The tool of ASD

I realize what I’m about to type here is going to ruffle a lot of feathers, but I believe the concept of ASD as Game would define it is flawed – I don’t believe that anti-slut defense is what most guys make of it. I know that’s going to go against everything any PUA has ever established about overcoming ASD, but let me clarify a few things about this first. I’m not saying that women aren’t the filters of their own sexuality. I’m not proposing that women don’t feel some sense of personal accountability for their own sexual decision. Obviously it is in their own biological interest to be cautious with whom they’d mate with. What I am saying is that ASD is a feminine social convention.

Anti-Slut Defense is exactly that, a “defense.” It is an automatic moral high ground that any and every woman has the ability to claim. It is the feminine prerogative in it’s rawest form, but it is a social contrivance and possibly the single most useful tool a woman has next to her sexuality. It is one thing for a woman to be sexual, arousing, erotic and enticing, but it is quite another thing for her to be sexually available. This is the secret of feminine seduction; the prospect of sexual pleasure without the promise of sexual availability. And the tool – the social mechanism – used to effect this contrivance of feminine virtue is ASD. There had to be a sociological schema created – a set of common rules backed by an unassailable moral stance – that would allow a woman to operate, and practice her methods of sexual selection without the worry of the social accountability that her otherwise fickle and seemingly indecisive behaviors would draw attention to. Thus the importance of feminine virtue comes into the popular consciousness.

Slut Disclaimer

Before I continue, bear in mind right now, I’m NOT debating the merit of a woman’s wanting to avoid being considered a slut. Obviously fidelity is a prime requisite for men seeking to establish a monogamous relationship. What I am proposing is that ASD is less about avoiding that perception and more about being a convenient tool to reserve a woman’s sexual selection options. I don’t ‘beleive’ in ASD in the context that most PUAs seem to perceive it and certainly not in the way most AFCs do. I do not believe women are as worried about their “slut status” as most guys believe they are.

Sexual reputation for women is no doubt important, but I think that the social contrivance of ASD in the way that men understand it is far more overblown than how women really experience it. Women are all too eager to reinforce this male perception because it serves their purpose as a whole. The social mechanics of ASD make it unassailable and also bolster the “women-have-it-harder-than-men” victimhood that’s served them well for centuries. However, in light of a majority of women’s easily observable, contradictory behavior that occurs so often and under such obvious conditions it becomes predictable, I cannot think that ASD is considered anything more than the perfect tool to be used as fits a situation.

Let me also be clear in stating that I do not believe women have some grand scheme of manipulation in using ASD. It’s become so ingrained in modern culture since well before the 20th century that it’s part of both sexes upbringings and psychological gender understandings. My point is that ASD has been assimilated into the “have it all” mentality women use to simultaneously play virtuous, chaste “good girl” but still have the prerogative to be independent, liberated and free “bad girl” as their conditions warrant. And again, I’m not raging against it or trying to say women ought not to do so – I’m certainly not going to change so concrete a conviction no matter how questionable. I’m saying be aware of it and plan accordingly as a man.

The ASD Tool

With ASD as a tool, a woman can operate unhindered in her sexual selection. As much as people want to take issue with me about Plate Theory, women have been employing it for centuries and the tool that is ASD has only made them better at it. In today’s western culture (and a lot of others as well) she’s got the best of the new rules and the old. A woman can be as flirtatious as she wants, be as arousing and flighty as she pleases and still enjoys the female prerogative to “change her mind”, to be concerned with her virtue. And we, as properly conditioned chumps, nod our heads in agreement with the girl who just won the wet t-shirt contest when she says she wont sleep with us because she’s “not THAT kind of girl.”

Do the girls in Panama City on spring break flashing their tits, making out with random guys (and other girls) on camera and hooking up seem worried about being perceived as a slut? Do the self-shooters and amateur porn girls really worry about being perceived as a slut? Do the women at a club on a Girl’s Night Out really seem concerned with what their other girlfriends think of their sexual exploits? If anything they’re encouraged to be more sexually adventurous by their peers. Does the bride-to-be at her bachelorette party worry about coming off as a slut in Las Vegas? Women will do what they want to do and work out the rationalizations for it later, because they know they’ll be excused for their indescretions by no other means than feminine virtue. They know that there is already a well established social system that will happily accept her default victimization as a woman.

As I’m fond of saying, the girl fucking the hot guy she met an hour earlier in the foam cannon party on spring break in Cancun is the same girl who’ll tell you she’s “just not comfortable enough to have sex with you yet” after you’ve spooned her for 3 hours with a hardon in your bed. She gets away with it because she uses the ASD contrivance to filibuster your sexual desire.

So, I’m not going to suggest that you NEXT a woman out of hand for a lack of IL or even desire. What I will advise is an awareness of how a woman applies her version of Plate Theory and the tools with which she employs it. ASD is one of many tools in her toolbox; know when it’s being used against you and weigh the costs of dealing with it against the rewards of actually banging her. When I was dating Mrs. Tomassi it took 3 dates to bed her, but never did she tell me, “not yet, I’m just not comfortable with you”, never was I expected to play cuddle bitch and go home with blue balls. She never said “I’m making you wait for it.” She had more respect for ME than that, not the other way around. When we had sex, we HAD sex. We didn’t play games, I didn’t put it half-way-in, we didn’t dry-hump we had sex.

Women are concerned with reputation, of course. Women do have sexual hang ups as a result of this or upbringing too, but again, is the cost of dealing with this worth the reward of having sex with a woman with hang ups? Is it worth the investment required for a future LTR that by all indicators would be with a woman with hang ups or is settling for you?  Would your efforts be better spent with a new prospect in contrast to that perceived reward? People always think my blanket response is to NEXT a girl, but I’ve been down the ASD-game playing path often enough in my past, and know so many others who’ve done so as well, to see that a zero-tolerance policy is simply more pragmatic. The problem isn’t so much that she wasn’t instantaneously sexual with you from the word go, but more that she’s used the ASD contrivance to filibuster you. Look carefully at what’s working in her life now. What’s her background?  Is she a single mommy? Does she have other irons in the fire? She’s only been with 5 guys (that she’ll admit to) why? Because she’s virtuously cautious or because she’s evaluating you as one of her options?

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samseau
Guest
samseau

Did you push for sex on the first date with your wife?

Love the “.” link to hooking up smart at the end of virtue, btw. I love making fun of those neurotics.

Rollo Tomassi
Guest

First date, no, but it was really more a matter of logistics at the time. 2nd date, yes. 3rd date, yes. 12th date, yes. Monday night, yes,…

adia
Guest
adia

When you pushed for it on the second date, how did she turn you down without resorting to ASD?

I’ve noticed you don’t have an email address up, how do people reach you for these consults? I am interested in finding out more about that, Is it possible for me to contact you privately?

samseau
Guest
samseau

So when she resisted, what sort of language did she use? Or did she do something else?

Personally, I don’t mind a girl resisting me so long as there are no manipulative ploys – acceptable behaviors include her pushing my hands away, putting back on articles of clothing, etc. Erotic tension is awesome, but girls who have “rules” and try to control the sex are kill joys.

Rollo Tomassi
Guest

Hit me up on the About page.

Rollo Tomassi
Guest

It was more like, “we can’t right now, I’ve got a 14 hour shift coming up at the hospital.”

Johnycomelately
Guest
Johnycomelately

B-L-A-A-M! (scooping brains off the wall after my head exploded).

I guess I now know what a paradigm shift feels like.

Dan Fletcher
Guest
Dan Fletcher

You always seem to find the perfect pictures for your articles. I have to ask, how do you do it?

Nummm
Guest
Nummm

Just out of curiousity, what age were you when you married your wife?

samseau
Guest
samseau

…that’s when you say, “I’m more energizing than sleep.”

Haha, good shit. I like that fact that you both have a high partner count and have a successful marriage. You cover enough ground to shut everyone up:

– players can’t knock you for being beta
– women can’t knock you for being a player
– MRA guys can’t knock you for “chasing/pedestializing pussy all the time”

You’re like the politician with the perfect background, and you have down the tenets of game better than just about anyone else.

I can smell the rage from certain readers from hundreds of miles away.

houseofjacques
Guest

You mean that in order to reach you for a consult we’d have to leave you a message on the About page comments?

Rollo Tomassi
Guest

What can I say, I’m an artist.

Rollo Tomassi
Guest

28

Deep Dish
Guest
Deep Dish

It would have been helpful if you would have better explained, perhaps by quoting some PUA leaders, how PUA overestimates the ASD. As I understand it, they simply say to give women a narrative, an excuse, a context, to go back to your place, whether it’s for a cup of coffee, your art collection, or whatever; and when escalations hit token resistance, to simply hang back a little and then re-escalate. The biggest thing in dismantling the ASD is conveying you’re not sexually judgemental. I don’t think they’d disagree about Cancun because that context “doesn’t count” in the girls’ minds… Read more »

adia
Guest
adia

Yes, do you mind clarifying what you mean by this?

Thumpy
Guest

I guess I agree, but I don’t see what the big deal is either. Everybody tries to exert as much power and control over each situation as he/she can. Women use ASD as one of their methods of power and control. I don’t blame them for it, but it also doesn’t mean I have to honor it. That’s why Mystery’s way of totally ratcheting down the action when she uses ASD is so effective. She’s trying to keep the sexual level down, you’re trying to move it up. So when you realize you hit a brick wall you refuse to… Read more »

Mark Minter
Guest

I’m new to all this reading about game. But I am not new to female BS. I have a rule, an observation. Most of my important relationships, ones that lasted, including my ex-wife, I slept with the first night. Like 90% of the relationships that lasted longer than 60 days, the woman slept with me right out of the gate. I never thought they were sluts, I just assumed they had good taste. The others generally happened the second, maybe 1 of the longer relationships was until the 3rd night and with that one I wasn’t aggressive about it. I… Read more »

Mark Minter
Guest

I live in Colombia for a while a couple of years ago. A lot of guys have this attitude that foreign women are better, different. They are not. Colombians are biggest hypergamists you will ever meet in your life. Americans like them because the climb up the hypergamy ladder just by getting off the plane. You get 2 or 3 points added to your physical rating. A guy that is a 5 becomes a 7 maybe and 8. And you get to take 15 years off your age, maybe 20. Of 5000 Fiancee visas issued for the whole world, Colombia… Read more »

Mark Minter
Guest

I am being a little bit of blabber mouth but I thought this more. ASD. My experience that I want to relate was in Colombia with Colombian girls and I don’t know if would work on American women. I am 57. It got tossed out by my ex 10 years ago. The whole beta provider cuckhold after the second kid, the freeze came on. I am sure she was fucking around. She would holler at me “I am not your slut” when I would ask her wear thongs to bed. Once when she was packing for a business trip I… Read more »

Rollo Tomassi
Guest

Welcome to the blog Mark.

Rollo Tomassi
Guest

Mark, would you mind if I used your story as a blog post?

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Monarch Programming
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Monarch Programming

Ahhh Mark Minter. Funny reading his old comments, innit?

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[…] by the mid-30s.) Sure, a 33 year old is not as hot as the 23 year old version of herself, but her ASD is through the roof, as is her self-conception as a hot marriage-worthy commodity. Many older women […]

Driver
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Driver

“My point is that ASD has been assimilated into the “have it all” mentality women use to simultaneously play virtuous, chaste “good girl” but still have the prerogative to be independent, liberated and free “bad girl” as their conditions warrant.” Agree….and a very good point. The problem with our society, today, is that we’ve given women what they wanted….equality. One of their chief complaints regarding equality is that men can sleep around (any time and any where) without being called out…it was “acceptable”. Fast forward to today and we’ve given women the same rights (only now they want it all).… Read more »