Plate Theory

Spin More Plates

Spin more plates.

A lot of people get confused when I use this analogy and I thought it prudent to write a post on just what I mean in this regard.

A Man needs to have a lot of simultaneous prospects spinning together. Think of each plate as a separate woman you are pursuing. Some fall off and break, others you may wish to stop spinning altogether and some may not spin as fast as you’d like, but the essence of plate theory is that a man is as confident and valuable as his options. This is the essence of the abundance mindset – confidence is derived from options.

This principle is the key to solving so many of the problems that dog the heels of beta AFCs and recovering AFCs. In fact I would say that this ideology should be the cornerstone to success for a man in many facets of life, not simply attracting and keeping women. A man with options has power, and from these options and this sense of power, a natural sense of confidence will manifest itself. A man without options becomes necessitous and this leads to a lack of confidence and a scarcity mentality. Necessitous men are never free.

The Cardinal Rule of Relationships
In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.

When a man spins more plates, when he has irons in the fire, when he is pursuing multiple women simultaneously, when he has options equally worth exploring, a man will have a natural, subconscious (but not exclusively) understanding that if one prospect does not expand, others very well may. This understanding has manifestations in a man’s behavior that women key on covertly. There are mannerisms and attitudes that a man with options will subconsciously convey to prospective women that they interpret, and give this man a value as a commodity to be competed for with other females.

On various sites in the PUA community, men are taught to emulate this behavior since it is a key element in attraction and interest. Cocky-Funny is one such technique that trains a confidence behavior that (more often than not) essentially masks a deficit of options. In other words, C&F is a natural behavior for men with options that must be compensated for by those who don’t have an apptitude for it. This is why the ‘natural’ Alpha male seems to exude C&F effortlessly while those without the benefit of more plates spinning (or the confidence in the ability of spinning more) struggle with simple things like eye contact or initiating approaches. This is also a fundamental principle in the “I don’t give a fuck” mentality that pervades community technique – it’s much easier to actually not “give a fuck” if you have other prospects going simultaneously.

Shotgun Logic

One very important benefit that Plate Theory provides for a man is that it greatly curbs the propensity for ONEitis both in and out of an LTR.

Outside of an LTR, most guys subscribe to what I call the Sniper mentality. This is the AFC that applies all of his time, effort and resources to patiently waiting out his target, waiting for that perfect opportunity to summon enough courage in the most precise of conditions to take his one shot at the girl, who by then is the focus of his ONEitis. This process can take anywhere from a few weeks to a few years in extreme cases, but all the while he voluntarily sacrifices his most valuable of resource – potential opportunity. The man who subscribes to Plate Theory can more easily avoid this situation as he goes hunting for women with a Shotgun; scattering as much influence across the broadest area possible. While the AFC fishes with a single line and a single hook, the Plate Theorist fishes with a trolling net, selecting the fish worth keeping and tossing back those who aren’t.

Inside an LTR, Plate Theory becomes more specified. The AFC placates and identifies with his partner because the balance has shifted to her advantage since he reinforces her understanding that she is his only source of intimacy. I can’t think of a better recipe for ONEitis since he become progressively more dependent on her as his only source of intimacy. The man that maintains, at the very least, the covert perception of options, either professionally or on an intersexual level (i.e. social proof that other women will compete for him) maintains this power balance. Most successful men have an innate understanding of this and this explains their popular reservations for committing to marriage, In an LTR, Plate Theory becomes a subtle dance of perception and recognizing how your partner interprets understanding a particular man’s options, but regardless, it reduces a guy’s tendency to regress into ONEitis in an LTR from his own self-perception and the confidence int inspires.

Natural Selection

As I illustrated in the fishing net analogy, spinning more plates allows you more opportunity to select from the largest pool of prospective choices and date them or drop them as you see fit. This has two benefits. First, it serves as valuable, though non-committed, experience for learning what a man requires for his own personal satisfaction. Experience teaches harsh, but it teaches best and the breadth of experience serves a man well. Who’s insight is more beneficial, the man who’s sailed the world over or the man who’s never ventured beyond a lake? Secondly, opportunity and options make a man the PRIZE. Rock stars, professional athletes and movie stars aren’t irresistible to women because of their celebrity, but because they blatantly, and with the highest form of social proof, prove they have options that other women will jealously compete for as well as the confidence that this unconscious knowledge naturally manifests itself in them.

What Plate Theory is not

My critics will often take a binary stance in their arguments with this idea citing that “they could never be with more than one woman at a time out of respect for her” or “so I should just lie to her and see other girls on the side?” To which I’d argue that these are feminized social conventions that attempt to thwart a man’s options in order to establish women as the prime selectors in intersexual relations. If it can be conditioned into a boy/man to ‘feel bad’ about seeing more than one woman at a time, it only better serves the female-as-chooser dynamic. To be sure, women are naturally the filters for their own intimacies, but it is essentially men who do the sexual selection. These convention’s latent purpose are designed to put selection of intimacy on a conditional basis that favors women, and as long as men will internalize this women will have a pre-constructed social high-ground.

The way to circumvent this dynamic is brutal honesty and a commitment to truthful, non-exclusivity with the plates you’re spinning. If you keep your options above board and are honest with any one girl and yourself about your choice to be non-exclusive, you not only remove the teeth from this convention, but you also reinforce yourself as a man with options (or at least perceived options). Further, critics will offer “well gee, if I did that with any woman she’d push off and dump me” to which I’ll refute – not if you establish this honestly from the outset. Most guys who’ve swallowed the ‘female power’ convention are too afraid or to preconditioned to even consider this as an option for seeing women. Letting a woman know, or covertly perceive, that you wont be exclusive to her pushes your commodity level up and implies options and potential success she’ll compete with other women to be associated with.

Plate Theory is also, most definitely not, a license to be indiscriminate with women. Just because you can spin a plate doesn’t necessarily mean you should spin that plate. Some aren’t worth spinning and a man with options should have no reservation about letting one go for a better one or two. In fact a man ought to be more discriminating in this regard since it affords him the best available from the largest selection.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

108 comments on “Plate Theory

  1. er.. what happens when you get into a relationship or get married? The most attractive women or “plates” will likely not put up with this for very long and he’ll be left with the lesser plates, no? I mean within a group of women that a man is dating, he will likely be more partial to the best looking one.

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  6. hey Rollo,

    another great post.
    i do have a question though:
    i know people asked you that but i didnt get it.
    if you’re married (because for me it’s the best way to raise children, not because it’s a goal and that’s how people live today) you cant just play multiple plate.
    it’s not honest.
    so how can you handle it once married ?

    another question that just popped up in my head, how can you be completely honest with a chick about that ? you said: ‘The way to circumvent this dynamic is brutal honesty and a committment to truthful, non-exclusivity with the plates you’re spinning. If you keep your options above board and are honest with any one girl and yourself about your choice to be non-exclusive, you not only remove the teeth from this convention, but you also reinforce yourself as a man with options (or at least perceived options)’
    are you telling her that you just looking for an open relationship/sexbuddy/not exclusive relationship so you can fuck other girl while fucking her ??

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  9. @ Ornamentalwomanhood, this is just not true. I’m sure you don’t like the idea of being one of many plates spun at a particular time, but try to see it from a man’s perspective.

    Spinning plates can be a lifestyle, or just a great way to build up momentum until you find someone you want to stick with a bit more.

    The disadvantages I found is that it is time consuming maintaining plates and based around not becoming emotionally committed, which IMO makes it less exciting.

    Each to their own though and I am sure I will go back to it sooner or later.

  10. plate spinning = mutual funds. It’s for men with zero risk tolerance and poor ability to pick good stock.

    Plate Theory has been essential to women’s pluralistic sexual strategy (hypergamy) for centuries, but when women employ it we call it “prudence” and excuse any behavior that smacks of duplicitousness as “a woman’s prerogative” and her “right to change her mind.”

    When a man employs Plate Theory (non-exclusive dating) a fem-centric society shames him for not complying with the feminine imperative’s purpose of socially ensuring women’s priority in sexual selection (fulfilling hypergamy and long term provisioning). Ergo he’s a “poor selector of stock” yet uses the same selection strategy women have always used.

    All you’re doing is parroting back the memes fem-centric, fem-primary, society has taught you since you were 5 years old.

    And if you’d read this first you’d understand why:

  11. Rollo, you and I live in different worlds.

    Refer to Paul Washer’s work on dating vs. biblical courtship and you may understand I’m not parroting.

    I’m not talking about exclusive dating as in “LTRs” in the sense of the “mini marriage”. There is no true “commitment” that is covenant that cannot be broken outside of marriage. That’s delusional.

    If you’re dating for the purpose of marriage, it makes sense to invest in getting to know one person at a time. You might date for three weeks or three months all the while being totally cognizant that it may or may not work out and guarding your heart emotionally, your purity physically, etc.

    I might be more conservative. (See my post re: there is no such thing as just friends). I don’t have any male “friends” that I hang out with one on one. In a group, sure – but if I spend planned time with a man one on one it is a date. Since I am currently dating someone, I don’t see anyone else. I do this out of respect and care for him and because I DON’T EVEN WANT to date anyone else. I simply am single-hearted and I don’t have any idea of how investing myself in other men could possibly benefit the development of our relationship, however premature the stage it is at. Further, I have a life and I only have prayer, time, energy, and effort to invest properly in one man – let alone more. I expect fully not to have any one on one ‘dates’ with male friends after marriage either. What man on earth would ever tolerate that crap? If he is comfortable with me even dipping my left toe into another guy’s proverbial pool his intentions towards me are negligible.

    Quality women who have some level of honest intention towards a man will walk/run/sprint away from the guy who (past a certain reasonable point) makes no intention known and is dating other women and spreading his eggs in a whole bunch of baskets. It’s a major sign that the guy has either a lack of intention towards her, a lack of confidence in the relationship – ora lack of readiness for a relationship beyond fun recreational ungodly dating – or he’s been burned so bad he’s putting his eggs in multiple baskets, utterly terrified of them being crushed.

    Crush my opinions if you must. 🙂 But see that there are women with a singleness of heart and be forced to realize that where you might see general trends, there are always outliers when you crunch the numbers.

    Security, ladies, isn’t found in investing in multiple guys. Invest in God, yourself, your family and respond with effort and intention towards the man who pursues you with an unmatched wholeheartedness and honesty. We don’t need players. Who is looking to join a harem? NOT ME.

  12. Ornamentalwomanhood…

    I spin plates.. and I don’t do mutual funds, in women or in the market. I’ll take the short call option on 80% of American women, maybe 99% in certain markets. I may or may not be long on the Euro market–it’s very specific to each position. SE Asia looks like it might have some winners long term. Brazil, Venezuela, and a few other key emerging markets are where it’s at, baby.

  13. Ornamental Womanhood:
    “Security, ladies, isn’t found in investing in multiple guys. Invest in God, yourself, your family and respond with effort and intention towards the man who pursues you with an unmatched wholeheartedness and honesty. We don’t need players. Who is looking to join a harem? NOT ME.”

    Most women know this, and once, they get that “secure” guy it’s typically the countdown to when they go fool around with the players again. Now, the thing about “good stock”. Here’s a thought: Maybe most women “aren’t” good stock, ergo it’s more difficult for a man to find one of good stock. So just by playing the numbers, even if you are a good picker, you’re going to be waiting around an awful lot trying to find that “good stock”, not to mention the ensuing competition. You could probably say the same thing about men.

    “No Risk”. This is a shaming tactic trying to identify men as scared because they don’t want to plunge in. Typically the women who push hard and early for commitment, and use this guilt trip/shame tactic method on men they want commitment from, are the least commitment worthy. “easy come, easy go”. Read Mark Minter’s comment on Donlak’s article about getting married. There is a fine line between bravery and stupidity. This doesn’t just apply to marriage, but less serious relationships as well.

    I don’t know you personally but I’ll say this. The one thing about you that makes me believe that you’d be LTR material yourself as a person is that your religious. I notice that religious girls (always been, not “reformed” or born-again types), TRULY religious girls, seem to be the only types in the modern world that would make good LTR prospects. Hell, I’m not even religious but I understand the need for this in the chance of relationships working; it boils down to a fear of consequences, which most non-religious women don’t have to deal with in today’s world.

  14. Nek

    “Most women know this, and once, they get that “secure” guy it’s typically the countdown to when they go fool around with the players again. ”

    For many women, what you say is true. As you said: “most women “aren’t” good stock” – I agree. I actually totally agree. I tire of flippant girls who cheat on their men, eyeball married men, on and on and on.

    ….However: there ARE good women out here and the really good ones ARE eliminated when you plate spin. They may not even be one of the plates you are spinning at the time! Smart women sit back and observe a guy’s conduct over time, esp. wrt how he manages his relationships with other people. By banking on the numbers game, I do think you auto-eliminate the best “stock”. These are my thoughts, surely you are free to have other opinions just throwing it out there!

    BTW, I apologize: “Risk” wasn’t meant to be shame inducing. It is a risk for both partners to invest wholly in another. I remark that plate spinners tend to be hurt guys with some healing to do who aren’t ready to put all their eggs in one basket for lack of investment/interest in any one specific woman of the bunch or out of fear they will be hurt, or fear they will hurt someone or whatever. (Women who bounce guys as you described seeking out the bad boys instead of a more beta babe tend to be the same btw – hurt as hell… as the saying goes: hurt people hurt people.) We’re human, we are in error almost all the time, and the stakes are big.

    Thank you for the compliment wrt LTR. I don’t consider myself religious however I am a follower of Christ. Religion has more to do with culture. Christ transforms and challenges us way beyond culture. Unbelieving guys looking for a religious type: be more wary of the ‘raised in the church’ I’m a perfect princess type than the genuine Christ follower. There are many wolves among the sheep. Find someone who is aware of the grace that Christ has offered them and, whatever her past, considers herself chief of sinners, in need of all of His mercy and made worthy of the awesome life He calls her into by His blood. But then, if you find her – you better get ready… Because 1) He is very likely to blow your mind with His goodness and you’ll come to know Him and 2) she won’t date you until that point. It’s kind of like dating a dead corpse vs. someone who is alive. There’s a “red pill” to swallow there beyond anything game could ever offer a man.

  15. I’m on board with this 100%. I’ve always believed this on some level or another, but never had the privaledge and convenience of having it explained so logically and with such conviction. I don’t care what anyone says (esp some religious woman), this is solid information for young men like myself who have become frustrated with societal ideals and liberated (corrupted) women in general.

    Rollo, I’d gladly offer a fair donation for a short personslized e-mail consult with you. You’re like a father figure for Game advocates.

  16. Interesting thet it’s genetic behavior of neanderthals. Their males were in love with several females at a time. Because their society was patrilocal offsprings stayed with farthers not mothers. That kind of pairbond dynamic is more typical for white man due to larger amount of thal neurogenes.

  17. Question for Rolo and Co.: how do you broach the topic of non-exclusivity with a woman, or at least make it apparent that you won’t be exclusive with her? Just seems really awkward to say, “yeah, ummm, I’m seeing other people. Deal with it.”

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  19. “…commodity…”

    I suggest you look up that word in the dictionary. It doesn’t mean what you think it does.

  20. Rollo, I have been reading your blog for few months now and the more knowledge I acquire the more dissatisfied I become. I see this grand conspiracy and I am starting to think whether it is just a product of a man’s intelligence and articulation which is now working to his own detriment – its like a spider caught in his own web.

    My reality or I should say that my perceived reality has been shattered by a lot of the material here. When you say that women are not capable of appreciating or loving a man as he expects she should then I begin to think what is the point of plate spinning or indeed approaching women with a view to gaming them. At this point I am looking for a new hope but I feel so broken, angry and disappointed to do so.

  21. Seek happiness within yourself. Meditate, be present. Isolate and live freely this way. Spin your own plate, if you’re bold enough. Don’t bank on others to measure success. This very philosophy is the foundation of a false-self,solidified with carbonated intimacy. Good luck with this, in the end we all die alone.

  22. This would have been informative if it weren’t written solely in acronyms and analogies. Come on man say what you mean. Not all of us are on Reddit 24/7

  23. Please correct last sentence before Natural Selection which reads
    : “…and the confidence int inspires.” to read “…confidence it inspires.”

  24. What’s an AFC? American Frontier Cowboy? Arse F-Ing C-ksucker? Agitated Furry Chimpanzee? Please do explain this, as well as your others!

  25. Not needing her because you have a bunch of different options, is still needing those options and is a hollow victory that will eventually catch up with you. Once you truly don’t need her, by giving your love into the world whether it is needed or not, accepted or rejected, only for the sake of giving your best gift, does the sustainable real magic happen.

  26. I’m new to this whole “plate spinning” thing. I didn’t even know it had a name. But I just got out of what you would refer to as a “LTR” and decided to just enjoy women again. After so long with one girl who would control everything I just had to have some fun. I began pursuing any girl I found attractive. The awesome thing about this is, the more options you have, the less of a shit you give when approaching more women. If you get rejected, it doesn’t matter in the least, you have options. But success is exponential because the more plates you spin, the more confidence you exude from not giving a fuck, the more plates you add.

    I had a fuck buddy who I was friends with beforehand. Like really good friends. But we ended up fucking and feelings got involved. I told her we weren’t exclusive and she began trying to make me jealous. I dropped her without any emotional trauma. Yeah, I lost a good friend, but that friendship was over the moment I stuck my dick in her anyways. And just having younger, hotter, tighter options made dropping her effortless.

  27. Just had an unexpected bout of oneitis for a few days last week after a plate flaked – I actually felt repulsed by my reaction. Background is that I recently turned 50, have a few young kids and read this blog religiously after I filed for divorce a few years ago. Only regret was that I didn’t read it when I was 18. Anyway, I’ve had a seemingly endless stream of dates the past few years — I’m financially successful, in great shape, and have no problem engaging women. My biggest challenge is balancing single-parenting with dating…I learned I have to be extremely vigilant about working out and eating well, otherwise I have no energy to perform and be the man I want to be. So this most recent oneitis episode made me realize I’m still a rookie here. The plate in question was one from last year that I next-ed after a few months when she broke down in tears saying she wanted a kid, basically to validate her life I think. Ironically I didn’t really have any other live plates at the time, but I didn’t care because like I said there’s an endless stream of them.
    Almost a full year later we cross paths again, noticed the strong sexual tension that we’ve always had, and next thing you know it’s been two months of fucking. And she’s great in bed – one of my all time favorites – so I guess I have a soft spot in my heart for her. I think the oneitis was maybe due to the recurrence of her in my life that made me want to think that there was something special about her, and it didn’t help that my plate count was down. Anyway, the flaking came in the form of her cryptic text was that said she’s wanting to pursue an old relationship, which got me thinkin, that’s probably the same line she told the last guy when I showed up again in her life. But I was caught offguard this time, and I kicked myself for texting her back at all, and I’m embarrassed to say I was telling her how much I liked her and had a good thing going…blah blah blah…afterwards I felt like I should turn in my balls because I knew better than to react like that – for fuck’s sake I had no problem next-ing the same exact girl a year ago. I’m guessing I was just weary from a long week of work travel and had a moment of weakness. I’ve got plenty of dates in the works and I know she can easily be replaced. In fact last night I met two new potential plates.
    Yet, today I get a text from her after a week of silence that she felt like a coward for flaking and not having a conversation with me, so she wants to know if I’m open to meeting and talking about it. I am through the oneitis and have a number of plates in the early stages, so she’ll be replaced momentarily. This last week really reminded me about the importance of having options and abundance — I admit it, I got lazy. So I know red pill nation would tell me to next her right now — it will just lower my value in her eyes by bending to her frame, etc., correct? But I am wondering, she’s obviously regretting her decision by asking me to meet, so why wouldn’t I just meet with her and return her to plate status, or if she blathers on about someone else just next her?

    1. NEXT.

      A guy in your station in life should only ever give a woman 1 chance. Women in this demographic are generally the most keenly aware of the SMV decay and their prospects in the SMP in securing an LTR with a man of your status. That she wouldn’t be on her knees thanking God for your attention to her speaks volumes about her self-entitled hubris. I mean really, how many articles do we get every month from post-Wall women bemoaning a lack of marriageable men of or above their own overly inflated self-perceived SMV?

      Leave her in the garbage where she belongs.

  28. Rollo

    Sound advice.

    BTW, after reading a lot of this blog post-divorce 3 years ago, I am always reminded of this Seinfeld scene as the classic I-dont-give-a-fuck template — I should make it part of my daily affirmations:


  29. I know that one of the most important true about the red pill is: That girl that you are fascinated about, forget it! Act like she was just another one, and if she don’t want be with you, that is ok. Move on and forget it! There is no such a thing.

    Unplugged is hard, really hard. Is like trying to put a IOS 10 in a Iphone 3.

    Rollo, can you discuss about this?

  30. Yeah. I was in A 6month LDR with a wonderful Alpha guy who I had utmost respect for. Marine, good father, Christian. From the start we agreed to “get to know each other” but be exclusive. As in, I point blank asked him if he wanted to see other people let me know, as I wanted the choice (ie leave the relationship) “nope” was his reply.
    “I want to see you more don’t I?” We planned trips together, I met his family, his surrogate parents. I really enjoyed and grew close with them! After a distinctively distanced phone call (he btw called me most every night/texted throughout the day). I investigated: reactivated my online dating profile (that’s how we met). Changed my zip to his, changed my pics and description. I then contacted him. He took the bait, told this fake profile I was “exceptionally attractive” agreed to meet up. Said he was dating but hadn’t “found the right one yet”.
    He was caught, we communicated briefly. Told him I value honestly and integrity. As I had only asked for one thing. honesty. He mentioned the Book Rational Male. I ordered it on Amazon, read in 2 days. Now I realized I was just a plate to a Narcissist.

  31. I have been accused of “being like dude” and even my husband say”You know you’re like a dude, right?” I totally agree. I tell my daughters, especially, but my sons too, to not hedge your bets all on one person. Get some experience and and options.

    You’re less likely to feel “life is over” if you can move on to someone else that you’ve been seeing, not necessarily fucking,but you’ve been having a good time with.

    I tell my daughters in particular because girls are conditioned to date only one guy to the exclusion of all others, then when guy dumps her, she cries, eats and doubts her self- worth then starts same painful stupid process all over. They tell me I’m terrible and that would be “mean” to deceive someone. I just laugh.

    You’re right. Women fuck Alphas and marry Betas for security and stability then we hate the stability. 😄

  32. This is a great way to avoid any real authenticity and intimacy in life.
    Any woman worth a decent mans time won’t put up with being a plate.
    Grow up.

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