Schedules of Mating

There are methods and social contrivances women have used for centuries to ensure that the best male’s genes are selected and secured with the best male provisioning she’s capable of attracting. Ideally the best Man should exemplify both, but rarely do the two exist in the same male (particularly these days) so in the interest of achieving her biological imperative, and prompted by an innate need for security, the feminine as a whole had to develop social conventions and methodologies (which change as her environment and personal conditions do) to effect this. Men are not only up against a female genetic imperative, but also centuries long feminine social conventions established and adapted from a time long before human beings could accurately determine genetic origins.

I’ve detailed in many prior threads that mate selection is a psycho-biological function that millennia of evolution has hardwired into both sexes. So internalized and socialized is this process into our collective psyches that we rarely recognize we’re subject to these motivators even when we continually repeat the same behaviors manifested by them (such as having the second kid with the Alpha Bad Boy). So saying that we’re not subject to conditions we’re or are only vaguely aware of is a bit naive.

It’s simple deductive logic to follow that for a species to survive it must provide it’s offspring with the best possible conditions to ensure it’s survival – either that or to reproduce in such quantity that it ensures survival. The obvious application of this for women is sharing parental investment with the best possible mate her own genetics allow her to attract and who can provide long term security for her and any potential offspring. Thus women are biologically, psychologically and sociologically the filters of their own reproduction, where as men’s reproductive methodology is to scatter as much of his genetic material as humanly possible to the widest available quantity of sexually available females. He of course has his own criteria for mating selection and determining the best genetic pairing for his reproduction (i.e. she’s gotta be hot), but his criteria is certainly less discriminating than that for women (i.e. no one’s ugly after 2am). This is evidenced in our own hormonal biology; men possess between 12 and17 times the amount of testosterone (the primary hormone in sexual arousal) women do and women produce substantially more estrogen (instrumental in sexual caution) and oxytocin (fostering feelings of security and nurturing) than men.

That stated, both of these methodologies conflict in practice. For a woman to best ensure the survival of her young, a man must necessarily abandon his method of reproduction in favor of her own. This then sets a contradictory imperative for him to pair with a woman who will satisfy his methodology. A male must sacrifice his reproductive schedule to satisfy that of the woman he pairs with. Thus, with so much genetic potential at stake on his part of the risk, he want’s not only to ensure that she is the best possible candidate for breeding (and future breeding), but also to know that his progeny will benefit from both parent’s investment.

Side note: One interesting outcome of this psycho-biological dynamic is men’s ability to spot their own children in a crowd of other children more quickly and with greater acuity than even their mothers. Studies have shown that men have the ability to more quickly and accurately identify their own children in a room full of kids dressed in the same uniforms than the mothers of the child. Again, this stresses the subconscious importance of this genetic trade off.

These are the rudiments of human sexual selection and reproduction. There are many other social, emotional, psychological intricacies that are associated with these fundamentals, but they are the underlying motivations and considerations that subconsciously influence sexual selection.

Social Convention
To counter this subconscious dynamic to their own genetic advantage women initiate social conventions and psychological schemas to better facilitate their own breeding methodologies. This is why women always have the “prerogative to change her mind” and the most fickle of behaviors become socially excusable, while men’s behavior is constrained to a higher standard of responsibility to “do the right thing” which is invariably to the advantage of a woman’s reproductive scheme . This is why guys who are ‘Players’, and fathers who abandon mothers to pursue their innate reproduction method are villains, and fathers who selflessly sacrifice themselves financially, emotionally and life decision-wise, often to the benefit of children they didn’t father, are considered social heroes for complying with women’s genetic imperatives.

This is also the root motivation for female-specific social dynamics such as LJBF rejections, women’s propensity for victimhood (as they’ve learned that this engenders ‘savior’ mental schemas for men’s breeding schedules – Cap’n Save a Ho) and even marriage itself.

Good Dads vs Good Genes
The two greatest difficulties for women to overcome in their own methodology is that they are only at a sexually viable peak for a short window of time (generally their 20s) and the fact that the qualities that make a good long term partner (the Good Dad) and the qualities that make for good breeding stock (Good Genes) only rarely manifest themselves in the same male. Provisioning and security potential are fantastic motivators for pairing with a Good Dad, but the same characteristics that make him such are generally a disadvantage when compared with the man who better exemplifies genetic, physical attraction and the risk taking qualities that would imbue her child with a better capacity to adapt to it’s environment (i.e stronger, faster, more attractive than others to ensure the passing of her own genetic material to future generations). This is the Jerk vs. Nice Guy paradox writ large on an evolutionary scale.

Men and women innately (though unconsciously) understand this dynamic, so in order for a woman to have the best that the Good Dad has to offer while taking advantage of the best that the Good Genes man has, she must invent and constantly modify social conventions to keep the advantage in her biological favor.

Reproductive Schedules
This paradox then necessitates that women (and by default men) must subscribe to short term and long term schedules of mating. Short term schedules facilitate breeding with the Good Genes male, while long term breeding is reserved the Good Dad male. This convention and the psycho-social schemas that accompany it are precisely why women will marry the Nice Guy, stable, loyal, (preferably) doctor and still fuck the pool boy or the cute surfer she met on spring break. In our genetic past, a male with good genes implied an ability to be a good provider, but modern convention has thwarted this, so new social and mental schemas had to be developed for women.

For this dynamic and the practicality of enjoying the best of both genetic worlds, women find it necessary to ‘cheat’. This cheating can be done proactively or reactively.

In the reactive model, a woman who has already paired with her long term partner choice, engages in a extramarital or extra-pairing, sexual intercourse with a short term partner (i.e. the cheating wife or girlfriend). That’s not to say this short term opportunity cannot develop into a 2nd, long term mate, but the action of infidelity itself is a method for securing better genetic stock than the committed male provider is capable of supplying.

Proactive cheating is the single Mommy dilema. This form of ‘cheating’ relies on the woman breeding with a Good Genes male, bearing his children and then abandoning him, or having him abandon her, (again through invented social conventions) in order to find a Good Dad male to provide for her and the children of her Good Genes partner to ensure their security.

I want to stress again that (most) women do not have some consciously constructed and recognized master plan to enact this cycle and deliberately trap men into it. Rather, the motivations for this behavior and the accompanying social rationales invented to justify it are an unconscious process. For the most part, women are unaware of this dynamic, but are nonetheless subject to it’s influence. For a female of any species to facilitate a methodology for breeding with the best genetic partner she’s able to attract AND to ensure her own and her offspring’s survival with the best provisioning partner; this is an evolutionary jackpot.

The Cuckold
On some level of consciousness, men innately sense something is wrong with this situation, though they may not be able to place why they feel it or misunderstand it in the confusion of women’s justifications for it. Or they become frustrated by the social pressures to ‘do the right thing’, are shamed into martyrdom/savior-hood and committed to a feigned responsibility to these conventions. Nevertheless, some see it well enough to steer clear of single mothers, either by prior experience or observing other male cuckolds saddled with the responsibility of raising and providing for – no matter how involved or uninvolved – another man’s successful reproduction efforts with this woman.

Men often fall into the role of the proactive or reactive Cuckold. He will never enjoy the same benefits as his mates short term partner(s) to the same degree, in the way of sexual desire or immediacy of it, while at the same time enduring the social pressures of having to provide for this Good Genes father’s progeny. It could be argued that he may contribute minimally to their welfare, but on some level, whether emotional, physical, financial or educational he will contribute some effort for another man’s genetic stock in exchange for a limited form of sexuality/intimacy from the mother. To some degree, (even if only by his presence) he is sharing the parental investment that should be borne by the short term partner. If nothing else, he contributes the time and effort to her he could be better invested in finding a sexual partner with which he could pursue his own genetic imperative by his own methodology.

However, needless to say, there is no shortage of men sexually deprived enough to ‘see past’ the long term disadvantages, and not only rewarding, but reinforcing a single mother’s bad decisions (bad from his own interest’s POV) with regard to her breeding selections and schedules in exchange for short term sexual gratification. Furthermore, by reinforcing her behavior thusly, he reinforces the social convention for both men and women. It’s important to bear in mind that in this age women are ultimately, soley responsible for the men they choose to mate with (baring rape of course) AND giving birth to their children. Men do bear responsibility for their actions no doubt, but it is ultimately the decision of the female and her judgement that decides her and her children’s fate

29 responses to “Schedules of Mating

  • Marellus

    An eye-opener. Thanks.

  • Neecy

    Hi Rollo! You are such an amazing writer with great clarity! I enjoyed reading this entry and I feel you have really touched on the true nature of why and how women work.

    I was always aware of women’s nature to steer towards the (GOOD DAD) but i simply never accounted for why women also desire the (GOOD GENES). IOW’s i believed the GOOD DAD encompassed both. I see now that these are two separate initiative that women struggle with – their sensibility to want the best provider and protector and then the raw sexual nature of wanting the hot guy who makes her tingly all over. Interesting stuff.

  • Neecy

    Also wanted to comment on what you said here:

    “not only rewarding, but reinforcing a single mother’s bad decisions (bad from his own interest’s POV) with regard to her breeding selections and schedules in exchange for short term sexual gratification. Furthermore, by reinforcing her behavior thusly, he reinforces the social convention for both men and women.”

    ITA. In fact in societies where single motherhood is frowned upon and women are ostracized for such, you will find more women stick with the biological fathers of their children. When society stops rewarding single motherhood, that is the day women will be much smarter about who they pro create with and be much more willing to make sure she makes the best choices for her offspring.

    Single motherhood really grates on me and I think its selfish for any woman to be so irresponsible about who she pro-creates with. It should always be the goal and mission of any woman to make sure her offspring are being raised in the comfort of their biological fathers. But that is just my opinion.

  • Rollo Tomassi


    Thanks for dropping in.

    I’m not sure how into the hard science you are, but you might enjoy this particular research study done by Dr. Martie Hasselton:

    She essentially studies the correlation between female ornamentation (dressing sexy) and stages of women’s menstrual cycles. This, and other studies, indicate that women are more prone to ‘advertising’ their sexual intent in the pro-phase of their ovulation (when they are most likely to become pregnant). These same studies also show that women are more likely to sexually desire a Man who displays Alpha traits in the pro-phase, and become more prone to select Beta provider traits in the anti-phases of their ovulation.

    Of course the extrapolation of this is what I’ve described above in Schedules of Mating – women sexually select for the hot Alpha for breeding stock while simultaneously selecting for the (Good Dad) provider for long term provisioning and parental investment responsibilities.

    What I think too many people do (maybe you as well) is associate the mechanics of sex with personal gratification and cognitive, willful desire. Obviously there is some choice involved in who a woman finds sexually desirable and available, but it’s a mistake to think that this is the sole motivator for her sexual impulse. “Short term gratification” should really be “short term breeding opportunity”.

  • Neecy

    “Of course the extrapolation of this is what I’ve described above in Schedules of Mating – women sexually select for the hot Alpha for breeding stock while simultaneously selecting for the (Good Dad) provider for long term provisioning and parental investment responsibilities.”

    That makes a lot of sense. I often belonged to lots of female blogs about relationships and now I realize we women often say a lot about what we want (and it usually sounds good) but now I am not sure women truly understand our own nature or are willing to own up to it. I’m not even sure I know what I want at times, it changes so frequently. Lol. We often as women seek to understand the nature of men without dissecting our own nature first. I believe the day when or if women do decide to do this, we may be better able to come to terms with our sexuality and why we make the choices we do.
    I also see now that sexual impulses and sexual motivators are two very different things. A lot of women (including myself) don’t understand this (although I am learning).

  • xsplat

    Great work Rollo. I’m sure many appreciate the time and effort you put into it. Hope it brought you as much pleasure as others will get from it.

  • Hero

    Rollo, so glad you started a blog. I’m looking forward to your posts.

    Thanks for the excellent comments on Le Chateau and SoSuave. Your comments and private messages in response to my personal situation were very helpful.

  • Rogue

    There is a small reasoning flaw here (not that I don’t agree with the conclusion). Women do what they do from an unconscious, evolutionary dictated perspective. But so do we when we reject another’s children. If we do choose to have children, and if we find it fulfills our lives or makes us happy or whatever, does it matter if the kid is ours or not? If we can get a better girl by accepting a child and raising as our own, shouldn’t we?

    Personally, I find the idea disagreeable enough not to consider it seriously, but in the interest of a complete reasoning chain, what’s the downside?

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  • Tony

    Many thanks for this Rollo. Its is great to have someone whos is able to describe the E.Psychologists views in laymans terms – please keep posting on SS, and educating all of the beta males! – Cheers (tonybaloney on ss)

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  • Jon

    My main issue with the post is the way it makes it sound that these sexual dynamics are “his” or “hers”–in the case of a man raising another man’s child especially. It’s absolutely true that genes for this would not be selected for, as they confer no genetic benefit, and in fact men do look for genetic relatedness in the children of their wives for this reason.

    However, these dynamics should not be seen as belonging to the individuals themselves–they are the result of genes. They are a sort of enslavement by genes on individuals. I’d strongly recommend Dawkins’ “The Selfish Gene.”

    My point is this: men’s genetics leads them to try to invest their parenting efforts on their own genetic offspring alone, and this should give us understanding for men who leave when the baby isn’t theirs, etc. But ultimately, men and women are not automatically complicit with these interests. And the impulse toward compassion has also been highly selected for in our social species.

    So instead of just looking to these deep-seated sexual dynamics, maybe it’s also important for men to value another genetic development, compassion, especially–compassion for the mother who’s alone and/or got pregnant with the “bad boy,” for the child who results without a genetic father to raise her or him–compassion enough, perhaps, to raise that child as their own anyway. Given these deep-seated dynamics, I don’t think it should be expected of them or required. But when men make that difficult decision, it should be honored and respected and looked up to. And men do make that decision–and that decision is a result of our genetic inheritance as well.

    We are highly influenced by our genetic make-up towards our own biological fitness and its perpetuation, but we also have altruistic, community-oriented genes, like compassion and interest in our “in-group’s” well-being. Sometimes these are in competition. We also possess a great capacity for culture and learning and self-discipline seen in few other animal species. We should respect the great power our genetic history has over us. But it is important not to over-simplify it, and to stress that genetic determinism is far from absolute.

  • Grammar Helper

    It’s an interesting piece, but please read up on the correct usage of apostrophes. You’ll be amazed how badly you are getting it wrong.

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  • ogalvanlopez

    @Neecy: It’s refreshing to see a woman that’s open to the male point of view. As to your point that “women do not know what they want”, this is too true. Many times women will say they want a “nice” guy then sleep with the “jerk” and then complain to the world what a “jerk” he was. The rest of us men don’t want to hear it, she chose that guy, and the smart guys won’t touch her with a ten foot pole. I love my mother, and she talks to me all the time about my dad; but I’ve told her repeatedly, “My grandfather told you not to marry him, and you still did.” Whenever she catches him in a lie she’ll tell me and I’ll reply “You’ve known he was a liar.” My dad and I aren’t the best of friends, but I don’t hate him.

    @Rogue: I guess the answer to your question is how much of a “better” woman you are getting and whether providing/nurturing/raising someone else’s child is an acceptable cost for you. With child support costs as high as they are today it would only make sense if you were madly in love with the woman and God help you there.

    @Jon: I don’t think it should be honored or looked up to. It should definitely be respected, insomuch as it was their decision. But we should not look at it as something to aspire. I don’t think poor choices should be rewarded. Does it make them a better man? Probably. But better men don’t live on as long as others to pass their genes. As Viktor Frankl said about his time in Auschwitz, “The best of us did not make it out of there.”

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  • Wong

    “for a species to survive it must provide it’s offspring with the best possible conditions to ensure it’s survival – either that or to reproduce in such quantity that it ensures survival.”

    This is wrong. The reason is that the sentence almost implies that individual’s strategy evolved in order to increase the probability of survival of the species which is totally wrong. By the mechanisms of natural selection a population evolve in the direction so that each individual favors its number of offsprings which can be in some cases very detrimental to the species as a whole.

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