About two weeks ago I came across the above video (h/t Tom Leykis), but only recently have I watch it in its entirety. At first I’d thought it was yet another endorsement of the “expatriate and find a feminine wife” set of the manosphere, but it’s a much deeper documentary than this.
Although this video is directed towards the African-American demographic, what these men and women describe is reflective of the greater endemic that feminine social primacy has wrought in society on whole. Overall I think the video illustrates some strong points in regard to the reality of the imbalanced dynamic between men and women today, but it doesn’t really account very well for the causes of these imbalances.
The overarching narrative comes from the mistaken idea that egalitarian equalism is an achievable ideal between the sexes. So within this context when a man describes his need to be the leader in his family, to be the provider as well as the teacher of his children and the person with the answers in his marriage, his characterization becomes (conveniently) one of an outdated masculine insecurity.
In an equalist ideal state it shouldn’t matter to him that his wife is more educated or earns more money than he does. As Sheryl Sandberg has once again illustrated, men should be reprogrammed to feel more comfortable in traditionally women’s supportive and submissive roles – and any discomfort with that is evidence of an antiquated masculine insecurity or “feeling intimidated” by a Strong Woman®.
I covered this reprogramming effort in Vulnerability:
The Masks the Feminine Imperative Makes Men Wear
To explain this second problem it’s important to grasp how men are expected to define their own masculine identities within a social order where the only correct definition of masculinity is prepared for men in a feminine-primary context.
What I mean by this is that the humanness that men wish to express in showing themselves as vulnerable is defined by feminine-primacy.
For the greater part of men’s upbringing and socialization they are taught that a conventional masculine identity is in fact a fundamentally male weakness that only women have a unique ‘cure’ for. It’s a widely accepted manosphere fact that over the past 60 or so years, conventional masculinity has become a point of ridicule, an anachronism, and every media form from then to now has made a concerted effort to parody and disqualify that masculinity. Men are portrayed as buffoons for attempting to accomplish female-specific roles, but also as “ridiculous men” for playing the conventional ‘macho’ role of masculinity. In both instances, the problems their inadequate maleness creates are only solved by the application of uniquely female talents and intuition.
Perhaps more damaging though is the effort the Feminine Imperative has made in convincing generations of men that masculinity and its expressions (of any kind) is an act, a front, not the real man behind the mask of masculinity that’s already been predetermined by his feminine-primary upbringing.
So within this context a man is already hamstrung for ever expressing the idea that he feels he needs to be the Man in his marriage. That ridiculous need shouldn’t matter to men because in an equalist framework it shouldn’t matter to women that he’s not out-earning her or is more educated.
Of course the problem with this fantasy is that it does actually matter to women that a man leads and a man performs. Women resent supporting men. No matter how an equalist mindset sells it, humans evolved for a complementarity that will always confound equalism.
Pay close attention to the sentiments of the women in this video. Every one of them embraces the empowerment meme that equalism has them internalize, yet all still feel that pairing with a man they deem less than themselves is a compromise or “settling” for him. They’re doing him the favor by compromising their Hypergamy with a suboptimal man.
What this illustrates is the inherent conflict between equalism and complementarity. In spite of men’s reprogramming for accepting a “supportive” role, and despite women’s empowered aspirations of self-sufficiency, both still have an innate need for a gender-complementary relationship that they cannot reconcile in an equalist social framework. Women still want to pair with a man they can be aroused by and respect. They still want that +1 to +2 SMV differential that promotes a strong attachment to him. Men, in contradiction to all known risks and in contradiction to any expectation of appreciation, still want to pair with a feminine woman who idealistically supports him, follows his lead and willingly nurtures him with her body and spirit.
What this equalist vs. complementarity dichotomy presents to men and women is that it fundamentally places both sexes into the Subdominant model of intersexual hierarchies. In that model the man is perceived as another dependent ‘child’ for her to support while he wonders why the supportiveness his equalist conditioning has taught him women need isn’t appreciated for what it is. Not only this, but again within that framework, a woman feels indignant for having to apologize for the ambition and education that equalism has convinced her she should be empowered by and men should appreciate by default.
Love Interests
Within this egalitarian framework the difference between men’s idealistic concept of love and women’s opportunistic (Hypergamy based) concept of love are placed into distinct contrasts. For all of the obfuscation about imbalances in education, a man’s idealistic concept of love predisposes him to believe the equalist lie that his performance shouldn’t be the basis of her opportunistic concept of love.
When you listen to the sentiments of both the men and particularly the women in this video you’ll see this played out. When a woman assumes the dominant role in a relationship her provisioning becomes the benchmark for that dominance. Of course, this is a reversal of the conventional, complimentarian model, but when women are put into that reversal the reality of their opportunistic concept of love becomes uncomfortably obvious to love-idealist men. While Open Hypergamy is becoming increasingly more obvious on a social scale, it’s far more poignant on a personal, in-your-face scale within a modern marriage or relationship.
Predictably the documentary veers away from this intergender conflict and places the blame for that conflict squarely on the shoulders of characteristically irresponsible men not being the fathers they should be – blaming an individualist mindset for men’s absence from the family without addressing the glaring individualism the women display in the first half of the video. The equalist narrative has to be reset and in order to do that it’s got to conveniently dip back into the conventional complementarity well and appeal to the traditional sense of duty to family and compliance with exactly the responsibility equalism would otherwise chafe against.
However, what equalism and the Feminine Imperative can’t sweep away is men’s overt contingencies for Open Hypergamy. One of those very deductive contingencies is moving to another country where the environment favors men’s sexual strategy, not to mention a refreshing sense of being appreciated by conventionally feminine women. If Game isn’t appealing and going your own way makes you lonely, it only makes sense to go fish where the fish are.
I recently read Bachelor Nation on CNS News, and once again it predictably foists the responsibility for men’s reluctancy to marry on irresponsible ‘kidult’ men.
“Far too many young men have failed to make a normal progression into adult roles of responsibility and self-sufficiency, roles generally associated with marriage and fatherhood,”
Nowhere will you see a woman lay claim to the social fallout feminine primacy has effected on themselves. Female importance is the socially correct narrative, thus the failings of that narrative, the failings of feminism, and the failings of the agenda of equalism are due to men unwilling to cooperate in seeing it succeed. 70% of men aged 20 to 34 are not married and the default presumption is that it’s men who are unwilling to accept their adult responsibility and marry a woman who will statistically earn more than him and resent his inability to measure up to her performance standards – the standards made glaringly evident in this documentary.
In a feminine-primary social order to be a ‘responsible’ man is to comply with dictates of women’s sexual strategy while accepting her dominant and counter-feminine role and demeanor. To be a ‘real man’ he must accept being relegated to being her dependent while still being expected to be a good father. To be an ‘adult’ he must accept the doctrines of equalism while still being beholden to the responsibilities of conventional complementarianism.
@ imscrewed
“What should I do?”
You’ll need to depedestalize her in your mind, close your heart to her and give up on a long term future with her.
If you can keep your composure and not let on that you know, you can have some fun with this one. How about gathering some evidence of what you found, then on the wedding day, at the alter, announce that you won’t be marrying her because of this behavior on her part, with a presentation of the evidence to the assembled guests.
See http://therationalmale.com/2012/01/03/the-rush/
@ imscrewed, relax, reassess, detox:
http://therationalmale.com/2012/05/15/detox/
“Trainwreck” movie trailer begins with a Dad teaching his daughters (small children) to say
“MONOGAMY ISN’T REALISTIC” in unison…
The ONLY hope for monogamy: “The Rational Male – Preventive Medicine” by Rollo Tomassi
Here’s the trailer for “Trainwreck” 11 seconds in…
http://www.thenewage.co.za/154068-1020-53-Man_buys_fullpage_ad_in_newspaper_to_accuse_wife_of_cheating/?switcher=1
@iamscrewed,
Just do it.
@ imscrewed
It could be worse
http://nypost.com/2015/03/16/i-bedded-12-strangers-in-a-year-with-my-husbands-permission/
@imscrewed Assuming not a troll: if it’s your place, kick her out. If it’s her place, silently pack and leave. Seek out male friends or a male counselor to speak to. Do not fight over it with her, do not discuss it with her, do not give her an opportunity to justify anything, and for fuck’s sake don’t take any kind of revenge on her. Just quietly end things. If she asks “Why?” just tell her she knows exactly why, hold frame, and do not budge. She is not the woman you love anymore. She never was. She was and… Read more »
imscrewed:- look at Sun W’s words.
Read them, then do them.
Just go dark, off radar. Gone.
Big boys call it “Next!”, I’m told.
Thank you everyone.
I am not putting up with this. I have taken my things from her place. I cleaned everything I had there. I texted her and told her I read her phone. I’m going. AWOL from her life.
This is not something any man should except.
I should’ve played attention to her phone. Always ringing and her always ignoring the phone saying it is a telemarketing bull.
I feel.like a dumb idiot.
I expect I’m older than most of the other readers here. Married, late 50s, recently to the RP. As usual it is all about what she wants, what she expects from the man. There never seems to be any discussion of what she brings to the table and what he needs. He is supposed to be just the dutiful provider slave. And yes, men, unless you stand your ground and assert yourself, that is exactly what you become in modern American marriage: a sex-deprived worker slave.
Sun & Tam,
I appreciate the merits of taking the high road as you suggest.
But there is something else to consider – some Pavlovian conditioning in the form of punishing her behavior may benefit other men by discouraging her from doing that again with someone else.
What should I do?? @imscrewed — As Rollo says, relax. World isn’t ending. Your worldview is on the verge of ending, but not the world. Calm down and read. As for your fiancee, obviously you end that. That’s no woman to marry, even if you end up coming out of your worldview change still wanting to marry — that isn’t the kind of woman you marry, it’s the kind of woman you P&D. I will say this, though — easy to be blindsided if you haven’t gone red pill yet. And nurses in general are some of the most sexually… Read more »
@Matthew;
“It’s not feminism’s fault. It’s the fault of that irresponsible prick male who couldn’t wait to ask a woman to marry him before diving into sex with her.”
http://cdn.meme.am/instances/55031517.jpg
Eh? Don’t quit your day job! Definitely ‘avin a laugh mate!
As for your comment on living in a fantasy world…???????
Why is nursing a particularly slutty profession?
@Jack
She will learn nothing, and ending a relationship with a woman is not about looking out for anyone but yourself. Taking the “high road” isn’t about being the better man or the adult. It’s about creating as clean and quick a separation as you can to start your own healing process as quick as possible.
The fate of her and her future chumps is none of my concern. Its their own responsibility. Caveat emptor.
@imscrewed
Hi troll.
Wow. You move fast. Only two hours and a couple of tidbits of advice and you’ve set sail for the new land? Bravo to you.
P.S. Your initial post has the narrative convenience of a Penthouse Forum letter. Go play elsewhere.
Why is nursing a particularly slutty profession?
Seems to attract that personality type. I’ve heard from many docs and even male nurses that the women are quite promiscuous in many cases — something which isn’t *that* common in other workplaces. Something about the culture of extreme stress — and the acceptance of ways to relieve that stress — seems likely.
@redlight I just found where you dropped the trailer for Trainwreck/ here last month: http://therationalmale.com/2015/02/09/topping-from-the-bottom/comment-page-2/#comment-87910 @Sun Wukong wrote From just that clip, I’m seeing something that reads like the script of hitting the eject button right at The Wall and landing safely in BB territory just like all girls were promised. Is this the new modern American fairy tale? In the trailer, they make it appear that it’s the Dad that believes monogamy isn’t realistic. So the assumption is: It’s the fault of the man. That trailer, to me, is a great ad for “The Rational Male – Preventive Medicine”… Read more »
Jack Labear – “But there is something else to consider – some Pavlovian conditioning in the form of punishing her behavior may benefit other men by discouraging her from doing that again with someone else.” I agree wanting revenge but… You and I have obviously seen to many movies. In real life the best revenge is just leaving and reaching a place where you no longer care one way or another. The less said the better in these situations. Anything more than saying “she was a disappointment” is saying too much. Likely her friends know the truth so poisoning her… Read more »
“Why is nursing a particularly slutty profession?” A single nurse, plain and simple, has many opportunities to capitalize on her dual sexual strategy in a hospital setting. Both with beta orbiters to give her self esteem a boost and with Alpha mindset men (read dark triad surgeons). I just got done with two weeks of staff consults in the hospital (one or two a day for two weeks) and my mind is blown how doing the hospital work is so different with a red pill awareness vs. blue pill drudgery. It was actually a enjoyable game rather than drudgery. If… Read more »
@Jack
Well, it’s not that nurses are promiscuous. it’s the night time shift that makes everybody a “bit” romantic (horny) Oh night time where everything seems so right for luuuuuove.
Add that to the image of the alpha doctor and the inferior nurse getting her revenge at the Dc’s wife.
And voila ,,there you have it an “innocent ” liason.
Nurses are slutty cause they can be. Opportunity is there. If you want one you have to pull them off the carousel early in their career.
Once again, this is more so for hospital nurses.
In my experience it’s also because the odd hours (particularly at a hospital) mean they’re physically incapable of having a normal relationship. She can’t be around when you’re awake. You’re always second to the job. It pretty much dictates her continued membership in the hookup culture.
@all
How come no one said anything about Rollo’s new profile photo?
I think the photo sitting in the casino is the best.
Mr. T.: It’s not the inferior nurse. It’s the attractive, 23- 25 year old hypergamous nurse. The Way of the Superior Nurse is hypergamy in action. Beta orbiters (lots of them) and a pool of Alpha men to choose or be chosen by. I have seen lots of superior nurses in my career. I have seen attractive nurses are among the best to give the best care to their patients and interact well with doctors. I have seen unattractive lazy nurses be horribly unfit non-caring towards patients. Another thing is that social interactions fly by at a furious pace in… Read more »
Doctors and nurses have plenty of opportunities to DHV, obtain social proof, have an abundance mentality, spit game, and enjoy the show. If a nurse is attractive, caring (as trained to be) and good at being effortless in her duties, the wold is her fucking oyster. My mom was a nurse. My wife is a nurse. My mom was monogamous and a good wife. My wife may or may not be an Alpha Widow (I’ve never asked her, nor cared to find out). Her being a nurse works for her, me being good MMV worked for me. Like Walter White,… Read more »
But I digress, back to the troll: why all the spelling mistakes. Is it the grief?
In case anyone is interested: the Trainwreck movie is written by and stars Amy Schumer, a comedian whose trademark is the HB 5 party girl refusing to face her epiphany. Except that as a comic she is quite self-aware and uses this character frame to hang her jokes on. You may not care for the movie, or dig her comedy,but she knows what she’s doing.
@Fred
she knows what she’s doing
Never doubted that for a second.
@sjfrellc
Gee, what gave you the idea I was directing my comment to you! .
You said:
“But I digress, back to the troll: why all the spelling mistakes. Is it the grief?”
Fine you can disagree with what I written and my bad spelling still got you going.
Sorry for my spelling mistakes, it’s just my German is not my third languishing.
@Mr. T.
sjfrellc was not directing that at you. The troll in question was the obvious TROLL that appeared earlier in the comment thread.
@diplomat.
I’m not saying ALL nurses are promiscuous.
I was saying you could be working a midnight shift at Home depot and sleeping with a female Co worker is possible.
I believe the chances of having an affair is much higher when men and women work together at night shifts.
What might be the purpose of the trolling?
Feminists trying to get more men to go MGTOW?
I was going to drop it, but my comment above meshes with this thought I formed earlier:
@Sun Wukong
“The fate of her and her future chumps is none of my concern. Its their own responsibility. Caveat emptor.”
It is your concern in that you have become so ‘caveat emptor’ you seem to be gun shy almost to the point of MGTOW.
I don’t take your complaint of not being able to land women attractive enough for you at face value.
Diplomat is correct. Not you Mr. T. Directed at “imscrewed”‘s original post. Never detected a misspelled or misdirected from Mr. T. Speaking of German. My red pill epiphany of the importance of “Game” came when I had a student study tour of Germany at 16 years old in 1977. Started in London for 2 1/2 days. Remember there some food vouchers stored up got us to a steak and ale on the last day of our stay. The owner surmised we were less than 17 years old enough to drink ale and called us on it while we sat at… Read more »
@Mr. T.
All women are promiscuous in accord with the base instincts that fuel their hypergamous behavior and innate preselection for r men. Given the right man (or men) and the right stimulus at the right moment—AWALT. Knowing how this works is the foundation of game.
@Jack
Never concern yourself about what a troll is going for. They waste valuable time and energy and steer the dialogue off of a productive course. Ignore them.
@sjfrellc
I misunderstood.
I apologize.
@ The Diplomat, I understand about not feeding trolls. My interest about what motivates the troll is twofold. 1 It is a way of learning about the culture and world around me. There is probably ‘trolling’ going on everywhere in daily life. Understanding it is a way to avoid being taken in by it. It’s a window into covert social conventions and attempts to manipulate me. 2 By seeing the big picture including the motivations involved, I’m less likely to be taken in by a troll in the future. That’s in keeping with your caution about wasting time and energy.… Read more »
@Jack I don’t take your complaint of not being able to land women attractive enough for you at face value. I don’t particularly care if you do or don’t, and frankly that’s got nothing to do with this discussion. 2/10, piss poor attempt at a strawman. However, if you’d like me to argue more to your point, I will. Between this: If you can keep your composure and not let on that you know, you can have some fun with this one. How about gathering some evidence of what you found, then on the wedding day, at the alter, announce… Read more »
@ Sun Wu Kong This is in response to the comment you directed at me…DAMN! It’s that bad huh? So, my case on Facebook was not unique. Well, then I’m truly glad to have met Rollo on Susuave and found him here and this group on this blog. I feel privileged to know the truth. The fact that we can’t be open with what we know outside here feels like a burden and also makes us seem like cowards sitting back and watching our time period go up in flames. Trying to save each man a person at a time… Read more »
I agree that meanness and cruelty to others is a bad thing, and dwelling on trauma induced revenge fantasies is unhealthy. Your last paragraph is an excellent insight. Some turn the anger at having been badly treated outwards, others like myself tend to turn it inwards where it manifests as depression. An idea I had is that some men who are sensitive and basically kind might turn their pain and anger inwards to seek revenge by proxy, the proxy being their own selves. Kind of like my belief that while I don’t have the right to kill anyone else, I… Read more »
@jack lebear,
“Vulpine, what you do is get a woman who has the house and financial support of her ex. Move in with her and have the ex subsidize the relationship.”
Why? You’ve got to be talking about at least a thirty-something here. Is the thrill of stooging some unknown guy worth that much? That’s a chick-minded move on your part. I guess you were just goofing around though, yeah? No big deal.
The fact that we can’t be open with what we know outside here feels like a burden and also makes us seem like cowards sitting back and watching our time period go up in flames. Trying to save each man a person at a time seems like it’s hardly going to count. Most of the guys I’ve even mentioned the red pill are so oblivious and don’t even seem to have a clue as to what I’m talking about. Some guys (many) can’t be helped. They very much prefer to remain jacked into the matrix over the painful process of… Read more »
Jack Lebear: Once again I’m Sun W’s mini-me on this. “punishment” etc. even if it could be devised and implemennted, would be wasted on a proven Liar and what in my books could also be a psychopath. How do you instruct or deter psychos? Avoid. Do not engage. I didn’t catch the “troll” aroma, so could some clever person please spell it out for me or I’ll just go on feeding them unawares. Seemed legit if a bit dull. When I was young everything I owned fit in a backpack. Made damn’ sure it did, or it just got left.… Read more »
@ Colonel Trautman ” Is the thrill of stooging some unknown guy worth that much? That’s a chick-minded move on your part” I’m not advocating stooging some unknown guy, nor would I get a thrill from it. I find it a positive that there are some men out there like you who care about the welfare of other men more than getting theirs at any cost. As for it being a chick thing, the same criticism and debate has been made about Game in general. I’m just pointing to the reality of the modern world where we have to deal… Read more »
@jack lebear,
Well if a guy gets burned while you’re pursuing your wants, that’s one thing. You framed it like that was something you should actually look for (taking advantage of another man’s cash). A world of difference there.
What’s the difference if I had nothing to do with the woman’s divorce? Suppose my finances are in bad shape because of my divorce, and I have the choice to have a live in LTR with one of two women, equally attractive, one of whom has the house and spousal support, and one who doesn’t, and they both earn the same wage. Are you telling me there is something wrong with choosing the one with the house? Actually, the picture I had is that if all divorced men financing exes got together with divorced women being financed by exes, then… Read more »
@Jafyk
March 14th, 2015 at 6:21 am
Hey, for the record Roissy has a few hidden gems. The link below says it all. That ovulation game stuff? All bets are off when the woman is on the pill:
https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2011/10/19/how-the-pill-will-change-your-game/
It’s important to remember that american, or any foreigner of a developed country, have a easy time with women in brazil just because these women sees these man as having much higher status than the average native joe.
My statement can be confirmed, for example, by this news, which explains what I said just by the title:
“Brazilian Men Are Pretending to Be World Cup Tourists to Hook Up With Brazilian Women”:
http://mashable.com/2014/06/26/brazilians-go-gringo-to-hook-up-at-world-cup/
If brazilians are pretending to be foreigner to hook up with their own natives it is because the native women value foreigner more than the natives.
As far as Bachelor Nation goes, does this mean that the 34 year old men and older out there are going to now mate up with the carousel riders????
Any thoughts on that???
“Women resent supporting men.” is ambiguous.
I think women like supporting men, meaning that they like to be supported by men.
I think women dislike supporting men, meaning that they dislike to support men.
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here’s where feminism has failed black women: 1. it told them to let your vagina run loose and uncontrolled… getting pregnant by ‘bad boys’ when & how you feel because after you’ve had your fun, black men will accept you (and your 3 – 4 kids with all different fathers). news flash: black men are vilified in the media, etc. to the point where just about EVERYONE is either afraid of them or doesn’t respect them. but in one-on-one, day-to-day interaction, you’ll find decent black men EVERYWHERE… and other women, white, Asian, Latina, don’t fall for the stereotypes and give… Read more »