State Control

Reader, constrainedlocus had an interesting thought in the Anger Bias essay comment thread:

“The point is that a feminine-primary social order readily makes this nature a useful tool in dismissing what would otherwise be valid, but uncomfortable Red Pill truth. This anger bias mechanism is a tool for message control.”

What I find interesting is that, from my own personal observations of men in both marriage and long-term relationships, is that this dismissal happens readily and frequently at the micro level in sexual relationships as well. It’s impossible for men not to notice the hypocrisy.

A man need not experience the trivialization of his anger from “the sisterhood” response in the media, in the corporate setting, or even while at a party with other couples.

I think it now common for a wife or long-term girlfriend to assume a certain privilege or “authority” to express and direct her own anger, indignation and outrage rather freely and loudly – whenever she wishes – toward her male companion, without much consequence.

But should her male companion ever lose his composure, raise his voice in anger toward here, then this is either considered “verbal abuse”, an uncalled for overreaction, or his complaint is simply trivialized, ridiculed or disqualified by her, much like she would belittle the tantrum of her own young child.

Who has not witnessed wives scold their husbands in public at a restaurant or at a park like little children for his getting angry at her attitude or behavior? “Don’t you EVER raise your voice at me, mister!”.

I realize this is all about a man’s frame in the relationship.
I know that it is a weak man who tolerates this, while a wise man just ignores or nexts it.

Indeed, it is all about control.

But I still find it fascinating the confidence level with which so many women feel they can just scoff and ridicule the anger of men in relationships overtly, while unilaterally assuming the validity and overriding importance of their own anger whenever convenient for them.

It’s seems like an added bolt-on power up of feminist triumphalism.

Even among ourselves, we men are not supposed to show such angry emotions, at risk of verbal abuse or a humiliating well-deserved fucking beat down. Us dudes are to be these rational Vulcans walking around and doing shit, deleting emotion commands from our code. Because the thought is this: allowing someone else’s behavior to determine your feelings and emotional response is regarded as a sign of male weakness.
Anger should be expressed infrequently, and when expressed, done decisively and with brevity and action.

I think a lot of dudes recovering from blue pill conditioning struggle with this immensely, and are not sure what to do when their anger and frustration is openly minimized, trivialized or negated by their wife or LTR.

In a feminine-primary social order men are expected to show exactly this emotional restraint out of fear for being considered a typical, angry bully for any marginal display of aggressiveness. Yet, men are simultaneously conditioned to be emotionally expressive, emotionally available, in order to be ‘fully actualized’ human beings. They’re taught that strength is weakness and weakness is strength, and that vulnerability and emotionalism makes them whole persons.

Then the narrative changes again as per the needs of the Feminine Imperative. Men who are agreeable and show humility are punished with a removal of women’s sexual interest in them, while more conventionally masculine men, more Alpha, potentially more aggressive men who display outward signs of it – the emotions they’re taught to repress – are more commonly rewarded with women’s sexual interests.

When you have a social structure based on a calculated duplicity and confusion of purpose is it any wonder we see a generation of frustrated Betas with a perceived potential for violence? We’re supposed to delete emotional commands, but also to be more emotionally available and in touch (whatever the fuck that means) with our emotions. What it really comes down to is men are socialized to be automatons whose emotional connection should only apply to those emotions that benefit and complement with the Feminine Imperative and repress the emotions that frighten or potentially threaten the Feminine Imperative. In other words, to become more like women is to become a more perfected ‘man’ by today’s metric.

Blank-slate Feminism

We presently live in a feminine-primary social order that wants to convince us that egalitarian equalism is the normative presumption between men and women. The blank-slate idea is that men are the functional equivalents of women, but, for all the social constructivism, men need to train, learn, be conditioned to constrain the aspects of themselves that conflict with their identities becoming more like women in their emotional nature. If boys and men can be conditioned (or medically treated) to repress every evolved aspect of their maleness that conflicts with aligning with the feminine they can be trained to be ostensibly more ‘equal’ beings. In this mindset, for a man to become more ‘equal’ he must be more feminine.

The normative belief is that boys and men are simply unperfected women, but the subtext to this is that men and women, binary genders, are (or ought to be) functional equivalents. This too is based on the (I believe flawed) Jungian theory of anima and animus; that no matter the sex, every ‘person’ has some counterbalancing elements of male and female nature to them. I believe this is a flawed theory for the simple fact that men and women have never been functional equals from an evolutionary standpoint and modern science is disproving Jung’s (often metaphysical) presumptions with neurological and hormonal (and the functional behaviors that derive from either sex’s innate structures) understanding that didn’t exist in Jung’s time.

I’ve dug into why I have a problem with Jung in the past, but the point I’m making is that, in Jung, the Feminine Imperative and 2nd and 3rd wave feminist agendas have had an incestuous affair with his theories and conflating overwhelmingly disproven blank-slate equalism. This conflation of flawed theory has been the foundation for normalizing the social feminization of boys and men for almost a century now.

With this equalist presumption as a point of origin, the first step is to condition boys for emotional control.

State Control

Emotions have an evolutionary purpose in men and women. We can trace the manifested behaviors of emotional response to survival-specific functions. Oxytocin, for instance, predisposes human beings to feelings of trust and nurturing which primarily affects women most. The effects of testosterone, which men produce 12-17 times the amount that women do, are well known and masculinize the human body. These are just some basic hormonal differences, but the function behind the effects of those hormones (as well as men and women neurological structure) is where we run into conflict with the Feminine Imperative.

For millennia, boys and men have been taught to control their emotive states. This practice in control isn’t something that sprang up a few hundred years ago, we’re talking ancient cultures teaching their young men to resist losing their rational state-control over to an emotionalism that had a potential to get a man into some serious trouble. In some respects this self-control has been a necessary part of men’s upbringing, but also because men and women experience emotional states differently as a result of evolved biological differences. Women tend to process negative emotions differently than men. This processing isn’t due to some socially constructed acculturation, it is the result of the differences in men and women’s mental firmware. This is also a primary reason why making an emotional impact on a woman, positive or negative, is a source of stimulation for them. Men’s arousal may be founded on visual cues, but women are wired for emotional cues.

Likewise, men’s emotive states run a different gamut than that of women. As I mentioned in the Anger Bias essay, men are less predisposed to emotional states that women believe are beneficial in their own experience. In a feminine-correct social state, where women’s experiences define the norm, and in a social constructivist perspective, this amounts to a ‘repression’ of emotions. The idea is that an overly masculine acculturation of boys leads them to holding back the emotions that women tend to build their lives around. The real truth is that men process emotions, and prioritize the expression of those emotions, much more as a result of our own mental firmware than social repression.

That’s not to say there isn’t some social influence over teaching men to learn self-control over those emotions. As I just mentioned, young men have been taught for millennia to have state control by each other, their mentors and their peers, but since the time of the sexual revolution and the rise of a feminine primary social order this state control has been turned into a net negative.

So, in a sense, young men of the last 4-5 generations are caught between pleasing two masters. To be considered the ‘equal’ that feminine-primary egalitarianism would have them be they must first get in touch with their emotions. However, the only emotions they are taught are valid are those that make them more alike and identifying with women; nurturing, crying, expressing vulnerability, etc., essentially anything not characteristic of conventional masculinity. This of course has the effect of women subconsciously perceiving them as they would other women, and not potential intimates. Essentially, this aligning with women’s experience of emotion desexualizes men.

Yet, on the other hand, men are expected to repress their emotions in terms of having a state control that appeals to women’s Hypergamous need for security. Thus, the emotions that might better serve men in a survivalist utility are exactly those which feminine-correct society considers negative or ‘toxic’ and therefore must be controlled. The problem inherent in all of this is that it is feminine-primacy that is defining what men’s experience of emotion is acceptable despite it being the cause of so much of women’s frustration with men.

As the saying goes, women get the men they deserve and the emotive, masculine-confused men of today are simply the result of a social order that’s standardized the female experience as the definition of what blank-slate equalism should be for both sexes – but really as a means of social control for women whose experience is defined by an unsolvable need for certain security.

None of this is to say men ought not to express themselves emotionally or avoid being artists and poets or whatever in favor of some uninspired stoicism, but it is to say that Red Pill aware men should also be aware of the feminine-primary influences informing their expectations of expressing any or no emotion. That may seem like a drawn out way of saying ‘own your emotions’, but it’s my belief that for men to reclaim conventional masculinity it will require them to honestly assess why and how they choose to express or control their emotional states based on their own definition of what is correct from a male perspective, not the female perspective.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

372 comments on “State Control

  1. @ Boxcar

    I’ve suspected low T. I have a beer belly and while I don’t have any issues getting an erection my heart is in awful shape. I get winded easily and it takes a long time for my heart rate to come back down to normal.

    I’m hesitant about TRT only because I’m afraid of a “crash,” like feeling good when my levels are up but when they drop back down, what will I do? What’s your experience? I’m one of those people that is paranoid about doctors and will avoid them at all costs although I would be more than willing to bet that I have low T.

    “So men’s only option is to assume attraction, or just have no social life at all.”

    That’s very true. And there’s more: assuming autonomy after the fact.

    We have to assume attraction, and then post-fucking, maintain that sex is not a covert contractual agreement to anything. Which women ALWAYS will try to twist it into (as far as I understand).

    What bothers me the most is that, as far as I can see, women ALWAYS try to make sex into a covert contract, as this is the way they operate. So I’m going to have to get used to having Frame because there are NO women on the planet that don’t require Frame to deal with appropriately. There is no “fuck for free” pass that I can see; you have to be equipped to deal with the bullshit that comes after it.

    I’m only just starting to realize what Rollo means about “children with dynamite” and how PUA skills can only teach so much.

    So assuming attraction and then fucking a girl is only half the battle. Maintaining Frame after a sexual relationship has been established is the other half.

    I of course have the problem of being incongruent: I’m very dominant in bed with her, but not very dominant out of bed with her. You gotta have both. I think the one major mistake in PUA is that it focuses so much on sex that it can set men up to be incongruent after the fact. Hence children with dynamite.

  2. kfg

    This is funny as Hyena fuck.

    “Toxic hypermasculinity derives its significance directly from the conceptual penis and applies itself to supporting neocapitalist materialism, which is a fundamental driver of climate change, especially in the rampant use of carbon-emitting fossil fuel technologies and careless domination of virgin natural environments. We need not delve deeply into criticisms of dialectic objectivism, or their relationships with masculine tropes like the conceptual penis to make effective criticism of (exclusionary) dialectic objectivism. All perspectives matter.

    If you’re having trouble understanding what any of that means, there are two important points to consider. First, we don’t understand it either. Nobody does. This problem should have rendered it unpublishable in all peer-reviewed, academic journals. Second, these examples are remarkably lucid compared to much of the rest of the paper. Consider this final example:”

  3. Blaximus

    Do these fools think Pence will make a more controlable pres than Trump? Or do they think they can oust the whole nonparty?

    Sure America and the west seems to be on the dole and well feminized beyond repair. Even a man like Trump with all the experience he has doesn’t stand a chance in fixing things back to reality.

    You are correct in that things have a way of self correcting,if left alone, but i have never met anyone that could leave things alone to see what happens.

  4. @ kfg

    Reminds me of my friend telling me about a photography class he took in college.

    They made everyone right a paper based on the premise that cameras are inherently “phallic” and how movies are by default “male dominated” because….uh.

    I forget. But it had something to do with the idea that cameras are vaguely shaped like penises. And the very nature of recording was a sexist and male-dominated action and how we could take steps to make it more geared towards women.

    I am not making this up. I’ll ask him about it. He told me he wrote the paper but he wrote his paper about why that was a stupid idea that didn’t make any sense at all and had nothing to do with photography or movies.

    I think he got an “A” but the teacher told him he had to follow the instructions next time. Or something like that.

    Any time I ask him about stuff like that he experienced in college he just says “Yeah. That was retarded.”

    Also before anyone else calls me out on it, I do realize I’m a lazy piece of shit as far as exercise goes. I used to be different. Turning over a new leaf today. Just a matter of consistency. Dropping body fat is one of the best things you can do to improve your T levels if you’re overweight.

  5. Softek
    I’ve suspected low T. I have a beer belly

    That is not good for you. Too much sugar, either as sucrose / fructose, or as cheap carbs.
    Also associated with low T.

    and while I don’t have any issues getting an erection my heart is in awful shape. I get winded easily and it takes a long time for my heart rate to come back down to normal.

    I am not a doctor but the combo of “beer belly”, “winded easily” and “high heart rate” all adds up to possible circulatory issues. Consider walking at a steady pace for 30 minutes every day. Every single day. After a month, start lifting.

    Do a search on “symptoms of low testosterone” and see what they look like. Anxiety is one of the symptoms. So is depression. So is a lot of adipose fat. A man can have low T and still be able to get an erection.

  6. Softek
    I’m hesitant about TRT only because I’m afraid of a “crash,

    First get your weight down, lose that beer sack, build some endurance, build some muscle, then if your T is still low you can think about needles or some other TRT method. For now, like a lot of us, you just need to get off your butt, get moving and keep on moving. Yeah, I’m looking in the mirror as I write this.

    More generally:
    The increase in low T men, especially under 30, surely has a lot of factors from bisphenol to soy to estrogen water pollution, but it’s also part of the more sedentary lifestyle. PE classes are mostly optional in high school now, nobody learns basic exercise techniques in school anymore.

  7. @ stuffin

    For all the bullshit like this:

    …at least we have memes making fun of it like this:

    I also find it entertaining that songs like this have become really popular in meme videos, like videos on Instagram:

    I’ve only met a couple people that take feminist shit seriously. And it’s kinda disturbing. And the fact that that web comic is a real thing and people support it is especially disturbing. I don’t think any amount of memes could make up for the fact that it exists or ever existed in the first place.

    And the indoctrination in colleges seems very real. From the friends I’ve talked to that have gone to college. I dropped out after 1 semester years ago so I wouldn’t know firsthand.

  8. @ stuff

    Lol at Pence, but there’s some nasty shit afoot. If things don’t simmer down, we might just be looking at President Pence. He won’t have to be controlled because he is a standard, run of the mill Washington politician. All of his ” aw shucks ” act is just that. If the Donald can stop tweeting and talking off the cuff/script, he might’ve had a great chance at surviving all of the inquiries coming his way. Instead, he still acts like he’s on the Apprentice, firing people willy nilly.

    I don’t think Trump can actually fix the country because he lacks the knowledge to do so. Plus, the stars are beginning to seriously line up against him, yet he keeps doubling down. Nixon did the same thing, Clinton lawyered up and kept his mouth mostly closed…. and still got impeached. Lol. Trump doesn’t have the Game to be able to deal with Congress, The Press ( who are out to crucify him after his constant denouncements ) and the Intelligence/Law enforcement community. He actually believes that he’s in charge.

    But, the Saudis bought 10 billion is weapons. As Trump says ‘ Jobs, Jobs, Jobs..”.

    America is indeed on a downward spiral, and there’s no one on a white horse in DC that’s gonna do a damn thing about it. That’s not what they think they are supposed to be doing. Feminism and all manner of division woks just fine for the pols. Always has. Keeps the populace distracted as fuck. Not only do we not see the man behind the curtain, we can’t even see the godamned curtains.

    How about another round of Tax Cuts? * thunderous applause *

    The only hope for The Donald is to jettison all of the flakes he has in his cabinet, fill his empty positions with qualified candidates that actually know a thing or two about governance, cancel his fucking twitter account and keep his mouth shut. For 30 years I’ve never seen him keep his mouth shut, so….

    President Pence. That has a real shitty ring to it. But with Pence, the descent of the country will go back to being quiet and obscure, instead of loudly boisterous and ridiculous.

  9. @ AR

    ” The increase in low T men, especially under 30, surely has a lot of factors from bisphenol to soy to estrogen water pollution, but it’s also part of the more sedentary lifestyle. PE classes are mostly optional in high school now, nobody learns basic exercise techniques in school anymore.”


  10. @Blaximus

    I know your right,The first pres that isn’t a lawyer,says what he really thinks,and may be the most honest man is Trump. Too bad he’s full of shit.

  11. I’ve attempted on 3 separate occasions to reply to Softek, but found that I am woefully unqualified and abandoned the attempts.

    but what is the purpose of that whole cuck thing? I mean, more importantly, what is the purpose of paying attention to something like that? It’s a pre-buffered distraction.

  12. @ Softek

    ” I thought it was a joke at first too, but it looks like they’re quite serious.”

    Oh no, it is a joke regardless to how seriously it’s taken.

    Don’t take jokes seriously, and don’t be the butt of them either.

  13. @ Blaximus

    I don’t know about the cuck thing. I was just surprised it existed. I thought it was relevant to the discussion but now that I stop and think about it I’m not sure why I thought so. Lol.

  14. @ Blaximus

    “Oh no, it is a joke regardless to how seriously it’s taken.”

    Ha. I’m going to remember that.

    That also seems to be the Internet opinion of it anyway. The only purpose that comic has served is as cannon fodder for memes.

    I’m feeling a bit better today. I’m just imagining the summation of all the advice I got here as a guy holding his hands out. One of his hands has his fingers made into a circle and on the other hand he’s pointing his index finger.

    “Okay. You’re the pointer finger. And any attractive girl you run into is the circle. Now pay attention. This is what you have to do. Put your pointer finger into the circle. Like this. See? Pointer finger here. Circle there. Put the finger into the circle.”

  15. @AR

    You forgot to mention excessive cortisol from STRESS. Which Softek is sucking on like it’s a firehose at full blast.

    And don’t forget: A man having agency via Red Pill Awareness and mastery of Game has higher testosterone. Because of less stress.

    Diet (masculine foods), weightlifting, avoiding soys, and not being passive are well known factors.

    Next question How Do You Avoid Stress? Well in my book, that is a pretty dumb question. Right up there with: “Are there any diets for poor people?”.


    Be careful about self deprecating to the point that you state you can’t try. What the hell is this about you still being Blue Pill? I call bullshit on that. You act as if you are blue pill as a default. That is just not the case.

    How you develop mastery is by having a desire and going out and doing the work. If you have no idea what this means, please read Daniel Coyle’s The Little Book of Talent. And it wouldn’t hurt to read about how real men do it in Mastery by Robert Greene. How many times does one have to say that you have to begin doing things in order to develop mastery. You can’t just sit around thinking about it. That doesn’t generate neuroplasticity. The only way to get out of rut is to do other things. Lots of things. Over and over and out to the edge of your ability.

    Don’t skate on thin ice in the comment section of this blog or you just might wind up losing some Morpheuses for advice. Including me. You are starting to lose me.

    From: MRP Beginner’s Guide for the Career Beta by Sorcerer King.

    Step 1: Find Morpheus

    So where should a Career Beta start if he wants to change his ways? Unlike the three scenarios I posted previously, where men could effectively change their ways through reading and self-actualization alone, I don’t believe Career Beta can come out of his patterns without help. So in my viewpoint the first thing a Career Beta needs is to find Morpheus. Remember that Morpheus does not only run around dispensing red and blue pills – if you take the red one, he trains you. He kicks your ass at Kung Fu, he pushes you to learn more, he takes you to the Oracle, and, perhaps most importantly, he believes in you. In this context then, Morpheus is a safe person, much like those recommended in No More Mr. Nice Guy. The safe person should be someone who can hear the Career Beta’s frustrations and shame without judgment, someone who can give the Career Beta a much-needed pep talk from time to time, and someone who understands and models Alpha behaviors, especially in the context of marriage. Even better if this friend has been down the Career Beta road himself and come out of it.

    Regrettably this eliminates most professional therapists and marriage counselors, who tend to have a gyno-centric viewpoint that only reinforce Career Beta’s tendencies. I have witnessed incidents where complete strangers on MRP have filled the role of Safe Person for someone struggling, but ideally this should be an existing male friend. Again this is complicated by the fact that the Career Beta has likely torched his male relationships long ago. Nevertheless, without a Morpheus figure, the Career Beta has the odds stacked further against him.

  16. “But, the Saudis bought 10 billion is weapons. As Trump says ‘ Jobs, Jobs, Jobs..”.

    Think it was 110 billion. Not just weapons though. Seven months ago Obama struck a deal with Saudi for 115 billion so it’s probably a continuation of that. I doubt they upped it to 260 billion. And the number is too close to be a coincidence.

    For anyone interested in who is selling what weapons to whom (at least in the open market), and when, the SIPRI arms transfer database offers a wealth of info.
    You can download the trade registries here:

  17. “I am not a doctor but the combo of “beer belly”, “winded easily” and “high heart rate” all adds up to . . .”

    . . .low T and mitochondrial atrophy. Even if circulation is just fine the cells themselves can’t make use of the delivered product to make energy.

    The suggested intervention is the same though. Cut back on everything with an “-ose” in it, walk and lift.

    ” . . . the best part of that paper is the cite to the Postmodern Generator . . .”

    Yeah, that’s the bit that put me on the floor.

  18. @ AR

    The joke’s on me.

    I was watching Trump speak, and he said 110 billion in weapons, but the crawl at the bottom of the screen said ‘ 10 billion ‘, so I assumed Trump was inflating the number.

    Isreal is going to be thrilled. Again. Now we have to sell them 220 billion.

  19. “I’m feeling a bit better today.”

    Well that makes me feel better.

    Regarding the comment from Roused above, I talked him off a Blue Pill ledge last week when he had important inflection point in his Reconstruction. I told him that he had to have Honor Among Men. IOW go out there and perform like an Alpha male with your girlfriends birthday and then her business trip with you to another city (among work colleages and boss). Don’t let me be disappointed in you being Alpha. And it sounds like he slayed it. Prior to me talking to him, with the understanding that it is a well known weakness of him, his brain was dancing with visions of defeat and moving on, rather than facing stumbling blocks straight up and making them as small as possible.

    In self assessing yourself, you should not be discouraged if you find a weak spot in your character (or 4,000).

    “The object is not to encourage morbidity nor provoke despair. But a right minded person always wants to know the truth. If he is deficient, he strives to improve: if he is proficient, he goes on to still better things.

    Many year ago the Greeks put forward a wise word which we yet may do well to heed. It was in fact, two words. They were Know Thyself!.” — from an article Are You Well Bred? from The American Magazine

    I picked up that quote from a book I picked up this morning for $3.99 (at an outlet shop cause no one wants to read books about men being better men). The book of Man Readings on the Path to Manhood by William Bennett. I found the book by serendipity when out this morning in the midst of my Aspergrish field report adventure:

  20. Blaximus

    “I’ve attempted on 3 separate occasions to reply to Softek, but found that I am woefully unqualified and abandoned the attempts.”

    Exactly, you know yourself well and you know you have no reference experiences in being blue pill and beta. No harm no foul.

  21. If you run tes e to avoid spikes and drops on your tes level

    Hit the interwebz, get 50 mls of 250 mgs tes e, 50 or so weeks of Nolvadex, about the same for some t3.
    Take 1/2 mill of tes e on Monday, another on Thursday, take the 20 mcgs/ 1 tab of Nolvadex and take 50 mcgs of t3 every day.

    Will take 2 weeks or so for the tes e to really get going. If you don’t have a raging boners all day, every fucking day in 2 and a half weeks, add another 1/2 ml of test e. Repeat as needed, take 2 tabs of Nolvadex if you go above 250 mgs of tes a week.

    The will fix more of your shit then you can possibly imagine.

    If you don’t want to what two weeks, add 10 mgs of dbol a day for the 1st 2-3 weeks. Dbol is serious shit, it’s the honest breakfast of champions but it comes with side effects. So don’t run it that much

  22. Odds are good you ain’t going to get off your fat ass if your low to, which is why I recommend you fix that 1st. Get your tes levels right and shit will fix itself

  23. @SFC Ton

    We live in parallel/totally different universes. But your last post on your blog was fucking great.

    Thanks for the excellent Frame/State control speech. It resonates well. Which is what tribal members do, the resonate with others. In the tribe. Ingroup altruism and outgroup malice. Not pussy ingroup malice and outgroup altruism.

    Thanks man.

  24. @Softek

    I feel a little bit inconsistent on TRT and I am still not sure why that is. But the key thing is that I have only seen positive improvements and my testosterone levels are totally consistent. Two injections a week will easily keep my test levels above 1,000 (but to be honest, I feel good enough in the 700-900 range). But like any medical treatment, there are potential pitfalls and side effects. It really pays to find a good doc AND to educate yourself. I post at the Peak Testosterone forum, but there are other good forums out there. The big issue with TRT is that you do have to do it consistently. If you stop, you will go into withdrawal for awhile, until your body can figure out how to make its own again. Infertility and shrunken balls are common issues, which can be mitigated by adding HCG.

    Very low dose clomid is another option (fertility pill that boosts your natural testosterone production), but a lot of guys just do not feel good on it. But the first step is to get tested (I suggest total testosterone and either free testosterone or SHBG). Losing fat, getting better sleep, fixing vitamin d deficiency and some other stuff can raise your test naturally. But some guys will still need treatment.

    When I had LOW testosterone, I was getting boners so often that it drove me nuts (just being young and healthy was a big part of that). So you can have good sexual health and still have low testosterone. But the mental health benefits of testosterone are huge. If you are low, then getting treatment can be a total game-changer. Just do your homework, get tested, etc. I know it sounds like I am selling something. I am not. It changed my life, and I am convinced that it could do the same for others (even for women — it is perhaps an even bigger libido-booster for them, and has even been used as a novel painkiller for older women with fibromyalgia).

    Your racing heart and getting winded easily… I would definitely see a doc on that, even if you do not like them.

  25. @Softek

    So it sounds like you have figured out the before-sex frame, but not the after-sex frame. I do not think that they are all that different. But after reading a lot of your posts, it seems (I could be wrong) that you do not know where you want to lead the relationship. If that is the case, then you are forcing her to frame the relationship, even if she would be willing to follow your lead.

  26. “Likewise, men’s emotive states run a different gamut than that of women. As I mentioned in the Anger Bias essay, men are less predisposed to emotional states that women believe are beneficial in their own experience. In a feminine-correct social state, where women’s experiences define the norm, and in a social constructivist perspective, this amounts to a ‘repression’ of emotions. The idea is that an overly masculine acculturation of boys leads them to holding back the emotions that women tend to build their lives around. The real truth is that men process emotions, and prioritize the expression of those emotions, much more as a result of our own mental firmware than social repression.”
    Body and creation

  27. “Motivation + work=success”

    Cosign…with some non-contrarian thoughts,

    “I can’t teach you boys motivation….teaching motivation is a fool’s errand. ” is a common phrase in the Eh house. A good example goes only so far. Seeing them succeed ultimately feeds my own joy lifting others. That’s my incentive, not theirs. I’ve tried to live non-vicariously through my children as their success is theirs alone.

    Rollo states he’s trying to help guys help themselves. He rarely, if he’s ever, given direct advice here. Any legit self-help book is prefaced with a variation of “It’s you, buddy”. Sentient points out to men in FR’s that they’re getting great advice, and hopes they don’t blow it off only to read the guy discounting it, not do the hard work of shaking up their lives, explain it away, not act, take the plunge, and follow up with real, measurable progress.

    At what point soliciting and receiving advice become a buffer…you know…when does repeatedly addressing the same issue become about addressing the issue and not about solving the issue?

    At what point does advice sustain dysfunction rather than allievate it? How to, for example, help a guy stuck at a RP stage of grief…and get on with it, without addicting him to the self-serving introspection?

    Being told I was routinely, stupidly failing was the tough love I needed. My ego ate up the challenge. I saw, am seeing real change yet.

    I’ve gotten nothing but primo advice here, acting (at times clumsily) on it has been thrilling, has benefited me. I accept it humbly, and am reaping a harvest of familial and financial wellbeing directly from this.


  28. @ EhIntellect

    “At what point does advice sustain dysfunction rather than allievate it? How to, for example, help a guy stuck at a RP stage of grief…and get on with it, without addicting him to the self-serving introspection?”

    At the point that it is too friendly in order to merely be friendly. At the point that your buddy realizes that self-destruction is not self-improvement and calls you out on your weaknesses.

    Law #2: Never put too Much Trust in Friends, Learn how to use Enemies

    Be wary of friends-they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They
    also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a
    friend, because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from
    enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them.–48 Laws of Power

    However, that is at a more superficial level. Good masculine guy friends that will have your back wouldn’t actually be timid enough to not tell it to you straight. Close men friends are actually primarily altruistic to preserve their honor in your tribe. You are a reflection of your five closest friends. If those five guys aren’t acting in your best interests you aren’t acting in your best interests or with enlightened self interest.

    A man’s capacity to receive another man’s direct criticism is a measure of his capacity to receive masculine energy. If he doesn’t have a good relationship to masculine energy (e.g., his father), then he will act like a woman and be hurt or defensive rather than make use of other men’s criticism…..

    ….If you merely want support from your men friends without challenge, it bespeaks an unresolved issue you may have with your father, whether he is alive or dead. The father force is the force of loving challenge and guidance. Without this masculine force in your life, your direction becomes unchecked, and you are liable to meander in the mush of your own ambiguity and indecision. Your close men friends can provide the stark light of love—un-compromised by a fearful Mr. Nice act—by which you can see the direction you really want to go.

    Choose men friends who themselves are living at their edge, facing their fears and living just beyond them. Men of this kind can love you without protecting you from the necessary confrontation with reality that your life involves. You should be able to trust that these friends will tell you about your life as they see it, offer you a specific action which will shed light on your own position, and give you the support necessary to live in the freedom just beyond your edge, which is not always, or even usually, comfortable. –Deida, Enjoy Your Friend’s Criticism

  29. On the topic of how to succeed when you are failing (and young), I came across this podcast done with Robert Greene.

    At the end at the 1:10:00 mark, the host asks Robert Greene for his three best ideas of advice. He only ends of giving one to newbies and young ones.

    1. Lower your expectations

    Focus on something simple.

    Don’t diffuse your brain with a thousand things.

    Don’t go on to a thousand things until you have mastered a few.

    Master yourself. Kinda like the old Greek saying: Know Thyself.

    At a young age and esp. guys knew to Game, you want to have some magic formula for getting every thing you want.

    This video might be worth listening to while you have some down time or are commuting:

    Here is the written transcript of the podcast interview:

    0:00 – Desert Farms
    1:30 – Cool fact of the day
    3:10 – Teeter
    4:30 – Dave’s experience with the 48 Laws of Power
    8:00 – Machiavelli’s quote
    10:40 – Never outshine the master
    19:20 – Robert’s Zen Buddhist practice
    23:00 – Writing practice
    27:00 – Organizing thoughts
    29:00 – Learning to use enemies
    32:50 – Social media and the 48 Laws of Power
    34:20 – Dealing with trolls
    38:00 – Gaining control of your own emotions
    46:00 – Are people good at their core?
    54:00 – Achieving balance in mastery
    1:05:00 – Other tips for achieving mastery
    1:10:00 – Robert Greene’s top 3 pieces of advice to kick ass at life

  30. @EhIntellect

    “Thanks for the reply…”

    You’re welcome you Mr. Enemy Maker you. LOL.

    You good father you.

    You who did the work you.

    Successfully overcome a problem or weakness with a mindset that makes all of those hurdles you formerly imagined as being high hurdles always be now low hurdles with your red pill and game with clear lenses. Put on your red pill spectacles and create things with actions. You’ve been informed. Just do it now.

    In that podcast the host mentioned guys running into invisible barriers in their path. Only newbies without awareness and mastery hit those invisible barriers. And then whine about it. Like a fly trying to bust down a window (the invisible barrier), when there is an open door adjacent to to it with the path to freedom. Often there is that open door next to the window, but it takes awareness of what the problem (invisible barrier) actually is. And the skill to know (yourself) that that the door exists.

  31. @Softek

    Long time lurker, but I have commented occassionally.

    To enjoy building mastery I believe you have to love what you do, intrisically. Like would you still want to improve yourself if you were the last human on earth? That's intrinsic motivation, doing what you love, and truly being your own mental point of origin.

    Now, it's okay to accept some part of you wants to improve to spark the respect of men and desire of women. Rollo touched on this in Crisis of Motive, but ultimately at the core alphas are internally motivated.

    If you don't want to do something, don't do it. If you DO want to do something, but are too afraid to do it, you've got to face that fear head on, or reframe it.

    Fitnesswise,  the beer belly needs to go. Body fat soaks up free testosterone, and encourages estrogen production- not a desired combination for a Man.

    If you're nervous about TRT try some ZMA (Zinc & Magnesium) supplements. One tablet at bed time improves sleep efficiency (deeper sleep), and boosts testosterone production. Most people don't get enough zinc & mag in their diets, hence the low T.

    I won't mention any brands, but you can get ZMA supplements from any reputable health and fitness store. Simultaneously work on reducing your body fat to optimum levels, in order to compound the positive effects.

    The ball's in your court, but we're rooting for you brother.

  32. “Mr. Enemy Maker you”


    Your return to the CC, social life came after pulling away for an extended period, as I recall reading. Did you recreate yourself into the new and improved SJF, a blend of your past and present SJF? If so, was that accepted? Do, did people remember the old you? Were you the betaized SJF before, then someone unrecognizable after?

    I’m naturally attracted to the social scene, easily make acquaintances. It’s been easier creating many new shallow friendships than rehabilitating established ones. I’ve realized my energy given to, first, my marriage, secondly, my friendships was value imbalanced. When rebalanced, I saw the friendships for what they are. Considering the success in my marriage rehabilitation, my natural optimism assumed it’d go well enough socially too. Wishful thinking, heh.

    I’m not interested in going back, AND understand isolation is dangerous. My new job gives me another chance, with an out option too. I’d prefer to avoid the out option as a buffer, avoid the reputation damaging indiscretions (as much fun as they were) and establish myself successfully from the get-go. I like me as is, but others found me incompossible with work-social-friendships.

    Thanks ahead of time.

  33. @EhIntellect

    “Did you recreate yourself into the new and improved SJF, a blend of your past and present SJF? If so, was that accepted? Do, did people remember the old you? Were you the betaized SJF before, then someone unrecognizable after?”</I

    We've been members of the country club for about 10 years. Five years ago I hit my social nadir. Where I was withdrawing out of a need to conserve my introverted battery energy. My neighborhood, the country club the former high school and the state college all share a lot of integrated social parties. It's 90% everyone is married, highly educated, and everyone is still old school First Set of Books. And everyone is pretty happy and shiny. Back then.

    But I started learning Game (and married red pill awareness). I started to have fun at game, self improve and enjoy the Game. Pretty women gave me energy.

    On a personal relationship with my wife, I first worked on eliminating contempt. That worked. We had contempt for each other (the kiss of death in a relationship). Then I worked on shit test handling. That worked. Then I worked on being attractive, not unattractive. In the fall of 2015 I stopped drinking entirely for 3 and a half months and lost 15 lbs. and had a spectacular holiday season by just getting along with everyone.

    The glue that held me together during this reconstruction was the friendship of men that I could rely on to be honest with and do some soul searching. I had the bitter truth of Red Pill thrown in my face by an annual party in October for deer hunters, in which for four years running in a group of 25 guys a guy would show up newly divorced. The first two blue pill and wife left. The second two the guys red pill and cut the wife ballast loose.

    I was a drunk captain that got his masculine balls back. With masculine balls back I could socialize in a skilled fashion. With introversion being the paradigm where I would use up energy by socializing and need a balance of being alone to recharge, I Knew Myself and used this knowlege to go socialize 70% and recharge 30%. I didn't push past that and knew my limits.

    I also used 48 Laws of power to strategize. I didn't suffer fools gladly. I used Myers Briggs to go with my strengths and minimize my weaknesses. I talked a bit too much about Red Pill and Game with my close guy friends, but the by product of that was I identified some like minded guys. The most amazing thing happened there: I stuck close to two social guys from the club that were INTJ's and I had two deer hunting and deer habitat guys that were also INTJ's. Whenever talking with them I could resonate well with and recharge my batteries. That was energizing because I wasn't alone in the Game. But these friends didn't come to me passively, I pursued the male tribal friends very actively and with skill. One of these guys, I would meet up with at least once every two weeks and he was dyed in the wool red pill and Game. And we would talk game, him single man and me MRP. I can't see life without collaborating with red pill guys. (back two years ago I can't see not having collaborated with ScribblerG and Forge the Sky offline. That triad of us moved on, but it was a wonderful collaboration.)

    So yes I recreated myself, but tapped into who I really was. What my soul was singing to me, rather than what my cognitive brain was telling me to do to buffer and restrict my natural flowing impulses. So I was new and better and also authentic. And I've never not been passionate and dynamic. I was more and more accepted socially, but I was outcome independent and had abundance (socially, family life and personally and at work).

    Hell yes, people remembered to old me. It's harder to undo something than it is to recreate something in yourself and in their minds. The biggest thing was my wife remembering the old drunk captain, beta me and not wanting to lose the power that her dominance had brought her too. She didn't want to give that up. But I accepted the fact that it was my own damn fault through ignorance that I had been betatized. And I worked to correct that. And I did.

    The thing is: you don't get extra credit for being the new you. No one congratulates you for it. It's the way you are supposed to be and everyone moves on in real time. I plateaued many times to consolidate my new found gains and then charged up the hill again to be proficient and go on to better things. It doesn't matter 'IF THAT WAS ACCEPTED'. I did it for me. And the whole process works if you do the work.

    So outward appearances, I’m the same. Now I’m not betatized. As witnessed by the last field report. Now I do stand out and have status/honor among men, and I can be charming and socialize with women in the field. I have agency. I simply re-prioritized and always had an ability to socialize, I just didn’t want to. Now I do find the value and utility in it as a game.

    Lastly, I did bring desire sex back to normal (like when we were first together 28 and a half years ago), whatever that is. My wife fucks me like she wants to. She’s attractive, fit and high self esteem and does her part to not fuck up. She certainly accepts the new me but doesn’t give me extra credit for it. It’s the way I was supposed to be all along.

  34. This post reveals a concept I had not considered before.

    Power is confirmed by who controls a relationship. Each party to a relationship ultimately controls their perspective, intents and expectations regarding the relationship. A more effecteve way to establish more power is to acquire control of the control.

    This post provides illumination of how the FI has acquired control of a mans control over his emotions.

  35. @Rugby

    In this modern world where women are constantly pushing for equality, You would expect at least 60 more would have the decency to achieve successful suicide every day.

  36. Regarding Soundgarden guy topping himself:

    In one sense yes Chris Cornell sadly fits the pattern of white American middle aged men adopting the world view of What The Fuck, and opting to Do The Standing Still. But since the NBC story subject is drugs drugs drugs it is fitting for me to jump in here until my next Crystal Ship trip kicks in.

    The particular antidepressant he was apparently taking, Ativan, is a mild anti-depressive and anti-anxiety pill when taken PRN (as needed) in small doses. Sometimes a “maintenance” regular dose is indicated for longer periods, in place of stronger SSRI’s. But Cornell was apparently pounding them like M&M’s to the point of his speech slurring, sufficiently alarming his wife she alerted tour staff to check on him.

    But recent literature on side effects says that overdosing on Ativan while taking it constantly can actually increase the depression, not lessen it, and that appears to have been what happened here. Enough to bring him down enough to try the noose tied to the sink, pass out, and stop breathing. (Chasing the pills down with GodKnowsWhat brand Rotgut probably didn’t help either).

  37. @Fred

    ^ Bringing us back to the question of why so many power drinks fast cars and mood altering substances in the first place?

    There are no studies that prove the disparity of “modern egalitarian” gender dynamics as a common denominator in suicide for both sexes, Buuuttt after years of observation it is becoming quite apparent to me this is a big part of what is going sideways on this slope.

  38. One day on a city ambulance as a medic in between the accidents, heart attacks, hypoglycemia and patient transfer calls,there are your average run of the mill suicide threats attempts and successes.

    The woman that has been taking her daughters meds and goes to her daughters therapist to get some,when this doesn’t go as planned she threatens suicide. This plan to get drugs also backfires as the licensed therapist must report this and we show up and haul her in for a 72 hr hold.. Tough titties babe.

    The 16 yo boy that threatened suicide out of seeming inescapeable misery,Then during the transport I asked him the one question nobody would,”do you have a girlfriend”?. His reply,this is what started the whole thing she lives across town and I was late getting home,my dad’s girlfriend was mad and he started hitting me so I said I would kill myself. Guess who went to emergency to get checked out? Guess who was waiting for dad when he got there?

    We don’t often go to the successful attempts,this is more the jurisdiction of law and coroner, In a rural area things are different,sometimes they are dead before we get there,then we wait and help the coroner bag them.

    The point is a breakdown in communication with the deceased makes it hard to investigate cause beyond self inflicted or not and confirmation bias takes social dynamics out of the picture completely.

  39. @Fred the Falangist haha

    regarding depression and the fast-paced life

    constant sex, drugs, power bikes…feelz rush => addiction to feelz…does addiction lead to depression and suicide?

  40. @LSDgamer (ho! ha! he!)

    Hard to say for sure. Addiction doesn’t help, and you can get a jones for the stuff. As I understand it, the overuse of the drug, over a period of time, may itself amplify whatever depression or anxiety it was supposed to treat. Makes it unbearable. You take more to counteract that, which makes it worse. This is more prone to happen with SSRI long-term anti-depressants like Zoloft but it seems benzodiazepenes can do it too.

    Or its sedative effect (which worsens the more constantly you take it) could have played a part. Maybe he didn’t mean to top himself proper, but he was put so far under and the string didn’t break it did the job when he might not have wanted it to.

    Addiction to feelz? Maybe, insofar as you’re taking the Ativan to dull all that somewhat. I’m too ripped to figure it all out.

  41. Following on @stuffinbox

    Sometimes the victim is not trying to top himself, just trying to “make a statement” and get people to feel sorry for them. Sadly, sometimes the rope holds, or the bullet goes where it shouldn’t, or the overdose is just right…

    This information comes from a trusted source, Juan Hu Nose.


    After reading the article accessible through the link above, one cannot help but wonder if TRP, the manosphere, PUA and all we discuss here is our way of becoming more feminized. The author, a feminist, compares basic fundamentals common to TRP and feminist concerns.

    Her recognition of these commonalities and her empathy for RP men could confirm that RP men are thinking and behaving more like females than males have “traditionally”. In order for this feminine thought and behavior to be accepted and practiced by males, it is crucial that “traditional’ male imperatives be delegitimized. “The old set of books” must first be invalidated before anyone will adopt any set set of books.

    The only valid “set of books’ is the set that honestly concurs and agrees with our innate constitution. Does anyone know what that set is?


    This practice in control isn’t something that sprang up a few hundred years ago, we’re talking ancient cultures teaching their young men to resist losing their rational state-control over to an emotionalism that had a potential to get a man into some serious trouble.

  44. I was at the birthday party with my LTR and it was the first time i would meet her family. We got there and there were her three sisters, her parents and three kids ( her older sister kids). Kids were two girls and one boy. It was one of the little girls birthday and i was rather shocked how everyone was treating the boy ( 5 year old). Whatever he said or did, every womn in group was shouting at him or yelling and condescending him. At one point the kid reached to the cake with hand as kids would do and one of my girlfriend sister (20 year old) pushed him to the ground real strong that the kid fell.everyone saw it but acted like nothing happened. i was shocked. Later at one point the same kid started to jump around and play with the toys we brought him probably tryin to get attention and another wave of hate came toward him at which point i said wtf let the boy be hes just a kid. Everyone just looked at me with disaproval even my girl. on our ride home my girlfriend tried to tell me that the little guy always get what he wants and just takes toys and everything from his sisters but thats not what i saw. i saw little guy just being him alpha self but those bitches defending sisterhood hating and picking on the little guy with some lame excuse of him being rude. i wouldnt see this without red pill lens. other men in group were beta and his father doesnt give a fuck, went to sleep in middle of the kids party. i just wondered what would happen if one of the guys there pushed little 7 year old girl there to the ground. i kinda get that women try to tame alpha men but this showed me that age doesnt matter. poor kid

  45. Why so many fast cars, mind altering substances etc?

    Drinking, fucking, fighting, do triple digits on a bike or in a car…. jumping out of planes….. rock climbing, spear fishing….. becuase they are fucking cool.

    I don’t understand why most men don’t do that shit

  46. @ NBTM

    The author of that piece is obviously not introspective about what the problem is. Yes men in today’s society are becoming more feminized. But it is not because of turning to Red Pill. True Red Pill involves men becoming more masculine and knows that woman “ought to” be more feminine (either because of his actions, instructions or her just getting it). The the latter cucumber is probably pickled by feminism. I don’t thing there are any forms of feminism that don’t advocate for women being more masculine, independent and dominant or equal to men.

    “The only valid “set of books’ is the set that honestly concurs and agrees with our innate constitution. Does anyone know what that set is?”

    Are you asking that because you don’t know, or is that a rhetorical set up?

    Masculine–Feminine polarity is pretty natural way of operating and agrees with our innate constitution. The opposite of that is equalism.

  47. @Ton

    “Drinking, fucking, fighting, do triple digits on a bike or in a car…. jumping out of planes….. rock climbing, spear fishing….. becuase they are fucking cool.”

    My sentiments exactly,the closer I am to death the more I enjoy life.My point was,this has become antidepresent behavior,not recreation or necessity in itself,but more of an actual death wish.

  48. Ton
    You get some douchbag can’t drive a nail or cut straight,inefective at almost everything gets yelled at all day.

    Put that same guy behind the wheel and he passes everybody just to be first.

  49. NBTM

    Her recognition of these commonalities and her empathy for RP men

    The girl writer at the Observer is not showing any empathy. She shows a smidge of sympathy.

    She does not know how the men at the TRP reddit feel (empathy) at all, nor can she.
    The smidge of sympathy she shows is about at the level she’d feel for a pet dog.

    could confirm that RP men are thinking and behaving more like females than males have “traditionally”.

    Nah. It confirms that she is thinking in what she and her sistahs regard as a “male” manner. She’s masculinized her thinking to some extent. That’s still no empathy.

    In order for this feminine thought and behavior to be accepted and practiced by males, it is crucial that “traditional’ male imperatives be delegitimized. “The old set of books” must first be invalidated before anyone will adopt any set set of books.

    Except women have no problem with the old set of books for men.

    The only valid “set of books’ is the set that honestly concurs and agrees with our innate constitution. Does anyone know what that set is?

    Put your Glasses on and you can see the real set of books.

  50. Most surprising bit of my red pill journey? @SFCTon purveys more wisdom per word than anyone else here, even as I disagree with some of his ideas about race. Alpha is a state, a state that gives one a reason to act in life in particular ways. It’s not an analytic tool. It’s about being, thinking and doing.

    Once one lives this ACTUALLY for a while, all the analysis seems quite the opposite of what being truly self motivated and dominant feels like. Incongruous with what a masculine man would spend his time on.

    I believe we aren’t helping @Softie by engaging in endless, recursive arguments that simply go over the same turf.

    I spoke with him for 1.5 hours last night and it’s clear to me that action is what’s missing, not knowledge. And we encourage him to mentally masturbate a bit more and to sit in his analysis of paralysis and not move forward with the comments here.

    The raw truth is pretty cruel. Alpha men are axiomatically top 20% in “value” and that means 80% have to beta cucks. The world needs betas and some people do not have what it takes to change. That’s actually okay but continuing to invest in someone who can’t or won’t change is a waste of YOUR TIME.

    I learned this when I got sober in AA 21 years ago. Those who wanted to get sober did. Those who wanted to be victims and get out of trouble and get their boss/wife/court off their asses did not. I sponsored about 40 guys in my active 5 years. 3 got sober and eventually I entered a sponsorship relationship in the following way:

    1. I’m not your GF, shrink, mentor, counselor or even your friend. I’m a guy farther down the path than you who knows how this works cuz I did it myself, and I’m here to guide you through that process. That’s it.

    2. You do not know how it works. Your ideas about how to get sober all failed, so I’m not here to listen to your ideas about sobriety.

    3. People who get sober do what the Big Book of AA says. My job is to help you learn those ideas and take you through the “steps” in the way the book describes.

    4. I will tell you what to do, and you will do it. If you don’t you are firing me as a sponsor. The moment you don’t do what I tell you to do, you are fired. Period. No negotiating, no second chances. If you want to get sober, do what I tell you and you will. Anything else, and you are fired and really, probably don’t really want to get sober.

    @Softie refuses to take the “Good orderly direction” (GOD) provided here. He keeps trying to “roll his own” Red Pill and alpha concepts. He’s not a bad guy, and I sympathize. But he’s gotten so much help at this point that anymore is simply a waste of time. Get that.

    I don’t help people who don’t actually want help. I can tell they want help by the way they take my “suggestions” – in this case these suggestions are more like telling someone to put on a parachute before they jump out of an airplane.

    Fucking another girl will teach him more than anything said here as it cures the “Oneitis” that is destroying him. But he may not do so, and that’s okay. But don’t kid yourself, he doesn’t do so because he actually is more comfortable being a beta, blue pilled fucktard. His choice but don’t ask me to respect it or waste another second of my life entertaining it.

    Go fuck another girl.

    Go fuck another girl.

    Reach out once you have. In the meantime, turn off your computer and stop analyzing and writing about all this shit. Focus on game and approaching and getting laid. You will internalize Red Pill truth by succeeding and failing in this way far more than you ever will by reading and writing. My own RP journey was stalled until I started gaming women. It’s applied Red Pill and until you apply it, you don’t really “know it”. The field reveals truth in a way blogs never can, and experience rewires neurology and teaches in a way reading and talking cannot.

    The truth may hurt, but it will also set you free, @Softie. But don’t kid yourself, you are stuck and fucked in the head, and if you keep mentally masturbating about all of this shit you will get no further. Period. Dot. End of message.

  51. Agree with scribbs… the over-analyzing and constant ruminating is a buffer in this case for Softek. The problem isn’t that someone here hasn’t articulated things in the magic way that will push him out of the doldrums. I sniffed that out a while back when I said he only lacked action and practice. All we can do now is stop the enabling.

    Further interactions with him should only be after he comes back with some FRs — failures, successes — *anything* other than the same old back and forths.

  52. But you are unfixable
    I can’t break through your world
    Cause you live in shades of cool
    Your heart is unbreakable

    [Verse 2]
    My baby lives in shades of cool
    Cool heart and hands and aptitude
    He lives for love, for women too
    I’m one of many; one is blue
    And when he calls, he calls for me, and not for you
    He prays for love, he prays for peace, and maybe someone new

    But I can’t help him, can’t make him better
    And I can’t do nothing about his strange weather

    How about that… those lyrics, the protagonist is played by a 60YO guy…

  53. @Sentient

    “This practice in control isn’t something that sprang up a few hundred years ago, we’re talking ancient cultures teaching their young men to resist losing their rational state-control over to an emotionalism that had a potential to get a man into some serious trouble.”

    I think that guy got what was coming to him. Personally I don’t think he got hit hard enough. But the fact everyone laughs at him for his desperate frame grab makes up for it.

  54. @ Ton and @ stuff

    ” My sentiments exactly, the closer I am to death the more I enjoy life. My point was, this has become antidepressant behavior, not recreation or necessity in itself, but more of an actual death wish. ‘


    Everybody should make sure they read Ton’s blog –

    H/T to whoever posted the link before ( think it was SJF ).

    I think it’s tragic when men wait until a near death experience to start to have a true appreciation for life. When I look around me every day, I am surrounded by bored, walking zombies. There’s no light in the eyes. No fire in the belly. No passion. No mission(s). They’re just here waiting to be told what to do next and what to think.

    The OP talks about a need to control one’s emotions but is cautious in an over prescription. That’s wise because it has been my observation over decades that way too many men try to become emotionless. The degree of control is such that it wipes out enjoyment in life and eventually even wipes out a man’s ability to understand himself and his feelz. Lol.

    Ever hear someone say that they ‘ didn’t know what to think or how to process ‘ something that’s happened right in front of their face? Every see someone get confused by feelings and emotions? I abhor that stuff. It’s not necessary.

    As someone who has dealt with ” anger issues ” ( 30 years ago no one called it anger issues… You were just quick/Ill tempered and pissed ) I understand the need to be able to control your emotional state enough so that you don’t wind up fucking yourself and your future, but it’s a bad deal to constantly try to eliminate your ability to feel the emotion and come to grips with it, The master it.

    People in general and men specifically have things just a little too easy nowadays. That’s why I have to constantly hear my fellow men cautioning me about something I’d said or done. Because it’s too ” emotional ” and thereby improper. You can no longer raise your voice, or threaten violent bodily harm, or set an interloper straight. In that regard I am a Dinosaur and shall remain so until I cease breathing. That’s not living. May as well be a fucking mannequin.

    I think that’s why some people lose their shit when they get drunk and they can’t ” control ” themselves. I’m the same guy whether drunk or sober… well… I’m slower drunk. I’m the same guy sitting in my yard as I am in the middle of some kind of dire circumstance. It’s liberating to remain yourself.

    But one has to learn how to keep his shit wired tight in the first place. When I say ” your feelz “, I don’t mean blindly going through life at extremes, yelling and crying and fighting and being an asshole in general. Extremes. Great on a rollercoaster, bad conduct your life. When I asked my dad about drinking and drugs, he told me that I will figure it out on my own later in life, but he offered ” You can drink a little bit of poison and be alright “. He told me I could drink without being an alcoholic, try some forms of drugs without becoming an addict ( lol, he didn’t know anything about heroin or crack though ), just don’t be a fanatic.

    But everybody needs a taste now and again. Everybody should go out close to various edges now and then, just to remind yourself of where those edges lie. Go on and do it, lol, the odds are in your favor ( * disclaimer: No Guarantees In Life – Ever ).

  55. Oh yeah, I forgot to add – Be wary of popular opinion and society in general, especially in 2017. When you look around and see society cosigning all manner of fuckery, you must step back and think for yourself. Always. Remember, sometimes everyone can indeed be wrong ( see: wings burn flying too close to sun, Earth flat and Sun rotating around earth for examples ) I mean, you haven’t gone to the doctor for a good blood letting lately have you?

  56. @Blaximus

    For all the grief some guys gave me over my previous pointing to Deida (with my fingers pointing to him), it (the exposition of masculine and feminine firmware and ways of operating in The Way of The Superior Man) was all the essence of what you are pointing out. (And I’m unrepentant about that. Umm, Sorry? for harping about it in the past. I had to work through some issues of being unable to express myself before, and I’ve gotten past that. I can still bore some of you guys to tears, but I’m elated with my agency in RP Game in real life these days.)

    What you and Sfc Ton speak of is freedom of expression with unrepentant masculinity. (This is also what Rollo has always been about with a big addition of enlightened self interest.)

    What the paradox has been is: can a women ever hold up her part of the bargain after a man is un-inhibited, self aware of red pill and willing to sacrifice himself to go all in. Including the nasty four letter word: Love. The answer with red pill lenses is Hell No. But that is not the issue. If a man can’t mold his woman into his image and she willingly submits. All bets are off.

    How does the message of the warriors (Blaximus and Sfc Ton) resonate with this:

    For those rare souls fortunate enough to experience it, this stage is supposedly characterized as an ongoing state of gifting yourself to the world and your partner. The woman offers her divine radiance in service of her partner and the world, opening them up with the deep flow of her awesome life force and beauty. The man offers his unending integrity and stability, as an expression of his desire to penetrate the world with truth and love. This stage is not necessarily calm or peaceful, as the politically correct stage two prefers. These individuals know freedom and love intimately and consciously choose not to repress their true nature, which may offend those of lesser development. When a person expresses him- or herself through a third stage moment, their intention is to serve the world – or the people in it – in their opening to truth and love. Sometimes, their service won’t be appreciated, but since a person in a third stage moment has transcended the need to be validated by external or internal factors, it matters little.

    Take out the flowery prose, and that is the essence of what uninhibited, masculine guys penetrating the world are saying. Blaximus and Ton are prime examples of seriously penetrating (life) masculine guys.

    That comes from this:

    The thing is to not obsess over whether she will follow your lead. If she want’s to be a compliment to your life, she is welcome to, but you won’t be stupid enough (with your red pill lenses on) to let her be the focus of your life. Without masculine mastery, though: good luck with that. If you are not up to being your best, it is your own damn fault that she is not desirous, attracted and aroused by you.

  57. @Scribblerg

    With regards to Softek, I thought his posts were a welcome change from the usual posturing and litany of trite comments, we’re accustomed to, on here.
    I understand and agree with most of the points you made, but I’m also aware Softek requires an unpleasant incident to occur, for him to make the necessary changes.

    The man who has triple heart bypass surgery is more inclined to quit smoking, than the man was, prior to the need for surgery.

  58. I think the following track and lyrics are apt for the mindsets of Softek and myself.

    We question everything and everyone… Including ourselves.

    The Stereophonics – Just Looking

    There’s things I want
    There’s things I think I want
    There’s things I’ve had
    There’s things I want to have
    Do I want the dreams?
    The ones we’re forced to see
    Do I want the perfect wife?
    The word perfect ain’t quite right
    Shopping every day
    Take it back the next break
    They say the more you fly the more you
    Risk your life
    I’m just looking, I’m not buying
    I’m just looking, keeps me smiling
    A house I seen another could’a been
    You drenched my head and said what I said
    You said that life is what you make of it
    Yet most of us just fake
    Well I’m just looking, I’m not buying
    I’m just looking, keeps me smiling.

  59. @Ollie

    Softek’s “unpleasant experiences” are really getting up there in terms of N count.

    And you are speaking to the Unbearable Triteness of Buffering.

    The buffers you learn in one aspect of your life will be just as encumbering when they’re transferred to another aspect of your life. All of these buffers listed, and many more, become indicators of how you confidently deal with adversity. Some make you look like a beta-herb pussy, others are subtle and nagging parts of an internalized personality, but dependence upon them incrementally reveals your real character to a woman. Are you Alpha enough to take a rejection on the chin, smile and confidently come back for more? Or will you run, will you block yourself, will you hide with convenient buffers?

    I used to observe this behavior on the medical wards in residency. Resident doctors and attending doctors would be hesitant to do invasive procedures in real time that were indeed necessary for saving the patient from a death spiral or nosediving plunge. I came up with a term for that: “What? Dude you want to kill your patient with kindness….?” When lives are on the line, action is called for. As well, in a group of men, masculine honor is also on call.

    Flamboyant dishonor is not a failure of strength or courage. Men who are flamboyant dishonorable are flagrant in their disregard for the esteem of their male peers. What we often call effeminacy is a theatrical rejection of masculine hierarchy and manly virtues. Masculinity is religious, and flamboyantly dishonorable men are blasphemers. Flamboyant dishonor is an insult to the core values of the male group. Flamboyant dishonor is an openly expressed lack of concern for one’s reputation for strength, courage and mastery within the context of an honor group comprised primarily of other men… Flamboyant dishonor is a little bit like walking into that room full of men who are trying to get better at jiu-jitsu and insisting that they stop what they are doing and pay attention to your fantastic new tap-dancing routine. The flamboyantly dishonorable man seeks attention for something the male group doesn’t value, or which isn’t appropriate at a given time.–Jack Donovan, The Way of Men

  60. @blax

    Sometimes it is what it is,dismissive yes, if I have done all I can do and things don’t look like what I want then I put the tools away and get ready for the next job.

    Story time
    The tones went off at 1300 hrs Motorcycle crash on highway … the patient was unconscious and getting cpr. As is the custom flight for life was called and able to respond eta 25min.

    When I arrived on scene 3rd the ambulance was on the way from another location my partner on this call and I took over cpr but I could see csf leaking from her ears and knew it was no use.

    This was a group of motorcycle enthusiasts that I could tell had been together for some years and they were an emotional bunch,with one of their favorites down for the count.

    My partner was wound up tight partialy from the rush of the tones and the fast drive but also from the emotional investment of the crowd.Traffic was shut down to clear a landing pad our ambulance arrived with the gear and we intubated with oxy and checked for csf with a white towel (blood will be red,csf will be clear and red separated}. Sad but true if there are brains leaking out of the ears no pulse not breathing unresponsive it is too late so i requested the coroner in code.

    Flight for life was 5 min out so we kept them coming,they have a new monitor and good drugs also the flight medic can legally call it. This was done and we stopped working to save her and protected the scene for evidence and from rubber neckers with their cameras (a big problem).

    Jump Back to the station, I am filling oxy bottles cleaning and restocking the ambulance when some one runs in and says come quick these guys are going to kill each other.Well i am in the middle of refilling bottles so I have to stop and think,concentrate on shutting the right valves first etc. then I look out the window and see the ruckus.

    I head that way and as soon as I am within ten feet everyone disperses and gets the f out of my way, my cpr partner on this run is yelling at the guy that was traffic control for responding from the bar. Now this looks bad in the public eye but I don’t smell any etoh and this kid is out of line for trying to be the enforcer as it isn’t his job. Bottom line he got caught up in the scene and he lost a patient that was already lost when she hit the pavement,he never learned to control his emotions truthfully the guy always sounded like a woman in a divorce quarrel to me.

    I was constantly bailing the guy out of fights LOL getting emotional looks bad and seldom if ever pays off. The voice is deep the fists are there the power is there but the motive is bitch 100% bitch all the way down. There are some circumstances when the drama of getting emotional will suffice to diffuse a situation but this tactic seldom or i should say never works on a seasoned battle vet.

  61. “I’m mad enough to believe in romance. And I’m sick and tired of this age — tired of the miserable little mildewed things that people racked their brains about, and wrote books about, and called life. I wanted something more elementary and honest — battle, murder, sudden death, with plenty of good beer and damsels in distress, and a complete callousness about blipping the ungodly over the beezer. It mayn’t be life as we know it, but it ought to be.”

    –Leslie Charteris (author of The Saint), 1935.

  62. I’m not the type to legit anger, have tried and am unconvincing when wrathful, even with Mrs. Eh. Withholding my talents, treasure and time is my m.o. I could work on “Righteous anger of He, the most high” perhaps.

    Related: Recently, I 1035’d whole life insurance policies. I’ve known the agent for twenty years, our meetings friendly. We’re not what I’d now call friends, it was always unidirectional…me paying decades of premiums…no talks over beer, no off hours guy time. Ever.

    He asks for an explanation. My words: “It allows me better loan rates, same coverage, 7 year pay in….”

    He requests another explanation, me to his office. I reply, no.

    His reply: “Don’t disrespect me like that. I have served you as a friend and a client for over 20 years. To not talk with me about this is the greatest insult you can pay me. Come in and see me if you have the strength of your convictions. This is wrong, this is an insult to me, and this is personal. This is not how honest people act.”

    My reply in familiar format:

    “This is wrong, this is an insult to me, and this is personal. This is not how honest people act.”

    Ahem. I really didn’t expect this much blow back. I’m not dissing your company or you per se. I decided to go elsewhere with it, that’s all. The agent has all you need to know and I’d expect you to be willing to get to the bottom of it there. He can talk agent to agent in your vernacular. My initial reply is comprehensible to you. Now, assuming I am loosing my moors…you’d help me find them. Right?

    Thanks for your forceful honesty though. Wow.

    “Come in and see me if you have the strength of your convictions.”

    Aggressively baiting me into having a throw down, in your office, in your space…come on…molasses and vinegar, and all. Thanks for calling me dishonest too…smooth.

    Tone down your rhetoric a touch back from 11.

    He apologizes, wants me to come in and then this: “…you threw me away like yesterday’s newspaper, and that’s what set me off. In my world, there is no greater insult than being dismissed.”

    It felt like a oneitis breakup. Ironic, I was recently, literally dismissed and thought it liberating.

  63. @ Eh

    Ya wow,this guy has been collecting % on your premium a long time and is crying for his loss of income and using bitch tactics to get you to comply.

    Like he has something to offer more than making book on the odd’s of death,give me a f..n break.

    Sounds emo to me,glad you cut the bitch loose,good job man!

  64. Eh….

    Very gay. Some people are just crazy. I’d not stop laughing, tempting to go in to see him just for the lols. But he may be a shooter.

    Always did term life myself.

  65. @scribbler

    I believe we aren’t helping @Softie by engaging in endless, recursive arguments that simply go over the same turf.

    +1 I’m done with him until he acts.

  66. @SJF

    It’s not so much buffering as inertia. There isn’t enough internal or external force to put an end to the equilibrium in his (Softek’s) life. Hence the need for a catalyst.

    Put another way, Softek has as much reason to stay in his relationship and continue being the person is, as he has to change.

    There may come a tipping point. But that isn’t now.

  67. @Softek

    Man don’t listen to these third person comments,if you need to say some thing click on the field reports bar at the top of page and bring whatever you want to the table.

  68. Transgenderism is getting hit over the head with sex so young it left a sour taste in your anus and now the only way to get it out is to demand that people treat you however you prefer.

  69. @Yollo

    ^ this^ is a larger part of it than Sapolsky will admit. He sorta looks like a lesbian trapped in a mans body,at least with the beard and his clothes on.

  70. Disgruntled earthling I could not read the whole thing. Stopped at the part about boys in dresses. It’s a sick world. This same people are the one that ask where are all the real men at after a terrorist bombing. And cry real men need to step up.

  71. KFG, SJF & Anonymous Reader,

    Thanks for the consideration and responses.

    However, I cannot help but recognize the similarities regarding perceptions and operative strategies between much of what is presented in the RP community and women’s advice blogs, and magazines like Cosmopolitan. There are definitely similar themes in both although they aren’t manifested the same way, they are fundamentally similar. Both approach the opposite gender in a primarily solipsistic context, with great focus on self. Typical PUA strategies are of greatest interest to me concerning this similarity. Mystery method, “negs”, “demonstrating higher value”, etc. are applied personality traits that PUAs promote just as women’s magazines promote the application of all kinds of cosmetics, clothing, etc. We are primarily attracted to women’s sexual beauty which is almost exclusively visual. Women, on the other hand, are attracted to masculine visual appearance AND behavior. No matter how great a guy looks, his behavior will make or break his success with women, and very quickly. The idea of negs, DHV, Mystery method, may sell well to men who have little success with women, but they aren’t nearly as successful as a woman’s natural beauty. This is mostly because they aren’t static. Their natural existence is confirmed by natural behavior manifestation over time, the course of an evening, a few days or a week which cannot be faked. A woman’s natural beauty is set, she does not have to constantly reevaluate and tweak it during her interactions to maintain her attractiveness. Behavior is Impossible to maintain if it is not natural. Fake it till you make it in my opinion does not work. Natural masculine behavior cannot be faked. The constant changing of many varied conditions over time just during the matter of course of one evening or afternoon is too unpredictable and complex to “act out” being masculine. Either a man acts like a man or he does not. He is either masculine enough in his natural behavior or he isn’t Andrew faking Ismael fooling….fakers make fools of themselves. It is infinitely more successful with women to BE a man than it is to BE a clown.

    Here is the real rub on this. Success with women IS the result of “just being yourself”. I know most if not all of you will likely think I’m full of shit, but I’m not. My success has consistently been the result of this and I have noticed other men’s success to be similar. Let me explain what I mean by “just being myself” in the context of approaching a woman I find attractive. I NEVER approach by talking with her less attractive friend first and pretending that I’m maybe not interested in her, I do not feign lack of interest. I just simply walk straight up and tell her I noticed her, find her attractive and want to get to know her. This absolutely works FAR BETTER than any other “method”. Some will reject, but they aren’t the ones you want to continue with anyway because they will not be worth your effort and time. All other approaches are coy and the result of insecurity. If you are attracted to a woman, let her know it and let her know why you are attracted without sounding like a beggar or being crass and you will be pleasantly surprised how successful you can be if you haven’t tried this before.

    All that being said, I do recognize a striking similarity between the struggle of RP men and the feminine perspective of sexual social,dynamics. The difference between the two is that women market themselves in the visual context and RP men are marketing themselves in the visual and behavior contexts. However, both are essientially exercising marketing ploys. In my opinion, women are the natural marketeers, men are not, and it is not normal or masculine for a man to think he must market himself in any way. A woman pitches herself, a man takes her, and he takes her by TELLING her he wants her. A man is naturally a performer, an actor, not in the theatrical context, but in the effective context of really making things happen. Beautiful women are put out there by the nature of their existence. Their natural constitution presents them to be picked. Powerful men take them. A man must develope himself to be powerful and able to effectively perform and take action. But it is unnecessary for him to become a self conscious marketeer of himself. In fact, that mentality is self defeating for a man because his effect on the world around him and his effect on his own life is the most powerful determinant of his attractiveness.

    The coy PUA spars with this reality and ultimately demonstrates his insecurity and inability to accept responsibility for his attraction to beautiful women. For this reason the PUA significantly risks making himself a primal turn off for women, regardless of how much anyone wants to believe otherwise. Successful men do not spar, they go in for the kill. There isn’t time in life to be wasted on too much self reflection and introspective reevaluation. The results a man gets or doesn’t get are all the feedback he needs. It is like bicycle racing. Some people ask “how can you go 30mph”. The answer is “if you never go 30, you will never go 30”. It’s that simple. There are zillions of books, blogs, articles, seminars, etc. on “how to get girls”. The answer to “how do you get girls?” Is GO GET THEM.

    I have a lot of experience. Some of you are undoubtedly as experienced or more than me and I’m sure those of you who are have noticed a progression over the past few decades of males in our society becoming more and more feminized. It is apparent with men’s magazines like Maxim, men’s blogs, etc. Maxim is nothing more than Cosmopolitan for sissies who do not know what masculinity is. I don’t care that it includes pictures of sexy women you wish you were fucking. In fact that aspect is somthing, you should seriously consider in the context of what I’m attempting to express here. TRP grew primarily out of man’s frustration with women due to lack of success and PUA awarness of feminine nuances. RP concepts are real, but it is important for men to recognize they are primarily feminine not masculine operatives.

    Women have girl friends and boyfriends. If you aren’t fucking her younare her girl friend.

    This is a true statement, there is another way to see this basic concept, another angle…

    Bitches compete with each other using all the RP truths discussed in the manosphere. If you are competing with them, then you are just another bitch.

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