The Red Pill Parent

red_pill_parent

This week I’ll be exploring a new angle in the Red Pill: how parenting and family relations influence and direct the Blue Pill conditioning of a generation, and what Red Pill aware men can do to redirect this. It was encouraging to see fathers and sons together at the Man In Demand conference. I honestly wasn’t expecting this, but it was a humbling experience to see fathers and sons coming to a Red Pill awareness together. I also met with a few men who told me their sons had either turned them on to my books or that they would be required reading for their sons before they got out of their teens.

One of the greatest benefits of the conference was the inspiration and material I got from the men attending. A particular aspect of this was addressing how men might educate and help others to unplug and in that lay a wealth of observations about how these men’s upbringings had brought them to both their Blue Pill idealisms and ultimately their Red Pill awareness.

I’m beginning this series with some of these observations, but I plan to break protocol and be a bit more proscriptive in the last essay with regard to what I think may be beneficial ways to be a Red Pill parent. In The Rational Male – Preventive Medicine I included a chapter which outlined how men are primarily conditioned for lives and ego-investments in a Blue Pill idealism that ultimately prepares them for better serving the Feminine Imperative when their usefulness is necessary to fulfill women’s sexual (and really lifetime) strategies.

That chapter is only available in the book, but if you have it, it might be helpful to review it after you read this.

Reader (and MiD conference attendee) Jeremy had an excellent observation from Solipsism II:

@Capper

The only thing I take issue with is the advice, from the book that his wife read, which told her to place her husband above her children. Children come first for a mother, and they should for the father too. I’m not advocating to neglect her husband, but he needs to accept some biological facts and not be hurt because of it

What you’re repeating there is actually the first steps of a hostage crisis. That is first-wave-feminism boilerplate response. It is the first redirection in a misdirection perpetuated by women in order to sink any notion that men should have some authority on matters. Think of the children. It’s been repeated for so long, it’s a cliche…

It’s typical crab-basket behavior. Women seek power over their lives and somehow instinctively believe that the only way to achieve power is to take someone else’s power away. So they attack male authority by placing children above the man. This then becomes a stick with which to beat male authority into submission, as the woman is allowed to speak for the needs of the children. This is literally textbook subversion, and plays out on so many levels of human culture it tends to make one consider how boring humanity must look to any alien life that happens to stumble across our unremarkable corner of the universe.

When the children’s needs become the “throne” of the household, and the wife is allowed to speak for the children’s needs, then the authority of the household becomes a rather grotesque combination of immediate child needs and female manipulation. Worse still, the children are now effectively captives of the wife, because at any time she can accuse the husband of anything the law is forced to throw him in handcuffs for, and take away the kids.

What you’re repeating is the first steps in that hostage situation. Equalists will try to convince you of the logic that children come first, that children are the future, that all of that which makes them better is more important than anything else. This is bullshit.

Do you think cavemen sat around in caves all day playing and socially interacting with their babies? Do you think they had some kind of fresh-gazelle-delivery service that allowed him to interact with the children directly? Do you think the mothers were not under exactly the same survival condition, needing to forage for carrots, potatoes, berries, etc, while the men hunted and built structures? Do you think the “children” came first in any other era of humanity? If so, you are very sadly mistaken.

Children are more than capable of getting everything they need to know about how to live simply by watching their parents live a happy life together. This is how humans did things for eons, changing that order and putting the “children first” is frankly perverse and the beginning of the destruction of the family. Children are more than information sponges, they are blank minds that want desperately to be adult. Children want to understand everything that everyone around them understands, which is why a parent telling a child that you’re “disappointed” in them is more effective than a paddling. If you focus on children, you are frankly just spoiling them with attention that they will never receive in the real world. If instead you focus on yourself and your spouse, you will raise children that see you putting yourself as the MPO (as Rollo calls it), and your marriage/partnership as an important part of what you do each day.

Don’t put the children first. That’s essentially like negotiating with a terrorist, they’ll only make more demands on you until the cops storm the plane and lots of people get shot.

Your Mental Point of Origin should never waver from yourself.

American Parenting is Killing American Marriage

Of course, Ayelet Waldman’s blasphemy was not admitting that her kids were less than completely wonderful, only that she loved her husband more than them. This falls into the category of thou-shalt-have-no-other-gods-before-me. As with many religious crimes, judgment is not applied evenly across the sexes. Mothers must devote themselves to their children above anyone or anything else, but many wives would be offended if their husbands said, “You’re pretty great, but my love for you will never hold a candle to the love I have for John Junior.”

Mothers are also holy in a way that fathers are not expected to be. Mothers live in a clean, cheerful world filled with primary colors and children’s songs, and they don’t think about sex. A father could admit to desiring his wife without seeming like a distracted parent, but society is not as willing to cut Ms. Waldman that same slack. It is unseemly for a mother to enjoy pleasures that don’t involve her children.
There are doubtless benefits that come from elevating parenthood to the status of a religion, but there are obvious pitfalls as well. Parents who do not feel free to express their feelings honestly are less likely to resolve problems at home. Children who are raised to believe that they are the center of the universe have a tough time when their special status erodes as they approach adulthood. Most troubling of all, couples who live entirely child-centric lives can lose touch with one another to the point where they have nothing left to say to one another when the kids leave home.
In the 21st century, most Americans marry for love. We choose partners who we hope will be our soulmates for life. When children come along, we believe that we can press pause on the soulmate narrative, because parenthood has become our new priority and religion. We raise our children as best we can, and we know that we have succeeded if they leave us, going out into the world to find partners and have children of their own. Once our gods have left us, we try to pick up the pieces of our long neglected marriages and find new purpose. Is it surprising that divorce rates are rising fastest for new empty nesters? Perhaps it is time that we gave the parenthood religion a second thought.

I think these quotes outline the dynamic rather well; a method of control women can use to distract and defer away from Beta husbands is a simple appeal to their children’s interests as being the tantamount to their own or their husbands. If the child sits at the top of that love hierarchy and that child’s wellbeing and best interests can be defined by the mother, the father/husband is relegated to subservience to both the child and the mother.

This gets back to the preternatural Empathy myth that women, by virtue of just being a woman, has some instinctual, empathetic insight about placing that child above all else. That child becomes a failsafe and a buffer against having to entertain a real relationship with the father/husband and really consider his position in her Hypergamous estimate of him.

If that man isn’t what her Hypergamous instinct estimates him being as optimal (he’s the unfortunate Beta), then “she’s tolerating his presence for the kids’ sake.” Jeremy was responding to a comment made by Capper about an incident where a woman was being encouraged to put her husband before her kids in that love hierarchy priority. The fact that this is so unnatural for a woman that it would need to be something necessary to train a woman to speaks volumes about the facility with which women presume that their default priority ought to be for her kids.

Most men buy into this prioritization as well. It seems deductively logical that a woman would necessarily need to put her child’s attention priorities well above her husband’s. What’s counterintuitive to both parents is that it’s the health of their relationship (or lack) that defines and exemplifies the complementary gender understanding of the child. Women default to using their children as cats paws to assume primary authority of the family, and men are already preconditioned to accept this as the normative frame for the family.

As with all your relations with women, establishing a strong Frame is essential. The problem for men with even the strongest initial Frame with their wives is that they cede that Frame to their kids. Most men want the very best for their children; or there may be a Promise Keepers dynamic that guy is dealing with an makes every effort to outdo, and make up for, the sins of his father by sacrificing everything, but in so doing he loses sight of creating and maintaining a dominant Frame for not just his wife, but the state of his family.

It’s important to bear in mind that when you set the Frame of your relationship, whether it’s a first night lay or a marriage prospect, women enter your reality and your frame – the same needs to apply to any children within that relationship. Far too many fathers are afraid to embody that strong authority and expect their wives (and children) to recognize what should be his primary place in the family.

The fear is that by assuming this position they become the typical asshole father they hoped to avoid for most of their formative years. Even for men with strong masculine role models in their lives, the hesitation comes from a culture that ridicules fathers, or presumes they are potentially violent towards children. Thus the abdication of fatherly authority, in as positive a tense as possible, is abdicated before that child is even born.

Ectogenesis

At the Man in Demand conference last weekend I had a young guy ask me what my thoughts were about a man’s being interested in becoming a single parent of his own accord. I had this same question posed to me during my second interview with Christian McQueen and essentially it breaks down to a man supplying his own sperm, buying a suitable woman’s viable ovum to fertilize himself, and, I presume, hire a surrogate mother to carry that child to term. Thereupon he takes custody of that child and raises it himself as a single father.

In theory this arrangement should work out to something similar to a woman heading off the the sperm bank to (once again Hypergamously) select a suitable sperm donor and become a single parent of her own accord. It’s interesting that we have institutions and facilities like sperm banks to ensure women’s Hypergamy, but men, much less heterosexual men, must have exceptional strength of purpose and determination to do so.

Despite dealing with the very likely inability of the surrogate mother to disentangle her emotional investment in giving birth to a child she will never raise (hormones predispose women to this) a man must be very determined financially and legally to become a single father by choice. In principle I understand the sentiment of Red Pill men wanting to raise a child on their own. The idea is to do so free from the (at least direct) influence of the Feminine Imperative. However, I think this is in error.

My feelings on this are two part. First, being a complementarian, it is my belief that a child requires two healthy adult parents, male and female, with a firm, mature grasp of the importance, strengths and weaknesses of their respective gender roles (based on biological and evolutionary standards). Ideally they should exemplify and demonstrate those roles in a healthy fashion so as a boy or a girl can learn about masculinity and femininity from their respective parents’ examples.

Several generations after the sexual revolution, and after several generations of venerating feminine social primacy, we’ve arrived at a default collective belief that single mothers can perform the function of modeling and shaping masculinity in boys as well as femininity in girls equally well. The underlying social message in that is that women/mothers can be a one woman show with regard to parenting and thus men, fathers or the buffoons mainstream culture portrays them as, are superfluous to parenting – nice to have around, but not vital. This belief also finds fertile ground in the notion that men are obsolete.

Secondly, for all the equalist emphasis of Jungian gender theories about anima/animus and balancing feminine and masculine personality interests, it is evidence of an agenda to suggest that a woman is equally efficient in teaching and modeling masculine aspects to children as well as any positively masculine man. With that in mind, I think the reverse would be true for a deliberately single father – even with the best of initial intents.

Thus, I think a father might serve as a poor substitute for a woman when it comes to exemplifying a feminine ideal. The argument then of course is that, courtesy of a feminine-centric social order, women have so divorced themselves of conventional femininity that perhaps a father might teach a daughter (if not demonstrate for her) a better feminine ideal than a woman. Conventional, complementary femininity is so lost on a majority of women it certainly seems like logic for a man to teach his daughter how to recapture it.

Raising Betas

This was the trap that 3rd wave feminism fell into; the belief that they knew how best to raise a boy into their disempowered and emasculated ideal of their redefined masculinity. Teach that boy a default deference and sublimation to feminine authority, redefine it as respect, teach him to pee sitting down and share in his part of the choreplay, and well, the world is bound to be a better more cooperative place right?

So it is for these reason I think that the evolved, conventional, two-parent heterosexual model serves best for raising a child. I cannot endorse single parenthood for either sex. Parenting should be as collaborative and as complementary a partnership as is reflected in the complementary relationship between a mother and father.

It’s the height of gender-supremacism to be so arrogantly self-convinced as to deliberately choose to birth a child and attempt to raise it into the contrived ideal of what that “parent” believes the other gender’s role ought to be.

This should put the institutionalized social engineering agenda of the Feminine Imperative into stark contrast for anyone considering intentional single parenthood. Now consider that sperm banks and feminine-specific fertility institutions have been part of normalized society for over 60 years and you can see that Hypergamy has dictated the course of parenting for some time now. This is the definition of social engineering.

I’ll admit that when I got the question of single fatherhood I was a bit incredulous of the mechanics of it. Naturally it would be an expense most men couldn’t entertain. However, as promised, I did my homework on it, and found out that ectogenesis was yet another science-fiction-come-reality that feminists have already considered and have planned for:

Prominent feminists and activists, including Andrea Dworkin and Janice Raymond, have concluded that not only will women be further marginalized and oppressed by this eventuality, but they will become obsolete.

Fertility, and the ability to be the species’ reproductive engine, are virtually the only resources that women collectively control, they argue. And, although women do have other “value” in a patriarchal society–child rearing, for example–gestation remains, worldwide, the most important.  Even in the most female-denigrating cultures women are prized, if only, for their childbearing. If you take that away, then what? This technology becomes another form of violence.

Women already have the power to eliminate men and in their collective wisdom have decided to keep them. The real question now is, will men, once the artificial womb is perfected, want to keep women around?

[…]“We may find ourselves without a product of any kind with which to bargain,” she writes. “We have to ask, if that last power is taken and controlled by men, what role is envisaged for women in the new world? Will women become obsolete?”

This was a great article and it came at an auspicious time – the time we find women sweating about having their sexual market leverage with men potentially being undercut by sex-bots and/or immersive virtual sex substitutes.

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Luxocrat
Guest
Luxocrat

Wow. That was on point and touched on what I mentioned before. Sending this to my son right now.

SD
Guest
SD

“Thus the abdication of fatherly authority, in as positive a tense as possible, is abdicated before that child is even born.” In Western nations this is because the father legally has no enforceable authority or rights.We should be careful to avoid making the same mistake women do when they hold their social viewpoints against the realities of the world. A childless woman older then 35 is running a risk she can’t have kids naturally as a fact of biological reality, regardless of how empowered she may feel . So it goes for men : standing up as the leader of… Read more »

IAS
Guest
IAS

Nice post and something I wonder about. I entirely agree that the spouse should come first, above the kids. I think women tend to err on this more, but many men also. This is one of the main reasons I did not want to have kids prior to learning about the Red Pill (now I am even more adamant in not having them), because I’m pretty sure my spouse would make them the first priority (given how she deals with our pets already – incidentally, I’m unsure what kind of strategy can be implemented to recover frame in this type… Read more »

walawala
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walawala

This idea of putting the children first…or anything first is referred to in pschological literature as “triangulation”—a way of manipulating the man by having something else: extra hours at work, family obligations, children etc—an excuse to put distance in the relationship. i’ve experienced this. I’ve also done this. Back to the main theme….Red Pill parenting is a great concept…but the father has to understand it. My dad was by all accounts “masculine” in many ways….but a total inconsiderate, overbearing jerk who offerered me nothing in the way of insights beyond “don’t trust women”. So on some level the Red Pill… Read more »

lh
Guest
lh

“who offerered me nothing in the way of insights beyond “don’t trust women”.”

That’s quite a lot already if you ask me. I wish my father would have given only the slightest hint in that direction. But he didn’t knew either. So while I instinctively knew I couldn’t trust my mothers pedagogical efforts on me, I had to learn it the hard way with other women.

Paul
Guest
Paul

Hello I am 18 years of age and I was wondering if this one red pill truth I can let a women in on (my mom) who is dealing with a drug addicted son who is 16 (brother of mine) who has no respect for my father telling him not to set boundaries. I feel as if she keeps putting him as #1 by giving him money, and spoiling him like a brat, it’s going to destroy his life.. Is this an article worth her reading?
Thank you

BC
Guest
BC

The real question now is, will men, once the artificial womb is perfected, want to keep women around?

What was it? If they didn’t have vaginas, there’d be bounties on them?

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Penetrator_2
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Penetrator_2

@ Paul
Answer is no. Solipsism will prevent woman from understanding any Red Pill content (blog article, book, video) and applying it to life.
It doesn’t make sense.
You can try to expose your father to this – but probably it’s too late (he’s too old and too Beta, to make any change).
Take care of yourself.

benfromtexas
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benfromtexas

Rollo, I remember asking you about this on Twitter.
Just got this in my inbox.
I will definitely read this a post my thoughts on this later today. Glad to see this topic discussed.

Phero
Guest
Phero

A married man is almost always beta. Even more so with a daughter. He is basically hostage to the females in his life and need to placate them and put up with their hypergamic impulses. That is the western world. Few exceptions are those with enough wealth and legal structures to protect it, and those for whom jail is just the other living quarters. And the odd physco who loses it and no longer cares, ending up either dead or in the second category. There are a very small percentage of working husbands who can walk in, be all alpha… Read more »

Lars Craemer
Guest

OT: Dear Rollo, could you pls Mail me? Check Mail and company for Backround.

Topic: Raising Kids this way will be hard against the FI of the Mother. Will it?

theasdgamer
Guest

A married man is almost always beta. Even more so with a daughter.

Daughters are handled the same way as any woman. Ignore them if they misbehave and reward them intermittently.

Andy
Guest
Andy

From the perspective of a married man with kids, one thing that influences this discussion is the hormones of a pregnant or nursing woman. Rollo mentions how important the menstrual cycle is in determining attraction. The hormones of a pregnant woman and the hormones of a nursing woman are equally important. Coming into my marriage in a mostly Alpha frame it was extremely interesting to watch my wife’s preferences change. I am thoroughly convinced that pregnancy and nursing have a built-in evolutionary function of driving the Alpha away, and welcoming the Beta. Both in the context of one man’s alpha… Read more »

Phero
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Phero

“Daughters are handled the same way as any woman. Ignore them if they misbehave and reward them intermittently.” Daughters have historically been ruled by the toughness of the men in their lives. This kept them out of harms way and mostly avoided them being the town slut. The men would approve suitors and vet marriage proposals, in some cultures negotiating a dowry with the inlaws to be for her to go to what was seen as a good home. It’s probably all you can do, but societal FI is no match for “ignore and intermittently reward”. Try ignoring her and… Read more »

Vitriol
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Vitriol

“The underlying social message in that is that women/mothers can be a one woman show with regard to parenting and thus men, fathers or the buffoons mainstream culture portrays them as, are superfluous to parenting – nice to have around, but not vital.” When women receive this kind of conditioning on a large scale it starts to become extremely dangerous both for their own families and society as a whole. A married woman is always a few hours of unhappiness and a box of wine away from taking the kids away from a husband and running off (where she will… Read more »

Guy
Guest
Guy

I expect that many will object to the notion that the man be the head of a household and take precedence over the children, but in actuality this scenario is most likely to benefit the family and the children. As Rollo mentioned, children have an undeveloped sense of right and wrong. Only a male authority figure can provide an unwavering guidebook. Women place a higher priority on social cohesion than enforcing right and wrong. Naturally, they will be less likely to discipline them and more likely to allow their kids to get away with more. There’s been a great deal… Read more »

Seraph
Guest

This was a great article and it came at an auspicious time – the time we find women sweating about having their sexual market leverage with men potentially being undercut by sex-bots and/or immersive virtual sex substitutes. This is why I scoff at the scoffers of sex-bots and VR sex. 1) Men ALWAYS find ways tools and methods to solve problems. It’s what we do, goddamit! 2) Sex is a VERY important need for men. 3) Woman are getting increasingly bad at supplying it. 4) Technology is progressing exponentially. Add it all together, and what do you got? This shit… Read more »

NARWALT
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NARWALT

Had to redpill dad on why mom denied sex even after 30 years of hard work and providing for the family. Maybe there are a lot of young guys out there educating their dads instead. Would share more of the story if that’s true.

IAS
Guest
IAS

NARWALT: I am struggling a bit with feeling an obligation to spread Red Pill knowledge to people I care about, but I’m unsure how to do it in a way that 1. won’t feed back into my wife and 2. won’t make the people I tell about it ostracise me for it. As far as I’m concerned, the selfish, safe option is not to do anything, but it makes me uncomfortable.

Jeremy
Guest
Jeremy

The fear is that by assuming this position they become the typical asshole father they hoped to avoid for most of their formative years. Even for men with strong masculine role models in their lives, the hesitation comes from a culture that ridicules fathers, or presumes they are potentially violent towards children. Thus the abdication of fatherly authority, in as positive a tense as possible, is abdicated before that child is even born. As a somewhat related story… This weekend there was a late-season regatta down at the marina. I usually show up early and rig all the lines on… Read more »

CaveClown
Guest
CaveClown

Kids are a mixed bag. On one hand, parenting is the easiest thing in the world for me. But on the other hand, I am constantly fighting to keep them in my frame versus what they are taught by their teachers, the media, their mom, and other females they are around. Disney and all that bullshit. If anything, having daughters has greatly improved my interactions with women. Amused mastery comes easy with my (all) kids, so I have that as a “natural example” of how I should be with chicks too. The hardest part I think is the fact that… Read more »

CaveClown
Guest
CaveClown

“Now I find the opposite with my daughters, no female influence. ”

I should of said “no feminine influence”

rugby11ljh
Guest
rugby11ljh

@Rollo Tommasi
Going to do an iron man with my dad this week. Beta to Alpha the mindset is what I was looking to learn. Compliments

SD
Guest
SD

On the flip side, it should be noted that not just any man can be a head of the household. He has to first be a man-that is an increasingly rare trait nowadays.I was raised in a father-mother household, but looking back what it really was in fact were two women playing coparent. There was my mother, and there was my betabux,emasculated dad . Mom ran the show, and it took a stint in the military for me to understand fully what being a masculine man entailed. I came home on leave in the curious position of being the family… Read more »

Anonymous Reader
Guest
Anonymous Reader

Jeremy – Years ago in college I was in a class with an older student, an Army vet, who was married and had a son. We were hanging around in the library one day and he had his 2 year old with him. The kid was toddling around in a carpeted area where we could see him, so the vet and I were talking about the class. The kid tripped over his own feet and plopped onto the floor, then pushed his head up and looked over at us. The vet said clearly to the boy, “So you’re all right?… Read more »

rugby11ljh
Guest
rugby11ljh

@Caveclown
“It’s much the same as how I was raised with very little masculine influence. My parents actively avoided men that were “alpha” when I was being raised.”

Same here

@Jeremy
That’s a hell of a good story. I saw my self doing that a lot growing up all under a blue pill pretext.

Not Born This Morning
Guest
Not Born This Morning

Feminism, unbridled hypergamy, and FI social dominance all facilitated by birth control pills and leisure time for females made possible by technological creations (invented by men) provide women opportunity to destroy their natural relationship with man. Hence man seeks to satisfy his needs that were once satisfied by women with other alternatives.

Man seeks numerous alternatives (prostitution, masturbation, porn, phone sex, virtual sex, sex dolls, sex bots, etc.) not because he is an over sexed crazed psychotic but because he desires an alternative to the modern woman.

Fred Flange, whatevs, man
Guest
Fred Flange, whatevs, man

I could write ten guest posts on this topic. Dalrock cites a British newspaper article on Danish “singlemors”, as in turkey-baster sperm donor moms. Prominent in the story was the revived meme that, while dads are “nice” to have around, they aren’t needed and moms can do fine without them. Besides it’s the menz fault for not manning up and stepping up to give the wimminz their well-deserved sprogs when they turn 36 and see the Wall a-coming gee I wonder how that happened? The revival of this bad idea is sad to see, because due to the work of… Read more »

Anonymous Reader
Guest
Anonymous Reader

Rollo, a simpler way to put this is: women tend to “marry” their children and “divorce” their husbands starting at childbirth. Adding more children doesn’t change that, and may accentuate it. I’ve seen it happen in various familes, and given the fem-centric world it would take a strong frame for a man to deal with that. Not to mention lactation, as Andy described. I am certain it can be done, but it should be planned out and a man should expect some pushback / testing in strange ways. Again, a frame of iron… I’ll go further than Andy and point… Read more »

Is This Thing On?
Guest
Is This Thing On?

Off topic but I had to get this to Rollo. The solypsism is strong in this one.
http://www.vice.com/read/youre-single-because-there-arent-enough-men-253?utm_source=vicefbus

Not Born This Morning
Guest
Not Born This Morning

It is also important to note that heterosexual men do not generally support homosexuality, transgenderism, gay marriage, homosexual parenting, etc. Many more heterosexual women support these atypical behaviors than heterosexual men. A large majority of heterosexual single and divorced women support theae tenants and although married women voice less support, they do support them more than their husbands. These tenants of atypical behavior are placed by the FI like a proverbial chip on the shoulder of “social justice” to threaten the patriarchy and natural masculine sexuality are intended to serve FI interests but they simultaneously destroy natural female sexuality. As… Read more »

Anonymous Reader
Guest
Anonymous Reader

IAS – short form answer: work on your frame. Work on your frame some more. Then work on your frame. I am finding that delivering truths about women from a strong frame doesn’t cause all that much blowback. I’m not ostracised, not even by the aging 2nd stage feminists at work, because delivering truth in a cocky-funny way with a ZFG frame behind it tickles their hindbrain. You should not worry about such things getting back to your wife, if your frame is strong enough you’ll already be showing those things to her anyway. So when someone tells her it… Read more »

dutchman
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dutchman

What’s a good age to full on introduce your sons to the red pill? I’ve shared lots of nuggets of red pill truth with my sons (who are under 10) but at what point I should plop them down at the computer, go to CH or TRM and just tell them to start reading?

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[…] I’ve been meaning to put down here for quite some time.  Rollo’s post today on the Red Pill Parent reminded me of it this morning (It’s a very good post.  Take the time to read […]

Jeremy
Guest
Jeremy

@Fred Flange But OK, grudgingly there was some concession that being a Dad was okey dokey. But what kind of Dad? The parenting websites and books all had the same message: to be a good dad, be another mom. Be nurturing and vulnerable, be your kid’s friend. Don’t be like YOUR dad, who must have been evil, well that’s what they all were, right? We are seeing now how this advice turned out… This paragraph is resurrecting memories of this kind of crap. I actually do recall quite a bit of social narrative when I was growing up about the… Read more »

Chump No More
Guest
Chump No More

Excellent introspection, @Jeremy.

As much as I like to think I’ve internalized the red-pill, I also have moments where I find the those FI-fueled ‘constructs’ stubbornly implanted in the crevices of my brain and realize I still have a way to go. But it’s all good… each time, one more construct/behavior that doesn’t serve ME dies horribly in the purge.

Andy
Guest
Andy

What’s a good age to full on introduce your sons to the red pill?

I’ve been wondering the same thing. I have a feeling I’ll know the proper time when it comes. I’m not going to wait past 17 though. There’s this too:

http://therationalmale.com/2014/02/07/lessons-for-my-son/

Andy
Guest
Andy

But on the other hand, I am constantly fighting to keep them in my frame versus what they are taught by their teachers, the media, their mom, and other females they are around. @Clown Just curious regarding daughters. Do you tell them that they aren’t special just because they are female? I think that’s really a big part of the problem. Most women are brought up to believe that even if they’re fat, ugly, dumb and manly they’re still SO special! And someone will recognize that some day! I feel like boys on the other hand were brought up to… Read more »

insanitybytes22
Guest

I like you much better when you are being prescriptive, rather than descriptive, Tomassi. You are quite right, putting the kids first does quickly become a hostage situation. It is not only bad for the marriage, it hands children more power than they can handle and produces these insecure special snowflakes that believe the whole world revolves around them. The best thing parents can do is to strengthen their own relationship.

Jeremy
Guest
Jeremy

lol

CaveClown
Guest
CaveClown

Andy, Covert, not overt. I encourage compassion. “Your sister doesn’t feel well,go ask how she is” I point out feminine style of dress. “Look at that girl, she is dressed like a girl should” “That makeup looks very good on you” “Cross your legs, hands in your lap” I discourage masculine. Kids say they are going to smoke cigars like dad. “Cigars are for boys, not girls” Didn’t win a competition? No “good job! you tried!” it’s “how can you win the next one?” “Girls should have long hair” “Girls look best in a dress” I struggle with the “everyone… Read more »

dutchman
Guest
dutchman

@Andy

Wow, I don’t know how I missed that post. Great list.

Vitriol
Guest
Vitriol

@Is This Thing On? I love these “where are all the men?” articles. One major statistic they cited in the article seems to defeat their premise. From the article: “Among non-college-educated singles ages 22 to 29, there are 9.4 million men and 7.1 million women. And if you look at the women in that age group who are non-college-educated, something like 30 percent of the women are married but only 22 percent of the men are married.” 2.3 million extra men seems like a pretty large gender imbalance doesn’t it? If you look at the actual census data, the U.S.… Read more »

insanitybytes22
Guest

“No IB, what you like is convenient truths that align with your ego-investments…”

Totally untrue, Tomassi. I have numerous blog posts filled with criticisms. As to objective truth, it’s a big mistake for you to believe that you possess it, since your own biases and ego investments are so transparent, you seem to be wearing them on your sleeve.

Jeremy
Guest
Jeremy

1) Half-truth used to infer something that is untrue.
2) Accusation without evidence.
3) Fallacy of division.
4) Attacking the speaker, not the argument.

…Two comments in, still didn’t recognize that it wasn’t Rollo being prescriptive so much as quoting the prescriptiveness of others.

insanitybytes22
Guest

“Transparency isn’t a word I think you have much claim to.”

Said the blind man…..

Andy
Guest
Andy

I struggle with the “everyone is special” part yet. Hard to counter act that without putting them down.

Whenever I come up against a situation when I have to react with a choice of “reality vs. coddling.” I seem to be almost 100% reality. If I had a girl it might be different. I don’t know. I also might be overreacting because of my upbringing. At this point in my life I’m just going with what feels right. As of right now it’s mostly harsh reality.

benfromtexas
Guest
benfromtexas

Narwalt, I had to red pill my dad too. I even “coached” him a little bit. He told me about 6 months ago how my mom is now more sexual with him. I personally feel the heterosexual marriage is best for raising successful children. Stats show when you take a man out of the home, the child goes to Hell in a hand basket! I’m just at odds with a situation I’m in. I got a woman who wants to have my kid, and she even had a lawyer print up a custody contract with no child support requirements on… Read more »

insanitybytes22
Guest

Eww, harsh Tomassi, you sound angry. Hit a nerve, did I?

Andy
Guest
Andy

I’m just at odds with a situation I’m in. I got a woman who wants to have my kid, and she even had a lawyer print up a custody contract with no child support requirements on my end. She wants my Alpha traits and wants to gender select IVF a son. If I were you I’d scrutinize that custody thing. You’ll probably fall in love with the kid. Also, this is just a personal opinion of mine, but I’d insist on a natural insemination instead of IVF. Nature has a way to filter out low quality sperm for a reason.… Read more »

Jeremy
Guest
Jeremy

Go back to the swingset IB, it appears there may be a beta or two willing to push you on it.

Seraph
Guest

“Sometimes male behaviour looks like random assholery to the uneducated. Letting a little child fall down and not rushing to help him, how shocking! Leaving a preschooler behind on the rocks and not carrying him, how callous! Except that this is how men train children, through various examples, trial & error, etc.” It seems cruel because too many people have forgotten (or they were not taught) that the world is cruel. We have built up layers of insulation, what one Blogger calls the Design Margin, against that cruelty, but one must never forget those things may fail: “Modern urban civilization… Read more »

benfromtexas
Guest
benfromtexas

Damn. IB jus got slammed.

Seraph
Guest

It’s time to activate the InsanityBytes translator!

BEEP – BEEP – BOOP!

“Eww, harsh Tomassi, you sound angry. Hit a nerve, did I?

TRANSLATION:

Was I a bad girl, Rollo? Was I naughty? Did I make you mad? Ooooh…maybe I need a spanking or something…will you spank me, Rollo? My husband treats me too nice. I need your rough hand, Rollo…Please!

insanitybytes22
Guest

“In the absence of indignation, women will actively manufacture it for themselves.”

Hmm, I should rather like to be indignant, but the lost boys just don’t do it for me. Truth be told, it is Tomassi who sounds indignant. A shame too, because I rather enjoyed this post and agreed with it. I hope that does not cause him to reconsider his views.

CaveClown
Guest
CaveClown

Ben,

A judge can and will void a custody agreement or any other legal contract if he deems it in the “best interest of the child”

So if she ever disputes your agreement, you have a very expensive chance at winning, but no guarantee.

Have a lawyer review it at the least. A male lawyer.

No fucking way I would do it if it were me.

Jeremy
Guest
Jeremy

sigh…. just more, “I know you are but what am I?” childish level of discourse from someone who would make more sense if she talked with her lower lips.

Anonymous Reader
Guest
Anonymous Reader

Bites
You are quite right, putting the kids first does quickly become a hostage situation. It is bad for the marriage because it hands WOMEN more power than they can handle…

FIFY, dearie.

benfromtexas
Guest
benfromtexas

CaveClown, I agree. I’m very cautious with it. Courts screw dudes over all the time. I’m 99% most likely not to do it. It sounds to good to be true. She’s always had a thing for me and the possibility of a judge voiding something scares me way too much.

Anonymous Reader
Guest
Anonymous Reader

That father is trying to show his son he is capable of doing something even if it frightens him, and perhaps even better, that the fear is unnecessary. It does not pay in the end to be conservative and play it safe in a world which is not always safe, and is certainly NOT easy. I’m reading Anonymous Conservative’s e-book on r/K selection, and frankly some of it I’m not buying. But the section on the amygdala is spot on the money. The amygdala is the brain part that would send someone up a tree if a fragment of orange… Read more »

Anonymous Reader
Guest
Anonymous Reader

Rollo on Bites She likes to ride on Dalrock and my jock, but she’s too chickenshit to allow any dissenting comments on her blog. Well, of course, Rollo. Consensus, i.e. the queen bee keeps all the others in line – that’s more important to women than truth, as we both know. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say “Truth is whatever the queen bee says it is”, perhaps. We’ve seen this pattern over and over again. $usan Wal$h did it, Sunshine Bloody Mary did it, Bites does it – it’s almost as if women simply cannot handle too much unpleasant… Read more »

Anonymous Reader
Guest
Anonymous Reader

Rollo – I remember “Kill the Beta”, it’s one of your finest pieces IMO.

SnarkStar
Guest
SnarkStar

Beautiful post Rollo. This post like, many of your previous ones, is quite insightful. Thank you for the work you do here.

I have to ask though, why do you bother engaging commenters you think are trolling? Why not just ignore them and their negativity and focus on doing what you do? Cheers

Thelien
Guest
Thelien

I’ve just read ‘Our Kids: The American Dream in Crisis’ by Robert D. Putnam. It’s easy to get in a public library in paper and e-book format. This sociological study says the rich educated classes in modern America have pretty much reversed the trend of family destruction of the 60s and 70s and gone neo-traditional: the ratio of divorced to married people is only 14 to 100, and single motherhood rate for white college graduates is at 2%. Poor uneducated classes live in “kaleidoscopic families” with multiple exes and stepchildren or don’t marry at all. If the parents are poor… Read more »

having a bad day
Guest
having a bad day

@benfromtexas

“too good to be true…”

my general understanding is that the child support ‘belongs’ to the kid, so mom can’t contract it away…oh, by the way, if you send me $100, you can have Rollo’s car…lol…

Jeremy
Guest
Jeremy

@Thelien So, maybe if you’re educated you don’t have to panic about divorce: just tell your wife it’s what those people in bad neighborhoods do. Class snobbery is the strongest motivator. Has anyone else read it and what do you think? I think that unfortunately there’s a lot of women who will flock right to anything any one of those stuck-up, divorced-x-times blond women from the faux-rich areas. These are hags who will poison women against wisdom that might make them more happy than the cosmetically-enhanced spinsters like themselves. That said, most of the strong and traditional family structures that… Read more »

redlight
Guest
redlight

This is the latest on Kansas going for child custody payments even though the lesbian couple signed a deal with the sperm donor:

http://m.cjonline.com/news/2015-07-17/kansas-supreme-court-refuses-remove-judge-mattivi-sperm-donation-case#gsc.tab=0

You’ll need a lawyer to figure everything out, since it depends on various laws and rulings

On other note my wife doesn’t believe boys should be cuddled. Fall down, get back up. Resilience.

Now IB will show us by example the opposite.

benfromtexas
Guest
benfromtexas

Redlight, thanks for the link. To be truthful, I’m too scared to do it because there is no justice for men in the courts. Period.

anOpportunity
Guest
anOpportunity

Rollo, thank you for hosting us. The courage to allow us all to remain unfettered is noted. That said, my ability to appreciate the conversation here is often enhanced when I skip references and responses to a certain poster. I understand there are tradeoffs to ignoring that which stirs us poorly, but I see a gift for us all in the opportunity to improve our Amused Mastery.

Anonymous Reader
Guest
Anonymous Reader

Thelien, I have not read Putnam’s book but the thesis is pretty common. Maybe Novaseeker will comment, but in his absence I’ll point out that the Upper Middle Class (UMC) has a very low divorce rate for a few reasons. One is that people in that class have enough future-time orientation to be able to resist short term gains that lead to long term losses. So while women in the UMC are just as hypergamic as any other women, and in fact they have a problem with their hypergamy because a doctor or corporate lawyer automatically screens out all middle… Read more »

Seraph
Guest

@Rollo, Regarding “Kill the Beta”… It also a post I remember well, and I have reread it several of times, including just now. It was one of the those things that made a lot of sense in the abstract, but as you wrote in the piece, it is a little harder to get on the practical side, ie., what do I DO? I think I have slowly figured it out, not without some help here from fellow posters. Thinking it about it just now, and thinking about how my mindset has slowly changed over the last couple of years, it… Read more »

Capper
Guest
Capper

Lol… Nice! I think that might have been the only time I’ve left a comment on this blog and to “make the front page” for such a short statement is flattering.

I realize that you don’t have limitless time to flesh out the opinions of your commenters, but if you had asked me a few questions, you might not have proceeded to make some of the assumptions you did regarding what I meant. Even so, I’m honored to be used as fodder for this blog and your response was good reading, as usual.

Much love…

Dragonfly
Guest

Rollo, we must have been on the same brain-wave in posting. I’d be curious to see what on earth you make of this http://girlwithadragonflytattoo.com/2015/09/28/think-pink-boys/

Not Born This Morning
Guest
Not Born This Morning

@IB – “I like you much better when you are being prescriptive, rather than descriptive, Tomassi. You are quite right, putting the kids first does quickly become a hostage situation. It is not only bad for the marriage, it hands children more power than they can handle and produces these insecure special snowflakes that believe the whole world revolves around them. The best thing parents can do is to strengthen their own relationship.” “I like you much better when you are being prescriptive, rather than descriptive,” Anyone objectively analyzing this stupidity realizes immediately the self contradictory nature of her statement.… Read more »

Sun Wukong
Guest
Sun Wukong

@ITTO Re: That article Oh dear lawdy. Where to begin… The interviewer is a 23 year old female with the typical shit attitude about men, particularly the very college-educated peers the article specifically whines about not being able to find. Her questions are more telling than the simpering mangina author’s apologies, excuses, and pandering to women. These stand out in particular to me: Is there an issue for American women where the more educated you are, the smaller your dating pool becomes? It feels like the smart you are as a woman, the smaller your dating pool is, because women… Read more »

Sun Wukong
Guest
Sun Wukong

@Dragonfly, Rollo I’d concur. It was 5th grade when they pulled us in to Sex Ed at my school and laid out “Boys use love to get sex (deceitful, evil little boys), girls sex to get love (they’re so innocent)”. It was painted as boys evil, girls good right then and there. If they’d stated it as “Boys use resources to get sex, girls use sex to get resources”, it would have been possible to paint nobody as an angel. We’re all human, we all have selfish motivations. It’s OK. Too bad it took me almost 30 years to find… Read more »

CaveClown
Guest
CaveClown

I remember in 3rd grade I was pulled into the principals office for acting out. (beat the shit out of some kid) This was the 80’s, in a very liberal part of the US. They called my mother in to speak with the school counselor. The counselor told my mother that I was acting out because my mother worked full time and that “little boys need a mom at home and not a daycare raising them” I’ve never heard anything more truthful from a woman in all the years since. I didn’t realize how significant that conversation was until recently.… Read more »

Not Born This Morning
Guest
Not Born This Morning

@Dragonfly “Rollo, we must have been on the same brain-wave in posting. I’d be curious to see what on earth you make of this http://girlwithadragonflytattoo.com/2015/09/28/think-pink-boys/” Well…. I am very certain I would have been in the red often. I wonder how many boys vs. girls have been prescribed Methylphenidate (Ritalin) and other drugs designed to control “aggressive” behavior. The reigning social convention not only forces boys into social psychological distortions (a form of mass psychological abuse), it also forces poison into boys bodies attempting to mutate them. This coincides with transgenderism, the promotion of homosexuality, gay marriage, etc. all of… Read more »

kfg
Guest
kfg

Pink is the color for boys because they are not yet mature and pink is a weaker red. Red is the color of men who have killed the beta. Men who deliberately make themselves a nail sticking up and declare to all that see them that if you intend to hammer them down you’d better bring your best game and hope that it’s anywhere near good enough. Red is the color of the fiercest Keltic warriors. Red is the color of Viking longship sails. Red is the color of Sparta. The man in red is a dangerous man. So my… Read more »

insanitybytes22
Guest

“….she’s too chickenshit to allow any dissenting comments on her blog…”

I seriously doubt I’m the one clucking like a chicken here, Tomassi, nor am I the one with the obvious ego investments. I agree with many things you say…..and that ticks you off the most, doesn’t it?

Not Born This Morning
Guest
Not Born This Morning

“Is there an issue for American women where the more educated you are, the smaller your dating pool becomes? It feels like the smarter you are as a woman, the smaller your dating pool is, because women seem less likely to date men less intelligent than themselves.” “…more educated…” “…feels like the smarter you are…” Hmmm… When did getting educated guarantee higher intelligence? When did feeling like you are smarter actually make you smarter? When did less formal education guarantee less intelligence? Is no one allowed to think without formal education? Is anyone really allowed to think (other than Rollo… Read more »

Not Born This Morning
Guest
Not Born This Morning

“…nor am I the one with the obvious ego investments…”

IB battles her own projected ego investments. That is the reason she comments here. Rollo’s work and our comments threaten her ego investments. She is not battling them. She is battling herself as she uses them as an opponent to fight within herself. She is her own enigma. Her involvement here is duplicitous and self contradictory as she pretends to agree while she is simultaneously offended.

Not Born This Morning
Guest
Not Born This Morning

IBs little hamster is truly desperately amazing.

insanitybytes22
Guest

“Rollo’s work and our comments threaten her ego investments.”

LOL! Now that’s just funny. You guys actually live down to my expectations. If you want to surprise me, try acting like a human.

Sun Wukong
Guest
Sun Wukong

@NBTM When did getting educated guarantee higher intelligence? We all know the implications came from the oooooold 19th century concept of “University”. You didn’t go there unless you were brilliant or rich. These days though? Like all other phases of schooling, it largely just shows that you comply with authority. Important to an empowered woman, lest you break the illusion of her power. But yes, the thought had occurred to me as well. While I have a college level education and work in a field that supposedly requires it, I have no degree of any kind. I would fall in… Read more »

wacokid
Guest

When my son, 27, and I were talking after he ended his engagement, I asked him how the sex was. He told me it was easier to jackoff to porn than to try to get it from her. I was actually proud of myself that he and I are that close.

Not Born This Morning
Guest
Not Born This Morning

Oh no!

Now the hamster is squealing!

Not Born This Morning
Guest
Not Born This Morning

@IB –

“You guys actually live down to my expectations. If you want to surprise me, try acting like a human”

To her, we are inhuman and below her expectations and Rollo annoys and pisses her off. She consistently disagrees with our observations and comments. Yet she is still here. She returns again and again.

She certainly isn’t coming back here because she likes what she reads here or agrees with us or likes us.

So why is she coming back again and again?

Why?

Indignation deprivation perhaps?

insanitybytes22
Guest

“She certainly isn’t coming back here because she likes what she reads here or agrees with us or likes us.”

Not true. I like a few of you and I agree with Tomassi on many things, this post for example. I am neither pissed off nor indignant.

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