Complementarity

complementarity

At the Man In Demand conference I briefly got into the topic of egalitarian equalism and its relation to complementarity during my talk. On my flight home I was jotting down my thoughts about the seminar and one thing I now have plans to do for the next one* is base an entire talk and group discussion about the distinctions between equalism and complementarity as I understand them.

However, for now, consider this post a primer for that talk. I’ve done my best to explain the differences between equalism and complementarity in Equalism and Masculinity and Positive Masculinity vs. EqualismMy detailing the social dynamics and psychological influences men face in an equalist headspace has been a recurrent theme in many of my posts. On occasion I’ve made contrasting comparisons to Complementarity, but until the Red Pill Parenting series I hadn’t gone into the detail I’d like to.

Guy starts us off:

As many of you have already mentioned in the stories you’ve shared, it is usually the father who pushes their children towards a higher standard of success. This is critical for the child to develop into a successful adult that excels in society.

It is usually the mother who coos and coddles their children. This is also necessary, as it’s vitally important for children to feel loved and accepted by their parents. This shows the necessity of the roles of both mothers and fathers in the development of children. If a child faces only criticism, it may have lasting effects on their self esteem. If a child is never criticized, they may never grow up into an adult.

The negative effects of too much coddling are so widespread, that we actually have sayings that illustrate it.
“A ____ only a mother could love”

To understand the dynamic of complementarity first it’s important to consider the theology behind egalitarianism. I tend to use the term egalitarianism and equalism interchangeably, but I do so because I see them both as stems from the same tree of blank-slate humanism. In the first Red Pill Parent essay I made the following case against of a single parent, single gender upbringing of children:

Parenting should be as collaborative and as complementary a partnership as is reflected in the complementary relationship between a mother and father.

It’s the height of gender-supremacism to be so arrogantly self-convinced as to deliberately choose to birth a child and attempt to raise it into the contrived ideal of what that “parent” believes the other gender’s role oughtto be.

This should put the institutionalized social engineering agenda of the Feminine Imperative into stark contrast for anyone considering intentional single parenthood. Now consider that sperm banks and feminine-specific fertility institutions have been part of normalized society for over 60 years and you can see that Hypergamy has dictated the course of parenting for some time now. This is the definition of social engineering.

The idea that a single mother is as co-effective as a father stems from the blank-slate belief that gender is a social construct rather than the physical and psychological manifestation of humans’ evolved mental firmware. While the foundations of this blank-slate theory originated with John Locke in in the 17th century it would be the anima/animus theories of Carl Jung to cement egalitarian equalism into the popular conscious with regard to gender relations.

Tabula Rasa (blank-slate) refers to the epistemological idea that individuals are born without built-in mental content and that therefore all knowledge comes from experience or perception. With the scientific and technical advancements of the 20th and 21st centuries we now have a better understanding of how the human brains of men and women operate from a far more advanced perspective than either Jung or Locke had knowledge of. To be fair, Jung’s presupposition was one that human’s possess innate potentials for both the masculine and feminine (thus the “get in touch with your feminine side” trope for men), but those potentials derive from a presumed-accepted egalitarian base.

Yet still, from a meta-social perspective, western(izing) culture still clings to the blank-slate theoretical models from Jung inspired by Locke and other tabula rasa thinkers of old.

Why is that? Why should it be that for all of our greater understanding of the biomechanics of the human body and it’s influences on behavior that the greater whole of society persists in the belief that men and women possess co-equal gender proficiencies based on an outdated, largely disproven Tabula Rasa model? I would argue that resisting the more obvious and practical model of evolved gender differences presents an uncomfortable proposition of biological determinism to people conditioned to believe gender is a nurture, not nature, proposition.

I’ve opined about Carl Jung’s contributions to our present state of feminine social primacy in the past.

One of the key elements Jung introduced into western culture’s popular consciousness is the theory of anima and animus; that each individual, irrespective of sex, possesses greater or lesser degrees of association and manifested behavior of masculine and feminine psychological affiliations. In 2012, when you hear a 6 year old girl tell a 6 year old boy “you need to get in touch with your feminine side” in order to get him to comply with her, you can begin to understand the scope to which this idea has been internalized into society’s collective consciousness. So long and so thoroughly has this theory been repeated and perpetuated that we can scarcely trace back its origins – it’s simply taken as fact that men and women possess varying degrees of masculine and feminine energies. First and second wave feminism founded their psychological premises of gender on Jung’s ideas and so evolved the reasonings for a push towards the social feminization we know today. The seeds for the feminine-centrism we take for granted today were planted by a Swiss psychiatrist in the early 1900’s.

It’s important to consider Jung’s bi-gender individualities within the individual person in context with Locke’s Tabula Rasa theory because in tandem they constitute the basis of the egalitarian equalism which feminism and our present feminine-primary conditioning rely upon. To the modern egalitarian mind, inequalities in social dynamics, gender conflicts and economic disparities are the result of a deliberate (if not malicious) intent on the part of individuals to limit the presumedly equal potentials of others. Social ills are the conflict between the selfish need of the one versus the equalized need of the many.

There is very little headspace given to the material, innate, mechanics that make up the condition of the individual. Natural talent, innate ability, in-born predispositions, and physical and adaptational advantages stemming from evolved differences – whether a boon or a burden – are either disqualified or marginalized in an egalitarian mindset. The egalitarian, while very humanistic, leans almost entirely on the learned behavior model of human development. It’s Tabula Rasa, and the zeroed-out-at-birth content of the individual is filled by the influence of a society that is corrupted by those who don’t agree with an idealized egalitarian imperative.

Complementarity

Complementarity acknowledges the importance of the inborn differences between the sexes that egalitarianism marginalizes or outright denies exist while recognizing and embracing the strengths and weaknesses those differences represent.

There are many well documented, peer reviewed, scientific studies on the neurological differences between men and women’s brain structure. The easiest evidence of these differences is the cyclic nature of women’s sexuality (versus men’s always-on sexuality) and the neurological/hormonal influences on beliefs, behaviors and the rationalizations for those behaviors prompted by the innate drive to optimize Hypergamy.

Women experience negative emotions differently from men. The male brain evolved to seek out sex before food. And while our feminine-centric social order insists that, in the name of equalism, boys should be forced to learn in the same modality as that of girls, the science shows that boys brains are rudimentarily wired to learn differently.

Stark differences exist in the wiring of male and female brains.

Maps of neural circuitry showed that on average women’s brains were highly connected across the left and right hemispheres, in contrast to men’s brains, where the connections were typically stronger between the front and back regions.

Ragini Verma, a researcher at the University of Pennsylvania, said the greatest surprise was how much the findings supported old stereotypes, with men’s brains apparently wired more for perception and co-ordinated actions, and women’s for social skills and memory, making them better equipped for multitasking.

“If you look at functional studies, the left of the brain is more for logical thinking, the right of the brain is for more intuitive thinking. So if there’s a task that involves doing both of those things, it would seem that women are hardwired to do those better,” Verma said. “Women are better at intuitive thinking. Women are better at remembering things. When you talk, women are more emotionally involved – they will listen more.”

Ironically, in an egalitarian gender-neutral social order, a college professor publicly suggesting that men are more adept at mathematical thinking gets him fired from a lengthy tenure, but when a female researcher suggests the same she’s rewarded with professional accolades and grant money.

As you might expect, this article focuses primarily on the triumphant advantages of the female brain structure, but the studies themselves are revealing of the empirical evidence that men and women are not the functional equals that egalitarianism would insist we are.

The scans showed greater connectivity between the left and right sides of the brain in women, while the connections in men were mostly confined to individual hemispheres. The only region where men had more connections between the left and right sides of the brain was in the cerebellum, which plays a vital role in motor control. “If you want to learn how to ski, it’s the cerebellum that has to be strong,” Verma said. Details of the study are published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

“It’s quite striking how complementary the brains of women and men really are,” Ruben Gur, a co-author on the study, said in a statement. “Detailed connectome maps of the brain will not only help us better understand the differences between how men and women think, but it will also give us more insight into the roots of neurological disorders, which are often sex-related.”

These distinct neurological differences between men and women are evidence of a an evolved intersexual complementarity that has manifested in both the personal and social dynamic of intergender relations for millennia. Conventional gender roles where there is a defined interdependence between the sexes is reflective of precisely the hardwired “stereotypes” researchers were so shocked to discover in men and women’s neural wiring.

Talents and Deficits

I’m often asked what the complementarian model looks like and it’s all too easy to not want to fall into the perceived trap in defining gender roles for men and women as they’ve been for centuries before our own era. Conventionally feminine women and masculine men are ‘shocking’ stereotypes to a society steeped and conditioned to accept the egalitarian model as the norm. The simple fact is that equality is only defined by the conditions and environmental circumstance that make something equal or unequal.

Men and women are biologically, physiologically, psychologically, hormonally and sexually different. This presents a very difficult proposition to an egalitarian mindset – men and women are simply better suited for, better wired, better enabled and better physically capable of succeeding in different tasks, different environments, different socialization, different mental or emotional demands as those circumstances dictate.

We simply evolved for symbiosis between the sexes; the strengths of one compensate for the weakness of the other. Depending on the challenge presented, yes, this means that in our complementarity the difference between a man and a woman are going to be unequal. Much of the gender discord our present society suffers is due primarily to the intentional rejection of this evolved, symbiotic complementarity and its replacement with the fantasy of uninfluenced, independently sustaining equalism. From the egalitarian mindset, the genders are self-sustaining and independent, thus men and women simply have no need for the other.

Though egalitarians will argue it does, complementarity doesn’t imply a universal superiority of one gender or the other. Rather, depending on the task at hand, one sex will be better predisposed to accomplishing it. Furthermore this isn’t to say that the gender-specific deficiencies of one gender cannot be overcome by learning, practice and brain plasticity to achieve the same ends – it is to say that men and women’s brains, and the task specific adaptations of them, predispose them to being better capable of achieving them.

Fighting Nature

For the better part of this blog’s history I’ve outlined the process of how the Feminine Imperative conditions men to embrace their “feminine sides” and create generations of ready Betas. Most Blue Pill men will fail to identify with the more masculine specificity I’ve outlined above. It’s important to remember that learning to be better at non-gender specificity in an attempt to override this natural gender-wiring is not always a voluntary effort on the part of a person – especially when egalitarian Mom and Dad are in on the conditioning.

When we see the recent popular social effort to embrace transexual acceptance what we’re being asked to do is accept a learning process that countermands a male or female’s evolved neural architecture. Brain plasticity is a marvel of evolution, but it is subject to external manipulation and the ideologies of those doing the manipulating.

There’s been a criticism of western public education’s push to force boys to learn like girls – we treat boys like they are defective girls. This is a prime example of not just a social engineering effort, but an effort in reprogramming boys to override their natural, neurological maleness. Thus they become less effective girls because they are required to think, emote and react in way their brains never predisposed them to.

Likewise there is a popular push to encourage girls to adopt male modalities of thinking. In the hopes to make mathematics and technology fields more gender equal egalitarian society will make special compensation and establish exclusive academic rewards for girls who teach themselves to override their intrinsic mental proficiencies and find intrinsic reward in adopting those of boys.

The egalitarian mindset simply denies the foundational truths that decades of evolutionary psychology, evolutionary biology and anthropological research indicate about our present state of intersexual relations. Inso doing they reject a complementary model and embrace an egalitarian one. Their mistake is presuming that evo-psych necessitates a biological determinism and thereby absolves an individual of personal responsibility for their behavior. It does not, but it does provide a framework that more accurately describes the mental state, sexual strategies and social environment in which men find themselves with women.

When you hear or read the trope that “women are just as sexual as men” what’s being related to you is founded in the same egalitarian root that teaches us to believe that “women are just as good at fathering as any man”. All are equal, but men’s sexuality seems a boon that egalitarian women would like to adopt.

One reason egalitarianism is an appealing cover story for feminism is because its primary goal is leveling the sexual competition playing field for all women to optimize Hypergamy at the expense of men’s own sexual strategy interests. If all is equal, if men’s basic biological impulses are reduced to shamed criminality, if women can expect men to be aroused by their perceived value of their self-defined self-worth, then all material and physiological deficits can be effectively dismissed.

Under the guise of egalitarianism, feminism has effected feminine social dominance for over half a century now.

Egalitarianism is likewise appealing to evo-psych detractors because a belief in egalitarianism should mean that men can escape their burden of performance. I touched on this in the first post of the Adaptations series. The presumption is that if the more intrinsic, ephemeral aspects of men’s higher-order thinking and personal worth is appreciated as a sexual attraction, then all deficiencies in meeting his naturalistic burden of performance can be rescinded. Game, physique, personality, status, success, achievement, etc. are superseded by his equalist belief system and this is sold to him as the new order upon which women should find him attractive.

Complementarity is the evolved interdependence between the sexes and it’s been a responsible element of how the human race has risen to be the apex species on this planet, but it doesn’t ensure an optimal breeding schedule for either sex. So long as men and women are mired in a denial of the evolved psychological differences between the sexes, their only alternative is to embrace egalitarianism.

The reason feminism hates the Red Pill – in its concrete sense – is because it more accurately predicts human behavior than feminism and equalism have ever been capable of.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

340 comments on “Complementarity

  1. @SFJ Thank you too for the boost & info. funny that even though I know 3/4 of the stuff you said, it is just as useful reading it from you as if I didn’t know it. TY!

  2. After a while of reading about red/blue pill, egalitarianism, feminism and seeing + experiencing the outcomes, my impression is that the whole thing is a giant power grab.
    Making men dysfunctional (and women too) makes any society ripe for conquest. Just look at Sweden and it’s faggotized men + that country being overrun by primitives to understand the intended direction of the whole feminism ploy in a more advanced stage.
    The social engineering shows IMO that the thing has to do with eliminating Europeans first and foremost, as this whole bullshit is seen only peripherally in non-European countries.
    As superior parasites, those doing the social engineering do not understand the consequences for themselves of destroying their host.

  3. Icky girls right? Why even bother breeding if women are so bad at raising children? Why even date if we, vulvas suck so much?
    Also, explain me, I am dominant, I am expected to be dominant, I get along well with men, I know men who are in touch with themselves emotionally. I have know some aggressive careless women. Explain all these things?
    How is culture feminized? When did it happen? Why is showing emotion bad? Why do you men hate your single mothers?

  4. Red pill bothers me as a formerly abused person. Ya all are abusing people into loving you and then being pissed off they leave you and take everything you have! Makes no sense?

  5. Internal Memo:

    From: @MikePhil

    To: @RedGalt

    [To your comment:
    “It seems rather counterproductive to go to such lengths to encourage Beta-behavior when women really want an Alpha. Is it just a disconnect between what women believe they should want and what they actually want?”

    I’m thinking it’s a screening process. If a woman can convince you to take the bait and chop your own balls off to qualify to her, then you do the work of disqualifying yourself instead of her. She saves her valuable time and energy, the lesser men are clearly identified and thus ignored, leaving the valuable top Alpha in plain sight and in fair game.]

    Heheheeee…

    Gold!

  6. @SJF – Thanks for acknowledging me. But here’s the really important thing to get – you took the advice. Instead of whining like a girl, you realized I was correct.

    I was actually kind of surprised by how much you were drinking. So many aspects of your life seem to be very well managed – career, finances, marriage, wealth – it just seemed out of character to be drinking so much. That said, given my experience in AA years ago and helping addicts out over the past 20 years (I haven’t had a drink in 20 years and haven’t been part of AA for 15), I can easily spot a problem drinker and place them on a continuum of abuse.

    You were what I call a “heavy drinker” but were not a low bottom drunk. This is not a healthy place to be physically or emotionally. Just consider the weekly caloric input – but even worse is the fog of drunkenness and the soft hangovers you most surely had regularly. It dulls you, and here’s another truth. Drinking doesn’t look good on anybody. I’m sure you notice now being sober at the social events you used to drink at that people become less interesting after 2 drinks. An obvious degradation in the quality of their speech and behavior occurs. It’s boring.

    One of the aspects of this that hit me hard was how your wife might see this? What was it like to be married to the boozy, “almost excellent” husband? Perhaps she drank like that too but that is immaterial. You are attempting to have her join you in your frame. Why would someone want to enter the frame of someone who gets half in the bag every night?

    Think about the ontology of it – you obviously needed to change your state to be happy. Getting buzzed several nights a week isn’t healthy, this is obvious and you must have known it at some level. One of the things that shocked me when I went into AA was what “normal drinking” is. Most people get drunk rarely, 1-2 times a year and for them that’s 4-5 drinks instead of the 1-2 they’ll have a couple of nights a week. It’s not as though drinking that much alcohol doesn’t make a difference.

    Let me put it another way. Your recently upgraded dominant frame is being offered to your wife in exchange for her WILLING submission. Recall the distinctions between submission and mere compliance. Submission is voluntary – meaning at some level she wants to submit and be in your frame. Why would she want to be in the frame of some guy who gets wobbly 5 nights a week from drinking too much? How can she trust her life to that man?

    Even more critically, this is why you couldn’t lose that last 25 lbs or so readily so it’s also costing you the physical gains you want to make. It’s funny, I’m stuck in that same place, I just can’t seem to get past a 15 lb overweight plateau so I don’t judge you, but it’s like we are willing to settle for “good enough”. I notice that your wife is pretty nice looking – do you want to provide that same charge of attraction for her that she provides you?

    I got from getting to know you that you were dead serious about self-improvement and were not going to recoil from criticism. So I just read out what I saw, but it’s you who took it seriously.

    That book, The Biology of Desire has much deeper implications for understanding our behavior beyond addiction. You can just as easily see how Blue Pill conditioning gets grooved into our neurology, given the plasticity of these parts of the brain. It’s kind of amazing, we are like self-programming robots but the system is far from perfect. Habit and desire have such high payoffs that it seems some error/failure rate is acceptable and we can easily develop belief systems and behaviors and emotional responses and desires that conflict with our other interests.

    An important aside to this is that the medical/scientific community has long known that alcoholism and much addiction cannot be properly called a “disease”. My journey way from AA began at 3 years sober, plagued with growing doubts about the efficacy as I saw most people not get sober. I saw how AA and recovery became a dumping ground for many people with severe emotional and psychological issues – PTSD is rampant.

    I read a book in 1998 called “Heavy Drinking: The Myth of Alcoholism as a Disease”. In it, the frustrated and committed researcher from UCLA presented the massive amount of research which indicated that addiction was not a disease in any meaningful way, and also how poorly AA works to actually help people get sober. Most people get sober or greatly reduce substance abuse on their own – without any “treatment”. Only a small number of people who go to AA get sober there and stay sober for 3 years. It’s well under 10% – so even if alcoholism is a disease, the 12 step program (co-opted from the christian Washingtonian 6 step program of redemption) doesn’t work as a treatment. And this has long been known inside and outside the treatment/recovery community.

    When these things are seen as behavior run amok, with neurological changes which reinforce and worsen it all, it makes clearer what interventions could work to groove in new behavior. What I felt as I used AA to groove in new habits each day was that I was developing my will power again. That I was learning to discipline myself again in a way that I had forgotten to do. What works about AA is that if it is a good group, they have a “beginner” system of meetings and recommendations for newcomers that provide day to day structure to their lives, focused on staying clean that day. The people who take these “suggestions” have a chance at getting sober. It’s the behavior modification that works, so what actually is good about AA reinforces what works to change behavior for some small number of people.

    Interestingly, studies of addicts who successfully abstain or substantially moderate their use and those who don’t show’s something very simple as the cause. The biggest driver is how much a person wants to get sober – this is the shocking disclosure that everyone who sponsors a few guys in AA learns quickly. Many people say they want to change, but few actually do. You, SJF, want to change. In fact, you are highly motivated to change in a positive way. The motivation was high, hence you could fight the “automaticity” of response you had grooved in.

    A long response, but I’m up early and enjoying some chill time on Sunday morning by the lake, so the words just tumble out.

  7. @Stephanie – Don’t you dare use the paradigm of abuse to describe WHAT WOMEN SIGNAL THEY VALUE IN MEN VIA THEIR BEHAVIOR.

    I’ve not seen you before so let’s try and take you seriously for a moment. Do you really think that what’s being expressed here is “icky girls”? I get it, such reductionist rhetoric appeals to your superficial “intellect” but perhaps what you could also notice is that this is your payoff to begin with? That breezily dismissing serious conversation without actually engaging on the topic under discussion is a pose so you can preserve your sense of superiority? It occurs to us, trust me.

    Even more to the point, can you notice that you pranced in here presuming we should all immediately buy into your superior moral sense and victimhood? What on earth makes you believe your views are universal? Why do you find it incomprehensible that men and women are different, but complementary? What is it about this idea that offends you so much that you have to just dismiss it out of hand without even deigning to discuss it in any real way?

    The growth potential in this dialog is all your’s, Stephanie. You have a chance to actually see through your own biases and prejudices and misconceptions. Will you step up? Do you have the courage to see through your own closely held delusions?

  8. “Why even bother breeding if women are so bad at raising children? Why even date if we, vulvas suck so much?”

    Good questions. I have no good answers.

    ” . . . as a formerly abused person.”

    Get in line, honey. Get in line.

  9. @Stephanie has 9 questions that shows she has bothered to read much here, and one sentence that reads

    Also, I …, I …, I …, I …. I …

    Once again we thank women who comment here to demonstrate Rollo’s points. However is it possible there is a unicorn out there that can rationally discuss at length what Rollo says?

  10. @ScribblerG
    November 1st, 2015 at 7:53 am

    In a word, Yes.

    The ideas that Marc Lewis expounds on also have a large relevance to Red Pill Awareness and Game Practice.

    If you just apply the addiction is not a disease theory to Blue Pill thinking and the rut that is One-itis and other afflictions holding back men from Real Power, you have some solutions. The same solutions that are offered by guys like YaReally, Tyler and Julien.

    “The biggest driver is how much a person wants to get sober – this is the shocking disclosure that everyone who sponsors a few guys in AA learns quickly. Many people say they want to change, but few actually do. You, SJF, want to change. In fact, you are highly motivated to change in a positive way. The motivation was high, hence you could fight the “automaticity” of response you had grooved in.”

    The biggest driver stems from the desire to be better. The desire to be better at being a man. I’m fortunate that I have had a bit more in the resource department to work with. And I don’t use ego buffers in real life.

    Here is the introduction of The Biology of Desire. See how much it parallels with Rollo’s explanation of how Blue Pill ruts derive from repetition of the same thoughts and behaviors until they become habitual. See how Rollo and Yareally by what they explain can help men overcome and reprogram the “addiction” that is Blue Pill thoughts and behavior. Read this and change where it says addiction to blue pill thoughts and behaviors. See the parallels?

    Hell, this even applies to what you just said to to Stephanie

    Introduction to “The Biology of Desire: Why Addiction Is Not a Disease” by Marc Lewis:

    “Public attention has been riveted by the harm addicts cause themselves and those around them, more in the last few years than ever before. And the way we view addiction is changing, moulting, and perhaps advancing at the same time. We’ve begun to separate our ideas about addiction from assumptions about moral failings. We’re less likely to dismiss addicts as simply indulgent, spineless, lacking in willpower. It becomes harder to relegate addiction to the down-and-outers, the gaunt-faced youths who shuffle toward our cars at traffic lights. We see that addiction can spring up in anyone’s backyard. It attacks our politicians, our entertainers, our relatives, and often ourselves. It’s become ubiquitous, expectable, like air pollution and cancer.

    To explain addiction seems more important than ever before. And the first explanation that occurs to most people is that addiction is a disease. What else but a disease could strike anyone at any time, robbing them of their well-being, their self-control, and even their lives? Many esteemed public health organizations and doctors call it a disease. Rehabs, addiction counsellors, and twelve-step fellowships call it a disease. Research over the last twenty years has found indisputable evidence for changes in brain structure and function that parallel substance abuse. And genetic studies reveal heritable traits that predispose people to addiction. All this seems to clinch the definition of addiction as a disease—a physical disease. And that gives us hope, or at least forbearance, because the notion is sensible, comforting in its own way, and part of our shared reality. If addiction is a disease, then it should have a cause, a time course, and possibly a cure, or at least agreed-on methods of treatment. Which means we can hand it over to the professionals and follow their instructions.

    But is addiction really a disease?

    This book makes the case that it isn’t. Addiction results, rather, from the motivated repetition of the same thoughts and behaviours until they become habitual. Thus, addiction develops—it’s learned—but it’s learned more deeply and often more quickly than most other habits, due to a narrowing tunnel of attention and attraction. A close look at the brain highlights the role of desire in this process. The neural circuitry of desire governs anticipation, focused attention, and behaviour. So the most attractive goals will be pursued repeatedly, while other goals lose their appeal, and that repetition (rather than the drugs, booze, or gambling) will change the brain’s wiring. As with other developing habits, this process is grounded in a neurochemical feedback loop that’s present in all normal brains. But it cycles more persistently because of the frequent recurrence of desire and the shrinking range of what is desired. Addiction arises from the same feelings that bind lovers to each other and children to their parents. And it builds on the same cognitive mechanisms that get us to value short-term gains over long-term benefits. Addiction is unquestionably destructive, yet it is also uncannily normal: an inevitable feature of the basic human design. That’s what makes it so difficult to grasp—socially, scientifically, and clinically.

    I believe that the disease idea is wrong, and that its wrongness is compounded by a biased view of the neural data—and by doctors’ and scientists’ habit of ignoring the personal. It’s an idea that can be replaced, not by shunning the biology of addiction but by examining it more closely, and then connecting it back to lived experience. Medical researchers are correct that the brain changes with addiction. But the way it changes has to do with learning and development—not disease. Addiction can therefore be seen as a developmental cascade, often foreshadowed by difficulties in childhood, always boosted by the narrowing of perspective with recurrent cycles of acquisition and loss. Like other developmental outcomes, addiction isn’t easy to reverse, because it rides on the restructuring of the brain. Like other developmental outcomes, it arises from neural plasticity, but its net effect is a reduction of further plasticity, at least for a while. Addiction is a habit, which, like many other habits, gets entrenched through a decrease in self-control. Addiction is definitely bad news for the addict and all those within range. But the severe consequences of addiction don’t make it a disease, any more than the consequences of violence make violence a disease, or the consequences of racism make racism a disease, or the folly of loving thy neighbour’s wife makes infidelity a disease. What they make it is a very bad habit.

    Although this book uses scientific findings to build its case, it works through the testimony of ordinary people. I relate detailed biographical narratives of five very different people, each struggling with addiction, as the scaffolding on which brain science is introduced and interpreted. I have rendered these narratives in a literary style, including stream of consciousness and dialogue, but they are factually accurate, except for the use of pseudonyms and the inexact wording of some of the dialogue. Through these stories, I show what it’s like and how it feels when addiction takes hold, while explaining the neural changes underlying it. There’s no doubt that these changes mark a difficult passage in personality development. But I conclude each chapter on a positive note, following my contributors through their addictions to their growth beyond it—a phase often termed “recovery.” And I provide the neuroscientific facts and concepts to help us understand how they get there. The many addicts who end up quitting do so uniquely and inventively, through effort and insight. Thus quitting is best seen as further development, not “recovery” from a disease.

    I’m a neuroscientist and a professor. It’s my job to teach students whatever I know about the brain. I’ve taught and done research on emotional development and the brain for most of my career. But after my first decade of lecturing, I began to sound stodgy and dull, even to myself. What was I missing? The brain is the foundation of our needs, our desires, our joy and suffering, our darkest moments and our capacity to overcome them. Why was it coming across as an anatomical jigsaw puzzle, a blueprint for a circuit board, a thicket of labels, boxes, and arrows? How could I convey the gut-wrenching reality of the brain as a motivational furnace? Even in graduate courses, students met my efforts with glassy stares and furious note taking. Look up! I wanted to shout. Look up from your notes and feel what your brain is doing. You can get this directly. Not from your notes. Just introspect a bit and you’ll discover that your brain is busily extending and revising a landscape of flitting thoughts, shocking associations, and childish impulses. It’s not just an organ of rationality, as you’ve no doubt been taught; it’s also the biological engine of our striking irrationality—it has a dark side. How does that work?

    And how do I get it across?

    About six or seven years ago I began to talk more candidly about my own messy emotions. I culled examples from my past, exposing the dark side of my own brain. That got their attention. Especially when I revealed that I’d been a drug addict through most of my twenties—something I’d locked away from public scrutiny for nearly thirty years. Professors aren’t supposed to be drug addicts, past, present, or future. This was interesting. At around the same time, I began riffling through the journals I’d kept from my late teens to mid-thirties. I relived hundreds of traumatic, horrific, and often baffling experiences of getting high and getting lost. I began to read and think about the brain processes underlying addiction, and I began the book I hoped would put it all together: my previous book, Memoirs of an Addicted Brain.

    I stopped taking illegal drugs and taking drugs illegally at the age of thirty. Now, as a neuroscientist and a teacher, I needed to figure out what had happened to me all those years ago. How had my brain become so addled for such a long time? How did I finally quit? As I waded through a sea of papers on the neuroscience of addiction, I learned how circuits devoted to goal seeking become captivated by the appeal of a single goal. A drug, a drink, gambling, porn—whatever it is that satisfies a powerful desire, at least partially, while simultaneously increasing its own appeal. I started to understand the dark side of the brain as a scientist as well as an “end user”—and I began to convey what I was learning to my students, with passion, precision, and, I hope, insight.

    This book is my current attempt to be that teacher. While I have a message to get across, an argument to make about addiction, my most daunting task is to move back and forth between two perspectives: life as we experience it—including its pinnacles and perils—and the concrete workings of the brain that make that experience possible. If we are to understand anything so complex and troubling as addiction, we need to gaze directly at the point where experience and biology meet. Because that’s the bottleneck, the linchpin, where human affairs are cast and crystallized. That’s where the brain shapes our lives and our lives shape the brain.”

  11. @SJF – Great citation. What his book describes about habit, behavior desire and the neurology behind it rings so true for me. It’s a much larger metaphor than “addiction” but by seeing it through the lens of addiction one can see clearly how feedback loops and behavioral triggers wire themselves up and fire without our conscious knowledge.

    This is true of any sort of desire we experience. One of the things I’ve never been able to describe to a woman successfully is how deeply I desire sex and how potent that attraction is and how ever present the tripwire is to arousal for me, and most men. We are springloaded to fuck at a moments notice – but we are shamed for it. It’s kind of mindblowingly fucked up if you step back and just consider who natural male sexual desire works and how completely it is shamed by women and how they seek to control male sexual behavior.

    The best way of understanding this for women might be to consider all men as “addicted” to sex with women.

  12. “Note to self: YaReally really digs Halloween.”

    But not costumes. Well maybe on Holloween, but maybe not every day or something. I’m so confused….not. Thanks Yareally the jackets are wearing thin anyway; ditched the ties long ago.Just backsliding a little in comments hoping you’d show up again and rant. Thanks YaReally….needed the clarification on the BD…

  13. Forge, Cave

    “Maybe if you divorce her, but let her rent a room in the house lol. If she’s bad she has to make sandwiches for your girlfriend(s). If she’s still bad she gets kicked out.”

    I know a guy who did this, not IRT living space, but gave the ex a job in his business, with his current LTR as her boss, haha. Still continues to this day….

  14. @YaReally

    Want to say thank you for your advice to go out sarging on Halloween and for allotted time you take to encourage men. . I took your advice, went out and just concentrated on being in a positive state and making lots of eye contact, talking to everybody and building social proof. I am by no means a PUA but I stayed playful and tried to encourage good feels – I had a blast last night! So thank you!

  15. @Porko: “After a while of reading about red/blue pill, egalitarianism, feminism and seeing + experiencing the outcomes, my impression is that the whole thing is a giant power grab.”

    I tend to agree:…In the end it’s the struggle for which sexual strategy is the dominant, writ large. So on a macro scale women/F.I/Elite are generally trying to make sure that the masses of men become, and, are raised to be, BB…in one way or another.

    In my summation, societies with more BBs/equalists/conformists tend to revolt less, they take shit from above without resistance in the end this has been what the elite have been pushing for, and women, oblivious to this, as is their nature, play along.

  16. sjf
    What I see in comments from Andy, Wacokid and CaveClown is that they are experiencing ennui in marriage. They feel like they settled. They want more than their wives can offer. (for them at this point all they can do is adapt, control the things they can and accept the things they can’t. A woman can be like holding water in your hand with fingers outstretched.)

    You are a fraudI, I did not settle, I am living a realistic life, one that actually happens. You should know better than to post a degrading, offensive, cowardly remark like that. Your constant bragging only shows that you are a fraud, and a fucking pussy…You want to give advice than try, but putting others down that you know nothing about shows you should keep your shitty advice to yourself..

    Wacokid………….kicking ass taking names and loving life…..

  17. @redlight: “However is it possible there is a unicorn out there that can rationally discuss at length what Rollo says?”

    No bruv, there isn’t ;)…

    We can talk amongst fellow men about such a woman’s existence…however, I think it’s always better to never allow such thought or reverie to come into your fore brain, or public domain…even among women who portray RP acceptable behaviour, we must maintain the Fight Club rule, always…

  18. @Scribblerg: Exactly! Demonstrate not explicate…every man should internalise and live this mantra, especially with regards to women. We really don’t owe them any explanation, at all….ever!

  19. I understand why a woman would find it hard to identify with the discourse in here. I mean, it is ok for a woman to say, “I know men who are in touch with themselves emotionally…” But if you ask her if she is sexually responsive to a boyfriend who is emotional and likes bawling his eyes out in front of her? She will say she is. But we know the truth. She does know the truth too, but it is painful for her to admit it.

    So, what to do?

    It is nature. We cannot change the fact that men who work out and have good looking bodies will enter a club and have strange women squeezing at their biceps. They are not squeezing them to see if they are real (I don’t know that men are getting plastic surgery to augment their biceps yet, but it is coming soon I think). They squeeze them because it is pleasurable for them to feel them. They like it, the feeling. And it is not a crime. We like beautiful women, and we do not deny it. Why do women have to be so secretive/misleading, even apologetic about their appetites? BS.

  20. @YaReally

    Thanks man. I gave the night a big write-up bc I think it was a pretty good example of where my game’s at, and ya gave me a bunch of really solid concrete things to hit next.

    I was having a nightmare of a time approaching until recently, so I just started talking to random people out and about in the day more. Still kicks my ass in the daytime in the grocery store and shit like that, but I was really pleased to see how much easier it is for me to open now – at night, once my state is a bit pumped.

    Next is actually doing something with the interaction. I’ve learned how to do this very slowly over time with girls that I know at work and shit, but when I’m just meeting someone I still defer to an asexual frame by default. I’m just standing there thinking ‘why isn’t she flirting with me?’ cause I’m used to having girls set a sexual frame when I’m talking to them at this point bc I’ve been setting that frame gradually over the course of a few weeks of interactions. So ya. I have to steer the ship that way, and learn to do so very quickly when it comes to girls I’ve approached.

    Also, I need to talk to more guys. I seem to subconsciously see it as being a waste of time, like I should be focussing on girls, even though consciously I know that’s bullshit…

    I remember rsdTyler had a talk about how guys will occilate back and forth between emphasizing inner and outer game. I’m starting to see why. A year ago I couldn’t approach at all, in part because I had all sorts of fucked up internals running, so I spent a long time working on my internal mindsets and so on, until AA was just a bad habit to break. Now that I can (sometimes) get past it, I realize there’s some big holes in my outer game cause I’m actually getting into sets. Once that improves some I’ll probably have to work on internal mindsets again, as I’ll get into all sorts of circumstances I’ve never had to deal with before and it’ll show deficiencies in mindset. And so on.

    Anyways, in a nutshell: Woo! I’ve gotten up to ‘average guy who can talk to girls but it usually doesn’t go anywhere.’ Huge upgrade from ‘shy chode who stands against the wall terrified to talk to anyone he doesn’t know.’

    Onward and upward!

    @SJF

    “Speaking of preselection, don’t you think there could have been a bit more pre-selection in Forge’s game last night?

    I sense the sets of 2 or 3 girls that he approached didn’t get that vibe of pre-selection from him.

    From what I recall, Forge is quite handsome and well groomed in general. And he’s not too short by any means.

    I think his pre-selection value would be upped exponentially by a wing-girl or a wingman in this particular field report and situation.

    Befriending some of the males before or after a set of girls showed up for example (The Art of AMOG).”

    Heh, thanks man. I’m actually only 5’9” or so, but I don’t think I ever register as short with people. Just never occurs to me. Even though I live in an area CHOCK FULL of ethnic Dutch, the tallest people on earth (men are 6’1” on average in Holland; a lot of the women are taller than me here lol).

    Re: a wing girl, I had the same thought actually. I asked a few girls I know but they were all having to go to family gatherings and such. Most of the cute girls in my social circle are somewhat to very attracted to me these days so it would work very well, but it’s actually working against me in a way – they’re all reluctant to hang out with me bc I suspect they’re afraid something would ‘end up happening’ and they mostly are in LTR’s of some sort. Ha, it’s a weird place to be in. I’m a good sort of dangerous. Like sugar.

    “And pay more attention to the cock-blocker girls in a set to qualify yourself.
    Or if some of the venues were overly slow in regards to the bartending, order a water and tip the bartender an outrageous amount like three or 4 dollars for the first water and then two dollars for each additional one to get his attention. Then when a girl comes up to the bar by herself, start a game routine.”

    Good, this is all classic game stuff I need to work on. I never memorized routines or created stacks or anything. I prefer improvising, but having gambits like that for when I’m not ‘on’ would be a great idea.

    “What about wearing a cheap black tungsten or titanium ring (left ring finger) on the dance floor and then demonstrating later that you aren’t really married, it’s just part of the costume (as you switch it to the right ring finger to make the girl more comfortable).
    And give a solid reason why you are there alone.
    Just a thought.”

    I’ve actually done the ring thing before. I have a bottle opener ring that fits on the left ring finger. Maybe I’ll bust it out again, might be interesting to see how things are different with it on. If they ask I just show them it’s a bottle opener and it’s all good lol.

    I never got anyone asking why I was there alone. Maybe people did find it weird though; having a thing about how all my friends ditched me but I still wanted to go out would be good, give a bit of a narrative to my presence.

    Next week’s another weekend!

  21. @Kobayashi

    We really don’t owe them any explanation, at all….ever!

    More importantly, they don’t want one. Asking for an explanation is a shit test. Giving her one is a failure of said shit test.

  22. Beyond such subjective points, DNA is what really makes us different:
    1. Women have greater constitutional vitality, perhaps because of their unique chromosomal pattern, and normally outlive men by 3-4 years (U.S.). This is also reflected even in the womb. More than 140 male babies are conceived for every 100 females; by the time birth occurs, the ratio is 105 to 100, with the rest of the males dying in spontaneous abortions.
    2. Men have a higher incidence of death from almost EVERY disease except three: benign tumors, disorders related to female reproduction, and breast cancer.
    3. Men have a higher rate of basal metabolism than women.
    4. In skeletal structure, women tend to have a shorter head, broader face, less protruding chin, shorter legs, and longer trunk, and a more rounded pelvis.
    5. Women have a larger stomach, kidneys, liver, and appendix, and smaller lungs than men.
    6. Women have three very important physiological functions totally absent in men–menstruation, pregnancy, and lactation, and each SIGNIFICANTLY influences behavior and feelings. Female hormonal patterns are more complex and varied.
    7. The glands work differently: e.g. a women’s thyroids are larger and more active, enlarging during menstruation and pregnancy, making them more prone to goiter, providing resistance to cold, and is associated with the smooth skin, relatively hairless body, and the thin layer of subcutaneous fat that are important elements in the concept of personal beauty. Women are also generally more responsive emotionally, laughing and crying more readily (think how many women complain men are less emotional).
    8. Women’s blood contains more water (thus 20 percent fewer red cells). Since red cells supply oxygen to the body, they tire more easily and are more prone to faint. Their constitutional viability is therefore strictly a long-term matter. During ware-time conditions, when the working day in British factories was increased from ten to twelve hours, accidents among women increased 150 percent; the rate of accidents among men did not increase significantly.
    9. Men are 50 percent stronger than women in brute strength.
    10. Women’s hearts beat more rapidly than those of men (80 vs. 72 beats per minute). Their blood pressure (averaging 10 points lower than men) varies more from minute to minute, but they have much less tendency to high blood pressure until after menopause.
    11. Female lung capacity is about 30% less than in males.
    12. Women can withstand high temperatures better than men because their metabolism slows down less.
    13. Men and women differ in every cell because of differing chromosomal patterns, the implications of which range from obvious to extremely subtle. In one classic example, when researchers visited high school and college campuses to study behavior of the sexes, they observed that males and females even carried books differently – men tended to carry them at their sides with their arms over the top. Women and girls, by contrast, usually cradled their books at their chests.

  23. Well kira, you are obviously trying to “rationally discuss at length” to what Rollo wrote. I’m gonna thank you for at least trying.

    But while your comment could be called a nice write up of uncontroversial bulletpoints about differences between the sexes, the topic of Rollo’s posting is “Complementarity”, which is about how these differences work together best. Your comment doesn’t tie in to this topic or any other point of the discussion in the comments. So I wonder, why did you write it up for us? We knew that already?

  24. @ longgone

    “I’ve observed………….

    I’ve heard reports………

    I’ve heard reports……….

    I’ve observed ………..”

    I see.

    That’s debatable.

  25. @ Cave

    She doesn’t know about that.

    Lol, sure she does, at some level. Women can read this in men so easily. Or she will reason that you filed for divorce because you already have pussy on the side.

  26. @ Cave

    Meh, I’m not very good at it though. I’m not the tall strapping alpha you cheat on your husband with…but I did have some success.

    Lol at the tall strapping alpha.

    I was 5’7″ 125# soaking wet when I got my first lay–an HB9 with D cups. Who was engaged, 5’6″, and weighed 145#. A big, curvy girl. I told her I wanted to make love to her, fielded two easy 5h1t-tests, and she was DTF after that.

    It’s true that in the past I had saved her butt from a stalker/potential rapist inner city thug. Thug was about 6’2″ and weighed about 180# and I scared him off using tactics.

    If you DHV you can outdo the “tall strapping alpha”, lol.

  27. @ Cave

    Meh, I’m not very good at it though. I’m not the tall strapping alpha you cheat on your husband with…but I did have some success.

    Lol at the tall strapping alpha.

    I was 5’7″ 125# soaking wet when I got my first lay–an HB9 with D cups. Who was engaged, 5’6″, and weighed 145#. A big, curvy girl. I told her I wanted to make love to her, fielded two easy 5h1t-tests, and she was DTF after that.

    It’s true that in the past I had saved her butt from a stalker/potential rapist inner city thug. Thug was about 6’2″ and weighed about 180# and I scared him off using tactics.

    If you DHV you can outdo the “tall strapping alpha”, lol.

  28. YaReally wrote:

    I can pretty much guarantee the guys who complain about how they have to play up the Provider angle or how looks matter or how girls won’t get with older guys etc aren’t doing ANY of this shit out there and their pickups don’t look anything like what Julien’s explaining for how to game in 2015 lol)

    Confirm. See my latest post about Brazilian women for a FR on a broad young enough to be my daughter (early 30s). No, I didn’t lay her, but she was showing IOIs and investing in me and wanting escalation. A broad showing that she wants escalation is a major IOI! I didn’t care about the lay–I got material for my book. I might see her again since she rotates between the U.S. and Brazil every fortnight.

    https://theasdgamer.wordpress.com/2015/11/01/theres-something-about-brazilian-women/

    Most men didn’t dress up for Halloween at the bars I frequent. Some did. I just wore my best western shirt and a black cowboy hat instead of my usual black western shirt and black cap. A waitress complimented me on the hat, which was a $30 Stetson and NBD.

    More on the HB8 waitress. I asked her to dance a second time on another night, she refused, and I backturned. Last time I saw her, she was singing while passing by me, lunged down and pointed at me, lasering me. I smiled. Didn’t talk to her all night. The lunging down caused her to look up to me and was a subconsciously submissive act. The pointing was a 5h1t test and I passed by simply smiling as I would at a bratty child. The lasering was an IOI. The whole act was beta bait. Long game. Next time I’m going to beat up on the team she cried about when they lost. Heh.

    An HB8 wife-hoe whom I know squealed “hi” at me last night as another broad trundled her off on some feminine drama lockup escapade. I hadn’t seen her last night and on previous nights she had been trying to game me to buy drinks for her in exchange for a makeout. She finally gave up on the drinks and just wanted the makeout. Too many miles on that pussy. Her mother in law told me the whole sad tale about the wife-hoe and her slutting around while living in the same house as the MIL’s son. The husband is beta to the max and Mrs. Gamer had no pity on him for not Nexting the wife-hoe’s @$$.

  29. @lh: I was also wondering what Kira was getting at. Her and Stephanie really cannot fathom what exactly is going on here with Rollo’s post.
    Again as Sun has pointed out, we don’t have to explain…for what may be the umpteenth time the post is about COMPLIMENTARITY.

    And then, C&P’d things like this:
    “6. Women have three very important physiological functions totally absent in men–menstruation, pregnancy, and lactation, and each SIGNIFICANTLY influences behavior and feelings. Female hormonal patterns are more complex and varied.”

    What THEE fuck has this got to do with anything? 🙂

    Fun fact? Examples why fucks should not be given? OK!

  30. Going to start doing some field reports. Starting out slow, but once I move in a few months I can do it more consistency. Very busy with work now.

    I haven’t really ever dated anyone, and I have been living more or less like a hermit over the past few years. However, you wouldn’t really know if you met me.

    At my present job, I have people who will come up to me and talk for a half hour or more. And even when I’m out on my own people will just start talking to me out of nowhere. I’ve gotten lots of huge IOIs from girls in the past. I’ve had two girls hunt me down on facebook when I didn’t tell them my name. I had a South American HB8 in my apartment about 7 minutes after I met her. She “accidentally” spilled water on my upper leg as and excuse to rub her legs there, ran her hand down her stomach so her boobs would stick out more (she was wearing a hoodie so you couldn’t really see them otherwise) , asked “what do you call that in English?” as she ran her hand over my stubble, and would slowly creep her foot out to touch mine (she’d freak out at the last second and her foot would dart back. It took her several hours before she got the courage to put her foot right next to mine).

    I screwed all those up for various reasons (HB8 was the other South American girls she was living with cockblocking me), but mainly because I would literally only see a girl I was attracted to maybe once a year or so. So, I didn’t get very much pratice, and mentally I was fucked because the whole time I was thinking “Man, if I screw this up it will be a year before I get another chance.” Also, because most girls wouldn’t pay me much attention, and then out of the blue I’d have these girls be REALLY into me and I’d be thinking “WTF is going on?” And that hesitation and doubt would fuck me over too.

    I live in a really bad place and its taken me years to finally find things I enjoy and figure out where and what I want to do with my life. Girls here are so unattractive to me I actually though I might be gay for a little bit. I tried to convice myself I like some of the girls. I thought “I guess she looks okay” and had to convince myself that I Iiked her. I couldn’t understand why guys were so crazy abour girls. Then I went on a trip to another state when I was about 25 and that’s when I met the HB8. I got an instant boner, lol. So glad I had a grocery bag on the bus where I met her, or everyone would have known just how much I liked her. And when I met all the other South American girls I about lost my mind. THAT’s my type. But it wasn’t until I was 25 that I saw girls I really liked.

    I’m saving up now to move to a much better place. It will be about 6 months, but I’d like to get started now. I don’t want to go to hardcore now just because my focus is on working and getting through the next few months.

    I’ve got a couple of FR coming up that I did on some girls I worked with. I just wanted to get some practice and get warmed up a bit. I just went to A2 and stopped, since I didn’t want to shit where I ate. But it blew me away how easily I got IOIs even when I was pulling my punches. And Iearned that using light game works really well on all girls, not just girls you are trying to pik up.

  31. a single mother is as co-effective as a father

    If this were true, then why does study after study show that children who are raised by single mothers, is the best predictor of a child that will fail to achieve? If there statement were true, there should be no difference, but yet there is, and it’s huge. Ego, a child raised by a single mother is one that will fail.

    Reality is what the Liberals hate, because they can try to hush it up, but the facts don’t lie. All you have to do is look at income levels – a child raised by a single mother is much more likely to live below the poverty line all of their lives. It really is that simple – just look at the facts, don’t listen to what the media tries to pass off as facts – it’s Bullsh*t because they are pushing an agenda, for the moment you can still find the facts. Of course the next logical step is to “re-normalize” the results, to get rid of the fact that the facts don’t prove their lies. Like they try to do with so-called “global warming” – the facts don’t support it, just “re-normalize” the measurements each year so that it shows what you want. Of course, eventually, when everyone if freezing to death, they can only say that it’s 90degrees F, till everyone can see that it isn’t.

    Like trying to proclaim a mentally deranged man, who mutilates himself a woman just because he cuts his balls off and puts on makeup. No, HE is not a woman, he will NEVER be a woman, he IS a mentally deranged man. Period…

    People only have to open their eyes to see the truth. Of course, most people these days are sheep. The best thing to do with a sheep is shear it. Not good to even eat… Of course, women do have one useful thing they can be used for – but logic isn’t it…

  32. @ Cave

    Her attitude changed dramatically. She went cold. I was fine to flirt with until then, but after that jolt to her system of how short I am, she changed.

    Just DHV all over again and neg her until she warms up. Push-pull her. Standard stuff.

  33. YaReally wrote:

    usually they’re nice dudes who want everyone around them to have fun and you can ride some of their positive energy.

    Funny how we think alike on stuff like this. I did this some on Sat. night and pulled a Brazilian girl away from her friend she was out with in order to dance with her. He provided some of the energy and there was rapport among the three of us while we were together.

    I also pulled another girl (whom I’ve known for months) away from her “date” (she denied that it was an official “date”) to dance and talk with.

    Both girls showed IOIs and lots of energy while chatting with me, wanting kino, etc.

  34. @YaReally, damn. Wish I read this site before I went out on Friday. Checked Heartiste’s site to see if you left any gold, but didn’t see any and didn’t think you’d put anything here about Halloween so I didn’t check here.

    I had a game plan, but it didn’t go as planned. Some lines I thought of prior to going out that I posted on H’s site:

    See a girl dressed as a cat. “Nice costume. I love dogs.”
    See a girl dressed as wonder woman. “Nice costume. You can totally see my balls right now though right?”
    See a girl dressed as a witch. “Nice costume. So you’re my ex girlfriend then!”
    See a girl dressed as Snow White. “Nice costume. Which of the dwarfs had the biggest dick?”

    but it seemed the whole night I missed opportunities. Got some gum at the corner store on the way to the bar and this hot mixed girl had her Corona, chips and salsa, etc on counter, but had to go back to get some limes and smiled at me and said I could go ahead of her. In my head I wanted to say, “Go ahead OF you? Hell, looks like you’re having the party … I’m trying to go WITH you.” But I bitched out and didn’t say anything. I’m thinking of cool lines, but my beta keeps zapping me at the last second. So that sent me in a bad mood that I didn’t open.
    Got to bar, very little girls were dressed up. Finally after an hour or so saw three girls dressed up. Saw one I thought was the wonderwoman I had thought of a line to use, so I went over and opened, but she wasn’t wonderwoman, so that fried my brain that I couldn’t use my opener and I just complimented them lamely and moved on. That got me madder at myself. Then walked to my car from the bar and saw two girls ahead of me a bit and was going to open them with “Hold up. You’re walking to fast for the party.” When they ask what party, I’d say, “I’m the party (Cupid Schmupid).” But since they were a bit far ahead of my, I bitched out again. I was cursing at myself out loud the whole ride home. but one good thing about that night is I swore to myself, I WILL OPEN FROM NOW ON! So tired of the bitch beta popping up at the last second. That was my final last straw in letting the beta bitch out.

  35. @SJF

    Congrats on not drinking. I’ve recently quit drinking during the week. The wife and I had been catching a slight buzz pretty much every night since last kid was born. I’ve been replacing it with meditation. It’s working well. Takes an edge off of the stress of the day. I don’t have weight problems though. I run too much.

    As for settling. Yeah I suppose. If I found myself single tomorrow anything less than a model a decade younger than me would be settling. I don’t know if that means I am settling or I just have healthy ambition.

    Anyway, it was nice to see you take your mouth off of ScibblerG’s cock long enough to type out an interesting post. Then you go and gobble that shit right down the base again… *shaking head*

  36. Rollo tweeted a link to a reddit that transcribed some of Esther Perel’s TED talk from Feb. 2013.

    https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3qxdlv/afbb_from_the_horses_mouth_love_vs_desire/

    That TED talk somewhat summed up why the red pill and what Rollo and TRM describe resonates so poorly with the Churchian women like InsanityBytes and Emily and and slight less well with Larry Solomon (although Larry gets it from a gestalt, he isn’t allowed to speak it clearly without his scripture limitations).

    In long-term relationships, we often expect our beloved to be both best friend and erotic partner. But as Esther Perel argues, good and committed sex draws on two conflicting needs: our need for security and our need for surprise. So how do you sustain desire?

    Here is what Ether says:

    “Now, in this paradox between love and desire, what seems to be so puzzling is that the very ingredients that nurture love — mutuality, reciprocity, protection, worry, responsibility for the other — are sometimes the very ingredients that stifle desire. Because desire comes with a host of feelings that are not always such favorites of love: jealousy, possessiveness, aggression, power, dominance, naughtiness, mischief.

    Basically most of us will get turned on at night by the very same things that we will demonstrate against during the day. You know, the erotic mind is not very politically correct. If everybody was fantasizing on a bed of roses, we wouldn’t be having such interesting talks about this.”

    As the reddit poster synthesizes it as implied by the Esther Perel : “Desire comes from jealousy, possessiveness, aggression, power, dominance, naughtiness, mischief.”

    (I personally disagree with the tone of the reddit poster, it doesn’t come from these things actively gamed for in a Dark triad sort of way on the part of a man. Desire comes from these things thought of by a woman. In other words, the woman makes these things up from what she perceives. i.e., her emotions, her fears and her imaginings from her fertile emagination)

    Red Pill Alpha game just plugs into or taps into these emotions in an amoral fashion, not in a cruel, evil mysogynist way that is imagined by those like the InsanityByteses or Emilys.

    And that brings us back to the OP image:

    http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/burning-man-festival-adults-babies-love-aleksandr-milov-ukraine-4.jpg

    “There were thousands of beautiful works of art at this year’s Burning Man festival in Nevada, but there’s one that really caught people’s eyes and invited them to interpret its meaning. ‘Love,’ by Ukrainian sculptor Alexander Milov, features two wire-frame adults sitting back to back with their inner children reaching out to each other from within. At night, the inner children lit up as well.

    You’re free to come to your own conclusions about the piece’s meaning (and share them with us in the comments), but here’s what Milov wrote about the piece on the festival’s website: “It demonstrates a conflict between a man and a woman as well as the outer and inner expression of human nature. Their inner selves are executed in the form of transparent children, who are holding out their hands through the grating. As it’s getting dark (night falls) the children chart to shine. This shining is a symbol of purity and sincerity that brings people together and gives a chance of making up when the dark time arrives.”

    Although, when it comes to an inter-sexual relationship purity and sincerity are not quite the right nouns for the desire dynamic.

  37. Red pill is basically knowledge about women, who they are, how they operate, etc. RP equals TRUTH. Women en masse hate truth..their very safety is based on manipulation, emotions, little/big lies.

    They might enjoy pua-a, gys showering them with all that attention, but in every woman´s life, there will come the day when she needs, desperately needs – provider. Man who will pay her debts, provide her with safety net, security. Responsible, self sacrifying husband 🙂 BETA.

    Besides many changes in beahviour, red pill has the potential to KILL or at least seriously wound this big, warm heart of beta. I am curious about the future.

  38. Regarding “TradCon Christian women”: My mother is such a women and I can tell you exactly what issue they have with the RedPill:

    TradCon women want the “dominant man” but they also have a strict view of what is “good masculinity”, what are the acceptable boundaries for what a man is allowed to do with that dominance.

    But this isn’t male dominance at all. It’s men playing a dominant role strictly within a frame set by the TradCon women. TradCon women trick the man into believing he would be dominant, but in fact the women is dominant because it’s her frame.

    RedPill-Masculinity is about real dominance. And because it doesn’t care primarily for the FI, it is dangerous (which may even be true from the female perspective). Natures way to tackle this danger would be for the women to submit and plenty of sex, so the man doesn’t have reason to harm her. TradCons avoid this, maybe because they feel less competitive sexually? And of course it is a rationalization why it is good to settle with a beta early and stay there.

  39. Besides many changes in beahviour, red pill has the potential to KILL or at least seriously wound this big, warm heart of beta. I am curious about the future.

    @gregg

    I think that being a provider is just as ingrained into our natural masculinity as being dominant. IMO the difference is that with Red Pill you can learn when it is appropriate to turn that switch on and off. With Blue Pill it just becomes your primary sexual strategy.

    I personally take pride in providing for my family.

  40. Thanks Andy.

    I heartily encourage you to moderate alcohol use. It’s such a buffer for couples that have a tough go at the time when the children are young and need a lot of investment for you and your wife as parents.

    And it is so much easier to keep frame in your relationship with your wife without the extra tax in game that is the non-moderation of alcohol.

    You can dismiss Mr. AMOG if you like. Fact is he has transformed his life with red pill and game in the last 2 years. And so have I.

    His friendship as a congruent male has helped me transform my life and my relationship with my life. His current situation is 180 degrees opposite of what mine is in terms of our relationship with women. But I derive quite a bit of knowledge from that because of–guess what? Complementarity. In a man to man relationship. See how that works?

    You can diss the friendship I have with ScribblerG all you want. Neither one of us has “taken” from the other in a friendship, but we have “given” each other some valuable shit in terms of shared ideas that are a by product of Rollo’s ideas and TRM’s comment section. We have a masculine male friendship. It is a “virtual” online friendship. And it is a valuable asset.

    One thing I would like to point out to you is that game applies to social order among a gang of men. TRM comments are comprised of a “gang of men”. You say I am sucking his cock. Whereas I am merely giving him “social proof”. I’m not posting up my not drinking as a way of glossing myself. Reminds me of: “…besides, no one’s interested in something you didn’t do….” (a line from the Tragically Hip’s song “Wheat Kings”). I posted it up because it is part of a bigger red pill narrative. Becoming better at being a man.

    I have developed some core IRL (in-real-life) friendships with men over the last five years that are invaluable when it comes to navigating today’s feminized society. I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

    Suffice it to say I would rather pick ScribblerG than you for my fantasy post-apocalyptic gang. The way of men is the way of the gang.

    “Your close men friends should be willing to challenge your mediocrity by suggesting a concrete action you can perform that will pop you out of your rut, one way or the other. And you must be willing to offer them your brutal honesty, in the same way, if you are all to grow. Good friends should not tolerate mediocrity in one another. If you are at your edge, your men friends should respect that, but not let you off the hook. They should honor your fears, and, in love, continue to goad you beyond them, without pushing you.

    If you merely want support from your men friends without challenge, it bespeaks an unresolved issue you may have with your father, whether he is alive or dead. The father force is the force of loving challenge and guidance. Without this masculine force in your life, your direction becomes unchecked, and you are liable to meander in the mush of your own ambiguity and indecision. Your close men friends can provide the stark light of love—uncompromised by a fearful Mr. Nice act—by which you can see the direction you really want to go.

    Choose men friends who themselves are living at their edge, facing their fears and living just beyond them. Men of this kind can love you without protecting you from the necessary confrontation with reality that your life involves. You should be able to trust that these friends will tell you about your life as they see it, offer you a specific action which will shed light on your own position, and give you the support necessary to live in the freedom just beyond your edge, which is not always, or even usually, comfortable. “

  41. You can diss the friendship I have with ScribblerG all you want. Neither one of us has “taken” from the other in a friendship, but we have “given” each other some valuable shit in terms of shared ideas that are a by product of Rollo’s ideas and TRM’s comment section.

    I’m just giving you shit. Self amusement is game too right?

    My best friends and I basically try to out-insult each other on a daily basis. That’s how it is. I suppose without the pretext of an actual friendship IRL it can be taken the wrong way.

  42. I’m good with that Andy.

    Like I said upstream, when there is gravity to what I am doing in life I get serious and have difficulty in being easy-going and joking and in “just have fun” mode. It is a minor weakness of mine. I can do that when the stakes are not so important. In fact I do it all the time with the guys in my inner circle.

    So, I’m serious in rehabilitating my marriage. And it is currently going great. (And a crucial element of that was stopping the drinking. With very little effort on his part, Scribbler motivated me to stop in a way that no one thing in my life could ever do. So there is that.)

    The next step in my trek is being fun and easy go lucky when I’m in situations where my life depends on it. I’m just starting on that part of the ascent. I’ll let you know when I’m there.

    Heh, as Rollo says, a guy doesn’t come to the manosphere because he’s got it all figured out. (and it’s corollary,….when his wife always sucks his cock with desire)

  43. And a crucial element of that was stopping the drinking.

    @SJF

    Here’s a question for you. Or anyone. Every night the dinner, bedtime cleanup routine is fairly grueling as anyone with little kids could tell you. Basically I end up in a negative state afterwards. Two martini’s could get me from negative to positive. Meditation is only getting me from negative to neutral. Will more practice with meditation get me in the positive or does anyone have other tips?

  44. @Andy,
    I feel your pain for EOD routine with little kids. Sometimes I smoke some weed and it makes me happy and positive, but it leaves me wiped out before kids are down for bed, so it’s not productive. Similar for booze, takes the edge off but its not a productive way to go.

    I find end of day I am suffering from decision fatigue and will power fatigue which both lead into being grumpy by kids bed time.

    Only way I know to defeat the problem is to have a hard wired routine for the kids every single day to circumvent any potential attempts at negotiation and to eliminate any required decision making. The only other thing I know that works is simply to get lots of sleep / rest.

    Also, for me, I like to taper down the kid presence around their bed time, not just shut it off abruptly. I mandate a half hour of reading before actual sleeping, with no screens on in the house during that time (60% successful) and I find it brings the emotional buzz down to a nice pre-sleep level of calm for all four parties involved. In that time I transition into an easier time with my own feelings etc.

  45. @Andy

    ‘Self game’ is where state control and mental point of origin begin. You can’t game others if you can’t even game yourself into frame. Always be gaming yourself into a positive, productive frame while doing routine things that are normally stressful or unpleasant to you. This is the basis of both excellence and self-mastery. You have to do this shit anyway, so why not make it work FOR you? Let every cleanup and bedtime ritual be an opportunity to hone your internal and external game. Retrain yourself to perceive it as fun/character building/a walking meditation/opportunity for mastery/etc.

    If you’re frequently/always relying on booze to get you into a positive frame afterward, you’re already playing a game with yourself–but not necessarily a positive one. Maybe it’s harmless. It really depends on your relationship to alcohol.

    True self mastery is DECIDING AHEAD OF TIME how the situation at hand will or won’t affect your state, and then seeing if you can maintain that frame. You won’t always be successful, but you can get that particular game up to 89% if you seriously work it.

    I speak from experience on this one. lol

    @SJF

    Way to go, my friend.

  46. ASD,

    You make the authoritative and pretentious statements:

    “There is a cyclic component to the sexuality of a premenopausal woman, but that component can be greatly overwhelmed by opportunistic libido in a woman. Postmenopausal women can have a very high libido when in the company of an attractive man and there is no cycling component in the libido of a postmenopausal woman.

    Hence, the opportunistic nature of a woman’s libido is much more important than any cycling of the libido.”

    Because the statements have the pompous ring of your usual attention-whoring I reasonably ask for references (being more interested in the subject than in your opinions, which I suspected were the only background to your blather) and get:

    “@ longgone

    I’ve observed evidence of a libido in postmenopausal women.

    I’ve heard reports of women throwing their panties at rock stars. I’ve heard reports of women bedding apex alphas like Wilt Chamberlain and Bill Clinton. This kind of behavior indicates an opportunistic libido in women.

    I’ve observed postmenopausal women having libidos around me. This isn’t explained by cycling.

    This doesn’t seem at all controversial.”

    I’ve observed, I’ve heard, I’ve heard, I’ve observed…

    So you prove my suspicion that you’re disguising your personal observations as something universal…. (The Wilt Chamberlain and Bill Clinton references were especially convincing…)

    You see I’m more interested in legitimate research regarding the existence of (or non-existence) the libido of post-menopausal women conducted by scholars, scientists and professionals, more than the blustering opinion of an online typist, married PUA and so-called dance instructor. Now that doesn’t seem controversial does it?

  47. @agent p

    For me it isn’t so much decision making as it is dealing with the kid’s ridiculous energy levels and wife’s exhaustion. Weed does the trick. I don’t enjoy it as much as I used to. It brings on beta feelings for some reason. The feeling of not being in complete control bothers me a bit too.

    @The Diplomat

    True self mastery is DECIDING AHEAD OF TIME how the situation at hand will or won’t affect your state, and then seeing if you can maintain that frame.

    Yeah, I guess I just need more practice. I definitely do better than I used to. Outwardly I feel like I maintain a positive state(maybe not in reality), but internally I still end up on the negative side of neutral most evenings.

  48. @ longgone

    You see I’m more interested in legitimate research regarding the existence of (or non-existence) the libido of post-menopausal women conducted by scholars, scientists and professionals, more than the blustering opinion of an online typist, married PUA and so-called dance instructor.

    Let’s fix this.

    “You see I’m more interested in faux research regarding the existence of (or non-existence) the libido of post-menopausal women conducted by Blue Pill pointyheads, more than the observations/reports and other empirical evidence from various Red Pill men.”

    There. Fixed it for ya. You’re welcome.

  49. “True self mastery is DECIDING AHEAD OF TIME how the situation at hand will or won’t affect your state, and then seeing if you can maintain that frame. You won’t always be successful, but you can get that particular game up to 89% if you seriously work it.”

    That’s a great way to describe it Diplomat.

    I would say that Andy should decide ahead of time that he has Amused Mastery and stick with that Frame of mind. It’s mindset. Decide ahead of time that it is NO BIG DEAL. Don’t treat it as a chore. It’s actually the easiest time of parenthood.

    When you do have actual true mastery over the handling and the settling down of the children, you won’t be so fatigued because the hurdle and the energy inputs will be much lower and near zero. In fact you can get energy from it if you really master it.

  50. @agent p lol. AHHHHHH. That makes so much more sense!

    It’s actually the easiest time of parenthood.

    I’m rolling my eyes.

  51. “I’m rolling my eyes.”

    Don’t.

    I’ve been there done that.

    I wish my father would have told me how to be a better father 20 years ago.

    Feeling your way as you go along is no way to operate.Why draw when you can trace?

  52. So it’s all uphill from toddler-hood? I have to say that this is the first time I’ve heard that. Haha. Amused Mastery might work on myself but if you are implying that Amused Mastery is going to work on a 2 year old in a tantrum… That’s just silly talk from someone that CLEARLY forgets.

  53. @The Diplomat

    ” Self game’ is where state control and mental point of origin begin. You can’t game others if you can’t even game yourself into frame. Always be gaming yourself into a positive, productive frame while doing routine things that are normally stressful or unpleasant to you. This is the basis of both excellence and self-mastery. You have to do this shit anyway, so why not make it work FOR you? Let every cleanup and bedtime ritual be an opportunity to hone your internal and external game. Retrain yourself to perceive it as fun/character building/a walking meditation/opportunity for mastery/etc. ”

    This is some excellent advice.

  54. No, I mean on yourself. You are the Amused Master in your own mind. Your mindset is one of no big deal….I can handle it.

    What The Diplomat said.

    Particularly you are playing tha role and allowing your wife to see that you are the oak tree in the family and can handle everything including being a father to a two year old. You are an alpha male that DGAF about doing any beta for the wife and kids because it is no big deal, and you don’t mind it, and it does not steal your energy.

    Trust me Andy, in real life I am not as dumb as I sound. (My least masterful skill is in expressing myself in speech or in writing…….I shit you not.)

  55. Andy says “I think that being a provider is just as ingrained into our natural masculinity as being dominant. IMO the difference is that with Red Pill you can learn when it is appropriate to turn that switch on and off. With Blue Pill it just becomes your primary sexual strategy. ”

    My way of providing is dominant. They are one in the same.

    It’s like Tony Soprano ( fellow Jerseyite..)

    [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXY6fQUDr3o?feature=player_detailpage&w=640&h=360%5D

    Dominant is not just a sexual strategy. Dominant is not primarily violent.

    Provision and dominance should go hand in hand.

  56. @Forge the Sky
    “Thanks man. I gave the night a big write-up bc I think it was a pretty good example of where my game’s at, and ya gave me a bunch of really solid concrete things to hit next.”

    That’s exactly why we do them. If you hadn’t written about your night (again to anyone planning to write Field Reports keep everything as anonymous as possible) I wouldn’t have been able to link you stuff specifically related to some sticking points you’re experiencing and you would just be heading on your next night out to do what you did this week all over again hoping something clicks. Instead now you have some very specific content to watch and can set proper goals that’ll help you make faster progress.

    “I seem to subconsciously see it as being a waste of time”

    It CAN be, but it can also be helpful. Like I was out solo this weekend and saw some random dude who was solo so I just chatted him up and had a wingman who bought me drinks for half the night (till he got hammered and left lol). That helped me build social momentum and not get stuck inside my head…if I hadn’t opened that dude I might have felt overwhelmed by the energy in the venue (chaotic nightclub in full party mode) and just stood around getting more and more inside my head. And he benefitted because I threw some girls at him and helped boost his state ’cause I’m positive/social in-field and put the people hanging out with me in a good positive state (think Vince Vaughn in Swingers).

    Of course those guys generally aren’t going to be good long-term wingmen, like it’s cool if they turn out to be but I view them as “single serving friends” for the night because usually they don’t have much game and/or get hammered lol And they can be negative social proof sometimes, but whatever, being seen talking to ANYONE helps build some value and if the guy is uncalibrated you can always tell the girls “ya I don’t even know this guy he just bought me a drink earlier so I figured I’d introduce him to some girls lol”

    That all said, depending on your city being able to chat with guys can be vital or unnecessary. In like, a smaller town you’re going to end up with more mixed sets of friends that have known eachother for a while etc where you want to be able to win the guys over before trying to take their girls so they don’t cockblock. But in a city like New York or Vegas where there are tons of all-female sets out, you can be better off just opening girls instead. Even hanging with ugly girls helps build some value because it says to other girls that women in general like you.

    Just stuff to consider. I work a very anti-social job all day so when I go out I need to shake off the cobwebs and get out of my head so talking to ANYONE helps me. If you have a job that’s fairly social you may not need to build as much momentum. I have to like, force myself to make small-talk with the convenience store clerk and shit just to start switching my brain from work mode to socializing mode.

    “I remember rsdTyler had a talk about how guys will occilate back and forth between emphasizing inner and outer game. I’m starting to see why.”

    Ya, the original PUA community was like 100% external game, that’s why we had a lot of damage cases and shit getting laid but still fucked up internally. Tyler talks all the time about feeling like he was putting on an act and girls telling him he doesn’t have to try so hard after they already like him and losing them because he didn’t feel entitled to them under the surface etc. But then the last like 5+ years have been a huge focus on internal game. Now there’s a lot of both, but like, your brain only cares about what’s relevant to you right NOW so listening to some woowoo shit about feeling entitled will make you roll your eyes at one stage and then 6 months later you listen to the same talk and it’s like “HOLY SHIT THIS IS GENIUS” and get massive benefit out of it. Then you go out expecting to just float through the bar attracting women with your entitlement woowoo and drop the ball a few times and remember “oh ya I actually need to find out her logistics whoops” and go digging for external vids again lol But it all builds up over time, like you accumulate more reference experience and internalize this stuff and down the road you’re more just tightening screws on your racecar instead of picking out better tires.

    Thing is if you tried to “skip ahead” and learn that stuff ahead of time, it wouldn’t even have relevance to you. Like you wouldn’t have the reference experiences to really internalize a lot of it so you’re not “ready” to learn it yet anyway. That’s why we have to learn to enjoy the PROCESS over the OUTCOME. Because you will *ALWAYS* be a “student” of the game. Even Tyler views himself as one, same with me. But we’ve learned to enjoy the GAME so it’s not frustrating. I KNOW from experience that if I’m going out regularly, my best night now will be my average night in 6+ months and that 6+ months from now stuff that doesn’t seem relevant or make sense to me will and stuff I’m doing now won’t have the impact it has at the moment and I LOVE that, that means I’m growing. It would be BORING if it wasn’t a challenge and there wasn’t new shit to learn or new paradigms to think about or techniques to try out to mix things up out there.

    That’s why a lot of Manosphere guys like Roosh get jaded and bored with the game and their posts all come off negative and depressing and are full of bitching about women and stuff. Because they don’t ENJOY the game. They’re out there running the same thing they ran 5 years ago, 10 years ago, they’re just out there doing the same thing they did that worked in the past and they stick to their comfort zone and just go through the motions/routine all over again every night out, wearing their same fitted suit with matching pocket square, going to the same venues they believe are “the best” (and coincidentally are full of a crowd of people very similar to themselves) where they have social proof to rely on when they’re solo because they’ve been going there for years, and they start to view it about as exciting as if you had a job on an assembly line doing the same thing over and over all day.

    I’m around 10 years in and I still LOVE going out. I’m EXCITED to go sarge, I’m ALREADY thinking about this weekend and where I fucked up last weekend and what I can do better and where I can tighten my game and thinking about how I would re-do the night or sets from last weekend to get around hurdles I ran into or sticking points I’m noticing in my game etc etc. Like when this weekend gets here I’m going to be buzzing with anticipation to go out and get up in some hotties’ grill. But it’s because I enjoy the PROCESS itself and I keep the game INTERESTING because I challenge myself.

    It’s like Tyler says “The difference between me and you guys is that when you’re making out with a girl at the bar you’re probably getting all serious into it seductive and trying to pull her…while I’M grabbing the girl beside us and trying to pull her in to 3-way makeout with us as I laugh my ass off and I don’t even care if I lose them both because it’s FUN to me, I’m doing it to entertain MYSELF”.

    Like I could have worn a costume out this Halloween, that’s society’s script it may have been way easier to just hit the gym and get myself a 6-pack (lol I kid about that being easy obvously) and go as a 300 Gladiator and bank on AIs and IOIs (even though they’ll mainly be from HB5-8s) and I’d feel way more comfortable being a “part” of the party vibe of Halloween. And I could have gone to a bar with people my age, a bunch of mid-30s dudes sitting around in some pub with jugs of beer bitching about their shitty lives and all the goals they haven’t accomplished and their girlfriends/wives who won’t put out, and women in their 30s who have a bunch of baggage and are “too mature” to dress in revealing slutty costumes and just spend the night being snarky about those “young sluts” at the nightclub across the street. And I could predrink a few beers and get myself good and wasted at the bar like everyone else so I can use the liquid confidence to unlock my social outgoing side no problem (until I’m slurring and missing signals and can’t get my dick hard even if I pull). And I would probably pull no problem, by taking that nice safe easy route.

    But am I in the game just to get laid or am I in it to challenge myself? I’ve BEEN laid lol I HAVE girls to fuck, I don’t NEED to pull every night out. (I know new guys or guys in dry spells can’t relate to this, this is more for the guys who are in this long-term, like focus on pulling until you’ve got a sex life you’re satisfied with but then start challenging yourself lol like I said a few paragraphs above, this won’t have relevance to you till you start getting bored/jaded in-field, then come back and read this and you’ll be like “oh wow YaReally was dropping gold here” lol)

    So instead of sticking to my comfort zone following the script, I instead go out to a kiddie nightclub, without a costume (plain old t-shirt jeans and sneakers), show up stone cold sober and solo. Is that the optimal way to get laid? Probably NOT lol But I was sucking face with a 21yo, got free drinks from some dude, fingered some other chick under her skirt, approached a legit 10 sober that had me speechless, number closed a chick who txted back the next day so it should be solid, passed a fuckload of shit-tests about not wearing a costume (that “you don’t recognize my costume? Do you watch TV at ALL?” thing worked great, I added “what if I do the accent? OY WOTS ALL THIS THEN GOV’NA?? STILL no idea? …jk, I’m just fucking with you, I’m not in a costume. :D”) and shattered a fuckload of limiting beliefs about my age, my looks, energy levels (I’m low-energy compared to the kiddies), wearing costumes on Halloween, reliance on wingmen, I sharpened my social skills, got practice building momentum and social proof from nothing, hung out with people very different from my peers and I, was forced out of my comfort zone all night long, dealt with shit-tests about my age (girl’s 19th birthday, she gives me shit about my age and runs off, but then comes back again a few minutes later because I wasn’t fazed by her shit-tests and gets up in my grill attracted lol, tell me again how I’m too old to be there?), shit-tests about not wearing a costume, worries about being solo, etc etc etc

    So you take the Manosphere guy who stuck to his comfort zone all night or the guy who “acts his age” getting drunk in an “older crowd pub”, and you drop us into a random bar full of hot <25yo's in a t-shirt and I'm the guy who's going to feel fully comfortable there and pretty much guarantee I'll have a fun night while the other guys are struggling to stay afloat outside of their comfort zones.

    That's how you keep the game FUN isntead of ending up jaded and posting on forums about entitled cunty feminist western slut whore bitches and trying to make up new men's movements based around an echo chamber worshipping you lol

    "Anyways, in a nutshell: Woo! I’ve gotten up to ‘average guy who can talk to girls but it usually doesn’t go anywhere.’ Huge upgrade from ‘shy chode who stands against the wall terrified to talk to anyone he doesn’t know.’"

    Props dude. Most people will never have the motivation or dedication to make even THAT much change to their lives. Never underestimate how impressive what you're doing is, even on the bad nights:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnEfPE2hysg

    Like Tyler says, success is quiet. It's those little things like the quiet 2am walk to the gym because you refuse to go to sleep before doing a workout. Or in pickup terms it's that bus ride in the snow to the bar district on a dead Monday night just to find a single set to open or a waitress to flirt with. It's those nights out where you spend the night in your head and go home frustrated and promise yourself you're going to do better next time. It's those little positive interactions that you had a year ago that you STILL remember because it was such a rush and an epiphany.

    "Now that I can (sometimes) get past it, I realize there’s some big holes in my outer game cause I’m actually getting into sets"

    This is why I stress to an obnoxiously annoying level: GO OUT. A key PUA motto from the very early days is "The field is king". It's like the bodybuilder's "the iron never lies" motto. The field reveals all. The field will shove your sticking points in your face and rub them in it until you fix them. Like Tyler says in one of his videos the reason we stress going out over hitting the gym is that we know that when you go out enough, you're going to gather reference experiences that make you WANT to get healthier. When your fat ass is banging some hottie as you drip belly sweat all over her and you have to take a break mid-fuck because you're out of breath you're going to CHOOSE to say "you know what, maybe I should try to lose some weight…" and hit the gym. You can only have so many drunken nights out before you go "you know what, I really need to quit drinking and try doing this sober…" When the bouncer won't let you in the club because you're wearing shitty clothes you're going to say "Ok maybe I should look into fashion…"

    But the reason we let guys discover these things for themselves is 1) they're more likely to prioritize them when THEY decide to do them VS someone telling them to, and 2) they're going to get enough positive reference experiences in the meantime to know that they don't need to obsess over these things…they pulled girls while they were fat so when they want to get in shape it's just a little icing on the cake and not something to base their identity/confidence around as a crutch or stress getting down to X% bodyfat or get jacked thinking that's going to be what gets them girls because they already got enough girls to know it doesn't REALLY matter. When they decide to fix their style they're going to have enough reference experience with girls to know that the girls don't care it's just the bouncers that care and they're going to have the reference experience to escalate on any free AIs/IOIs they get when they up their style instead of passively hoping their style just "gets" them girls like the internet guys told them it would and they go buy a closet full of different colored blazers and scarves when the first one doesn't work because they didn't go out enough dressed normal to teach themselves that that's a crutch. etc etc etc

    My fav real-talk vid on the topic:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k51zX4kIoGs

    "I’m a good sort of dangerous. Like sugar"

    lol good reframe. In the old days we called it "she knows that if she's around you she's in imminent danger of being fucked". It'll happen to you in-field too at some point and you'll have to start disqualifying yourself to help disarm their ASD etc First World Problems and all that lol

    "I prefer improvising, but having gambits like that for when I’m not ‘on’ would be a great idea."

    That's what they're for. Improvising is great, I mostly improvise and riff as I go…but the reality is this:

    1) there will be times where you're not in a very social state and aren't feeling super clever or witty or the environment isn't providing you something to comment on to situationally open with, and you'll see that smokin hottie that you KNOW you could get if you opened her, and you'll choke

    and 2) when you go out a lot you'll find you keep running into the same situations over and over. A girl will ALWAYS say "how old are you?" A bartender will ALWAYS be dealing with drunk retarded people. A birthday or bachelorette party of girls will be in almost EVERY bar. And you'll improvise a few times until you find something that gets a killer response, and when you run into those situations again you might as well use it and not be like "oh no that's a routine and routines are bad!!" (not that that's what YOU think, but that's the mentality a lot of guys have)

    and 3) Naturals say the same shit over and over all the time. I can't even count the number of times my Natural buddies have told me the same story about a time they were being awesome not remembering they've told me it a thousand times and I've heard them tell girls it a thousand times lol

    "Maybe people did find it weird though; having a thing about how all my friends ditched me but I still wanted to go out would be good, give a bit of a narrative to my presence."

    I say my buddy got a booty call and bailed and then go into a routine about how he's been trying to ditch the girl for months but every time he gets drunk he txts her etc etc lol I could just say some confident stoic James Bond one-liner response about how a real man is comfortable travelling alone or something, but like, why not turn it into a 5 min sexual conversation topic that opens and engrosses the set and gives me an interaction to build rapport on instead of wasting that social opportunity I'm being handed on a silver-platter?

    @hank holiday
    "I haven’t really ever dated anyone, and I have been living more or less like a hermit over the past few years. However, you wouldn’t really know if you met me."

    That was me till around age 23 but even worse. I had never held a girl's hand even, let alone dated or had sex or made out with a girl or even had platonic female friends, so you're doing way better by default than I was lol Just make the time to work on it and you'll improve your sex/social life.

    @theasdgamer
    "usually they’re nice dudes who want everyone around them to have fun and you can ride some of their positive energy.

    Funny how we think alike on stuff like this"

    It's like Tyler says: people stereotype rich guys as like scammers who cheated their way to the top and want everyone else to stay poor and suffer and they want to rub their money in the poor people's faces…but the reality is a lot of them are really good dudes who just worked hard to get where they are and they WANT everyone else to be successful TOO because they want everyone to experience the great lifestyle they get to experience. They WANT that homeless guy to buck up and get a job and earn his way to the top and be rich like them…but they also know that guy won't DO it. He won't even TRY. They can offer free help to people and most people won't accept it or won't stick to it or won't make an effort.

    Like I sit here and invest my free hobby-time for the day writing 50000 word comments about the important of going out and writing Field Reports and how guys should be reading Mystery Method and going out and applying it etc etc but like, how many guys reading this are ACTUALLY going to do it? I wrote everything anyone needs to know about how to own Halloween and there were 3 nights worth of Halloween celebrations to go out and socialize and hit on hot girls…but how many guys reading this stuff ACTUALLY went out and tried it? I write about how looks don't matter and show dozens of videos of guys picking up in a t-shirt and explain all the psychology behind why it doesn't matter but how many guys will ACTUALLY go out sarging multiple nights a week in a t-shirt for 6 months and how many will stick to their usual uniform or write rants about how I'm wrong and ignore all the videos.

    I would love if EVERYONE had Tyler level game skills. That would be fucking AWESOME, I would have SO MANY WINGMEN I could rely on to actually hold a fucking set lol I would LOVE seeing everyone out there dressed casually and macking hot girls without needing to be wasted drunk or worrying about their bodyfat percentage and aren't depressed because they hate their lives and have a bunch of negative thought-loops. I look FORWARD to the day where I go to a bar full of hotties and CAN'T pull because all the other guys in there, whoever they are and whatever they look like or how shitty their life has been, are pulling the girls home to fuck. I would slow-clap for the entire fucking room with a smile on my face. We were actually WORRIED that that was going to happen when The Game launched and game started going mainstream. "Oh man, EVERY guy is going to learn this stuff and then we'll all be fucked!!"

    …but the sad reality is that just like most people will never be rich not because they aren't CAPABLE of it but because they don't want to put in the effort, most guys will never escape a mediocre sex life with mediocre women, and they'll just convince themselves they're happier without it or that they aren't capable of it because it's way harder to admit that they're just lazy.

    That's why a lot of those "AMOGs" at the bar are actually just cool friendly guys that would LOVE if you were a cool friendly guy too. But when you view them as "the enemy" the same way a poor person might view the 1% rich CEOs etc, they're going to live up to your expectations.

    That doesn't mean there aren't dickheads, but it's like any group: there's a small handful of total assholes but the majority are inherently good people.

    @newlyaloof
    "Checked Heartiste’s site to see if you left any gold, but didn’t see any and didn’t think you’d put anything here about Halloween so I didn’t check here."

    There's not really any game-related posts there for me to post in and skimming the comment section it doesn't look like anyone really goes out (except Culum <3 lol). CH seems to have focused on a specific type of audience and it's not really a crowd I want to spend my time interacting with because I don't hang out in the Manosphere to make friends, I already have those in real life lol I'm only around to help guys who want to learn pickup and improve their lives. I don't even read usernames half the time, I just search for the word "PUA" (so I can clarify whatever bullshit lies have inevitably been said about PUA and what PUA teaches lol) or "YaReally" and see if there's anything I can reply to help whoever it is. That's why I can't remember if it's Sun Wukong or Forge the Sky who lives in a city they hate and is working on moving out of there in a few months and I sometimes help out retarded people because I forget that months ago I realized they were retarded the last time I tried to help them or help out people that used to hate me without remembering that they used to hate me lol 'cause I don't care about any of that. I'm just here to help whoever I can wherever I can and I do it in public because I know there are lurkers that benefit from it when they come looking for help because every guy runs into the same issues…Forge the Sky's Field Report about going out and having fun but asexual interactions is EVERY guy's sticking point at SOME point in his journey and the stuff I wrote and linked to him will help those guys when they find Forge's post someday. But 6 months from now I won't remember whether I wrote that post to Forge or Sun or a dozen other guys I've helped since then lol

    "and was going to open them with “Hold up. You’re walking to fast for the party.” When they ask what party, I’d say, “I’m the party (Cupid Schmupid).” But since they were a bit far ahead of my, I bitched out again."

    Lower your criteria for success. Part of why you're freezing up is that while these are all clever lines, they're lines that require a LOT of confidence to pull off…which is GREAT midway through the night when you're warmed up and in a great state, but when you're just starting the night out your brain is often going to be like "I should say this super confident line but ahhh I don't feel congruent to it yet, I'm still kind of inside my head from work and not feeling social ahhhh" and choke you.

    I actually had this exact problem for a rough period last year where I had crazy Approach Anxiety and couldn't get myself to open when I was out. It took me a while to realize that all my openers were AWESOME and worked for me in the past, but they worked when I was in a killer state because that's when I was spouting gold and everything was hitting. But they were WAY too, not "advanced", but just like, beyond the threshold of what my state let me feel entitled to get away with saying, if that makes sense. Like there's a part of my brain saying "I can't say THAT, THAT'S not going to work, she hasn't seen me be awesome yet, I don't have enough value to pull THAT off, she's not giving me enough of an approach invite for THAT to work" but then I didn't have anything else queued up to say so I'd choke and then that starts the negative spiral of "oh man, I choked, I'm such a chode ahhh I should've opened" and then REALLY don't feel entitled to be that cocky with the next girl and choke again and then my brain starts deciding "well I guess from these reference experiences I'm being given, tonight is a night where we see girls and don't open them so that's what we'll keep doing!" lol

    Next time you're out, tell yourself for the first few sets all you have to do is like, ask for the time or ask if they know where the bar you're heading to is and ask for directions. Like, that's it. Just get into set with something super simple that requires ZERO confidence or social state. The lowest possible barrier for entry. And/or purposely try to get blown out off the opener, like TRY to get shot down AS your opener. Either/both of those things will help your brain loosen up and see "ok nothing terrible happens if I open" and often you'll find that even tho you just asked for directions your brain kicks in and starts riffing and suddenly you're in a 5 minute street set getting ioi's and you still choke and let the girl run off because you weren't expecting a good response that early, but when you hit up the next set you'll start feeling more and more entitled to start busting out your A-material.

    @SJF @scribblerg @etc
    "I’m not posting up my not drinking as a way of glossing myself. I posted it up because it is part of a bigger red pill narrative. Becoming better at being a man."

    For what it's worth all the guys posting about not drinking is part of what helps me cut back on my drinking. I'm down to just a couple of beers when I'm out most nights which is huge for me 'cause there were periods where I was drinking hardcore (I have a PUA wingman right now who's focused on self-improvment like myself and doesn't drink much either so we keep eachother in check now, whereas in my heavy drinking period I was hanging out with a lot of "normal" social guys who party hard, half a bottle of booze before heading to the bar style and was getting caught up in that).

    Men need to hear other men's stories both for inspiration from the good stories, and as warnings from the bad stories. Society has men bottling it all up scared to talk about it and punished for trying to. That's why spaces like TRM are important. I won't agree with 100% of what anyone here says, we all come from different walks of life with different experiences, but that doesn't mean I don't want to hear from other guys so I can think about how or if what they're saying relates to my own life.

    I even like reading Andy's shit, far as I'm concerned a dude who's unhappy in his marriage/settled life and wanting to try to bone girls on the side or being frustrated with having kids isn't an uncommon situation in 2015, but at the same time I agree with whoever said that he was delusional in how easy it would be to just pick up game and be banging 10s if he tosses his wife away to go chase poon when that was the topic lol But like, his situation isn't an uncommon one, I don't see any reason he shouldn't post about it for other guys in similar situations to relate to and all try to figure out solutions.

    I read that kind of stuff and make mental notes for if I ever decide to settle and have kids when I'm like 45+ because I'm sure I'll be the guy that's like "Fuck this kid, why won't it stop crying?!?! I miss chasing poon ahhhhh" lol I mean, who else is going to tell me that being a dad to a 2 year old makes you want to drink and get high every night because the kid is a fucking terror…mainstream media? Feminists? Blue pill people who want me to settle down and have kids? No one but guys like Andy who find spaces like this where it's safe to admit that shit.

  57. You are an alpha male that DGAF about doing any beta for the wife and kids because it is no big deal, and you don’t mind it, and it does not steal your energy.

    Challenge Accepted. Yeah dealing with toddlers, infants and their mother is the toughest test against my energy that I’ve ever dealt with. Going to a night club and getting rejected by a bunch of hot chicks would be a welcome break.

    “Trust me Andy, in real life I am not as dumb as I sound. (My least masterful skill is in expressing myself in speech or in writing…….I shit you not.)”

    Same here. I don’t think you’re stupid. I have a bunch of smart people tell me that toddlers are easy while they’re sitting on the beach reading a fucking book while their ten year old plays by themselves. People forget, and it gets old.

    1. @SJF
      “Feeling your way as you go along is no way to operate.Why draw when you can trace?”

      I’m not a farther yet bit that’s heart wrenching to experience when it goes the opposite way.

      @Andy
      I run or go out and play in the woods it’s a deep form of mediation for me. Check out this thing called Movnat
      You can do it with your kids too… Main reason I visit my family is my nephew I pick him up and do acroyoga with him and play Tool as a lullaby to get him to sleep. His dad is a rocker in real life.

      @Blaximus
      “Provision and dominance should go hand in hand.”
      Because I am a Man.

      @Yareally
      Damn it everything you post is a Boon to be reckoning with.

  58. Also for the next couple weeks a solid routine/conversation topic to drop in sets right off the open is “so what was your halloween costume this year?” You’re basically guaranteed a 5 min interaction off that question and you can use it on any chick from your cute waitress on your work lunch break (follow it up with asking if she had to work, did she get to party for real afterward, etc) to a group of girls at the bar next weekend (try cold-reading what their costumes were like angel and devil to imply one is the good one and one is the naughty one in a 2-set etc).

    Ideally figure out how to take it sexual, again back to if she was a sexy cop tell her you hope she still has the handcuffs, or talk about your Halloween and anything sexual that happened or was said to you etc but like use it as a default conversation topic if you stall in set and need something to fill time with. It also helps bring her back into the headspace she was in when she WAS all slutted up in Halloween mode because it was recent for her.

    And obviously if she didn’t dress up for Halloween tease her about it and then tell her what she should’ve gone as lol

  59. @ Cave Clown Don’t be confused: when you filed for divorce it put, in her head at least, the final 2 minute warning bell. Same thing happened to me. When I moved out, though, it was all hands on deck! Called my family members up, my best friend, etc., “Help.” No one could. Now it’s still “Come over, let’s talk.” Or sending me photos of a new outfit, hair style, etc. Like, “I am gone. You should start dating.” She WILL revert back to her usual MO within a month, maybe two. When I first moved out (yes, first, I fell for the “I’ll change, it’ll get better.” the first time and moved back in. I moved to Philly, while still selling real estate in New York. Marriage counselor said “I have never met a man who moved three states away, continued his business and everything he said for 30 minutes you did not refute one time…so why are we here?”) she was understandbly upset but figured, rightly I guess, if she fucks me it’ll get better. I mean, after our holiday trip away with child #1, and a whole week of no sex, not even initiating it, I got fed up. When we arrive back home she began to unpack. I took a shower, got dressed, went on line, made a call and told her “Since you’re not fucking anymore, I’m going out to fuck. I’ll be back before the morning.” And I left to go fuck. Never looked back after I moved out for good and filed for divorce. Don’t fall for it Cave Clown. I’m not saying leave her, I’m saying stay on alert which, in and of itself, is ostensibly a fucked up state to be in constantly. Still and all, you are your mental point of origin, remember that. Do for Self first, all else will fall into place.

  60. @YaReally, thanks man. That helps a ton, and that Julian Shift is exactly what I was experiencing on my ride home cursing at myself. I was trying to avoid the failure and hard path and have everything perfect. I promised myself that I would open no matter what the outcome, and now I have some solid backup from Julian to embrace the new shift inside me. Sincere hat tip to you man.Get a paypal somehow anonymously on your site, and I’ll put some coin in that mofo.

  61. @YaReally, damn man. The shift is so huge for me I had to leave another comment saying so. Still, messing up Halloween was eating at me and now you give me some ammo to use this week to make up for it. Money! Thanks again man.

  62. I run or go out and play in the woods it’s a deep form of mediation for me. Check out this thing called Movnat

    @rugby

    I run quite a bit. It helps a ton. I am saving up for a power rack to put in my basement. I’m going to go on the starting strength workout.

    Honestly I can keep up my state all day. My problem is that where I am right now I have a hard time keeping my state up in the evenings with the kids and wife. I can do it for the most part, but at this point it kind of exhausts me. But, like I said. Challenge Accepted.

  63. I even like reading Andy’s shit

    @yaReally

    Oh jeez, thanks. I think. haha. Kids are tough, but they give a lot too(not infants). I’ve learned a lot from them.

  64. I’m gonna make a fake profile like yareally was talking about to really quickly practice making things sexual and coming up with a bunch of routines. That way even though I am usually sleep deprived and WAY out of state, I can have some things to fall back on when I go out in person to sarge.

    Right now the one I am working on is to say

    “I know your secret”

    then after she responds

    “You are obviously a Russian spy.”

    again, she responds

    “Now, are you the kind of spy that sneaks into places and steal shit, or do you seduce guys to get their secrets.”

    if she says seduce, then

    “ya, you look like trouble.”

    That’s the gist of it. I’ll get back to you as I test it out some.

  65. “Provision and dominance should go hand in hand.”

    Provisioning is inherently dominance – until you give it all away. The problem is that giving it all away (so long as it’s a man giving to a woman) is now the social norm, to the extent that not doing so is considered abuse.

  66. This is my first practice FR I did with girls I worked with. I just went to A2 and stopped there. I just wanted to get some practice and progress to motivate me to keep working on things.

    Names are all changed. I just prefer names to HB6sluttyasian and what not.

    This all took place at a restuarnat I worked at. As I was cleaning up the dining room, one of the girls, Julie (an attractive 6), asked if I could lift up a big bucket for her. I was like 15 feet away from her at the time, which I figued was too far for laser eyes to have too much of an effect. I locked eyes with her and walked towards her and said:

    “I’m not just going to do that for you. What are you going to do for me?”

    She instantly went into little girl mode, being all shifty on her feet and looking away from me. She said:

    “I don’t knoooow. That’s a good question”

    I remember YaReally talking about how you have to try the whole laser eye thing for yourself, because it blow your mind when you actually do it for the first time. But the crazy thing was I wasn’t even really trying to do it. I was intentionally trying NOT to start something. I just wanted to get a few IOI and that’s it. So to be pulling my punches and STILL having that effect was a huge deal to me. I mean, all I did was walk towards her and say a few things, and her demonour COMPLETELY changed. All in a few seconds. And this girl had never show ANY interest in me previously.

    At this time I was maybe 5 feet away from her.

    “Well why don’t we just say you will owe me a favor.”

    “Okay.”

    Then I smiled mischieviously.

    Julie turned to Kendra and asked:

    “Why did you tell me to get Hank to lift that bucket”

    “I dunno, he’s a guy”

    “I don’t think you know the kind of guy that Hank is.”

    After that I walked away and kind of let things fizzle out, since I didn’ want to push things too far.

    A few days later I saw she was sweeping. So I went and got some trash, walked in front of her, and very obviously dropped the trash on the floor.

    “You missed some trash over there. Make sure you clean that up.”

    “I’m about to talk to the manager.”

    “Oh, you are going to tell her that you are going to quit? I mean, if I were doing such a terrible job as you, I would want to quit myself.”

    “Boy you about to get smacked”

    But she was smiling as she said that. She was very bad about testing me. It was very obvious what she was doing.

    Another time I had been talking with some of the other girls, and apparently had a big smile on my face, because as I passed her she said “Stop smiling!” So I put on the most ridiculous grin could manage. She laughed.

    Later that day Kendra and Julie were together. Kendra asked me if I wanted a cookie. Last time she asked me that the cookie was broken, so I guessed it was the same this time.

    “You mean a broken cookie, that you licked.”

    Which, it eneded up, was exactly what happned. Julie said:

    “Oh my god, I don’t even know what to do with you Hank. I don’t even know what to do with you.”

    And as soon as I walked over to them, Julie right away moved over and stood right next to me.

    Kendra I also got to work on. She was interesting in that she was also about a 6 (though I wasn’t anywhere near as attracted to her as I was Julie) but she acted like she was a lot prettier than she was. But she KNEW she wasn’t that pretty and was often acted really insecure. She was always approval seeking.

    She was mixed race, white and black.

    “I know your secret.”

    “What”

    “You aren’t really black. Your just a white girl in disguise. Like that Rachel girl that was the head of the NAACP.”

    “No I am black! I’m just mixed race.”

    We bantered back and forth for a it. I don’t remember how it came up, but eventually I told her I was actually black, I just had a skin condition (I am pasty white). I told her

    “Can’t you tell by my accent that I’m back?”

    She thought all this was funny, but another black girl overheard me and said

    “Oh, so its how you talk that makes you black.”

    She sounded, not too offended, but like she would be if I kept it up. So I told her

    “Tenesha, I am going to tell you something shocking. Are you ready for this? Are you sure? Okay. I’m actually . . . not . . . black. I’m just pretending to be to mess with Kendra.”

    She laughed and the whole situation was diffused.

    I have one more FR that I did at a different job to write up, and then I should have something from my fake profile page to post.

    Thanks to everyone that’s been reading and helping.

  67. kfg

    ” Provisioning is inherently dominance – until you give it all away. The problem is that giving it all away (so long as it’s a man giving to a woman) is now the social norm, to the extent that not doing so is considered abuse.”

    True statement.

    But you know what? IDGAF about most social norms concerning men and women. Hopefully I won’t wind up in prison some day because of that. Chuckle.

    I gave everything away in my first marriage. Dominance dwindled down to sub zero. That’s why I constantly preach ” frame ” to newcomers. I should get Frame tattooed across my back.

    There’s been some good discussions here concerning dominance. As a young man I was probably overly dominant in my personality, but that’s due to the area I grew up in and the characters surrounding me.

    But 20 years ago a failed marriage and a fucked up job that abused me and my ambition slapped me hard into the realization that I wasn’t an asshole in my youth, I was an asshole for forsaking dominance.

    So I rehabbed and strengthened my frame, and the world did not shun me as I’d falsely believed.

    Society, mainly feminism/FI , has been very successful at demonizing all things male. They go after our youngsters. They ridicule the masculine. I’m too old of a dog to learn the new tricks. I’m having a blast now with my old strong, dominant frame. I don’t get any pushback, and I don’t pay attention to the media’s shaming tactics. I have 300 channels and a perfectly good ” off ” button.

    Last week my daughter’s boyfriend was hanging out at my house. I like the guy…as much as you can like ” the boyfriend “… There was a discussion going on about relationships, and he was giving his staunchly Blue Pill take on the subject. I walked in as he was saying something about shared responsibility or something and he asked if I agreed.

    So I told him ” I don’t know what you were talking about, but in my house I am the King and everyone here are my subjects. It’s a lot of responsibility. I am a good King, a benevolent King, but my job is to make the Kingdome run smoothly and efficiently. If I have to behead a few folks to make that happen, so be it. It ain’t easy being The King. So he asked if my wife was the Queen, and I told him she was, but she only has the authorities granted by the King. He stared in amazement.

    My brother in-law piped up ” And that’s how it’s supposed to be..”. The women just continued on with their conversations.

    That’s the only way my family ( wife and daughters ) gets to ” hear ” my views. I don’t explain these things to them. People are sometimes taken aback when I verbally express my beliefs, but their opinions do not count.

    The first 25 years of my life was fucking amazing. I could’ve died at 26 and been okay with that because I packed a lifetime into the first quarter century. I had a decade of misguided, blue pill fueled horror followed by a 20 year resurrection that’s been pretty amazing and fulfilling. I got, maybe, 20 years left? If I’m lucky. Barring the surprise heart attack or stroke. and the ever present fatal car accident ( 2 hr commute on a ridiculously dangerous interstate for going on 20 years…law of averages and all ) I am not compromising shit anymore.

    Dominance is Good. Dominance is Right. Dominance is God Given. Even cave men did it.

  68. @ YaReally

    try cold-reading what their costumes were like angel and devil

    Or that they were garbed in prison jumpsuits with handcuffs, implying that they were advertising that they were into S&M.

  69. @ YaReally

    how many guys reading this are ACTUALLY going to do it?

    Me…me…me. I went out both Fri. and Sat. I dance with an early 20s girl whose bf didn’t really want me to dance with her in a passive-aggressively hostile way and she commented that he got jealous. I read that as her disqualifying him. We chatted while we danced. Easy way to isolate. I told her I need someone to debrief my dance partners for my book. Bug in her ear.

    Opened several broads and danced with them. Some I probably danced with before and forgot about it, Idk. Told a cool story that grabbed the attention of a couple of waitresses and I danced with one of them later and she’s trying hard to please me and dance better. Next time instead of giving just comfort I’ll tell her I’ll give her some motivation and threaten to spank her if she doesn’t dance better. [with cocky grin, of course] Bet she punches my arm.

    I opened two smoking hot broads on Sat. night–a Brazilian broad and a redhead (pretty face and 36-24-36). Both dressed in minidresses. Spent some time with the Brazilian and blogged about it. She showed a lot of interest.

    1. @Andy
      Man it’s a joy to be good to yourself. I’ve stopped more bad habits by learning from Yareally and Rollo and everyone here.

      Went to a new dance this evening meet a really cute feminine women. She’s amazing she was teaching me ballroom. Than went back to my usual dance which was swing to say happy birthday to a buddy of mine.

      I’m killing my old self and destroying the buffers. Still weak In lot of areas.
      Going to hit gym in morning. Treating myself well is something I’m still learning how to do.

      Here’s a hell of a story

      A Thousand Deaths

      I HAD been in the water about an hour, and cold, exhausted, with a terrible cramp in my right calf, it seemed as though my hour had come. Fruitlessly struggling against the strong ebb tide, I had beheld the maddening procession of the water-front lights slip by, but now I gave up attempting to breast the stream and contended myself with the bitter thoughts of a wasted career, now drawing to a close.

      It had been my luck to come of good, English stock, but of parents whose account with the bankers far exceeded their knowledge of child-nature and the rearing of children. While born with a silver spoon in my mouth, the blessed atmosphere of the home circle was to me unknown. My father, a very learned man and a celebrated antiquarian, gave no thought to his family, being constantly lost in the abstractions of his study; while my mother, noted far more for her good looks than her good sense, sated herself with the adulation of the society in which she was perpetually plunged. I went through the regular school and college routine of a boy of the English bourgeoisie, and as the years brought me increasing strength and passions, my parents suddenly became aware that I was possessed of an immortal soul, and endeavoured to draw the curb. But it was too late; I perpetrated the wildest and most audacious folly, and was disowned by my people, ostracised by the society I had so long outraged, and with the thousand pounds my father gave me, with the declaration that he would neither see me again nor give me more, I took a first-class passage to Australia.

      Since then my life had been one long peregrination–from the Orient to the Occident, from the Arctic to the Antarctic–to find myself at last, an able seaman at thirty, in the full vigour of my manhood, drowning in San Francisco bay because of a disastrously successful attempt to desert my ship.

      My right leg was drawn up by the cramp, and I was suffering the keenest agony. A slight breeze stirred up a choppy sea, which washed into my mouth and down my throat, nor could I prevent it. Though I still contrived to keep afloat, it was merely mechanical, for I was rapidly becoming unconscious. I have a dim recollection of drifting past the sea-wall, and of catching a glimpse of an upriver steamer’s starboard light; then everything became a blank.

      I heard the low hum of insect life, and felt the balmy air of a spring morning fanning my cheek. Gradually it assumed a rhythmic flow, to whose soft pulsations my body seemed to respond. I floated on the gentle bosom of a summer’s sea, rising and falling with dreamy pleasure on each crooning wave. But the pulsations grew stronger; the humming, louder; the waves, larger, fiercer–I was dashed about on a stormy sea. A great agony fastened upon me. Brilliant, intermittent sparks of light flashed athwart my inner consciousness; in my ears there was the sound of many waters; then a sudden snapping of an intangible something, and I awoke.

      The scene, of which I was protagonist, was a curious one. A glance sufficed to inform me that I lay on the cabin floor of some gentleman’s yacht, in a most uncomfortable posture. On either side, grasping my arms and working them up and down like pump handles, were two peculiarly clad, dark-skinned creatures. Though conversant with most aboriginal types, I could not conjecture their nationality. Some attachment had been fastened about my head, which connected my respiratory organs with the machine I shall next describe. My nostrils, however, had been closed, forcing me to breathe through my mouth. Foreshortened by the obliquity of my line of vision, I beheld two tubes, similar to small hosing but of different composition, which emerged from my mouth and went off at an acute angle from each other. The first came to an abrupt termination and lay on the floor beside me; the second traversed the floor in numerous coils, connecting with the apparatus I have promised to describe.

      In the days before my life had become tangential, I had dabbled not a little in science, and, conversant with the appurtenances and general paraphernalia of the laboratory, I appreciated the machine I now beheld. It was composed chiefly of glass, the construction being of that crude sort which is employed for experimentative purposes. A vessel of water was surrounded by an air chamber, to which was fixed a vertical tube, surmounted by a globe. In the centre of this was a vacuum gauge. The water in the tube moved upwards and downwards, creating alternate inhalations and exhalations, which were in turn communicated to me through the hose. With this, and the aid of the men who pumped my arms, so vigorously, had the process of breathing been artificially carried on, my chest rising and falling and my lungs expanding and contracting, till nature could be persuaded to again take up her wonted labour.

      As I opened my eyes the appliance about my head, nostrils and mouth was removed. Draining a stiff three fingers of brandy, I staggered to my feet to thank my preserver, and confronted–my father. But long years of fellowship with danger had taught me self-control, and I waited to see if he would recognise me. Not so; he saw in me no more than a runaway sailor and treated me accordingly.

      Leaving me to the care of the blackies, he fell to revising the notes he had made on my resuscitation. As I ate of the handsome fare served up to me, confusion began on deck, and from the chanteys of the sailors and the rattling of blocks and tackles I surmised that we were getting under way. What a lark! Off on a cruise with my recluse father into the wide Pacific! Little did I realise, as I laughed to myself, which side the joke was to be on. Aye, had I known, I would have plunged overboard and welcomed the dirty fo’c’sle from which I had just escaped.

      I was not allowed on deck till we had sunk the Farallones and the last pilot boat. I appreciated this forethought on the part of my father and made it a point to thank him heartily, in my bluff seaman’s manner. I could not suspect that he had his own ends in view, in thus keeping my presence secret to all save the crew. He told me briefly of my rescue by his sailors, assuring me that the obligation was on his side, as my appearance had been most opportune. He had constructed the apparatus for the vindication of a theory concerning certain biological phenomena, and had been waiting for an opportunity to use it.

      “You have proved it beyond all doubt,” he said; then added with a sigh, “But only in the small matter of drowning.” But, to take a reef in my yarn–he offered me an advance of two pounds on my previous wages to sail with him, and this I considered handsome, for he really did not need me. Contrary to my expectations, I did not join the sailor’ mess, for’ard, being assigned to a comfortable stateroom and eating at the captain’s table. He had perceived that I was no common sailor, and I resolved to take this chance for reinstating myself in his good graces. I wove a fictitious past to account for my education and present position, and did my best to come in touch with him. I was not long in disclosing a predilection for scientific pursuits, nor he in appreciating my aptitude. I became his assistant, with a corresponding increase in wages, and before long, as he grew confidential and expounded his theories, I was as enthusiastic as himself.

      The days flew quickly by, for I was deeply interested in my new studies, passing my waking hours in his well-stocked library, or listening to his plans and aiding him in his laboratory work. But we were forced to forego many enticing experiments, a rolling ship not being exactly the proper place for delicate or intricate work. He promised me, however, many delightful hours in the magnificent laboratory for which we were bound. He had taken possession of an uncharted South Sea island, as he said, and turned it into a scientific paradise.

      We had not been on the island long, before I discovered to horrible mare’s nest I had fallen into. But before I describe the strange things which came to pass, I must briefly outline the causes which culminated in as startling an experience as ever fell to the lot of man.

      Late in life, my father had abandoned the musty charms of antiquity and succumbed to the more fascinating ones embraced under the general head of biology. Having been thoroughly grounded during his youth in the fundamentals, he rapidly explored all the higher branches as far as the scientific world had gone, and found himself on the no man’s land of the unknowable. It was his intention to pre-empt some of this unclaimed territory, and it was at this stage of his investigations that we had been thrown together. Having a good brain, though I say it myself, I had mastered his speculations and methods of reasoning, becoming almost as mad as himself. But I should not say this. The marvellous results we afterwards obtained can only go to prove his sanity. I can but say that he was the most abnormal specimen of cold-blooded cruelty I have ever seen.

      After having penetrated the dual mysteries of physiology and psychology, his thought had led him to the verge of a great field, for which, the better to explore, he began studies in higher organic chemistry, pathology, toxicology and other sciences and sub-sciences rendered kindred as accessories to his speculative hypotheses. Starting from the proposition that the direct cause of the temporary and permanent arrest of vitality was due to the coagulation of certain elements and compounds in the protoplasm, he had isolated and subjected these various substances to innumerable experiments. Since the temporary arrest of vitality in an organism brought coma, and a permanent arrest death, he held that by artificial means this coagulation of the protoplasm could be retarded, prevented, and even overcome in the extreme states of solidification. Or, to do away with the technical nomenclature, he argued that death, when not violent and in which none of the organs had suffered injury, was merely suspended vitality; and that, in such instances, life could be induced to resume its functions by the use of proper methods. This, then, was his idea: To discover the method–and by practical experimentation prove the possibility–of renewing vitality in a structure from which life had seemingly fled. Of course, he recognised the futility of such endeavour after decomposition had set in; he must have organisms which but the moment, the hour, or the day before, had been quick with life. With me, in a crude way, he had proved this theory. I was really drowned, really dead, when picked from the water of San Francisco bay–but the vital spark had been renewed by means of his aerotherapeutical apparatus, as he called it.

      Now to his dark purpose concerning me. He first showed me how completely I was in his power. He had sent the yacht away for a year, retaining only his two blackies, who were utterly devoted to him. He then made an exhaustive review of his theory and outlined the method of proof he had adopted, concluding with the startling announcement that I was to be his subject.

      I had faced death and weighed my chances in many a desperate venture, but never in one of this nature. I can swear I am no coward, yet this proposition of journeying back and forth across the borderland of death put the yellow fear upon me. I asked for time, which he granted, at the same time assuring me that but the one course was open–I must submit. Escape from the Island was out of the question; escape by suicide was not to be entertained, though really preferable to what it seemed I must undergo; my only hope was to destroy my captors. But this latter was frustrated through the precautions taken by my father. I was subjected to a constant surveillance, even in my sleep being guarded by one or the other of the blacks.

      Having pleaded in vain, I announced and proved that I was his son. It was my last card, and I had played all my hopes upon it. But he was inexorable; he was not a father but a scientific machine. I wonder yet have it ever came to pass that he married my mother or begat me, for there was not the slightest grain of emotion in his make-up. Reason was all in all to him, nor could he understand such things as love or sympathy in others, except as petty weaknesses which should be overcome. So he informed me that in the beginning he had given me life, and who had better right to take it away than he? Such, he said, was not his desire, however; he merely wished to borrow it occasionally, promising to return it punctually at the appointed time. Of course, there was a liability of mishaps, but I could do no more than take the chances, since the affairs of men were full of such.

      The better to insure success, he wished me to be in the best possible condition, so I was dieted and trained like a great athlete before a decisive contest. What could I do? If I had to undergo the peril, it were best to be in good shape. In my intervals of relaxation he allowed me to assist in the arranging of the apparatus and in the various subsidiary experiments. The interest I took in all such operations can be imagined. I mastered the work as thoroughly as he, and often had the pleasure of seeing some of my suggestions or alterations put into effect. After such events I would smile grimly, conscious of officiating at my own funeral.

      He began by inaugurating a series of experiments in toxicology. When all was ready, I was killed by a stiff dose of strychnine and allowed to lie dead for some twenty hours. During that period my body was dead, absolutely dead. All respiration and circulation ceased; but the frightful part of it was, that while the protoplasmic coagulation proceeded, I retained consciousness and was enabled to study it in all its ghastly details.

      The apparatus to bring me back to life was an air-tight chamber, fitted to receive my body. The mechanism was simple—a few valves, a rotary shaft and crank, and an electric motor. When in operation, the interior atmosphere was alternately condenses and rarefied, thus communicating to my lungs an artificial respiration without the agency of the hosing previously used. Though my body was inert, and, for all I knew, in the first stages of decomposition, I was cognizant of everything that transpired. I knew when they placed me in the chamber, and though all my senses were quiescent, I was aware of hypodermic injections of a compound to react upon the coagulatory process. Then the chamber was closed and the machinery started. My anxiety was terrible; but the circulation became gradually restored, the different organs began to carry on their respective functions, and in an hour’s time I was eating a hearty dinner.

      It cannot be said that I participated in this series, nor in the subsequent ones, with much verve; but after two ineffectual attempts of escape, I began to take quite an interest. Besides, I was becoming accustomed. My father was beside himself at his success, and as the months rolled by his speculations took wilder and yet wilder flights. We ranged through the three great classes of poisons, the neurotics, the gaseous and the irritants, but carefully avoided some of the mineral irritants and passed the whole group of corrosives. During the poison regime I became quite accustomed to dying, and had but one mishap to shake my growing confidence. Scarifying a number of lesser blood vessels in my arm, he introduced a minute quantity of that most frightful of poisons, the arrow poison, or curare. I lost consciousness at the start, quickly followed by the cessation of respiration and circulation, and so far had the solidification of the protoplasm advanced, that he gave up all hope. But at the last moment he applied a discovery he had been working upon, receiving such encouragement as to redouble his efforts.

      In a glass vacuum, similar but not exactly like a Crookes’ tube, was placed a magnetic field. When penetrated by polarised light, it gave no phenomena of phosphorescence nor the rectilinear projection of atoms, but emitted non-luminous rays, similar to the X ray. While the X ray could reveal opaque objects hidden in dense mediums, this was possessed of far subtler penetration. By this he photographed my body, and found on the negative an infinite number of blurred shadows, due to the chemical and electric motions still going on. This was an infallible proof that the rigor mortis in which I lay was not genuine; that is, those mysterious forces, those delicate bonds which held my soul to my body, were still in action. The resultants of all other poisons were unapparent, save those of mercurial compounds, which usually left me languid for several days.

      Another series of delightful experiments was with electricity. We verified Tesla’s assertion that high currents were utterly harmless by passing 100,000 volts through my body. As this didnot affect me, the current was reduced to 2,500, and I was quickly electrocuted. This time he ventured so far as to allow me to remain dead, or in a state of suspended vitality, for three days. It took four hours to bring me back.

      Once, he superinduced lockjaw; but the agony of dying was so great that I positively refused to undergo similar experiments. The easiest deaths were by asphyxiation, such as drowning, strangling, and suffocation by gas; while those by morphine, opium, cocaine and chloroform, were not at all hard.

      Another time, after being suffocated, he kept me in cold storage for three months, not permitting me to freeze or decay. This was without my knowledge, and I was in a great fright on discovering the lapse of time. I became afraid of what he might do with me when I lay dead, my alarm being increased by the predilection he was beginning to betray towards vivisection. The last time I was resurrected, I discovered that he had been tampering with my breast. Though he had carefully dressed and sewed the incisions up, they were so severe that I had to take to my bed for some time. It was during this convalescence that I evolved the plan by which I ultimately escaped.

      While feigning unbounded enthusiasm in the work, I asked and received a vacation from my moribund occupation. During this period I devoted myself to laboratory work, while he was too deep in the vivisection of the many animals captured by the blacks to take notice of my work.

      It was on these two propositions that I constructed my theory: First, electrolysis, or the decomposition of water into its constituent gases by means of electricity; and, second, by the hypothetical existence of a force, the converse of gravitation, which Astor has named “apergy”. Terrestrial attraction, for instance, merely draws objects together but does not combine them; hence, apergy is merely repulsion. Now, atomic or molecular attraction not only draws objects together but integrates them; and it was the converse of this, or a disintegrative force, which I wished to not only discover and produce, but to direct at will. Thus, the molecules of hydrogen and oxygen reacting on each other, separate and create new molecules, containing both elements and forming water. Electrolysis causes these molecules to split up and resume their original condition, producing the two gases separately. The force I wished to find must not only do this with two, but with all elements, no matter in what compounds they exist. If I could then entice my father within its radius, he would be instantly disintegrated and sent flying to the four quarters, a mass of isolated elements.

      It must not be understood that this force, which I finally came to control, annihilated matter; it merely annihilated form. Nor, as I soon discovered, had it any effect on inorganic structure; but to all organic form it was absolutely fatal. This partiality puzzled me at first, though had I stopped to think deeper I would have seen through it. Since the number of atoms in organic molecules is far greater than in the most complex mineral molecules, organic compounds are characterised by their instability and the ease with which they are split up by physical forces and chemical reagents.

      By two powerful batteries, connected with magnets constructed specially for this purpose, two tremendous forces were projected. Considered apart from each other, they were perfectly harmless; but they accomplished their purpose by focusing at an invisible point in mid-air. After practically demonstrating its success, besides narrowly escaping being blown into nothingness, I laid my trap. Concealing the magnets, so that their force made the whole space of my chamber doorway a field of death, and placing by my couch a button by which I could throw on the current from the storage batteries, I climbed into bed.

      The blackies still guarded my sleeping quarters, one relieving the other at midnight. I turned on the current as soon as the first man arrived. Hardly had I begun to doze, when I was aroused by a sharp, metallic tinkle. There, on the mid-threshold, lay the collar of Dan, my father’s St. Bernard. My keeper ran to pick it up. He disappeared like a gust of wind, his clothes falling to the floor in a heap. There was a slight wiff of ozone in the air, but since the principal gaseous components of his body were hydrogen, oxygen and nitrogen, which are equally colourless and odourless, there was no other manifestation of his departure. Yet when I shut off the current and removed the garments, I found a deposit of carbon in the form of animal charcoal; also other powders, the isolated, solid elements of his organism, such as sulphur, potassium and iron. Resetting the trap, I crawled back to bed. At midnight I got up and removed the remains of the second black, and then slept peacefully till morning.

      I was awakened by the strident voice of my father, who was calling to me from across the laboratory. I laughed to myself. There had been no one to call him and he had overslept. I could hear him as he approached my room with the intention of rousing me, and so I sat up in bed, the better to observe his translation–perhaps apotheosis were a better term. He paused a moment at the threshold, then took the fatal step. Puff! It was like the wind sighing among the pines. He was gone. His clothes fell in a fantastic heap on the floor. Besides ozone, I noticed the faint, garlic-like odour of phosphorus. A little pile of elementary solids lay among his garments. That was all. The wide world lay before me. My captors were no more.

      Jack London

      @Kfg
      “The problem is that giving it all away (so long as it’s a man giving to a woman) is now the social norm, to the extent that not doing so is considered abuse.”

      Thats horribly true.

      @Blaximus
      “Society, mainly feminism/FI , has been very successful at demonizing all things male. They go after our youngsters. They ridicule the masculine.”

      Man I used to numb myself from existing and it turns out that affects 73 genes in the body while growing that can and will affect your off spring.

      “Dominance is Good. Dominance is Right. Dominance is God Given. Even cave men did it.”
      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GQ5ICXMC4xY

  70. Andy,
    Try eating some food that makes the brain produce serotonin. It’s the hormone of calm and happiness. It’s said part of the weed effect lies in stimulation of its production. Since late in the evening you need light food, best are fruits like bananas, figs, dates and plums. Get some fresh air outside.
    If it’s too hard and you have money, why not hire a nanny for several hours of the day? Your wife will be able to sleep these hours and not meet you tired. And the kids will have someone fresh to make them move and spend that energy before evening. What was said about a strict schedule I very much support: lights out time should be absolute.

    SJF,
    “Desire comes from jealousy, possessiveness, aggression, power, dominance, naughtiness, mischief.”
    Ivan Turgenev said about the roots of desire:
    “Love (i.e. passionate love) can grow from any feeling: hate, indifference, sympathy, envy, friendship, and even from disdain, but only GRATITUDE will never lead to love.”
    A.k.a. being a provider will not buy it even if she’s sincerely grateful (which is often not the case). It’s not surprising he was an anti-feminist of his time.

  71. “Try eating some food that makes the brain produce serotonin.”

    @Thelien

    Thanks I’ll have to google that. I don’t make enough money for a nanny. That would be sweet though.

    ” but at the same time I agree with whoever said that he was delusional in how easy it would be to just pick up game and be banging 10s if he tosses his wife away to go chase poon”

    @yaReally, @everyone
    I don’t feel like I’m delusional. If I had time to go out 3 or 4 nights a week I just have the confidence that I could figure it out. I crave to go through that process more than I crave the results. Why would I care what some 23 year old kid that doesn’t know anything about life thinks about me? I’ve been all sorts of shit that tested my self confidence and I fucking fought through it. I dated a BPD for years. I was laid off in the recession with a car payment and a mortgage and had to move to find work. I quit smoking and then trained for and ran a marathon(before finding game). I approached girls without knowing anything about game to try and seduce them and ended up making them cry. lol. I was friend-zoned over and over again. I have been dealing with a hormonal wife and babies and toddlers every single day for the last 5 years.

    Can I grow in this marriage? Yes, but it just won’t be as exciting. Could being rejected by a bunch of young girls make me go cry into my pillow at night? I highly, highly, highly doubt it. I would step back, think about what I did right or wrong and improve. I’m not a boy.

  72. “I crave to go through that process more than I crave the results.”

    You’re ego is looking for “Proof, not promise”

    When you figure out how to satisfy the ego without actually proving, let me know, cause I struggle with that same feeling everyday, lol.

  73. yareally, I fucked my first unarguable hottie a short while ago, and it was your posts and the resources you link to that were the biggest help in making it happen. Thanks for everything you do man!

    Don’t feel any different to how I did before fucking her, but feel very different to how I did when I first started out learning game. The journey is its own reward.

  74. I can remember vividly a time when my Mom showed me through her reaction that women don’t respect emotional men. In fact are repulsed by them. Back story: I am the 2nd oldest child of 5 and oldest son. My mother was and is amazing but she did AF/BB. My Dad being a drunk musician and my step dad being stable later in life. (didn’t realize this until reading this blog this year) . Being from a broken home and the oldest son I was always independant and showed aggressive tendencies in sports and life, mom would try to reprimand me but deep down she appreciated it as turns out. I am 31 now but can remember to this day the time I was weak around her. At 22, just out of college and met a girl I got one-ites for. We dated for over 2 years and ended up moving into her house with her. Yeah I know… entered her frame like a fucking tard. A year later she showed signs of cheating and I was a beta schlub…she broke it off and it turned me into a mess. No place to live, my one and only not loving me etc etc. I didnt know where to go so I went to my moms house. The moment she opened the door I broke down and cried. Here is the part that rocked me…she had a look of shock on her face. She half assed patted my shoulder. At the time it gave me a weird feeling. SHOULDN’T MOM BE MORE EMPATHETIC. ..is what i thought. Hindsight and red pill education have spelled it out, i was always a rock. Great grades. Good at sports. Got in fist fights. Independent. I was masculine. Although I never doubt her love , she clearly did not know how to react to me being a bitch and feminine. Weird weird world we live in.

  75. Great read Rollo!

    Evolutionary bio/psych really obliterates the Tabula Rasa argument that so many philosophers held on to. Doesn’t it? I guess that’s one of the reasons why I find you writings endlessly fascinating.

    Thanks Rugby for the conversation on Kurt Vonnegut’s ‘Harrison Bergeron’.They really come around to it essentially, the perpetual argument in democratic societies : the group vs. the individual. . . .

    A just society ought not cripple the knees of the swift so the so slow can keep up, but rather provide some accommodation and let those with talent rise.

    The egalitarian impulse and the vail of ‘equality’ by the SJWs to fight nature, as you put it Rollo is just wrong headed.

    Equality of opportunity not results.

    Sometimes I wish you weren’t so covert.

  76. I want to clarify what Egalitarian is (To the philosopher of ethics).
    It is the belief that (since are all the same species) we all should have the same rights (be held to the same ethical standards at all places and times). While Jefferson didn’t support full egalitarianism in practice, he did sum up what it is quite well on two different occasions:

    “a sound spirit of legislation, which, banishing all arbitrary and unnecessary restraint on individual action, shall leave us free to do whatever does not violate the equal rights of another.”

    “Rightful liberty is unobstructed action according to our will within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others. I do not add ‘within the limits of the law’ because law is often but the tyrant’s will, and always so when it violates the rights of the individual.”

    This is what egalitarianism means in terms of social ethics. It is not:
    1. Equality of all physical, mental or psychological attributes. Other than identical twins, physical equality is impossible and even for identical twins, this diverges slowly after birth. The mental and psychological attributes always vary among people.
    2. Equality of opportunity is an absurdity and only possible to the degree it approaches zero (everyone locked in cages or killed). It depends not only on all three attributes in #1 to be fully present, but also on environmental factors to be identical. Patently absurd and thus any attempt to achieve (from the standpoint of humanity) equally absurd.
    3. Equality of material possessions is even more absurd and logical follows from #1 & #2, but with the added problem of the Economic law of subjective value.

    Anyone advocating equalism (I believe the correct term for what Rollo is discussing) is advocating for impoverishment of humanity since (the economic law of) comparative advantage is one of the salient reasons humanity has thrived.

    —–

    @SJF I believe I forgot you on the “Thank You” list for responding to my comment. Very helpful comment. Thanks!

  77. Egalitarianism (from French égal, meaning “equal”)—or, rarely, equalitarianism or equalism—is a trend of thought that favors equality for all people. Egalitarian doctrines maintain that all humans are equal in fundamental worth or social status, according to the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy.

  78. 70’s AntiHero. Thanks for pointing this out. Like many terms, “Liberal”, terms that appeal people in mass become co-opted by social engineers to camouflage ends that in no way are harmonious with the first usage of the word. In the case of “liberal” for instance, most things advocated under this canard are in fact hardly liberal, but tyrannical and patently unjust.

    Egalitarianism is no different. Through simple observation it is obvious that everyone cannot have the same “social status”. Equality of rights on the other hand is viable, the benefits of it accrue to the degree it is achieved, and, from an economic standpoint, the most rational social ethos for mankind.

    C.S. Lewis on the social engineer:

    Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.
    — C. S. Lewis

  79. Yes, Liberal, as my understanding a derivative of the word liberty. I take your point.

    However, to drop context and quibble with the use of a word in some sort of semantical exercise and make claim of a special subjective knowing or understanding seems parochial or picayune.

    So I guess I don’t understand your point of the ‘miss use’ of the word.

    As you state here:

    “2. Equality of opportunity is an absurdity and only possible to the degree it approaches zero (everyone locked in cages or killed). It depends not only on all three attributes in #1 to be fully present, but also on environmental factors to be identical. Patently absurd and thus any attempt to achieve (from the standpoint of humanity) equally absurd.”

    Your point drops context. Did you really think that what was meant?

    Equality of rights is not equality of opportunity? When your considering it in the proper context of role of government?

    To your point. Gov’t can’t choose your parents.

    Understanding context avoids hair splitting. No?

    Pardon me, but I find your explanation obtuse.

    Like Milton Friedman would say I’m a classical liberal, a nineteenth century meaning of the word. He brought clarity.

  80. @70s AH

    Wow, we are going to digress further off of point if I respond fully, but I will resist the urge to do that and simply try to tie it off neatly.
    1. OK…I concur. Your point about the subjective perspective about a particular word’s overloaded meaning (many defn’s depending on context) is valid. I will drop the issue on this site; it is true that it is used as a synonym of equalism and has been for decades. I will cease and desist, but to clarify, I have a personal stake in people understanding what equal rights is and libertarianism has been polluted to such an extent that the only remaining candidates are “Egalitarianism” and “Complete Individual Liberty”, the latter being too wordy. I am done talking about it. My point of quibbling was not to take anything away or undermine the arguments being made. I cannot recall an actual point Rollo has made that I disagree with.
    2. “When your considering it in the proper context of role of government?”
    The existence of Government precludes equality of rights since establishing Govt is establishing rights inequality. Article I of the constitution for example…but I digress.
    3. I like Milton Friedman’s many rants for economic freedom and quote him often (YouTube “Greed” for example)..he did put things well. However, like Jefferson, he advocated one thing, but hypocritically practiced another. He advocated all sorts of Govt intervention in markets and was the primary architect of the fiat monetary monstrosity in place today. I can steer you to my economics forum if you wish to discuss this.

  81. @GW & @70s AH @Rollo

    I like your latest clarifications around the term egalitarianism. I for one think that there should me some ongoing discourse about the contextual definition of this term, as used by Rollo and the commenters on this site, because I suspect that using the term as egalitarianism = equalism, perhaps unconsciously forces a skirting of an important issue surrounding the alternate definitions, (definitions as you have described above and which I summarized in earlier comments attached to near the end of the comments section of Rollo’s Neofemininity article, as):

    egalitarianism = equal existential fundamental worth of individual people

    So @70s AH, in my previous comments I think I was trying to get at something slightly different than what you may have meant above by “egalitarianism = all humans are equal in fundamental worth or social status”, by way of parsing the “or social status” from the definition you are using.

    @GW – the parsed definition I was using then could form the basis for the social ethics definition of egalitarianism that you quoted as follows:

    – “a sound spirit of legislation, which, banishing all arbitrary and unnecessary restraint on individual action, shall leave us free to do whatever does not violate the equal rights of another.”

    – “Rightful liberty is unobstructed action according to our will within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others. I do not add ‘within the limits of the law’ because law is often but the tyrant’s will, and always so when it violates the rights of the individual.”

    The skirting of the issue of which I am alluding to is whether women should be held up to the same moral responsibility as men (let’s say with respect to the golden rule for now for simplicity sake) or not? I think they should be. In reality they are not. Redpill may say it is because they can’t. But how do we know until we demand this?

    The reason I am belaboring this egalitarianism definition, is because I think it points to a peculiarly nuanced point with respect to man/woman relations. The definition I am using above can be interpreted as having an emotive component, as in how one feels about the people around them. This is in keeping with Kevin MacDonald’s (evolutionary psychologist) ideas that perhaps there were particular northern European psychic traits that developed via Darwinian selection, during the tribulations of the last ice age, that predisposed European man for an emotive disposition that favored a feeling of seeing others in the group as equals in existential fundamental worth as oneself, as well as for each among, until proven unwilling to abide by that, leading to higher levels of initial trust when meeting outsiders, seeing the group in terms of a meritocracy, and very harsh treatment (banishment or death) for those that betray this fundamental trust. Kevin MacDonald argues the western cultural traditions were enabled by a bedrock of these innate emotive traits.

    The way I see it the emotive disposition of a your healthy high-performance (community-contribution-wise) western man, is partially based on the emotive disposition of seeing others as equals in existential fundamental worth as oneself. Of course there all kinds of other conflicting emotive psychic traits that humans possess (such as a natural fear of the out group, an almost unconscious favoring of blood relatives etc. etc.), but the point being, northern European man developed the “altruistic” psychic traits that could be willfully used to work-around these other “non-altruistic” emotive dispositions.

    Look, I feel this in myself. My dad was like this and I absorbed it from him (even though he pretty much never said anything around this). You feel like the worthiest attitude to take (though you can’t always achieve this – there is always reversals), is to see others as equals in fundamental existential worth, so that no one should seek to dominate others, and no one should acquiesce to the domination of others, it must be felt as a great deal of respect for yourself first and foremost parlayed into a respect as equals (in this existential fundamental way) for those around you (and an expectation that they highly value themselves in the same way you do – this high level of self-respect is a prerequisite for this emotive disposition). It is a very powerful positive emotion when one feels this is occurring (like all is as it should be).

    This is what I have noticed about this emotive disposition:

    – it automatically predisposes the possessor of this disposition to a golden rule mode of behavior

    – though there probably is an innate component I would bet that you need to see it in action yourself as a child in order to adopt it for yourself

    – there are many many men who do not operate this way and for which a lower level of trust is the modus operandi (i.e. – the man’s default disposition is that he expects that disrespect by others will occur, and he therefore operates from such frame as a well, and therefore non-golden rule behavior is enabled).

    – women seem to not fully grasp this emotive disposition to the full depth felt by a man who is operating within this frame (as so much of the redpill discourse is explicitly and implicitly about). This may be outside of their abilities or merely outside of their comfort zone.

    So here is the quandary:

    – if you have a good woman that you have partnered with, she will perceive that she is operating within the confines of an egalitarian/complimentarian relationship with you (egalitarian as defined here)

    – her definition of that is probably less nuanced than yours (if you are an emotional healthy western man and can actually operate within this frame)

    So do you:

    A) conclude that you are operating within the uncynical redpill dynamic (if there even is such a thing), which I have newly defined within these 4 points:

    1) men & women are of equal fundamental existential worth but complimentary in nature

    2) the natural emotive disposition of a healthy woman is sensitive discretion, a fine-tuned sensitivity to the emotional constitution of the milieu and a disposition for discrete consensus-building communication around such.

    3) the natural emotive disposition of a healthy man is an exuberant aggression, to be used very judiciously more so as a storehouse of emotive power, as a potential, that provides confidence in the man’s ability to prevail in the face of changing circumstances in such a way that will allow him to act in ways congruent with his abstract convictions around personal integrity.

    4) this dynamic necessarily entails a mutual knowledge, respect, and appreciation among each party, for the natural disposition and skills of the other party as well as an appreciation amongst both for the adverse consequences of the misuse of said dispositions and skills (perhaps the adverse could be described as a propensity for narcissism and the machiavellian for women and perhaps a propensity for unnecessary violence and unprincipled convictions for men). Only then can the egalitarian ideal be achieved.

    Or do you:

    B) conclude that you are operating within the less cynical redpill dynamic, which I had previously defined within these 4 points:

    1) men & women are of equal fundamental existential worth but complimentary in nature

    2) the natural emotive disposition of a healthy woman is a deeply narcissistic self-love for which there necessarily is a high degree of paranoia

    3) the natural emotive disposition of a healthy man is an exuberant aggression, to be used very judiciously more so as a storehouse of emotive power, as a potential, that provides confidence in the man’s ability to prevail in the face of changing circumstances in such a way that will allow him to act in ways congruent with his abstract convictions around personal integrity.

    4) this dynamic necessarily entails a high degree of management of women’s thusly described “machavellian” nature, on the man’s part, to uphold his equal place in the egalitarian

    Or do you:

    C) conclude that you are operating within the more cynical redpill dynamic, which I had previously defined within these 4 points:

    1) men & women are complimentary but due to the nature of the complimentary dynamic, not of equal fundamental existential worth, and so it is necessary that man sees himself as superior in worth and acts accordingly.

    2) the natural emotive disposition of a healthy woman is a deeply narcissistic self-love for which there necessarily is a high degree of paranoia

    3) the natural emotive disposition of a healthy man is an exuberant aggression, to be used very judiciously more so as a storehouse of emotive power, as a potential, that provides confidence in the man’s ability to prevail in the face of changing circumstances in such a way that will allow him to act in ways congruent with his abstract convictions around personal integrity.

    4) this dynamic necessarily entails a high degree of management of women’s thusly described “machavellian” nature, on the man’s part to such a high degree that it must be tantamount to taking control of the relationship as the superior member.

    I for one would really like to know what redpill consensus, in the final analysis counsels in this respect – is it A, B or C? Or maybe to be more realistic – does redpill consensus say you can achieve the ideal of A, with an ideal woman, but this isn’t common enough to warrant any consideration, and even with a good woman B or C is how you need to see it? But then if redpill advice would eliminate (A) in that way, then I have to ask – the redpill advice seems to be in favor for striving to reach for your ideal within yourself (and through your actions) as a man – so if that is the case why would I be out of line for requesting that of my woman partner as well?

    Shining a light on the egalitarian as defined here, allows us to more clearly ask questions about what precisely (emotively) is the right attitude (frame) to take with your woman partner.

    If women are capable of a deeper moral responsibility via a deeper appreciation for the male perspective around egalitarian mutual respect, then I think the place for us to start would be for each (men & women) to actually try to experience more viscerally the disposition of what #2 and #3 in the above actually feels like for the other (if I even have the #2’s accurately described – which is up for debate).

    For instance I do not think women really understand how much young men have to struggle with their attempts in forming the correct abstract convictions around personal integrity. I don’t think women understand that men work in the reverse from women on this issue – that we seek to form a self-image based on convictions, and then have that tested by fire by the environment, to see if the self-image is worthy. This is a deeply traumatic way to proceed but when finally forged correctly, produces an “ego” that is rock solid and can be depended upon to support sustained action. A woman conversely seems to be instead updating her self-image as life goes on, altering it as conditions dictate (which allows for a more flexible interface with the environment). If woman were shown what it feels like to do it the man’s way, and what fortunes that allows, perhaps she could appreciate the need for a deeper moral responsibility within herself. How do we know unless we try?

    I think my request for more precision, if addressed, would help people within sexual relationships, but would also help alleviate alot of the misunderstanding that is coming hard and fast now, among the various camps within the culture at large. We are supposed to be working together (complimentary-wise) and sometimes it seems like we are not.

    1. Hello,
      Good comment WM. Here are my thoughts:
      1. There is a difference between socially advocating a personal strategy of how one should conduct their life (personal ethics or morality) and when it is legitimate to use coercion against others (social ethics). I personally believe mind altering drugs are generally destructive to one’s life and would thus never advocate anyone become a (heavy drug) addict. However, I also believe it is unjust to prevent one (or punish one using coercion, e.g., jail, fine) for doing so. What Rollo is advocating is purely peaceful, i.e., not violating any natural laws.
      2. On the contrary, many of the divorce, child support and all social safety net laws are patently unjust to anyone believing in equal rights for all. One cannot honestly claim to want equality of rights and advocate confiscating wealth from innocent 3rd parties, or even 2nd parties who have not provably caused damages equal or greater than the amount sought.
      3. To answer your A, B or C question, I am on the fence between B & C, but am assuming a light version of C. In other words, I believe that the risk of assuming B is too high personally, so I must assume C (Cynical Red Pill) while learning to have a soft touch as the leader.

      One more note: Equality or rights and believing we are all endowed with the same innate value as humans from birth doesn’t mean one has to force one’s self to believe all people have equal value after that. If a person is a serial rapist, drug abuser, and otherwise simply a parasitic grifter, even if he has remediated the victims for his crimes to their satisfaction, it would be irrational for others to treat him as an equal to the person who has honestly created a large business and is a major philanthropist in society. Bringing this back to my personal experience: I will be as gentle in my control as I can to ensure my well being is maintained and that of my family. The covert communication is something I feel like a complete novice at. I would love it if Rollo (hint hint) would elaborate with many more examples of this kind of communication.

Speak your mind

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