Don’t Hate the Beta


A common refrain I hear from even some well meaning Red Pill aware men is that there is some degree of disdain for the “Beta” man in the sphere. There’s not so much a rejection of apparent Red Pill truths as there is a schoolyard mentality when it comes to characterizing a guy as Alpha or Beta. This is where where a lot of guys turn themselves off to the Red Pill in a community sense.

In a way I suppose it becomes reminiscent of guys having been bullied in their formative years by the guys they now have a mental image of being archetypically “Alpha”. So it follows that concepts like AMOGing or running a ‘Boyfriend Destroyer’ script is distasteful; a lot of men, that is to say the 80%+ Beta men, have likely experienced this disqualification in direct or indirect ways in their youth. Sometimes that may simply be a girl he had his ONEitis sights set on opting for a more Alpha guy after telling him she wasn’t ready for a relationship, or it may be a more direct experience of having sand metaphorically kicked in his face.

Thus it becomes a matter of course to entirely dismiss the nuts & bolts understanding of how abstracts like Alpha and Beta are used in the sphere. The default understanding goes something like this, “Those Red Pillers just hate on Betas to build themselves up” or some other version of this where the Red Pill becomes a Machiavellian free for all at the expense of other, ‘lesser’, men.

It’s either this or the abstractions of Alpha and Beta are reduced to absurd binary interpretations; Alphas become ridiculous ‘douchebag’ parodies and Betas become pathetic, simpering doormats for the world to tread upon. In either case the purpose of reducing these abstracts as such is an effort in dismissing the uncomfortable, as well as evidently observable qualities and truths of the intersexual environment that plays out around us.

For the record I think it’s important for Red Pill men to remain as objective and disinvested from making qualitative assumptions about what constitutes the Alpha and Beta abstractions. I don’t hate, pity or resent Beta men. Neither do I embrace the idea that Alpha archetypes as necessarily positive or negative. For the moment however, I’m going to focus on Beta men.

The Presumption of Control

As I mentioned above, one of the primary dismissals men have when they encounter Red Pill thought is to blow it off because “it’s all just a bunch of hating on Betas.” And that presumption comes only if a guy is willing to consider the abstracts of Alpha and Beta in the first place – most simply don’t want to recognize specific ‘statuses’ or defining characteristics of men or women, and just fall back on the “all is relative, all is subjective” mindset they’ve been conditioned to. People are People, there is no human “nature” so there is no male or female “nature”.

But for the guy who at least accepts the idea of human natures, I can certainly understand the reservations of men whose identities were conditioned to a more Beta role. There’s not much positive to characterize a Beta mindset with beyond the utility that conditioning serves to society and women’s sexual strategy. Betas do in fact get laid; the terms on which, and how their sexuality fits their utilitarian role in women’s Hypergamous plan is the real question.

I was recently asked if I thought Beta men employing Beta Game was a successful strategy in the larger scheme of things. If success means that Beta Game will get him laid, I’m incredulous about it. The presumption is that the Beta man employing that ‘game’ is in some way directing and controlling the outcome of his ‘success’. I’d argue that what he believes is ‘game’ is simply his utility to a woman coming into an optimal window for her necessity of him. So is his ‘strategy’ really successful, or is he simply the best ‘Plan B‘ a woman has available to her while her own SMV decays to the point where he’s her best option?

Is that Beta really in control? Or is he simply situationally useful?

I think a lot of what guys new to the manosphere perceive as Beta hate is simply the presumption of control they believe they should be able to exercise with women. After having been told for the the better part of their lives that the more accommodating and identifying with women they are will lead to them being accepted by women it’s a presumption that this is some means of socially acceptable control for them.

It’s very galling to have men place fault on a guy for things he knows are out of his control. I fully understand the angst and frustration that leads to things like Beta Uprising and men frustrated with intersexual dynamics taking it out on the whole of society before they swallow a bullet themselves.

It essentially amounts to victim blaming; Betas are hapless and hopeless mules brainwashed and indentured to serve not just the Feminine Imperative (which would be galling enough), but also to have the pains and strivings that society demands of them be rewarded with women’s genuine intimate interests focusing on Alpha men.

That sucks.

PUAs telling a guy it’s on him as to why women are boring to him, or uninterested in him sexually, only reinforces that angst. It’s like a pastor telling you that if you’d only prayed harder or more earnestly God would have cured your Mom of cancer. So they hate the Alpha, they hate the PUA, they hate the hotchickswithdouchebags guy, but they also hate women and the social/biological mechanics of the position they’re placed in. It presumes a control that he believes he’s never had, nor ever will.

So there comes a point where that Beta wants, sometimes adamantly insists, for his own burden of performance to be replaced, or at least handicapped, by a woman meeting him half way. This want is rooted in his Blue Pill presumption that people are people and in the equalist notion that women’s hindbrains can (willingly) be overridden when it comes to arousal, attraction and intersexual dynamics. Again, if there is no human nature it should stand to reason that a woman could potentially choose that Beta for all the reasons he’s been conditioned to believe she should choose him for. If there is a female nature, and that nature follows (with some degree of consistency) Red Pill aware truths, then his frustrations are founded on his own lack.

But these guys aren’t Blue Pill oblivious men, they are Red Pill aware. They see the truth and that leads to their awakening to the cruel reality that they’re in. So when these guys are put into that place they have a few choices: Snap and take out themselves and as many others as they can, go isolationist MGTOW and retreat to minimal societal investment, go MRA and impotently try to enact legislation that they think will even the social playing filed from the top down, or they can take a realistic look at themselves and reinvent themselves to better play the Game.

The Burden of Fault

Whether it’s fair or not, by virtue of being a man, you’re going to have to accept your burden of performance. That burden includes your liability of accepting fault even for things that aren’t your fault per se. It’s not your fault that you were born and raised into a feminine-primary social order that conditioned you to be an accommodating utility for it – but irrespective of that, you will be held liable for not complying with it or resisting it. You are a man, you will always be accountable.

Is that fucked up? Yes. So with that in mind it is up to you as a Red Pill aware Man to decide for yourself what is worth your investment. Yes my friend, women can be amazing, interesting vivacious and fun, but they can also be fucked up and stupid and absolutely not worth your time, money and effort. It isn’t your fault they are the way they are, but it is your fault for investing yourself in something you’re not enjoying or profiting by.

With all of the railing against women not being worthwhile one would think that would prompt these men to being indifferent to women – but they aren’t. Even the most ardent MGTOW and hapless Beta Red Pill denier still wants women; he simply wants her in his context and his frame on his terms – and to genuinely want to be a part of all that. There’s nothing wrong with this desire, this is precisely what I advise with regards to Frame control, but the disconnect comes in how men go about establishing a Frame women want to be a part of.

Get Out There

I may debate with other men’s takes on how the importance of looks plays in to a man’s overall Game and appeal, but one thing I won’t argue with is the importance of men putting themselves out there and into situations that will most certainly take them out of their comfort zones.

For almost 20 years I have made a living doing exactly this. I have worked in gaming, liquor and brand development ventures that have put me into venues that range from Goth/Alternative/Hipster sets to LGBT events, to mixing with men and women who have the type of wealth that most people don’t even know exists. My career, family and personal life has been my Red Pill classroom and laboratory for all this, and in all of these contexts I have found a way to enjoy myself and/or learn from these interactions.

One reason I will never look to writing Red Pill books as a career option is because it would remove me from the very source of my observations. Living it is the only way keep learning from it. On my own time, I would very likely prefer to lock myself in my studio and paint or sculpt, or to create something new to work into a brand, often to the exclusion of my wife and family and the many friends I have. I’m a very social guy, but I would probably not feel compelled to head off to a night club or any of the events I involve myself in professionally on a weekly basis.

When I’m doing a promo, I know I’m not going to hook up, so I find enjoyment in watching and learning from what I see going on around me. I can’t drink when I’m on a promo or doing a trade show, so even that can’t be a source enjoyment. So why fucking do it right? I make money at it, and it beats living in a cubicle, but I’d much rather be creating new things, new brands, new ideas than interacting with half-buzzed hipsters who think they’re too cool to be there or obnoxious 40 something divorcés ‘sampling’ vodka and hoping to drink their spinsterhood away.

I enjoy what I do and it helps me help other guys. I put myself out in the wild because it’s part of my job(s), but I honestly enjoy interacting with even the dullards and the drunks. It’s what I invest myself in. That may sound like torture to you, but it’s really contextual. I have friends I’ve made at underground Goth events who would blanch at the thought of what I do at a golf tournament. I’m not saying you need to be a social chameleon, but understand that your social education will always be domain dependent if you stay in the settings that make you the most comfortable.

Don’t Hate the Beta

As I mentioned earlier, I don’t hate Beta men. For a long time in my Blue Pill past I was one of them, and I can fully understand the want to mischaracterize an Alpha mindset in order to preserve a sense of self-worth. Beta men don’t warrant pity or disgust, but rather they need a tough harsh awakening to the reality of the situation they find themselves in.

I don’t think Beta men are hopeless, but they will remain in a state of hopelessness so long as they subscribe to a want of making things easier for their condition rather than improving themselves to better play the Game. That’s hard to hear for most Beta men and I understand the protective need for denial in this, but I know of very few Red Pill men who really despise Beta or Blue Pill men. They despise his indentured state, they despise his willful obliviousness to his conditioned uses. They despise the lengths to which Blue Pill men will go in their hope to be appreciated by the system that made them what they are.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

765 comments on “Don’t Hate the Beta

  1. “Okay, so that’s the conclusion that we’re coming to? The wife of a blue pill beta deployed serviceman is ethically fair game… This, to me, is an issue of male honor that is in DIRECT opposition to the FI.”

    Alright, not to pile on here, but I think this is the crux of the disagreement. I can only rephrase points made earlier, but once more from the top:

    You need to determine your own ethics. Those ethics are yours, and you can’t expect other men to hold to them as well. @Andy, what you seem to be trying to express is a desire for a collective ethic. I don’t disagree. But what is a collective ethic based upon?

    Mutual self-interest.

    In a small, tribal or village circumstance, each person’s actions impacted the good of the whole. People would be held to certain standards of conduct – you wouldn’t interfere with another man’s wife or livelihood because he ground the grain for you, or guarded the perimeter, or whatever. If you weakened him you weakened yourself.

    We don’t have tribes now. We have a massive collective containing a multitude of counterpurposes, inefficiencies, and parasites. It’s no longer true that the good of one is the good of many. That’s the old set of books. Like kfg said, civilization is dead.

    However, micro-civilizations might remain. Like an individual coral polyp still alive and building in a dead reef. That’s your tribe, your circle of friends and family and others you can depend upon. You can have, and build, and enforce, honor among them. If you continuously strive for it. True honor is never easy, and it’s outright discouraged in the prevailing environment.

    In the ‘wild,’ in society in general, there is no honor. Anyone saying otherwise is quoting from the old set of books. It’s a manipulation.

    You may always choose to have compassion for a man you don’t know, for his circumstances or just because. That is a gift you may give another man. It is not required of you, and he may not deserve it and he may not even accept it. And, in the context of not fucking his wife, he will almost certainly never know or understand. But if you are so moved to do so, you may have compassion for him.

    Compassion is something that needs to come from a place higher than societal obligation. Not fucking a man’s wife because you feel it’s expected of you, or because you imagine it’s honorable when no honor exists between you, is not compassion. It’s hypnosis, enthrallment, acquiescence of your frame to a society that does not understand you or care about you, cannot possibly know who YOU really are or decide how YOU are to act. Not fucking her (or fucking her) is only a good action when your reasons for doing so are your own and are not scripted.

    I think many men here have compassion in great measure. What we’re writing about is that that compassion is your own and cannot be expected or obligated.

  2. Also to add: not fucking a man’s wife is pretty unlikely to be an act of real compassion. At least if you understand how these things go down.

    Once when I was younger a girl at a party I was at learned her boyfriend wasn’t coming over that night, and she was apparently really horny so she tried to get me to bang her instead. I declined, gently and kindly, so that (in my mind) a moment of weakness on her part wouldn’t lead to regret for her later. That was actually a bit of compassion, because I was really naive about how these things go down lol. Also it was me being scared shitless cause I was a virgin then.

    But now I recognize that if it wasn’t me it would be another man. If not tonight, another night. Sex and attraction are stronger than I gave them credit for, and more swift and dynamic than I recognized.

  3. ” . . that someone is the wife.”

    You’ll get no argument from me.

    Indeed. Jody doesn’t break the front door down to get to the wife of a deployed man, she opens it for him. Usually with a smile.

    Some years back I remember some very good sense on Spearhead from a milwife who posted as Hestia – a sensible handle that showed some wisdom in and of itself. She detailed some of the ways that milwives banded together to try to keep each other on the ranch while their men were deployed. Nothing too surprising, but a multi layer approach for sure. And yeah, all that sometimes wasn’t enough, because at the end of the day if a woman really wants Jody in her bed badly enough, he’ll be there.

    1. @Forge the sky
      “True honor is never easy, and it’s outright discouraged in the prevailing environment.”

      Just thinking about this. Use to swim naked in open lakes around the southern part of the US and for some reason. Being in a state of nudity braught this up a lot to the forefront of my brain.

      The thing I’ve come to learn about myself is the trauma I’ve gone through put me in a position of blue pill ideology and made it harder for me to understanding my burden to perform and stop coping the way I learned from women.

      Honor is essential in group accountability.

  4. So what’s the argument of “I was married then I went in to the army”? This time you knew before you made the decision that you already had responsibilities at home you were abandoning? I fail to see where that’s any less a dereliction of the burden of performance in marriage.

    It’s still just signing both people up for nothing less than an LDR.

  5. “So what’s the argument of “I was married then I went in to the army”?”
    I just gave it to you, above. Those reasons become more compelling in a bad economy. There was a time when military members didn’t deploy at quite the frequency they do now. But, yes, the deployment rates are awful. I wouldn’t say it’s dereliction of the burden of married to make an honest living and support a family though. Same case could be made for any traveling career…or those oil riggers in North Dakota.

  6. Just thinking further, after posting on the subject of marriage over at Dragonfly’s site.
    When a couple forms a family with the goal of building a life together, they have to grow up. It isn’t just “this is fun” and “this validates me at the moment”. The goal is longterm success. That requires effort, and it isn’t always “fun”. Unless one is already successful, part of that effort is doing hard ground work at the beginning. Most people aren’t in that position early in life, so they have to work for it.

    When a woman cats around when her man is off working and providing for their family (doubtless the excuse is much like the excuse you’ve used above, SW, “he isn’t around enough, that’s a violation of his marital obligations” or some such), that’s a pretty good indication of what she’s about. I’m not sure what the draw could possibly be to wanting to get physically intimate with a person like that (a person who is out catting around with other men while her husband is earning a living).
    Yes, I’m sure the sex drive is strong but aren’t there other wet holes to stick it in that don’t carry the same unedifying personality and baggage?

  7. @Liz : we have just been through this with Andy.
    I and others would indeed not be interested in having sex with a person like that, presumably because our own goals are not just having sex.

    But for lots of men, the goal IS just to have sex with any willing women (possibly with a certain threshold of what he considers attractive enough). Those men don’t care for her personality, how her cheating on her husband reflects on her, and so on.

  8. @Liz

    I think you seriously underestimate the power the prospect of pussy holds for men who aren’t getting any. Even for well-developed guys, what we call a ‘scarcity mindset’ is often the chief stumbling-block in having good relationships with women. No-one’s ugly after 2 am, as the saying goes, and neither is any woman too much of a bitch.

    You seem to be couching this quite natural part of masculine sexuality in fairly negative terms. Flip the script – from the masculine perspective, the sexual pickiness of women – hypergamy – can seem meaningless and cruel. Women survey the starving masses and refuse to offer aid because they can’t stand the smell.

    Additionally, you have the apex fallacy running in the background here. Most men don’t have all sorts of other options. Most men don’t have women throwing themselves at them, and they don’t know how to approach new women. A woman, even married, flirting with them strongly in a bar can represent a 2-3x in a lifetime offer for the average guy.

    It’s not that men can’t appreciate the value of a woman past the sexual, or that he wouldn’t prefer to connect with someone physically that he actually liked, or that such a connection wouldn’t make the experience more whole and powerful. It’s just, to a starving man, a plate of rice will do. Once your belly is full you can worry about foie gras and saffron and porto reductions and shit.

    It’s only once you get over this scarcity hurdle that men start to screen as you expect us to. YaReally and Owen Cook, experienced PUA’s, talk a fair amount about how they don’t need another girl, so they screen even the hot girls hardcore for positive personality traits. They’re looking for the holistic experience of being with that person (and not having drama in their lives). But they’re able to do that because there isn’t a maddening gnawing need grinding away deep in their hindbrain.

  9. “You seem to be couching this quite natural part of masculine sexuality in fairly negative terms. Flip the script – from the masculine perspective, the sexual pickiness of women – hypergamy – can seem meaningless and cruel. Women survey the starving masses and refuse to offer aid because they can’t stand the smell.”

    Well, if I am couching this “quite natural part of masculine sexuality” in “fairly negative terms”, I’m couching the (assumably) just as natural part of female sexuality in more negative terms.
    Doesn’t hypergamy demand the woman cat around, even after marriage, and so forth? Female “pickiness” isn’t an accurate flip of the script as the woman in question here is presumably taken.

    I’m actually stating, categorically, if a married woman behaves in this way she is a bad person with unedifying character traits. By contrast I’m just suggesting any “takers” consider this and choose otherwise if there is something else available.

  10. @Liz

    Forge pretty much mapped it out.

    Broknights, in my experience, are either married (ego-invested in society protecting their marriage for them) or choking on this part of the Red Pill. I would love if I got attention from nothing but unattached, pleasant, good looking women. However, reality when I go out is that most of the time the very few attractive women are attached (often hiding or removing their rings), and the overwhelming majority of unattractive ones that remain are single.

    Expecting me to fall on the grenade for a guy I don’t care about just ain’t happening. My getting laid is about my self interests, not some other guy’s marriage.

    As for why I consider taking on military duty (or a traveling sales job, or any other career that involves long periods away from home) a dereliction of burden of performance, LDRs aren’t real relationships regardless of the other factors. Don’t take on that kind of work if you have a marriage. Yours worked out fine. Yes, and some people don’t die when they fall out of an airplane without a chute. Doesn’t mean it’s the smart way (or the way anyone should argue for) to skydive.

    The military is (often) a good and honest means of taking care of one’s family.

    And yet military wives step out on such a regular basis that basically every divorced military dude I know tells the same story of woe. For the record, none of the guys I know from a military background are married anymore; all their marriages ended with the wife cheating or branch swinging while he was away. Hypergamy doesn’t give a shit about any of the argument you just gave me, and there’s plenty of evidence to back that up.

    Traveling for a living is a single man’s game. Commitment should be taken on only when you’re established and stable (i.e. not away from home for long periods of time), hence the reason no guy should be getting married in his 20s even under favorable marriage laws.

  11. @Liz

    I’m actually stating, categorically, if a married woman behaves in this way she is a bad person with unedifying character traits. By contrast I’m just suggesting any “takers” consider this and choose otherwise if there is something else available.

    You cannot know a woman is or isn’t like that until she does it. The chick that messaged me again the other day was not “the type”. You literally could not have guessed back when I met her that she was. Church-going, devout, very naive and sweet. Looked down on women who would cheat on their husbands even though hers was a whiny 300lb slob. Then she met me. I didn’t even make any moves. Hell every single move made was hers, ultimately it was just a case of me going a couple years without getting laid and finally caving.

    He abandoned his burden of performance, and a woman that wasn’t “like that” stepped out on him. It’s partly down to a man’s screening to avoid the outright sluts, but after that for the rest of his life it’s up to him to shoulder the burden of performance. Failure to do so will end up triggering her Hypergamy at some point, no matter how “good” a woman she was.

    I have confidence I could keep that exact same woman. She chases me still despite having been off and on with me for something like 9 or 10 years now. I just don’t want to settle down with a woman 4 years my senior.

  12. @Liz

    Well, if I am couching this “quite natural part of masculine sexuality” in “fairly negative terms”, I’m couching the (assumably) just as natural part of female sexuality in more negative terms.

    This isn’t a morality contest. And yes, hypergamy is a natural part of female sexuality. It’s quite natural for women to have an impulse to ‘cat around.’ Memorable phrase, lol 😉

    I appreciate that you’re doing your best to see this from a man’s angle and self-interests. My comment was trying to give a more complete overview of what that perspective is.

    FWIW, I do think that people should stick to their values and commitments. Unfortunately, truly doing so is a pretty high level of human functioning, and we see it less in the wild than you and I might hope.

    And so it becomes important to understand the instinctive dynamics underlying our experiences.

  13. ” I do think that people should stick to their values and commitments.”

    One of the things that has helped me get through life was figuring out, while still very young, that that is exactly what they do.

  14. Here’s where I am right now.

    IMO Most married guys are hard working and well meaning people that have no idea how to keep their wives happy through no fault of their own. Plus, I just have respect for men in general trying to make the best of their situations in these times. Also I respect a man’s marriage because divorce-rape, and the fact that I respect the institution of marriage itself. Therefore I’ll give a married man respect by default.

    Along with that, we as “red pill” guys have superior knowledge and power regarding women. IMO that means we have more responsibility. That respect and responsibility means I won’t fuck a married man’s wife. I could get philosophical and make a convincing argument why I think other “red pill” guys should follow the same ethics, but it’s not my expertise and I just don’t have the time. I have to say I find if very curious how willing other guys are to disrespecting blue pill guys. Especially as this place is a community of men helping other men. I don’t know what that means, I’ll have to think about it more.

    Anyway, you don’t have to subscribe to my ethics, but I don’t have to respect you for yours.

  15. I swear this site is filled with undercover agents from Do you people even read what you write? Tell the truth now…you’re all pretending to be men who are all about pleasing women, right? I can’t be the only one to see through this. I gotta say…great work. Ya had me going for the first paragraph or two. You folks would rake in the dough as car or bridge salesman I tell ya. Hope I didn’t insult any car or bridge sales people with that last part. LOL you folks slay me. Alpha mails. I love it! Keep up the good work, ladies!

Speak your mind

%d bloggers like this: