Kill the Beta

Rational reader Paul recently sought out my guidance for probably the single most asked for advice I receive.

I’ve read through your blog entirely, and my biggest issue is, how do I kill the beta? Every girl I sleep with, or even fool around with, I end up developing feelings for. Even if it was a one night stand or the girl is cheating on a bf with me. It’s like I have no self control; like I’m a girl that agonizes over every guy she sleeps with.

I wish I honestly had a definitive answer for Paul. If I could construct some step-by-step program, a universal template that men could all follow in order to kill their inner Beta, I’d be rich beyond my wildest dreams. Just as I said with about the Alpha Buddha, if I could find a way to bottle the essence of Alpha I’d be set for life. The real truth is that there is no simple answer to this, because each man’s conditions are unique to him. To be sure there are common roots to their problems, and common mindsets that form as results of attempting to formulate working sexual strategies (Beta Game) within the feminine Matrix, but undoing these mental schemas and reforming a better functional sexual strategy is unique to the individual.

I feel that this is the major reason Game is not taken as seriously as it should be – it’s a lot of work doing your own self-analysis and then creating a strategy to remake yourself. One of the reasons PUA gurus and the Game demigods of the last decade seem so cheap, like snake oil salesmen, is because they fail to take into account the degree of personalization necessary to truly kill the inner Beta that guys eventually have to confront. That’s an element of internalized Game that the guys doing seminars would rather not address because your degree of success, in truth how you even measure success, is entirely dependent upon you. Hooking up with girls you’d never had access to before may sell pick up DVDs; changing the inner workings of your personality is a much tougher order. If you ever look through the ‘self-help’ psychology section of a book store and wonder why there are so many books published in the topic, it’s exactly due to this dynamic – effecting a fundamental change in one’s life requires an effort that few people have the patience and perseverance for.

So with all of this in mind, let me say right now, I don’t have a map for you – anyone telling you they do is selling you something – however, I will attempt to point you in the right direction. I can’t say what will work, only you can find that out on your own, but try to bear in mind that changing yourself is a process that takes time. Even for the guy’s who have an easier go of transitioning to an internal Game-state personality, it’s still an ongoing process. I’d like to think of myself as at least a lesser Alpha (by Roissy’s measure), but that doesn’t mean I don’t trip up at times. This is what I mean by the process; you’re not going to be bulletproof and pass every shit test ever thrown at you, but be encouraged in knowing you learn from what you do wrong and adjust for the next time. There is no grand arrival moment when you know you’re an Alpha, or if you don’t like that term, there is no definitive point at which you’ve internalized Game. You don’t get some certificate of Game completion. You can, however, definitively change your thinking, it’s always on-going.

Knowing is half the battle

If there truly is a first step in internalization then it has to come from educating yourself. This is actually one of the most difficult tasks. If you’re a reader of my blog, or are at least peripherally aware of Game as a concept, this is going to seem pretty obvious, but remember that there’s an entire world of men who are still plugged in. Only a fraction of them will even be amenable to considering Game and positive masculinity, and fewer still will see its value. From our perspective it seems like a matter of course; we read the books/blogs, familiarize ourselves with the concepts, we pick what might work, experiment with ideas, evaluate the validity of them and adopt them or toss them. However what’s apparent to the unplugged seems like blaspheme to the plugged in.

Your “education” doesn’t stop once you’ve unplugged. In fact I’d argue that it’s even more vital in internalizing a new mindset since you’re now putting things into practice. One thing I remind guys who spit the red pill back up is that there is no going back. A lot of frustrated guys who discover Game and fail to apply it because they lack the social skills or they convinced themselves that PUArtistry was their easy magic formula to fuck the girl of their dreams, they tend to want to regress back into the comfortable shell of their former ignorance of intergender social dynamics. Only they find that there is no return. They see the truth in the what they’d been blind to no matter where they turn. The social interactions, the feminization, the raw deal they’ve been conditioned to accept as normal – all of that subtly reminds them of the truth they’re avoiding and they hate it. They become hostile to it.

I add this because it’s a very real danger for guys transitioning into internalizing positive masculinity. In the same respect you now have become (or should become) more sensitive to Game truths and the unplugged reality you now find yourself in. There’s a point of departure from what you thought was normal to seeing the signs around you. An easy illustration is really contemplating any gender related issue in popular media. You’ll hear a song, watch a sit-com, overhear a conversation in the lunch room, and begin to realize how surrounded you are by basic presumptions of a culture remade by feminine primacy. Understanding what your position in all of this is is crucial to internalizing a new mindset or backsliding into your old frame of thinking.

Practicing the change

It should be self-evident that applying what you’ve come to see as a new truth for yourself is vital. You need to get off the internet and field test the theories you learn here and elsewhere. Whether that means going to sarge at the clubs, or adopting a new attitude with your wife, or even the women you deal with at work, it’s really up to you. The hardest part of practicing change is the initial shock of having the people who know you question the validity of the new you. If you were to move to a new city, completely change your social circle and play the role of an asshole Alpha, no one is the wiser. However, make a radical shift in your personality with those who’ve known you for years and you’ll be a poser who’s “trying to be something he’s not”.

Human beings need predictability – it gives them a sense of control over others. When you alter yourself, or have your personality altered by an outside force, this is a threat to that predictability, so the logical counter is for others to attempt to put us back into our places. Shaming comes as a natural tactic for women, but the push is always to get you back into their frame. And that’s essentially the threat others interpret, the new you is a frame grab. Do it all at once and people will accuse your personality of being a disingenuous reaction to having been burned. Do it subtly and persistently over a time and people will be more willing to accept the change as genuine. Always insist on change, but never too quickly.

This is important to remember because your friends will be your biggest source of doubt in your transformation. They might mean well, but understand, that intent comes from a desire to see normalcy, not your best interest. The first time an old girl-friend you had a thing for calls the new you an “asshole”, it’s kind of a shock to the system. There’s always this stab at the old you who wants to set things rights, but you have to resist this impulse to take offense. It’s really hard to say “yeah, I am an asshole” as a point of pride when your whole prior life’s learning taught you not to offend others and particularly not girls you ever wanted to fuck. It’s counterintuitive to the beta in you. As sadistic as it sounds, you’ll be more consistently rewarded for your capacity to indirectly offend the women you want to get with, and the internal conflict this creates between the beta you and the burgeoning alpha you is the hardest part to reconcile. This is where most guys fail in transitioning, and this is primarily due to an unpracticed ability to keep their emotions in check.

Aesthetics vs. Social Robots

As I’ve stated before, men are the True Romantics, women are simply the vehicles for that rarely appreciated romanticism. One of the biggest gripes the post-sexual revolution feminization had with men was some prepackaged notion that men weren’t in touch with their feminine sides. We were “out of touch with our feelings”. God curse Carl Jung’s rotten corpse to hell for ever convincing popular culture that each sex had equal, but unexpressed, measures of feminine and masculine energies. Western culture has been so saturated with Jungian theory that we don’t recognize it as such. It’s become normalized to believe an idealized goal-state is a genderless, androgynous society.

Rants aside, up until the last 50 years, it has in fact been men who’ve been the sex with the most self-control regarding emotion. It’s been just this reservation that’s made Men more endearing to women. Either as enigmatic poets and artists to figure out, or as natural stoics who’s every measured expression of emotion is an event unto it’s self,  it’s been Men’s classic reservation of emotional inaccessiblity  that’s made women more interested in Men. In contemporary society, men are encouraged to express themselves as a primary way to accessing a woman’s intimacy – essentially killing any sense of mystery to unravel with full disclosure. Brain function gender differences aside, It would be my guess that men socially evolved a more reserved expression of emotion, not due to some juvenile insecurity, but rather because it so consistently worked in generating interest in women.

Not so in this age. At every instance boys and men are conditioned to think that emotional expression is a means to solving problems. Boys don’t cry, was instituted with a purpose. Unguarded easily expressed emotion is a feminine trait. It’s not that men should become social robots, deadened to all but the most intense emotion; it’s just become normalized to cheapen that expression by overuse. Displays of a Man’s emotions should be rarely given devine gifts  for women who are generally lacking in true appreciation as it is.

Unlearn what you have learned

It’s very difficult for a beta man, conditioned for so long to be emotionally available, to turn these emotions off. The good news is I’m not suggesting you do, I am suggesting you unlearn your reasons for developing emotional sentiments so easily. It’s easy to go emotionally cold as a result of being burned, it’s a much taller order to tamp that emotionality back into check when you’re really feeling good about it. Our emotions make us human and humane. It’s important to embrace that, but equally important to see how easily it’s used against you. You need to unlearn the reasons why you’re so easily emotional. Maybe it’s abandonment issues, maybe it’s a more deliberate conditioning in your upbringing.

Remember in high school, in drivers ed class, when you were taught to turn into a skid rather than turn with the skid? When we’re driving and we find ourselves in a skid our natural impulse is to slam on the the breaks and/or, worse still, to turn with the skid. Everything in our self-preservation instincts tells us to do this, but all it does is aggravate an already precarious situation. However, when we’re taught, and we practice, not hitting the brakes and not turning into the skid, often enough we make this our default reaction and we find that the car rights itself, we avoid disaster and continue safely on down the road.

You have to unlearn the old behaviors and condition new ones in order to right your course. This takes practice and repetition – even in the face of conditions that you would impulsively think would need to be reacted to otherwise.There is no substitute for perseverance.

Changing your mind about yourself is the first step. This is actually the most difficult step for guys because most don’t want to believe they need to internalize a new way of thinking about themselves. Lethargy, for the most part, can be the primary reason most guys don’t want to change. It’s far easier to create rationales for oneself as to why they are happy in their present condition than it is to critically confront and initiate real change.

Unfortunately, I can’t give you some standardized program to help you magically turn into the Man you hope to be. Only you can determine that course, but I will say this, the Man you wish to become requires you to take action. The goal posts for your own satisfaction will always keep moving away from you, and that’s a good thing. This is what inspires us to grow and mature and develop a capacity to overcome challenges. However, all this requires action on your part.

You can pore through all of the advice and sift out the wisdom from this blog and the community at large, but none of it will amount to anything for you if you wont act. I can’t begin to recall all of the times I’ve counseled young guys, giving them all manner of advice and encouraging them to put it into practice, only to have them constantly bemoan that they can’t find the motivation. More often than not it takes some traumatic experience or they have to be reduced to having nothing left to lose before they’ll really have the fire lit under their asses to become more than they are.

I don’t consider myself a motivational speaker, but at some point you have to cross the abyss and change your mind about yourself.

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Dirt Man
Guest

Great post man, excellent. This stuff is hard to write about and I think you’ve really nailed some stuff here. The truth is definitely something you can’t turn back from once you start down the road. Certain life situations almost become intolerable when you see them clearly (i.e., “The social interactions, the feminization, the raw deal they’ve been conditioned to accept as normal”) I disagree slightly with the comments about Jung, but that’s just because I think he is misunderstood. I think feminists take what he said and twisted it to their own purposes. That’s just my take on Jung… Read more »

YOHAMI
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Eh

http://yohami.com/blog/2011/11/05/for-a-guy-to-become-alpha-he-has-to-look-for-a-pack-of-dogs-an-area-of-interest-where-he-can-capitalize-his-attributes-and-develop-alpha/

I think there is, for sure, a clear roadmap to become Alpha. Why? because there´s a clear roadmap to become Beta. There´s a simple sequence of steps for every dance. The variations have more to do with the willingness to change and the specific strengths and desires of a person, than they have to do with the actual stuff that has to be done.

Brian
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Brian

“It’s really hard to say “yeah, I am an asshole” as a point of pride when your whole prior life’s learning taught you not to offend others and particularly not girls you ever wanted to fuck. It’s counterintuitive to the beta in you.” I think the thing that helped me through this the most was having a couple of hobbies that are already pretty masculine, and then pushing them to the point that most people doing those look at how I approach them and are impressed. It’s a lot easier to be cocky about how awesome you are when you… Read more »

King A
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King A

The correspondent wrote: “Every girl I sleep with, or even fool around with, I end up developing feelings for. Even if it was a one night stand or the girl is cheating on a bf with me.” O you poor fool! and a curse on the “PUA” jagoffs corroding your soul! To label this biological, existential fact of sex as something “beta” and therefore something to be “killed,” is a crime on par with feminist denaturing. Don’t make me research the studies; you evo-psych groupies should already be familiar with them. Sex alters you (women more than men, much more).… Read more »

Brian
Guest
Brian

Easier way to put it would be this:

Look at the things you keep saying you wish you could do, and just go do them. Stop wishing you could play the guiter and just take the damn lessons keep practicing. If kite boarding or whitewater kayaking seems awesome to you, do it.

The only acceptable reason to not pursue something that you think would be awesome is because something else more awesome is taking up too much of your time to do both.

Rollo Tomassi
Guest

Sex alters you (women more than men, much more). Sex is supposed to alter you. It is supposed to bond you. That bond is the singular sexual achievement of a life’s effort. Misattribution of Arousal http://youarenotsosmart.com/2011/07/07/misattribution-of-arousal/#more-1286 “Aron and Dutton showed when you feel aroused, you naturally look for context, an explanation as to why you feel so alive. This search for meaning happens automatically and unconsciously, and whatever answer you come up with is rarely questioned because you don’t realize you are asking. ” “You sometimes make up a reason for why you feel the way you do, and then… Read more »

caRIOca
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caRIOca

Great post!

To ‘make a radical shift in your personality with those who’ve known you for years” is really hard and embarrassing.

(R)evoluzione
Guest
(R)evoluzione

Yohami, I read your original post,and I do agree with you completely. I’ve found that in my area of expertise, I’m considered an authority and a leader, and thus a strong alpha. I get NO shit tests from women in this realm. I get tons of IOI’s, and have my pick of several women at a given event in this industry. But I don’t think this speaks to directly to what Rollo is writing about here. It’s more about dealing with attachment issues, e.g. one-itis. One can be an alpha male in one’s field, and still develop an unhealthy one-itis.… Read more »

Flahute
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Flahute

“. . . but the push is always to get you back into their frame. And that’s essentially the threat others interpret, the new you is a frame grab.” You hit upon my primary issue in my marriage right here. Has anybody else out there experienced this? Since taking the red pill, my marriage has gotten worse. Perhaps too quickly and in the context of a struggling marriage, I amplified the Alpha and have been grabbing the frame and taking the power back. She has been fighting this strongly with shaming, insults, silence, and ultimately deploying her greatest weapon, her… Read more »

(R)evoluzione
Guest
(R)evoluzione

King A, great response. Rollo, I thought about this post long and hard this morning. I have that same lesser-alpha tendency you do–strong drive with women and decent success as a natural. However, from my early teen years up until maybe a couple of years ago, I was wickedly predisposed to massive crushes, massive unrequited one-itis of the most debilitating type. I was hugely romantic, and almost always got my heart crushed in a vice. The one time it was a mutual one-itis was even more destructive, but also deeply educational, because I went deep into that oxytocin-induced beta-haze, which… Read more »

YOHAMI
Guest

I was addressing this part

“I don’t have a map for you – anyone telling you they do is selling you something”

Because, for me the map is quite obvious, and thats the reason I blog

petesgamethoughts
Guest

Fantastic piece

trackback

[…] This is a follow on from this fantastic piece: http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2011/11/21/kill-the-beta-2/ […]

♠A
Guest
♠A

The “step-by-step program” I used was ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’ by Dr. Robert Glover.

Nummm
Guest
Nummm

I am the reader that sent Rollo this message, I can answer any questions, if anyone has them. My goal is, ultimately, to get rid of the “beta” so to speak, completely. I never want to feel the urge to get married, to settle down, or anything of the sort. I think it is just such a raw deal for men, and can be so destructive, that getting rid of my beta tendencies towards women is critical for survival in today’s modern SMP. I don’t ever want to feel tenderness or affection for a woman ever again; she wouldn’t be… Read more »

Nummm
Guest
Nummm

Oh, also, yes, making a radical shift in personality was difficult, but the biggest issue was so many “friends” that I had that tried to put me back in my place. It is amazing the resistance you will get from people when you try to move from snivelling beta. So I just cut them out of my life completely; I don’t talk to them, I ignore them if we run into each other, and I deleted them from facebook. I have made new friends since then. Part of this goes back to a post that Rollo made about not digging… Read more »

Loller
Guest
Loller

Here’s something to practice – don’t develop ONEitis.

for starters: never fap to a girl with which you may have a chance.

johnnymilfquest
Guest

^^ This.

King A
Guest
King A

“Aron and Dutton” might as well be Abbot and Costello as far as I care. I don’t contract out my answers to theorists of secondary sources who base their “findings” on conjectural junk science. Maybe “Aron and Dutton” were gay for each other, working too closely in the lab, accidentally sucked a little cock, and were looking to ground their mistaken affair in “science.” I’m not gay, Dr. Dutton, we were just caught up in the moment and “believing our own narrative.” It’s best we “move on.” On the internal logic of what you cite alone, you still avoid the… Read more »

King A
Guest
King A

Nummm wrote: “The biggest thing, I found, was for me to learn how to love myself. I was raised to be self sacrificial, and I caught myself doing it without even thinking about it.” You were raised right, and now you have chosen to consign yourself to a solipsistic, literally masturbatory (“love myself”) horror. I have a question for you, since you offered. You say, “I never want to feel the urge to get married, to settle down, or anything of the sort.” Then why are you taking the advice of a married man who will carry out his days… Read more »

Muse
Guest
Muse

I think the way to kill beta is to become aware of what types of behaviour are actually beta. I think the biggest problem guys face though is the shifting sands in a relationship that also contribute to whether an act could be considered beta or not. This is bound to confuse the initiate. For e.g buying flowers after 2 dates could be considered beta. But a guy buying his good wife of 5 years is far from it. What is even more confusing is that many beta acts may not actually be beta at all if there is no… Read more »

Nummm
Guest
Nummm

Lets address your points: I felt I was raised wrong, my upbringing had to have been wrong, or else, why did I grow into a non-functional, unhappy young adult? This isn’t solipsism on my part, in any sense of the word. I acknowledge the existence of others, I just need to spend less of my existence focusing on them, and more focusing on me. I’m taking Rollo’s advice because it resonates with me. Just because he lived his life differently doesn’t invalidate his ideas. His arguments are well crafted, and very reasonable. How do his personal life style choices impact… Read more »

Rollo Tomassi
Guest

It interesting to me to see how wildly a binary response is generated when you lock horns with the ego-invested ideologies that are counter to it. People worry that the world might stop turning if we stray too far from their interpretation of the path of predictability. My intent with this post wasn’t to turn Paul or anyone else into a vengeful Frankenstein polar opposite of his self-conflicted “true nature”. Go back an re-read the Aesthetics vs, Social Robots section of this essay. I added it precisely because I see the need for a balance in those binary impulses. There’s… Read more »

walawala
Guest
walawala

@Rollo Your last paragraph starting “Guys don’t seek out the community because they’re getting too much pussy….” …really hits home. I sought it out after crashing with a girl who came on like gang busters and then pulled away. I was clueless as to why and what to do. Since learning game I’ve done so much better. But now I’m seeing a girl for 8 months. I’m also in your words “Spinning plates” and gaming other girls. I have to. The girl i’m seeing gets demanding and possessive and any appeasing of that only makes things worse not better. When… Read more »

(r)Evoluzione
Guest
(r)Evoluzione

I had that rule for a long time. It worked, until I gathered enough strength, enough game, that it no longer mattered. It’s still probably a good idea not to fap too much to any one girl, and to control one’s seminal emission, keeping it to a minimum so as to maintain maximum endocrine tone.

Waxey Gordon
Guest
Waxey Gordon

I think the key part of killing the beta is to defeat the media’s feminist talking points that elevate women to walking goddesses and denigrate men to cockroaches. In such an environment, it’s little wonder men feel the need to sacrifice their self respect for a trashy low class women simply because of her gender. When I learned these truths, it didn’t take much more for me to unplug fully. It all started to come together logically and with little effort. Therefore, I think removing the god like pillars from beneath women’s feet is the starting point from which most… Read more »

King A
Guest
King A

Vaya con Dios, brother. You have set yourself up to become a repulsive human being, too taken by ideology to properly hate the grotesque parody of a man you will have become. Why did you “grow into a non-functional, unhappy young adult?” Why did the plant wither and die and bear no fruit? Maybe it was lack of sunlight. Or maybe it had plenty of light but wasn’t watered. Or maybe the soil wasn’t changed. Or maybe its leaves were over-pruned. Or under-pruned. You have taken one small part of being a man — do not be hen-pecked by feminine… Read more »

Good Luck Chuck
Guest
Good Luck Chuck

More problems trying to wrap the word “alpha” around a package it doesn’t fit.

That aside, the real issue here is FINDING a woman who is worthy of your love, not “killing the beta” to free yourself from the shackles of bonding with a typical american skank.

If your only frame of reference is women who are raised not to deserve your devotion, of course you are going to find yourself disillusioned.

Good Luck Chuck
Guest
Good Luck Chuck

Oh and King A…..START A BLOG ALREADY

King A
Guest
King A

Rollo wrote: “My intent with this post wasn’t to turn Paul or anyone else into a vengeful Frankenstein polar opposite of his self-conflicted ‘true nature’.” If it wasn’t your intent, you need to manage unintended consequences better. You might start by refraining from mislabeling the balancing factors as “beta” and then suggesting we “kill” them with extreme prejudice. “You’re not enlightening anyone with your binary White Knight rhetoric.” Not sure if this was directed at me, as it was (rather pusillanimously) addressed to no one in particular, but I’ll take it up. I am not a “white knight.” I am… Read more »

Nummm
Guest
Nummm

Allow me to retort: There is more to my mantra than simply not being hen pecked. I need to learn how to look out for myself; no one else does. That involves not being henpecked, yes, but so much more aswell. The reason why certain virtues are derided as beta, is because of the disgust they inspire in people, more specifically, women. I literally cannot inspire disgust, hate and derision as successfully as I can simply by treating women well. I don’ t know why, perhaps it’s a malady of our times, perhaps it’s something else. But being beta is… Read more »

Good Luck Chuck
Guest
Good Luck Chuck

To expand on what I wrote earlier I want to point out that the first time I read this post I was going to respond directly to the question at hand by pointing out that this is yet another example of why the alpha designation doesn’t fit this application and only serves to boost the egos of those who believe that they have transformed themselves into an “alpha”, and to confuse those who are in the early stages of trying to unplug themselves by painting women as the goalpost as opposed to the party favors after the game. Other posters… Read more »

Nummm
Guest
Nummm

GLC:

Agreed; Built it and they will come. I realize I don’t want to be a typical PUA sort of guy. I know those guys, they spend every weekend at the bar, getting numbers, fooling around, even having one night stands, but they don’t actually enjoy any of it. And they’re crushed if they’re unsuccessful.

This is excellent advice that I will be taking.

King A
Guest
King A

I’m starting my blog the day after Roissy publishes his book.

King A
Guest
King A

Being callous or indifferent or malicious to a woman is like rapping a dog on the nose with a newspaper. One does it when it becomes necessary to demonstrate who’s the boss of her. But it is a failure in the final analysis. Worse, you, Nummm, have elevated it to a driving-force philosophy, as evidenced by your featuring it in the comment reply above. That amplifies a failure into a catastrophe. Rising betas get stuck in this revelation — what allowed them to taste alpha was their shabby treatment of women, and so they misunderstand this as the essence of… Read more »

Good Luck Chuck
Guest
Good Luck Chuck

Bleh.

The manosphere needs more influence from this “higher level of consciousness”. Your comments might not make much sense to someone who is still in the beginning stages but as things are evolving in this community there is going to be an ever increasing demand for this kind of information as more and more men begin to realize that all of their problems with women are only a symptom of the disease.

Good Luck Chuck
Guest
Good Luck Chuck

There’s nothing wrong with actively gaming women. I don’t enjoy slogging around in the trenches but I like getting pussy as much as the next guy so sometimes it is a necessary evil. All I’m saying is that: 1) Part of the reason why you want to “kill the beta” is because the women you are dealing with (western women) aren’t worthy of that level of affection 2) There is much less of a need to kill anything when your value precedes you. For a few years I was “that guy”. When you get a taste of it you will… Read more »

Nummm
Guest
Nummm

Being indifferent and being malicious are completely different things, I am surprised that you conflated the two things. Maliciousness is beating a dog for no reason, indifference is not caring that it flipped it’s water dish. It isn’t a driving force in my philosophy: I have no intention of becoming Sodini 2.0 whatsoever, it (indifference, not maliciousness) is just something I need to incorporate. I need to live my life for myself, and this means indifference towards most other individuals, women included. I’m not going to do it to show people who is boss, I’m going to be indifferent because… Read more »

Nummm
Guest
Nummm

GLC: I Completely agree with you with number one. Statistically speaking, the average woman in her early 20s has a poor past, and few redeeming qualities.

I’m not sure what you mean with 2, what do you mean by “that guy” ? I’m assuming you mean spinning more plates, and if that’s true, then totally agreed.

Nummm
Guest
Nummm

I read a blog post at rivelinos. He gets across what you wanted, without snark, and in a much more convincing fashion. I’m forced to agree with him. Ignore that last post I made.

King A
Guest
King A

Go to it, brother. King A University or School of Hard Knocks. One way you will learn it. You aren’t the first selfish but scared child seeking ways to artificially inflate his arrogance out of fear. “Why put in more work? Why be nice?” You aren’t supposed to be “nice.” Nice is queer, nice is fey, nice is weak. You are supposed to be good. Sometimes good requires the opposite of “nice.” A man is supposed to make the people and the environment which surrounds him better for his having been in its proximity. That is what you are made… Read more »

Good Luck Chuck
Guest
Good Luck Chuck

“That guy” meaning the guy who has relatively high social status. When you see things through the lens of a TRUE high value male it changes your perspective.

King A
Guest
King A

Blogging is like jerking off on a web cam. How these guys can mentally masturbate into the ether, consistently, and for years after years … it baffles me. I’m already tired of saying the same stuff over and over. The idea of saving wave after wave of incipient d-bags like Numm (above) from themselves makes me queasy. Get down with your bad self. The fuck do I care? I’m a tough-love kind of dude who believes that gravity is the best teacher. Godspeed, coolguy. There is a huge difference between a lecturer and a mentor. I had the opportunity to… Read more »

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Thumpy
Guest

When I was a kid I had crushes, and sometimes now in my mid-30s I have minor crushes on women who are waaaaay out of my league. But rarely, and they’re always tempered with an ability to walk away. I think what the blogger describes is something that merely needs to be “grown out” of. I guess some guys never grow out of it. Most women I bone I don’t really get very attached to. Out of every 5-6 there may be one who’s interesting enough to have a LTR with. That’s fine with me. And those women I do… Read more »

Sasha
Guest
Sasha

Word – this post and the one above. You succinctly presented stated objective and backword rationalization of the mainstream PUA movement. Rollo also seems to have preference (or is it just a habit?) for anxiety-fueled sex, so his prescription to “kill beta” isn’t surprising.

My best advice to the correspondent would be to be EXTREMELY discerning in which women who chooses to be intimate with – even on the level of “fooling around” given his energetic-emotional sensitivies. Instead of killing mythical “beta” of bonding, develop real “alpha” of discernment.

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[…] […]

Tommy
Guest
Tommy

>Oh, also, yes, making a radical shift in personality was difficult, but the biggest issue was so many “friends” that I had that tried to put me back in my place. It is amazing the resistance you will get from people when you try to move from snivelling beta.

Interesting. I’d like to hear more about this. I am thinking of doing the same thing.

substructure
Guest
substructure

“I don’t consider myself a motivational speaker”

well you should because youre pretty damn good at it 🙂

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[…] your own detriment (she’ll end up with half after the divorce) if you don’t ultimately kill the inner AFC and fearlessly embrace the postiveness of your own […]

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[…] Kill the Beta […]

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[…] day for dinners, walks, coffee, etc. But I never kissed her or even held her hand. I was a solid Beta back then. I thought that relationships were meant to develop very slowly. We kept in touch through […]

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[…] Breaking beta – http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2011/11/21/kill-the-beta-2/ […]

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[…] couldn’t kill the beta (if he was even aware of it), so he killed […]

necorochi
Guest

” As sadistic as it sounds, you’ll be more consistently rewarded for your capacity to indirectly offend the women you want to get with, and the internal conflict this creates between the beta you and the burgeoning alpha you is the hardest part to reconcile. This is where most guys fail in transitioning, and this is primarily due to an unpracticed ability to keep their emotions in check.” Hit the bulls-eye. “However, when we’re taught, and we practice, not hitting the brakes and not turning into the skid, often enough we make this our default reaction and we find that… Read more »

Gruesome
Guest
Gruesome

LOL!

The higher order way of King A is too far out from shore for some wannabe PUAlphartists.

Three books for Numm:

(1) How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World by Harry Browne
(2) Walden by Henry David Thoreau
(3) A Guide To The Good Life by William B Irvine

“In here, King A is the fucking king!” said Pep Guardiola.

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[…] I wrote Kill the Beta people assumed I meant that doing so would also include killing of the better parts of their […]

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[…] Kill the Beta […]

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[…] Not so in this age. At every instance boys and men are conditioned to think that emotional expression is a means to solving problems. Boys don’t cry, was instituted with a purpose. Unguarded easily expressed emotion is a feminine trait. It’s not that men should become social robots, deadened to all but the most intense emotion; it’s just become normalized to cheapen that expression by overuse. Displays of a Man’s emotions should be rarely given devine gifts for women who are generally lacking in true appreciation as it is. [källa] […]

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[…] have to kill your inner beta/simp/chump before he kills you. This is a very real problem. My friend died because of his incorrect interpretation of reality. […]

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[…] works up until then has been that of a blue pill existence. It’s a very difficult aspect of killing the Beta and relearning how to exist in a red pill awareness – most men either reject it in wholesale […]

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[…] I read Heartise, and I think there is no way this stuff really works.  I mean Rollo states “knowing is half the battle“, the internalization takes some time.   I still don’t believe these guys, that it […]

Mac
Guest
Mac

The only way to kill the beta is to be burned enough by a woman and see all of the traits that are mentioned here. Your problem is that inside you still wanna believe in beta love, and it simply ain’t true. To kill the beta, you have to strike at the heart!

Steve
Guest
Steve

This is how I see it…….the beta is just the guy that seeks his value, worth, approval, etc from outside himself, through the trophy girl, job, or whatever he thinks is going to finally make him feel like a man. That’s why even the Pua master’s r betas, they’re still getting their sense of pride through who they can fuck, hence still giving their power to woman. I’ve been on both sides of the fence, ironically backwards. I was always called a boss and was looked at as the alpha, and then went deep beta. The alpha is so simple,… Read more »

JackBlack23
Guest
JackBlack23

I remember initially reading this post back in the fall of 2012 but I would have to say that I only truly managed to “kill the beta” by early 2014 … I’m not sure if you’ve done a specific post on this Rollo, but it seems to me that the more time one has spent in the Matrix, the longer it takes to fully swallow and internalize the Red Pill …

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[…] Artículo de Rollo Tomassi, The Rational Male […]

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[…] Killing your inner Beta is a difficult task and part of that is discarding an old, comfortable, blue pill paradigm. For many newly unplugged, red pill aware, men the temptation is to think they can use this new understanding to achieve the goal-states of their preconditioned blue pill ideals. What they don’t understand is that, not only are these blue pill goal-states flawed, but they are also based on a flawed understanding of how to attain them. […]

dan
Guest
dan

On the binary being “cold” or emotional: just check what your natural response is in situations of emotional confrontation with women. Do you want to take their discomfort away or are you sure enough of yourself of who you are and what you believe in and stay “cold”? If you feel emotionally shaken or unstable because of such a confrontation, do you look out for salvation from that female? Then you are doomed. That for me is the key message of the blog. Just imagine you have a fall out with a guy, would you ever seek his emotional patch… Read more »

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[…] but the real challenge is in how you deal with that trauma in a Red Pill aware state. If you are to kill the Beta in you, the first step is placing yourself as your mental point of […]

Jim
Guest

You’re all complete idiots. Love and friendship (leading to monogamy and successful and stable tribes) are what made us more successful than the Neanderthals, which Sapiens wiped-out (by the way). If you want to go back, get rid of your iPods and go live in caves. That’s where civilization will regress to if every male became a jerk.

YOHAMI
Guest

“Love and friendship (leading to monogamy and successful and stable tribes)”

Your enemy is feminism

Jim
Guest

Nope. I actually know that the sacred feminine is real.
I have a funny syllogism joke though. The Alpha-in-extremis is like the inflationistas claiming that increase in the monetary supply (i.e. Alpha-ness) will create inflationary pressures (i.e. create value-added experience) during a period of low demand (i.e. when the love experience is rare)..HaHa!

Jim
Guest

“Socrates taught his disciples that a truly rational person understood how little he knew. ”
Karen Armstrong (NYTimes)

YOHAMI
Guest

“during a period of low demand”

There’s a high demand / low supply of Alpha, and low demand / high supply of beta. Plenty of love for Alpha, no love for Beta. Ask your sacred women.

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[…] truth is I am a beta male. And I can’t ‘kill the beta‘ no matter what I know to be true. I don’t think its possible. Every natural […]

anon
Guest
anon

killing the beta after already being blue pill divorced with 2 kids is torture

Tin Man
Guest

I have been absent for a few months, from these hallowed halls of knowledge. I am a testament to the mere fact that … Beta is a virus, it is always there, if you are not actively treating it, the virus will return.

I don’t know if you can actually kill the beta. But you can inoculate yourself, you can treat it, and by doing so, you can then replace it with whatever measure of Alpha you choose.

I am re-learning this lesson.

kobayashii1681
Guest

“At every instance boys and men are conditioned to think that emotional expression is a means to solving problems. Boys don’t cry, was instituted with a purpose. Unguarded easily expressed emotion is a feminine trait. It’s not that men should become social robots, deadened to all but the most intense emotion; it’s just become normalized to cheapen that expression by overuse. Displays of a Man’s emotions should be rarely given devine gifts for women who are generally lacking in true appreciation as it is…”

Well said sensei, well said!

Simon
Guest
Simon

The problem is not that Jung’s theories have saturated popular culture, it’s more that they have been watered down or misunderstood (like many great ideas). Take Introversion/ Extroversion for example, most folk don’t even realise this is a Jungian concept but wouldn’t hesitate to label a shy person as an Introvert (shyness can in fact affect both types) But I can understand that ‘getting in touch with one’s feminine side’ for instance is part and parcel of what Robert Bly refers to as the soft (Beta) male. Bly’s (Jung influenced) mythological basis is for me a more wholesome model for… Read more »

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[…] to, but has more or less accepted the realities of Red Pill awareness. He may have even killed the Beta for the better part, but the process of changing one’s Blue Pill programming, to say nothing […]

Roused
Guest
Roused

Went back to this post for some basics, keeping in mind the fundamentals of unplugging and working through eliminating beta is a slow thoughtful process so I found this post to be helpful. @Rollo’s comment hit home for this week: ” It is as equally unhealthy to convince oneself that self-repressions are virtues as it is to think that unfettered indulgences are freedoms. There is a balance.” I’ve been working a self-mastery program of no fap/porn not as a means to repress my urges or desires but to reboot and maintain control over mind and body. It’s a process of… Read more »

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[…] stark contrast to pandering and fulfilling her every want and need, Jake could have learned to kill the beta within. Develop enough self-confidence to be […]

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[…] stark contrast to pandering and fulfilling her every want and need, Jake could have learned to kill the beta within. Develop enough self-confidence to be […]

kite
Guest
kite

Rollo, I understand that you could not set a step by step guide to “Killing inner Beta” but I think it would be very helpful if you would write a post citing examples from your life about how you killed your inner Beta.

ollieoxenfree1
Guest

I agree with Steve. I’m not angry with women for being the way they are. I’m angry with myself for allowing them to manipulate me in the first place. We can discuss hypergamy, the female imperative, feminization etc. But nothing will ultimately change who a woman is. We want sex? Great! But let’s want less of it. Let’s not value it above our own financial and mental wellbeing. Who will care for you when you can no longer work for a living? She won’t. Who will depise you for not being able to provide for her needs. She will. In… Read more »

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[…] Killing your inner Beta is a difficult task and part of that is discarding an old, comfortable, blue pill paradigm. For many newly unplugged, red pill aware, men the temptation is to think they can use this new understanding to achieve the goal-states of their preconditioned blue pill ideals. What they don’t understand is that, not only are these blue pill goal-states flawed, but they are also based on a flawed understanding of how to attain them. […]

pigglywiggly900
Guest
pigglywiggly900

A few months ago, when I was still on the blue pill, I happened to watch a documentary on Netflix about the famed motivational coach Tony Robins. Essentially, they film one of his major seminars in Florida or something that spans a week or so and is attended by a few hundred people, mostly those with pretty serious issues in life. One particular incident in the documentary that captured my attention was when he starts counselling a dissatisfied couple and then he proceeds to castigate the man for not being man enough, in a not-so-gentle yet not-so-rude manner, and then… Read more »

Andy
Guest
Andy

Rollo, TL;DR – I teach people a tool to change their reality. Deal with and remove unwanted thoughts/feelings. I believe it would be helpful to those ready to do the internal work required to change life patterns. (ie. Kill the Beta) I’d like to discuss it with you. See if you think it fits, or could be tailored to fit this context. It might be the instruction set needed to remove the beta. I’m not currently marketing anything, but am considering doing that in the future. Thanks…Andy I’ve recently discovered your site in my progress of awareness, and killing the… Read more »

me
Guest

i don’t understand the question, nor the response. if you have sex with a girl, of course you feel something for her. it’s your most intimate and open moment with her since you’ve known her. yes?

so i don’t understand why that’s “beta” behavior. to disregard the sexual connection seems immature to me.

Rich
Guest
Rich

As a 24 year old virgin this information seems strange. I mean i’ve never had meaningful experience with girls therefore killing inner beta serves no purpose. I dont have masculine and dominant personality nor i find sex that rewarding to be worth going all that shit with girls. In theory i’m redpilled but in reality i’m opt to withdraw from dating because i dont expect anything good from women. All i’m trying to say that after certain point of life going without experience, even killing inner beta cannot save you.

YOHAMI ZERPA
Guest

Rich – save you, from what?

Blaximus
Guest
Blaximus

Rich, have your hormone levels checked asap.

kfg
Guest
kfg

“I mean i’ve never had meaningful experience with girls therefore killing inner beta serves no purpose.”

Consider the possibility that you are reversing the arrow of causality. Consider also the possibility that it isn’t all about women, that not killing the beta disadvantages you in your interactions with men.

Or, for that matter, just plain survival.

Rich
Guest
Rich

@yohami
Save you from being blue pilled. If you miss crucial experience in HS and college/uni, you’re screwed and even killing inner beta wont make up for that loss.
@Blaximus
Hormones are into low-normal zone, so i dont think it plays that big of a role.
@kfg
I have no problems with men for the most of the part tho i’m scared of physical confrontation with them.

Rich
Guest
Rich

@rollo
Even if i know some of the red pill material, i cannot go back in puberty where getting with girls was the biggest priority. It’s like i’ve “adapted” to life without women where being beta or alpha doesnt matter anymore.

kfg
Guest
kfg

“I have no problems with men for the most of the part tho i’m scared of physical confrontation with them.”

In other words, you have a crippling problem with men. That’s your beta talking. Kill the rabbitty little bastard.

Rich
Guest
Rich

@kfg
To be honest, i dont know how. There’s no recipe for that except “do something masculine”. I honestly believe that if you’ve had distant father, its not possible to improve as you dont have understanding of true masculinity as you’ve never seen one in family.

kfg
Guest
kfg

I can’t play guitar, therefore guitars can’t be played.

Yeah, it’s easier with a good, personal teacher, but it isn’t anywhere near impossible to use books combined with video.

“do something masculine”.

There ya go. You can start with push ups, pull ups, body weight squats, punching a heavy bag and shooting a decent quality Airsoft gun.