Spring Break

https://twitter.com/BroHumors/status/589900393632690178

I apologize in advance for dropping this now, but I felt it would benefit my college age readers at this time. Your regularly scheduled introspectives will resume shortly.

I had this clip tweeted to me this morning and it reminded me of a very old post I started on SoSuave with regard to the statistical probabilities of a breakup throughout the year. Keep in mind, these stats were from a survey 5 years ago.

amazing_facts_facebook_breakups

I watched a TED talk the other day from David McCandless called “The beauty of data visualizations“. It was quite amazing and included lots of different datasets. One of them was about Facebook and breakups. David and his team scanned over 10 000 status-updates and set out to learn more about when people broke up. 

This is what they learned:

  • A big peak right before Spring Break
  • Most breakups are announced on Mondays
  • People like to start the summer being single
  • A big peak right before Christmas
  • The lowest day throughout the whole year is Christmas Day (thank God)

Back when I first published Wait For It? (it was actually based on a much older post I did on SoSuave) I took a lot of shit for suggesting women in the proper ovulatory disposition were more than open to casual sex with the right guy, in the right place, in the right time:

Iron Rule of Tomassi #3

Any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait.

When a woman makes you wait for sex you are not her highest priority. Sexuality is spontaneous chemical reaction between two parties, not a process of negotiation. It’s sex first, then relationship, not the other way around. A woman who wants to fuck you will find a way to fuck you. She will fly across the country, crawl under barbwire, climb in through your second story bedroom window, fuck the shit out of you and wait patiently inside your closet if your wife comes home early from work – women who want to fuck will find a way to fuck. The girl who tells you she needs to be comfortable and wants a relationship first is the same girl who fucked the hot guy in the foam cannon party in Cancun on spring break just half an hour after meeting him.

If I have an addendum to this it would be that, in light of the growing pride women are taking in Open Hypergamy today, women in their Party Years actively schedule their “casual” indiscretions. Those mate guarding instincts you feel with your “great girlfriend” around Spring Break? They’re not for nothing. You can choose to ignore your gut, but understand those instincts get triggered for a reason.

Standard caveats apply of course – self-conscious (or not drunk enough) Quality Girlfriend® at 0:11 duly noted.

This may seem like so much red meat for my younger readership, but it does illustrate a point I made about women following the Sandberg Plan in their party years. Young man, remember this clip when your Quality Girlfriend® comes back to campus next week and says “I don’t know what happened. I’m not usually like that. I was drunk, he was cute and well,…one thing led to another.”

Remember this clip when when you’re this side of 30 and the 29 year old woman you’re dating is going through her Epiphany Phase and trying to “do the right thing” tells you, “I used to be a different person back in college” and presses you to ‘Man Up’ with an ultimatum for marriage. It may not be as damning as, I don’t know, finding an amateur porn video of her, but you’ll have a better idea of the context of the time line I detailed in Preventive Medicine.

Remember what I’ve written about proactive cuckoldry.

Remember that even if your great girlfriend / wife would never do such things, her girlfriends likely did and regaled her with all the stories about it during her own party years.

Remember this when you’re helping to pay off your wife’s student loans and the credit card debt she accrued buying the hot little thong she bought just for Spring Break.

So, plan accordingly, respond appropriately and never forget…

Women will break the rules for men who turn them on and create rules for men they don’t respect.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

261 comments on “Spring Break

  1. @Deti et al – If you look longitudinally at family formation, single mothers and divorce rates over the past 60 years, you see that it dips across all socioeconomic strata, but then the upper class reverts to the close to pre 1970 levels by the ’90s. The middle class recovers a bit, but the working class just gets hammered.

    Interesting ideas about women not divorcing at these elite levels due to the costs. Another POV is that in the working class, we’ve destroyed economic opportunity for skilled labor, so there is little chance for a man to qualify as a provider in the first place.

    Intelligence also plays a role here – smarter people earn more. Social/govt interventions matter as working class have alternatives like Section 8 housing and SNAP and medicaid etc that would only be available to uppper class should they fall to working class.

    Not making any prognostications here, just sharing some data. The most important point for me is the demonization and denigration of boys, men, fathers, husbands and masculinity and no class distinction saves one from that. I’ve also known many de-nutted men who are millionaires, I wouldn’t want their marriages.

    I think the material drivers will overwhelm all this soon enough.

  2. @Deti et al – If you look longitudinally at family formation, single mothers and divorce rates over the past 60 years, you see that it dips across all socioeconomic strata, but then the upper class reverts to the close to pre 1970 levels by the ’90s. The middle class recovers a bit, but the working class just gets hammered and stays in a horrible place. Fyi, this is pretty much the same across ethnicities and races, it’s just a little worse in black working class than white working class. Fyi, if you are interested in looking at this kind of data in depth, read Charles Murray’s Coming Apart. While I actually don’t agree with some of his policy recommendations, his analysis is searing and the data he gathered was and still is considered groundbreaking.

    Interesting ideas about women not divorcing at these elite levels due to the costs. Another POV is that in the working class, we’ve destroyed economic opportunity for skilled labor, so there is little chance for a man to qualify as a provider in the first place.

    Intelligence also plays a role here – smarter people earn more. Social/govt interventions matter as working class have alternatives like Section 8 housing and SNAP and Medicaid etc that would only be available to upper class should they fall to working class.

    Not making any prognostications here, just sharing some data. The most important point for me is the demonization and denigration of boys, men, fathers, husbands and masculinity and no class distinction saves one from that. I’ve also known many de-nutted men who are millionaires, I wouldn’t want their marriages.

    I think the material drivers will overwhelm all this soon enough. As for me and polyamory, it’s axiomatic that “marriage” is not really possible. Marriage signifies lifelong commitment, “till death do we part”, but the essence of polyamory is following one’s authentic desires and bliss, and not repressing another’s. That can only be accomplished when people are free to exit and enter relationships without any of the legal and social friction of forming a home and having a family together. Polyamory means we all have to be independent of each other in the long term.

    For me, it’s just about getting my rocks off with no commitment or promises about anything other than having a good time. It’s about enjoying a person for who they are and not being so worried about who they aren’t because I’m not building a life with them. It’s also much more relaxed and real cuz there just isn’t any pressure towards commitment or making long term plans. But it’s also ephemeral, and my experience is that these relationships become more like casual friendships than anything like being boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife. They run hot and cold, and sometimes go dormant for a month or two.

    My plate-friend Nichole is out of town – she’s gone to train as a professional dominatrix, she’s found her true calling, lol. As an aside, she actually bought a bunch of dom gear just before the last time I saw her and she just wanted to try putting it on me and using it a bit.Collar, gag, on my knees – it lasted less than 2 minutes as I’m simply not a sub and the entire scenario is ridiculous to me. She also is submissive to me so it was not working fo her either, a very interesting thing because she’s dominant with other men and
    this how the whole idea got started. She started getting very dominant with some of her BFs and met a professional domme. Apparently she can get paid 200/hr to degrade men in ways that don’t include sex. Enough about that, well – okay, not quite. When we ditched the s&m gear and she then blindfolded me and did teasing/denial stuff to me for about 40 mins before the real tryst began, another first. If you guys have never been blindfolded and then teased by a woman for a long time, well, you are really missing something. It was wild. The larger point is that I can’t let myself get invested in her life as neither of us is making life decisions based on being with each other.

    Another aspect is that we don’t have big fights because when we get pissed at each other or sick of each other we just don’t talk for a week or two or three. No big deal and we just forget it because the stakes are not high like they are in marriages where property and kids and money and status and family are all at play.

    But hey, I see this inherent conflict in polyamory because I actually live this out. There is something fundamentally disconsonant between polyamory and marriage at a fundamental level. They are two entirely separate things.

  3. @Glenn: Everything you said, PLUS what our Galt’s Gulch Divine Right Overseers are preaching at us, even more disincentives to marry and raise a family:
    You are not entitled to a minimum wage, let alone a living wage.
    You are not entitled to job security.
    You are not entitled to health care.
    You will not be promised advancement or a career.
    Your job is fungible, and can be moved at any time. If you want to keep it, be ready to pull up and move on the double.
    You can buy that education on credit, hell yeah. But you’ll never be free of that debt. It cannot be discharged.
    Nice liberal arts degree you got there. Can you say “macchiato latte”?

    Point is not that all these things are true across the board, but it is what everyone, especially young grads, get bullhorned at them. And there’s surprise that our young men aren’t signing up like they used to?

  4. “Not my motivator just the comparison of why he’s not telling her… he’s not telling her bc he knows what would happen would ultimately not benefit him.”

    You’re projecting your own narcissism onto him. He mentioned several times the effect it would have on HIS CHILDREN.

  5. lol myg “Therefore it i not only wise but COMPASSIONATE and loving of him to keep this a secret.”

    yea…right… I’ll remember to counsel some woman thinking of cheating on her husband (or that already did) to keep it from him (for the children of course not because he would leave her and cut his losses). It would be COMPASSIONATE for her, loving of her, to cheat on him and then keep him in the dark. Oh yes, lies are best aren’t they? LOL

  6. Rollo,

    “@Dragonfly, women don’t like to confront questions like this because of the default presumption of female-correctness, but how much blame can we assign of all that family fallout to this guy’s wife for incentivizing him to cheat on her by keeping him sexless?
    How much admonition will a woman receive for not considering all of what you wrote for essentially pushing her husband to look for sexual options outside their marriage?
    If I asked these questions of a Blue Pill man or women in mainstream society I’d be shamed for “blaming the victim”, but cheating only occurs when two factors are present opportunity to cheat and a reason to cheat.
    Would it make any difference if the guy had simply divorced his wife first and then sought out new sexual options after? He’d still be an asshole for leaving her and the family because sex was more important than they were.”

    This wasn’t my issue with his “confessional” session. It was the lack of integrity of choosing to tell himself lies for reasoning why he doesn’t want to tell her. The children probably already know its a crap marriage, trust me they do. And he’s just using it as an out or fake reason to make himself feel better and to not have to face real life consequences.

    I definitely think the wife has the majority to blame in almost setting him up… that’s why I posted the article about Why Mistresses Get Your Men, because wives do this and then expect to somehow have a faithful man. But I’m sure you know that if you go with that particular argument, then one could say that the “lonely wife” who the husband doesn’t spend enough time talking to or being with, could also be seen as being “set up” for an affair. For an affair with a man who pays her just enough attention, compliments her just enough so that she slowly is drawn more and more to him… until it happens and they end up in each other’s arms, and she’s broken her vow to her unsuspecting, quiet-natured husband. Both of us (I think) understand that it just isn’t a good excuse for cheating, on both sides. Women crave attention and talking and communication, just like men crave sex. But putting all the blame on the other for not meeting their very real needs doesn’t somehow make adultery right. so… that argument just doesn’t hold water really, yes, she is to blame, but to really fix it, he’d have to tell her, and she’d have to accept her part in it.

      1. He needs to be careful… if he doesn’t tell her, I don’t think she will keep up meeting his sexual needs… in a way, not telling her and letting her deal with the consequences of not meeting his needs (her feeling the massive hurt and ego loss), will only set himself up for future failure because she will never (maybe) know what her actions (or lack of) caused.

        1. It’s a lose-lose situation for him. If he divorces her because she wont put out he’s an asshole who only cares about sex.

          If he continues to cheat in order to have any kind of sex, he’s still an asshole who only cares about sex.

          If he comes clean and confesses in order to let her know that her sexlessness drove him to it, he’s an asshole who only cares about sex.

          In girl-world women hold all the cards.

          1. Checkmate. If he tells her, it’s probably going to go down exactly like he said – that even if she stays, it will be so uncomfortable a family dynamic, unless the real issues are worked on and faced. But you’re right. Any way you spin it he has a terrible hand of cards.

          2. I remember the fidelity essay from your book, still love it. We really identify with it – my husband was different before he got with me – he played women… he used them sometimes just for sex, and (to my surprise) really didn’t feel guilty about it…. With me he couldn’t believe how different the relationship felt – he made a remark about how he could actually talk with me – with other girls there were times of awkward silences or something, but it didn’t happen with us (I talk a lot though lol). You’re very right about the factors that need to be present for cheating to happen, the opportunity & the cause. My husband has lots of opportunity, especially in his line of work, but because of our marriage & sex life, has no cause and is more than happy. I am, too.

            Deadbedrooms – OMG that is just… OMG. I’ve always kind of known that that kind of sexless marriage happened, but reading those men’s accounts was a wake-up call, really. I never knew the women were that cruel, that the men would really act in those ways, trying to just survive for years without sex?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! That the women would really have issues with giving him oral sex – if they really wanted/desired their husbands, they’d have no hangups. That the women were marrying men they (bottom line) just weren’t that attracted to enough. Otherwise, they would be going down on their husbands… frequently… and having wild sex in the same day.

            I just cannot even imagine it…………………………………………………………….

  7. The only good outcomes going forward are from not saying a damn thing to her. Tell her about it because absolution is somehow better than not tearing apart the marriage, ruining the kids’ lives, and impoverishing himself because he sought sex elsewhere when his wife clammed up on him? I ain’t buying it.

    He should keep his mouth shut and save everyone some pain. In the end everyone will suffer less.

  8. Dragonfly, “yea…right… I’ll remember to counsel some woman thinking of cheating on her husband (or that already did) to keep it from him”

    – You do that!

    “for the children of course”

    – Yes for the kids. Remember them?

    ” not because he would leave her and cut his losses”

    – You’re a typical self-absorbed American so I can only expect you to think about your “losses”.

    ” It would be COMPASSIONATE for her, loving of her, to cheat on him and then keep him in the dark. ”

    – Cheating is not compassionate. Remorse, atonement and throwing oneself back into the family for the sake of the kids IS. This is exactly what Anonymous is doing. But you want him to shatter his innocent childrens’ hearts and lives by confessing just because you’re imagining your own rage over your husband possibly cheating on you? Its not about you Dragonfly. Its not about Anonymous or even his wife at this point, its about the kids, the family unit as a whole. Why don’t Americans get it? And why do they keep having kids when they don’t?

    Rollo,

    “Perhaps the truth he needs to remind himself of is the reason why he went looking for sex outside the marriage?”

    – The truth we need to remind ourselves of is that humans are not naturally monogamous. If its not obvious to us by now, I don’t know when it ever will be. Throw in the towel already people!

  9. Just passing through, but for what it’s worth that Facebook data chart correlates pretty accurately with what my buddies and I have noticed in-field lol

    There are times of the year where all we hear is “sorry I have a boyfriend” and it’s damn near impossible to get them to cheat, times of the year where the girls will start monkey-branch swinging (“oh you know, I’m seeing someone” or “I have a boyfriend (sad face)” lol), times where they’ll start cheating, times where they’re newly single and out to prove something, times where they’re just flat out single AND don’t want to be in a relationship, and then times where they’re difficult to ONS because they’re looking to lock down a relationship and know they have to reign it in to hook a guy so they don’t have to go to their family dinner and say “yes I’m still single” and deal with that shit, and the cycle repeats, and it basically follows the data on that graph.

    That’s funny as fuck to me in a “we suspected it from our collected field experience but now “science” has proven what we observed” lol

    @Anonymous
    “Guilt” lol wtf. One person can’t fulfill all of your needs and it’s ridiculous to expect them to, or for them to expect to be able to. If you aren’t getting sex at home you should get it elsewhere.

    Do you love your wife any less? Do you love your mom any less because you love your dad? Do you love your family any less because you love your wife? Do you love your kid any less because you love your wife? No, that’s stupid, you can love more than one person lol

    If your wife lost her arms and couldn’t make you a sandwich would you just stop eating? No, that’s retarded. If your wife was too sick to take care of your baby while you’re at work would you just walk out the door to work and be like “good luck figuring out how to open the jar of baby food kiddo”? No you’d get a babysitter.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8SOQEitsJI

    Just be discreet and wrap your junk up so you don’t bring home any diseases or get this chick preggers, and be a good loving husband and partner when you’re with your wife. I can guarantee there are men who’ve managed to be completely monogamous who treat their wives a lot shittier than you do day to day.

    You were silly for entering a contract where one of your main biological urges would be unfulfilled and she was silly for allowing you to enter that contract knowing she couldn’t fulfill that biological urge. You’re both dumb, it’s no one’s fault except the person who invented the silly notion that loving someone means not rolling around and sweating with another person.

    Of course there’s the more likely possibility that you get off on the self-flagellating guilt and self-created drama in which case no advice here is going to help you because you desperately want to be a hero with your “I’ll hold this in for the sake of my kids no matter if it eats my soul alive! Better than I should be consumed than they!” romanticizing and if you simply let that go then a huge part of the simultaneous villain/hero identity you’ve created for yourself would be taken away and you’d simply be a normal decent if not perfect husband, instead of some special romance novel lead.

    …but hey, don’t listen to me I’m just some asshole on the Internet what do I know lol

  10. “There are times of the year where all we hear is “sorry I have a boyfriend” and it’s damn near impossible to get them to cheat”

    How can someone “cheat” when they are not married?

    “@Anonymous
    “Guilt” lol wtf. One person can’t fulfill all of your needs and it’s ridiculous to expect them to, or for them to expect to be able to. If you aren’t getting sex at home you should get it elsewhere.”

    I agree. But the guilt is because he betrayed his monogamous vows. If they hadn’t taken any such vows in the first place, there would be no guilt. Which brings me to the question: Why this expectation of monogamy in our dating culture when no such vows were even taken?

    “There are times of the year where all we hear is “sorry I have a boyfriend” and it’s damn near impossible to get them to cheat”

    ^^^^ Where is the sense in the above?

  11. I’m with Sun on this one. Just don’t say anything.

    I literally can’t even imagine feeling guilty for “cheating” on a girl who was withholding sex from me. The way I see it, okay – I’m not entitled to sex from you. But just the same, I’m not obligated to martyr myself for anyone. And if you have the nerve to even imply that I am, you seriously need to go fuck yourself and get out of my life immediately.

    The only problem with a man “cheating” on a woman who is refusing him sex is other people’s perception of his “cheating,” not the cheating itself.

    I’d only be wary of cheating because I’d know that other people would judge it. Even though I would think there is absolutely nothing morally wrong with it, and, as a matter of fact, I think I’d be in the right if I was in that situation — other people will judge it harshly, because they don’t really have any understanding of the situation, nor do they want to.

    This reminds me of all the trouble I got in for responding to that married woman who said she wanted to blow me. I lost 3 friends after they found out and thought I was a total scumbag, and the lady’s 20 year old daughter chewed me out and denied that her mom was responsible for anything. I told her she contacted me first and she said she didn’t care — that I was completely responsible for it and I was ‘coming between their marriage’ or ‘tearing it apart.’

    I told her to go fuck herself and that was the last contact I had with any of them. And I really meant that with all my heart. She was being a major cunt, and she tried to drop the ‘mental illness’ thing on me. I had no idea her mother was ‘mentally ill,’ but I also don’t care, given my extensive history being a patient in mental hospital inpatient and outpatient programs. Nobody had any sympathy for me. So trying to lay that guilt on me just made me even angrier. Try to pull that shit on me and I will run you up the fucking flagpole.

    I’ve found some self-centeredness there, and I’d recommend it to this guy: if ANYONE tries to guilt trip you, be ready to rake them over the coals. This is more of an internal attitude about yourself and self-respect than anything else.

    I’ve completely flipped my internal script. I just have a visceral, immediate response to people guilt tripping me now. It’s basically like: how fucking dare you try to make me feel guilty?

    The only answer I see here is developing that kind of attitude. People think I’m an asshole for not feeling guilty for things they THINK I should feel guilty about? Good. Have fun entertaining yourself by ruminating on all that while I continue to not care and keep doing whatever I’m doing.

    I see guilt-tripping as a direct intrusion — a direct attempt to manipulate — on the part of the other person.

    It’s a direct parallel to all the other FI bullshit. I had a girl try to tell me, a long-term incel still a virgin in his mid 20’s, that I’d never understand how hard women have it in this society as far as relationships go.

    The real point you want to get to is realizing that all that is so much bullshit it isn’t even worth your attention. It isn’t worth feeling guilt or anything else over.

    The hard part would be keeping it secret. Even if you feel absolutely zero guilt and can sleep like a baby at night, if people find out they’re going to do their best to dump all their shit on you and make your life a living hell.

    Nobody sympathizes with men, especially men who cheat, even if they have every reason under the sun to do so. We just have to know this right off the bat and then take it from there.

    Appealing for sympathy or trying to make a case for yourself is hopeless. You need to be your own advocate and watch out for your own needs.

    I just get so pissed off when people try to guilt trip me though. Especially in situations like that. In my mind I imagine myself beating their ass off their moral high ground and leaving them in the dirt. Did the message get through clear enough not to pull that shit with me?

    Now if you legitimately do something mean that’s uncalled for, obviously it’s fine to feel guilty about that. I’ve apologized plenty of times in my life when it was warranted.

    But if your needs aren’t being respected and you’re not directly hurting anyone else, what’s the problem?

    If a girl is not satisfying you in a relationship and is acting like she’s ambivalent to your existence, what the hell do you owe her? The real problem is people thinking it’s okay to be entitled to good treatment from others when they do nothing to try to treat other people well.

    I get this at work all the time. Like it’s my job to do my boss favors. Um, no. Go fuck yourself.

    I know all of this can’t just sink in though. I highly recommend checking out “No More Mr. Nice Guy.” It’s a great book that gets at all this stuff — the personal demons, inner shame, etc., that effectively castrates us as men.

    Personally, I would probably cheat in secret, and be prepared to rake anyone over the coals if they found out and tried to guilt trip me over it. The worst thing you could do, IMHO, is act like you’ve done something wrong.

    That lady’s daughter tried to guilt trip me and wouldn’t put ANY responsibility on her mom for contacting me first. Not any at all. It was 100% my fault according to her.

    Funny how women dress slutty and accuse men of being pigs for oogling at them, but they’ll blame the hot guy for tempting them into cheating just by being ‘hawt.’

    It’s called passing the buck. And nobody should put up with that shit. If anything this guy should be angry and feel entitled to cheat on his wife because of her frigidity.

    How much does she care about her behavior is affecting him? Apparently not at all. So why should he care so much about how his behavior is affecting her? What the fuck kind of standard is that?

  12. “I literally can’t even imagine feeling guilty for “cheating” on a girl who was withholding sex from me. The way I see it, okay – I’m not entitled to sex from you. But just the same, I’m not obligated to martyr myself for anyone. And if you have the nerve to even imply that I am, you seriously need to go fuck yourself and get out of my life immediately. ”

    That’s because you’re not a husband or father. She wasn’t “a girl”. She was his wife of several years, mother of his children, who he took monogamous vows with and who he loves and wants to do right by. That’s why monogamous vows need to be chucked. We can pair bond for life, raise and educate our children in a loving home, and carry on like responsible adults, affectionate partners and good people, all without ever taking monogamous vows.

    Dan Savage in the video above is a gay man and it is widely known that gay men are the most promiscuous on the planet though caveat NAGMALT. They are natural swingers. Jealousies don’t run as deep in many of them as they do in heterosexual men and women, so I don’t think the wild reckless polyamory of gay men would work in a heterosexual context. I’m also sick of hearing gay people try to give advice to heterosexuals on relationship matters. Its apples and oranges really.

    But what I do think can work with heterosexual couples, because I’m seeing it first hand, is honesty. A pair bond relationship and family formation where the couple doesn’t have to hide, sneak, lie and cheat, and live in shame all because they have natural human desires and emotions.

    Why should an entire family have to face ruin just because one or both parents shared some intimacy with another human, whether it be purely physical or purely emotional or a mix of both? It just doesn’t make sense.

  13. ” . . . why the fuck are you even bothering to read this stuff here or write comments here.”

    It’s a male space, where men talk man talk. It cannot remain undisturbed and the draw is irresistible. Throw in that social meddling is to women what wrestling is to men and there ya go.

  14. yareally, Dan Savage’s monologue is apex fallacy. He’s a famous, successful alpha male in the gay community so he says things like, “Up until 60 years ago men were not monogamous. They had concubines….”

    No, the vast majority of men never had concubines, just a small minority of super alpha elites did. Most men were back breaking mules trying to eek out a living for their families. And a great many of them never reproduced at all.

    Monogamy has always been the majority default, even in cultures where polygyny and polyandry were allowed. Monogamy will not go away nor should it, because humans are pair bonders and children need committed parents. What needs to die is monogamous vows where one is gagged and bound to be monogamous lest outed as a “cheater” and have his or her entire life and family ruined because he or she shared connection with another human being.

    There’s a middle path between state enforced monogamy and the bacchanal lifestyle that killed off Dan’s people through AIDS.

  15. ” It just doesn’t make sense.”

    Pretty little theory, but it will stand or fall on the empirical data, no matter how ugly.

  16. ” That the women would really have issues with giving him oral sex – if they really wanted/desired their husbands, they’d have no hangups. ”

    That’s largely a generational thing. I know my grandparents didn’t engage in it, thought it was disgusting actually. My parents may have because by their generation it was quitely being whispered about and giggled at. My generation – its mainstream. For your generation (the one that grew up on porn) its like kissing and you guys are currently mainstreaming anal sex. By the time your kids get to be your age anal sex will be like kissing and god only knows what they hell they’ll be mainstreaming.

    Hooray! Right?

    Also, there are some religions which consider oral sex to be sin so the strict adherents to those simply won’t do it.

    Why should you care whether or not a couple are eating each others genitals anyway? Its not your business.

  17. Dragonfly is further proof why the women commenting on ‘sphere blogs should be automatically ignored. It always turns out they are marginal outliners who tell us nothing about the general condition of women, they are very solipsistic and ignorant of the current mating market.

  18. @ Dragonfly

    you did was so wrong that no self-respecting woman would be able to stay with you afterwards.

    It’s all about respecting women and shaming men for failing to respect women enough. Pedestalization. The Blue Pill goes deep, doesn’t it, love? Like a weed, hard to root out.

    No disagreement that what he did was wrong.

  19. @ Ya

    The guilt is because of a broken vow, not because of the act itself. I also betrayed her emotionally. I also committed an act that could be catastrophic for my son and daughter. And there’s nowhere to turn but here to get it out. Call it dread or whatever, but when I spoke with her about my concerns, things changed. Things are actually getting better…that makes the guilt worse because what if I just talked to her about it beforehand? I’ll never know.

    I can see how this would be perceived as hero / villain, etc. but if you had kids, you’d understand. There’s no other choice. And be the hero for who, a bunch of internet blog posters I’ll never personally know. LOL. Defeats the purpose if no one will ever know I’m some sort of “hero”. I’m the furthest thing from it. There’s a lot of emotion in my writing for very obvious reasons. I’m kinda grasping at straws here in my mind. I need to know I’m doing something, anything to make restitution.

    Appreciate the comments.

  20. @ Anon

    that makes the guilt worse because what if I just talked to her about it beforehand?

    Or…what if you tell her about the affair and she leaves…what about the guilt deriving from not shutting yer yap?

  21. A lot of people don’t like it when I say this. I don’t care.

    Yes, Anonymous broke his vows. But Mrs. Anonymous broke her vows first, by failing to appreciate him and by not sexing him good and frequently. Anonymous’ affair is the natural and likely result when a wife fails to execute her wifely obligations.

  22. ” I need to know I’m doing something, anything to make restitution.”

    Pedestalizing her in order to make restitution will only make you pathetic, perhaps I should say more pathetic, in her eyes. Begging, and she will know that you are begging (and wonder why), is not an attraction builder. It is repulsive, no matter the reason for it.

    What would make “restitution” is making yourself a desirable husband, which is to say, counter to your conditioned intuition, making yourself a man who she knows could have an affair at will.

    And as Deti has pointed out, she has her own restitution to make to you. That is the point you have to grasp. You should be her prize that she needs to fight to keep.

  23. The feminine imperative doesn’t recognize female obligations. That is why a man that cheats is always viewed as wrong.

  24. @Dragonfly

    Your shaming is another example (and double standard) of how a man’s actions are wrong but the woman’s actions are acceptable. I’ve seen and heard the example of a sexless marriage countless times by friends, family and other. The woman no longer wishes to engage in sex with her husband so the husband finds it in another woman. No one ever calls out the woman….it’s always the bad man. It’s bullshit. If she doesn’t want to have sex any longer that’s fine…just accept the fact that the man will find another. It’s another example of how society will quickly shame the man but will give the woman a pass. Fuck that…not here.

  25. “Call it dread or whatever, but when I spoke with her about my concerns, things changed. Things are actually getting better…that makes the guilt worse because what if I just talked to her about it beforehand? I’ll never know.”

    This.

    Open marriage doesn’t have to necessarily mean sleeping around. It means being open with your spouse.

    Good luck going forward Anonymous. I have a good feeling about your future.

  26. “Open marriage doesn’t have to necessarily mean sleeping around. It means being open with your spouse.”

    Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

  27. You almost got me fired with your damned autostarting video that doesn’t respond to device volume control. And I wasn’t even reading this one either. Have your videos load paused.

Speak your mind

%d bloggers like this: