Dread Games

I’m not exactly sure why, but somehow last week became the unofficial ‘dread’ week. I’ve had so many other irons in the fire both work-wise and blog-wise this month that I find it particularly annoying that my attentions should be distracted by this topic again, but I will admit that the comments about the evils of Men manipulatively employing a sense of dread in their LTRs has given me pause to analyze the dynamic in more detail. So, OK, I’ll bite, what’s all this dread about anyway?

The original huff about dread came in the wake of Roissy’s seminal post about instilling a sense of dread in a woman in order to help maintain a consistent frame control in a relationship. Naturally, women’s unconditioned response to this overt assertion of control was to demonize the whole idea of dread. When you think about it dread, as proposed,  is really a sense of conceptualizing the potential outcome of a losing the intimacy of a partner and the resulting fallout (emotional, financial, familial, personal, etc.) from that loss. Such an overt declaration for promoting a sense of dread conjures melodramatic images of fiendish men blackmailing their women into emotional enslavement to their insecure whims.

I think what’s lost amongst all this sensationalism about dread – a very weak term for the concept – is the applicability dread has in a much broader scope (and particularly for women) than the overly dramatic characterization of it when men openly discuss using it themselves.

Faces of Dread

I have a good friend, Jim, who’s just this side of 37. I love the guy, but Jim’s not much to look at. At around 30 he essentially gave up on himself. He got married far too young on the business end of a do-the-right-thing ‘accidental’ pregnancy, and from a personal standpoint that was the end of his window of opportunity to explore any other options he may’ve had. His wife let herself go just after the 2nd pregnancy, turned into a beach ball, and he followed suit. In actuality it wouldn’t take much for him to get back on top of his game, but he has no desire to.

Now, after detailing Jim’s situation you might think he’d be the last candidate to participate in anything resembling a manipulation of dread in a relationship, and you’d be right, but he, and guys like him are often the unwitting participants in their wives’ own dread-games. Although Jim isn’t going to spontaneously attract women with either his looks or due to his complete obliviousness to Game, he is an exceptional provider for his family. He regularly busts his ass as a programmer for a legal agency and is the sole breadwinner of the family – singlehandedly funding his wife’s nursing school. In addition he’s a very attentive father, husband and is somewhat of a handyman around the house. In spite of all this his wife tends to be a bit of a shrew, browbeating him on a regular schedule which has been passed onto the personalities of his teenage daughters who engage in the same heavy handedness their mother does.

Yet for all the passive-aggressive derision, Jim’s wife is easily one of the most possessive women I’ve ever known. He literally lives in a constant state of surveillance as to his whereabouts. She calls to verify he is where he says he is, and continually suspects him of running off to a strip club (which to my knowledge he’s never set foot inside one) or engaging in anyway with another woman. It’s gotten to the point that it’s comical to think that she’d have any worry that he’d be snatched away by a better woman, but there it is, the dreaded competition anxiety prompting unease in an, albeit LSE, woman with no realistic possibility of it ever occurring.

“I can’t compete with that,..”

Some of the most neurotically possessive women I’ve ever known have been the girlfriends and wives of amateur circuit bodybuilders – my brother’s former GFs actually being among them. Most of these girls, even the fitness competitors, had to either be very self-assured or they resorted to controlling tactics and possessiveness due to the constant reminder of how desired their Men were by other women. Even when that was explicitly not the case, the perception of their desirability was enough to bring this out in them. They had the love and desire of very elite Men, but this still wasn’t enough to pacify that innate sense of dread.

Dalrock has blogged ad infinitum about the feminized notion of how a man’s viewing “using” porn is conflated with adultery. To say nothing about the constant push to pathologize the male condition, this is an easy out for women following the Eat, Pray, Love script wanting to exit a marriage with cash and prizes. However, the fundamental point in that conflation is a woman’s, often overstated, inability to compete with the “porn star ideal of physical perfection and sexual acrobatics that no normal woman could ever be comfortable with.” Considering the sheer variety of men’s sexual appetites this is ludicrous on the surface of it, but it is illustrative of the predominance dread plays in women’s psyches. It doesn’t matter what the particulars of his sexual appetites are, she feels inadequate in that competition and fears a loss of intimacy.

Dread Games

I catch a lot of hostility from the femosphere for even suggesting a Man directly foster competition anxiety in his LTR, but the underlying reason for this venom is a preexisting condition of dread in women that can barely be tolerated when it’s under the surface, much less when it’s exposed. Dread, in this context, is an innate fear of loss of security that intensifies as a woman progresses further beyond the Wall and with her diminishing capacity to reestablish that provisioning security with a new partner. In fact it’s exactly this dread that is the root source of the gynocentric laws that award women cash & prizes in a divorce settlement. So powerful is this fear that legal assurances needed to be instituted to account for a woman’s lessened ability to secure long-term provisioning after a failed marriage, after the Wall, after pregnancies, etc.

Dread, for lack of a better term, is a female condition.

Although I’ve suggested casually returning flirtations with other women as a means to amplifying desire and illustrating social proof, this is hardly the only, or best, means of fostering competition anxiety. Overt flirtations are a blunt means of  stoking this anxiety, but often all it takes is a nuanced shift in a predictable routine to trigger that imagination. The idea isn’t to instill terror from fear of loss, but rather to demonstrate higher value; particularly when a woman’s attention is straying into comfortable, routine familiarity and she begins seeking indignation from other sources.

Sometimes all that’s necessary to provoke that imagination is to get to the gym, dress better, get a raise, travel for work, change your routine, adopt a Game mentality, hang out with a new (or old) friend, be cocky & funny with her – risk to offend her sensibilities. Most women believe that their pussies are sufficient to hold their men in thrall for a lifetime, but as a woman’s SMV declines and a Man’s appreciates their confidence in this form of leverage falls off, thus forcing them to adopt new schemas for controlling the fear of loss. When you head off to Las Vegas for that trade show and your wife fucks the ever-lovin’ shit out of you the night before you go, you’re experiencing one of those new schemas. It doesn’t take much, most times the lightest touch will do. Good dread game doesn’t even have to be initiated by you. Often enough, women will do it themselves.

In light of this ambient fear of loss women seek to avoid, one might be tempted to use a more sympathetic approach in order to allay a woman’s fears. This is hardly worth mentioning here since this is generally the tact that most men intuitively use in their LTRs anyway – a constant reassurance of love and devotion. Guy’s like my friend Jim will follow a perpetual strategy of appeasement in spite of themselves.

Lets be clear, the vast majority of women are secure enough not to allow this condition to get the better of them, and it’s in the extreme cases I’ve used above that real neuroticism flourishes. Contrary to popular belief I’m not an advocate of the Dark Triad methodologies of Game. Not because I think they’re ineffective, but rather because, with the right art of Game they’re not even needed. Only in extreme cases are the dark arts to be employed, and if a situation necessitates their use it’s important for a guy to understand that a line has been crossed with a woman who necessitated their use.

So yes, you should be seeking to reassure an LTR of your love and devotion, but know that due to women’s intrinsic fear of security loss, you will never achieve an ideal state of contentment of it, and certainly not by relying solely on comfort and familiarity. She want’s you to rock the boat, it’s what makes her feel alive.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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Samuel
Guest

that’s the thing of it… they hate the dread, but they want it and even need it, oftentimes. In my marriage, much like Jim’s, the problem was that my fat-ass wife knew she was a fat ass, and knew that I had a taste for young, thin girls. I could have used that to crack the whip on her ass to get to the gym, etc, had I played it correcly. Instead, I went the appeasement route (being a good blue-pill boy) and she went so far as to use this to further beat me down for what a scumbag… Read more »

deti
Guest
deti

A new spin I’m entertaining on “dread” is that men’s wants, needs, desires, hopes and dreams for his relationship(s) with (a) woman or women always seem to take second place to those of the woman. The man can make clear that if his woman isn’t meeting his wants, needs and desires, he can and will find someone who does. If a woman has done something to destabilize a relationship, he can and should make it clear that he can and will walk so as to bring order out of the chaos. If that doesn’t work and she continues destabilizing the… Read more »

YOHAMI
Guest

Women will say they dont want the dread, that they want the security and comfort. And its true. They want the security and comfort, they will push for it. They just happen to want the dread more. If they dont get it, they will create it themselves.

Peregrine John
Guest
Peregrine John

I like deti’s take on it. I’d also point out that the best way to appreciate something is to realize that it may be lost. In a healthy person its import is far below that of the reassurance that one’s choice of man is validated by other women, but it’s definitely lurking in there somewhere.

unbowed
Guest
unbowed

I think any qualms we feel about using dread to keep a relationship alive come about because for men being in a state of dread is entirely a bad thing. When you’re in a state of dread, you’re not as effective because you fear a negative outcome (which, of course is more likely as you act in desperation). But for women, there’s an element of excitement, of being alive in dread and fear: it’s a a tonic for them.
A desperate man? Pathetic. A desperate woman? Depends.

FFY
Guest

Instilling that bit of dread helps keep everybody happy in the end. Because she will still see you as a prize worth keeping, she’ll stay in shape and feminine, rather than content and lazy. Her efforts to please you will keep you satisfied and happy. Lest the femosphere get too hysterical about dread, all they need to do is look at some of their women who are in the great relationships. The girls who respect and are proud of their man, and stay attractive for him, and are glad for him. This is a dynamic borne out of a certain… Read more »

Good Luck Chuck
Guest
Good Luck Chuck

This is yet another reason to not give a shit about what a woman says. They would have you believe that it’s a capital crime to so much as think about speaking to another woman, meanwhile they are recruiting backup penis under the guise of socially acceptable male/female “friendships”.

Acksiom
Guest
Acksiom

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. But, memetic pseudo-wit aside, what I mean positively is that the correct term is not so much ‘dread’ as it is ‘the normal future time orientation expected of any mature, adult, responsible individual WRT behavioral consequences’. And that — genuine grown-up responsibility — is what girls really dread. Of course, if they’re actually women, i.e. actually responsible grown-ups, they don’t dread it, because actual responsible grown-ups embrace it. And responsible grown-ups embrace it because they’ve learned, one way or another, that with great responsibility… Read more »

YB
Guest
YB

Fascinating! In hindsight, I should have made my ex-wife dread my loss more. Funny, recently she called me out of the blue. I shut her down in short order. =)

Thinking back, with prior girlfriends, some of them I filled with dread. These were the ones that I literally didn’t give a shit if we parted. Must take that mentality into all future relationships.

Given that I’ve realized recently that all vagina is interchangeable, that should be relatively easy.

Johnycomelately
Guest
Johnycomelately

+1

Nutz
Guest
Nutz
emmatheemo
Guest

Seems true. Dread created itself, which is why I always reasoned that you don’t need to do anything to make it appear. You might make it worse though, and make her give up all hope, but when she is being so bitchy and not trying to make you happy, I guess you can do it freely.

YB
Guest
YB

Emma – nobody should be expected to live with someone who cannot be arsed with trying to make you happy. It is simple decency as a human being.

If you don’t appreciate what you have NOW…you will when you lose it. Appreciate it or lose it.

Or as I said to one chick: you want to be pleasured, dump the attitude and show some gratitude.

xsplat
Guest

I keep a 2nd apartment and go there whenever my woman acts out. The other day she started to have a big freakout about an imaginary girlfriend she claimed that I had. I told her to believe whatever she wants, but to keep it to herself and not bother me about it. Told her she was making me uncomfortable in my own house, and that if she continued I’d leave for the night. When I leave, I don’t tell her where I go, stay out for about 24 hours, and don’t answer test messages. She shut up, I went to… Read more »

xsplat
Guest

Exactly. The wise man must first walk through disillusionment and then become jaded before he simply sees how things work without attachment.

Girls do what girls do. They use every trick in the book to keep men doing what they want, and use every trick to keep doing what they want to do. Morals and ethics don’t enter anywhere into it.

Even nice good girl virgins are innately fiendish. It is in the nature of taking care of business to be crafty.

Emma the Emo
Guest

Well, I do appreciate what I have, but I sometimes work so much and need emotional support, and it’s hard to go on if I feel I have nothing nice to look forward to… Too much dread and I feel I have nothing nice to look forward to 🙁 But it’s good advice – doing what you can to make the other person happy will make you happy, too, along with them. It’s much more fun than just sitting there and receiving. But to enjoy doing all this, we do have to have an incentive. The incentive is that we… Read more »

LionSoul
Guest
LionSoul

Now I see where the Emo part of your name comes from.

YB
Guest
YB

Resonates with me…think that I’m going through the disillusion stage.

Can anyone give and idea of the stages and approximately how long they take to go through?

YB
Guest
YB

The dread would only come in when someone was not doing their part for the relationship. Generally it would be a light shower rather than a hurricane.

Traveller
Guest
Traveller

I hope you help your friend.

bob
Guest
bob

Entirely depends on how much you pedestalised women in the past mate. The higher they were, the lower you’ll fall. A long fall will take more time obviously. You probably have that hard look on your face when dealing with women (not the one you’re familiar to). With some time, it will soften. But the mark in your mind won’t. They call it the slap of reality. Makes you stronger. 🙂

YaReally
Guest
YaReally

Just on a side note: Rollo’s comment about bodybuilders is a big part of why they don’t intimidate me in the field. Reading the Misc and Relationship forums at bodybuilding.com helps too. What you learn quick is that even tho those guys are jacked up and talk big talk about being alpha males, the reality is most of them spend too much time in the gym to learn how to handle women and they’re so reliant on their external looks that they don’t learn any actual game, and any female experience they’ve had has either been with randoms who jumped… Read more »

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[…] Anger Game: Tactical Rage”Rollo Tomassi – “Pseudo-Virginity“, “Dread Games“, “HB10”Samplexus – “The Workplace Advantage”Dulst – […]

Muartay
Guest
Muartay

I know this is an old post, however I wanted to reaffirm the validity of this post. I have been married for going on 10 years now. This website has helped to open my eyes to the world. I entered my marriage as a hapless beta, marrying a chick that had 2 kids by 2 different dudes. I had 2 kids with her, continuing to play the roll of super dad. I would work 80 hours a week and stay up until the wee hours of the morning taking care of kids. Once my kids were past the breastfeeding age… Read more »

Scott
Guest
Scott

If anyone is in a “relationship” where there is a victim mentality and the other person controls them out of fear (not flirting, but as a psychopath control freak forcing the other to obey what they say and even hitting them), then they should separate. Some bloggers like to push extreme cases as what they say should be normalized (such as, the singer R….a, so then said blog guru says to hit women), well what they don’t say is if it’s not an act (some people actually believe everything they see on tv too), then said singer is also in… Read more »

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[…] By staying in shape – and by that I mean better shape than your spouse if possible – you send a message, not only of confidence, but a covert understanding that she’ll have some veiled competition for your attention via social proof. Thus you not only create genuine desire by physical arousal, but you simultaneously create a psychology of desire by prompting her natural competitive impulses (i.e. Dread). […]

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[…] Dread Games «6 days ago … The original huff about dread came in the wake of Roissy’s seminal post about instilling a sense of dread in a …. slumlord on Pseudo-Virginity … […]

cherryblossomlife
Guest
cherryblossomlife

Dread is indeed a female condition. WOmen dread being homeless and they dread being forced to prostitute themselves. Both of those things can lead to rape and death. Due to gender discrimination in the workplace, men make sure they keep hold of the majority of the resources, which they then use as bargaining chips to convince women to live with them. If women were economically independant, they would choose not to live with men. Men know this, which is why it is essential that they continue to make sure women are economically vulnerable. Statistics show that women in all cultures… Read more »

YOHAMI
Guest

Cherry, go to youtube and search girlwriteswhat. Mumble that for a few days / years, then come back.

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[…] Dread Games […]

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[…] got ran up the flag pole by femosphere pundits when I wrote my essays on Dread and Dread Games. Women don’t like overt dominance, just as they don’t like overt objectification or […]

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[…] about MMSL or the Red Pill. It wouldn’t be for a long while that I would read about anxiety and dread and understand what was going on during that […]

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[…] Dread games – http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/03/27/dread-games/ […]

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[…] to act upon it. For other men it may be a more overt acknowledgement, one useful in prompting dread or reigniting competition anxiety in women. Still for others, such as Petraeus, the […]

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[…] till ovan artikel gällande huruvida man kan använda [Dread Game] när det finns 20 år […]

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[…] gällande huruvida man kan använda [Dread Game] när det finns 10 år ålderskillnad, dvs mannen är 30+ och kvinnan är 20+ […]

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[…] and the relationship becomes one based on insecurities and fear of loss (for men and women). While dread is an important underlying element in maintaining a healthy relationship, push it too far and too […]

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[…] Dread Games I made an attempt to clear up the real inevitability of dread in any average relationship. Dread is […]

Maximilian Edward Joseph Spedale
Guest

Please fix the typo in the last sentence. “wants,” not “want’s.” Enjoyed the article.

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[…] personal dynamics, and I certainly recognize, if sometimes indirectly, the power dynamic in Frame, Dread, and certainly in The Feminine […]

Moiz
Guest
Moiz

I find it interesting that you accuse the other blogger of having an echo chamber comment section when the one here pretty much worships your opinions in a Fight Club like devotion. I’ve seen dozens of reasonable comments dismissed from men(as a “beta” or whatever have you) and women(coming off as objectively and statedly biased simply because the writer is a woman) on this post and others. Many of them simply because they disagreed *slightly* with whatever bullshit the red-pill author conjures. A shame really. Because if this was less of a cult, you’d probably start far more convincing and… Read more »

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[…] others, Rollo Tomassi has discussed how supplication and appeasement tend to be a man’s instinctive response to a woman’s […]

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[…] her rewards, but it’s a very important principle to understand and internalize on your own. Dread Game is founded on this principle, but it goes beyond just this utility – your merit, your attention […]

girlwithadragonflytattoo
Guest

“Sometimes all that’s necessary to provoke that imagination is to get to the gym, dress better, get a raise, travel for work, change your routine, adopt a Game mentality, hang out with a new (or old) friend, be cocky & funny with her – risk to offend her sensibilities.”

To me, this seems like reality.

trackback

[…] she values despite her atrocious behaviour, this is the only leverage you have (also known as dread game) and is ultimately why marriage can turn into the guantanamo bay of all friend […]

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[…] blogger who’s husband cheated on her with the result being her unconditional submission. Dread Game, both overt and soft dread, might cut through that familiarity. Strong Frame control is the […]

Kara
Guest
Kara

Are you people for real???? This is just bullshit. How about just talking openly with your wives and not treat your marriage like a chess board game. Making the first move and being open and honest is the only way and not stupid mind games. At least if the relationship hits the s bend you can proudly say you tried by giving your full heart. Found this thread when going on the computer after my husband had just been on it. Your bullshit is filling his head with it. I will be so sad if he believes and takes on… Read more »

Kara
Guest
Kara

Here’s food for thought. Women are vital in keeping the human race alive. Without them your fucked so maybe you should treat them a little kinder and less like they are the anti christ. You should get therapy because like it or not women are here to stay and you just have to learn to understand them. Hell with maybe a little more nurturing and kindness you just might live in happiness.

YOHAMI
Guest

Kara, food for though, reverse that towards men.

Kara
Guest
Kara

Exactly true but I am not creating a site bashing men or women. Men and women are equal because we are both required to reproduce. Therefore we are equal. No one can dominate. No one is more important. We are EQUAL and that’s the bottom line. This site is negative and potentially damaging and I am concerned.

YOHAMI
Guest

If youre EQUAL why do you want your feelings and needs to be heard while denying his?

Kara
Guest
Kara

I have been trying to think of how to respond to that and all I can come up with is goodbye.

Moiz
Guest
Moiz

@Kara, about your husband. Please read this: http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/27dzrm/men_are_not_happy/

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[…] of Amused Mastery, Command Presence, Agree & Amplify, Cocky & Funny, Social Proof, Dread and even Chick Crack, whether you’ve applied them or not, Game has expanded your […]

Driver
Guest
Driver

Interesting read and very true. I use this often in LTRs because women put themselves first and foremost. You have to remind a woman (often) that you have goals, dreams, etc…and if she is in the way (in other words all her shit comes first…and you a distance second) then you’ll walk. I have this same mentality at work and I use the same approach. If (and when) a company pulls the same bullshit, then I simply remind them “I have to work, but I don’t have to work for you. There is always another company who will gladly have… Read more »

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[…] nuclear option that women use to manipulate their partners. The male response should of course be, dread game. Bar any tremendous sexual prowess on your part, it is in the female nature to surreptitiously […]

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[…] Dread (even passive dread) is a strong signal of a man’s higher value, removing your own intimate […]

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[…] is a great way to maintain a healthy relationship. Nobody wants what nobody else wants. Use the dread that comes with her knowing you have options and let that be inspiration for her to be the best she […]

Quell
Guest
Quell

I’ve been dreaded gamed. I quit them assholes.

The Dude
Guest
The Dude

Gentlemen, practical measures are also critically important to maintaining frame. Consider a Domestic Asset Protection trust. Think of it as a post-marital pre-nuptial.

When you squirrel all your assets away in a trust, you can, with comfort and true caring, offer her the door as a way to escape her unhappiness, knowing that she cannot extort the wealth you have accumulated.

You can even be generous, wish her all the best, and give her a little something to see her on her way.

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[…] interactions with her really well, he waited 2 hours to send her a second message and it worked, dread game in […]

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[…] ِمردانگی قرار گیرد و قبیله‌ی مردان او را ببخشند Dread Games | قهر یعنی اینکه شما به اندازه‌ی کافی اعتبار ندارید و […]

MWMM
Guest
MWMM

I can create dread based desire. But isnt that just tipping the scales toward safe bet and more duty sex?. After 24 years of marriage, is this all I can expect? Depressing

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[…] than a useful tool for power. Of course Dread – whether a passive acknowledgement or an overt display – is rooted in this principle, but the fundamental dynamic is that humans have an inherent […]

delta
Guest
delta

Someone emotional abused me into staying with them, I figured it out, banned from my life!
Y’all need therapy!

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[…] Dread Game (dread=Furcht) In einer Beziehung vorsätzlich Eifersucht erzeugen. Hard Dread: offen mit anderen Frauen Flirten, Knutschen oder Sex haben Soft Dread: durch Sport oder Karriere attraktiver werden und damit indirekt zeigen, dass man etwas Besseres haben könnte […]

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[…] “While I might not endorse overt Dread for Christian men… http://therationalmale.com/2012/03/27/dread-games/ […]

Hilary
Guest
Hilary

Emotional abuse is not attractive, the last person to dread game me, lost me!

sovereign
Guest
sovereign

“the last person to dread game me, lost me!”

And I’m sure he’s glad for it. Who’d want a girl neurotic enough to leave people for having options.

Get the fuck outta here, Hilary.

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[…] Keep in mind, there is no end to the road and life can always take unexpected turns. You may even have to keep using Dread Game. […]

Timthetoolman
Guest
Timthetoolman

You do realize this is the same advice that girl magazines have been giving for years. Try to make your man realize what he has through mind games. It’s sad and petty no matter which gender utilizes it. I’m sorry that some people are unsatisfied with their marriages, but manipulation and threatening doesn’t do anything to cultivate a healthy relationship. I guess you guys don’t care about that though. You don’t want a relationship with another person you just want control and to get your own way.

Siobhan
Guest

Thank God I’m married to a real man and not one of you pathetic twits. My husband and I love AND RESPECT each other

davidcloutman
Guest

Fear and intimidation, e.g. “dread”, are bullying tactics and constitute abuse. People who abuse their spouses are definitionally bad people.

If you’re not happy in your relationship, leave. It’s really that simple.

thajokerzwild
Guest

Rollo Tomasi, huh?

A fake name for a fake ass punk. I’m guessing the only way you get women is buying investment in a chloroform company.
[Herp Derp]

Blaximus
Guest
Blaximus

It appears some of you folks just can’t get the concept. You’re ” talking around ” it.

Dread, in this context, has absolutely nothing to do with bullying or being mean towards anyone. There is definitely nothing abusive about dread either.

Sometimes, Love and Respect will only go so far. davidcloutman is partially correct that if you’re unhappy, you can just leave, but a man most likely will never find ” happiness ” unless he learns some of the tactics that may be employed against him and why.

There is no harm in knowledge.

lh
Guest
lh

If you’re not happy in your relationship, leave. It’s really that simple.

Exactly. A man playing dread is just saying “I’m unhappy, stop the slacking or I might leave.” And a women who doesn’t like it can leave any time. So where is the problem?

Lee nosic
Guest
Lee nosic

I believe in this whole heartedly. I instill dread in my wife everyday. If she is being a cunt not wanting to have sex with me I hold her down and make her. I don’t care how much she cries and screams because I know that she wants it, and it is my right by God.

davidcloutman
Guest

lh, you’re describing manipulative and dishonest behavior that is both pathological and unhealthy. If that’s how you deal with your significant other, you have a lot of growing up to do. Threats and intimidation are how children deal with conflicts in interpersonal relationships, not adults.

Ashley
Guest
Ashley

Dread game worked on me….when I was 13? 14? Then I grew up, got self respect, self love and started expanding my horizens and naturally the immature cowards who used to Dread Game me, faded away, either they quit or I walked out. I just said no, and went home and found love else where. I am way too old for that behavior. I don’t get how you think this behavior works on anyone over the age of 15? Hey, you wanna use the behavior management and engagement techniques of 13 year olds, good on you, but every educated person… Read more »

Ashlee
Guest
Ashlee

Props for using romantic techniques of children, teenagers and baby’s. Way to be the man! Children do this shit, how old are you? 15?

Sam Botta (@sambotta)
Guest

Women use dread far more ably than men. In fact it’s second nature to them:
http://therationalmale.com/2013/05/13/soft-dread/
The difference is most men fail to recognize it being used on them because they suffer from a scarcity mentality, and never realize they have the same power at varying phases of a woman’s maturity.
I understand this is a foreign idea to someone steeped in the fantasy of egalitarian equality, but if you are uncomfortable in setting the Frame of your relationship it will readily be set for you.
~Rollo Tomassi

Stephanie
Guest
Stephanie

I usually assumed the asshole who was dread gaming me wanted the other chick. It totally worked! We are marrying tomorrow! NOT!

lh
Guest
lh

It isn’t even manipulative. The girl fucked me so much and so good this weekend, I still can’t get myself to chase another plate. Only if she doesn’t satisfy my sexual needs well or isn’t pleasant around, I’ll look elsewhere. It’s totally natural, where is the problem? And according to @Stephanie dread games even prevent you from entering a contract which wouldn’t be to your advantage. Do you really want to marry a women who obviously didn’t satisfy your needs so far and on top feels so entitled, she doesn’t see a need to up her game, to perform for… Read more »

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[…] to a column he wrote on “Female dread,” Rollo Tomassi explained that Christian men go about seeking sex […]

Forge the Sky
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Forge the Sky

Kinda interesting seeing the fanfare here. Not that it isn’t predictable. Basically, the concept of ‘dread’ as it’s put here is that you create the necessity of some level of performance from your woman in order to receive your continued devotion, resources, and commitment. This is easiest to do if you actually have options in life – whether they be women or other pursuits – that you have available if your relationship with her isn’t up to snuff. This is how all human interactions work. At some level, to some degree, they are based on performance and what we can… Read more »

Dramatix
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Dramatix

While I agree that there is nothing wrong in knowing your worth and being prepared to walk from a relationship that isn’t satisfying if your partner isn’t wiling to address key concerns. Let me make this perfectly clear. As a domestic abuse survivor. As a woman that lived with this so-called dread games and constant threats for anything I wasn’t doing good enough. This will escalate. I bet my ex never saw the day he held a loaded rifle to my head. Or when he sat behind the wheel of my car and hit the gas, trying to find me… Read more »

lh
Guest
lh

She stayed for 8 years, at her peak sexual attractiveness. And she is still full of emotions about it. If anything she proves you aren’t radical enough, Rollo.

Sometimes I think this whole women-thing boils down to: Either you make them drama or they will make you drama. And it’s better to be in control.

Forge the Sky
Guest
Forge the Sky

Hadn’t seen that article. Holy hell clickbait. * * * * MYSTERIOUS BUTTHURT EPIDEMIC MAY INCREASE, WARNS SCIENTISTS Researchers from the American Sociological Survey recorded an unusual indignation rumble that registered 3.2 on the Richter scale this past Monday, Oct 27. ‘An ominous pattern is beginning to emerge,’ reported R. Gottlieb, the Survey’s spokesman. ‘Though we’re not entirely sure as to the origin of these disturbances, they seem to be increasing in frequency and severity.” When pressed to comment on the cause of these disturbances, Gottlieb proved reticent. ‘Our job is to describe, not to analyze,’ he said. ‘All I… Read more »

John Auber Armstrong
Guest

SMV means ????

Andy
Guest
Andy
una
Guest
una

These are all loser strategies that rely on the man buying a line of total shit from some woman who holds him in financial thrall. That, and most men who divorce experience a dramatic loss or face as well as economic stability while women report greater happiness. I have to deal with weirdos and creeps trying these strategies on me all the time. I work and have an inheritance that supplies income from interest. However, I was raised by people who lived by the axiom “Money shouts while wealth whispers.” I live in very modest accommodations, drive a serviceable but… Read more »

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[…] for all of that, I did reexamine my two previous posts on Dread: Dread Games and Soft Dread. It was interesting to see the knee-jerk response to ideas like “passionate […]

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[…] of which are termed “hard” and “soft” (or passive) dread. Rollo discusses dread and soft dread from a secular point of […]

rugby11ljh
Guest
rugby11ljh

” certainly not by relying solely on comfort and familiarity. She want’s you to rock the boat, it’s what makes her feel alive.”

Ahhhh

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