Arm Candy

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In Monday’s post comments there was a lot of back and forth, but in the latter pages there was an interesting exchange I thought might make for an interesting weekend discussion. Commenter Kryptokate resurrected an old feminine social convention I recently covered in Validation Hunting & The Jenny Bahn Epiphany. The premise of this convention is that men seek out, and motivate themselves towards highly attractive women because they enjoy the validation or affirmation they receive from their male peers when they’re seen paired with an HB9 high SMV woman on his arm.

The “arm candy” trope is a useful convention for women in that it assuages her bruised ego and competition anxiety by converting a man’s natural desire for a high SMV woman into a perceived insecurity of his (really all men by association).

Kryprokate:

I’m sticking with my assertion that lots of guys love to show off a hot woman to other guys to gain their respect and increase their status. I’m not saying ALL guys want to do this and maybe you don’t, but lots of them do. I don’t want to “show off” a guy either — I’m an introverted homebody and don’t want a guy for anything but to stay home with, talk, have sex, watch movies, etc. But lots of men love to show off to their peers just like lots (probably most) women do.

Johnnycomelately:

Men don’t seek validation through females, men desire females objectively, tits are tits, don’t matter what the guys thinks. You think men watch porn to get validation?

Women desire to be desired, the process is completely about validation.

Problem with female desire to be desired is that it is not a very high bar to pass, I find it humorous that women brag-splain about getting sex from men.

“Heck, give me ten minutes to download an app and I could get a man to have sex with me in 30 minutes. Nothing to write home about.”

And from the Validation Hunting post:

The idea that men “seek validation” for their earned status or to ‘right’ past wrongs to their egos while they were working their way to that status is a social convention. The Feminine Imperative relies on memes and conventions which shift the ownership of women’s personal liabilities for their sexual strategy to men.

When men are blamed for the negative consequences of women’s sexual strategy it helps to blunt the painful truths that Jenny Bahn is (to her credit) honestly confronting in her article at 30 years old and the SMV balance shifts towards enabling men’s capacity to effect their own sexual strategy.

One of the unique aspects of the Feminine Imperative is its fluid ability to craft social conventions that obscure the worst misgivings of women’s dualistic sexual strategy (Hypergamy) and redirect the liability for them squarely on men’s shoulders. I covered many of these conventions in Operative Social Conventions, but chief among them is the utility of shame.

Shaming features in a majority of feminine social conventions used against men because women are conditioned to fear social ostracization as part of their same-sex peer socialization. Little girls punish each other by ‘not-being-friends-with’ another girl in their peer clutch. Using shame is a skill women learn early in life to effect the ends of their developing solipsism.

If men can be shamed into believing that their natural predisposition toward sexually desiring high SMV, physically ideal specimens of women is due to an insecurity with their personal status the effect would be one of leveling the SMP playing field. “Men only want hot women to feed their egos and impress other men” translates into shaming men (the more desirable men who can merit the attention of a high SMV woman) for being insecure with the perceptions of other men.

This carefully removes any negative association with women’s competitiveness for higher tier men, convinces women themselves that “men are just like that” to Buffer against rejection, and puts the burden of that competition on the man in the hopes that he’ll pair with a woman who is of lower SMV for fear of being shamed about his “insecurity” of wanting other men to see his status as higher than it should be.

Thus, the optimized ends of Hypergamy – a woman pairing with an SMV superior man – are better effected by a social convention.

I should also add that this social convention dovetails with another useful convention that relies on a similar dynamic – that of women complaining men sexually objectify women. The simple truth is that it’s part of men’s neurological firmware to see women’s bodies as objects. It’s a well studied fact that when men see an arousing woman’s semi-nude body it triggers the same area of our brains associated with tool use. Sexual objectification is a feature for men, not a bug.

I’ve gotten into this debate on other forums and comment threads, but it bears repeating. My N-count is a bit more than 40 women, and of those women never did I make an approach (or go along with a woman opening me) with a forethought of wanting to impress my male friends. In fact there were some women I got with I’d rather my friends at the time knew nothing about.

The debate usually spins from there about how men just “do it unconsciously”. That’s an easy fallback, but I’d argue that the limbic and visceral incentive of wanting to sexually experience a smoking hot HB9.5 supersedes any subconscious thought of how good a guy will look when he shows her off to his buddies. I’ve been with strippers, a girl who was in Playboy in the 90’s, and several other women most guys just fantasize about – half the reason I stayed with the BPD girlfriend for so long was because she was just so fucking hot – but not once did I have any thought of brandishing any of them to improve my status with my peers. In fact I preferred we just get after it at her or my place than make any conscious effort on my part to show her off.

From 20 Questions:

This’ll sound facetious, but I’ve never thought of sex as being “validating” or ego-affirming. I honestly think a lot of that expectation comes from a feminized conditioning about “how sex should be” for men. I was, and still kind of am, more into sex as experience. It’s always been something fun to enjoy with a woman for me, not some meaningful act of cosmic significance. I’ve had sex with women I loved and women I didn’t, some were memorable, some were…meh. Even in my bluest of blue pill days my ‘validation’ came from other sources, not sex.

So the question for the weekend is this, as a man, do you give any headspace at all to considering how your status might improve with other men if you’re seen with a hot woman?

When you see a guy who’s physically an obvious 1-2 SMV degrees lower than the woman he’s with, do you think any better of him or do you presume the imbalance is due to some other external factor (such as wealth or fame)?

Do you see the method behind the madness of shaming-down apex Men in order to better optimize Hypergamy for “lesser” SMV women?

 

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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teddj4g
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Perhaps less wivs leave their cancer striken husbands because: Cancer provides drama and strong emotions She is probably getting lots of sympathy support from her circle. If the hubby kicks the bucket, she gets everything. Divorce only nets half of everything. Look, I can absolutely believe some women would stay and support a sick husband from a strong sense of loyalty. But please, let’s not try and yet again paint women as saints. And with the same blow paint men as cold and emotionless robots “ditching” a sick wife. Are we going to also pull out the old “trading for… Read more »

jf12
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re: “Look, I can absolutely believe some women would stay and support a sick husband from a strong sense of loyalty.”

Me too. My mother did.

ManPersonNumber6762
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“Abby replies: “… Whether lack of sexual chemistry is a deal-breaker for you depends upon how important sex is to you …” Jesus Christ, most men really have no idea how much women will compromise in relationships with men. If he meets her provisioning requirements, She’s game and she will husband him up, even though she has no or little sexual attraction to him – I’ve seen this shit with so many nerd betas. It’s sometimes painful to see this stuff happen. These marriages are more common than one would think I believe and are ticking time bombs. If he… Read more »

teddj4g
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“Abby replies: “… Whether lack of sexual chemistry is a deal-breaker for you depends upon how important sex is to you …” I’ve never once in my entire life heard any such advice given to/by a man. Women NEED to understand that for not men sex is THE primary need he is seeking to fill by getting married. No man ever has thought “I can’t wait until after the honeymoon when the sex will finally dry up so I can relax” yet it seems from the quote above women are actually choosing that path. And as pointed out, not one… Read more »

ManPersonNumber6762
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From the happybachelorsforum blog: This comment was from a woman who made a very big confession. Here it is: It is a little strange to be saying this, but you guys are far too nice to the women out there. I was always the “conservative” girl in school. I got married early. Let me tell you, most women out there have had LOTS of sex partners. The idea that there are two kinds of men, those you have sex with and those you marry, is the rule. Basically, a lot of women like to fall in love over and over.… Read more »

ManPersonNumber6762
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Blue-pill beta guys generally do not understand women, even so-called “nice” women that try to present themselves in a good light. See here: https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2012/03 … ize-women/ Why do so many betas harbor gauzy delusions about female sexual nature? Why are monogamously inclined traditionalists, manginas and white knighters so quick to sanctify women and paint their misbehavior in rose-colored hues while simultaneously offering unconditional support and shitlapping amen choruses for women when they accuse men of committing a litany of hackneyed misdeeds? I’m here to provide what I believe is the most parsimonious answer to this riddle: Beta males are rarely… Read more »

jf12
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re: Dear Abby answer

Abby goes so far as to imply that the woman’s lack of sexual interest is a *good* thing, for her, in the long run. Abby basically says that even if the woman were sexually interested then that sexual interest would inevitably go away anyway.

teddj4g
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“Abby goes so far as to imply that the woman’s lack of sexual interest is a *good* thing, for her, in the long run. Abby basically says that even if the woman were sexually interested then that sexual interest would inevitably go away anyway.”

Well that will certainly get men lining up to say “I Do” faster!

Do women truly not see the problem here?

Again, men expect sex to continue pretty much til their last breath. In fact, I’d like to leave this world with a bang. Literally and figuratively.

Glenn
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@ Jeremy – Let’s be clear about something. You lecturing me about the financial crisis is absurd, so just stop. The more you say, the more obvious it is how little you actually understand about global financial markets and economics. I won’t go into it any further but your entire analogy was silly and is no proof point of anything to do with this blog or topic. Chaos is not a “ladder” and someone is always making money when others are losing, yawn. Just because some Rothchild banker made a comment adds exactly zero to this conversation. But hey, wow,… Read more »

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@ eon – We also have uncovered something else. You don’t know the meaning of the word solipsism. It’s not “being selfish”, no it’s walking around with the delusion that others aren’t real. A solipsistic being treats the rest of the world and those in it no differently than he treats the thoughts in his head. Such a person acts like the only reality is what is inside their mind. It’s like the real world is no different from a cartoon to them. Do yourself a favor, before you start another stupid argument, why don’t you make sure you know… Read more »

Glenn
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@ Rollo – Don’t change the comments. By making us work to dig through and keep track of things it discourages the trolls. Disqus makes it to easy to just flame away whereas here you really need to work to keep up with the thread and I think that’s why so many commmenters here are awesome.

theasdgamer
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@ jf12, teddj4g

“Abby goes so far as to imply that the woman’s lack of sexual interest is a *good* thing, for her, in the long run. Abby basically says that even if the woman were sexually interested then that sexual interest would inevitably go away anyway.”

It would only go away for her husband. It would remain for other d1ck.

Glenn
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@ Kate – So what say you now? Since it’s actually more women cancer victims filing for divorce than the husbands, do you change your equalist view of this? And let me just reiterate. While I don’t agree with some of your commentary, I very much take it as the kind of contribution to intellectual discourse and discovery that you intend it to be. I don’t find it self-serving or unnecessarily antagonistic. For example, when tangling with Dragon-Tatoo-Hamster, you chimed in that you absolutely understood what dressing up and going out and about does, and how you are intentionally arousing… Read more »

bios
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Marriage statistics indicate that couples are more well matched now in terms of finances than what they were 50-60 years ago. Why is this the case? Is it a sign that men care about status too and want to pool their resources with women in order to achieve a higher standard of living, or is it about protection? In other words, is it a conscious trade off by most men to trade off the ‘best looks’ for (the illusion of) greater security? I’d argue it’s about protection, and that’s certainly the case with most men I know. If you are… Read more »

teddj4g
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Bios – maybe that’s a regional/class thing. My wife makes less than half of what I do. Of my male friends, only one comes to mind where both make about the same income, and they are the only couple I know without kids. Instead they spend their free time and mteoney travelling. At any rate, I don’t know a single man that purposely looked for high income or status in a wife. Most did their best to avoid taking on debt, which may be a contributor to their wives lower income. They dsidnt bring huge college debt with them into… Read more »

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girlwithadragonflytattoo (January 27th, 2015 at 8:57 am), Thank you for your kind words about my comment. You are absolutely right that “Some women create a beautiful marriage, and some are all about themselves. You MAY have more of the latter when you are dealing with 9’s 10’s.. but definitely not always. Inner beauty really does matter”. I emphasized the 7/8 and 9/10, not to imply that outer beauty was ever inversely correlated with inner beauty, but to remind people that outer beauty without inner beauty is of little value. “… I go to a wives group JUST so that I… Read more »

eon
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@ Glenn “One last attempt. You wrote a 1500 word comment replying to my comment, but didn’t ‘write if for me’ …” My comments are for the benefit of honest seekers. . “We also have uncovered something else. You don’t know the meaning of the word solipsism. It’s not “being selfish”, no it’s walking around with the delusion that others aren’t real.” We have also uncovered something else: you can’t read. I didn’t write “selfish”, I wrote “self-centered” (engrossed in oneself), because it is a practical equivalent for “solipsism”, whose dictionary definition is “The theory that the self is the… Read more »

bios
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“Bios – maybe that’s a regional/class thing”

It is something that has been observed across the board.

The point is that while women may be ‘hypergamous’ creatives, it’s becoming increasingly difficult for them to do so given what the statistics tell us about marriage. In other words, women aren’t ‘marrying up’ in the numbers that they used to.

Hooking up is a different story though.

rugby11ljh
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Nice

Rob
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I don’t think that this is a very solid theory. A lot of my friends are not very attractive males and my female friends are normally not attractive either but I still have been having sex with very high caliber women. Other “apex guys” try to talk me down in front of new women all the time and I call them out on it in front of everyone. My own team mates do this to me too, and I think I may just have to go full ass hole and step up socially to match my apex male attributes of… Read more »

rugby11
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I cook a mean whiskey and love to drink steak….. Dress like a man, not like a boy. Learn the power of “No.” Workout hard at least three times a week; four is ideal. Running is a great way to build stamina and stay lean. Once you can run 20k, do not add more distance. Rather, run at a faster pace. It is better to own one quality item than three mediocre versions of the item. If you don’t want to raise kids, get a vasectomy. And don’t tell anyone. Until you need to smack down a paternal charge. Read… Read more »

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[…] DIY kits are being sold in supermarkets everywhere. Work that magic at home and surprise your man. He still wants an arm candy. Do the best you can. It would be a perfect world if men were not as visual or lost their visual […]

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