The Reconstruction II

reconstructionii

One of the most influential books I’ve ever read I picked up from my father’s home library when I was about 25. That book was Dr. Warren Farrell’s Why Men Are The Way They Are. At the time it didn’t strike me as odd that my father would have this book in his collection – my clinically depressed, 3rd wave feminist, aging hippy of a step-mother had eventually roped him into reading it for some Unitarian book club they belonged to in the early 90s. I still have it. It’s even got her penciled-in liner notes scribbled in the margins with all the feminist outrage I imagine it must’ve inspired for her. It’s sort of a cosmic irony that the book she raged over would be instrumental for my own writing and online persona.

People always ask me when my point of unplugging came about, but if I’m honest, it was a gradual process that required a lot of bad experiences to learn my way out of the Matrix. However, Farrell’s book was a turning point for me. I’ve since had to reassess my opinion of Dr. Farrell – he’s still very much Blue Pill and will likely go to his grave never making the connection that a belief in egalitarian equalism (as taught to him by early feminism) is what’s kept him blind to really accepting Red Pill awareness. But if I had a moment of unplugging I’d say it was directly attributable to this book.

I think what got me the most about it at the time were the many stories of the men Farrell had done ‘men’s group’ sessions with while doing his research for the book. It was published 1986 (about 7 or 8 years before I read it) so it was already kind of dated when I read it, but for the most part these men sort of had these sit-ins with other men to relate with each other. If you’ve read my essay Tribes you’ll understand why these new-agey get together seem very contrived to me, but the stories these guys were relating in the early to mid 80s were about what I’d expect coming from my own Dad.

They all did everything right. Some were the products of the free love generation or the hedonistic 70s, but overall these guys were caught in the perfect storm of still clinging to the old books Beta-provisioning social contract and the expectation of 3rd wave feminists that they be ‘evolved males’. More than a few were attending these men’s groups at the behest of their empowered wives in the hopes that they’d learn to get in touch with their feminine sides or at least find some better way to meet their “needs”. I could see my father as one of these men.

Papa Tomassi was a very confused man with regard to women as it was, but to be caught on the cusp of an era when feminine social primacy coming into its own and still being part of the ‘do everything right’ social contract and the belief system that was doomed to fail in the decades to come, I can understand a lot of that confusion. One man in the book described it thusly:

“I feel like I’ve spent 40 years of my life working as hard as I could to become somebody I don’t even like.”

Each one of these guys related a similar frustration. They busted their asses for decades to fulfill the old books social contract, the one that had been the way you did the right thing in order to have a life with a woman, a family, kids, maybe grandchildren, and all of that was no longer working for men. The 24 year old Rollo Tomassi reading this book didn’t know what Hypergamy really was back then, but as I recount these men’s confusion today I can see that it was a result of being the first men to realize that institutionalized Hypergamy was erasing that old social paradigm for them.

Bad Investments

I’ve covered the fallacy of Relational Equity in a prior post, but I think it’s necessary to revisit the idea here to understand how it still undermines men in an era of Open Hypergamy and feminine social primacy. These men, most of whom are likely into their 70s now, had a preconception of what it meant to ‘do everything right’; to play by an understood rule set that women were supposed to find attractive, to acknowledge and honor. Furthermore, they were taught to expect a degree of mutual reason from these new, empowered and evolving women. If needs weren’t being met, well, then all that was necessary was a heart to heart and open communication and negotiation would set things back on track because women could be expected to be the functional equivalents of men. This was the golden, egalitarian, sexual equality, future that feminism promised the guys in the 70s and 80s.

Relational Equity is the misguided belief that ‘doing everything right’ would necessarily be what ultimately attracts a woman, kept a woman, a wife, an LTR, from both infidelity, and was an assurance of her continued happiness with her man. Needless to say, the collected experiences of men that’s led to the praxeology of what we know as Red Pill awareness puts the lie to this – but as men, we expect some kind of acknowledgement for our accomplishments. Rationally, in a male context, we expect that what we do will at least be recognized as valuable, if not honored, by other men. So by extension of our equalist social contract, women, whom we are told we should expect to be co-equal agents with men, should also be expected to see past their emotional Hypergamous natures and make a logical conclusion to be attracted to men who are good fits in a mutually understood sense.

This, of course, is nonsense for the same reason that expecting genuine desire can be negotiated is nonsense, but essentially this is essentially the idea the shifting social contract of the time was trying to convince men of. And as you might expect, those men, the ones with the insight to recognize it, saw it for the opportunism it really was. Even if they ended up at 40 hating who they’d become.

From Relational Equity:

This is a really tough truth for guys to swallow, because knowing how hypergamy works necessarily devalues their concept of relational equity with the woman they’re committed to, or considering commitment with. Men’s concept of relational equity stems from a mindset that accepts negotiated desire (not genuine desire) as a valid means of relationship security. This is precisely why most couples counseling fails – its operative origin begins from the misconception that genuine desire (hypergamy) can be negotiated indefinitely.

When we become Red Pill aware there is also a kind of Relational Equity we need to acknowledge and manage. Once we’ve unplugged it’s easy to get caught up in thinking that because we know the game, because we’ve gone through the trials, because we know we’re higher value men – if for no other reason than that we no longer subscribe to the misgivings of out Blue Pill conditioning – because of that awareness we tend to think that this should be consciously or tacitly appreciated by a wife, a girlfriend or the women we’re sarging in the club.

This can be kind of tough for an aware man because it’s often something we need to keep latent in ourselves. Being overt about Red Pill awareness with women is almost always self defeating because it exposes the Game. Women want to play the game, they don’t want to be told how it operates. In our everyday lives it’s necessary to reserve and observe or we risk changing the process.

Openly acknowledging the value a man believes he ought to inspire in a woman will alter her perception of that value. Most men who resort to forcing a woman’s hand by laying bare all the qualities of himself (real or imagined) he believes she should recognize and appreciate are only exposing their belief that Relational Equity and an old paradigm mindset is his mental point of origin. In truth, guys who attempt to set themselves apart by listing all the ways they’re valuable and playing by the rules generally get shamed by women in the end because those qualities have become so common place and expected that they’ve become debased.

So you’re a great father to your kids and a devoted husband who built himself into the guy that any woman should be attracted to, who should be a great catch? That’s great, but that’s what you’re supposed to do. And all those things you’re supposed to do, those aren’t what engender a woman’s genuine desire. In a feminine-primary social order – the same order that deliberately misdefines masculinity for men – all men need to do, endlessly, is just a bit more to do everything right.

The Awakening

On both the Married Red Pill and MGTOW Reddit forums there’s been discussed the concept of being ‘awakened while married’. Hopefully I wont butcher that concept too badly here, but I think one aspect of becoming Red Pill aware, whether you’re a young single guy or an old mature married one is that there comes a point when you are awake and aware of the conditioning and the intersexual paradigm you truly live in. Honestly, I envy the younger men who come into this awareness early in life, but I also recognize that theirs is a greater responsibility to the truth for the rest of their unplugged lives. Men awakened while married at least have the excuse of having been deluded by Blue Pill conditioning for most of their lives to that point.

For younger men the Red Pill presents challenges with each new prospective woman a man applies himself with. For the awakened married man, his challenge is reinventing himself in a Red Pill aware paradigm with a woman who is already intimately aware of his persona, possibly for decades. We always say that once you’ve become Red Pill aware there is no going back. Even for men who go into total denial and choose to live with the cognitive dissonance of what they know about their own Blue Pill conditioning and the socio-sexual game going on around them there will always be reminders of Red Pill awareness he’ll notice on his peripheries.

For a man awakened to his condition while married, his state is a never ending reminder of what his Blue Pill indenturement has made of him. Like the guy in Farrell’s men’s group, the Blue Pill husband has spent most of his life trying to become someone he may or may not like, but that process of becoming was prompted by his Blue Pill conditioned existence. Once that man becomes Red Pill aware he’s now faced with two problems – how will he remake himself and how will his wife accept that remaking?

From the earliest posts of this blog I’ve always stressed that a man’s dominant Frame in his relationship is vital to the function of that relationship. Unfortunately, most men who were awakened while married began their relationships with a strong Beta perception for their wives. We can debate as to whether just the commitment of marriage itself makes for a predominantly Beta perception of a man, but in an era of  masculine ridicule, Open Hypergamy and Alpha Widows it’s a good bet that women’s impression of their husbands is rarely one of reserved Alpha confidence.

This is a tough position for a Red Pill aware husband to confront. Sometimes a wife’s impression of his Beta-ness is too embedded, or she’s built a relational framework around expecting him to be a hapless Beta. Humans are creatures of habit with an insatiable need to see familiarity in other people’s actions. Your predictability gives them a sense of control. I should add that this expectation of predictability isn’t just limited to a wife’s perception of her Beta husband. That can, and often does, extend to a man’s family or friends who also expect him to be the Beta he’s always been. This then presents another challenge in remaking himself into something new, dominant and respectable in his Red Pill awareness.

Many of the men I used to do peer counseling with back in the early 2000s only wanted one thing; they wanted their wives to have a genuine desire to fuck them with either an enthusiasm they’d never known (but believed was possible) or they hoped to re-experience (and hopefully sustain) a genuine sexual desire they’d enjoyed with their wives while they were dating. None of them wanted (at least at first) to abandon their marriages, they just wanted to do thing right so their wives would fuck them, love them, respect them. They really wanted things to work, and so much so that they would overtly ask their wives “what do I have to do to get you to love/fuck/respect me and I’LL DO IT!” Which of course was precisely the thing that turned their wives off even more.

Their overtness and desperation was only more reinforcement and confirmation of these men’s wives perception of their Beta statuses. However, these men are the descendants of the generations that convinced them that ‘open communication’ solves all relationship problems, but here they were, being open, direct, expecting a rational, negotiable solution to their problem only to have it drive their disgusted wives further from them.

Hypergamy doesn’t care when a woman’s lasting impression of a man is his Beta status. How a man’s Red Pill awareness and the changes it brings in him will be accepted depends largely on his predominant condition. What husbands want is a sea change in their wives’ impression of them once they adopt a Red Pill / Game aware way of life. Most husbands have to weigh their emotional and personal investments in their wives with the reality that their wives’ impressions of them may simply never change. Becoming Red Pill aware forces husbands into a position of having to judge whether their marriages are even worth the considerable effort of trying to improve.

In the next part of this series I’ll be exploring the challenges an ‘awakened while married’ man has to face while weighing his wife’s impression of him with the impressions women outside his marriage have of him.

 

 

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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*listens to Feeling Myself once* A video posted by Emily Ratajkowski (@emrata) on Jan 16, 2017 at 11:00am PST

//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js

Happy Friday.

Sisyphus
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@Sentient …yes

DisgruntledEarthling
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@Sentinent
Now when I was doing my reset… I would leave the house at 11PM if need be “not sleepy… going out” get a phone blown up with texts… respond to none of them.. come back home after 12… have a drink in my study, get upstairs at 1AM and she would be up crying and whatever… “where did you go!!!”

Wow, that took guts. I had thought of that often when I was stuck in BP land but always though it was too harsh and brutal. Man, was I wrong.

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Sisyphus I thought so… You’ve been at “this” a while right? MMSL boards were full of guys dieting, making more money and doing the “hard work” of burpees and 5K’s and never running “hard dread” or giving ultimatums… or holding their wife’s feet to the fire or calling out bullshit. I do miss Dave Bowman though… and a couple of others… Don’t build a better beta man… fuck. Those guys would get 90% there and stall because mindset… You know what they say in software development when you are 90% there? The next 10% will take twice as long and… Read more »

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@Sisyphus I am glad Blax mentioned what he did about warming her up and keeping her warmed up with all the kino all the time. That and having your Outcome independence locked down tight if she gets shitty about sex. Both those things may increase her buying temperature a bit. As stated above, you’ll know your frame is coming along nicely when she keeps trying to shake it loose with shit tests. As for learning to deal with shit tests, when I first started I simply imagined I had nothing to lose in any argument with her. BC that’s what… Read more »

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@Sisyphus I also endorse Sentient and Blaximus thinkings on the matter. I also know what that process of changing feels like. The change-around is difficult, but it has to start with an ignition process. Daniel Coyle wrote about this process in the Talent Code. How talented people went through The Process of getting good: http://thetalentcode.com/2010/06/02/rules-of-ignition/ I think we can find one clue by looking more closely at the moments themselves. So let’s break it down: -The moments are serendipitous. Nobody sets it up; there’s no mediator. It happens by chance, and thus contains an inherent sense of noticing and discovery.… Read more »

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@sentient
bang on the money about MMSL. They hated any mention of hard dread and it only got worse the more chicks there were moderating and mobbing the boards. To much truthtalk.

EhIntellect
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“was I tired the next day? Uhhh yeah… many nights of getting 3 or 4 hours of sleep. same thing with practicing Game”

Oh yeah. God I was tired. A bit ago I had one hour sleep and full days bookended. Spent the night on the pulmonary rehab treadmill, walking, passed out in a chair. I felt on acid and was hallucinating by the end of that stretch.

I woke up on the side of the road once. Must’ve pulled over and parked it. Took a minute to orient.

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disgruntledEarthling Wow, that took guts. Nah it didn’t… not being falsely modest either… going back to HABD up thread… you can just FLIP THE SWITCH and your mindset can just change. Nope. Not gonna do’it. IDC. ZFG… etc… and the faster you flip the switch and change the mindset the faster you will get results… So fuck your last 15lbs and your 5k time brodies… TELL your woman you want a hot dinner on the table and when she comes at you with some BS excuse and blinky blinky eyes you.. be like “This is BS” and go the fuck… Read more »

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@Sentient So yes, I’ve been at this a while and frankly, I’ve made progress, both on myself and how things are at home. Bedroom was pretty dead when I started. A HUGE part of why I bailed on MMSL was the sense that if you just checked these “boxes” then all would fall into place. Well, being a “good man” (by whatever definition you want to use) just felt like it was taking me deeper and deeper into beta-land. Running some kind of dread and/or getting my head straight and not just my physique and finances is basically where I’m… Read more »

Sentient
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0adDm9-g-Oc

“You are forever becoming who you are”…

also a little liminal space tie in…

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@Marc
Welcome to the party, I’m sure glad you made it. Stay a while and enjoy the company.

You’re through the worst of it now, I am pretty sure of that.

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@SJF I’ve watched BluePillProfessor’s video series but I haven’t read the book. I’ll get it.

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@EhIntellect said, “To sum up: If you’re not getting serious shit tests, you’re not going all in on you.” Sisyphus: “You’re the 1st person to hit this particular nail. Everyone talks about shit tests but for me they are rare. Thinking about it, I realize that at least part of the problem is that she knows exactly what to expect from me and I predictably put her and the kids before me – ALWAYS!” Agent P: “As for learning to deal with shit tests, when I first started I simply imagined I had nothing to lose in any argument with… Read more »

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On HABD modeling:

“(THIS is the most important part of this whole exercise…and you can even model THAT (interacting with the wife) in your head, too)”

Showering: 10% washing, 90% engaging in fake arguments.

I win ’em all there. Heh.

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A HUGE part of why I bailed on MMSL was the sense that if you just checked these “boxes” then all would fall into place.

To be fair to Athol, even though he banned me, at least he did have an Ultimatum in his Male Action Plan… But yeah the women were 100% against dread and 90% of the guys against putting out an ultimatum…

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and the faster you flip the switch and change the mindset the faster you will get results… So fuck your last 15lbs and your 5k time brodies… TELL your woman you want a hot dinner on the table and when she comes at you with some BS excuse and blinky blinky eyes you.. be like “This is BS” and go the fuck out for a steak and whatever for half a night… just breeze on out the door now discussion… “where you going???!!!???”… I gotta eat. Gone. This^^^^ Once she looked at me across the dinner table and said, “So… Read more »

EhIntellect
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“…two weeks later I was getting a BJ at lunch…”

In a presidential inauguration mood. Does a BJ count as Alpha validation; is it sex? At least one presidential alpha says no technically.

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Agent P

Buuuuuuuut about two weeks later I was getting a BJ at lunch and nice properly prepared hot dinners, better behavior from her and in turn the kids, etc etc hmmmmmmmm.

Nice…

Want to know if you are leading? Take a look at who is following you…

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Ok, let’s go there… here’s a sample case: The house if a fucking mess! I haven’t addressed this with her over the years but it drives me nuts. First, I know there’s going to be a shitstorm of crap about how busy she is blah, blah, blah and she’ll try to find a way to indicate that I’m not doing something too (not sure what that might be) or “why don’t you clean?”. I haven’t pushed her on this largely out of a sense of fairness (she’s a SAHM who homeschools our kids) and she is legitimately busy with school,… Read more »

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@ Sisyphus

Getting ahead a little, but maybe not…

Speaking of tests and sex:

Post whipsaw/shit test victory the sex had to be warlord serious, IMO. Sex doesn’t necessarily validate Alpha. Alpha sex validates alpha. Punishing, athletic romps. Getting dread sex? Well, give it to her like you’re teaching her a lesson about pissing you off. If she walks funny for a while, good for her and you.

She’ll test you between the sheets at your most vulnerable. Don’t fall for the bait. Tell her how you want her, turn the noisy end away from you, if needed. Acta non verba.

Sentient
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Ok Sisyphus…

C’mon man… a few posts ago you were saying you are the leader in your home?

Unplug friend. You still fear her and the consequences of enforcing your boundaries with her…

I know there’s going to be a shitstorm of crap

fear.

I haven’t pushed her on this largely out of a sense of fairness

What? She is a SAHM with a dirty house… but she has time to train for marathons…. marathons??? Is it fairness or fearfulness of establishing a boundary and then HAVING to ENFORCE it…

Come now. Fuck the cloaked equalism too… Fairness…

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Sisyphus…

My wife has been a SAHM our whole lives… but for the first 3 months. 26 years married. 5 kids.

Number of times I’ve done laundry or cleaned a bathroom can be counted on one hand… even as I betaized myself

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Got cut off…. She gets an allowance for food and monthly incidentals and I pay the bills and handle the finances. I make sure there is money in the house. She takes care of the kids and rest. If she is going over budget she has to come get more money and explain t which she hates because then “I yell at her”… LOL To her yelling is merely holding her accountable and sometimes saying No… Take charge man… like any employee sometimes you have to crack the whip… even just to keep them on their toes… The other day… Read more »

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“why don’t you clean?”.

That’s why it’s called a double standard sweetie… [pat ass, walk on out of room]

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@Sentient & @EhIntellect It’s the equalism…fuck! I haven’t internalized it. I’m still stuck in the “I only work like a slave and come home and work like a slave some more – how can I expect anything from you?” No, I don’t clean bathrooms or do laundry but I still have this existential sense of fairness where I feel like I’m unnecessarily burdening her with work. I guess I have to embrace the fact that I’ve worked hard to bring home a six-figure income to support everyone so she can stay home and school the kids and that it’s okay… Read more »

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I guess worst case she calls me a misogynist asshole and doesn’t do it, right!?

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Sisyphus I still have this existential sense of fairness where I feel like I’m unnecessarily burdening her with work Take note that PIMP’s are not burdened with this thinking… I guess I have to embrace the fact that I’ve worked hard to bring home a six-figure income to support everyone so she can stay home and school the kids and that it’s okay to have expectations of her. Close but no cigar… HABD is going to go all The FI is pressing on you”… Embrace the fact that YOU are enough… not your bank account. YOU. She is to serve… Read more »

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Sentient
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I guess worst case she calls me a misogynist asshole and doesn’t do it, right!?

worst is she kills you… but then you will know she loved you too… LOL

Sentient
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Sis

Your attitude can be light and breezy… just have the edge like “hey if it’s a problem for you, I can have a younger hotter girl over in 25 minutes to handle it”…

Cat language when speaking to cats.

Sentient
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The mythology of the pimp game begins with Adam and Eve, Adam being the first trick and Eve being the first ho, seducing him for an apple. The snake was the first pimp who convinced Eve to trick a man for his benefit. The domination of man by woman created original sin. Eve rebelled against Adam’s authority and both her and Adam paid the price. By following Eve, Adam lost his manhood and has been struggling since then to regain it. This was the price to pay for man not being able to control his sex drive. Eve was created… Read more »

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“worst is she kills you… but then you will know she loved you too… LOL”

We always hurt the ones we love the most…Hah!

EhIntellect
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” she calls me a misogynist asshole ”

Oh honey, stop flattering me! That old saw will never get you in this candy store. Nice try.

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ASSERTIVE RIGHT II from When I Say No I Feel Guilty, Manuel Smith: You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses to justify your behavior. As with the remaining assertive rights listed in this chapter, the right not to give reasons for what you do is derived from your prime assertive right to be the ultimate judge of all you are and do. If you are your own ultimate judge, you do not need to explain your behavior to someone else for them to decide if it is right, wrong, correct, incorrect, or whatever tag they want to… Read more »

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Once a ho chooses a pimp as her god, he owns her. Once a ho buys into his dream she receives the glory of being close to the light. She gets to ride in his car, escort him around, all the while her value is going up. The ho is addicted to dreams, and her belief in the pimp is costly, he can now take her to heaven or hell depending on what he wants from her. The pimp however doesn’t buy dreams, he sells them, because the pimp is addicted to reality.

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“I guess I have to embrace the fact that I’ve worked hard to bring home a six-figure income to support everyone so she can stay home and school the kids and that it’s okay to have expectations of her.” Close but no cigar… HABD is going to go all The FI is pressing on you”… Embrace the fact that YOU are enough… not your bank account. YOU. She is to serve you. she is the helpmate. *** Now we’re drilling down! So it comes down to me internalizing that she is to serve me and be my helpmate and not… Read more »

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Now we’re drilling down! So it comes down to me internalizing that she is to serve me and be my helpmate and not “we are equals”?

Yes, she is not your equal. she is a woman, you are a man. You are the king, she is at best the queen.

Sentient
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And if the Queen had balls….

she’d be the King.

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@SJF I read that book but didn’t apply it to this situation. I take it as saying saying “I want you to keep the house clean (no reason offered). Because that’s what I want, period. If you don’t want to go along with that, well, then leave.” Yes?

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Okay, let’s talk “flipping the switch”. I can go in all guns-a-blazing and flip the switch or I can just start making changes as they arise. The view so far seems to be “flip the switch” and start batting shit tests. I have a feeling I’m missing some nuance on this…

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@Sentient “Now if you are living your life in a dynamic, passionate and authentic way… she will more readily get behind serving you and your purpose” Yes there must be some sense of mission for the team to follow, that sure helps. You don’t want the impression that you are just bleeding out quietly in the corner until your death, nobody is going to sign up for that shit. I regularly do irresponsible and spontaneous stuff with the family if things are getting flat. It could be as simple as starting a fire in the back yard and doing December… Read more »

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Sisyphus Flip the Switch now in your mind… then just start acting how you really feel… little by little push back. Like Blax said it will take some time to manifest in her… but it can take no time to manifest in you. But part of this process is also becoming less concerned with her, like SJF says getting over oneitis, getting over fear of loss… that stuff… You need to work through that for a little bit, not long, and move forward. So you can be authentic when you might have to say “because this is what I want”… Read more »

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” I guess I have to embrace the fact that I’ve worked hard to bring home a six-figure income to support everyone so she can stay home and school the kids and that it’s okay to have expectations of her.” N.B. No pointing out the obvious. You provide. That’s what dads do. Internally, subconsciously valuing yourself as provider is Beta, albeit an important part of fatherhood, but in a weak frame situation damages tactics. Selling yourself as a good provider, to you, wife, anyone is seen as grasping for legitimacy..this is what you are actively trying to separate yourself from.… Read more »

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“If you don’t want to go along with that, well, then leave.” Yes?” No. That is an adolescent skill set way to present the indubitable fact of you desiring a clean house. The “period.” Speaks of no options or you being taken advantage of. You have value, skills and options. Use them. Law #8 Make other People come to you – use Bait if Necessary When you force the other person to act, you are the one in control. It is always better to make your opponent come to you, abandoning his own plans in the process. Lure him with… Read more »

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Sentient – Can I walk out right now? Yes, I don’t feel that I would fall into a heap if she or I walked away. After I split with my 1st wife, I was the happiest I had been in years (I know, I know…). I feel confident that I could move on and be happy. Is my wife a good person and good Mom to my kids – you bet. Do we have fun together, travel and all, sure. That’s why I haven’t nexted her. But I’m under no illusion that my life would fall apart if I left.… Read more »

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I think I need to re-read some of the sidebar books with an eye to the FI, boundries, authenticity and expectations. This is the most cogent discussion about MRP that I’ve ever had. Keep it coming…

SJF
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“Okay, let’s talk “flipping the switch”. I can go in all guns-a-blazing and flip the switch or I can just start making changes as they arise. The view so far seems to be “flip the switch” and start batting shit tests. I have a feeling I’m missing some nuance on this…” The reason you cannot go in all guns-a-blazing is that you don’t have the skill set for that yet. You would be doing this in an incongruent fashion and she is no dummy. No women really are when it comes to protecting them and their getting pregnant (figuratively giving… Read more »

Sisyphus
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Lots of gold here… This really clicks, “Flip the Switch now in your mind… then just start acting how you really feel… little by little push back. Like Blax said it will take some time to manifest in her… but it can take no time to manifest in you. But part of this process is also becoming less concerned with her, like SJF says getting over oneitis, getting over fear of loss… that stuff… You need to work through that for a little bit, not long, and move forward. So you can be authentic when you might have to say… Read more »

EhIntellect
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“The view so far seems to be “flip the switch” and start batting shit tests. I have a feeling I’m missing some nuance on this…” Look, I had a foot in alpha and beta. When I finally went all in was she on the defensive, she fought me tooth and nail, then even she knew the Beta was slipping away. At that time she doesn’t even know who you are, will be. Until you do, you won’t either. Flip the switch. Pick the fight. Win the skirmish. Win the battle. Win the war. Wars will be won only when one… Read more »

SJF
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“Is my wife a good person and good Mom to my kids – you bet. Do we have fun together, travel and all, sure. That’s why I haven’t nexted her. But I’m under no illusion that my life would fall apart if I left.”

Congratulations your wife has value after fucking her. And you are not an average frustrated chump. So you have solved for one of the sticking points that Rollo is discussing in The Reconstruction series of essays. You have that going for you. And it is a solid foundation block to have.

Now it is Time to Ignite.

Sisyphus
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Flip the switch. Pick the fight. Win the skirmish. Win the battle. Win the war. Wars will be won only when one side refuse to fight on. Are you belly-up before the first shot? Is it in you to start? I mean today, why wait? What’s to lose? **** It has to start now. The switch is flipped and now I have to execute. Why wait, what’s to lose? First though is, “she’ll be mad, she’ll hate me, she’ll think I’m someone I’m not”. Well, she’ll be mad, she might hate me and I’m not the person she thinks I… Read more »

Looking For Zion
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Looking For Zion
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@ Blax, AR – Thanks again. Went out today for coffee with my best bro, talked with some people, checked out some cute chicks’ asses. Feel better already Got on MRP reddit yesterday, revisited the basics (even wrote them down), and am being mindful of recharging. One thing I learned about on MRP is “catch and release”. Never heard that phrase before, but it’s basically what I was doing the first six months or so after I took the pill. So when I go south for my solo vacation I’m going to engage in that and just have fun. Don’t… Read more »

EhIntellect
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@ Sisyphus

First round is on you!

SJF
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And the best part of it–This Process? When you make that switch and get Game Mastery after having been Beta? When you actually fully accept Red Pill and do the work to climb out of the hole? The best part is that afterwards, she is better off because of you. (Note: up until now, you have been denying her what she really wants in you. You, if things go according to plan, make her life better, more satisfying and she will be fingering the Ipad less, because she has less desire to fill her self up with useless Feminine Imperative… Read more »

kfg
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kfg
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@ Sisyphus:

Sydney or the bush!

SJF
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…Last two paragraphs inappropriately blockquoted shouldn’t be.

Sisyphus
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@kfg Sydney or the bush…?

SJF
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comment image

Another related term used in Australia is “Sydney or the bush”, which equates with such terms as “Hollywood or bust” to mean staking total success or failure on one high-risk event. This usage appears in several Peanuts cartoons, causing Charlie Brown much confusion.

That’s just KFG baiting.

Take a measured swing. Flip the switch. Develop mastery because you really, really want it.
Because you are man. Don’t compromise.

Jeremy
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@LookingForZion… Never heard the term “catch and release” but just Googled it and found this FR. Whoever it is, the man handled it like a savage… Great stuff. Have done this often in fact, gone for the phone#’s and then tossed them in the trash later. Good practice. https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5oimju/fr_catch_and_release/ When I first stumbled across the idea of catch and release a couple of years ago, I thought, “are you fucking nuts? what a recipe for disaster…” fast forward to last week. I’m waiting at a place that makes a great, healthy lunch. It’s attached to a gym in a pretty… Read more »

kfg
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kfg
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“That’s just KFG baiting.”

And Sisyphus responded like he knew his line.

mediapsyche
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It does my heart good to see men speak about their feelings. smile

EhIntellect
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@ Sisyphus Law of Power # 3 Conceal your Intentions “Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. If they have no clue what you are up to, they cannot prepare a defense. Guide them far enough down the wrong path, envelope them in enough smoke, and by the time they realize your intentions, it will be too late.” If she gets wind, she’ll call bullshit, more cards for her rolodex, more tests, more work, more precious time. Upthread we talked about “They just want to play the game, not learn the operations”.… Read more »

rugby11
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Looking for Zion
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Yeah Jeremy, that’s where I found out about it. Going out after work today to give it a whirl.

walawala
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@Sisyphus This is the classic dilemma. You’re worried, she’s clearly not. Lots of things you could do but they would all need to stem from a mindset shift. Why are you still with this woman? Do you still want to be? Start focusing on other things, coming home late, being mysterious. Start taking salsa classes, or Spanish, or pottery—anything that puts you into a plausibly deniable situation where younger hotter girls are present but “it’s something I always wanted to try.” That will get “Why didn’t you ask me to join you?” and then…the rest is tight game. Loading...

Lost Patrol
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@Sisyphus You’re getting plenty of useful advice and this has been brought forward already, but… she trains for marathons This is a complicating factor in your situation that I have seen many times. Marathon chicks (really any that actually “train” for a sporting event and compete) can be problematic. They get endorphin hits, spend a lot of time with their own thoughts of how kick ass they are, beat at least some people in physical contests, and feel like they can dominate. Not something to be mentioned to her at all, but useful for you to keep in mind if… Read more »

rugby11
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rugby11
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CSP
http://wp.me/p4tvpM-1NRR

EhIntellect
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@Lost Patrol

Oh yeah. My two divorced sisters would run with other dudes as training. The guys were thirsty, my sisters machinated their divorces during the run and actively avoided having to fuck their men. Hours and hours they’d be gone, with other guys, getting fit for the post break fuckfest. They had their new careers, bfs, assets, social circles all planned during those training runs.

Both comfortably into safe BB relationships, their addled first hubbys drifting 10 years later.

The old saw, “runners are running away from something” is more true for women IMO.

fleezer
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“This is the classic dilemma. You’re worried, she’s clearly not.” I would take that fucking ipad out of her hand and throw it into the wall. then I would put her stupid marathon clothes into a box and set them on fire in the driveway. then I would fuck her up the ass so hard she would cry. but I’m not a nice guy. that’s why my wife doesn’t have an ipad. or marathon clothes. and why she would call me a nice guy simply because I don’t fuck her up the ass until she cries. except when I do.… Read more »

rugby11
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Myths and creation
http://wp.me/p10w4n-4SJ

Jeremy
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I went down to a woman’s march in a city I’m traveling through today just to see with my own two eyes what we’re up against. It made me very depressed. Rollo’s warnings about the coming feminine primary social order couldn’t be more apt. It’s already here and it’s horrifying. A few observations from the front lines: 1) Mothers dragging along their young sons. The boys looked completely broken already…somber automotons walking morosely like zombies by their shouting mothers sides. They didn’t want to be there. It was visceral and you could see it in their sad, blank expressions. Many… Read more »

RandBukowski
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I am holed up today, and I am observing this through Facebook. The Facebook that I planned on unplugging. It brings it into focus how little I like many of my Facebook “friends”.

walawala
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@Sisyphus One more point to share. It’s far easier to give RP advice than to actually take it or follow it. I had to white knuckle not blowing up at my plate who provoked me with a nasty set of texts I describe above. Forget that she acted badly, that her actions were completely provocative and childish, my instinct is to respond and “blast” her…. Big mistake that would be. It would be exactly what she wants. Ghosting her is much more effective at achieving peace of mind. It’s partially a punishment to deny her my attention. But more importantly,… Read more »

Lost Patrol
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Jeremy

Thanks for the on scene report, it matches the evidence I’ve seen on the web. Read a little of the speeches by the “entertainers”, and can see the photo evidence of the attendees and their signage. We would be put off by this level of overt depravity in word and deed if it were men doing it. When it’s women – I’ll admit I’m old enough to be horrified by it in a way I can’t put into words.

RandBukowski
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@Lost Patrol

The horror is the realization that they are discarding everything we think is important, and it seems they have the numbers.

SJF
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“The horror is the realization that they are discarding everything we think is important….” Well, you can start not making it not quite so horrible by you and your loved ones not entering into the Feminine Supremacist’s frame…. “……and it seems they have the numbers.” Annnnnd, that is why Hillary was hard-nosing for Globalism. And Trump fought for Nationalism. The push toward globalism has neutered masculinity (and Trump is having nothing of it, watch what happens when he meets with May and Merkel) and made the frenetic search of the feminine for reactivity, emotionality, for sound bytes, for sisterhood, for… Read more »

Jeremy
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SJF – “The Sisterhood couldn’t even define the amorphous thing they were protesting against…” Damn that’s funny. I actually took some pix of the signs and one was “too many issues, not enough sign” with a laundry list of grievances many having nothing to do with women or women’s issues at all – climate change, racism, debt forgiveness, immigration. Hell I’m even sympathetic or at least open minded to some of those, but it’s like the grievance industry latched on to this women’s march because they understood that women temper tantrum the loudest and thus their pet issues might get… Read more »

Ajax Parallax
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Preach. What a shit-show. Interviews all over the news of women driving 1-2.5k miles with their daughters to march. One li’l 9-YO girl even proclaiming that she is a “strong feminist.” Gentlemen, your red pill awareness has given you this magnificent gift today. You have just seen the most major display of overt communication by the FI. Using the usual ratios, the 500+k “Ladies That March” are just a fraction of the total numbers — many of whom were unable to acquire babysitters and PTO. This is your Haley’s Comet moment. Tomorrow will only bring faint comet tail ghosts of… Read more »

rugby11
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SJF
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“Next time I read some half-baked rebuttal to my asserting the power of the Feminine Imperative, or that women are some oppressed minority of the Patriarchy or that I’m in error for exposing our feminine-primary social order, I will point to today’s marches and say, ‘any questions?'” The demographic persons of what Jeremy described at the actual marches won’t get that. The White Knights won’t get that message. For gods sake, my state Sportsman’s Forum (fishing, hunting, and all around–what should be–guy stuff) is stuffed with manginas and white knights that could never in a million years make it through… Read more »

SJF
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sorry for the failed blockquote italics.

Fred Flange, Stuck on the Metro
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Before you guys slice your wrists with straight razors (do not use trans queer or bi razors, they have chronic steel dystopia and go the wrong way), go dial up on the NBC SNL website the “friend zone” clip from the Weekend Update segment last night Jan. 21. Michael Che interviews a guy trapped in a remote location: the Friend-zone. Michael gets to play the AF role to the white knight BB. The sketch went over well. People got it. What’s more it’s COLD. Whoever wrote it could well be a reader here or of Black Dragon’s feed. My point… Read more »

anon
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anon
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The “million” have their outrage to keep them warm.
They’ve never been happier.

Glengarry
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Glengarry
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This is why so many women really do say, “I just wish he would go ahead and cheat get it over with”. Her complaint is not about his pestering her for sex as much as it is an appeal for the man to make up his mind about what is important to him. Then the woman knows the landscape and can adjust or leave accordingly.

They just don’t get it. How disappointing.

anon
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Seriously…they’ve never been happier.
“I’m welling with pride!”
“I feel like the world gave me a big hug today!”

And so forth.
So much accomplishment.

The Stupid. It burns low and slow.

stuffinbox
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Here is the clip Fred,the friendzone starts at 2;12.

http://player.theplatform.com/p/NnzsPC/widget/select/media/guid/2410887629/3457930

Note this could still work if you switched roles.

newlyaloof
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@Sisyphus, For the love of all that’s holy, DO YOUR OWN BILLS! I gave my wife simple instructions not to spend money without me knowing – as it tends to blow up my budget. She did it one too many times, so this year, I started an account where only I have control over the money. Any expenditures she needs outside of the budget, she has to come to me and talk about it. At that time, I write a check to give to her. You should have seen her face when I relayed this to her and told her… Read more »

Blaximus
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Lol..daaammmnnnn….

stuffinbox
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“For the love of all that’s holy, DO YOUR OWN BILLS! I gave my wife simple instructions not to spend money without me knowing – as it tends to blow up my budget. She did it one too many times, so this year, I started an account where only I have control over the money. Any expenditures she needs outside of the budget, she has to come to me and talk about it.” There is nothing wrong with this here,I had to do 22 years ago when she lost it all gambling,shees. This isn’t abuse it is necessary for survival.In… Read more »

stuffinbox
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bluepillprofessor
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>>Becoming Red Pill aware forces husbands into a position of having to judge whether their marriages are even worth the considerable effort of trying to improve. This is something we miss on the Married Red Pill Reddit sometimes, or maybe we miss it often. The first thing you have to decide as a newly Red Pill aware husband is whether the relationship is even worth trying to “save.” The problem is that you cannot make this decision with a clear head in the beginning. First you need to develop an actual or at least an imagined abundance mentality and kill… Read more »

kfg
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kfg
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“In this day and age the advertising media has learned how to game women out of the money . . .”

Then they complain that the pink razors cost more than the orange ones and blame the expense on the men, instead of just buying the orange razors.

If the stupid were rendered down it could at least make itself useful as ambient lighting.

stuffinbox
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” If the stupid were rendered down it could at least make itself useful as ambient lighting.”

Note this model doesn’t work with a dimmer switch,don’t let her talk you into buying one!

EhIntellect
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“Before you guys slice your wrists with straight razors …” Hate to spoil a good ole fashioned pity party but perhaps it’s darkest before the dawn. FI perpetuation requires unsustainable amounts of time, talents and treasure. See below how far an RP dollar goes (I’m just calling it such, play along.) vs. Herself’s prevarication campaign. There is an end to this, if only presently in our TRM forum, families, tribes, neighborhoods. That’s where it starts, and is won. The bizzare weekend images lack substance, are abhorrent to normies and the overwhelming majority tacitly reject it, for themselves, families. You know,… Read more »

kfg
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kfg
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“Trends that can’t continue, won’t.”

Although the market may remain irrational longer than you can remain solvent.

anon
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anon
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FWIW, Facebook (yes I have an account…started a few months ago obligatorily) seems to be running the full gamut today.
I think this million clam march is more divisive for female “friendships” than the actual election. Long winded rants. It’s like dueling finger puppets. So far the pro-Trump camp seems to be in the lead (if one is counting “likes”).

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