The Medium is the Message

I hate the term ‘Mixed Signals’ or ‘Mixed Messages’. “I dunno man, she sending me mixed messages” is a common refrain among many a Blue Pill man.

More often than not there’s nothing ‘Mixed’ being communicated, rather it’s a failure (willful or not) to read what a woman is communicating to a man. The average guy tends to ‘get’ exactly what a woman has implied with her words, but it takes practice to read her behavior and then more practice in self-control to apply it to his own interpretation.

When a woman goes from hot to cold and back again, THIS IS the message — she’s got buyers remorse, you’re not her first priority, she’s deliberating between you and what she perceives is a better Hypergamous prospect, you were better looking when she was drunk, etc. — the message isn’t the ‘what ifs’, the message IS her own hesitation and how her behavior manifests it. 10 dates before sex? This IS the message. Canceling dates? Flaking? strong interest to weak interest? This IS the message.

Women with high interest level (IL) wont confuse you. When a woman wants to fuck you she’ll find a way to fuck you. If she’s fluctuating between being into you and then not, put her away for a while and spin other plates. If she sorts it out for herself and pursues you, then you are still playing in your frame and you maintain the value of your attention to her. It’s when you patiently while away your time wondering what the magic formula is that’ll bring her around, that’s when you lean over into her frame. You need her more than she needs you and she will dictate the terms of her attentions.

What most guys think are ‘mixed messages’ or confusing behavior coming from a woman is simply due to their inability (or refusal) to make an accurate interpretation of why she’s behaving in such a manner. Usually this boils down to a guy getting so wrapped up in a girl that he’d rather make concessions for her behavior than see it for what it really is. In other words, it’s far easier to call it ‘mixed messages’ or fall back on the old chestnut of how fickle and random women are, when in fact it’s simply a rationale to keep themselves on the hook, so to speak, because they lack any real, viable, options with other women in their lives. A woman that has a high IL in a guy has no need (and less motivation) to engage in behaviors that would compromise her status with him. Women of all ILs will test a man’s fitness (i.e. shit test), and men will pass or fail accordingly, but a test is more easily recognizable when you consider the context in which they’re delivered.

More often than not women tell the complete truth with their mannerisms and behaviors, they just communicate it in a fashion that men can’t or wont understand. As a behaviorist, I’m a firm believer in the psychological principal that the only way to determine genuine motivation and/or intent is to observe the behavior of an individual. All one need do is compare behavior and the results of it to correlate intent.

A woman will communicate vast wealths of information and truths to a man if he’s only willing to accept her behavior, not exclusively her words, as the benchmark. He must also understand that the truth she betrays in her behavior is often not what he wants to accept.

We get frustrated because women communicate differently than we do. Women communicate covertly, men communicate overtly. Men convey information, women convey feeling. Men prioritize content and information, women prioritize context and feeling when they communicate. One of the great obfuscations fostered by feminization in the last quarter-century is this expectation that women are every bit as rational and inclined to analytical problem solving as men. It’s the result of an equalist mentality that misguides men into believing that women communicate no differently than men. That’s not to discount women learning to be problem solvers in their own right, but it flies in the face how women set about a specifically feminine form of communication. Scientific study after study illustrating the natural capacity women have for exceptionally complex forms of communication (to the point of proving their neural pathways are wired differently) are proudly waved in by a feminized media as proof of women’s innate merits. Yet as men, we’re expected to accept that she “means what she says, and she says what she means.”

More than a few women like to wear this as a badge of some kind of superiority, however it doesn’t necessarily mean that what they communicate is more important, or how they communicate it is more efficient, just that they have a greater capacity to understand nuances of communication better than do men. One of the easiest illustrations of this generational gender switch is to observe the communication methods of the “strong” women the media portray in popular fiction today. How do we know she’s a strong woman? The first cue is she communicates in an overt, information centered, masculine manner.

You don’t need to be psychic to understand women’s covert communication, you need to be observant. This often requires a patience that most men simply don’t have, so they write women off as duplicitous, fickle or conniving if the name fits. Even to the Men that are observant enough, and take the needed mental notes to really see it going on around them, it seems very inefficient and irrational. And why wouldn’t it? We’re Men. Our communications are (generally) information based, deductive and rational, that’s Men’s overt communication. Blunt, to the point, solve the problem and move on to the next. Feminine communication seems insane, it is a highly dysfunctional form of communication….,to be more specific, it’s a childish form of communication. This is what children do! They say one thing and do another. they throw temper tantrums. They react emotionally to everything. Yes, they do. And more often than not, they get what they’re really after — attention. Women are crazy, but it’s a calculated crazy.

Covert communication frustrates us every bit as much as overt communication frustrates women. Our language has no art to it for them, that’s why we seem dumb or simple at best to women. We filter for information to work from, not the subtle details that make communication enjoyable for women. This is the same reason we think of feminine communication as being obfuscating, confusing, even random. The difference is that our confusion and frustration is put to their ultimate use. So long as women remain unknowable, random, irrational creatures that men can’t hope to understand (but can always excuse), they can operate unhindered towards their goals. “Silly boy, you’ll never understand women, just give up” is exactly the M.O. Once you accept this, she’s earned a lifetime of get-out-of-jail-free cards. The myth of the ‘Feminine Mystique’ and a woman’s prerogative (to change her mind) is entirely dependent upon this covert communication.

Now as Men we’ll say, “Evil, immoral, manipulative woman! Shape up and do the right thing, saying one thing then doing another makes you a hypocrite!” and of course this is our rational nature overtly making itself heard and exposing a woman’s covert communication. An appeal to morality, that’ll get her, but,..it doesn’t.

This is because women instinctively know that their sexuality is their first, best agency, and covert communication is the best method to utilize it. Appeals to morality only work in her favor, because all she need do is agree with a Man’s overt assessment of her and suddenly he thinks he’s ‘getting through to her’. As Men, we have become so conditioned by the Feminine Mystique to expect a woman to be duplicitous with us that when she suddenly leans into masculine communication forms and resorts to our own, overt communication method and agrees with us, it seems she’s had an epiphany, or a moment of clarity. “Wow, this one’s really special, ‘high quality’, and seems to get it.” That is, so long as it suits her conditions to do so. When it doesn’t, the Feminine Mystique is there to explain it all away.

Have you ever been in a social setting, maybe a party or something, with a girlfriend or even a woman you may be dating and seemingly out of the blue she says to you privately, “ooh, did you see the dirty look that bitch just gave me?!” You were right there in her physical presence, saw the girl she was talking about, yet didn’t register a thing. Women’s natural preference for covert communication is recognizable by as early as five years old. They prefer to fight in the psychological, whereas boys fight in the physical.

Within their own peer group, little girls fight for dominance with the threat of ostracization from the group. “I wont be your friend anymore if,..” is just as much a threat to a girl as “I’m gonna punch you in the face if,..” is to a boy. This dynamic becomes much more complex as girls enter puberty, adolescence and adulthood, yet they still use the same psychological mode of combat as adults. Their covert way of communicating this using innuendo, body language, appearance, sub-communications, gestures, etc. conveys far more information than our overt, all on the table, way of communicating does. It may seem more efficient to us as Men, but our method doesn’t satisfy the same purpose.

Women enjoy the communication more than the information being transferred. It’s not a problem to be solved, it’s the communication that’s primary. When a chump supplies her with everything all at once we think, yeah, the mystery is gone, he’s not a challenge anymore, why would she be interested? This is true, but the reason that intrigue is gone is because there’s no more potential for stimulating that need for communication or her imagination. Too many men buy into the lie that ‘open communication’ is the key to a good relationship and do an ‘information dump’ believing their wives or girlfriends will appreciate it. In doing so a man denies his woman the satisfaction of communicating in teasing out the information.

Nothing is more self-satisfying for a woman than for her to believe she’s figured a man out by using her mythical ‘feminine intuition’. This intuition is really just a name given to her preferred form of communication.

Lastly, I should add that women are not above using overt communication when it serves their purposes. When a woman comes out and says something in such a fashion so as to leave no margin for misinterpretation, you can bet she’s been pushed to that point out of either fear or sheer exasperation when her covert methods wont work.

“Can’t we just be friends?” is a covert rejection, “Get away from me you creep!!” is an overt rejection. When a woman opts for the overt, rest assured, she’s out of covert ideas and knows she must use men’s form of communication. This is an easy example of this, but when a woman cries on you, screams at you, or issues an ultimatum to you she is self-acknowledging that she is powerless to the point of having to come over to your way of communicating.

Likewise, men can and do master the art of covert communications as well. Great politicians, military generals, businessmen, salesmen to be sure, and of course master pickup artists all use covert communications to achieve their goals. It’s incorrect to think of covert communication as inherently dishonest or amoral, or even in a moral context. It’s a means to an end, just as overt communication is a means to an end, and that end whether decided by men or women is what’s ethical or unethical. The medium is the message.

Published by Rollo Tomassi

Author of The Rational Male and The Rational Male, Preventive Medicine

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Novaseeker
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Novaseeker
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He doesn’t know that what he is suggesting to do is . . . game.

Yes, that’s correct.

Plus, there is no global/societal solution. As you say, we’ve been over this many times already, but it still keeps coming up once or twice a year from someone new. I suppose this is because there are a lot of guys who are “systemic” in the way they look at things, where this is something that doesn’t have a viable systemic solution for various reasons. Again, old territory, but does keep coming up.

Novaseeker
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Novaseeker
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Hate consumes a lot of energy. It can be a motive (look at the Nazis), but it generally harms you more than helps you in the long run, despite that. The energy you get back when you stop hating is a huge dividend that you can invest in other self-improvement areas with a more positive attitude, which actually in itself makes your life more pleasant, and therefore better.

boulderhead
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@Marsocdevildog1379 good that you have achieved the amount of self control and mastery to control your emotional outward appearance. What I am suggesting is to take that a step further and control your own mind and thoughts.Stop wasting time, hating is just being a tool for the FI. The invention of birth control gave women the ultimate power in reproduction thereby giving them choice in hypergamy. While on the surface it seems like a good thing to stop the population explosion. It was a major turning point to a feminine primary social order. The men that still promote womens rights… Read more »

boulderhead
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“Definition of hate. 1 a :intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury.”

I’m not afraid of them, not angry at them for being stupid and was going to get injured someway no matter how or by who.

Time to end the pity party and get on with life.

Lost Patrol
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boulderhead says – What women have done to society,is basic human nature, simply trying to get the best deal they can, make their life as easy as possible. Acceptance, on the Kübler-Ross model. Once you get here, you are basically home free. But it can take a while to get that far. A longer trip for some than for others as is regularly seen here. I feel like I’m getting close to fleshing out the third bullet point I’ve been looking for (for some reason there must be 3 bullet points), yet it remains just out of reach. Once the… Read more »

marsocdevildog1379
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@boulderhead It sounds like the feminist imperative was the best this that happened to you guys good for you but other men are trying to change that.

boulderhead
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@Marsocdevildog1379

Hehe the FI is far from the best thing that ever happened to this guy. I am definitely doing my part to change things for the better,my immediate environment is living proof. You won’t find me complaining on the past or blaming maybe some finger pointing.

Do you think I should hate you for believing hormonal birth control is a good thing?

If you can find the time this is a good read.

https://therationalmale.com/2016/09/20/a-womans-prerogative/

marsocdevildog1379
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@ boulderhead what ever you feel about me is your opinion but you don’t have to necessarily hate me. How is that even a point I think you believe that I hate a lot of people don’t you?

boulderhead
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@Marsocdevildog1379 You are the self proclaimed hater of men that support feminism and you think hormonal birth control for women is a good thing. You obviously support her hypergamic prerogative,thereby much of the source of the problem. Meaning that you support feminism unknowingly. My guess is you to are lazy and just here for argumentative kicks, some sort of rabble rouser. So you didn’t take time to read the article. Or maybe it is above your reading comprehension level or beyond your span of attention, in which case you could always use a dictionary to look up the big words… Read more »

marsocdevildog1379
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@wow stoic was right you didn’t have to attack me and I did read the article. But I see where this is going I’m out.

boulderhead
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@Marsocdevildog1379

“Birth control was the only good thing that happened and women barely use that shit.”

First blood

“@boulderhead It sounds like the feminist imperative was the best this that happened to you guys good for you but other men are trying to change that.”

I have no control over you,what I think about you is of no consequence, if you feel that was an attack you are to touchy.

If you boys want to be on the front line in the battle you will toughen up soon enough.

Paradise Found
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@ boulderhead
Wow, why does Rollo put up with you, your ruining this comment section major.

[Sockpuppet. This is Stoic’s IP. Spam confirmed. Say hi to the Sperg for me.]

marsocdevildog1379
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I was looking at it sexual benefits for men who are mgtow or red pill and don’t want kids since society is already screwed and they don’t want to bring a child in the world to witness this horror. I understand that during sex guys don’t want to pull out to cum during sex and condoms can always pop or they are defected when they are made so if the condom fails on me at least the birth control she took would stop the unwanted pregnancy from taking place but I also pears the pills make women less arroused and… Read more »

boulderhead
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@Paradise Found

I know what you mean,I am amazed every time I key the post comment and something happens. Someday he will probably take all of my hoodoo offensive comments and sponge them from the record. We can only hope it is soon.

boulderhead
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@Marsocdevildog1379 I know what you mean. First men who are MGTOW don’t have any sexual benefits. Men, I believe start out from the sexual benefits stance of not wanting kids. The world isn’t that horrible, when we consider the numbers of people on the planet, things could be worse. I used to hate having to pull out right at the moment when a deeper thrust was called for. And who wants to take a shower while wearing a raincoat? Never really had the problem of her being less aroused or horny from the pill, could be a factor though. Again… Read more »

marsocdevildog1379
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What I ment by MGTOW men having sexual benefits is that MGTOW men still do have sex with women but they don’t want kids like you said so that’s where I thought the pill could help but I guess you mind as well go pornstar mode and pull out and let her have it. But at least we agree on the other stuff

marsocdevildog1379
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Also how bad do you think the word is that’s not what I’m seeing on these gore websites

boulderhead
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@lost Patrol

“-Almost all our problems stem from failure to say “no” to women (concept attributed to kfg).

– Who, at the end of the day, are all just girls (concept attributed to Blaximus).

– And so…”

A third bullet point could be.

Maybe due to their solipsistic nature,LTR wise they are mainly concerned with their mates immediate perception of them. – (If a man does his homework nothing else maters to her)

Probably going to have to ask Sentient.

boulderhead
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@marsocdevildog Take it easy man, as far as sex is concerned I believe no men want the consequences of children, the dick is doing most of the thinking. I am still under the impression that MGTOW’s have written off women as not worth the investment. There is nothing wrong with birth control as a concept, the imbalance is in who has the choice. In a world before “the pill” she had to pay the consequences of her bad decisions, this had a tendency to keep girls more chaste or pay the consequences. This narrowed her male target range down to… Read more »

Blaximus
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How ” bad ” the world is depends on what metrics you are using to measure. The ‘ world ‘ is not significantly better or worse in total. Western society is approaching crisis mode, but the ‘ west ‘ is not the world. Curious solipsistic thing we westerners have going on. Lol. Went end to bitch and complain about out First World Problems, with full bellies and top healthcare ( if you have insurance ), stable electrical grid(s) mostly, and an overabundance of shit. We didn’t need Storage facilities 30 years ago. Thanks China. If you are measuring how ‘… Read more »

marsocdevildog1379
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@ Blaximus trust me I understand the West isn’t the only area of the world and isn’t as bad as a third world country that’s why I mentioned the gore site they show the horror that’s happening in countries worldwide

Anonymous Reader
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Did someone turn on the “Butthurt Beta Batsignal”? Or a “Beta Buglight”?
Black pills in the candy dish with the red and green M&M’s?

Here, lemme cheer everyone up with a little Zappa. Everybody dance!

Sri
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Sri
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This is precisely why one shouldn’t listen to what is being said in the media. All that advice to men on how they should behave towards women in popular media is actually written ONLY for beta men or the gammas, because they don’t get it, they need to be told the basics, that automatically disqualifies them. They are therefore told precisely what is needed to be driven away if they follow it. Subconscious, but only those who are clueless fall for it (and those are a lot). And when it is not this, it’s politics…. Why blue pill fails is… Read more »

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M2
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“Women with high interest level (IL) wont confuse you. When a woman wants to fuck you she’ll find a way to fuck you. If she’s fluctuating between being into you and then not, put her away for a while and spin other plates. If she sorts it out for herself and pursues you, then you are still playing in your frame and you maintain the value of your attention to her. It’s when you patiently while away your time wondering what the magic formula is that’ll bring her around, that’s when you lean over into her frame. You need her… Read more »

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