End of Life Issues

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I had an interesting experience this weekend with a man I used to do peer counseling with almost ten years ago. The guy’s wife had heard I’d moved back to northern Nevada and asked if I’d spend some time with him as he’s been suffering from cancer, and honestly, he’s in death’s waiting room. He’s late 70s now but when I first started counseling the guy at university he was one of the tougher men I knew in trying to expose to what’s now the Red Pill.

He’s never really accepted the fundamental truths and for literally his entire life he’s been struggling with the frustration that Blue Pill men all do when they simply don’t understand that the set of books they believe women – particularly older women from his generation – should be playing fair by. It was particularly disheartening to listen to him still complain about his wife’s lack of sexual interest in him.

For her part she’d completely checked out of anything intimate with him beyond the perfunctory duties of being civil with her husband years ago. As his illness has progressed he’s become less mobile and more resentful of her indifference to him. From my perspective, coming back into this story after almost ten years, it struck me how a Blue Pill conditioning solidifies into a man’s life in his later years. Revealing the Red Pill truths as to what’s brought him to where he is now is almost too cruel to torture him with, and honestly he wouldn’t accept it.

I’ve always advocated that unplugging men from the Matrix is like triage, save the men you can, read last rites to the dying. For those who don’t come to terms with the Red Pill and the true nature of the realities of the sexual marketplace at least there’s some hope that eventually they will experience something similar to what the Red Pill defines for them and they’ll have pause and insight to reconsider those truths. That’s the bitter taste of the Red Pill – there’s no going back once you start to see the behaviors and relate them to Red Pill principles.

I read guys on the TRP subreddit forum who are newly unplugged who really have a tough time coming to terms with that new reality. They get pissed off, they want to cling to the “it’s not really that bad” or “not all women are like that” conditioning and throw their hands up in disgust with the Red Pill and move on.

Only they can’t. Four months later they come back to the forum after having a woman behave exactly as the theories predicted they would. There’s a manosphere saying that women hate the Red Pill because it more reliably and accurately predicts human behavior than feminism ever has. That Red Pill awareness and predictability is tough to shake for guys who want to go back to the comfort of believing there’s still hope for them in a Blue Pill world.

This Old Man

I realize this is going to get depressing here, but it’s important to consider the totality of what a lifetime of Blue Pill ignorance represents to a man at his end. There are going to be men who will never accept Red Pill truths. They will never make the connection that the rule book they think everyone is working from is a plan with the intent of consuming him all the way to his death-bed. For whatever reason anything counter to their preconception of how women and men ought to relate to one another simply doesn’t register for them.

I’ll continue with my story about this man, but before I do I think that for anyone to have a complete understanding of how what we call Red Pill awareness affects our lives as men we need to consider how that awareness plays out across the span of our lives. Red Pill awareness, what I call positive masculinity, and the counter to a social order founded on the Feminine Imperative is still in its infancy. Some guys want to characterize it as a return to what was once conventional masculine ideals, and while I think that has some merit things simply aren’t going back to what men romanticize they were with women.

In the ‘sphere there’s a particular focus on how men can get the desired results they want in their personal and intimate lives by applying what Red Pill awareness helps them to reasonably predict. That’s fine for PUAs, maybe MGTOWs, and in the meantime MRAs will channel the parts of the Red Pill they do accept to increase awareness of men’s issues. But all of these branches and all of their interests are applied in the now.

My father died from complications of Alzheimers in 2010. My brother and I had him provided for in an assisted living facility for the last year of his life and it got to the point he couldn’t recognize either of us or his grandchildren. It was very difficult to watch my Dad who was a brilliant man, but a life long Beta, decay to a shell of himself. However even while suffering from memory loss, he was still clinging to the behaviors his Blue Pill conditioning taught him would make him appreciated by the other women in the facility.

My Dad taught me the meaning of the Savior Schema throughout most of his life – if that post seems poignant to you it’s because I learned it well from my old man. His ‘dating’ methodology was always based around a strategy of what he could do to better solve, buy or otherwise alleviate the problems a woman had in the hopes that a reciprocated appreciation of it would result in intimacy. The old set of books, he had them memorized.

I mention this because even with his mind addled by dementia some part of his subconscious still expected old women, women he had no idea what their names were, to reciprocate their love and intimacy for doing their gardening or fixing something for them. He couldn’t remember my name, but he could remember being slighted by women not giving him a kiss or patting him on the back ‘for all he did for them.’

This is just one example of the extent and consequences of Blue Pill conditioning. Using Red Pill / Game to pick up or live a better life with women, or extending that awareness to other aspects of one’s life is commendable and a betterment to a man’s life, but appreciating that betterment is incomplete without acknowledging the consequences of what a Blue Pill life path looks like.

When I agreed to spending most of my day with this man I had a kind of idealistic want to create a memorable time for him. He’s still pretty together mentally, but physically the guy can’t walk for more than 30 yards without getting winded. I took him out to the casinos, he hung out with me and some of the guys I snowmobile with, we drank good bourbon and I had hoped he’d get out of this self-pity by just doing something different for him.

He wouldn’t have it. All he could talk about was his resentment of his wife’s treatment of him “after all he’d done for her over the years”. He’ll be gone inside a year or two and he complains about Blue Pill frustrations as if there’s a chance he might live a better life in the future.

Last April I lost one of my most prized greyhounds to osteosarcoma. He was only 8 years old so it was kind of tragic, but I’d had him x-rayed and caught the signs early enough to manage his pain for an extra month before the pain was too much for him. Literally the day I had him put down, to the hour before, he insisted on going outside to walk in the grass and breath the air, he leaned on me like greys do, but it was an acknowledgement of him knowing it was his time. That dog took the last train home with more dignity and self-awareness than this man will.

I’m not a big fan of Abraham Maslow and his hierarchy of needs, but I do accept his concept of having ‘peak experiences’. I think there is a Blue Pill presumption that those peaks are only peaks if they include their ONEitis girlfriend or wife along there to experience it with them. This is a tragedy because it disqualifies those fantastic life experiences (even stressful ones) because that Beta want of a mutually shared love precedes the capacity to recognize those great peaks.

It is important from a larger meta-life experience to understand just what the implications of a Blue Pill existence are and rise above them. Red Pill awareness isn’t just about getting better and hotter women, it’s about living a better life – when you’re 22 and 92.

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Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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YaReally
YaReally
7 years ago

@Elias Your story reminded me of a thing my RP buddies and I have all noticed: As a single dude, if I get sick and I have more than one fuckbuddy, odds are one of them is going to bring me some soup or offer to do something for me. Because they want me to pick them over the other girls. I get all sorts of sympathy and them going out of their way to bring me anything I need etc. If I get sick but DON’T have any girls on the go (or the girls I have are too… Read more »

Softek
Softek
7 years ago

The funny thing is the fear of death/dying alone is just made up in our heads. There’s a huge possibility that the brain releases a massive amount of DMT upon death. So there’s a great chance we’ll be tripping balls so hard we will have no connection with reality anyway when we kick the bucket. I’ve almost died a number of times. Gone into anaphylactic shock for one, almost died from pneumonia for another — and when you’re at that point it doesn’t matter who is or isn’t around you. That “oh shit, I’m dying” feeling pretty much makes everything… Read more »

447
447
7 years ago

“His answer was something I never forgot. He said that the Seattle guys came all that way on Saturdays to buy themselves five extra hours away from their wives. Not fun hours either. It’s not like they’re hiding off in a strip club or something. I mean just sitting on a ferry for an hour, driving down monotonous tree-lined roads–all better than their constant wars. He was dead to nuts serious too. He looked at me like “Dude, just wait.” I completly believe that. I see the generation of men above me at work – and I sometimes wonder how/why… Read more »

Jason Whiz David
7 years ago

At 25 am in the depression stage, constant worry i will not perform.Anxiety and worry plague my mornings and evenings.Hard to sleep. Funny enough the gym alleviates the symptoms. I couldn’t finish reading the manipulated man,Its too depressing.I have come to a conclusion that man is a beast of burden.Marriage is shit.But here in Africa marriage is kinda compulsory.

Softek
Softek
7 years ago

@ Jason Hey, I’m also 25. I’ve managed to (and continue to) work through my depression and anxiety. I’ve had it most of my life but reading this stuff kicked it into overdrive — because I had invested so much stock in women as the solution to my depression and anxiety. I know the feeling of hopelessness and just wanting to give up and drop out of life. When there seems to be no more rewards anymore, or the amount of work to just get the littlest bit of a reward is so extreme that it’s not even worth living… Read more »

Softek
Softek
7 years ago

@ Jason P.S. Not taking a shot at lifting by the way, and committing to regular exercise has been a major factor in the improvement of my quality of life. That’s a great objective way of valuing your own life: building yourself up and respecting yourself enough to want to look good and be at your best. I’ve spent, and continue to spend, a considerable amount of time keeping myself looking good. I’ve had to educate myself quite a bit about clothes and things. I was clueless before and looked like shit. Also would let my hair and beard grow… Read more »

Jason Whiz David
7 years ago

Thanks Softek & Rollo…. the transition is difficult but it will be done.I will research on the EFT method and work on to it.But guys life here in Africa is far difficult….no money…. poverty is rampant here in my place…i moved out of my parents after graduating from University….lots of people here are angry and depressed. I found the redpill through PUA research, ended up here from ROK. Its tough here rebooting considering that money is a huge determinant in poor countries.Do you realise i can’t afford any of Rollos books ? I am broke i only have money to… Read more »

SFC Ton
7 years ago

Well there is that brother but at the same time I wouldn’t make to much out of that Melmouth. I think men need breaks from the everyday domestic/ civilized life to be alive and we are the kind of men who need that sort of thing more often and in bigger/ more intense way

More then a few of my crew had happy domestic lives but that is not really living. It’s more like recovery time so you can go out and feel alive again

SFC Ton
7 years ago

Once you bang about a hundred chicks they are just part of the background noise. Like Melmoth was saying, an then it really takes on a life of its own

YaReally’s dead on about being sick and it’s easy to explain if you realize how deadly getting sick has been throughout most of human history

Forge the Sky
Forge the Sky
7 years ago

YaReally, SFC Ton, others: You’ve likely read this, but this post is very relevant: http://therationalmale.com/2013/11/13/empathy/ Softek: “Main message here: you don’t need to be afraid. It’s safe to let go of all the fears about this stuff. Do the best you can do and don’t worry about the rest. RP knowledge might not guarantee that you’ll find anyone or even be successful in your life — but it can guarantee that you don’t get sucked into a whirlpool of delusions if you stay on top of it and keep the truth in mind. And there’s plenty of value in that.… Read more »

Forge the Sky
Forge the Sky
7 years ago

YaReally, SFC Ton, others: You’ve likely read this, but this post is very relevant: http://therationalmale.com/2013/11/13/empathy/ Softek: “Main message here: you don’t need to be afraid. It’s safe to let go of all the fears about this stuff. Do the best you can do and don’t worry about the rest. RP knowledge might not guarantee that you’ll find anyone or even be successful in your life — but it can guarantee that you don’t get sucked into a whirlpool of delusions if you stay on top of it and keep the truth in mind. And there’s plenty of value in that.… Read more »

Jack LeBear
Jack LeBear
7 years ago

@ Softek

As you hinted at with your DMT sentence, repeated use of entheogens tends to be quite effective at reducing fear of death

SFC Ton
7 years ago

Most of the things that make my life enjoyable are small in nature. I don’t think the Red Pill will bring some giant moment of clarity and joy but all those little things add up. I also have to say, I enjoy being a man and my life of unapologetic masculinty. No one has enjoyed either more then me. Maybe some men have enjoyed these things just as much, but most def not more then me so maybe it was more like icing on the cake and ice cream vs a rebirth or whatever metaphor works best Forge the sky,… Read more »

D. Horrenbrand
7 years ago

fantastic post… ‘ Red Pill awareness isn’t just about getting better and hotter women, it’s about living a better life – when you’re 22 and 92.’ ex-fucking-actly! https://redmalehummingbird.wordpress.com/2015/02/18/no-turning-back-loneliness-and-umbilical-cord/ I just wrote about what being a RedPiller means. It might means loneliness, but it also might mean something better. if you don’t have wife and kids you can do whatever you want with your free time. You can become a couch potato but you can also get fit, eat well and follow your passions. Jump out of that plane with a parachute finally! And no, you don’t need your GF to… Read more »

Elias
Elias
7 years ago

@melmoth I agree and have the exact same thoughts. Watching someone at the end of their life is a painful reminder of how it’s most likely going to be for you as well in your last days. It is very cynical to think that way, but on the other hand it’s also a reminder that your life is also a gift and that you can enjoy the vast majority of it, if you make the best decisions you can. I did a recollection of the happiest times of my life, and stuff like losing my virginity ranks pretty below other… Read more »

Forge the Sky
Forge the Sky
7 years ago

@Elias,

Somebody needs a puppy. Or prozac, whatever’s your poison.

Losing my virginity was pretty fun all told. Not my very happiest memory of all time but I wouldn’t trade it. It’s only in a reality where sex is the divine cause and purpose of all creation that disillusionment skulks and destroys.

You are human. Humans die. Death is preceded by decay and diminishment, if it is not premature. So become good at being human.

therhoubbhe
therhoubbhe
7 years ago

Rollo and Softek brings up some good things that really need pondered by each man. it has me thinking for sure. You cannot fully trust your wife and daughters decision making when you become old and infirm; a man will need to make provisions for sure. The average life expectancy before the early 20th century was in the 30’s and now worldwide is around 67. Those older men had real wisdom about life to impart to other young men; even reaching an old age was an accomplishment for sure. This society doesn’t value fathers, let alone sagely old grandfathers anymore;… Read more »

447
447
7 years ago

.@ melmoth: “I am a serial expat and I’ve noticed over the years that the women who I know are most hostile to me (white American women) are also the ones who are the most vehemently opposed to me going overseas and enjoying my life. You’d think they’d want me to GTFO if I’m so unappealing to them but it’s something different with them. They hate the breach of the F.I, even if it’s done by men who have no value to them. I thought that fit in with some of your takes.” Compliments for pulling of the expat move… Read more »

447
447
7 years ago

@ “You cannot fully trust your wife and daughters decision making when you become old and infirm; a man will need to make provisions for sure. […] I would rather feebly crawl into the woods and be torn apart by hungry dogs; because there is less cruelty in that death.” Simple solution: Smith & Wesson retirement plan. Complex solution: 1) invest in regular retirement provisions AND 2) SAVE money in a safe way that is not directly linked to the economy – there is a reason that banksters and their lap(top)-dogs constantly try to belittle “grandpa stuffing money in his… Read more »

stuttie
stuttie
7 years ago

@ forge the sky – I would also add

http://therationalmale.com/2014/11/23/vulnerability/

Old men are definitely seen as an inconvenience to the FI; their productive mule days are over – Wife thought bubble = ‘just die already you old coot and hand over the insurance policy’.

FI boilerplate – Dirty old man, silly old man, grumpy old men, etc etc

Men are up against it from the cradle to the grave.

sjfrellc
sjfrellc
7 years ago

I labored over my father’s eulogy last week. I did it for social proof and DHV in the the eyes of my family, wife and children.
Heh. Heheh.
I went through 25 revisions and imposed upon a friend, English teacher, for two hours. And I delivered it without a tear. Worked for me.

sjfrellc
sjfrellc
7 years ago

Be short in delivering a eulogy. 5-6 minutes. Determine the deceased’s Meyer’s Briggs type and tell a narrative about his strengths. Leave out 100% of that person’s weaknesses.

melmoth
melmoth
7 years ago

@Stuttie, Imagine how that would feel…to be more or less coherent and to just know without a doubt that the dried up old cunt just can’t wait for you to croak so she can score some gemstones, new furniture or whatever with the payouts once you bite it. The emptiness of that moment when you just know she wants you gone. That deadness in her eye as she sits there, like ‘Why do I have to even sit here. It’s not in my interests!’ . I don’t mean that it ALWAYS happens that way. Certainly not. But it certainly must… Read more »

anon
anon
7 years ago

Paulo, but the law gives this child the power to divorce theft. There is no solution.

Not Born This Morning
7 years ago

Jason, Pick The Manipulated Man back up and finish it. Villar also wrote “The Polygamus Sex”. Your age provides great opportunity. Read all the books by Robert Green referenced here by Rollo. Reading all this stuff carefully, paying attention to what is really happening to you & around you and becoming aware is like psychologically working out. It is challenging if you want to advance. The challenge is worth the effort. It will make you more aware even if you don’t have much experience. The truth is the only real foundation. At first you will be “sore” but over time… Read more »

Not Born This Morning
7 years ago

Is there some bullshit politics slowing the process or is the process just typically slow?

kobayashii1681
7 years ago

@Jason: “At 25 am in the depression stage, constant worry i will not perform.Anxiety and worry plague my mornings and evenings.Hard to sleep. Funny enough the gym alleviates the symptoms. I couldn’t finish reading the manipulated man,Its too depressing.I have come to a conclusion that man is a beast of burden.Marriage is shit.But here in Africa marriage is kinda compulsory.” As one African to another, “.But here in Africa marriage is kinda compulsory”…No brother it is not. It may be expected by society but it is not compulsory. Not in this day and age. Secondly, I’m also on the grind,… Read more »

Forge the Sky
Forge the Sky
7 years ago

Thanks for the encouragement, ‘Ton. This can be a tough row to hoe, but every man I know worth imitating seems to have done so.

SFC Ton
7 years ago

LOL I have more cash in my gun safe’s then I do the bank.

Forge the sky, it’s the struggle that makes the man.

https://tonsplace.wordpress.com/2014/11/26/making-men/

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LiveFearless
7 years ago

@447 RE: you can ALWAYS safe 10% each month

The @WallStPlayboys (their Twitter handle) are legitimately set for life.

I appreciate the wisdom I have learned from them.

They have a completely different opinion about saving 10% of ones income.

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7 years ago

[…] The Rational Male is the most important blog on earth. […]

melmoth
melmoth
7 years ago

@447

Nice post. I think I missed that the other day somehow. Very interesting. Yup. No 180 like the 180 done by multicultural-head SJW’s when Richie Cunningham decides he wants some old gold, TIGHT, South-Asian skin. Ha ha. Then their ‘colorblind’ self-congratulation festival comes to a screeching halt. “Oh my God! Trafficking! They’re submissive, that’s why you like them! You must be a pedophile because that 23 year old looks 16!”

Germany with a RP outlook must be cool. So many places nearby for some Male Imperative action, hopefully.

SFC Ton
7 years ago

Money is a tool which almost everyone uses incorrectly and advice about money is really about middle conning middle class.folk into transferring their .money to wealthy folk and those who get rich off usury

https://tonsplace.wordpress.com/2015/01/14/money-for-tools-i-mean-money-as-a-tool/

Sun Wukong
Sun Wukong
7 years ago

@SFC Ton

Money is abstraction for time. Nothing more, nothing less.

Seraph
Seraph
7 years ago

Got it admit…this is something that currently haunts me. I am mid-life. Learned about Red Pill about 4 years ago or so. Been struggling with the knowledge ever since. I guess it put a little more spin on the obligatory mid-life crisis. Your past ineptness and cluelessness with women does haunt you, no doubt, and it makes you long to re-do so much of that part of your life. That said, you are right, it goes far deeper. It becomes a inner-dialogue with yourself, wondering what you might have accomplished, what you might have achieved had you not being following… Read more »

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[…] she asks. Rinaldi’s answer: “Sleeping with a lot of guys is going to make me feel better on my deathbed. I’m going to feel like I lived, like I didn’t spend my life in a box. If I had kids and […]

rugby11
rugby11
6 years ago
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