Spring Break

https://twitter.com/BroHumors/status/589900393632690178

I apologize in advance for dropping this now, but I felt it would benefit my college age readers at this time. Your regularly scheduled introspectives will resume shortly.

I had this clip tweeted to me this morning and it reminded me of a very old post I started on SoSuave with regard to the statistical probabilities of a breakup throughout the year. Keep in mind, these stats were from a survey 5 years ago.

amazing_facts_facebook_breakups

I watched a TED talk the other day from David McCandless called “The beauty of data visualizations“. It was quite amazing and included lots of different datasets. One of them was about Facebook and breakups. David and his team scanned over 10 000 status-updates and set out to learn more about when people broke up. 

This is what they learned:

  • A big peak right before Spring Break
  • Most breakups are announced on Mondays
  • People like to start the summer being single
  • A big peak right before Christmas
  • The lowest day throughout the whole year is Christmas Day (thank God)

Back when I first published Wait For It? (it was actually based on a much older post I did on SoSuave) I took a lot of shit for suggesting women in the proper ovulatory disposition were more than open to casual sex with the right guy, in the right place, in the right time:

Iron Rule of Tomassi #3

Any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait.

When a woman makes you wait for sex you are not her highest priority. Sexuality is spontaneous chemical reaction between two parties, not a process of negotiation. It’s sex first, then relationship, not the other way around. A woman who wants to fuck you will find a way to fuck you. She will fly across the country, crawl under barbwire, climb in through your second story bedroom window, fuck the shit out of you and wait patiently inside your closet if your wife comes home early from work – women who want to fuck will find a way to fuck. The girl who tells you she needs to be comfortable and wants a relationship first is the same girl who fucked the hot guy in the foam cannon party in Cancun on spring break just half an hour after meeting him.

If I have an addendum to this it would be that, in light of the growing pride women are taking in Open Hypergamy today, women in their Party Years actively schedule their “casual” indiscretions. Those mate guarding instincts you feel with your “great girlfriend” around Spring Break? They’re not for nothing. You can choose to ignore your gut, but understand those instincts get triggered for a reason.

Standard caveats apply of course – self-conscious (or not drunk enough) Quality Girlfriend® at 0:11 duly noted.

This may seem like so much red meat for my younger readership, but it does illustrate a point I made about women following the Sandberg Plan in their party years. Young man, remember this clip when your Quality Girlfriend® comes back to campus next week and says “I don’t know what happened. I’m not usually like that. I was drunk, he was cute and well,…one thing led to another.”

Remember this clip when when you’re this side of 30 and the 29 year old woman you’re dating is going through her Epiphany Phase and trying to “do the right thing” tells you, “I used to be a different person back in college” and presses you to ‘Man Up’ with an ultimatum for marriage. It may not be as damning as, I don’t know, finding an amateur porn video of her, but you’ll have a better idea of the context of the time line I detailed in Preventive Medicine.

Remember what I’ve written about proactive cuckoldry.

Remember that even if your great girlfriend / wife would never do such things, her girlfriends likely did and regaled her with all the stories about it during her own party years.

Remember this when you’re helping to pay off your wife’s student loans and the credit card debt she accrued buying the hot little thong she bought just for Spring Break.

So, plan accordingly, respond appropriately and never forget…

Women will break the rules for men who turn them on and create rules for men they don’t respect.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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Not Born This Morning
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@Dragonfly

“And even then… your fixing something you deliberately broke.”

Shame him, shame him, shame him

You go gurl!

Dragonfly
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Like the article that Rollo posted about single white women staying single and rejecting men… if they saw their parent’s marriage as a failure (even in feeling), then like the article insinuated, they won’t find any men worth making that commitment to.

And the sexes will grow further apart, with the top tier men rejecting marriage because they ultimately choose their freedom. It’d be like if Anonymous had decided to just stay single (never been married), he would have been able to enjoy his freedom and not contribute to the cycle of degradation.

Not Born This Morning
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“And even then… your fixing something you deliberately broke.”

Typically predictable shallow self serving “self preserving” we tend to frame everything in terms of our personal little bubble of self constructed awareness and ignore all other possibilities. Just cannot seem to escape ourselves and our prejudices can we? Solipsistic are we?

Mad Yale Grad
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“Children know when couples love each other, and since you said that whatever was there at the beginning died, they pick up on that kind of thing. So affair or not, having a bad marriage (unfulfilling.. whatever you want to call it, it was bad enough for you to cheat) was already affecting your children.” – Not sure about that. Studies have shown that as long as there is no abuse or blatant hostility between the parents, kids think everything is fine and are often extremely surprised and hurt to hear something’s amiss and mom and dad are separating. Anonymous,… Read more »

Not Born This Morning
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It’d be like if Anonymous had decided to just stay single (never been married), he would have been able to enjoy his freedom and not contribute to the cycle of degradation.

Please explain how remaining single would have prevented “the cycle of degradation”.

Dragonfly
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lol NBTM…. anyone, at anytime practically (if their SMV is high enough) can choose to have an affair. It’s easy. I could do it. I could reject my vows to my husband and family. I could keep my amazing, wonderful, hot husband in the dark (bc I know he would leave and have lots LOTS of women after him if he knew). I could be like Anonymous and rationalize that decision to try to keep it secret. Keep him in the dark so that my boys never know I chose to be a slut, so that “it doesn’t affect them.”… Read more »

Not Born This Morning
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@Yale Grad

“Not sure about that. Studies have shown that as long as there is no abuse or blatant hostility between the parents, kids think everything is fine and are often extremely surprised and hurt to hear something’s amiss and mom and dad are separating.”

Dragonfly is exactly correct about that one. Wait until you have kids to make your judgment. I can tell you from experience, they know.

Not Born This Morning
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@Dragonfly

“And even then… your fixing something you deliberately broke.”

Your statement directly holds anonymous responsible and at least implies he is exclusively the cause of “the damage” when you have almost no idea of the entire dynamic or history. You prejudge and him and cast exclusive blame upon him then claim you are “just speaking the truth”.

Apparently you are actually the God you claim to worship!

Mad Yale Grad
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“Please explain how remaining single would have prevented “the cycle of degradation”.” He would not have broken his monogamous marriage vows. If he practiced safe sex he would not have had any children so there would be no affected children. Again it comes back to my original premise that maybe we should not be taking lifelong monogamous vows in the first place. Maybe humans should go into marriage understanding that we are not monogamous by nature, own that fact without shame, and commit to building a life with our partner where he or she doesn’t have to fear being totally… Read more »

Anonymous
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@ Dragonfly Should everything ever come to light, perhaps I would be forgiven, perhaps not. If the guilt destroys me, so be it, but it will not be until my children have been raised lovingly and with a hand guided by the awful lessons I’ve learned. As if I wasn’t selfish enough, letting the guilt consume me before it’s time is only taking my selfishness one step further. To me, that is despicably weak. I was weak and selfish enough already, yes? Some men can do what must be done, regardless of the cost to themselves. Some men can compartmentalize… Read more »

Not Born This Morning
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@Dragonfly

Something isn’t making sense.

Your posts are filled with a lot of blather about how hot your husband is, how hot you are, how great your relationship is and you present yourself as quite the hot mother goddess type.

Since you seem to be so magnanimous and living such a wonderful and sexually magnanimous life, why the fuck are you even bothering to read this stuff here or write comments here.

It REALLY perplexes me.

Mad Yale Grad
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“lol NBTM…. anyone, at anytime practically (if their SMV is high enough) can choose to have an affair. It’s easy. I could do it. I could reject my vows to my husband and family. I could keep my amazing, wonderful, hot husband in the dark (bc I know he would leave and have lots LOTS of women after him if he knew). I could be like Anonymous and rationalize that decision to try to keep it secret. Keep him in the dark so that my boys never know I chose to be a slut, so that “it doesn’t affect them.”… Read more »

Not Born This Morning
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@Yale Grad

He would not have broken his monogamous marriage vows.

….And you really believe THAT would have stopped or prevented the cycle of degradation?

Marriage is a legal contract first and foremost. Everything else that people pretend about it is less consequential in reality; but perhaps not so inconsequential in their imaginations.

Remaining “faithful” to refrain from adultery is no hedge against his frustration and his suffering or hers. The marriage vow is not a guarantee of self fulfillment, sexual nirvana, or personal growth and certainly no guarantee that either party will be happy.

Mad Yale Grad
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Anonymous, “The chances are very high that what you’ve described would occur in my family should I confess everything. Better that I be consumed than they.”

Yes! That’s my point exactly. No need to risk hurting them and breaking up a family just because we humans are not monogamous by nature but we’ve collectively swallowed the kook aid that somehow we are.

I wish you and your family all the love and happiness in the world, Anonymous.

Anonymous
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@ MYG

I think I’m going to take you up on the offer. I’m not an overly religious man, but I do have a friend or two in the clergy. Airing my dirty laundry here has helped immensely; not in blurting it out but in reading the responses. A conscience can be a damnable thing, but the inverse is to ghastly for me to contemplate. Reminds me of Pacino’s speech in the Devil’s Advocate regarding it being like a bag of bricks.

Not Born This Morning
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@Yale Grad

“…….and won’t do again.” Please tell me my fortune.

“…..feels like shit over….” Will he continue or will he resume feeling like shit about his marriage enough to seek intimacy elsewhere? Please tell us his fortune concerning this also.

Mad Yale Grad
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NBTM, “….And you really believe THAT would have stopped or prevented the cycle of degradation? Marriage is a legal contract first and foremost. Everything else that people pretend about it is less consequential in reality; but perhaps not so inconsequential in their imaginations. Remaining “faithful” to refrain from adultery is no hedge against his frustration and his suffering or hers. The marriage vow is not a guarantee of self fulfillment, sexual nirvana, or personal growth and certainly no guarantee that either party will be happy.” – Well that’s my point. Had he never taken monogamous marriage vows then “cheating” would… Read more »

Not Born This Morning
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“….all the love and happiness in the world” and other fluffy meaningless self aggrandizing words like that will not lead to self understanding and reconciliation any more than, chanting prayers, counting rosary beads, or dancing around wearing ju ju beads. Those things hide the truth.

Mad Yale Grad
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So what do you suggest for him NBTM? That he confess to his wife, hurt her and their innocent children perhaps beyond repair, demolish his family, get divorced, lose custody, pay child support?

Anonymous, about it just not being the same anymore…

Donald Duck: “I began to notice a change in Daisy. What happened to this beautiful thing between us? Was this the wedded bliss I’d dreamed of? I was losing my identity. I had become a robot!”

Seth
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Dragonfly: The guilt is going to destroy him? Really? You would like that, wouldn’t you. It would serve to reinforce to men that they better submit their inborn instincts to their wife’s ego… OR ELSE. Guilt is a conditioned feeling, like all are. Teach someone that something is wrong, and he will feel guilty for doing it. Clue him in that the moral system at the basis of that condemnation is fluid- never mind the judgement on the act itself- and the feelings of guilt will subside. Anonymous- what you did is done. And it wasn’t all that bad to… Read more »

Glenn
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@Deti et al – If you look longitudinally at family formation, single mothers and divorce rates over the past 60 years, you see that it dips across all socioeconomic strata, but then the upper class reverts to the close to pre 1970 levels by the ’90s. The middle class recovers a bit, but the working class just gets hammered. Interesting ideas about women not divorcing at these elite levels due to the costs. Another POV is that in the working class, we’ve destroyed economic opportunity for skilled labor, so there is little chance for a man to qualify as a… Read more »

Glenn
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@Deti et al – If you look longitudinally at family formation, single mothers and divorce rates over the past 60 years, you see that it dips across all socioeconomic strata, but then the upper class reverts to the close to pre 1970 levels by the ’90s. The middle class recovers a bit, but the working class just gets hammered and stays in a horrible place. Fyi, this is pretty much the same across ethnicities and races, it’s just a little worse in black working class than white working class. Fyi, if you are interested in looking at this kind of… Read more »

Dragonfly
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Not my motivator just the comparison of why he’s not telling her… he’s not telling her bc he knows what would happen would ultimately not benefit him.

Fred Flange, a/k/a Capt. Obvious
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@Glenn: Everything you said, PLUS what our Galt’s Gulch Divine Right Overseers are preaching at us, even more disincentives to marry and raise a family: You are not entitled to a minimum wage, let alone a living wage. You are not entitled to job security. You are not entitled to health care. You will not be promised advancement or a career. Your job is fungible, and can be moved at any time. If you want to keep it, be ready to pull up and move on the double. You can buy that education on credit, hell yeah. But you’ll never… Read more »

Mad Yale Grad
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“Not my motivator just the comparison of why he’s not telling her… he’s not telling her bc he knows what would happen would ultimately not benefit him.”

You’re projecting your own narcissism onto him. He mentioned several times the effect it would have on HIS CHILDREN.

Dragonfly
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lol myg “Therefore it i not only wise but COMPASSIONATE and loving of him to keep this a secret.”

yea…right… I’ll remember to counsel some woman thinking of cheating on her husband (or that already did) to keep it from him (for the children of course not because he would leave her and cut his losses). It would be COMPASSIONATE for her, loving of her, to cheat on him and then keep him in the dark. Oh yes, lies are best aren’t they? LOL

Dragonfly
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Rollo, “@Dragonfly, women don’t like to confront questions like this because of the default presumption of female-correctness, but how much blame can we assign of all that family fallout to this guy’s wife for incentivizing him to cheat on her by keeping him sexless? How much admonition will a woman receive for not considering all of what you wrote for essentially pushing her husband to look for sexual options outside their marriage? If I asked these questions of a Blue Pill man or women in mainstream society I’d be shamed for “blaming the victim”, but cheating only occurs when two… Read more »

Dragonfly
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He needs to be careful… if he doesn’t tell her, I don’t think she will keep up meeting his sexual needs… in a way, not telling her and letting her deal with the consequences of not meeting his needs (her feeling the massive hurt and ego loss), will only set himself up for future failure because she will never (maybe) know what her actions (or lack of) caused.

Dragonfly
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Checkmate. If he tells her, it’s probably going to go down exactly like he said – that even if she stays, it will be so uncomfortable a family dynamic, unless the real issues are worked on and faced. But you’re right. Any way you spin it he has a terrible hand of cards.

Sun Wukong
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The only good outcomes going forward are from not saying a damn thing to her. Tell her about it because absolution is somehow better than not tearing apart the marriage, ruining the kids’ lives, and impoverishing himself because he sought sex elsewhere when his wife clammed up on him? I ain’t buying it.

He should keep his mouth shut and save everyone some pain. In the end everyone will suffer less.

Mad Yale Grad
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Dragonfly, “yea…right… I’ll remember to counsel some woman thinking of cheating on her husband (or that already did) to keep it from him” – You do that! “for the children of course” – Yes for the kids. Remember them? ” not because he would leave her and cut his losses” – You’re a typical self-absorbed American so I can only expect you to think about your “losses”. ” It would be COMPASSIONATE for her, loving of her, to cheat on him and then keep him in the dark. ” – Cheating is not compassionate. Remorse, atonement and throwing oneself back… Read more »

YaReally
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Just passing through, but for what it’s worth that Facebook data chart correlates pretty accurately with what my buddies and I have noticed in-field lol There are times of the year where all we hear is “sorry I have a boyfriend” and it’s damn near impossible to get them to cheat, times of the year where the girls will start monkey-branch swinging (“oh you know, I’m seeing someone” or “I have a boyfriend (sad face)” lol), times where they’ll start cheating, times where they’re newly single and out to prove something, times where they’re just flat out single AND don’t… Read more »

Mad Yale Grad
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“There are times of the year where all we hear is “sorry I have a boyfriend” and it’s damn near impossible to get them to cheat” How can someone “cheat” when they are not married? “@Anonymous “Guilt” lol wtf. One person can’t fulfill all of your needs and it’s ridiculous to expect them to, or for them to expect to be able to. If you aren’t getting sex at home you should get it elsewhere.” I agree. But the guilt is because he betrayed his monogamous vows. If they hadn’t taken any such vows in the first place, there would… Read more »

Softek
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I’m with Sun on this one. Just don’t say anything. I literally can’t even imagine feeling guilty for “cheating” on a girl who was withholding sex from me. The way I see it, okay – I’m not entitled to sex from you. But just the same, I’m not obligated to martyr myself for anyone. And if you have the nerve to even imply that I am, you seriously need to go fuck yourself and get out of my life immediately. The only problem with a man “cheating” on a woman who is refusing him sex is other people’s perception of… Read more »

Mad Yale Grad
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“I literally can’t even imagine feeling guilty for “cheating” on a girl who was withholding sex from me. The way I see it, okay – I’m not entitled to sex from you. But just the same, I’m not obligated to martyr myself for anyone. And if you have the nerve to even imply that I am, you seriously need to go fuck yourself and get out of my life immediately. ” That’s because you’re not a husband or father. She wasn’t “a girl”. She was his wife of several years, mother of his children, who he took monogamous vows with… Read more »

kfg
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” . . . why the fuck are you even bothering to read this stuff here or write comments here.”

It’s a male space, where men talk man talk. It cannot remain undisturbed and the draw is irresistible. Throw in that social meddling is to women what wrestling is to men and there ya go.

Mad Yale Grad
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yareally, Dan Savage’s monologue is apex fallacy. He’s a famous, successful alpha male in the gay community so he says things like, “Up until 60 years ago men were not monogamous. They had concubines….” No, the vast majority of men never had concubines, just a small minority of super alpha elites did. Most men were back breaking mules trying to eek out a living for their families. And a great many of them never reproduced at all. Monogamy has always been the majority default, even in cultures where polygyny and polyandry were allowed. Monogamy will not go away nor should… Read more »

kfg
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” It just doesn’t make sense.”

Pretty little theory, but it will stand or fall on the empirical data, no matter how ugly.

Dragonfly
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I remember the fidelity essay from your book, still love it. We really identify with it – my husband was different before he got with me – he played women… he used them sometimes just for sex, and (to my surprise) really didn’t feel guilty about it…. With me he couldn’t believe how different the relationship felt – he made a remark about how he could actually talk with me – with other girls there were times of awkward silences or something, but it didn’t happen with us (I talk a lot though lol). You’re very right about the factors… Read more »

Mad Yale Grad
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” That the women would really have issues with giving him oral sex – if they really wanted/desired their husbands, they’d have no hangups. ” That’s largely a generational thing. I know my grandparents didn’t engage in it, thought it was disgusting actually. My parents may have because by their generation it was quitely being whispered about and giggled at. My generation – its mainstream. For your generation (the one that grew up on porn) its like kissing and you guys are currently mainstreaming anal sex. By the time your kids get to be your age anal sex will be… Read more »

hoellenhund2
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Dragonfly is further proof why the women commenting on ‘sphere blogs should be automatically ignored. It always turns out they are marginal outliners who tell us nothing about the general condition of women, they are very solipsistic and ignorant of the current mating market.

theasdgamer
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@ Dragonfly

you did was so wrong that no self-respecting woman would be able to stay with you afterwards.

It’s all about respecting women and shaming men for failing to respect women enough. Pedestalization. The Blue Pill goes deep, doesn’t it, love? Like a weed, hard to root out.

No disagreement that what he did was wrong.

Anonymous
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@ Ya The guilt is because of a broken vow, not because of the act itself. I also betrayed her emotionally. I also committed an act that could be catastrophic for my son and daughter. And there’s nowhere to turn but here to get it out. Call it dread or whatever, but when I spoke with her about my concerns, things changed. Things are actually getting better…that makes the guilt worse because what if I just talked to her about it beforehand? I’ll never know. I can see how this would be perceived as hero / villain, etc. but if… Read more »

theasdgamer
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@ Anon

that makes the guilt worse because what if I just talked to her about it beforehand?

Or…what if you tell her about the affair and she leaves…what about the guilt deriving from not shutting yer yap?

theasdgamer
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The guilt is because of a broken vow

To whom was the vow made? Wife, or God?

If to God, then confession to God is in order, but not to wife.

thedeti
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A lot of people don’t like it when I say this. I don’t care.

Yes, Anonymous broke his vows. But Mrs. Anonymous broke her vows first, by failing to appreciate him and by not sexing him good and frequently. Anonymous’ affair is the natural and likely result when a wife fails to execute her wifely obligations.

kfg
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” I need to know I’m doing something, anything to make restitution.” Pedestalizing her in order to make restitution will only make you pathetic, perhaps I should say more pathetic, in her eyes. Begging, and she will know that you are begging (and wonder why), is not an attraction builder. It is repulsive, no matter the reason for it. What would make “restitution” is making yourself a desirable husband, which is to say, counter to your conditioned intuition, making yourself a man who she knows could have an affair at will. And as Deti has pointed out, she has her… Read more »

Is This Thing On?
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Is This Thing On?
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The feminine imperative doesn’t recognize female obligations. That is why a man that cheats is always viewed as wrong.

Driver
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@Dragonfly Your shaming is another example (and double standard) of how a man’s actions are wrong but the woman’s actions are acceptable. I’ve seen and heard the example of a sexless marriage countless times by friends, family and other. The woman no longer wishes to engage in sex with her husband so the husband finds it in another woman. No one ever calls out the woman….it’s always the bad man. It’s bullshit. If she doesn’t want to have sex any longer that’s fine…just accept the fact that the man will find another. It’s another example of how society will quickly… Read more »

Mad Yale Grad
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“Call it dread or whatever, but when I spoke with her about my concerns, things changed. Things are actually getting better…that makes the guilt worse because what if I just talked to her about it beforehand? I’ll never know.”

This.

Open marriage doesn’t have to necessarily mean sleeping around. It means being open with your spouse.

Good luck going forward Anonymous. I have a good feeling about your future.

kfg
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kfg
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“Open marriage doesn’t have to necessarily mean sleeping around. It means being open with your spouse.”

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Derpifer
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You almost got me fired with your damned autostarting video that doesn’t respond to device volume control. And I wasn’t even reading this one either. Have your videos load paused.

M3
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