The tool of ASD

I realize what I’m about to type here is going to ruffle a lot of feathers, but I believe the concept of ASD as Game would define it is flawed – I don’t believe that anti-slut defense is what most guys make of it. I know that’s going to go against everything any PUA has ever established about overcoming ASD, but let me clarify a few things about this first. I’m not saying that women aren’t the filters of their own sexuality. I’m not proposing that women don’t feel some sense of personal accountability for their own sexual decision. Obviously it is in their own biological interest to be cautious with whom they’d mate with. What I am saying is that ASD is a feminine social convention.

Anti-Slut Defense is exactly that, a “defense.” It is an automatic moral high ground that any and every woman has the ability to claim. It is the feminine prerogative in it’s rawest form, but it is a social contrivance and possibly the single most useful tool a woman has next to her sexuality. It is one thing for a woman to be sexual, arousing, erotic and enticing, but it is quite another thing for her to be sexually available. This is the secret of feminine seduction; the prospect of sexual pleasure without the promise of sexual availability. And the tool – the social mechanism – used to effect this contrivance of feminine virtue is ASD. There had to be a sociological schema created – a set of common rules backed by an unassailable moral stance – that would allow a woman to operate, and practice her methods of sexual selection without the worry of the social accountability that her otherwise fickle and seemingly indecisive behaviors would draw attention to. Thus the importance of feminine virtue comes into the popular consciousness.

Slut Disclaimer

Before I continue, bear in mind right now, I’m NOT debating the merit of a woman’s wanting to avoid being considered a slut. Obviously fidelity is a prime requisite for men seeking to establish a monogamous relationship. What I am proposing is that ASD is less about avoiding that perception and more about being a convenient tool to reserve a woman’s sexual selection options. I don’t ‘beleive’ in ASD in the context that most PUAs seem to perceive it and certainly not in the way most AFCs do. I do not believe women are as worried about their “slut status” as most guys believe they are.

Sexual reputation for women is no doubt important, but I think that the social contrivance of ASD in the way that men understand it is far more overblown than how women really experience it. Women are all too eager to reinforce this male perception because it serves their purpose as a whole. The social mechanics of ASD make it unassailable and also bolster the “women-have-it-harder-than-men” victimhood that’s served them well for centuries. However, in light of a majority of women’s easily observable, contradictory behavior that occurs so often and under such obvious conditions it becomes predictable, I cannot think that ASD is considered anything more than the perfect tool to be used as fits a situation.

Let me also be clear in stating that I do not believe women have some grand scheme of manipulation in using ASD. It’s become so ingrained in modern culture since well before the 20th century that it’s part of both sexes upbringings and psychological gender understandings. My point is that ASD has been assimilated into the “have it all” mentality women use to simultaneously play virtuous, chaste “good girl” but still have the prerogative to be independent, liberated and free “bad girl” as their conditions warrant. And again, I’m not raging against it or trying to say women ought not to do so – I’m certainly not going to change so concrete a conviction no matter how questionable. I’m saying be aware of it and plan accordingly as a man.

The ASD Tool

With ASD as a tool, a woman can operate unhindered in her sexual selection. As much as people want to take issue with me about Plate Theory, women have been employing it for centuries and the tool that is ASD has only made them better at it. In today’s western culture (and a lot of others as well) she’s got the best of the new rules and the old. A woman can be as flirtatious as she wants, be as arousing and flighty as she pleases and still enjoys the female prerogative to “change her mind”, to be concerned with her virtue. And we, as properly conditioned chumps, nod our heads in agreement with the girl who just won the wet t-shirt contest when she says she wont sleep with us because she’s “not THAT kind of girl.”

Do the girls in Panama City on spring break flashing their tits, making out with random guys (and other girls) on camera and hooking up seem worried about being perceived as a slut? Do the self-shooters and amateur porn girls really worry about being perceived as a slut? Do the women at a club on a Girl’s Night Out really seem concerned with what their other girlfriends think of their sexual exploits? If anything they’re encouraged to be more sexually adventurous by their peers. Does the bride-to-be at her bachelorette party worry about coming off as a slut in Las Vegas? Women will do what they want to do and work out the rationalizations for it later, because they know they’ll be excused for their indescretions by no other means than feminine virtue. They know that there is already a well established social system that will happily accept her default victimization as a woman.

As I’m fond of saying, the girl fucking the hot guy she met an hour earlier in the foam cannon party on spring break in Cancun is the same girl who’ll tell you she’s “just not comfortable enough to have sex with you yet” after you’ve spooned her for 3 hours with a hardon in your bed. She gets away with it because she uses the ASD contrivance to filibuster your sexual desire.

So, I’m not going to suggest that you NEXT a woman out of hand for a lack of IL or even desire. What I will advise is an awareness of how a woman applies her version of Plate Theory and the tools with which she employs it. ASD is one of many tools in her toolbox; know when it’s being used against you and weigh the costs of dealing with it against the rewards of actually banging her. When I was dating Mrs. Tomassi it took 3 dates to bed her, but never did she tell me, “not yet, I’m just not comfortable with you”, never was I expected to play cuddle bitch and go home with blue balls. She never said “I’m making you wait for it.” She had more respect for ME than that, not the other way around. When we had sex, we HAD sex. We didn’t play games, I didn’t put it half-way-in, we didn’t dry-hump we had sex.

Women are concerned with reputation, of course. Women do have sexual hang ups as a result of this or upbringing too, but again, is the cost of dealing with this worth the reward of having sex with a woman with hang ups? Is it worth the investment required for a future LTR that by all indicators would be with a woman with hang ups or is settling for you?  Would your efforts be better spent with a new prospect in contrast to that perceived reward? People always think my blanket response is to NEXT a girl, but I’ve been down the ASD-game playing path often enough in my past, and know so many others who’ve done so as well, to see that a zero-tolerance policy is simply more pragmatic. The problem isn’t so much that she wasn’t instantaneously sexual with you from the word go, but more that she’s used the ASD contrivance to filibuster you. Look carefully at what’s working in her life now. What’s her background?  Is she a single mommy? Does she have other irons in the fire? She’s only been with 5 guys (that she’ll admit to) why? Because she’s virtuously cautious or because she’s evaluating you as one of her options?

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

26 comments on “The tool of ASD

  1. Did you push for sex on the first date with your wife?

    Love the “.” link to hooking up smart at the end of virtue, btw. I love making fun of those neurotics.

      1. When you pushed for it on the second date, how did she turn you down without resorting to ASD?

        I’ve noticed you don’t have an email address up, how do people reach you for these consults? I am interested in finding out more about that, Is it possible for me to contact you privately?

      2. So when she resisted, what sort of language did she use? Or did she do something else?

        Personally, I don’t mind a girl resisting me so long as there are no manipulative ploys – acceptable behaviors include her pushing my hands away, putting back on articles of clothing, etc. Erotic tension is awesome, but girls who have “rules” and try to control the sex are kill joys.

          1. …that’s when you say, “I’m more energizing than sleep.”

            Haha, good shit. I like that fact that you both have a high partner count and have a successful marriage. You cover enough ground to shut everyone up:

            – players can’t knock you for being beta
            – women can’t knock you for being a player
            – MRA guys can’t knock you for “chasing/pedestializing pussy all the time”

            You’re like the politician with the perfect background, and you have down the tenets of game better than just about anyone else.

            I can smell the rage from certain readers from hundreds of miles away.

  2. B-L-A-A-M! (scooping brains off the wall after my head exploded).

    I guess I now know what a paradigm shift feels like.

  3. You always seem to find the perfect pictures for your articles. I have to ask, how do you do it?

  4. It would have been helpful if you would have better explained, perhaps by quoting some PUA leaders, how PUA overestimates the ASD. As I understand it, they simply say to give women a narrative, an excuse, a context, to go back to your place, whether it’s for a cup of coffee, your art collection, or whatever; and when escalations hit token resistance, to simply hang back a little and then re-escalate. The biggest thing in dismantling the ASD is conveying you’re not sexually judgemental. I don’t think they’d disagree about Cancun because that context “doesn’t count” in the girls’ minds as the context is about having frivolous fun, thus lesser ASD.

  5. I guess I agree, but I don’t see what the big deal is either.

    Everybody tries to exert as much power and control over each situation as he/she can. Women use ASD as one of their methods of power and control. I don’t blame them for it, but it also doesn’t mean I have to honor it. That’s why Mystery’s way of totally ratcheting down the action when she uses ASD is so effective. She’s trying to keep the sexual level down, you’re trying to move it up. So when you realize you hit a brick wall you refuse to play by her rules and take it WAY down, further down than even she wants it. You’re taking back the control and the power. And if this doesn’t work, then you leave and find a girl who’s easier.

    I agree that it’s all about power and control. You can either outplay them or you can simply refuse to play at all and find a chick who won’t play that particular game. Either approach is fine. ASD is no big deal when you have several women to choose from.

  6. I’m new to all this reading about game. But I am not new to female BS. I have a rule, an observation. Most of my important relationships, ones that lasted, including my ex-wife, I slept with the first night. Like 90% of the relationships that lasted longer than 60 days, the woman slept with me right out of the gate. I never thought they were sluts, I just assumed they had good taste. The others generally happened the second, maybe 1 of the longer relationships was until the 3rd night and with that one I wasn’t aggressive about it. I believe they know if they will sleep with you in 5 minutes. Some guys say “Not necessarily, but they do know if they won’t”. If she has the right interest level than they sleep with you. They don’t wait. There is no Slut Penalty if they think they are in love. So I have developed my own set of probabilities. If you don’t sleep with them on the first date, there is an 80% chance and probably higher this is going nowhere. If not by the second date then you are up 95%. If not by the third then you are up to 99%. Pack your trash and get down the road. Everything said in this article is true. I honestly feel like if they don’t sleep with you and there is not some logistical reason they didn’t, even on the first date, they aren’t interested. Don’t waste your time. I’m 57 years old. I get a lot more bullshit from women because of my age now than when I was younger so I get jacked around more now. My partner count is about 80 and I was married for about 20 years. Too many of those 80 did me the first night, like most of them, for me not feel this way. If you aren’t getting it by the second night, get ready to blow her off. Assume it. I would even tell her after the second night to shit or get off the pot. Just basically, “Look it’s pretty obvious this is going nowhere. You keep running off” Use the male version “Where are we going with this?”. And as a condition for any third date I would get confirmation that she is not gonna find some excuse to run off or escape and that she is pretty aware that this it. If she balks there is no interest. It;s a matter of self-respect. I got three rules to keep slef-respect. Answer my calls. You got your phone in your hand. If you don’t answer my calls then you have 1 hour to call back. If she doesn’t I walk. No fights. No nothing. It’s over. If she is more than 20 minutes late for a date and didn’t call to let me know, I leave and the onus is on her from point. It is basically over for me. She repairs it or it’s done. Three dates to sleep with me or I walk. No exceptions. Not for nobody. If you are the “A” guy, then she treats you right. If you are not, she screws you around. So if your not the “man” then you’re not the man. Don’t be a sucker. Walk.

  7. I live in Colombia for a while a couple of years ago. A lot of guys have this attitude that foreign women are better, different. They are not. Colombians are biggest hypergamists you will ever meet in your life. Americans like them because the climb up the hypergamy ladder just by getting off the plane. You get 2 or 3 points added to your physical rating. A guy that is a 5 becomes a 7 maybe and 8. And you get to take 15 years off your age, maybe 20. Of 5000 Fiancee visas issued for the whole world, Colombia gets 1/3 of them. Your passport and your money give you the bump down there. But when you live there and you don’t have an American salary to hurl at them, then you see the real Colombiana. That radicalized me and got me into the whole Manosphere. You can compare the commonality of the two cultures and what is different and when I saw what was the same then I got radical. The biggest issue with American girls is too many men for the number of women. I went into wikipedia and added up birth rates for ages 20-40. There were 50 million people born in those years so 25 million women. Half of that 25 million is fat and ugly so your down to 12.5 million. And then pull out the single moms who divorce and stay home with kids and don’t really try to go with men. And just right there you have 25 million men chasing 8,000,000 women that they only thing you can say about them is that they are not fat and ugly. Probably 4 million of that 8,000,000 are cute or pretty, maybe 2,000,000 are hot. Then add the fact that my old ass is still out there chasing them and there are more of me then there are of you. So legitimately there are easy 40 million guys chasing the same 4 million women. And that is root of your problems and angst. My niece is fat and ugly and she’s married to normal looking guy and she treats him like shit and she’s the queen of the world. All her friends are homely and they all have boyfriends. So inevitably almost any girl is going to have multiple offers and has her sense of value inflated because of it. Colombia has the flip of the problem. Due to war, drug and gang violence, immigration Medellin has 1.1 million men and 1.3 million women. It is in Valle de Aburre which has about 4.5 million total and ratio hold true throughout the area, 20% more women. But by the time you toss out the dogs and fatties and throw in that all older guys are still chasing and more married guys also, then at best you have parity. So even there you see all the stuff this article and the one on fillibusters talk about, deferral, delay, games from women, BS, not answering calls, stringing men out, waiting for the best option, coming late, standing you up. They are no better than American women and in many ways much worse. You as an American sit further up the pecking order but you are not immune to their BS. In fact, you can be subject to even more because you are handicapped by your conventions and also because of their desire to string you along for the possible visa.

    The Colombians have this term Pareja Ideal, literally it means Ideal Couple. When a guy says Pareja, he means the couple. When a women says Pareja, she means the man. Ask a guy what is the Pareja Ideal and he says something like “We get along well. Good Sex. She’s not a bitch. Respects costs of things, etc”. She would answer “He’s the man of my dreams. He has the cash I want and gives it to me and he looks good enough.” If you are the Pareja Ideal then she is decent to you. If you are not then she screws you over left and right. She is inconsiderate, rude, dishonest, greedy, tardy. She makes excuses to not see you. If you are the Pareja Ideal then she will sleep with you every night. She will let your fuck her in the ass and ask you if like her asshole while you fuck her. If you are not the Pareja Ideal she rarely answers your calls and they are even more tied to their cell phone than American girls. They literally carry it in their left hand 100% of the time. If you call and she looks down and sees that it is you and doesn’t answer then you are the chump and not the man. If you are not the Pareja Ideal then you best leave. If you don’t then she will play you with all these sob stories about cutting her electricity and she needs money and she come over just long enough to get the money and then use some excuse to escape. She’ll bring her friends on dates and want the most expensive places. If you are stupid enough to stay then you deserve the ass whipping you will get.

    Of all the stuff that I have gotten from the Manosphere. I would have to put the actual definition and awareness of Hypegamy as number 1 and this topic, ASD, and filibustering in general, in the top 5. So if you are receiving any of this bullshit then you are not the Pareja Ideal. Split. Next. In general if you are not getting treated right and things are not preceding in a normal pace, and you know what pace should be, then you’re plan B or C or D or H. Don’t be any woman’s bitch. I will say this last thing. After getting this attitude and setting these limits or I bail, I have never felt bad after cutting a relationship prematurely. It is easier than you think. I did feel bad when I hung around like a idiot thinking things would work out. Like I said above. I am 57 years old. If there is anything I would have done different it is that I would have pressed for what I wanted sooner and held women’s feet to the fire. This is America. If that bitch goes on a date with me. I got a right to try to fuck her. Get it in your mind. She owes you sex. She’s not your fucking friend. Like it’s some kind of secret that boys want to fuck girls? Don’t act like its the elephant in the room that nobody talks about. Push the subject. Fuck me now. Why not? When? Why you waiting so long? Fight back on the ASD. Call her bluff. She would fuck Brad Pitt on the first date and call her friends while he was fucking her and say “Guess who’s fucking me”. If she ain’t fucking you then she is fucking you. Walk.

  8. I am being a little bit of blabber mouth but I thought this more. ASD. My experience that I want to relate was in Colombia with Colombian girls and I don’t know if would work on American women.

    I am 57. It got tossed out by my ex 10 years ago. The whole beta provider cuckhold after the second kid, the freeze came on. I am sure she was fucking around. She would holler at me “I am not your slut” when I would ask her wear thongs to bed. Once when she was packing for a business trip I needed something from her cosmetic bag thing and when I went to get it from her suitcase, there were thongs galore. I challenged her and she was defiant. The sex between us sucked and a lot of it was my fault. I had gotten fat. And immediately after the divorce I started getting ED. I moved to another city, Montgomery Alabama to get away and just did the AFC thing there, then I got transferred to Atlanta and more of the same. I was hitting 50 and it was severe handicap. Men got a wall also. Unless you want old crazy bitches. I started online dating in Colombia. I went down there and it was the early days and not a lot of guys had gone yet. 2005. I had a girlfriend that I had talked with for months and we hit it right off physically. She was 20 years younger than me. The sex was good, but my ED still fucked with me. I lacked confidence. But I could still make her have orgasms. I started to get some swagger back. Then I went back again for another woman. I had lifted weights and dropped maybe 20 pounds and was pretty buff for 50. This other woman was 23. At first she was cold and after a weekend of this I told her “Look you just want a visa but you don’t love me. So go away” and she said “No, I have little experience with men” and that night she fucked me and I made her have orgasms. And I started being more dominant physically during sex. Not a lot but more. Mostly pinning her arms over her head. Being rougher when I moved her into positions. Holding her face still where I wanted it when we kissed. And she responded to it.

    My third trip back to Colombia, I stayed for months. I had met this girl online that literally was the best looking woman in my life. Ever. And I was 51. She had plastic surgery for tits, lipo, abs and literally had a perfect body. Perfect. I showed a coworker in America her photo and he accused me of copying some photo from the internet and lying. He said No way that girl was with you. Yes she was. And during sex with her I started to dominate her. Pull her hair. Spank her. Anal sex. Choke her. And most importantly I would tell her she was a slut “Puta” and she would say “I am not” and I would say “Yes are you and I know it” and she would get excited. I would say “You can fool people on street but I know you are a slut”. And I owned this woman. She was with me for months and never turned me down for sex and every time I treated her like slut. I broke up with her. Just dumped the best looking girl I ever had because she annoyed me. She sang in the car with horrible voice. She talked on the phone too much in the bed while I was watching TV. She drank too much for my taste. And I had someone else. And I treated that one like a slut in bed and with the same result. She was black girl from Cartagena with breast implants and a killer body and she reacted the same way.

    And I started getting cocky. I was with this one a month and dumped her. Just put her in a taxi and said “Adios”. The kicker was next one. I don’t know shit about game and that time nothing about alphas, betas, hypergamy. Partially I had come to this idea of domination during sex after thinking about this club I used to go in Atlanta and there was a lot of interracial stuff there. These girls were corporate bitches that would crucify some guy at work over the slightest off color comment and in this club, black guys would grab their asses and they would giggle. The dude would dominate them and they fell all over him and my AFC chump ass went home alone. And this was Georgia. Also it seemed the male animals on the discovery channel would dominate the shit of the females. And everything I tried with these women they let me do it to them. Maybe it’s a Latina thing.

    So the kicker was the next woman. I was back in Medellin in a disco alone and this woman comes over and stands by my table. Really it more that my Spanish was difficult in a club in a disco with the noise but I just ignored her. Eventually she spoke to me in English. But conversation was difficult and we left to go a restaurant close by that was easier to have conversation. She was a doctor. She was very tall and thin with implants. The whole country has implants if they can raise the cash. It’s titty heaven there. She worked for a foundation restoring the jaws of children that accidents or correcting birth defects like cleft palate. I called her a slut right to her face in the restaurant. She was divorced, had 2 kids and had lived alone with them for 8 years with no resident man. I said “So you are a saint then. You got good grades in school, never gave your parents trouble, went to university, studied hard, got into Med school, got married after school, had kids, and then divorced your husband because he cheated on you with young girls. You have the money to live without a man and you are devoted to your children. You do miracle stuff to give kids back their faces. Everyone thinks your perfect”. She shrugged like “Yes”. I said “I am pretty sure you are a slut”. She looked at me like “Excuse me?”. I said “You’re out for the night. You see an American. You think he’s a tourist with hotel room. You can go back with him, fuck him, and then he leaves to go back to America and you have no troublesome man that wants a relationship. Let’s just go now.”. And I got up and she followed me. And I treated her exactly the same way as the others except she got off more than the others when I called her “Puta” in her ear. I would get my fingers wet in her vagina and smear it on her face and tell “See, your a fucking slut. I knew just by looking at you”. And she was a fucking doctor. She got off to the rough treatment more than the others. I would say “You’re a bad girl” and she would say “Then punish me”. I was with her a couple of months and continually treated that way. She would get so wet it would drip onto the bed and leave a ring 8 inches in diameter. My ex-wife had screamed at me “You’re the worst fuck I ever had”. And with a change in style and adopting dominance, excellent looking women were submissive and were so wet it would ruin the sheets.

    But basically that has become the major aspect of my sexual and dating style. They are sluts and I know it and I am going show them that they are and fuck them like they are. I had some episodes particularly with younger girls, early 20s, where I didn’t do it and reverted to AFC form and got chumped. Maybe it was because they didn’t see me as ideal because of my age and it wouldn’t have worked anyway. But the last woman before I left Colombia was 26 and she had a child no husband. The kid was 11. She got pregnant at 14. She was over at my house. I kissed her twice with two little peck kisses and then I yanked her head back by her ponytail and kissed her hard. Her whole demeanor changed. It was a seminal moment for me. She had her eyes open as I kissed her and I could she was smiling like “Oh, you’re like that then”.

    And I won’t ever revert back. I don’t know much about game and that’s why I am here. But my sexual experiences are that women respond to sexual domination both verbal and physical. Maybe it is just a Colombiana thing. I haven’t tried it here in the US. But every time when I would converse with a woman on line and I would say “I am very sexually dominant to the point of violence. I am going to tell you right now that I am going spank you, pull your hair, slap you and you are going to want me to do it you. It doesn’t start out like that but it is a voyage that I will take you on and in the end it will happen. And you will want it. I am going to find your inner slut because I am sure you have one and you know you do.” They would “No. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be slapped”. And I would say “Yes you will, you’ll see” and never once did they back away.

    So when women use ASD on you, it is a lie. They are sluts almost all of them. It’s almost like imagining the audience in their underwear to fight nervousness during a speech. Just adopt this thought in your head. She is a slut and I am going to fuck her and spank her. And she wants to be fucked and spanked. I am not insane. It happened too often. And the more professional the more they wanted it. There is some bodice ripper best seller out that has bondage as the theme and women are buying it like hotcakes and there is an upsurge in sales in light bondage stuff like velvet wrist restraints. The female news announcer on TV said some feministic shit like “Women are super women in so many facets of life and they like to be submissive in the bedroom”. Whatever. They’re sluts.

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  10. “My point is that ASD has been assimilated into the “have it all” mentality women use to simultaneously play virtuous, chaste “good girl” but still have the prerogative to be independent, liberated and free “bad girl” as their conditions warrant.”

    Agree….and a very good point. The problem with our society, today, is that we’ve given women what they wanted….equality. One of their chief complaints regarding equality is that men can sleep around (any time and any where) without being called out…it was “acceptable”.

    Fast forward to today and we’ve given women the same rights (only now they want it all). Women want to be able to hold onto the benefits from the past (she’s such a good girl…not a slut or ASD) while simultaneously having the option to be the bad girl at any moment.

    Society “back when” placed a social restriction on a woman because a high value man (i.e. money, land, etc..) didn’t want to marry a slut (or perceived slut). This social shaming was the only thing that kept many women from sleeping around at the time. We now have women who make their own wealth and want to sleep around with multiple partners. But, they still want to be considered “good girls”, today…they want it all.

    You have to laugh at this entitled attitude of wanting to have the goods from the past with the goods of today. They wanted equality but they only wanted the many good things that this equality brought to them…none of the bad stuff (men can keep it).

    They want to be strong and independent women (be like men) without all of the bad stuff that comes with the job.

  11. Brilliant.

    ASD is a tool they use, rather than “being conditioned from their youth” and somehow being a victim of it, as PUAs commonly accept. They have their agency in it. Slut Defense is willful, not unconsciously deployed.

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