Life at 50

So, I was arguing with myself as to whether I ought to post something here on my 50th birthday, which is today. I read through a few other notable guys in the manosphere and they all have something like 30 Lessons at 30 and 40 Rules for 40 or something like that. Not to take anything away from them, but for the most part lists like this are basic aphorisms that are certainly wisdom, but are things you can probably be 20 and think “Hmmm, yeah, okay,…”

That said I had considered just enjoying my short break from the blog (two weeks is as long as I’ve gone in six and a half years) and relaxing today, but I’m fifty today and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been doing some life assessment for the past 4 months or so. 50 lessons at 50 might get a little tedious to read so I’ll just let my readers in on what I’ve been considering lately and what I think have been a few or the more important lessons I’ve learned in the last 50 years. I’m not exactly a stream of consciousness style writer, but I’m going to be a little more loose and open with this. Don’t worry, I’ll get back to meat & potatoes posts next week.

In the six and a half years I’ve been blogging, and the 7 more I’ve been writing in the ‘sphere, I’ve done my best not to inject my personal life into what I write about unless it’s directly related to a topic and serves as a decent illustration for some purpose. There’s a few I can think of, but like I said, they’re usually to highlight a point. Hell, for the first five years of this blog and all of my time writing at SoSuave I did my best to stay anonymous and kept my nondescript face out of the public sphere. And it’s anonymity where I’m going to start.

When I began writing on the SoSuave forums I had already learned the hard way how easy it is to have your livelihood taken away from you by vindictive and juvenile minds who simply want to have some power beyond the cubicles they live in. I was working for a liquor importer and I’d put together a fantastic co-branding arrangement with an X-sports organization and one of our proprietary brands. I’d worked on the promo work and all the creative for almost two years and all of it got flushed down the toilet by one email alleging that one guy from the organization had used a racial slur (during a charity event no less). The allegations were false, I went to great lengths to prove it false, but the damage was done. The C.O.O. who was entirely unfamiliar with the organization, the social circle or the event pulled the plug.

Two years work building the association was gone in the space of 2 hours and one anonymous email because it was simpler to pull the plug than it was to have to explain why it was all the vindictiveness of some kid on the internet who had a beef with some guy who rode a motorcycle. That taught me a lesson that I’ve used a lot in my writing – stay anonymous as possible, because all the years of hard work I’ve invested into this blog, my books, the audio books, my talks now and my public persona can be lost in the course of a day. I’m far more anti-fragile these days. My work is on my terms, which also took a very long time to establish to my liking, but even still I understand how truly fragile my own and so many other men’s lives really are with respect to maintaining it.

I don’t really like that term, “anti-fragile” is like a badge of honor self-made guys like to attach to that other term “entrepreneur”. Not to take anything away from them, but everyone is fragile to some degree. If the social justice zeitgeist of this era can’t destroy you financially, they’ll happily destroy your marriage, your family, the things you love to do and the company you keep. We live in an era when the politics of personal destruction are easily enacted with a few emails and a viral tweet.

So I did my best to stay anonymous as Rollo Tomassi. Even when I became more anti-fragile I understood that if some hater couldn’t get me fired they would come after my daughter, my wife, my dogs, my extended family, etc. without any fore or afterthought. That’s kind of changing for me now. I’ve got three books under my belt (yes, there’s a fourth I’m working on too) and after doing really only two in-person talks it became clear that I needed to be more accessible.

The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine and Positive Masculinity are my dents in the universe. At 50 now I can see that these books and my writing, my ideas and the dots I’ve connected, courtesy of the men who’ve offered there experiences to the whole, will be my legacy in this life. That legacy is dependent on Amazon publishing and printing my work, WordPress hosting my blog, Audible accepting my audio books and Twitter and YouTube providing their platforms from which I can spread those ideas. Everyone is fragile. My plans for the future and ensuring these ideas live involves making them less dependent on this fragility.

I make the least amount of royalties on my printed books, but they are what I hope men will buy the most because it’s the least fragile way of spreading and discussing the ‘dangerous thought’ that is the Red Pill in intersexual dynamics. It’s a very strange and humbling thought to think that my grand and great-grandchildren might read my words in the future. It’s also really humbling to know that I’ve helped other men change and improve their lives; sometimes saved their lives. I have trouble describing what it feels like to have a guy you just met pour his heart out to you like he’s known you for years and tells you if it wasn’t for what you wrote, if it hadn’t been for me reaching him with these ideas he’d be dead. It kind of give you that weird chill you get when you see someone else get hurt and you can’t do anything to help.

But I did help. I can actually say that my work has positively impacted the lives of other men (and women) and likely the course of their lives and their families’ lives, and the whole causality thing kind of unravels from there. It’s what I’d always hoped I could do. As most readers know, a lot of what prompted my writing was the suicide of my brother-in-law and another good friend back in 2003. I’d been writing in what would become the ‘sphere since 2001, but these deaths were what moved me to try to help other men more directly.

I’ve done really well for myself. That’s a statement of fact, though it sounds like I’m glossing myself. I still see a lot of guys I used to know who, back in the day, I was almost certain we’re going to go places and do big things. With the exception of maybe two, every one of them has fallen short of what I used to think they’d accomplish. A lot of them were the inspirations for posts about changing the direction of your life to better facilitate a woman’s plans for her own life. People hate it when other people compare lives. The standard line is “well if they’re happy who are you to judge?” or else it’s “we all find happiness in our own ways” or something suitably ambiguous. It’s one of those things we say so as not to appear judgmental. But everyone of us makes comparisons about a great many thing. There’s not a woman on planet earth who doesn’t compare herself, her quality of life and the man she’s married with her sister’s.

I could give a shit about what these guys have done with their lives up to age fifty, but I do think we need to take assessments of how our lives have turned out. It’s natural for us to want to measure our achievements, but at my age all that does now is make me realize how stupid I was when I thought so much more of other people and not enough of myself then. We shouldn’t compare ourselves with anyone else, I got that, but we should compare ourselves with what we believe is our personal potential. I’ve still got a lot to do before they put me in the ground, but I think I’ve done okay up to now with respect to my potential. If anything I don’t think I gave my potential enough credit when I was younger. Maybe we all do that?

I’m kind of scared of the future in a way. My Dad died from Alzheimers/Dementia just shy of his 73rd birthday in 2010. He had early onset too, so he started forgetting things at about 64. At least thats when it became apparent to everyone. That’s my worst fear today, but it’s also whats driving me now. In the autobiography of Steve Jobs it was obvious to everyone that once he acknowledged he was going to die early he started pushing the limits of what he wanted to get done before he went out. Consequently we got all of these great innovations in a relatively short time. Look at Apple’s “innovations” today. *I’ve only ever used Macs, even when they weren’t cool.

I’ve done far better for myself than my father ever did. Again, that’s not a ‘slay-the-father’ sentiment it’s just fact. My dad didn’t have the same potential though. And I still have more potential to fulfill. This has become more pressing for me recently and not just because of the fear of dying early – and yes, I do fear death, but mostly because I see it as a cessation of potential to do more. I genuinely have a mental list of things I need to do that I’ve only really become aware of since I started this blog and became an author and matured into the 40-50 year old Rollo Tomassi. Don’t think of that as a bucket list of some experiences to be had before death, rather, think of it as a ‘to do’ list that I need to accomplish before I go out. And that ‘to do’ list only became apparent to me in the last 7 years.

I know what I need to do now. It kind of sucks that a purpose to life might be something you only realize later in life. I’m sure it happens sooner for some guys, but for me it was necessary to live through the experiences that made me before I could know it. I’m still an artist in my essence, and I get edgy if I’m unable to create something new every day. Seriously, I’ve been like this since I was a child. I have a need to create, even if it’s just something simple, every day. That need has carried over into every aspect of my life and career. And really, the books are products of that need, but there’s a lot more, a purpose to the works themselves and that’s what my life has been about since I began the blog and the books and my persona.

I am Rollo Tomassi now. Don’t worry, I’m not legally changing my name. At first it was a clever online handle for me, and my real name is so white-bread generic it almost serves as a form of anonymity. Now it is me, and I’m okay with that.

Having said all of that, I’m considering a kind of semi-retirement from my primary career in the liquor and gaming promo business and applying myself more to writing and speaking. I’m already kind of doing this now since reaching a state of being financially anti-fragile. I’ll never fully retire from my brands so long as I have ownership percentages and creative decisions will need to be made. I’m not sure how this is going to look, but I find myself wanting to apply more of myself to writing, speaking, maybe doing some kind of podcast or terrestrial radio show. I feel like I need to do this now with my 50s ahead of me and more potential to do good in the world with what I have and the time I hope I have left.

In the comments today I was hoping to see what my peers thought of all this. I hope it’s not to navel gazy.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

223 comments on “Life at 50

  1. Better late than never… I came to game and the Red Pill At 45…8 years ago.

    When I hit 50 in my mind I was at around 29.

    Suddenly last year I’m seeing it. People at work not respecting my experience…gunning for my job…finding out friends I lost touch with died…younger f heart attacks.

    The idea of vulnerability and one day this will end has started to hit me.

    But it’s only made me start thinking about new priorities or rearranging them…

    I’ve done a variety of bucket list things.

    I’m banging hotter younger girls and still gaming them with positive results.

    I now reframe as as “experience”. A word most girls in their 20s get.

    I’m still learning. I have not reached the finish line…

    Necessity may be the mother of invention…

    But relevancy is the mother of RE invention.

    How can I remain relevant and connected?

    Thanks for the insights dude…keep it coming …

  2. Happy 50, Rollo! I know that you’ve changed my own life in a profound way for the better, and I’ve paid it forward by passing your work and ideas onto other important men in my life who have been profoundly uplifted by them. They’ve been spared unnecessary future misfortune, and freed from a voluntary, miserable, societally conditioned slavery by the words and thoughts of Rollo Tomassi. This work that you do is critically important to so many people and you do it all in a measured, academic-yet-accessible, no extraneous baggage manner that can actually be heard by a very broad spectrum of men from all walks of life.

    By all means, keep going bigger and wider with your singular and essential voice. Turn it all the way up to eleven!

  3. Happy birthday. It’s both to our and your benefit to have more of your personal thoughts on record as it helps provide context to all the ideas you’ve shared thus far. Here’s to 50 more rotations around the sun.

  4. You could break out into the mainstream. Your work is compelling, and correlates with the experience of men and more self-aware women.

    No self-owns by inept provocative satire, racism, or partisan politics.

    You could hold your own on a panel or against a hostile audience. As long as you can get your message through, it doesn’t matter if you’re unfairly framed at the outset.

    It’s all dependent on your current financial security, family support, and tolerance for risk.

    Happy birthday and fifty more.

  5. The concept of time, and the role it plays in a man’s life, is what I find so intriguing. There’s an old saying that “youth is wasted on young people”, and there is an element of truth in that. I believe that when we’re young we have a conflicting relationship with time. On one hand, we tend to be impatient and want instant gratification. We may enter into a relationship with a woman because we feel the pressure to “settle down” or we are scared that we’ll miss out on the “one”. We lose sight of the long term, that a man needs to sample life, develop himself, and gain experience to better understand where he wants to go. We also do this in terms of our career paths – rushing it along to meet someone else’s expectations – or society’s.

    Conversely, when we’re young we also have the potential to procrastinate, to put things off, or to be carefree to the point of self detriment. For those of us who do this, (procrastinate) we tragically see the folly of our ways when the years pass by, and we’re middle aged, and become all too aware of how fleeting life really is, and the limited time available.

    Your books, and blog, are a pragmatic guide for men on how to live productive, happy lives. And for that, you should be immensely proud.

  6. Not too navel gazy at all Rollo.

    It’s novel, authentic, passionate and dynamic thought among men in a male only space. Good stuff.

    It’s actually refreshing stream of consciousness.

    I mentioned earlier that Red Pill turns back the clock. I’ll be 57 in May. But feel as young as ever,

    Authenticity is ageless.

    Enjoying the feminine is energy giving. It’s not about being negative.

    It never was.

    And speaking of fathers: One of the oddest things I ever read from Deida was this in TWSM:

    Live As If Your Father Were Dead

    A man must love his father and yet be free of his father’s expectations and criticisms in order to be a free man.

    Imagine that your father has died, or remember when he did die. Are there any feelings of relief associated with his death? Now that he is dead, is any part of you happy that you need not live up to his expectations or suffer his criticisms?

    How would you have lived your life differently if you had never tried to please your father? If you never tried to show your father that you were worthy? If you never felt burdened by your father’s critical eye?

    For the next three days, do at least one activity a day that you have avoided or suppressed because of the influence of your father. In this way, practice being free of his subtle expectations, which may now reside within your own self-judgment. Practice being free in this way, once each day for three days, even if you still feel fearful, limited, unworthy, or burdened by your father’s expectations.

    I still don’t fully comprehend that writing. But I do know it to be helpful. It’s about going forward. With Aplomb

    A year or so before my father died a couple years ago, I stopped worrying what he thought about me. He was iconic and had my great respect. In his last year, he was cranky and had worries about me as I became Red pill and Reconstructed late in my Game. And my healthy mother has great respect for me. It was a profound time. And that time has passed . And Life is Good. In fact it is Beautiful.

    You won’t actually have genetic traits of Alzheimer’s Rollo. Because of your neuroplasticity and mind enhancement qualities. You’ll be fine.

    Rollo on.

    Thanks, man.

  7. Cheers to you good sir, your books have motivated me to pull a 180 in my life. Happy Birthday and I wish you the best.

  8. My complete and total zeroing out didn’t occur until the end of my third marriage. Number one was 27 years in length She left. Number two was 7 months in length. I left (alcoholic BPD woman). Number three was seven years, She left to eat, pray, and love (and got really fat). I retired twice during this time but fortunately only wife number one got any money out of me. There was a three year period post number three, of Red Pill immersion and a hedonistic fuckfest on my part. Young. Old. Didn’t matter as long as they made me hard. Then I just up and quit, went back to school, bought a vineyard, moved 10 hours away and now I work my ass off and couldn’t be happier.

    I was late to the party and a real hard learner but I’ve re-invented myself. I don’t know if I’m any happier but I’m certainly calmer.

    I’m 14 years older than you and now the master of my own destiny. I may die tomorrow and the dogs will eat me but so fucking what.

    Your disciplined approach to this subject out of all the other material in the manosphere, has been a real boon to me. I know you’re not looking for accolades but your content and all of the subsequent discussion has been helpful in developing my own Red Pill approach.

    You writing has added value to my life unlike any of the women I’ve been with. You’ve acted as a sensei for me and I sometimes try to pass it on but mostly I just tell guys to check out TheRationalMale.Com site. Whether they do or don’t, then that’s up to them.

    One thing I can promise you is that if you;re the type of guy who is used to multiple income streams and multiple projects, you won’t sit on your hands long. These men who do this are my friends now. I seek them out as they do me.

    Happy Birthday. Go buy yourself a bottle of old vine Zinfandel out of Lodi and share with somebody.

  9. You don’t look 50.

    I had already learned the hard way how easy it is to have your livelihood taken away from you by vindictive and juvenile minds who simply want to have some power beyond the cubicles they live in…. That taught me a lesson that I’ve used a lot in my writing – stay anonymous as possible

    ~Rollo Tomassi

    I had my reasons for not using my real name in the work I did before the impact of the hit and run driver.

    However, now that I get to voice content (by Rollo Tomassi) that LITERALLY STOPS PEOPLE FROM COMMITTING SUICIDE I don’t want to be anonymous.

    Your belief, Rollo Tomassi, that I’d get my abilities back and your choice to sticking with me as I’ve narrated the audiobooks has made all of the difference in the world.

    You’re the MAN that’s still in the gym, eating organic, non-GMO REAL food building mastery in one area of life after another.

    The reason no one believes you’re 50 is that you’ve applied biology intentionally like our friend Dennis P.D. Mangan has done. (Dennis has passed 60, however, he looks 33)

  10. Happy Birthday! I am a few years older. On my last birthday someone asked me “how does it feel to be a man in his mid-50s?” My answer was PRETTY DAMN GOOD! If you’re in your 50s and your life isn’t significantly better than when you were in your 20s or 30s, then you really screwed up your life planning somewhere.

    I’m lifting heavier now than I was at age 28, and don’t even ask me to explain how that could be true…

  11. Rollo,

    Men like us need to get shit done. The introspection on the decision is necessary because of the amount of time and effort you have put into your career in the liquor game. Ultimately when I come to these fork in the road moments myself I always contemplate the question of how much I will regret not doing something.

    The fear of failure is always there too. Sometimes there is also the fear of success. How will you handle the attention if you do break out mainstream? I am sure that you have pondered this.

    The act of pondering sets us apart.

    Happy 50th, mate.

  12. what prompted my writing was the suicide of my brother-in-law and another good friend back in 2003. I’d been writing in what would become the ‘sphere since 2001, but these deaths were what moved me to try to help other men more directly. ~Rollo Tomassi

    Your writing has stopped at least thousands of people from committing suicide!

    They are alive today because of THE RATIONAL MALE.

    What is that worth?

    If you choose to semi-retire and focus on THE RATIONAL MALE brand,

    TO FUNDING YOUR WORK MONTHLY via something like
    a Patreon
    which was mentioned by Richard Cooper during his interview with you
    I heard today on “The Iron Rules of Tomassi”

    There is nothing wrong with this as millions of people need what you have to offer.
    Your time is valuable. Focusing on THE RATIONAL MALE brand means fewer suicides
    and more lives positively transformed worldwide.

  13. Said it before: I see no reason why you can’t carry on happily with both personas, Rollo the author, and also as liquor branding mogul Aaron WashingUpLiquid or whatever your real name is. They can co exist, no need to deny either one. They live in different worlds after all. Just wear a different hat, maybe different shades for one identity. A fright wig for the other.

    Hippy Barthday.

  14. Hello Rollo, regarding your fear of getting Alzheimers!

    Being a “myth buster” yourself, I’m a bit astonished that you seem to believe the myth that Alzheimers is a genetically inherited fate.

    It isn’t (which doesn’t exclude, of course, the possibility that there might be genetic factors which increase the possibility of it occurring). If you live a healthy lifestyle with much sports and workout, healthy food (especially low-carb and with little processed industry-style food) and enough sleep, if you’re using your brain really intensively and creatively and if you have a life with joy, pleasure and positive relationships in which you feel as the one who “has the steering wheel in his hands”, then. You. Won’t. Get. Alzheimers. Because why should you?

    This “Alzheimers is an inherited fate” BS exists because it’s too hard for people to acknowledge that their illness is due to wrong life habits and wrong life choices,so they have an excuse which releases them from any responsibility. Just like with ED: Rather than acknowledging that they aren’t really turned on by their partner or that they are insecure when having sex, many people prefer to believe that their ED is a “physical illness”, has to do with bad circulation etc. blablabla…

  15. First of all – happy birthday and I want you to know I have a few blogs/websites I like to read. Yet I find myself typing in the Rational Male on Google more than any other site.

    Very powerful thought process there.
    One method I use to value time is I look at my diary with a page that has every month and day on it. When you look at it that way you realise how much time you’ve already used up. It makes you push things more knowing times not on your side.
    You’d be better focusing your efforts on writing and speaking like you say. I think you’ve got alot to say about many things. And while this probably wouldn’t be something you would want to do, a general book like Rollo’s life lessons would be an amazing read. I think in years to come people will look more and more at your work and will appreciate you more than ever. Your biography would be very important!!!

  16. I turn 50 myself next month but we’re far from equals. Got zero’ed out five years ago by the ex on her “eat pray love” extravaganza. Took time out from the corporate grind, explored the world and my potential during which time I stumbled across your writing. The structure and wisdom of your words put it all together for me. You explained my experience of women, men and their interactions as perfectly one could ever want. Upon further reading however I’ve come to appreciate your foresight and ability to predict future developments between the sexes as being perhaps your most valuable asset. If current trends continue, that insight will be much sought after by masculine men everywhere. Please ensure that you make yourself as fragile-proof as possible because the masculine world needs its modern prophets of which I count you as one of the very best. You have accomplished much already and I wish you many more healthy and productive years still to come.

    Chapeau, Rollo! Tonight I will raise a glass in your honour and wish you a happy birthday from Sydney, Australia.


  17. Happy birthday Rollo! First, this is a good post to once again say Thank You. Your writings have helped me immeasurably over the past 13 years. And your legacy is a powerful one because at the end of the day no matter how much chirping and attacking critics do the simple fact of the matter is men who take in what you are saying end up with better, happier, improved lives.

  18. FWIW, it’s been nearly a year since my second wife decided to leave and divorce me with basically zero warning, and I find myself revisiting concepts to process it all. I was mentally and emotionally better prepared compared to my first marriage ending, but what was surprising was the degree to which the entire relationship was retconned that I literally was the evil demon monster sent from hell to torture and abuse her. I don’t know what percentage of women engage in this sort of history rewriting but I suspect it is quite common so one has to be aware your reputation is going to take a hit amongst some.

  19. Happy Birthday Rollo!

    Two thoughts on money/Patreon:

    1. I know you make a bit of money on the books etc, but on the whole your primary income is through your business stuff. No harm in having a Patreon and making some cash but if it becomes a primary income source to support you in semi-retirement, then perhaps your incentives might change? I know you’ve posted you don’t want to become financially dependent on your writing and speaking..

    2. If you do go down the Patreon route, is there any reasonably anonymous way to contribute? I absolutely would subscribe but I’m not keen on having any direct links from my real name given the public perception of the Red Pill and the Manosphere.

    Honestly, while a certain amount of planning is good, I think things will just evolve into the semi-retirement and more writing route if that’s the way you’re headed. You’ve already done so much more in the last year publicly than in previous years..just let it evolve and see what happens.

  20. Congratulations man! Really appreciate everything you’ve done and achieved. It’s really made a massive difference to many men. Make sure you look after your health make that the priority and everything else second 👍

  21. Hey Rollo, my man. I wish you another 50 happy and productive years. Your work is improving the whole world a little bit at a time. Keep doing it, God bless you!

  22. I like how a lot of “non-regular” commenters come and join us on these “one-off” threads.

    You guys should stay around longer and post more!

  23. I’m hitting 59 in a few days. Don’t feel it though. I actually think I peaked about 2 years ago. Getting away from bad relationships is key.

  24. Happy birthday, Rollo, and welcome to the “club”, as it were …

    Thanks for all you do — and the ideas about the future are good ones.

  25. Happy Birthday, Shatterer of sweet Illusions, Paingiver, Lifesaver …you set me free. Nothing is comforting as it was and sometimes your lessons still hurt like hell … but I never want to go back. 😉

    Alles Gute zu Deinem 50. … Lebe Hoch!

  26. @Culum I think a lot more dudes would post if they didn’t have to wait 10 minutes for Rugby’s spamming to download the page.

    Rugby…dude… Saving Private Ryan clips?


  27. Hi Rollo. I’m 30 years old now and living in Perú (I’m actually Peruvian). Thanks to your writings I’ve been able to escape from the femenine matrix that set me to become (as all of my friends) a dutiful provider with no other expectation than serving my wife and become her slave

  28. Happy birthday Rollo! I know you get this a lot but I want to thank you again for improving my life in almost all aspects. I was raised in a nuclear family with an assertive mother and a beta father. I never learned how to properly be a man. My mother has always taught me to be a good boy and be subservient to female interests. I knew the submissive way my father interact with my mother is not something I want to emulate in my future LTR. The real eye opener was when I asked her if the titanic sinks and I were to disguise as a woman to board a lifeboat, would she shame me. Her answer shocked me that she would sacrifice her own son in favour of some stranger women and children.

    I will be turning 35 in a few days also, and I am looking forward to my times ahead, for my best days are ahead of me, thanks to your guidance and direction.

  29. I started weight lifting at age 50. I have more muscle than ever before. Love the journey.

  30. I often look how far I’ve come before setting out ahead. There’s value in some retrospective. analysis

    My father diagnosed at 49 with Gliobastoma, dead @ 52, universally fatal.

    Though I didn’t reflect much on it, his death clarified why I needed to stop fucking up my own potential, got on board here and made myself, my wife my kids a clearer path to walk.

    Subconsciously we all want to lead consequential lives, lives that survive ourselves.

    Though this is a sex blog, those guys who have the most sex by numbers talk the least about it as they understand sex is just a powerful, natural means to a consequential end.

    Those who frustrate the means-end relationship find themselves chronicly returning to the well as the sex doesn’t permanently satisfy personal needs.

    Rollo mentioned his books, the men he’s helped. Those are consequential, though they pale in comparison to his legacy within his daughter.

    Hell, I can’t even mention RP, let alone TRM, for fear of getting fired (again). Success is a left handed blessing at times.

    Now I can live a more meaningful life for myself, my family and in a way for my father. He deserves more credit than I give him.

    I needed the words to express these thought and TRM gave them to me.

    P.S. my once suicidal friend, now RP, finally choked the RP down and is reconstructing himself ground up. He can finally relax about his future.

    My first save.

  31. “In the comments today I was hoping to see what my peers thought of all this.”

    not a peer, but certainly a pupil, so…

    “I am Rollo Tomassi now.”

    this is one of the coolest things ever. Rollo Tomassi was a fictional character that Ellroy (is he in the book?), Hanson or one of the screenwriters just fucking made up in the room one day. Maybe it was a riff on a guy one of them know once, or maybe it’s a real guy or maybe it’s just a name that means nothing and they needed a placeholder (cloverfield).

    Regardless of the facts of the origin of the name, that character in the film version is completely one dimensional (from what i remember) and has no lasting impact or importance. kids don’t want to dress up as Rollo Tomassi for halloween. no one cares about “the guy that got away with it”

    Then you took the handle. and made it real. you are Rollo Tomassi now

    fucking awesome.

    Happy Birthday

  32. Happy Birthday, Rollo.

    Thanks for all you’ve done, and will do. I owe you a debt I can’t repay.

  33. Happy 50th Birthday Rollo.

    I, too, will start a new decade of my life in a few short months. I think of it less as a milestone and more, as a passing of numbers.

    Rollo Tomassi is an accomplished and venerated writer. But in the recesses of your mind, wouldn’t you ask yourself. Who is Rollo Tomassi? Rollo Tomassi didn’t get married and raise a family. He wasn’t there on first day at school. He wasn’t present for your first kiss or your first love. Your life long friends don’t know him. So who is he?

    Rollo Tomassi is an amalgamation of all your experiences. His clarity is one born of hindsight. He can live in the furthest reaches of man’s own truth, without fear or favour. In the course of his short life he has lifted millions of men off their knees and onto their feet. Shown them a way, where none existed.

    Sometimes it’s necessary to acknowledge and define the pen name under which you write. Since he has a life all of himself. A life that impact your own.

  34. The title of this post is “life at 50” as it relates to you, Rollo.
    But just remember that you’ve given thousands upon thousands of guys the following:

    Life at 20
    Life at 35
    Life at 40
    Life at 65, etc.

    I wasn’t truly “living at” 43 when I found game and your site.

    I was “living through” 43. And calling it living is generous.

    So, I thank you.

  35. Happy birthday Rollo!
    I am forever grateful I “stumbled” into your blog after being dumped 2 times(LTR) at the first opportunity they got(emotional traumas of losing The One in a row) from women around their Epiphany phase,being replaced with higher status Betas with better provider capacity (inheritance etc.)
    You are the guy that connected all the dots for me,though I always knew something was wrong.I had sensed something was wrong in the way they were trying to manipulate me,relied on my instincts and escaped all of the traps laid.
    But it is primarily thanks to you (other writers from manosphere as well) I have my doubts cleared,while enjoying spinning few plates again with women in their early 20s.
    Proud to say I’ve been trained by RT.

  36. All the best, man.
    I am several years older and still I put you on first place before other persons who taught me how to live.

    About death.
    I hope I will think as Maximus i Gladiator:
    “The Death will smile to everyone.
    The only thing is to smile back”.

    I hope I will behave this way when time comes.

  37. Happy birthday Rollo. You sir are an artist. Nouns and verbs and adjectives. Compound sentences with properly placed comma and punctuation marks are your paint. The minds of men whose life and labor and time have been stolen and repurposed to serve others as if in a debtors prison of the mind walking around in false cognitive perception of the world they are your canvas. I am not your peer only a student. I would make one observation. That all the great minds that built the country. Ben Franklin and Sam and John Adams and a lot of them in Virginia all use pin names and wrote anonymously. Stay anonymous until the tide changes. And for the love of god birthday Boy stop comparing yourself to others. Comparing is the cause of much coveting and jealousy. Classism and racism and the rest. A man never knows he is poor until he compares himself with others. Comparing is really a females job. Let her do her job. It’s your birthday go fishing or something

  38. 2 week break AND relaxing?…wtF!… get back ta work, ya slacker…lol…

    50 huh?… well, at least you’ll be better at balancing your checkbook… at least this year…lol

    seriously though, thank you… for everything…

    good luck!

  39. Happy Birthday Rollo!

    I am 33 and relatively new to your community. I got to you through Richard Cooper. I have just started my unplugging. I am glad and grateful to connect with you. I wish you best health for many more years. Thanks for all your work. Keep rocking my guru!

  40. Rollo,

    Beautiful to read, and mirrors many of the sentiments and motivations I have as I approach fifty myself.

    We are all incredibly fortunate to have your work. You indeed build a legacy that will outlive you for many generations.

    Well done, my friend and brother!

    And as your work moves forward, count on me to help push.

    Men need what you deliver.

    Warmest regards,


  41. In the comments today I was hoping to see what my peers thought of all this.

    All this… You mean your destiny? Cometh the hour cometh the man. Both are at hand now, RT. You cannot escape the rest of the journey.

  42. All the best on your 50th Rollo. 50… l never even noticed it go by myself, l was so immersed in looking after everyone else only to be zeroed at 56. At 63 l just try and live for the moment, doing as much as l can to stay active and healthy, sadly most of my cohort have not, old men before their time.

    Few of them are still with their wives, the ones that are seem miserable , a lifetime of “Happy Wife, Happy Life” behind them. What we all seem to lack is a sense “Tribe”, forums like this becoming a substitute until we build new ones… Thanks for all you’ve done and continue to do

  43. My only complaint is, where the hell were you when I was 21? I know, you were like 8, but that’s no excuse!

    Seriously, it’s coming up to a year from that fateful day I ignorantly googled a strange acronym — MGTOW — and saw a link to TRM. You (and the crew here) have helped me connect a lot of dots and start improving a lot of behaviors since then.

    Your crucial SMV chart tells the most important story, I think: men have a good long time to improve themselves, define their goals and reach for them. Context, perspective, the long view are important. But one sad thing is that even good women often have a shorter shelf life.

  44. Happy 50th Rollo! Best wishes for the road ahead.


    It largely depends on the lawyer, how viscous, or willing she is to encourage the bitch, and how the two of them click. In my case, this was the perfect storm and I got what you got.. 20 years I took care of that woman but the default presumption is her bs accusations are true, so now I get to defend myself against them all. This is how they shut you down. This is how they coerce you to give up more than you should in mediation, including your rights to your own children, because just the opportunity to stand before a judge and defend your own character, you will spend your life savings. So easy.

  45. Happy Birthday Rollo!

    My father also died few years ago after degrading from Alzheirmers/Dementia. That was the toughest blow in life so far at 35. I fell into depression after seeing my father slowly disintegrate! His death had an impact on my long term relationship as I became too vulnerable/omega because of the depression. She lost attraction and left me in a disgraceful manner. Anyway all the best to you and your family and thanks for sharing your invaluable work with us! Greetings from Athens, Greece!

  46. Rollo,

    You’re experiencing the fruits of your labor while living. That’s quite an accomplishment. Some guys are appreciated for their contribution only posthumously, and often begrdgingly so.

    I can’t say TRM is main stream acceptable thought yet and you’ve experienced blowback in explaining all this to professional audiences buuut…the FI hasn’t driven you underground like this guy who wanted to reform medicine:

    “Ignaz Semmelweis’s story is sad: a man who was punished, humiliated, and even killed for shouting the truth in order to save others.”

    “János Diescher was appointed Semmelweis’s successor at the Pest University maternity clinic. Immediately, mortality rates jumped sixfold to 6%, but the physicians of Budapest said nothing; there were no inquiries and no protests. Almost no one — either in Vienna or in Budapest — seems to have been willing to acknowledge Semmelweis’s life and work.”

    It impossible to fully appreciate the disasters that didn’t happen to you, let alone the minor miracle receiving public praise for feuling today’s most contentious social topic that none shall speak of publicly: Feminism isn’t working.

  47. @Rollo

    The ideas you’ve put forward have at the very least driven almost every idle waking thought I’ve had for the past 5 years. Much like you I’ve come to not compare myself to others but to my own potential. It’s a difficult yard stick to use… other people genuinely see you as successful when you feel a bit disappointed because you’ve got a clear view of where you fell short relative to what you could clearly do.

    Here’s to hoping you can continue to measure up to what you see. Happy birthday, bro.

  48. “Hello Rollo, regarding your fear of getting Alzheimers!

    Being a “myth buster” yourself, I’m a bit astonished that you seem to believe the myth that Alzheimers is a genetically inherited fate.“

    There is no need to worry about Alzheimers. If you get it you get it. Living on the edge now, or pursuing your goals should be done right the hell now, now just because of fear of a potential disease.

    One of my lifelong friends who is 53 developed Alzheimer’s two years ago. He had to retire because work became a big go zone for what he did. He still has his shit together in so many ways. No debt, his family financially secure for life, physically fit well more than I, and a lot of time on his hands for new hobbies and spending time with his wife and kid.

    After he worked through his depression he is doing as well as one can do. His mother was diagnosed last year with Alzheimers. My friend’s brother died at age 29 from liver cancer. Was not a big drinker. Shit happens. Live large all the time without fear.

  49. Happy birthday Rollo,
    I discovered your work earlier this year and was really amazed by the amount of knowledge I gained from reading your first book, ever since I’ve been trying to keep up with your blog post and your former writings. Appreciate what you’ve done in my life through your writings and looking forward to reading more of them.

  50. TuffLuv,

    So true! The chance to save my meh reputation was getting in the way of rendring unto Ceasar what’s his.

    How did I refute a lie, a lie widely held the truth as it fits TPTB incentives?

    I don’t and let the chips fall where they may. I learned a lot from your story. Particularly, there is some to be gained tactically with visitation…but get out as fast as one man can.

    Not only do I save time and money, I love with a clear conscience I didn’t (un)willingly contribute to a fixed system.

    I consider it “just getting it” when dealing with interlegal dynamic.

  51. Best Birthday Wishes, Rollo!
    You have and continue to deliver deep and actionable insights. Muchas gracias!
    Looking forward to following you where your further work develops!

  52. Happy birthday, Rollo! I hope you choose to do more of the things that give you the most satisfaction. Enjoy the second half!

  53. Happy birthday Rollo, Glad I found your blog,it wasn’t lost.

    At 57 I do what I wan’t when the timing is right and the financial independence helps with the antifragility so that I can pick and choose my mission in life or missions as the case may be. In other words the desperation that motivates is no longer mine to experience though it could return, in some ways it is harder to keep pushing on without the desperation as now I must believe in the mission to stay motivated with initiative.Long story short life is short don’t waste time not living. I will finish the game.

  54. “The Rational Male” Books have completely transformed my life, and redirected my thinking about my own masculinity and direction with women. At age 35 I am now confident that I can have what I want in life. Thank you Rollo Tomassi for unplugging me and showing me what I need to do. I can’t keep what I have unless I give it away, so I vow to share “The Rational Male” with all the men that I believe CAN be unplugged as well.

    -Best Wishes

  55. I’m a woman recently introduced to the world of the red pill by my ex boyfriend. As I’ve gone deeper, I’ve experienced shock, relief, a complete breaking down of everything I thought I knew, fear, sadness, excitement, and quite a bit of anger. I have a unique background that includes childhood molestation and teenage rape, a “deadbeat dad” and a knight stepdad in shining armor which ironically lends itself to my not completely falling into many of the societal traps of feminism, male disposability and the like, which is why my ex even gave me a chance in the first place. However, I’m not immune from my biology and hadn’t been completely inoculated against my decades of conditioning, nor was I aware of any reason to be so. I fully considered myself to be “a good woman,” and “not like the rest.” I love my ex, but I believe the damage I’ve caused is irreparable, and knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t blame him if he simply told me to fuck off. More than anything, I simply cannot continue to go through life as I had, now that I am aware of the realities I’ve discovered, or rather, uncovered. I love the men in my life and want to treat them with the dignity they deserve. The many invaluable resources that have allowed me to frame my perspective from that of men has served an incredible purpose of fostering empathy and understanding for the conditions in which they are living. I’m still a woman, though, with a woman’s perspective and a woman’s biology. I’m wondering if there are any resources that might help me in overcoming such biology and perspective so that I can grow to be a good woman for the men that I love and, yes, for myself? Thank you for all the work that you have done. I’m exceedingly grateful for such a community that would speak the truth in the face of all the self-righteous cries of “misogyny” and “patriarchy.”

  56. Happy 50th Rollo! 50 is an amazing age. To look back and realize all that you wish that you knew. Old men and even some women tried to tell us, but the mistakes must be made in order to gain wisdom. I have never been more in charge of the direction of my ship, nor have I ever had a greater understanding of myself and the world.

    You already know the answer to your question. Semi retire and go forth and do great things. I turned my life around because of your writings. I have read everything you have written and everything I could get my hands on in the manosphere. 3 years of total immersion and monk mode and I gave birth to myself. The self I was always supposed to be. My life could not be any better. I try and save the few that I can, the rest will suffer the fate as you have written. I have saved a few, you have saved thousands. My hat is off to you Sir!

  57. Hi Rollo,

    Happy birthday and unlimited gratitude for your efforts in trying to keep men safe and sane (ish)
    in 2018.

    I am going a bit off piste with the following but I hope you and others may find some value in this.

    Reading your comments on Alzheimers/ Dementia it is a fear for many people in our age group.

    I have been following the work of Prof Chris Exley from Keele Uni in the UK.
    He has various you tube lectures addressing the subject online.

    He suggests that there may be a link between ingested Aluminium and these degenerative diseases and has suggested that drinking bottled water high in Silica helps to chelate the Aluminium out in the urine.
    this has the effect of lowering the Aluminium load in the body.
    I am in Australia and Fiji water is what I drink at workouts because it has the highest Silica content of all the bottled waters-93 mg/L
    I don’t know what is available where you are but I am sure you will be able to find a bottled water with a high silica content.
    Given the fact that we all need to drink water it seems a small adjustment to make for a potentially very high pay off.

    Anyway hope this helps and I am looking forward to the fourth book as I have read and re read the first three many times and find something new each time.

    All the best.

    Jim McCullagh

  58. Happy birthday, fellow Aries. 63 this month. Recipe for longevity….Cannabis, Distilled water, fresh fruits and veggies, fish and meat in moderation, minimal alcohol, more cannabis, constructive projects that require creativity, troubleshooting, problem solving, use of tools, did I mention cannabis, grow things, hunt, recreate in the extreme, snowboard, mt bike, positive mindset, and of course, exercise game. Get the fuck up early, Puff another, go to bed earlier. Learn to live with less, material and cash.

  59. Hey Joanna

    There is nothing wrong with women who strive in getting there Due.

    There are some resources for you. Of which I have’nt vetted because I’m not a girl.

    Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a good reasource. She has some books. She has some pertinent books. She has her forty year running advice show on Sirius/XM which has good advice for the sisterhood uber alles in a red pill fashion. As in: Woman dont’ fuck up.

    Separately, I haven’t had the time to spend on an author for a woman to get her shit together with a good guy, but there is an author named Laura Doyle that has been vetted by a married red pill author that vouches for her books being good stuff.

    Thirdly, there is a book called The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida, that explains the Nature of Men, The Nature of Women and how the hell you two fucking people can get together in a rational fashion. It is proto-typical red pill. It explains what is necessary: A Polarity of Masculine and Feminine. What is necessary to pull off a good relationship. But only if the girl and the guy have Goodness. In otherwise if you are whole and so is he.

    In order to pull this off he has to be good and you have to be be good.

    You are obviously defective, because of your former abuse (see Dr. Laura and her book Bad Childhood , Good Life.

    You have to re-construct yourselves into how you can relate to males in a normal fashion. It is doable but not without difficulty. Get that right in you mind. You have work to do.

    Good luck with that…

  60. Rugby….noooooo bad Rugby! bad Rugby!

    Maybe like the Field Reports page Rollo could start a Rugby page exclusively for him to spam randomly to his heart’s content and basically syndicate his YouTube feed on a page where it won’t disturb the rest of us…

  61. Joanna
    April 3, 2018 at 8:28 pm

    “. . . I’m wondering if there are any resources that might help me in overcoming such biology and perspective . . .”

    Simply seeing is enough.

    See — we do things, but generally have no idea of what is driving us to do as we do. We are puzzled by our own behaviors. We – men and women – are the results of millions of years of evolutionary biology and evolutionary psychology. The drives are as they are.

    There is no reason to fight the drives, because we then fight ourselves. It is who we are wired to be. Yet in seeing these we may understand, and then act consciously. Seeing gives us choice. It is only the actions we have choice over. Not how we are wired.

    No one, upon seeing doggie-do on the sidewalk, joyously goes and (with great enthusiasm) purposely stomps on it. It’s only ever what we don’t see that gets us.

    And there’s no point in self-condemnation, because at the time, we just didn’t see.

  62. @Joanna

    Thanks for posting. I hear from a variety of women who recognize that feminism far from emancipating women from the so called yolk of male oppression is short changing them of their opportunities for their own fulfilment and happiness.

    The Red Pill is Truth and transcends more than simply male/female sexual dynamics.

    When feminists try to create their “safe spaces” they ignore the prospect that many women enjoy becoming better women rather than struggling to be substandard men while men are made sexually, financially and emotionally redundant.

  63. Happy belated birthday. Congrats.

    Talking about success, I think one of the markers of true success is when someone cannot undo his own success. One thing I am positive about is that even if the internet died, even if Amazon died, even if Rollo himself turned into a totally messed up white night wimp overnight (oh what a sacrilegious thought!), his books would continue circulating into the hands of men, who would use them on their sons and they would continue saving lives. Your contribution to the lives of men is eternal. God bless.

  64. “The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work… when you go to church… when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.” –Morpheus

    Few have escaped its gravity. Living life on one’s own terms in this today is a miracle.

    Fewer still have impacted the arc of humanity. I see every day this work reflected in myriad forms. Those dots — retrieved and generously connected for us — are now everywhere. This work cannot be uprooted. Even were nothing more to be done, this work is now here, established. It does save lives. It will continue to save lives after we are gone.

    As for death – a little quiet reflection and it can be known directly: the mind and the body are tools; and we are neither. The mind changes; the body changes; but something does not change. This something-that-does-not-change, this “I Am” is timeless, formless. It cannot go away with death. And looking now deep within you know this already.

    99.9999999999996% of what we perceive as matter is but empty space – and the remaining 0.0000000000004% isn’t matter at all, but some form of energy. It seems it is life that is the illusion.

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