Schedules of Mating

There are methods and social contrivances women have used for centuries to ensure that the best male’s genes are selected and secured with the best male provisioning she’s capable of attracting. Ideally the best Man should exemplify both, but rarely do the two exist in the same male (particularly these days) so in the interest of achieving her biological imperative, and prompted by an innate need for security, the feminine as a whole had to develop social conventions and methodologies (which change as her environment and personal conditions do) to effect this. Men are not only up against a female genetic imperative, but also centuries long feminine social conventions established and adapted from a time long before human beings could accurately determine genetic origins.

I’ve detailed in many prior threads that mate selection is a psycho-biological function that millennia of evolution has hardwired into both sexes. So internalized and socialized is this process into our collective psyches that we rarely recognize we’re subject to these motivators even when we continually repeat the same behaviors manifested by them (such as having the second kid with the Alpha Bad Boy). So saying that we’re not subject to conditions we’re or are only vaguely aware of is a bit naive.

It’s simple deductive logic to follow that for a species to survive it must provide its offspring with the best possible conditions to ensure its survival – either that or to reproduce in such quantity that it ensures survival. The obvious application of this for women is sharing parental investment with the best possible mate her own genetics allow her to attract and who can provide long term security for her and any potential offspring. Thus women are biologically, psychologically and sociologically the filters of their own reproduction, where as men’s reproductive methodology is to scatter as much of his genetic material as humanly possible to the widest available quantity of sexually available females. He of course has his own criteria for mating selection and determining the best genetic pairing for his reproduction (i.e. she’s gotta be hot), but his criteria is certainly less discriminating than that for women (i.e. no one’s ugly after 2am). This is evidenced in our own hormonal biology; men possess between 12 and17 times the amount of testosterone (the primary hormone in sexual arousal) women do and women produce substantially more estrogen (instrumental in sexual caution) and oxytocin (fostering feelings of security and nurturing) than men.

That stated, both of these methodologies conflict in practice. For a woman to best ensure the survival of her young, a man must necessarily abandon his method of reproduction in favor of her own. This then sets a contradictory imperative for him to pair with a woman who will satisfy his methodology. A male must sacrifice his reproductive schedule to satisfy that of the woman he pairs with. Thus, with so much genetic potential at stake on his part of the risk, he want’s not only to ensure that she is the best possible candidate for breeding (and future breeding), but also to know that his progeny will benefit from both parent’s investment.

Side note: One interesting outcome of this psycho-biological dynamic is men’s ability to spot their own children in a crowd of other children more quickly and with greater acuity than even their mothers. Studies have shown that men have the ability to more quickly and accurately identify their own children in a room full of kids dressed in the same uniforms than the mothers of the child. Again, this stresses the subconscious importance of this genetic trade off.

These are the rudiments of human sexual selection and reproduction. There are many other social, emotional, psychological intricacies that are associated with these fundamentals, but they are the underlying motivations and considerations that subconsciously influence sexual selection.

Social Convention
To counter this subconscious dynamic to their own genetic advantage women initiate social conventions and psychological schemas to better facilitate their own breeding methodologies. This is why women always have the “prerogative to change her mind” and the most fickle of behaviors become socially excusable, while men’s behavior is constrained to a higher standard of responsibility to “do the right thing” which is invariably to the advantage of a woman’s reproductive scheme . This is why guys who are ‘Players’, and fathers who abandon mothers to pursue their innate reproduction method are villains, and fathers who selflessly sacrifice themselves financially, emotionally and life decision-wise, often to the benefit of children they didn’t father, are considered social heroes for complying with women’s genetic imperatives.

This is also the root motivation for female-specific social dynamics such as LJBF rejections, women’s propensity for victimhood (as they’ve learned that this engenders ‘savior’ mental schemas for men’s breeding schedules – Cap’n Save a Ho) and even marriage itself.

Good Dads vs Good Genes
The two greatest difficulties for women to overcome in their own methodology is that they are only at a sexually viable peak for a short window of time (generally their 20s) and the fact that the qualities that make a good long term partner (the Good Dad) and the qualities that make for good breeding stock (Good Genes) only rarely manifest themselves in the same male. Provisioning and security potential are fantastic motivators for pairing with a Good Dad, but the same characteristics that make him such are generally a disadvantage when compared with the man who better exemplifies genetic, physical attraction and the risk taking qualities that would imbue her child with a better capacity to adapt to its environment (i.e stronger, faster, more attractive than others to ensure the passing of her own genetic material to future generations). This is the Jerk vs. Nice Guy paradox writ large on an evolutionary scale.

Men and women innately (though unconsciously) understand this dynamic, so in order for a woman to have the best that the Good Dad has to offer while taking advantage of the best that the Good Genes man has, she must invent and constantly modify social conventions to keep the advantage in her biological favor.

Reproductive Schedules
This paradox then necessitates that women (and by default men) must subscribe to short term and long term schedules of mating. Short term schedules facilitate breeding with the Good Genes male, while long term breeding is reserved the Good Dad male. This convention and the psycho-social schemas that accompany it are precisely why women will marry the Nice Guy, stable, loyal, (preferably) doctor and still fuck the pool boy or the cute surfer she met on spring break. In our genetic past, a male with good genes implied an ability to be a good provider, but modern convention has thwarted this, so new social and mental schemas had to be developed for women.

Cheating
For this dynamic and the practicality of enjoying the best of both genetic worlds, women find it necessary to ‘cheat’. This cheating can be done proactively or reactively.

In the reactive model, a woman who has already paired with her long term partner choice, engages in a extramarital or extra-pairing, sexual intercourse with a short term partner (i.e. the cheating wife or girlfriend). That’s not to say this short term opportunity cannot develop into a 2nd, long term mate, but the action of infidelity itself is a method for securing better genetic stock than the committed male provider is capable of supplying.

Proactive cheating is the single Mommy dilema. This form of ‘cheating’ relies on the woman breeding with a Good Genes male, bearing his children and then abandoning him, or having him abandon her, (again through invented social conventions) in order to find a Good Dad male to provide for her and the children of her Good Genes partner to ensure their security.

I want to stress again that (most) women do not have some consciously constructed and recognized master plan to enact this cycle and deliberately trap men into it. Rather, the motivations for this behavior and the accompanying social rationales invented to justify it are an unconscious process. For the most part, women are unaware of this dynamic, but are nonetheless subject to its influence. For a female of any species to facilitate a methodology for breeding with the best genetic partner she’s able to attract AND to ensure her own and her offspring’s survival with the best provisioning partner; this is an evolutionary jackpot.

The Cuckold
On some level of consciousness, men innately sense something is wrong with this situation, though they may not be able to place why they feel it or misunderstand it in the confusion of women’s justifications for it. Or they become frustrated by the social pressures to ‘do the right thing’, are shamed into martyrdom/savior-hood and committed to a feigned responsibility to these conventions. Nevertheless, some see it well enough to steer clear of single mothers, either by prior experience or observing other male cuckolds saddled with the responsibility of raising and providing for – no matter how involved or uninvolved – another man’s successful reproduction efforts with this woman.

Men often fall into the role of the proactive or reactive Cuckold. He will never enjoy the same benefits as his mates short term partner(s) to the same degree, in the way of sexual desire or immediacy of it, while at the same time enduring the social pressures of having to provide for this Good Genes father’s progeny. It could be argued that he may contribute minimally to their welfare, but on some level, whether emotional, physical, financial or educational he will contribute some effort for another man’s genetic stock in exchange for a limited form of sexuality/intimacy from the mother. To some degree, (even if only by his presence) he is sharing the parental investment that should be borne by the short term partner. If nothing else, he contributes the time and effort to her he could be better invested in finding a sexual partner with which he could pursue his own genetic imperative by his own methodology.

However, needless to say, there is no shortage of men sexually deprived enough to ‘see past’ the long term disadvantages, and not only rewarding, but reinforcing a single mother’s bad decisions (bad from his own interest’s POV) with regard to her breeding selections and schedules in exchange for short term sexual gratification. Furthermore, by reinforcing her behavior thusly, he reinforces the social convention for both men and women. It’s important to bear in mind that in this age women are ultimately, soley responsible for the men they choose to mate with (baring rape of course) AND giving birth to their children. Men do bear responsibility for their actions no doubt, but it is ultimately the decision of the female and her judgement that decides her and her children’s fate

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Marellus
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Marellus

An eye-opener. Thanks.

Neecy
Guest

Hi Rollo! You are such an amazing writer with great clarity! I enjoyed reading this entry and I feel you have really touched on the true nature of why and how women work. I was always aware of women’s nature to steer towards the (GOOD DAD) but i simply never accounted for why women also desire the (GOOD GENES). IOW’s i believed the GOOD DAD encompassed both. I see now that these are two separate initiative that women struggle with – their sensibility to want the best provider and protector and then the raw sexual nature of wanting the hot… Read more »

Neecy
Guest

Also wanted to comment on what you said here: “not only rewarding, but reinforcing a single mother’s bad decisions (bad from his own interest’s POV) with regard to her breeding selections and schedules in exchange for short term sexual gratification. Furthermore, by reinforcing her behavior thusly, he reinforces the social convention for both men and women.” ITA. In fact in societies where single motherhood is frowned upon and women are ostracized for such, you will find more women stick with the biological fathers of their children. When society stops rewarding single motherhood, that is the day women will be much… Read more »

Rollo Tomassi
Guest

@Neecy, Thanks for dropping in. I’m not sure how into the hard science you are, but you might enjoy this particular research study done by Dr. Martie Hasselton: http://www.sscnet.ucla.edu/comm/haselton/webdocs/dress_to_impress.pdf She essentially studies the correlation between female ornamentation (dressing sexy) and stages of women’s menstrual cycles. This, and other studies, indicate that women are more prone to ‘advertising’ their sexual intent in the pro-phase of their ovulation (when they are most likely to become pregnant). These same studies also show that women are more likely to sexually desire a Man who displays Alpha traits in the pro-phase, and become more prone… Read more »

Neecy
Guest

“Of course the extrapolation of this is what I’ve described above in Schedules of Mating – women sexually select for the hot Alpha for breeding stock while simultaneously selecting for the (Good Dad) provider for long term provisioning and parental investment responsibilities.” That makes a lot of sense. I often belonged to lots of female blogs about relationships and now I realize we women often say a lot about what we want (and it usually sounds good) but now I am not sure women truly understand our own nature or are willing to own up to it. I’m not even… Read more »

xsplat
Guest

Great work Rollo. I’m sure many appreciate the time and effort you put into it. Hope it brought you as much pleasure as others will get from it.

Hero
Guest
Hero

Rollo, so glad you started a blog. I’m looking forward to your posts.

Thanks for the excellent comments on Le Chateau and SoSuave. Your comments and private messages in response to my personal situation were very helpful.

Rogue
Guest
Rogue

There is a small reasoning flaw here (not that I don’t agree with the conclusion). Women do what they do from an unconscious, evolutionary dictated perspective. But so do we when we reject another’s children. If we do choose to have children, and if we find it fulfills our lives or makes us happy or whatever, does it matter if the kid is ours or not? If we can get a better girl by accepting a child and raising as our own, shouldn’t we? Personally, I find the idea disagreeable enough not to consider it seriously, but in the interest… Read more »

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[…] a very calculated feminine convention. In terms of feminine breeding strategies and women’s schedules of mating, it is far more advantageous for a woman to engage in short-term breeding strategies with Alpha men […]

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[…] the physical rush and the resulting drama caused by the Jerk. I go into this splitting of needs in Schedules of Mating: There are methods and social contrivances women have used for centuries to ensure that the best […]

Tony
Guest
Tony

Many thanks for this Rollo. Its is great to have someone whos is able to describe the E.Psychologists views in laymans terms – please keep posting on SS, and educating all of the beta males! – Cheers (tonybaloney on ss)

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[…] I elaborated in Schedules of Mating, most women face trade-offs in mating. In selecting a long-term mate, it makes hypergamic sense for […]

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[…] I elaborated in Schedules of Mating, most women face trade-offs in mating. In selecting a long-term mate, it makes hypergamic sense for […]

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[…] woman is a textbook example of what I call Proactive Infidelity. According to her longer account she’d knocked it out with the Bad Boy (abusive, cheater) who […]

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[…] Schedules of Mating […]

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[…] Schedules of Mating: There are methods and social contrivances women have used for centuries to ensure that the best […]

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[…] covered this a long while ago in Schedules of Mating and as recently as Your Friend Menstruation. This want for the perfect amalgam of hot Alpha and […]

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[…] I outlined in Schedules of Mating, hypergamy dictates women secure (commitment from) the best male exhibiting the traits of both […]

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[…] scenario creates a cuckold relationship either reactively or proactively, as in my case where my replacement will be likely expending his […]

Jon
Guest
Jon

My main issue with the post is the way it makes it sound that these sexual dynamics are “his” or “hers”–in the case of a man raising another man’s child especially. It’s absolutely true that genes for this would not be selected for, as they confer no genetic benefit, and in fact men do look for genetic relatedness in the children of their wives for this reason. However, these dynamics should not be seen as belonging to the individuals themselves–they are the result of genes. They are a sort of enslavement by genes on individuals. I’d strongly recommend Dawkins’ “The… Read more »

Grammar Helper
Guest
Grammar Helper

It’s an interesting piece, but please read up on the correct usage of apostrophes. You’ll be amazed how badly you are getting it wrong.

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[…] covered this fundamental at length in Schedules of Mating. Alpha Fucks / Beta Bucks is the behavioral manifestation of feminine hypergamy and the dualistic […]

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[…] becomes clear that there is a drive to balance hypergamy between these two impulses. As I stated in Schedules of Mating, hypergamy wants to have both sides of the AF/BB equation satisfied by the same man, but rarely is […]

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[…] some significant extent the Feminine Imperative no longer needs to keep the ‘Good Genes’ / ‘Good Dad’ dichotomy ugliness a secret from […]

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[…] “He only wants me for sex” or “I need to be sure he’s interested in me and not just sex” are the admonishments of women who really have no introspective interest in how a majority of men really approach becoming intimate with women. Oh it makes for a good rationale when women finally “want to get things right” with a provider, but even the excuse belies a lack of how most men organize their lives to accommodate women’s schedules of mating. […]

ogalvanlopez
Guest

@Neecy: It’s refreshing to see a woman that’s open to the male point of view. As to your point that “women do not know what they want”, this is too true. Many times women will say they want a “nice” guy then sleep with the “jerk” and then complain to the world what a “jerk” he was. The rest of us men don’t want to hear it, she chose that guy, and the smart guys won’t touch her with a ten foot pole. I love my mother, and she talks to me all the time about my dad; but I’ve… Read more »

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[…] is a lot of discussion in the manosphere about the Alpha/beta dichotomy. It is usually phrased as “Alpha fucks/Beta bucks”. Actually, it is a central […]

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[…] So much for hypergamy, let’s move on to the other thing, and we’ll proceed with a quote, off some local bigwig.vii […]

Wong
Guest
Wong

“for a species to survive it must provide it’s offspring with the best possible conditions to ensure it’s survival – either that or to reproduce in such quantity that it ensures survival.”

This is wrong. The reason is that the sentence almost implies that individual’s strategy evolved in order to increase the probability of survival of the species which is totally wrong. By the mechanisms of natural selection a population evolve in the direction so that each individual favors its number of offsprings which can be in some cases very detrimental to the species as a whole.

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[…] the beginning of one of my earliest posts, Schedules of Mating, I briefly refer to the ideally balanced guy who would satisfy the optimization purpose of […]

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[…] Schedules of Mating […]

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[…] individual women? I don’t know for sure from your outline, but even if they aren’t, the Schedules of Mating script women follow is so common and predictable that they may as well effectively be the same […]

ohiasia
Guest

Lord, please learn it’s versus its. This post is interesting but my eyes kept stumbling over grammar errors like speed bumps.

dick@head.com
Guest
dick@head.com

@ohiasia. Glad you could notice another persons comments and pretend you also noticed.

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[…] Tomassi explains in Schedules of Mating: women produce substantially more estrogen (instrumental in sexual […]

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[…] ~Rollo Tomassi, from his essay Schedules of Mating […]

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[…] ~Rollo Tomassi, from his essay Schedules of Mating […]

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[…] Remember what I’ve written about proactive cuckoldry. […]

rugby11ljh
Guest
rugby11ljh

Alpha seed beta need. Bad boy equal sex good boy equal perception resources.

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[…] but as Razorwire points out, on a psychological level it also builds fail-safe contingencies into that schedule. Root level, largely subconscious, survival/parental investment insecurities and long term […]

ostard
Guest
ostard

“There are methods and social contrivances women have used for centuries to ensure that the best male’s genes are selected and secured with the best male provisioning she’s capable of attracting. Ideally the best Man should exemplify both, but rarely do the two exist in the same male (particularly these days) so in the interest of achieving her biological imperative, and prompted by an innate need for security, the feminine as a whole had to develop social conventions and methodologies (which change as her environment and personal conditions do) to effect this.” Total bullshit. For the biggest part of our… Read more »

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[…] have been thrust into this zero-hour, jump-at-the-last-second, cash out of the sexual marketplace schedule of mating that their very biology rebels […]

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[…] And from Schedules of Mating: […]

whaaaa
Guest
whaaaa

I am very interested to know, for one, if the blogger, Rollo, is a marxist, but also what percentage of the readers subscribe to a marxist view of the world. It only makes sense, since this blog teaches rational analysis of the dynamics between the sexes (“unplugging”), to do the same for other things we have been told to swallow without questioning. Since marxism is the same kind of cold/scientific analysis applied to human societies I would expect a relatively high percentage. On the the hand, getting laid is at the base of our biology and thus one is ready… Read more »

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[…] (Enlace al original en Ingles) […]

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[…] sexuality. There is an evolutionary reason why this might be the case. As we know, both men and women have duel mating strategies. In the case of women, they have the alpha/beta dichotomy where alphas […]

AEz
Guest
AEz

Love your blog. I’ve just started reading it and i’m feeling more at ease with the world by learning the reasons of how/why women think and act the way they do. I disagree in some respects with what you have written under Cuckold. You seem to completely disregard the influence a stepdad can have over a child. Nurturing is a powerful tool, i’ve seen a stepchild develop the exact personality of his stepfather. If I met a single mother that ticked the right boxes and is willing to have a few more kids, I wouldn’t hesitate in taking on the… Read more »

aleste81
Guest

Hi,

You claim this woman behavior :
“having the second kid with the Alpha Bad Boy”
is common.

Can you explain ?
I have googled this and found nothing.

Jessica
Guest
Jessica

I disagree with the point that men and women’s mating methodologies and reproductive imperatives conflict in all cases. While the genetic strategy of a man shooting a scatter gun, trying to get as many of his genes out there as possible is selected for, so is monogamy. Humans also evolved to pair off, if not for life, for the developing years of a child. Even love is shown to be evolutionarily developed, in that you mate with a suitable female, she gets pregnant, and all of a sudden you feel love and the need to protect. It is thought that… Read more »

kfg
Guest
kfg

“It is thought that in early humans, offspring from a mated pair had a better chance of making it to adulthood than offspring from a single female.”

To a point, however it is mitigated by the fact that early humans didn’t live in “households.” They lived in tribal groups.

” . . . it seems like men have 2 options to best further their reproductive imperative, one is a numbers game, and the other is more of putting all your effort into preserving and strengthening children from one long term union.”

Lurk moar. This subject is well covered.

Kevin Franks
Guest

I’ve been under the impression that the carousel for women was all about “having fun”, but you appear to reject this in favor of the biological imperative to procreate. But that the carousel even exists, and women are riding it throughout their prime regardless if offspring are created, appears to contradicts your assertion.

So if the imperative is to procreate, then why are women riding the carousel for the next 10 years of their prime, instead of riding just once, going home, and starting a family with a provider? I would like to see an article that bridges these two issues.

James Harlan
Guest
James Harlan

Women: “This is just social convention”
Men: “This is social confusion”
Thanks for clearing it up for us, Rollo.

Karnak
Guest
Karnak

An interesting read. Although I have to disagree in some points, as other readers have also noted. I don’t see myself as a cuckold or a Beta and honestly I don’t find too many problems in helping raising another man’s offspring. People are complex. Mistakes can happen. One can’t have double standards. Are we also supposed to expect that a divorced man will not be able to find another mate, just because he’ll need to be raising kids from his first marriage? We live in complex and troubled times. The majority of the human population is composed of messed-up people.… Read more »

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[…] Schedules of Mating | […]

Step Son
Guest
Step Son

While I agree with the post from a meta-perspective, one profound gain of raising “foreign offspring” isn’t discussed in the article at all: the gain you can have from a truly loving relationship with your step children. I am in my 30s now and the guy who raised me is still my most important mentor. I love him to death and vice versa.

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[…] response to women’s actual sexual preference and mating behavior, Good Men have started exposing women’s hypocrisy,[1][2][3] sometimes doing so through art, […]

fuck you
Guest
fuck you

Learn to love you idiotic piece of shit 🙂
<3<3<3

Jack
Guest
Jack

You use big words to sound smart, but you misuse them constantly. It shows a lack of confidence in yourself, and the need to appear bigger to others. You being incapable of getting laid has nothing to do with the mindset of women. It has to do with your own mindset. Accept your flaws, and fix yourself, or move on with your life.

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[…] Schedules of Mating | The Rational Male […]

rossiconsult
Guest
rossiconsult

You might like the book Sex at Dawn if you haven’t already read it.

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[…] Erkeğin de sorumluluğu olsa da sonuçta seks ve çocuk kadının seçimidir. Çeviri : Schedules of Mating Author Erkek AdamPosted on September 23, 2017Tags Aldatma, Bekar Anne, Hipergami, Kadın Erkek […]

Xat88
Guest
Xat88

Fascinating essay. I have read the first two rational male books. Pretty much all true. I don’t think many people on here understand the evolutionary biological stuff though that rollo is Ponting out. Like the difference between status and resources that women see in men. Why status does not overlap with social class necessarily, but sometimes it can. How status changes with age. How resources change with age. Men are not alphas or betas but there is a general linear hierarchy among men. Women you’re with will generally put you in one category or another.

TEstamentum Eternum
Guest
TEstamentum Eternum

Nice example of marxist logic, suggesting that man is a beast.

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[…] As she described things, being torn between the nice guy who is there for her and the bad boy who isn’t, I realized she is a living example of the AF/bb model. […]

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[…] As she described things, how being torn between the nice guy who is there for her and the bad boy who isn’t, I realized she is a living example of the AF/bb model. […]

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[…] Schedule of Mating oleh Rollo […]

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[…] 4 best articles that best encapsulate the Human Game in vivid detail is Rollo Tomassi’s “Schedules of Mating,” Karen Straughan’s “Feminism and the Disposable Male,” Sunrise Hoodie’s “Sorry, I’m […]

Andrew Poellnitz
Guest
Andrew Poellnitz

Hey Rollo, you reference a few studies but I can’t find them or links to them. I think it’s from this article, but as quoted from the E-book, “Studies have shown that men have the ability to more quickly and accurately identify their own children in a room full of kids dressed in the same uniforms than the mothers of the child.” Can you provide me with more details on these studies?