The Reconstruction II

reconstructionii

One of the most influential books I’ve ever read I picked up from my father’s home library when I was about 25. That book was Dr. Warren Farrell’s Why Men Are The Way They Are. At the time it didn’t strike me as odd that my father would have this book in his collection – my clinically depressed, 3rd wave feminist, aging hippy of a step-mother had eventually roped him into reading it for some Unitarian book club they belonged to in the early 90s. I still have it. It’s even got her penciled-in liner notes scribbled in the margins with all the feminist outrage I imagine it must’ve inspired for her. It’s sort of a cosmic irony that the book she raged over would be instrumental for my own writing and online persona.

People always ask me when my point of unplugging came about, but if I’m honest, it was a gradual process that required a lot of bad experiences to learn my way out of the Matrix. However, Farrell’s book was a turning point for me. I’ve since had to reassess my opinion of Dr. Farrell – he’s still very much Blue Pill and will likely go to his grave never making the connection that a belief in egalitarian equalism (as taught to him by early feminism) is what’s kept him blind to really accepting Red Pill awareness. But if I had a moment of unplugging I’d say it was directly attributable to this book.

I think what got me the most about it at the time were the many stories of the men Farrell had done ‘men’s group’ sessions with while doing his research for the book. It was published 1986 (about 7 or 8 years before I read it) so it was already kind of dated when I read it, but for the most part these men sort of had these sit-ins with other men to relate with each other. If you’ve read my essay Tribes you’ll understand why these new-agey get together seem very contrived to me, but the stories these guys were relating in the early to mid 80s were about what I’d expect coming from my own Dad.

They all did everything right. Some were the products of the free love generation or the hedonistic 70s, but overall these guys were caught in the perfect storm of still clinging to the old books Beta-provisioning social contract and the expectation of 3rd wave feminists that they be ‘evolved males’. More than a few were attending these men’s groups at the behest of their empowered wives in the hopes that they’d learn to get in touch with their feminine sides or at least find some better way to meet their “needs”. I could see my father as one of these men.

Papa Tomassi was a very confused man with regard to women as it was, but to be caught on the cusp of an era when feminine social primacy coming into its own and still being part of the ‘do everything right’ social contract and the belief system that was doomed to fail in the decades to come, I can understand a lot of that confusion. One man in the book described it thusly:

“I feel like I’ve spent 40 years of my life working as hard as I could to become somebody I don’t even like.”

Each one of these guys related a similar frustration. They busted their asses for decades to fulfill the old books social contract, the one that had been the way you did the right thing in order to have a life with a woman, a family, kids, maybe grandchildren, and all of that was no longer working for men. The 24 year old Rollo Tomassi reading this book didn’t know what Hypergamy really was back then, but as I recount these men’s confusion today I can see that it was a result of being the first men to realize that institutionalized Hypergamy was erasing that old social paradigm for them.

Bad Investments

I’ve covered the fallacy of Relational Equity in a prior post, but I think it’s necessary to revisit the idea here to understand how it still undermines men in an era of Open Hypergamy and feminine social primacy. These men, most of whom are likely into their 70s now, had a preconception of what it meant to ‘do everything right’; to play by an understood rule set that women were supposed to find attractive, to acknowledge and honor. Furthermore, they were taught to expect a degree of mutual reason from these new, empowered and evolving women. If needs weren’t being met, well, then all that was necessary was a heart to heart and open communication and negotiation would set things back on track because women could be expected to be the functional equivalents of men. This was the golden, egalitarian, sexual equality, future that feminism promised the guys in the 70s and 80s.

Relational Equity is the misguided belief that ‘doing everything right’ would necessarily be what ultimately attracts a woman, kept a woman, a wife, an LTR, from both infidelity, and was an assurance of her continued happiness with her man. Needless to say, the collected experiences of men that’s led to the praxeology of what we know as Red Pill awareness puts the lie to this – but as men, we expect some kind of acknowledgement for our accomplishments. Rationally, in a male context, we expect that what we do will at least be recognized as valuable, if not honored, by other men. So by extension of our equalist social contract, women, whom we are told we should expect to be co-equal agents with men, should also be expected to see past their emotional Hypergamous natures and make a logical conclusion to be attracted to men who are good fits in a mutually understood sense.

This, of course, is nonsense for the same reason that expecting genuine desire can be negotiated is nonsense, but essentially this is essentially the idea the shifting social contract of the time was trying to convince men of. And as you might expect, those men, the ones with the insight to recognize it, saw it for the opportunism it really was. Even if they ended up at 40 hating who they’d become.

From Relational Equity:

This is a really tough truth for guys to swallow, because knowing how hypergamy works necessarily devalues their concept of relational equity with the woman they’re committed to, or considering commitment with. Men’s concept of relational equity stems from a mindset that accepts negotiated desire (not genuine desire) as a valid means of relationship security. This is precisely why most couples counseling fails – its operative origin begins from the misconception that genuine desire (hypergamy) can be negotiated indefinitely.

When we become Red Pill aware there is also a kind of Relational Equity we need to acknowledge and manage. Once we’ve unplugged it’s easy to get caught up in thinking that because we know the game, because we’ve gone through the trials, because we know we’re higher value men – if for no other reason than that we no longer subscribe to the misgivings of out Blue Pill conditioning – because of that awareness we tend to think that this should be consciously or tacitly appreciated by a wife, a girlfriend or the women we’re sarging in the club.

This can be kind of tough for an aware man because it’s often something we need to keep latent in ourselves. Being overt about Red Pill awareness with women is almost always self defeating because it exposes the Game. Women want to play the game, they don’t want to be told how it operates. In our everyday lives it’s necessary to reserve and observe or we risk changing the process.

Openly acknowledging the value a man believes he ought to inspire in a woman will alter her perception of that value. Most men who resort to forcing a woman’s hand by laying bare all the qualities of himself (real or imagined) he believes she should recognize and appreciate are only exposing their belief that Relational Equity and an old paradigm mindset is his mental point of origin. In truth, guys who attempt to set themselves apart by listing all the ways they’re valuable and playing by the rules generally get shamed by women in the end because those qualities have become so common place and expected that they’ve become debased.

So you’re a great father to your kids and a devoted husband who built himself into the guy that any woman should be attracted to, who should be a great catch? That’s great, but that’s what you’re supposed to do. And all those things you’re supposed to do, those aren’t what engender a woman’s genuine desire. In a feminine-primary social order – the same order that deliberately misdefines masculinity for men – all men need to do, endlessly, is just a bit more to do everything right.

The Awakening

On both the Married Red Pill and MGTOW Reddit forums there’s been discussed the concept of being ‘awakened while married’. Hopefully I wont butcher that concept too badly here, but I think one aspect of becoming Red Pill aware, whether you’re a young single guy or an old mature married one is that there comes a point when you are awake and aware of the conditioning and the intersexual paradigm you truly live in. Honestly, I envy the younger men who come into this awareness early in life, but I also recognize that theirs is a greater responsibility to the truth for the rest of their unplugged lives. Men awakened while married at least have the excuse of having been deluded by Blue Pill conditioning for most of their lives to that point.

For younger men the Red Pill presents challenges with each new prospective woman a man applies himself with. For the awakened married man, his challenge is reinventing himself in a Red Pill aware paradigm with a woman who is already intimately aware of his persona, possibly for decades. We always say that once you’ve become Red Pill aware there is no going back. Even for men who go into total denial and choose to live with the cognitive dissonance of what they know about their own Blue Pill conditioning and the socio-sexual game going on around them there will always be reminders of Red Pill awareness he’ll notice on his peripheries.

For a man awakened to his condition while married, his state is a never ending reminder of what his Blue Pill indenturement has made of him. Like the guy in Farrell’s men’s group, the Blue Pill husband has spent most of his life trying to become someone he may or may not like, but that process of becoming was prompted by his Blue Pill conditioned existence. Once that man becomes Red Pill aware he’s now faced with two problems – how will he remake himself and how will his wife accept that remaking?

From the earliest posts of this blog I’ve always stressed that a man’s dominant Frame in his relationship is vital to the function of that relationship. Unfortunately, most men who were awakened while married began their relationships with a strong Beta perception for their wives. We can debate as to whether just the commitment of marriage itself makes for a predominantly Beta perception of a man, but in an era of  masculine ridicule, Open Hypergamy and Alpha Widows it’s a good bet that women’s impression of their husbands is rarely one of reserved Alpha confidence.

This is a tough position for a Red Pill aware husband to confront. Sometimes a wife’s impression of his Beta-ness is too embedded, or she’s built a relational framework around expecting him to be a hapless Beta. Humans are creatures of habit with an insatiable need to see familiarity in other people’s actions. Your predictability gives them a sense of control. I should add that this expectation of predictability isn’t just limited to a wife’s perception of her Beta husband. That can, and often does, extend to a man’s family or friends who also expect him to be the Beta he’s always been. This then presents another challenge in remaking himself into something new, dominant and respectable in his Red Pill awareness.

Many of the men I used to do peer counseling with back in the early 2000s only wanted one thing; they wanted their wives to have a genuine desire to fuck them with either an enthusiasm they’d never known (but believed was possible) or they hoped to re-experience (and hopefully sustain) a genuine sexual desire they’d enjoyed with their wives while they were dating. None of them wanted (at least at first) to abandon their marriages, they just wanted to do thing right so their wives would fuck them, love them, respect them. They really wanted things to work, and so much so that they would overtly ask their wives “what do I have to do to get you to love/fuck/respect me and I’LL DO IT!” Which of course was precisely the thing that turned their wives off even more.

Their overtness and desperation was only more reinforcement and confirmation of these men’s wives perception of their Beta statuses. However, these men are the descendants of the generations that convinced them that ‘open communication’ solves all relationship problems, but here they were, being open, direct, expecting a rational, negotiable solution to their problem only to have it drive their disgusted wives further from them.

Hypergamy doesn’t care when a woman’s lasting impression of a man is his Beta status. How a man’s Red Pill awareness and the changes it brings in him will be accepted depends largely on his predominant condition. What husbands want is a sea change in their wives’ impression of them once they adopt a Red Pill / Game aware way of life. Most husbands have to weigh their emotional and personal investments in their wives with the reality that their wives’ impressions of them may simply never change. Becoming Red Pill aware forces husbands into a position of having to judge whether their marriages are even worth the considerable effort of trying to improve.

In the next part of this series I’ll be exploring the challenges an ‘awakened while married’ man has to face while weighing his wife’s impression of him with the impressions women outside his marriage have of him.

 

 

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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EhIntellect
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“AF-BB for a lot of girls leads to frustration – the One That Got Away in their 20’s is still gone” Talk about dread…. Two old flames in the past 5 years spontaneously called me. One popped my cherry no less, she’d call late at night, hang up. Ahem, caller I.D. you dingbat. One wanted to blow up my marriage and the other just was pining away. The second was constantly pawing at me at class reunions, in the neighborhood, down girl!. I unwittingly just told the Mrs. who they were, our history (what did I have to hide?) and… Read more »

EhIntellect
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Only just:

Conversation with RN, last year hot, this year not.

“Looks like you achieved last year’s resolutions. You got married.”

“Yes. It was great and…”

“Cutting your hair too.”

“Yeah I cut it 3 weeks ago cuz…”

“i see mommy conversion almost complete. Gian 30# and hike your pants to your navel. That’d show your chump husband what for! HaHaHaHa!”

Time to switch to decaf.

EhIntellect
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@ Matt inderwiesche

“I’m a blue collar, white…”

Easy on the unearned adjectives. Blue collar, cool. White? Not helpful. Defining yourself by race is herd mentality.

“I really find women to be like dogs.”

More at cats. That’s probably not what you’re getting at. This isn’t us vs. them.

Sentient
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Continued exploration of liminal space… At hotel nar last 🌙 … Not late maybe 10pm. A gaggle of guys round a table, chatting up a mid thirties married couple… She a little too full of herslef with the attention. Nicely put together mid forties woman chatting with a less put together woman at the bar. I take a seat next to her and order. A minute or so later the less put together woman leaves… Sooooo. I ask her how it’s going. She starts jabbering. Here in the big town to buy fabrics… We talk about the jacket she has… Read more »

Novaseeker
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With regard to Nova, there is an irony: teh girlz have won what their hypergamy wants, and they don’t like it so much. (wow, some surprise, eh?) AF-BB for a lot of girls leads to frustration – the One That Got Away in their 20’s is still gone, the 30-something blue pill beta is a Nice Guy but still frustrating because he doesn’t Just Get It. I’m watching, and sometimes talking, with women from the 20’s to the 60’s and I can see this. There are some exceptions. The lower N girls for a start. Yep, although I don’t think… Read more »

Agent P
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@sentient
I need to start spending more time in hotel bars downtown.

EhIntellect
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Thanks for the memory. My single days were spent with friends gaming at Raleigh hotel bars. Drive up from Bragg, during the week, visit the big ones with revenue for dancing, dj, full bar. Here I’d coolly pick up in elevators, too.

Novaseeker
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Business oriented hotels are like shooting fish in a barrel. Definitely a great hunting ground. And, yes … if your wife is attractive and she travels on business a lot … well, you know what to expect. Basically there’s just a LOT of messing about that happens on biz trips, men and women alike. Be aware, and take advantage.

Neo
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Tomassi So I get the male side or at least I’m getting there. I assume I need to teach my son these same things. But what do I teach my daughter? Does I encourage her to go for a beta male and then I turn him into an alpha or go for a guy with good moral under pinnings(I’m Christian) and I’ll teach him how to run his house? I feel like suggesting she go for an alpha is a recipe for disaster. Or is that just my own fear? Would I want to take charge over him and mold… Read more »

rugby11
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Novaseeker
Lots of that here
http://izt.ciens.ucv.ve/ecologia/Archivos/References-I-biol/books-biol/Biology/Baker-Sperm_Wars.pdf
“Basically there’s just a LOT of messing about that happens on biz trips, men and women alike. Be aware, and take advantage.”

SFC Ton
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Lot of college chicks in Raleigh too

Sentient
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Neo

She can only be really happy with Alpha… Of course her happiness may still be expressed via crying shouting screaming anger and other emotions.

Cats are not dogs. 🐱 🐕

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Neo But what do I teach my daughter? Depends. Do you want grandchildren or grand-cats? More seriously, what and how you teach depends on her personality. An introverted bookish girl might be taught differently than a brash social butterfly party type. At the very least she should be exposed to Rollo’s SMV graph, and it should be explained to her that the more men she beds down with, the more difficult it will be for her to settle down with a man who is “good enough”. Circling back to the SMV graph she should understand that it’s better for her… Read more »

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Of course, Neo, all that rational stuff I mentioned won’t be of any help if your daughter is convinced she’s a speshul, unique, snoflake who’s, like, totally different from all the other girls; different from the sluts and different from the nerds and like that. The YouGoGrrl brainwashing is a big problem for any parent of a daugher, I am sure.

EhIntellect
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“She can only be really happy with Alpha…” My AWALT 9 y.o.daughter, naturally, is chasing her alpha. The aloof, cocky, macho son of a NFL ex-quarterback. She doesn’t even know what the NFL is, but loves to run with the boy, well, just behind a little, or conveniently hang out. Coy when it serves her purpose. Oh and that hair whip, hanging it in front of her, gathering her blonde and dropping it over her shoulder! She’s rather cagey about it all, but I watch what she does. Her brothers tease playfully. She gets busted quickly for snotty, brooding behavior… Read more »

Arthurian Authoritarian
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“Being overt about Red Pill awareness with women is almost always self defeating because it exposes the Game. Women want to play the game, they don’t want to be told how it operates.” Amen. Just like the First Rule of Fight Club. Most men should know this instinctively, some have to be told. As much as I wanted to share this new found knowledge with my wife, I knew this was poker, and you never show your tell… you merely “play the game.” I’ve been married as long as Rollo, and through my awakening, things have only gotten better. I… Read more »

Arthurian Authoritarian
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Rollo,

That leads me to ask, haven’t you “exposed the game” with your wife. How does she react to it all?
Because your cards are, if you will, all out in the open.

Looking For Zion
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@ Jeremy, SJF, Blaximus Thanks for real talk. I have backslid the last couple months. I think I’ve gotten away from the basics lately and I became outcome dependent where my wife is concerned. The iron rules and the maxims etc. are what I should personally focus on. After all, my mind wasn’t freed from the Matrix till I was 45. Looking back, until November I was pretty solid. Seems with the holidays, winter weather, and family visiting all the time, things got hectic and I started losing myself. It just snuck up on me, then I got into this… Read more »

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hat leads me to ask, haven’t you “exposed the game” with your wife. How does she react to it all? The TRM books are in my house, and Mrs. Eh knows some of the RP catch phrases, she’s listened to Blue Pill Professor. She knows that the game is on but ultimately it doesn’t matter. She knows the tide is in, the boys are out of her reach and it’s just a matter of time before our new relationship is solidified. RP is what she wants, truthfully, as our home life is placid and sex life is white hot, as… Read more »

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@Jeremey “It’s a hell of a risk to trade out an up and coming RP’er for a branch swing to another beta. They have to contend with the cat-lady factor, which has to be hugely stressful regardless of how prevalent the “you go grrllll” nonsense is. Deep down, they know it’s nonsense. I went on FB last night for the first time in a couple years just to look at the profiles of the really hot girls I knew from H.S. and college. Time has been brutally unkind to almost all of them.” But divorce is more and more prevalent.… Read more »

having a bad day
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@Agent P props on turning it around… this shit is hard enough for single men, it’s even harder for married men working without that ‘next’ net… this might be your sticking point… (i originally wrote ‘stinking point’…lol… and that works too…lol) So for now its MPO, keep getting better and let dread do its thing. My unspoken commitment to her at this point is simply that I will let her preserve her dignity in all of this. (sing it with me) ‘one of these things is not like the other…’ dread and solid commitment (and ‘unspoken’ is the only thing… Read more »

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I started reading this blog, CH, and others about five years ago. Like many other readers, I am married and originally started out in the blue pill state of mind. Have been going red pill for the last five years. I share a lot of the struggles and successes that you all have mentioned here. When I think about what life would be like if I had not discovered resources like this one, I realize that I would be dead. Literally. Just wanted to chime in for the first time on this particular blog and say thank you. Life is… Read more »

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It’s a hell of a risk to trade out an up and coming RP’er for a branch swing to another beta. They have to contend with the cat-lady factor, which has to be hugely stressful regardless of how prevalent the “you go grrllll” nonsense is. Deep down, they know it’s nonsense. Yeah I think that the ones who decide not to try to branch swing are the ones who know that the grass really isn’t greener. But there are plenty of other ones who refuse to see that and get divorced anyway. There’s one right in front of me here.… Read more »

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@Neo: ” Would I want to take charge over him and mold him into a good man?”

What sort of “good man” would allow you to debase him in his own home like that?

pigglywiggly99
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I will be getting married this year (albeit an arranged marriage. I’m from India with Hindu background). I will be keeping my frame tight and I will be putting in all of the red pill knowledge and the valuable experiences shared by members here to good use. My wife will be at least 7 years younger to me, will not be exposed to much of the feminist bullshit, will be religious (even though I am not) and will be 20 or 21 years old and I will have enough time to mould her into a good wife. The lessons here… Read more »

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Looking for Zion Looking back, until November I was pretty solid. Seems with the holidays, winter weather, and family visiting all the time, things got hectic and I started losing myself. It just snuck up on me, then I got into this self-pity funk. It is essential to have some means of “recharging” available to you, especially during stress filled times, and most especially during ritual-filled times. The temptation to slip back to old-you was stronger during December? So you need to plan to have some way to get out of the wrong mindset. Even just going out on some… Read more »

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@HABD “So for now its MPO, keep getting better and let dread do its thing. My unspoken commitment to her at this point is simply that I will let her preserve her dignity in all of this. (sing it with me) ‘one of these things is not like the other…’ dread and solid commitment (and ‘unspoken’ is the only thing real to her…) are mutually exclusive…” Yeah I get it. there’s dread and there’s DREAD! like salt on food, a little can go a long way. She needs to see me interacting with women in a way that her hamster… Read more »

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@Sentient… Damn man, would be fun to hang with you. Have my own semi-FR from last night actually. Tired, didn’t want to go out, wasn’t hungry, but figured I’d do it for the practice. Small Georgia city, few prospects. Went to a sports bar. Cute 26 yo blonde, blue eyed southern lass and her less cute friend at the bar. Sit next to them, pay them no attention. Chat up the cute bartender. Turn my attention to the blonde and her friend and engage. They are “church girls” they say. Blondie is a career grrlll pharma rep. Her friend is… Read more »

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@ pigglywiggly99 Thanks for contributing. “I will be keeping my frame tight and I will be putting in all of the red pill knowledge and the valuable experiences shared by members here to good use.” Work with many, many Indians, all Hindu. Seen many marry through arrangement. IMO: The broader Indian culture demands men to provide not just for wife, kids but the larger family, even to the point of buying less affluent niece’s and nephew’s college education. Traditionally married Indian men become workhorses and ran hard and put away wet. The matriarchy rules the roost, and the culture brooks… Read more »

SFC Ton
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Make him good at being a man

kfg
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“Make him good at being a man”

Before the marriage. Then butt out. Don’t be his “mother-in-law-with-a-dick.”

Ang Aamer
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Something about your statement of – “they just wanted to do thing right so their wives would fuck them, love them, respect them.” Really struck a cord with me. In the business world I see many women struggle with the concept of contingent planning. Women get confused with thinking about I she does this activity she gets that result. I’m firmly convinced that women do not normally think in terms of future reward. They believe if they are doing a good job (present tense). They are doing great. But ask them to prepare for a future state and they get… Read more »

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@AgentP She needs to see me interacting with women in a way that her hamster does all the work, I get it. it’s a fine point, but her hindbrain needs to SEE the changes in you which RESULT from you banging some hotty 3+ points up from her smv… that’s why visualization can get you there (if you don’t actually take the time/effort to bang that hotty for real…)… and why Sentient calls it ‘flipping like a switch’… which i think is accurate… To be clear, don’t imagine that she has the impression that I am solidly “committed” to the… Read more »

SFC Ton
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Legit kfg

Agent P
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@HABD Thanks. In the dead of winter, we don’t get out too much so she doesn’t have tons of opportunities to see me with other women, even then I am adept at gaming the waitress in front of her. She knows I am not a passive loser. As for visualization, I am in essence a professional daydreamer, visualization is my normal operating state, possibly to a fault. Explosive break or breaking incident? You mean like sending her home from a tropical vacation destination days early because she was being a little too shit testy and she was disturbing my sporting… Read more »

Agent P
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Long story short, my physicality for me is one last big piece of the puzzle, once I achieve my objectives and maintain them I may well be totally congruent.

kobayashii1681
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“In a feminine-primary social order – the same order that deliberately misdefines masculinity for men – all men need to do, endlessly, is just a bit more to do everything right”

Mmmh! Preach!😎

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@ Looking For Zion ” It is essential to have some means of “recharging” available to you, especially during stress filled times, and most especially during ritual-filled times. The temptation to slip back to old-you was stronger during December? So you need to plan to have some way to get out of the wrong mindset. Even just going out on some errand, and sitting in a coffee shop actively looking at everyone around you – spot the AFC, spot the ovulating girl, flirt with someone, talk with another man – all done in a deliberate “I am recharging mindset” manner.… Read more »

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“Traditionally married Indian men become workhorses and ran hard and put away wet. The matriarchy rules the roost, and the culture brooks no dissent. It’s culturally expected, from her, her parents, perhaps your tight familial network too. Are Indians successful? Incredibly so. Exemplary new citizens? Yes. Easily worked into the culture? Yes. Are they tired, overworked and aging faster than they should? Hell yes.” I’ve lived in several Indian neighborhoods. It always worked out well because they don’t fuck with other people’s shit, don’t party too hard and they mind their own business. amazing food too. these guys eat hot… Read more »

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Blaximus
No stress.

LOL.
The girlie at the next table in this diner peeked at me to see what I was laughing at. Smirk
Got a schedule to keep, so all she gets is a smirk.

fleezer
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“Hypergamy knows no borders. Are you living in a western country?”

watch some bollywood stuff. it’s as bad or worse than the feminist crap from hollywood.

a beautiful, light-skinned indian woman gets put on a higher pedestal than any “actress” in the states. if she’s got good hair, she’ll be worshipped by 800 million people.

it would take shiva himself to knock her off her perch.

Jeremy
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“In fairness to her I am overweight and I am working on that. An unfortunate side effect of falling off the wagon a while ago.” You can retrain your body to go from a carb burning machine to a fat burning machine in two weeks. It’s not a diet. You have to watch what you eat yes, but not how much. There are no portion controls. No carbs from rice, bread, pasta, beer… If you drink, drink clear spirits and soda with lime. Absolutely no processed foods or refined sugar. That means no sodas, chips, junk food. No corn, no… Read more »

Is This Thing On?
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Is This Thing On?
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My video link got chopped. What happened?

kfg
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“It’s not a diet.”

A diet is the stuff you eat.

A reducing diet is a diet restricted in Calories. Other diets may be restricted or inclusive of something else, like carbohydrates. Or it may be, with all of it’s requirements and taboos, simply a defining trait of a culture.

Sorry, but the corruption of that particular word drives me nuts and causes me trouble.

Blaximus
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@ Jeremy Funny you mention that. I’m getting ready to go from a low(er) carb diet to a full on ketogenic one starting in Feb. I went from 240 down to 210 as of this morning, but I’ve been stuck there for a couple of months. Cutting calories ain’t the way to go – the carbs gotta go. My target is 190. That’s what I weighed in my late teens. This ought to be a blast once I get past the initial ” keto flu ” as the body switches from using carbs to burning fat for fuel. The only… Read more »

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“The only downside is that you’ll lose strength initially because keto is moderate protein also.”

Any temporary loss of strength is a glycogen issue, not protein. You can add muscle mass on a ketogenic diet just as you would on any other. Any protein you use for muscle mass is not being converted to carbs.

There’s really no reason for the restriction to clear spirits. The color of amber spirits is the same stuff as the color of tea, and zero carb. It’s basically just dye.

fleezer
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“Eat as much meat, butter, eggs, vegetables, nuts (no peanuts) and fruit that you want.” you are what you eat. and what your food ate. and was sprayed with. I paid 35 dollars a pound for previously frozen sea bass not covered in fukushima fuzz. not long ago it was 18 bucks a pound fresh. grass fed, clean air, clean water, hand churned butter? lol. maybe if you’re magnus nilsson I go 30 minutes out of the way for eggs. do I trust the vendor? of course not. but it’s better than the alternative. maybe. unless you or your family… Read more »

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Jeremy Yeah would be fun to meet some of the guys here in real life. When you are not committed to an action you get what you got. She has to ping hard because you slipped and showed some hesitation. Two main break points 1. When you said “maybe” at her place. Boom frame shift to her frame. But you had enough alpha capital she gave you a second chance with 2. “what do YOU want?” and instead of giving her the Alpha response she gets what now seems beta butthurt. Like you had a solid chance of her coming… Read more »

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Cuck 1 and Cuck 2 Well, as I’ve said many times, this is the more explicit and open version and what is coming next. Open cuckoldry is coming next, and if men resist they will be shamed into accepting it (“you’re weak and insecure and afraid — that’s not manly!”) type. Of course for a RP guy, this poses no great problem, because RP guys have lots of opportunities and take advantage of them, so this development isn’t impactful for RP men. For BPs and AFCs and men as a whole, yes, but they’re set up to be voluntary cucks… Read more »

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@sent “… and still leaves the alpha residue…”

that’s a damn good one

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@Blaximus Literally a couple minutes after I read your post, I picked up a book from a “local author” that I’m trying to get through. I’m on page 132 of 275. It was recommended by a book editor that I bought my farm from 9 years ago (or at least he ran, as president, the brace beagle club that I bought if from). (Both guys literally live a couple miles from me). I don’t even think the book is on the market yet. It is allegedly fiction, but it is about connecting with eastern ways of thought that I spoke… Read more »

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“Yeah would be fun to meet some of the guys here in real life.” I’ve done that with Forge the Sky and Roused. I can vouch for that being fun. Imagine vetting perfectly for real Red Pill guys and then hanging with them. I also have a dyed-in-the-wool red pill organically grown buddy (and a group of other guys that are a close imitations of that), that was originally a red pill mentor in turning my betatized situation around. And now it is a joy to be co-conspiring red pill guys in a blue pill world. We get together every… Read more »

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kfg
Sorry, but the corruption of that particular word drives me nuts …

But not peanuts.

Anonymous Reader
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Cuck 1 and Cuck 2

Open hypergamy? Beta orbiters with extra boosters? Let’s You And HIm Compete?

Nova
Well, as I’ve said many times, this is the more explicit and open version and what is coming next. Open cuckoldry is coming next, and if men resist they will be shamed into accepting it

Should be interesting to see how the churches rationalize it.

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@ AR Should be interesting to see how the churches rationalize it. I expect they’ll have an easier time with it than they did with SSM. Polygamy has a biblical pedigree. Yes, it was polygyny and not polyandry, but since much of the churches have already agreed with female pastors and priests and so on, it isn’t a great leap to say that polygamy is biblical, and it goes both ways (like the leadership issue), so polyandry is kosher. Will they get there overnight? No, but they didn’t get there overnight on female priests and bishops and pastors, either. They… Read more »

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@ SJF I used to be into Taoism just a little bit, but I didn’t really take it to heart. It was just cool to read stuff that old that agreed with what I was thinking. I browsed and rummaged through a lot of the ” Eastern ” philosophies, buuuttttt….. it wasn’t a real revelation. When playing sports as a kid ( 10-14 years old ), I experienced the vaunted ” zone ” that a lot of athletes talk about. I’d compete in any kind of physical activity trying to get in that ” zone ” and understand it. I… Read more »

Just getting it
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Amazed how many wives play hide the vag. It told mine to quit hiding it, or I’d get a girlfriend. Didn’t explain it to her, but I’ve got one life and she doesn’t get to decide I don’t get to have sex in my own life. She says I couldn’t get a girlfriend…. bad move, or should I say, challenge accepted. Reminds me about how if your dog won’t eat its food, bring in another dog, they race each other at chowing it down. Thanks Rollo, what I’ve found here enabled me to get and keep the gf, get to… Read more »

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“There’s Definitely a darkside component that could play a role….” That is the Walter White component from Breaking Bad that I ran with just before I learned about the Red Pill and effective Game. That dark side was simmering in me. It was the distrust of the Blue Pill that I always had. I never had a blue pill bone in my body. I had instincts and to be Blue Pill was not one of them. A real masculine man has that dark side. And that competitive sports motif that some of us had in youth is a big part… Read more »

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“Amazed how many wives play hide the vag.”

No amazement needed. With a red pill awareness, it is normal operating procedure for women. It is their greatest imagined power.

Hide the Vagina is merely her tactic. It is her trump Card. Your card is of course commitment.

When you swallow red pill, you come to the point of telling her: “Good luck with that Honey.”
And you adapt, develop and move on.

Don’t become Betatized. Be Attractive, Don’t be Unattractive. And she will come to you if she so desires.

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@AR: “But not peanuts.” Well of course not. They’re not nuts, they’re legumes. Ground peas. Not to be confused with ground peas. That would be peanut butter. Because ground ground peas is a bit awkward I guess. It would just be silly to say, “drives me peas.” Of course I might just be a goober. So, yeah, anyway, the reason not to eat peanuts is because the full rule is not to eat legumes. Peanuts just happen to be generally the nastiest of the lot, so the best to avoid, and a lot of people don’t realize they’re even legumes.… Read more »

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http://wp.me/p6SXrP-jkd
Sex and communication

Jeremy
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Speed round… Sentient – Solid analysis. You’re exactly right. The “not feeling it” buffer was definitely present, so completely failed the “what do YOU want?” Looking back now, I can see exactly where it went downhill and why. Fleezer – Yep, we’re fucked… Have to choose my battles though. Cutting out all of the refined garbage, grains, refined sugar, etc. is about as far as I can reasonably go right now. Would love to be able to do all organic, free range eggs, grass-fed beef, but this at least gives me a leg up over probably 90% of the population… Read more »

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SJF. “how the hell did that happen?”

Lol.

I only bang girls under 30. Many are attention-seeker spoiled brats who are used to orbiters doing everything for them.

They’re not used to a man calling them out for their crappy behaviours.

It wasn’t about the poster. It was because I called her out a few days earlier for crappy behaviour and refused to do some activity she was pushing me for.

Her text melt down was an attempt to call me out. Surface an issue and have a go. I texted Two things:

rugby11
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CSP
http://wp.me/p4tvpM-1NXE

pigglywiggly99
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@EhIntellect I stay in India although I was educated in Australia and stayed there for at least half a decade. I consider myself Western – in the tradition of the Enlightenment, the Scientific Spirit and so forth – and I thoroughly abhor the modern day variety of Feminism and Leftism that was a large part of my university experience. After my return to India in 2011, I have had the opportunity to compare both the cultures in an unbiased manner and my decision to get married in a traditional arrangement is a result of me finding the modern Western model… Read more »

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Man! That is the worst CSP I have ever read! Kissing a girl who just been blowing some dude?! Damn! On a different note: I am shocked at how guys in here can openly talk to their wives about RP and shit. Even more shocking: How can you tell a woman, “If you hide the V, amma get mi some pussy next door…”? I don’t get that. By the time a woman is playing the hide the V, how long has she been giving dead fish sex? How do you know she is not screwing around already? You think she… Read more »

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@pigglywiggly99

Thanks for the vid. It’s like distilled, concentrated essence of Female Imperative.

pigglywiggly99
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Check out the latest in Indian Marriage Laws that treat men like workhorses and wallets –

http://www.livelaw.in/wifes-capability-earn-no-reason-reduce-maintenance-awarded-sc-read-order/

Just Getting It
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Simples – wasn’t an ultimatum, just announcing a decision that my life is going to be different, you can be a part of it if you want, if not… meh.

Pretty much indifferent as to which way it goes, ie I’m going to be doing more sex, whether you do is up to you.

Of course, got to decide you’re ok with a separation if you’re goiing to say it, but I’m not going to be skulking around having secret affairs.

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@Jeremy Ya thanks, yes I a am fully conversant with Paleo / low carb eating etc.I dropped 40 lbs previously doing that long with my cardio program. in just four months Problem last time I went full Jihad on weight, fat etc it worked really well but I got too into it and burned myself out, piled on a major sporting competition (e.g. 3 year work up to the main event) and I just blew myself out completely and fell back down the ladder. After losing my event (If ya ain’t first yer last) I admit I was in a… Read more »

DisgruntledEarthling
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@Agent P
In fairness to her I am overweight and I am working on that. An unfortunate side effect of falling off the wagon a while ago.

Dread doesn’t always need to come from your partner seeing you interacting with other women. She can also hamsterize on your intent. Loosing weight and lifting/working out at home will trigger this as well as being very beneficial to your body and mind. Changing your hair style, growing a beard, buying new (nice) underwear too… She’ll notice and wonder.

No need to wait till the summer months

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SJF wrote: “Catastrophe is a relative risk, not an absolute risk. It can be mitigated by attention to detail and mindfulness in proceeding with adventure. Just because things suck, doesn’t mean you can’t prevail and come out on the other side of competence and release from constraint–the goal line.” Yes, I can say that is truth. Many failures doesn’t mean you should give up. Getting out in the field and practicing what I’ve read here, on Reddit and in books has been invaluable. Reading is important, getting my ass in the filed and practice in real critical. I’m finally making… Read more »

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““That’s only part of it. After you’ve learned to relax and accept being in the now, without fighting it, you enter a different place in your mind, and begin to truly reflect on things. ” @SJF Nice. The relaxation came catharticly over the holidays. It’d wash over me. The fix was in, and I knew it before anyone else around me. I sat silent for hours, calm, clear minded. Couple weeks back Mrs. Eh would violently test this new unflappable me; that was expected. Now she sits calmly by, holding my hand, lovingly hugging me. She’ll say,”Talk to me please.”… Read more »

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Novaseeker
http://wp.me/p4tvpM-1NXN

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@ Rollo @SJF Rollo – Great article and I can’t wait for the next one. I think the concept of objectively looking at your wife and deciding if the relationship can ever be different is critical. No, I don’t have the answer – hoping to get more insight here at TRM. I’ve been objectively watching the actions of my wife for months now and looking back over the past ~15 years and wondering if she purposely married a beta for security & provisioning and both wanted to marry a beta and is perfectly happy with the relationship as it stands.… Read more »

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Sisyphus Good post… but realize this – she is probably as “unhappy” as you are, but she has no idea why. women are as if not more BP than men are. She doesn’t want to not have sex – she is BUILT for sex…!!! what do you think that whole no refractory period multiple orgasm thing is for??? So most often she is just dealing with the same set of frustrations as you are.. she makes the best of it and since she has a REACTIVE desire for sex, she needs you to trigger it. and this here “truthfully I’ve… Read more »

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3 years ago I entered college and a relationship with a batshit crazy feminist. She cheated on me, lied to me, separated me from my friends and family. I missed classes to be with her. She was gorgeous. She manipulated me and hurt me a lot. I broke up with her the day she told me with a big smile she had cheated on me with one of my friends. She went to see my parents and asked if they agreed to get married with me. She hijacked my sperm and tried to get accidentaly pregnant. As a young and… Read more »

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Eh

All she wanted was the final product.

comment image

Sausage = attractive. Sausage making /=/ not attractive. Go forth Gents, be your MPO.. don’t talk about Fight Club. and when the time comes, bring Der Sausage…

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@ Sisyphus I agree with Sentient. Look, if your really not concerned about her leaving you because she’s content mostly with the status quo, that should allow you enough room to go all iin on yourself. Do the he necessary work on yourself and keep increasing your knowledge and understanding. Put what you learn into practice without so much concern for how she is reacting because these things take a measure of time. Pushing too hard comes off as disingenuous and will usually trigger shit testing ( which may not be a negative ). Sentient iis dead on, she is… Read more »

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Blax “It’s a bit of a long term project. Be sure that your main focal point is yourself and not her. There are zero guarantees, but odds can be astronomically shifted in your favor.” Very key point… what most guys fear is change, so they stair step and short stop their way through life, relationships and resetting their LTR’s… they can’t see the other side and turtle. But the other side can be glorious and it can be totally different from your current experience as well… you are not rebuilding the past, you are rewriting the future. Today. Right now.… Read more »

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@Sentient @Blaximus I’m a 50 YO guy and I’m not stupid but sometimes I have trouble figuring out what other actionable things that I should be doing vs. not doing. I’m the leader at home, she looks to me for guidance on practically everything and I always step up and take responsibility for my home/kids, etc. Physically I’m dieting and working out and have gone from 215 to 182 lbs. at 5’9″. Lifting & running and just took up BJJ. I’m trying to find more time to myself and get out of the house more. But there’s just no desire/interest… Read more »

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“Seize the impetus…” There was a moment early on I baited Mrs. Eh into a shit test. After failing so often, I needed to reset and cut her off, not chip shot the communication, but tilt the relationship back. The received advice was a now legit plan. No more flailing. Not willing to wait, I seized the impetus. I wordlessly irked her, she pulled her “Don’t even!” card, I left, got my chance to do it right and stuck to the game plan. It felt hairy but knew it could be done and how. Dangerous? Maybe more than I know.… Read more »

kfg
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@Marc: ” I would have committed suicide if you didn’t provide me with the answers I was looking for.”

Glad you made it. Welcome to life.

“I was weak and it was too much that I could have been able to handle.”

Now keep exercising and keep growing stronger. Make the bastards have to kill you, and leave them scarred for life for having done so.

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@ Sisyphus

From Forge the Sky upthread:

“Finally, it’s common for men who have lost frame/hand to not really have a broad perspective on the overall dynamic of a relationship. It ain’t dread if you’re not gonna leave. It’s not passing a shit test if you feel a need to pass it, or expect favors for doing so. And the sorts of things that inspire a wife’s libido may not feel to comfortable for you to do, or even contemplate.”

Is This Thing On?
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Off Topic,

Is Ian Ironwood still around?

Sentient
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Sisyphus This here I’m the leader at home, Just doesn’t generate these kinds of responses here: than sitting on the couch finger-fucking her iPad and trying to show me stupid videos. Remove iPad and initiate and out come the litany of “I’m tired/sore/headache/raincheck until tomorrow/kids are still awake in other room/saturn is not in alignment with Mars, whatever”. I suspect it’s more demeanor or her just feeling that I’m more her roommate or confidant than her lover. if you are actually leading.. You are “leading” only in your mind. You are following the dog logic prescriptive steps… status, looks, manly… Read more »

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@EhIntellect said, “Finally, it’s common for men who have lost frame/hand to not really have a broad perspective on the overall dynamic of a relationship. It ain’t dread if you’re not gonna leave. It’s not passing a shit test if you feel a need to pass it, or expect favors for doing so. And the sorts of things that inspire a wife’s libido may not feel to comfortable for you to do, or even contemplate.” A couple of things: A few weeks ago we were discussing something and my ex-wife came up and I can’t remember how the conversation came… Read more »

SFC Ton
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A man as a Finished Product speaks right to her baby maker that you flood her with alpha baby batter

Learning to be a man speaks right to her baby maker too. Sadly it tells her beta/ jumped up beta

Sentient
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Sisyphus OK a couple more things… I don’t want to ignore my kids and go out drinking 4 nights a week either. Yeah this is the attitude that makes her think this… I don’t think you would have left her with the kids still in the house. You’re just not the kind of person who would divorce someone when you had kids you were responsible for. All your non verbals are working against you… she knows you don’t really want to DO THE WORK to change… work being defined in a non Dog Logic way (i.e. yes you are doing… Read more »

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@ Sisyphus At the risk of being too prescriptive, dread is a good option. Being a good Dad and husband doesn’t engender sexual desire though. They are not the same thing. *sigh * The fucking iPad thing. The bane of society, these damned devices. What I would do: don’t talk about sex outwardly. Demonstrate, don’t explicate. Figure out how to display sexual interest sans wordage. Go fully tactile. Women in marriage sometime tend to fill their time with a bunch of other shit ( kids, TV shows, electronic devices ) and they see the distractions as being busy. Gotta sidetrack… Read more »

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@Blaximus & @Sentient Great comments…you’re right, I’ve got the boilerplate actions but I’m not committed because I’m too used to being who everyone expects me to be. Lots to chew on – many thanks Brothers!

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From Plate Theory II: “POOK was never suggesting that you overtly declare that you’ll be open to other options and that your girls should consciously be expected to accept this. Every woman takes this quote in this way, and with good reason because they don’t want to seem like an easy mark. When it’s on the table like that it unsurprisingly becomes an affront to their pride and self-worth. However, in practice, non-exclusivity has to be covert. It needs to be implied, not declared.” Having a Bad Day upthread: https://therationalmale.com/2017/01/17/the-reconstruction-ii/comment-page-2/#comment-186741 Whatever you do then this: “then, just ‘own it like… Read more »

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@EhIntellect said, “To sum up: If you’re not getting serious shit tests, you’re not going all in on you.”
You’re the 1st person to hit this particular nail. Everyone talks about shit tests but for me they are rare. Thinking about it, I realize that at least part of the problem is that she knows exactly what to expect from me and I predictably put her and the kids before me – ALWAYS!

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Sisyphus

Are you a former MMSL forum poster?

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