The Adolescent Social Skill Set

Having been on vacation recently (sorry for the lack of updates) I took some time in between fishing charters and tequila sampling to look at the overhyped stories about the upcoming olympic games. Unfortunately the games don’t really hold the same appeal they used to, and now especially against the more constant awareness people have of professional sports. So in order to generate advertising revenue for the games themselves it’s become necessary for the media to seed the human interest stories months ahead of time about athletes the public would likely never have been aware of left to their own interests. Knowing who the top javelin throwers in the world are is a pretty niche interest.

So it was with a bit of non-olympic interest that I became peripherally aware of the Lolo Jones story. Grit Artisan had a pretty good breakdown about our newest American feel-good olympic hopeful. Win or lose, expect to see her image plastered on a LOT of sportswear, cereal box and energy drink advertising for the next 8 months.

Before you get the wrong impression, my intent in beginning this post off by drawing attention to Lolo isn’t to eviscerate her. I actually kind of like her. Minus the manjaw, she’s a solid HB 7.5 on the rigorous Tomassi scale, mainly because she got the athletic appeal I like, but she also seems genuinely likable. I use Lolo because she is a prime example of socialization based upon an adolescent social skill set:

From Grit’s post:

-She considers her virginity a gift (!) that she wants to give to her husband. She thinks its the hardest thing she has ever done in her life- harder than college or training for the Olympics. She also realizes and acknowledges the past temptation and opportunities that she could have had sex.

I think it’s important to note that a fem-centric media has used 29 year old Flo-Jo’s Lolo’s virgin status not only as a rallying cry for evangelically defined abstinence, but also as the typical and convenient male-sexual-response shaming device it loves so much. Track & field fans or not, all women can lament in chorus with poor Lolo’s quest to find the Right Guy™ amongst so many immature and uncontrollably sex-concerned boy-men:

It was on Twitter earlier this year where she first announced to her almost 55,000 fans that she was a virgin.

She also said on the program that she has grown accustomed to being rejected by men as a result of her beliefs.

She said: ‘Here’s the two things that happen when you tell a guy you’re a virgin, this is the honest truth. One, you tell them [and they say] “oh ok, I respect that”. But you can already see in their eyes [that they’re thinking] “she’s lying about this and I’ll crack it”.

‘So we’ll talk usually one to three months [later], then they’re like “oh shoot, she was serious”. Time for me to exit.’

I can’t imagine shots like this wouldn’t convey any message to the average guy other than, “I’m a devout christian and I’m waiting for marriage.” Yep, must be those incorrigible men’s sex drives that make ’em bottle out before putting a ring on it. Nothing like the continuation of the ‘there are no good men left’ meme to get the otherwise uninterested ladies into watching the Olympics. Maybe Garfunkle and Oates could dedicate this song to Lolo at the opening ceremonies?

Late Term Virgins

Before I get knee deep in the moral rationales for her ‘decision’, let me begin by stating that in and of itself I don’t necessarily disparage the idea of retaining ones virginity (male or female) when that person is fully self-aware of the long term implications that decision represents. I can already hear the howls from the monogamy minded members of the manosphere, “Why would you discourage women from retaining their virginity? Don’t you know the more dicks she’d had the less likely she’ll be able to pair-bond with a guy? You’re encouraging premarital sex and thus cock-carouseling!”

I’ve covered most of this material in Late Term Virgins, but the salient point here is about adolescent social skills:

Simply put there are experiences and opportunities for personal growth that only embracing our sexuality can offer. One point I regularly make with respect to AFCs is that at some stage in their maturation they became retarded. I use “retarded” in the clinical, not the derogatory sense here; their social maturation becomes held up by their lack of access to experiences that would help them develop new cognitive models. Most of the time this is due to an inability to see past old conventions they learned in adolescence which halts them from passing to the next level so to speak. The problem with saving oneself for marriage becomes apparent in this. I’m not saying there is no merit in it, just that most people subscribing to it blindly do so without understanding the limitations inherent in it.

Whether that person is Lolo Jones or Tim Tebow, the latent purpose of a vow of chastity made in a person’s adolescence is an effort to curb the long-term consequences of the actions that a volatile chemical cocktail of pubescent hormones prompt in them. This ‘decision’ is couched in whatever moralism helps them and their parents sleep better at night, but it doesn’t offer much in the way of educating a 15 year old promised virgin to understand the social implications of that promise when she reaches 30 and is still a virgin.

Wearing our public faces (the ones that look like wisdom and prudence) there will no doubt be a demographic with some reason to celebrate Lolo or Tebow. “Wow, they really do hold to their convictions. They are an example, unlike us lesser people who were too weak to resist our carnal appetites.” And while they finish that sentence there’s still a nagging discomfort in revering ‘celebrities’ for not experiencing something that 99% of the human population has experienced well before age 30.

Call it a Double Standard if you like, but when we encounter a 40 year old virgin male our underlying impression of him is not one of reverence, but rather one of suspicion. We wonder what’s wrong with a guy who’s never had sex. Part of being a total Man is to have had sex; it is to have had consolidated upon our most basic biological impetus. A man incapable of this (by choice or by circumstance) is considered deviant and forces us to wonder at his social maturation. In other words, a normal guy should’ve gotten laid by 40.

Lolo’s is an interesting case. There comes a point when normal women ought to have had sex as well. While we can make the case that sex-positive neo-feminism endorses cock-carouseling as a deviancy, there is also a stage at which we begin to wonder about a woman’s maturity and socialization when she hasn’t had sex by a certain age. By today’s standards, at 30 Lolo is practically a nun. We can cling to the sense of hope she inspires by holding out for marriage, but at what age do we determine that maybe Lolo is still stuck on the idealism of her youthful promises?

Adolescent Social Skills vs. Mature Social Skills

My sister-in-law got pregnant at 18 and married at 19. After about 20 years of marriage and 2 children she went feral. Hypergamy prompted her to divorce the husband who’d ‘done the right thing’ at 20 years old and remarry a millionaire. There’s more to this story, but one annoying aspect of her very brief dating period of the millionaire was her psychological regression back into the only social skill set she’d ever known; the one she’d used right up until becoming a teenage mother. Her phone call conversations with this late 40’s millionaire took me aback at first – it was script taken directly from the worst 80’s Brat Pack movie. Cutesy pet names, and behaviorisms that bespoke a woman who’s social understandings were frozen in time since the mid 80’s to be thawed out in 2003.

I shouldn’t really say that she regressed to her adolescent skill set, because she never really had the opportunity afforded by experience to develop a mature way of socializing as an adult (of 40+ years at the time) should realistically be expected of. Her story is a gross, anecdotal illustration that made me realize the larger, much more nuanced, whole of people using their last relatable experience as reference for understanding and applying themselves in novel situations.

One of the most consistent dynamics I deal with when I’m asked for counseling or even just casual advice is determining how much real-world experience the person asking me has. For example, it’s a much tougher task to unplug, and teach a guy Game who’s social understanding is rooted in idealistic, adolescent beliefs he’s never had the opportunity to mature past via experience. For many in the manosphere it’s an almost enjoyable act to be the iconoclast of juvenile, Disneyesque plugged-in idealisms, but it really does nothing to help the man (not to mention woman) who’s only frame of reference has ever been based in their adolescent social skills and understandings.

With every passing year, by order of degree, it becomes that much more difficult to get a person to accept their social retardation and unlearn their adolescent skill set as their only skill set.. A man of 25 might be willing to come to terms with his lack of referable experience, but the man of 45’s ego, by virtue of age, relies upon that model in order to feel validated. He’s had half a lifetime of experiences, but all of that was built upon, and limited by, a social model he’d learned and frozen at age 18.

Add the feminine rationalization hamster to this equation and it’s easy to see how stories like my sister-in-law’s come to pass. For women there’s little motivation to move beyond the adolescent model that worked so well for them in their teens. Thus we have mid-50’s women who’re easily entertained by television (HBO’s Girls) and stories that allow them to vicariously relive the framework of their adolescent social awareness. I have little doubt that in my sister-in-law’s psyche nothing was out of the ordinary, but to those around she was either cute in her unawareness of her 20 year old social behaviors, or she was an anachronism.

Women can get away with a lifetime of social awareness halted at age 17, but socially, men are expected to know better. This is why Lolo Jones gets a smile and a wry wink at 30, but the 40 year old virgin man is “creepy.”

Social Models

There was a time when the practical merits of virginity made sense. When a person’s life expectancy was about 50 years, an adolescent skill set was much different than it is today. There’s a reason individual cultures had ceremonies for passing into manhood and womanhood at age 15, we needed to be men and women at a much earlier age. Adulthood was literally 18. Since then, our biology and our evolution, physically and psycho-socially, conflict with that older model. We’ve drawn the process of maturation out to accommodate a longer lifespan as well as the contemporary expectations of education, career, family, etc. as per the norms of the societies that foster them.

Yet we still use the older socialization model – the one when more was expected of us earlier – as a base for judging the relative maturity of an individual. For all the handwringing about ‘Kidult’ men not manning up to fem-centric expectations, it’s almost comical to think that those expectations are rooted in a traditional, social model for maturation that hasn’t existed in almost a century in western culture. They want the anachronism of the old model to be relevant to men for exploitative purposes that they’re willfully or blissfully unaware of, yet we’re supposed to congratulate a 30 year old woman for not having sex based on an antiquated social model. Lolo Jones living in 1912 would be an old maid by those social standards; people of that era would wonder what was wrong with her.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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Samuel Solomon
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Lolo has a husband, his name is TRAINING. She has elevated her athleticism, olympic goals, and workouts to the position that most women plug a husband into. Her training is in charge of her. Her training dictates her life. Her training makes other pursuits impossible. I have no problem with this, as it is her prerogative, and I can think of a lot worse approaches than hers. But its not hard to see the unnatural element of what she is doing, and the most inexplicable part is her complaining that she can’t find a guy when she had already precluded… Read more »

FFY
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She is going to be incredibly disappointed after she loses her virginity and there aren’t shooting stars and unicorns prancing all around and chocolate waterfalls.

I’m incredibly wary of any chick thats still a virgin past 25, for this exact reason. Her virginity becomes her identity, in a way, bound to her, as you say, adolescent ideals and dreams. Nobody but the greatest man is allowed into her most glorious of vajayjays. Every year that prince charming doesn’t arrive at her tower only reinforces her identity

Grit
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Ironically, she is exactly the high esteem type who would claim that past sexual experiences were void since they weren’t the ‘right one’ a la born again virgins.

I’m not calling her a liar, but she seems to be exactly the type to fall for a cad, realize her misjudgment, and correct the mistake in her sexual resume by continually playing the virgin card.

That is exactly the attraction/danger behind Heartiste’s definition of an ingenue: either profound slut or unobtainably high on a virtuous pedestal.

HeligKo
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HeligKo
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I don’t know that she will get that super fit alpha that can handle this type of woman. She is too old. She will judge most men nearing 40 as too old even if they are fit. They will be broken by their sports. Most of these men who are going to marry do so young to women much more feminine than she is, even when the woman is fit, they generally aren’t world class athlete fit. Women like Lolo typically marry a a contemporary athlete in the same realm of competition or their trainers who represent an appropriate authority(father)… Read more »

HeligKo
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I think the getting stuck in adolescence idea is pretty cool. It seems to fit a lot of the women I have seen in the church who hold out for perfection. They seem to be stuck believing in prince charming and fundamentally fail to develop even as they approach 30 as single virgins. I hadn’t thought about it this way, but it really seems to fit.

koevoet
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koevoet
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I have dated/been rejected by two 30+ year old virgins. Both of them were reasonably attractive…well within my range of attractiveness. Both of them suffered from acute Personality Deficit Disorder. If a girl hits 30 and is yet unmarried, there is probably a reason for it. If a girl hits 30 and has not had sex there is a really big reason for it. Both of these girls were Christian women and one thing I have learned by being a regular church-goer is that normally developed Christian women tend to get married early, often right around 25 or earlier. Loading...

Ronin
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Ronin
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Meh, lesbo.

Johnycomelately
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Johnycomelately
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The sister in law that married at 18 is socially immature and yet Lolo who refrained from sex at 30 is socially retarded? Does that mean messing around for a decade makes you socially mature? Most of the bat shit crazy woman I know are the very women who played the field and should have developed social maturity. Concerning mature male virginity, isn’t that a fem centric view? I’ve known several monks in my life time and they were amongst the most socially adroit people I have ever met. It’s a long bow to draw to equate extensive sexual interactions… Read more »

Marc
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Marc
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Rico
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Rico
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Rico
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Rico
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Tim Tebow will marry some pretty Mormon girl just graduating college in a few years.

I doubt that, seeing as he’s not a Mormon himself.

39joshua
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39joshua
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A good comment Soloman, which perhaps matches my own thoughts. The issue of trade-offs and women does not receive the attention it deserves, both from feminists (broadly construed) and MRAs – Women often don’t acknowledge the sacrifices they have to make if they want to realistically find a mate and have a children, while men I think fail to sympathize with the real sacrifices women have to make career-wise (e.g. giving up that chance at a medal, which after all does involve a real renunciation – I think men sometimes underestimate the sacrifice that women have to make here) if… Read more »

Pip
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Pip
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I thought all middle-aged male millionaires went for 20-something hotties. One went for your 40 y.o. sister-in-law with two kids? So that really happens? The carousel goes on forever and the party never ends.

Nas
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Nas
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Yep! Women got it good. It won’t get better for us men with age. We are a slave race!

Rollo Tomassi
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Rollo Tomassi
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As I stated, there’s a lot more to that story, but suffice to say that at the time the she was (and adjusted for age, still is) very attractive for her age – classic blonde hair, blue eyed, big (paid for) boobs and the kids were in college or just about to go.

Rollo Tomassi
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Rollo Tomassi
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Tebow just needs to get after it with Taylor Swift to complete the fantasy. Except, I think John Mayer already beat him to it.

GeishaKate
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Well, I wish her the best. She is obviously a very determined, perfection-seeking woman. It will be hard for her to find someone “worthy.” Its hard enough just being a regular person! I certainly hopes she finds that one in a million person who will be just what she was waiting for because the ones that don’t work out cost you not only heartbreak but, more essentially, time. If she is interested in having a family, that will be a problem. I found this to be a very thought-provoking post. The emotional maturity comes in not just with sex but… Read more »

Candide
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Candide
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Her soft core glamour shots make me think of Monty Python’s “Are You A Virgin?” sketch in Life of Brian. Sure she is…

Like how Kate Bollick’s fame and financial success are now dependent on her being a loser in love, Lolo Jones’ are also dependent on her being a virgin and failing to find Mr Right. Can you imagine being said Mr Right? You’re responsible for her loss of fame and big money. Now that would win you lots of favour from the judge when the divorce comes years later. grin

CynicalBachelor
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Ronin is being flippant, but I had a similar reaction when I first heard the Lolo story, “Ah, lesbian.” The wear-my-Xianity-on-my-sleeves types who go around trumpeting their virginity are also always crowing about their heterosexuality. This is frequently an overcompensation for their shame about the real substance of their sexual desires. When a 29-year-old, attractive woman is the person in question? Oh, hell yes. What better way to stay true to their preferred religious indoctrination and sublimate their self-hatred and self-disgust than repressing their forbidden urges through conspicuous nobility? I’m sure many people will say, “She can’t be a lesbian!… Read more »

driveallnight
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driveallnight
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Jesus. Her dad humped a warthog?

ant
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ant
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I didn’t know kate upton and lolo jone were the same person? grin

llbrontell
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llbrontell
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I don’t wholly agree with Rollo. Equating sexual experience (especially isolated from a marriage) as an important part of maturation is like saying you need to experience roller coasters to grow up. It may help, particularly for men, better attract the opposite sex in the future and improve your communication ability with them. But with diverse sexual experience, as the manosphere heavily notes and Rollo in this post, comes consequence. People also have different meanings of “maturity.” Some would look at social prowess as a measure of maturity, or communication ability, or management of personal finances, or self-sacrifice, or awareness… Read more »

llbrontell
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Solomon mentioning the opportunity costs associated with her training is also a great point. That is also taboo to mention within typical evangelical circles. Sqwawks and honks. All the little princesses want to have their cake and eat it, too.

“Opportunity cost” (with careers or other paths) needs to be taught to young Christian girls. The need to understand that if they seek a certain path, they also significally scale back to number of potential mates. It could mean spinsterhood–especially for the less-attractive.

Heck, being a devout, honest, chaste evangelical Chrstian alone scales back the number of potential mates.

Team-Red
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Adolescent Social Skills vs. Mature Social Skills

this could easily be an essay entirely on its own because I completely agree that woman rarely develop past the adolescent social skill because they don’t have to in our society nor did they have to in the past. I would go so far to say that women, as a whole, are incapable of reaching the Formal Operational Stage in Piaget’s theory of cognitive development. The story of your sister-in-law brought be back to ‘What’s your Problem’, very sobering.

Rollo Tomassi
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http://corycopeland.net/2012/07/06/like-a-28-year-old-virgin-by-bradley-pierce/ Compare and contrast the gender perspective here with the social response to Lolo’s mate quest. One of the more interesting and consistent aspects I find amongst both the late term virgin mentality and the “I’m haaaaapy single” Kate Bolick perspectives is that all of their writing sounds like legitimized versions of online dating profiles. You don’t make the mental efforts of long written appeals for understanding the virginic way of life or the aging spinster’s validation without some preconceived idea / hope that someone, somewhere, might in fact read your piece, identify with you and want to make your… Read more »

Sam Spade
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I once worked for a radio network that hosted in-studio interviews (farmed out to FM morning shows). We had as a guest a 29 year old female virgin. The hook was she was looking for a “good guy” to date or something. Just a silly publicity stunt but the kind of thing morning DJs love to talk about. She came in-person and was kind of cute, skinny, blond. I was 30 at the time and some other female staffers were asking me if I was interested, wouldn’t this be a fantasy of mine, etc.? I could not have been less… Read more »

Jeremiah
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Jeremiah
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Professor Tomassi –

At what age is a person categorized as a Late Term Virgin, and at what age do you believe social impediment begins to show it’s coarse face?

Will people skills begin to improve after the virgin finally pops their obstinate cherry?

RockHard
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RockHard
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I think that the thing with the “not until marriage” problem isn’t life expectancy, it’s that the institution of marriage has changed. Marriage used to be a necessity, because it took a lot of work to keep a household running. You didn’t have microwave meals, washing machines, or off the rack clothing, so it was much more difficult to live independently. As for LoLo, I tend to agree with Geisha’s assessment – she’s stunted because she can’t accept that the world’s imperfect, so she lives in this manufactured reality of a pro athlete where everything is controlled and sanitized. Some… Read more »

RockHard
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RockHard
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Oh yeah, and the photos – definitely attention seeking, combined with that “sanitized reality”. She’s marketing her brand, but that’s currently based on her legs. When those start to fail, what’s she got to sell?

Beer Monkey
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There are a lot more 30 year old women that have only fucked one or two guys than there are 30 year old virgins. And the former aren’t crazy. Lolo is. If you are going to settle for a gorgeous 30 year old, go for the one that has had a couple of LTRs and stayed off the carousel and avoid the virgin like the plague. NO MAN will ever be good enough for her. Oh, she’ll settle some day, and it won’t work out. I guarantee you at some point she’s already turned away the best guy she’s ever… Read more »

GeishaKate
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” If you are going to settle for a gorgeous 30 year old, go for the one that has had a couple of LTRs and stayed off the carousel…” You made my day. Let’s make t-shirts.

Hero
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Hero
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Rollo, the first link to the pics in “shots like this” is actually Kate Upton.

koevoet
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koevoet
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Agreed. A 21 year old virgin is sweet. A 25 year old virgin is admirable. A 30 year old virgin is a cat owner.
This is interesting that this came up now as I had the ’30 year old virgin’ conversation on Sunday…with my priest of all people. He agreed that a woman unmarried by 30 has some sort of problem.

Orion
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Orion
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Agreed with this assessment. Training for the Olympics up to her current age is as much of a turn on to a man as a fast track career oriented woman. She has already set her priorities and a husband doesn’t appear in the top 5. Considering fertility, she is approaching the wall at a pace much faster than she can run. Either she resets priorities after the Olympics or she becomes another bitter spinster hamster lamenting how she never found a man good enough. The truth is she never presented herself as a viable option.

Rollo Tomassi
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Fixed.

My bad, but in my defense it wasn’t hard to find another shot.

Jon
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Jon
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and that’s why I took so long to read the article…..

HeligKo
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HeligKo
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Details, details. I am not sure where I got that idea, but you are correct. Swap mormon for Christian and I stand by the statement.

HeligKo
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HeligKo
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Put simply a woman who is 30 and a virgin for religious reasons, and has not married has a problem. She either has prioritized other things to the point of excluding finding a husband or has set the bar so high that no man can ever reach it, and as each year passes the fantasy becomes harder to reach, because as we live, we make mistakes that shape us, and those mistakes to someone with the bar set that high make the men unacceptable for coupling with her. There are also the women who have done both. I am a… Read more »

Beer Monkey
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Even evangelical christian girls usually fuck if they aren’t married in their 20s. Usually only in LTRs, but the majority of them still usually fuck even if they feel some guilt about it.

King A (Matthew King)
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You can’t disparage Miss Jones without lionizing sluts. If your intent is to put the slut on a pedestal, then do so directly, rather than naïvely thinking you can have all the good of female innocence without the ill consequences of generational slutdom. Say you are Mr. Jones, her father. Are you proud of her or disappointed? How are you instructing your daughters to avoid or survive the cock carousel? Are you instructing them at all? The only middle ground between Jones’ over-extended purity and her submission to the cock carousel (even if it’s just for a brief whirl) is… Read more »

King A (Matthew King)
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FFY wrote: She is going to be incredibly disappointed after she loses her virginity and there aren’t shooting stars and unicorns prancing all around and chocolate waterfalls. So she held out because she’s a secret sensualist without the first clue of what to expect upon being deflowered? This despite growing up in a culture that not only fails to preserve any mystery about the sexual act but also actively and clinically deconstructs it on every TV show, computer screen, magazine page, and billboard? It is just your kind of preposterous commentary that passes for wisdom and discredits pick-up artistry as… Read more »

King A (Matthew King)
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FFY wrote: I’m incredibly wary of any chick that’s still a virgin past 25, for this exact reason. Her virginity becomes her identity, in a way, bound to her, as you say, adolescent ideals and dreams. Nobody but the greatest man is allowed into her most glorious of vajayjays. Every year that prince charming doesn’t arrive at her tower only reinforces her identity. This is the way a childish epicurean interprets actions of principle. He thinks pursuit of ideals is just a mask concealing a person’s real, pleasure-centered motivations, i.e., his own motivations. There can be no other legitimate initiative… Read more »

jlw
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jlw
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“A man incapable of [losing his virginity] (by choice or by circumstance) is considered deviant and forces us to wonder at his social maturation.” and “Call it a Double Standard if you like, but when we encounter a 40-year-old virgin male our underlying impression of him is not one of reverence, but rather one of suspicion.” 1 nit to pick in a great post: in my experience, when you look at (mainly) and talk to (secondarily) a 40-year-old virgin male, it’s usually pretty obvious why they are so. There’s no sense of deviancy or suspicion but instead a sense of… Read more »

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hamilton
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hamilton
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Please – the idea that the Olympics’ most famous female athlete, who’s also good looking, wants to remain a virgin because she can’t find a man “Alpha” enough is laughable. She lives in the midst of alphas…not only the pure social alphas, whom you seem to regale, but the men who are both social and professional alphas. She’s not going to marry some millionaire who has limited social awareness. Nor is she going to marry some meat-market alpha who carries mail for a living (if he’s lucky) once the sun comes up. But she’s got access to men who are… Read more »

Rollo Tomassi
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More or less the moral absolutist response I’ve come to expect Matt. I will however point one thing out,… Kate Bolick: “Men are immature kidults now, incapable of living up to what is expected of them. They should be ashamed of themselves for not growing up, investing in, and marrying women. They’re intimidated by strong women. Where are all the good men?” Lolo Jones: “Men wont stick around and date a virgin with conviction. They’re all sex obsessed. They should be ashamed of themselves for not growing up, investing in, and marrying women. What happened to all the good men?”… Read more »

xsplat
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A useful concept is “socio-sexual orientation”, or how readily a person is predisposed to have sex outside of a loving committed relationship. I’ve always hung around men and women with high socio-sexual scores, so up until spending time on game blogs and forums, I’d assumed that men had similar attitudes to mine. It came as a surprise that not only were some men interested in virginity, but that it was a common attitude. And it took me quite a while to accept the fact that some men are GREATLY interested in the sexual purity of their mate. In the wikipedia… Read more »

xsplat
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Also, many men don’t have the concept that it’s possible to have too much self control.

Willpower is not always a good thing. It’s a sign that she can’t give her self over to being fully taken over by the swoon of erotic passion.

Cream
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Perhaps the moment she finally opens the flood gates and gives some guy the worst sex of his life, (because it will surely be near frozen sex), she will mutate into a raging slut to compensate for all the lost years.

That would be funny. It’s also a real possibility…

HeligKo
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I think one of the problems of women waiting that long to have sex is that the act of losing her virginity becomes a religious landmark in her life. It so blown out of proportion that when it isn’t something so incredible as to cause the earth to shake and crack in two, she is forever disappointed and lacks the desire to have sex. It become utility for having babies, and the man she married will be forever disappointed. It really is the inverse problem of the carousel. The women on the carousel won’t be satisfied without variety, and these… Read more »

GeishaKate
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“Willpower is not always a good thing. It’s a sign that she can’t give her self over to being fully taken over by the swoon of erotic passion.” Good point. However, if the only way for this to happen is to be with someone superior, and Lolo isn’t so shabby herself, its going to be very hard to find. Giving up control/submitting, to those of us who are willful/”spirited”, is a lot harder than you’d think. A fictional example is the play Hedda Gabler by Henrik Ibsen. Rather than bear the child of a man she loathed and dishonor her… Read more »

Professor Ashur
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Rollo-

Would you mind sending me an email? I have a question for you.

Rollo Tomassi
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leave me an address on the About comments and I’ll hit you up

King A (Matthew King)
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“Her choice.” Right, relativist. We are critiquing her choice. Lolo Jones “lives in the midst of alphas” who would squander her asset and leave her damaged goods to be picked over by beta dumpster-divers. Jones is one of very few women able to make rational decisions among limited choices. She should be commended for the attempt, if not necessarily for the result. We live in the anomaly. We men retain the secret whip hand over confused girls ravaged by the culture, no matter what bromides that culture officially consoles them with. The power of the alpha male is balanced by… Read more »

King A (Matthew King)
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A woman’s “sexual side” is supposed to be “underdeveloped.” When it is overdeveloped like a man’s, she quickly becomes rancid within and without. You have a daughter. Teach her how to be a woman. Be sure her father does the same. Make her decisions for her until her husband can. Independence is overrated for girls, particularly the ones marinated in feminist lies who “independently” all arrive at the same sorry end-state. We have become unsexed. We have to re-genderize this epicene culture one child at a time or else consign your daughter to an unimaginable fate, far worse than ours.… Read more »

King A (Matthew King)
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More or less the moral absolutist response I’ve come to expect Matt. As opposed to … moral relativist? That contradiction-in-terms? I won’t make a brief against relativism other than to say it is the cancer of our culture, enervating us as a nation of wimps that struggles to justify even the simplest of justices. Everyone is an absolutist. Only some deceive themselves into thinking their philosophy to be more flexible than thou by burying their convictions out of sight and mind, away from others’ sight and beneath their own minds. If you weren’t at some level absolutist, you would never… Read more »

GeishaKate
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GeishaKate
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I consider my daughter one of the luckiest little girls alive for all she can learn from me. Had I not come to the brink of so many Cliffs of Cliches myself, I wouldn’t have anything to teach her or know how best to reach her. My mistakes are not for naught. Little Pearl turned out quite well, and so will my little girl.

J.M.
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J.M.
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Normally your comments are better than this. FFY even though is a relativist and hedonist, as you say, he understands that a woman without shame or modesty like her (otherwise she wouldn’t appear in those “virginal” poses), if virgin, it´s only because her ego and hypergamy impulses related to her choice of life are greater than her otherwise normal female imperatives (find a good man to marry).

J.M.
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J.M.
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Yes, Yes, Yes she is poor poor girl, a martyr nonetheless, where is the violin music when needed? Where are the good guys? you forgot that one (sarcasm). For a christian you really like to insult your spiritual forebears assigning the title of martyr to a girl who has achieved many things but can hardly ever qualify to that distinction. The past comment was directed at you King.

Serenety
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Serenety
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maybe a virgin

definitely an attention whore

good girl case dismissed

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[…] Rational Male – The Adolescent Social Skill Set, Denial, Is Seduction […]

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[…] one that can’t, it’s almost guaranteed you won’t be pitied (unless you’re a woman). This can be illustrated positively and negatively. Zombie Apocalypse is a pretty easy negative […]

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[…] Social skillset – http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/07/09/the-adolescent-social-skill-set/ […]

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[…] a girlfriend was back when you were 18. Again this implies that you yourself are employing an adolescent social skill set in evaluating what course you think inter-gender relationships ought to follow. There’s no […]

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All In «
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[…] reverts back to the only social skill set he knew when he was dating his wife – an adolescent social skill set. So the beta desperation comes back strong. For all of his post-revelation posturing about how […]

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Too Hot «
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[…] a long-married beta like Knight is doing is falling back on his adolescent social skill set. This is the hallmark of a chump who’s never developed his Game beyond what it took to […]

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[…] friend Rob never made that connection and lived (and still lives) by what an adolescent social skill set and his feminized conditioning had taught him. Rob was enraged about the infidelity, but he […]

Elijah
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Elijah
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To every well meaning reader of the Rational Male I am a socially retarded individual and I think the good news is the fact that I am not even 20 yet I am still 19 years old. The social skill set that I use to even interact with women is that of a 10 year old because I was bombarded with the abstinence is bliss bullshit and it is affecting me as I am always presented with opportunities to take women and ravish them however there is always this realization that I lack the ways of a man who knows… Read more »

Dean Alexander
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Just been directed here by Rollo from Krausers site. Thank you sir, you are a gent.

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[…] establishing this because if I had to speculate, both are the husband and wife are operating from Adolescent Social Skill Sets, and thus have no real frame of adult reference learned through dating (LTR or STR) with which they […]

Joe
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Joe
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I love your stuff. I would like to make a critique as part if your theory hinges on a shorter life expectancy. This is simply not correct the life expectancy was shorter because so many infants and children died. Thus, skewing the average life span to much shorter factoring in all of these young deaths. However, once these data points are removed leaving (people who made it out of their teens) you’ll find that people had very similar life expectancies to now. So, in effect that part of your theory that people lived into their 50s making it ok for… Read more »

rugby11ljh
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rugby11ljh
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Sam and dinner come to mind. Very much has to do with his conversation.

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[…] are using texting as a Buffer. This is what I would expect from a teenager or someone with an adolescent social skill set. Texting you ‘love’ her and convincing yourself you do after no more than a week of […]

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[…] texting as a Buffer. This is what I would expect from a teenager or someone with an adolescent social skill set. Texting you ‘love’ her and convincing yourself you do after no more than a week of […]

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