imperative.

For millennia, boys and men have been taught to control their emotive states. This practice in control isn’t something that sprang up a few hundred years ago, we’re talking ancient cultures teaching their young men to resist losing their rational state-control over to an emotionalism that had a potential to get a man into some serious trouble. In some respects this self-control has been a necessary part of men’s upbringing, but also because men and women experience emotional states differently as a result of evolved biological differences. Women tend to process negative emotions differently than men. This processing isn’t due to some socially constructed acculturation, it is the result of the differences in men and women’s mental firmware. This is also a primary reason why making an emotional impact on a woman, positive or negative, is a source of stimulation for them. Men’s arousal may be founded on visual cues, but women are wired for emotional cues.

Likewise, men’s emotive states run a different gamut than that of women. As I mentioned in the Anger Bias essay, men are less predisposed to emotional states that women believe are beneficial in their own experience. In a feminine-correct social state, where women’s experiences define the norm, and in a social constructivist perspective, this amounts to a ‘repression’ of emotions. The idea is that an overly masculine acculturation of boys leads them to holding back the emotions that women tend to build their lives around. The real truth is that men process emotions, and prioritize the expression of those emotions, much more as a result of our own mental firmware than social repression.

That’s not to say there isn’t some social influence over teaching men to learn self-control over those emotions. As I just mentioned, young men have been taught for millennia to have state control by each other, their mentors and their peers, but since the time of the sexual revolution and the rise of a feminine primary social order this state control has been turned into a net negative.

So, in a sense, young men of the last 4-5 generations are caught between pleasing two masters. To be considered the ‘equal’ that feminine-primary egalitarianism would have them be they must first get in touch with their emotions. However, the only emotions they are taught are valid are those that make them more alike and identifying with women; nurturing, crying, expressing vulnerability, etc., essentially anything not characteristic of conventional masculinity. This of course has the effect of women subconsciously perceiving them as they would other women, and not potential intimates. Essentially, this aligning with women’s experience of emotion desexualizes men.

Yet, on the other hand, men are expected to repress their emotions in terms of having a state control that appeals to women’s Hypergamous need for security. Thus, the emotions that might better serve men in a survivalist utility are exactly those which feminine-correct society considers negative or ‘toxic’ and therefore must be controlled. The problem inherent in all of this is that it is feminine-primacy that is defining what men’s experience of emotion is acceptable despite it being the cause of so much of women’s frustration with men.

As the saying goes, women get the men they deserve and the emotive, masculine-confused men of today are simply the result of a social order that’s standardized the female experience as the definition of what blank-slate equalism should be for both sexes – but really as a means of social control for women whose experience is defined by an unsolvable need for certain security.

None of this is to say men ought not to express themselves emotionally or avoid being artists and poets or whatever in favor of some uninspired stoicism, but it is to say that Red Pill aware men should also be aware of the feminine-primary influences informing their expectations of expressing any or no emotion. That may seem like a drawn out way of saying ‘own your emotions’, but it’s my belief that for men to reclaim conventional masculinity it will require them to honestly assess why and how they choose to express or control their emotional states based on their own definition of what is correct from a male perspective, not the female perspective.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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jsolbakken
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I believe based on observation that the fact of human biology is that there is a male who produces what is called sperm and a female who produces eggs and gestates the zygote. I was not born knowing this, I had to learn it by living in the world for a while and accumulating data to come up with this theory, which is mine, that there are males and females in human biology. The freaks and perverts want us to believe them instead of our lying eyes. This is what I mean and what John Locke meant by Tabula Rasa.… Read more »

theasdgamer
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@bakken

He was first and foremost a physician

“He was first and foremost a philosopher”

There. Fixed that for you.

jsolbakken
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>>>John Locke FRS (/ˈlɒk/; 29 August 1632 – 28 October 1704) was an English philosopher and physician, <<<

He was famous for philosophy, but his workaday job was as physician to the aristocracy.

I would say that if you didn't know what a girl was, you'd have nofa king idea what your sexual hormones were trying to tell you. Explain if you disagree.

theasdgamer
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@bakken Locke studied medicine and worked as a physician for a time, but he worked a govt. hack for a time and spent a lot of time writing philosophy later in life. You don’t leave medicine and later return to it. Medicine requires continual practice. When Locke went to the Continent, he would have had to have abandoned his medical practice. @Softek What would setting limits involve? Ok, what’s writing the same shit one more time, lol? 1. She decides no GNO and doesn’t go to social functions without you. She decides this on her own. 2. She decides to… Read more »

theasdgamer
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@bakken Locke is known for being a great philosopher, not for being a great physician. Locke was the Father of Philosophy of Science and also was key in political philosophy with his Two Treatises. I would say that if you didn’t know what a girl was, you’d have nofa king idea what your sexual hormones were trying to tell you. Explain if you disagree. What is a girl? (You’ve already stipulated that Locke’s idea of what a girl is was deficient.) As a man, your hormones and eyes tell you what beauty is and what a girl is for. There… Read more »

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For those wondering why CC and his type kill themselves it’s cuz they tend not to take aging too well.

They hate having to watch themselves reinvent and repackage themselves every time they get a couple new lines on their forehead.

Some people live to get the most they can out of this, and some live just for the good times.

How do I know? Cuz I have a wonderful old fart who told me so. Thanks uncle.

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My eyes tell me what a “girl” is, or is it more accurate to say that my brain tells me that the waves of light hitting my retina is alerting me to the existence of a girl? Eyesight needs both eyeballs and brain centers in order to function, but clearly it is in the brain where the actual identification takes place. And, hey, determining whether what we’re looking at is really a girl or not takes a lot more brain power than it used to. Used to be a pony tail and a skirt was all you needed to see;… Read more »

kfg
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“My eyes tell me what a “girl” is, or is it more accurate to say that my brain tells me that the waves of light hitting my retina is alerting me to the existence of a girl?”

Makes one wonder how there are so many damned pigeons about (they have so little sexual dimorphism that it often takes an autopsy for a human to tell the difference. Only Cher Ami’s taxidermist found out for sure).

Olie Sins
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I’m actually a new reader to the RM community, and I’m stunned every time with the insight it provides. A light bulb always goes off in my head every time I read. My emotions haven’t been mine to control. How many times have I not lashed out (when I had every right to) just because I didn’t want everyone to think I was some crazy woman beater. Yet, I’ve had girls scream at me, once in the middle of a college class, and everyone thinks “wow, this guy must have really fucked up to get her screaming at him like… Read more »

rugby11
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rf_ybHpPbyY
“Men’s arousal may be founded on visual cues, but women are wired for emotional cues.”

stuffinbox
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jsolbakken

“what John Locke meant by Tabula Rasa.” Has been jacked by the FI to mean something almost the same only entirely different.

May as well just get used to it.

Tom Kenobi
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Fucking. Love. This. Well played.

Mineter
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@Softek I don’t want you to get paranoid, but in my limited experience, a woman asking you to trust her tends to mean that she can’t be trusted. Acta non verba. It may be a bridge too far for her to truly empathise with you, but if your perception of her fidelity was an issue for her, then she would self-regulate her behaviour. She would ditch GNOs, beta oribiters etc i.e. she would mate guard herself. And there’s also the tricky fact that for her to see you mate guarding her comes off as being an insecure beta. What to… Read more »

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Off topic but just thought I’d share something that happened at work today. Sometimes I work freelance as a lighting technician (electrician) on film/tv projects. Today we had a bunch of extras (supporting artistes lol) filming in a bar, anyway this one chick mid 20’s about 5 ft 3 and at least 250+ lbs, not bad face, huge tits but definitely obese, being generous SMV 2?? starts flirting with my colleague. No homo but the guy is 6ft 2, 185 and amateur kick boxer, in shape handsome guy guessing SMV 8/9 his gf is model quality SMV 9. Anyway this… Read more »

Mineter
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I just re-read your original comment, Softek, and ASD’s.
If she *does* all that, well congratulations, you may have just found yourself a unicorn.
But I don’t like how she has phrased her offer. It’s a hidden shit test. She knows this stuff is probably important to you, but instead of just doing it herself, she puts the onus on you to make the call. If you are insecure enough to ask her, you’ve outed yourself . If you don’t, status quo remains.
Good luck.

theasdgamer
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@Mineter

If she *does* all that, well congratulations, you may have just found yourself a unicorn.

Guess again. Women can be trained to mateguard themselves. Unicorns are fiction. It takes a man with some balls to train a woman.

Most men have shipped their balls off to ISIS.

theasdgamer
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@Softek

But I don’t like how she has phrased her offer. It’s a hidden shit test. She knows this stuff is probably important to you, but instead of just doing it herself, she puts the onus on you to make the call.

This is all bullshit. A man has to lead.

If you are insecure enough to ask her, you’ve outed yourself .

You never fucking ask a woman to mateguard herself. You set expectations if she wants an exclusive arrangement. It’s a matter of frame. You make her qualify herself to be worthy of your exclusivity.

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@kfg
Lou Reed is now transphobic? Ok. So Oceana has always been at war with Eastasia, too?

The ultimate collapse of the Social Justice clique is going to involve a lot of tears, enough to fill an Olympic swimming pool. Hopefully no blood, unlike the Cultural Revo.

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If you act in a way where she will mateguard herself, great. If you have to ask her, not so great.

I’m not sure we disagree on this ASD. Perhaps I have been imprecise.

I don’t think it’s “training” as such. The moment she considers her man not worthy enough, she’ll forget her training. Because yes, Frame is arguably everything.

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dr zipper
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was wondering that myself, Mineter; I thought you two were kinda saying similar things

then I got distracted by some shiny thing and forgot to comment

Yollo Comanche
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Hey are Feminists practicing State Control?

You know. Lobbying?

theasdgamer
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@Mineter Lol, I’ve been into the sangria…a nice picnic date on the front porch with Mrs. Gamer wearing just a sarong with a tropical print & I’m wearing a tropical shirt, shorts, and a very cool hat made out of palm. Just sitting together and chatting about nothing in particular. I so love listening to Mrs. Gamer’s voice. I lose track of what she’s saying because I enjoy listening. Maybe an autism thing, lol. I made the sammiches, lol, using rye bread, which Mrs. Gamer said that she hates, but she loved these sammiches. Mrs. Gamer was very flirty, as… Read more »

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@Softek Hey, I had a long day at work and then went to a funeral and reception for my buddies mother, so if I say anything disjointed it’s cause my brain is a little foggy. And I won’t address ASD’s mate guarding because I think this is more about Softek’s performance and not getting her to act in a certain way. Man O Man, you got too much Blue Pill Baggage to unpack. You are being nice guy and when you say no you feel guilty. You are entering her Frame. And you will enter up a Career Beta. In… Read more »

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@Softek I’m going to try to get around the way WordPress handles reddit essays here (by posting the whole thing). So I’m just going to try to post the Google results that has it come up first when typing in “MRP Beginner’s Guide for the Career Beta”. But there was a really good essay on a scenario of the Career Beta and some suggestions on how to deal with getting out of that position. There are parallels to your situation. But there are some good red pill advice on tactics: https://www.google.com/search?q=MRP+Beginner%27s+Guide+for+the+Career+Beta&oq=MRP+Beginner%27s+Guide+for+the+Career+Beta&aqs=chrome..69i57j69i60.1654j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8 Small exerpt: Step 2: There is No Spoon Supposing… Read more »

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@Rollo, On the CH blog The Assumed Alpha post a commentor, CalvinDecline, wrote: “CalvinDecline Speaking of try-hard… Anyone, CH included, have any advice on how to interact with guys and not be a total chode? Is there a site for something like that, or should I just file it under “socializing skills/personality”? Like a poster above mentioned… I find I’m silent in a lot of group conversations more often than not. I work in a place with a lot of “assumed alphas”. Plenty of super tall, stone faced/emotionless dudes I interact with… so I just kinda follow suit. This site… Read more »

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@Softie – The answer is always the same. Go fuck another girl. A few would be even better. The next time she says something like that, you just ghost her for a bit. And fuck the other girls. She’ll either come back and be a plate or you’ll be rid of a fucking boat anchor. But your current approach? Why make the suffering last, why not just put a gun to your head and pull the fucking trigger now? What on earth are you doing with that fat, wall hitting brood sow? Go fuck another woman. Go fuck another woman.… Read more »

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@AR: ” Ok. So Oceana has always been at war with Eastasia, too?”

That’s right. Now – how many fingers am I holding up?

“Hopefully no blood . . .”

I hope so as well, but hope tends to spring infernal and my expectations are more along these lines:

http://a.abcnews.com/images/International/HT_redriver1_ml_160907.jpg_4x3_992.jpg

https://bearingarms.com/bob-o/2017/04/20/after-berkeley-beat-down-antifa-wants-combat-training-guns/

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@Nathan “Its positive interaction with guys too, right?” Hell Yes! It is crucial and critical to have a core group of guys in order to game well. It is often most overlooked. And the key is positive masculinity. These two are along those lines: https://therationalmale.com/2015/02/02/the-art-of-amog/ https://therationalmale.com/2016/05/15/tribes/ Another suggestion is to read Jack Donovan’s Book: The Way of Men to understand what a guy that is good at being a man looks like instead of trying to be “a good man” for your girl. Here is a link to one of the Chapters on why Honor among men is so important:… Read more »

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@Nathan Another thing in cultivating relationships with other guys is that it is hard to re-do your poorly managed efforts of previous merit within in a group. No one wants to redo, what has already been done well. I mean I can work on my merit within the group of guys at the country club, but gosh, I only golf about 5 to 10 rounds a year and some of them golf ten times that much and it is Alpha and Amog’s galore. I still manage (and have redone my status at the CC well), but it is best to… Read more »

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While this post is great example of practical Red Pill psychology, I must echo the other commenters and point out that it is an inaccurate description of the relation between Carl Jung and feminism. While Rollo misunderstand’s Jung’s theory of anima and animus (it does not equal blank slate equalism), I’ll leave this issue aside and focus on the claim that Jung had a major influence on feminism: “ …in Jung, the Feminine Imperative and 2nd and 3rd wave feminist agendas have had an incestuous affair with his theories and conflating overwhelmingly disproven blank-slate equalism.” If Jung had a strong… Read more »

Nathan
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@SJF,

Appreciate it

SJF
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I was actually too busy with life (during two medical residencies, an occasional 120 hour work week with all night call every three days and generating children in the early nineties) to have heard much of Chris Cornell’s 90’s music. I was able to start listening to Audioslave in 2002. A song like Cochise was pretty darn primal and masculine. While–since forever–output from recording artists is on the whole blue pill, cause that sells to the masses of blue pill listeners, it is inspiring to listen to Cornell’s type of music. Because it is masculine infused. (Or is it? It… Read more »

ollieoxenfree1
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Former Prime Minister David Cameron’s remark to Angela Eagle MP caused some consternation when it was uttered. But it highlights his disgust at her behaviour and willingness to hold her to account. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-13211577 The undertone of the ‘calm down, dear’ comment was to imply she was being hormonal. Note her response “Shadow chief secretary to the Treasury Angela Eagle, at whom the comment was aimed, said “a modern man” would not have “expressed himself that way”.” A modern man use to be someone who realised he had power or at least had it by association and was willing to relinquish… Read more »

kfg
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You’ll get your eye wet, Ralphie:

https://www.popsugar.com/moms/Why-Kids-Shouldnt-Play-Water-Guns-43546916

rugby11
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This is total self ownership…
https://youtu.be/q37kWf-0zqc

theasdgamer
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@Mineter

It’s not just a question of frame. Frame alone won’t keep a girl loyal–you have to train her to mateguard herself as well. Frame will let you keep banging a girl, but won’t keep her from banging alphas–she has to keep herself away from other alphas if she is to be loyal. A girl has to be trained to mateguard herself.

No sangria now.

Softek needs to get a hotter girl, if only to prove to himself that he can.

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Thanks for the post, Rollo, but I am not sure if I agree that there is truly conflicting message here from women regarding emotional displays from men. As always, there is a hidden message here and it seems to me it is just another tactic for winnowing Alpha from Beta. We all know sexual advances will be labled differently based on A) The smoothness (Game influenced) way they are delivered B) The otherwise desireability of the male making them. Advances in similar situations will be labled “creepy” or “tingle-inducing” based on the feelings of the woman, the “creepy” reaction labled… Read more »

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@SJF Hey, I had a long day at work and then went to a funeral and reception for my buddies mother, so if I say anything disjointed it’s cause my brain is a little foggy. And your brain should be a little foggy a little more often – this entire comment is gold. Precise and to-the-point. Like a dagger. Very good advice for Softek as well as for myself. I realized reading this comment mate-guarding is one of my problems and it has recently caused me being dumped by someone I was seriously considering as an ltr potential. Take heed… Read more »

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The thing is Softek enjoys the straight jacket.

Softs consider this guy

http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.2183493.1428947290!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_1200/throuple14n-1-web.jpg

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/brit-wooed-2-gorgeous-women-throuple-article-1.2183501

Say what you will about tgis guy, he did the thing you can’t do. He acted on what he wanted.

Until the pain of not acting is greater than that of acting or the reward of not acting is less than the reward for acting you will still be fluffing around here next year with the same emotionally laden crisis du jour.

Lost Patrol
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@Softek

Not to pile on, but is the female in question here the exact same one from months ago? The woman you had Oneitis for that everyone here identified as a ticking time bomb?

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This statement I made: And I won’t address ASD’s mate guarding because I think this is more about Softek’s performance and not getting her to act in a certain way. And I won’t address ASD’s mate guarding because I think this is more about Softek’s performance and not: “getting her to act in a certain way”. There is a red pill difference. Don’t Suggest That a Woman Fix Her Own Emotional Problem: https://therationalmale.com/2016/09/25/for-better-or-worse/comment-page-9/#comment-171869 There are some analogies to what MRP works/books/essays like BluePillProfessor has written after careful and thorough distillation from other manoshphere writers (like Rollo) in fixing a dead… Read more »

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Glass roof and all that, but I can’t resist as it is too punny.

@Lost Patrol:
It is the same one (the same Oneitis). She has Softek on a vice.

P.S. The vice is her vagina.

Mr Curious
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Oxford – Lavinia Woodward Pussy Pass
Cambridge – Jabba The Hutu Dindu Pass
Oxbridge Jalopies

dr zipper
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just thought I’d share a great quote: To be truly challenging, a voyage, like a life, must rest on a firm foundation of financial unrest. Otherwise you are doomed to a routine traverse, the kind known to yachtsmen, who play with their boats at sea -”cruising”, it is called. Voyaging belongs to seamen, and the wanderers of the world who cannot, or will not, fit in. If you are contemplating a voyage and you have the means, abandon the venture until your fortunes change. Only then will you know what the sea is all about. “I’ve always wanted to sail… Read more »

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Before I reply to all the excellent advice, which I am really appreciative of right now: For the record, I’m still posting about this because I’m GENUINELY CONFUSED, not because I am trying to get something out of an “emotionally laden crisis du jour.” Which would serve zero fucking purpose because I much prefer stewing in my own misery in complete isolation. If I wasn’t actually confused about my situation I wouldn’t be writing here. I read about “Alpha Tells” and it’s like okay…sexual submission, check. She HAS dropped her only slutty friend, the one whose main hobby was drinking… Read more »

theasdgamer
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@SJF

When Married Red Pill wrote: Dread Is strong medicine tightly focused on a single problem- a low sex marriage.

…he meant: “Threatening your wife with divorce Is strong medicine tightly focused on a single problem- a low sex marriage.”

…he did NOT mean going out and being around women or flirting with women at parties.

Soft Dread (flirting and being around women) should be a staple of all Red Pill married men.

theasdgamer
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@Softek I genuinely don’t understand how the two (Beta and Alpha tells) can co-exist and this is a major gap in my RP understanding. If a man lacks solid inner frame and unconscious competence, then he will exhibit a mix of alpha and beta tells. The alpha tells come from his effort to give off those alpha tells where he is competently doing so because of effort and the beta tells will come from his lack of competence and inner frame. she is exhibiting BEHAVIORS, not just words, but that can also potentially be manipulation? I am having a hard… Read more »

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theasdgamer May 19, 2017 at 8:38 am Good clarification ASDgamer as that quote was out of context. BluePillProfessor described Levels of Dread to get the job done, not Dread for the sake of completing all the levels: . WHAT IS DREAD? “Dread” is putting the fear or ‘dread’ in your wife that you have other opportunities and other options rather than being chained to her whims. They HATE it- or at least they will TELL you they hate it- but women are irresistibly attracted to men who have options. This is well known as “Secondary Selection” or “Pre-selection Bias.” I… Read more »

Softek
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Thanks again for all the advice, soaking it all in right now. I’m feeling like one of the only things I could do at this point is just tell her point blank that I do want to fuck other girls, and I think about fucking other girls all the time, and just letting the relationship blow up. If that’s enough to ruin the relationship then it was pre-destined to go to shit anyway and better to let it end now than later. The other part of me says I should just practice being covert, distance myself from her but not… Read more »

kfg
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I believe I have recommended Sterling Hayden’s book Wanderer once here before.
If so, this’ll be twice.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XGHMVTC/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

dr zipper
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Softek, in situations (not just M/F) where I find myself full of anxiety about which course of action, there’s a couple of things I do to help. 1: try to think of the worst possible REASONABLE scenario that could happen if things went wrong in the context/situation; – for example, the worst the girl at the supermarket might do is laugh out loud or somehow publicly embarrass you; not pleasant, but not that bad in the scheme of things – if you find the worst possible thing isn’t really that bad, that already helps me feel better but it really… Read more »

dr zipper
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@kfg – I came across the quote while perusing some motorcycle adventuring site. Looked him up and seem like an interesting fellow. Only did acting ’cause it paid for his sailing and adventurous lifestyle.

rugby11
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kfg

Softek
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@ scribblerg We should Skype again sometime soon, it’s been a while. I’ve been in hermit mode and all. And now for Comedy Hour. Sorry but I couldn’t resist: “Why make the suffering last, why not just put a gun to your head and pull the fucking trigger now?” 1) I’m too Beta to get a pistol permit. 2) I’ve never fired any type of gun in my life. Except a supersoaker. I assaulted a girl with a CPS1500 once. I felt bad because it waterlogged her ear. That was the end of my career with firearms. 3) I’m afraid… Read more »

DisgruntledEarthling
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@softek I was at the supermarket the other day and a girl was pinging off IOI’s like crazy. She was “subtly” following me around after she bumped into me with her cart and apologized and smiled at me. Literally everywhere I walked, even to the complete opposite side of the store, she would be subtly trailing behind me. This went on for like 10 minutes before I decided to go to the checkout line. Dude, you’re not the only one. I did this for 28 years in my ltr. Never detected any ioi from any woman in all that time.… Read more »

kfg
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@Dr. Zipper: “Only did acting ’cause it paid for his sailing and adventurous lifestyle.” And hated it. He tried to quit a number of times, but that just resulted in offers of more money he couldn’t refuse. The book is a fairly comprehensive autobiography as background to his last great (and rather notorious) sailing adventure, but what it’s about is how he was alpha on the outside, but with an inner beta that was trying to kill him. The whole thing is TRM relevant, Hollywood divorce rape with kids as a weapon and all, which is what led to the… Read more »

GW
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Great comment thread! @Just Saying, thanks for the boost!

theasdgamer
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@Softek I was at the supermarket the other day and a girl was pinging off IOI’s like crazy. She was “subtly” following me around after she bumped into me with her cart and apologized and smiled at me. Literally everywhere I walked, even to the complete opposite side of the store, she would be subtly trailing behind me. You saw all these IOIs with your conscious mind, but wasn’t your emotional mind telling you that that girl was too hot for you? It’s the same old Pussy Pedalization Pattern. (Sorry about the stinky joke. I have an alliterative disodor.) Being… Read more »

theasdgamer
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@Softek

Give yourself permission to make social fuckups and realize that learning from making mistakes is a great way to grow!

ollieoxenfree1
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@Softek If your approach anxiety is met with a physical response; heart palpitations, sweating and constricted breathing. Then you need to change your diet. I know I must seem like a broken record on this subject, but your diet controls, nearly all of your physiological functions. Change that and you’ll change your physical symptoms. If you have the will power. Document everything you eat on a daily basis. Anything that has caffeine, sugar and salt needs to be removed from your diet. If you don’t have a blender, get one. Make a kale smoothie. This simply consists of kale and… Read more »

Blaximus
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[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEmk2kCV3gA&w=854&h=480%5D

Notice the man’s ( non ) reactions .

EhIntellect
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Dr. Zipper Re: Sterling Hayden. Great stuff. It’s comforting to read RP works as intended in other’s lives. Placing trust in the inexorable RP physics, acting RP, requires tolerating uncertainty. RP functions when consistently applied, it requires men to wholly retool their expectations of personal, financial security. Tough stuff. Living RP sexually will reveal personal weaknesses elsewhere. The mental strain, living in both RP/BP realms…torture. Finishing Greene’s 48 Laws of Power. Aphorisms often have an ostensible opposite. “Bird in the hand is better than two in the bush.” and it’s opposite “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” The Laws of Power conflict… Read more »

Softek
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In regards to the OP, this hit home. It’s one thing to read about it, and another to finally experience having a girlfriend and the extreme amount of toxic bullshit that will fuck with you if you’re not prepared. The shaming over emotions or a lack of emotions is all there. Me simply asserting myself is ALWAYS interpreted as aggressive or violent or being abusive in some way. Like when she told me, “You need to learn how to communicate.” And I said “No I don’t.” Somehow that turns into “Why do you think it’s okay to treat me like… Read more »

Anonymous Reader
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Softek. Why are you still with her?

dr zipper
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Softek, said it before but worth saying again, please read “When I Say No I Feel Guilty” to unravel her manipulation techniques. In one of my few RP moments during courtship with my ex, she saw some chick giving me strong IOIs and me flick back a small reciprocation, then nothing more. Slightly uncool, I’ll admit, and I apologized. But it gave her a big hammer to bash me with for many weeks, way beyond scale of the incident itself. Then in one of the arguments we had — and I swear the shit you quoted above is almost word… Read more »

stuffinbox
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@Softeck

Man I just have to say,it sounds as if you are the most valuable one in the hookup.She knows this and is afraid you will find out,she will work every con in the book on you to keep you locked in place.

One thing to keep in mind is they will all play you unless you don’t give them the chance.
She is taking advantage of every bit she knows about you all the time,everything she says and does is an act,pure bullshit all with intent to control.

How does it feel to be played sucker?

dr zipper
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If I was him, AR, I’d use her for practice, then move on. Didn’t Rollo say something about not digging in the trash?

Softek
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@ dr zipper You’re right, I’m not the only one. It does help me to remember not to blow my anxiety out of proportion, and create an identity with it. It’ll only get worse. When I remember that EVERY guy, more or less, deals with approach anxiety, and it’s usually SEVERE anxiety….it makes it seem a lot less daunting. Thanks for pointing that out. @ ollie I’m so out of shape it’s horrendous. Part of my anxiety with women is physically I feel almost incapable of fucking. I get winded so easily now it’s embarrassing. I’ve had sex so many… Read more »

SFC Ton
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Pretty sure the world would be a better place if Jung spent more time getting punched in the face then running his mouth

rugby11
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Rest well Chris

dr zipper
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Softek, I see alot of myself in you — almost like it’s my younger self typing your stuff out. You know you’re a good person and try to do the right thing but M/F dynamics are a great source of anxiety because of the discord of what you’ve been taught vs the results you are getting. Nobody gives a shit about you and your problems, only you do; stop thinking that everyone else is focused upon you. Sounds kinda mean but it’s actually quite liberating and allows you much more leeway in releasing your true personality to the world. And… Read more »

Softek
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@ Anonymous I’m still with her because I am still Blue Pill. For all the dysfunction, it’s filling a need in me. The Blue Pill part of me feels like we have a special connection and she really cares about me and the time we’ve spent together means a lot and that I’ve really valued being able to connect with someone like this who’s had similar experiences that I have. Not to get too woo-woo, but I’m probably playing out the masochism I grew up with. The manipulation and abuse and dysfunction feels like home because that’s what my relationship… Read more »

stuffinbox
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Softek

If Rollo’s correct then women love opportunistically and men love romantically,what is she saying when she professes her love? where is this coming from? Is she a hell yes girl?

She is saying your the best I can do right now. She will choose the time to say it.

theasdgamer
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@Softek

Me simply asserting myself is ALWAYS interpreted as aggressive or violent or being abusive in some way. Like when she told me, “You need to learn how to communicate.” And I said “No I don’t.”

What does “You need to learn how to communicate” mean in cat-language?

Once you figure this out, you’ll laugh at your behavior because it’s so Blue Pill.

theasdgamer
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The Blue Pill part of me feels

Again, the feelz…you can do better, man…can’t you make decisions based on something besides your feelings?

dr zipper
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ya know, Softek, then you bust out with….

“She saw me on live stream on the Internet one night with a hot young drunk girl touching me all over. I wasn’t aware that I was on stream. Or that she was watching.”

I got nothin

theasdgamer
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@Softek

This really feels like it’s at the root of it: me identifying with my shitty past, and because I haven’t let go of it, I’m basing my emotional fulfillment in the present on it. Instead of moving on and letting all that shit go, it feels like there’s an emotional void in me

Translation: I am a drama junkie.

in all its dysfunction, the relationship is filling it.

Translation: My gf provides me with my drama fix.

If you want to live life as a junkie, that’s your decision.

theasdgamer
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Hey, Ton, was thinking about you yesterday and wondering how ya been.

kfg
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How many times does SJF have to post the stages of female manipulation from Franco’s Practical Female Psychology?

Testing the Male

Seeking Communication

Putting him to Work

Evolutionary Selfishness

Self-Determination

Softek
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@ dr zipper “Nobody gives a shit about you and your problems, only you do; stop thinking that everyone else is focused upon you.” This is true. I just think of it in a different way: it isn’t that I’m thinking other people are focused on me; it’s that my focus within myself is on the wrong shit. And if I keep focusing on my problems, the only thing I’m going to have in my life is problems. I’m IDENTIFYING with my problems, instead of identifying with who I want to be. The reason I’m harping on the same stuff… Read more »

dr zipper
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one more thing, Softie, then I’ll put it down

you’ve obviously been through a lot, observed a bunch, thought about it a great deal and chosen your desires

remember about over-thinking and over-complicating? that’s what you’re doing

the only thing you lack is action and practice

stuffinbox
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Looking at Jung’s nose and I’m guessing somebody did punch it at least once.

Softek
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@ dr zipper Thanks so much. “the only thing you lack is action and practice” No more to say about that. Thanks again for all the responses from everyone. And I do hope that at least some of what I shared is OP relevant and has contributed to the discussion. For the record usually when I give anecdotes, I’m not doing it to complain but because I feel like it pertains to the OP. Like when I read this article about “State Control,” I immediately wanted to share because I felt like a lot of what I’m going through gives… Read more »

dr zipper
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stuffin, why you gotta make this so hard? just give us a link to the same gd image you viewed to conclude that

Sentient
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Kfg Doc Z

Wow Sterling… Never knew him. DPA Hall of Famer it seems.

kfg
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Lost Patrol
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@Softek

“How many times does SJF have to post the stages of female manipulation from Franco’s Practical Female Psychology?”

I don’t want to downplay the issues you are dealing with Softek, I know it is a hard road for you; but this is right. Trap. Bait. And you know it.

When the stories about this same chick keep coming around all I can think of is this:

Little birdy with a yellow bill

Perched upon my windowsill

Lured him in with crumbs of bread

Then I crushed his itty bitty head

tron3dfx (@tron3dfx)
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I like this at the end, perfectly sums it all up:

“for men to reclaim conventional masculinity it will require them to honestly assess why and how they choose to express or control their emotional states based on their own definition of what is correct from a male perspective, not the female perspective.”

Bam, right on the money.

Johnycomelately
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Softek “Me identifying with my shitty past.” People who haven’t undergone genuine trauma in their formative years will never have the capacity to empathise with your situation. It’s like explaining wetness to someone who has never seen water. Dr Bruce Lipton is an interesting developmental biologist who has a great take on the human mind and retraining your subconscious. Your conscious mind simply cannot override the formative subconscious (created up to the age of seven) through thinking with your conscious mind (try forgetting how to read or speak English, can’t do it). But you can retrain your subconscious through behavioural… Read more »

cheupez
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@softek
I don’t think a girl who is offering you anal in exchange for not banging other girls is being sumissive. She is negotiating. A girl who you just do anal with and she is not sure who you banged last night or are banging tomorrow is the one you could say is submitting.

IAS
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@Softek: you know all this already. I want to agree and amplify what @Cheupez wrote – even if the sex seems like desire sex (and maybe it even is), it is part of a negotiation to lock your commitment down so it isn’t necessarily an alpha tell. She used sex to lock down her previous boyfriend, which you note yourself she cheated on… With you. This is standard operating procedure for her, and again, you know it. Also note how her Frame is winning over you in this sentence: “Which honestly at this point would be cheating on my girlfriend… Read more »

Sun Wukong
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I find the entire UC Berkeley debacle incredibly instructive.

Imagine the same thing happening here in Texas. How many of them would be alive to get weapons had the other side already been carrying concealed weapons? I dare ANTIFA to show up here looking for a fight. Just once.

ollieoxenfree1
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@Softek “Yes, I get angry when she asks me if I’ve been going on porn, or looking at other women, because in my mind, she might as well be saying “I want to control everything you do, and you owe me an explanation for what you want and what you don’t want, and if you don’t give it to me, I’m going to throw a fit.”” You’re right she is looking to control you through manipulation. Ask yourself why would she persistently asking you whether you’ve been watching porn or fantasizing over other women? She doesn’t believe you when you… Read more »

kfg
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@Sun Wukong: “Imagine the same thing happening here in Texas.”

They tried it at Auburn in Alabama. A few of them showed up open carrying ARs.

However, as it turns out, Auburn does not have a mayor who is an antifa member who ordered the police to stand down and so the whole show was efficiently shut down.

Yollo Comanche
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Fuck those Anqueefa bastards.

stuffinbox
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Sun

As cannot be overstated absolute power corrupts absolutely. antifa is ambiguous in that more than one party would appear to be facist,although at least two were so arrogant to believe they would reign forever.

/2017/01/18/obama-trump-abuse-executive-powers-presidency/

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